#ocd is hell for Everyone involved

[rainswept]

if they go the route of ‘morally gray and struggling’ instead of ‘complete villain’ for sunday, you guys aren’t going to completely butcher his character and demonize ocd (<- canon, by the way, look it up), right? right? you’re not going to ignore the depth and the internal hurt and conflict that comes with a disorder like that, right????

like, yes, absolutely hold him accountable for his actions. but if they show he’s struggling and ends up hurting those around him, but he feels horribly guilty and is trying to change, you’re not going to call him twisted and insane and evil and sadistic and beyond redemption and say that he enjoys doing so, right? right??? right?????

[inkskinned]

even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.

they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!

when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.

if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.

at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.

it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or are there demons affecting my behavior.

but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.

and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."

it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.

someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.

more often for me, life was a drowning.

[scrupulosity-comics]

hey is racism one of your obsessions? also white and ocd. if it is, how u cope with it? i'm really afraid all the time to hurt my loved ones who are black people, and they're the majority of my loved ones. and how do u identify whats racism from whats an intrusive thought?

Most of my race-related OCD is abstract stuff like “if I move out of my parents’ house and try to live my own life outside of their control, I will have to find somewhere I can afford to pay rent, which will probably mean moving into a low-income neighborhood, which would mean inadvertently helping to gentrify the community, which would gradually push the original residents out of their homes and disrupt community ties and support systems and creating housing insecurity, so therefore I can’t move out or move on”.

I think that’s just part of a larger existential terror that I can only ever make the world worse by living in it—a net harm to the universe, molecule by misspent molecule.

I have been letting this ask sit in my inbox for weeks now because I’m convinced that anything I say will be destructive. What if my answer enables or excuses racism? What if my answer fuels the anguish of the mentally ill?

The rational and compassionate part of my mind insists that your loved ones (and mine!) understand that you (and I) are white, and have likely dealt with white peoples all their lives, and are capable of judging for themselves whether you are good to them and deserving of their intimacy. It is impossible to go through life without hurting and being hurt by people you care about—always you will have blindspots and miscommunications and competing needs. That’s just part of the curse of consciousness and being a social species. We all get a little blood on our hands eventually, one way or another… friendship involves knowing this, accepting this, and committing to avoid it and then, that failed, to make things right.

Again: your friends know you’re white. They have reason to expect the best of you or they wouldn’t be your friends. They choose to have you in their lives; trust them to trust you, and to recognize the difference between a beloved friend struggling with a treacherous and unkind brain and doing their best in an inescapably racist society, and a racist who whose bigotry makes them unworthy of their time and affection.

I do think racism obsessions are a particularly difficult manifestation of OCD to cope with because they’re hard to discuss at all without feeling like you’re implicitly asking for absolution. With other types of OCD, it’s common to seek reassurance that what you’re obsessively afraid of isn’t true—but what feels more racist than asking someone to reassure you that you’re not racist…? LMAO.

They say the “cure” to OCD, such as it is, is just to learn how to embrace the existential horror of uncertainty. Tall fucking order. Hell on Earth! But in a bizarre way I have found the rhetoric that “everyone is unconsciously and incurably racist” to be unexpectedly helpful… there is no total psychological purging and mental purification we can undergo, no amount of ritual self-flagellation that will drive the demons out, no pristine state we can aspire to and hate ourselves for soiling. Only mundane everyday commitments to compassion and empathy and solidarity and cleaning up our messes. But even then, a thought isn’t a mess. A thought I’d not a thing that happened or a choice you made. It doesn’t represent an alternate timeline branching off into a parallel universe where you have acted on it and hurt people.

Earlier this year I was playing a video game—during my lunch break I got to wondering what happened if you failed a skill check that I had passed in my own playthough, so I looked up a clip on YouTube and was so triggered by the answer (the player character calls his companion a racial slur in the heat of the moment, without meaning to, even if you’ve played him as a committed anti-racist) that I immediately spiraled and was close to throwing up in the broom closet, and when I got home I opened my own save and tried to make the player character kill himself as catharsis. It was an incredibly unreasonable guilt response to a completely fictional scenario that I hadn’t even gotten in my own playthrough, but in retrospect it was a safe way to explore fear of my own internalized racism hurting somebody and what might happen if my intrusive thoughts came true. It sucked and it was terrible and I was angry at myself for being crazy about it, but it ended up being a small dose of exposure therapy and practice at not repenting for nonexistent through self-abuse.

I dunno. This has been a long uncomfortably personal ramble but I hope it’s helpful. I don’t know if your friends know you have OCD (or how it manifests) and I don’t know whether telling them would help. But allowing yourself to trust others to trust you is far more useful than beating yourself up for thoughts you don’t want. I have on occasion warned people that I am cautious about doing certain things with them—particularly drinking—because there is a risk that I may spiral and show symptoms humiliating and uncomfortable to both of us, and I don’t want to put them in a position where they witness or feel like they have to help me manage the white guilt elements of my disorder. These conversations have usually gone well, and the mutual understanding to boundaries takes some of the tension out, which seems to reduce the triggers. It’s messy and awkward and maybe it limits who is willing to be friends with me, but IMHO it’s better than surprising someone.

As for determining whether something is an intrusive thought or actual racism, I guess my answer is: does it matter? Would you manage them differently? Intrusive thoughts may be an evil voice in your brain, but racism is an evil voice in society’s brain.

[joleneghoul]

This is going to be less of an essay and more of a disorganized infodump where I just ramble about my favorite character Rip has a relationship with and that's Jeff Smith.

I actually find Jeff to be more important to Rip's entire story and character background than Booster. There will also be some mentions of Bonnie because the Rip, Jeff & Bonnie dynamic is pretty important.

Though partially that is because the erasure of Jeff is what has made Rip such a boring character to read within post 90s Booster Gold stuff.

Jeff Smith is probably one of my favorite characters nobody really knows about and comics forgot about (until recently, but I'll get to that).

To sum it up quickly, Jeff is Rip Hunter's partner in the broad sense of the term. He was Rip's mechanic, his best friend, his scientific other half, and even once a cowboy (howdy).

More under the cut because this info-dump got long!

Jeff was Rip's partner from Rip's first ever appearance in showcase #20 and stuck with him onward to the 90s. While the stories had Rip's name on them, Rip and Jeff were postured as more of a duo than otherwise.

Bonnie and her brother Corky were along for the story but not as front and center as Jeff and Rip, hell even the story starts with Rip telling them to stay home while him and Jeff test their time machine by going on a jaunt to the prehistoric together.

The time sphere was first and foremost a creation of Jeff and Rip's scientific and mechanical prowess put together. I find it more interesting this way than if Rip were some sort of solo genius.

Later within the Rip Hunter series from the 60s-70s Jeff Still plays the role of Rip's partner, even saving Rip's life multiple times over. A characteristic that is strengthened as time goes on with Jeff is that he is the more calculated and thoughtful one of the pair. This remains the case in the Time Masters 1991 series.

Jeff, much like everyone gets a redesign for this series and a bit more heft to his character motives/personality. This is a series (while not good) that follows a linear story line instead of a collection of adventures so it was needed. I honestly only reread issues of this series for Jeff because I like the way him and Rip's relationship is handled here, as it strengthens the fact that pushing others away can only hurt everyone involved and being alone can be worse than your fears.

He is introduced not only as Rip's partner but his best friend. According to Rip, Jeff is one of his only close friends on account of his obsessive personality. A lot of Rip's own characterization in my opinion mirrors someone who has OCD. His obsession becoming stopping what he saw the future became while in Booster Gold vol 1. Hell...Will Magnus tells him he's paranoid.

Specifically I think the relationship Rip has to his paranoia and fears vs the relationships he has with others is really interesting. This, while comes up with Rip's relationship to Bonnie, is shown mostly with his connection to Jeff.

Jeff throughout the series is the one to break through to Rip even as he pushes others away at everyone's expense. This is shown in the start when Jeff breaks Rip out of spiraling overthinking, bringing him back with his logical thinking. Then all the way to the end when Jeff comes up with the idea of how to fix the time sphere, while Rip was caught up in his own paranoia and had at that point pushed everyone else away or caused them to leave him.

ALSO Jeff has to tell Rip to trust BOOSTER, who in retrospect is Rip's father. I just find that interesting.

Now, I'm going to be talking about subtext which is just how I interpreted things not saying they were intentional but it's just what I picked up on. Also I have a lot to say about how Bonnie is treated I really hate it because she's so disrespected when shes supposed to be equals to Rip but- a rant for another time ig.

The relationship between Jeff, Bonnie, and Rip (and Cave but not really tbh) are at the forefront of the interpersonal drama. It's worth mentioning that every scene Bonnie has romantically with a man (like Jeff or Cave) is mirrored immediately with Jeff and Rip. Specifically usually when Bonnie struggling with her own relationships vs when Jeff and Rip are coming together.

There is when Jeff shows up to Rip's office in a green trench coat (not pictured in this panel bc he took it off) and sits on Rip's desk to tell him he'll be his partner. Then within the same issue Bonnie in her green trench coat trying to seduce Cave (who is HER scientific partner) by getting on his desk- but then getting rejected.

Then again when Jeff chooses to leave Bonnie (in bed) to go be with Rip VS the end of that issue when Rip solemnly makes the choice to leave Jeff (in bed) to go chase his own hubris. (later we see Bonnie make the choice to steal the time sphere and go live in the future and make her own life teaching people post nuclear war, thank god she didn't end up with any of these men after all that)

Also side note- When Jeff and Rip go to ancient Atlantis together that's practically the first time in issues we see either of them really happy since like, issue 2. The only thing that tips Rip off is once again when someone brings up his paranoia. Also they get these gay earrings.

Anyways at the end because Rip ends up alone, without Jeff who was his only close friend, Rip realizes that time changes everything and to not be so worried about the literal end of the world- and that hopefully in time even he can change and be a better person to others.

....WHICH I feel is totally ignored and thrown away later on when Rip returns as Boosters son and Jeff was erased from the picture entirely (Bonnie still managed some appearances in other media but Jeff did not- not even in lot so I've heard..which is odd because that was inspired BY time masters). Rip became characterized as the lone mysterious savant who always has a plan (or can easily figure one out).

Despite the reader knowing his secret that he is Booster's son, we do not tend to get to see much of their family relationship since Rip is more shown as a mentor than anything else. Otherwise Rip is used as a narrative device for stories to bring in a little time travel spice if Booster or that one treadmill isn't available.

I actually find the more interesting Booster and Rip interactions being the ones where Rip is shown to be overwhelmed, in the wrong, or confused instead of the "guy who knows everything". Sadly we don't get to see this often.

Jeff after over 30 years has come back to comics but not in a way I really like, he just doesn't feel like himself at all but neither does any of the time masters. We haven't seen him much yet but I'm just not excited because the reason we have this "loner" characterization of Rip still is because of the same writer who's bringing them back- and yet again its a case of "Rip is running around alone" "ah that's just Rip". Like I thought we went over why that's bad for him LOL.

Anyways I guess the moral of this infodump/rant is this:

FUN FACT TIME:

Jeff and Rip met at MIT where they were both top of their classes!

He is as smart as Rip who is classified officially as a super-genius.

Jeff according to the DC ttrpg books is as wealthy as Ted Kord was when he was still apart of Kord industries.

He also apparently has connections to the Metal Men and Magnus still while Rip does not.

[l1ttles3am0th]

Vee’s SuperUltraMega Personal and Blog Intro!

(Expand To Read)

WELL LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND EVERYONE ELSE, ITS FINALLY TIME I GOT AROUND TO THIS! I’ve put this off for quite a while since I don’t really use this ex-hellsite, but here we go regardless! Below, you’ll see about stuff, a byf and dni, and some basic interests. Collapsed for the sake of not overtaking your entire page.

ABOUT

NAMES: Vee, Moth, Sunny, Blair, Goldie

AGE: 18

PRONOUNS: They/Ae/Wish/Star/Bloom/☆/🌈/✨/🌌/🌸 + More [Refer to my pronouns.cc if you want to figure out how the hell to use 98% of these]

TERMS: Feminine + Neutral (Some Masculine terms i.e. “Dude” and “Bro” too!)

GENDER: Femme Non-Binary w/ 300+ Xenogenders

SEXUALITY: Asexual Lesbian

OTHER IDENTITIES: Otherkin, Non-Human

KINTYPES: Demon / Fallen Angel (Also Cathearted + Dollhearted)

DISABILITIES: Autism + OCD, C-PTSD (All prof. diagnosed)

RACIAL/ETHNIC BACKGROUND: White

RELIGIOUS BELIEFS: Nonreligious, Pantheistic

LANGUAGES: English (Native), Russian (Sporadic Beginner)

BEFORE YOU INTERACT

-I tend to type in a formal, ostensibly-grammatical manner, that may or may not have some errors. As a result, I may edit posts or comments multiple times in a single 30-second period if I see any. I also have a large vocabulary and lean towards the bigger words in it whenever possible, so please feel free to ask for definitions!

-I have a difficult time understanding social cues, and when problems arise, I need to be told clearly, immediately, and with enough detail to get me to understand. If you do not do that, I genuinely won’t understand what I did wrong.

-As much as I’d like to NOT get involved in discourse, I might throw my hat into the ring occasionally.

-I really don’t give too much of a damn about problematic media, as I don’t have the mental energy to half the time. As long as the creator isn’t an active danger to children, animals, and/or the deceased, I won’t bother you about a particular piece of media. Although, I will sometimes discuss stuff related to it if need-be.

-I draw. Need I say more? I post more frequently on Instagram at @l1ttles3am0th!

DO NOT INTERACT

-Basic DNI Critera (Bigots, Pro-Contact / Anti-Recovery Paraphiliacs, Proshippers, etc.)

-Blacklist Residents (BickerySebastian, Lux, SharkyNatty, BadBoyBingus, A certain fruit-themed ex-acquaintance [Bingus is only here because they asked me to DNI as well, and they’re the only one here I actually respect.])

-Anti of xenogenders, neopronouns, otherkin, etc.

-Exclusionists of any kind

INTERACT WITH CAUTION

-DSMP Fans

-Fans of absolutely, irreparably irredeemable stuff (See BYF For Criterion)

INTERESTS / LIKES

-FNaF

-Helluva Boss

-Sailor Moon

-Evangelion

-Fallout

-Portals (Album)

-123 Slaughter Me Street

-Garten of BanBan (Yes.)

-Cats

-Nature

-Dress-Up

-Rainbows (If you couldn’t already tell)

-Foodfight (2012)

-Nightcore Music

-Classical Music

-Royalcore

-Aesthetics

FRIENDS AND MUTUALS

-To be filled out.

BLINKIES

——

CHANGELOG

DATE OF CREATION: August 12th, 2023

OCTOBER 24th, 2023: Added this changelog. Added a title to the blog and moved the opening text to behind the expand button. Updated my about me to add xenopronouns that were added to the collection since the creation of this post. Switched out prns.page for prns.cc officially. Prns.page will be kept as a backup for if the ship sinks. Edited my blacklist with new additions. (Edit 2: Added blinkies. Thank you to @3v3ry0n3z-fav3-al13n-x3 for the inspiration!)

AUGUST 26th, 2024: Updated my age and a whole bunch of other stuff.

[goldeneyedgirl]

flattering ask time: baby-verse is an obssession. i love how you put these two totally non-parents weirdos as such a childcare team. like, jasper is fucking frozen because his son - who he feeds, baths, put in bed, play with and cuddles - called him...daddy. i just know parenthood hit him hard with that one.

damage alice is another obssession. as a neurodivergent person myself, it's so funny to me that we both have very similar "episodes".

now the questions about both of these fics: would you say that jasper is more of a warm/soft parent or the emotional distant parent who, at the same time, is always there for his son (since you already told here he is, in fact, a good dad). and, for damage alice, are you going with opportunist cullens who see alice as an experiment or something to be saved because they need to prove to god that they are good people and stuff, or with nice cullens who just want to take care of this little girl and give her a home?

(now, english isn't my first language, so excuse me if there are any mistakes ❤)

I am SO flattered that baby-verse seems to be so loved because Alice and Jasper are, like, the most pro-choice of the Cullens (as a side note, I think Emmett is also pro-choice because he saw first-hand what large families stuck in poverty went through.) So the idea of them juggling a dependent life is kind of insanity. But Alice is a perfectionist, and Jasper is both devoted to Alice and hugely overprotective, so they would figure out something that worked.

For Jasper's parenting style, it's different depending on the angle you look at it from. Jasper is very, very quietly involved. He is incredibly warm with Oliver, and very emotionally available for him throughout his life, but as Oliver gets older (especially once he's in his teens and young adult years), he realizes just how little he knows about his father. Alice also knows that Jasper is an equal parent to her - he knows Oliver's teachers' names, his favourite movie, allergies, crush etc. But to anyone on the outside, it would very much look like Alice was the primary caregiver - even Emmett gives him some hell for letting Alice do a lot of the heavy lifting. Jasper does this intentionally, as a protective thing, as a way to conceal his own vulnerabilities. It also helps when Oliver is just too old to convincingly look like their kid and becomes a cousin or a younger sibling to outsiders. As an adult, Oliver would say that his father is very mysterious to everyone but Alice, but that Jasper was a very good father (much to Jasper's relief. He has a LOT of anxiety over the idea of a 'good' father.)

I started Damaged Alice years ago before I realized and was diagnosed as neurodivergent and it's eye-opening how many behaviours I incorporated that imply Alice is ND. I hate the way that the transformation makes vampires 'perfect' - it's so boring and ableist. Give me Esme with OCD and anxiety, and Emmett with bear-attack scars, and Rosalie who has to wait for her physical wounds to heal and ugh. There is nothing thrilling about straight, white, Mormon neurotypical people.

In Damaged Alice, the Cullens kind of fall in between both categories. There was a plot point that Alice was sent to find the Cullens by the Groundskeeper (who heard about them from Alice and her visions), because they would protect her. There is a letter to explain the situation - I don't know whether I will keep that, honestly, because I like the idea of Alice being a mysterious figure.

But when Alice does arrive and is clearly not NT, the Cullens take her in for protection because they genuinely care about this poor girl's welfare (you can argue that their sentiment is apart of their Good Christian Family act but Carlisle's faith has shaped so much of who he is and how he approaches his family and vampirism, that it's impossible to split the two). At that point, she definitely functions as someone much younger and her newborn state has left her with a lot of feral behaviours and impulse control (there's a temper tantrum in a shopping mall because she wants a pet rabbit).

As time moves on, it's more and more clear that the Cullens have put her in a box because they don't expect her condition to change, when the venom is healing the damage to her brain - it's just a very, very slow process. Even after Jasper arrives and Alice latches onto him and improvement is made, the Cullens still resist letting her evolve and mature. They really expect her to stay childlike and dependent on them. Carlisle has an invested interest in her mental state, being a doctor, and Esme likes having someone she can dote on like a child.

And a lot of Alice's ND behaviours - lack of eye-contact, going non-verbal, meltdowns - are things that the Cullens try to cure her of; and they never really understand that Alice is dealing with excess sensory input because of her visions. A lot of her meltdowns are because of visions (especially when she sees Jasper fighting in the South). And her family really don't understand that. But no family is perfect (especially not families with ND individuals), and Alice and Jasper understand each other here (and in all my fics, lets be real).

Thank you so much for your ask, and your English is perfect <3

[rammgender]

I've talked about this a few times on here but my mental health is in the shitter right now so I'm gonna talk about it a little more. Intrusive thoughts are NOT the same as impulsive thoughts or fantasies or anything like that. Intrusive thoughts aren't exclusive to OCD but that's what causes the worst of them for me so that's what I'm going to focus on here.

OCD is still not de-stigmatized at all and it's exhausting. Part of that is because it's so misunderstood as just Repeat The Things Disorder but that's besides the point. Intrusive thoughts are absolute hell on earth to live with, especially because you treat yourself like an awful person for them and other people will also treat you like an awful person for them.

Intrusive thoughts are thoughts that pop up randomly, intruding on your other thoughts specifically with topics that directly go against your morals.

Also disclaimer that this is based on my personal experience and not everyone is going to feel like this. And a warning for discussion and potentially graphic description of triggering topics like murder/graphic violence and sexual abuse and self-harm and such because that's the kind of thing intrusive thoughts focus on typically

Intrusive thoughts can lie anywhere on the massive "how morally reprehensible is this action" scale, and those of us with ones that lie on the worse end of that are still being left out and treated like absolute shit for it. It's all "thought crime isn't real" until you have horrible intrusive thoughts about absolutely vile topics and then you're the bad guy I guess! A lot of people conveniently forget about how they preach "intrusive thoughts can't be controlled and don't reflect who you are" when they go beyond "I should break this thing" or thoughts of harming yourself.

Intrusive thoughts VERY often involve graphic thoughts of harming others (for some anyway) and will make you feel like some kind of horrible monster especially if your OCD focuses a lot on morality, which just causes a feedback loop. I talked about this with a friend a while back, but I'm going to talk about how diverse the topics that intrusive thoughts can be by ranking a few of mine on that type of sliding scale I mentioned earlier. It can also be thought of like an iceberg chart if that's easier to picture. They're also going to be phrased as "You should [action]" because that's typically how they appear to me.

On one side, there's the "concerning but generally not a big deal" type thoughts, which for some may be considered impulsive, but due to the vivid graphic visual element (something that's key for me in categorizing my thoughts) along with the distress factor, I consider them to be intrusive. For me these tend to focus more on destruction or causing harm to myself. They can also just be random thoughts of danger or death at a level worse than general anxious thoughts. These are things like:

You should destroy this glass item so it injures your hand You should throw this expensive and sentimental object so it breaks You should [any action that would cause minor harm to myself like scratching with fingernails, etc.]

Then there's the "harm to self" type thoughts, which are pretty self-explanatory, and unlike normal thoughts of self-harm, these have absolutely no desire to be acted upon and cause extreme repulsion and distress. For me, these also tend to involve thoughts of self-harm in inappropriate places/situations like in public or directly in front of people I care about. These also include intrusive suicidal thoughts.

Now, there's the territory of intrusive thoughts that tend to start falling into the category discussed in the original post above. These tend to be about saying or yelling something horribly offensive or inappropriate. These are thoughts like:

You should tell this person [any slur here, typically racial] You should scream [racial/homophobic/transphobic/ableist slur here] You should give this person graphic death threats You should yell sexually explicit things [Looping thoughts of horrible vile slurs and discrimination that may or may not be targeted towards a random individual] You should verbally sexually harass this person

Then there's the level of graphic violence towards others, whether these are random individuals or loved ones (more distressing than a random person). And, like mentioned before, for me these are accompanied by vivid imagery of the actions these thoughts are about. These are thoughts like:

You should beat this person up for no reason You should mortally wound this person and leave them to die (typically in a particularly violent/animalistic way) You should murder/torture this person You should commit mass murder right here right now [Sudden vivid, graphic, gory imagery of imagining someone or myself dying] You should attack or kill [family member/friend/pet/etc.]

The first intrusive thought I can remember that still haunts me happened when I was 8 at SeaWorld and falls into this category, where I had the thought "You should push the guy walking slow in front of you down the steps of the stadium so he and the baby he's holding die". Yeah. Awful shit that I've been dealing with for the last 10+ years.

Then there's thoughts that gravitate towards graphic sexual violence/assault directed towards others, again, with vivid imagery, and typically directed towards individuals that it would be particularly inappropriate with (teachers, family members, children, etc.) I won't give examples here; I think that's plenty descriptive.

Every single one of these thoughts is NOT a reflection of the desires/thoughts/morals of the person who experiences them, and in fact typically reflects the exact opposite. They're just as distressing and usually even MORE to the person experiencing them as it is to any outsider who hears about what these thoughts are on. Like I said earlier, it's extremely common for these to create thoughts of being a horrible person who actually wants these things, even though that's not true. Telling someone that they are simply reinforces that thought and sends the person into a further spiral that causes a worse mental state, which makes darker thoughts more common.

Point is, fucking be normal about people with intrusive thoughts even if their thoughts are about vile shit!! Quit making things even worse for people who struggle with intrusive thoughts. These thoughts have ZERO reflection on the person who has them. Got it?

For this Disability Pride Month, I saw a post that was shittybad and it made me angry. So have this

[wild-at-mind]

Checking in on someone who I had to unfollow after 7/10 was a mistake. I genuinely don't get how someone who posted in such a nuanced, balanced and fair way about queer community issues was completely unable to bring that to the issue of a war that genuinely affects tens of thousands of real people, on both sides, in so many different ways. What happened? What broke inside people?

Because of this breaking, this person has become someone who doesn't understand, or pretends not to understand, why people on here might want to stress the positives in Kamala Harris's record, to do with trans issues etc...its because they are fucking terrified of another Trump presidency, and they KNOW that there are tonnes of Americans on here who will happily use any excuse to choose inaction instead of using the relatively minimal effort of casting a vote. (I know voting in America is not minimal effort for everyone, but people who do this tend not to be the people affected by voter suppression.) They know their audience. Do we need yet more people listing off every single bad thing Kamala Harris ever did? Of course not. We've seen plenty of that. It leads to nothing but nihilism and apathy. And people spreading the idea that you will become impure if you vote democrat. Fuck off with that OCD bullshit. As an OCD-purity brain person myself who has to fight it every day, I absolutely hate this rhetoric. Voting for a candidate that is objectively better than the other candidate on day to day issues that affect you and your loved ones, even if the candidate is not perfect, is a good thing. Most offline leftists (yes- shocker, they exist and are better than us all) realise this but tumblr is a fucking OCD hell spiral and has been ever since the first Trump presidency. I saw it all, and I remember what it was like before. Night and day. Back then people cared incredibly much that Disney movies should be diverse. It sounds trite now, especially as Disney movies are relatively diverse in the present day and it didn't solve racism or anything, but I miss those days.

To borrow something I saw on another post: no one else needs to know that you held your nose and voted, not your cool leftist online friends, not anyone. Someone's gonna become president no matter what you do, its not like option 3 is anarchist utopia. Personally I use my 15+ years of adult life experience to see that imo, countries need leaders, because leaderless movements barely work in fairly small grassroots activist circles, where we have all seen what happens in leadership vacuums. That said if any of the 'making a stand and not voting and here's why' posters appeared to have any deeply held anarchist views, that they had held and developed over some time, I think I would respect them more. But they never do. I think they are just holding out for a perfect politician? FYI, that person will never come. I see socialist types here in the uk still angry that Corbyn didn't get in all those years ago, acting like it was our only chance of salvation uh I mean a decent leftist government....its so weird because to anyone watching the real world it seems clear that governments always disappoint people, and are always forced to make decisions about international conflict that the generally anti-war general public does not like. But instead of seeing how these systems force probably decent individuals to participate in horrible things while in power (similar to how we are all put in societal positions where we have to buy clothing made in sweatshops and electronics with components extracted by miners who are put in unsafe conditions), they either think a perfect and pure politician, a Corbyn, will come along and do everything perfectly, or if they are more anarchist they want no leadership at all, but this is probably impossible with the size of the world as it is.

Ugh I'm just rambling now. Get involved in alternatives to party politics all you want- they are great, citizens assemblies etc have given people voices in issues that cannot be easily decided at a ballot box. But.....you still have to participate in the current world. Please do it.

[strangeswift]

You just proved my point (btw I am not saying this to be pissy and I dont have problems with people's headcanons but i do have a problem with them if they are portrayed as if they are canon by people, especially if it involves potentially harmful stuff like talking about OCD or ED, so let's go.)

Mike only appears 1 time in Max's memory, that is the same as Will. Both Mike and Will appear only 1-2 times in Max's memory montage. That shows us that while they're friends, they are not besties and they're not that close in contrast to what people make it out to be.

Max has the loosest connection to Mike and Will, that's why they don't appear that much in her vision/memory montage that much. That is also why Mike and Will play virtually no role in Max's struggle throughout S4. That is intentional writing choice (aside from other reasons, ofc). They are worried for her and are saddened by her 'death' at the hospital but they spend no time with Max in S4, that is a narrative choice.

It is Lucas, El and Dustin who are there for her the most. Because Lucas is Max's love and El is Max's best friend. Dustin is the second closest friend Max has.

Both Lucas and El appear the most in her memory montages, expected so, since they're the closes two people to Max.

Then it follows Dustin, he appears quite a couple of times. That shows that Dustin is the closest to Max after El and Lucas.

Then Mike and Will appear 1-2 times. That shows us, that yeah, Mike and Will are also Max's friends but they are not that that close to Max. It is simple really. The whole text and the memory montages shows us this.

When I pointed this out and wrote it, my intention wasnt to diss Mike's character, I think that's what people thought my intention was. But no, I am just pointing out what the show tells us. I am saying the same thing about Will too, not because I'm trying to diss Will and Max's friendship. They all are friends, it's just Mike and Will arent that close to Max as people make out to be and that is normal and okay. Mike has the loosest connection to Max out of other party members just like El has the loosest connection to Dustin out of other party members. That's not to say Mike and Max dont care each other or El and Dustin dont care each other. They just arent besties.

Hey anon you're getting an extraordinarily bitchy response because I have very little patience right now and you're all up in my inbox minimizing Mike and Max's relationship. Everyone just fucking remember how overly nice I usually am and shut the hell up about it mkay? <3

Listen. Listen to me when I speak to you anon. Because I don't think you listened before. I said I realize they aren't "besties" but they are friends. That's fucking exactly word for word what I said. So. That's really not me "proving your point" at all. Mike appearing in Max's Vecna memories at all indicates that they are close friends. The memories that save you from Vecna are your happiest memories. Hellooo????? HELLOOOOOO????? They were also limited to using footage they already had for the flashback scenes. Stranger Things isn't a sit com, like they don't have time to physically show every character bonding with every other character, they kinda have other shit going on. They add in things to show the audience the established relationship dynamics and they trust their audience. Obviously they can't trust you though so big yikes ig. And yeah, I know you weren't dissing Mike's character. I just think you were wrong in saying that Mike had a "nonexistent connection" to Max and Eddie. So I was correcting you. Since you were wrong. But generally it seems like we're coming to pretty much the same conclusion, that Max and Mike aren't besties in canon but they are friends? So. Idk why you're arguing with me still. Other than the fact that I think they're close friends and you think they're friends who aren't that close. Whatever that fucking means. Like I feel like you're making an unnecessary distinction based on a misguided assertion. Idk why it matters so much to you anyway. Especially when there's literally canon evidence to suggest them being close so you're just obviously wrong about that. But I guess the canon evidence went over your head huh? My bad.

Also anon just a heads up I responded to this ask because I literally already addressed this so there wasn't that much more to say, but after this I'm not going to be responding to asks over like 300 words because they take too long to answer. Sorry. You're welcome to send asks that are more concise. Otherwise you could always make your own post. You can even tag me in that post if you want my opinion. But I suspect you don't want my opinion since you never asked for it, I think you're just using my blog as a soap box.

(btw I am not saying this to be pissy)

For anyone else reading this for some rason here's the original ask. Tw for ED and suicidal tendencies mentioned.

[proship-ghost]

[TW vague mentions of suicide baiting, mentions of self harm, Csa, sexual assault in general, pedophila, and grooming]

I was recently sent a lovely message by an individual with a brilliant idea! In three never typed before letters in- surprisingly not anon! (Sarcasm)

Anyways- as I go to block them THIS is what I see. Surprisingly they tagged triggers themselves but I've cut their user since they don't need the attention nor the potential hate. (They have since been blocked of course but this still needs to be said)

Firstly, to read this as someone's genuine thought process is- wow. Secondly, your condolences in regards to victims is conditional for how they cope? That says a lot about you. Love how you compared them to their abusers for it (sarcastic ).

You're telling me someone's (potential) coping mechanism (Bad or not this isn't the point) makes them deserve what happened to them? Do you realize how that makes YOU the bad person? Would you tell that to someone who's harming themselves physically?

You give 0 understanding of what being proship is and just rattle off about unintelligent bullshit then go "yep, everything you've had to go through is 1000% what you're redoing to these fictional characters and nobody cares it happened to you."

I'll say it once and I'll say it again- if you put fictional character who hold no actual change over people who are real and living. Fuck you and everything you will ever stand for.

Honestly, coping mechanism or just for the hell of it- proshipping is at it's core anti harassment and anti censorship. The idea that those core elements genuinely irritate people is astounding to me. Most proshippers that I know either A) involve themselves with proshipping because (when antis aren't involved) it's usually a safe space to talk about your trauma and heal by making essentially vent fics using characters, or B) have a disorder that may cause paraphilic or intrusive thoughts that can better be coped with through fiction. But- friendly reminder ;

Proshipping has and always will be supported by therapists. But let's not forget therapy is expensive and not everyone has access to it- if you want every proshipper or people who follow that train of thought to harm themselves I think you should fork out a bit of money and see why your so angry at people for enjoying themselves and being free 💕

I swear antis have never heard of hypersexuality or paraphilic disorders before- or, here's a big one- OCD.

Proshipping can help people with said disorders to cope through their intrusive thoughts by giving them an outlet for what's hurting them- it's okay to let those thoughts out because you're not putting anyone into a situation that they're genuinely hurt by your thoughts.

TLDR:

An anti shipper messaged me telling me to kms, upon looking at their account you can see they push themselves to throw every buzzword together to make themselves seem better with no actual understanding of what those words mean.

[demonic-shadowlucifer]

Adding onto this. Adding "reblog this or i'll judge you", "stop talking about your interests and focus on this" and "if you're not talking about this block me" and any other variants is harmful to people with OCD, especially moral OCD. All that does is cause those people to repeat certain compulsions, which can result in doomscrolling which is pretty bad for people's mental health. Doomscrolling isn't helping anyone. Digital self-harm isn't helping anyone. And forcing people to doomscroll or making folks feel guilty for not posting about current events *ESPECIALLY* isn't going to help anyone. And I get it. It is a privilege to ignore bad events 24/7. I get that. But at the same time I don't think people are supporting genocide by not posting about Palestine or other current genocides. I already posted about this in the tags, but think about it this way: How do you know they're ignoring what's going on by not posting? Maybe they've attended a Pro-Palestine rally or are active in boycotting Israeli goods. Maybe they're checking on their Yemeni or Armenian friends. I could go on. You realize people have a life that DOESN'T involve Tumblr or other social media, and you can't change that. You don't know what people are up to off the internet. Lastly, as I said earlier: You can focus on many things at once. You can focus on the genocides going on AND enjoy your interests and whatnot. I promise it's not going to ruin your life. Forcing people to post about current events is NOT activism. Guilt-tripping people into sharing or reblogging stuff about genocide is NOT activism. Commenting "hey people are dying" on posts that talk about non-current events is NOT activism. Harassing people for not talking about bad things is NOT activism. It's performative as hell and, again, it's harmful to folks who experience moral OCD. In fact, doing all of that only drives people away from activism. And there's plenty of ways to get folks involved in activism that DON'T involve guilt-tripping or fear mongering. People are not obligated to post or reblog everything about bad events to show support. People don't have to make a social media post to let everyone know they support a cause. That's not how activism or supporting causes work. You can't force everyone to post about a certain subject and guess what! That's okay! Focus on what YOU can do before getting others involved.

yes, we shouldn't ignore the terrible events going on right now (Palestine, Sudan, etc), but I think we need some reminders because some of the posts i've been reading have been giving off *extremely* guilt-trippy vibes: Not posting about current events or bad things =/= not caring. Not reblogging =/= not caring. Adding "don't scroll past this" or "reblog this or block me" to posts is guilt-trippy as hell. And lastly, online activism is not the only form of activism.

[goggles-mcgee]

We Meet Again

Dick who was just trying to put his money in his account and decided he'd rather get down than go through the bank's drive thru now being held hostage with everyone else as Penguin and his men go to work on the vault: "Must be a Thursday."

One of the henchman near him chuckles: "Mood."

Dick, gasping and turning to face the henchman: "David? Is that you?"

David, dressed to impress like all of Penguins goons are, gives a mock bow: "At your service Pretty Boy."

Dick, whistles: "You clean up pretty good. Hey, what happened with what's his face? Last boss? I can't remember his name."

David, giving Dick a quick wink before he explains: "Oh that guy! ....I honestly don't remember his name either. It's kind of a long story but the short of it is, he got too big in the head and tried some shit on Penguin's turf. Penguin dealt with him fairly easily and those of us who were left were..."recruited." It was weird, but I'm not complaining. I got benefits again."

Dick squirming so he can turn to look at David, he could get out of the zipties if he wanted but he's staying to gather intel: "Hey that's good! But aren't you worried about the Nygma finding out?"

David: "Riddles? No why? The only thing that's a downside really is the fact that I'm outranked by an actual penguin named Tuxedo....and the fact we have to get used to a mainly fish diet. Oh and the fact the Iceberg Lounge is kinda chilly but besides all that it's alright."

Dick, trying his best not to laugh: "Tuxedo? And because you went to work with Cobblepot? Riddles and he are sometimes involved you know and Nygma is the jealous type so I'm just worried what he'd do if he found out his ex-goon is now working with Penguin."

David: "Awwww you're worried about me Baby Blues?"

Dick throwing his own wink: "What can I say, you're my favorite goon."

David: "Whatever you say Hotshot. But I mean, I think I'll be fine. I doubt Riddles would remember a low-level goon like me."

Dick: "David. He's a perfectionist with OCD who's obsessed with riddles..."

David: "....Fuck."

Dick: "Yeaaaah. I would find someone else to work for. Or you know, you could stop being a goon."

David, chuckling: "Trying to turn me to the side of the angels Pretty Boy? Goonin' is all I'm good for."

Dick: "Have you tried modeling? No but serious, there's a lot you can do in Gotham. Y'know, if being a goon doesn't work out."

David: "I'll think about it, how about that? Now can you please let me put on a thing of zipties since you seem to have miraculously gotten out of your first set?"

Dick: "Tying me up already? David, you haven't even taken me out on a first date."

David, laughing: "Don't make it weird. I won't even put em too tight. How the hell did you get out of them anyways?"

Dick with a cocky smile: "I'm a Wayne."

David: "Fair enough. Well, looks like the boss is all done. It was nice seeing you again Wayne."

Dick: "You too "Goliath!'"

Penguin: "Goliath! I don't pay you to socialize with the hostages! Let's get a move on!"

David waving 'bye' to Dick: "Of course, Boss. Right away, Boss."

Dick already out of his zipties and helping others out while texting Bruce: �� just robbed GGMB near Brixmon Family Jewelers. Heading West.

Related Post

*GGMB - Gotham Global Modern Bank

[wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i]

PMDD and ADHD: Part 1

I'm back!

Moving on with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder Awareness month, I want to continue discussing how PMDD affects other disorders. Given that I am essentially a petri dish of disorders, I am going to discuss this from the perspective of my own disorders. Last week, I discussed the overlap between OCD and PMDD, and how the two interact to create a perfect hell for all involved. Today, I am going to discuss how PMDD affects ADHD and these two disorders affect those of us with periods.

Before I start, I would like to direct everyone toward important and/or interesting reads to look into before diving into this one.

Here is my post about the definition of PMDD, how it presents, other people's experience with PMDD, as well as my own experience

Here is my post detailing what OCD is and how it presents

Here is part two of that post discussing how PMDD and OCD interact

Here are some resources for supporting a loved one with PMDD, and for taking care of yourself.

I would also like to stress that I have been formally diagnosed with ADHD since I was seven. I was lucky enough to have a mother and older brother with the disorder, so it was easily and quickly recognized in early childhood. However, early 2000s treatment of ADHD was severely lacking, especially when it came to school. I have experienced ableism my entire life from people who did not believe in ADHD, and who still refuse to. I continue to experience it in my adult life for my other disorders as well.

I was never formally diagnosed with OCD or PMDD, but both my doctor and my therapist agreed that I most likely had PMDD. My therapist also agreed that I likely have OCD because I experience obsessions, compulsions, intrusive thoughts, etc and have since I was a child. I do not have the money to get tested right now but hope to in the future.

Now, let's begin!

Let's start with a quick run down of what ADHD is, and what it is not.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, ADHD, or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, is "marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development."

People with ADHD may experience most of these symptoms (keep this in mind for later, as this is where PMDD and ADHD begin to overlap):

"Inattention means a person may have difficulty staying on task, sustaining focus, and staying organized, and these problems are not due to defiance or lack of comprehension.

Hyperactivity means a person may seem to move about constantly, including in situations when it is not appropriate, or excessively fidgets, taps, or talks. In adults, hyperactivity may mean extreme restlessness or talking too much.

Impulsivity means a person may act without thinking or have difficulty with self-control. Impulsivity could also include a desire for immediate rewards or the inability to delay gratification. An impulsive person may interrupt others or make important decisions without considering long-term consequences."

There are different types of ADHD. Not everyone who has ADHD has the hyperactivity type, and not everyone has the inattentive type. In the past, I have been described as both. This is normal because ADHD symptoms can change over time.

Here are some symptoms of each type according the National Institute of Mental Health. I will mark my typical symptoms with an *.

People with symptoms of inattention may often:

Overlook or miss details and make seemingly careless mistakes in schoolwork, at work, or during other activities*

Have difficulty sustaining attention during play or tasks, such as conversations, lectures, or lengthy reading*

Not seem to listen when spoken to directly*

Find it hard to follow through on instructions or finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace, or may start tasks but lose focus and get easily sidetracked*

Have difficulty organizing tasks and activities, doing tasks in sequence, keeping materials and belongings in order, managing time, and meeting deadlines*

Avoid tasks that require sustained mental effort, such as homework, or for teens and older adults, preparing reports, completing forms, or reviewing lengthy papers*

Lose things necessary for tasks or activities, such as school supplies, pencils, books, tools, wallets, keys, paperwork, eyeglasses, and cell phones********(I literally lose things WHILE I'm looking for other things)

Be easily distracted by unrelated thoughts or stimuli*

Be forgetful in daily activities, such as chores, errands, returning calls, and keeping appointments*

Hyperactivity-Impulsivity

People with symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity may often:

Fidget and squirm while seated*

Leave their seats in situations when staying seated is expected, such as in the classroom or the office*

Run, dash around, or climb at inappropriate times or, in teens and adults, often feel restless*

Be unable to play or engage in hobbies quietly

Be constantly in motion or on the go, or act as if driven by a motor

Talk excessively*

Answer questions before they are fully asked, finish other people’s sentences, or speak without waiting for a turn in a conversation*

Have difficulty waiting one’s turn*

Interrupt or intrude on others, for example in conversations, games, or activities*

Now that we have the basics of this disorder outlined, let's talk about another important aspect of this disorder! Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD. According to AdditudeMag, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is "extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception that a person has been reject or criticized by important people in their life. It may also be triggered by a sense of falling short---failing to meet their own high standards or others' expectations."

Though it could be argued that everyone experiences some form of rejection, criticism or failure in their lives, it should be noted that for people with RSD, these things are "much more severe than for neurotypical individuals. They are unbearable, restricting, and highly impairing."

When this emotional response is internalized, "it can imitate a full, major mood disorder complete with suicidal ideation." Interestingly, "the sudden change from feeling perfectly fine to feeling intensely sad that results from RSD is often misdiagnosed as rapid cycling mood disorder."

Remember that rejection sensitivity is a neurologic and genetic part of ADHD. Keep in mind that while early childhood trauma makes anything worse, "it does not cause RSD." Almost "100% of people with ADHD experience rejection sensitivity."

So, what does all this have to do with PMDD?

A whole fucking lot, I'll tell you.

According to a recent study published in 2021 in the Journal of Psychiatric Research, researchers found that "women with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may be more vulnerable to hormone-related mood disorders such as premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), postpartum depression (PPD), and climacteric mood symptoms during their lifespan." There were some limitations with the study however, such as "possible recall bias and the inability to find significant association between a broad spectrum of psychiatric disorders and PMDD." In other words, the findings of this study are preliminary and necessitate further research into the subject. Remember: This study is the first one ever studying this connection.

Aside from this preliminary study, there has also been a look into how estrogen affects women with ADHD. According to CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), "for most women and girls affected by ADHD, severity of ADHD symptoms will fluctuate throughout the month, tied closely with their hormonal cycles."

Researcher and author Patricia Quinn (MD) says in a 2016 article that "research has confirmed that the brain is a target organ for estrogen and that estrogen's neuronal effects have functional consequences." She goes further to explain that these effects can "dramatically impact a woman's ADHD symptoms, along with her ability to function. Similar fluctuations related to a woman's menstrual cycle can worsen both her ADHD symptoms and symptoms of premenstrual syndrome."

It gets even more interesting. "There also appears to be a subgroup of women (3-8%) with PMS whose symptoms are primarily related to mood disorder. These women experience extreme mood and behavior symptoms, leading to a dianosis of premenstrual dysphoric disorder....Some women with a diagnosis of ADHD report that their symptoms seem to worse during the premenstrual period." Quinn goes on to suggest that these women could be experiences a premenstrual magnification (which from what I understand is another way to say PME, or Premenstrual Exacerbation), which can coexist with PMDD.

Now, for my favorite part. Let's look at real people's experiences with ADHD and PMDD and how these two disorders have impacted their lives. Head over to part 2 where we will look at personal testimonies.

[jennyslcte]

A MASTERLIST OF “OBSCURE” AND “UGLY” TRAITS AND OTHER THINGS. (1/?)

Anyone who knows me knows I love a downright gross character with sincere but obscure attributes. I recently made a PSA, located here, about how we should make traits like this more popular in the RPC. An anon suggested that I put together a list of traits and other things to work into a character’s personality in this sense! You can find that list under the cut. Enjoy!

Give your character bloody, scratched up knees.

Horrible fashion sense.

Bald spots.

Skin picking.

A habit of burping.

Make them overcompensate, make them desperate to save face.

Make them overly talkative. Obnoxious, annoying.

Awkwardness. Allow your characters to be awkward as fuck. Awkwardness isn’t always quirky. For me, it’s sweaty armpits and a bright red face.

Hey, there’s one. Sweat. Sweaty armpits. Sweaty tits. Sweaty hairlines.

Do research on health problems and concerns. Portray them in an understandable and careful way. A character can have Trichotillomania aka excessive hair-pulling. Give them diabetes, heart problems, OCD, Epilepsy, Arthritis, joint pain, back pain. The list is endless. Pull from personal experience too, that always helps me.

FARTS.

Write more about your character’s period. Sometimes it’s downright gross. Describe that.

Give them bad or crooked teeth. Missing teeth too.

Thin or thinning hair.

Throw in some facial hair too. Chin hairs, especially. I have so many.

Maybe your character a nail biter. 

Give them a messy home or a messy purse. 

Make them unconventional. 

Big noses. We love big noses.

Make them ugly but honest.

Make them unsatisfied for reasons they don’t understand. Let draw from this dissatisfaction and grow irritated by everyday life.

Obscure interests. Clowns, bruises, dirt, ghosts, trashcans, tearing out book pages, taping receipts to the wall, strange little tattoos, sex, demons, scissors. Whatever you can think of. 

Make your characters cut their hair on impulse. Get ugly, horrible haircuts. They can cut their bangs at 3am and regret it when they wake up.

Sleeping until the afternoon. 

Broken bones. 

Maybe they’re obsessed with the internet and social media.

Let them have lots of dirty laundry.

Hair chewing.

Necklace chewing.

Junk food lover.

The person who forgets to wear deodorant. 

The person who forgets to wear deodorant but always has a little travel one inside their bag. Thank God.

Rotting milk in the back of the fridge.

Doesn’t text back. Never answers emails. 

Make them fickle. Make them change their mind often. 

Give them a crooked spine.

Smelly feet.

Sore feet.

Bad at exercise.

Slowest runner on the planet.

Old pillowcases. They forget to wash them. But when they do, it’s awesome.

Excess cleaner. Everything needs to be clean or the world explodes.

Rashes.

Eye boogers. We all wake up with them.

Bad breath. Nobody wakes up with minty breath, dude.

Bad at makeup. Always has mascara and lipstick all over the place. One time, a foundation bottle exploded. 

Make them want to be liked. Adored.

Make them ignore people.

Ripped tights.

Chipped nail polish. 

Blotchy tans.

Uneven skin tone.

Ache. Pimples. Zits. Puss. WE ALL HAVE THEM.

Back acne....come on, give your character back acne.

Textured skin.

Poor communication skills.

Slow reader.

Not good at math.

Hell, not good at school subjects at all. 

Poop. LET YOUR CHARACTERS POOP, DAMN IT.

IBS.

Yeast infections.

Hairy balls.

Hairy legs. Hairy boobs. Hairy everything. 

Chronic kick the ice under the fridge person. 

Shopaholic. But, for like, stupid shit. Trinkets, books they’ll never read, journals they’ll never write in, stickers, ribbons, shark teeth, rocks, marbles, fancy napkins, plates, figurines, lotion, hats, Christmas decorations, and more. 

Did I mention trashcans?

Starts writing in journals but then gets annoyed and never writes in it ever again. Now they have tons. Too many. They’re all filled with one to three pages max.

Make your characters a try hard. Desperados. 

Make them get fired. Lose their jobs. Make them bad at their job.

Steal from the job.

Make them storm chasers.

Or a cashier at the dollar store.

Can’t swim.

Their whole life is a junk drawer.

Just give them a junk drawer. There are so many batteries in there.

MASTURBATE. LET YOUR CHARACTERS JERK OFF.

Do they masturbate a lot? How? Do they just do it to go to sleep? Make them masturbate just to go to sleep.

Ugly cry.

Ugly orgasm.

Scars.

Birthmarks. 

Discharge. 

Uneven tits.

Uneven balls.

Little dick, big dick, small dick. Sing it with me.

One day I’ll build that Ikea table. Not.

Dirty dishes. I’m not doing them.

Your character doesn’t do the dishes? Make them have a habit of chucking them in the garbage and buying new ones.

LAZY. LAZY. LAZY. SO FUCKING LAZY.

Has cereal with every meal. 

Drinks right from the bottle.

Collects mugs.

Collects rubber bands. 

Cries at everything. At every movie, every commercial.

Receding hairline. Sorry, buddy.

Silver hair.

Dry skin.

Dandruff.

Greasy hair. I didn’t have time to shower.

Mismatched socks. 

Ripped underwear.

RIPPED PANTS. OH NO.

Worst driver ever.

Secretly, I’m an asshole. But only in secret.

Accidentally burnt the apartment down. Nothing tragic. Nobody died. I left a pizza in the oven.

Let random shit happen. Not everything is a tragedy. Accidents. Oops.

Give your characters studio apartments. Small homes. Old homes. Little, tiny spaces. 

Give your characters regular, working class jobs. Receptionist, garbage person, cashier, deli manager, dishwasher, food staff, telemarketer. Once again, the list is endless. 

Break some hearts. Your character can cause the suffering. 

Dysfunctional siblings. 

Fried, dry ass hair. 

Make them make terrible art. 

Make them not very talented. You don’t have to be good at everything to be happy.

Involved in a crime. Missing person, theft. You name it.

Make them a bad criminal. Maybe they suck at it. 

Worst. Assassin. Ever.

NOT EVERYONE IS AN EXPERT. 

Maybe they smoke too much weed.

Smelly socks. 

Maybe they smell too good....so good that it’s disgusting. Potent.

[bigbarabelly]

IHAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS TOOOOO

I need to figure out a lot in terms of timeline and what level of canon adjacent i want to go for, but I’ve been wanting to attempt a slow burn fic of that. How they get together and that process of easing their way into who they are as broken adults, naive in thinking they fucking know what they’re doing, but at the same time like painfully aware neither had a normal childhood and have no fucking idea what to expect if it were to happen. Potentially rewrite my one fic or just edit it into it for the long run.

I have a lot of thoughts about how he’d even handle the poor dude giving birth. Trying to be supportive but also it’s Homelander lmao. An impatient reactionary used to just killing and smashing shit to “fix” a situation, just panicking over having no control in the moment, and senses in overstimulation hell listening to Hughie just Go Through It. One panic and fear for another after the kid’s born because it’s the most fragile important thing on the planet now to him and he can’t afford to fuck it up. The mix of narcissism over what’s his and the remaining core buried deep that still has some real love and tiniest amount of selflessness in wanting to make sure they’ll both be ok in the long run without him. Mixing in with Ryan and everything too of what he knows, what he has, and what could be.

Just an incredible whirlwind of newfound gentleness and traumatized ocd gripping both of them in different ways while they go ITS COOL WE’RE OK ITS FINE and get into the groove of just being dumbass parents like everyone else. The first days of crying get less panic inducing and become more hesitant laughing and trading off who gets up in the middle of the night.

But man the buildup of dancing around each other almost like kids playing house? Hughie has the realest normal childhood despite the complexity of his single parent raising. But they still don’t know how to be adults together in a relationship. He can’t expect things of Homelander that he could with Robin or Annie that most people would instinctively know how to navigate by that age or with enough relationships experienced through trial and error. They say what they both think they’re supposed to, and kind of step back realizing the child’s play acting doesn’t replace the hard conversations in it’s practiced distraction.

At the same timeeeeeeeee I’m super tempted to do some Boys Shenanigans and throw a wrench into their new domestic bliss and get Hughie kidnapped when the kid comes. Make Homelander prove to them he’s real about this and BEG butcher for help. Not that he’d have to cause it’s Hughie. His found family loves him and would instantly truce with the Supe to get him back safe and sound. Reinforce the seriousness of who Hughie is involved with and despite his feral animal redomesticaiton, Homelander still has a lot of enemies and they can’t escape everything they don’t want to think about.

But then once it chills the fuck out and he’s safe and everyone’s cooing over the new addition, there’s a hesitant extension to the truce. Homelander will never be a friend, but they can for the most part wrangle their apprehension and justified wariness for Hughie’s sake and because the beanpole has a real positive influence on the supe and that’s frankly easier than trying to keep killing him. Hughie’s humor and jokes rubbing off on him to eventually saying something not off putting when theyre all together and getting a real smile and chuckle out of them. Cause GOD RIGHT if Hughie had never experienced that first break in his childhood from his mom and had a normal life without Robin getting killed, and even then with Robin’s death, I agree. He’d be fucked up but still too optimistic and naive at the same time to fall for butchers shit. Less warped in his anger and leaning into the fact he’s weak and wouldn’t fall into that rush from the idea of revenge

I need to write some more hughlander bc while I love @bigbarabelly 's pregnant Hughie, I just wanna read/write him & Homelander before pregnancy & discussing kids (with all the excitement and anxiety that leads to)

Because with all the thing Homelander has been through (both in his childhood & then later finding out he has a kid) I wonder how he would react to actually having a new born.

and also Hughie, he's almost the only person in canon that has had a normal parent but he still got abandonment issues thanks to his mom (you can't tell me he doesn't, if he was perfectly normal he would have left Butcher long ago)

[industriallyinsecure]

How would yandere La Squadra go about their darling being extremely paranoid... maybe even an abduction survivor? Like, they won't drink or eat anything that's not sealed or prepared by them, they won't go anywhere without telling a loved one or friend where they are and where they're going. They only use their own car or commute with ppl they are close with, their door has several locks and bolts, the windows have special locks and they have a hidden weapon on their body and know how to use it.

I apologize for the long wait!

Sorbet and Gelato don’t care. Gelato is audacious enough to keep testing your boundaries by inserting himself into your life as mere coincidences. Sorbet is the only one keeping you safe, in a strange way. He constantly has to talk Gelato down with kisses and promises of taking you soon. Even if you pulled a weapon on them, there’s two of them. Your odds wouldn’t even be that great with just one of them pursuing you. The only problem is orchestrating the whole ordeal just right. With the constant paper trail you left, it would be difficult to just snatch you up and make you disappear off the face of the earth so suddenly. They have to strike in the golden hour, which, much to Gelato’s displeasure, means they have to leave you alone. When you stop frantically updating your friends and family, Gelato kicks in your door and Sorbet restrains you. Of course, when you wake up in an unfamiliar place with two men sandwiching you, the carefully crafted walls you put up to protect yourself from your past abduction come crumbling down. Gelato feels the tiniest bit remorseful and tries to kiss it better, but nothing works and they end up having to knock you out. Sorbet scolds Gelato for his hastiness while they cuddle on the chair across from the bed where your sleeping body whimpered and twitched. It would take some time to help you rebuild from your trauma, but the Milk and Milkless Dessert couple weren’t known for giving up easily.

Risotto is the same way. It’s part of the reason he was drawn to you. After researching about a hit and discovering they had kidnapped and held someone for ransom unsuccessfully, he felt it necessary to check in on the victim to see if there were any connections between them and Passione. More accurately, to see if the victim would cause any problems for Passione. When he first seeks you out, he’s not surprised about your demeanor. But something about your mouselike timidness drew him in. He knows he has to measure his steps carefully if he wants to get close. There’s a lot of methodical planning involved to make sure he doesn’t accidentally scare you off. He attempts to insert himself in your life subtly, appearing in places you go but not engaging you. When he was finally bold enough to seek you out in your own home, he finally saw the extent of your trauma. Metallica made it easy to bypass the many locks on the door, but it was a chore to do. Finding you waiting behind the door with a gun drawn was certainly a surprise, though. Seeing your perpetual eyebags and frowning features so frightened made his heart ache. It’s too bad you were close enough for Metallica to work. He’s positive you would’ve put up a good fight. But for now he’s focused on getting you tucked in. There was no reason to whisk you away when it was clear you were smart enough to be scared of the world outside.

Ghiaccio always has to be in the right, no matter the situation. He doesn’t care that you have trauma that makes your day to day hell or that his constant presence makes you wary and weary. His needs and desires come first at the cost of your comfort. He only compromises on his yelling when he notices he makes you flinch. Other than that, he’ll pester you nonstop. It’s a mystery how he is always where you are without fail. At a certain point, you refuse to leave your home because of it. Ghiaccio isn’t understanding of this and nearly breaks down your door and sends you into a panic attack. Seeing you scream and shield yourself with your arms makes him hesitate. What breaks him is when you plead for him to leave you alone and to not hurt you. It’s a rare moment of clarity in his obsession addled mind and he tries his best to calm you down, even though his touch makes you flinch away. In the middle of his attempt to soothe you, he ends up covering you in frost. The effects of White Album make your reactions sluggish and weak, but you have plenty of time to consider how you got here as he hefts you over his shoulder and buckles you into the passenger’s seat, wrapping the seatbelt around you several times.

Melone honestly has an Obsession of the Week™️, which more than half the time is just for scientific purposes. He likes to psychoanalyze random people he sees, just for funsies. You, on the other hand, were far too interesting to just dissect mentally and move on. He tuned in when you asked for a drink that was from an unopened case of products, and his interest only heightened when he saw you take a very calculated path through the lounge area. He noted you made sure to move in the blind spots of the windows and cameras before nestling safely in a corner where you could see the whole room, all the while peeking over your shoulder. At first, he thought OCD or some other disorder. It made sense, but he watched you timidly flick your eyes around as you uncapped your drink , sniffed it, and took a tentative sip. Melone is already mentally logging this information, creating trials and assessing variables as you sip away at your beverage. Of course when he went to pursue you after you left, he didn’t expect for you to pull a knife on him and threaten him with wide eyes to stay away. The reasons you gave were conjecture, though. He could see that you weren’t quite sure of your choice to confront him, the minuscule shaking of your hand only proving it. It’s laughably easy for him to disarm you, even if his thievery skills have gotten rusty from his transition from petty thief into assassin. After his civil approach, by his own standards, you're toted off to a nearby safe house where he could keep you while he arranges for your accommodations elsewhere.

This is a problem for Prosciutto. He and Formaggio are the most social creatures of La Squadra (Melone is well… social in a different way). Prosciutto loves to be seen. He likes going to the opera, to have someone on his arm dressed almost as finely as he was, to go to art auctions, to go out to a restaurant where the prices were high and the portions low. So your paranoid personality, while understandable, poses a problem for the fantasy he made within five minutes of seeing you shuffle around the market in what he would describe as “bum clothes” (aka sweatpants and a baggy shirt). He notes that every step you take is deliberate, every move calculated and determined beforehand. With his years of stealth training, he trails you for a while to fully observe you. One thing that stuck out to him was that you were always in public places, among crowds with just enough people that you would be missed if you were swept off your feet by a dashing blond in a finely pressed suit. Prosciutto is a fixer. He lives to nitpick and improve and fix everyone he cares for, and you are no different. Soon you’ll find yourself in the company of the handsome blond you’ve seen around town, whether you like it or not. He takes it upon himself to interject and speak over you when it comes to certain things, stating how you should’ve handled a situation. Your paranoia is soon taken advantage of, with Prosciutto feeding into it by isolating you and forcing you to depend on him. Not that he minds. He loves to help people improve. On his terms, of course.

Illuso takes it as a challenge. He’s very reserved as well, and when he observed you for his own interest, it was kismet. Illuso is great at playing the long game and letting his opponent’s psyche get the best of them. With your ‘weakened’ mind, he could play around with you as much as he liked. Tapping on your (barred)window, the mirror, moving stuff. Your own personal curator of hell. He never once feels bad, but he wondered why he didn’t stop playing poltergeist after his usual week or so. Soon he found himself just…staring at your permanently furrowed brow and frowning lips. Maybe if he isolated you in a place where he knew there wouldn’t be anyone, he could get something out of you? Secretly pulls you into the mirror world and observes you. He lets you sit in the comfort of assured solitude before making his grand entrance. Of course he didn’t expect to get punched in the gut and to have a knife pulled on him. He might boast that Man in the Mirror is the strongest stand, but stands are pretty much useless when you’re taken by surprise by someone you underestimated. For a moment, he can’t decide if this makes him like you a lot more, or if you deserve a kick to the gut. Maybe both.

Formaggio firmly believes in the ideology of “take no shit, give no fucks”. He may be social, but he’s not exactly socially intelligent. Case in point, he didn’t understand that his social butterfly-ness might be a huge turn off for some people. So he’s pretty much at a loss for what to do. His previous flings loved it, but you, well, you wanted nothing to do with him in any capacity. Formaggio was supposed to have been scouting his hit, but he was mostly checking out the Milfs, Dilfs, and Pilfs (parent) that passed. And when his gaze finally fell on you, sitting by yourself, he had to swoop in. Similar to how he reacts to Narancia, he’s very affable when you pull your weapon on him and threaten him with very serious eyes, even joking with you playfully when you ask him what he thinks he’s doing. I love him dearly, but Formaggio is a dumb man. He can’t read social cues and probably just thinks you’re playing hard to get when in reality you have trauma. But since he hides all his trauma and self hatred behind jokes, it takes him a while to fully realize that you’re broken. And what do you do with broken things? Why, stick them in a doll house and provide for them, of course!