goldeneyedgirl

[goldeneyedgirl]

Why is it always "I love you," and never "I want to sink my teeth into your soul, crawl inside your skin, and bury myself in your dark warmth with insatiable hunger, binding our blood in a rhythm so deep with such ferocity that the earth sighs, and not even the cold grasp of death could pull us apart?"

[goldeneyedgirl]

New moon where everything is the same but Bella gets hallucinations of Alice whenever she violates fashion laws.

[goldeneyedgirl]

Hello Lexie! I don't know why you've been off, but I really hope you are okay. I was thinking about StL the other day and how much this story gets me. It's been years since I first read it and I still remember how I thought that could actually be a book. You are, without a doubt, one of my favorite writers and I hope you come back to us soon <3

Anon!

I have honestly been off writing fic! I tend to go into a hyperfocus when I'm working on fics - especially STL - and go quiet on tumblr. I have a pile of asks to finish off, but I'm so excited about the new chapters I've got - Variable Stars is effectively being rewritten from scratch for a third time; Jar of Hearts only needs 4k left to finish it off; and STL has about 6k left to write - I've been intensely overthinking the new chapter, and that's what has slowed me down entirely.

And what you've said about STL makes me so happy, Anon. The idea that anyone could compare STL to a book just makes me wiggle. I never set out to write it this way, and I never expected so much love for it. It still catches me unaware how much people care about this story and love it, and I am so humbled by that reaction.

I promise you that I'm here, I'm just in my little writing cave getting these chapters finished before I show my face on tumblr again.

...but have a snippet of the new chapter for your lovely message <3

“I saw you might want to speak to me.” She sits on the cliff face with her legs swinging casually, doesn’t get up or offer for Edward Cullen to take a seat beside her because she knows he won’t. “I do.” Edward looks down, his hands in his pockets to appear casual but she can see the tension in his shoulders and jaw. “I’m surprised Jasper let me get this close to you.” The flashbacks, he worries I’ll hurt someone. Edward lets out a puff of laughter. “I don’t think that’s the reason, myself,” he says. She cocks her head in confusion. “I think it’s an even split between being viciously overprotective of the one person who could kill us all before we even realised what was happening, and wanting your full attention all to himself.”

[goldeneyedgirl]

twilight but instead of a dramatic reveal about how edward’s a vampire bella just shows up to class one day and slides a copy of Dracula across the table to see what happens 

[goldeneyedgirl]

NOSFERATU (2024) dir. Robert Eggers The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012) dir. Bill Condon

[goldeneyedgirl]

[goldeneyedgirl]

It’s always

“When will fanfic writers update their stories?”

And never

“Does this fanfic writer have adequate enrichment to engage in writing behaviours?”

Fanfiction writers (Scriptor fictus) are intelligent animals who need plenty of enrichment as well as encouragement! If they’re stuck in poor conditions (e.g. have studies, work, have to actually write to have something written) then they require the proper enrichment to engage in more healthy behaviours, like writing. Remember, due to poor breeding and socialisation, over half of all fanfic writers suffer from low self confidence and executive dysfunction so take care of them!

Give your fanfic writers proper care. Fanfiction writers are a life long commitment.

[goldeneyedgirl]

peak philosophy in ao3 tags

[goldeneyedgirl]

year of the otp challenge 2025.

january prompt: sharing clothes.

Yes, I'm trying this challenge again because I loved it in 2023. This one is from Runaway-verse; just a little warm-up riff on Jasper's Return after he takes a few months away to roam with Peter and Charlotte. Yes, the xbox tee has returned and I think is practically canon to all my fics now.

runaway-verse, beginning of alice's senior year

It’s after midnight when Jasper finally makes it back to Forks. It’s been a long run - Peter and Charlotte had decided to stay in the Yukon, and he’d gone on ahead. It had been tempting to linger for a few more days, but he had promised to be back a week before school resumed. Carlisle would be annoyed with him, and Alice would be furious - she had barely been onboard with his summer plans in the beginning, and she still had a lot of attachment issues and anxiety. Esme was going to bribe her into some kind of therapy with the offer of her own car, but Jasper was staying out of that.

He privately hated the idea of Alice going to therapy, just because remembering to keep the cover story for the Cullens straight in front of a doctor would probably stress her out even more. But Esme was nothing if not determined. And he couldn’t get too mad - when Alice was stressing out to the point of panic attacks over his departure, it had been Esme who had swooped in and planned out Alice’s entire summer in three-week blocks to distract her from his absence - a trip to Isle Esme, a pre-college art camp in New Hampshire, up to Alaska to see the cousins, shopping trips in New York and Boston, dance classes in Seattle… the list had been endless.

So had the silence - Carlisle had encouraged Jasper to take a satellite phone for emergencies, and leave his cellphone behind so that Alice wasn’t bombarding him with messages the second he left the property line.

“This is just as much for you as it is for her,” Carlisle had said kindly. “Having a human so dependent on you is a massive undertaking, Jasper. The rest of us can lean on each other when it becomes overwhelming, but you have a unique bond and… I don’t want you to suffer for it, and have it affect the very precious relationship that you share - especially when you’ve been working so hard on your control and blending in. You should enjoy your summer. If you want to speak to Alice, you have the satellite phone. We will keep her safe, and I promise that if anything occurs that you need to know about, I will contact you.”

It had felt very strange to leave Alice behind, standing on the porch barefoot and looking about twelve years old as he vanished into the woods. She’d felt lost and anxious in those brief moments before distance broke his reading of her emotions, and the only thing that stopped him from turning around to comfort her was the fact that Esme was waiting just offside to take Alice in and comfort her.

Peter had teased him mercilessly when he had absently mentioned going into towns and cities for Alice for the first few weeks; turning around to check that she was keeping up when she wasn’t even with them.

He’d spoken to Alice three times in nearly twelve weeks. The first time, Alice had had a panic attack when he’d gone to end the call, which had gotten Esme involved. The second time, she’d had a nightmare and called him at four in the morning to demand he stay the fuck out of Colorado, refusing to go into detail about why. The third time was from Isle Esme, wanting to know if he was close by and willing to join the family at the beach; he’d been up the very top of Canada and hearing her hopeful voice had almost been enough to send him immediately to Brazil until Charlotte had told him he was being an idiot.

It was the longest they’d been apart in years.

Leaving his coat and boots in a reeking pile to be dealt with - probably burnt - in the morning, Jasper crept through the back door. He expected it to be a pretty ordinary night - Alice would be asleep upstairs, Edward would be watching Bella sleep, Rosalie and Emmett would probably be upstairs or hunting, and Carlisle and Esme would be somewhere in the house. His plan was to shower, check in with Carlisle, and then read until Alice woke up.

Except he walked in to find the entire family sprawled out in the living room, with a movie playing - Bella was there too, and asleep on Edward’s shoulder.

“Welcome home,” Rosalie said, as soon as she noticed him. “We’re on hour eight of waiting for you to show.” She sounded irritated, but made no move to turn the movie off or move from her position, her legs thrown across Emmett’s lap.

“Alice wanted to wait up for you,” Esme explained, motioning to what Jasper had mistaken for a pile of pillows - wedged in the centre of the pile was Alice, curled up in a tight ball, sound asleep. “I’m afraid exhaustion won in the end.”

“Had to double back coming back into the states, took longer than I thought,” he said. “Let me shower before you wake her up.”

It’s the fastest wash he’s ever had, and he adds the jeans and sweatshirt into the hamper of unsalvageable clothing - twelve weeks of animal blood, mud, venom, and general filth had taken their toll, and he never wanted to see any of those garments again.

He’s coming back downstairs when he hears Esme talking in a low voice.

“Alice, sweetheart, Jasper’s home.”

He’s not expecting the immediate reaction, of a disheveled head popping up out of nowhere and looking around before she locks onto him.

He’s expecting her flinging herself over the back of the couch, still barely awake, at him even less.

And he… well, Jasper didn’t think Alice would change that much in twelve weeks. Alice didn’t change. She grew older, yes, and she’d gained weight since they’d joined the Cullens, and she was definitely taller than she had been when he first met her.

But the girl he’d left behind had still been his Alice, a slightly more grown up version of the kid he’d found in a park at night. There was no single word for what Alice truly was to him - Edward called them platonic soulmates, and it worked as well as anything else. She was a precious commodity, the entity his existence revolved around. He knew it, she knew it, the family knew it; they all vividly remembered the day that Rosalie had suggested boarding school for Alice, when Jasper had first joined them. He hadn’t reacted well, and it had ended with a broken coffee table, Emmett ready to defend Rose to the point of violence, and Alice pleading with Jasper to calm down, she wasn’t going anywhere. She would of course stay with him and the rest of the family.

And the changes wouldn’t have been so obvious if he’d been around this summer. This was on him.

But the shock on his face is obvious to them all. He’s going to regret that.

This version of Alice is a young woman. She’s cut her long hair off and now it falls in soft little waves to her chin, accentuating her neck and the shape of her face. She’s at least another inch taller now, at the roughly five-feet Carlisle always said she’d be.

And she’s wearing one of his old t-shirts over shorts. It’s hilariously too large for her, hanging down to her knees and leaving one shoulder bare, but she looks gorgeous in it. She is gorgeous, even sleep rumpled and clinging to him like her life depends on it.

“Jasper, you’re home,” she says, her face muffled in his shirt. She still smells the same, her emotions still feel the same, and he gathers her up in a hug. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too.” Carlisle’s given him several talks over the years about how humans change and grow. He thought he understood that Alice would change. He’d witnessed it - how many new clothes had he found her, how many times had he braided her hair, how many times had he answered her questions. He had witnessed all of it - he’d been at her side since she was thirteen years old, and now she was… almost eighteen.

Eighteen. It was like she’d waited until he was gone to finish growing up.

(She’d worn his clothes numerous times before, wrapping herself in giant hoodies when she was cold or it was raining; borrowing his old hunting shirts to paint in; throwing on one of his button ups when she went swimming at the river or sunbathing before Carlisle caught her and lectured her on the risks of skin cancer. He’s not sure why a threadbare Xbox t-shirt has him flummoxed. He’s lived through the era of corsets, of bra burning and free love, and now he can’t stop staring at a teenage girl in an oversized t-shirt as Alice pulls him back towards the living room.)

“You’re late, you said Tuesday - it’s technically Wednesday,” Alice manhandles him back into their spot, amongst the cushions and immediately crawls on top of him when he sits down. “Tell me everything, where did you go?”

He makes the mistake of looking at the rest of the family then, and immediately regrets it - Emmett and Edward are giving him looks to kill. Edward’s is just a narrowed glare, thanks to Bella still sleeping next to him, but Emmett’s is a flat-out threat of murder.

This is not what he agreed to when Carlisle suggested a summer vacation - his brothers plotting his imminent murder, Rosalie watching the movie with pointed focus, Esme exchanging looks with Carlisle and Carlisle visibly trying not to laugh.

All whilst Alice buries her face in his neck and demands he tell her everything he’s been up to, whilst Bella drools - and snores faintly - against Edward.

Shit.

(Alice smells like peaches and saltwater and him, and somewhere Peter is laughing his ass off that the Major of Monterrey has just been undone by his best friend in his old shirt.)

He’s in so much trouble.

[goldeneyedgirl]

[goldeneyedgirl]

maybe i like it when a female character is deeply flawed and responsible for countless deaths and so on and so forth. more female characters should be deeply flawed and responsible for countless deaths

[goldeneyedgirl]

Fic mode is goddam activated, let’s fuckin’ GO

[goldeneyedgirl]

the children yearn for fandom etiquette

[goldeneyedgirl]

Me waking up: I want to write

Me eating breakfast: I want to write

Me getting ready for work: I want to write

Me at work: I want to write

Me eating lunch: I want to write

Me driving home: I want to write

Me at home, sitting in front of my laptop:

[goldeneyedgirl]

[goldeneyedgirl]

favorite vampire couple

[goldeneyedgirl]

snippet

I disappeared again, but for a good reason. We're so close to having a new chapter that I can taste it. I'm not saying you should start watching for the update emails yet, but goddamn it feels good to put things together. It's very exciting.

I also have drafts for almost all my asks, so look for those at the end of the week.

But because it will be a February update instead of a January update, I brought an offering of some more of the Mary-Alice/Feral Jasper section that I posted at Ficmas. The actual plot of this is coming together nicely, and I'm looking forward to sitting down and putting together a few chapters.

Enjoy!

note: this follows on immediately from the ficmas post.

“I take care of myself,” she finally says.

“And me,” Jasper says, studying her. “So that means I get to take care of you.”

She realises that he’s still muddled from the stress of his pending departure, and just agrees to that without pointing out that he’s still not strong enough to win a fight. She can look after both of them just fine. He’s not going to need her forever.

He studies her for a moment longer, reaching out to tuck some of her hair behind her ear.

“They’re good people,” he says, and his fingers graze her cheek. “They could take care of you as well.”

Oh.

Oh.

She wants to laugh at that, at the idea she needs anyone to take care of her. That Jasper seems to want her to spend time with the Cullens.

“You take good care of me,” she says, hoping to distract him. “I don’t need anything else. I will meet them. I promise. We just have to wait until they’re open to the idea. They want to protect you, and they see me as a threat.”

Of course they do; her story is written all over her. She’s a fighter and a killer. Of course they would want her as far away from Jasper as possible; even a year later, she could kill Jasper before he even realised what had happened. Emmett too. She’s not surprised they’d take Jasper and run, honestly. She would have judged them if they hadn’t.

She reaches out and takes his hand between both of hers, and it’s the first time that she’s instigated casual touch with him. It feels so awkward but Jasper’s expression softens the minute she does, and he shifts closer to her - his shoulders drop as he relaxes. Good, that’s what she wanted. She has no idea how to comfort someone, but touch seems to work for Jasper. It makes sense, he’s always encouraging her to get close, and asking to touch her. Well, asking less lately. She wishes he’d ask before touching her face. It makes her nervous.

“You’ll run to Montana,” he finally says and she offers him a small smile, hopefully one that’s reassuring.

“I’ll run to Montana. I plan to get there before you do,” she replies. “But if something changes, like the weather, I might be delayed. That’s okay.”

“That’s okay,” he echoes. “Can you check?”

She nods and closes her eyes to tap into her gift.

Running, running, the oilskin bag lashed tightly to her body. She has to get there before Jasper does, so he doesn’t worry. So that the next time they move, he won’t regress, that he’ll trust her to be where he needs her to be. Emmett gave her the coordinates and directions and showed her on a map. He’ll keep Jasper calm if she’s late but she won’t be.

There’s a tree in a sunken gully, as far from the house as she can stand - downwind, so no one catches on to her presence. Her main dress is destroyed from the run, unwearable. She’s wearing her other dress when Jasper and Emmett come down the path, bickering.

“I beat you to Montana,” she confirms, opening her eyes. She never used to close them to See but Jasper had gotten distressed when he saw her eyes rolling up during a vision. It had taken her the best part of an hour to calm him down, stop the tremors in his hands, and explain it didn’t hurt. It was like her eyes and brain were pulled tight, but not painful. Sometimes her eyes didn’t even roll up. But it was easier to close her eyes than have to watch him suffer. “You should talk to Emmett, tell him the plan.”

Jasper nods and pulls his hand free of hers to pull her close. She tenses up for a moment before forcing herself to relax. Jasper’s never harmed her, never done or said anything to hurt her. He finds holding her like this comforting, and that’s good.

//

“You won’t get any closer,” Emmett warns Esme, motioning out to the ridge. “She’ll see you coming before you know it.”

“Will she…?” Esme begins.

“Not unless she thinks there’s a threat to Jasper or herself. Mainly Jasper,” Emmett replies honestly. “But she’ll want you to think she will.”

Esme balanced carefully as she crept along the ridge to look through a glade miles away. There was only the smallest gap in the tree line where she could see Jasper perched on a branch, looking up at something.

Or someone. A thin girl unfolded herself from the branches above to land gracefully next to Jasper. She’s wearing flowers and leaves in her hair, and wearing the world’s dirtiest rag of a dress. She doesn’t so much as brush against Jasper until he says something to her, and she shuffles closer, his arm going around her thin shoulders.

“Oh,” Esme breathed before carefully making her way back to Emmett. “That… wasn’t what I was expecting.”

“But very, very real,” Emmett said with a tired smile. “She’s getting annoyed about it because it’s upsetting Jasper that everyone thinks he’s gone crazy.”