#nowadays I actually just reflect their feelings back to them

[likeaustralianotcrosby]

One time when I was like 11 my friend was telling me about a bunch of mean things her mom did/said to her and I said something along the lines of “your mom sounds mean” and then she got upset because I called her mom mean and I still think about that like 2-3 times a week.

[dollfacefantasy]

LAST MINUTE ♡

pairing: frank castle x fem!reader

summary: when frank won't give you attention, you have to convince him not to leave somehow...

cw: nsfw (18+), smut, boot humping, praise/degradation

wc: 3.3k

a/n: i love him i love him i love him sooooo badddddd. if you send me asks about this man i'll make out with you sloppy. anyways, comments and reblogs appreciated too <3

kinktober slot: day 25 - boot humping

Frank's eyes cast over to the corner of the room where you're sitting in front of the mirror. He can hear you humming to yourself, your voice rising and falling to the soft tune of a song you'd been obsessed with for the last few weeks. Your fingers smear some lotion across your cheeks. The pads of them massage the cream into your malleable flesh.

Your gaze catches his watching you through the reflective pane. He sees a smile spread across your lips before you turn around and spring to your feet. Your body is only covered by a t-shirt of his along with the pair of panties lying beneath. You prance across the bedroom and glide around to hover behind him.

The scent of your lotion and shampoo from the shower you'd just taken cloud the air surrounding him. It's light and airy, like the vision of you that floats through his head nowadays. He wasn't sure when you'd taken up permanent residence there, though he couldn't really complain. Thoughts of you are better than echoing gunshots or screams.

He hums in acknowledgement of your proximity, giving your forearm a pat with his rough hand. It's smooth beneath his fingertips. So untouched it feels wrong to drag his calloused skin across it.

You don't seem to mind though. Not with the way you duck your head and kiss his cheek.

"It seems like something's bothering you," you murmur, the wisps of your breath brushing over his face.

His attention returns to the weapons in front of him. He focuses on cleaning the parts and putting them back together. Your words were kind of stupid. There's always something bothering Frank. Moments where he has a clear head are few and far in between; reserved for when he's asleep in your arms or balls deep in your cunt.

He doesn't say anything rude though. He knows you're trying to be sweet. The statement is your subtle attempt at offering up your ear. You always told him he could vent. He could cry over the past or seethe about his plans for the night, either way you'd be right there. But that would only be if he ever actually took you up on that offer.

Instead, all you get in response is a grunt before a muttered "'m fine, baby."

You frown. He can see it out of the corner of his eye. Your lips turn into that pitiful little pout that drives him up the wall. Good thing his eyes are locked on a different target right now.

"Are you sure? Feel like you got something on your mind," you try again. Your hands slide up to his shoulders, fingers beginning to tenderly massage his tense deltoids.

"Told you I'm fine," he says again. The words are firm and closed off, but they don't strike you as unkind.

"Wellll… if there was anything wrong, would there be anything I could do to make it better?" you whisper.

Your lips press against his cheek bone again before migrating downward. Your soft, plump lips coasts over his jawline and onto his throat. You feel his smile make a brief appearance on his face, but his hands don't stop rotating the cleaning rag over the grip of his gun. He hasn't abandoned his task for you. Yet.

"There's nothing wrong. Don't start makin' a fuss over it," he grumbles.

"C'monnn, Frankie," you say softly, "Just tell me one thing. Even if you feel fine, just tell me one thing that you'd like."

A few more gentle pecks land on his neck. Your fingers continue to swirl and massage into the tender muscles in his shoulders.

"I'd like it if you got some rest tonight and didn't stay up worrying about me or watching the news," he responds.

You roll your eyes. Of course, you were gonna do that regardless. You always worried about him when he was 'working.' He'd spend the hours out taking care of what - or who - ever, and you'd occupy that time in your apartment doing just as he said, pouring over news reports and bouncing your leg until you were so tired your eyes couldn't stay open if they wanted to.

"Be seriousss," you whine, growing more petulant with him.

He glances over at you upon hearing that tone. That rise in pitch never did you any favors with Frank. He didn't fall for the puppy eyes or quivering lip.

"I am serious. I don't want you worrying or stressing. I'll be back tonight, and I want to come back to you sleeping in bed. Not watching for me at the fire escape," he says.

"Ok well pick something I can actually give you now," you concede.

Space. That's what he wants to tell you. Not in an annoyed way. He loves your touch, adores feeling your body heat oozing off of you. But it's hard to get in the mind frame of a killer when your breasts are pushing against his back and your nose is gliding over his throat.

He doesn't say that though because he knows no matter what tone of voice he says it in, you'll only take it in the 'I'm sick of you' way.

"What makes you think I need anything?" he asks. He puts the handgun he'd been working on down on the table and picks up a larger assault weapon instead.

"Oh my god, you're so difficult," you huff, "I'm just trying to be nice to you. I don't like seeing you all grumpy and stressed."

You may not have liked it, but grumpy and stressed was the version of Frank you saw the most. It was the one you fell in love with. The one that spends the night here in your apartment most days of the week. The one who's hoodies you wear. The one who holds you while you sleep and grunts against your skin when he has a bad dream.

"I'm not. I'm just thinking. You're making something out of nothing, sweetheart," he chides.

"You know… I think you just don't want to admit that you need a night off," you say, nodding in agreement with yourself.

"No."

"Just wait. Don't shoot it down before I explain," you try to reason.

"No," he says again.

"Yes! You'd feel so much better if you had one single night to relax," you argue.

He looks at you with a bit of disbelief. "I can't just call in sick. There is no 'night off,'" he says. His tone is strict, no room for negotiation or bargains, but that doesn't stop you from trying.

"I know, but you don't have to go out. You could text your 'people' and they could do whatever for the night," you say. His people is the term you call whoever he works with. You know there's at least one other guy, he's just never told you any names or details. "Just one night to let me take care of you. It would be good for you. And plus, I miss you," you pout.

He eyes you for a moment, dark pupils scanning over each small curve of your face. The pause gives you hope that he's considering it. That maybe he'll choose to stay with you instead of the shipping yards or rooftops.

"Don't give me that 'I miss you' act. You know I miss you too, but I can't just stay with you and sit on my ass all night cause you think it's the magic cure to me being a hardass," he says.

You narrow your eyes as the look on your face likens more to sulking.

"It's not magic… just if you rest, you'd be less uptight," you say. You loop your arms around his neck again and smoosh your cheek against his, letting the prickly spikes of his stubble scratch you.

With a little sigh, your attention shifts to what he's working on. He's still cleaning the metallic item on the desk in front of him. You watch his hands work, moving in methodical swipes. Efficacy learned from years of experience. Still, it's so boring to you that you can't even come up with a question to feign interest. Not that he'd answer anyways. He didn't like involving you in his other job.

You puff air through your lips to signify your apathy. "Frank…" you whimper, right by his ear, soft and quiet.

Usually, you avoid asking him to stay home. You never complain about the awkward hours or inconsistent time you get with him. You don't accuse him of being uncaring or allege that he's using you. But maybe it's the fact that he so blatantly denied you tonight that has your mind acting up.

"Quit while you're ahead, baby. I don't wanna argue before I leave," he says.

"I'm not trying to argue. Why can't you just consider it?" you ask.

"You know why. Now, enough," he says, bringing the discussion to an end.

Your head slumps over onto his shoulder, your ear flush against the cotton of his shirt. Of course, you know why. You know why this stuff is important to him. And it makes you feel guilty for even suggesting a brief reprieve from it.

Sagging down, you slide around to the front of his chair and drop to your knees at his feet. You rest your head on his thigh, displeasure displayed across your lips.

"You're so mean to me," you mutter.

He glances down at you, smirking a little at your exaggerated defeat. "You think so?" he prompts.

"Mhm," you hum, nuzzling against the denim covering his leg.

You scoot a little closer to his leg, pressing your torso flush against the limb. Closing the distance brings his foot to rest right between your legs. You feel it, but you don't care to notice it yet. Instead your fingers massage his calve absentmindedly.

The bedroom is quiet for a few moments spare the sounds of fabric rustling and both of your soft breaths. He just watches you for a few moments before you feel his hand pet the curve of your head.

"So unfair," he says.

You suppress the smile wanting to show on your features. The look of joy at receiving his attention. His thumb swipes back and forth over your skull. The warm weight of his palm coasting over you does soothe ypu even if you still wanna act coy.

"Yeah, especially cause I just wanna spend time with you," you sigh.

"You'll get to. Tomorrow," he responds. You can hear the clipped amusement in his voice.

Just as quick as it came, his hand leaves your head. It's back to the table. He moves onto a knife now, cleaning some grimy stain that you don't even want to know the origin of.

Shifting your head upward, you rest your chin on his knee and glare at him. "But-"

"I'm not gonna tell you again the answer is no."

The words die in your throat, leveling down to a whine. "See? Mean," you say.

You turn your head back to his side, squishing your cheek against his knee. The hard bone divots the soft flesh of your cheek like a crater on the moon.

You're content to just sit in this position and rest there until he stands up to go. To cling to his leg like the words "please please please" are about to spill from your lips. But in your deflated state, you sink down a bit more. You relax the muscles in your thighs and inadvertently bring the seat of your panties in direct contact with the scuffed top of his boot.

It doesn't shoot bliss through you like a bolt of lightening, but it sparks a fuse in the pit of your belly. The solid curve of it slotted right up against your clothed heat.

As an experimental touch, you grind your hips down. You make sure to be subtle, not wanting him to see what you're doing before you can determine if it's worth the humiliation. The muted sensation of pleasure that fills your belly answers that question quickly though.

Once you get the first taste, you rock your hips back and forth in little bursts. It wouldn't be noticeable to a quick glance, but a more intentional look would catch the way your ass pushes forward and back.

What gets him to notice is the feeling of you gripping his leg tighter. You press the hard front of his shin between your breasts and down your stomach harder. That gets him to look in your direction. When he does, he finds the sight of you getting yourself off with his boot.

"What're you doing?" he asks, giving you the chance to explain first.

"Nothing," you answer almost instantly.

"Doesn't look like nothing. Doesn't feel like nothing," he says as he tilts the point of his shoe upward. The boost grants some more friction to your clit, drawing a sharp whine out of you.

"Might have to get you a collar if you keep acting like a puppy, baby," he teases.

"I'm not," you whimper. You press your face harder against his knee as if it could act as a shield against the embarrassment.

"Really? Whining and humping my leg like you're in heat doesn't count?" he mocks.

"Shut up," you choke out.

"Attitude," he tuts. He shakes his head before his eyes flit back to the weapon on the table, letting you do your thing.

And you take advantage of that. Your hips move back and forth like a pendulum. You can feel the thin cloth of your underwear getting sticky as arousal leaks from you at the soft stimulation blooming between your legs. Your poor, swollen clit presses on the firm material as you let out a raucous whine. He tsks at you from above.

"It's getting late. You might wanna keep your volume down," he says.

The words come out so dismissive, so passively entertained. As if you're merely background noise. You can't help whining again. Your grip tightens on him, and your hips move in broader circles. If he's just going to let you do this, you're going to take advantage.

More sparks of white hot pleasure fizzle between your thighs. Your cunt ruts over the expanse of Frank's boot in quick strokes. The fabric of your panties only serves to provide some extra friction. Your eyes flutter and your cheek feels numb from the pressure of his kneecap again.

It feels as if you're in your own little world while doing this. Even if you're attached to him, it still seems like you're in a haze of your own at the moment. Just a lusty daze focused on making yourself feel good.

Vaguely, you can hear the clicks of his equipment above. The rustling of pouches and cloths. The clunking of organization. It all means nothing to you. The only thing you're concerned with is how your folds spread across the shape of his shoe.

You mewl softly. A trickle of saliva leaks from your mouth onto the rough fabric of his pants. All your thoughts have melted away. Your limbs stay locked around his leg, ensuring you have secure leverage to rock yourself back and forth.

He still doesn't acknowledge you. His eyes stay on the table. Honestly, you would believe he didn't even know you were there if not for him lowering his foot and then raising it again. The motion gives you a burst of stimulation, an interruption to the rhythm you'd set for yourself.

A desperate whine crackles out of your throat. You spread your thighs further to get down on him and press your aching pussy against him harder.

"Frank…" you whimper before biting your lip for a moment.

This time he doesn't disregard the call for him. He reaches down, sweeping his hand over your head and cupping your jaw. He directs you to look up at him and gets clear view of your empty eyes.

"What is it, baby?" he asks. His thumb brushes back and forth across your lower lip. The simple touch is enough to send you into orbit.

"I…" you try to start. But words are hard to conjure when thoughts have become nothing more than memory. "I love you," you end up choking out.

He chuckles. "Yeah, you do," he agrees.

You whine and lower your head again. Your body doesn't stop swinging your hips. His hand migrates back to the top of your head.

"I love you too, sweetheart," he says. His voice rumbles out low and quiet, so gravelly you can almost feel the vibrations in your bones.

He continues to gaze down at you. His eyes drink in the sight of you getting yourself off on his leg. Your hips constantly drag over the seamless surface of his shoes. Cute little noises pour from your mouth in a never-ending flow. Your eyes scrunch up and your nose crinkles when rushes of euphoria course through you.

"You gonna cum on my boot, doll? Gonna make a mess?" he rasps.

You nod eagerly. "Mhm. Mhm. Mhm," you whimper. In direct contrast to his, your voice floats into the air light and soft.

"Do it. Maybe I'll have you lick it up afterwards. I know you'd do it. Shit, you'd probably fucking like it," he says.

That's all you need to rush the spark on your fuse to the end and send you into an explosion of pleasure. Your back arches and you cling to his leg like it's a lifeline. Your grip gets so tight that had you been more lucid, you probably would have worried about cutting off his circulation.

Your pussy clenches around nothing, your walls fluttering with the urge to feel him spilling inside you in unison. Regardless, you keep rabbiting your hips and working yourself over the peak. Your noises come out more whiny and full of need, aching to hear his grunts in your ear.

As blissed out as you are, your droopy eyes still catch sight of the solid bulge in his pants. You hold out hope that maybe you'll get to have some of what you long for before he goes.

The intensity of your high begins to simmer down to a satisfying warmth as you reach the end. Your hips move slower and slower until they come to a stop. You catch your breath, panting and leaning against his leg totally lax.

He doesn't say anything. He just finishes up what he was doing and lets you come down on your own.

After a few minutes though, he does scoop you up off the ground and into his lap.

"That feel good?" he asks.

Your head bobs up and down.

"Looked like it," he grumbles.

"Not as good as it would've felt with you though," you murmur.

He stares at your content, post-release face. It's not a surprise you want more. Had you not hinted at wanting him to fuck you properly after that, he would have been actually concerned for your well-being.

"Guess you'll have to wait till I get back to find out," he says lowly with a kiss to your temple.

"But Frank…" you say, lazily sliding your hand down. The center of your palm lands on his swelling bulge, giving it enough pressure to drag a hiss from his lips.

He pauses, lets you stroke him a few times. It feels good. He knows he should just push you off. Should send you off to bed now that you're all nice and relaxed. But he can't resist that light caress.

Sighing he lifts you and steps over to the edge of the bed. Dropping you back on the mattress, he starts to remove his belt.

"You got fifteen minutes, ya little brat. After that, I'm still leaving," he tells you before dropping forward and hovering over your body, bringing your lips into a brisk kiss.

[myebi]

art vs artist 2024 ✨ can't believe we're here!

i've been thinking about this year a little bit these past few days, with the holidays being under special circumstances for me. the past month passed quickly but very gently, which I'm grateful for all things considered. i think it's now safe to say that after some reflecting 2024 was one of - if not the - best year of my life. I've never experienced such a whirlwind of gratifying experiences in the span of twelve months: i met so many new and nice people, had my first con experiences in amazing settings and my first job opportunities in a field i wanted an experience in for a long time, traveled the world somehow, got 10x more attached to my characters than i already was - and I'm quitting the year with just as many projects as i did when i entered it. granted, new problems came up and still persist, but with every year that passes i get one step to catching up with the anxiety and fears that hold me back, and it's that one step that each time allows me to surpass fear and welcome something new. every leap of faith partially led to the beautiful things i experienced throughout the year like a ripple effect (partially). it's gratifying and humbling in equal measure. so cool!!

art wise, i'm a lot more satisfied with the direction my art is taking than i used to be in the past two years. i came up with brush settings that shifted my line dynamic and i discovered a new rendering technique i really enjoy that allows me to balance time-efficient with textured together. i think my art has been getting a lot more expressive and while sometimes it makes me feel like I'm straying away from a more sanitized, thought through illustrative style, maybe it's worth it for the feelings to be conveyed the way i want them to. i haven't gotten to a point where i'm experimenting with my shapes, compositions and palettes in a way that shakes up my habits in a good way, but I'll get there.

I've also come to realize while making the meme that i actually have very few finalized personal works to show this year! i made most of my personal work posts on a time rush (they usually were made for specific days). I've been working on a set of drawings that required some tweaking and a few days to sketch properly, but the result is worth it, I'm so proud of them!! i wanted to get them out before the NY but it convinced me that rendering had to take its time as well, i don't always want to rush things nowadays. being on a time limit and taking all the time necessary are both good drawing exercises nonetheless.

lots of rambling, but i had lots of thoughts. I'm so grateful that some people are still in my life as we inch toward the new year. to my moulin squad, to my tol staw, to all the new friends i made this year, to my kitty, to my family. i love you like the world. and of course, to all the people who follow my work from up close or from afar, thank you so much. to know i bring a bit of inspiration, thought and color into your day has a lot more worth to me than you can imagine. thank you for manifesting your interest and your support whenever you do!! 🙏

i hope you all have safe and healthy holidays 💛 drive safely and tell your loved ones you love them. my thoughts are with Ukraine and the people of Palestine.

[mythicalmaven]

Gotta Be You - Charles Leclerc (THREE)

masterlist | promptlist | previous part

Here is part three! And I'm honestly so proud of this chapter! I think it turned out awesome lol <3

↳pairing: charles leclerc x female!gasly!reader ↳word count: 5K ↳warnings: awkward encounters, truth or dare (trust me lol) , jealousy, alcohol, drinking games, talking about feelings ↳side info: friends to enemies to lovers, reader is Pierre's younger sister, reader is Arthur LeClerc's childhood best friend, Charles is her former crush, Charles is a jealous ass sometimes, age gap between reader and Charles (5 years) ↳summary: In which you go on a shared holiday with both your and your brother's friend group, forced to be confronted with your former teenage crush Charles LeClerc yet again. The only problem is? You can't stand him nowadays, until you suddenly can.

*a few days later*

As you stood in the bathroom, tying your hair into a ponytail, the familiar scent of the devil himself filled the small space. You didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. Charles had a way of entering a room without saying a word but still commanding all the air in it. He closed the distance between you two, silently taking his place by the sink next to you, reaching into the cupboard for his hair products.

You bit back a groan, focusing on your reflection. There was nothing inherently wrong with him being there—but him standing this close stirred feelings you desperately wanted to push aside. His presence was overwhelming, in that maddening, familiar way.

Your usual coping mechanism kicked in: sarcasm, sharp enough to keep him at arm’s length.

"Fixing your hair won’t fix your attitude, you know that, right?" you sassed, not entirely sure why you felt the need to say anything.

Charles scoffed, his eyes catching yours in the mirror. His gaze was intense, steady—always knowing too much. "There’s no attitude that needs fixing," he huffed, washing his hands and drying them on the towel with deliberate slowness. "Besides, some people actually put effort into how they present themselves..."

Your head snapped toward him. "Is this your not-so-subtle way of saying I look like shit?"

He rolled his eyes, the corners of his mouth twitching in amusement. "Are you honestly this delusional?"

You threw your hands in the air. "Well, apparently, I am! Because that insult was completely unnecessary." You crossed your arms, leaning back against the sink with a challenging glare.

Charles shrugged, unfazed. "First of all, you started it. I didn’t do anything until you found it necessary to attack me." His voice lowered slightly, holding that aggravating calmness. "And besides… you and I both know that wasn’t an insult."

You narrowed your eyes. "How was it not an insult? You basically said I don’t put effort into how I look."

He inched closer, his movements slow and deliberate. Before you could register what was happening, his hands were on either side of you, gripping the edge of the sink. His chest hovered just inches from yours, effectively trapping you in place. His cologne wrapped around you, sending shivers down your spine.

Your breath hitched as his gaze flicked from your eyes to your lips before snapping back, locking onto yours like he was daring you to look away.

"Chérie, don’t act like you’re unaware that I think you’re hot," he whispered, voice low and rough. "You don’t need the effort."

Your heart thudded violently in your chest. For a split second, your gaze dropped to his lips—damn it. Realizing your mistake, you forced your eyes away, breathing through the sudden rush of heat.

You steeled yourself and met his gaze again. "Charles, quit playing games and get out of my face," you said through clenched teeth, though your voice wavered ever so slightly.

His eyes swept over you one last time, lingering on how you were still pressed against the sink, tension radiating between you like a live wire. His jaw clenched.

What the hell is he thinking?

Charles shifted back slightly, but something held him there, still too close for comfort. He exhaled sharply, as if wrestling with himself.

"What changed?" he asked quietly, voice strained.

Your brows furrowed. "What the hell are you talking about?"

He sighed, shoulders tense. "What did I do that made you hate me so much?" His voice softened, tinged with something dangerously close to regret. "What changed?"

Before you could answer—or even begin to process what to say—someone cleared their throat at the doorway.

Charles jumped back like he’d been burned, stumbling a step before retreating to sit on the edge of the bathtub, his gaze fixed firmly on the floor. You turned your head sharply, locking eyes with Arthur, who stood leaning against the doorframe with a massive, knowing grin.

"I came to ask if you’re ready for game night," Arthur said casually, though his smirk betrayed every innocent intention.

You let out a slow, steadying breath, forcing yourself to relax. "Yeah, coming," you muttered, pushing off the sink and brushing past him.

But before you crossed the threshold, something tugged at you. You rested your hand on the doorframe, glancing back at Charles. His head lifted, eyes locking onto yours with a silent intensity.

"As for what changed?" you said quietly, voice sharper than you intended. "The fact that you have no idea says enough, Charles."

With that, you walked out, catching up to Arthur as he fell into step beside you, still grinning like an idiot.

He glanced sideways at you, suppressing a laugh. "You two really have a thing for getting caught in bathrooms together, huh?"

You rolled your eyes. "Don’t start."

Arthur chuckled. "Well, let’s just say... I did put my money on you two hooking up this holiday, but I didn’t expect you to get that intimate that fast."

"First of all, nothing happened," you snapped, face heating. "And second, it wasn’t what it looked like."

"That’s what they all say," Arthur teased. "But to me, it looked like my brother had you pinned against the sink pretty damn convincingly."

You groaned. "He did not have me pinned—"

Arthur raised his eyebrows. "Oh? Because you being pressed against the sink while he boxed you in with his hands definitely looked like pinning from where I was standing."

"Fine," you admitted, throwing your hands up. "It looked exactly like that, but it was not for the reason you so desperately hope it was. So shut your mouth before I call your mom and tell her what happened to her couch." you said, referring to the time you caught Arthur and his former girlfriend having sex on his mom's new couch.

Arthur’s grin dropped instantly, his hands shooting up in mock surrender. "Alright, relax, no need for threats!" he laughed, shaking his head as the two of you headed downstairs.

As you and Arthur walked into the living room, you couldn’t help but laugh at his teasing, shaking your head in mock exasperation.

"I’m still putting my money on it, though," Arthur added with a mischievous grin, his voice light but teasing.

Before you could respond, Dennis looked up from where he was lounging on the couch, eyebrows raised in curiosity. "Putting your money on what?"

Arthur didn’t miss a beat. "That she’ll hook up with Charles before the end of this trip," he declared confidently, shooting you a knowing smirk.

Dennis let out a deep chuckle, sitting up straighter. "Oh, definitely. There’s no doubt in that," he agreed, his tone playfully conspiratorial.

You groaned dramatically, throwing your hands in the air. "Seriously? You’re both delusional."

Arthur shrugged. "Just calling it like we see it. The tension could be cut with a knife."

Dennis nodded sagely, as if offering expert commentary. "It’s practically inevitable."

Rolling your eyes, you grabbed a pillow from the nearest couch and tossed it at Dennis, who dodged it with practiced ease, laughing.

"You two are ridiculous," you muttered, fighting back a smile as they continued to exchange amused glances like co-conspirators.

⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⁺⋆ ☾⋆₊⁺

Tonight, the sky outside was pitch black, the faint sound of waves crashing in the distance as the group gathered in the living room. Sprawled across the plush couches, each of you with a drink in hand, the night carried an air of relaxed intimacy. The warm light of the room and the subtle buzz of alcohol created the perfect atmosphere for a game that was bound to stir up some chaos.

It was Inès who first suggested it, her eyes sparkling mischievously as she leaned forward, waving her drink for emphasis. “Okay,” she announced, her grin widening. “Let’s play ‘Never Have I Ever.’”

There was a mix of groans and laughs, but no one protested. As the alcohol worked its magic, the group quickly fell into the rhythm of the game, starting with tame questions.

“Alright,” Inès began, her tone playful. “Never have I ever made out at work.”

A beat of silence followed before all the boys raised their glasses almost simultaneously, their movements earning a round of laughter.

“I should’ve guessed,” you said, shaking your head as they took their sips.

The game continued, the questions growing more personal but still lighthearted. Dennis asked if anyone had ever called in sick to work when they weren’t actually sick, which prompted a unanimous drink from nearly everyone. Joris, with his usual antics, asked if anyone had ever gotten so drunk they couldn’t remember anything, earning another flurry of laughter as most of the group took a sip.

Then Kika piped up, her eyes sparkling as she leaned back against Pierre with a devilish grin. “Okay, my turn,” she announced, her voice dripping with amusement. “Never have I ever made out with my brother’s or sister’s best friend.”

The room broke into a chorus of gasps and giggles as everyone’s eyes darted around, scanning for raised glasses other than the obvious ones. Pierre groaned, shaking his head with a laugh as he lifted his drink and took a sip.

“You just want to get your boyfriend drunk, don't you?” Dennis teased Kika, his grin widening as he, too, raised his glass and took a sip.

Kika laughed, and looked at Pierre, who shot Dennis a playful smirk. “You did too, I see?”

Dennis chuckled, not bothering to deny it. “Yeah, can't deny that.”

Kika raised an eyebrow, her gaze flitting around the room. “Alright, anyone else want to confess?”

You stayed silent, hiding your smirk behind the rim of your glass as you watched the game unfold. The question might not have been directed at you specifically, but the implications swirling around the room were impossible to ignore, clearly an indirect question to see if you actually ever made out with Charles, which bummer to them, you didn't.

The game was already proving to be far more chaotic than you’d anticipated. The group sat sprawled out on the plush couches in the villa’s living room, drinks in hand and laughter filling the air. You’d already survived a few rounds of lighthearted questions—some borderline embarrassing—but when Dennis sat forward, his mischievous grin spelled trouble.

“Okay,” Dennis announced, his voice cutting through the chatter. “Y’all ask boring questions. Let’s spice this up.” He took a dramatic pause, letting the tension build before smirking. “Never have I ever gotten off to the thought of someone in this room… since we arrived here.”

A ripple of laughter broke out immediately. Kika, sitting snugly next to Pierre, was the first to respond, raising her glass with a playful roll of her eyes. “Well, I think I better drink, because let’s be honest—no one would believe me if I said no, considering my boyfriend is literally right here.”

Pierre nudged her with a grin, clearly unbothered by her admission as he sipped from his own glass. “As if the feeling isn’t mutual,” he teased, earning another round of laughter.

Across the room, Gigi tried to be subtle, lifting her glass for a quick sip, but Dennis’ sharp eyes caught her immediately. “Oh, I saw that, Gi!” he exclaimed, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

Gigi flushed crimson, glaring at him. “Shut up, Dennis,” she shot back, though the laughter in her voice betrayed her. “Don’t turn all the attention on me. I’m not the only one who drank!” She gestured toward a few others who had lifted their glasses.

“Oh, I’m not pretending I didn’t,” Dennis said casually, raising his glass again for emphasis. “Because I have zero shame” His eyes flicked toward you for the briefest moment, a sly grin tugging at his lips.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, silently hoping to stay under the radar. But your attempt at blending into the background only seemed to make you more conspicuous.

“Don’t act all shy now, Gasly,” Dennis teased, his tone smug. His eyes locked on you as he leaned forward. “I saw you take a sip. Don’t think I didn’t notice that. Care to enlighten us who the lucky one is?”

Your cheeks burned as every pair of eyes turned toward you. You scrambled to think of a response, your heart pounding in your chest. Finally, you forced a laugh, raising an eyebrow at Dennis. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” you quipped, your voice surprisingly steady despite the heat in your face.

The group erupted into a mix of laughter and teasing comments, but before the attention could shift completely, Arthur piped up from where he was seated beside Charles.

“Alright, alright,” Arthur said, his grin widening as he leaned forward. “We’ve all been so focused on you three, but is no one going to mention the fact that two other people drank as well?” His eyes darted pointedly toward Charles and Joris, his tone dripping with mock innocence. “Hmm, I wonder who those drinks were about.”

Charles stiffened slightly beside him, his jaw tightening as he tried to play it cool. “Don’t drag me into this,” he muttered, taking another sip of his drink as if to distract himself.

“Too late, mate,” Arthur shot back with a grin, nudging his brother’s shoulder. “You drank. That means you’ve got to own up to it.”

Joris, ever the instigator, leaned back with a smug grin of his own. “Yeah, Charles, don’t be shy. Who’s the lucky one, huh?”

Charles rolled his eyes, leaning back against the couch and trying to appear nonchalant. “Not a chance,” he said simply, though the tips of his ears betrayed a faint redness.

You couldn’t help but glance at him briefly, your curiosity piqued. Did he…? No, there was no way. You quickly shoved the thought aside, but the idea lingered annoyingly in the back of your mind.

Meanwhile, Charles’ thoughts were anything but composed. When you’d taken a sip earlier, his stomach had twisted uncomfortably. At first, he’d assumed it was Dennis—the way Dennis was always teasing you, always so close—but then another thought crept in, one that made his pulse quicken. What if it wasn’t Dennis?

The idea of it being about him sent a conflicting mix of emotions surging through him—hope, doubt, and an overwhelming sense of confusion. He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice Joris’ subtle kick to his shin until it made contact.

“Stop staring,” Joris whispered, smirking at his friend. “You’re making it obvious.”

Charles snapped out of his reverie, glaring at Joris. “Shut up,” he muttered under his breath, shifting in his seat.

Arthur, ever the opportunist, caught the exchange and raised an eyebrow. “What’s this now?” he asked, clearly amused. “Charles getting a little distracted?”

“Leave him alone,” Joris said with a grin, though his tone was far from serious. “Poor guy’s got enough on his plate already.”

“Oh, definitely not, he's pestered me long enough about things, payback time” Arthur said, his laugh echoing over the group’s chatter as Charles groaned, clearly regretting his choice to participate

The laughter hadn’t fully settled when Paul leaned forward with a mischievous grin, his drink loosely dangling in one hand. He glanced between you and Charles, his tone teasing as he spoke.

“So, Y/n, didn’t you mention something about the walls here being thin?” Paul asked, clearly enjoying the tension he was stirring. “Hope Charles has been a quiet neighbor. Otherwise, you probably heard everything. Poor Y/n.”

The room erupted into laughter, Dennis and Arthur practically doubling over. Kika smirked, nudging Pierre, who groaned, already sensing where the conversation was heading.

Charles narrowed his eyes at Paul, his jaw tightening slightly before he forced a smirk onto his face. “I’m not a complete idiot, you know,” he shot back. “If I had to… handle things, I’d make sure no one heard a damn thing. Either that or I’d do it somewhere more private.”

The laughter grew louder, Dennis nearly choking on his drink. “Good to know you’ve got a strategy, mate,” he teased, wiping his mouth.

You couldn’t help but feel heat creeping up your neck at the implication. The idea of Charles trying to stay quiet, and worse, the thought of actually overhearing him, made your stomach twist in ways you didn’t want to unpack. Not that you’d ever admit it.

“Well, I’m glad I didn’t hear anything,” you retorted, forcing a grin to hide your flustered state. “Because if I did, I’d probably have hearing damage.”

Charles turned to you, his smirk sharpening as he shot back, “As if I’d want to get off with you right outside my room.”

The room went silent for half a beat before Dennis, never one to miss an opportunity, leaned forward with a wicked grin. “No,” he said, drawing out the word for effect. “Because you’d prefer her in the room, wouldn’t you?”

The laughter that followed was deafening. Dennis clinked his glass with Paul’s, who was shaking his head but laughing just as hard. Charles, on the other hand, turned beet red, his face almost matching the color of his drink.

You weren’t any better, your face burning as you buried it in your hands. “Dennis, I swear to God,” you muttered, though your voice was muffled by the roar of the group.

Pierre groaned, his expression one of pure disgust as he rubbed his temples. “Okay, are you done? Because we are so not dragging my baby sister into Charles’ dirty fantasies.”

Arthur, always ready to escalate things, grinned and leaned back in his chair. “We don’t have to drag her into anything, Pierre,” he joked. “Charles probably already does that himself.”

The laughter doubled, filling the room with chaos as you and Charles sat frozen in mortification. Kika had tears streaming down her face from laughing, while Joris clapped a hand on Charles’ shoulder, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

Pierre glared at the group, clearly over it. “I don’t even want to know,” he muttered, waving a hand dismissively. “Can we just move on before I lose my mind?”

The group slowly settled, though the smirks and giggles lingered as someone suggested the next round of the game. But despite the conversation moving on, you couldn’t help but feel Charles’ gaze flick toward you now and then, and you hated how much your heart raced when it did.

Meanwhile, Charles couldn’t stop replaying Dennis’ comment in his head. The idea of you in his room—or worse, of you thinking about him in that way—had lodged itself in his mind, refusing to budge. He shook his head, trying to focus on the game, but it was no use.

Neither of you wanted to admit it, but the seed of thought had been planted, and it was impossible to ignore.

The game moved on, the attention shifting away from Charles and you for the moment, but the tension hung in the air like a spark waiting to ignite. Charles stole another glance at you, his thoughts still tangled in the what-ifs. And as for you? You couldn’t help but wonder if you were indeed the one that had made him drink in the first place.

It was Joris who leaned forward next, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. “Alright, never have I ever kissed my best friend.”

The room buzzed with anticipation as everyone exchanged curious glances. Inès was the first to raise her glass and take a drink, earning a few cheers and teasing remarks. But it was the way both you and Arthur looked at each other, simultaneously bursting into laughter, that drew all the attention. Without hesitation, the two of you clinked your glasses together dramatically and downed your drinks in one go.

Charles raised an eyebrow, his perplexed expression giving him away. “Wait—you and Y/n kissed?” he asked, his gaze flicking between the two of you, his tone tinged with disbelief.

Arthur let out a laugh, leaning back casually. “Jealous much?” he shot back, his grin widening when he saw the flicker of annoyance cross Charles’ face.

Charles opened his mouth to protest, but Arthur cut him off with a chuckle. “Relax, I’m just kidding.”

Despite his brother’s reassurance, Charles still looked a little dumbfounded, his confusion—and something else he wouldn’t name—lingering. Kika, always one to stir the pot, leaned forward with a smirk. “Okay, I’m curious now. What’s the story?”

You laughed, shaking your head as you waved a hand dismissively. “There’s not much of a story, honestly. Happened a few times. We were both hopeless and single, and we figured, why not? It was just for fun. Turns out we were terrible at it.”

Arthur nodded in agreement, still grinning. “Massive failure. Zero chemistry. The kiss sucked, and we both agreed never to try again.”

“And the other times?” Kika pressed, her curiosity clearly piqued.

“Oh, just Truth or Dare,” you replied with a shrug. “Happened once or twice when we were younger. Nothing serious. More like a punishment than a kiss, honestly.”

The room erupted into laughter, with Inès nearly choking on her drink as she laughed the hardest. “I can so picture your disgusted faces,” she managed between giggles.

As the laughter died down, Inès perked up, her eyes glinting with mischief. “Speaking of Truth or Dare,” she said, her grin widening, “we should switch to that. Way more interesting than this.”

The group exchanged glances, a ripple of excitement building at the prospect of what chaos Truth or Dare might bring. You couldn’t help but glance at Charles, whose expression was still unreadable, though his gaze lingered on you for just a second too long before he looked away. Whatever this next game would bring, you had a feeling it wasn’t going to get any less intense.

The questions escalated slowly, moving from tame confessions to more suggestive dares. Someone dared Dennis to prank call his ex, which he executed flawlessly, much to everyone’s amusement. Gigi had to show the last text she sent to Joris, blushing furiously as everyone gathered around to read it. Pierre, naturally, had been dared to whisper something filthy to Kika, who doubled over laughing and refused to tell anyone what he’d said.

Then it was Paul’s turn, and his eyes gleamed as he scanned the room, finally landing on you. “Y/n,” he called out with a grin. “Truth or dare?”

You didn’t hesitate. “Dare.”

Paul’s grin widened, and the others leaned in, already sensing mischief. “I dare you to kiss Charles.”

The room went dead silent, every eye darting toward you.

You froze for a beat before scoffing loudly. “God, no”

“Oh, come on,” Dennis teased, smirking at you. “A dare is a dare”

“No, ew!” you shot back, shaking your head emphatically. “Anyone else in the world rather than him. I’d rather stick my tongue inside a trash can than kiss him.”

The tension seemed to settle, the group already laughing at your dramatic protests, until Charles’ voice cut through. Low, clipped, and tinged with something that sounded like a challenge.

“That’s not what you told me when you were sixteen.”

The room froze. Even the laughter died instantly.

You stared at him, wide-eyed and stunned, your pulse roaring in your ears. His words hit like a slap, and you could see the regret flicker in his eyes almost immediately.

“That was a low blow, Charles,” Arthur muttered, shaking his head in disapproval.

Pierre leaned back with a grimace, gesturing to the group. “Guess it’s better to call this game quits, non?”

But you weren’t about to let it go. Swallowing the knot of hurt lodged in your throat, you stood, fixing your gaze on your brother. “No need to,” you said firmly. “Dennis is right, a dare is a dare.”

The group exchanged glances, unsure of what was about to happen, but you didn’t stop. The anger bubbling inside you had morphed into something else—something that demanded revenge.

You marched over to where Charles sat, his eyes widening as you closed the distance. Without a word, you reached down, lifting his chin with your thumb, forcing him to look at you.

His breath hitched, his lips parting slightly, but before he could speak, you crushed your mouth against his.

The kiss wasn’t gentle—it was heated, full of anger and defiance. His lips were warm and soft against yours, but the sharp inhale he took before his hands moved to your waist betrayed how caught off guard he was.

Charles froze for a split second, his mind scrambling to process what was happening. But when your tongue brushed against his lips, seeking entrance, he couldn’t hold back any longer.

A low, guttural sound escaped his throat as he kissed you back with equal fervor, his hand sliding behind your neck, fingers tangling in your hair as he deepened the kiss. His pulse was racing, heat surging through his veins, and he struggled to keep himself in check.

Your hands slid down his chest, slow and deliberate, feeling the hard muscle beneath his shirt. You knew exactly what you were doing as your palm settled over the bulge in his jeans, giving it a playful squeeze.

He let out a strangled sound, his body reacting instinctively, and you pulled back just enough to whisper, “I might’ve had a crush on you back when I was too delusional to see you for who you really are, but at least I’m not the one sitting here, a 27-year-old guy, getting hard because he had to kiss his best friend’s baby sister during a game.”

The room erupted. Dennis and Joris were practically howling with laughter, clapping each other on the back. Gigi and Kika exchanged wide-eyed glances before bursting into giggles. Even Arthur had his head in his hands, laughing despite himself.

Charles, on the other hand, looked utterly mortified. His face was beet red, his mouth opening and closing as if searching for words that wouldn’t come.

“Poor Charles,” Dennis teased, grinning wickedly. “Bet that wasn’t the reaction you were expecting.”

Another wave of laughter erupted, leaving Charles sitting in stunned silence. Finally, Charles downed the rest of his drink in one go, standing abruptly. “I need air,” he muttered before making his way out of the room and into the garden.

He pushed open the glass doors that led to the terrace, the cool night air hitting his flushed face like a balm. The stars glittered overhead, but he barely noticed them as he sank into one of the patio chairs, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

His heart was still pounding in his chest, his mind replaying the kiss over and over. He could still feel the ghost of your lips on his, the way your hand had trailed down his chest, resting on him with enough boldness to completely disarm him. And your words—sharp, cutting, and delivered with such venom—they were like a slap in the face.

He groaned softly, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, burying his face in his hands. What the hell had he been thinking, making that comment about you at sixteen? He’d known it was cruel the second the words left his mouth, but he couldn’t stop himself. His insecurities, his regret, his jealousy—it all spilled out in the worst way possible.

The sound of the sliding door opening made him glance up. Arthur stepped out, holding two fresh beers in his hands. Without a word, he handed one to Charles and took the seat next to him.

They sat in silence for a few moments, the only sounds the distant crash of waves and the faint hum of cicadas. Finally, Arthur broke the quiet.

“You’re a dickhead,” he said matter-of-factly, taking a sip of his beer.

Charles let out a humorless laugh, nodding slightly. “I know.”

Arthur turned to him, his expression softening slightly. “That comment, mate—it was out of line. You really hurt her with that one.”

Charles sighed, staring at the bottle in his hand. “I know,” he said again, his voice quieter this time. “I wasn’t thinking. Or maybe I was, and that’s the problem.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

“It’s just…” Charles paused, struggling to find the right words. “She makes me feel things I don’t know how to handle. And then when she said all that stuff about how she’d rather kiss a trash can or anyone else but me…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I just—reacted. Like an idiot.”

Arthur studied his brother for a moment before leaning back in his chair. “You know, it’s okay to feel things. But lashing out like that? That’s not how you handle it. You deserved what she did to you after that comment. Hell, if it were me, I’d have punched you.”

Charles chuckled softly, though there was no humor in it. “Yeah, well, she went for humiliation instead. And it worked.”

Arthur grinned. “Oh, it definitely worked. She got you good. But seriously, Charles, what’s your deal with her? One minute you’re at each other’s throats, and the next, you’re looking at her like…” He gestured vaguely, trying to find the right words.

Charles sighed, leaning back in his chair and looking up at the sky. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “She gets under my skin. Always has. And for the longest time, I told myself it was just because she’s Pierre’s sister, and I shouldn’t feel anything for her.” He paused, his voice softening. “But I do. I have for a few years now.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “You’re in love with her.”

Charles didn’t answer, but the silence spoke volumes.

Arthur let out a long breath, tapping the neck of his beer bottle thoughtfully. “You’ve got to stop letting that eat you alive, mate. Either you tell her how you feel, or you let it go. This whole act of yours, pretending you’re indifferent while secretly wanting her? It’s not working. It’s just making things worse—for both of you.”

“I know,” Charles said quietly. “But it’s not that simple. She hates me now. And maybe she has a reason to.”

Arthur gave him a pointed look. “She doesn’t hate you, Charles. She’s angry, sure. And maybe a bit hurt. But hate? No. If she really hated you, she wouldn’t have kissed you like that.”

Charles frowned, replaying the kiss in his mind. The anger, the passion—it had been overwhelming, intoxicating. But there had been something else beneath it, something he couldn’t quite name.

“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted finally.

Arthur clapped a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. “Start by apologizing. And I don’t mean a half-assed apology. Really apologize, Charles. Own up to your shit. Then maybe, just maybe, you can start fixing things.”

Charles nodded slowly, the weight of his brother’s words sinking in. He didn’t know if it was too late to fix things with you, but for the first time, he felt a glimmer of hope that it might not be.

------⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⁺⋆ ☾⋆₊⁺------

taglist: @vroomvro0mferrari @fishyfishersticks @prttylight @tempo-rary-fix @suns3treading @a-beaverhausen @formula1fordisaster @janeh22 @leclercdream @sageskiesf1 @ch16les @emryb @vyctorya @asmoothoperator @dilfsaresohot @freyathehuntress @sarx164

[sanzaibian]

I should have known better.

You know, those highschool cliques ? The jocks, the nerds, the goths and all... Well, even though nowadays they might not be as clear-cut as they once were, I can assure you that they still existed.

You see, I'm a nerd. But when I say nerd, I mean nerd. Like the whole socially awkward, scrawny and ugly kind of nerd. Also the nasally always-right nerd with top notch marks that reminds the teacher he made a mistake kind of nerd. And also the loves DnD, fantasy and niche interests kind of nerd... well, you get what I mean.

Me being such a caricature meant that I was endlessly teased at school, and was senselessly bullied by the jocks. You know, these hot guys with always a girl in their pants, with big muscles and an obsession with looking good.

I hated it, I hated them, and suffered silently through highschool, until I finally saw the other side when I finally went to university. Although my first years were a bit messed up by Covid, when I was in the building actually studying applied chemistry, I finally wasn't bothered. No one was there to tease me, to bully me or anything else. I could finally live in the class without being bothered !

But, in my third year, Ethan, a guy looking like one of those jocks of old switched courses and came in my class.

I was shocked ! These guys are only good for being hot, playing sports, and entering hot girls' pants ! Not for doing some actual intelligent things like applied chemistry !

But he was even more annoying, that Ethan guy. Because he did not only take the courses I took. No, in fact, he was getting better grades than me. He's so good with polymers that he is the one who asks all the questions and corrects the teacher, not me !

So I tried to avoid him as much as I could. Even when he tried to befriend me, I just scoffed at him, sometimes even mumbling that he should go back to the football stadium. I also talked to the few acquaintances that I had made through awkward bumbling at how I felt he was dumb, and perhaps was only extorting some poor nerds for information to regurgitate in class.

And, one day, at lunch, I just had enough. Ethan and the polymer teacher had an intense debate just before the end of the class, a debate that I couldn't follow. My ego was struck, to the point that I just poured my heart out to the poor people sitting with me. I was seeing red, that day, and nothing could have stopped me... not even the fact that Ethan was there a few tables next to me.

I've since then heard that Ethan was very upset after my tirade, as he is always thought to be dumb due to his interest in being in shape and stylish, while at the same time, I was coming back home all happy to finally have given people a piece of my mind.

However, when I woke back up, I felt weird. I felt heavier, less agile and especially more groggy. As if I just couldn’t quite get up. There was also something cold on my chest that I couldn’t quite identify…

So I did the only logical thing and went to the bathroom to wash my face and properly wake up. But when I saw the mirror, I think what I saw woke me up immediately.

The man behind the mirror was not me. It was a jock – a hot one at that – with big muscles, trendy hair, chiseled face and multiple jewelry. Yet, there were still a few things that signaled me I was looking at myself : the jet black hair, the tan skin, the brown eyes and especially those small pimples on my right cheek and on my right… I guess I can call it pec, now.

I stayed in front of the mirror for quite a while, looking at each corner of my reflection. I couldn’t believe it, and after a long while, decided to just eat breakfast and forget everything that happened. It just isn’t possible.

But when I was going to my kitchen I couldn’t stop being reminded of how I changed. From my heavy step to the sound of my new necklace, and from the pecs I saw in the corner of my eyes to the weird feeling I still felt in my head. When finally reaching it, I was surprised when I didn’t go for my usual biscuits but rather for an apple… I must eat healthily, after all !

After finishing eating breakfast, I went to my closet, and rather than going for the button-up I usually wore, I went for a simple white t-shirt, and went for a jacket that I didn’t feel like closing, in addition to my usual jeans – all suspiciously fitting me well.

And with that, I went to university, set on finding who did that to me.

When I arrived, the weird feeling in my head hadn’t lifted, though I was dead set in finding who was responsible. So dead set that I didn’t notice people turning their head at my arrival. Nor my backpack shifting to only being carried by one shoulder.

After a while, I saw my class, and approached them with heavy gait, swinging my torso with every step like a typical jock. However, curses befell upon me when I opened my mouth and greeted my classmate.

“Yo, bro ! Doin’ good ? I just wanted to ask, bro, anything weird happened since yesterday ?”

I was shocked at how I said that, so much that I covered my mouth with my hand. My classmate was similarly shocked, and only shook her head negatively before excusing herself. Why did she flee like that ?

I clicked my tongue before looking at myself. How had this happened ? Why am I doing weird things ? Why am I talking weirdly ? I can think the sophisticated thoughts, yet when I voice them, they are filtered through bro-speech !

As I was melting down, none other than Ethan came in, smiling. Of course it was him, I shouldn’t have given the benefit of the doubt to him ! I have been only graceful and nice to him, and this is how he repays me ? By turning me into this… hot monstrosity ?

As the anger was rising, Ethan lead me to the bathroom, and there explained himself.

“You know, Juan, you’ve been insufferable ever since we started that semester. Always distrusting me, and making others distrust me. I’ve never know why you were always so angry at me, while you treated others with respect… that is, until you went on a rant yesterday.

- You fucker ! Turn me back right now, or you’ll wish you’ve never been born, you son of bitch !” I didn’t quite expect to be this foul-mouthed…

- Hahaha ! No, I’m sorry, but I can’t. It’s already so unexpected that my prayers were answered to, so you turning back ? No can do !

- Bro that’s not fair, I wasn’t bad to you, man ! You were the one being rude on my turf, bruh !

- So funny ! You now sound like one stereotypical jock in addition to looking like one ! I’m sorry, Juan, but nobody will ever take you seriously in a conference If you talk to them like that !” he laughs.

- Bro, just turn me back… I promise I won’t continue, man !

- What didn’t you understand in ‘No can do’, Juan ? the ‘no’ ?”

I roll my eyes, but he’s right… God that fucking angers me. I want to strangle that piece of shit !

“So, Juan, I guess, see you in class, if you even dare enter it…”

On that, he left. That day, I didn’t go to class, spending my time looking for information on what made me turn like that, until, like clockwork, at 5 PM I felt like I needed to go to the gym…

After a few days of searching and not finding anything at all, I decided to abandon the quest to find myself back and to rather learn to live with this new body. With Ethan stubbornly refusing to tell me how he did it and with my searches on internet only yielding weird fetish pages, I knew it was desperate...

I’ve since started to learn to cope with my strange occurrence, though it has absolutely wrecked my life. After having debated a while with the administration to prove I’m myself, I find my grades slipping, especially due to my newfound rudeness that mess up every single oral exam…

But at least, I’m hot now…

================================================

Hello, thank you for reading my small story, I hope it wasn't too bad !

Please do not hesitate to give me feedback - especially as it is the first real time I'm writing fiction in english ^^'

[justastraymoa]

Unwilling Alpha

Chapter 3

Masterlist taglist

Hard conversations and 1st meal with the Omegas.

Warnings ⚠️ swears, abo dynamics, mentions of slave trade, mentions of rape, mentions of abuse, mentions of death, fear, manipulation.

Nothing within reflects anyone or anything irl

There was one open seat left in the living room. An oversized, overstuffed chair. I moved around the others, not missing the way they leaned towards me to sniff as I passed by. I wanted to hug myself and hide. It was very weird to be sniffed so openly.

Felix sat close to Chan, still not looking up. Chan had an arm over his lap.

“Anyone here not completely convinced y/n is their Alpha? Our Alpha?” Chan asked.

I looked around the room, no one spoke up or raised their hand.

"None of the other Alphas even came close to smelling like her. My instincts are going crazy right now.” Hyunjin confirmed.

"Hey Chan.” I spoke saccharine sweet.

“Yeah?” He replied.

“I hate you.”

"No, you don’t. You’re just being dramatic.”

"My life is over! I’m allowed to be dramatic!

Chan just rolled his eyes, ignoring my entire fucking crisis. I wanted to scream, cry, and punch him all at the same time.

"Hyung, you said you were going to explain.” Changbin reminded.

And so, Chan went on to tell everyone all about his quick trip to my small town and the deal that was made. It occurred to me that I never planned beyond the week. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be the one to be able to bond with them. So, I made no plans on what to do next. If I should do anything.

“So, you’re not going to bond us?” Seungmin asked when Chan was finished.

They were all looking at me again, making me feel incredibly self-conscious. “I didn’t plan on this actually working.” I was the only response I would truly, honestly give them. I didn’t know what to do now.

"She is going to be here for the week. No one is going to bug or pressure her to stay beyond that.” Chan warned. “Let JYP and I discuss it with her.”

And I’m sure there will be a lot of discussions. A lot of promises made. Guilt trips. I would get it all.

"So, nothing’s been solved. We are still just as screwed as ever.” Lee Know sounded angry and I looked at my lap knowing this was all because of me.

I stood up. “Maybe I should go-“ I pointed a thumb at the door.

“No!” The response was immediate and from every Omega in the room, making me blink.

Han reached and grabbed my forearm. “You promised a week.” He reminded. His chemo signals smelled of anxiety and fear.

“To a hotel. I was going to say to a hotel.” I finished. I had meant to suggest the hotel to give them time to discuss this without me.

“We can’t guarantee no one will smell your subgender in a hotel. It’s not safe.” Cahn reminded gently.

I let my head fall back before I dropped into a crouched ball and hid my face in my knees and arms, tears threatening behind my eyes. Everything was so messed up now.

I felt someone crouch next to me and start to rub my back, but I didn’t look to see who.

"You guys know how dangerous it can be for an Alpha nowadays.” Chan started talking again, softly. “We have heard horror stories from almost every Alpha we’ve tried. y/n has been hiding her subgender with suppressants. Even coming here is a huge risk for her. Let’s all keep that in mind.”

There was a heavy thump on my upper arm that I assumed was the person rubbing my back resting their forehead on me. The contacts made me feel better.

They showed me to what appeared to be a guest bedroom. There were faint scents of other Alphas so this must have been made up specifically for potential bonding Alphas. It even has its own bathroom. It just reminded me again what I am really here for.

I sighed and bid them goodnight, shutting the door with no plans to actually sleep. I was on an opposite sleep schedule then them. And I slept on the plane not too long ago.

By the end of the week, I’ll be on the same sleep schedule as them, only to go home and repeat the whole process all over again.

Instead, I stripped off my clothes and ran a nice hot bath. Grabbing my phone and a book I brought I slowly settled into the water, hoping for a relaxing time reading and doom scrolling to pass the night.

I did manage a few hours of sleep near dawn. Hopefully enough to get me through the day. I was awake and dressed for the day when Chan knocked on my door. I bid him enter.

“Um, breakfast is ready.” He informed. He looked unsure.

I nodded. “I’ll be right out.” I needed a moment to gather the strength and courage to face everyone again. My dream of meeting Stray Kids has turned into a nightmare.

But instead of leaving, Chan stepped in and shut the door. I watched him in question.

"I wanted to apologize for last night. Things did not go like any of us planned.”

I snorted softly. That was an understatement. “It’s fine, Chan. I just-I don’t know what to do now.” I admitted.

He smiled sadly and nodded. “Well, you have all week to figure it out. In the meantime, just enjoy your time here.”

I followed Chan out to the table where everyone was sitting in varying stages of being awake. I sat at an empty chair between Seungmin and I.N, noticing no one had started eating yet. I wondered what they were waiting on.

When I was settled I.N started putting food on my plate for me. Heavy on all the best stuff. Then he sat back, and everyone looked at me. I blinked not knowing what they wanted.

“You have to start eating.” Han whispered helpfully from across the table.

“Why?” I whispered back. I was the only one with food, it would be rude to eat in front of them.

“You’re Alpha.” He said it like that explained everything.

“It’s an instinct thing. Just take a bite.” Seungmin sounded exasperated with the whole thing.

So, I picked up my chopsticks and took a bite. As soon as I did, they flurried into motion, filling their own plate and eating. Then I realized what happened. It finally clicked into place.

Their Omega instincts wouldn’t let them start eating until their freaking Alpha did. I felt sick to my stomach suddenly and set my chopsticks down.

I stayed at the table only because if I left it would have upset them, but I couldn’t bring myself to eat another bite. If any of them noticed, they didn’t bring it up. Instead, they talked amongst themselves, pretty much ignoring me entirely now that I did what they needed.

Slowly they all finished and left the table to start their day, leaving the dishes, leftovers, and me alone at the table. My eyes pricked with tears again as I started to gather dishes to clean up.

This is what they expected from their Alpha. Follow them around the world, take care of them, clean up after them, fulfill their instinctual needs. If I stayed, that’s what I had to look forward to at “home”. Meanwhile, their managers would shape me into the idol Alpha that can be seen with Stay Kids and make them money.

I put away the food, did the dishes, wiped the table, and swept the floor all in silence. While I did, I could hear the 8 Omegas going about their day. A small group was in the living room playing games. Some were in their rooms; doors open but doing their own thing. They were loud, yelling at each other from different rooms. Chaotic as they enjoyed their days.

With nothing else to do I set up my laptop at the table, put some headphones in, and logged into work. I would get an email from my boss later since I was supposed to be on vacation, but it was after hours back home, so he wouldn’t know for hours yet, and I needed a distraction.

There wasn’t so much a lunch as people made something to eat when they were hungry, so I was spared being used as an Alpha for the moment. I had a feeling dinner would not be the same story.

Not even one of them spoke to me all day. Ignored my presence as if I was a lamp or coffee table, only interacting with me when they needed me.

“You’re stinking up the room.” Lee Know complained as I.N filled up my dinner plate.

I had been in my own depressing thoughts as I stared at my plate. Instead of answering him I took a bite of food and chewed as they all loaded their dishes.

I was once again left with clean up.

As I was washing dishes, the doorbell rang. Assuming someone would get it, I kept washing. The bell rang again a minute later.

“Someone get the door!” Seungmin yelled.

I sighed as I dried my hands as I walked over to the door. It was JYP. “Chans in the living room.” I informed him as I went back to the dishes.

But he followed me instead. “They already have you doing chores, huh?” He joked.

I tried to smile, but my lips wobbled dangerously so I quickly looked away, back to the dishes. “Just doing my job. An Alpha takes care of their Omegas. Even prospective ones. However temporary.”

That’s right. This was only for the promised week. I didn’t have to stay. They weren’t my Omegas. 1 week, and my end of the bargain was fulfilled. Just play their game.

Since I was avoiding looking up from the dishes, I was startled when JYPs hand entered my vision, gently taking the sponge. I looked over. He had rolled his sleeves up to the elbows.

“Let me help. You can dry.” He said gently.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Unwilling Alpha Taglist: @xxeiraxx @hanniemylovelyquokka @breadedloafs @songleepark @f1ln4dr3cl16mv33 @hyunjinhoexxx @kayleefriedchicken @vietjeb

[youryanderedaddy]

tw: female reader, captivity, possessive behavior, non - consensual touching, hinted past stalking, hinted non - con, i keep making fairy tale references kfjhks My ko - fi <3

You actually feel calm now, almost at peace - although you can never be truly peaceful in the forest, you guess this is as close as it can get. You flip through the pages of the book, scanning the fireplace with the corner of your eye. It needs more wood, but it still keeps the cottage nice and warm. You tug at your big fluffy sweater - and think about just how domestic, how cozy this scene would be if you couldn't hear his footsteps creeping up behind you. You clear your throat and clutch the book closer to your stomach, trying to ignore him - hoping he'll go away if you pay him no mind. And just like the last few times, he sticks around like mud.

"Are you reading those fairytales again?" Raven calls out mockingly, the click of his tongue teasing your ear. He grasps your shoulders lightly, trying to take a peek at your book from behind the chair. You try to close it, but his hands quickly find your wrists, holding them in place. Now hyper - aware of his chest pressing against your back, you give in and let him look as his body heat spreads to your neck. "Such a pretty illustration, isn't it?" He hums to himself, a fox - like grin ruining his delicate features. When you don't respond, he just keeps going. "The knight kills the monster and rescues the princess." He reads the caption under the drawing, playing curious. "They live happily ever after." He flips the page. "The end." He mouths, averting his gaze.

You clench your fists and try to count to ten before you say something you will regret. You don't know why or how, but just one look at his face is enough to set you off nowadays. And anger is a losing battle - anger has you laying across his knees with your panties in your mouth, muffling your pained cries he likes to pretend are moans as he paints your butt red. So you shut up and bide your time.

"How sweet." The man chuckles with malice, quickly turning towards you just like a snake would curl around an unsuspecting little mouse. "I guess life really imitates art. Just like you and me." He observes with a self-satisfied smirk, reaching to light his cigarette. You hate when he smokes inside the house - the nicotine fume sticks to the walls for hours and you start choking and coughing, but he shows little concern for your heath; not that it's a huge surpirse to you.

"What do you mean?" You raise one eyebrow, hoping to at least take your mind off the nasty, overwhelming smell. If he sees your unease, he doesn't mention it, choosing to inhale even deeper, with his full chest. "You're the pretty damsel in distress." Raven explains calmly, charcoal eyes sinking into your vision like claws. It makes you feel naked, vulnerable - dissected to your very molecule. "And I am your knight." He lets his sharp teeth reflect in the dim light. "I saved you from those pesky insects who kept sulling you." You cringe at the way his tongue piercing drags against his canines. Track - track. "Aren't you glad I removed those obstactles for ya?" He gives you a crooked, sarcastic smile. "I think your hero deserves a little reward for all the trouble he went through just for you."

You blink away the tears as you are forced to remember it all in one breath. The police sirens - the investigation. The blood on your family's threshold. The used condoms hanging on your door for all neighbours to see, and the thousand messages calling you ugly names for months on end.

"You're no hero." You mumble under your breath, digging your nails deep into your palms - desperate to keep your tongue behind your teeth. But he hears you - he always does, and he just nods in agreement, coming close. Coming to take you.

Raven stands before you, hovering over you with one hand on the ashtray and the other tilting your chin up so you'd have no choice but to look at him and him alone. "Perhaps you're right." He admits, taking a puff off his long cigarette and blowing it in your face right after - simply in love with the way your eyes narrow in frustrated defiance as you wave away the thick smoke. "Perhaps I am not the hero, but the monster. The dragon." He laughs to himself, stubbing out the burning fag. You don't know what it is that he finds so funny, but you wish you knew so you could laugh along instead of crying.

He cages you in against the sofa, causing you to press even harder against the soft backrest. The message is clear - you'd let the house consume you before you let him as much as kiss you.

"It fits the story nicely, don't you think?" The man remarks, playing with a strand of your hair gleefuly just like a child would. You assume he derives some sick pleasure from touching you so casually - from caressing you, petting you, holding you. It's not even sexual, but it always shakes you to your core, and maybe for him that's the best part - where you can't go anywhere, but in his arms.

"Huh?" You break from your thoughts, growing confused. "Your analogy." He explains while still all over you. "It makes sense. I fought for you, and I won you fair and square." His eyes light up with the ferocity of a hunter. "I wanted you so I took you like the greedy bastard I am. I have no regrets - and if that makes me a villain, then so be it. I will burn the world down if it means you'd be all mine." His fist wraps around your loose locks, almost gentle, but not quite. There is something unnatural in his smile - you can't help, but imagine blood dripping from his chin. "But there is something your magic tales get wrong." Raven whispers diabolically, snapping his fingers. Everything goes dark - and his coat slips down on the floor.

"W-what?" You ask, shaking like a leaf - both afraid and deadly curious. You try to sharpen your senses, but you remain blind to his shadow - and the way it moves right between your legs, positioning them around his hips. You feel his manhood prod at your pubic bone, and you heart sinks to your stomach. "The ending." Your captor mutters, pushing you on your back, and you curse the electronic chair when it goes all the way down with little fight. "The moment when the cards are on the table..." He all but tears off the first button of your shirt. "And the princess is all alone with the monster. Face to face - with nowhere to go."

His tongue is hot on your neck - you try to push him off, but he pins down your wrists with feral force, growling like a wild beast. "And this time no one is coming to save her."

[soleminisanction]

I've always really liked DC's in-house choice of referring to their various superhero groupings as "families," but it has gotten a little frustrating recently with people both in canon and in fandom seeming to forget that families aren't just a parental-unit-and-kids formation. They're complicated, and a lot of the DC families are too messy to fit into that neat little nuclear family mode.

Which is to say... here's some scattered thoughts/summaries about how these families are actually structured in canon, because I think it's interesting:

Supers -- The smaller, more traditional Superfamily (Clark, Lois, Kara, Kon, etc.) is a pretty traditional Midwestern nuclear family, with Jimmy Olsen filling the role of close family friend/goofy neighbor sidekick (in the Silver Age, he was Kara's would-be suitor) and Steel feeling more like part of Clark's personal circle of friends. The recent line up, though, with Jon, the twins, Kong and Nat? Starts to feel more like some old dynasty or noble house, complete with fostered foundlings and the Steels acting almost like knights under a noble's banner, possibly reflective of what the House of El would have been on Krypton.

Arrows -- Might currently be the closet to a traditional nuclear family structure. You've got Ollie and Dinah, their younger sisters, Ollie's adopted and biological children, and Ollie's granddaughter through Roy, plus by some counts Roy's co-parent and her sister as "in-laws." Bonnie and Cissie King-Jones are adjacent to but not technically "part" of the family, though I believe it's implied at one point that Ollie might also be Cissie's bio-dad. Pretty straightforward, these guys are actually family and they act like it, for good and ill.

Shazam Family -- Also a literal, actual family. Not originally, the original golden age "Marvel Family" was considerably more complicated and only Billy and Mary were full siblings, but nowadays the whole point of the modern Shazam family is that they're foster siblings united by familial love and that's fantastic. Meanwhile your average Black Adam story is 75% angsty family drama, 25% Egyptian mythology references.

Flashes -- Technically closer to three nuclear families (the Allens, the Wests and the Garricks; four if you include the Quicks), two of whom are united by marriage and all of whom are bound by the Speedforce, which, given its semi-spiritual connections to things like Speedster afterlives, can act almost like a religious force that connects them to the additional members like Avery, Circuit Breaker and Max as Bart's foster-dad. They're a big, sprawling tree with more cousins than siblings, the kind of family that functionally has a reunion every Christmas and Thanksgiving.

Lanterns -- Now these guys are the exception that proves my point about the whole 'family' thing not being straightforward. The lanterns aren't a family, they're a corps. Soldiers. Space cops. Comrades-in-arms. They respect each other, have each other's backs, might even like or care about each other, but those last two are optional, and they don't have the same kind of assumed obligations towards each other that a family would have. They're friends and co-workers, not family, but that doesn't mean their relationships are less significant, they're just different.

Wonders -- Roughly half of them are either one of Hippolyta's daughters (Diana, Donna, Nubia pre-Crisis) or related to them through the gods (Cassie), and the other half (Artemis, Yara, modern-age Nubia) use sister as a term of endearment more in a utopian lesbian commune kind of way. I think they brought Steve Trevor back recently? He's basically the Ken in this equation and perfectly fine with that role. None of which should be surprising if you've seen Professor Marston and the Wonder Women.

Bats -- This is the one that people get really wrong when they try to force it into a traditional family structure. Don't let WFA fool you, the Bats are and have always been way more a snarled mess of tangled interpersonal relationships than they've ever been a cohesive family. Whether Dick is Bruce's son or his brother depends on what era you're talking about, and the former reading is much more recent than you think -- as in "started cropping up in the early 2000s" recent. Barbara is both Cassandra's sister and her mother. Duke and Steph both have living parents and neither of them want or would ever dream of treating Bruce like their dad; Tim was the same way until his dad died. None of the Robins ever lived in the mansion together, nor did Cass. Babs considered Jean-Paul Valley her brother and Huntress is so close to Tim she once hallucinated him calling her Big Sister. They're a beautiful mess of people finding places where their broken edges fit together into something that works for them and trying to reduce it down to a cozy nuclear family is just so goddamn reductive and lazy.

Blue Beetles -- Are only tangentially related to each other. Seriously, they never even get direct mentoring, each one just takes over when the previous one dies and works on completely different rules from the other two. They're complete strangers bound by a legacy and that's honestly pretty fun.

Zataras -- There's only three of them and they're literally a father, daughter and cousin.

Martians -- Not really a family because there's only the two of them, but an interesting case where the two survivors of what was functionally a war of mutually assured destruction came together in an attempt to find some peace in the aftermath of what they'd lost.

Titans -- The JLA and JSA aren't really in the "family" category, but the Titans lean into it hard, mostly because they're a textbook found family. They don't mirror a nuclear family structure, they're simply a group of people who came together to form a mutual support network. They're the idealized college friends you grew into your own with, some of them childhood companions and others you only met once you leave home for the first time, but all of them friends that you manage to maintain contact with for life, with everyone coming back together even as you scatter and do your own things.

Young Justice -- Meanwhile, this team is the chaotic group of misfits you hung out with when you were a teenager, especially when you were just starting to be allowed to act without adult supervision. You drive each other crazy, none of you know you're all queer as fuck, and you'd fight a bear for any of them even if they asked you not to. They'd probably be insulted if you tried to call them a family. They come out here to get away from their families, thank you very much.

[kindnessoverperfection]

I want to break down a common point of conflict when addressing NPD stigma.

A lot of hangups people have tend to be along the lines of "but I DO see a lot of people with actual NPD who are acting in toxic or abusive ways".

This will be kind of long, so bear with me.

Point #1: People are way more likely to be diagnosed if they exhibit "stereotypical" symptoms.

There's this image of NPD as a disorder that is only present in those with patterns of destructive behavior towards others. Many therapists have this conception. (Shockingly, the mental health field is not perfect & without stigma.)

Gonna copy-paste this here from my other blog (so forgive me if you've seen it before), because it's a good example.

Three people are criticized at work. Their boss yells at them for their performance in front of everyone. Person A gets mad and defensive. They yell back, using cutting remarks as a way to try and ease the distress they feel. Person B acts really mature and responsible the whole time, nodding along and agreeing and promising to do better, just desperate to maintain and improve their status. Desperate to be liked. Later they go home and handle their distress through self-destructive means, and spend the next few months overworking themself to the point of illness. Person C doesn't seem to respond much at all. They go quiet and seem distant. They don't lash out or lash in, but for the next month or so, their productivity drops. They simply aren't able to focus on work or self-care, no matter how hard they try. The stress is overwhelming. All three of these people have the same root issues, but only the first would be labeled a narcissist. Outwards behaviors and presentations don't reflect the pain, distress, and difficulties with life that are underlying them.

So, three main things happen.

There ends up being a higher rate of people with destructive behaviors who are diagnosed with NPD

The people who don't particularly exhibit behaviors and are considered ""too nice to have it"" are overlooked entirely (and never get any sort of help for their underlying issues, yayyy)

People are more likely to be more honest about "ugly" symptoms / symptoms that are frowned down upon than they are in other mental health communities.

(Also some people decide to act super edgy about it, which is annoying but here we are. Some of them are trolls.)

(And while I'm at it, some people are misdiagnosed with NPD because a psych sees someone who committed a violent crime and is like "uhh slap them with the Evil Asshole™ disorders!! no further thought given.")

Point #2: People who have messed up are not inhuman monsters who deserve no help or support

While I do think it's important for people to understand that patterns of toxic behaviors aren't the ONLY way NPD can present, I'm not going to let the conversation stop at "some of us are nice though!!"

Human beings aren't RPG characters who can be sorted into "monster" or "ally". Every single person has done something hurtful, has messed up, exhibits some sort of behavior that puts strain on their relationships sometimes.

So I'll bullet point some aspects of this that need to be talked about.

People without NPD also commonly exhibit toxic behaviors, but people ignore that nowadays. Either they armchair diagnose anyone who's slightly rude, or they only focus on it in pwNPD and ignore it in themselves or others. NTs can be jerks too, and they're probably less likely to acknowledge it than pwNPD who are constantly watching and checking themselves and analyzing their behaviors and attempting to do better.

Assuming that NPD makes someone abusive doesn't help anyone. Can it impact behaviors, and make it more difficult for people to be self-aware? Of course. But an important step in healing from any mental health condition (especially personality disorders, ime) is realizing that you're not inherently ""bad"", and that you can take responsibility for your actions and learn to deal with things in constructive ways. Just going "NPD makes people bad, full stop"- other than being a mean shitty thing to say- absolves people of guilt and asserts that there's no reason for them to try and improve.

Yes, it's okay for people to hate their abusers. Their abuser. Not an entire community of people who happen to (maybe) share a trait with them.

Building on the above point, people tend to go in defense mode when they hear things like "pwNPD who have acted in toxic ways can learn to improve their behavior", "people shouldn't be saying awful things about folks with this condition", etc. because they automatically try to apply this to their abuser. Interpersonal situations are very different from society-wide mental health access. No, don't stay with your abuser expecting them to change, and don't hold onto the hope that they will. No, don't censor yourself or your hatred or anger towards them. Just don't make blanket statements about a disorder that they may or may not have- blame their abusive actions, not their mental health.

"I hate you for your abusive actions and the harm that you caused me." =/= "I hate a group of people because of an inherent unchangeable part of them that's tied directly to severe childhood trauma they suffered. Because of it, they're evil and unlovable and are incapable of change. They're inhuman and will never experience real connection with others." ..........See the difference??

Even if there were a disorder with a 100% rate of toxic douchey behaviors, I'd want the conversation around it to be changed. I'd want different words to be used to divide up the spaces and conversations and resources, so that survivors of abusive or toxic behavior can get help, but that the disorder still has space to be treated. Otherwise, there are zero resources for healing. Nothing is being done to help these people or solve the issue. They're just told they may as well not try. They're blocked from healthcare entirely, despite how the entire point of being diagnosed with a condition is supposed to be to treat it.

There's a wide range of people who have NPD- it presents in many different ways, a person who has it may or may not exhibit harmful behaviors- but no one deserves to be denied treatment or told they're unlovable because of a condition they have that was formed from trauma.

Speak out against abusive behavior. Don't destroy healthcare for a medical condition.

[444takeomi]

YOU’RE PERFECT

: ̗̀➛ summary: your boyfriend always seems to know how to make you feel better when you're insecure

character(s): shinichiro sano

warnings: female reader, nsfw, unprotected sex, mentions of body image issues and insecurities, multiple orgasms, oral (f receiving), fingering, mating press, creampie, mirror sex, love-making, praise, dirty talk, lots of body worship, crying during sex, v v sappy

wc: 4.2k

a/n: this one took me quite a while to write as it's very personal to me, i still kinda hate how it turned out but i hope some of you can relate to it and find comfort in it as well. i tried to be as non-specific as possible when describing the reader’s insecurities so apologies if it comes across as a bit vague, i tried my best ahahah

it was another one of those days, one that had you looking at your own reflection and hating everything you saw in front of you.

feeling uncomfortable in your own skin wasn’t exactly anything new to you, having felt unsatisfied with the way you looked for as long as you could remember. with that being said, today in particular had left you feeling much worse about yourself than usual, and you found yourself unable to refrain from picking apart your entire appearance. despite your best efforts at reassuring yourself that you didn't look as bad as you thought, nothing you said was able to provide you with any sort of comfort — if anything you just felt even more hopeless.

it had come to the point where it was almost hard to believe that the person staring back at you in the mirror was actually you. the sight of your own body straight up disgusted you, and you just couldn't understand how it was possible for someone to be so hideous. it was hard to even look at yourself — had it always been this bad? you didn't even want to think about it.

the way your clothes clung to your body did nothing except highlight how blatantly disproportionate your features were, and you were starting to regret your choice of not opting for something baggier when you got dressed this morning. oversized clothing was the only thing that you felt suited you nowadays, the loose fabric swallowing up your figure and concealing all of your flaws, temporarily putting your mind at ease and making you forget about the hard reality of what was hiding under those clothes.

you really tried to distract yourself, to do anything other than spend the entire day wallowing in self-pity over something as superficial as your appearance, but your feelings of self-consciousness persisted no matter how hard you tried to ignore them, which led you to where you were now — clothes scattered across the floor as you stared at the reflection of your bare figure, managing to somehow find fault in every part of yourself.

you knew that your boyfriend shin was living proof that you were indeed worthy of love, but you often found yourself wondering if you were really good enough for him — he was so handsome and tall with such a perfectly toned body, and not to mention he was the most hardworking person you knew, and overall was just an absolute sweetheart who always put everyone else's needs before his own.

he was so wonderful, and you couldn't help but think he deserved someone so much better.

it made matters worse when you subconsciously started comparing yourself to all the other girls shin had asked out in the past, focusing on everything they had that you lacked, appearance or otherwise, and you couldn't help but notice how they all had one thing in common — how absolutely gorgeous they all were. you wondered if shin was just settling when he finally asked you out, it would make sense given the fact that all those girls were clearly far more attractive than you ever were.

shin always looked at you with nothing but adoration, and even if at times you were unable to understand exactly why, it was still clear that he loved you with all his heart. however, no matter how hard you tried to block it out, you always found yourself listening to that little voice in the back of your mind — the one that repeatedly told you how unattractive you were, that you weren’t deserving of love, that you weren’t good enough.

you were so lost in thought that you didn't even hear as your boyfriend came home from work and greeted you from downstairs, too preoccupied with the heavy feeling in your chest as you fixated on every imperfection you saw whilst you stared at your own reflection. shin was a little worried upon not hearing you answer him, used to your usual cheerful welcome as you paused whatever you were doing to give him a warm hug and ask him about his day.

he began searching the house for you, checking each room before making his way upstairs, just to make sure that you were okay. he opened the door to your shared bedroom, and you watched through the reflection of the mirror as he walked in, feeling the sudden urge to cover your body with your hands and hide yourself from his gaze.

shin’s eyes widened ever so slightly at the sight in front of him, and he couldn't help but whistle lowly as he took in your naked figure in its entirety. he looked you up and down, in complete awe as he wondered how someone could be so beautiful without even trying. he felt a little giddy at the thought of you doing this on purpose to surprise him, especially after he'd had such a long day at work. he could feel his cock twitch in his pants as he shamelessly checked you out, his mind beginning to wander as his dark eyes clouded with lust.

“damn, baby. what did i do to deserve all—” shin paused, abruptly cutting himself off upon seeing your saddened expression as you turned to face him, “hey, what's the matter, sweetheart?”

you shook your head at him, averting your gaze in hopes that he wouldn't see the tears that were beginning to well up in your vision.

“it's nothing, i’m fine,” you sniffled, fingers coming up to gently pat at the corners of your eyes, “i just want to be alone right now.”

you didn't want to lie to him, in fact you desperately wanted to tell him everything that was on your mind, wanted him to comfort you and reassure you like he always did whenever you felt like this. the last thing you wanted to do was push him away, but at the same time you knew that you couldn't keep doing this to him. it was obvious how tired he was after a hard day's work, and the last thing he needed right now was you burdening him with something as pathetic as your own insecurities, but here you were.

“no, you're not,” needless to say shin wasn't convinced, easily seeing through your rather weak attempt at hiding how you were truly feeling from him, “i’m not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong.”

you sighed, swallowing the lump in your throat as you desperately tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. how could he be so perfect? he was always so kind and caring, so patient with you regardless of how exhausted he was after working so hard to provide for the both of you — you didn't know what you did to deserve him.

“why do i have to look like this?” you turned back towards the mirror, voice wobbly as you finally broke down crying, “i— no matter what i do i never feel good enough. i’m so sick of feeling like this, i just… i just wish i was pretty.”

“oh, sweetheart, come here,” shin came to wrap his arms around you, pulling you into his chest as he looked at you through the reflection of the mirror with so much love in his eyes, “you know i think you're perfect the way you are, i just wish you could see yourself the way i do.”

shin was familiar with your insecurities, and he always tried his best to console you despite the fact he couldn't possibly understand why you felt so negatively about yourself. he hated seeing you like this, hated seeing you unhappy with the body he loved so much, it made his heart ache. he didn't know why you constantly talked down on yourself, didn't know how you could be so blind to your own beauty when it was so obvious to him.

he wanted to show you the way he felt about your body, wanted to make you feel loved and desired. he knew that while he wouldn't be able to completely alleviate your feelings of insecurity, regardless of how much he wanted to, he hoped that if he carried on showing you exactly how much you meant to him that in time you would start to realise just how amazing you were.

“shin, w–what are you doing?” you asked, voice faltering as you felt his hands beginning to caress your sides, before they came to rest comfortably on your hips.

your breath hitched in your throat as he began placing open-mouthed kisses along your neck and shoulders, his hands kneading the flesh beneath his palms, and you couldn't help but lean into his touch as your eyes fluttered shut and you let out a sigh of pleasure.

“showing you just how gorgeous i think you are,” he replied lowly, his breath fanning against the shell of your ear, “is that okay, baby?”

“shin, you don't have to,” you insisted, biting your lip as he began sucking a hickey onto the skin of your neck, “you've— aah— you've had a long day, you should rest.”

“want you so bad,” he mumbled against your skin, pressing his erection into the curve of your ass, “been thinking about you all day, please?”

his words were making you needier than you would've liked to admit, looking into his dark eyes through the mirror as you began imagining all the things he was going to do to you. shin always made you feel so loved during sex, worshipping every inch of your body and telling you just how beautiful you were. the thought of that alone made you squeeze your thighs together as you nodded, knowing that despite how self-conscious you were feeling, deep down you really needed that kind of treatment right now.

you let out a soft gasp as he picked you up, carrying you over to the bed and carefully laying you down before hungrily pressing his lips against yours. you melted into the kiss, a small whine escaping your throat as soon as he pulled away.

“shhh, let me take care of you, pretty.”

you felt as his lips softly brushed against the valley of your breasts, his dark hair tickling your skin. he looked up at you, smiling fondly as you turned your head away in an attempt to avert your gaze elsewhere, embarrassed by the intimacy of it all. shin took your hand in his, gently squeezing it in hopes of reassuring you a little, before his head dipped back down and he began peppering more kisses over the entirety of your chest, his other hand squeezing your waist before coming to cup one of the mounds of flesh in his palm.

“my baby’s got the prettiest tits, i'm a lucky guy,” he told you, taking your nipple into his mouth and flicking his tongue over the hardened bud, his thumb running across the back of your hand that was interlaced with his own.

you squeezed your eyes shut, feeling too self-conscious to look at your own body as he touched you. as much as you tried to suppress them, several needy mewls and whimpers slipped past your lips as you softly ran your fingers through his hair. shin couldn't help but groan against your skin as he sucked your tit into his mouth, feeling his cock starting to leak in his pants as you arched your chest into him and the sounds of your sweet noises filled the room. once he was satisfied, he released your nipple with a pop, and you felt him eagerly switching to your other breast as he began giving it the same treatment.

after making sure both of your tits had been shown plenty of attention, he went back to kissing along your body, his lips trailing down your tummy as his hand came to gently rub and massage at your hip. you opened your eyes and immediately felt yourself stiffen — instantly noticing the way your stomach looked in your current position, and you just hoped that shin wasn't paying any mind to it.

your feelings weren't lost on him, he noticed the way you tensed up ever so slightly whenever he touched you in certain places, noticed the way your gaze seemed to land anywhere but his eyes. you were so easy to read, your reactions alone telling him everything he needed to know. shin couldn't help himself as he came up to kiss you once again, feeling the heat radiating from your face as his lips gently brushed against yours, before taking your hand that was still entwined with his and bringing it down towards the obvious tent in his pants.

“feel that? feel what your pretty body does to me?” he groaned, your fingers brushing against his aching cock, “you make me so fucking hard.”

you looked down shyly, feeling your face growing even hotter than it was already as you squirmed underneath him — his compliments and praises made your stomach flutter and goosebumps prickle across your skin.

shin made his way between your thighs, prying your legs apart as his lips began trailing sloppily along your skin, gently squeezing the soft flesh beneath his palms. you could feel yourself growing embarrassingly wet as you watched him, excitement beginning to pool in your gut as his dark eyes locked with yours and his mouth gradually made its way closer towards your awaiting heat.

“such a pretty pussy, m’gonna make you feel so fucking good,” he drawled, staring at you in awe before he started pressing open-mouthed kisses over your slit, splitting your folds apart with his tongue and groaning at the taste of your slick.

shin was entirely fixated on you as your face contorted in pleasure, your chest rising and falling with each shaky breath as he took your clit between his lips, his mouth hungrily latching onto the swollen bud. one of your hands instinctively came up to cover part of your face, worried that your expression was off-putting and that you looked especially unattractive from this angle, but your boyfriend wasn't having any of it. he grabbed hold of your wrist, guiding your hand away and granting him a full view of your cute face, watching in infatuation as your brows furrowed and your mouth fell slightly agape.

he couldn't help but growl into you, the vibrations making you jolt in pleasure as you let out a squeal, feeling yourself throbbing against his tongue as you clamped your thighs around his head. shin lifted your legs over his shoulders, giving him complete access to you — he could feel himself slowly losing all remaining self-restraint as he proceeded to absolutely devour you. he continued to slurp at your clit, flicking his tongue over the nub and moaning loudly into your folds, unable to stop himself from humping the mattress below him when you began eagerly grinding your pussy against his face.

that familiar feeling started to build up in your gut, his mouth already drawing you towards your release. before you even had the chance to tell him you were close, you felt your orgasm rip through you, throwing your head back as your whole body tensed up and incoherent, broken whimpers of his name fell from your lips. both of your hands came to tangle themselves in his hair, rolling your hips against his face and practically suffocating him with your cunt as you rode out your orgasm.

once you had come down from your high, shin began stripping himself of his usual white t-shirt and jeans, and you watched as his gorgeous body was revealed to you in all of its entirety. you couldn't help but feel your thoughts of insecurity starting to resurface once again, overcome with the urge to hide yourself from him even after he had just been between your thighs. it didn't take long for shin to notice the way you suddenly began to shy away from him, and so he pulled you into another soft yet deep kiss, holding your face in his hands and gently caressing along your jaw as his lips moulded with yours.

after the two of you pulled apart, he briefly pressed his forehead against yours, his fingertips lightly brushing up and down your arm in a soothing manner, before his hands settled themselves on the backs of your thighs. he pushed your legs upwards and folded you in half, pressing his hardened cock against your pussy as he began to gently glide the head over your soaked folds, sliding the tip right against your sensitive clit. you cried out, your walls clenching around nothing as you clutched onto his shoulders, nails pressing crescent shapes into his skin.

“patience, sweetheart,” he whispered in your ear, taking your earlobe between his teeth and softly nibbling on the flesh.

you felt as the tip came to rest at your entrance before he carefully slipped himself inside of you, his thick cock stretching you out and filling you to the brim. he let out a low grunt as you clamped down on him, biting his lip as he stilled himself inside of you and buried his face into the crook of your neck.

“you're so beautiful, can't believe you're mine, my pretty girl,” he continued to murmur sweet praises against your skin, his hand interlocking with yours as he began thrusting into you.

“shin, i— mmmh! ahhh, please—!” you mewled, indistinct babbles and whimpers falling uncontrollably from your lips at the feeling of every inch of his cock dragging slowly against your walls.

“i know, baby, i know. just— fuuuck, just sit back and let me make you feel good, okay?”

it was all too much, but in the best possible way. everything just felt so right, from the feeling of his chest pressing against yours to the way he meticulously worked his hips into you at the perfect angle. a sweet slapping sound began to fill the room, alongside the combination of his needy groans and whines about how good you felt in your ear, mixed with your sobs of pleasure at the feeling of his pubic bone brushing against your clit. shin looked at you with so much love, like you were the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on — it made tears start to well up in your eyes, but this time they weren't from sadness.

in that moment you just felt so appreciated, to the point where all of your insecurities and self-critical thoughts momentarily left your mind as you completely lost yourself in pleasure, unable to think of anything else aside from how good it all felt. your boyfriend’s thumb came to wipe your tears away before his lips locked with yours, the pair of you moaning desperately into each other’s mouths as his thrusts picked up in pace, the tip of his cock kissing your cervix as he fucked you deep.

shin was reluctant to break the kiss, addicted to the feeling of your lips against his in combination with your walls squeezing around his cock. however, the way his lungs were practically begging for oxygen didn't give him much choice in the matter, and he found himself gasping for breath as he pulled away, his eyes squeezed shut as his brows furrowed in pleasure. you reached upwards to hold his face in your hand, the other refusing to let go of his own as you interlaced your fingers together. shin leaned down to press his forehead against yours as his hips began to stutter, his pace faltering as he felt himself drawing closer to his own release.

“fuck— baby, m’gonna cum. gonna cum deep inside this pretty fuckin’ pussy,” he growled, feeling as your walls clamped down on him at his words, “yeah, you like that? want me to cream inside this tight little cunt? fill you up nice and full?”

“mhm, yes please— ahhh! want your cum, shin, please don't stop, i— mmh, need to feel you…”

“that's my good girl. take it, take it— fuck, that’s it, baby. such a good girl for me.”

he finished with a few sloppy thrusts, burying his face into the crook of your neck as he fell over the edge, his hot cum shooting into you in several thick ropes. you could feel your clit throbbing as you clenched around him, the heat between your thighs continuing to grow as you watched shin ride out his orgasm.

his cock began to soften as he gently slipped himself out of you, watching intently as his cum dribbled out of your hole. he was well aware that he had reached his high before you did, eager to get you off again and bring you to another orgasm — tonight was supposed to be about you, after all. before you could oppose, he sat you at the edge of the bed with you in his lap, facing you towards the mirror so that you could look at yourself.

“wanna make you cum on my fingers, baby,” he mumbled into your ear, spreading your legs apart as his hand made its way between your thighs, “want you to see how pretty you are when you cum nice and hard for me.”

two of his digits circled your entrance before he slowly pushed them inside, taking note of how easily they slipped into you after having previously stretched you out with his cock. he began curling them upwards, softly massaging your g-spot while his other hand came to caress your waist, travelling down towards your hip and then back up again. shin placed several kisses along your neck before his hand suddenly picked up in pace, the heel of his palm smacking against your clit as his fingers pumped in and out of you and a wet sticky sound proceeded to fill the room.

“look at you, so fucking gorgeous,” he told you, looking at you through the reflection in complete awe as his hand began roaming across your body, “so perfect here… and here… and right here, too.”

the more you stared at your own reflection, the more different you felt from earlier. your eyes no longer seemed to gravitate towards everything that you thought was wrong with you, and it was as if you were just simply seeing yourself as you were in that present moment, just existing within your body. you couldn't take your eyes off the mirror and suddenly you found yourself wanting to watch — wanting to watch him touch you, wanting to watch his hands trail over every part of your body, wanting to watch yourself fall apart because of him.

you wanted shin to watch too, how could you not when his eyes showed nothing but love and adoration for you and your body?

you could feel your legs beginning to shake and you found yourself frantically bucking your hips into his hand, your orgasm rapidly approaching as you grabbed onto his wrist and abruptly fell over the edge once again. you began gasping and whimpering as your vision turned white and you creamed all over his fingers, and shin watched your reflection in admiration as you came down from your high — the only thing he could think was how beautiful you looked in that moment as you completely let go, your eyes rolling back as you were consumed by pleasure.

once you had fully rode out your orgasm, shin gently removed his fingers from you, the two of you sitting in a peaceful silence knowing that words didn't need to be exchanged right away and you could just enjoy one another’s presence for a moment. he wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder as his lips brushed against your skin.

“are you feeling a little better now, sweetheart?” he asked you, finally breaking the silence.

“mhm, definitely,” you nodded, feeling yourself starting to smile, “thank you, shin.”

while you were aware that this feeling wasn't going to be permanent, and that there would still be days to come in the future where you would feel unsatisfied with your body again, you knew that if nothing else, your sweet boyfriend would always be there to help you slowly start to love yourself a little more.

“i should take a shower,” he pondered, unable to stop himself from grinning as he added, “care to join me?”

you rolled your eyes, trying to fight back a smile but ultimately failing as your expression mirrored his own and you nodded, feeling as he excitedly took your hand and led you towards the bathroom. the two of you stepped into the shower, the warm water running over your tired bodies as you helped wash away the sweat and cum from each other’s skin. as to be expected, you both found yourselves unable to keep your hands off each other, and one thing slowly led to another which ultimately resulted in the two of you fooling around once again, not that either of you were complaining.

and afterwards shin pulled you into his chest and just held you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he mumbled soft praises into your skin that were barely loud enough for you to hear. although there was one which you were just about able to make sense of, and you felt your heart flutter as you realised what it was that he had said to you.

“i love the way your body feels against mine.”

please do not translate, repost, or share my writing on any other platforms eg. tiktok

[princesssascha]

Summer Glow Up Action Plan (1/3 - Health)

As I mentioned in my previous post, we are going to have the best summer of our lives.

I was depressed for years, but during the summer, in just 2 months I became truly unrecognisable.

I did it unintentionally, but I believe I cracked the code to glowing up insanely fast. That is, if you're willing to get out of your comfort zone for a few weeks. But what's worse? Being uncomfortable for 2 months doing something that is good for you OR suffering for years? I'll let you answer that for yourself.

Thanks to my experience I made an action plan to make this summer even better and I'd love to do it together with YOU.

1. Mental Health

If your soul is shattered, your body will reflect that. By taking care of your mind you will automatically want to take care of yourself in every other way. Not because you think you're not pretty enough or smart enough, but because you deserve to be healthy and educated.

Get out of your comfort zone

Whatever that is. Last year I went abroad all by myself. I was so insecure about my English and I was soo socially awkward, but I did it. And when I tell you it was the most special feeling in the world. It was stressful at first, but I came back as a new person. I think it was the main factor that contributed to my mental glow up.

Obviously, you don't have to travel to a different country to glow up, but think about what's something you'd like to try that you're afraid to do. Maybe it's bungee jumping, going out to a restaurant alone, coming up to someone on the street. It is supposed to make you uncomfortable, it's called exposure therapy and it is really one of the best things that I have ever stumbled across.

Meditate

It's popular for a reason. Quiet your mind, control your breathing. You can also do yoga, as it requires the same things as meditation, however you also get physical exercise! Start with 5-10 minutes a day and work your way up to whatevers comfortable for you. You can try guided meditation/yoga for beginners.

Go outside

There's a reason why people tell you it's so important.

First, you get physical exercise, you get fit, you get healthy and everyone's happy.

Like actually happy. Physical exercise (the kind you enjoy ofc!) and being outdoors is proven to be good for your mental health. So go out. You can go somewhere crowded or somewhere isolated like a forest. You can take your pet on a walk if you have one.

Self development content

Especially YouTube, I get that some people can't get themselves to read books, but nowadays there are so many ways to educate ourselves. I will mention this topic again in this post, but I love watching YouTubers that post self development & mindset videos.

My favourite YouTubers are:

TheWizardLiz,

Mae Alice Suzuki,

Tam Kaur

If you like reading I recommend Brianna West, she's incredible.

Affirmations

I am such a fan of affirmations! If you feel bad about yourself start affirming the opposite? You feel insecure? "I am confident" etc. You don't want to affirm out loud. You can do it in your mind or listen to affirmation tapes. Even if you don't feel like it's doing anything KEEP PERSISTING! Your mind will conform.

2. Physical Health

This chapter focuses on health, not beauty, although they are connected. If you're unhealthy you won't be that attractive, because we find health attractive. So here I'll share more advice on being healthier rather than getting a sexier body. Healthy>sexy because HEALTH is SEXY!!

Vitamins and supplements

You can't be healthy if you have a vitamin deficiency. Get a blood test and start taking supplements for what you need.

Here's a little cheat sheet, although please do your own research to be safe and be mindful of what dosage you can ingest!!

Visit a doctor regularly!

If you are getting a disease it's important to diagnose it as soon as possible. In some cases it could save your life!

You need to go to your doctor at least once a year, but you should visit them at least twice a year and whenever you have any concerns. That includes a dentist, gynecologist, dermatologist etc. Although I understand not everyone has free healthcare and there are many reasons why it could be difficult for you to get there, at least go to one doctor once a year or when you suspect something is wrong.

Check up on yourself every month

Of course, you're not gonna go to the doctor every month, so it's important to do a little check up yourself every month. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

- what does your skin look like?

Are there any new moles? Maybe some spots? Just because you have a mole doesn't mean it's dangerous, but a mole could turn into skin cancer, so please be careful! Here are a few tips for recognising if a mole is actually a melanoma:

Melanoma is more likely the paler you are, but no matter what your skin color is you should always wear at least SPF30, although the higher the better. If sunscreens are too greasy for you or leave a whitecast I recommend Missha All-around safe block

Look at your skin, did anything strange appear? Something that wasn't there before? Don't forget about the inside of your mouth or between your toes. Although not very common, melanoma can also appear in your eye, in which case you need to contact a doctor ASAP!!

oral health

I don't think I need to tell you to wash your teeth, but I will still share some tips for those pretty teeth:

Oil pulling: get a spoonful of coconut oil and oil pull for 10-20 minutes. After that rinse your mouth thoroughly.

Wash your teeth for at least 2 minutes after every meal and after waking up, HOWEVER if you eat something acidic wait for at least 30 minutes until you wash your teeth. If you can't wash them rinse your mouth with water, but you should still wash them when you get home.

Use a tongue scraper! Like one of those steel/metal ones and scrape that bad boy. It is honestly disgusting how much bacteria sits on your tongue. There are also 2in1 tongue scrapers and flosses but it won't scrape anything off, so save your money. Also, only use flosses when necessary.

CHECK FOR CAVITIES!!

Seriously! I don't think it needs any explanation. Open your mouth and show your teeth. Look at how they look. If there's anything concerning contact your dentist.

skincare

Although it also suits the beauty part, what we find beautiful is just healthy. No skin conditions, clear glowy skin. What skin concerns do you have? Acne, hyperpigmentation, redness etc. Visit a dermatologist or find some skincare yourself, although do it carefully. Just because something is trendy doesn't mean it's good. Everyone's skin is different, so be mindful.

Also, there are different kinds of pimples, so check which types you have and how you can heal them. You can have just one or multiple kinds.

One universal thing: SPF! CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!

haircare

Just like with skincare, healthy hair is what we find beautiful. That's why I emphasize health so much. If you're healthy you are beautiful.

I won't talk about styling right now as it has nothing to do with health, but haircare is 80% of the job.

Is your hair greasy or dry? Keep in mind it can be both, your scalp could be greasy but your ends could be dry. Do you have thick hair or thin hair? Curly or straight? If you bleached your hair it means your hair is damaged (because it's dead), but your hair can be damaged nonetheless, so think about what you need and find products that were made for your concerns.

Learn how to wash your hair correctly. A lot of you guys don't know how to do it. Just because you rub shampoo on your head doesn't mean you're doing it right. And when you're not it could do more harm than good. I recommend theblowoutprofessor on YouTube, he explains it well.

Healthy eating

This is a pretty obvious one so I won't get into details, however if you guys want me to make a post dedicated to healthy eating lemme know in the comments!

Eat veggies and fruits, limit Ur sugar intake. Don't starve yourself, you'll have uncontrollable cravings and you'll get it all back.

move your body

Although good for you both mentally and physically, it's important to choose something you like. Here are my favourite forms of physical activity:

Dancing,

Yoga,

Pilates,

Walking,

Horse riding.

If you don't have a favourite right now, experiment. It doesn't have to be expensive, there are many sports that you can do at home with no equipment.

Try to move for at least 30 minutes/day.

[talesfromlissom]

TFP!OPTIMUS HEADCANNONS  // Optimus x reader tidbits || Part 2 

WARNINGS -  Infertility/sterilization, some mentions of pregnancy(??) , mentions of genocide 

A/N - I put down Elita-1 just because why not, but you can imagine this as an x reader instead. These are mostly Optimus headcanons. I have another post with headcanons about him before he became a Prime HERE. This also is alot longer than I thought it would be please help.

Elaborating on the previous bullet point about Optimus being the last of the data clerks. In the early stages of the war, the High Council ordered a mass extermination of miners after Megatron’s rise to fame. They blamed Orion for it, which caused Megatron to retaliate and order every data clerk to be killed. He was mostly successful. 

After being anointed the next Prime, Optimus was confused. One of the main reasons he advocated for a peaceful resolution to the caste system problems is that he had seen what the Quintesson War had done. He had seen war at its worst and didn’t want that kind of violence put onto the planet again, hence the reason why he always advocated so strongly for peace. 

After becoming the new Prime, he was isolated from the world. He wasn’t allowed to contact any of his friends unless supervised, but he would often sneak out to see them. He doesn’t remember why and thinks that it was because he was friends with many people who hated the caste system like he did. 

If he wasn’t seeing them, then he was painting. He liked to do giant graffiti art murals the most, hence the reason why he has ‘steady hands’. He’d spend an entire night in some abandoned theater or an empty alleyway. You could probably find one if you looked hard enough during the war. He often left the citadel late at night to do this. . 

After the war, most of his murals were knocked down or destroyed. 

Nighttime seemed the only time he had to himself back then, so he’d stay up late doing whatever he wanted. 

He always claimed to be a Prime of the people, not the government. This was reflected in his actions, as he would often donate large amounts of shanix to charities outside the High Council’s jurisdiction. He increasingly got frustrated by the high council’s lack of concern for their people and their refusal to listen to him. 

The High Council eventually appointed him a Lord High Protector due to his increasingly ‘rebellious’ antics (could be the reader/Elita-1, depending on what suits your fancy, ;] ) 

He despised the Protector, as they felt more like a glorified babysitter than a bodyguard. 

Eventually, the High Council got fed up with Optimus’ refusal to listen to them. At his last ceremony, to be officially inducted into the Primacy, they planned to give him a drink laced with sedatives so he’d be more accessible to shadowplay. 

Optimus’ Lord High Protector found this out, contacted his friends, and helped him escape, which made him trust them more. He then went to find the Matrix of Leadership because Megatron’s war was starting to poison the planet. He could feel it somehow, though he couldn’t explain how or why. He still can’t. 

He enjoys drawing A LOT. Given his size, he obviously can’t do graffiti art on earth, but when he goes on ‘patrols,’ half of it is him going somewhere to draw. However, he doesn’t do creative or fun drawings nowadays. It’s mostly art of the people in his life, nature, etc. So, it's primarily observational art. That datapad and pen are his most prized possessions, and he always carries them in his subspace. No, you cannot see it. 

A MASSIVE touch of the ‘tism. He could talk for hours about ancient history, famous literature, or anything like that. He visibly gets more expressive when talking about these things, too (actually canon lmao). He enjoys learning about mythology from other cultures as well. 

He hates group settings and despises oil. He most likely suffers from high empathy, but he tries to be empathetic towards people or animals only to mask this. 

More on the high-functioning side of the spectrum.

He’s very aware of life and deeply existential. He always wonders how life came to be and related matters. He asks many questions and thinks of new ones every day. Hence, Agent Fowler and he are so close. He got stuck in a storage house with him once and asked so many questions about human life/purpose that Fowler aged 50 years. 

His interest in history was easily hidden as just a plain interest in it. He was a data clerk, specifically a data clerk in the history-keeping field, so it’d make sense he’d know a lot about history. Not only that, but he’s also a Prime, so he has to know about the history of his own planet/people exceptionally well. It’s a good thing he already did before the primacy. 

He tends to focus too much on things, almost becoming obsessive, for example, trying to repair his relationship with Megatron, nearly bordering on obsession with doing that very thing. There are times when he will be working at the console and he’ll be so wrapped up in his work that he’ll forget to eat, sleep, take a break, and do things like that. 

He spaces out a lot more than people realize. He’s pretty good at making it look like he’s listening, but he does listen(partially), just not as much as people think he does. People think he’s quiet due to this (which he kind of is but yeah)

His audio finals move a lot, and he used them to stim. The only issue is that due to the energon shortages, many people had to shut down certain parts of their frame, and his fins ended up being one of them. He resolves this by tapping his fingers on his knees instead or letting his smokestacks shake, but this makes people think he’s angry, which confuses him because he’s not. This is probably due to the MASSIVE RBF he has. 

Speaking of brain stuff, he also suffers from C-PTSD. If we’re going by the lore found in The Covenant of Primus, Optimus has been involved in two civil wars—one as a soldier and the other as a leader. Regardless, both of these wars are terrifying. I’d imagine that’s why he seemed to handle the war much better than others—he’s used to it. It doesn’t change the fact that he hated experiencing both of them. 

He has most definitely stumbled upon sparklings once or twice. He usually contacts a neutral colony planet or ship to take them and does so quickly. He’s gotten attached to every sparkling or youngling he comes across, barely able to prevent any sire/carrier protocols from activating. And when I say attached, I mean EXTREMELY attached. You need a parental figure? Congratulations! He’s adopted you. No, you cannot go home; let’s decorate your bedroom together 😀

Speaking of children, he wants his own, but the Matrix is annoying. Most Transformers constantly drift to being hyper-fertile or sterile (I headcanon that the Allspark is primarily responsible for this, but I will probably go into that later. I have a whole process and everything), and Optimus is no exception. 

However, the Matrix takes a lot of power from his frame, including his processor and other parts. It's very taxing. It’s rendered him completely sterile, no matter how potent the Allspark is. This is a sore spot for him, and due to how long the Matrix was in his frame, these effects have remained even after he was resurrected without it. Only Ratchet/Elita-1(or you) know this. 

Jack, Miko, Raf, Bumble Bee, and Smokescreen are all registered under the sparkling category. Those are his kids; don’t touch them. 

WORD COUNT - 1239

Other Links & Support | Ask box | Rules 

[blazehedgehog]

what was the deal with games media and forums during the 2000s being so harsh and in many cases downright unfair towards games that wanted to experiment or do something interesting? part of me feels that is why the 2010s had so many massive game series pumping out boring and "safe" games.

We were a lot more ignorant back then. You have to figure that games media has a definitive age, right. Now we had video game magazines going ball the way back to the 80's, but it feels like there was a real boom in game magazines in the 90's with things like EGM, Gamepro, Game Players, Game Fan, Nintendo Power, Game Informer, Edge, Next Generation, PC Gamer, CGW, Tips & Tricks, PSM, etc.

But the age of the industry back then... even if a lot of the writers were in their 20's, 30's, and sometimes even 40's, the readers were all pretty young. I started reading gaming magazines when I was 11. And to some degree it felt like the industry grew up with us. It also reflected the wider era as a whole.

We used to be a more innocent people. More ignorant. Unaware of the wider world at large. American white males (the primary demographic for gaming magazines) lived in this tiny little bubble where they got to feel like they were kings. The world was their oyster. Racism? Nah man, civil rights solved that back in the 1950's. Racism is over. We beat the nazis in the 40's, they don't exist anymore either. Women belong in the kitchen making us a sandwich. I'm American, I'm straight, I'm white, I'm a man, and that makes me the center of the known universe. As long as I have beer, boobs, and bacon, my life is perfect.

And the thing about being comfortable is that people like to be comfortable. Comfort usually means cozying up with something you already know you're going to like. A known quantity. So that's this era, right: repeating familiar ideas and milking them for all its worth, completely unchallenged, because nobody is comfortable when they are being challenged.

But widespread, modern internet access began to spread across the world. Smartphones and social media connected us more closely than we ever have before, both for better and worse. And suddenly all those Straight, white, American males are rubbing elbows with very different international cultures than they're used to, and the perspective on American life begins to shift. The veil is lifted. Eyes are opened for the first time. The world is a very different place than what most Americans thought it was.

Racism? Not actually solved. Nazis? They're still out there, actually. Women? Minorities? Equal rights are not as equal as it sounded. Plus, we trample all over other cultures constantly. And bad actors are rapidly trying to muddy the waters so they can continue to operate unopposed. Welcome to the real world.

Some people embraced this new knowledge with open arms. Learning, and growing, and changing, seeing fresh perspectives and new ideas. And other people just wanted to stay comfortable, sticking their heads in the sand, and trying to deny what was now right in front of them.

My point is, as a people, a worldwide planetary entity, we're a lot more diverse now. We're a lot smarter and more accepting of others. We're a lot more mature.

And then there's something I haven't touched on and its the fact that corporations love "comfort", too. They love being able to avoid taking risks and feeding us the exact same content in perpetuity. But with the indie game boom, more people than ever before can put their art out into the world, which just drives diversity even more.

My point being that we used to be pretty dumb and ignorant, but some of us are less dumb and ignorant nowadays.

[jenanigans1207]

1/2/25: Echo

The walls of the cave are cold and distinctly wet as they press against Dean’s back, the moisture seeping between his shoulder blades. He’d care a whole hell of a lot more if he wasn’t struggling to breathe, a hand pressed firmly to his side. In the distance there’s the smoldering embers from a monster that didn’t stand a chance, and in between there’s Castiel, his blue eyes bright as he crosses the distance between them swiftly. 

“You’re hurt.” Cas said as he reached Dean’s side. It wasn’t a question, not really even a statement, more of an observation and a plan for what came next. 

Without another word, his hand reached for Dean, pressing gently above the wound in his side. It wasn’t even the length of a heartbeat before Dean felt the cool wash of familiar and comforting grace flow through him, relieving his pain and giving him back his breath. 

Which lasted for all of two seconds before he glanced up, meeting Cas’s gaze and feeling the breath leave his lungs again before he can even get out a proper thanks. Dean would like to blame it on the gentle glow from the fire making Cas look every bit as ethereal as he actually was, but he knew better than that, The truth was that Cas was beautiful all the time and it was getting harder and harder for Dean to face it without blurting out something incredibly stupid and completely damning. And in this moment, he was in just enough pain to think that he might not actually give a damn about the consequences or the echo of a voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like John Winchester.

“You need to be more careful,” Cas says as the feeling of grace recedes, but the warmth of his hand remains as a steady brand on Dean’s side. It takes Dean a moment to notice that Cas’s thumb is tracing a gentle pattern just above his hip bone. “Dean, your life is incredibly precious so please don’t risk it so easily.”

Dean clears his throat as the pain disappears with the grace and his common sense comes back, swelling in the back of his throat and trying to kick him in the teeth. “Right.” He says, glancing over Cas’s shoulder. “Righteous Man and all that.”

“Dean.” Cas says, and Dean had started to notice that Cas said his name in a way that was almost reverent. It was somewhere around the time Cas rebelled that he stopped saying Dean’s name like Dean was his charge and started saying it like he was his friend, like he was— Dean feels a lump forming in his throat. “While it is true that you are the Righteous Man and have completed many incredible things, that is not where my concern comes from. Your life is incredibly precious to me, and I will not have you risking it.”

Cas’s hand is still on Dean’s side, Dean’s head is swimming, and Cas’s words sound just one step to the left of the words that Dean finds himself spending damn near every waking moment trying to swallow down nowadays. He tries to quell the hope in his heart as he looks back up again. But Cas’s gaze is as unwavering as ever, blue burning straight through to his core and pinning Dean into place.

And he doesn’t ask what Cas means— not because he doesn’t want to know, not because he’s afraid to find out, but because he can see it right there in Cas’s eyes. He can see every feeling he tries to tamp down reflected back at him, can see every unspoken word swirling just under the surface. And he’s left with the same two choices he’s been left with since the day he met Cas: confront whatever the hell this is head on, or make some gruff dismissal and extricate himself from the situation. Cas won’t push, he never does. He will let Dean pretend that he didn’t see the red string tying the two of them together, he will never speak of it again if Dean doesn’t.

Dean hears that echo of John Winchester in the back of his mind again.

But all John Winchester ever taught Dean was how to fight, not how to live. And goddamn is Dean sick of fighting. 

He takes in a breath, holds it for the count of three, and then he’s reaching across the space between them and grabbing fistfuls of that godawful trench coat that damned him the day it swept into his life in some barn in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. There’s a split second where Cas— Angel of the Lord, all powerful being— looks surprised and caught off guard, And Dean can’t move Cas if he doesn’t want to be moved, he knows that— he has experienced it more than one time— but Cas comes easily and willingly, yielding under Dean’s hands and putting up no resistance as Dean tugs him in until their chests are flush. 

“Dean…?” Cas asks quietly into the nearly nonexistent space between them when Dean hesitates. There’s no pressure, no assumption. 

Dean closes the gap between them and kisses Cas for all that he’s worth and then some. 

The hand on his hip turns into more of a solid grip as Cas responds easily, kissing Dean back in a way that should probably be surprising given his assumed lack of experience but Dean’s immediately far too distracted to put much thought into anything other than the feel of Cas’s hands and lips against him. It’s not some we-almost-died kiss, which Dean had honestly thought might be the only way he ever got up the guts to kiss Cas at all, but it’s something much better than that. 

And as Cas continues to kiss him, there’s only one thing that echoes in his brain, replacing the vile words of his father and reminding him that everything can be okay.

Good things do happen, Dean.

[light-of-delphi]

1. how do you veil

2. how does it honour your deities? how do you know they want you to

3. what does it mean to veil

have a lovely day

Hello!! This question actually reminded me that I should get back into veiling, ha! I'm more than happy to answer your questions, though!

How do you veil?

Veiling is far simpler than most people make it out to be. All you need to do in order to veil is cover your head. That's it! Covering one's head was typically seen as a way to protect the crown chakra. But before that, it was also seen as a way to remain healthy and keep your spirit and your energy safe. I veil because I find it comforting. I used to be a very emotional person. I was very in tune with other people's emotions, what people were feeling, and energy. Veiling helped me feel more safe and secure, so I typically veiled when I had a busy or very social day ahead of me.

To veil, you can do a few things:

Wearing a beanie counts as veiling, if you do it with the intention of honoring your Gods and being humble. It is a subtle way to veil without outing yourself or being too out of the broom closet!

Wearing a bandana! Bandanas are in style, especially during the spring and summer. Wearing a bandana tied around the head, usually covering the entire top of your head with a bit hanging off the back is how people tend to wear their bandanas. If you search "Bandana hairstyles" on Google, you may find some examples!

Wearing a scarf. If you want more coverage, you can loosely wrap it over your head and around your shoulders and neck. This creates a high coverage veil, which can help with overstimulation and feel a lot more secure than other styles. ChaoticWitchAunt has an amazing video on veils and veiling styles, and they cover it on their Instagram of the same name sometimes!

Himation veiling. This is the full body veil that you typically see when you look at sculptures from ancient Greece, or recreations/copies you may find from ancient Rome. They are full body coverings that cover the head and wrap around the body and drape down to the ankles. In modern times, you still see veils like this that are more secure or full coverage and may even cover the face. In some cultures, this is typically expected of women to wear. I do want to stress that, if you are in a safe enough space to have this choice, veiling should always be a personal choice.

Just have fun with it, experiment, and find something comfortable for you!

How does it honor your deities?

Veiling was a common practice in ancient Greece to show humility and modesty for the Gods. It was frequently done to honor specific deities, like a Virgin Goddess (Hestia, Athena, Artemis, etc), or to show respect when praying and going about the day. Nowadays, I personally veil for similar reasons. I show grace to Apollo by veiling in honor of his mother Leto and his twin sister, Artemis. Sometimes I veil to honor Hestia, especially when I am cleaning or having a rough day.

Veiling is always going to be specific to your practice, however. I have a friend who veils simply because they like how it feels and it's easier for them to focus when doing divination.

A deity may approach you and ask you to veil. This could look like a sudden urge or want to veil or experiment with veiling paired with signs from this deity, or finding cloths in colors they are associated with. It could be asked via tarot cards, pendulums, intuition, or meditation. It is very dependent on your relationship with your deities.

What does it mean to Veil?

This ties back to something I mentioned earlier - the bit about veiling for modesty and humility. People across different cultures and religions veil for different reasons. People in Abrahamic faiths that worship God and the bible may veil to honor and reflect the Virgin Mary, whose very well known for her blue himation-style veil. In Islamic faith, its expected of people to veil depending on the circumstance. In paganism, it is entirely dependent on the culture you elect to follow (so long as its open!) and the rules surrounding vieling.

In Hellenic Paganism, I've found that it is very customary to veil when praying. During prayer, it is seen as a sign of respect to veil and approach as modestly as possible (unless the prayer consists of something sexual or intentionally un-modest), to wash your hands, and to approach clean. I veil when doing tarot readings or pendulum sessions because it protects my energy and makes me feel safer. I get less tired afterward. I also veil in social situations, and on the holidays that I celebrate. It is very dependent on you and your practice.

I hope this helps! Feel free to add on in the comments, and give me little corrections if you think/feel they're needed. We're a community that teaches each other!! Khaire!

~Robyn <3

[heartedbysunoo]

INTERVIEW

HEESEUNG: “I feel like I’m at a place where I can excel at anything”

ENHYPEN ROMANCE: UNTOLD -daydream- comeback interview

2024.11.23

In his first “-note,” dated July 7, 2020—back when he was still a trainee—HEESEUNG took a look back at each of his lessons for the day, showing a serious thirst for improvement. Fast-forward to today, where the idol, having now achieved his long-held dream of becoming an artist, says he’s “at a place where” he “can do excel at anything”—a major transformation that includes going from a trainee anxious to debut to an artist performing with utmost confidence under stadium lights.

You’re celebrating the fourth anniversary of your debut. Have you ever rewatched those old “-note” videos you made, by any chance?

HEESEUNG: Ah… I get so embarrassed now that I can’t watch them all the way through. (laughs)

I remember in the “-note” you filmed the day ENHYPEN was formed, you talked about how you felt when you found out you would be debuting with your group. You said you “kind of felt sad inside, but I was emotionally really happy.”

HEESEUNG: That’s true. Why did I feel sad about it? Wow—I have no idea. (laughs) I guess I was anxious at the time and felt like it was really happening? I’d been keeping myself strictly disciplined for four years, and now that I was finally debuting, all those bottled-up emotions burst out of me. That’s probably why I said that.

I rewatched your first “-note,” and in it, you talked about where you had room for improvement while reflecting on the practice you did that day.

HEESEUNG: I was kind of anxious when we were filming I-LAND. Honestly, after years of almost nonstop prep for the debut, I was having a bit of a tough time. Even after the show ended and we debuted, I felt so impatient. I felt impatient about everything. Debuting wasn’t the end of it. My goal when I wanted to debut was just to become part of a group, but then, of course, once I accomplished that, something else had to come next. I looked around thinking, “What do I do now?” There were already so many people who are good at music and at performing. The first time I went to an awards ceremony and realized “these people are my competition,” it was scary and inevitably made me even more anxious and impatient. But now I feel like my own comfort is the most important thing. What hurts my pride is if I get nervous onstage. It feels like I’m bringing myself down if I get nervous.

In a “-note” from August, you said, “But to ENGENE who have seen me since I was 20, it must be very interesting… I feel like I’ve changed a lot from who I was then… I definitely feel happier as the years go by.” Is the fact that you don’t feel nervous anymore a part of that change?

HEESEUNG: I think it’s because it’s been about four years now. I try not to be impatient or feel nervous, and try to be relaxed at all times. I don’t even need to go out of my way to think about shaking out my nerves. I try not to even think about it—I just get on with it. I think clearing your mind and holding onto a bit of tension while you’re onstage is the best way to go. The same goes for everyday life. Here’s to easy, worry-free living. And to being open and just being comfortable doing things your way.

You seem much more comfortable expressing your emotions now.

HEESEUNG: I think I’ve become a little more human since back then. Nowadays, I just talk about however I’m feeling, which I find kind of funny. I actually feel like I need to tone it down a bit now. (laughs) But life’s taught me that there’s more upsides to expressing your emotions than downsides. When you’re open about your feelings, communication is a breeze. If I’m not clear about things, I end up regretting it later. I speak up even if it feels a little unpleasant at the moment, or try a different approach. It can be a hassle but it’s always better that way. So at this point, I feel like I’m at a place where I can excel at anything.

During the LIVE celebrating the fourth anniversary of the group, you reminisced about the I-LAND era with the others. I thought the words, “Don’t worry, guys, I’ll start, and make sure it works no matter what,” really cut to the pressure you felt throughout the show. Do you feel more relaxed within the group now?

HEESEUNG: I actually said that out of fear. I was a little scared at the time, and I wanted to do well. Now I don’t feel that in the slightest. When we go onstage, it’s like, “Oh, dopamine. This’ll be fun.” I’m the oldest of our Gen Z crew, after all. (laughs) We’ve got pretty good teamwork. We’re having some fun as we go. (laughs) Everyone does their own thing too, but we share the same goal, so it’s like we kind of come together? It’s really unique and fun like that. That’s when I realized I used to have a very rigid idea of what a team is before.

Your closing remarks at the WALK THE LINE concert in Goyang left a big impression: “Honestly, we’re human too, so we have our own share of tough times. But since each and every one of us is so kind and warmhearted, we don’t let it show, and work hard, and help each other out, and things that seemed impossible before became possible.” It seems like you tweaked your teamwork while getting ready for the tour.

HEESEUNG: Whew, that was 100% genuine. Honestly, I don’t think there’s anyone as pure and kindhearted as the members of our group. I’m 23 now, and you meet more and more people out in the world. But truly, the other members are so pure and such incredibly kindhearted people. I’m so grateful how they’re understanding even when I make occasional mistakes.

On the other hand, performing the fan dedication song “Highway 1009,” which you produced yourself, during the WALK THE LINE tour must have been a special experience for you.

HEESEUNG: Oh… I got emotional but tried really hard to hold back my tears. It absolutely filled my heart to the brim. Writing a single song is always an incredibly long process. From sitting alone in the studio and thinking, “Ah, what’ll I do…” and then having that, “Aha, here we go, okay!” feeling, to writing lines, recording vocals, getting approval, and directing, then hearing that melody booming out at a huge concert venue—it was so surreal. It made all the hard work feel so rewarding.

Between doing the FATE PLUS tour and starting the WALK THE LINE tour, in what ways do you feel you’ve grown from performing so much?

HEESEUNG: First there was all this anticipation for the new tour. During the stadium tour, I felt the importance of performing live yet again. I have a really good ear for when I wobble even slightly in pitch during live shows, so I worked through that with a lot of practice.

In the “-note” where you revealed the demo of “Highway 1009,” you said, “I think I was more afraid about working on music than I realized.” I was surprised to hear you say that. You sound very attentive when it comes to songwriting.

HEESEUNG: It’s comparable to cooking, where you get a little nervous when someone tries something you made. “How is it? Is it bad? Too salty? Too sweet?” Kind of like that. But if they tell you something tastes off, then of course I have to fix it—because, whether objectively or subjectively speaking, something’s not right. That was a decent analogy, wasn’t it? (laughs)

You talked about making your own songs in a previous Weverse Magazine interview, and you called yourself “super stubborn.” You seem very open to feedback, though.

HEESEUNG: I mean, it’s not a big deal to change something. (laughs) I have my stubborn moments, but when I’m writing a song, I tend to be super receptive to feedback.

I understand you also prepared meticulously for the making of ROMANCE: UNTOLD -daydream-.

HEESEUNG: For the single “No Doubt,” the group talked about which musical eras it evokes and how it sounds like older R&B. We also checked out a lot of different music and videos of live performances. We’ve been having lots of meetings on the direction our music should ultimately take as well—whether that means taking a somewhat different approach in terms of genre, wanting to have more hip hop vibes, or something else—but regardless, we have to engage in friendly competition with each other. I think you have to spur each other on when you’re making music.

How was it practicing for “No Doubt” after all that discussion? You’re the one who starts the song off, right?

HEESEUNG: I liked it. (laughs) When I first heard the song, it felt like something I knew I could already do, but something that would be fairly new for the group. The choreography’s way more intense than it looks, too—so much so that it beefed up my legs, even though I don’t work out much. So now I have some muscle in my legs. (laughs) The part in the chorus where we dance with our hands in our back pockets is the highlight of the choreo, and I love that part. It felt like the highlight to me, even when we were shooting the music video.

ROMANCE: UNTOLD, and ROMANCE: UNTOLD -daydream- after it, revolve around a highly jealous, very lonely vampire boyfriend. Is it similar to your own definition of love?

HEESEUNG: I don’t think of jealousy as love. (laughs) Love is… I don’t know. But I don’t think jealousy is it. That’s just something that arises from feeling insecure.

You said you don’t know much about romance, yet ENHYPEN sings about romantic vampires.

HEESEUNG: Good point. I guess the somewhat idealistic parts of our song lyrics have become a good example for me to follow. (laughs)

Did HEE-roducer make another appearance when you were directing and giving ideas to the other members during the recording sessions for ROMANCE: UNTOLD -daydream-?

HEESEUNG: It never quite reached HEE-roducer levels (laughs) but I did give some feedback on little things here and there during dance rehearsal this time around. Oh—but it’s not like I’m a dance drill sergeant or anything. That would be JUNGWON. (laughs)

You talked in that previous interview about the other ENHYPEN members’ strengths from the perspective of HEE-roducer. What do you consider to be your own strengths?

HEESEUNG: For me… I think my strength is doing things without anyone having to tell me to—trying out creative, new things on my own. And if I’m being honest, I think I’m pretty well-rounded. (laughs)

Is that how you got started with producing—by trying new things?

HEESEUNG: It was to understand myself better. I felt like I wanted to get to know myself. There’s still things about me that I thought I knew but actually don’t, and I think I can uncover those things through music. I want to release my own mixtape and perform it onstage. Oh, and actually, I recently did something I’ve been wanting to do! It was just a cover, but it was part of my dream to perform onstage solo. I covered “Can’t Feel My Face” by The Weeknd at Music Bank in Madrid.

You always struck me as someone who only puts something out into the world when you feel it’s completely ready, but interestingly, during a Weverse LIVE, you said that the performance “was more fun because I didn't really practice before going.”

HEESEUNG: It was almost like a freestyle performance, but it was fun—really fun. Hearing 30,000 people there all cheering just for me was… fun. (laughs)

So you weren’t nervous then, either?

HEESEUNG: For that show? Of course I was nervous. (laughs) But it’s one thing to not want that feeling and another thing to just not feel it. (laughs) I was warming up my voice and practicing my moves until 10 seconds before I went on, but as soon as I got up there, I thought, “Wow, this is gonna be crazy fun,” and all that nervousness turned into excitement.

What motivates you to work like that?

HEESEUNG: How I felt about my dream when I was younger, I guess?

How does it feel now that you’re living your childhood dream?

HEESEUNG: It feels unreal. I didn’t expect to reach this point in my life so soon. It was just four or five years ago that I was worried and skeptical, like, “Can I really do this?” But now I can hardly remember those days of self-doubt because I’m living the dream.

So what would you like to accomplish together with ENHYPEN?

HEESEUNG: My dream with ENHYPEN is to be even better. It’s not about the numbers—it’s about being able to express more through our performances and through our music, and receiving recognition for it. There are certain things in this industry that are set in stone, and I want to break through that. I said at the WALK THE LINE concert in Goyang that I felt like I needed to become a grown-up. Basically, with that, I was signaling that I could show a different side of myself than I used to. I buried my feelings deep down when I was a trainee, and in the same way, I had a bottled up thirst in a musical sense, too. So perhaps it was me hinting that I’m going to change a bit now? Come to think of it, it sounds a bit cringey for someone who isn’t [a hero like] Jeon Woo-chi. (laughs)