#now to. message my partner
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cue me writing lore and information about this story in case anyone ever asks bc i was having SO MANY THOUGHTS about this AU at work but there is simply no way to include all of this information in the fic itself
#when i post my rbb PLEASE ask me questions about things i have Thoughts#and background info that doesn't get explained or explored but trust me i have 8hrs of time to myself at work#that i can just spend the whole shift rotating these idiots in my head#*staring longingly at the 400 words i just wrote of stuff that isn't mentioned in the story*#anyway I THINK IM DONE!!!!#I NEED TO READ AND EDIT IT BUT!!!!!!!!!!#WOOHOO#now to. message my partner#gonna go take some anxiety meds#which will help with sleep too :)#shh ac#wip: aftgrbb#i need a NAME. FUCK.
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I would be really interested to know if N.D. Stevenson planned for Nimona to have been Gloreth's monster from the beginning (i.e. the comic) because like
Until recently my headcanon for C! Nim's powers were that she was a normal little girl who became possessed during a traumatic childhood experience, and that possessing entity gave her immortality and powers but it made her potentially dangerous to herself and others (like an allegory for some mental illness) and that at some point in the past, that same entity possessed Gloreth because to me, that's what the narrative seemed to imply
However, I recently read an interview where Stevenson states that C!Nimona was not possessed. I also saw an ask he'd answered on Tumblr where someone had asked if Nimona was a descendant of Gloreth or if Gloreth's monster had anything to do with her (this was pre-movie) and he just answered "She is not a descendant of Gloreth" Without elaborating further. This kinda (to me?) implies that maybe she was always meant to have existed for a crazy long time (1000+ years) and that like the movie, she was the monster Gloreth fought.
But this seemed to me not to be the case, because the flashback of her REAL backstory doesn't appear to take place that long ago (although because the characters wear fantasy/medieval-inspired clothes, it could have been?) it mostly just looks like it happened somewhere far out of the city/kingdom, but I don't really know
There are still differences, C! Nimona canonically has human parents and M! Nimona canonically does not, C! Nimona's powers are implied to be somewhat dark (every time she shapeshifts her entire body is destroyed and regenerated) and M! Nimona's are portrayed as overall a positive thing (I think C!'s powers represent mental illness and M!'s represent queerness, which, very different message)
I know (since he's said it multiple times) that the origin of Nimona's powers are left vague on purpose, because a part of the story's narrative (both comic and movie) is that, it doesn't really matter how it started or what caused it. She's not a monster, and the "monster" is an integral part of who she is. She's not a changeling, or possessed, or a monster, or a human, or a mythical creature of some designation, she's just Nimona.
But since in the comic we do get loredropped tidbits about how her powers work and her backstory, it really makes me lose my freaking mind when I have to try to expand upon that even slightly in fanfic, especially when Word of God seems to contradict the source material, or at least my understanding of it lmao
#thinkin bout a post I made while high like almost a year ago about an AU idea where C!Nimona's “Monster” was expelled#and she could be a normal kid (it was me a person with anger issues fantasizing about not having anger issues and being accepted heyyy)#and while I still think the people on that post who accused me of SUPPORTING CONVERSION THERAPY were WAY out of pocket#(I literally woke up to those messages in bed with my trans partner like “uhhhh babe it seems I support trans converion therapy sorry”)#I don't really like that post anymore just bc now I know its canon or at least word of god that she wasn't possesed lmao#and upon further exploration of the narrative I think it contradicts the message of learning to accept mental illness as a part of yourself#something I still struggle with#but anyway#nimona#nimona graphic novel
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uneven
#adventure time#fionna and cake#simon petrikov#betty grof#golbetty#petrigrof#mine#fanart#first a step below him#then same level#but never got on the same level in reality#and now shes merged with a god#a few steps above u id say#wish this message of getting lost in love or a partner came in my life sooner ngl
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So I decided to spin the wheel by @onefey since I saw so many mutuals getting really cute PMD Teams.
Meet hero Lucky (Girafarig) and partner Biggs (Wimpod). Never in my life have I considered a Girafarig as my potential PMD-sona but here we are despite it all. Even though I was skeptical at first I am now in permanent love.
Gotta think of an Exploration Team name now... hm.
#tagging you per request onefey#what a fun little thing you did thanks for giving me an excuse to doodle#i'm enlightened now i'm a changed person#i've always been kinda “eh” about girafarig especially the shiny but now i think i might genuinely love them#also i'm very average height so the idea of evolving into something tall like farigiraf is hilarious to me#and wimpod... my beloved#i could not have gotten a better partner i love golisopod so much#to all my mutuals out there... if you're reading this i am alive but only barely#i have not forgotten you guys and i think about you daily despite disappearing off the face of the earth#been pushing myself to try and be online again but things have been rough#to anyone that has sent me discord messages that i haven't replied too--#--i promise i read them and they made me smile#i'll try to talk to you guys soon! <3
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The unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching begins to fill the air. Whoever is coming seems to have brought some company along…
They are getting closer… and closer… and closer…
…and closer…
……until..................
"Goooooood evenin'!!" Comes the loud greeting from a certain blond man. A big smile on his face and all.
"We beg your pardon for our prolonged absence. It was completely beyond our control..." Then adds the gentleman standing by his side, apologizing on behalf of both, offering a genuine smile along with the apology.
"...BUT! We're back!" And hopefully for good this time…
#[HI HIIIIIII~~ HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?? 8)]#[IDK IF ANYONE REMEMBERS ME OR MY MUSES ANYMORE?? BUT HELLOOO]#[one million years later but we're backkkkkk]#[i'd like to start by apologizing for completely disappearing for months without any announcement]#[life has been far from kind all this year so far and this has greatly and negatively impacted me emotionally]#[like..very VERY badly (harmful stuff and etc)]#[all to a point where i've had to take some time off from most social media]#[and which is also why i haven't checked or replied to any messages anywhere in a while]#[not that i'm the most social and most active person ever but you get what i mean here ;v;]#[the original plan was to come back here like a month or so ago but as you can guess i was unable to due to the same irl issues]#[i'm not gonna lie i'm still not doing well]#[but i wanted to come back or at least try to]#[since writing for these two and the ogre street guys always brings me joy and i also missed everyone here!]#[i'm still unsure if dropping threads will be the way to go for now or not#because i have no idea if my partners are still interested in any threads we had prior my unannounced hiatus]#[or if anyone's still interested in interacting with me and my muses again ;v;]#[so if we have ongoing threads i'll likely be jumping into your IMs over the course of the days to ask about it]#[i just need to check my thread tracker first because i can't remember what i owed last time ;;;;;;]#[as always: we can start new stuff any time in case you're no longer feeling whatever threads we had]#[and we can also start from scratch if that's best too]#[so no worries there!]#[enough blablah from me for now]#[i missed you all so much!]#[and to the new followers this blog somehow earned in my absence: Hi!! Thank you for following and I hope we can interact soon!!]#[hope everyone has been doing great during my absence!! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#;jonathan says (( ic ))#;ic#(??#;speedwagon withdraws coolly
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every time I see a “it’s actually totally fine and nbd to have sex you don’t enjoy and are uncomfortable with because your partner wants it and you want them to be happy, as long as you’re giving uncoerced consent!” post I lose a month off my lifespan
#can /some people/ do this and have it be healthy for them? sure#but this is the overwhelming pressure both in a relationship and from society#and ime at least it has fucked me up a lot#to have sex i technically gave uncoerced consent to#where i was uncomfortable and unhappy and doing it to try and make my partner happy#bonus points for ‘it’s just like any other activity! just like you can watch a movie you don’t like for the sake of your partner#you can take a few hours to have sex you don’t like for them’#like come on now.#sex is not in fact psychologically identical to movies for most people#when i was a kid my school often made me watch movies I didn’t like or want to watch#you can say this isn’t ideal but#surely you can see. how this is different. than if they had made me have sex i didn’t want.#whatever WHATEVERRRRRR i know the sentiment is helpful for a lot of ppl#and i probably go too hard in the opposite direction#but im not framing myself as a wise advice giver im just rambling in tumblr tags abt my issues#if i were giving advice. well personally i would try to be more nuanced#than ‘don’t worry about it! it’s fine and normal to have sex you’re uncomfortable with and if you disagree you’re acephobic’#but that’s just me.#therapists dni#oh also I agree that people shouldn’t have to fake ‘normal reactions’ to sex#or to try and have orgasms if that’s unrewarding for them etc#im stone! its complicated! i get it!#but you gotta be careful to give the message ‘it’s complicated’#and not just. encouraging ppl to do things they’re genuinely uncomfortable with to make their partner happy.
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dw i'm writing, but promise me you won't let me get back into h.aik.yuu!! i'll go truly insane if i collect any more silly lil boys to write or start contemplating old oc's again. i don't wanna do it
#lies!! i wanna do it!!#though it feels bittersweet bc back then i was writing makiko and i loved her so so much she went through such beautiful development#some of my favorite character development i've ever gotten to write tbh#and writing makiko and getting back into rp led me to writing chiyo again#but i also didn't have the confidence i have now? so aside from a few mutuals who followed me from blog to blog#i don't know if anyone i knew back then still writes bc i didn't keep in contact#and let's be real i'm bad at messages now too but at least i try to be active on the dash when i can be#i dunno i just regret not being better back then#so i hope i can continue to improve and be a good friend and writing partner to everyone here#anywayyyyy ignore me i'm feeling nostalgic!! but back to drafts!!#get ready to ramble | ooc
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luigi time!
#super mario#luigi#clai's art#I'M SO MAD I POSTED THESE IN MY DISCORD CHAT FIRST WITH THE MESSAGE:#''guess who i've just drawn. hint: he's green and a nintendo character''#and i'm KNOWN for being a huge fan of N P/kemon so they were supposed to guess HIM and then i'd go ''HAHA WRONG ITS LUIGI''#BC I'VE LITERALLY NEVER TALKED ABOUT MARIO WITH THEM#BUT BY SOME CHANCE THE FIRST PERSON WHO REPLIED. ANSWERED LUIGI AS A JOKE#SO MY JOKE WAS RUINED#anyway. i'm playing superstar saga rn i'm enjoying it a lot#i love the mario and luigi series so much but i've only finished bowser's inside story and that was YEARS ago#i got stuck at one boss battle in partners in time and then my r4 broke so i never finished that#and i only got to play dream team for a little bit bc it was my friends copy not mine#now that i have a jailbroken 3ds i can FINALLY play and finish ALL OF THEM
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Been a little stressy but hopefully things start looking up
#im gonna get back to all my messages and asks now in the next hour#my partner lost his job#and my company is likely shutting down this month#so its been a bit hectic and panicky#especially since we have rent to pay and an upcoming lease renewal#i had my tattoos booked for next month but will see if i'll have to cancel them or not which would majorly suck because ive been waiting fo#a year now#but also cant be spending my rent money if im out of a job on tattoos#hopin i get a interview for this role a recruiter suggested me for
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SPEAKING OF WHICH are there like any chill wizard101 discord servers or group chats that I could join. Or if anyone just wanna add me on discord shoot me a tumblr DM because I'm lonely and I like you guys :)
#ive had this thought for a while BUT IM JUST SHY. but after the soap opera morganthe dream i just had i need wizard friends to yell at#i got like one wizard mutual on discord already. if youre reading this you know who u are. love you /p <3#other than that one person NONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS ON DISCORD PLAY THE GAME AND IM LOBELY#I WANNA TALK ABOUT WIZARDS AND SHIT#altho ill probably be a useless discord discussion partner because i have no literary comprehension-#-and i havent played the source material in years. okay#all my knowledge on wizard101 is either personal headcanons im now considering as facts or secondhand knowledge from the internet#also my ocs. i love talking about my ocs even though they have the depth of cardboard#ALSO LOVE HEARING ABOUT OTHER PPLS OCS THATS MY FAVORITE THING TO READ FROM MY FRIENDS#like you could dm me at 4 in the morning to talk about your ocs i would be so happy#altho fair warning i can suck at dms bc im an anxious little chihuahua so if ur gonna add me i must warn u. i text back 5 years later#either i send 200 messages in the span of 5 minutes or you wont hear from me until we're both 30. sorry thats just the autism for u#BUT YEAH if anyone wants to add me they can#this fandom is like the only fandom in the world im comfy with interacting with LMAO#wizard101#w101#wiz101#text posts
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my one lunch break is my one break and this is the coworker that was "helping" me in my class yesterday. And by help I mean she sat and a chair and left me to do everything by myself
#on the plus side my director said my classroom management skills were getting better#which is true but because I have to do everything alone#yes I'm using my one lunch break to bitch but I love bitching#I live to bitch and bitch to live#introverts y'all have spent the last 30 years or so bragging about how you don't like to socialize#WE GET IT! MESSAGE RECIEVED! NO ONE ASKS YOU TO DO ANYTHING WITH THEM BECAUSE YOU MADE A PERSONALITY OUT OF NOT WANTING TO DO THINGS!#today's not my day to begin with#I got my paycheck and got my money orders to pay my rent come to find out my landlord won't take my money unless I pay him a $75 late fee#girl I have $16 left in my bank account and that $16 is supposed to somehow feed me for two weeks#this can't be the same paycheck my coworkers is raising multiple kids with#are their partners secretly doctors or oilmen and they don't want flex in my face#what is going on#now I got to text my sister and ask her for $75 and hope she have it#and imma have to pay June's rent late but at least I'll have my teacher supplement payment on that check so I'll be alright#but times are hard and I hate asking for money on here in general#but I really hate asking when I'm whining about my bullshit and people are trying to escape a literal genocide
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decided to finally start on my pile of paperbacks that I've bought over the last 6 months and haven't touched in favor of rereading aftg and fanfic :)))
anyways, reading Carry On first because idk it seemed easy to read even though I haven't read anything in first person in over 15 years probably.
#my posts#carry on#rainbow rowell#wait actually is pjo first person? technically my partner is reading that TO me and I didn't notice#EITHER WAY#uh... listen I sat down and started at like 9pm and it's now midnight and I'm a quarter of the way through#so it's safe to say I am enjoying it.#anyways I'm contemplating publicly posting my THOTS (that I jotted down via discord message to myself) but I haven't decided.#does anyone want to see my dumbass commentary chapter by chapter? no?
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*grinding my teeth*
No I don’t need a partner… but what if I wanna be a little unhinged about my interests and cuddle someone and get a little kissy or two and have someone willing to let me talk their ear off for a second and then let me listen to them talk about whatever they want cos I want to hear them talk about something they’re passionate about and maybe fall asleep together while we’re chatting because we’re comfortable with eachother and don’t want to be away from eachother :(
#wren.rants#I need to make a better effort in finding someone I’m so fucking lonely in the /romantic(ish) way#like I’m ace spectrum so I’m soooo fine with some sort of queer relationship that isn’t stereotypical#but it’s so fucking hard to find anyone and I’m so worried I’m boring as hell#and that my inability to drive is a hella turn off and that because I’m not like#rich yet or whatever I’m just undesirable as a partner#it’s so fucked that I feel like I need to be more financially stable and shit before I even look for anyone when I’m just sad I can’t have-#some sort of closeness to anyone and haven’t had that for nearly three years now#I’m just frustrated man and maybe a little sad I can’t have some intimacy that I’m desperate for at this point#ughhhhhhhh#I need to be obsessed at/with someone man this sucks#anyways feel free to ignore this I’m just sleepy and mad about the fact I can’t just spend my time messaging a partner when I’m lonely#I also feel like I’ve grown distant to people I love online and I’m mad at myself about it I just dunno how to be more present for them….#sighssss#I’ll be fine in a few days I just needed to shout into the void for a sec
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~ ~ ~
#for the last couple days whenever I try to talk to partner about something more serious I’m feeling/thinking they just acknowledge that#they read it and then just blow it off. like putting a sad face emoji to show they read my message and then sending 💕 which is our#indicator for ‘don’t want to/can’t talk right now’. and if they were at work I’d understand but then they don’t try to let me talk later#when we’re together either. and this has even been happening at times where they’re home on a day off. I get maybe not having the energy or#capacity to let someone vent or complain or whatever but at the same time… we’ve been together a year and a half and we live together now#and they’re supposed to be the person I can count on to let me talk and help me feel better if I’m depressed or sad or anxious or whatever#I would do it for them and I do actually do it for them whenever they need me to because I believe that’s what a good partner should do#and yeah my problems are not very serious but they’re still a big deal to me and making me sad/upset and I want to be able to talk about#them outside of just going to therapy once a week. therapy is great and all but emotions aren’t programmed to just line up with a session#I’m still going to think and feel things during the rest of my time outside of therapy and need support and I’m just not getting it now#but what am I supposed to do? try to force them to listen to me? that wouldn’t be fair to either of us#guess I’ll just be stuck alone with my thoughts as usual#personal
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time to accept that I'm upset about the fact "its OK if you just want to be friends" is empty words. that's not going to happen!! & i can never go back to the society we met in because it'll just be awkward! without us EVER dating (unless we were and I wasn't aware of it). so sick of not understanding this stuff i wish it was simple and clear
#i'm so so tired i just like to make friends#and i thought i had one#when this guy messaged me asking if i was alright#after i didnt show up to a society for ages#i thought he was checking for the sake of checking#and i appreciated that because i was not alright#but he said he messaged me because he realised he needed to be proactive in finding a partner#and he thought i was pretty.#ok thanks but i want to be cared about outside of romantic intent#like i would worry for him and care about him#as someone i trust whose company i enjoy#but that wasn't the intent. and now there will be nothing#i'm so tired i hate this#asked my friend just now how it feels to be in love#or romantically attracted to someone#and she could not give a clear answer#despite having felt it before#but by the way she describes it. i tick all the boxes#not with this rejected person clearly#idk. i may not be capable. im so tired of it being everywhere#i wish i could message that friend i made at a social last year#who i had such a good time with#but he tried to kiss me then and he's got a girlfriend now#so it would be wrong#according to rules i don't understand#rant over#i am not sober which was such a mistake#because now i am alone and sad about lost friends who apparently felt something i did not#so that means we have to pretend like we mean nothing to each other#is it the autism. fr. i don't understand
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I am gonna be writing so many more Sanji fics I am so unwell yall. If we get more seasons and they ever do any live-action Law, I will actually expire.
#sent the trailer to my partner and he messages me from the other room ‘great you wanna fuck that damn cook now don’t you’#lo.txt
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