#gonna go take some anxiety meds
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cue me writing lore and information about this story in case anyone ever asks bc i was having SO MANY THOUGHTS about this AU at work but there is simply no way to include all of this information in the fic itself
#when i post my rbb PLEASE ask me questions about things i have Thoughts#and background info that doesn't get explained or explored but trust me i have 8hrs of time to myself at work#that i can just spend the whole shift rotating these idiots in my head#*staring longingly at the 400 words i just wrote of stuff that isn't mentioned in the story*#anyway I THINK IM DONE!!!!#I NEED TO READ AND EDIT IT BUT!!!!!!!!!!#WOOHOO#now to. message my partner#gonna go take some anxiety meds#which will help with sleep too :)#shh ac#wip: aftgrbb#i need a NAME. FUCK.
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woke up to use the bathroom (well. bedside commode. trying to reduce/prevent foot pain) and folks i am so comfy. i love the pressure from the compression boots they have me in and OH MY BIRTH CONTROL I NEED TO TAKE THAT
#marzi speaks#remembered mid-‘it gets better’ post ain’t that funny#update: nurse got my bc out for me we’re good#my gyno would be so proud of my ability to remember to take my pills <3 (<- always follows meds routines)#anywho as i was saying i’m on a dose of liquid tylenol every 6 hours to stay ahead of the foot pain and it is so lovely#been sleeping basically since i had dinner. gonna keep sleeping until they come do my labwork#(not looking forward to that part but i will live)#god i am so glad i won’t have to do colonoscopy prep again#well. if all goes well that is. i should be good until my 50s#i feel like i’m gonna be so well rested. this is such an improvement#also. as they were wheeling me into the OR which was bright and busy bc i had 2 doctors for my 3 scopes#(endo- colono- and broncho-)#my anaesthesiologist asked me again if i wanted some anti-anxiety iv meds since it was so hectic#and i was still good w the morphine but also like. that place was COOL i liked it#i wanted to absorb as much info as my sleepy little nerd brain could#ANYWHO. i’m gonna go back to sleep now love you all
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feeling incredibly unprepared for my med appointment today
#i only have original copies of my diagnosis documents#because i can't get my printer to work#and i have nothing but the cvs app to prove my prescription#and i can't even take a screenshot of that because it's blocked due to policy on android#supposedly that's to protect someone taking my info ig#but it's me! i want to take my own info!#all of the papers i have show my meds at a lower dose#idk#i'm hoping if they take my docs they'll make copies (i'm gonna ask or else i won't hand my docs over)#but like idk what to do about my med dosage though#i did write down my mental health treatment history + why i want to see this provider + how each diagnosis effects me so i don't forget#anything#i'm just really nervous#because i am going into the appointment with one of my main goals being adhd meds#and i'm just afraid that that's too suspicious#even though i have a diagnosis and need them#idk i just fear getting denied because i come across wrong idk#and one of my important papers has an incorrect diagnosis on it but i still need to give the papers for the other info on it#<- i got a borderline diagnosis from someone one time and that's the thing some people do when they see non-men with autism#because obviously autism is only for little boys#so like i don't have bpd#but that says i do#but every other provider has said no you don't#but i have nothing documenting the no you don'ts#so like i just need them to believe me because i exhibit no symptoms of it#but i'm terrified they won't believe me#sorry this is so so so so much rambling i am so so so so nervous for this#all of these tags are such great evidence for the anxiety disorder i have a diagnosis for lmaooooooooooooooooooo i hate it here#zip quips
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I’m so tired. I’m always tired. This suuuucks. and I’m sad and shitty. I know it’s only been a couple of weeks, but I don’t think remeron is a workin for me. Accidentally typed “wormin for me” at first. I wish it was wormin for me. Why won’t you worm for me?😔
#anyone against antidepressants and stuff just… I guess… don’t read this? or follow me 🤷🏻♂️#anyways… I haven’t been on tumblr much. just not feeling it. I’m gonna lose all of my mutuals.#I was supposed to adjust to it. instead uhhhhh ah just in bed#I’m always low energy now#and now im having anxiety about telling my doc I don’t want to be on this prescription#which is like… apparently this is his go-to drug. which is already kinda ehhhh maybe a red flag. preference influencing prescriptions#hey sorry your fav drug kinda sucks#blegh#this might be looking a gift horse in the mouth but I did get incredulous when the only acclimating side effect I got was sleepiness#ever other med I’ve tried has had more annoying side effects#which… god this sounds so stockholm syndrome… but you’d think ‘oh this is rewiring my brain so it MUST have some real initial side effects’#feels like I’m basically taking benadryl that lasts all day or something#funny I just posted saying it was okay a few days okay. yeah it’s okay. until you get tired of being tired all the time#body! adjust already!#I have an appointment with my primary this week so I’ll talk with him about it I guess#went to the movies the other day and almost fell asleep during#I’ve basically been in bed all day. tonight I got really depressed for no real good reason. this sucks. sucks butt.#you can ignore this#text
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our current dilema is that the pain from our wisdom tooth keeps getting so bad we have to take pain meds (like it keeps hitting an 8/10 for several hours at a time. we can't not take pain meds) but the only pain meds that touch it have a warning on them saying not to take them for more than 3 days in a row, and we have at least another month of dealing with this, so I don't really know what to do.
the warning is because they're opioids and can cause addiction but I don't actually know how bad the risk is because everything seems to treat it like opioids are the worst thing ever and should be avoided at all costs and you'll get addicted if you so much as glance at them.
either way, my options are to either keep taking them and just accept that risk, or deal with being in so much pain I can't function. even with taking the pain meds I can tell we're a lot more irritable and short tempered and probably just insufferable to be around honestly and I hate the fact that pain causes this, but once again we've got to deal with this for over a month and we've also got to deal with the anxiety over what the treatment for it is going to actually involve.
I've had to deal with medical trauma stuff I didn't even know about until like yesterday when Lucy suggested it might be part of why I feel so shit, and I've had multiple panic attacks per day and constantly feel way more anxious than usual and I get the feeling we're just gonnaa have to put up with this for the next month and I don't know how the fuck I'm meant to cope with any of this
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#there is absolutely nothing that gets rid of what essentially amounts to a constant sense of impending doom#like our brain has just fully decided we're fucked and going to die or some shit and now I have to deal with the anxiet from it doing that#and like I know logically we're gonna be fine and this is ridiculous#but I know we sometimes get a delusion where our brain just decides we're gonna die on a specific day or whatever#and I think that's flared up and combined with the severe medical anxiety#and since knowing a delusion isn't real doesn't do shit to stop you feeling like it's real#no amount of logic seems to be able to make our brain not freak out over this and make me have panic attacks because of it#we already had that delusion kind of going on in the background because something about this time of year seems to trigger it#and I guess having something planned that's incredibly triggering and causing that feeling a dread#probably just made our brain combine the two things#we also are definitely experiencing stress-induced psychosis just in general because I've been hallucinating so fucking much#actually I wonder if the fact that I've had to take pain meds so much might also be messing with our psychosis#I would like to maybe not have to deal with any of this#we were looking forward to just getting that one tooth removed and then resting and recovering and not having anything planned for a while#and instead we've got at least a month of dealing with this shit and I'm fucking exhausted#this year has basically just been me dealing with one unbelievably triggering thing after another because I have no other choice#like I keep being thrown into situations that involve triggers that I can't even think about without having panic attacks#there's a whole bunch of shit going on in our personal life and stuff just keeps piling up and we don't get a break from any of it
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i get really frustrated with days like today where i’m not feeling bad, but i also can’t function normally or feed myself, which blows up my plans for doing anything cause i can’t get it together. i also think right now though, because i’ve been working so much and moving, and basically been busy nonstop for the past few months, i’m having a hard time making my body remember how to relax. and also it’s been so long since i’ve lived in the city and been on my own with any free time, i just like...have forgotten what it’s like to live? lol. which i know sounds stupid, but really, i’ve forgotten about a lot of things that I can do in the city, and the places I can go since it was all unavailable to me for...really a few years. because even before moving to jersey for awhile it was covid and everything was closed and unsafe, so i really haven’t like, gone out and around very much in a really really long time.
also doesn’t help that i’m still horrifically out of shape and my knee still hurts daily. anyway idk what the point of this post is...i think i’m just frustrated with today cause i was gonna go out and do stuff but i was exhausted and my place is a bit of a mess cause i’ve been working so much i haven’t had time to keep it clean. so instead i’ve just been sitting around all day trying and failing to make my body go do things.
#so the anxiety meds are working i think but the adhd meds still need some work#don't think it's doing much of anything for me#also the sleep meds obvs aren't doing shit loooool#also about to drop a boatload of money buying camera supplies and accessories#in anticipation of going on vacation#first real vacation in a decade#and probably last real vacation for another decade so...#gonna take all the pictures#and hopefully not fuck them up#because i'm bringing my film camera#and i also hope i don't fuck that up
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HmmmMMMMmmmmMMm
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I need to shut the fuck up but I will never fucking forgive my parents for the sleep appointment last month.
#the docs#all i fucking wanted was some help#i need help dude. i fucking need some help with my mental health because i feel like im going fucking insane#all i fucking WANTED is some help. why the fuck am i the bad guy here why couldnt you just suck up having to wait like an hour#the entire reason i wanted him to take me is because i knew she would start shit.#but nooooooo apparently im the bad guy for not knowing what was gonna happen at the appointment#im the bad guy for knowing my anxiety meds cannot and will not work for me im the bad guy for needing help eith a mental conditio#condition thats going to fucking kill me if i dont do something im the bad guy for snapping when she was yelling at me#im the fucking bad guy here in m.the fucking burden the unwanted the wrong im the bad guy here#fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you all
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Stuck in TWST without meds
and also they're yandere or something
@shironakuronatasa here you go pookie <3
Because everyone is different, I'm gonna be focusing on the meds I take and the things I experience! If you're inspired to write one of your own based on your types of meds, go for it! I'd love to see others' takes on this :3
I'm still writing in 2nd person, but you/mc is heavily based off of me!
(And if you still want a personalized one but don't want to write it, my commissions are open/hj)
Tw for one mention of suicidal ideation.
Imagine...
You don't quite have a clusterfuck of things going on in your head, but sometimes it can feel like it. Autism, Anxiety, depression, and ADD. Thankfully, you have access to medication, and they work well for you.
Although you can't keep the downward spiraling from the depression and anxiety away completely, it is far more manageable with your medication. You've found that when off them, you are far more prone to completely fall apart at even the slightest inconvenience. It feels like constant stormy waters, with stormclouds that only make the waves worse. But when on them, the storm disappears. Yes, the waves still get rocky and tip your boat from side to side, but you're emotionally stable enough to handle them.
Then the meds for your ADD. With them you have the razor sharp focus to not only take care of projects and work, but also to simply take care of yourself. When off of those, even simple tasks like taking out the trash can take hours, especially since you so easily forget steps, and will stop the chore in the middle, genuinely thinking it's complete.
But you have your meds, so you manage just fine.
Until you're sucked into Twisted Wonderland.
First of all, even if you had already taken the meds for anxiety/depression, there's not much they could do in the face of being transported and consequently trapped in a different dimension. But they do still help, and instead of bawling, you manage to keep a cool (enough) head and get yourself settled into Ramshackle.
But they don't last you long. They had built up in your system enough to last you a few days, but time and circumstances were not on your side.
Even though Grim is by no means an emotional support pet, and is by all means a little shit, he manages to push his pride aside when he can tell you really need it.
Especially the days where you wonder if death is what will bring you back home...
Grim will act as if he helps you for his own purposes, but he is genuinely there for you.
The others, however...
First of all, quite a few of them don't completely understand... you're extra sad and spacey, but you had some kind of magic to help with it back home, but you don't have them here, and without them you get... sad and spacey?
Riddle probably sees it as some pathetic excuse. It's not until after his overblot that his tune completely changes and he is giving you all the special treatment. Even if you mess up on purpose, even if it's something that really frustrates him, he'll justify it as you not knowing any better. Which is patronizing as hell.
Ace will use it to his advantage. Getting into trouble and having you take the brunt. And you play along with it, because, again, Riddle is treating you like an incompetent child, so you are all for raising Cain with Ace. What Ace really loves about this, though, is that it makes you more willing to hang out with him, and more likely to dislike Riddle.
I imagine Deuce has something going as well, though I don't quite know what, and neither does he. But he finds a kindred spirit in you. Study sessions with him are a MUST, and you share your different study and coping tactics, while he stares at your lovely face.
Trey relishes in caring for you. If you're having any kind of sudden increase in stress or sorrow, he is fucking there. He will scoop you up and take you to the kitchen and treat you with his home baked goodies right then and there. Same with your academics, if you need help with academics, it's to the kitchen for tutoring. And as bad as it is, he finds himself wishing you'd give in and lean on him completely.
Leona will also be there for you in depressive episodes. He sees how you always go to Grim when your upset, notices the little things that Grimm does that helps, and starts subtly using them whenever you're upset. Not even just if it's depression/anxiety related, if you're upset with him specifically he'll start purring in that low register that has your heart slowing. He'll rest his body on your chest as a weighted blanket. He'll let you pet him and comb through his hair. All until all you associate Leona with is safety and comfort–as you should from a mate.
Ruggie is SUCH a little meanie at first! Specifically regarding your ADD. Once he sees how much it genuinely upsets you, though, he'll back off. He does have a manipulative streak, though, and will use your anxiety against you. Any way he can get you to distrust others and seek him out is a good way.
Jack is one who does not fuckin understand at first, but once he does, he's supportive. He asks if there's anyway he can help and you offhandedly tell him about emotional support dogs, and he is locked on. He's embarrassed by it at first, of course, but he can tell how safe it makes you feel, and like Leona he is completely fucking for that. Though he won't just be emotional support, no, he'll be the guard dog chasing away anything that could possibly trigger you.
School is very difficult for you without your ADD meds. You can manage, but it is far more stressful and difficult than it needs to be. So, of course, you have those generously offering to help you–specifically Azul, who's more than willing to help... at a price, of course.
Floyd really likes when you daze off in class... When you're staring blankly, mind thinking about so many things except whatever the professor is droning on about. The way your eyes glaze over, the way you're so focused on whatever the fuck is going on in your head, the way your lips part ever so slightly... All your idle habits are endlessly entrancing to him. And, goes without saying, every single time you're especially depressed, he offers a good squeeze session.
Jade, the manipulative bastard, will purposely set you up for failure so that you feel like you need to go to him for help. Because lord knows Azul will make you pay for it, but not your good friend Jade. Plus, if you ever mention how hiking can help with mood, lord save your soul...
Jamil is such a DICK. He will be degrading you at every second, completely taking over whatever it is you try to do. Even if it has nothing to do with him. God, you remind him of Kalim, but at least you don't have the nerve to be so fucking happy all the time. A sick part of him likes when you're sad. You're less annoying when you're depressed, specifically, without little energy or motivation to do or be anything else. He'd happily take care of you then. He'll do whatever you need done. You'd probably do it wrong anyway.
Kalim feels so fucking seen and understood. He honestly felt like some kind of freak for so much of his life, but you... you're kinda like him! A lot sadder though. Your very existence brightens his life, so he's made it his mission to brighten yours. He also really can't stand it when you're with others. It's so obvious you two are meant for each other! He views your shared ADD symptoms as evidence of soulmateship.
Vil is another case of not fully understanding. You're making excuses. Until he takes it a bit too far, pushes even more than what you can handle, and you fully break down in front of him. You're so completely and utterly vulnerable in that moment. He doesn't know if it's a very dedicated manipulation tactic to get out of his nitpicking, but... he becomes a little more sympathetic with you. Vil recognizes that, for whatever reason, you do in fact seem to struggle more with certain things. And yet, despite that, you still try. You continue push yourself, even if what youre pushing towards is, by other people's standards, the norm/mediocrity/minimum. And in you he starts to see a bit of himself. Especially since, let's face it, with depression, anxiety, and add, it is very likely you relate more to Vil than you do Niege. He helps you, and in turn you help him, though you don't even realize it. Helping you be happier with yourself helps him be happy with himself. And he'll fucking slaughter anyone who takes you away from him.
Rook, like Vil, is easily able to recognize how much you not only struggle, but how much you try. And he finds that incredibly beautiful. Needless to say, he is often watching you. Everything you do is enchanting. He memorizes every. single. stim. and habit. Sometimes when you get frustrated, he just wants to scoop you up in his arms and shower you in kisses, but then you'd realize he broke into your room...
Epel will see how much you get pushed around, and takes it upon himself to defend you. He also sees a bit of himself in you. Sometimes he purposely waits around you, and at the first sign of trouble, he'll attack.
Sometimes you just get too fucking overstimulated and you need a break. And in those times, you've found Idia to be the best person to go to. You both started off pretty distant. You approached him, upset, and asked for a quiet place. You put in headphones and just laid down right there. The two of you just sat in silence, with headphones in, doing your own things, blocking out the world. And, oh, how Idia came to crave those moments. He began to depend on you for comfort, ans hoping that you would similarly come to depend on him. You're different from those other normies, you're the only one who gets him so please just stay with him! He will start to modify his room to be the perfect sensory room, the only place in the school you can go to fully regulate yourself. He starts going out with you, acting as if you're really helping him step out of his shell, when really he just wants to spend more time with you, and will continue to shy away from everyone else and hide behind you. This man desperately needs you to need him as desperately as he needs you.
You are so. Fucking. Cute. Malleus finds your every single quirk so fucking attractive. He doesnt like, however, seeing you so upset. So sad. And the kind of sad where he is helpless to help you. He also really doesn't like it when you're upset at yourself. Don't you realize you're perfect? And who cares if you're not good at any of the school stuff? Malleus doesn't. You don't need any of those skills anyway, with Malleus Draconia here to always take care of you.
if you want the rest of diasomnia or the secret character I subtly didn't include lmk
part two out now!!
#yes i’m referencing the eels mouth open thing again leave me alone#yandere#yandere rambles#yandere twst#yandere twisted wonderland#twst#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#twisted wonderland#twst floyd#twst headcanons#yandere twst headcanons#yandere ace trappola#yandere deuce spade#yandere trey clover#yandere riddle rosehearts#yandere leona kingscholar#yandere jack howl#yandere ruggie bucchi#yandere azul x reader#yandere jade leech#yandere floyd leech#yandere kalim al asim#yandere jamil viper#yandere epel felmier#yandere rook hunt#yandere vil schoenheit#yandere idia shroud#yandere malleus draconia#yandere headcanons
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#yeah pretty sure i'm going through withdrawal from my anxiety meds#this is the fuckinf worst thing i've ever experienced#i feel like i'm legitimately dying lol#i want it to stop so bad i just want to feel normal again#my nervous system is so fucked right now#also decided to stop caffeine when i started feeling like this so 🫠🙃🙃#i've been taking motion sickness medicine but idk if it's just contributing to the problem more#or if it's actually gonna help until the withdrawal passes#i know some of u are doctors so help me out pls😅
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Not gonna reblog the original because I'm not about to spread transphobic takes around. But here's a reminder to all young trans men who want to take T some day that being on testosterone does not make you violent. It does not change your personality. It does not make you unstable and dangerous. You don't need to go on psych meds in conjunction with T just because you're on T. I can't believe we're still saying this. Unfortunately this take came from a trans woman. Throwing your trans siblings under the bus will not get you more support from conservatives, trust me.
I'm back on T after a long break. I feel more emotionally stable than before. I am having less frequent PTSD and anxiety attacks. I am able to calm down easier. Before T, I'd be having anxiety attacks that lasted so long I needed to take medication for them. Now, I'm actually able to self soothe. No idea if it's because of the hormone difference or because knowing I'm back in HRT is just lowering my stress levels, but it's what's happening.
What it does do is make you feel a bit like a teenaged cis boy going through puberty. I'm sleepy, hungry, and horny. Im sweating more and my sweat and piss stink more for some damn reason. The last time I was on T, I was feeling some twinges of irritation at times, but nothing close to violent impulses, and that hasn't even come back this time around. It has never made me forget how people perceived as female are treated. It doesn't make me snap at people, and it ABSOLUTELY did not and does not make me feel sexually violent.
Don't let people scare you. You will still be you on T. You will be able to relax and unclench and stop hiding. You will be able to breathe and feel comfortable in who you are.
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Since i know no one will see this:
1 note and i will email my therapist
ok so for this one,, like since then i have emailed my therapist?? that counts right????? tbh i dont even know what to talk abt anymore, but i do have a session with her so dw
2 notes and ill put my laundry away
ugh….. stupid. internet.. making me do things that will make my life easier…. gugh yeah i put my laundry away!!!!! everyone clap now
5 notes and ill try to brush my teeth more often
ok so like for this one i found this video https://youtu.be/pvutTiPY7q8?si=PASnBmUXZ0xiHzWM imma sing this song to myself every tike i dont feel like brushing my teeth
youtube
6 notes and ill try to put on cream for my dermatitis (anxiety hives!!! yayyy!!!!) more often
just did it hehe :) tho it is getting a little worse and my kitten scratched me on top of it 😭
10 notes and ill attempt to learn my timestables
11 notes and ill study for my exams
my exams are over!!!! so idk what to do for this one? maybe ill go do my homework instead
20 notes and ill try to go one day without using my pc/phone
30 notes and ill vaccum (more bc we just adopted kittens) my room entirely
40 notes and ill try to explain my depression to my mom again
50 notes and ill clean my locker out at school
imma do this tmr!!!
i forgot 😭 someone remind me
80 notes and ill fix the posters that are falling off of my wall and are probably going to rip soon
doing this rn! taking dinner break
100 notes and ill REALLY unpack everything with my therapist
maybe tmr?
we talked about medication and kittens, also exams so like success??
200 notes and ill ask my mom if we can go to my go and get! me! medicated!
ill discuss w therapist tmr
discussed with therapist, we are now getting the conversation started with my mom and are going to see what my gp says after that!! :) ty to everyone in the notes rooting for meds
300 notes and ill re organise my bookshelf
400 notes and ill clean all of the mold off of my wall
damn 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ion wannaaaaaaaa
this is a weekend activity tbh, and idk if its even going to BE this weekend :P
500 notes and ill clean the mold off of my roof
600 notes and ill try sewing some new clothes
i crocheted a scarf!!! does that count?
700 notes and ill buy some new shoes
800 notes and ill check out dnd club at school (im scared)
900 notes and ill come up with more goals
edit: bro……. 😭
so im gonna take my time w these bc there is a lot to go thru!! i will try my best to remember to update!!! ty for notes :)
- random internet stranger
edit 2: WTF 1000 NOTES GUYS CHILL
ok so like i have to come up with more goals now???
1500 and ill start taking study notes with a study method (rb with study method that is your fav eg cornell method)
1700 and ill attempt to hype myself up enough to eat at school (long story, germs)
2000 notes and ill start whatever book wins this poll:
#funny#lol#meme#<- since i know no one will see this i may aswell give it a chance right?#dont make me get my life together im begginf 😭😭#Youtube
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i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much
#marzi speaks#it’s worse with my brother but he’s doing more to actively work on improving that#my dad however has very subtle internalized ableism that i don’t think he recognizes is there#which is. fun#like earlier. either last night or this morning i don’t remember#i was talking to him about how while ideologically i have nothing against accepting needing help and things like that#in practice it’s very challenging to adjust to being disabled even temporarily. and that if i do end up with a diagnosis that’s gonna be#a lot to handle. both mentally and just with the lifestyle changes i’ll have to make#and he makes a bit of a face and goes ‘i wouldn’t quite call you disabled. i’d just say ‘ill’’#and i just sort of look at him. and i blink. and i go ‘i am physically Un-Able to do things i am normally able to do’#‘i can’t walk long distances at all. i can’t sit in chairs for too long without causing pain’#‘i’ve spent the last 24 hours staring longingly at my computer because i want to draw but am currently Not Able To’#he didn’t argue with me but i can tell he was still unnerved by the idea of picturing his daughter as disabled#also like . illness and disability are not mutually exclusive? several disabilities are or involve chronic illness#i shouldn’t be surprised though. i mentioned considering starting lexapro#and he went on his ‘you’re an adult and it’s your choice in the end but i wouldn’t recommend it’ spiel#(he’s anti-psychiatry bc he doesn’t like the idea of breaking the brain down into smth so purely physical)#(and also doesn’t like the idea of someone being dependent on pills their whole life)#(which i’m giving him some slack on rn bc he is a just-got-clean recovering opoid addict. so)#(btw before any of you say SHIT abt my dad he took his pills legally prescribed for chronic pain and did not abuse them)#(and even if he DID that would give nobody a right to make a moral judgement on him. ok cool)#i then reminded him that my mom takes anti-anxiety meds and they really really helped her#and he just goes ‘true.’ and moves on#king u got some shit to unpack#it’s fine if u didn’t want to start antidepressants when it was recommended to you meds aren’t for everyone#but like come on now. u don’t gotta be so fundamentally against it when literally ur own wife who you adore takes psych meds#anywho my mom handled me making the disability comment much better. she was basically just like ‘ur fear is totally understandable’#‘u have a good support system we’ll help you through it’#which. thanks mom 👍 that was very kind of her to say
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How I look basically telling my boss Im going to have a breakdown today no matter what and I'd rather do it at home than at work and that I can feel the signs already coming on and it's going to last all day to the point where I'll make an attempt at my life bc this is not the first time this has happened to me in my life by a long shot (and I most certainly don't have the money to pay to go to the hospital and whatever subsequent things they want to do to/for me)
#trust me if i could go to the hospital during a breakdown and the in moment S/himg to actually get something done abt it i would#but i don't have the time to stay in care nor do i have to money to do so bc i have to work#and despite paying half of everything myself i don't want to be a burden on my mother who pays the other half while I'm in care#that's why we didn't go the last time either or the time before that.#eventually I'm going to die. and most likely. it will be at home during one of these#the anxiety meds they gave me only put me to sleep and nothing else after that#my boss said i can have the day so I'm gonna get everything ready. i thought I'd be clean for January at least. I'm gonna take my meds#and take a nap. when i wake up I'm going to sit in the bath. I'm going to hurt myself deeply. I'll stay there to see if I'll die. then#I'm going to get out. take some more meds and sit in silence#I'll be scratching and clawing and rocking in the corner of my room. i know my body.i know my routine
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taking an edible for me is “this is a bad idea. this is a bad idea. thisisabadideathisisabadideathisisabadidea. oh hey this isn’t so bad. this is nice. nice. nice. nice. aaaaaaaand I’m sleepy.”
#beforehand I look at them like I’m about to poison myself#’these are going to ruin my night and make me feel so anxious and sick’#but I still make myself take half of one bc I’m anxious now and I know deep down it’ll chill me out in an hour or so#drugs are bad mmkay#anyway I’m gonna chop a gummy in half and play Enter The Gungeon & listen to podcasts until it kicks in#I’m just so anxious all the time. breathing makes me anxious. thinking about falling asleep makes me anxious. being alone makes me anxious.#I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist tomorrow to talk about meds so fingers crossed#I KNOW I won’t get any immediate relief meds from them. well… I’m pretty sure I know I won’t#some drs and places just refuse to prescribe benzos 🤷🏻♂️#I get it I guess. sorta. I mean I have a long history of anxiety and ER trips for it and whatnot but nah.#naaaaah. someone might abuse a Xanax so I gotta get prescribed super Benadryl and an SSRI that I have to HOPE helps me in a couple of weeks#we’ll see what they say tomorrow. no sense in being negative before the appointments even started#hey… I like you and I appreciate you#goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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could you write something about oscar and his broken rib? maybe how you imagine how it happend, him going to the hospital to check it out, y/n taking care of him and being worried, him insisting to race,…
hope that helps with inspiration. you don‘t have to write everything from above just what you like
fortune in misfortune | oscar piastri
pairing: oscar piastri x gf!reader. note: i still can’t believe that he raced (AND WON???) with a broken rib so this was definitely fun to write. thank you for requesting it!! <3
you’re sitting on the couch, legs draped over oscar’s lap, when you notice him wince. it’s subtle, just a tiny flinch, but you catch it. you pull your eyes away from the movie and look at him, raising an eyebrow. "what’s wrong?"
oscar tries to shrug it off, offering a half-hearted smile. “nothing, just a little sore from training.”
you narrow your eyes, not convinced. “you sure? you don’t look fine.”
he chuckles, leaning in to kiss your forehead. “i’m okay, really. maybe i pulled something, but it’s nothing serious.”
you let it go for now, but the nagging feeling in your gut doesn’t disappear. he’s been home for a few days between races, and you’ve noticed he’s been moving a bit more carefully than usual. you figure he’s just being cautious—he’s got a big race in hungary coming up and doesn’t want to risk anything.
a couple of days later, you’re in the kitchen making breakfast when you hear a crash. rushing to the living room, you find oscar on the floor, holding his side and gritting his teeth.
“oscar!” you exclaim, dropping to your knees beside him. “what happened?”
he tries to laugh, but it comes out more like a groan. “tripped over my own feet… and then, well, the coffee table.”
your heart races as you help him up, his face pale with pain. “we’re going to the hospital.”
he starts to protest, but one look at your determined expression and he knows better than to argue. “okay, okay. but it’s probably just a bruise.”
you drive him to the hospital, anxiety bubbling in your chest. oscar tries to lighten the mood, cracking jokes and insisting that he’s fine, but you can see the discomfort etched on his face.
in the examination room, the doctor checks him over, sending him for an x-ray. you sit beside him, holding his hand, trying to mask your worry with a smile.
when the doctor returns, he frowns at the x-ray images. “well, there’s nothing obvious here, but given your symptoms, i’d like to do an ultrasound to be sure.”
oscar nods, though you can see a flicker of concern in his eyes. you squeeze his hand tighter.
a little while later, the ultrasound reveals what the x-ray didn’t—he’s got a small, hairline fracture in one of his ribs. the doctor explains it’s not too serious but could cause pain, especially with the physical demands of racing.
you feel a wave of relief mixed with fresh worry. “so what now? should he be resting? can he still race?” your questions tumble out faster than you can control them.
oscar gives you a reassuring smile, despite the obvious discomfort. “it’s just a small fracture. i’ll take it easy.”
the doctor advises some rest and pain management but doesn’t explicitly forbid racing. oscar seems almost relieved, but you’re still not convinced. “oscar, i don’t know… this sounds serious.”
“hey,” he says softly, turning to face you fully. “i’ll be careful. if it gets worse, i’ll pull out, okay? but right now, i’m feeling alright. it’s just a bit of pain.”
you know how stubborn he can be, and how much racing means to him. you want to make him stay home, keep him safe, but you also know he wouldn’t be happy with that.
over the next few days, you fuss over him—probably more than necessary, but you can’t help it. you make sure he’s comfortable, keep an eye on him whenever he moves, and remind him to take his pain meds. oscar endures it with a smile, teasing you gently about being so worried.
“you’re gonna wrap me in bubble wrap next,” he jokes one morning as you hand him a glass of water with his painkillers.
“don’t tempt me,” you reply, only half-joking. but you know you can’t keep him from going to hungary. it’s what he loves, and you can see the determination in his eyes.
the day before he’s supposed to leave, you sit together in bed, your head resting on his shoulder. “just promise me you’ll be careful.”
he kisses the top of your head, his voice soft. “i promise. and if it gets too much, i’ll stop. but i’ve got this, love. don’t worry too much.”
you nod, trying to believe it, but the worry still lingers in your chest. you just want him to be okay.
the next morning, you drive him to the airport, your hand gripping his a little tighter than usual. “text me as soon as you land, and call me if you need anything.”
oscar smiles, leaning in for a kiss. “i will. and i’ll be back before you know it.”
as you watch him walk into the terminal, you can’t shake the feeling of anxiety. but you trust him. he’ll be careful. he’s oscar, after all—strong, determined, and maybe just a little bit clumsy. and you’ll be here, waiting for him, ready to take care of him when he gets back.
#f1#f1 x reader#formula 1#formula 1 x reader#f1 imagine#mclaren#mclaren racing#op81#op81 x reader#op81 imagine#op81 x you#op81 x y/n#op81 fluff#op81 fic#oscar piastri x yn#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri x reader#divider by cafekitsune#formula one imagine
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