#I get it I guess. sorta. I mean I have a long history of anxiety and ER trips for it and whatnot but nah.

[floral-hex]

taking an edible for me is “this is a bad idea. this is a bad idea. thisisabadideathisisabadideathisisabadidea. oh hey this isn’t so bad. this is nice. nice. nice. nice. aaaaaaaand I’m sleepy.”

[lolly-dolli]

I'm sending you this to make you talk about Beezy on your tumblr. Inflict him upon the internet for me, I love him, give me the clownboy

Oh no

Alright motherfucker, prepare to unleash the most normal of Azzy's adult siblings (well. Minus Levi but she still has terrible anxiety and DOES want to kill a man but it's only the one guy and everyone hates him)

Content warning for uuuh....I guess murder and cannibalism are the worst Beezy has in his backstory? He's not really all that fucked up over the antichrist bit mostly just relieved he has The Shakies from what species he is and on account of he has a brain disorder

Beatrice/Beelzebub (because his pa just renames all his kids, he reckons), is a Funny Little Guy who is pretty nice once you get past his unsettlingly sharp teeth (you're pretty sure he has more than one row somehow...?), tall, wiry frame and the whole...cannibalism part.

This is probably owed to the fact that, in his own words, "his ma raised him right."

Beezy was born the Prince of Gluttony in a cozy little encampment in the Great Smoky Mountains of North Carolina with a full he'd of baker-miller pink hair and a full set of teeth. His Ma is the matriarch of a family of pig farmers who, in the warmer months, enjoy hunting the...longer variety of pig, if you catch my drift; and his father, as far as he knows, was some stiff in a three-piece suit who was the one that got away. Literally!

She was apparently so impressed at this man's ability to navigate the woods at night despite his highly impractical attire and straight-up refusal to die that taunting turned to banter turned to flirting, and to her surprise, he accepted. The rest was history, including...whatever that kind of relationship was called was by morning. She said it wouldn't've worked out long-term, though, so no skin off her back.

Nine months later, Beezy came into the world, and his Ma was apparently so tired of waiting for a girl to name after her great-great-grandma that she just decided "y'know what? Everything about this kid is weird already and we ain't the sorta people t' judge. His name's Beatrice."

This would set the tone for the rest of Beezy's life.

Beezy's species technically doesn't have a name - what they're called tends to align with whatever local folklore they line up best with, because for the most part, they read as feral to other demons and any human unfortunate enough to walk into the territory of a hungry one.

Azzy would call him a Fae, but Beezy would probably prefer the term Rougarou, on account a' fairies only sometimes eat people, and that's what his family called them growing up.

He's actually the most socialized one of him known to demon society, and probably the most well-fed despite the number of ribs one can see through his skin.

His species has a notoriously high metabolism, meaning they tend to be opportunistic predators and take whatever they can get, and they simply have very little time to socialize--so little that most of their language is nonverbal, as they tend to be solitary and nomadic in lifestyle. Most are actually, contrary to popular belief, omnivorous, but gathering is a lot less quick than hunting.

Because Beezy has access to a regular supply of food, his status as a carnivore is more a choice than anything else. Azzy is working on changing that, though their other brother Andy have had more luck since fruit is at least sweet, and it's very hard to convince a nineteen year old that scurvy is something he can actually get outright rather than hiding vegetables in a smoothie.

He's a big fan of sweets.

His family ingrained in him the belief that it's important not to waste food (being as they live pretty off the grid), and he likes making "people sweets" with rendered fat and ligaments (don't accept candy from him unless you want to find out what gelatin made from a person tastes like).

He didn't meet his siblings until very recently, and was just kind of dropped into the Hellbound Antichrist Pile by his father in hopes of kickstarting the battle royale that is deciding an heir after being told he was going to come stay with him for a bit and meet his family.

Unluckily for Satan, the average Beezy-Azzy argument looks more like this than it does any sort of actual bloodbath.

Azzy is constantly playing 5D chess with anyone he doesn't fully trust (and sometimes even them too), and Beezy is actually pretty emotionally intelligent for a hick in clown makeup, so he thinks it's funniest to respond by Bugs Bunnying him about it.

Despite this, they genuinely do care about each other a lot, Azzy will just...never admit it outright. Instead he'll tell Beezy to stop nibbling the skin on his fingertips raw and make him wear a pair of gloves he made him which he made sure will match his outfit, so put on the gloves before you give yourself an infection, Beezy.

Beezy is like a human demon knifecat in teasingly saying that Azzy does love him.

He'll then proceed to very earnestly play devil's advocate against factory farming as a practice to piss Azzy off, and the cycle repeats. Such is life

[noah-moth-cursed-chaos]

Museums and Abstract Paintings: A quinnby fic, chapter four

Quick disclaimer: Chris’ amnesia is not modeled after any real world type of amnesia, please don’t base any understanding of real world amnesia off of it. Tw for mentions of murder and implied mentions of murder, along with guilt and anxiety.

Trilby didn’t quite know how to take what he’d learned on his mission with Chris. He’d noticed the ministry was always short staffed. He hadn’t before recognized the constant influx of new faces, or how there was usually no explanation to what happened to the old ones. They were all just hear to get tossed into the fire in the fruitless attempt to protect a few civilians. There was a better chance of ending up dead or insane than making it through their job. Why did so many people stay? Did everyone come in the way he did? Wanted by the law and under threat of imprisonment if they didn’t work for the government? He sighed as he got up from his desk, his report wasn’t as detailed as his usual work but it was good enough. Time to turn it in.

Despite the small staff there was no lack of the normal office gossip in the ministry building, usually about the results of another agent’s mission. Trilby overheard a snippet of this as he walked past.

“Yeah, came in covered in blood, again, think most of it was his this time.”

“Good grief, Chris really is trying to cost the carpet cleaners a fortune isn’t he?”

“Is he okay?” Trilby had stopped, glancing at his two coworkers.

“Not sure, he’s in the infirmary. But he’s always bounced back before so I’m sure he’s doin’ fine.” One of them said.

“Starting to doubt he *can* die he’s done this so many times.” The other said.

Trilby changed his route after that, heading up to the floor the infirmary was on, the report could wait.

Chris hated when he had to get stitches. Oh well. He was alive, a bit worse for wear, but alive.

“In no point did it cross your mind to, I dunno, *run*? There’s no shame in not coming in here a bloody mess after every other job, y’know, plenty of agents manage it quite well.” Claire walked in, an expression of concern and exasperation on her face.

“Not demonslayers.” Chris said, “Besides, it’s not *that* bad.” He shrugged.

“You have too much pride in your mission record, you can fail one mission.” She shot at him.

Chris could’ve laughed, he couldn’t give less sh^ts about his mission record, “It isn’t about that. With some of the jobs other people here have, if they slip up someone else comes in and it’s fine, if I slip up people could get hurt, good people.”

“You already saved the world once y’know, it can be someone else’s problem now.” Claire sighed, “... but I guess I get where you’re coming from.”

“Saved the world?” The two turned to the doorway to see Trilby, who looked thoroughly confused with what he just heard.

“Yeah I saved the world from a henweigh.”

“.. a henweigh?” Trilby asked.

“Yeah.”

The thief paused, clearly having expected clarification, “And what’s a henweigh?”

“‘Bout ten pounds.” Chris smirked. Claire chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“You know one day someone’s gonna ask about it who’s already heard that joke.” She pointed out.

“So you didn’t actually save the world?” Trilby asked.

“Who knows.” Chris smirked at the other’s annoyance, “Maybe I did maybe I didn’t.”

“You can just say you don’t want to answer.”

“I know, but it’s funny to watch you get annoyed. I do think I’m gonna leave you in the dark though, mate.”

“Well, at least you’re alive to do that, heard you ruined the carpet coming in.” The ex thief leaned against the wall, Chris couldn’t help but laugh.

Trilby had tried to brush off what he heard in the infirmary, maybe they were just joking around. Really, Chris saving the world? Sounded about as likely as a beaver running for parliament. But he also barely really knew anything about Chris. Just that he took more dangerous assignments and was known for being reckless and unpredictable. But for some reason he couldn’t shake his intrigue. Couldn’t hurt to ask around.

Turns out it couldn’t help either. The answers people had just raised more questions. Chris stopped something horrible, nobody knew what it was or how he did it. Some people even suspected it was just some delusion, seeming as apparently he was supposed to be in a mental hospital during the time.

Trilby guessed he wasn’t quite as sneaky about his prying into the matter as he assumed, because Chris did find out eventually, and did confront him.

“Ya know it’s kinda rude to go asking about someone’s personal business behind their back.” Trilby couldn’t tell if the redheaded man who’d walked into his office was upset with him or not.

“... pardon?” The idea of being found out hadn’t crossed his mind, so he wasn’t quite sure what Chris could be talking about.

“You *really* wanna know what Claire was talking about in the infirmary don’t you?” The taller man raised an eyebrow. A younger Trilby likely would’ve turned an impressive shade of red at realizing he’d been caught, or would’ve tried to think up some half baked excuse as to why he’d been snooping. But now Trilby held his composure, despite the slight panic he felt inside.

“Oh, yes I have been looking into that.” Trilby said, turning his attention back to the file he was reading, “Is that a problem?”

There was a short pause before Chris spoke again, “... I guess I could tell you.” He said, “On two conditions.” Trilby couldn’t help but look up, intrigued to hear whatever conditions the taller man wanted met. “You meet me at the museum tonight at 4, and you don’t call me crazy.”

Chris was more than anxious as he waited outside the museum. Why the hell had he agreed to talk about it? Why here? Trilby would just think he was insane or he still belonged in the mental hospital or-

“Quinn?” He was snapped out of his thoughts, finding Trilby standing a small distance away, “Are we going in?”

“Oh uh-yeah.” Chris cleared his throat and got up, “.. how long have you been standing there, by the way?”

“Nearly ten minutes.” Oh. Oh sh^t. He just let him stand there for ten minutes. God Quinn you’re stupid.

“Sh^t, sorry mate.” Chris lead him inside. There weren’t many people here, and those that were seemed caught up enough in their own exploration of the building to pay no mind to the two men. Chris showed Trilby his favorite exhibits, talking about the history behind them and why they caught his eye. Trilby seemed more interested in Chris’ words than the museum itself, but his eyes lingered on more valuable exhibits, and Chris wondered if he was thinking of what it’d be like to have possession of them. Eventually they wondered to a part nobody was in at the moment.

“Why did you want to meet here?” Trilby asked, “Why not your apartment or my office or.. anywhere more secluded?”

“Uh, stupidly enough I figured it would be. Sorta a neutral ground. We’ve both made fools of ourself in front of each other in a place like this.” Chris explained. He walked over to a bench and sat down, “So how much did you find out eventually?”

“Not too much I think. Something happened when you were in a mental hospital, you stopped it somehow. Nobody knows what it was. Well, Claire might, but when I asked her she told me to mind my own business. Hey! Don’t laugh at me!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just-“ Chris managed to calm down, “You sounded so offended.” He said, “Well, I’m uh, not really sure if my version of the story is even the whole thing.” He said, yeah that’s a good way to start Chris, set yourself up as an unreliable narrator. God he probably already thinks you’re nuts.

“What do you mean?”

“I Uh, don’t remember anything really before uh. The night my parents died.” He began, “Sometimes things feel familiar or I think I *should* remember something but I just... don’t. That day I was heading to their home after a book signing. I was stressed and they’d left a voicemail asking me to come over and I just.. I thought maybe seeing them would make things a little better. But they were dead when I got there, murdered. They never found the killer.”

“Oh I’m... sorry.” Trilby didn’t expect the story to start off with dead parents, Chris figured. It sounded like a cliche. He sounded like a sh^tty comic book hero.

“It’s fine, nothing that can be done now.. I checked myself into a mental hospital, I’m pretty sure it was a last straw thing for me. I didn’t react the way I thought I should’ve. Figured I should get help.” He was pretty sure the hospital f^cked him up more, but he didn’t say that, “One day I woke up and there was just a guard, dead. I didn’t really know what to do, so I took his gun and went out to investigate. The place was crawling with zombies, which I know sounds insane but it’s true, I recognized some of ‘em, other patients, guards, they smelled like rotting flesh and I remember wondering if I breathed in too close if I’d catch it. At first I didn’t really think about what was going on, I mean what are you supposed to think? I had to get out. That’s what I thought. I had to get out and I had to find out what was causing this and I had to get rid of it because otherwise I’d die. It was kind of a blur until I got shot.” Chris glanced at Trilby, trying to read his face for a reaction to what he’d said so far, he couldn’t find one. The other agent was just.. listening. Chris paused before he continued, “I killed this big lard^rse looking thing and then one of those walking corpses shot me. I woke up in a graveyard, I was one of them but.. somehow I wasn’t. Gone. Not like they were. I went to my parents house to see if there was anything there that might help. I don’t really remember everything I grabbed. I fought my way through the rest of ‘em, I killed it, the evil, the thing that was doing it all, at least I think I did.. I remember the life leaving my body and thinking it was my time.”

“But you’re not dead. Or a zombie.” Trilby now sounded confused, Chris didn’t blame him, this was all so odd he could barely make sense of it half the time. He sometimes wondered if maybe he was just delusional.

“Yeah. That’s what doesn’t make sense. I died a zombie and woke up a human on the side of the road with a bunch of guns and the book of transformations. Everything was normal and nobody knew anything about a zombie apocalypse.” Chris said, “But there were. A lot of people dead. Really quick. A lot of them looked like the zombies I killed. Nobody could figure out what did that to them.”

“I actually remember hearing about that on the news.” Trilby admitted.

“.. sometimes I wonder if there could’ve been a better way. If I’d known I swear I would’ve found one but- but... yeah.” He sighed, why was he saying this? Why had he agreed to talk about it?

Chris looked so uneasy, Trilby wondered if his mind was taking him back to what he went through, or thought he went through. He wondered how to break the tense silence, and silently realized why Chris chose this place to meet. Last time both of them were in a museum was lighthearted and fun and honestly ridiculous. Despite how quickly Trilby left it behind and forgot about it, the few times he had thought about it it was never a *bad* memory. As absurd as what Chris was saying sounded to an observer, to the demonslayer this was a personal hell. A shroud of guilt and uncertainty that he couldn’t shake. “... I’m not going to say I know what that’s like, because I don’t, I don’t think it’s *possible* for someone else to go through something like that. But I do know what it’s like to only realize something you did after it was done.” He didn’t know why he said that, or why Chris talking about the people he’d killed stuck out so much to him.

“.. what do you mean? If you’re okay saying it?” Chris’ voice was soft, quiet.

“There Uh, was a mansion, some things happened... it was my body but.. it wasn’t *me*, I never would’ve done it if I had control.” Trilby elected to keep details sparse, he was sure trying to explain what happened at Defoe Manner wouldn’t do either of them any favors. Besides. Chris had brought him here to share something. This wasn’t show and tell, and he didn’t want it to seem like he was trying to upstage the other.

“.. I don’t think it really counts against you then, you didn’t want to do it.”

“I don’t think what you did is your fault either. You had no clue what would happen.” He paused before adding, “I won’t say a word of what you told me. I swear.”

Chris paused, before grinning a bit, “Hey, maybe this can be a thing, but, less morbid in the future. Museums could be like our Las Vegas.” He had effectively dispersed the tense mood between the two with that.

“What?” Trilby had to hold back a laugh, what the hell was the other saying?

“You know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? We can hang out in museums and do whatever we want and say whatever we want and when we leave we don’t tell anyone about it.” Trilby had to admit, it was a nice idea, if a bit silly. A place where both of them could be vulnerable yet also maintain complete privacy the moment they left.

“That sounds nice.” Trilby said, “Next time let’s go to an art museum. They’re less boring.”

[albatris]

mm okay I’m a little bit drunk on baileys n I’m gonna go on that brycengreer sibling ramble I’ve been meaning to go on for like two months now yeehaw

got a bit more intense than i intended

spoilers, spoilers, yeah, kinda, I guess

and, oh, just lots of unnecessary words and being the polar opposite of concise

it’s a reaaaaaaal long one, my fuckin bad, might come back n edit it down later lmao

k so

there is one specific thing that comes up..................... a bit. in the story. and this is the idea that there is pent up resentment and jealousy and anger between the Greer siblings

and IMO I am extremely careful not to lean into the idea that this is the case when I’m writing and when I address their relationship with each other, ‘cause it’s just something that............. isn’t there??? like at all??

here’s what I do, in-story:

all I do is just present their situation and their history and their relationship with each other, I talk about the various feelings they do share and what kinds of tensions are involved at the times when there is tension involved, but overall, they all have a really positive relationship with each other!!!! they love each other!!!! 

there is some level of miscommunication between Tris and Becca because of Reasons and that is something that’s addressed in the story and something that gets dealt with, but they absolutely do love each other, all of them do

n relationship between Tris and Becca is never really under that much scrutiny by other folks in the story n that’s not what this post is about, ‘cause like, other folks REALLY like to focus on the relationship that Tris and Becca have with Jacob, right

so, the two things I do, 1) present the situation and 2) voice other characters’ interpretations and perceptions of said situation

‘cause the idea that there’s pent up jealousy and anger that Tris and Becca have directed at Jacob is something that’s almost exclusively voiced by other characters in the story and isn’t supported by...... much else. and it’s something that is presented as a source of a lot of anxiety and discomfort for all three of the Greer sibs, Tris and Becca particularly

n yeah, I don’t know how I feel about readers potentially going through this story assuming that this is actually the case............. though readers are free to do what they would like, regardless of my intent

I just mention it ‘cause like

one thing is that it’s the kind of family dynamic in fiction that’s really frequently used as the setup for a story about jealousy and resentment, y’know, ‘cause at a glance there’s this dynamic, right, this Dynamic

with these overbearing, strict, emotionally distant, controlling, etc. parents who place all kinds of pressure onto their kids and want to project this Perfect Family Image at all times, they’re obsessed with appearances and success and being normal, super normal, More Normal Than You

n then you’ve got this one over-achieving, polite, social, well-liked older sibling who got straight A’s and can do no wrong, who everything comes (supposedly) easily and naturally to, and the younger two who are.................... not good at school, kinda weird, never Act Right, both neurodivergent, can never quite live up to their parents expectations........ generally treated by said parents as kinda just. lowkey embarrassing. some kind of blemish they need to hide because they don’t lend themselves to this We’re A Happy And Normal Family Who’s Doing Better Than You :) :) vibe

like, as a general rule, the Greer parents are more concerned with image than they are with any of their kids’ actual wellbeing

Becca’s got a lot of ADHD going on and their parents Really did not like it when she came out as bi because obviously it’s just for attention (and like, hey, Becca’s really fucking good at arts and sports and eventually goes on to play professional basketball not that that gets covered in story but That’s Not Important because she doesn’t get good grades and that’s all that matters :///)

n Tris began exhibiting signs of psychosis when he was little and their parents were just sorta like “hm we should probably exorcise this child like the nice normal well-adjusted family we are” and then they tried to do that and I think he was maybe a little bit too young to completely understand what was happening but kinda grew up thinking that was a totally normal and reasonable thing for them to do and not just a completely fucked up thing that should never have been allowed to happen

then went on to have his first full-blown psychotic episode at thirteen years old and his parents were just sort of like. Hm. You Should Have Some Therapy To Fix You Maybe. Also We Are Literally Never Going To Speak About This Ever

and I think largely the outlook other characters have (and I think, the outlook the Greer parents have) is that Jacob comparatively just kind of................ cruised right on through with no issues?

so I think a lot of people kind of look at the Greer family and are like.......... well, look at them, there’s got to be some fucked up feelings there, how could there NOT be. n I think pretty much everyone barring Noa and the Greer sibs themselves on some level think there’s some level of bad blood

and their mistake is........ well, two things, from an outside perspective

the first being the assumption that Jacob had it easy, ‘cause like........... YES Jacob is extremely good at keeping up appearances and meeting his parents’ expectations but he’s the human embodiment of that, uh, what is that one The Onion headline that’s like.......... “This Brilliant 11-Year-Old Ballerina Is Living Proof That Children Can Achieve Anything If We Push Them To The Breaking Point”

y’know, as if Jacob didn’t grow up in the same high-pressure environment where love is completely conditional and only given if you can prove that you Earned It, as if he wasn’t constantly plagued by the fear that if he slips up or steps even slightly out of line or is anything less than Completely Perfect And Accomodating at all times, that love will be taken away. n he grew up into a neurotic perfectionist with identity issues who can’t set boundaries and doesn’t feel he has any worth if he’s not constantly being Useful and Relevant and Smart and giving as much of himself as possible

and, more pressingly, he grew up with literally Zero idea how to navigate any sort of healthy balanced relationship, he’s someone who, with the exception of his siblings, grew up only experiencing love as fear, and as such, he’s someone who’s very easily taken advantage of and he doesn’t have the capacity to recognise it

so, like, yeah, Jacob was better at projecting the Nice Normal Family Image that his parents wanted than Tris and Becca have been, but he still grew up facing the exact same pressures and unpleasantness and overbearing control and had the Worst Fucking Time

like, he was not having fun at all, he was terrified 24/7

and the second mistake is, like............ in assuming that the Greer siblings are in competition with each other? like, it’s easy to project all sorts of bad blood and jealousy and pent-up anger onto the two younger siblings if you assume that they’re in competition with Jacob in vying for their parents’ affection and attention but like........ they’re not

n I’ve talked a bit in the past about how Jacob has always been extremely, extremely protective of his younger siblings purely because he didn’t want them to go through the same bullshit he did all on their own. n he’s probably 90% of the reason either of them are anywhere near as well-adjusted as they are, and he’s pretty much been the only consistent source of love and stability and genuine emotional support they’ve had through most of their childhood, ‘cause he knew damn fucking well they weren’t going to get it from their parents

largely due to Jacob, probably, ‘cause like. he has thirteen extra years under his belt and he came to the conclusion, probably when he was quite young himself, that literally nothing he ever does is ever going to be Good Enough and that no matter how well he does in school or socially, his parents will find some new thing to nitpick or to tell him to aim for, and like......... well, that’s horrible to have 2 come to grips with at any age?? he can do lots of things that make his parents happy but nothing he does is actually going to get his parents to love him as a person, their genuine love is completely unattainable

which changed his priorities a LOT

n like, he’s a genuinely good guy. he’s very caring and sweet and kind and supportive and he loves his siblings very much

n I think there's this assumption that Jacob is the only one of the kids their parents actually love when that's not really it at all? he's the one they LIKE but they don't love any of them

which is oversimplifying it by a lot, because Tris and Becca have all sorts of complicated feelings about their parents and definitely don’t hate them (yet), but, like, you get what I mean

which I think is where people make the mistake, y'know, bcthe Greer sibs are not in competition with each other, they’re kind of, supporting each other against a common enemy

like, both Tris and Becca struggle a lot with their feelings about their parents, and over the course of the story, Tris is kind of............... juuuust starting to come to grips with how fucked up his relationship with his parents is, or more like....... I mean he kind of Already Knows, but assumes that he on some level deserves it, and over the course of the story is kind of like

Oh Wait None Of This Was My Fault And None Of What Has Happened To Me Was Normal

and even from THAT regard though, that was something that Jacob had been kind of pushing for from day one, Jacob is kind of the person who laid a lot of the foundations for him to eventually realise that, although of course that kind of final leap is one you have to make on your own and something that takes a lot of work

but he kind of struggles with the complicated grey area of being like “I love my parents” and “the way they treated me was legitimately fucked up and I didn’t deserve it” and that’s.......... a whole thing

n like.............. from a readerly perspective, this is stuff that comes out over the course of the story as you kinda learn more about their backstory and their relationship with each other

but again, the familiar setup most people associate with resentment is kinda there, and there’s a lot of kinda........... pressure from other (sometimes well-meaning) characters when they voice their opinions about the Greer siblings’ situation from outside perspectives

and like I said, I’m not sure how I feel about readers potentially going through this story assuming that those characters are Right, ‘cause I don’t think that’s necessarily something I lean into or build towards if you’re paying attention

like, I think those readers who DO assume that there is bad blood, they might be a little disappointed if they feel that the story is building to An Explosion and then there just............ isn’t....... but part of me is also like

well lmao that’s entirely on you, and you’re just illustrating my point, actually

like at no point did I express that this was a thing or even hint towards it, all of this came from Other Characters Projecting and from You Projecting

n also while I don’t want people to feel cheated there is a part of it that’s just like. super fucking funny to me. if like

someone reads this story and assumes there’s all this Bad Blood just waiting to finally bubble over and explode in some climactic moment, y’know, and the story gets to this real heated tense moment where the cracks are starting to show and push is coming to shove and then the huge plot twist is just like

“no they all do legitimately love each other so much and support each other unconditionally and want each other to be safe and happy and loved and they’d do anything for each other and the entire point of their story is how much they care about each other and how powerful and important the connection they have with each other is”

fuckin LOVE that. that’s so fucking funny to me

you wanted edgy bullshit??

TOO FUCKIN BAD

ONLY WHOLESOME BULLSHIT HERE

also happy endings for all three Greer siblings involve them at some point in their early adult lives saying “fuck it” and moving interstate never to return

[fableish]

I think this is the last shot I have from my “playing around with a new reshade” thing that I did. I still need to find what I was actually looking for, which is a more natural enhancing one (I already have one that’s good for gameplay/using the UI) without being too dark, not working with 4.6.1 or being too cold OR too warm. Yeah. I’m the Goldilocks of reshades apparently.

I also wanted to note, seeing how I’ve seen a few others mention it that I do have a Simstagram that I use. I don’t personally have any plans of going anywhere, I do, kinda sorta like it here, sometimes. And I want to keep up with people. I also haven’t figured out what to share where either so there’s that too.

I don’t really have specific sims I can post with predominately because my attention span goes from “OMG let’s to Medieval Fantasy” to “Oh I just watched Poirot again I want a 1920′s-1930′s game” to “Oh I just looked at my shelf of 18th-19th century history books/my fashion history books and now I want a Victorian-like game” to “OMG industrial brick building with apartment in it? I want to do grungy friends!” to “Oh, you know, Windenburg is perfect for a murder mystery” to “You know I wonder how an epistolary driven story would work for the Sims...”. (Also, my mind is long winded, so that’s a good insight on how that works too)

So people don’t really know any one specific sim of mine because by the time I post something I’m already knee-deep in contemplating which social media platform would be most used by elder sims.

Also, this seems like a good point to either put a cut/read more (I went TS2 download shopping recently and there’s a lot of stuff on Dreamwidth and it’s called a cut and I’m old and leave me alone).

Anyway. This isn’t so much anything highly dramatic or worrying. I’m pretty used to my “ooooh shiiiny” tendencies by now. I do wish I’d stick with something for awhile because I miss that depth, you know? But I also recognize that part of it is because I’m not 100% attached to some ideas and it’s also because the ones I’m attached to? I’m terrified that I won’t be able to pull of. 

See. I don’t like failing and I like getting things right, preferably the first time. Partly because my anxiety rears up at the idea of failure, partly because getting it right the first time? Far more efficient than failing. Now. There is some rational part of me that’s well aware that failure is helpful and teaches you lessons. I’m not entirely black and white. But sometimes it gets the better of me.

I also do get oh so easily distracted though. Not so much with my actual RL work. If anything I get massively annoyed if I am distracted by something then.

However in my hobby-life? Oh man. I go from being so into sims to only wanting to read books, to binging on stuff I’ve watched before, to wanting to worldbuild for the fun of it, to researching werewolf myths from around the world to only wanting to play story driven games to only wanting to listen to music and daydreaming. And I do it to the exclusion of anything else. I.e. if I’m in a Sims mood? I don’t rally read, if I worldbuild I don’t want to play story driven games etc.

This isn’t really a rant as much as it’s a “putting it on paper to get it out of my head so maybe it’ll make more sense” exercise. 

I’m single minded and that’s great when I want to complete something. However I’m also constantly inspired or into new things.

So back to Simstagram which is actually what brought all these thoughts to the front (because let’s be real, they’ve been there while I’ve been on here too). I see these accounts that focus on a single sim, or a couple, and it looks really fun. And I want to do it, but, I don’t really have a sim I love that much? Like I have all of these guys (here, here and here) that I made and adore (and I’ve made more since, because of course I have). But I can’t choose just one and the idea of doing several feels overwhelming.

And are these really important, heavy thoughts that matter in the long run? No. But it’s 1 am, it’s storming and I can’t sleep and you know what? I want to babble. So babbling it is.

All of this also has me coming back to epistolary novels and styles of writing. Because exploring a sim, or several to be specific, through their various social media posts, grocery lists, to-do lists, bullet journals, spotify playlists, notes and bills intrigue me. 

I don’t know why, but it does and I keep coming back to it.

Which I guess is partly why accounts featuring specific sims on Instagram intrigue and amuse me. Because it’s exactly that. Yet I can’t quite settle down and do it, because I can’t focus on one sim or choose one for that matter. I’m also, despite what the things I said earlier might make you believe, thoroughly lazy.

And this means that this little “essay” of mine is going to arrive at the utterly unsatisfactory conclusion that I still don’t know what to do but I did get it out of my system and hopefully the storm (outside, let’s not get all metaphorical) will settle and I can go to bed. And besides, everyone knows that essays online have to start with “in this essay I will...” 

Anyway. It’s out of my system now, I’ll probably (definitely) ponder this a lot more. And if you’ve read this thing, thank you ❤️ And if you’ve read this and though “hey, this sounds like me!”, hello fellow magpie distracted by shiny new things. I guess we should form a club? 💖

[bom-bombon]

idk if youre still doing that ask, but if you are do you have anything for virginia?

I have a whole story about Virginia and her complexity.... problem is that most of it is in my head and I can’t put it into words

Name: Elizabeth Henry

Age: 31-34

Gender: Cis female

Ethnicity/Race: European (English, there’s others, I just forgot)

Siblings: West Virginia and Kentucky

Height: 5’5 (165.15 cm)

Relations:

-Kentucky: She loves him. She adores him. Virginia doesn’t realize this out of him and West Virginia, she loves Kentucky more. Although he was a troublemaker as a kid, she still showered him with gifts of animals and helped him start a farm and planting. Even though she was distant with him when he was growing up, Kentucky understood why and was soon pushed into the responsibility of being a state, leading him to emphasize with her the workload. During the War of 1812, they became closer as Kentucky tried to be at every battle, supporting the country as Virginia took care of him and his wounds. She was proud of him. Nowadays, they are still on good terms. 

-Maryland: She has mixed feelings about Maryland. Mostly negative. Perhaps there was a time when they were colonies that Virginia thought Maryland as a friend but it’s complicated and a wip. Although Maryland’s positive attitude and some of his beliefs rubbed off on Virginia over the years, she finds him annoying. Since the Civil War, he became more wealthy than her which was a blow to her self esteem, seeing how she always bragged how successful she was and was then destroyed. She has hated how much influence Maryland had on DC seeing as they had different aspirations for the boy. Virginia wanted him more of a Southern gentleman and Maryland wanted him to be free and study all his heart desired, even if it included getting in trouble. And finally, and most importantly, she absolutely hates how he drives and how he even got a driver license. She has gotten into countless accidents whenever she is behind him and fights with him nearly every time. She’s tired of him. But she hates other people more so he’s okay for now.

-North Carolina: Though I don’t have a concrete and satisfying oc of North Carolina, I think that these two are good friends. They just vibe with each other from the start and have great respect for each other. They like to tease each other too.

Virginia: I guess I won once again, huh?

North Carolina, eye twitching: Oh, bless your heart, sweetie.

-Tennessee: She finds him kind of adorable with his optimism, his passion about music, and his habit for always volunteering to help. Virginia always had great respect for him.

-West Virginia: She doesn’t really like him. She used to really love him as she used to raise him but their bond just slowly deteriorated up until the Civil War. Like with Kentucky, she was distant but this had a greater effect on his mental health as West interpreted that Virginia didn’t love him anymore. She had so much to deal with that it physically drained her from wanting to spend time with West Virginia. She always told him she loved him but it wasn’t enough. When West Virginia was becoming his own state, he stole some secrets from Virginia and gave it to the Union. When she found out about this, she felt utterly betrayed. She always thought they were close albeit having opposing opinions. What made this hurt more was that West Virginia was actively participating in the campaign in the East, taking Richmond and causing damage. After the war, she heard some of the things he said about her which was the last straw for her. She began hating him from that point on. He betrayed her, hurt her, and talked absolute trash about her. She didn’t forgive him. Her hatred died down nowadays but she doesn’t really like him. Please know that this was from her perspective, okay?

Things I don’t know how to title but it exists: 

-first wanted to seek wealth

-was incredibly sick when she was young; she promised herself to never get to that point in life at whatever’s cost

-wealthy

-works hard

-makes bomb ass food

-mom friend

-motherly

-compulsive caretaker

-she was 18 when they declared her independence 

-sorta a history buff

-loves going to festivals

-has an obscure driver license plate, not sure what it is yet, but I just know that it’s probably out of vanity 

-(on the last point wtf is up with your license plate Virginians. Every time I see a plate that says Virginia, your plate always says something weird and I’m just so confused. Also you’re not very good drivers. There. I said it.)

Some things about her (development? idk): 

Due to the living conditions of Jamestown and the rapid growth because of tabacco, she promised herself to never get to that point in her life ever again. She developed a habit throughout the years of saving money and soon became her profession of either business or economics. 

Since she was the oldest compared to the other OG 13 an had two younger brothers, she had to grow up quickly and be the responsible one. She wanted them to be safe while they’re together. For example, when Virginia see anyone hurt, she was always the first to help them and give some sort of lecture. She also provided the food, with some help obviously, but she was the main chef. Whenever the other colonies get upset, Virginia has to step in and comfort them. At the same time, she was also delving more into politics and helping out with her government. With this mindset, she had little time to truly enjoy her childhood or even have one. She had to be the mature one. She had to be the responsible one. She had to be. This ultimately causes her to be stressed and thinking that is normal. It also lead to Virginia being to stubborn and thinks she doesn’t have to be goofy or have fun like the other kids.

Some writing but I’m too shy to show all of it so have this,,,:

She swiftly exited the party held in their shared house. Thoughts raced through her mind. Fun, gentle memories filled her mind with nostalgia only to be struck with regrettable decisions she made. Her breath quickened. Her blue eyes shifted from plant to plant. Her chest grew heavier by the second. 

--

The booming echoes of gunshots softly dies down, relieving Virginia of her stress. She and most of the female states took refuge at a nearby town from Yorktown. Virginia prayed once more for the safety of her fellow states who are currently in the siege. Pressing her hands together, she began reciting. Massachusetts, New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island, Maryland, South Carolina, and Georgia - her brethren. The thought of them getting hurt distressed her greatly. They don’t always agree on everything but she’ll be damned if they don’t mean anything to her. Little by little, she began relaxing, but that anxiety never left. Once the last words slipped from her mouth, she glanced at the other girls. The tension in the air was palpable. They could only hope that this period of silence would stay silent.

Some quotes,, things?: 

Nevada, Arizona, and New Mexico: *closes the windows and curtains fiercely and quickly while peeking out every now and then*

Virginia: *crosses arms with a disappointed look* So what’s your excuse for today? 

Nevada: [whispers] I said shut up! *looks at Arizona and New Mexico who gave her a nod*

Arizona: We’re good. We can talk now.

Virginia: What illegal shit have you done this time?

--

South Carolina: What are you? Barely 300 years old? Makes sense. You’re so young!

Rhode Island: Careful South, you’ll make the entire void we call Midwest cry *snorts*

Virginia: When Washington wanted us to get along, I’m not quite sure this is what he meant

--

Virginia: *disgusted by the whole thing*

--

West Virginia: Oh come on! 

Maryland: Listen, no one will make fun of you.

Virginia: I will though!

--

DC: How the hell did you get in my house??

Maryland: Not important! As long as we’re together.

DC: Virginia?

Virginia: Like he said, not important.

--

DC: If you don’t mind a whole house has to be clean.

Maryland: See! He’s not gonna make us work.

DC: Who said I don’t need help?

Virginia: *smacks Maryland*

--

Maryland: For someone who lived almost practically alone for the past 150 years, he makes some messes.

Virginia: You know, this is your fault.

--

Virginia: I’ve said this once and I’ll say it again, your brother’s a dick

Delaware: I agree.

--

Virginia: Why the hell is this here? *points to Maryland*

--

1812

Virginia: Show me what you have

Kentucky: A gun!

Virginia: NO!

--

Smith: Ugh, don’t be like that. [sees Virginia] And don’t worry about the kid too. No reason for her to starve under your rule too.

[xopinkmilk18xo]

Get to know me!

1. Name

Courtney Jane Smith

2. Nationality

Australian

3. Age

18

4. Birthday

11th December 2001

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign)

Sagittarius / Ophiuchus

6. Gender

Female

7. Sexuality

Bisexual💙💖💜

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)

Ew I know

9. What do you/did you study?

I will be going on to study Children’s Nursing at University but in school I studied Sociology, Photography and Childcare

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have?

I currently hold a part time job at my local corner shop, but will hopefully end up with a job as a children’s nurse or something to do with childcare:)

-

11. Your birth order

Aaron, Charlotte, Abbey, Me:), Lacey

(I think that is what this means)

12. How many siblings do you have?

4

13. Do you have good relations with your family?

Yes but not with my first oldest sister

14. How many friends do you have?

Like 2 lol

15. Your relationship status

Taken🥰

16. What do you look for in a SO?

Good personality, being good looking helps (dont want to date a troll u know) and well I guess that’s it really

17. Do you have a crush?

Yes on my boyfriend

18. When did you have your first kiss?

When I was 14

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?

Serious and meaningful

20. What are your deal breakers?

I’m not really sure:/

-

21. How was your day?

It was okay, could’ve been better but overall it was meh

22. Favourite food & drink

I love pasta like I could marry pasta haha. And my favourite drink is probably either fresh orange juice or something fizzy

23. What position do you sleep in?

On my side, hugging my pillow with my leg out as if it’s straddling someone (I’m lonely, my boyfriend needs to stay over at some point)

24. What was your last dream about?

I honestly wish I could remember but they are so fucking crazy right now

25. Your fears

Spiders, snakes, heights, large crowds, death (morbid I know) and being lonely:(

26. Your dreams

To travel the world with my baby🥺 as well as buy my own house, get my dream career, get married and have babies (basic I know but this is what I want in life and will feel so lucky and blessed if this happens)

27. Your goals

Same as the above I guess? To travel the world with the loml, become a child nurse, get my dream house then get married, have babies and live a happy long life:)

28. Any pets?

Yes! A cat called Binka and a dog called Shiro (Japanese for White as he is a white Japanese Akita)

29. What are your hobbies?

Cooking, baking, cleaning (weird I know), singing, dancing and sleeping haha

30. Any cool places in your area?

Um, I mean I live about 30 minutes from the beach and it has a “hidden cave” (it’s quite easy to spot if you know where it is) that I go to with a few friends some nights and watch the sunset. So that’s pretty cool

31. What was your last awkward situation?

They happen so often I don’t even know which one to write about I’m such an awkward person lol

32. What is your last regret?

I don’t know really

33. Language/s you can speak

I can speak Italian, Spanish, Russian and some French

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.)

To a certain extent, yes

35. Have any quirks?

Um I’m not sure?

36. Your pet peeves

I have so many but my BIGGEST pet peeve is the people who like to one-up a situation so I have a friend like this but she’s like one of my only friends so I don’t want to say anything woops but for example I could say to her “I only got 5 hours sleep” she would then turn around and be like “oh well I went to bed at 11 and woke up at 3am and couldn’t sleep” it’s like okay cool but stop trying to one up me thank u bye

37. Ideal vacation

DisneyWorld or Bora Bora (two complete different places I know but I’ve been to both many times and they’re both amazing)

38. Any scars?

I have a scar on my chin from when I hit it on the stair rail when I was a child and I have a surgery scar from when I had my appendix removed

39. What does your last text message say?

It’s me texting my email to my boyfriend because he needed it for something (kinda personal nothing bad tho)

40. Last 5 things from your search history

Majority of it right now is me googling Birthday presents for a family member as well as flight times because I was curious what the time from LA to Texas was haha

41. What’s your [device] background?

Lock screen is me and my boyfriend and my home screen is a flower picture I took

42. What do you daydream about?

A lot of different things, it all depends on how I’m feeling

43. Describe your dream home

Something small and quaint yet modern and big enough to raise a big family

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion

I have nothing against religion and what people believe in. I personally am not religious but I do believe in something. Not God or Jesus but I believe that something like that HAS to exists (sorry if I offended anyone I really did not mean to:/)

45. Your personality type

Really shy and quiet (social anxiety tings😚dont worry I have actually been diagnosed) but ince you get to know me I come out of my shell a bit more

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done

Went sky diving (it was terrifying)

47. Are you happy with your current life?

Yes but no

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life

I don’t really know how the hell to answer this question I’m sorry🥺

-

49. What does your wardrobe consist of?

A lot of different colours but I wear mainly grey and black clothes hehe

50. Favourite colour to wear?

Black or grey🤪

51. How would you describe your style?

I don’t really know, definitely not trendy I can tell you that but all the styles I want to try I just KNOW will look bad on me

52. Are you happy with your current looks?

Not really no lol😚✌🏼

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?

I honestly would change my entire face, especially my nose, if it was smaller I’d feel slightly better about my appearance (nothing against big noses lol I just don’t like mine)

54. Any tattoos or piercings?

I had my ears and nose pierced but took them out and just forgot to put them back in and now the holes have sorta closed up.

I then also have a small turtle on my ankle - for a close friend (still alive lol but it’s just a nice thing to have) and I have plans to get a few more just need to decided when I want them because I keep chickening out

55. Do you get complimented often?

Yes sorta but only by my boyfriend

56. Favourite aesthetic?

I’m not sure?

57. A popular trend that you dislike

I’m not really aware of any popular trends as of right now tbh

-

58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with?

Adore You by Harry Styles and for some reason Feel so Close by Calvin Harris

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like.

Mr Brightside - I hate the song (dont attack me pls) but it lowkey, high key is a BOP

60. Favourite genre?

Mainly throwback songs so I guess pop songs? Tbh my genre of music is all over the place

61. Favourite artist/band/genre?

I love 5 Seconds of Summer and One Direction but that’s it really

62. Hated popular songs/artists?

I HATE Dance Monkey and High Hopes (they get on my nerves so much idk why)

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5

September - Earth Wind & Fire

Truth Hurts - Lizzo

Jealous - Labrinth

Bad Romance - Halestorm (such a bop)

Break Free - Ariana Grande

64. Can you sing or play any instruments?

I can sing, I also play piano and guitar (strings have broken though and so haven’t played in a while)

65. Do you like karaoke?

I LOVE karaoke

66. Own any albums?

Yes, mainly 5SOS and One Direction haha

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?

Sometimes, no particular station as I only listen to it to fill in the silence in certain situations

-

68. Favourite movie/series?

I love the Frozen films but also the Harry Potter films sooooo much

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc

I don’t really have a favourite tbh

70. Your fictional crush/es

I know it’s typical but I have the biggest crush on Harry Potter lol

71. Which fictional character is you?

I don’t know?

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so

No not really

73. Favourite greek god?

I don’t have a favourite Greek god but I like Athena purely because I like the name haha

74. A legend from where you live that you like

I don’t really know of any legends however there is a myth that a Panther is on the loose in the Blue Mountains

75. Do you like art? What’s your favourite work or artist?

I like to look at art and admire it however I do not have a favourite artist or anything like that

76. Can you share your other social media?

I sure can:)

Twitter       Instagram      Wattpad

Snapchat - cjmushmush (you don’t have to add it and also don’t question the name I was 11)

77. Favourite youtubers?

Shane Dawson, Ryland Adams, Morgan Adams, Jeffree Star and The Dolan Twins

78. Favourite platform?

I am obsessed with Tik Tok so I’d say that’s probs my fave

79. How much time do you spend on the internet?

Far too much I can tell you that

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite?

I used to play minecraft and now all I do is play Sims 3 and 4 which are my absolute faves

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts)

I don’t really have any

82. Do you play board/card games?

Yes but not very often

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema?

No I didn’t even know that was a thing

84. Favourite holiday

I LOVE CHRISTMAS SO MUCH❤️💚❤️💚

85. Are you into dramas?

Yes

-

86. Would you use death note, if you had one?

I don’t know what a death note is?

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?

I wouldn’t choose world peace because then everything would be the same and it would be boring but if I had the power I would make sure everyone had a stable home with at least hot clean water and a nice warm bed, as well as curing world hunger because I’m nice like that

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?

Probably not

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?

A ghost

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?

Become a ghost haha

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?

Anything but Courtney - my name was almost Octavia so that would also be out of the question

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?

So many people I’d love to do this with so I’m not sure

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo

🦥 (only because I love sloths)

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true

(these are the most random things I’m sorry)

I was born in the UK (not true, born in Sydney)

I am not single (True, I am in a relationship:))

I love avocado (I actually DESPISE IT)

-

95. Cold or hot?

Cold because that can = snuggles duh

96. Be a hero or be a villain?

Be a villain because I hate the attention (hero would probs get a lot of attention) and everyone hates me anyway lol

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?

Probably sing everything considering I do that a lot anyway

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?

Control time because I’d go back to the past a change some things then go back to today so I can still be with my boyfriend❤️

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?

Be immortal that would be pretty fun

100. ….. or …..?

What does this one even mean?

[cybrfang]

You're Family

Hey:) can you make a fic or something where the lost boys are new kids at The readers school and they try to recruit her? Thanks :)

Requested by: Anon

Tagging: @thelostgirl-crylittlesister @excusememecouldyoupleaseleave @lionheartmadre @dead-inside-and-drunk-outside @trekmeoutgoodlooking @coffinkin @uwu-ni @any of else that I've missed

Tags: slight angst, cussing, anxiety about school, rude teachers.

Ayy!! Hopefully you like it, I've been trying to work on my writing and make it a lot better lol. I'm thinking of putting all my stories on my AO3 account lol. What do y'all think?

You weren't particularly having a good day so far. First your little brother spills his finger paints on your algebra homework, then you find out you left your Honors chemistry paper at home and now, half of your group -meaning everyone but you and Tanner- are at home sick, or ditching. So, that means you've got to do the presentation on the industrial revolution all by yourself, and let's face it, Tanner isn't going to help you one bit. To top it all off, David and his goons are here to convince you to join their merry little band of men. Well… teenage boys, one teenage girl, and a young boy. But Star stayed home with Laddie. She at least appreciated your opinion on things.

It just isn't fair! You've been doing everything right, being a good girl! You've been going to bed on time, showing up for class, and hell, you've even stopped drinking and smoking! But life still wanted to play the villain in this tale. You try and you try, but evil keeps winning. And by evil, you mean stupid pretty boy vampires who now have access to your night school somehow. Why they were here, well, you knew the answer to that. But, why they decided to actually enroll in your school was beyond you. They've been here for about 3 weeks now. As angry as you were, you had to hand it to them… they were definitely committed to this charade.

The worst part of your day so far though… AP Government. You didn't even know a single thing about American Government. Well… you knew somethings. But, only the things they forced you to learn in middle school, aka over 42 pages a night in the textbooks with annotations to prove you actually studied. You also knew the things that actually interested you, and mattered in your life. Last year's World History class was kinda fun. So, of course you did your work, and got A's and B's (with the occasion C) on your tests. But, the only problem in that was the teacher actually thought you were smart. He told you that you would do really well in AP Government, that you could handle it. And, like a fool, you took him up on his offer. Let's just say, that was probably the dumbest thing you've ever done in your life besides chill with the lost boys. Now to make matters worse, those creeping assholes were in your class. You were currently sitting at your desk, trying to finish the timeline that was due today when you felt something hit your back.

'Just ignore them (Y/N), you have work to do and Ms. Murray won't give you a deadline.’ She probably would if you were being honest with yourself. You always pushed yourself with this class to the point of a break down. Most of the papers you turned in had tear stains on them. One of the boys would find you in your room hyperventilating, curled up in a ball almost every week. That's one of their reasons for trying to ‘save’ you from this place. You had a theory that she had a quota she's gotta meet for the amount of kids she has to break. You figured enrolling in night school would make things a lot easier -you also figured that it would make you too busy to hang with the boys and sorta fuck up and drink David's blood or something- on your poor mental state after last year. But, again… you were wrong.

*Thwack*

God damnit! Can't they take a damn hint or something? You needed to do work, not joke around or skip class, or whatever they wanted you to do. Fucking boundaries people!  With this new distraction you were a little behind schedule. It was irking you to no end that they just up and decided to go put themselves in your day… well night but it didn't matter. You weren't going to take them up on this dumb offer. No way were you gonna stay in just one place for the rest of your life. Besides what if they got bor-

*Thwack*

“For fucks sake, WHAT?!” You turned around in your seat to glare daggers at an innocent looking Paul. Who it so happened, was in the process of balling up another paper to throw at you. Your little whispered outburst wasn't as quiet as you had hoped it was. You heard your teacher's chair scrap on the ground as she stood up. “If you're still working you shouldn't be talking.” You turned back around to look at her, heat creeping up on your face. She must be waiting for a response from you, or else she was just looking at you to make everyone around you know that she was calling you out. You were beyond lucky that you were a decent liar. Many months with those morons at least gave you something.

“No, I'm not done with my work. I just wanted to help Paul with his timeline. He's a bit behind and still working on American Political Ideologies and Beliefs so I wanted to give him a few tips.”

Ms. Murray smiled a bit, looking like she didn't just try to embarrass you and nodded, “Well as long as you can do your work and talk at the same time then.” She gestured down at your timeline which was in need of a bit of color. You snuck a look behind you and felt a childish urge to stick out your tongue. David and his boys were smirking at you, finally catching your attention in what seemed like forever. You guessed that they took your glare as an invitation to join your table with the false notion that you were going to help them with their work, because that's exactly what they did.

“Ugh, what do you want?” You looked up at the teacher, keeping your voice low.

“We just want your help sista.” Dwayne leaned back in his chair, pointing to his timeline, which was just a blank piece of paper with his name hastily scribbled on the bottom left hand corner. All of their papers looked like that, except for Marko's. His had a few facts on it, with a little scribble of a robot cat next to his name.

“Sure. You want my help, and I want jump in the middle of traffic.” Dwayne chuckled at your words, grabbing his paper and balling it up like the ones thrown at your back a few moments ago. He leaned forward a bit, reaching to tuck your hair behind your ear. “We've done that before.” You thought for a moment on that memory of playing chicken with all of them. But that didn't matter at the moment. “What do you really want? I'm trying to get my work done here.” Paul opened his mouth, but you cut him off.

“And if this is about you trying to abduct me into your weird undead cult, then forget about it.” You slammed your colored pencil on the table in a huff, breaking off the tip. Damnit, you needed that stupid color to get this paper over with. If you finished early, you could claim you didn't feel good and leave. Groaning, you got up with the pencil, and walked over to the sharpener. You vaguely heard someone get up and follow behind you. Stopping to stand next to you as you positioned your pencil.

“It's not a cult.”

You snorted rolling your eyes, looking at David. “Doesn't matter what it is. I'm not going to join it.” His face was blank, not letting you see the emotions behind his words, but his voice alone made you realize he was losing his patients “You’re testin’ me kid. I've been nice because of Star, but tell me why I shouldn't just give up and leave you to the wolves.” You felt your body go numb, your throat closing up a bit hearing the threat underneath the words. The threat of leaving. You shoved your pencil in the machine, letting it's loud noise fill the classroom. You looked down at it, needing to escape the piercing blue eyes still studying you. When you pulled your pencil out, you looked back at David. “You’re way too invested in me at this point, and Marko and Paul wouldn't let you hear the end of it if you did.” You took a step back, looking at him still. “Plus, I seem to remember you making a promise never to give up on me. You don't really seem like the type to break a promise, and that promise doesn't really have a loophole in it.”

You weren't going to give that thought up anytime soon. It didn't matter if he was high or you were drunk that night. He promised on his family that he would never give up on you. You even made him pinky promise. You walked back to your table and sat down before he did. Pulling your chair in for him to easily pass behind you, he leaned down by your ear; speaking so quietly it was almost like he didn't even speak at all. “I'm a vampire, not fae. I can break promises if I want… you're just lucky that your fun.” Marko snickered into his hand as David sat down, earning a glare from you. He held up his hands in surrender, a mischievous smile on his face. It wasn't just mischievous though, it was the face of someone who wanted you to laugh too, to bring you in on the joke. That helped put you at ease. You knew they all liked you, it was obvious from the way they treated you and tried to get you to join them. But, you had your reasons and you needed to stick with them.

“Why can't we just go back to hanging out without you guys pestering me all the time? I would love to chill all night and not have to watch what I'm drinking for a red color.” You chuckled a bit, not even that frustrated. “I would love to drink wine again without the constant fear of it being blo-”

Each boy seemed to jump a bit towards you, but with Paul being the closest to you it was his hand that covered your mouth. This wasn't something new to you, but it still pissed you off. But, before you could yank his hand off of your face, you heard the monotone voice of your teacher right behind you.

“Ms. (L/N) if you want to continue this conversation, don't you think it would be wise to just step out of the room?” You turned around to stare at her, the implication in her voice making a dull fire start to burn in your gut. “You obviously don't appreciate the time I'm giving you to finish your assignment, and you would rather just sit around goofing off, holding your peers back.”

The last part of that sentence seemed to pour gasoline on the flame. You pushed back in your seat to stand up, shaking the tables and missing the satisfied smiles on the boys around you. “I'm holding them back? Oh hunny you must think they're here to get an actual education. When was the last time they actually turned anything  in?” She made to cut you off, holding up her index finger as if to scold a young child. “When was the last time anyone in this fucking class actually turned in anything completed other than me?” You stepped forward a bit, your hands curling into fists. She seemed to notice as she backed up from you, her eyes darting to the phone on her desk.

“Oh just fucking…fuck it!” You grabbed your timeline and crumpled it up in a ball, turning to throw it at her. She had moved when you turned around. So instead of hitting the wall near her, you ended up hitting her in the face with a lot of extra force for a paper ball. Your skin burned again like earlier, but your scowl stayed in place. She opened her mouth, her face around it probably more red than yours, but was cut off for the second time. Around 4 more paper balls hit her in the face with a lot more force than necessary. You didn't wait to see what she had to say after that. You grabbed your things and left the room, hearing the boys laughing and following after you.

You made it down the block from the school before what you did truly hit you. “Oh god, oh fuck, oh god, oh fuc-” You felt a pair of hands grab you from behind and spin you around.

“Marko put me down!”

He laughed in response, pulling you in for a hug from behind. Dwayne hugged you from the front, barricading you in an arm prison. A car driving by honked, making you groan. Paul popped his head over Marco's shoulder looking at you while David did the same but from behind Dwayne's shoulder, almost standing next to all of you. “Why are you freaking out babe?” Marko mumbled to you. His lips brushed against the top of your ear, causing goosebumps to rise on your arms. “Why? Did you just ask why dude? Cuz I'm pretty sure I just got myself kicked out of school that's why.” You slumped down defeated in the boys arms, falling between them on the ground. If you looked up at this moment it would look very wrong for all the beeping cars driving by. David pulled out a cigarette and lighter, putting the cigarette in his mouth. He pointed at Paul, and then at you while lighting the smoke.

Paul smiled and weaved his way in between both boys, scooping you up bridal style. You leaned into his chest, not expecting any warmth, but feeling comfortable nonetheless. You sniffed the air, confusion on your face. He smiled, leaning down to speak to you. “We had to take so may baths, spray so much shit on us so we didn't smell dead in our seats for long. The lengths we all went through just to get you to talk to us mama.” You rolled your eyes, a smile tugging at your lips. “None of you thought to call me? At least send me a text?” You smirked knowing the answer before they said it. Of course they wouldn't do that, they didn't like phone. The phones they liked needed a quarter to call someone. Dwayne shook his head, ignoring your question.

“We needed to show you that we were serious.” You were quiet when Paul placed you on the ground in the alley a few more blocks away from the school. You were out of prying eyes from the road. “I knew you guys were serious, but you're just…” You trailed off trying to find the right words. They were wrong for wanting you to join them. They were wrong and you knew it. They just didn't know it yet. Of all of the things they could've asked from you, they choose forever.

“Wrong?”

You looked up at Paul, a small frown on his face. It made your heart ache to think that he didn't truly know.

“(Y/N), the only one wrong here is you.” The ache went away, stubbornness replacing it as David crouched in front of you, turning his head to blow smoke out. “We know what we want. We want you. We know what you want. You want us.” Ugh they could be so infuriating sometimes. “You don't know what I want, if you knew what I wanted you wouldn't be trying to force any of this on to me. You haven't taken what I want in consideration at all!” You pushed yourself off the ground, looking down at David as he stayed crouched. “Then tell us what you want then.” He mumbled, slowly following after you. Looking into his eyes, you felt your own tear up at all of the confusing feelings swarming in your head. After a few moments of silence trying to get your thoughts in order, you felt the tears slip down your face.

“I don't want to be forgotten David. I don't want to be stuck in one place for the rest of my life if all of you find out I'm not what you all thought I was. I don't want Laddie or Star to figure out one day that I'm the worst thing to happen in this family.” You wrapped your arms around yourself, squeezing tightly. You felt fingers on your face, wiping away the tears streaming down it. You looked over to your right, locking eyes with Dwayne. He looked almost disappointed. You would too if you found out that someone was right about something you were blind to. You just wanted to go home, this was all too much and after tonight you might've just lost the only true friends you had.

“Why would we forget you?” You looked over at Paul, confusion on his face. “You're probably the dopest chick we know. What other human wants to try to ride a motorcycle standing on the seat? Or playing in the highway with us? What other human is willing to distract a police officer and a carni just so we can unscrew a horse on the merry go round? Who has the guts to do all of that?” You chuckled remembering all those times and more. “You would find someone like me on that front don't worry.” You tried to back up, the wall behind you making that impossible. Marko reached forward and flicked you on the nose, making a tsk tsk noise. “No we wouldn't. Do you know how afraid people are of us?” You saw Dwayne nod out of the corner of your eye. “You are probably the first human to ever walk up to us in public, and demand that we tell you we're not human.” You laughed a bit more, remembering the shocked faces that night. “Well….none of you are really discreet you know? I mean what normal human jumps off a ferris wheel?” You scoffed as they all pointed at you, “Not so I can scare people! Maybe I would if I was drunk but come on, really?”

David stepped forward, throwing his cigarette on the ground and stepping on it. “As for Star and Laddie, they think the world of you. You're all they ask about when we would get home. I'm pretty sure Star has a crush on you.” You opened your mouth to dispute that, but he placed a finger at your lips, pointing to his head. “Trust me, I know. Okay?” You nodded, but you weren't fully convinced. “Laddie sees you like a big sister. He loves you.” You felt your face heat up, one last time. God, how many times were you going to blush tonight? David reached into his trench coat, pulling out a flask and holding g in front of your face. “Be one of us (Y/N). Come home.” You stared at the flask, so many thoughts running through your head. He noticed your hesitation and nodded, “If you say no, I promise we won't ask again. Just… say yes.” It almost seemed like he had a hint of desperation in his voice. Almost like he wanted you to know that in his own way, he cared. You looked around at the other boys. Dwayne, Marko and Paul. They cared too. Why did it take you so long to really see that? To see that they all love you in their own weird ways.

They were already your family. You didn't need to drink blood to see that now, but…

You reached out, grabbing the flask and watching David's face. He gave nothing away, in case you changed your mind. You unscrewed the lid, narrowing your eyes in the dark midnight. You couldn't see anything, but you would bet from the almost iron like smell, that it was his blood in there. “Sleep all day?” The boys around you smiled, trying not to laugh. Dwayne leaned forward, “Party all night girl.” You let out a deep breath, closing your eyes. A smile tugged at your lips, feeling that you made the right choice. “It better be fun, being a vampire.” You brought the flask to your lips, downing a few swings. You heard the boys around you laugh and yell, almost sounding far away. You opened your eyes, finding yourself to be alone. The flask in your hand was empty, you drank it all. That's weird… you only remember drinking a few gulps. You heard the echoes of laughter around you, the ally way finally giving away that Dawn was approaching. You stepped out, and walked to a place where you could see the sun.

You ended up on the boardwalk, your limbs protesting and asking for sleep. But, you settled on the sand and stared out over the ocean, watching the sun rise. It felt almost sad, with you not knowing how long the sunrises would last for you. You didn't know much about being a vampire, but the main deal was no sunlight. You shook your head, getting rid of the thought. It would be something you dealt with for another time. You smiled as the sun was in the sky, the wind blowing your hair a bit. This was going to be… interesting. You stood up, and began to head home to go to sleep. You were going to have a busy night later.

[emptyperspectiv]

tag 10 followers you’d like to know better

@masterninjacow asked for followers, so here I am!

name: Chynna 

birth year: ‘96

sign: Cancer

height: 167.64 cm I’m kinda tall, but not really?

put your playlist on shuffle and name the first 4 songs

I pulled from my Travel List Playlist on Spotify since it’s the one I listen to the most. 

Graveyard (Acoustic) - Halsey 

Massacre, The New American Dream - Palaye Royale

Juicy - Doja Cat

Time Is Up - Poppy & Diplo 

Ever had a song or a poem written about you?: I honestly have no idea. If there is that’s cool I guess?

When was the last time you played air guitar?: Tonight cause I’m in between wanting to do two different things so I have music going to distract me and vibing hard with it. 

Celebrity crush(es)?: I have a few, and it shows that I have a type. To name a few: Jack Baracat from All Time Low, all of BTS, all of Monsta X, Lights cause she’s amazing, Lynn from PVRIS, Hayley Williams from Paramore, S. Coups from Seventeen, Hoshi from Seventeen, Woozi from Seventeen, Johnny in NCT127, and Rocky in SF9. 

What’s a sound you hate/love?: I cannot stress enough that I hate two specific sounds, one being rusted breaks on a car stopping and secondly the sound that dental tools came in your mouth. On the upside, I love the sound of rain and thunder. 

Do you believe in ghosts?: I mean yeah? I believe that our physical energy goes into the world somehow and if it’s ghosts then it’s ghosts. 

Do you believe in aliens?: I mean, maybe? It’s possible, but not like the little fucking green martian men or grey men that you see on the history channel. 

Do you drive?: No, because I’m a chicken and I also have driving anxiety. I’m 23 and cannot fucking drive. 

Last book you read?: The Power by Naomi Alderman, it’s been pretty good so far. 

Do you like the smell of gasoline?: Without a doubt and also the smell of exhaust fumes are weirdly nice too. That sounds really bad, but like it smells weirdly good. 

The last movie you saw?: Some movie on LMN with my Momma, but I think I might watch Mary and the Witches Flower again because it’s so visually pretty and reminds me a lot of Kiki’s Delivery Service. 

Do you have any obsessions right now?: Yes, well sorta. Planet zoo should count since I’ve been playing it and making animal enclosures of Tapiers cause they’re really adorable. I also have one with Antelopes. 

Do you tend to hold grudges?: It depends for me, sometimes I’ll hold it for a minute and get over it but sometimes I’ll hold on to it for so long. Definitely not healthy, but I do it still. 

Are you in a relationship?: Nope, but I constantly fucking think about that shit and I really don’t wanna think about it. I also don’t feel like having my emotional innards shredded all up again, thanks. 

Because I have no idea who to tag for this, I’m gonna toss this to my followers because I adore you and really am interested in your answers. 

[swanwinged-princess]

The Hunchback of Notre Dame owo

@wouldhope// Disney Headcanon Meme

The Hunchback of Notre Dame - What is your muse’s religious beliefs? Have they ever experienced oppression at the hands of religion?

//Ok well FIRST of all

//And also this is;;; probably gonna be long;;; made twice as long because i’m gonna do one for standard!tutu (the one where she’s basically swan jesus) and one for verses/aus where she’s… at least a LITTLE bit more normal (see: her dad’s not a LITERAL DEITY)

I’m actually gonna start off with the latter here bc i think the former is probably gonna be longer anyway SO

(continues under cut)

In verses/aus where Tutu’s father isn’t a literal, actual spirit/deity/entity/god/what-have-ye (BNHA/affiliated spinoffs; duckverse/anthro/etc.; wizarding world; etc.):

She is… SOMEWHAT religious; definitely not overly so (see: not an asshole about it) but believes in angels/miracles/god/heaven and-or the afterlife. Definitely christianity-adjacent but not any particular type of christianity; possibly believes in hell/purgatory/some sort of punishment system after death but doesn’t really like to think about it, and her qualifications for GETTING there are stuff like, say, ‘committing many horrible murders’ or ‘being an unapologetic bigot’ as opposed to ‘not believing in jesus’ or ‘enjoying having sex’ or whatever.

 She doesn’t really even, say, go to church regularly (she’s heckin BUSY come on), but does enjoy being IN church, especially alone; it’s like a bit of a meditation for her/helps her clear her head and feel closer to god/spirituality/the universe/heaven/her mom.

She also prays pretty much every day- specifically once in the morning and at night- but also prays informally whenever she feels the need, and probably wouldn’t own much religious iconography besides maybe a few cross necklaces– you know, small, tasteful, very expensive; delicate, real silver or gold, maybe a single pearl right in the middle of the cross but that’s about it.

Whereas on the OTHER hand

//HOO BOY//

In main verse and associated, she’s… um.

Ok, so the Swan King may not technically be an actual GOD per se, but, well… He’s close. And people DO worship him. Not as many as there used to be, but they’re still there, and generally speaking basically everybody in the kingdom and round abouts that area observe it (swanianism or something idk) at least casually, by at least saying ‘swansdown’ and ‘swanfeathers’ and ‘by the swan’ instead of, for example, ‘oh my god’. 

There’s, like, one official church, with stained glass and pews and everything, where all the high-class weddings and funerals and etc. get held there, but there aren’t really any ‘priests’ and they don’t really hold services. 

There are lots and lots of old swan statues all over the area from centuries back, and while some of them got moved onto the tops of buildings/in fountains/ended up centers of various village squares, a lot of them had sort of… had temples built around them over the years- it just sorta happened- and that’s mainly where the average people observe their worship. 

Also, the Schwanensee royal family featured pretty largely in the theology, being sort of… the same thing as saints in Catholicism; whenever anybody was born/died on the sacred island a messenger dove got sent over to the mainland and there was an announcement made about it to the village. The sacred island/lake wasn’t really thought of as a real place- it was more like if you could see heaven a little bit from a high window, or if you climbed a really tall tree.

So when the island was basically burned to the ground and almost all the royal family was killed, it was… um….. 

Kind of a big fuckin’ deal.

When Tutu was rescued from the ruins, and everybody saw her, and everybody knew who she was, it was an even bigger deal. Everybody, in unison, basically decided that this tiny, traumatized, soot-covered, gray-feathered 6-year-old was the chosen one who was going to save them from everything from minor disagreements to, y’know, being ripped apart alive/having your heart and emotions pulled out and eaten by flocks of devil birds. 

People even started… worshipping her.

After the initial adjustment period, she actually handled it pretty well; at least externally. Of course, anyone who knows anything about actually being royalty knows that the whole trick is to be royal on the outside and a cobbled-together mess sustained by stress like that physics thing where you hold up a legless table by strings and the buckets of water on it, but as she got older she actually managed to get more of a handle on it. 

All in all, she’s… 

I mean, she’s more or less got it. Apart from sudden attacks of crippling, soul-crushing anxiety. But she really, really, really wishes that people would stop, or at least give the whole actually worshipping her a rest a little. Generally speaking, everybody in the kingdom (or at least in the castle village) does genuinely like her, but sometimes she gets people who want to, like, kneel at her, or try to touch her dress/feathers as she walks past, and when she tries to talk to them they start flinching away and holding up their little carved swan amulet necklaces like they think it’ll protect them and she’s just like dad dammit i am trying to be friendly do i have to say ‘be not afraid’ or something every time i go up to introduce myself to someone???

But yeah, generally speaking it’s not really a problem from the swan-leaning side. Where it starts going wrong is the raven-leaning side.

The swan-leaning people are all in all, y’know, normal fucking people, and their religion-worship-belief-etc. only ever gets to obnoxious-christianity levels. 

But the raven-leaning people can generally be qualified altogether as a crazy ransacking-and-pillaging murder cult.

 And they actually have backup from real, actual infernal blood magic demon stuff, a seemingly infinite supply of flocks of murderbirds and various and sundry quirky miniboss squad-types, whereas the normal people really only have Tutu and, allegedly, the faerie folk (those affiliated with the Lilac Fairy/Queen, at least) but they haven’t been seen in generations so it’s really anyone’s guess on that. 

They do a lot of, you know, general murder and mayhem- or at least they did, but the last really big thing they managed to pull off was the massacre on the sacred island, and technically speaking they actually failed to complete their objective because Queen Leda put Tutu to sleep with some ~magic~ and hid her in the hollow base of a swan statue in the middle of a rose thicket, which, by some sort of ‘coincidence’, didn’t seem to catch fire very much, and they were all too drunk on moonshine and bloodlust, and generally crazy and stupid, to actually look further for any survivors when everything was on fire and there were crows everywhere and they just sort of decided ‘yeah that’s it let’s go home’ and fucked off. 

At the current time, most of them aren’t actually too much of a threat because most of them are the stupid crazy ~3edgy5me~ idiot types– y’know, the kind who’d, say, march around waving factory-produced tiki torches at night and demand a police escort if they’re gonna be shouting in the general vicinity of a pride event because they’re ‘fearful of their safety :’(’ 

so, like, nowadays they’re really only like Team Rocket-level nuisances on a day-to-day basis because the kingdom had learned from their history and swore in a lot more ‘guards’ and ‘knights’- enough to mostly keep the peace in pretty much every town unless things get really, really bad. 

Uuuunfortunately, it’s not just idiots who want to wear black cloaks with pointy hoods to look like beaks and wave big curved swords around– i mean, it’s MOSTLY that, but also a lot of very smart, very greedy, bored, evil, and/or scheming people end up gravitating towards anything that’ll give them a lot of dumb people who they can tell what to do. 

So occasionally- very occasionally- they actually do something that’s… actually impactful, and everybody who gets out of it in one piece talks about how fucked up that was and ‘curse those raven bastards’ and etc. etc., but the crowmen (as they’re informally known) are also surprisingly good at apparently vanishing without a trace so it’s hard to catch them or do anything really constructive about the problem as a whole. 

Weeellllll, okay, ADMITTEDLY a few various gangs of them HAVE managed, by coincidence or the type of brief narrative luck that dumb people like that seem to have sometimes, to briefly kidnap Tutu, but she either gets rescued very quickly OR escapes by herself while they’re arguing with each other about HOW to kill her, WHETHER to kill her, and what the prospects of killing her now or maybe ransoming her and then killing her LATER would be, or they all sort of trip over their own and each other’s feet, cloaks, and swords and blunder their way into harmlessness in one way or another. 

TL;DR Tutu sort of... IS a part of her religion like how Jesus is a part of Christianity/associates and all things considered she’s handling it pretty well. Her entire family was murdered by basically a crazy satanic cult who still run around causing problems, but not as much as they used to, so.... Does that count as religious oppression???

[akvtsuki-ari]

Intricacy

Warnings: angst, angst to fluff, nsfw-ish (nothing super graphic but sorta,)  Length: 2.9k  Authors Note: inspired heavy by this song by the artic monkeys, gets super corny at the end bc i love fluff and h -  Summary: Spencer can’t deny he needs you but do you need him? Thats all he wants to know 

Intoxication, pure and unfiltered seeping into his lungs and clouding his thoughts with nothing but the images of primal lust only a woman like you could bring Spencer. Leaving a man speechless takes nothing short of what one could call capabilities in seduction, but Spencer Reid wasn’t most men.

He couldn’t deny himself the obvious, the factor that would indeed be that you were awfully attractive. A beautiful woman, a capable one. Sure physically he saw you nothing short of stunning, your haircut framed your face and the clothes you wore for him and him only burned into the back of his brain like most of the things he remembered didn’t. And sure when he thought of you most of his memories are of you on your knees, and the soft sounds you made when he tugged at your hair, or the way you look bent over the side of couch in a hotel room because you made it utterly impossible for him to just wait.

Spencer Reid couldn’t call it love, not yet anyways. As much as it wasn’t lust either, you just happened to be you. You were woman, and undeniably intelligent, stunningly gorgeous, and fiercely powerful woman, with a kind heart and even gentler amount of attitude. And every one of Spencer 5 senses had images and thoughts and pictures and recollections of you, oh the things our beautiful boy genius would do to get a taste of your company made him speechless.

Spencer reid was not the type for primal desire, desire for him was based solely upon love, and you, a woman he so desperately loved made him feel like he could do anything. Not a rush of adrenaline, but a life-line, a reassurance. In all the ways you were a need, you were a want, you were a must. When he got chances to call you, he did. Just to speak to you, get an opinion, or hear your voice. And when you called him out on the fact he just happened to miss, in the way you only could with all the love and gentleness of almost a mother, he couldn’t help it but smile.

In the moment, all he could think about was you and how soft your thighs felt under his fingertips, with the desire to please you clouding his head. His mouth placing open mouthed kisses onto your neck and his other hand rubbing you out onto him softly, lacking in vulgarity but filled with the kind of lust you can only receive from longing. Spencer Reid longed for you, to make you feel good, to hear his name come out of your mouth  that would read to him as holy as sermon, in that moment in something that is typically so filthy, Spencer would look to be yours in whatever way he could.

“Spencer - aah” Your voice was smooth as ever, he felt you convulse as you came, and he held your hips down with gentle ferver.

“You look pretty like this, you’re gorgeous when you’re vulnerable like this for me, you’re like artwork,” he whispers praise to you, and he means, he loves telling you how you did, loves reassuring you and watching as your face makes expressions of pleasure in a way that only he could. Took pride in it.

Once you’ve finished, you move your hips to let Spencer have his chance at release. Your movement is quick and teasing in some sense, and with no regards to anything, you place both of your hands on his face and kiss him, he moans into your mouth and smile.

“Y/N,” your name is so sweet in his mouth, you kiss him again. Chasing the taste of him chasing his touch, and his ache. He pulls out and finishes on your stomach. Both of you sit, fascinated with each other. Touching foreheads, your heartbeat pounds in your eardrums, and Spencer just sits and admires. To him, your body was what he said it was, artwork. Covered in scars, and a couple tattoos. And history, Spencer wanted to be apart of that so desperately.

His lips find your neck, and he bites hickies into it. The gesture is soft, loving even. But even Spencer can admit in his own possession. You sigh satsified, as Spence leans over and hands you a towel to wipe yourself off with.

“You haven’t left marks on me in a while, “ you comment absentmindedly. He hums into you, and you smile.

“I missed it,” he says back. The two of you sit like that for a while, and even after the comedown Spencer is simply infatuated, even in the moment. The two of you are just soft heart beats and strong grips but he can’t stop thinking about you.

Even when he stops, the nape of your neck covered in rather dark marks and you smile. He grins at his handiwork too and you roll your eyes.

“Lemme get dressed, and we can sit for a while, okay?,” you repeat to him. Spencer nods, you place a hand to his face and run your thumb along his scruff. You hop off and his eyes follow your every move.  Entranced by your ability to just be you.

You come out a big sweater and thigh high socks, with some cute boyshort panties, everything matching. Spencer jaw drops and he smiles up at you, you take a seat on his lap. A place you liked to be despite his clear embarassment, and smile at him. You sat facing forward, turning back to place a soft kiss at his jaw and is arms find themselves around his waist. His comfort is so warm, and you can’t help but nuzzle into him. He did himself a favor and changed into some pj’s and the two of you sat very cozy.

You turn around to face him, missing the view of being cuddled in his lap that way. He smiles big, and so do you.

“It’s been a while since we’ve able to you know, relax like this,” you comment. Spencer nods.

“Our situations complicated, we work with profilers after all, Y/N. I’m surprised that, no ones caught on to it yet,” He replies. You nod, placing your arms around his neck and leaning.

“We didn’t put a name on it for that very reason, beloved,” you reply. Spencer feels a pang of remorse in his chest, and sighs. He’s silent for a second to long, and you catch on to it.

“What's wrong?” you ask softly. Spencer doesn’t look at you, he’s frustrated. He’s making the face he does when he’s frustrated, you knew it well. Years of cases worked, and even more of him being upset when he needed you to come see him and assure him. One of the things Spencer loved about you was that, the way you were there for him.

“Nothing,” he replies, but his voice gives him away. Spencer loved you, that much was sure. Spencer adored you in the way he could only for one woman. The sort of fondness with your sort of magic. Adulation filled him when he looked at you, perhaps that was part of the problem, the way you looked at his expression, brows furrowed, jaw tightened, eyes squinted ever so slightly, your sympathy for whatever he went through, despite not knowing what it is.

“Spence,” you only called him that when you meant it, or worded better, when you knew he needed to hear the closeness the two of you shared, a reminder of your correspondence with one another. He sigh, melting into your fingertips through his hair, hazel colored and all.

“It’s silly, Y/N,” he replies, you shake your head.

“Not to me,” you reply.

“You don’t even know what it is,” he giggles to you. You roll your eyes.

“It could be the fact that you really need to pee and I’d write you letters of comfort,” you respond again. His smile is clear, but so is his anxiety as it softens. You place a hand on his face and run your thumb on his cheek.

“Cmon, baby,” the nickname is smooth. Like milk and honey, sweet, and comfortable.

“We’ve been doing.. well - this, for 3 years now. I still remember you walking into the BAU, and just knowing what kind of person you were. You were so beautiful, and when you spoke you were kind, and intelligent, and so helpful to everyone, and I felt so lucky to just be with you…” he trailed off, not being able to make eye contact. He could feel your discomfort and sighed.

“But?,” you question.

“But Y/N, I am so utterly in love with you. I think about you everyday, and all the time. And most of our memories make me dream the way I did when I was in highschool sure, but you’re this woman, this gorgeous, and profoundly intelligent woman and the longer we don’t have a title, the more and more I can’t help but wonder if I should save heart from shattering more than it would and move on, even though I’m not sure I could. Y/N, do you just not want to be with me, or is it something else that I can think of, to get rid of this sinking feeling,” he confesses to you solemnly. You frown at him of course, unsure of how to explain.

You both sit for a while, you wipe the tears that come his way and he sniffles.

“To be honest with you Spencer, in the beginning I just wasn’t sure about anything. I liked you, so much but if this was something temporary I didn’t wanna risk my ability or for that matter credibility as a profiler, the whole lay low thing worked. And I guess, part of me is just afraid that if it gets too serious, you’ll get bored of me, you know? We know each other so intimately, and trust each other so much, but you’re Spencer Reid, the most brilliant person most people get the chance of knowing. And there are so many women you could be with, I guess the last 3 years I’ve just been waiting in way. For you to move on, away from this whole thing. You have this prolific career you can’t risk, and I mean - I’m just me. I’m a profiler, a good agent but a part of me has always believed that the fun of this, for you was the whole not being committed thing, not having to worry about it because there wasn’t anything there” you explain to him nervously. He frowns.

“Do I seem like that kind of guy to you, Y/N?,” he questioned, you sigh.

“You’d be surprised, Spence. How many men like you are like that,” you reply.

Spencer was at a loss, for what could be the first time in his life, because he had never considered that. That perspective was unknown to him, that you could ever consider yourself to be shame on him. Spencer always saw it quite the opposite, that you were this drop dead gorgeous woman, and that maybe that's why this was secret for the two of you.

“Y/N, I have this dream, at least once a week these days, where I’m married to you. And we live this in this quiet apartment, and I read to you. And when we go on dates it’s to things we always talk about but never get the chance, and it always ends with just being in the office, holding hands and getting coffee, and I can’t help but wonder what it means,” Spencer admits.

You look at him for a while, your eyes are looming with thoughts.

“Would you marry me, Spencer?,” you asks shyly.

“In a heartbeat,” his response is so assured.

Your heart thumps in your eardrums, the weather is rainy and gloomy but the it fits the mood so well. The two of you sit, your hands resting in Spencers lap, as he takes one and kisses your knuckles. You blush red and Spencer smiles. For three years it’s been silent on the end of the commitment, any off day you could take you were together. And most nights, Spence would drive over when he could and avoid getting caught in the act of being in love. And some days Spence would offer to house sit while you were away, and at work the two of you were kind to each other but you did so well in hiding it. You always hid, away from all the light and loved Spencer in the shadows. But you didn’t like being in the dark, because in darkness you couldn’t see Spencer well, and you wanted to see him. To know he was here.

In all this artificial light, when you looked at Spencers kind eyes, the indent between his eyebrows when he’d think, or his lips, full and pink. You suppose you knew.

“I want you to marry me, Spencer,” you repeat softly.

“Okay,” he says again.

You kiss each other, both of you crying. Soft tears, but not sad ones. Happy ones, ones full of love and acceptance, and joy. Your arms are wrapped around each other, with a love so powerful the rooms over could feel it vibrate. If this is what being together felt like then she hopes it lasts forever.

__

Finally, and after a lovely 3 days, Doctor Spencer Reid walks into the BAU and he is shining. Glowing from the inside out. Not only does he greet everyone happily, he sits on his desk and smiles. He radiates it.

“Alright, kid, I’ll take the bait. What's got you so happy? Some convention got you excited?,” Rossi asks jokingly.

“I’m married,” Reid replies softly. Rossi chuckles

“Oh yeah? To what book?,” he jokes, assuming Spencer is also joking.

But there you are, his beautiful wife, and the woman he’s longed after for so many years, with a ring on your finger, a matching gold wedding band.

“No book, just me,” you reply softly. You’re both extremely apprehensive, but Reid laces his fingers with yours and smiles. Rossi's look like they’re about to pop out of his head, he’s at a complete loss of words.

“Hey guys - WOAH - are they, are they holding hands? Why are you guys holding hands, is this a prank? Is it april fools - no no it’s like late March it’s not april yet - WAIT, oh my god are those RINGS? Why are you two wearing matching rings, you guys? What’s going on - are you  - are you married?? That’s not it right? If this is a prank, I swear it’s not funny anymore” Garcia babbles on. You blush beet red, as now JJ, Prentiss, Derek, and Hotch are all just over the corner looking at the both of you. Spencer is extremely shy and just grips your hand tighter.

“Nope, we’re married,” you reply. Penelope gasps.

“Marrie- MARRIED?? HOW ARE YOU TWO MARRIED?? When did you even start dating - you haven’t even been dating - WAIT… have you two been dating??,” Everyone else just sort of nods in agreement, Prentiss and JJ are shocked, and Derek has the biggest grin on his face. Hotch smiles.

“It’s um - complicated,” you reply, stuttering. Mostly because you and Spencers excuse to see eachother was sex, because if it was feelings it’d get serious. So like clockwork it was having sex, and a lot of it all the time. If anything you were friends with benefits but how do you explain that to your boss.

‘Oh my god, you guys,” Prentiss has a whine in her tone, “how long?,” she asks.

“3 years?,” you reply Meekly. Everyone gasps and you jump back in surprise.

“WOW! 3 years Pretty Boys been getting laid by a beautiful lady and not a word, you know what they say pus-” Morgan starts.

“Morgan,” Hotch reprimands. Derek laughs and gets quiet.

“Oh, Spence..” JJ’s the first one to get emotional, she rushed over to give him a hug and part of Y/N is aware that she’s probably known for the longest while known. After they hug, JJ turns to you and hugs you and the whole team showers you all in love.

“Okay, okay - now that all thats over, there is no way in hell I’m allowing you two to just get married and have us not be at the reception. We’re throwing it at my house, so you better take some time off and get a dress for us, and you Spencer, shave your damn face and get suit alright? Congratulations, both of you,” Rossi says. The two of you laugh and nod

“Thanks Rossi, will do,” you reply.

“Congrats Y/N, Reid -  and I hate to interrupt this moment but we have a case. I’m assured that you two will not let this interfere with your work?,” he asks the both of you nod, as Garcia heads to the conference room to discuss, mumbling about how betrayed she was as she walked. You and Spence watched as everyone cleared out, to give you privacy

Spencer stands and places a hand on your neck, a soft peck placed on your lips.

“Cmon, Mrs. Reid, lets go work on this case,” he says as he walks. You follow.

And how free you felt.

[toonstarterz]

BECAUSE I’M NOT POPULAR, I’LL READ WATAMOTE: CHAPTER #143

So in keeping with the recent trend of bringing back older characters, Watamote goes for a throwback and puts the OG trio into the spotlight. With Kii-chan, we got to experience how Tomoko managed to rekindle a previously strained relationship (somewhat). Will the Tomoko-Yuu-Komiyama team finally become a true circle? Or is it destined to exist as an awkwardly shaped, but cohesive oval? 

Chapter 143: Because I’m Not Popular, The Three Of Us Will Study Together

As always, Komi’s looking damn fine with her patented punk/goth style. Those open-shouldered skull shirt, slick choker, asymmetrical skirt, and striped leggings all come together to make her look like a total rockstar. It’s delightfully contrasted by the fact that’s she’s a pervert with a baseball obsession, but being fashion-conscious does help to round out her..unsavory side.

But, Yuu, sweetheart, as much as a skater dress looks good on you, you could do without the spikes. Granted, I’m hardly an authority on fashion, and in some circles, I’m sure it looks great. But it’s doesn’t seem as...flashy as she usually presents herself. Perhaps it’s because she’s with Tomoko and Komiyama that she doesn’t feel the pressure to be overtly stylish, and is more comfortable with something more subdued.

Man, the throwbacks just keep on comin’. What’s next, are they going to find Tomoko’s Yandere Boys Verbal Abuse CD hiding in her room?   

Friendly reminder that Tomoko is, was, and will always be a piece of shit.

That said, Tomoko isn’t the type to be mean just for the heck of it. Her usual targets like Komiyama and Yoshida are only targeted because it’s been made apparent that they can handle it. With Komi-something, Tomoko knows that she’s not utterly irredeemable, which is why she takes any opportunity she can to milk Komi’s indecency. Because otherwise, she’ll be the bitch, and that’s a line even Tomoko won’t cross.

This chapter should be titled, “-the four of us will study.”

Speaking of which, Yuu and Komiyama have never seen Tomoko’s big plushie before, right? They probably think that it’s evident of Tomoko’s hidden cute side but if they ever found out about all the questionable things Tomoko does to the poor thing, that idea is sure to be shattered.

I suppose I should address the elephant in the room and ask what the hell is it with Yuu and her incessant sweating? Not even down her face or anything, but it flies off her body. Could this be her unique way of expressing hidden anxiety? That’s a scary possibility, to be sure.

No, there’s supposed to be beer cans everywhere with inebriated kids playing footsie under the table that quickly escalated into necking and–oh, wait, this is reality. My bad.

Ah, so these are the friends that Yuu-chan often brings up but we’ve never really seen before. They certainly look like a lively bunch, though that’s really all one can say from a single panel. Granted, if Yuu's school does have relatively inferior academics, then I imagine there’s a bit more goofing off going on here than actual studying.

Same here. That’s the reason yours truly goes off to work at the local cafe rather work at home. Too many distractions and external stimuli at your abode, and no one to hold you accountable for slacking off.

Not entirely sure if this is a joke lost in translation, but apparently Komiyama is humming a ditty about the Chiba Lotte Marines, namely infielder Nakamura Shougo. That’s actually kinda cute.

Got nothin’ to say. Itou just looks adorable here. 

This, however, is decidedly NOT cute.

As the series’ resident purevert, Komiyama’s crush on Tomoki has always fluctuated between two extremes: innocent, schoolgirl affection and disturbingly fetishistic lust, and this line about, um...licking Tomoki’s eye circles falls way into the latter. For the record, I’m generally nonjudgmental about one’s unharmful sexual preferences–to each their own, you know–but given Komiyama’s history, I’m genuinely concerned for Tomoki’s wellbeing should the girl ever get her paws on him. 

Itou is canonically the strongest character in the whole series. Those powers of perception were gained through unfathomable amounts of mental destruction. 

Self-awareness? What self-awareness?

Is this going to be running gag now–Yuu innocently “complimenting” Komiyama with a between-the-lines insult?

I dig it.

Some may call it slacking, I call it strategic half-assery.

Ah, so Tomoko is officially aiming for a liberal arts school. For a girl who used to have zero prospects after high school, it’s uplifting to see Tomoko with an actual long-term goal in mind. It really is the only thing she’s reasonably passionate about, and the “starving artist” lifestyle actually fits pretty well with Tomoko’s approach to the world, so good for her.

Poor Yuu is never going to make it in the “real world”, is she?

Checking out the play-by-play when you’re supposed to be studying? Sometimes I forget that Komiyama actually has a cute side.

You know, given all the times when Tomoko and Komiyama are shitting at each other, these little bits of politeness between them are much more poignant. Sure, they’re being conscientious about it since Yuu’s there, but I can see this happening even if she wasn’t. See, Tomoko and Komiyama tend to mirror each other–insults are reciprocated with insults, and friendliness is reciprocated with friendliness. Even when they swing far on one side, something always pulls them back into equilibrium.

This would’ve been a good spot to put a gag here, with Komi expecting a strikeout only to explode with joy in front of her friends when the Lotte’s make an unexpected comeback. Instead, Nico Tanigawa goes for realism, validating the more pessimistic side of Komiyama. As for why they chose this route, I actually believe its to set up a little arc for Komi. As of now, baseball and Tomoko are her saving graces, and neither is looking good right now. Ultimately, this could lead to Komi facing the reality that dreams don’t always come true, and learning to accept that.

Yuu was definitely fishing for an answer to Nemo and Katou, and the fact that Tomoko doesn’t tell her right away is actually a good sign. Back in the old days, Tomoko would jump at the chance to “brag” about Yuu, her then-only friend because she was so insecure about their friendship falling apart. Since then, she’s made a number of meaningful friends, so that need to brag is long gone. 

I love seeing characters describe other characters they’ve barely interacted with. Komi does see Nemo as a girl in the “sorta-in-crowd” so it makes sense that she would see her as “flashy”.

Says the girl who also dresses super fashionably.

Shocked, but not resentful. It’s uplighting to see Komiyama take Tomoko’s relative popularity in stride, and it’s a feeling that’s been there since the Kyoto Field Trip Arc. Despite having very few friends herself, she’s never thought poorly of Tomoko when the girl gained more friendships. If anything, it made Komiyama see her in a slightly better light now that she knows Tomoko isn’t completely irredeemable. 

I could almost swear that Komi is doing that on purpose.

Cuties.

Everybody’s Golf is that PS4 game, correct? Good taste, this girl.

Shit, Tomoko, at least take her out to dinner first.

But it actually makes sense for why Tomoko brings it up like that. She knows that she’s at that stage in her relationship with Yuu that she just can’t casually molest her anymore (not that she should have been doing that in the first place, but still). Tomoko, the perv that she is, still has those shitty desires, but she’s more tactical about it. Like a politician. 

Lol! Tomoko is such a jokester!

...right?

This harks back to those times when Tomoko fantasized about being an arms dealer/mercenary. Naturally, that’s a far cry from wanting to be a golfer, which is much more grounded in reality. Even Tomoko’s reasons about the payload and being a woman carries merit. Sure, it’s ultimately a fleeting interest, but at least her dreams aren’t so...how should I say, destructive anymore.

Even deeper into the realm of reality is her interest in being an esports streamer. Being a millennial, it’s a perfectly understandable desire that fits into Tomoko’s work ethic and personality. Sure, her last experience as a streamer was an utter failure, but now she’s got a good grasp on what it really takes to be one. My guess about Komiyama doubts stem from her thinking that female streamers become popular largely on their sex appeal, which Tomoko evidently does not have by most accounts. 

Tomokitis (noun) – a rare disease characterized by an irrational lust for little brothers with baggy eyes named Tomoki. Prolonged exposure to Tomoki will worsen the lust to the point where mere proximity will trigger it. Those afflicted are forever hopeless.

As freaky as Komiyama is, I’m more impressed that her thirst for Tomoki overrides any disgust she may have at the possibility of being related to Tomoko. Well, Tomoki is basically a drug for her at this point, and junkies have accepted far worse to gain their fix.

Sploosh.

In the rare possibility that the universe decides to hook up Tomoki and Komiyama, Tomoko is going to make one hell of a cockblocker. 

Shoot, even the cat gets a return appearance. Nico Tanigawa are really putting out all the stops lately with the nostalgia, ain’t they? 

If memory serves, there isn’t a scene in the manga that shows Yuu being particularly interested in cats, so this was actually pulled straight from the anime. You know, that scene in the last episode where Yuu chases down a mentally broken Tomoko only to suddenly stop and pet a kitty? If they're willing to reference anime-original moments like that, then Nico Tanigawa must have fond memories of their anime adaptation.  

Is Yuu taking about the dog or Yoshida? :p 

Okay, so the dog. Wonder how she’d take to being compared to a pig?

First Pineapple-chan, and now Yuu-chan. It seems pretty mandatory that anybody outside of the loop would think that Yoshida was bullying Tomoko. Of course, once you realize that Tomoko has done things that would get her on the front page of a #MeeToo article, all bets are off.

Has Tomoko ever been this upfront about how she harasses Yuu? It was always my assumption that this was an unspoken reoccurrence between the two of them. At least the physical stuff anyway, as Tomoko is known for making “jokes” about getting Yuu knocked up. The poor girl really is too sweet for her own good.

While Yuu may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, that doesn’t mean she’s clueless about the sexual world (she supposedly lost her virginity after all). I’m sure she’s aware that most people wouldn’t tolerate Tomoko “accidental” groping, hence why she questions how someone could not bully her for that. 

It’s pretty ironic how even though Yoshida is probably the most transparent character in the series, Tomoko still can’t figure out if she’s friends with her. That might be Tomoko’s fault somewhat as she’s the type who needs things spelled out to her, and given that Yoshida is more of an “actions speak louder than words” girl, you can see the barrier there. At some point, one of them’s going to have to take that first step and say it to the other’s face if this friendship is going to go places.  

Poor Yuu. The first friend of the series is the last friend to see Tomoko’s growth.

This has been a headcanon of mine since the very beginning of the series, but I’ve always felt that Yuu Naruse had this inner sadness to her. That underneath her beautiful looks and kind personality was a girl who suffers more than she lets on. Remember, Yuu’s personality is fundamentally the same as it was in middle school, despite all the outwardly changes she made in high school. What Tomoko once called a “debut” could have actually been a survival tactic. Yuu never likes to be a bother, and her way of hiding her emotions isn’t always healthy, whether it’s holding back tears about a terrible beach, or making her friends sing for an hour at karaoke. And heaven forbid her breakup with her ex-boyfriend was uglier than she let on. Worse yet, Yuu knows her weaknesses, which only makes her self-deprecating moments hurt even more.

Perhaps I’m talking out of my ass, but hey, Yuu deserves an overcomplicated character analysis just like all the others.  

And as always, Yuu, the angel she is, always puts Tomoko before herself...

I find it admirable that Komiyama is so secure about her social life. Her tiny circle of friends and lack of some Tomoki lovin’ have never truly brought her down, and she can even make fun of herself for it. It’s much different from Tomoko’s rampant self-consciousness of the earlier days, Some may argue it’s a lack of shame as opposed to self-confidence, but Komi is clearly making the best out of it.

Hikari, eh? Other than reminding me of a certain Pokêmon character, I wonder if that’s a joke about how Itou “lights up” when she unleashes her powers of observation.

...

...

...

So, um...fujoshi anyone?

The prices one pays to be a friend to Kotomi Komiyama. 

All in all, this was a fairly easygoing chapter, as most chapters with the OG trio are. With the emotional rollercoaster that Golden Week had provided us, it’s nice to wind down a bit and reflect on the past. That’s not to say that this is a “recap” chapter by any means. Simply that this self-reflection exists to guide our heroines into the next stage of their young lives. It may be as simple as making a new friend over a perverted Skype call, but if there’s only one thing this series has taught us, it’s that the simple things are just the start of something greater.

[xenodile]

Part of me is still apprehensive about sharing/talking about my smut and kink writing out of fear I'll say something wrong or get someone jumping down my throat about something problematic but also typing and talking helps me process my own thoughts so I can better organize and work through them so I sorta have to.

Anyway the wall I've hit in my Byl/Alisaie fic is that I like the idea of Alisaie being impatient and overeager to "prove herself" as Bylgrael's partner after the events of late Stormblood and early Shadowbringers, partly because she's been sitting on her feelings ever since Binding Coils back in ARR but isn't sure where to start because she didn't have Alphinaud's "success" with girls in school, and partly because she's scared she'll lose her chance if she waits too long because she's acutely aware of how cruel and unfair life is. So many of her experiences with Byl have been getting through bad times or ended in tragedy, and she's desperate to have at least one unambiguously good memory with the woman she loves because she'll never forgive herself if something happens to one of them after the promise they made, and then not have anything to show for all their time together.

For Bylgrael's part, she's still in a rough place emotionally after hitting rock bottom and almost dying in Stormblood. She's definitely attracted to Alisaie and reciprocates her feelings, but recognizes that she and Alisaie were both in a dark place when they finally made things official, and remembers how rough her early relationship with Alphinaud was in similar circumstances, so she wants to sort of take stock and make sure she's doing things right this time. Combine that with Tesleen's death and how soon after that Alisaie makes her move, Byl panics and worries that she's taking advantage of Alisaie's emotional distress in order to have sex with her, which just opens the floodgates of self-loathing and anxiety to completely take Byl out of the romantic mood. She wants to give Alisaie the respect and attention she deserves but how can Byl do that when she fucked Alphinaud's brains out in the shower like two days ago, she likes to get rough and be mean in bed but she has no idea if Alisaie will like or enjoy that, they don't have as much shared history so will she ruin things between them if she makes a mistake, etc. Bylgrael adores and almost reveres Alisaie, and wants to make her happy, but is so terrified of insulting or upsetting her that Byl is paralyzed into inaction.

Meanwhile, Alisaie reacts when Bylgrael tenses up and starts doubting herself as well, along similar lines. Does she not actually feel the way I do and was just humoring me, am I being selfish and pushing when she's not ready, etc. but is also frustrated because she really does want Bylgrael's affection, she's had three years to mull it over and she's certain it's what she wants, and Byl second guessing her is insulting, especially when Byl is more openly romantic and flirty with Alphinaud. She can't force Byl, but how can they move forward as a couple when Byl is stuck in her own head thinking she's not allowed to want Alisaie.

And here's where I've hit a snag, I don't know where/how to take it from there. I originally pictured it as Alisaie takes the lead and doms/power bottoms Byl, but passivity doesn't suit Byl and it doesn't feel right for Alisaie to try and force things if Byl is clearly uncomfortable. I picture Alisaie as being more of a brat and sort of teasing out Byl's more aggressive side, but it feels like the circumstances have rendered that kind of play impossible. I almost feel like having things fizzle out and they literally sleep together being the most realistic outcome, so they can tackle sex another time when they're in a better headspace, but I'm not sure I have it in me to write that in a satisfying manner, or when that second attempt would be in the timeline. Maybe after defeating Hades? But I feel like Byl would be distracted by the news that G'raha is alright then.

I relished the idea of Bylgrael dating Alphinaud first hanging over her relationship with Alisaie and making things difficult for them, and now I'm seeing the consequences of my actions.

I've played with the idea of Alisaie reluctantly talking to Alphinaud about what to do, but I'm not sure Alisaie's pride would allow that.

[evaninepercent]

Lin Yanjun ( Harry Potter AU)

 Lin Yanjun x OC au!

In which Lin Yanjun is a Slytherin and you are a Hufflepuff, but you both fall in love despite your differences

or

You’re a reserved hufflepuff and he’s a sarcastic flirt, but, oh well.

here’s the hp au i’ve been waiting to write forever

bc im a sucker for hp aus

anyway let’s start the story shall we

so

let’s just say lin yanjun left the biggest impression on possibly everyone on the very first day all of you shy first years stepped into Hogwarts

everyone of you were huddled together, terrified and robes sopping wet bc the giant squid was having a bad day

and the atmosphere was tense and silent

until Professor McGonagall snapped

“ Please be quiet, Mr Lin!”

bc Yanjun was helluva excited on his first boat ride and wouldn’t stop chatting to his newfound friend which you would later know as You Zhangjing

you would expect him to clam up and duck his head in shame

but instead he lifted his head higher and flashed the most charming smile at the older lady and said-

“ you look absolutely gorgeouuss today, professor!”

fyi he would’ve have drained his house from their hard-earned marks if he wasn’t unsorted

but you were pretty sure he was the first student in Hogwarts to use the flirting technique on a professor bc you swore you caught a hint of flush on Professor McGonagall’s pale cheeks

thus everyone immediately dubbed the pretty dimpled asian boy as a Gryffindor

so all of you were shooketh af when the Sorting Hat screamed ‘Slytherin’ at the top of its lungs the moment it touched his head

fast forward to the present

you were a bashful daydreamer of the house of Hufflepuff

and Yanjun was the hopeless flirt of Slytherin

you didnt like Yanjun bc

ugh

he flirts with everybody

his friends, the professors, every single girl he makes eye contact with

you even saw him flirting with Moaning Myrtle once

granted, she probably enjoyed it, but still-

it was also a well-known fact that the first resort to getting him and his gang out of shit was with his flirting

and you even don’t know if its because he’s actually convincing or its just his handsome face doing the work

but it works almost every single time

though, you didnt have personal experience with his flirting until your sixth year

bc you were doing your best to avoid him lmao

but alas

guess who got paired up with you in potions

booM

the one and only lin yanjun

you can only look tearfully at your best friend Linong as he paired up with somebody else

anyway the first few weeks were absolutely terrible

he wouldn’t stop flirTING WITH YOU

“ did someone cast expelliarmus? because you got me completely disarmed.”

as much as Hufflepuffs are known for their cinnamon roll traits

you really wanted to strangle him so he can stfu

cue Linong shooting you worried glances everytime yanjun opens his mouth

and one day you just lose it

“ can you please just shut up? you’re irritating the heck out of me!”

which is really an ouch, but a girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do

the whole class falls silent bc you?? the shy sweet hufflepuff?? is yelling at the Lin Yan Jun?? gasPP

you were half expecting yanjun to retort with some snarky ass rebuttal but he just stares at you with his wide round eyes and for the first time in history, looks ashamed of himself

“ im sorry, y/n.” he said, twiddling nervously with his robes. “ i didnt mean to make you uncomfortable.”

and the guilt kicks you hard in the stomach bc you didn’t have to be so harsh omg

anyway one Potions class and a deduction of marks from Hufflepuff later ( bc of your misconduct) you dashed out in embarrassment without even waiting for Linong so you can hide in the deepest parts of the library and drown yourself in shame and self-hate

how are you going to face your Hufflepuff friends?? your parents?? lin yanjun??

anxiety at its finest

but just when you’re about to literally entomb yourself in the library you glance up and meet eyes with the person you were abt to avoid your whole life aka yanjun

like holy shit how did he know you were here 

he gives you this anxious look before he scooted closer and sits down right next to you

then he gives you a handful of sugared butterfly wings

his sudden act sorta rendered you speechless and he mistook your silence for anger so he started to grow frantic and was like “ linong said you liked this candy and i just happen to have them but if you don’t like it i can always get you something else-”

you had to spend a whole five minutes convincing him that you were really just shooked bc who knew the flirtatious troublemaker could be so considerate?

and because you were pretty rude too, you gave him a small note of apology and a packet of your favorite toffees from the muggle world

you swore you’ve never seen him smile brighter

after that things turned out for the better between you and yanjun

he didn’t flirt with you anymore and he was actually really nice and soft?? which you didn’t realize before bc you were too blinded by your prejudice

and you even started to like yanjun and the both of you would even hang out occasionally after classes

you even found out that both of you had similar interests, like a passion for trying out new sweets and reading poems

cue you and yanjun scaring the living hell out of everybody when yall consumed pepper imps that one time in the cafeteria

both of you are the power team at potions bc who knew polar opposites could get along so well

you became one of his closest friends and even got along relatively well with his buddies

but ofc how could you forget you best friend linong, who has been by your side and cheered you up since childhood

and because you and linong have known one another for almost your whole lives you were just naturally affectionate with each other

and it just so happened that Yanjun caught Linong and you being really close and his heart just shattered when Linong reached out to squish your cheeks while you grinned up at the taller boy

the next time you had Potions you notice Yanjun being abnormally quiet so ofc you prod at him to tell you why

“ its nothing, really.” he mumbled, busying himself with cutting the ingredients.

“ oh c’mon, yanjun. just tell me!” and after much cajoling from you he finally gives in

“ its just that,” he said slowly, avoiding eye contact, “ you never told me that you and linong were an item.”

you gape at him for like 3 seconds straight before letting out an uncharacteristic snort bc no Linong is like a brother to me and besides?? he ald has a Ravenclaw girlfriend

yanjun is half relieved and half flustered bc there goes his efforts on hiding his 3 year long crush on you that stemmed and only bloomed ever since he first saw you comforting a first year who got nearly got hexed

so he can only just stare at you as he lets the blush creep up his face until you added-

“ besides,” you said, getting your courage from nowhere, “ I like guys like you.”

later on linong would tell you how yanjun’s grin was the literal epitome of the sun and swore to you up and down that he has never witnessed someone’s eyes sparkle so bright

anyhow for that day onwards you both were officially a couple

you relationship= forehead pecks, cringey but appreciated pickup lines, debates on the best Bertie Bott’s Jellybeans flavor,warm cuddles and soft passionate kisses in the library

also you both constantly friendly battle one another on who gets the better score in potions and if any of you are lacking in a certain aspect you would help each other out

throughout your relationship you would find out more endearing things about one another, like how yanjun flirts mainly bc it makes him more confident and also gives him a certain sense of accomplishment and how you cannot really hate someone bc its just in your nature

which really makes you both love each other more

ever since you both started your relationship yanjun stopped flirting as a whole and although Moaning Myrtle would be a little upset she’s actually pretty glad bc she’s lowkey done with all his starry-eyed gaze whenever he looks at you for the duration where she might have stalked him

count on linong and yanjun’s gang to support your relationship from the sidelines

yanjun is there to speak up for you when you lack the courage to do so yourself and you’re always there to have his back when he starts to doubt himself

a couple that would fight for each other

couple goalsTM

[phantom-of-the-keurig]

To the little old dog that didn’t make it

So uh, this is sorta odd I guess. I mean, I’ve made posts before about sad cases at work, I’ve ranted and cried on here about difficult clients or fractious patients. But today is different, and I honestly can’t stop my fingers from typing this all out.

Maybe this is a coping method? Maybe writing this all out will help untangle this terrible anxiety and guilt building in my chest.

I don’t know. All I know is the entire drive home I felt this overwhelming need to write down the cluster fuck of thoughts scrambling through my brain. I’m sure none of this will make sense, that’s alright. I just need to get this out, and from here on out I’m writing this to the little old dog that didn’t make it.

You were one of the first patients I saw this morning. I read your chart, inside I cringed. You were scheduled for a splenectomy. I made a mental note to read through your history when I got a chance. You seemed really lively for a dog about to get their spleen removed. I patted your head, I ran my fingers through your black fur with the sprinkles of grey spread throughout, and I naively assumed a dog as upbeat as you surely couldn’t be that sick.

I was really, really wrong.

I’m sorry I got on you a few times for barking. You planted yourself in the back of the kennel and kept barking at the doctor and surgery tech on the other side of the glass. I thought it was funny, I imagined you were demanding to know what they were doing in there. Maybe you were just super enthused about getting to watch the other surgeries before you, maybe you were cheering the doctor on? Anyway, I hope my tone wasn’t harsh, I hope the amusement I felt watching you made it into my voice too.

Soon enough, it was your turn. You really didn’t like getting sedated. I don’t really blame you, I hate shots too and we had to inject you right in your leg muscle. I know it stings, I’m sorry, but you were brave. You were a very good boy.

I want you to know, you were such a good boy.

You were our second to last procedure of the day. You were the first surgery I actually observed that day, I just felt like I needed to watch. The doctor went really quiet, we knew something was wrong. Your spleen was unrecognizable. I’m so sorry you had to walk around with those awful tumors inside of you. We found another mass on your liver.

The other surgery tech started reading your history out loud for the doctor. With surgery and chemo, your mean survival time was 6 months. I thought about your family as the doctor closed you up. My heart went out to them, I knew the road ahead of you was going to be unpleasant. I glanced at the ugly, black tumors sitting by the box meant to ship them out for a histopath one last time as I followed the surgery tech out the door. As we got you settled into your kennel I thought, well, at least his family will have some time to say goodbye. At least we got some of those icky masses out.

The doctor handed me two syringes, antibiotics and pain medicine. The other surgery tech handed me nail clippers. She told me to trim your nails and to remove your intubation tube when you started to wake up. She walked away to prep the next patient and added, “And make sure he doesn’t die.”

I was determined to stay by your side until you woke up. I gave you your shots, I didn’t even walk away to put the needles into sharps. I didn’t want to leave you for a second, I stared at your chest every few seconds to make sure you were still breathing. There had been a few times during surgery you had us worried, a few too many close calls.

I started trimming your nails. It took a long time, I was too afraid to keep my eyes off you for too long. A quick clip, then a pause to look at you.

Clip, pause, stare.

Clip, pause, stare.

You made a sound, like a small cough. I was happy, I thought you were fighting against the intubation tube. That meant you were starting to come to. I quickly took the tube out and went back to my prior rhythm.

Clip, pause, stare.

Clip, pause, stare.

Clip, pause, stare.

Clip, pause, stare.

Stare

Stare

Stare

Stare

The nail trimmers fell from my hand as I realized, oh my god- you aren’t breathing.

I ripped your lips back to look at your gums. They were almost white.

I actually made my neck pop I whipped my head around so hard. I immediately honed in on the first white coat I saw, and my voice cracked as I called out “Um uh, hey Dr. H canyoupleasecomelookatthisdog???”

Things went really fast then. Dr. H’s face went pale as she frantically ran her stethoscope over your chest. She yelled out for someone to get epinephrine. I grabbed your IV bag off the hook and carried it as Dr. H sprinted to the surgery room with you cradled in her arms.

The surgeon joined us, and suddenly there were two doctors and five technicians surrounding you. I held your IV bag. They hooked you up to oxygen. I held your IV bag. The surgeon ordered a variety of drugs, I couldn’t tell you what he asked for. It was a blur of movement as people went flying to draw up medications. Your breathing was agonal. I held your IV bag. Dr. H started CPR. I held your IV bag. For a second, I thought you’d be okay. She felt a heartbeat she said, a tiny flutter. I held your IV bag.

We tried. We tried so hard to bring you back. Eventually, the room started to clear as we realized there was nothing to be done. I looked up and saw the surgeon massaging your heart as a technician manually breathed for you. It was just us now.

You didn’t wake up. I still held your IV bag as the doctor called it. Your time of death was 11:46am. That’s when you left this world. I know because I was the one who looked at my watch and told him the time when he called it.

The other technician took you away as the surgeon braced himself to call your family. I heard him sigh as I cleaned your blood and waste from the metal table.

“Was this my fault?” I asked.

The surgeon shook his head and assured me it was not. He told me the name of the cancer he suspected you had, how it often spreads and manifests in the heart and lungs. He reminded me how difficult the surgery was for you. I remembered the ugly tumors we pulled from you. You were so sick.

“I was right by him, I only looked away for a second.” I promised.

The surgeon nodded, and said he knew.

I left the operating room only to stand by your kennel in a daze. The nail clippers were still on the floor. Two techs were getting your body ready for your family. I could see the surgeon through the other side of the glass breaking the news to your family.

I hope you know your family loved you, so much. You were loved. They brought a grey blanket with them that morning from home, and we put it in your kennel with you. That was the blanket you stopped breathing on. I made sure to wrap you in it after you left this world at 11:46am.

Dr. H eventually came up to me after some time. “Hey,” she said, “good job. You caught him immediately. It’s so much better than walking by and realizing he’s been gone for a while. At least we got to try. His family knows we tried.”

We really did try. But I still felt so guilty, I failed you. I’m so sorry. Even after speaking with several all people who assured me it wasn’t my fault, I can’t get rid of this guilt in my chest.

I think that’s why I wrote this. I wrote it to you, the little old dog that didn’t make it, because I hope you can forgive me. You were a good boy. You were such a good boy, and I’m sorry you’re not here anymore. I hope wherever you are, you’re not in pain anymore. I hope you’re able to run and jump like a hyperactive puppy again. I’m so sorry you didn’t make it, but I hope you’re running and playing fetch while you wait for your family to join you one day.

To the little old dog that didn’t make it, you mattered. You were loved. And now, I like to think you’re at peace.

[overrgrown]

Whats this gemini drama? Lol Sincerely, a gemini

Long story short I have a lot of history with one and he recently came back into my life so we're friends again but I got a drunken text from him last night and I don't know how to process it? I had a sort of thing with him and I knew that it was a bad idea cause he's obsessed with someone in his life (I guess until super recently they were almost together) but it happened anyway so now with the drunken text I don't know if it means feelings are there or if I'm letting my anxiety get the best of me. If it is feelings it'll be hella confusing.

The other person is my neighbor. I'm trying to help him come out as bi and I hope it happens cause he's an amazing person who deserves to feel publicly valid but he's scared of reactions, which is fair. I have a current thing with him but I'm being an anxious mess who isn't sure if he actually likes me. I'm usually fine not getting a message back for a while but I get worried concerning him because in my opinion he's out of my league. We flirt and whatnot but I don't know what he actually thinks of me cause we don't talk a lot over text or hang out a lot.

I'm sorta torn with it but I'm 80% leaning towards my neighbor because we haven't had crazy ass drama so far and I really do like him. A lot. The main reason I'm torn is because my friend and I are so similar and we clicked super quickly. But I don't want to go through the motions with my friend again.

Side note: what is it with geminis saying they want to date you but the moment you bring it up with them later they get flighty af? It's annoying and they need to stop being so back and forth please because this literally happened with both of them and I'm too blunt to let it slide but I don't want them to be mad about it.

Thanis for asking babe💕 sorry it's long af for a "long story short"