#so the anxiety meds are working i think but the adhd meds still need some work

[cipher26]

i get really frustrated with days like today where i’m not feeling bad, but i also can’t function normally or feed myself, which blows up my plans for doing anything cause i can’t get it together. i also think right now though, because i’ve been working so much and moving, and basically been busy nonstop for the past few months, i’m having a hard time making my body remember how to relax. and also it’s been so long since i’ve lived in the city and been on my own with any free time, i just like...have forgotten what it’s like to live? lol. which i know sounds stupid, but really, i’ve forgotten about a lot of things that I can do in the city, and the places I can go since it was all unavailable to me for...really a few years. because even before moving to jersey for awhile it was covid and everything was closed and unsafe, so i really haven’t like, gone out and around very much in a really really long time.

also doesn’t help that i’m still horrifically out of shape and my knee still hurts daily. anyway idk what the point of this post is...i think i’m just frustrated with today cause i was gonna go out and do stuff but i was exhausted and my place is a bit of a mess cause i’ve been working so much i haven’t had time to keep it clean. so instead i’ve just been sitting around all day trying and failing to make my body go do things.

[stoutguts]

ADHD/neurodivergent 🧼 (💀🧼 too bc why not/it's my comfort ship and I love them)

(chock full of my own personal HCs and ideas, also mental health stuff/issues/problems heyo)

I am most definitely all for autistic Ghost, but what about ADHD brain/neurodivergent Soap? I've seen few people talk about this or explore it so here we go.

Like, even though Johnny's generally laid back, he still tends to be very hyper or high-strung. Maybe even overwhelming for some people, and is easily excited almost like a puppy (golden retriever Soap my beloved), (Ghost thinking it's literally the cutest thing ever). Bro has either the attention span of a nat or is so hyper-focused on something he forgets to blink.

He has APD (auditory processing disorder),—and will ask you to repeat yourself 15+ times before he finally understands what your saying. This is incredibly frustrating for him, but like Price will lose his shit, because having to repeat himself is like one of his pet peeves lmao. Same thing, with Yuri.

Even Ghost and Gaz get fed up with him on occasion. Though Roach doesn’t give a fuck because they’re just as ADHD as him, and just loves to talk, plus their echolalia helps to sort things out lots of times. Gaz will give him the silent treatment and refuse to talk to him. Usually when Simon finally gets irritated with him it's lead to a fight. But it isn't long before Ghost feels bad and apologizes, and reassures him saying "I know you can't help it". Simon tries to work on learning to be more patient specifically for him. 💕

He does the same things that Simon does to stim, (though particularly pacing and bouncing his leg). But he also likes to chew on everything, whether it’s a pen/pencil, a cap off a water bottle or other plastic drink bottle—(This pisses off Simon in particular, and they’re always scolding him about how he’s gonna end up choking on it. Not to mention, he always leaves the nasty ass, spit-covered things around and forgets to throw them away after he’s done with one. Either leaving Ghost to pick up after him much to his disgust, or forcing Johnny to throw his own shit away, (as he should). If he gets ahold one of those spiky silicone balls from an arcade machine he likes to bite the nibs on it, etc. Simon has even bought him some chewlery because he orally stims so much, to which Soap uses all the time and was overjoyed when Ghost first got it for him. Though his chewlery needs to constantly be replaced because Johnny has unusually strong and sharp teeth. It’s not uncommon for him to completely destroy shit that he gets his paws on. Simon often comparing him to a dog or a teething puppy.

I am also totally for Johnny being just as mentally fucked as Ghost.

He’s the four b's, bisexual, bipolar, bilingual, and a bitch.

Like Simon, Johnny has generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), for similar or for maybe even the same reasons as Ghost. Not nearly to the same level of severity, but panic attacks and flashbacks do happen on occasion. As with certain things he's easily triggered.

He also struggles with bipolar disorder and/or severe manic depression. His bipolar tendencies making it incredibly difficult to maintain relationships in his youth, among many other things, (his past drug abuse/addiction only making him worse and more unstable). Though these days he’s medicated and for the most part stable, only sometimes going off his meds, (particularly when he relapses or is heavily triggered by something).

No therapist has ever been able to help Soap, though he does see a psychiatrist regularly.

Mostly for anti-psychotics and other prescription refills and the like, but can vent as much as he likes to them. Either that, or Simon doesn't mind lending an ear to listen when he needs it.

Similar to Ghost, Johnny can have very low self-esteem, but can also be of very high self-esteem, (it fluctuates due to his manic depression). And Simon is more than willing to give him reassurance and comfort, but equally doesn't mind knocking him off his high-horse, and/or, taking down his ego a few pegs if need be. (Which isn't so bad, as Johnny just so happens to have a degradation kink). >:3

Johnny is a highly reserved person, (though he’s able to put on a mask/a show for other people and strangers), and pretty stoic (all things considered), due to his traumatic upbringing. He has a very unhealthy habit of bottling up his emotions until he quite literally explodes, though he's trying to get better about that. But he can’t help but genuinely let his guard down, and has LEARNED to let his guard down around Ghost, the 1-4-1, and his sisters (the most important people in his life).

This tidbit has less to do with mental health and rather his personality but I still wanted to include it here so…

Soap is highly perceptive and emotionally intelligent. You can't hide anything from him as he can always tell when someone's lying to him, and he always knows when something's wrong. A true empath. He's also a very good liar himself because of this, but he uses this secret power responsibly, and would never lie to those closest to him and/or his loved ones.

All members of the 1-4-1 having highly specific phobias? Yes please.

As for Johnny…

He is deathly afraid of needles and hospitals (Trypanophobia and Nosocomephobia), because when he was growing up and as a young kid he was quite sickly, and often was in and out of the hospital. He's immunocomprised and gets sicks all the time, most of the time nowadays when he gets sick it's just a small cold, with the occasional illness that may put him out of commission for a bit—Simon always doting over him and making sure he’s okay when he even so much as senses he’s got a runny nose—Johnny finding it incredibly endearing, but when he was a child it was horrible. When he was hospitalized he'd suffer at the hands of doctors and nurses much too often, going through one too many traumatic experiences. Mostly, because of incompetence or just straight up apathy. Getting his IV done is the worst, because he's cursed with almost non-existent and small veins. Oh so jealous, of Ghost's huge and bulging veins. Someone will stick him upwards of 10 times or more, or until his arms are swollen, until they finally get it right usually. Not to mention, Johnny also has Hemophilia, and so he bleeds a lot which only makes it even more distressing. Soap specifically underwent medical and first-aid training, just so he could avoid going to medical himself as much as possible. His medical knowledge and training has happened to pay off lots of times in the field, for himself or for his teammates or squad’s sakes. Despite his aversion, he's not squeamish at all when it comes to mending his own wounds, or others weirdly enough. Even if he's severely injured he refuses to go to medical. Simon used to get really mad at him for this, because of not only his stubbornness, but seemingly his cockiness was what really pissed him off. And they know Johnny’s skills only go so far, and he's immunocomprised and a hemophiliac for crying out loud. Eventually Ghost confronted him about this, and after Soap explained everything it was a lot more understanding and sympathetic. Though it didn’t change the fact that it will borderline harass him if he’s seriously hurt and won’t go help himself, or just straight up force him to go to medical. Johnny always protests but ultimately he gives in, and Simon makes sure to give him emotional support and stay with him when he needs patched up.

Thank you for reading my ramblings, next post will be about my take on Ghost, his mental health, his autism, etc, probably!

[fulltimesapphic]

So I have this headcanon/kinda fic idea that after Buck and Tommy get married (and/or have their daughter) Buck gets like really had anxiety. He can barely function sometimes because he is so scared that something is going to happen. It gets bad enough that Bobby has to start making him man behind and Tommy has to be constantly checking in and calling. Everyone is obviously worried but Buck won’t talk about what’s happening. Bobby and Tommy are the only people that Buck talks to about this but even then it’s only a little bit.

Then one day the 118 are at the station, the news is playing on the tv and they see a story about a house in the same neighborhood as Buck and Tommy’s house with a truck in the living room that killed two people and injured two more. Buck has a panic attack and struggles to breathe. After it passes, with help from Bobby and Eddie, for the rest of the day Buck can’t stop shaking. When he’s packing up to leave Bobby stops him and tells him that he needs to get help. When they’re at home Buck is still shaking and is quiet, Tommy can’t get him to say a word. At some point in the night Tommy wakes up and Buck isn’t in bed next to him.

Buck is in the living room, sitting on the couch, crying. Tommy crouches near Buck and it all breaks. Evan tells Tommy all the fears he’s gained, all the terrible scenarios that have been filling his brain, he tells Tommy about the panic attacks that he’s hidden, about the ones that he hasn’t, he tells him about being scared that he’s broken. And Tommy listens. When Evan is finished, Tommy wipes away his tears, kisses his head, and leads him back to bed. The next morning Buck doesn’t get out of bed and hardly eats. The next day Buck sets an appointment with a Dr Theatt from the department.

Buck slowly starts to get better, he’s still quiet and doesn’t smile as much. But he’s starting to get better. He starts taking antidepressants and anxiety meds, he starts going out on calls again and he survives a whole shift without hearing Tommy’s voice. Dr Theatt (who prefers to be called Max) says that he’s doing better, that he’s opening up more about his fears. One day, in the final hours of a 48 hour shift, Buck leaves the bunk room and finds himself in the kitchen. Bobby is in the living area and when Buck looks lost Bobby gets up and teaches Buck to make crepes. Buck smiles, a genuine smile, he laughs too, a full body laugh that can be heard echoing all throughout the sleeping station.

Buck is starting to get better. The longer he’s taking his meds the more they work. When he’s at an appointment with Max, they ask him if he was ever diagnosed for ADHD. So he starts getting better. Eventually, he goes two months without shaking hands or shortness of breath because he started thinking about a crashed helicopter. And then one day Tommy stops by the 118 house and sees Evan making everyone laugh and he himself is smiling while he pours the macaroni noodles in the pot of boiling water. Tommy thinks he falls in love all over again.

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Hey! I've read some of your works and I gotta say I love your writing! I was wondering if you still write for Mafia?? I'd love some headcannons with Vito, Joe, Tommy, Sam and Paulie with a S/O who has ADHD? Or a sort of Hyperactivity? Thank you sm!!

A/N: Aww thank you so much! Of course I don’t minddddd but I don’t have much to write about Joe at the moment.

Warnings: I do not have ADHD so please note that my knowledge comes from the internet. If anything is a bit off, please respectfully let me know and I will have no problem altering something for you. :) I don’t mind writing these things as long as this can be an understanding environment.

Requests: always open

Masterlist

Tommy

He doesn’t really mind it much at all. Tommy puts up with Paulie all day, you’re a piece of cake in comparison.

He’s a more mellow and mature guy, he’s probably not going to be able to keep up with you as much but he loves you.

Tommy is great at redirecting you when you’re struggling to complete tasks or just forgetting about things.

He’d definitely leave behind small notes and reminders of things, and I can see him making time out of his day to check on you.

Actually just in general he’s great at helping you become more organized and productive throughout your day

Please—if you are a risk taker…stop😩 jk jk

But like this man is stressed out when you do dangerous things without any regard for your personal safety

Your excitedness is rather adorable to him, I can only see him becoming a bit frustrated if he is overwhelmed with things in his life. But he’s never viscous and will politely suggest you sit down with him.

Any hyperfixations you may have and want to rave about, go ahead. Actually he will sometimes surprise you with more of that item(s) when he comes home.I Imagine him sitting on the couch with a cigarette, watching you open up the gift from him. He’s so proud

Sometimes feels a bit bad when you’re super bored of everything. He doesn’t always have the energy or knowledge to keep you entertained and engaged.

If he finds you becoming increasingly more anxious or fidgety about things, he will try his best to comfort you.

“Look what I got you on my way home. You said that you love these things, right?”

Sam

AD-who? He doesn’t really understand it but he still loves you.

Doesn’t mind your hyperactiveness *that* much because he’s used to the younger guys on the job…but he has a bit less patience than Tommy.

Definitely a little more blunt when he’s getting a little annoyed with your behaviors but it’s not meant to shame you. It’s just Sam.

*panicks in public because he lost you in the busy city of Chicago*

If you take medication i can imagine him reminding you of it. If you dislike taking meds, he’ll try to make it bearable for you. Crushing up the pills for you and offering you a sweet kiss in exchange for your compliance.

He knows how much it sucks. Sam would gift you a very beautiful pill case so maybe you’ll be a bit more excited about the whole process.

Sam pretends he hates how much you talk about your hyperfixations but then turns around and tells the guys all about it.

Financial impulsiveness doesn’t bother him too much if it’s on some nack that’ll make you happy for a little while. But you should be mindful of making huge purchases and decisions without his guidance

If your AD-HD causes you to struggle with reading comprehension, complex subjects and other things, he’ll never belittle you. He might poke a little bit but ultimately, it’s sweet how vulnerable you are with him and how you go to him with help.

I don’t think he’s the best at handling mood swings or anxiety attacks but he will always offer his presence when available. He’s learned how to better engage in aggressive episodes and to try his best to de-escalate.

He usually will tell you stories about his funny adventures or just simply hold your hand while you’re anxious.

“Don’t worry about it, Doll. You can hold onto me if you need.”

Paulie

Best boi ™️

In all seriousness I think he’s pretty great at handling things with you. He’s not judgmental of your behaviors in the slightest.

He lives to hear all about your interests and rants, it makes him so happy to see you this excited about something. He’s the most engaging with it too.

Even though he’s older, he likes to move around and is very young at heart. So if you struggle with sitting still, it’s okay so does he. Whatever you want to do, he’s down for.

Maybe not the best at handling the more productive things like time management but

Your impulsive behaviors aren’t too bad. it’s okay he makes plenty of these mistakes.. he’ll try his best to fix them with you. If you struggle with speaking over him/cutting him off a lot, he’ll probably let you know and remind you that he likes to finish his thoughts first.

If you have no sense of danger this man is keeping a close eye on you. why are you walking in the middle of the busy street like that and then saying it’s fine because you’ve never been hit before. Please—😭😭SAVE THIS POOR MAN

Depression and mood swings are all too familiar with him. While he completely understands, it does make him sad to hear that his baby is going through the same thing as him. He might worry that it’s because you’re not happy with him, but after explaining he will understand it better.

He’ll try his absolute best to cheer you up! He’s not above making a complete full out of himself to just make you smile.

He hates making you take medication so he’s so lax about it but if he sees a decline in your overall health, he’ll enforce it better.

“I know, it really sucks baby. But you have to take it, it’ll help with things a little bit. I promise you, I’ll make it up to you.”

Vito

You being hyperactive isn’t usually too bad but he might be a peeved at times. He isn’t very energetic despite his young age, he’s a tired guy. So he’s not always able to keep up with you

Vito likes to set aside specific times for your rants/raves. He prefers it if you don’t immediately bombard him with everything as soon as he walks through the door but after dinner he’ll sit down to listen or play with you. On weekends he’ll take scrolls with you or go out to fun places so you can get some of that energy out.

I like to think he carries around little trinkets in his pockets and pulls them out to give you something to fidget with if you’re becoming overwhelmed.

Vito is great at offering you a routine and structure throughout your daily life. One of the perks of being ex-military.

He’s also fairly good at talking you out of impulsive behaviors and dealing with any agitated feelings.

Very stern about you putting yourself in danger and is constantly reminding you to take care of yourself while he’s gone.

He takes care of financial matters and planning for you. He understands that you struggle with these things so he takes the reins.

I headcanon that Vito takes medication for his medical issues caused by his time serving. It’s something very private that he doesn’t discuss with anyone but when he sees you stressed over taking them, he now will take his medication with you. Just to make you feel better and it’s now become an intimate experience.

He also keeps you out of triggering environments and situations, he won’t take you to any events where you’ll have trouble sitting for long periods of time. Vito is never embarrassed by you so don’t worry about that, he just wants to prioritize your needs first. If anyone does say anything disparaging about your behaviors and excessive talking, they’ve made a date with death. He’s very protective over you.

“Don’t ever speak about her like that ever again. She can talk about whatever the hell she wants for however long that she wants. —and if you still got a problem about it, you’ll take it up with me outside.”

[blushblushbear]

Ace needs some more love, he's the newest boy and has such few content! I'd love some lil things with the lovable himbo

SO ACE!

has definitely run into something while running the bases and waving at you

either can not cook for the life of him or makes something amazing-- there is no in between and there is no way to tell which it'll be that given time

has gained a bigger love of fruit since turning into a bat that one time

thought about getting a pilot's license cause he kinda misses flying...

a rememberer of all birthdays and important dates (like anniversaries, doctors appointments, etc)

has spikes of social anxiety but weirdly enough it just makes him MORE friendly??? he's just overly so and nervous about it now

takes a million photos of himself, likes only one and then chickens out on sending it to you

also has a lot of photos of you saved on his phone, looks at them often

also a pic of you and him is his phone background

adhd, big leg bouncer

thinks he's not a smart dude cause he's bad at focusing, ESPECIALLY with reading, but he's actually smarter than he thinks

once someone convinces him to try audio books he'll be reading with his ears a lot

his favorite kind of music is anything you can get hype too

also love songs that make him think of you (which is most of them)

has SO MANY PLAYLISTS

WILL make you a mix tape/mix cd and the songs will probably spell out something like I love you lol

has thought about getting the word angel tattoo'd on him but 1) it's too soon and 2) he's worried his mom might freak out...

is kind of a mama's boy--- not like a Volks level, but he does call his mom at least twice a week

is actually really good at fixing little things around the house

can not hold his liquor for the life of him BUT THAT DOES NOT STOP HIM

will drink too much on a dare though, it's a good thing he hangs with good people

also he really likes to hang with good people

he likes positivity in his life

not in the way that he never wants to hear a bad word, but in the way of like--- he just knows good people when he meets them (he actually thought you were the best people the first day he met you <3)

tries not to talk about you too much to his buddies/team

fails

has work out buddies at the gym he goes to

those are his bros

he actually has/surrounds himself with a lot of bro energy

but like--- BRO bros ya know-- not like nasty dudes, like--- really chill good dudes who know how to be respectful to everyone and life others up

low key mom friends it a bit

makes sure everyone eats, drinks water and takes their meds

has not started medication for his adhd, but probably will in the future

has a p high sex drive but is also embarrassed about it low key...

sometimes just ends up working out rather than bother you with it...

his body runs pretty warm and he has worn short sleeves in cold/chilly weather

LOVES a cuddle

actually low key needs hugs and cuddles and kisses to survive

you'll have to work with him to work through the mentality that he can come off as a burden

he really doesn't want to be a burden to anyone ever and he can be a bit too people pleasery about it

tries not to make EVERYTHING about baseball but usually fails...

it's just how his mind works...

tries to take up poetry cause he wants to be more romantic

is not good at it but it's still very sweet

doesn't drink coffee often, but he does do the occasional energy drink (and is wired the rest of the day until he CRASHES HARD)

LOVES a party, LOVES people, LOVES new experiences

likes to travel, though he might want to stay more in the areas that speak the same language as him (he's nervous about making a fool of himself in front of a whole country of people...)

knows a little bit of spanish

it's pretty broken and poorly spoken but it gets the job done

will but trying to do sweet little romantic things for you probably for forever

he doesn't wanna be a two note kinda dude (note one being baseball and note two being loving his s/o) but like--- low key he's kind of a two note guy (HE LOVES BASEBALL AND YOU A LOT OKAY HE CAN'T HELP IT)

[heartbeat-eras]

~Intro Post ~

Hi everyone!

Long time cardiophile in the community but just discovering tumblr for the first time.  Please bear with me while I work this out 😅

About me:

My first memory was me, maybe 3 years old, with my head on my Mums chest asking her what that was. Ever since then it’s always been a thing I’ve been fascinated in. 

My cardio-interest can be many things and have evolved over the years. I have the curiosity about what certain things make it do. How it reacts to exercise or caffeine or nicotine or standing different ways. How holding your breath makes it skip and slow down. I love seeing the reactions to different things. This was the era I started in. 

Then there is the emotional side. The heart can’t lie. If you had a stethoscope on my chest right now, while these words could be trying to portray confidence - you you hear her thrashing in my chest with nervousness / excitement. (Talking about hearts, even anon, gives me anxiety). It’s one of those things that in my real life I would love to be more open about but the level of trust to do that is something that needs to be earned. 

And the dark / …. Adult side… if you asked me years ago I would have said hell no. It depends on the day, month, mood, etc. I’m more open to it these days. Electro, breath play and cpr is what I would lean into, but I’m either in the mood or definitely not. There’s no in between. 

RP / Messages - I’ve never RP before. Maybe I want to try? I’m not sure. I need to be comfortable to talk about hearts so it would have to be a slow intro into it. I also never know how to answer a blind message saying “how’s your heart?”  It kinda feels intrusive and personal so unless it’s a comment about a post PLEASE just start how you would any message to any friend 😊

About my heart

My heart wasn’t all the exciting. Sleeping she gets into the high 40s - low 50’s. Just sitting around working she’s chill around 68. It’s the exercise that gets her. I’ve been a smoker for about 16 years (the last 3 of those vaping instead). When I exercise she shoots up and stays in the 170-188 range on a run. Her recovery is ok considering nic. Slows down initially pretty quickly but says just about 100 for a while. She doesn’t throw many skips and I can induce a couple from a breath hold / push but usually will just beat really slowly after that. 

… well all that was until 6 month ago. Yo girl was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and started on stimulants. Now she feels completely different. I needed to go through the full heart check prior to this, I wanted so bad to see the ECG and see her beating but I was mentally not in a good place and didn’t get to. 

They say that Dexadrine is meant to only increase your resting by 5-7 beats. I would end up sitting at my desk and her beating away happily in the 90s. I haven’t exercised yet but when they wear off at night I can definitely feel her pounding a bit harder and faster than she used to. I’ve now noticed late at night she will occasionally get skippy and throw 5 or 6 beats in a row. But only occasionally and then goes back the normal pounding rhythm. 

Last night I wore my chest strap to bed to see how she was behaving. When she would usually be around 50, last night she didn’t get lower than 65. Today I decided to test her and record her without getting up and taking my meds. A true resting test. She was steady around 68 for 45 mins. Then she increased to about 72 as they kicked in. So maybe they weren’t lying. Maybe just being up is enough to jack her up into the 90s 🤔 she is pounding really forcefully though. I think I’m going to continue monitoring and see if this the norm. 

Anyway, you’ve made it this far you probably deserve some of her sounds. After she didn’t take off into the 90s like I thought she would I decided it was time to have my morning nicotine. This is where the changes took place. A short sound for you to hear hear speeding up. This is before I’ve stood up still. 

What do you hear? How fast is she beating? What do you think she’s feeling? 

Soon I’ll try some exercise and we will see how that goes. 😅

[maxdibert]

What does your daily routine consist of?

I wake up at 6:45 am. I want to die. I check my phone until about 7:15 am because I need between 20 minutes and half an hour for my brain to decide it can be 1% functional. I force myself to get up. I still want to die. I take my meds because I have ADHD and a diagnosed anxiety disorder, so I need the pills to keep myself from shooting myself, you know. I usually shower at night because if I shower in the morning, I waste too much time since my timeline management is awful, so I get dressed, pack my bag, and head to work. I try to get on the metro, which feels like a very complicated mission at 8 am when I arrive—it’s like having to push through people and fight aggressively retiring ladies. I end up crammed into the car like a sardine between people who want to die and university students who also want to die but not as much because they can still be happy until they graduate and real hell begins. I get to the office, make myself a matcha latte because I can’t drink coffee as caffeine wrecks me. I have it with oat milk because I’m lactose intolerant, thanks. The first thing we do every day at 9 am is a meeting with the bosses, the psychology team, and the social workers to review the day’s plan. Then it depends on the week—some weeks I’m almost always at the office reviewing paperwork and the "boys" (the users of the organization I work for) come here, other weeks I go to supervised homes to interview them, and other weeks I have trials or hearings at court and spend the day out.

On Fridays, we have a general team meeting to talk about the cases of the people we manage, how they’re progressing, and unresolved matters. The social caregivers are also there; they work directly with them and give us feedback on the week, basically telling us about all the rules they’ve broken because they literally behave like teenagers who think their parents don’t notice their messes—but we do. And well, after that, we have some sessions where the users come in, and we run a progress check and evaluation with them. Not with all of them, just one or two each week.

My schedule is from 9 am to 6 pm, and there are days when I end up with a horrible migraine, days when I end up at the bar drinking to forget, days when I go straight home exhausted and can only watch True Crime on TV to stop thinking, and days when I’m in a reasonably good mood, and then I write my fanfiction, which I’ve committed to updating regularly as an exercise to work on my ADHD and the consistency it takes from me.

Every two weeks, I have therapy, and occasionally I go out with some guy I met on Tinder or during a night out, and well, not much else.

The good thing about days when I’m in the office and have lots of meetings is that most of them are on Zoom, so I can ditch all the tools my psychiatrist and therapist have given me to stay focused and answer questions like this while having five or six minimized faces on the screen talking about things I half-listen to because I’m incapable of paying attention to non-face-to-face conversations for more than 10 minutes. Fortunately, my boss is very happy with me because I get the "boys" everything they need and we share the same terrible rage when someone tries to harm the "boys" so he acts like he doesn’t notice when I dissociate or get distracted.

And that’s my life, the normal routine of a young adult with a teenage soul immersed in the social precariousness of depressing adulthood, already starting to experience an early 30s crisis.

[gayhenrycreel]

amatonormativity can only be defeated if society learns that people can have different needs.

most people need sex. i need sex to stay mentally healthy, but not everyone is the same. i also need gluten, but some people get really sick from it. a lot of people need romantic love for emotional fulfillment, which i will never understand and find very strange, but thats okay, because people are different.

ableism is also tied into this. i need things to be explained very clearly, often multiple times, otherwise i dont understand. sometimes im literally unable to process sound enough to understand what people are saying. most people dont need basic sentences explained multiple times to understand, so i have a need that others dont have.

a lot of amatonormativity is similar to ableism. i theorize this is because society views both lack of attraction and disability as biological inferiorities that need "curing". this is why historical queerphobia is extremely ableist. electro conversion therapy is exactly the same thing one of my dead relatives suffered for being mentally ill (note that this form of... well, torture, literally cooks brain cells, eventually having similar effects as a lobotomy).

intersex people are often forced on hrt that makes them sick, because perisex society believes that "normalcy" is what people need.

ive heard of asexuals being forced on libido meds because asexuality is assumed to be a medical condition.

all of these are forms of conversion therapy (if your country has not banned igm, conversion therapy is still legal, sorry).

again with the inherent ableism, i used to have problems with anxiety induced meltdowns, and my psychiatrist assumed it was because of my already treated adhd. he forced me on ritalin, which i already had a record of it not working for me. my adhd meds that work were taken from me and i had to take whats basically mild meth. for 3 days straight, i had a panic attack. singular. it continued for days without stopping. as soon as this started happening my mum took me off ritaln, against that doctors orders. for a week i had no adhd meds, so i microdosed magic mushrooms and my anxiety (and adhd) caused no problems for that whole week.

all of these are medical assumptions, assumptions that a non existent problem needs curing. my adhd was fine. i was treated with a med that had worked since i was 5.

theres a huge similarity between gay men being forced on testosterone to try to make them more masculine, and me being forced on ritalin to treat a medical issue that didn't exist in an attempt to make me normal. (the problem i had was much more about my autism not being accommodated btw).

queerphobia and ableism have been intertwined since western society came up with eugenics.

i dont need to be fixed, i need to be loved instead of treated like a problem. people always think my autism is "worse" when they abuse me, and its just because i cant mask when im scared. it becomes a cycle of me being abused for not masking, and not masking because im scared. in the same way, things like psychosis are made infinitely worse by psych wards. can you imagine having a delusion that the government is hunting you and then actual cops throw you in a cell and drug you? thats reality for many psychotics! it happened to me, and everytime i became more convinced that i was being tracked.

queerness is treated how disabilities are treated, because to the medical system they are the same: disorders, and disorders are inferior.

in both cases people just need to be cared for. we may be totally different, but we have so many similarities in our experiences.

a society that sees us as the same will treat us the same.

[paracosmicparadox]

So, I'm falling back into the FFXV kick, and I have decided that I disapprove of how little complex character development Square Enix has given the guys?? Like where is the emotional depth beyond surface-level cutscene angst?? So I took matters into my own hands and have compiled a handy little list of headcanons / expanded canons that I think make sense.

Noctis: Has clinical insomnia and frequent lucid dreams (sorta a given, but bear w me bear w me)

Feels the weight of having to take so much on from such a young age much, much more than he lets on

Loves to argue

Would've been happier if he and Luna stayed as childhood best-buds rather than betrothed fiancés (controversial, ik, but it just didn't seem like he cared that much for her romantically to me?? Like he obviously cared about her, but it seemed like a really strong penpal vibe rather than a "We're-gonna-get-married-and-be-the-next-hotshot-couple" vibe. If you disagree, coolio, I'm not gonna debate w you on this one)

Has a natural sadness to his eyes regardless of what he's feeling

Went through an anime phase (possibly still in his anime phase, idk)

Social anxiety for the win

Severe RBF

Prefers tea over coffee (black tea is best---particularly lavender earl grey)

Can play the cello (practicing tho?? Don't know her)

Writes the most beautiful poetry when The Motivation™ strikes him (usually when he's home sick and half-delirious)

Prompto: Has ADHD and clinical anxiety, but is undiagnosed and doesn't take any meds for either of them.

Is legit like SO SMART, but can never focus, so not many people take any notice

Wears contact lenses (he had glasses as a child and I refuse to believe he had some high-tech corrective surgery to eliminate the need for them when lenses are cheaper and less risky)

Doesn't drink caffeine because it makes him jittery

Doesn't drive the Regalia when the guys are around because having other people in the car distracts him from the road. Also he tends to drive like a speed demon, which worries Ignis to no end.

Sunburns insanely easily

Could legit become a hitman if he wanted to with the amount of gun-knowledge he has. It doesn't matter what firearm you put in this boy's hand---pistol, SMG, sniper, rocket launcher, you name it. He can and will hit the target every single time.

Addicted to adrenaline

Pansexual

Has a lot of self-loathing (we see a bit of this in Ep. Prompto) and talks with an online therapist about it via text whenever his lows hit him. He's making great progress in learning how to heal and how to accept himself for who he is beyond the mask he wears for others

Ignis: More than a little bit of a control freak, and works very hard not to be too overbearing or critical about his friends' misgivings

Hypochondriac

Wants to protect everyone all the time and mentally kicks himself when he doesn't get there fast enough

Is SO PROUD of Noctis's journey and felt a stronger hatred towards Ardyn than anyone else in the group for what he forced Noct to go through (he stayed up at night sick to his stomach with hollow rage and baked nonstop to take his mind off of it)

Can verbally obliterate a man, but only rarely chooses to do so bc he's classy like that

After losing his eyes, he notices so much more beauty in the world than he used to (the sound of rain on the Regalia's roof, the specific gait of each of his friends, the smell of salt on the wind in Galdin Quay, the flawless feel of one specific silk tie he has in his repertoire, etc)

His internal compass is never wrong

Regularly takes antacids for his stomach

Has the straightest teeth you've ever seen

Demiromantic

Gladio: Hates being wrong: it's his way or the highway

Actually so much smarter than the musclehead jock front he puts up

A little vain and easily jealous (this man has a Jealous Face like no other)

Thunderstorms are his favorite; his ideal place to be is at a campsite, during a storm, with a well-worn book and a mug of Irish coffee in hand

Would throw himself in front of a bus for any one of his friends

Would beat up kids for the folks he cared about in middle school and spent the time he wasn't training to be a Crownsguard sitting in detention with the most unrepentant, smug, and-I'd-do-it-again look scrawled across his face

Can make a better smoothie than anyone (except maybe Iggy)

Spotify junkie

Had a dinosaur phase as a kid and can still name random facts about them whenever the opportunity presents itself

Avid technology-hater and only has a phone to make calls and join the others in playing King's Knight since they begged him so profoundly (he's sure the thing's going to be his downfall)

Gets most of Prompto's pop culture references

[violet-rose-95]

Anything Helps: Phone Bill, Meds, Bus Pass ($120, at least $50 due Oct 2nd)

I hate that I have to keep doing this. I don't wanna keep doing this. I wanna have my own income.

But I'm gonna be blunt and simple. The job hunt has not been successful. The movie theater turned me down. The two shops across the street turned me down. The grocery store turned me down. I have no income, and not from lack of trying. I have been trying, but no one's hiring. And I still need to pay my $50 phone bill.

But now I have more expenses I need to take care of. I had a meeting with a neuropsychiatrist, and he set me up with two prescriptions, one for ADHD and one for anxiety and depression. They're both about 20 bucks each, one's $21.53 and the other's a flat $20 but I'm almost positive tax will bring that up. I've got a sampler of the ADHD meds and I'm trying that out right now, but they'll only hold my fluoxetine for two weeks.

And on top of that, I'm running REALLY low on funds for my bus pass. I'm usually able to stretch it quite a bit, cuz I've been able to make $30 work for two whole months, but I'm down to my last couple dollars. Each trip is $2 ($1 on the trip there, $1 on the return trip) and I'm down to my last 8 or so dollars.

So, all together, that ends up being about $120: 50 for the phone bill, 30 for the bus pass, 40 and some change for the medication. ...there's also another 10 that I need to keep my email inbox open, but I won't hold out hope for that one.

Anything helps, I hate that I keep doing this...

Crazy to think it's been a year since I started asking for donations to help me get out of this house, and now... now I'm just asking to help pay my bills and I'm nowhere closer to getting out of this hell I'm living in.

[8-rae-rae-8]

no no no you got me thinking about how the boys’ neurodivergence manifests in their regression. take more rambles with dyslexia induced spelling errors <3

for clarities sake (i am right about all of these btw because i have a PhD in itty 141 /hj): ghost is autistic, soap has adhd, and gaz has ocd & autism

👻} ghost is sensory avoidant. any wool textures or just anything Not Perfectly Smooth is a no-go. he loves smoothing his plushie’s fur out to make sure it’s nice and smooth!

a big fan of toys and games where sorting is the goal. those boxes where you have to put the shapes in the right hole, stacking blocks, and simple jigsaw puzzles (when he’s feeling bigger). sometimes price will let him sort the pens and whatnot on his desk while he’s working :)

🧢} routine, routine, routine. he really needs structure—dinner at 5:30, bedtime at 8, etc. or he gets super overwhelmed.

takes meds for his intrusive thoughts & compulsions. unfortunately, tiny kyle has a lot of pill anxiety (“what if i choke on it,” leading to him avoiding it and disrupting his routine + getting upset). price is always there to hold his hand and remind him of all the times he was able to take his medicine and it turned out just fine. if anything happens, price is there to pat his little otter’s back [:

🧼} hyperactive poster-child (same).

growing up, soap had focus issues in school until he started sports and was able to get some of the excess energy out. still, his teachers constantly told him how smart he was, that he just needed to apply himself more.

once in the SAS, his brain going 100 mph is actual helpful. his smartness can actually pay off when he’s constantly thinking on his feet in life or death situations.

when he’s small? there’s no battlefield for that energy to be used in. when johnny is regressed, he is on the MOVE. toys are left out, breakfast isn’t finished, and movies are never finished. some days, it’s the complete opposite—soap just can’t seem to do much of anything at all. the boredom crawls up in his chest and wraps around his throat like barbed wire. he’s stuck on the couch, if he could just get up and do something—

price has learned how to help his little bubble by now. between handheld sensory toys, a routine with warnings for activity transitions, and some wind down time, he helps johnny one step at a time.

-🧪

I love that that's so accurate ?!?!?!

They all make so much sense to me 😭

I love them so much :((

"little bubble" BY THE WAY IS SO CUTE?!!(!&(!&8

[chipmunkweirdo]

After doing a lot of research, I have decided against going on any meds to stop my anxiety.

I’ve also decided not to try ADHD meds either since I have multiple systems in place that already help my ADHD.

The main reason is because creativity is my biggest coping mechanism, and medicines designed to try and “neurotypicalize” the brain sometimes (not true for everyone) have an adverse effect on those who think outside the box.

I know that my inspiration comes from the wild unpredictability of my brain. I know that I can write the way I do because of my deep connection to my emotions. I am not interested in having that ability possibly change just so I can work a dead end job forever. The goal was ALWAYS to still be creative in my free time outside the job. I can’t do that if I’m on something that flattens emotions and makes me tired all the time. Or something that switches my thinking to being rational constantly.

It’s definitely NOT that way for EVERYONE and some people DO need meds to help, but I don’t think I am one of those people. I was on meds as a kid (quite a few before mom and dad finally gave up) that crushed parts of my creativity and I can’t risk losing any more of it to meds that aren’t right for me while trying to find a med that is right for me.

Furthermore, getting a job is a very stressful thing, but once I have a stable job then the anxiety about the unknowns won’t be that bad. I don’t see going on medication long term to ease a short term problem as what I’m looking for.

However. I am open to trying some kind of sleep aid that I only take on nights when my brain won’t turn off and allow me to sleep. Something that I don’t have to take every day. I firmly believe that getting enough sleep will help my stress levels and mood enough that I can handle whatever is thrown at me.

Because I cannot risk losing my main coping mechanism just because it “distracts” me. If anything, I feel LESS distracted when it comes to doing mundane tasks while also thinking about AATC nonstop in my head. It is NOT the obstacle my job coach thought it was.

I’m going to continue finding ways to relieve my anxiety outside of medication as well and building more systems to help me manage the onslaught of random thoughts and worries.

I hope this works.

[oliversrarebooks]

Hey I’ve been following for a while and really enjoy your writing 💖 and if you don’t mind talking about it, I’ve been wondering about your process a bit, as in how often do you write and how much do you tend to get done?

I ask partially because I’ve been considering starting a writing blog of my own but problem is I’m really slow as a writer 😅 like it can take me a day to do half a page and I can’t shake the habit of rereading and editing as I go. You post pretty regularly so you seem to have a good technique going, and I think you’ve said something about having adhd in the past??? I have it too so if Im remembering correctly then you probably understand how productivity can be a struggle. I guess I’m hoping to pick up some wisdom from someone in a similar boat

Anyways, sorry for rambling, keep up the good work and hope you’re having a good day ☺️

Getting faster at writing is just a skill you can develop over time, I think, and even then, some people will be faster than others and that's okay! Instead of worrying about doing half a page in a day, you could try writing 100 words a day for a while, for instance. Writing a smaller amount more frequently will eventually get drafts done.

I've been writing for a while and I tend to be reasonably fast, but a lot of that is practice and planning. I'm often writing from a loose outline of how the scene will go, and for my bigger projects, I have a big picture outline with notes, too. Writing for me is fastest when I treat coming up with the ideas, scene progression, dialogue etc. as a different activity, especially because the "thinking" parts can be done while doing chores or commuting etc. I do Nano each year and there's no way I could ever finish it if I weren't writing from outlines.

I try to write each day and aim for 400-500 words a session, but I often do have to skip days for various life reasons.

I'm only recently diagnosed with ADHD so I don't have any great productivity tips! The entire reason I ended up getting diagnosed was because my productivity was driven almost entirely by anxiety and the stress was literally killing me. I'm trying to get into a healthier mindset now, especially now that I have appropriate meds.

One of my big ADHD-related problems was being unable to ever feel accomplished -- even big accomplishments always feel more like "welp that's one tiny thing done but I still have a mountain to go". That's one of the mindsets I need to shed and remind myself that writing something like Bookseller in my spare time is a pretty good accomplishment!

I feel like maybe I see some of that in your ask, where you're being hard on yourself for writing a half a page. Even if it took you a while -- maybe especially if it took you a while -- that's still something you get to be proud of. No one else is going to tell the story you have in your head in the way you would tell it, after all.

[actuallyadhd]

The reason I realised I might have adhd was my brother, he's so clearly autistic so I did research to make sure.

When I brought it up with my mother she told me to not tell him.

I finally got my diagnosis after 3 years of trying to get it, of going deeper and deeper into it.

Idk, I never hated it? I never hated my adhd. Back in 2020 I was a more active person? In terms of doing the things I liked and doing art.

Now I'm slow, tired, fatigued.

And that happened after I took meds. Apparently ritalin prozac and anxiety meds aren't supposed to be taken together, Idk what my therapist was thinking.

She told me to get anxiety meds for my stimming, cause I stim cause I'm nervous. But I KNOW that I don't. I stim when I'm excited, or when I can't focus.

When I'm anxious, when I'm angry I go stiff a a rock, I get focused sharp, because I have to be, it's a defense mechanism.

I don't hate adhd I don't hate meds inheritly either. But I hate how my meds made me a zombie, that I was forced to go on them so I could achieve this academic goal.

Maybe if I lived in a place with better mental healthcare I wouldn't be dealing with the effects of bad medication and my worsening depression.

I'm slightly better now, but my executive function got fucked. I can't just, do the things I like anymore. I feel less feelings than I did before.

I don't hate myself I just, I guess I'm in a hurry to heal from everything when I'm still living with the people that abused and continue to abuse me emotionally.

Specially my abelist mother who keeps saying adhd and autism aren't a disability, and they're just a quirk like her being left handed.

My dad has finally came to the realisation that he probably has adhd like me.

I'm a uni student now and living in a dorm away from my family has helped me regain that control I had and live a healthier life. But I'm back now over the summer and I can feel myself going back to my old ways the more I stay at my family home.

Idk,

Is this cptsd? Idk what it is.

Is it bad to say I love my adhd? Usually at least. When there's no one breathing down my neck not letting me do my own thing, when I don't get pulled into random places and have a choice to stay. And say no.

I guess things will get worse before they get better....

Sent August 18, 2024

There's definitely a lot to unpack here. I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. I will do my best to offer suggestions and reassurance, as always.

It makes sense that your brother is autistic and you have ADHD; both are highly heritable, and seem to be related in some way. So it also makes sense that your dad has now realized he probably has ADHD!

I have a feeling this is going to be long, so have a cut.

Stimming & Anxiety

Neurotypical people think that the only reason for fidgeting is anxiety.

It's not.

As a general rule, it's either expressive (as when we're happy or excited or upset) or regulating (as when we need to focus or feel overwhelmed).

And if stimming or fidgeting isn't disruptive or hurting anyone (including yourself), it definitely doesn't need to be medicated. WTAF.

Medication Issues

Medication can be tricky. The wrong meds can cause more problems than they solve. Even the right med at the wrong dose can be a problem!

Examples from my own life:

Starting dose of Concerta didn't do much, next dose up gave me a week-long anxiety attack.

Starting dose of Welbutrin made me feel like I was About to Die for a week.

Dexedrine initially made me NOT HUNGRY for three weeks. I lost 10 lbs.

Strattera made me depressed and adversely affected my typing (been accurately touch typing since I was 11, suddenly was making really weird typos).

Good dose of sertraline (Zoloft) helped my anxiety and depression but caused me to start skin picking in earnest; next dose up had me closing in on serotonin syndrome.

Adderall worked well (until it didn't) but also made me feel ill after I ate yogurt.

It sounds like you would need to try other meds or other doses, preferably one at a time(!), to find what works best for you overall.

Executive Function & Depression

It sounds like your depression is your biggest problem right now. Depression can worsen executive functioning, so that makes sense.

It's probably a good idea to talk to your prescribing doctor about your medication regime. Ask what your options are and if you can please work on getting off the antidepressant so you can try something else.

Alongside this, you may well be dealing with ADHD burnout, which I am only just coming out of myself. It's a struggle, to be sure!

My best advice for that is to be gentle with yourself. Don't expect yourself to Do All the Things; instead, keep a master list of things that need to get done and choose three of them to focus on each day (your Goals) and three fun ones to try to get to each day (your gravy).

It's okay if sometimes one of your Goals is to get dressed.

Parent Stuff

It sounds like your mom is trying to make you feel better or maybe herself(?). If that's how she needs to think of this all, let her. What matters is that she understands when you're struggling and is willing to support you. If not, you might like to refer her to this Russell Barkley video.

It's great that your dad has realized he has ADHD, though! Even if he doesn't bother to pursue a formal diagnosis, just knowing that can help a lot since if he's having issues he knows where to find suggestions that are more likely to actually work (because stuff that works for neurotypical people almost never works for ADHDers, while stuff that works for us also works for NT's).

Family Systems Theory says that how we behave around our family members is directed by how our family works as a system. There are also smaller systems within the whole that affect how individuals relate to each other. This is why we tend to fall back into childhood patterns when we're around our family of origin. Those patterns are ingrained through years of conditioning.

CPTSD?

While I don't think Gabor Maté is right about trauma and ADHD, I do think that it's pretty common for ADHDers to have childhood trauma. We spend years getting in trouble for stuff we couldn't control and being held to a standard we simply can't reach due to our ADHD, and that affects our self-esteem and is (to my mind) a big reason why so many of us have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), which is that huge emotional reaction we can have to criticism (real or perceived).

I have found a lot of reassurance and helpful information about CPTSD through watching videos from the Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube. She reads letters from people and helps them with their problems, and she explains the problems faced by people who have CPTSD and offers ways to deal with them.

Loving ADHD

I don't think it's bad to love your ADHD. I do think it's a little weird, because most of us hate it a lot of the time, but I definitely see positives in my own life and view it as a neutral (if annoying) part of who I am.

I actually think it's great that you do love it, because it's going to be part of your life forever. Making sure you have systems in place to deal with the stuff that's challenging is going to be really important moving forward, but that's part of what this Tumblr is for.

Overall, I think you are probably doing better than you think you are, and once your meds get sorted you'll be in a much better space in general.

Followers, do you have anything to add, or any corrections to something I've said?

-J

[midwinterwings]

Happy deitykin euphoria moments :D this is the first time I feel comfortable in my body holy crap. Here's some nerding and yay maybe this blog will be positive instead of having repeated mental breakdowns...yay

*deep breath*

I have COOL WINGS now! (Bodily) I still love them, I hope they stay. My wings are more conceptual as they shift, theyre kind of like shadows, because they more represent flying/realm crossing than my 'true form''s wings. So they kind of flicker like shadows but they are sort of corporeal in that I can feel them somewhat. Nontheless, I love feeling them and stretching them so they fill up my entire room. It feels great. I can even sort of control them now, for example stretching them, or flapping them, whereas before I couldn't really control them. Although now I feel weird lying on my back because owchie even though my wings are made of shadows I can't really banish them at will. It's more of a spiritual ouch than a physical ouch but still, it feels so weird.

2. My talons also moved to the physical realm too and it feels great! They took root where my hands would have been. Theyre sharp.

3. I can finally read mythology without having a breakdown! Yay...my sense of identity is extremely strong these days. I do have self doubt at times but it dosent consume me and cause a meltdown cuz yea reading the myths would trigger me bad as the self doubt spiral would start.

4. I moved most of me into the physical realm and stretched myself out to fill the body with me so now it's mine. And I feel great. I'm able to fly and vibe as myself even in the physical realm (no not in a physical manner obviously, its sorta like.-)

Imagine the body is an empty rubber toy. I have brought me out of just incorporeal realm and 'base realm' and stretched me out from the inside and filling the rubber toy so bodily I'm most of what im like in base realm - not in a literal way but I'm able to express me completely in some aspects with the limited material I have to work with, something I never thought I'd be able to do. Admittedly I piggybacked on my raven form which is already firmly in the body, my deity form (which is another expression of my raven form) isnt quite done figuring out where everything goes but it's got a good template. Holy shit you have no idea how many years it took to learn how to exist and feel normal.

5. I figured out who I am which is...*flops on ground* I've gotten beaten up so many damn times it was fucking hard, because we kept finding more and more Stuff to unravel like plurality and all the while existence is painful...and jarring, as it is, while the body's 'family and friends' think its the anxiety and adhd that are the reason they had no idea we'd been trying to learn how to make us gain a physical form in different realms lol and learn how to 'shut off' or dull other ones because HEY its HARD to live in so many ok?? Meds helped. Now I can only feel 3, 4 max. Could probably feel more if I wanted but...no thanks. I just wanna exist here man I have better senses and there's good food like pizza and stuff even if I can't fly ok.

The relief and being able to just..exist..without encountering pitfall after jarring pitfall is Hecking rad. I need to rest. At the same time I'm so excited and relieved, it's the first time I feel real, present in this realm, whereas before it was like staring at the physical realm through a pane of thick half opaque glass, unable to interact, to just watch.

But interact I shall, and interact I will. *puffs out chest and flies into a window*

[critter-genfic-events]

This week, we have ten fics featuring neurodivergent takes on our favorite characters! Autism, PTSD, anxiety, ADHD, depression and more - ten great explorations of Exandrians having to deal with the same issues a lot of us have under the cut.

If You're Happy and You Know It by pinkevilbob (1075, General) Warnings: None Pairings: Jester Lavorre & Caleb Widogast

Caleb feels ashamed when stimming. Jester doesn’t think he should hide his happiness.

Reccer says: I love how Jester’s happy hops!

Say a Name, Any Name (My Name) by QuillAndInkWrites (881, General) Warnings: None Pairings: Jester Lavorre & Marion Lavorre | Ruby of the Sea, Fjord & Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett

Jester chooses a new name. And then another. And then another, until she finds one that fits

Reccer says: I liked it

whispers work differently now by Anonymous (5426, General) Warnings: Sensory overload, autistic meltdowns Pairings: Essek & Jester, Essek & Caduceus, Essek & The Mighty Nein

Essek and Jester are both autistic, but they have opposite sensory needs. When she invites him to a crowded festival, he gets very overwhelmed, but the Nein take care of him.

Reccer says: The descriptions of Essek's meltdown make me feel a little tense, but it's very well written. I also like that it's sympathetic to both Essek and Jester; even though their needs conflict, they still care about each other, and it ends on a hopeful note for the future.

all the stars would shine a bloody red by InTheMidnightHour (1013, Mature) Warnings: Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use Pairings: None

Caduceus endures the turn of the seasons alone and what comes with that.

Reccer says: An absolutely visceral look of Caduceus's descent into choosing the lilies and the bottom of a pond just to overcome his loneliness.

stare into the sun and see everything i've done by wtgw (3234, Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Caleb Widogast & Percival de Rolo

Two neurodivergent men with angst and guilt issues walk onto a balcony. (Or Percy helps Caleb cope with a panic attack.)

Reccer says: This is one of my favorite fics ever. The way Percy handles Caleb's anxiety is absolutely IC without feeling preachy or condescending to the point where it makes me feel better. Sometimes when I'm feeling overwhelmed I think of this fic. It's just that soothing.

in the morning i'll be rising, i'll be waking with the sun by ghostsquidswrites (4156, Mature) Warnings: None Pairings: Eadwulf Grieve & Yasha, Astrid Beck/Eadwulf Grieve

Eadwulf and Yasha run together, and talk it out

Reccer says: This is an amazing pairing given the insight and weight they deserve, as well as being so lovely and atmospheric.

I'm the Cleric by devil_seabird_king (ShaaKi) (2100, General) Warnings: None Pairings: Fresh Cut Grass & Milo Krook, Caduceus Clay & Essek Thelyss, Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III & Pike Trickfoot, Deanna Leimert & Prism Grimpoppy, Jester Lavorre & Marius LePaul

What if Exandrian meds were derived from arcane magic and stopped working during the solstice?

Reccer says: This is a great exploration of a throwaway line, some of my favorite types of fic!

Aeorian Dreamer by Lizable (2490, Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Fresh Cut Grass & Ashton Greymoore

What FCG's life was like before Aeor, and what might have caused them to forget

Reccer says: It's a very interesting take on what they might have been like in Aeor - including therapy!

Fools Crushin' by Ms_Fahrenheit (1013, General) Warnings: None Pairings: Essek & Verin

Teenage Essek and preteen Verin tease each other about crushes. (Also see the first part of this series)

Reccer says: Arospec/acespec mood. Cute sibling vibes.

secrets with no one to tell by memorysdaughter (3138, Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: None

Vax thinks about how all of Vox Machina's members are different. Except, according to Vex, him

Reccer says: It's a nice, sweet exploration of how all of the characters of Vox Machina could be neurodivergent

If you liked this rec list, follow along for more! We'll be posting a new list with a new theme each Monday. Want to make your own recs? Check out the rules, and then use the form to submit!

Next week, it's all angst. Have some good whumptober recs? People being sad? Now's the time to rec! After that, we're following it with a week dedicated to Percy, who is famously not angsty at all.