#now this could apply to either one
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CAN I GET A LITTLE COMMOTION OSCAR NATION
#oscar isaac#miguel o'hara#spider-man 2099#i'm feeling very normal about this#NOT GOING INSANE AT ALL#i'm so deeply attracted to him it hurts#now this could apply to either one#i shrieked when he appeared#love of my life#miguelll#oscar isaac hernandez estrada#had to fight my inner demons not to moan whenever miguel talked#across the spiderverse#he looks so much like oscar i'm screaming into a pillow
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i think if you have to go to 'never seen a transandrobro that wasn't a zionist' then you're showing your ass that you do not know anything about anything. you can make your point without resorting to saying 'all trans men who are concerned about their oppression are complicit in genocide' just by the way. that's a thing you can do. it's not our fault that you've run out of ways to convince yourself you're in the right either
this sort of thing doesn't make you a friend to palestinians. you don't need to use their oppression as a gotcha. using real, human lives, past and present, as a gotcha in internet discussions about whether transandrophobia exists?
but, like, regardless, a bunch of trans men being zionists does not suddenly mean that every trans man is a zionist nor that trans men are, by design, uniquely evil or undeserving of having their concerns taken seriously. we've been through this with TERFs and trans women - yeah there are trans women pedophiles and that does not mean all trans women are pedophiles. but you, so-called defenders of trans women, are so, so, so close to repeating that exact rhetoric but, nay, it's okay cos you're doing it to trans men, who aren't really oppressed anyway, so it doesn't count.
#transandrophobia#&& i've been pro-palestine since before 2013. just personally. lol#&& if you're struggling with 'some oppressed people have bad opinions' you're going to struggle with being leftist in general#you HAVE to come to terms with people being people NOW and therefore being fallible or you will never be the leftist you think you are#&& a lot of you talk about not doing gender/sex essentialism. but don't apply it when it comes to men specifically#which is reaaaaaaaaally weeeeeeeeird. you can't have both. either men AND women are inherently one way or neither are. choose#anyway i should stop. cos i could go on forever.
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@pup-pee I know you have notifications on now but like hands you Magical girl Kyle!!!! He's done!! :D!!!
Magical Girl Guy can be found here!
(Transparent version under the cut because I like using that feature!!)
#fanart#dc#my art#fanartist#dc fanart#art#kyle rayner#green lantern corps#green lantern#Madi's Art :>#shocking that I didn't draw one of the batfam for once!!! a miracle truly!!#okay so now that my formal tags are out of the way time to infodump here about my plans#so like I plan on making him a charm#if not to sale to at least have for my own because it's silly!! very silly!! either that or I'm gonna make him as stickers so Kyle can just#be everywhere he can be applied anywhere#I also plan on doing this with all the other GLs a.k.a making them magical girls cause while Kyle is magical girl coded I just wanna do it#plus the idea of Guy Gardner in a skirt is very fun#DC Kyle Rayner#honestly the first photo could be a lock screen like that could be highly silly#anywho hope you Kyle Rayner fans get fed I hear the fandom is kinda dead from Jay#also that being said before I even sell charms and stuff I need to figure out store stuff so like if I ever do that I'll let Tumblr know ig#now time to put my laptop away cause it is almost 1 am oops
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trying to get shit sorted out for fall semester but no one is back in office until it starts is. not ideal
#quil's unholy underworld#noticed something funky. probably because of all my transfer credits and doing multiple degree paths#which might? affect my scholarship#and i'm just like hey. how do I get this sorted out#but all the people I need to talk to and the people I need to fill out forms for me. are not in office#so I'm waiting to hear about this one class. and i'm scheduled with two other people for after the semester starts#and just sitting here like. sure hope there's no urgent deadlines for this#because like. i am an EXCELLENT student#i'm not gonna tone that one down I am. hands down. an exemplary student on all levels#if something in the system is weird it's because it doesn't understand what i'm doing#because I admittedly am doing things atypically. due to my major headstart and multiple disciplines#so the normal measures of progress and such. simply don't apply to what I'm doing#so I'd hate for it to get fucked up over that#it says I'm failing to make progress. and I'm like. i CAME here with 112 credits. i am doing 2.5 degree paths possibly 3#i have over a 4.0#whatever is causing that is. i am fully confident. wrong#but if I ignore it it could cause major headaches and problems#so I wanna fix it. but I CAN'T right now because the people I need aren't back yet!#so I just gotta sit with it! and I hate that!#i wanna get it fixed eorigjaeoirgaoewrng#i think there's two potential ways to fix it but either one i have to wait </3
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So you know when a fandom has a main ship and instead of making the ship canon, the writers either A) create a queer character unrelated to the ship or B) make one half of the ship (usually the less traditionally masculine one) canonically queer but have them date other people?? I’ve been calling it Queer Placating. I feel like I’m seeing it a lot recently. Have other people noticed this??
#mine#I feel like I should have other thoughts about this but I don’t#teen wolf#was the one that made me think of it#with Jackson specifically#because I am GOOD at finding queer subtext#but gay Jackson comes out of nowhere for me#it feels like the writers did it a little bit to shut up the stereks#and then also just because Colton Haynes is gay#either way not a lot of textual evidence to back them up#Lydia as a power lesbian?? Now that would’ve been a different story#but that’s neither here nor there#The Witcher#Jaskier#is another obvious one#like ‘fine yes The Bard is fruity but obviously Geralt could never be#911#arguably#admittedly that one remains to be seen#The chances of them making Eddie queer aren’t zero#but with where they are now it applies#I know there are others but they’re not coming to me rn
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The pushback to the term "cultural Christianity" from atheists is real odd to me because, as someone who has been an atheist since 13, only ever went to church a handful of times never with my own family (made a note never to sleep over at that friends house on a Saturday again bc I HATED church it smelled like shit, was boring, pews are uncomfortable as fuck, and the religious people I knew were all wildly misogynistic and I've never been here for being told I was less of a person for being Born Like This), and generally had no actual connection to Christianity in a meaningful way but still only knows Christian mythology, has been steeped in Christian values I had to untangle, and my religious understandings are still deeply Christian.
Like Ive never paid attention to the bible, church, Jesus, Christian teachings, or whatever but if you asked me about any religion the one I'll reliably know the most about is Christianity. I don't know why atheists are offended by being called culturally Christian because they have bad blood with the religion because like sorry bruh that doesn't mean you're less indoctrinated by Christian values if the culture you grew up in is predominantly Christian. In fact I'd say that religion being this ubiquitous in the culture regardless of anyone's consent to exactly ONE religion being shoved down our throats is reason to team up with other religious folks who ALSO don't like being constantly evangelized to by the culture at large, not a reason to throw a fit because you don't like being tied to a religion that is so ingrained into the culture that shit like "oh my god" and "Jesus Christ" are common expressions of surprise regardless of how atheist you are. Like surely I'm not the only atheist to notice the shocking amount of cultural religious shit that works it's way into my life and speech despite having not set foot in a church since I was like 10, and I can't remember the last time I was in one before that.
Idk man cultural Christianity seems like a pretty damn useful term to describe my relationship with a religion I never fully bought into and then actively rejected as a child yet still hold weird connections to and knowledge of just because Christianity is so baked into the culture I grew up in like it or not. If you want to be mad, be mad at the Christians who stole your freedom from religion from you, not usually religious minorities who discuss cultural Christianity and how it damages them too.
#winters ramblings#like breh i HATE how much christian bullshit ive had to detangle from my life. like the idea of sin and punishment for example#id say a LOOOOOT of discussion regardless of religion leans towards a Christian understanding of the pridon system#prison is basically a recreation of hell on earth where youre supposed to go to burn off your sins in your 10x10 cell#now i gotta say not all Christians buy inti the styke of punishment and sin i know normal well adjusted Christians#but for the most part a HUGE portion of shit comes with a helping of cultural Christianity. but prison is probably the best example#hell any discussion of punishment relies on a distinctly christian flavor of 'atone for your sin or be doomed forever"#repubs bitch about so called cancel culture but thats just how Christians act towards sin lmao they do it too#except they choose shit you didnt ACTIVITY make a choice about like being gay to condem you to hell.#cant be mad that twitter cancels people for small shit like a crap joke if you actively subscribe to the same belief system#and are only mad bc that logic is applied to YOU now. anyway i could do without this logic in activist spaces#or ANY spaces being doomed forever over sin is only one way to do Christianity. like damn can the ones who like#rehabilitation and justice and helping the poor at least be the ones in charge??#regardless ive never been a Christian and barely have a meaningful connection to the religion. whuch is why i find it rather salient#that i still have this deep connection and knowledge of something i ACTIVELY REJECTED at 13#do you know HOW MUCH i had to have been indoctrinated into this shit with as LITTLE of a connection to organized religion as i do??#the fact i have ANY connection at all is kind if fucked honestly it shows you really REALLY do not get to choose#your religious leanings unless youre actively ANOTHER RELIGION BESIDES CHRISTIAN otherwise tough tiddy#you get to be Christian By Default and i don't like it either. but when i see jewish people talking about it#i know EXACTLY what they mean because i dont like my connection to a religion i never believed in and rejected at 13 either#i don't like that my choice to reject Christianity was stolen from me by such a ubiquitously christian culture#im not mad at jews for pointing this out im mad at christians for stealing my freedom of choice
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people referring to me as a man because i use he/him pronouns is equally as annoying as people referring to me as a woman because i'm a lesbian. gender is just one cage disguised as two.
#repeat after me:#''who am i now--woman or man? that question could never be answered as long as those were the only choices;#it could never be answered if it had to be asked''#one of my favorite quotes from stone butch blues#the one i think about the most#also YES i *do* call myself a man and a guy and stuff sometimes. and sometimes i'm okay with people doing that as well#as long as we all understand i'm not male. i'm not a man as in male.#and because i'm a lesbian sometimes ''woman'' applies to me even if i'm not one#and i'd never call myself a woman#i don't want to be a man and i don't want to be a woman. i'm not a man and i'm not a woman.#and i don't think of myself as being in the middle of man and woman either#i'm something else. i'm butch.#persimmon's rambles
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the universe is kind of crazy bc i moved to a random town to do this course + figured out (roughly) what i want to do as a career through taking a random module. and now i'm realising that this town is pretty good for that career choice and i might end up getting a real job here.
#um.txt#maybe that's why they offer this module here lol#not sure if i want to stay in this town when im done w the course but its also close-ish to my hometown#so if i start applying to jobs while writing my diss this summer and i get one ill still be able to commute if i move home#while finding a more permanent place to stay / saving for an apartment#i knew this town was pretty big for business stuff bc my dad used to work here when i was a kid#but now im getting adverts for it while looking at stuff unrelated to my location but related to the career#trying to be vague bc if i DO work with this im going to try and keep this blog disconnected lol. i dont want to be a beachdeath#* and * both hire here. both equally funny but for different reasons.#working for either of them... the stars could align for me to do a roberto aguirre-sacasa.
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i rly do think kintsugi kid hits incredibly different and deeper from the perspective as a chronically ill person than it ever would otherwise. absolutely guts me
#chronically ill either physically or mentally ofc both apply . as someone who is chronically ill both ways#it's like. god i could write a whole analysis of it from this perspective actually tags wont do it justice#just the lyric on the bright side got the wrong insides is enough for me to be like yeah. i literally do. i was made wrong. i am wrong.#and it is what makes me me and if i dont have that who am i without my flaws . if i dont have that what do i have. id miss it. god.#edit addition: also like the chemical haze part is esp heartbreaking from the perspective of a chronically ill person who at one point was#highly dependent on substances to help ease the pain and is a time period of my life that was awful yet sometimes i miss bc at least i felt#nothing. now i feel so much and it's better for me and i know that but sometimes. i miss it.#txt
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If only Henry's marriage to Catherine of Aragon counted in Catholic eyes, does this mean Mary wouldn't theoretically consider any of his other wives 'real' stepmothers, as such? If she did, how would she rationalise defying the Pope's will, whilst upholding the papal authority to sanction the marriage of her parents?
She probably never did, based on the wording of that Act in question. Her attitude towards papal authority during her own reign was...contradictory in other ways, however.
#anon#the pope like you have to send reginald pole back i have to try him for heresy mary like hmmmmmmmmmmm i don't think i will......#'i don't like this pope i'd like to return him with the receipt in exchange for a new one' = kings and queen regnants for centuries.#so basically she never did but AB was the only one about whom she was honest about this? oddly funny if funny is the right word for this#since she scanted her courtesy to kh as well but not some of her others stepmothers#it would suggest that in those cases that her behaviour was more inspired by personal dislike#*other#i don't want to say that was universal either bcus that was not necessarily the case however like ...yeah...the catholics among which#upheld specifically the validity of henry's marriage to koa did not fare very well in henrician england#you would think maybe bona fides would apply to edward vi (or in some cases even elizabeth...#sources loyal to the papacy actually said pretty early on that the 'faith of the mother' was sufficient )#altho it would be hard to argue jane and henry were not aware england was in schism#(elizabeth was born beforehand technically)#but as for mary she didn't really need bona fides and might have even had mixed feelings about her supporters#using that argument in the 1530s...#as far as she was concerned pope julius had granted the dispensation and pope clement had confirmed it#that was more airtight papal legitimacy than frankly most prince/sses had#now if paul iv wanted to be a REAL bitch he could have been like yk what. wild card. that's cancelled#confirmed? affirmed? upheld? whatever the word is
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also uh im kind of not thinking about it much because its insane. but if everything goes right (and i mean a considerable amount of things that probably wont go as planned) but if they DO... i will have a major surgery in like two weeks
#vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be exact insert nerd emoji here#i might document a lot of whats going on with it and even take some videos honestly#not to share here other than some oversharing text posts about probably constipation LMAO#but like no one shares whats it like to be mentally ill and go thru vsg and like the process and not many people as young as me get it#feels weird calling myself young on the chronically 13 year old website#but anyone that does post about it posts for like a year and then falls off the face of the earth#genuinely there are so many youtubers that start talking about this stuff#then you find their channel three years deserted and its like man.#i sure hope this means you found better ways to spend your time#and like okay time to get sappy and corny as hell in the notes so go ahead and skip this part idk who even reads my notes hello#but basically everyones that gets this shit is like you gotta find your why#and most of them have kids or like a husband or plans to travel the world or do better at their job#and none of those things really apply to me#i kind of have the perfect storm for being fat#i dont do anything work wise that encourages any kind of movement#im chronically afraid of planes and i cant afford that shit anyways rn#also not very good at romance LOL and never want kids and my entire family is also fat barring my brother#thats not to absolve myself of any of the blame for this shit either like i know i put myself in this situation#i just think like wow my life is pretty much perfect for staying fat but i DONT WANT THAT#I want the highlight of my week to be more than eating takeout man#i want to live life instead of meal to meal to something better#idk what yet maybe jewelery piece to jewelery piece#i could do some serious kandi making while im down for the count#but i dunno man my therapist tells me that in order to feel like a person and not get tired of life i have to do people things and#participate in life yknow?#and its hard to do things like go to the gym talk to people explore fashion styles when i have this overloomingness of being fat#so i guess that could be my why? like i want to experience more of life#i want to be able to walk in a mall and look at all the stores. i want to walk in a mall period. cause it fucking hurts the way i am now#thats all to say the actual “why” that i have is Goddamn it i want to be able to jump from a swing#and not break my fucking ankles
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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slowly getting my FUA team ready... only one beautiful gambler left to replace Gallagher so he can go back to his Superbreak team in peace
#abbey plays honkai star rail#I'm being sooo patient#and I really REALLY wish I could get Topaz#because you know IPC and stuff#in fact I would actually *try* but she needs a lot of investment for her to work well with Ratio#because precious Doctor Ratio needs like 3 debuffs#and she can only apply all of them with either E1 or S1#so like... I ain't spending all of that babygirl#plus why would anyone spend jades for her when we have Moze now#he applies 2 debuffs at E0 and his E2 is crazy#also one of his best LC is the Ratiorine one#so I can finally give it some use#anyways I'm SO happy with Robin I could cry#she's so extremely OP it's insane#I can't wait to get 37483453 follow-up attacks when Aventurine comes#about Black Swan well I really want to build her and pair her up with Acheron (Acheswan yesss)#but I need more resources#my priority now is to finish building Moze 'cause he's still level 70#and when I'm satisfied with him I'll get back to her#I love you Black Swan mwah !!!!!#still can't believe I got her too like what do you mean omg
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Contemplating the concept of "potential" when it comes to intelligence and realizing how heartbreaking Logan's "Dreams come true, that's news to me" line in the Crofters Musical.
#screaming into the void#definitely not okay today lads#i'm finding myself grieving my intelligence and contemplating if it was ever there to begin with#when i was younger i excelled in science so everyone assumed that i was a gifted kid despite my very obvious struggles in math and spelling#i was told over and over if i could just apply myself to other subjects the way i did with science#then i would do better in those subjects and reach my full potential#my identity was hung on my intelligence for me by the adults in my life none of them even considering a learning disability#now as an adult it all feels meaningless#especially having been forced into going to college where it was made very quickly and abundantly clear that I wasn't actually gifted#i was just average#that was absolutely devastating to me and it's a thing i struggle with and i want to be angry about it but i dont know how to be#i was told over and over in childhood that i could be anything when i grew up that i could do anything if i just put my mind to it#then recieved little to no actual educational support for any of it especially when i discovered writing#and i dont know if i was never as smart as i was told i was or never even had the potential i was told i had#or if i just didnt have enough support#i dont believe in myself anymore and i dont think i was ever actually believed in by the adults in my life either#i think they would have supported me better if they had#or maybe they just didnt know how to#my dad has wondered and questioned me about where my drive ans passion went and i dont have the heart to tell him that#it evaporated when he told me i wouldn't be successful as a writer when he told me that i would only be successful by going to college#when he constantly questioned everything i did and made me doubt myself over and over again#i dont know how to combat this feeling of worthlessness that comes from feeling lied to about my intelligence as a kid#i dont know how to comfort myself in the face of realizing i probably didnt have all then potential i was promised i had#and even if i did at one point have it i lacked the support necessary to nuture and grow it#how does one grieve being promised the world only to find out that was never truly an option?#how does one become comfortable with learning and growing again when it's been made to feel unsafe#and a threat to their frail sense of identity?#how does one find peace and contentment in an ordinary life when they were promised so much more?#not just promised so much more but expected to be so much more and now feel the weight of expectation on them?#i feel like i was promised the world and told that it would be easy to conquer and when it wasnt it was due to my own fault and failings
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I actually realized i hate work. Won't be putting any effort into this anymore ♡
#sure whatever#it's funny because when i applied there i really really wanted this job#and it had nothing to do with that one person i got a little overly attached to#and when i started working there it was fine but i think really the only reason i liked it was because of that colleague#and now he's gone there's only annoying things left#also maybe i got too cuddled by him because he's always had my back until now#but i have to try to get things from the design team now and they just straight up ignore me lmao#like. my colleague asked me last week if i could ask them to edit some images which i did and they ignored me for 2 days#then HE sent them a follow up message and surprise surprise the images were there within 30 minutes#now again. he asked me to request some images and then built them into the journal#i request them. i hear nothing back. i send a follow up saying it's kinda important. i get nothing#oh well sorry man. guess you'll have to do that yourself after all (:#(i think it's really nice he's trying to give me so much more responsibility and all but if he's not there to back me up#it's literally not working because Everyone Is Ignoring Me :)))#also two weeks from now I'll be alone in our office because my other colleague who's in the same office as us#has announced she's gonna go share the office with someone else because she's gonna be alone otherwise#lol thanks#also some other shit someone posted in the group chat today which really pissed me off#AND the fact i got ignored AGAIN when i asked for work :) like bitches. i literally just watched netflix on my private laptop#while wiggling the mouse on my work laptop until i got off lmao#i won't go to the office tomorrow either#i was gonna go but i can't do shit there if i get ignored again#at least at home i can do whatever i want when they decide i should just get money for wasting my time ♡#i might actually just not work tomorrow#I'll probably log in just to see if there's any updates on the images situation but if not I'll fuck right off#fun times#(also maybe just maybe I'm generally a little negative these days. that may play into it. I'm sensing that sweet summertime blues ♡#((who cares if it's because of my father's death or because of my colleague's going away or because of general existential despair due to#university.... i'm just annoyed) )#void screams
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me and my best friend were just girls together and now we've graduated college and when i saw her for the first time in months and was driving her back to her parents house that is now her brothers house because her parents are both retired as of barely two weeks ago late in the evening i cried telling her that i just don't think i can be here anymore and she told me that i need to try getting out and that she'll be worried about me because of course she will be but that i'll always be welcomed back home and i just never imagined having friends i'd take with me into adulthood and it's such a blessing and it hurts so much.
#and that when i mentioned that one of the positions i applied for is a dream job she knew it was on the west coast and that she made a joke#so that she could cover for me with someone else before it could spiral for either of us#if i leave now i might not be here when our friend is pregnant for the first time when all ive wanted to be for so long is an aunt#and thats a feeling i haven't figured out what to do with
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