#it feels like the writers did it a little bit to shut up the stereks

[thesaintofnevergettingitright]

So you know when a fandom has a main ship and instead of making the ship canon, the writers either A) create a queer character unrelated to the ship or B) make one half of the ship (usually the less traditionally masculine one) canonically queer but have them date other people?? I’ve been calling it Queer Placating. I feel like I’m seeing it a lot recently. Have other people noticed this??

[lenniewip]

Unknown (A Sterek Wrong Number/Celebrity AU)

11.09 PM Unknown Number

>I’m writing songs about you again.

11.20 PM Unknown Number

>its stiles btw.

>in case you deleted my number

>I did.

>I mean I deleted yours.

>but I still remember it apparently

11:41 PM Unknown Number

>I only have 2 lines so far

11:57 PM Unknown Number

>I bleed you from my veins.

>I grieve you like I love you.

>alone.

>its better with the chords.

>u were always better at writing lyrics than me

12:34 AM Unknown Number

>u were better everything than me

2:00 AM Unknown Number

>I hate that I miss you

2:07 AM Unknown Number

>do u want to hook up?

>I promise not to propose again

2:15 AM Unknown Number

>im sorry.

>ignore me.

>im drinking

Derek blinked bleary eyes. His phone screen was the only source of light in his room, as he read through the flurry text messages.

What the hell is a Stiles?

2:17 AM Unknown Number

<I think you have the wrong number

>Lydia?

<no

>oh thank fuck

>I mean

>I’m sorry

>for disturbing ur sleep

>but im just glad I didn’t drunk text my ex all of this

>bullet dodged right?

>is this what near death experiences feel like?

<I wouldn’t know.

>of course

>hey

>seeming as I have you here can I ask you a quick q?

>all my friends are asleep

<probably because its 3am

<everyone’s asleep

>2.39

>and ur not

>asleep that is

>so?

>I’ll take your silence as a go ahead

>what do you think?

>of the lyrics

<im the wrong person to ask

>never experienced heartbreak?

<no

<all song lyrics just look like bad poetry to me

>oh

>yeah I guess it does

>not everyone can be Rupi Kaur tho right?

<do you want to be rupi kaur?

>sure

>not to be dramatic or anything

>but

>I want to be anyone but me

>think id rather be someone like regina spektor tho

<regina spektor?

>singer/song writer

>shes my fucking inspiration

>her lyrics are like poetry to me

>you should listen to her music

<I dont really listen to music

>what the fuck?

>are you an alien?

<no?

>nice fucking try ET

>thats exactly what an alien would say

<…you got me there

>akdjfen

>is this you admitting I was right?

<no

<but this is me going to bed

<because its now 4AM

>already?

>fuck

>ive got an early start tomorrow

>good night random stranger

>and thanks

>for listening

>or reading ig

<good night

//

“You’re late.” Laura frowned, arms crossed.

“Are you going to let me in?” Derek grumbled, still feeling the affects of having stayed up until 4AM the previous night.

Laura didn’t argue she just stepped aside to let him through into her flat. “You’re grumpier than usual.” She noted.

“Didn’t sleep well.”

Derek hated the look she gave him then.

The look that said he was broken. The look that said she wanted to fix him.

“Is…Is it the nightmares again?” Laura’s voice dipped to a whisper, like the question alone would be enough to send him over the edge.

“No.”

An awkward silence defended over the two of them, neither knowing what to say.

Derek clung to the silence like a blanket, wishing things could go back to how they used to be. Back to when they knew how to speak to one another.

But this was enough.

It was enough to know that they were both trying. Failing. But trying.

//

2:40 PM Laura

>I’m here if you need to talk.

//

Derek isn’t good at art, but sometimes it’s the only way he can express himself. Words had never been his forte.

So instead he doodles.

Shitty toddler level doodles that he never shows anyone.

Sometimes he thinks if he could bring himself to show Laura she would like it. Maybe she would even understand it.

But there was a bigger chance that she wouldn’t, and he would feel even more like a stranger to his own sister than he already was.

//

10:18 PM Unknown Number

>I don’t remember it anymore

<You have the wrong number again

>No

>This is ‘not Lydia’ right?

<right

>So here’s the thing.

>I always thought if I needed to text her I could

>And I thought maybe I got her number wrong because I was drunk

>But I can’t remember it anymore

<Oh.

>I have some of her things still

>I don’t think I’ll ever get to return it now

>Unless she messages me first

<When did you two break up?

>Last year

>and I know what you’re thinking

>’it’s October’

>and I should be over her by now

>Trust me I know

>So you don’t need to lecture me

<I wasn’t going to

>Oh

<Stiles?

>That’s weird

<what is?

>I forgot I told you my name

<You should throw away the stuff she left behind.

>you’re right

>I don’t like it.

>but you’re right

>…thanks

<What for?

>for listening

>reading**

>my friends are pretty sick of hearing me complain

>so this is nice

<sure

<anytime

>dope

>no take backsies

<am I going to regret this?

>for definite

>you’re stuck with me now

//

That night Derek saves Stiles’ number as ‘Bad Poet’.

//

Stiles keeps messaging after that.

Stiles messages like they’ve been friends for years, and Derek very determinedly does not analyse why it is he always responds.

Even when there are messages dated from Laura from three days ago that he hasn’t even been able to bring himself to open yet.

He also ignores how when he’s messaging Stiles the gaping pit that had made residence in his chest feels just a little less inescapable.

//

Derek can’t bring himself to tell Stiles his name. He can’t bring himself open up, even though there’s a large part of him that wants to.

He’s not above admitting he’s scared.

//

Derek draws Stiles sometimes.

More accurately he draws a vague pair hands texting on a phone, because he has no idea what Stiles actually looks like.

Derek refuses to let himself dwell on that though, because they are happy drawings.

The pictures of Stiles are pretty much his only happy drawings right now.

//

They don’t always talk about Lydia.

Sometimes Stiles messages Derek song lyrics he’s working on.

Other times it’s memes, or just a bunch of emojis.

Once Stiles had just messaged him what Derek could only assume was a list of everything he had eaten that day.

Sometimes Stiles messages in rambles - and Derek can’t always keep up with the boy’s run away thoughts, but even then he never feels lost the way he does when he’s trying to interact with literally anyone else.

And sometimes it’s 2AM. Those are simultaneously Derek’s favourite and least favourite texts.

//

2:02 AM Bad Poet

>sometimes I feel like too much

>and too little

>at the same time

>u ever feel like that ET?

<not really

>its like I’m infinite, and meaningless

>like a never ending echo

>or a recurring decimal

>I just stretch on and on forever but theres no point to it

>I have no depth

<youre not meaningless

<you’re a rhythm.

<like breathing

>…

>was that a regina spektor reference?

<it might have been

>I thought you didn’t listen to music?

<well someone said her lyrics were like poetry

<so I thought I would check out a few songs

>well fuck

>what did you think?

<she’s good

>you spelt ‘amazing’ wrong

<I still prefer poetry

>of course you do

Derek stared at the texts an ache filling his chest.

Derek was the opposite of infinite. Everything he touched turned to flames.

//

10:30AM Bad Poet

<my sister bought me flower seeds

>I didn’t know you had a sister?

<she’s everything I have

>oh

<and I think she’s trying to trick me into therapy somehow

>…with flower seeds?

<yes

>you sound extremely paranoid

>maybe therapy wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for you?

<shut up

>noted.

>keep me posted on how your gardening goes

>also

>as a side note

>you know you have me too right?

>if you ever need to talk or anything, I’m right here for you

<thanks

>anytime

//

On Derek’s birthday Laura insists the two of them spend the day together, and Derek knows better than to argue.

She buys him a cake and they spend hours sat next to one another silently. Two strangers desperately trying to keep hold of one another but with an ocean dividing them.

Once their family had been so alive.

And it was all Derek’s fault that was gone.

They both knew it.

Sometimes Derek wondered if Laura hated him as much as he did.

He was too scared to ask.

//

That night Derek chased the ache in his chest away with a drink.

And then several more followed.

//

1:14 AM Bad Poet

<seh haars me

>sorry bud, you’re going to have to try again

>try spell checking before hitting send

<she.hates mee

>who?

<larn

>are you drunk?

<yeh

<tyongs ndrf

*Out Going Call: Bad Poet*

The phone rings twice before being picked up. “Sorry. Stupid keyboard is so small. Impossible to type.” Derek mumbled, his words slightly muffled by his cheek being pressed into the sofa cushion.

“Wow. You’re really sloshed huh?”

“No.” Derek denied. “Just tipsy.”

“Right. So what was it you were trying to tell me? Someone hates you?”

“Laura.”

“Who’s Laura?”

“My sister.”

“Oh.”

“She looks at me like she wishes she could fix me.”

“That doesn’t sound like she hates you, bud.”

“She should. I can’t be fixed.”

“You’re right, because you’re not broken.”

Hearing Stiles say that Derek could almost believe it to be true.

“I mean it. You’re not broken. You’re just a different shape than you used to be. But the shape you are now is beautiful.”

Derek closes his eyes and lets the words wash over him. “Do you sing?” He finds himself asking.

“What?”

“I know you write songs, but do you ever sing?”

“Oh…” Stiles sounds uncomfortable. “I guess… Yeah. I do.”

Derek hummed in the back of his throat. “I bet you have a nice voice.”

“Th-thanks.”

Derek tried to say something else, but all that comes out is a yawn, which makes Stiles let out a jittery laugh.

Derek tries to memorise the sound of It, but it’s so fleeting, it’s already slipping away from him.

“I think you need to go sleep, ET.”

“Yeah.” Derek agrees.

“Goodnight bud.”

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“Could you stay on the phone? Just for a bit longer.” Derek clutched on to the phone like if he could grip tightly enough it would make Stiles stay.

I don’t want to be alone. The words die on Derek’s tongue.

“Sure.” Stiles didn’t hesitate. “Of course.”

“Thank you.”

Sleep pulled at Derek’s consciousness, unravelling his grip on reality.

“Stiles?”

Stiles hummed in answer.

“Your shape is beautiful too.”

A small whimper came from the other end of the phone. “Thanks.”

//

7:50 AM Bad Poet

>how are you feeling today?

<better

>good <3

Derek holds his phone tightly and wishes that he had more to say. Just to keep the conversation going.

He also wishes (not for the first time) that Stiles was more than a faceless entity on the other end of the phone.

But it’s the first time he feels the want like a physical ache in his chest.

Derek had never been good with words, but if Stiles was here in front of him Derek would probably give him a hug.

But everything Derek touches eventually dies, and a larger part of him is relieved for the distance.

//

Derek plants the seeds his sister got him that day.

//

9:48 PM Bad Poet

>would it totally weird you out if I wanted to do another phone call?

>don’t feel like you need to say yes

>I just enjoyed talking to you

>and hearing your voice

>ugh.

>why are words so hard?

<I wouldn’t be opposed to a phone call

*Incoming Call: Bad Poet*

“Hey.” Derek feels breathless as he answers the phone, anxious excitement clawing it’s way up his throat.

“Hey.” Stiles sounds equally out of breath, and that helps.

Derek chews on his lip, scrambling for something to say. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know.” Stiles admitted. “Anything.”

“Helpful.” Derek said sarcastically.

“I mean. There’s one thing. I didn’t want to ask when you were drunk because it felt a little like taking advantage. And I don’t want you to think you have to answer-”

“Stiles.” Derek interrupts before Stiles could break into a full blown ramble.

“Tell me your name.” Stiles breaks. “Please.”

Anxiety grips his heart. But… he couldn’t stay scared forever.

“It’s Derek.”

“Derek.” Stiles repeats his name in a reverent whisper, as if committing it to memory.

And hearing Stiles say his name makes everything worth it.

//

Phone calls become a regular thing between the two of them over the next month. Always between late in the evening and the early hours of the day.

//

The next time Derek spirals he doesn’t drink before he calls Stiles, but he does cry on the phone.

The next morning he wakes up to a text from Stiles.

6:42 AM Bad Poet

>you need to talk to your sister

And Derek knows he’s right.

//

It’s not easy confronting Laura. He has two separate anxiety attacks on the walk to her apartment alone.

But he forces himself to take the dive.

“It’s okay if you hate me.” He tells her, even though it’s not okay. Laura’s hate might be the only thing in the world that could break him beyond repair.

Laura looks horrified as she stares at him. “I don’t- Obviously I don’t hate you Derek.”

“It’s my fault that they’re gone.” Derek addresses the elephant in the room.

If he hadn’t fallen in love with Kate.

If he hadn’t broken up with her, just to try and prove a point when she refused to say ‘I love you’ back…

There never would have been a fire.

Their family would still be here if it wasn’t for him.

“Fuck that!” Laura let out a harsh noise. “Derek, none of this was ever your fault. You were a kid, and even if you weren’t… You never set the fire.”

“I might as well have.”

“No. If anyone… I was your big sister- am your big sister. But I was so fucking wrapped up in myself. I didn’t even know about Kate.”

The last time Derek had seen Laura cry it had been at the funeral, so it took a second to fully sink in what he was seeing.

He found himself crying to.

“I’m so sorry, Der.”

Derek stumbled forwards pulling Laura into a crushing hug. Laura hugs him back just as tight.

They spend hours refusing to let go of one another.

//

He realises he fell asleep on Laura’s sofa when he woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. But he had no idea where it was, and he was too tired to move.

He feels Laura moving and the sound of the phone ringing gets louder before cutting off abruptly.

“Hello?”

“No - Derek’s asleep.”

“Maybe call at a more reasonable time?”

“Who is this?”

“Your voice sounds familiar.”

“Right.”

“Okay. Bye.”

Derek let sleep over take him once more.

//

2:29 AM Bad Poet

>sorry for calling so late

>you’re asleep so I’ll just take to you tomorrow

//

9:07 AM Bad Poet

<sorry, I was really tried

>no worries man

>you’re allowed to have a life outside of me

<was something wrong?

>no I was just bored, and didn’t realise how late it had gotten

>im fine

>how are you?

<im good actually

<I spoke to Laura

>yeah?

>I’m proud of you

>how’d that go?

<we both cried

<a lot

<and I ended up falling asleep on her couch

>look at you, opening up and shit.

>think I might cry now

<shut up

>literally never

>better men have tried and failed to silence me

//

2:40 PM Laura

>Want to see a movie on Friday?

<sure

//

One night Stiles calls Derek just to say his name in stupid ways, and laugh himself stupid after each one.

“Duhreek.”

“Doreck.”

“Fuck. I’m getting a stitch from laughing.”

“You’re so fucking dumb.” Derek is smiling as he said it.

“Deeruk.” Stiles wheezes out.

Derek just closes hie eyes and listens.

“I’m so fucking glad I know you, Stiles.” The words fall out of Derek’s mouth without much thought.

He only realises the weight of his words when Stile’s laughter pulls to a stop.

“I uh-” Stiles stammered. “Me too. Fuck. You’re the best thing to happen to me in…so fucking long. I’m glad I know you too Derek.”

//

Derek finally admits to himself that night that he’d fallen at least a little in love with the stranger from the unknown number.

//

He keeps trying to draw Stiles, but he can’t. Vague shapes just don’t cut it anymore.

He wants to map Stiles out with his eyes and translate it onto the page.

He wants to be able to see the smile behind the laughter.

He wants.

//

1:58 AM Bad Poet

>do you think you day we’ll actually meet?

>maybe not intentionally

>maybe one day we’d pass each other in the streets and not even know

>maybe we already have

Derek couldn’t imagine a scenario where he wouldn’t notice Stiles.

<is there ever a moment when you’re not talking?

<I think id recognise your voice and know it was you

>maybe your face would make me speechless ;)

<I think id still know

<but if you want to be sure… I could send you a picture?

<of me

>dkfajd

>for reals?

>you would do that?

>you?

<well…not for free

>there’s always a catch

>what do you want?

>my soul?

>a blood debt?

>you can have whatever it is

<I meant you’d have to send me a picture too

<geez stiles

The next text takes an unnervingly long time to come through.

>I could do that

>a photo for a photo

>I kind of look like shit rn

>so no judging me

Derek spends the next two minutes fussing and fidgeting to take a good photo. No matter what angle he took it from the bags under his eyes were noticeable, and so was the week’s worth of stubble he had yet to shave off.

And maybe this was a terrible, awful, idea.

But Derek would send one hundred bad pictures if it meant getting to see one of Stiles.

He forced himself to press send on the last picture he took.

As he pressed send another photo came in.

Derek’s fingers shook as he hit the button to download the image.

His heart stopped.

Stiles was beautiful in every sense of the word, and Derek found himself unable to look away. Even when he heard the small dings of incoming messages.

But he couldn’t ignore them for long, because it was Stiles. And when ever Stiles messaged Derek had to answer.

>Fucking hell

>are you for real?

>you gave me a heart attack

>am I being catfished right now?

>when do you think you were going to tell me you’re the most fucking beautiful man to exist ever?

>how the hell to you look like that as 2AM!?

>Derek

>oh my god

>you gotta respond my dude because I’m freaking out a little bit

>still there?

>did my selfie scare you away?

>I would have tried harder for a nice photo if I knew I was talking to an adonis

>Derek?

<still here

>of thank fuck

>so…

<so?

>come on

>your going to give me a complex

>the selfie…was it okay?

>I know it’s not much

>but we can’t all be greek gods

<its beautiful

<you’re beautiful, stiles

>oh

>thanks

//

Derek is so far gone that he makes the picture of Stiles the home screen on his phone.

//

9:49 AM Bad Poet

<Laura wants me to meet her boyfriend

<this is all your fault

>how is this my fault?

<because she never wanted to introduce us before

<and then you got me to talk to my sister

<and now she wants me to meet him

>…and this is a bad thing?

<yes

>because?

<I don’t make good first impressions

<it’s going to be awkward

>yeah probably

<you’re not helpful

>I wasn’t trying to be ;)

>have fun, Derek!

//

Meeting Laura’s boyfriend wasn’t as awkward as Derek thought it was going to be. But it was strange.

Derek hadn’t been expecting to meet someone so soft and kind. He was nothing like any one that Laura had dated before.

But he also wasn’t used to seeing Laura smile as much as she did around him.

Maybe not all change was bad.

//

Derek tells Laura about Stiles by accident. Or more accurately he mentions Stiles once by accident (not even by name) and Laura had badgered him until he admitted that he had made a friend through a wrong number.

“There’s a lot of weirdos out there.”

“I know.”

God did Derek ever know.

But Stiles is different.

“Just…be careful.”

“I am being. I promise.”

Laura reluctantly lets it go after that. “So…what’s he like?”

“He’s…he’s like bad poetry.”

“Oh god. You’re in love with him aren’t you?”

Derek can’t bring himself to deny it, but he does tell Laura to shut up.

//

Derek fully embraces being in love with Stiles on the day he tells Stiles about his drawings. He’d never told anyone about them before - not even Laura. But telling Stiles had been easy.

‘It reminds me of line art’ Stiles had said when Derek had sent him a photo of the doodle he had been working on. “I love it’.

A warmth flutters through Derek’s veins.

//

It all goes sideways on the day Laura goes on Derek’s phone to check the time.

She’d raised one eyebrow at him looking amused.

“I thought you didn’t listen to music?” She said, a teasing note to her voice.

“I don’t.” Derek shrugged.

“A huh. So why do you have a picture of Stiles Stilinski as your wallpaper?” She asks.

It’s so startling to hear Stiles name coming out of Laura’s mouth that Derek’s brain refuses to function properly. “How do you know Stiles?” He asks weakly.

Laura laughs. “He’s not exactly a niche celebrity Der. He was a really famous YouTuber before he started selling albums.”

Derek doesn’t know what to say to that. He blinks as his world slowly unravels before him.

No.

She had to be wrong, because Derek couldn’t be in love with a celebrity. Stiles couldn’t be…

“Hey are you okay? You look really sick?”

“He’s famous?” His throat is dry.

“Yes? Are you okay? What’s wrong? You’ve got to speak to me Der. Use your words.”

Derek just shakes his head because he can’t.

“It’s him.” He manages to get out.

“What are you talking about?”

“Laura. It’s him.”

It takes a moment to click but Derek knows when it does because a look of thunderous wrath takes over Laura’s face.

“I’ll kill him.” She seethes, shaking with anger. “What kind of fucking punk thinks that this is a good prank to play?”

“What?”

“No one is getting away with catfishing you, Der. I’m going to hunt this fucker down, and then I’ll rip him so many new ones that he going to look like SpongeBob when I’m done with him.”

And god, Derek hadn’t even considered the thought that Stiles might not even be Stiles. The thought of Stiles being a liar…

The gape in his heart grows a little bit bigger.

And it all falls apart.

//

It takes hours before Derek can convince himself to confront Stiles.

11:08 PM Bad Poet

<you’re stiles stilinki

>fuck

(And yeah, it was really him).

>how did you find out?

<Laura

>I was going to tell you

<Were you?

>Yes

>I’ve wanted to for ages

>It just never felt like the right time to bring it up

<I wish you had decided on the right time was sooner

>Me too

>I’m sorry

>Please don’t hate me

Derek did not think it was possible for him to hate any part of Stiles.

<I don’t

>Thank fuck

>seriously

>can I call you?

<sure

Derek closed his eyes after sending the text and waited for Stiles to ring. A heartbeat later his ringtone sounded off.

“Hey.”

“You believe me right?” And Stiles sounds more frantic than Derek had ever heard him before.

“I believe you, Stiles.”

“Are you sure, because I can prove it if you want? I can do a video call? Or I can tweet literally anythi-”

“Stiles.”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

Stiles lets out a small whine, that reaches through the phone line and yanks at Derek’s already tattered heart, unraveling him just a little more.

“Meet me.” Stiles said, taking Derek by surprise.

“What?”

“Please. I meant to throw a please in there, I’m just really fucking nervous right now. Meet me please. In real life. I uh- I was going to ask when I finally told you about the whole being a celebrity thing. It’s still weird to say that out loud. That’s part of why it was so hard to tell you. But the point was you beat me to the punch with the whole reveal thing, but I still wanted to ask.”

“Stiles…”

“And it’s not that I was trying to use my influence or fame to pressure you into meeting me. I just wanted to be in a space where we were one hundred per cent honest with one another before I asked you. You can still say no. Of course you can, I don’t know why I’m- my point is I hope you don’t say no.”

Derek feels his heart break in two.

“Stiles…I can’t.”

“Oh.”

He hadn’t fully realised just how many worlds apart the two of them were when he had fallen in love with Stiles. It felt even more impossible than it had before.

“I’m sorry.” The words leave him feeling hollow.

“No. Don’t apologise. This is just me getting carried away. It’s okay.”

I love you. The words never leave Derek. They can’t leave him.

There was no way this could work, and he was far too scared of breaking the tentative connection they had with his useless words.

It was better for him to just… fall out of love.

//

6:17AM Laura

<it’s really him

>are you sure

<I’m sure

>what are you going to do?

<nothing

>Derek you’re in love with him

<I’m aware

<it doesn’t matter

<it wouldn’t ever work

>I’m sorry

<don’t be

<I’m going to be fine

>Im coming over with wine

//

That night Derek fills pages and pages of his notebook with drawings of Stiles.

When he gets a message from Stiles at 11PM- for the first time since they started messaging- Derek leaves it unopened.

//

He never ignores a message again after that, and life moves on. Stiles still messages him all the time, but he never asks to call anymore.

Derek misses his voice so much that he goes onto youtube and listens to his music.

He buys all three albums Stiles released and it still doesn’t feel like enough.

//

He fills an entire notebook with doodles of Stiles.

It’s still not enough.

//

1:11 PM Bad Poet

>I wrote you a song

>I know you don’t listen to music

>but it felt weird to not a least send you a link

>bad poetry at 2:00am

The link leads Derek to a youtube video of Stiles holding a ukulele and staring with a soft smile at the camera.

“Hey guys. It’s been a while, huh? But I guess I finally found inspiration. So here we go.”

The song is beautiful, but even more beautiful than that was Stiles.

When the song reached the end Derek doesn’t hesitate to hit replay.

He listens to the song ten times before he realises he’s crying - and he knows that he’s never going to ‘get over’ Stiles because he doesn’t want to.

//

3:00 PM Laura

>have you seen the video?

<he sent me a link

<he wrote a song for me Laura

<I love him so fucking much and he wrote a song for me

>fuck

<what do I do?

>what do you want to do?

<I don’t know

>I think you should look at his twitter

<?

>I wasn’t going to say anything because you said you wanted to get over him

>but I think you need to see it

>@stilesstilinki

//

@stilesstilinski

I want to hug him

@stilesstilinski

Get you a guy that will stay up with you until 4AM talking about literally anything

@stilesstilinski

Why do I alway fall for people so far out of my league? rip me I guess.

@stilesstilinski

He makes me want to write poetry

Derek spends hours scrolling through Stiles’ twitter.

He scrolls far enough back that he gets to the part of his timeline where his twitter is littered with pictures of Lydia, which causes the ache in Derek’s chest to grow. But he can’t stop looking because Stiles looks so happy.

And Derek falls impossibly more in love.

He lets himself acknowledge for the first time that Stiles might love him back.

And everything else?

It’s worth it.

Because Stiles is worth everything to Derek.

//

2:00 AM Bad Poet

<so I looked at your twitter

>fuck.

>how much did you see?

<all of it

>tight

>please excuse me while I go die now

>bye

<don’t leave yet

<I had something I wanted to ask you

>did you want me to delete the tweets?

>I can do that

>I’ll just delete the whole account

>I am my own worst enemy so this won’t be a problem

>actually Jackson Whittemore is my worst enemy

>but I’m a close second

<stiles?

>yup?

<Will you go on a date with me?

>alkdjf

>yes?

>Ofc yes?

>are you being serious?

>because this would be a cruel prank if you’re not serious

<I’m serious

>yes.

>yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.

>holy shit

>theres no fucking universe where I say ‘no’ to that question from you

>im so fucking in love with you

>is it too soon to say that?

>I don’t even care

>I’m speaking my truth

>you obviously don’t have to say it back

>im going to woo you so hard Derek

>you’ll have to love me back eventually

>I’m going to write you poetry

>hell I’ll even read poetry for you

>ill give the whole fucking moon to you

<why would I want the moon?

<im not gru?

>despicable me

>that was a despicable me reference.

>you don’t listen to music, but you watch despicable me?

>you’re such an enigma to me Derek

>god I love you so much

<stiles?

>too much?

<no

<I don’t think I could ever have too much of you

<I love you too stiles

<so much

<I just don’t want you to get your hopes up

<I might not be able to live up to it in real life

>impossible

<seriously stiles

>I am being serious

>I’m already in love with you Der

>you don’t have to do anything more than you’ve already done

>you could wear a potato sack, and spend the whole night not saying anything at all

>and I would still be in love with you

>all you have to do now is show up

<…I can do that

>perfect

//

TWO YEARS LATER

@stilesstilinski

Hey @JacksonWhittemore, remember when you told me I would die alone? Well I just got engaged to the love of my life. So checkmate fucker.

[bathyssal]

fanfic authors tag game

tagged by the absolutely lovely @scheherezhad <3

AO3 Name: cuteashale 

Fandom: i’ve been reading the witcher and eruri fics bc i can never escape them lmao. i have been writing little bits of everything thanks to my dear bestie prompting me like crazy, which i love. some zelink, little bits of sterek, some damen/laurent. all good stuff

Number of fics: i just did the math and i have ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY WORKS (130) ON AO3, i’m -- they are under both cuteashale and this one which i am slightly quieter abt bc i do not exactly want my personal self linked back to that ao3. i know it’s weird but that’s just how i feel man.

Fic you spent the most time on: i probably did the most RESEARCH on this dagnab fic bc i wanted the dress i wrote about to be HISTORICALLY ACCURATE for reasons i still don’t fully understand. i also spent lots of time on this one bc i wanted it to be sweet and canon compliant and PERFECT since it was for a collection

Fic you spent the least amount of time on: i can bust drabbles out pretty quickly -- and so we know, i agree with sche here on drabbles being 100-300 words. please for the love of god do not call my over 1k fic a drabble or i WILL lose my mind

Longest fic: my fics are not usually very long. i’m more of a ‘show, don’t tell’ type of writer so i think my fics are pretty succinct and to the point. i don’t know that i’ve written anything that’s even hit 5k. i DO however have rps that are upwards of 100k dfkjh which my darling @peachofwork can attest to! we don’t know when to shut up!

that being said this is my one and only multi-chaptered fic, which still only reached abt 3k lol. and this is my longest oneshot 

Shortest fic: throwing it WAY BACK to a lil sterek smut.

Most hits: another sterek fic! i was very active in the teen wolf fandom back in the day fdkjhg. people were VERY thirsty for girl stiles fics and i was very eager to quench their thirst. honestly no other hits compare to that one fkjgdh w o w

Most kudos: this is absolutely bananas but it’s a danny phantom fic??? i went through a dp...phase?? out of body experience? about 5 years ago and wrote some very self indulgent smut that i am frankly a lil embarrassed by now.

Most comment threads: what the duck, another sterek dfgjkh.

Fave fic you wrote: idk if i’m in the minority here but i? actually?? love all of my fics? i’m one of those ppl that rereads their owns fics bc i enjoy them! i could pick out a few that i’m especially fond of but i truly love them all! if i didn’t love them i wouldn’t write them!

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: i have this....very involved and only semi-fleshed out assassin au that i just LOVE playing in. there’s a lot of details to iron out and idk if it will ever be completed and/or posted in its entirety but it’s SO MUCH FUN!

i’m also working on a frostmaster fic that, if i manage to finish it, might be the longest thing i’ve written?? and that would be very exciting. i’m just bad at plotting.

Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning: to build off of that i will share a smidge of that fic for u

A soft poke right in the middle of his forehead pulls him out of his thoughts. “Uh, hey, hello there,” says the Grandmaster, suddenly in front of him. Loki smothers the reflex to jump.

“Grandmaster,” he says, smiling. “What a pleasure. I thought you busy this evening.”

“Who, me? Too busy for—for dinner with my, my people?” He straightens, hands spread wide, and a little cheer goes up around the table. “Too, too busy for you?” His hands return to his sides, with one reaching out again to tweak Loki’s chin.

i’m also working on a capri fic that lets damen deal with some of his long buried emotions abt things that happened at the very beginning of the series but emotions are HARD and i am little baby.

i’m gonna tag my dearest @peachofwork, @victorianho, @archadianskies and @heartlessfujoshi bc those are ppl i see posting fic lately! if you are my follower and you are also posting fic and wanna do this then PLS DO and tag me bc i wanna see your responses!!

[wishingpoodle2004]

A WHOLESOME STEREK REC LIST

(Scroll to the bottom to see my allstar list)

•A Simple Life by Survivah

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12227445/chapters/27777660

Summary:

Derek plans to spend the rest of his life holed up in the woods after Laura dies. Then he meets a stubborn young fox, and the stubborn young fox meets an urn of Deaton's magic powder, and his plans change.

My Rating: 10/10

Simply Excellent

•The Boy and the Beast by Duran Sudis (dsudis)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/751583/chapters/1403203

Summary:

In which events in Beacon Hills go rather differently from the start, and a Beauty and the Beast (ish) story ensues. (Scott is not a teacup and no one sings about their feelings.)

My Rating: 9/10

Great story. Would liked to see the Human! Derek x Human! Stiles develope a bit more

• Good Behavior by theSilence

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8460571/1/Good-Behavior

Summary

The God Awful Courting Tactics Used to Woo Stiles Stilinski by Derek Hale.

My Rating: 8.5/10

Absolutely hilarious, Stiles and Derek at their finest (not). Only fault is that it’s short and the people need to know what happened after date 3.

• headlong (I’m falling in a) by hito

https://archiveofourown.org/works/295390/chapters/472650

Summary:

Kink meme fill: When Stiles goes to college, for some reason, he has to share an apartment with Derek, which sucks, because Derek still hates him the most. They fall in love.

My Rating: 8.5/10

Love Stlies and Derek learning to share breathing space and getting walked in on by the rest of the pack . Warning⚠️ Lydia is bonkers and power hungry.

• You Feel Like Home by thestreetballet

https://archiveofourown.org/works/383108

Summary:

"Derek, don't bully Mr Stilinski. He's had a bad few days."

My Rating: 9/10

I love love love Harry Potter AU sterek. Young Derek is desperately trying to look out for his newly found mate (young Stiles) while balancing prefect duties, pack life AND trying to keep said mating a secret from everyone including Stiles. This is part of a short series, read it all to get it. Warning ⚠️ Alpha Peter is bananas, lots of interspecies conflict.

• Can’t Take The Heat? by Ilovesocks_24

https://archiveofourown.org/works/810771/chapters/1530771

Summary:

“Hi, I’m Stiles, and what I have for you today is…”

“Stop, just stop.” Grumpy Eyebrows interrupted. “That is honestly the worst looking Pasta Primavera I have ever seen. I don’t even want to eat it, it looks so bad.”

Stiles narrowed his eyes. No one insulted his creamy bacon carbonara without even trying it. And no one insulted his creamy bacon carbonara after they tried it either.

“It’s actually a Creamy Bacon Carbonara, asshole,” Stiles snapped. “And for the record, it’s supposed to look like that.”

Or the one where Stiles is a new sous chef at Full Moon Steakhouse and Derek is the Gordon Ramsay of all head chefs. So of course they fall in love.

My Rating: 8/10

Pretty good. The story was more focused on Stiles journey as a chef so not as many fluffy moments but still pretty satisfying.

• Permanent Fixture by linksofmemories_archive

https://archiveofourown.org/works/518387/chapters/915659

Summary:

Derek is Scott's older brother. Stiles is Scott's best friend. Derek is falling in love with Stiles. This is a bit of a problem.

My Rating: 9.5/10

This story WILL make you CRY. I had a hard time rating this because it’s very slow burn with lots of angst but you can literally feel every emotion in the story so I had to give it the extra 0.5. Spoiler: Claudia called it.

•Fly a Little Faster by mirrorkill

https://archiveofourown.org/works/900839

Summary:

Everyone knows when you go back in time, you shouldn't step on an ant, just in case you accidentally kill your own grandparent or something. But what happens when you go back in time and, uh, accidentally interrupt the one event that apparently made the Grumpiest Alpha in Town into a ball of mindless manpain?

Well, if Marty McFly can do it, so can Stiles Stilinski. All he has to do is get Derek and Paige to fall in love before he gets pulled back to his own time. And before he makes anything worse. That's easy as pie, right? Right?

My Rating: 8/10

Such a creative. I only wish they had gotten to spend more time together in the past.

•Pack Up; Don’t Stray by the_deep_magic

https://archiveofourown.org/works/644874/chapters/1171121

Summary:

AU – Werewolves are an enslaved underclass, collared and tagged by human masters. Detective Stilinski’s on duty the night they bring in an untagged stray.

My Rating: 8.5/10

I like this story because their love was based on trust and respect. Just two people who needed each other, found each other and fought for each other.

•In the Solstice of our Hearts by raving revolution

https://archiveofourown.org/works/971008/chapters/1907773

Summary:

"You're not putting that up your butt," Scott told him flatly and Stiles couldn't stop the pissed off whine he made, but his friend continued. "Stiles, you can't put that up your butt, you know that. Your butt won't be ready for anything to go in it until-"

"Okay, okay!" he said, flailing his hands to stop his friend's lecture. "Message received, no butt stuff until I'm pounced on by some freaking animal in the forest and ravished to within an inch of my life. Got it. Thanks, Scotty, I mean heaven forbid I actually try to take control of my life and give myself a fighting chance or anything."

"Not all alphas are animals," Scott said quietly.

Maybe he was right, but Stiles wasn't holding his breath.

My Rating: 8.5/10

Interesting story but I wanted more fluff.

• No Homo by orphan_account

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148039/chapters/2864236

Summary:

Stiles' sophomore year starts something like this:

3 FourLokos

+ 1 peer-pressuring cat

- 1 best bro to end all best bros

= 1 Craigslist ad headline that reads "str8 dude - m4m - strictly platonic".

Derek is the fool who replies.

My Rating: 9/10

This is one of my all time favorites. The author’s summary doesn’t even begin to do it justice. Firstly homophobic Stiles is just hilarious and adorable. Secondly this story is sooooo Hot🔥, bottom!Derek is amazing. Thirdly, just read it!!!!! You won’t regret it

• tongue of dog and blind-worm’s sting by Zercalo

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4896598/chapters/11229727

Summary:

In order to keep the identity of the teacher he's been seeing a secret, Derek's been withdrawing from his pack and family. Cora, frustrated with his alienation and a little lonely, clings to the first nonjudgmental person who offers companionship – which happens to be that odd Muggleborn Revenclaw who's always hanging around the Gryffindor common room.

She hasn't befriended Stiles for Derek's sake, but Derek just might reap the benefits anyway - if he pulls his head out of his ass and quit the stupid self-sacrificing act.

My Rating: 9/10

This is another Hogwarts AU where Cora is the best friend we all need. Derek’s dug himself into a pretty deep hole with Kate but Stiles might just get him out of it. Cute teenage courting ensues and once again we all need a Cora in our lives. Oh, and no biggie but there’s a mass murderer on the loose. Note: This story is part of a series.

• Rare Books and Special Collections by orphan_account

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5192954

Summary:

Derek Hale hates libraries.

Unfortunately, not all books can be ordered on Amazon.

(Or: in which Derek is a grumpy omega writer, and Stiles is an annoyingly attractive alpha special collections librarian.)

My Rating: 9/10

I love Omega! Derek. He’s an anti social writer who we just want to scoop up in our arms. Stiles’ idea of flirting is giving Derek books and library tours. Adorableness and Cluelessness ensues.

• Cornerstone by Vendelin

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1725518/chapters/3678122

Summary:

Suffering from PTSD, ex-Marine Derek Hale moves back to Beacon Hills to open a bookshop and find a calmer life. That’s where he meets Stiles, completely by accident. Stiles is talkative, charming and curious. Somehow, despite the fact that he’s blind, he’s able to read Derek like no one else.

My Rating: 8.5/10

I see this fic EVERYWHERE and it is pretty good but because it’s a pretty serious story it doesn’t have as much fluff. Derek’s got serious issues and Stiles is blind. However, I did love how Stiles shared so much of himself with Derek and how Derek slowly learned how to return the favor. I really appreciated the reality check.

•Pink Is For Pining (You, You, Nothing But You) by clotpolesonly

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15177281

Summary:

“You know you could just ask him out, right?” Scott asked.

Stiles stuffed the toast in his mouth and hoped he wasn’t blushing. “Why would I do that?”

“Because you have a ginormous crush on him.”

“I do not, shut up,” Stiles hissed as well as he could around a mouthful of toast.

“Your pink hair says differently,” Scott sing-songed at him.

***

In which Stiles is a supremely socially awkward metamorphmagus with a crush, Derek is a quietly pining werewolf, and Scott and Lydia are done with their stubbornness and stupidity.

My Rating: 9/10

I had to end off this rec list with Pink is for Pining and (surprise surprise) it’s another Hogwarts fic. This one is always in my top 3 because through Derek’s love, Stiles learns to love every part of himself. Alright, maybe I’m hyping this fic up too much (it’s REALLY short) but I’m a believer that one paragraph can make all the difference 😁

My Allstar List

1. A Simple Life by Survivah

https://archiveofourown.org/works/749767/chapters/1399097

2. Pink Is For Pining by clotpolesonly

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15177281

3. Permanent Fixture

https://archiveofourown.org/works/518387/chapters/915659

4. No Homo

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148039/chapters/2326073

5. Rare Books and Special Collections by orphan_account

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5192954

Thanks for Reading!

I hope you enjoyed this Rec list. Please send me any you think I’ll enjoy or that would be a good addition to the list. Happy reading!

[amelancholyuniverse]

Fic Writer Tag

I was tagged by @astreetsussserenade​ thank you this looks like fun! Also i loved your answers

What is your total word count on AO3?

45325 which I am pretty proud of I must say! I never thought I would actually be brave enough to eventually post fanfic on the internet for the world to see but I’m glad i did, i think i’ve improved in my writing

How often do you write?

During the school year i write less for sure, but usually i’m still working on smaller fics. i tend to save the bigger fics for the summertime. So school year is maybe a little bit every week or other week, and during the summer i try to write daily. (This past school year I realized that my hour bus ride is an empty block of time that I can just write on my phone, so I’ll probs do that more) I generally kind of have a backlog of ideas to write so I don’t often run out of inspiration

Do you have a routine for writing?

ha no. i am more disorganized than I like to admit. i write when i can/when i force myself to. sometimes i write with special playlists but usually not, just my general music

for short fics i just keep everything in one google doc with the main fic at the top and notes/deleted scenes at the end. for longer fics i usually have a doc for the outine, one for the fic, and one for the deleted scenes/outtakes. i don’t like to permanently blow outtakes away until i finish the fic.

I usually write on google docs but sometimes on word. I tend to have paragraph spacing issues when i copy from docs to ao3, it always looks better copied from word so i’ll have to figure out what the best spacing is at some point

What are your favourite kinks/tropes/pairing?

Kinks - no. i dont write explicit stuff

Tropes - MUTUAL PINING!!! i love that shit. gets me every time. i feel like it depends on the fandom and the pairing sometimes for what i prefer, but generally, secretly married(!!), secret/unknown identity, soulmates, kidfics (not transformed into kids, but where they have or take care of kids), idk lots of stuff. i love anything that can be cute and dramatic

Pairing - yes! i can finally declare my fave pairings in order: 1 Nate/Ray 2 Brad/Ray/Nate 3 Brad/Ray 4 Brad/Nate. i know i know its ridiculous but any combo of these guys i am down to read. for other fandoms that i haven’t written about: teen wolf - sterek, marvel - stony, stucky, steggy (shut up i love steve), stranger things - jonathan/nancy/steve um yeah. im pretty cookie cutter when it comes to pairings, usually the main fandom fave is my fave

Do you have a favourite fic of yours?

Actually yes, i think so. built this bed for me and you. which is interesting bc it’s not one of my longer fics and it didn’t take too long to write. i just feel like I was on my game when I wrote it and i love the actual “prose” i guess, like all the literary devices and whatnot. i wish it had more kudos lol

Your fic with the most kudos? 

that would be my oldest fic, maybe once, maybe twice. eh. its not that great its just had the most time in internetland

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

yeah. oh yeah. i struggle with dialogue and i tend to be an underwriter so when i don’t have enough detailed description in stories i feel like it reads as cheesy. this usually haunts me in the first drafts

Now something you do like?

umm? there’s the occasional good line???? idk if there’s any one thing i excel at but i like my fics.

If anyone actually reads all of this i hope it was insightful, i wasn’t expecting it to be this long but i ramble sometimes. im tagging everyone. if u actually read this do it lol

[miasswier]

own voices and mlm fandom

I’ve been thinking a lot about mlm fandom and what an interesting phenomenon it is, and how that translates into original LGBTQ fiction. This is long and rambly and maybe not that coherent, but I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I just need to get it out.

For a very large amount of my fandom life, I exclusively shipped slash ships. I mean, my first big fandom was Glee, and Darren Criss joining was the reason that I started the show in the first place, so I sort of fell into the Klaine ship and the adjoining fandom pretty easily. They were my first official ship, and honestly, I’m still really fond of them. They’ll hold a special place in my heart forever.

The thing is, I never really realized it at the time, but for my first few years in fandom I always found myself gravitating toward mlm ships. Klaine, Wennet, Sterek, Fervid. I used to watch hours of clips on youtube detailing the storylines of mlm couples on TV shows. There were several shows I watched exclusively because I knew there were mlm couples on there (The Carrie Diaries is one example, where I only sought it out after seeing gifsets of Wennet on my dash). It wasn’t even a conscious thing, it just happened.

What’s interesting for me, thinking in retrospect about this all, is that I identified very strongly as straight at this point in my life. Oh, sure, I was questioning, but I was in a bit of a boy crazy period, and to me that implied that I had to be straight (there was also the fact that I didn’t think I could ever see myself dating a girl; I later realized that I couldn’t see myself dating a guy either, because I just couldn’t see myself dating anybody).

I used to say some really iffy things, which again, retrospect. I was a budding little feminist, and I was just becoming a sexual being (I was… fourteen or fifteen when I joined fandom?), so I was all about normalizing girls as agents of their own sexuality. A big thing for me was this totally false stereotype that women didn’t watch porn. I remember so many conversations I’d have with male friends that would always end up the same way – “but porn isn’t aimed at women, so why would they watch it?”. I, being completely self-taught and very young and naïve, always had the same response (which I thought was oh-so-clever): “gay porn. Porn aimed at women is gay porn.”

YIKES. But as I’ve been thinking a lot about the issues I’ve only seen within mlm fandom since somewhat distancing myself from it, this is actually a really common thought for a lot of straight women. Because the thing is, a really strange thing has happened with mlm fandom, and it’s not something that I think anybody could have ever predicted.

Somehow, mlm fandom has become about women. To the point where it’s almost exclusively about women. I mean, think about it. I don’t know any major mlm fandom that isn’t at least 90% female. Even when I think about the Klaine fandom, I think I can think of… four? Maybe five? Klaine fans that aren’t female. And it’s one of those things where because so much of mlm fandom is female it begins to just be thought of as this female thing. I mean, geez, how many conversations have I had with people in fandom where I discuss whether Kurt or Blaine is the top in their relationship. All of those conversations happen amongst females. And honestly, most of the women in mlm fandom are straight.

It’s gotten to the point where mlm fans are almost excluded from mlm fandom spaces. I recently saw a post (which is what sort of formed the connection between several thoughts that I’d had floating around for a while) where a mlm fan was requesting that mlm authors specifically tag the fic they write with “mlm author” so that they could find stories written about mlm by mlm. I went on this person’s blog and they’d made a post that it was gaining traction, and thus far there were about 21 fics on AO3 tagged “mlm author”.

Let’s think about that. Twenty-one fics. That’s it. I know it’s a new tag and all, but jeez. Twenty-one fics. Out of how many fucking mlm stories out there? Like, holy shit. That is an infinitesimal number. It’s actually really embarrassing.

And it’s not mlm authors fault. How could it be? I mean, I remember reading one Klaine fic forever ago, and it really challenged the way I saw Kurt and Blaine. They weren’t written the way I, or most other authors wrote them. They were a lot more nuanced, a lot more complex, and the author explored issues within their gender and sexuality that I had never seen explored in fanfic before. And like, I remember reading that story and genuinely feeling like it wasn’t for me. I wasn’t the target audience for this story, because the target audience for it were mlm’s. It made me feel uncomfortable, and so I stopped reading it.

(A small side-note here, I did try and pick this particular fic back up a few months ago, but stopped once again because the author included several references to Kurt’s situation as a white gay male being worse off than Mercedes situation as a black female. The way it was written didn’t feel like “Kurt feels this way but he is uninformed”; it was more “Kurt is gay and Mercedes is straight and therefore she doesn’t understand oppression at all”, and it really felt like that was how the author felt. It was especially iffy since the story was set in like, the 1960’s.)

The point is, mlm fandom content has become this thing that is created by women for women. A lot of it comes from straight women, too.

The biggest issue with this is that it becomes inaccessible to actual mlm individuals. It’s been made so clear throughout years and years and years that mlm fandom isn’t for mlm. How fucked up is that? And like, I’m sure that anybody who may see this who is deep in mlm fandom would instantly protest. No it’s not!!!!!!!!! I am so accepting!!!!!!!! I am an Ally!!!!!!!!!! But really, think about it. In all your time in fandom, how many mlm people have you actually interacted with? And of those people, how many have you had positive interactions with? Because holy shit, I remember one mlm fan who got into so many fucking fights with straight fans, where the straight fans would shut him the fuck down. He criticized how they portrayed a mlm couple and they wouldn’t have it. They told him he knew nothing and blocked him. Let me repeat that: straight women told a mlm fan that they knew more about mlm relationships than he did. Like, what the literal fuck!!!

And like, here’s the thing. I actually know of quite a few wlw who are very deep in mlm fandom. In fact, a lot of the Klaine blogs I still follow are run by wlw because a lot of the ones run by straight women just make me too damn uncomfortable (I know I still follow a few, though). Most of these wlw do present more nuanced views of mlm relationships, in the way that only fellow queer people really can, but, I mean, at the end of the day we’re still wlw. We’re not mlm.

(Another side-note is how interesting I’ve found it to see all these wlw Klaine fans go from mlm fandom to mlm fandom. They’re just as deeply stuck in mlm fandom as women are, which absolutely blows my mind. I think there’s maybe two wlw run Klaine blogs that I follow that seem to have any interest at all in femslash. It’s honestly the weirdest phenomena.)

What’s interesting to me about all of this is how it plays into the writing of original fiction, which I know feels like I’m swerving a bit, but bare with me.

So, if you’ve been following me long enough, you’ll know that I’ve had some very serious issues with a publishing company called Interlude Press. I haven’t spoken about them a lot lately because the last time I made a post it garnered the attention of someone who informed me that the IP family had recently suffered a death, and this person believed that I was trying to “hit them while they’re down”. That wasn’t the case at all, as I am very removed from IP and don’t follow any of their authors, or people who buy their books (I think there may be a few that I still follow, but like with the straight female mlm fans, they’re rare). Still, I wanted to be respectful, so I backed off.

Why am I bringing up Interlude Press? Because they’ve come back into my radar recently in a totally different way than before.

See, over the past year or so I’ve started following several LGBTQ book blogs. I think I follow four or five. Recently, some of IP’s books have started to make appearances on these blogs.

Here’s the interesting thing about it: it’s only the books written by their wlw authors about wlw characters that make it onto these blogs.

My biggest issue with IP was that they called themselves an LGBTQ publisher, but only published books about cis gay mlm. I think it was a good year into their publishing career before they even published a book that featured a cis bi mlm protagonist. Like, it was really, really obvious that they were not an LGBTQ publisher; they were a cis mlm publisher.

The thing about that is that almost every single author they brought on board? Female.

I’m serious. That publishing company is filled to the brim with female authors. Yeah, some are wlw, but a lot of them aren’t. So, here you have an LGBTQ publishing company that only publishes novels about mlm couples, but all their writers are female. Do you see why I had issues with them?

In a way, though, they came by it honestly. IP started because the people who run it wanted to publish some of their favourite Klaine fanfictions as original novels. We’ve already established that mlm fandom is this woman-run operation that gets to the point where it almost excludes mlm fans. Is it really that surprising that all of their authors were female, and all of them wanted to write about mlm’s?

But now, here they are. They’ve finally started publishing wlw stories written by their wlw authors. And guess what? Those are the stories that are making it only LGBTQ book blogs. Those are the stories people are hearing about. I recently saw a post on one LGBTQ book blog about a talk some authors are doing, and several of IP authors were on there. The one the blog singled out? C.B. Lee, a wlw whose wlw story is the one that has put her back on my radar (she is also the one who wrote the first bisexual mlm character for IP).

What I’m getting at throughout all of this is – Own Voices. Although there are quite a few mlm original stories that are written by women, the one’s that I’ve found I enjoy the most, the ones that actually make me feel connected to the characters, are the ones I’ve read written by mlm authors. It’s the same with wlw original stories. Because here’s the thing -- mlm authors are always going to understand what being a mlm individual is like WAY more than female authors (even wlw ones) will.

Fandom is a strange place, a place where mlm content is produced and consumed almost entirely by women. But original content? That’s a different ball game. And sure, there are a lot of women who exclusively read and write mlm stories, but often those stories aren’t the ones that make splashes within the LGBTQ community. At least not as far as I’ve seen.

This is honestly such an incoherent mess, and I don’t know if I’m even trying to make a point with all this, but I just had to get it all written down.

One final note before I go to take a nap. For the past several years I’ve found myself drifting further and further into femslash fandom, to the point where I barely ship any mlm couples anymore (I think Klaine may be the only one atm). It’s been tough, since there’s a lot less content than there is for mlm couples; even the popular wlw couples get way less content (I know I bitch and whine about holtzbert a lot, but even they have an abysmally low amount of fic considering they’re the biggest ship in the GB fandom – especially when you compare them to popular mlm ships like Sterek or Johnlock or Destiel). But honestly? I feel so at home here. Almost every person I’ve met through femslash fandom is also a wlw. Do you know how wonderful it is to exist in a fandom where you’re writing about characters like you, and reading stories written by people who are also like those characters? You would not believe the difference it makes reading wlw fics written by wlw, as opposed to mlm fics written by wlw or straight women.

Own Voices, man. They’re important as fuck.