#now that my mum has it i hate it
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having a uterus is so shitty
#ari's shit#help i hate periods#ive been crying for a good 10 minutes#cause there is 3 of the same mouses in our house#and idk what to do#how do i tell them apart#help#why am i crying#this is so shit#and like the mouses r so fucking annoying#ugh#i thought it was exactly the mouse i wanted#now that my mum has it i hate it#and now we have an extra my dad sometimes uses one#wtf#why does everyone have a mouse like mine#i hate htis#help i cant stop cryong
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trying so hard not to get upset and say fuck it and delete my tumblr
#the reason i’m upset isn’t even anything to do with tumblr#i’m upset bc of my mum and this house and just#idk i know i’m being emotional but i’m honestly struggling right now and i can feel my mental health getting fucking worse#and i’m just like haha who would even care if i leave#idk i probably sound so privileged to other people people probably think my problems are so stupid haha#i just hate this house it’s not a good place for me to be right now#when my mum just has random little outbursts and blames me#and then decides oh you know i offered for you to stay here rent free? oh and how i pay for the food#yeah well now you have to pay rent and i’m also not going to feed you okay!!!!!!#anyway.
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you hate the Jason parents retcon? Me too; I've never seen anyone else like the circus parents more
I kinda feel bad now bc I meant the Jason's parents retcon of them going from victims of their circumstance to poor people bad sorry anon I'm sure there are people who prefer circus parents #2 I'm just not one of them (if you do sound off so anon knows they're not alone)
#ask#anon#im gonna continue my little steph Jason parents rant from yesterday tho bc i got a lot to say#like the way that steph and jason basically had mirror images of their parents#is a really easy way to see how the perception of poor people#changed between their two eras of batman comics#like jasons parents being poor and bc of that being forced to do shitty things#to stephs mum and dad being poor and just shitty people#but the reason i dont complain about stephs background like i do with jasons now that they've retconed his parents#is bc Jason was also retconed to always be this overly angry kid#while steph literally choose to fight her fathers villainy#and everything steph does herself fights back again poor stereotypes#like how she was a teen pregnancy#so while steph fights against sterotypes jason has been retconed to play into them#and i hate it#its why i think if you want to explore the bad poor parents you do it with steph#and we should try to steer jasons back into jason was a good kid with good parents who were doomed to fail by the system
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sorry it’s another vent))
i wish my mum would stop yelling
not even at me but at my sisters
like it’s obvious she’s just tired and stressed but it’s really loud, annoying and it worries me. but one of them is basically an adult so she shouldn’t worry so much, and for my other sister, it’s kind of understandable (for the things she does) but even for whatever the reason, i wish she’d just stop
and she keeps talking about them with my other family relatives? with me right next to her? wtf please don’t do that to your own children. it makes me think if she does that about me still
#vent#i hate yelling so much#she always just does this in front of me like i’m not there#please stop#i don’t know who’s right in this little back and forth argument they have#yes she talks about them with my cousin/s#at least she has the audacity to talk in a diff language#i know she’s talked abt me#but it was more of when i was younger but i never hear it abt me anymore#i wish i could talk to them about it but it’s gonna make it worse#thanks mum i’m too scared and anxious to do anything wrong now#kind of a vent#sorry just mum problems ig#this has been going on for more than a week#talk about it or grow up
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long ass rant in tags. abt to explode
#need to get this off my chest#ok so i straight up lied to my mum. shes been trying to get me a job out of stocking shelves#and i just. cannot find the motivation to do anything. i dont know what i want to do other than rot away#and im also so fucking scared of everything#so she made me apply for an office job that was mostly data entry and writing/editing#which is fine. easy. but i cant think of anything worse than having to sit on my ass doing boring shit for 8 hours#so when they called me. i didnt pick up#i didnt reply to their message. and my mum has been asking about it for the past 2 weeks cus she was convinced that HAD to call me#that i was a perfect candidate. and i was. but i didnt tell her they called me#i just lied and said they didnt. but she emailed them and they..well they told her the truth#and now shes really pissed at me. but hear me out. she forced me to apply. i didnt fucking want to#and ive already said no to so many jobs that i feel terribly guilty abt it so i just went along with it#lying is so easy yknow?#but i guess lying isnt great when they find out#i feel like shit. shes not even acknowledging me and i hate when shes pissed off at me and i know she should be#but cmon. i didnt want the damn job. why cant i just die honestly#ed stfu challenge#vent
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one of the dramas from the wedding was one of the grooms cousins (on the other side not mine) just not wearing the clothes we had made for her specifically
#i think they cost smth like 1 lakh rupees so that is crazy#she is such a bitch i cannot believe it#when asked about it she just laughed in our faces and said it didnt fit.. it was custom made and she was the one who sent the measurements#and all of the other cousins wore matching ones in different clothes#she just thinks shes better than us.. bc she managed to go to the us and now has a fake american accent also#i dont get this inferiority complex our people have. it is ridiculous.#i told everyone we should we should ask for the clothes back since she clearly doesnt want them but they said it was a gift so no#actually i think she just wanted to be 'modern' and our clothes were a traditional gharara#so she came with her legs out :/#tbh she looked bad anyways so . actually idgaf#she literally did not acknowledge me or my sister at all i think she considers us . i dont know like their maids that were brought along#its actually crazy like. she was acting like she was closer to the bride and groom than we were and we were just some randos#its basically my brother who is getting married and we havent spoken to this girl for years?? she was the reason my aunt came to the uk#bc she used to beat up my cousin (who got married) when he was little and my aunt didnt want to be around her and her mum didnt control her#imagine breaking the family up and being hated by the immediate relatives of the groom and acting like you are the vip guest..#havent told my cousin how she acted with us yet bc partially its like whats the point shes nobody#but i feel like his wife thinks shes super nice bc of course she was sucking up to her#i dont want to be a bad sister in law and cause problems so i'll just keep it to myself#not like anyone will talk to her again so what does it matter#it was nice seeing our side of the family though#especially one of my great aunties who accoring to my sister i was 'glazing' lmaoo#maybe its bc they know i am my mothers daughter and the other side dont?#i feel like its still unacceptable behavoiur though. just rude for no reason you could at least say hello
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ROZZZAAAAAA
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my (not so) secret (not so) tory crush of 2 years
#oughhhhh#he waved at my mum lol#it was so good actually#i’ve watched so many of his talks and interviews on youtube for so long#and then i saw it live#i wish i could remember everything he said#but the passion and humour that imbues everything his does was present as ever#i hate that im such a rory dick rider#but he was so good#and HOTTT ‼️‼️‼️#also saw his wife and kids during the intermission 💀💀💀💀💀#second time seeing andrew walter live? too? which was funny#really interesting and it felt like he covered so much but also on scratched the surface#need to get back into trip#and finish his book lawl#this past year has gone by so fast#i stopped paying a lot of attention to rory when his book came out bc he was just everywhere and it was too much#after over a year now i feel safe enough to come back hehe#rory stewart#🦔
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qaughhhhxhdhbebrrh
#everything is bad rn.#just had to get out of car after road trip (i’m sitting in the back) which is always bad#bad*#there’s a huge sleeping bag that was next to me which had the worst fucking texture ever#and my mum was constantly brushing against i with her clothes which also have a bad texture and together they made the worst fucking sound#there’s a kid in front of me who has been annoying me all day#and she always drags her fingers along the roof of the car and the seats and the sleeping bag and i can’t stand it#anyway just as i was about to go out#i dropped my phone and o couldn’t get it out again it was stuck in the trunk of the car#so i had to get out without my phone which is fine i don’t need to use my phone all the time but i like to hold it#it makes me feel more comfortable holding like. idk that shape and weight and stuff IDK it’s weird#but yeah i had to wait until the bags all got unloaded to get my phone back but before i got it back i went to the bathroom#which i couldn’t find so my dad asked the staff of the hotel where one was but he called me his mf daughter#😁👍#then i went to the bathroom#cried#my mum came into the bathroom and i hate it when she does this and i knew she was going to and she did#she called out my deadname in the public bathroom and told#me she had my phone#and i was so fucking stressed o did not want to talk i still do not want to talk#so i was just like ok#and she was like Ok???? like i had killed her fucking parents or something#so i had to be like thank you while i was having a meltdown#cleaned myself up and now i’m in the room and it’s hot and i don’t like it but whatever#shut up mars#:(
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told my mum abt my addiction
#huge milestone bc i normally tell her nothing personal#im trying to remember that she has changed a lot since i was a kid#i hate mother issues#us being born hardwired to need our mums combined with my mums special brand of neglect and abuse#so funkyyyy#she has gotten better though.#and im not saying it to defend her- i spoke about hating her in therapy a few weeks ago#but even my therapist recognised that she is trying now…#which is massive for the woman who was all talk no walk#jaz rambles#jaz vents#tw addiction
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*
#i made a post that was like i should keep the fact that my mum won’t live at the back of my mind#but i should also keep at the back of my mind that my mum might not ever go back to how she used to be that maybe she won’t fully recover#that she won’t regain her speech and she’ll continue to speak gibberish even though in her head she knows what she wants to say#and maybe her movement won’t ever be the same like maybe she’ll have to use some kind of support forever#i just don’t want her to be bed bound though inshaAllah like even if she can get herself out of bed that’ll be good#like right now she can barely use a sara steady yesterday they had to hoist her out of bed and into it#the thing is she’ll absolutely hate if this happens if she can barely speak and move#like if this was just a stroke i think she would have been fine by now and recovered quite well#but it’s the fact that she has cancer that keeps her fatigued so she can barely do any rehab
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Me at work: *Talks on the phone constantly, every day, Monday to Friday, no problem*
Me at home: *Makes a phone call and end up sweating profusely*
#no but I’ve always hated talking on the phone#and then I ended up working as a temp#and I have to take calls and make calls every day and I was surprised that I was fine doing it#and now I had to make a phonecall because I’m planning on buying a cat for my brother#and I was honestly sweating when I hung up#I’ve never been as much of an adult as I was in that moment when I called the person with the cat#to set up a time to go see it#great scott my life is heavy#also kind of funny but I went downstairs to ask my mum if she wants to come with me#to look and my dad was like to look at what??#and I was like 😬 I think you know haha#he said that after our last cat passed away in 2021 at the age of 18 that there would be no more cats#yeah… he said that before we got her too#we already had a cat then and I came home like there’s a classmate that has kittens and we need to get one!#and my dad was like nope and my mum went to pick one out#and he loved her he’s a softie and honestly he’d never say no to getting a pet#he’s just being a dad about it
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my mum: stopped me at every opportunity I asked to come see my dying grandpa bc ‘you don’t want to see him like this’ even tho I already had seen him and he had been happy to see me after years estranged from that side of the family and I very much wanted to fit as much time with him in as possible before it was too late and in the end she blocked me from all of it
also my mum: you never came to see your grandpa, you don’t give a shit
and now my mum yet again: won’t let me come see my gran who has been losing weight and falling and breaking bones a lot and been in and out of hospital since being on her own. Didn’t let me go talk to gran when we were both at my great aunt’s funeral last year and so I never saw her and she only found out I was there through other people who saw me. Refuses every time I ask to see my gran, including now when I’ve got presents for her
also my fucking mum right now in the same breath as refusing to allow me to come over: you never come to see your gran, you don’t give a shit
make it make fucking sense jfc
#Never mind the fact that the way my mum and aunt and cousins act about my gran it feels like I’m the only one who DOES give a shit#I’m the one crying and feeling bad for her and wishing I could do more#while my mum and aunt bitch about each other and refuse to coordinate to find an arrangement that works bc they don’t talk#And no-one believes me bc of the years we spent estranged from the family#which was largely bc of my mum being Fucking Terrifying and my aunt a manipulative bitch#I’m so pissed off. I wanted to mend things with papa bc when everyone else had acted like fools he had been fine#and he didn’t deserve to lose contact with us for all this years and I wanted him to know we love him before he was gone#and my aunt and cousin walked us out of the cancer centre the second time I tried to see him so I only got one actual session with him#and now I can’t reach my gran who has been lonely and declining bc of the grief and loneliness#and I’m fucking pissed bc yeah my gran did some batshit stuff in the past#and it was all a big mess but I still don’t want her to feel like I don’t cherish all the good times I spent with her as a kid#before everything went sour. You couldn’t keep me away from them as a kid. I loved spending my holidays there#some of my fondest childhood memories were with them and I hate that things got ruined but I just#want to make up for lost time and let bygones be bygones and yet everything remains complicated
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You have to be kidding me rn 😭😭 it's day 4 of me trying to do Nano and I'm already sick???? I am praying its my allergies flaring up but-
#sobbing rn#its now 4am#i will shower and just stay awake#I can mvp this#no cause#next week im going on vacay as well with my fam#if im sick ill actually cry.#AND ITS A HIGH POSSIBILITY TOO CAUSE#FIRST IT WAS MY MUM#AND MY SIS HAS BEEN SICK FOR A WEEK#and i just stayrd at my mums for a few days so#🥲🥲🥲🥲#i hate it when my nose gets stuffy and i cant breath#/sov#/sob#every damn year.#shiro rambles
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Lying on my bed giggling kicking my legs thinking abt the changes I just made to my oc lore
#wall of the text in these tags im warning u.#read smth interesting which vaguely inspired me + changing the way i write the entire craig family but esp. frederick... feel as though the#way his situation was depicted before was inappropriately like... light? wrt the fact that fundamentally his arc is about a child falling#in with a hate group and then developing psychic powers out of guilt. it does not make sense in context btw. but in any case i don't like#the way i was handling it before so im changing the way it's written!!! thinking i can do it more realistically now!!!#+ also im making major changes to the family's make up. before it was sarah + frederick & annie + f&a's Evil Uncle + their father who left#to find work + their dead bio mother + sarah's dead husband + sarah's kids. is now s + f&a + Evil Uncle + father who just ran off with his#gf w/o warning them forcing them to move + s' dead BOYFRIEND who she was never married to + dead mum is the same + s' sole kid with her bf#+ the kid who she had with the Evil Uncle. this will further fuck them up which is good as this is necessary for the story to work At All#there is a very good chance many of the other families will also get an update soon including the breen family + wilbur's family... which i#have not even thought about beyond the fact that he has one...#anyway i dont know why im talking about this in the tags. keep my oc insanity contained on the sideblog i specifically made to contain it#challenge -- impossible!#ocs#jory.txt
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#me @ my youngest sister at 6.30 this morning: yooooooo can u draw me a fishy so i can get it tattooed on me?#i drew her some flowers so i want a paralell tattoo with her initials bc she has my initials on her#but i literally have not spoken to her since like may bc i do not talk to my sisters unless we r in the same room. no hate we just dont hav#a lot in common. it makes me a lil sad tho bc im curious abt them. my youngest sister is at least nice to me 😭#ive been thinking abt asking her for ages and last night i was asked abt my sisters so i was like. the time is now#while im still a bit elevated#which has been to my advantage bc i was able to stay v chatty and energetic while talking to ppl. and i think i made some friends#we bonded over fic reading. so theyre a bit. ya kno. girls gays and theys of science#we make the world go round. but its so interesting to hear them talk abt coming to school here bc they both liked where they were and r#leaving their support systems. and im like bruh if i didn't leave the southwest i was gonna die. im so happy to b here#support system? whats that. i talk to my parents once a month and that's it lol. but im gonna try to establish one here#and try to actually make actual friends. this school is way better abt making grad students interact#my last school was not at all like that. but anyway i had fun#and i mean im only at the start of the semester. and im in a good mood. and i kno things will get stressful#but im just really happy i got accepted here#and the longer im here the more clearly i can see how much i was suffering#the funny thing is tho that i wrote this last night and only hours later i was squirming in frustration bc the fact that im back in therapy#means i feel a greater obligation to not b actively self destructive. evil coping mechanisms my beloved#this is y my mum wanted me back in therapy bc im a goodie 2 shoes and when my counselor is like: did u do X the next time i see her. ill b#honest and itll b annoying >:-[ ugh#its just hard for me to b around ppl a lot bc i get stuck in mental loops bc ocd. which is exhausting. and i want it to stop#and i want to do bad things to make it stop but i wont bc im trying to b better#its just funny to me that ill go from everythings awful to everythings great i shoukd talk to my sisters and make friends and do this and#this and this. to oh god i cant do this anymore in such short time frames with certainty that how im feeling is how ive always felt#ive also noticed that my peaks of high energy do come before stressful events. which does make me worry for future stressful events. like#defending. i mean ive never gone fully off the tracks but its a lil alarming when it feels like the train is going at a million miles an hr#unrelated#meanwhile my other sister is apparently in Colorado but when i saw the pics is was like: YOU BITCH#R U CLOSE TO ME RN??? but no. Colorado is far away
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in my head i could provide richie with a warm bed to come home to but in real life i know i would have no patience for his shit :((
#ameera speaks#i would consider this a lesson to be more patient with the people around me but also being a hater has saved my life in so many ways#i was talking to my mum about this the other day !!!! i just like decide i dont like peoppe for no reason#and would best myself up over bot liking them and being so judgemental#and then something would happen to justify me not liking them sooo .....#my cousins. i hated them for no reason when we were kids. one of them most dysfunctional person in the world alhamdulillah im not involved#in her life the other had a massive secret and if it was suspected i knew it wouldve fucked me over. i didnt though :) bc im a hater :))))#this guy i used to work with. in legal trouble now. am i in legal trouble? no. bc im a hater :)
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