#and I’m fucking pissed bc yeah my gran did some batshit stuff in the past | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yaminerua · 1 year ago

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my mum: stopped me at every opportunity I asked to come see my dying grandpa bc ‘you don’t want to see him like this’ even tho I already had seen him and he had been happy to see me after years estranged from that side of the family and I very much wanted to fit as much time with him in as possible before it was too late and in the end she blocked me from all of it

also my mum: you never came to see your grandpa, you don’t give a shit

and now my mum yet again: won’t let me come see my gran who has been losing weight and falling and breaking bones a lot and been in and out of hospital since being on her own. Didn’t let me go talk to gran when we were both at my great aunt’s funeral last year and so I never saw her and she only found out I was there through other people who saw me. Refuses every time I ask to see my gran, including now when I’ve got presents for her

also my fucking mum right now in the same breath as refusing to allow me to come over: you never come to see your gran, you don’t give a shit

make it make fucking sense jfc

#Never mind the fact that the way my mum and aunt and cousins act about my gran it feels like I’m the only one who DOES give a shit #I’m the one crying and feeling bad for her and wishing I could do more #while my mum and aunt bitch about each other and refuse to coordinate to find an arrangement that works bc they don’t talk #And no-one believes me bc of the years we spent estranged from the family #which was largely bc of my mum being Fucking Terrifying and my aunt a manipulative bitch #I’m so pissed off. I wanted to mend things with papa bc when everyone else had acted like fools he had been fine #and he didn’t deserve to lose contact with us for all this years and I wanted him to know we love him before he was gone #and my aunt and cousin walked us out of the cancer centre the second time I tried to see him so I only got one actual session with him #and now I can’t reach my gran who has been lonely and declining bc of the grief and loneliness #and I’m fucking pissed bc yeah my gran did some batshit stuff in the past #and it was all a big mess but I still don’t want her to feel like I don’t cherish all the good times I spent with her as a kid #before everything went sour. You couldn’t keep me away from them as a kid. I loved spending my holidays there #some of my fondest childhood memories were with them and I hate that things got ruined but I just #want to make up for lost time and let bygones be bygones and yet everything remains complicated

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