#nothing feels right anymore
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TW: DRAWN SH CUTS!!
Nights are hard.
This definitely isn't a vent and is just an interaction between Nathan and Harvey. I'm very mentally stable I swear. I don't vent using characters what are you talking about?? *Sweats*
Aaaaaaanyway uhhh
My precious boys <3
#dracor#sh tw#selfharm tw#cuts tw#artists on tumblr#art#oc lore#oc artist#my ocs#original characters#i'm so tired#nothing feels right anymore#i can't stop breaking down into tears#I'm a mess#i want to kms#i want to go home
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why does nostalgia feel like poking an open wound
#all those posts on tiktok about like fruteger aero (i spelt it wrong) and stuff just make me so fucking sad#i didnt get a childhood I had to be an adult starting at age 6#when will it be my turn to be a kid#im 24#its too late#why cant i go back#nothing feels right anymore
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my heart is a wasteland.
#nothing feels right anymore#I’m losing my fucking mind#I keep being attacked by memories and feelings#it’s fucking relentless#i need out#out of this place i’m in#out of the situation i’m in#out of the feelings I hold#I need out of it all#before I fucking kill myself#it’s so exhausting#there’s not a soul there#the one person who keeps me calm and sane and okay is nowhere to be found#and I don’t blame them#being around me is probably draining#I’m never good enough#I never will be#because I’m nothing#and I have no one anymore#I break everything i touch#it all dies in my hands#and now my heart is desolate and barren#there’s not a drop of life left in it#I keep breaking down#eventually there will be nothing left#but maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be#I don’t know anymore#…#personal#my post
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Currently have that stupid weird feeling again. The one where you want to do something but everything is not right.
Want to cross stitch - Hate how everything looks
Want to play a game - Every game you start up annoys and bores you
Want to read - All books seem uninteresting and the only one you want to read your brain says no as it's still salty that it's favourite character got killed off with three books left in the series.
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I don't really feel right about celebrating Pride Month this year. It doesn't feel right with everything happening around the world.
How can we celebrate when millions of people are being murdered and their rights are being stripped from them. Their homeland being taken..
I won't tell someone not to enjoy Pride. Because that goes against everything we've been fighting for.
But, for me, it doesn't feel right.
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sad: falling out of a hyperfixation
tragic: watching your beloved friends and mutuals fall out of the hyperfixation while you're still in it
#oughhhhhhh#this is about the dca fandom but also about every other strong fixation ive had over the years lol#i know it's normal and inevitable esp for less popular works or minor characters with little canon content#and there's nothing wrong with smaller communities of course those rock#but there’s just something special about getting into something at the same time as a lot of other people all at once#and existing in this chaotic fandom space that's just bursting with creativity and passion#i've been in fandom spaces for as long as some of you have been alive and i've only come across that sort of unbridled joy like#a handful of times at best#it's just a heartbreaking feeling to see real lightning in a jar fandoms like that wither away as people drift away#(understandably so!)#anyway don't mind me i'm just having thoughts#musing about fandoms past as well#that i too eventually moved on from but remember fondly even if im not active in anymore#also my music just aint hitting right so im just sitting in silence which makes me more Contemplative(tm)
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When in doubt, Soup it out.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#a-yuan.#wei wuxian#Yes I am skipping over LWJ's panic at WWX joking about giving birth to A-Yuan. It's funny bit but there are many more to come!#The last time these two sat down together the tensions were so high. The peace is nothing more than a layer of cold fat on the surface.#It's not 'really' them coming to see eye to eye. It's them not having the energy to say what they really want anymore.#LWJ is very defined by his jealousy and the conflict it creates with his need to put his feelings aside for the perceived greater good.#To live a life where you are always second and never ever allowing yourself to be first...#If other people can be at peace and happy - it has to be worth it right?#If he orders a plate of food that he will struggle to eat but is the favourite thing of the person sitting across from him#Is it not worth the sacrifice?#But remember! You can't take anything for yourself ever. No matter how much you want it.#He did it once before and he regrets it so much. So all he can do is accommodate.#And WWX? Well. You can't let anyone in if there isn't enough water to splash around in.#Keep things shallow and they just move on. Even if you'll miss them when they go - this is just how things are now.#No more teasing and trying to pull a reaction from LWJ anymore. You'll never be more than someone he can't stand so what's the point.
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bug doodles so i can say i drew something
#oc#original character#alien oc#artists on tumblr#art#aliens#sketch#nyx#having a rough month creatively. and mentally. like a really really rough month. but i'm tired of saying that too#i made like three things this year i was excited about and that's it. where did the fun go. im supposed to enjoy it right#if i dont enjoy it then what is the point !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of anything !!!! i dont enjoy Anything anymore even !!!!!!!!!#why is it already august. almost september. i dont even remember most of 2023 let alone 2024.#i got no drive to draw let alone to push through a drawing when it gets challenging or doesn't turn out right. i barely drew this month#just kinda hated everything. nothing is fulfilling#IF IM NOT HAVING FUN !!! THEN WHAT IS THE POINT !!! WHAT AM I DOING IT FOR#more and more i consider taking a hiatus from art. but what the fuck else do i do with my time then. what if i never come back to it#i got a list of stuff i could draw but either i try and i dont like it or i sit there and wonder why even bother because i wont enjoy it#guys im tired. im so exhaustingly overwhelmingly depressingly fucking tired and i feel no joy in my art#or videogames. or anything.#i need to go to bed
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One of my biggest pet peeves is the justice league being labelled as " The Avengers of DC" and its like. No? The avengers are law enforcement. The Justice League are volunteers
#its like -- captain america is the staple of US military and Superman is a public servant#the one avenger member who has no bounds or legal obligation is tony and its bc hes rich. you could argue that he actually lost#autonomy when shield recruited him because like. protection isn't necessary tied to 'good.' the avengers protect the planet bc sure#its what they believe in and feel like its their duty and yada yada but ultimately they're self serving and most of their#help is accidental. i say most of bc we've seen they abstain from getting involved unless they have a common interest#with dc its like. you have these people in a position of privilege (having superpowers -- which gives them a spot of advantage to ppl who#dont have it) who do the right thing because they WANT TO. and they can stop at any time because nothing stops them.#they COULD say 'yeah you're on your own. we don't really care anymore. duces!' but they Dont.#because through its many flaws dc realizes that goodness isn't only a choice -- its a responsibility#theres probably better ways to say this but. alas#batman#superman#wonder woman#green arrow#aquaman#the justice league#tjl#justice league#dc#dc comics#text#text post
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[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#jrwi riptide spoilers#JUST NOTICED A MILLION MISTAKES FUUUUUUUUCK BUT WWHATEVERRRRR IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA HHUURRRLLL#SO I REALLY LIKE FISH AND CHIPS RIGHT. IVE BEEN IN LOVE W THE SHIP EVER SINCE THAT NAT 20 KISS#BUT I THINK I SHIP IT WRONG. OR LIKE. I AM CORRECT BUT EVERYONE SHIPS THEM DIFFERENTLY#THE FISH N CHIPS I SEE EVERYWHERE ELSE IS SO FLOWERY AND SWEET AND ROMANTIC. AND THATS NICE! THAT STUFFS NEAT#but gillion and chip would NEVERRRR enter anything similar to a romantic relationship. chips too damaged and gillions too uninterested#I LIKE MY FISH N CHIPS ONE SIDED AS FUCK#bc 2 gillion chip is his best friend in the whole wide world but hes also kinduvagross little man that took him a MINUTE to really warm up2#but to CHIP gillion is this powerful and gorgeous and heroic paragon of destiny and his best friend in the whole world who will#bring about the eschaton. 'i didnt believe in destiny until i met you' until i met a champion radiating with a light thatll alter the world#OHH REMEMBER THE FIRST ICE ARENA?he was so mad.still probably shaking from the ordeal.NEVER had he felt true divine radiance CLEAVE through#his SOUL like that.do you remember that moment in the forest w the bugs. an alien from the ocean; lacerating the land w lightning#when the realization flickered in chip for a moment.that the thing standing before him was more powerful than he could ever fathom#remember when grizz mentioned that the nat20 kiss was the 'best kiss chip ever experienced'. that has nothing to do w this. where was i.#LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. BUT HEY. I THINK at the beginning chip absolutely knew that gill was smth grand n powerful n scary#when gillion revealed what exactly the prophecy was;chip got defensive and mad.sure he was sleep deprived but OOH. HES SCARED!#he believes gillion too! he believes that his destiny is to eradicate either the sea or land and that scares him!#but then he gets past it bc ultimately he trusts his bestfriend gillion so so much. he fuckin loves this dude.#he would throw himself intothe path of fire for this dude. he would boat across the ocean for this dude.he would build arenas for this dude#even if this dude will end half the world.even if this dude wields the power and the obligation to eradicate him at any second.#even if this dude is going to throw himself into harms way for his own comrades.even if this dude is just going to sacrifice himself.#one way or another one shall die for the other.these self-sacrificial bastards click so well with eachother!!#chip believes his body is best used to pave roads and gill believes his body is destined to pave prosperity.WHATEVER!!#i really love their dynamic!! they care for eachother so much!in MY heart tho. the icing on the cake here is the fantasy that chip is#just a bit more In Love w gillion than he realizes. like this powerful fish guy is HOT and PRETTY and KIND and FUNNY and LOYAL and STRONG#but gillion would never rly feel that same sort of attraction towards chip. its just not rly his thing. aroace as fuck man.#thats how it is in MY little heart atleast. and i sit here and play w my touys in my brain n i explore my silly lil one sided fish y chips.
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yeehaw or smth
#jjba#jjba fanart#jojo's bizarre adventure#jojo fanart#jojos bizarre adventure#steel ball run#jjba part 7#jojo part 7#jjba steel ball run#sbr fanart#jojo sbr#jjba sbr#sbr#jojo steel ball run#steel ball run fanart#johnny joestar fanart#johnny jojo#jjba johnny#johnny joestar#gyro zeppeli#gyro zeppeli fanart#jojo gyro#jjba gyro#gyjo#<- could be interpreted ss platonic or romantic i dont really care#dont know why this was so difficult nothing was looking right#still feel like it could be better but if i touch it anymore im going to lose it
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the absolute last and final scene we get from gojo is a depressing conversation about how people are gonna forget him when he's gone .... okay
#i need gege to know that hes a dogshit writer and nothing he did was ever right. how do i send this man hate mail#bakma bana#whatever. i gave up long ago anyways#i dont even feel anything for jjk anymore#jjk 271#jjk leaks#jjk spoilers#jjk#gojo
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some stories are written precisely to elicit strong emotions from the reader INCLUDING negative ones. some stories and characters are meant to be upsetting, they are meant to challenge you and make you uncomfortable!! when a story makes you feel Big Feelings sometimes you are meant to sit in those feelings and ask yourself why! fiction is a great space to explore these emotions in a safe environment. you, as the reader, are meant to think critically about the art you are enjoying and that includes asking yourself questions like why has the author presented their art in this way and what are they trying to tell me. and then you get to have fun picking it apart and figuring it out and deciding what, exactly, the art means to you.
#this post has been in my drafts since SEPTEMBER and it just gets more and more relevant lately#and sure sometimes we decide in the end that the art is bad and that we don't like it. that's fine. i'm not arguing anyone's right#to dislike certain things. it's fine!!! but why are you acting like it's a personal offense??? what's going on??#like idk what is in the water these days that people have become so averse to Storytelling#the whole POINT is to make you FEEL SOMETHING!!!#why are you getting mad at artists for making you feel something!!!!#between some of the asks i and other authors get to the recent stuff with mouthwashing and epic saga and fucking nosferatu#NOSFERATU. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY???#i really feel like i am losing my mind. i keep thinking of that 'disco elysium but its a little girl looking for her lost cat in the alps'#tweet. like this is really where we're at. people would rather feel Nothing. no one wants to be challenged#no one wants to explore Themes or read social commentary anymore it's so dire#let's all just go read our bland cozy fantasy story with found family and No conflict & nothing interesting to say at all#i'm sure we'll all be safe there#fuck!!!#also this isnt aimed at that anon i got a few days ago this is just like. a general trend i have noticed that is happening Everywhere rn
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@val-the-bun you are Evil. You are evil putting this in my inbox.
More were-harpy Vaggie but it's sad now and everything HURTS (copy pasted here bc the format in the ask got effed but i refuse to suffer this alone)
val-the-bun asked:
And then, of course, *the trial happens*.
And *the absolute shit timing of the fallout*.
Charlie is too stuck in her own spiral while vaggie just... Tries to hole up on her own (her usual 'nest' was in their suite. But she didnt want charlie to have to deal with her).
Charlie is curled up on vaggie's side of the bed, buried in blankets while she questions if anything they had was real.
While vaggie is in agony for the first time in three years since she'd started changing. Every fiber of her being wants to call for charlie. Yearns for that safety... but instead she bites her tongue and just curls in on herself, alone in the room she hastily barred shut. ~~She deserves this. To be alone.~~
Not sure which hazbin is the one to hear vaggie's pain and tries to check on her (let's go with angel and husk).
The hasty barricade she put on the door isnt enough. Not when the others are trying to force it open.
Vaggie tries to scream for them to go away. The last scrap of clarity she has before that warning turns into a predatory *shriek*. Vaggie's monster form tears apart the already falling barricade, and bursts into the hall.
'WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!'
'Fuck if I know, just run! Angel, hurry up!'
Vaggie is *tearing through the halls*, jaws snapping after Husk and Angel. They manage to hit the lobby, Husky grabbing Angel and flying like his life depends on it.
Meanwhile monster vaggie leaps after them... *right into the chandelier*.
Charlie hears the sound of that distant, shattering crash down below, and she *realizes*. Suddenly those painful worries have to get shoved down as charlie bolts out of their room.
'Please dont hurt anyone. Please, please, *please...!'*
Charlie's heart sinks as the shadows around the hotel start to writhe, and radio static fills the air.
'My my, what a surprising turn!'
Vaggie is *shrieking*, thrashing against shadowy tendrils as she tries to claw at Alastor.
'Now now. *Stay down*'
A rap of his cane, and vaggie's practically being crushed into the floor.
'What the fuck is wrong with you?!'
Husk is holding Angel back, looking away as Alastor starts to raise his hand. He cant watch this...
'Let her go.'
Alastor freezes when he feels the tip of an angelic spear under his chin.
There, standing at his side, in her full demon form, *is Charlie*.
'Ah, miss Charlotte. Lovely to see--'
'Let. Her. *Go!'*
For a moment, everything is quiet except for the sounds of vagging struggling, her talons digging into the floor. She's bleeding, golden blood pooling on the lobby floor... *And dripping from the claws on Alastor's hand.*
'Oh, very well. Good luck!'
Vaggie is snarling when Alastor lets her go. She starts getting ready to pounce when Charlie steps in front of her, spear in hand. Vaggie starts backing away, looking less like a predator and more... *like a cornered animal*. Her whole body seems coiled to run away as she keeps backing up, snarling and shrieking more in warning than anything else.
'Was it a lie?'
Vaggie shrieks at her, swiping at the air in the hopes Charlie would stay away.
'When you told me you didnt know what this was, was it a lie?'
Angel starts to step forward, but husk grabs his arm.
'Just let them do this...'
'Did. You. Lie?!'
Vaggie backs right into the wall, feathers flaring with a hiss.
'Was any of it real?'
Charlie can feel the tears on her cheeks. But what she wasnt expecting was to see tears in Vaggie's eye... Even as she snarled, and shrieked, and snapped her fangs, she was crying.
Charlie presses forward, Vaggie raising up over Charlie with a hawk-like screech, talons lashing out... But they dont connect, her talons *trembling* as they stilled inches from Charlie's face, her own spear aimed at her chest. Vaggie's eye is wild and afraid, but Charlie can see the *pain* there, too. She let out another shriek, closing her eye like she was bracing for the inevitable...
#hazbin hotel#vaggie#charlie morningstar#chaggie#were-harpy vaggie au#you are so rude for this and that cliffhanger you're a mean. mean. chaggie shipper look what you did to them#it's Yummy#angel and husk STILL being scared for hapry vaggie right after she's chased and tried killing them#ripped my heart out by the way#OR I THOUGHT IT DID#UNTIL CHARLIE POINTED VAGGIE'S OWN SPEAR AT VAGGIE#'When you told me you didnt know what this was#was it a lie?'#FUCK YOU#FUK YUUUUUUU#princess of hell and the murder angel bird monster she's been cuddling and keeping in the hotel meant to save sinners#and she's DARING vaggie to hurt her#(she's protecting their friends)#(she doesn't want alastor to hurt vaggie-)#would it work? those talons brushing charlie's face#vaggie's not a sinner. she's the thing that kills them#could she kill charlie? (charlie what are you DOING-)#oh she needs to find out doesn't she#she needs to Know#when vaggie's most angelic self is backed into a corner with a spear at her chest and no hope of hiding anymore#a spear held by a hellborn demon#what will she do?#(nothing) (nothing to charlie)#charlie you are loved by the most violent bloodthirsty part of heaven#how does it make you feel
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i use dissociation more than anything i’ve ever learned in my 10yrs of therapy
#actually bpd#bpd problems#bpd vent#actually borderline#actually mentally ill#bpd fp#bpd#bpd shitposting#bpd favorite person#bpd mood#dissociation is my favorite coping mechanism#that and avoidance#i love avoiding my problems until i can’t take it anymore and have a full blown breakdown about it#it’s easier to go through life ignoring everything that’s bothering you until it all just explodes one day#idk maybe that’s just me tho#right after every breakdown i feel like shit tho cuz i usually freak out everyone around me but i don’t know how else to cope#even tho i’ve had 10yrs of therapy nothing else worked for me#so dissociation it is babyyyy
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(abt my last ask) thank you for the answer, your understanding of charas is trully stellar!
I wanted to ask, what's your take on recovery!au (unless you intend to cover it in your fic)? In the universe, where Jimmy happens, but the crew somehow survives. Everyone is traumatised, Anya is pregnant, Curly is disabled (could he even be able to afford disability aids? Pony express in no more, would they even be paid a sufficient compensation?). There is also a question of p*lice investigation (or whatever agency is responsible for space crimes), even more trauma... Man, it's bleak.
-💀
I like them sad but for emotional and physical recovery reason rather than all the actual legal stuff that would ensue.
I like when Swansea relapsing is explored and Daisuke losing a little bit of his light. I am clearly a big supporter of Anya and Curly remaining close friend after but I think exploring the unhealthy dynamics of the trauma bond they’d develop should be played with way more. I think it’s a bit annoying when people are on the nose about Anya telling Curly he should’ve done more, especially when he’s struggling through recovery.
I feel like people really want her to be a character to rub salt into wounds, just to give her something cathartic, but it’s just OOC for me. It’s not a kindness thing but I don’t think she wants that sort of guilt to stay with him like that? He did not do what Jimmy did, he could’ve done more to stop it but she would not intentionally try to direct what she can never take out towards Jimmy at Curly. At least when they all make it out. This is not to say she doesn’t think he shouldn’t have any remorse but she understands that no one else could have foreseen Jimmy crashing the ship or getting that bad.
I like when it gets psychoanalytic in fics with the crew. Talk about Curly finally opening up on details on how he and Jimmy were friends, have the others realize how bad Jimmy was to even Curly, not a lot of people realize that they don’t know how Jimmy was to him. Have Anya be angry and snippy, have her worry she’s becoming like Jimmy even though she could never be like him, it’s that fear though, that she is owed that cathartic release and may take it out on others in some selfish subconscious desire to reclaim control for herself. Have her actualize-herself, is med school the only option? What does she want now? Does Swansea divorce his wife, give up on the life he created because he was just following the path of a good man, one he didn’t believe? Or does he stay and use the time he has left to make it something he believes in. How is Daisuke? Is he more mature or does he lose a little light? What are his new aspirations if any? His relationship with his parents?
Ultimately, I think a recover au should really focus on just them actually getting to know each other and filling themselves. So much of their interactions were likely based on coworker dynamics first. With that out the window they are now people who can’t really move on from each other but need to move on in life.
#ngl I’m a baby and do like recovery aus where jimmy dies and Curly is injured but not as badly#mainly because the theme of characters not getting what they desire both as like a reward and improper punishment hurt#like that should’ve been Jimmy in the damn cockpit like again wtf is wrong with curly cause he was just no fear or plan willing to risk his#life like again he would’ve eventually done the right thing and had to live with the guilt of not doing it sooner cause mans effectively#killed himslef with that stunt idk he’s an odd white fellow#I want Anya to be happiest in these aus because no one talks value the fear of becoming like ur abuser in a way like she’d be stuck on so#many ways he affected her and not know if she was like this before or he brought it out of her like would she feel like she gave curly to#him to abuse the bruises has to be obvious to a nurse did she really think they wouldn’t get into the med bay#was she being merciful to curly or not caring anymore like Jimmy wouldn’t? it’s not fair to her to have these thoughts#her attempts at doing the right thing were not misguided by selfish delusions but god she thinks they are for a bit Polle haunts her in a#different way as she realizes none of this was her burden and it shouldn’t be anyone else’s#idk post aus are fun but I just hate when people make it about punishing a character or overly pessimistic like damn get rid of that fix it#tag if nothing is resolved and everyon still wants to die 10 chapters in im trying to cry tears of relief i will be back for chapter 11#mouthwashing#ask#💀 anon
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