#nothing feels real right now
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And on top of everything, the state Iām living in voted AGAINST legalizing mushroomsā¦..wtf is the point of anything I guess we should just be miserable and die.
#thatās what this country wants obviously#Iām not ready to put on a brave face okay#I am going to be a terror about all of this#natural psychedelics#magic mushrooms#mushrooms#drugs#us election 2024#us politics#Iām beyond livid and disgusted but also numb and ready to perish#nothing feels real right now#Iām living in a nightmare#haus posts
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i am,, not-so-patiently waiting for toby to drop the full version of necrolovania ahaā¦
for those who dont know, toby is making a remix of megalovania and necrofantasia (yukari yakumoās theme song) called ānecrolovaniaā, and ZUN (creator of touhou) is also making a rearrangement of megalovania!! pretty sure the full songs drop somewhere around february.. but i cant waittt!!! the snippets we got sound so good š
also, frisk as reimu!!
i feel like it looks kinda bad compared to sansā??? LMAO like idk smthn abt it js doesnt convince me.. but i also spent too much time on it to not post it so š
#who are these DIVAS š#undertale#utdr#touhou#touhou project#SHOULD i be tagging touhou?? i feel like dis counts but idk..#sans#sans undertale#undertale sans#frisk#frisk undertale#undertale frisk#zelref art#necrolovania#TOBY FOX DROP NECROLOVANIA RIGHT NOW AND MY LIFE IS URS!!!!!#utmv#i know nothing of touhou so i probably got something abt the clothes wrong erm..#sans is dressed as#yukari yakumo#while frisk is dressed as#reimu hakurei#500 notes n i draw papyrus as cirno šš#(real not fake)#(not clickbait)#undertale fanart#sans fanart#fanart#artists on tumblr#digital art
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does anyone else get so upset when you think about all the things that happened to your f/o... all the things they went through? all the things they haven't healed from? the pain that they may still be enduring? how you can do your best to help them but you can't protect them from everything. so you just love them the ways they needed before, how they deserved. and you see them happy because they finally accept, at least in some ways, that they do deserve it. they deserve love like all beings do
#i get so upset when i think about it for too long; i'm there for them now but there was nothing i could do; wanna go back and protect them#i'm like this with everyone i care about (real and fictional) and sometimes it's hard#it's about hans this time. i just can't believe all the things that happened to him#no wonder he's terrible! no one cared about him! why should he care! all he knows is pain and neglect! except from me!#i know why he sees everyone else as worthless because that's exactly how everyone he knew saw him first; he was supposed to be loved#they all used him up til he was nothing and that's all he knows#i can't even read certain parts of a frozen heart again because i just cried so much the first time... he didn't deserve that#no one does#and then the comics detailing it all even FURTHER#he was like any other innocent kid and seeing that progression hurt so much. i could get into the details but ugh#hux's age of resistance comic did the same thing. i can't even look at the first 2 pages; it's too much. i just want to hold him#anyway... i'm fine :') i've made a post like this before but i'm feeling it so hard right now#self ship
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one day fans will realize that treating real people like fictional characters and fictional characters like real people is, at the core of things, The Problem
#luke newton#nicola coughlan#polin#lukola#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#bridgerton#the invasive speculation like you're doing meta analysis of a plotline and not REAL LIVES is deeply uncomfortable#people in real person shipping communities have to come to understand that they are not in fact a fan of the real people#you do not know and will never know the actuality of these celebrities you are a fan of#realize NOW that you are a fan of their PERSONAS and absolutely nothing else#and that the purpose of shipping is not 'oh they'll get together' (so i'm RIGHT) but instead 'i enjoy this dynamic'#the pressure of validation from people who owe you nothing is what makes fans upset#not real people's actions that harm no one#which means you hurt your own feelings and then spiral in circles about how you didn't get said validation#when you were never owed it and choose to put the onus of responsibility on others behaving how you want#and not placing the responsibility on YOURSELF to have reasonable expectations and respect the people you claim to stan#build the bridge and get over it#some of y'all mad disrespectful like these celebs don't straight up hate you for how you behave#as they are well within reason to do so
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WhatsApp simply forced an AI inside of it's app and the thing is SO UGLY. Literally ugly! There's a hovering button and it's colors aren't even in the WhatsApp colors so now the main page makes me feel so overwhelmed..... i hate it so much
#rant#->#and no i cant leave the app#whatsapp is the most used app in brazil#we simply cannot live without it. it's our communication method#telegram is filled with right wingers#ughhhhhh#now my statuses are filled with all my contacts 'having fun' with it#friends etc#feels like losing a war for real#i hate it here. i hate how everything in brazil ends up in pizza (national expression for 'every discussion will end up in a joke')#nobody really cares about nothing at all. they will fight as long as nobody spits a joke out. once someone does we're all friends again#this is why we can't get shit done#im so tired#sorry for the rant#nonsims#non sims
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Itās justā¦ it is everything that Cardan thought Jude would notice his āSO OBVIOUSā exile riddle and thinks Jude to not hesitate to come back. Beside his certainty of her cleverness to piece the riddle together, he believed he was that clear about his feelings toward her; he had thought she absolutely ought to know how he feels for her.
Like oh buddy. BUDDY. Your wife had thought of the answer to your little riddle like you thought she would. But guess what? She has detrimental TRUST ISSUES. (Likeā¦ Ur super mean and hot, I canāt blame her.) Anyway.. itās SUPER adorable of him to so wholeheartedly believe she wouldnāt question his trust. It reveals so much about his pov of thier relationship.
Jude thought Cardanās (silly) trick was a (vile) trick, when it was simply a: āIm trying to impress/pay you back in kind with our romantic metaphorical sparring and eventually get you out of political drama for a bit,ā trick.
Iām fucking laughing wow these delusional ass children I fucking love them.
#IM JUST NOW REALIZING I SPELT THEIR WRONG AND IM SO EMBARRASSED#at least it was the right theiršš#THEYRE SO REAL LMFAOOOOOO#like they both were so hot ofc they constantly questioned the validity of each others feelings#if the last part didnāt make sense Iāll explain#she knew he had tricked her into exile and when Jude was like ācan I pardon myself?ā she thought it was another trick to humiliate her#like girl it was to do THE OPPOSITE of humiliation#HE WAS SENDING YOU TO SAFETY UNTIL YOU COULD COME BACK AND FLAUNT UR NEW POSITION#but basically it revealed that he loved like Jude loves#that they have the same heart#(heās not like the reg folk. he grew up around so many mortals as she did the folk)#but heās a faerie so he doesnāt take caution to being unpredictable#Jude even knew: the folk could be humanlike but they (the folk) inevitably would do something to remind her that they STILL ARE folk#though she had too easily assumed that the folk acting like the folk meant betrayal#he thought the whole marriage thing had meant she fully trusted him#because he knew how hard it would be for her to give up her power over him#and he thought because that she had given up her ability to command him(comma) that she couldnāt doubt trusting him any longer#queen of nothing#the cruel prince#the wicked king#Jude Duarte#jurdan#cardan greenbriar#tfota#Iāve known them since I was 13 theyāre much older in my stubborn pov#also me using the semi colon as if Iām sure that itās proper grammar LMAOOOOO#confidence is key
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Bestie Deficiency
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#a-qing#xue yang#xiao xingchen#Xue yang is cold because cold blooded creatures can't generate their own body heat#I am skipping over drawing the stories they tell due to the fact this arc is already really dragging#but I think they are very key in understanding the yi-city characters#Even if they are stories that really bring down the slumber party vibes A-Qing was hoping for.#I mentioned some of my thoughts in the tags of no. 76 but to continue on a bit more#I think xxc and xue yangs stories inversely mirror each other on the meaning of sacrifice and what it means to 'deserve' something#to xue yang he has only ever sacrificed - therefore he is in his right to 'deserve' what he wants. And he wants everything.#xxc leaves song lan thinking its the best course of action to atone but my god. No it wasn't. Poor communication crown actually goes to xxc#but it's what xxc he feels he deserves - continued sacrifice to atone. He wants to want nothing.#both are very stuck in the past in ways that are not actually accounting for their actions#It's easy to look at xue yang and go 'dang you need to get over your childhood trauma'#but that very much ignores that fact that we - real human beings - define so much by our childhood pains.#Growth is having to come to terms with it and trying to move past it...and not everyone is ready for that.#I have a lot of thoughts on that matter but I'll let it be for now.#Anyways. Amiguito appears to be one of those words whos meaning change depending on speaker and contextual factors#So as far as I can tell it slides around on the scale on romantic and platonic. Which works for this dynamic. I think.#Native Spanish speakers I am so sorry.
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I wish we could normalize alters and especially introjects being able to use avatars and usernames and stuff that don't have to be their actual name and faceclaim or wtv.....
Like I'm not a Selever fictive I just like using these old edited pictures of him as profile pictures but I feel like I'm not allowed to use it anywhere because that's what people will assume </3 and its just a character
Like I get the whole point of system spaces is interacting and being able to freely express yourself as who you are as individuals but can I do that by expressing myself instead of describing myself? Idk it feels like almost the same as expecting a singlet to make a social media profile with their real face as a photo/drawing for their PFP and use real personal info in their About Me describing themself
Feels kinda like its part of the whole treating alters as one dimensional thing. Like we all have to be identified and have our info posted to the world like OCs. What if I want to make a rp account or decorate my profile with my own interests and have a username and everything as if I WAS just one person with my own identity instead of someone's brainworm
I'm not being studied in a lab.. I want a life not a system role and glorified stereotypes
Or maybe I'm just looking too much into it and I'm not forming coherent thoughts cause its 2am </3 sorry guys don't hate me
#shut up cyllie#āfor real I feel like I cant comprehend English right now#im probably yapping about nothing#if someone relates to this feel free to elaborate for me in better words ugh#actually dissociative#system stuff#did system#sysblr#actually did#actually traumagenic#osddid#pdid
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my capacity to see a bad fandom take and just blithely say 'okay! I disagree' internally and move on because it's not my responsibility or concern that someone else thinks that has leveled up so tremendously over the years. I haven't quite escaped the pit of misery yet but I think I'm getting there
#the ability to say to oneself 'it's okay if you don't agree with me'#(and possibly adding a quiet bitchy 'I can't force you to be right' at the end if you're annoyed enough lol)#at seeing a bad take without ever internalizing it any deeper than that... indispensible.#if someone is really unpleasantly vitriolic or reactive about it I'll just block and move on. and never think about them again#a gift for me and for them I'm sure! but as long as people are being civil I'm getting pretty good at just going 'alright.#I think you're wrong but it's your prerogative to think that. away from me preferably but still'#when I was younger I always felt like a more negative take must be more valid/see something I didn't but over time (and a lot of therapy)#that kneejerk self-doubt is a lot easier to get through. sometimes. people are wrong! to me and my experience. and that's alright#if nothing else understand your own limitations in ever changing someone's mind for them and let it go lol#when I feel the real badfeels at a shitty take now I know it's just because I'm tired and threadbare and need to sleep haha#sometimes mental health progress is sooooo... boring and low-key but also brings so much relief#like doing admin work up here. *sees something so dumb I feel dizzy* file that shit under 'not my problem' and move on chief
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Very very intrigued by @protectorcraft's fic, a bell chimes somewhere. I never turn down an opportunity to draw a creature-beast, so I tried to figure out monster Siffrin! Probably got a lot of details wrong, but as of right now Siffrin's exact bodyplan is decently ambiguous. I leaned into the dragon part cuz that's my area of expertise.
#In Stars and Time#isat#isat siffrin#Doodles#For all I know he's more humanoid than this#Nothing in the fic implies he has a snout for example#But!!!! Right now I just wanted to sketch my mental image!!!!#Hi sky worm ily sky worm!!!#The real reason I didn't draw their hat is because hats challenge me aksdfjhaskdjfhaksdjf#But also I feel like it would get in the way of the knife horn#Also also reasonably I'm sure they've not got the dyed hair?#But it's an iconic part of the character design so I kept it#That's all I've got for words rn aksdfjhaskdjf f'nart hehehe
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A pointless tumblr post titled
"Assigning furby colours (specifically 1st gen) to Murder Drones characters without giving any explaination for my choices" part 1
Uzi - juicy grape
N - labrador
V - banana peel
J - bumblebee
Cyn - angel
š„š„š„If you enjoyed this post leave a like and follow for more PEAK content like thisš„š„š„
/j
#after 5 months of radio silience I have arrived... and I do not have anything! SORRY HSHS nothing I drew was worth posting really so#you didn't lose much with that absence of mine#it will happen again 100% I am bad at social media I post something get scared of checking how it was recieved and don't look at my account#for 5+ months apparently#I love silly robots so much guys you not understaš„š„š„š„š„ I might post my furbifications of Uzi and N at one point because OF COURSE I#MADE THOSE DESIGNS I JUST HAPPEN TO BE LIKE THIS no one can stop me from combining my interests I will make a#moomin x murder drones crossover comic if I feel like it and nobody will have the right to complain!!! >:D#okay time for some real tags now#murder drones#furby#safe furby#furby 1998#uzi doorman#serial designation n#serial designation v#serial designation j#cyn murder drones#I have a 2nd part of this already in drafts but I donno if I should post it or not hm... maybe someday
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So The Bear ends season 2 with Carmy fucking up his pretty serious relationship with Claire. They spent an entire season developing this relationship between Carmy and Claire, and now it's over, and not just over, but abruptly and painfully over. Throughout this same season, they continue to develop Carmy and Syd's relationship, incorporating undeniable nods toward an eventual romance.
Then in season 3, they have Carmy dealing with the fallout of his painful fuckup, that ended a relationship that was, as I said, pretty serious, and was developed over the course of an entire season. They do this while continuing to develop Carmy and Syd's relationship, and while their interactions are mostly tense this season, they continue to incorporate blatant nods toward an eventual romance.
This is happening at the same time they have opened a restaurant, and Carmy is under enormous pressure, pressure that has been made worse by his breakup. Pressure to make the place a success, to live up to his potential, but also to make sure that Tina has an income, that he gives Marcus's mom what she wanted for Marcus, that Ebra, elderly and at the point where he really needs to be retiring, continues to have a job, that he doesn't endlessly waste his uncle's money, and crucially, so that the restaurant can earn that star Sydney is dreaming of, and that Carmy didn't even want.
And yet there are people genuinely criticizing The Bear for not canonizing SydCarmy this season, when...?
The man just went through a devastating breakup -
At the same time he opened a goddamn restaurant -
And is clearly going through the crisis of a lifetime -
And on top of that, he's just quit smoking.
Do you think, in real life, that it's realistic someone in that situation would immediately turn around and start seeing someone else? Do you think the writers would have spent a whole season developing Carmy's relationship with Claire, just for Carmy to shrug it off like it was nothing when it ends?
I'm even more baffled by the idea that SydCarmy not becoming canon this season is because the writers this whole time, have just been, what? Fucking with you? Straight-baiting you? Or do you think that just because they didn't canonize SydCarmy this season that this is indicative that they didn't intentionally allude to a future romance between Syd and Carmy?
I will tell you right now that The Bear is one of the most purposefully written shows I've ever seen. And while I will say that this season might be the weakest so far and wasn't what I was hoping for either - Nothing on that show is an accident. Nothing means nothing.
The writers of The Bear are too good to have accidentally implied SydCarmy was a thing. They are also far too dedicated to their vision for The Bear for them to be throwing things in just to fuck with you.
Have some patience maybe? When was the last time you watched a show that didn't hand you something the moment it was hinted at? Aren't you tired of watching shows that skip to the good part? Which is, as a result, not as good as it would have been?
#the bear#sydcarmy#I don't know I'm just venting#I had my own criticisms of this season but man#I felt like I was being punked when I realized how many people feel slighted sydcarmy isn't canon yet#and then on top of that there's like a lot who have decided that I guess this means it was all about platonic love the whole time?#and I'm sorry but#there would be nothing wrong with Syd and Carmy being friends#but the writing devices being used in this show to develop their relationship and inform our understanding of who they are to each other#are explicitly romantic#there is no other way to read it from just a narrative standpoint#obviously in real life friends can look like anything.#But in fiction friendship and romance are both written about very differently.#Might not always be that way but as of right now it is and the bear generally isn't about challenging those dynamics or our understanding#of what constitutes them. It's not subverting our understanding of platonic or romantic love. That's not what the show is about.
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I've started playing Potion Permit, and so far it's one of my favorite games I've messed around with, but the most big brained move the devs made was giving you a dog on day 1, and then making that dog able to track NPCs and lead you directly to them no matter where they are in the town.
#im still early game but i like the play and the writing is passable#like#Theres a flatness#the characters Are distinct but theyre mostly just their jobs#with only a few who stand out and have like. something to really grab onto#Like rue? rues entire deal is little girl you can date. Nothing else behind those eyes. She has nothing better to talk to you about#than the fact her favorite color is red#Sorcelia? Sorcelia is a goth nun who loves singing and teaches one of the village children#Reynerd? sure is a guy#got nothing else to say about him. hes just a Guyā¢. Victor? Has ghost friends and loves bugs and cares deeply about the cemetery#he tends to. At the moment it feels like they're trying to imply there aren't actually ghosts. and hes just talking to himself/#insisting his imaginary friends are real people#and so far? The games been cool about it. Victor's a member of his community and his eccentricities are accepted and not ridiculed#all four characters ive mentioned are romance candidates. but its just as hit or miss with the regular towns folk#Opalheart is an older woman and a world renowned blacksmith who only takes jobs if they will do Good. regardless of whether or not they#pay well. She declines to make a dagger for a rich man but makes a helmet for a childs father bc the girl asked#and olive is here#anyways you can be best friends with a cat (shes just a regular cat) and i appreciate that#idk im putting it above sun haven in my ranking of life sim games#purely because there are older romance candidates.#no fat romance candidates. but sun haven doesn't have thise either.#and sdv has neither fat or old candidates Nor can you fuck a cat boy. it goes at the bottom.#gameplay wise sunhaven is at the bottom then sdv then potion permit at the top. sunhaven has the Mostā¢ but having#a lot of crap doesn't mean its fun and it ends up making half the game feel really incomplete#idk. Sdv is a game you should've started playing a year ago. sun haven is a game that perpetually needs another year worth of updates#before id say its worth it bc the devs keep pushing content ā¢ updates instead of quality of life or polish so what is there is uh#Bad. plentiful. and a large portion is good#but a Lot is just bad.#its insincere and cant take itself seriously it gives you (the right dialogue option) an (the shit joke option) which is worse than just#i ram out of space. tldr. potion permit is good Now. sdv Was good. sun haven Might be great Eventually
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Rank 52: The final duel!!
#I don't even know how to start in saying how much this scene hurt me. I don't even know if I can express what I'm feeling with words#because all I can think right now is how much I love Astral and how much he breaks my heart#he was born from hopes and he was given a mission that would protect the hopes and futures of his world (and all other worlds probably)#at the cost of his own existence#but that wouldn't have hurt because he wasn't created for feeling anything#He would have complete his mission with no regrets with no past with nothing to miss#just a little light of hope that would have defeated E'Rah sacrificing himself without leaving anything behind#and then he met Yuma#he started to know Yuma and his friends and adversaries and what emotions were#and the hollow hope become a person#a person who felt happiness fear love a person who now had a story and people who he would miss#and he still decided to carry on his mission because that would have protected what he now holds dear#those new emotions those connections were the key to beat E'Rah but were also what made him understand how tragic his fate was#but he didn't regret any of that#because it was Yuma and his friends and the emotions that they had made him feel that made his brief life worth living#(sometimes I forget that in the manga Astral was probably sent to Earth soon after he was created. That ābrief lifeā is heart-breaking)#and Yuma asking him if he was okay with that and if he wasn't scared#and Astral saying that he wasn't given any means to feel such terror but he was now scared#and yet he found that fear wonderful because that means he was alive#all those emotions were what made him truly alive#not a tool not a hollow hope but a real person who still decided to sacrifice himself for protecting everyone#astral zexal#astral yu gi oh#yuma tsukumo#yu gi oh zexal#zexal#yugioh zexal#zexal manga#Zexal manga spoiler#ygo zexal
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#talkys#delete later#(this is a meme redraw)#ruined my life is a strong word. and of course theres lots of self blame and obvs ive probably wronged lots of people before#and i dont deserve unending torture for it. right. like part of me doesnt even actually feel ill will toward the other party#because whatever! normal human experience!#the other part is like ohhh okay you lied to and kinda used me + treated me badly then lied again to the point where i found out the truth#from another party so you didnt even have to fess up yourself and now you're back to being happy as if nothing happened#i was just a stepping stone i was just a distraction. ok!#like for real actually ok ^_^ it literally happens to ppl all the time...#<- he keeps experiencing waves of horrific sense of self worth that already wasnt Too Great as a result#ugh. and thats nobody's fault but my own right.... but idk. i cant believe it...! i cant believe someone treated me dis way#and i let it happen... and i would have let it keep happening if an end hadnt been put to it by someone else....#but still. at the end of the day i was the only one left with these thoughts. ykwim. other party has forgotten. got happy ending.#doesnt deserve ''consequences'' but still feels horrific to see and think about. you know?#i literally got all the bad. throughout and after.
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i kept trying to draw anything, literally anything but i feel like the little package of skill i have build myself just fell and scattered across the floor, anytime i try to grab ahold of a piece of it it slips through my fingers like wet soap
on days like these i wish i had been smart enough to be anything else but a mediocre artist, but im not, im not even smart enough to be decent at the only thing i call myself to be able to do, im never going to be able to draw like i want to and i struggle to make peace with it
#ganondoodles talks#i hate hate hate feeling like this#this ... utterly helpless worthlessness#the world is shit and turnign shittier by the second and i cant even find refuge in the one thing i can do#i know i know dont trust what you are feeling after 9 pm bla bla#i have had ups an downs but this far i havent fallen in a long time#i am nothing without art#and i cant even do that#however much it doesnt matter anyway#i feel like i am mentally starving#i know this feeling will pass#but i still feel it right now#i feel like im being ungrateful towards the many people that have answered my previous post too bc i couldnt even do a single silly little-#-thing#i cant even put into words what it feels like#overstimulated brain explode egotistical feeling of worthlessness in a world that doesnt care about human life or creativity#meaningless#im going to bed and will be embarrassed about this when i wake up#but it still feels so very real right now#wasting time and tears
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