#not to be... tmi ... not in a gross way but in a... about my life way ....

[goldkirk]

I would love to understand why my brain and body are desperate to not shower in the safety of my own home but perked up at the offer to go shower at the gym that’s full of people I don’t know and men who could pin me and locker rooms with open doorways and less control over cleanliness than I can get in my own apartment. Something something the years of swim practice and swim meet locker room showers being safe I guess?

[hsslilly-blog]

shirt with a heart and child of divorce written on top but then there’s a picture of huntclaire. you wouldnt get it. i do

[theloveinc]

trying so hard not to take a nap

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Trying to have casual conversations with adhd is so fucking hard. Like, no, I didn’t actually mean to tell you about how I pour disinfectant under my toenails a few times a week so I can feel extra clean down there; you mentioned people popping zits with their nails and how nails are dirty and the words just came out of my mouth. Sorry for informing you of that fact, I was just trying to contribute so it wasn’t weird

[helslastangel]

Moon Conjunct Venus + Moon Trine Ascendant Synastry

Based on My Personal Experiences 🔞

This may not resonate for everyone, so if it doesn't hit, please let it miss. There are 18+ topics included this so minors, do not interact. 🔞

Their Moon conjunct your Venus

This aspect is wonderful if you're both feeling each other. They can and will read you like a book without even needing to turn the first page. If you've ever seen or been in one of those couples where the one person knew exactly what the other one wanted or needed, without ever discussing it, even once?

Yeah, those are the vibes here.

You will be loved exactly the way you want to be loved and if things don't work out, there is a good chance the breakup could leave you feeling destroyed for quite some time, even if you were never in a relationship.

This aspect can make it very difficult to be "just friends" if either person wants more from the connection.

But even platonic friends with this synastry aspect can be amazing. These are the kinds of friend that you give the spare keys to, can call at 4 in the morning whether for an emergency or just to sob about something stupid.

They are the ones you who can come over without calling first. In fact, you welcome it and aren't surprised to come home and find them asleep on your couch. Like this is the friend that you're more like family with if you're not in a romantic connection.

If you ever get in a mood and start talking about "everyone this" and "people always/never that," they aren't offended because it doesn't even cross their mind to think they're included in that pile.

There is no guarantee that things will always be perfect or work out with this placement, obviously it depends on factors in the whole chart and other things like time, place, circumstance, and so on.

Of course, anyone who can read you accurately has the ability to use that to manipulate and harm rather than help and support you, but that's a risk of life in general. All I'm saying is: with this aspect, when it's good, it's DAMN GOOD.

To give you an example, I had this synastry with a Scorpio moon several years ago (I'm a Scorpio Venus). We met at an event and hit it off so well that we were talking outside the venue for nearly 4 hours, annoying his friends and mine. Ended up bringing him home with me and I fully expected him to disappear into a cloud of dust the next day, but he didn't.

We didn't end up working out beyond friends with benefits, but he's NEVER been rude or unkind to me once. Extremely patient, always calm no matter what and very sweet to me whenever we run into each other somewhere in the city every couple of years.

The way he handled me emotionally was just beautiful, I can't think of another way to put it. Most of my friends at the time would ignore anything I did creatively - not him, he found one of my books and posted it on his story with a cute caption saying how much he loved intelligence and that he was proud of me. The type to show up in the rain and keep me company when I was sick (back when I lived alone), even though he had class, work and practice all that day. The first time we hooked up, I was getting my laundry together and wondering why he hadn't left yet. He picked up the bags talking about, "Nah I got 'em, lead the way to the laundromat, why would I leave you to do this by yourself."

TMI / TW (mentions of sexual activities, body fluids, menstruation/periods) so again, minors, get out of here and the rest of you proceed with caution or skip to the next paragraph.

He was very much empathetic and also body positive-absolutely nothing seemed to gross him out. I have so many examples, but let's go with something both extreme and spicy. I was bundled up, laying on his shoulder and trying to deal with menstrual cramps while we were watching a show and him going, "Oh you know I read somewhere that orgasms can ease those, may I?" I'm there like, may you what? sure?? I'm curious?? Next thing I know, he's got a towel down, yeets the tampon and dives in head first talking about "a period ain't stop nothing but a sentence." And, well? All I'll say is.. at least ONE man knows where the clit is! ibuprofen, who? where? 😂😈

Obviously that's a bit much if you're a vanilla type (but a Scorpio moon + Scorpio venus? baby we was freaks, what can I say? lmfao) but this is just an example I mention because the important part is not once did he bring up getting off himself. No hinting for a quickie or a BJ like you might expect. I even offered because I was used to guys doing seemingly selfless gestures only to be guilt-tripped shortly after, and he was just like, "Sorry, what? No, you're not feeling well, I wanted you to feel better, plus I don't need to get off all the time, I read it's healthy to ignore the urges sometimes." (Idk if you could tell, but he REALLY likes to read, loll).

That's what I'm talking about with the Moon-Venus conjunction. This kind of synastry will vary in the specific ways it's expressed of course, but all other things being equal, someone with their moon conjunct your venus will intuitively know what you want and need to feel loved, and it works because it blends very well with their own emotional needs. If the moon person tells you they enjoy doing something for you or with you without expecting anything in return, believe it. It sounds like a lie because of the types of people who would lie about that, but with this aspect, chances are they meant that shit.

Not only that, but you'll feel like you've known them for a long time. That's because you'll also understand their emotional expression on an intuitive level. This isn't as one-way as it could sound. Oh, no, not at all. You will feel like you've met before and find yourself making time and space, and finding energy for them even out of thin air. You could live in a tiny studio that you'd never share with anyone and then find yourself cleaning out your closet on a Sunday afternoon to "make a little space" for their extra work uniform or even as tiny as keeping an extra toothbrush, clearing a hook in the bathroom, keeping their favorite snacks in the fridge, stuff like that. You'll generally feel at home with each other and trust can build VERY quickly. Others could even wonder if you're okay, especially if you're normally a paranoid person.

With Scorpio moon guy, he accidentally left his wallet the first time he left my place and I called him when I found it. His response was "Oh I left it at yours? Oh good, that's okay then, I'll come get it at some point this week, let me know what days you'll be home". He knew me for less than 24 hours at the time, lol. 3 months later he had the door code to my place and there were two toothbrushes and two towels instead of one LOL, trust was never an issue and it certainly wasn't the reason we didn't work out either! We basically just couldn't really keep pace with each other because... we had a 6 year age gap. Completely different life stages. I have a feeling if we both were a lot older, it would have worked out. Literally nothing else was wrong with us.

Now, that was with me being the Venus (and Ascendant-see below) person. I'll be honest, as a Capricorn moon, I'm curious about how it would be if I meet a Capricorn venus romantically. I wonder how that would play out all the time, and I think I'll let that remain a mystery until it happens, then I'll hopefully still be blogging then and come back and tell yall about that too. THAT BEING SAID... I do have this aspect (as the moon person this time) with a platonic Capricorn venus friend I had for nearly 13 years. We would literally be in each other's houses (and hair and business lol) all the time. We had yearly festivals we always went to together, talked almost everyday, knew how each other was feeling before the other one would even say anything. Mopped each other up off the floor when going through shit. She punched a guy I was dating who cheated on me, and I introduced her to a mutual friend who I thought she might like to date, and then cussed the hell out of him when he didn't pull his weight like I thought he would. Things like that.

The friendship ended nearly 7 years ago but I miss her every day. I remember what happened, but in hindsight, it seems so foolish now and I miss her every single day. We would have been friends for 20 years by now and I don't have a lot of regrets in life, but that is one of them. She hurt me but I handled it so poorly both before and after she reached out to talk that it just destroyed the entire foundation of our friendship. I haven't even tried to get over it because I don't want to. To me, that would be just disrespectful, I feel like it's something I need to carry with me as a reminder to do better next time. I'm sure you see by now that this is a quite an intense and dynamic placement!

Bonus Observation:

Moon Trine Ascendant Synastry

If someone with their moon conjunct your venus ALSO has their moon trine your ascendant, WHEW that is hot. Not only will the emotional connection be strong, but they will find everything about you on the outside just as enticing as the inside.

They genuinely enjoy the way you express yourself and can have a lot of patience for any shenanigans you might get up to. These people will watch you from across a crowded room all evening and suddenly appear by your side just before you leave to tell you they think you're attractive and want to get to know the rest of you beneath the surface. And it's rarely ever creepy. They'll know just how to approach you. I've had this synastry aspect a few times and it's always been like that. Genuinely charming. Perfect rizz.

This kind of synastry, as I said earlier, will leave you in absolute shambles if things don't work out, especially if you don't encounter this synastry often in your connections. Personally, I'd consider this one of those aspects where one or both of you can feel like the other was a soulmate, or "the one that got away," and end up being celibate or single (if romantic), or becoming asocial (if platonic) for a long time after splitting up. That or cycling through a series of awful relationship and friendship rebounds in an attempt to find them in another person.

Not too much on me for this, but there's a country song by Colt Fold that I'd loved for half a decade now called 4 Lane Gone. I'm sure there are other songs out there that would capture this better, but this is the one that stuck with me.

Something about the way this artist captures the feeling. Wistful, you can tell dude is acting strong, but knows damn well a good thing just got royally fucked up. Maybe I'm just melodramatic (I'm water dominant after all), but have a listen and see if you get what I'm talking about.

Idk. From my experiences with these aspects (been lucky enough to experience it with more than one person), I'd say it gives a pretty good idea of how either side could feel when it ends. Probably more so the Moon person, though, as they're likely to react like this to either a) being the one to end the relationship prematurely and regret it, or b) being blindsided by the Venus/Ascendant person up and leaving, and taking so long to process and recover from the shock, that by the time they chase after them...they're...well...four lanes gone. Lol.

Lyrics

[Verse 1]

Been raining for three days

On the fast track to the highway

Trying to save a little time

Lord I never should have tried

Taking this back road shortcut

Now I’m way stuck, so sunk

I’ll never catch her now

So I just put the tailgate down

She’s probably somewhere doing 95

I got nothing but this cooler and time

[Chorus]

I cracked one waiting on a ride

Two or three just to pass the time

While she’s headed to a new town

And I’m too lost to be found

She probably thinks that I don’t care

Stuck in the rut in the middle of nowhere

And just my luck I’ll be here all night long

Man, I’m bummed out back road buzzed

And she’s four lane gone

Yeah she’s four lane gone

[Verse 2]

Every empty beer can makes me

Miss her like hell, man I can kick myself

For the place and the shape I’m in holding me back

Yeah my wheels keep on spinning

And she’s ticked off blacktop fast

[Chorus] x 1

[Bridge]

While I’m stuck here all alone

With a midnight natty light

One more chance I’ve blown

[Chorus] x 1

[Outro]

I’m out here all alone

Yeah she’s four lane gone

She’s four lane, four lane gone

Yeah she’s four lane gone

She’s four lane gone

[genderqueerdykes]

Maybe this is tmi BUT it’s so weird to me how demonized bottom growth is?? Like jfc it’s not a BAD thing??

I’ve had a pretty uh… sizable one my whole life bc I’m intersex and when I started T I was excited abt how it got more noticeable, but whenever I see people saying it’s ‘gross’ or saying T is bad bc ‘it makes you ugly down there’ it’s so hurtful??

i'm so sorry that you've had to deal with this this. it's so bad, i've seen so many people think it's okay to call tdicks disgusting for... some reason? even though the clitoris grows to look nearly identical to a penis. like tdicks look shockingly just like penises do. so if it looks nearly identical to a penis... why is it disgusting? same shape, foreskin, and a dimpled head. that's a penis. how are other penises hot and desirable but this one isn't?

why's growing breasts on E hot and cute and desired but growing your dick on T is vile and disgusting? growing breasts is okay, but growing your tdick isn't? why is someone's penis and balls shrinking from being on estrogen for a while cute and hot? why's that okay, but making your dick BIGGER bad?

it's literally just transphobia. like i'm not sorry to say that there are more ways to be trans than just "person with a penis on estrogen". like. it's not okay to call a trans woman's penis gross, but it's okay to call a trans man's penis gross? how is one penis better than the other? i can't get over that logic at all.

people WANT to be transphobes and its gross. bottom growth was the 2nd most important thing i wanted from T, just behind my voice dropping. once i found out about bottom growth, i realized that a lot of my dysphoria would go away. before i started T it drove me crazy day and night that i didn't have a penis. my body was so wrong to me that it hurt. i still would like a biopenis but i love my tdick so much it has helped ease so much of my dysphoria. it's not gross- all of the partners i've had have said they liked it.

people gotta stop finding excuses to be proudly transphobic. it's old.

[foldingfittedsheets]

I LOVE your sex shop stories so much and how you tell them with just the right amount of frankness and spice without being salacious. bit envious too tbh, i love telling stories but all mine are horrid (fleeing family after being outed, becoming survival sex worker) or kind of gross (sex party with bukkake slip n slide) so i just..dont tell stories from my life. sorry if this is tmi just want to express my appreciation

Honestly, there’s stories I don’t tell. Things that are really rough or that I don’t want to share, but it’s really all about finding the lens through which people can relate to something. Like a dramatic reenactment of having to kill a spider isn’t an experience unique to me, I just told it in a relatable way.

If you wanna share stories, there’s always an angle.

[balkanradfem]

So I am gonna write about a tmi, icky gross problem regarding armpit hair, so if you don't feel like reading about that, it's time to scoot, skip this post, scroll on, skedaddle.

I know you're all still reading because you want to know about gross icky disgusting problems, and this is your own fault. So let me tell you a story!

I've had a life where paying attention to my physical health was the least of my issues, and if a problem was ignorable, you can be sure I ignored it. This proved to be a poor method of staying healthy, and now I am in fact, not doing so well. But that's not the point, the point is, I'm now paying much more attention to my body, and able to notice if something is up!

So one of the things I've ignored, was the condition of my armpit hair, which I shaved for only a very brief period of my life, and was happy to continue growing it out. I've noticed after a while, that there is some white coating on some of my armpit hair, and I thought, you know, I need to wash that stuff out! I need to scrub that area more, obviously it's still dirty somehow. However I would discover that no matter with what I scrub or wash, the white dots and coating on the hair would remain there. So it was not dirt, I was forced to conclude.

I looked it up, and the internet informed me, it is in fact, a bacterial infection. Shocked and baffled, I read some articles that recommended going to the doctor, getting antibiotics, shaving it off, using products to stop sweating, washing constantly not to get it again. It was utter defeat, after being so happy about my armpit hair being normal and all grown, to have to shave it again because of a stupid goddamn infection. They said the infection hits women and m*n the same, but women experience it less because they most commonly shave it off. Like firstly I don't believe you that most women do that, secondly you didn't mention the skin infections women can get from shaving.

But anyway, I had to shave it off in humiliation, and then I grew it back again, and I was more careful this time! To wash more carefully, to not allow myself to be sweaty, to dry off my armpits before putting clothes on, but after a while, it slipped my mind. I get anxiety sweating, I work a physical job, and I am a gardener. I get sweaty! And I like being sweaty and it doesn't feel bad and I would like, to not get an infection. But six months later the infection came back and now I'm brooding about it. I don't wanna shave it off again! I miss not knowing it was a legitimate problem, and I mean it's not like it's actively causing problems, just makes the smell of my armpit slightly stronger but I am okay with my own smell so the only thing that does bother me is knowing there is some bacteria in there having a field day while I'm enjoying my gross sticky life of being a physical worker.

So I am writing this to find out: is this a problem other women growing armpit hair have faced? Have you all known what it is? Did anyone find a solution that isn't a topical antibiotic and living a life where you don't ever get sweaty? If it turns out I'm the number one icky woman out there, so be it, I can be the leader. But I've never heard anyone talk about this, and I don't want to go to a doctor and hear 'why don't you just shave it off like all normal women' because I have the right to my armpit hair dammit, and I want it to be for my own enjoyment and comfort and the bacteria need to find some other job.

If this is a common problem then people have found a way to deal with it centuries ago, and I bet any witch back in time would know exactly what to do, but sadly I can't go and ask one, or read about their findings, because we know why. Please help me crowdsurf this information.

[sdvshanewife]

I literally avoid TikTok because of their opinions on Shane. They have such this warped sense of depression that’s kinda terrifying; gives me tumblr 2013 vibes where a lot of people were just saying shit like ‘uwu such a depressed wil baby bean uwu’ (I mean it’s still like that now but I feel like it was worse before), that when they see the ‘grosser’ side of depression they don’t know how to comprehend it.

Depression isn’t just ‘feeling a bit down’, it’s a serious mental illness that can and has killed people before. Shane himself literally shows suicidal ideation during his cutscenes.

If he barely finds reason to want to stay alive, where the hell would he be able to find the motivation to clean his floor, or fix the holes in his jacket.

Shane cannot be fixed, he can only heal, but like a broken vase glued back together, the cracks will always remain - and that’s not a bad thing.

He will still drink, he never claimed he was stopping, but he cuts back and it shows - that alone is a good step. He has dialogue explaining his mood will get ‘weird’ and he’ll seem cranky because depression can and does fluctuate between good and bad.

You cannot just fix him with a hug and a pat on the head. Depression doesn’t work like that. It’s not an ‘uwu soft bean’ illness, it’s serious. And I hope many of the people that do hold this mentality towards Shane are simply young, and therefore don’t fully grasp the situation because it means they can learn.

You can’t fix people, and you should never form any form of relationship under the guise of ‘fixing someone’. You care people for who they are, including flaws, and you act as the rock they need to ground and support them when they hit their lows.

I hope these people that talk about Shane this way never interact with someone depression, because I honestly think they will cause so much harm than good.

I guess that’s a lot of rambling to say: depression is awful and manifests in many ways, including symptoms that may come across as ‘gross’, but that doesn’t take away from the seriousness of it. Shane is one of the best depictions of depression in media I have seen, and while I’m not saying you have to like this character, the lack of empathy is concerning - even more when concerned to Hayley who is a completely different character to Shane. And if you do have this TikTok mentality, please learn more about depression and how awful it gets. It kills, and your comments and understanding of it, projected onto Shane, are the sort of things that will make people suffering with depression feel far worse - I know from experience as a depressed person who is very similar to Shane in many aspects (just not the alcohol part, just an unhealthy relationship with food, TMI), and has had people say this shit to me because I didn’t want to leave my room cause I was too busy using whatever energy I had to not end my life.

Sorry for the ending I know this got sad fast.

But yeah, hate TikTok, please learn how depression works, and leave Shane alone.

- mistresskezzie (sideblog hence on anon)

you said it all

[p0is0n-is-th3-cur3]

Sick of having to hide one of my core life experiences because it’s seen as “gross” and “TMI”, why should I have to hide the fact that I grew up with chronic UTIs which shaped the way I lived and still live because people assume it’s an STI (which in my case it most certainly isn’t)? I should be allowed to talk about the thing that left my right kidney scared and working at 30%, forcing the left to work overtime to compensate, the thing that caused me debilitating pain since I was 6 months old. That’s a core part of me, why should I be expected to hide it? I’m allowed to talk about my chronic illnesses until they’re considered “gross” then I’m expecting to keep it hidden away, never talking about it as to make sure my peers are comfortable. I’m sick of it, I wanna talk about my issues without being told that it’s tmi.

[pupkou]

MEDICAL TW AND GROSS TMI ABOUT THE BATHROOM (only sharing so people don’t feel embarrassed/alone/ashamed if the same thing happens to them)

NOTES ON DAY 4:

today was by far the worst pain day

i think the prescription pain medicine (hydrocodone) i was taking was helping with the pain on my chest but making me have really awful migraines so i stopped taking it today and i dont plan on taking it again

i had a TERRIBLE migraine all last night and all day today which sucked cuz i could barely open my eyes and then my grandma and uncle invited themselves over so i had to talk to them for like an hour -__-

my throat doesn’t hurt anymore and it doesn’t feel like there’s any gunk in there anymore :)!

still feeling very very itchy on my back and sides and upper chest that isn’t bandaged

the sensations on my chest are getting really weird

i keep getting weird chills and cool sensations out of nowhere

on the left side it feels like there’s a buzzing bee in my chest every few minutes and then on my right side i don’t feel anything

my left side also hurts way more than my right

my drains aren’t draining much anymore, i think we only emptied them once today and barely anything came out. it’s less bloody every day and more yellow/clear

my stomach also hurt like CRAZY today, probably genuinely the worst it’s ever hurt in my life, it felt like i was being stabbed over and over again while having period cramps at the same time. i took one of the stool softener pills to try and help get some of the pain out because when i took one the other day it helped but 🥲

TMI GROSS at one point i felt pressure building up in my stomach and it felt like i was being stabbed again so i farted since it was hurting so horribly bad LOL and i ended up shitting myself LMFAOOOOO 😭😭😭😭

i got cleaned up and then back in bed at this point because i was sooooo embarrassed and done with life because i had to ask my mom to wash my blanket and clothes 😭

but my stomach kept hurting really bad so i would scramble to get up and to the bathroom any time my stomach would feel weird just to not be able to go at all -__-

i laid down in the dark for a while because i still had a horrible migraine during this until i realized it had been like 8 hrs since my last pill

so i took some excedrin migraine and laid down for a bit and it helped me feel like 10000x better and i was able to eat for the first time today!!! i had some cereal and it was delicious B-]

i’m still having a really hard time regulating my temperature so i have two fans and a blanket on me to balance it out 😭

my hair is so greasy and my armpits are so sweaty and i’m SO ready to shower once i get my drains out .

my arms are very weak still and it’s hard to open things with caps/doors/drawers, even the soap dispenser and flushing the toilet takes a lot of strength from me

[bonyassfish]

Four months (almost) on T update:

Ok so perhaps this is TMI but uh, I have a dick? It’s about the size of a small grape. The growth is insane.

My facial hair situation is crazy. My neckbeard is basically full, and doing a lot of the heavy lifting when it comes to me passing (more on that later). The wispy hairs on my mustache, chin, and cheeks is getting a little thicker and darker, but it’s not nearly as full as the neckbeard

I’ve got so much body hair. My chest. My shoulders. My fingers and toes. Places on my body that already had hair, like my belly and legs, have way more hair than before T

My voice cracks all the time I really sound like I’m fourteen lmaoooo. I can’t really sing in the same way I used to, which doesn’t really matter bc I’m not a singer anyway, but it’s funny

I’m working out and getting protein cravings and gaining muscle. I’m not like jacked or anything, but overall I’m happy with what I’ve got

In general, I just feel so confident and free. It never occurred to me how scared I always was of just taking up space in public. I can’t describe it exactly, but it’s sort of like the judgment of strangers matters so much less because I no longer feel like I have to justify my physical body. It felt so wrong that I was certain everyone would perceive it as gross or ugly. And now, regardless of how people actually perceive me, I just feel like I am allowed to take up space and exist.

Passing is a complex subject for most trans people. I don’t mind per se if people know I’m trans, and pretty much everyone in my life knew me before I started transitioning so it’s not like they don’t know. But not getting people calling me ma’am is a BIG relief. And I’ve started to use men’s bathrooms in public. Tbh, I feel better and safer using gender neutral bathrooms but sadly that’s usually not a thing in most public spaces. Either way, I’ve so had it fine in men’s bathrooms, nobody’s said or done anything, but I am often nervous in those spaces. If I’m wearing a binder, I think I probably come across as a man to most people, which is fine by me lol

[oddly-charmed]

ahahahaaaaa ummmmm. you should share how you would want to go about having secret camera on someone else....... no reason.... 👀😵‍💫 < biased

— 💡 @fireflyraves

Woah😳😳😳 UR CRAZY, okay so abt stalking someone- /j

No but on like a genuine, giddy, heart-pounding, hair twirling note, just the idea of getting to know someone so intimately, like I’m studying them is just soooo so captivating to me. I’ve always told people that there’s kinda no such thing as TMI to me bc I just love hearing about all the gross little details of a person’s life and tucking it into my mind. And to have their life in a collection of photos and videos feels like cracking a bone and sucking the marrow out, it’s such a delight. I wanna know how often you wash your sheets, if you have a collection of cups on your bedside table, whether you take off your pants or shirt first when you get changed.

Imagine having a collection of photos and videos of you asleep in your bed, getting ready for a shower, touching yourself when you think no one’s around. And it’s not even necessarily a sex thing, bc I wouldn’t always be jerking off to the things I’ve gathered. Sometimes I’m just watching in awe at the way you live your life.

Knowing me, there’d come a day when I’m overcome with the guilt and shame of it to the point of confessing it all to you. Handing you my phone and watching as you scroll through hundreds of clips of your most intimate, private moments, audios where I could capture the sound of your soft snoring, weird angles where I can only catch a snippet of you in the frame, photos in which you can still see the frames of your windows and it really sinks in just how much I’m pressing against the barriers of your life, almost suffocating and far too real to process.

[iambic-stan]

River View

I think I'm ready to share my second Tori and Elena story! This one was also like therapy to write...and there might be a little more info-dumping. But I hope it speaks to someone.

"That was really an alligator!" I exclaimed.  Not that I'd never seen one.  But I couldn't tell you the last time I did.  It was just lying on a log, sunbathing, I guess, and the scales made it look like a dinosaur from a children's book.  I'd lived here all my life but it still looked out of place somehow.  I rolled down the window for a better view and craned my neck to keep staring as the car whizzed past.  "Do you see stuff like that out here all the time?" I asked incredulously.

"Not every time I come," Elena replied.  "I still get excited every single time I spot one.  We're almost to the parking lot."  She turned down a narrow dirt road with dense foliage.  Deer flies whacked against the car, and I made little shrieking noises at the sight and sound of them.  

"Don't worry--I've got spray that'll deter them," she assured me, pulling into a parking spot.  There were several other cars, so we weren't the only hikers for the afternoon.

"I'm so glad you didn't want to get up early," I sighed.  "I had THE WORST cramps ever," I looked over at her and then it dawned on me that this might be TMI.  "Sorry--I forgot for a moment," I said, smiling awkwardly.

"Nothing to be sorry about," she said, pulling up the parking brake and the key out of the ignition.  She stared straight ahead, avoiding eye contact as she often did.  "I get periods, too, basically.  No blood, but for me the cramps are horrible, my breasts get sore, food starts to look gross, and the littlest things seem like disasters suddenly."  

"Wow, I relate to most of that, actually," I told her.  I didn't realize Elena was trans for months; finding out did make some pieces fall into place in my head.  Her insecurities seemed magnified in the hostile culture of the South where anything different is perceived as an immoral deviance--even drag queen storytime was some kind of battleground.  As a lesbian, I didn't always feel safe, and I knew she didn't, either.  I could understand why she sometimes seemed closed off, though she was starting to come around.

"I brought Alex because I really wanted to listen.  To be listened to," she said in a stilted voice, like she was reading cue cards. "And I thought that you wouldn't want to after we got all sweaty, so maybe like, now?  In the car?"

'Alex' was Elena's stethoscope, which I'd only found out about because we were both drunk enough.  If she hadn't been, I'm not sure how long it would've taken her to tell me about this interest of hers.  Most times we got together, we listened to each other's hearts, and though it was really only a novelty for me, I readily agreed to participate again and again.  The way she sometimes lit up when I listened was unmatched by most every other sort of way I've made someone happy.  It felt good to be so needed.  I loved having a go-to person for cuddles and hugs, especially when I was single, which was most of the time lately.  She was beautiful, with long black hair, blue eyes, and a petite body, but the boundaries didn't feel blurred because I knew she was asexual.  I admit that I didn't really know what all that meant, and I found myself thinking of her often when we weren't together, wondering (worrying?) if my feelings were truly platonic.

She pulled Alex out of her hiking backpack, and I took hold of the ear tubes.   We'd done this many times, but it still seemed a little strange to wear the stethoscope and place it on her chest.  "Girl, it's beating fast.  It usually is when I listen," I told her.  And that was an unparalleled sort of experience, even for someone like me who never would've thought to do something like this unprompted.  Placing a stethoscope on her chest and discovering that her heart was beating fast all because she was excited that I was listening to it gave me a little thrill.  She always smiled and looked gravely serious when I told her it was so fast.  Her chest moved under my hand with every breath--an unexpectedly intimate part of this activity, and I watched it quietly for a few seconds.  

"Thank you, Tori," she breathed.  

"You don't have to thank me; I'm happy to do it," I insisted, pulling down the collar of my nylon top so she could have better access to my chest.

The sight of her wearing the ear pieces and the feeling of her putting the stethoscope on my chest were becoming familiar. I used to associate that feeling only with having to see a doctor, and never a pleasurable or even positive experience.  "Yours is slower," she told me.  "And steady. No skips."  She reached for my hand with hers that wasn't holding the chest piece, and I squeezed it.  This was becoming my new normal, I supposed, and in some moments it felt like home.  When she put Alex away again, she seemed so intense--her eyes wide and her face fixed into a frown that implied great concentration and...some level of shame, almost?  She looked away and I wondered if she was embarrassed to be so vulnerable.  I leaned over in the seat and put my head on her shoulder, hoping I conveyed that it was more than ok to feel so much and so openly with me.

When we stepped out of the car, she promptly doused me in bug spray, then did the same to herself.  It seemed to work because the flies hovered around us but didn't try to bite.  They still made me uncomfortable, but I was trying to be a good sport about this.  She had suggested so many times over the past year that we should go on a hike together--nothing crazy, mind you--it would be all swampy flat land, less than two hours from home and would take no longer than half a day, she assured me. And we could get some local seafood afterward.  The weather was just right for me to agree to it.

"How many miles are we talking?  Go easy on me, babe," I said teasingly.  

"We can take the Cypress Trail, which is a 2-mile loop.  It connects to the River View Trail, which has an overlook that's not super impressive but it's only like another half mile to it.  Half of it is boardwalks.  And then if we want to go deeper into the woods-" 

"I'm gonna stop you there," I said, with a smile so it didn't seem too rude.  "Those two trails sound like enough for me."

"Fair enough," she said.  And then, after a pause to look at my face, "I'm so excited you're with me!" She jumped up and down a few times.  It felt infectious, and a warm, cozy feeling welled up in my chest.  

"I'm glad we could make it work," I told her, side-eyeing what looked like a horse fly hovering a little too close by.

The first mile or so was uneventful, in a good way.  We passed a couple that pointed out a barred owl looking down at us from a tall bald cypress, seeming almost to pose for photos.  I screeched when I noticed a snake curled up on the side of the boardwalk, and Elena protectively took my hand to indicate that I shouldn't get too close.  When we were both at a safe distance, she told me it was a copperhead and pointed out the Hershey-kiss pattern on its body.  I had to admit that it was beautiful even though I try my best not to wind up in the vicinity of venomous snakes.  The cypress knees, spider lilies, and even the algae film on the water were vibes. I liked that we were far enough from the highway that I could hear bird calls instead of passing cars.  It was so peaceful.

I was a few paces behind Elena when I heard her squeal with glee.  "What is it?" I asked, jogging to her.

She turned to me, her hands closed over something, then opened them up to reveal a large black and white beetle.  Instinctively, I jumped backward and almost tripped over a stick.  She seemed oblivious.  "It's an Eastern Eyed Click Beetle," she said with wonder.  "I love their big eyes."  I stood a few feet away and watched in horror as she allowed the beetle to crawl all over her hand and arm.  She snapped a few pictures with her phone.  "I'm so excited that I found one today!"  After a few more seconds of admiring it, she placed it on a tree trunk.  I couldn't remember when I last thought something was so endearing and yet so revolting at the same time.

She looked up at me, grinning like she'd won the lottery.  Over a bug.  "So um, you're not a fan of bugs, I know," she allowed.  "I got kind of carried away and I guess you've never seen me like that.  Hope it wasn't too disturbing.  Tell me more about what animals you really like."

I let out a chuckle.  "It wasn't disturbing," I said.  "But uh, you can have the bugs. Well, I love Mollie, for one."  Mollie was Elena's chonky daschund.  "We had a couple of great danes when I was growing up.  Don't laugh, but we had one named Scooby.  I loved him so much.  We got him when I was 6 and he passed when I was in high school.  I love turtles--especially the soft shelled ones.  So cute.  One time my girlfriend and I went to D.C. on vacation and there were these giant pandas at the zoo--Mei Ziang and Tian Tian.  I was obsessed with them.  I couldn't but wanted so much to hug them. I could sit and watch them for hours.  I actually went back by myself a couple of years ago--not long before I met you, to see them again.  They live in China now, though.  But I'd love to go somewhere else with giant pandas."

We talked for a while about what animals we'd seen in person, in the wild or zoos, aquariums, or refuges, and I wondered why we hadn't made any of those trips together.  We made tentative plans to take a day trip to an aquarium in Texas with capybara and porcupine encounters and before I knew it, we'd made it to the second trail, the one that was supposed to feature the underwhelming view.

I let Elena go ahead of me and watched her gait.  There was this confidence in her step that I rarely got to see.  The boardwalk had ended three quarters of a mile before, and the trail narrowed.  The flies were closer, but we'd re-sprayed twice to be cautious and I was mostly, happily, bite-free.  I liked allowing her to walk ahead of me, because she caught all the spiderwebs I couldn't see.  She accidentally ran into one of them and one of those banana spiders fell down onto her shoulder.  I screamed in panic, but she brushed it off like it was nothing and kept walking.  

"The river's just up ahead, but you have to crouch down into this space here, then follow the path a few more feet," she told me. I followed those instructions even though she didn't realize that crouching down was one thing for her, being less than five and a half feet tall, and another thing for my almost 6-foot tall stocky body.  But I managed it with only a twig or two in my hair, and was rewarded with a solid, if not fancy, place to sit--a wooden fishing pier.

Elena pulled two chocolate chip granola bars out of her bag, said, "Here, Tor," and handed me one.  

"Where did 'Tor,'" come from," I asked in an unintentionally loud voice.  "I feel illegal now."  I laughed at what might have been the worst joke I'd ever made.

She turned beet red and busted out a laugh.  "I have no idea," she said, "It just came out.  We can never speak of it again if you want."

I shook my head and sighed, taking a few gulps of water from my flask.  I was glad to be sitting, but I didn't think I could metaphorically sit on things the way Elena did.

"It's actually not underwhelming at all," I said, scanning the horizon.

"Glad you wound up liking it.  I kinda hoped that if I undersold it, reverse psychology just might work."

Undersell it she did.  The water was a murky brown, but the mostly-undisturbed natural area was otherwise clean, with purple and yellow wildflowers growing in abundance on the banks.  I smiled at the log below us with six turtles lined up, end-to-end, enjoying the sunshine as we were.  I tried to let my racing thoughts blend into the rushing of the river and just breathe in the fresh air.  My heart was pounding.  It was something I used to either ignore or get anxious about, but with her, I thought of it a little differently.  "Hey, do you want to feel my heartbeat?" I asked her.  

"Of course," she said, wasting no time turning to place her hand flat on my chest.  "Oh, wow! Why is it so fast?"

"Did you know that in 'Wildest Dreams' on 1989, there's an interpolation of Taylor's actual heartbeat, like throughout the song?" I said, not knowing why I took so long to share this detail.

"No!  I did not!  Is that my Taylor Swift Tidbit of the day?  Thanks," she grinned.

"Yes I thought you'd be into that one."

"Oh yeah that'll do it."

"So, um, you told me you're asexual a long time ago, but I admit I don't know much about that.  You never dated, like, not even in high school or college?" I asked.

"No, I never did.  I was still pretty good at scaring people away with the intensity of my feelings, 'cause that's just me.  I was misunderstood quite a lot.  I never wanted to have sex, so I always thought dating would be a waste of time.  As soon as the person found out I didn't care about sex, I was sure that would be the end of it.  Pretty sure I'm aro too."

"What's 'aro'?" I asked.

"Aromantic.  I don't really get romantic feelings for people.  I can love them fiercely, but I don't want to like, kiss them or have them all to myself or think about buying a house with them.  I guess you could say I get 'butterflies' when it comes to thinking about sharing my heart thing with someone, but it's just...not like they describe romantic feelings in novels.  Or the movies.  Or by, like, the standards of anyone who's ever told me about their crushes or boyfriends or whatever.  In ace culture, sometimes we say we have a 'mesh' or a 'squish,'" she explained. 

I let out a laugh, but not in a derisive way, I hoped.  "What does that mean?"

"Squishes are romantic crushes with no sexual attraction.  Sometimes I get those on celebrities, I think, but not so much in real life.  Meshes are like crushes with no sexual or romantic attraction. Like you have a strong desire to be close to someone.  Sometimes it's just that you want to be emotionally open to them in a way you would be with a partner, except the two of you aren't dating.  Maybe you're affectionate in a way that blurs the lines between friendship and romance from an outside perspective, even though you don't have romantic feelings for each other.  'Alterous' is kind of an umbrella term for platonic feelings that are tough to define.  Sometimes your feelings sit somewhere between the traditional boundaries of friendship and romance.  It's also kind of dependent on societal norms because we have a narrow view of friendship in our culture, you know?  A lot of times I feel like my feelings for people I want to share my heart thing with are kinda alterous.  At this point in my life, being over 30, I think if I was gonna have real romantic feelings, I would've experienced them by now.  I've certainly met people who were wonderful enough, attractive enough, and all that."

I tried to take all of this in, sure I would forget one or more of these words by the end of the conversation.  "So the...alterous feelings...that's just something that asexual people experience?" I asked.

"Oh, not at all.  I think it's a very common human experience, but most people think of relationships in simpler terms.  And they don't use words for all these things.  They fall in love and get married, spend less time with their friends as a result, etc.  Not being concerned with sex, and in some cases romance, too, ace people spend a lot more time analyzing platonic type relationships, sometimes to a fault," she laughed.  "For some ace people, a friendship will be the most intimate relationship they'll ever have.  There are just so many different ways to love," She smiled at me and we actually held eye contact for a few seconds.  "Thanks for letting me ramble."

"It's ok. I've pretty much never really thought about it," I admitted.  I didn't know how to put it into words yet, but I felt more at peace.  Maybe there never was anything to worry about.  If Elena's hand had still rested on my chest, she would've noticed that my heart was more relaxed.

I watched and listened to the water, then reached over and put my arm around her.  "I love you," I said softly.

"Aw, I love you, too, Tori."

[di-daynamic]

Something I see in The Shadowhunter Chronicles fandom - particularly the Mortal instruments - is that people keep screaming about family resemblance and DNA tests.

Like, someone posted about how James and Jace both have golden eyes and therefore should've been clocked as related instantly. This. . . Really doesn't work. Alec looks exactly like Will Herondale. Magnus, Jem and Tessa all comment on this. So does this mean Alec is a secret Herondale too??

Shadowhunters are ultimately a small pool of people, with probably more interracial marriages and relationships (not to say there isn't racism, but all Shadowhunters primarily consider Idris their home before where they live so it seems to have less of an impact), and therefore everyone is related to everyone, as little grammatical sense as that makes.

Even if Magnus did remember that 'oh! this guy I knew had golden eyes and YOU have golden eyes and therefore you are related'. . . So? Where do we have proof that the Waylands and Herondales didn't once intersect? They can have common ancestors and Jace could've inherited the eyes from there.

As for people wanting characters to perform a DNA test - why on earth would they? People keep saying Valentine is a liar. Uh, no, he isn't. He was just charismatic and misdirecting and manipulative enough that no one ever thought bad of him, and later called him a liar when he showed his true colours. His values and goals are horrible, but to the Clave, why on earth would he be lying about someone being his biological son? Literally, what is the point of that, to them?

We as the readers know Valentine did this to emotionally isolate Jace further than he already was by making him believe he was demonic and wrong for having feelings of lust and romantic love towards his sister - the reason I find the incest subplot of TMI more desperately sad than gross or cringey - and make him more dependent on Valentine himself - classic emotional abuse - but the Clave has zero idea. They don't know or care Jace and Clary are in love. To them, there is not a single reason Valentine would lie about having a child and who that child is.

Even Imogen Herondale, who - rightfully or not - blames Valentine for her son's death thinks well enough of him to believe he would trade the Mortal Instruments for Jace's life. We know Valentine would sacrifice his children's lives for his goal, but the Clave doesn't despite everything he's done. So even if they DID believe he might have a reason to lie, they wouldn't believe that someone would lie about their blood, something so sacred to them.

Maryse and Robert know Jonathan Morgenstern had black eyes. They either didn't remember that - plausible, considering they only saw him a few times more than a decade and a half ago - or they were just hurt and betrayed and also saw no reason why Valentine would lie about this. No one except the readers - and Jace and Clary with the benefit of hindsight - would. Not to mention that Jonathan was an infant and eye colours occasionally change at that time.

"So the first time I ever told Maryse that my middle name was Christopher, she told herself that she’d just remembered wrong, and Christopher had been Michael’s son’s middle name. It had been ten years, after all. But that was when she started calling me Jace: It was like she wanted to give me a new name, something that belonged to her, to my life in New York."

So. The Clave and the adults had no reason to order or want a DNA test. Now for TMI gang.

Besides the fact that they had no reason to disbelieve Valentine, Clary and Jace were hurt and desparing and disbelieving over the fact that they were supposedly siblings. To do a DNA test would mean to show hope that they WEREN'T siblings, which they couldn't afford to do. They keep having to remind themselves of their blood relation anyway, why on earth would they have enough doubt in it to do a DNA test? Thinking 'But what if he/she is not my brother/sister' would be way too painful.

Alec, Isabelle and Simon actually had the most probability of doing this. These three, I can see suggesting a DNA test. Especially Simon. But he has his own feelings to think about - he finally got the girl, why would he jeopardize that? I'm not saying he purposefully thought about getting a DNA test and thought 'no, if it comes negative she'll go to Jace' but in combination with the facts that he knew Valentine had raised Jace and had no reason NOT to believe that Clary and Jace weren't siblings, and that he wouldn't want to dredge all this up for Clary and hurt her, it is perfectly understandable that he didn't think of confirming their blood relation.

Alec and Isabelle, I think, don't understand how this is a bigger deal than Jace being Valentine's son. We see this in the Seelie Court - Isabelle compares the prospect of a Clace kiss to one between her and Alec and looks astonished when she sees how desperate and passionate it was. Also, even if Isabelle rebels by dating Downworlders, she, Alec and Jace up till the beginning of TMI were perfectly law-abiding and genuinely saw the Clave as a good force and adults and authority as people to be obeyed. If the adults believed Valentine's words, who are they to question it? They are more worried about how Jace is dealing with the revelation rather than how true the revelation is. In City of Glass Isabelle tells Clary she wants to never see her again because of how much her mere presence hurts her brother.

But what if they're not siblings? is not a thought that crossed anyone's mind, because no one except Jocelyn had the information to make that a possibility, and no one thought Valentine had any reason to lie about that.

[browser5]

An Incredible Poop

AU Where Mr. Incredible still works at an office and Dash is an adult. Bob comes home from work. Dash is on the couch watching TV.

Dash

Hiii dad, how was work

Bob

Hi Dash. Work... well, you remember my boss Mr. Huph? Always watching my every move to see if he can get me fired and my family goes poor? Yeah he's back at it again...

Dash

Uh Oh, well he's just an idiot so don't worry about him

Bob

That's always good advice. And by the way...No capes! You remember that?

Dash

Yes aunt edna called the other day

Bob

How is she doing? I still miss her all the time. She was like a second mother to me... and a great designer.

Dash

She's fine, she asked me to model for the new collection

Bob

Really? Man that would be great if you could do that. She made the best super suits. No one could make one like she did. 

Dash

Omg do you know what happend at school today??

Bob

Tell me! I love it when you talk about your life. I'm sure nothing could compare to what I have to deal with at work. I'm sure nothing could surprise me...

Dash

At lunch today I saved another student from choking. Guess he couldn't wait to gobble up his pbj sandwich, he choked on it real bad.

Bob

Wow... I'm impressed. How did you help him? Did you perform the heimlich maneuver? I bet it was tense.

Dash

Well I sorta kicked his stomach. But it's the same result!

Bob

That’s amazing… I’m so proud of you right now! Just think, you saved that patient’s life! That’s incredible.

Dash

Thanks dad, I'm so glad to be super like you, you’re always a hero to me

Bob

You are my son. You make me so proud.

And remember, if something happens to me or Helen I want you to be brave, okay?

Dash

Nothings gonna happen to you and mom, right?

Bob

Of course not! Everything’s going to be just fine! But if anything… happens… just remember how much I love you. Okay?

Dash

I know that…Dad can I ask you something?

Bob

Of course you can. If it makes you uncomfortable, then you don’t have to tell me and I promise I won’t be mad… but go ahead, son. Ask me anything. Nothing is off the table in this household. No secrets.

Dash

Well, it's a little embarrassing…

Bob

Hey… nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m your dad. There’s nothing that you could say to make me think less of you… what’s on your mind, champ?

Dash

I've been having stomach problems lately and I wanted to ask if you could help me?

Bob

Stomach Problem? Like you’re not, uh… having an easy time going to the bathroom? Is that what you mean?

Dash

Yeah...my belly is just full with shit but I just can’t like get it out

Bob

Hmm. Okay, I got you. Are you drinking enough water? It might seem simple, but if you drink enough water and eat enough fiber it’ll be easier. But, if you’re really stopped up, I have a few tricks that might help clear your system out. But those might be a little gross for you, do you still want me to share?

Dash

Yeah dad I need to know

Bob

Okay, buddy. So drink a lot of water. That will help. In addition, eat beans with your dinner. And if all else fails, eat a handful of prunes. Prunes are gross and slimy, but they’re nature’s colon clean-out. They’ll make you poop to a point to where you might not even have to push. That should help get you going again…How was that? Too gross and TMI?

Dash

Huh, but I don’t really like prunes…What about those husk seed thingys? Aren't they like a natural laxative?

Bob

Ooh. You mean the psyllium husk things? Sure, they might help. But be careful, they really expand in your stomach. You’ll be taking a massive…you know.

Dash

Well dad, that’s the goal, taking a massive shit.

Bob

Right, I just wanted to make sure you knew what would happen. But if that’s the result you’re looking for, then give those a shot. They come in different flavors too, like apple & cinnamon…

Dash

How do you know all that, do you suffer from constipation

Bob

Sometimes! It can be a pain. And I know you’re probably not a fan of all the details, but you did say you wanted to know! Being a supers is fun but we’re prone to a pretty intense diet and the whole thing isn’t always friendly to my digestive tract.

Dash

Gotcha, but I don't think that it relates to my power. It feels like I shouldn't have eaten so many chilli dogs...stomach growl oww

Bob

Ha! I know all about the chili dog struggles. I’ve been there before.

They both walk toward the bathroom while Dash holds his stomach

Dash

Great then you’re a pro. 

growl. Mom got me those husk pills, maybe they will help

Bob

I hope they work, your stomach sounds like its turning upside down

Dash

Yes I know dad, but this turd needs to come out first

Bob

Okay, Champ. Well do me a favor? When you… you know. When you’re done… can you give me a holler? I just want to make sure everything came out okay.

Bob stands in the doorway, trying to close the door to let Dash do his business until

Dash

Actually dad...can you stay and hold my hand? I’m kinda scared

Bob

Kiddo, are you kidding me? Of course. I’ll be right at your side.

You got this.

Bob is a little reluctant, but he wants to help his poor son and locks the door behind him

Dash

Thanks dad, ugh I think they’re working...my insides are moving

Bob

Keep pushing, son. You can do this.

Dash

You sure you won't mind dad?

Bob

Of course not. You are my son. What do you think I am, the poop policeman?

Dash plants his ass on the toilet, while Bob sits next to him on the bathtub rim

Dash

Ok here it...goes hnng

carl strains as he farts intensely, so far things seem normal to Bob

Bob

You okay, kid? Everything come out okay?

Dash

I- groan 

Dash's stomach growls and a big load comes out, Dash grits his teeth and the bathroom starts to reek of foul shit

Bob

Holy mother. The smell is unbelievable… oh my God.

You okay, buddy? It was… that bad?

Dash

Yes it is, I didn’t mean to be so loud. Fuck, I’m sorry dad, theres no air freshner.

Bob

Don’t apologize, my son. I’m not angry. But, and this is something you need to hear, that was absolutely foul. Well, I think it’s best-

Dash

Growl OOH that wasn't all of it, here comes round...2...ahhh 

Dash ejects a jet of diarrhea and grasps his dads hand for support while Bob can’t help but hold his nose with his other hand

Bob

Jesus H. Christ kiddo. I have no words… I’m not sure if I’m more impressed or more concerned right now.

Dash

Hehe I hope impressed dad...oh god, dad I need both of your hands to concentrate, another wave is coming in hot!

Bob

(Oh lord…)Alright, kid... I'm ready.

Dash

Phew ok, pushinggg 

Dash pushes out more gas, vibrating the room. He starts sweating

Bob

Hang in there champ. It's gonna be a tough one.

Remember... you're the son of Mr. Incredible. You can do anything.

Dash

Thanks dad, you taught me how to shit big after all. I can still feel some in there, can you massage my belly to get it out? I feel like I’m seeing stars at the moment…

Bob

Alright buddy, you got it. Just be ready for a big one.

Bob starts massaging Dash's stomach resulting in

Dash

Thanks dad, your the best. Huh think that might've been a false alarm? Maybe it's got stagefright?

Bob

Could be. Or, in the words of your mother, you can't rush a good poop.

Maybe we just need to wait a few minutes? Let your body take its time. How does that sou-

Dash

OH HOLD ON HOLD ON!

Bob

It’s happening isn’t it? OH MY GOD!

Dash squeezes Bobs hands as he poops out the chunky remains of the chilli dogs, the toilet is filled to the brim with shit, Bob can't believe it, Dash exhales relaxed as he's finishing

Dash

…wow

Bob

That…That was one of the most intense poops on the planet. You okay champ?

Dash

I think so

Bob

I can’t even believe that just happened. That was the poop of legend. You filled the toilet all the way to the top?

Dash

Fuck I guess I did papa hahaha. This pile is huge!

Bob couldn’t help but look down to the bowl and it was true

Bob

That’s got to be the biggest poop I’ve ever seen. I bet you feel 10 pounds lighter now.

Dash

More like 50 pounds

Bob

Wow… that must have been one hell of a chili dog. I’m so proud of you for pushing through it. That was some next level super-pooping.

The young man leans back and tries to recover from the pushing

Dash

They really came for seconds. Do you think it'll flush?

Bob

I think you better grab a plunger. That thing isn’t going down without a fight, chuckles.

Dash

Ok, we'll i hope that's it for pooping

Bob

Yeah, I think you're done. You're completely empty. Well, I am very proud of you. You did it. That really was something.

Do you feel better now?

Dash

Yeah I definit- fart ahhh definitely feel better 

Bob

Uh oh... you feel like you've got more?

Dash

Nono it's just leftover toxins, see?

Dash grins as Bob starts to get gassed up by his son

Bob

Oh for the love of all things good...Mm, that stinks. It's better out than in, right?

Dash

Well lets try flushing it

Bob

Okay, let's give it a shot. Flush away, son!

The toilet flushes but clogs halfway

Dash

hmm better than expected

Bob

I'll say! I thought for sure it would overflow.Do you have a plunger handy? Let's see what we can do about this...

Dash

Yeah just give it a minute 

Dash starts wiping up his messy ass to Bobs disgust, bob sprays some air freshener as the toilet recovers

Bob

God, that smells awful... let's get all of that cleaned up. And make sure we open a window to let some fresh air in. I'm dying here.

But I’m impressed, that was quite an ordeal. I am glad that it's over, but I’m very proud of you. 

Dash

Uhuh (Damn still dirty)

Bob

Dash, make sure to wash your hands…seriously. Did the toilet loosen up or do we need a plumber?

Dash

Hehe, guess I really gassed you up huh, it loosened up a little.

Bob

You sure did. Jesus christ this is going to be hard to get down. Damn, I can't even imagine what would happen if your mother came in here. Ha! If I didn’t have a super nose, I’d probably be throwing up right now. Holy smokes...I think "gassed up" is a bit of an understatement...

Bob leans against the wall, wiping the sweat off his face

Dash

Thank you for being here daddo, now let's try this again

Bob

No problem, son. You're my son. You can call me for anything.So what do you mean by we should "try this again?" Like you want to push for round two???

Dash

No dad, I meant try flushing again

Bob

Oh, of course. Yeah, let's give it another shot. 

Bob flips the handle on the toilet to flush again

Come on, baby, come on... you can do it! Come on!

The toilet flushes more away but clogs again, they try the plunger but to no avail

Bob

Ugh…we can't get down this beast. This is unbelievable. What kind of chili dogs have you been eating? This thing is like a concrete block. 

We may need to call a plumber at this point. This is quite the load.

Dash

I guess so, man…

Bob

I guess we're gonna need, like... some draino or something? I gotta admit... you are a poop-master. This thing is clogging even after flushing again and using the plunger.

Dash

Sorry dad. But calling a plumber would be really embarrassing. Maybe the drainio will do it?

Bob

Eh, I understand. But trust me. He’s seen way worse, I’m sure.

We can try that draino stuff first. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll call a plumber, okay? That okay with you?

Dash

Okay pops. Let's try the draino.

Bob gets the draino from the cabinet underneath the sink and opens the container, pouring around 1/3 of the bottle into the toilet

Bob

There you go, son. Give it five minutes and give it another shot.

I gotta tell you... I respect and fear your pooping power.

Dash

Maybe that's my secret second power. Don't you poop big dad? Your superpower is super strength after all?

Bob

Oh yeah, I've definitely had my shares of super poops, especially after a good meal out, or a really unhealthy lunch. But I don't think anything's matched up to your super poops... you're on another level. I am both impressed and fearful.

Dash

lets just hope this doesn't become a regular thing. Did the draino work?

Bob

Only time will tell…

Bob checks the toilet

Wow. I'll tell you what, that did the trick. The toilet is completely drained. That... that was impressive. Are you... is there anymore? Are you all done now?

Dash

No pops, I pray that that was it. I feel really empty tough. I feel almost hungry

Bob

Well, good. I think we should be all set now. Now how about we celebrate your victory... with some ice cream! I think you might have earned something sweet... don't you think?

Dash

YEAHHH. Damn, maybe I should destroy the can more often to be rewarded some ice cream huh?

Bob

Hahaha! Don't get any ideas, buckaroo.No, you got ice cream today because you persevered and pushed hard, and I'm proud of you for doing that. And I wanted to reward you. So, pick your ice cream, big fella. What do you want?

Dash

I want mint chocolate

Bob

Excellent choice!

Bob gets mint chocolate from the fridge

Mint chocolate is my favorite too.

Here you go, champ. You earned this.

Dash

Thanks dad, lets hope this doesnt kick off round 2

Bob

You and me both!I'm proud of you. You pushed hard... and I know it was pretty taxing... but you did it. You're a very special kid, you know that?

Dash

And you are a special dad. But I guess that means we are super

Bob gives Carl an "I see what you did there" kind of look

Bob

I like the way you think, kiddo. I guess we're super special! Maybe we are. But you know? You are something special too. I just wanted to make sure you knew that. You're my son, you know that? I love you very much, and I'm so proud of you.

Bob gives Carl a strong hug

Dash

heh, love ya too dad. But please don't squeeze too hard, I still have ghost pains.

Bob

Oops, sorry. How's the ice cream by the way?

Dash

Tastes great, a nice reward after all of this

Dash lets out a booming fart

Bob

Ok mister, that's enough. No farting while we’re eating

Dash

yes sir, I promise

Dash secretly crossed his fingers as they continued to enjoy their ice cream