#not that that should discourage anyone else from writing their version!

[goddessinnerglow]

Become Your Best Version Before 2025 - Day 2

Understanding Yourself Starts With Being Honest

Hi Goddesses! Yesterday we talked about what becoming our best selves means, and today we're diving into something really important, meeting ourselves exactly where we are.

Picture yourself packing for a journey. You'd check what you already have in your suitcase before deciding what else you need, right? That's exactly what we're doing today on our path to 2025, taking a inventory of where we are right now.

I know, I know. Self-assessment can feel a bit intimidating. Maybe you're worried about facing some truths, or perhaps you think it might be discouraging. But think of it as like turning on the GPS before starting a journey. You need to know your starting point to get where you want to go.

First things first: breathe. This isn't about judgment. Think of it as having coffee with your most supportive friend (that's me!) who just wants to help you reflect and grow. Ready? Let’s start.

Start With Your Gut

Remember when you wake up in the morning and have that first quiet moment to yourself? That's when our gut feelings are often the clearest. Take a moment right now. How do you feel about where you are in life? Not what others think, not what social media says you should be doing, just your honest feelings. Grab a notebook (or open your Notes app) and write down whatever comes to mind. No filtering, no judging.

The Life Wheel Check-In

Here's something I find super helpful: imagine your life as a wheel with different spokes. Think about these areas:

Your physical health and energy levels

Your relationships (family, friends, romantic)

Your work or studies

Your personal growth and learning

Your fun and recreation time

Your living space and environment

Your financial situation

Your emotional wellbeing

For each one, ask yourself: "On a scale where 10 is 'couldn't be better' and 1 is 'needs serious attention,' where am I?" Be real with yourself, this is just between us.

The "What's Working" List

Here's something we often skip: celebrating what's already good! Before diving into what you want to change, write down what's working well in your life. Maybe you're great at maintaining friendships, or you've been consistent with your morning routine, or you finally learned how to cook that one dish you love. These wins, big or small, are your foundation for growth.

The Honest Reality Check

Now comes the part that requires some courage: looking at areas where you feel stuck or unsatisfied. But here's the twist, we're going to do this with compassion. Instead of thinking "What's wrong with me?" ask yourself:

What's challenging me right now?

What keeps coming up in my thoughts as something I wish were different?

Where do I feel like I'm not living up to my own standards (not anyone else's)?

Your Future Self Letter

This is one of my favorite exercises: Write a letter from your future self (let's say December 2024) to your current self. What would they thank you for starting now? What changes would they be grateful you made? This isn't about pressure, it's about connecting with your hopes and dreams.

Getting Real with Yourself

Now, let's make this assessment more practical. Pick just three things:

One thing you want to maintain (because it's working well)

One thing you want to improve gradually

One thing you want to change significantly

Write these down somewhere you'll see them daily. Your phone wallpaper, a sticky note on your mirror, wherever works for you.

Remember This, you're not broken and you don't need fixing. You're a human being on a journey of growth, just like all of us. This self-assessment isn't about finding faults, it's about understanding where you are so you can move forward with purpose.

Take a moment to appreciate yourself for doing this work. Seriously. Self-reflection takes courage, and you're already showing up for yourself by reading this and (hopefully) doing these exercises.

Stay tuned for the next post in our "Become Your Best Version Before 2025" series! Remember, you've got this!

♡ ☆:.｡ Keep glowing, babes! ♡ ☆:.｡ With love, Goddess Inner Glow.

[carawenfiction]

Will we have an update soon?

Tumblr won't let me make normal posts for some reason, so the update will have to be in form of an answer to this ask smh. Anyway:

Hey everyone!

This post is long overdue, I know. I’m really sorry to those who have been worried about my wellbeing, as well as those who have been waiting around for an update for so long.

I’ve put off writing here because this “update” is something I’ve been wrestling with for a long time. But I can’t keep going back and forth on it forever, which is why I’m now letting you all know that the Shadow Society is officially discontinued.

I know that this might not come as much of a surprise to anyone at this point. I’ve tried to salvage the story by remaking it into something I’m happy with through a rewrite. But I’ve rewritten the rewrite itself more than once, and no matter what I do, I’m just not happy with the result. Rewriting something that’s already published with all the coding it involves is a lot more tricky than I initially thought it would be.

This is not a case of me being needlessly harsh on myself, however; it’s simply a truth I’ve come to realize after struggling to find a way to keep going with the story. I’ll never be fully content with it, or even content enough, unless I’d be able to completely remake and rewrite everything from scratch – and consequentially, I will never find enough motivation to continue because of how unhappy I am with it.

I’ve seen some speculation about my reason for rewriting the story and my long absence, and that they’ve had to do with comparisons to other IFs (well, you know which one). This isn’t entirely the case. While the comparisons did happen and probably still do, and while they were discouraging in the beginning, I can definitely understand where people have been coming from when making them. I talked about this more in-depth in the forums right after the release of TSS.

The main reason for why I can’t continue is that it’s not a series I feel passionate enough about to work on. My tastes have changed, and so has my writing to some degree. I’ve tried to convince myself that I am passionate about it. It’s hard to admit that you’re not when it’s been in your head for so long, when you’ve tried for so long to make this work and when you know that one part is published and that some people are anticipating a continuation. But it had to be done sooner or later.

Other reasons:

-While I don’t think that my writing style has changed drastically, I feel like it is somewhat different from how I wrote back in 2018 (which is a GOOD thing). Whenever I tried working on the rewrite or second book and attempted to emulate the writing of TSS, it just didn’t sound right anymore, and that took a lot of fun out of it.

-With everything that has happened with CoG over the past few years, they are no longer a company I want to write for.

Please know that none of this has discouraged me from writing in general. I still love doing it. If anything, this has taught me a lot about what I actually want to write and the writing process in general. Whether I end up publishing anything else in the future or will simply do so for my own enjoyment we’ll just have to see, though.

I still have the idea of a shadow-like world in my head, and maybe it’s one I will revisit at some point. Maybe there will be another version of TSS someday, albeit very different from the original one.

But for now, I can only thank you all for the overwhelming love and support over the years, and apologize for any disappointment this has caused. If people are interested, I’d be happy to share parts of the rewrite and unused ideas. The Tumblr page will still stay up at least for some time, but I will probably not be answering any asks from here on out.

EDIT: Forgot to add, but if anyone wants a genuinely amazing IF read you should check out my friend's wip here: https://uroboros-if.tumblr.com/ ❤️ Play the demo here: https://mistyriousness.itch.io/uroboros

[isolaradiale]

POLICY UPDATE (02/02/25)

Hey everyone!

As it's the beginning of the month, we thought now would be a good time to make a few policy changes and reminders! Some of these changes are a direct result from the survey we ran at the end of last year, while others are all new!

GIANT CHALLENGE CHANGES

Going forward, challenges for ranking up to the Giant tier must be submitted by the member looking to rank up and won't be written by a staff member. You'll use a modified version of the original form to submit the challenge you'd like, and staff will either approve it or recommend changes if it wouldn't be feasible! This also applies to Hypergiant challenges.

This does not mean you need to write your own challenge concept, however. You could get a friend or someone else in the group that knows your character to either come up with something or help you brainstorm! We'll also be adding a new channel to the Discord server specifically for help, where members or staff could weigh in. There was a vocal minority of members who wanted the old system retained, so we hope this can serve as a middle ground.

Anyone who has not been issued a challenge that submitted the form before January 1st, 2025 is eligible to move up to Giant without completing a challenge. The requests we have in the box range from 3 months old to 7 months old, and so this is to make up for that wait since it wouldn't be fair to wait for months and then have to do the work themselves. If you have a challenge you've been given that you haven't done, you'll still have to do it, but you could also apply for a new challenge using the new system instead. If you are eligible to move up without completing a challenge but would still like one, you're free to submit your own under the new system instead. Either way, please send us a message so that we have it on record that you chose to rank up on your own or not.

GENERAL POLICY CHANGES

We will now accept other Tumblr RP blogs as OOC contact so long as they meet the following requirements: they aren't affiliated with Isola already AND they have at least six months worth of posts on the blog. We've also been accepting Bluesky contacts since the end of last year and will continue to do so.

There is no longer a penalty for losing a character if you have more than 10. Slots 11 and 12 aren't being used enough by the general member base to justify having the additional penalties, so we've decided to remove those penalties.

If you find yourself having complaints about another member of the group - and these complaints cannot be solved by simply unfollowing / blocking that member - it needs to be sent off-anon going forward so these cases can be properly investigated and resolved, and so we know who to follow up with! We'd like to discourage people using the masterlist inbox as a place to put complaints and concerns that can't be worked through properly, but we do want to make sure genuine concerns are taken seriously.

We've removed the age section off of the application form as the group is currently 18+. We will be adding a reminder that the group is 18+ on the forms page itself instead, and if you join as someone under the age of 18 and we find out, you will be permanently banned.

OOC POSTING & TAGS

In November we made a post about group etiquette so we'd like to remind you guys to read it here! We're specifically still having issues with members going back and forth in quick succession on the dashboard by posting and reblogging posts that would not qualify as IC under the guidelines in that post. As a related reminder, shortform posts without formatting, like this example, are not considered IC regardless of the tag used. This is so it makes clearer if something should be reacted to ICly from a member point of view, as well as easier for staff to tell if a post is IC or not (especially if replied to by another member for the activity check).

We've added a new official tag: #isola things. Please use this if you're just making a silly or commentary post that doesn't actually reflect something your character could be canonically thinking or doing in the group! Think things that you would usually use "crack" tags for. These do not count as IC posts however, and we ask that you do not do reply chains with them. Remember that the #isola dash commentary tag also exists for commentary specific to what's happening on the dashboard!

In a related point, we'd like to ask everyone to please do not use the term "crack" to tag or describe posts that would fall under the above point. While we understand it has commonly been used in RP communities for years, we want to be considerate of the drug-based implications of the term and those who may be made uncomfortable by it being in a commonly used tag.

We have added a new page to the masterlist that lists all of the tags, their uses, and whether or not posts in that tag count towards activity. You can find this page here! You can also find it on the important links page, where we have removed the old tags category beneath it. We ask everyone gives it a read, as there as been some confusion lately regarding what should or shouldn't be tagged as commentary.

Going forward, we'd like to ask members to begin using the "reply" button underneath an OOC post if you need to weigh in rather than reblogging it! That way you can still have your OOC back and forth conversations without cluttering the dash for others! We're looking to strike a balance between letting everyone have their fun while also being more respectful to members who may find it frustrating to sift through OOC posts!

POLICY REMINDERS

For characters that require specific accommodations to survive, these items will always be provided in the group setting. If they require a specific type of food to live or maintain their body (blood, oil, etc.) or even a medication, it can be found within the group setting. You can choose to either forage it or buy it in stores, whatever is most convenient for you! If your character needs a specific accommodation in terms of things like prosthetics, wheelchairs, medications, etc. please include them on your app!

-- the island stars.

[borninwinter81]

William Blake and Good Omens - an intertextual analysis

Please note: I did another version of this and posted it, but it was quite hurried, way too short, and was incorrect in a number of ways so I deleted it. However it had already been reblogged by the time i did so. If you happen to see another version of this meta that's not the right one, this is the version I'm happy with!

After my previous post re William Blake and Good Omens did so well, and so many people showed an interest I've decided to do a more in depth piece. This is focused upon the TV version of Good Omens, not the book.

Please don't tag Neil in this - although it's mostly textual analysis I do a very small amount of S3 theorising, and I know he doesn't want to see that.

I am in no way suggesting that Neil and Terry specifically wrote Good Omens with Blake in mind, I honestly just wanted an excuse to write more about Blake because I love his work so much, and I thought it would be interesting to try and apply some intertexuality since the works will contain similar themes, both being about God, religion, humanity, and angels and demons.

I also should stress that I am not an expert on Blake, there are people far more qualified to comment on him than I. I'm just a former literature student who loves his work.

There have been many different interpretations of Blake's work over the years, so it's completely fine to disagree with someone else's ideas about it, as with any work of art or literature. And although this piece is likely to be long, I'll barely be able to scratch the surface of all the possible meanings that could be ascribed to it.

Much like the old adage that if someone claims to understand quantum physics they're lying, I'm not sure anyone can truly fathom the full meaning of Blake's philosophy (especially in his later prophetic works, fuuuuuuck those beasts....), so if you're confused by him don't be discouraged, that's perfectly normal!

That being said, I wish to discuss the parallels between Good Omens and The Marriage of Heaven and Hell, my personal favourite and probably the most accessible of his longer works.

"Without contraries is no progression. Attraction and Repulsion, Reason and Energy, Love and Hate, are necessary to Human existence. From these contraries spring what the religious call Good & Evil. Good is the passive that obeys Reason. Evil is the active springing from Energy. Good is Heaven. Evil is Hell."

This excerpt is from near the opening and sets out the central idea of the work - that there is an essential duality to humanity, and each person is a combination of extremes. These extremes are not at war with each other, but rather are equally necessary, hence the "marriage" of the title. "The Marriage of Heaven and Hell" is a metaphor for the human experience.

Consistently throughout The Marriage... Blake refers to the two extremes as Reason and Energy. These terms could be construed in a number of different ways: thought versus emotion, mental versus physical, restraint versus desire, temperance versus excess, caution versus impulsiveness, and following the rules versus free will.

Blake's use of the word "Reason" in this context may be somewhat confusing, however he likely chose it because of his negative feelings towards science and the Age of Enlightenment. Blake saw literal visions of angels and prophets and the divinity of all creation, and hated that science reduced everything to formulas, calculations, and materialism, leaving the world bereft of wonder. "Art is the Tree of Life. Science is the Tree of Death" as he put it.

His ideas about "reason" are best expressed by his painting "Newton". Though inspired by the scientist, it is not a portrait - instead it depicts a figure deeply engrossed in scientific drawings and calculations, totally ignoring the beauty all around him - see below.

In the context of The Marriage... Reason is "passive" because it involves thought, caution, self-restraint, and doing what you are told, all states which block action. Energy is "active" because it is physical, emotional, impulsive and allows you to act based on your own choices and desires. It's quite clear that Blake feels "energy" is the preferable state - he tells us as much in the next section:

"The Voice of the Devil

All Bibles or sacred codes, have been the causes of the following Errors. 1. That Man has two real existing principles Viz: a Body & a Soul. 2. That Energy, call'd Evil, is alone from the Body, & that Reason, call'd Good, is alone from the Soul. 3. That God will torment Man in Eternity for following his Energies. But the following Contraries to these are True. 1. Man has no Body distinct from his Soul; for that call'd Body is a portion of Soul discern'd by the five Senses, the chief inlets of Soul in this age. 2. Energy is the only life and is from the Body and Reason is the bound or outward circumference of Energy. 3. Energy is Eternal Delight."

So the body is an aspect of the soul, not separate from it, Energy comes from the body, it is Reason which places limits upon Energy, but Energy is eternal delight. Physicality, desire, impulsiveness, emotion, sensual pleasure and free will are not wrong or evil, they are aspects of the human soul and it is from them that we derive our enjoyment of life.

This does not necessarily mean that Reason is always bad. After all, Blake tells us that both are necessary for human existence. Sometimes temperance, caution and thought before action are required. But Reason becomes negative when it "usurps its place and governs the unwilling", i.e. when it completely supplants Energy and becomes the sole guiding factor, forcing passivity.

The Angels of The Marriage... are governed by "systematic reasoning", therefore they are wholly creatures of Reason. They are also "all religious" meaning they believe the "errors" stated above. His Devils by contrast "hate religion" meaning they believe the "contraries", which are the true statements according to Blake. It does not necessarily follow that they are wholly governed by Energy, merely that they believe Energy is "eternal delight".

It is worth noting at this point that Blake saw God and religion as totally separate. For Blake, "God" is that connection with divine wonder which was integral to his life; he tells us plainly that "all deities reside in the human breast" and that "the voice of honest indignation is the voice of God". In other words all humans have a direct and intuitive link with God and don't require the church, Priests, or a religious framework and adherence to a set of rules in order to reach moral decisions. These rules exist only to "enslave the vulgar".

The importance of this ability to make one's own choices about a moral course of action is shown by one of the "Memorable Fancy" sections of The Marriage...

Blake relates how a Devil is able to use an Angel's "systematic reasoning" against them:

"if Jesus Christ is the greatest man, you ought to love him in the greatest degree; now hear how he has given his sanction to the law of ten commandments: did he not mock at the sabbath, and so mock the sabbaths God? Murder those who were murder'd because of him? Turn away the law from the woman taken in adultery? Steal the labor of others to support him? Bear false witness when he omitted making a defence before Pilate? Covet when he pray'd for his disciples, and when he bid them shake off the dust of their feet against such as refused to lodge them? I tell you, no virtue can exist without breaking these ten commandments; Jesus was all virtue, and acted from impulse, not from rules."

The Angel has no way to refute the "reasoning" that Jesus was governed by Energy and "impulse", i.e. his own morality, the "voice of righteous indignation", not reasoning and the rules laid down by Heaven. And because Jesus is the Messiah he must be virtuous, therefore Energy is virtuous. The Angel immediately allows himself to be consumed by fire and is resurrected as a Devil.

How can these concepts apply to the world of Good Omens?  This was where my first draft was totally incorrect, as I tried to transfer Blake's ideas about Angels and Demons and Heaven and Hell wholesale, applying "reason" to Aziraphale and Heaven and "energy" to Crowley and Hell.  In fact the divide is slightly different in the GO-verse: Crowley and Aziraphale *both* represent Energy, and it is Heaven and Hell that act according to Reason.

At first glance Aziraphale may appear to toe the line - he needs creative application of the rules to make him comfortable with trying to avert the apocalypse, and when he doesn't like the way matters are being handled by the Archangels he seeks a higher authority and goes straight to God. He'd clearly prefer someone to be confirming the rightness of his actions for him. However this doesn't mean that he won't act on his own.

Immediately upon his introduction to the story he has given away his flaming sword, an action that he took impulsively because he felt it was right, not because someone told him to. It bothers him, but he does it anyway.

In the Job storyline, though he initially looks for some loophole within the rules that will allow him to save Job's children, in the end he directly goes against Heaven to do it, even though he believes he is going to Fall and become a Demon for having done so.

Though he resists it and exhausts all other possible avenues first, he eventually does take an active role in averting the apocalypse in S1.

He hides Jim at great personal risk to himself and against the will of both Heaven and Hell, again because he feels it is the right thing to do.

He is therefore perfectly capable of independent action from a position of "righteous indignation".

On a more basic level, he enjoys worldly pleasures, which all come from "energy" according to Blake's philosophy. Food and drink most obviously, but also books, music, dancing, theatre, art and so on.

Crowley is more easy to place as acting from Energy - in spite of the obvious aesthetic differences between them, he also loves worldly pleasures. Alcohol and coffee, snazzy clothing, driving his car with Queen blaring on the stereo, going to lunch with Aziraphale, Shakespearean comedies. All things he isn't supposed to want or need, and which baffle other Demons, in the same way that Aziraphale's desire for food baffles the Angels.

And he's absolutely willing to act according to his own moral impulses when they conflict with Hell's orders (or Heaven's), be it saving Job's children, ensuring that Elspeth doesn't die by suicide, or averting the apocalypse. Yes, he'll try to hide his "good" actions in order to avoid punishment by Hell, but he's firmly "on his own side".

Conversely, Heaven and Hell are both part of the structure of religion in this story, are strictly adherent to a set of rules, and their inhabitants appear to have no real desires of their own, other than possible advancement within the systems they uphold. They are "passive" in that their functions allow the status quo to continue and the "great plan" to unfold as they believe it is meant to, even though each side expects a different outcome.

Again, applying Blake's philosophy, I would say the reason for this is that "energy is from the body". Crowley and Aziraphale have both been given bodies in order that they can exist on earth, and *have* existed on earth for 6000 years, therefore "energy" - physical pleasures and free thinking - have become a part of who they are.

On a more fundamental level, possession of a body can be equated to humanity, and humanity has been shown as the most powerful force of all in this story, its influence having led to Adam becoming "human incarnate", and thus acting according to what he feels is right, instead of fulfilling the function he was destined for.

Heaven and Hell contain no material objects, and the Angels and Demons are spiritual beings, having no bodies, so they are not open to energy, and therefore are wholly governed by Reason, and the preservation of the religious structures within which they exist. Structures which, as for Blake, may not actually have anything to do with God herself. In S1 she is a distant observer, clearly aware through her narration of all that is going on, but not interceding in any way. In S2 she is barely present save for her voice being heard briefly in Job, and overlaid with Gabriel's on two occasions.

Bearing all this in mind, what predictions can we make regarding S3 by applying Blake's philosophy?

"The ancient tradition that the world will be consumed in fire at the end of six thousand years is true, as I have heard from Hell.

For the cherub with his flaming sword is hereby commanded to leave his guard at [the] tree of life, and when he does, the whole creation will be consumed and appear infinite and holy, whereas it now appears finite and corrupt.

This will come to pass by an improvement of sensual enjoyment."

The parallels of the cherub with his flaming sword, and the passage of 6000 years should be obvious to anyone reading this - they have of course been lifted directly from the Bible as they are in GO.

I have read some metas which speculated that Aziraphale's bookshop, or perhaps Earth itself, is a metaphorical stand-in for Eden or The Tree of Life. Aziraphale has been commanded to leave his "Eden" and will now be instrumental in causing the whole of creation to become infinite and holy, but Blake tells us this will be done by an improvement of sensual enjoyment, which arises from Energy not Reason.

Sensual enjoyment is something which is intrinsic to Aziraphale's character, and this could make his placement in Heaven very important.

Putting aside all the "final fifteen" theories and taking matters at face value, Aziraphale tells us that if he's in charge he can make a difference - he needs to subvert the system from the inside out. The most subversive thing of all could be that a sensualist who acts according to "the voice of moral indignation" and "Energy" has become the supreme Archangel. We have seen in Blake how a realisation that Energy could be virtuous was enough to convert an Angel into a Devil (incidentally, does the image of an Angel being consumed by fire and emerging as a Devil seem familiar at all...)

We may have seen the beginnings of this already. Gabriel and Beelzebub became open to Energy from such little things as visiting earth, spending time in one another's company, and their mutual enjoyment of a song, which has given them wants and desires beyond those dictated by Heaven and Hell. This is enough to make them wish to leave their roles behind.

It's possible that the same may happen with Muriel. They haven't yet imbibed food or drink, but they have shown an enjoyment of books, which are an earthly pleasure, and open the reader up to new ideas and ways of thinking.

Of course, this would lead to questions regarding the Metatron's statement that he has "ingested things", and whether this means he is acting from reason or energy. Of course the simplest explanation is that it is a manipulation tactic, and he is lying about having done so, but if true that statement has some interesting implications. However, this is now super-long and I'm out of juice, so will leave others to speculate. I may return to this in the future!

There we go, hope you enjoyed. I doubt this will reach nearly as many people as my first Blake post, but if a few find it of interest then my work is done!

[iam93percentstardust]

i hope you're doing well, sending hugs! <3

Thank you for the well wishes! They mean the world to me, and I love you to pieces! Don't read any further if you don't want the lengthy, depressing rant.

But honestly? I'm not alright. I'm really discouraged and rapidly coming to think that maybe the only way I'll be alright is if I stop writing for a while (okay, maybe not stop writing, but definitely stop posting) so I can reset my brain to think the way modern fandom seems to think these days.

The problem is that I've gotten to the point where I actively dread posting the last chapter of something because once upon a time (last year), posting the last chapter of something meant I'd get a whole influx of new readers to be excited about it on top of all the regular commenters who came with me from chapter 1. But now, I don't get either. A lot of people don't want to read wips, but they seem to not want to read long fics either. Posting the last chapter of a fic, for a while now, has increasingly come to mean getting 1 or 2 comments within the first 24 hours and a couple more trickling in over the next few days and that's it.

And I try really, really hard to be okay with that. I try not to be the entitled bitch I keep getting accused of being, but it's hard. Because I miss that thriving, active community of a couple years ago where, even if I didn't get comments on a thing, there were still people to talk to. I don't feel that way anymore. I feel like I have to actively fight to get any attention for a fic, and god forbid I hope that people will respond to it. As I said just a few days ago, I increasingly feel like I'm not just shouting into a void but that the void is ignoring me.

And I get that this is how fandom is now. I think my inbox and the notes on my last post about people being unwilling to read not just wips but also unwilling to read completed long fics too proves that--a whole lot of writers saying they miss when people would take a chance on wips, and a whole bunch of readers explaining why they, personally, should be excused from the people expected to support authors of wips. Which isn't to call anyone specifically out, but it felt like I was seeing the bystander effect in action: all these people seemed to have the impression that Someone Else would read the wips and support the authors, and it was depressing.

But like I said: this is how fandom is now. Short of a completely drastic restructuring of the internet and social media, I don't see fandom returning to a stage where the end of a fic is celebrated, where comments are abundant, and wips are seen as just as valid as completed fics. And I need to learn to be okay with that, but for all that I tell myself not to get hopeful when I post something new, that the odds are high I'll only get a couple comments at best... I still do. I still get disappointed on days like today when I post the last chapter of something and 9 hours later still don't have a single comment on the chapter. I still question whether my writing is any good or if I peaked three years ago.

And that's my own personal problem to deal with. I need to learn to be okay with this new fandom direction. I just worry that maybe I can't. Maybe the best thing for me is to accept that I don't fit in with this version of fandom and that maybe it's time for me to bow out.

[scarlet--wiccan]

hi hope ur having a good day! sorry for the incoming stupid question but I didn't rlly know who else to ask. i plan on writing a mcu fic and wanda&pietro are going to be side characters in it, I don't like the fact that the mcu white washed them so I was planning on writing them as romani+Jewish but in one of your posts you discourage non-Roma to write Romani characters bc we might write them like a stereotype. should I write them as only Jewish or? thanks for reading

No, I would never tell you to erase or omit the fact that these characters are Romani. You should be able to include characters of color in your narrative without intruding on closed cultures or experiences that would be inappropriate for you to speak on.

In the past, I've stated that it's not appropriate for non-Romani people to write first-hand about Romani culture, community and upbringing. To that end, I would discourage anyone who is writing original fiction from using Romani characters as primary or POV protagonists. That doesn't mean you should never include Romani characters, however, rather than aiming for "authentic representation," you should focus on being aware of the social and historical contexts that apply to those characters and their circumstances. You can develop a sense of where a person comes from, what their family does, what kind of challenges they've faced, and things like that without digging into stuff like culture and customs. That may limit the scope of what you can represent-- you're not going to be writing about life inside a traditional community, for example-- but that's okay. You're just going to have to leave it to us to share those stories, if and when we choose.

With existing characters like Wanda and Pietro, it's tough because there are already so many voyeuristic and stereotypical depictions of their upbringing and their community in the canon. My goal has always been to sort through that material and identify the parts that are truthful or informative, and share them with proper context so that other fans can develop a better understanding of what these characters represent. I'm very happy to answer more specific questions about that, if you have any.

I don't know what the plot of your fanfic is, or how closely its going to hew to the M C U, but if you can do the research and figure out an appropriate, accurate way to fit European Romani characters into that setting, then more power to you. Personally, I think that those movies, especially the Avengers ones, kinda suck, and there's nothing salvageable about that version of Wanda or Pietro. It's not just that they're white, their story is an overall poor adaptation of the source material, and inserting Romani characters into those roles would actually create really awful, racist optics. These people are HYDRA collaborators, for fuck's sake. I don't think anybody, especially gadje, should be waste their time trying to "fix" the M C U Maximoffs.

[32timeparadox23]

As per OP's prev tags asking for a guide to installing Revanced, I'm here to step up to the plate as someone who had an absolute bitch of a time getting it set up the first time (due to what I'll call Guide Confusion) and would like to make it easy for anyone looking to get it! So...

Welcome to Katie's Impromptu and Exhaustive Beginner's Guide to Getting Revanced (with pictures!)

(Not kidding about exhaustive btw, this got long. Brevity? Never met her)

Step 0: Preparations and Beginner Tips

So, there is a guide on Reddit, but I'm still going to write out my own version with some more explanations of the steps involved.

For example, the Reddit guide lists turning off Google Play Protect as a necessary step before doing anything else. On my phone that wasn't required, and I was able to bypass all the 'Warning! This Application May Contain Harmful Content' warnings the installs threw at me without trouble. Your phone might work like mine, or it might not let you download non-Store apps at all if Play Protect isn't disabled, and if that's the case then all you need to do to turn it off is:

1. Open the Play Store app

2. Go to your profile picture in the upper right corner

3. Find the option labeled Play Protect

4. Go to the gear icon in the upper right corner

5. There should be an option to turn off scanning apps with Play Protect

With that, Play Protect will be deactivated. With that, I'd also like to take a quick sidebar to issue a piece of beginner advice:

Downloading non-Play Store apps is generally going to give you a scary warning about how the contents could be harmful to your device. This is at least in part to discourage you from downloading anything not approved for the app store (i.e. anything they can't/won't monetize and take a cut from) but it's not an entirely empty threat. You don't ever want to be downloading and installing things onto your phone if you don't trust the source. All the links I'll be providing in this guide are ones I've personally used to get Revanced and have had no issues with, so you can do what I did and ignore the warnings on these.

As for Revanced specifically, you don't ever want to download something that isn't specifically from the official developers of Revanced or its predecessor Vanced (RIP). The links will be on the official Revanced github and apkmirror. If you find a Revanced download somewhere else, it's wise to be skeptical, especially since Revanced isn't just one download.

But before I get into that, there're two more preparation steps listed in the Reddit guide.

The second step listed is allowing unknown downloads in your browser. This I can't say anything about, since the option to allow/disallow this doesn't appear to exist on my phone. If you need to do this, my best guess would be to go to your browser settings and look around in the Downloads tab, but if you can't find it and can't download anything in this guide, I'd search something like 'allow unknown downloads for [your phone's make and model]' to see if anyone else has the same problem.

The third and final piece of preparation, however, IS entirely necessary and required: disable or uninstall your YouTube app. The reason for this is that modded apps like Revanced work on a slightly older version of the app than is up to date. You'll be downloading a YouTube APK for this — basically a copy of YouTube that can still connect to YouTube's servers. This is also the reason Revanced randomly breaks sometimes; as YouTube constantly updates, it stops supporting older versions, and eventually the version you have Revanced with will get cut from the list and it won't be able to access YouTube's servers anymore. This takes several months to happen though, so don't worry, you won't be needing to download and patch a new YT APK every other week or anything.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Deleting YouTube is the best play in my opinion, since it gets it out of the way and you can always redownload it through the Play Store if needed. If you'd rather disable it, though, you can do that by:

1. Go into your phone settings

2. Select Apps

3. Select All Apps

4. Zoom to the bottom to get to YouTube, open it

5. Disable it

Once you have YouTube uninstalled or disabled, it's time to move on to the non-prep steps.

Step 1: Download Vanced MicroG

You might be wondering why that says Vanced and not Revanced. This is because Revanced is the successor to the original YouTube Vanced project, which did all the same stuff but unfortunately flew too close to the sun and started selling NFTs, which allowed YouTube to slap them with a cease and desist since they were now technically making money off their ad-less YouTube mod that was barely legal to begin with. But programs to get rid of ads are like a hydra, and cutting off one head inevitably led to many others taking Vanced's source code and making their own. When the dust settled, Revanced became the best option.

However, we still need the Vanced MicroG to make it run.

MicroG on its own is basically a free, open-source software framework that mimics Google's libraries and services. Vanced MicroG is a modified version that's specifically designed to mimic GMS (Google Mobile Services). This is what allows you to log into and use your Google/YouTube account through Revanced and have everything still work as it's supposed to.

Vanced MicroG Download:

https://github.com/TeamVanced/VancedMicroG/releases/tag/v0.2.24.220220-220220001

Ignore the source code, all you need is the microg.apk file at the top of the list.

It should automatically try to install when you download it. It'll also warn you that the contents could be harmful. They aren't, so go ahead and authorize the install.

If it does not automatically install, go to your files app and navigate to downloads. If you have it sorted by most recent downloads, it'll be at the very top. Selecting it from here should give you the option to install.

And with that, you're through step one!

Step 2: Download Revanced Manager

This is what allows you to patch YouTube APKs with Revanced. It also automatically checks for updates, and tells you what the recommended version of YouTube APK is without having to go searching for individual websites or blogs for news. You can also patch YouTube Music to be ad-free with this, though you will need to download the YouTube Music APK separately.

Revanced Manager Download:

https://github.com/revanced/revanced-manager/releases/tag/v1.24.0

Once again, you want the .apk file at the very top. From here, it's the same as with the MicroG, download and let it install.

Once again, if it doesn't install automatically, you should be able to find it in your downloads and activate the installation manually.

Step 3: Getting the YouTube APK

Go into your shiny new Revanced Manager. If you can't find it, scroll through your apps. It should look something like this:

When you get into it, navigate to the Patcher tab and tap 'Select an app'. It should look something like this:

My app is actually a bit out of date, whoops. But you can see that it lists a version in there. As of the day I'm writing this, April 24th, 2025, the current recommended app version is v20.07.39. Thankfully, it is very very easy to Google 'youtube apk 20.07.39' and find exactly what we're looking for. The very first auto complete, even.

The top result there is what you want. APKMirror is a safe site that, in my experience, doesn't have any viruses in their files. Unfortunately, it does have a shit-ton of ads. Scroll past all of them until you get to a section that looks like this:

The answer to which you'll need is on the right. dpi means dots per inch; basically it measures screen intensity. Some APKs are made specifically for certain dpis and dpi ranges. nodpi means the download is for all devices — while the one above it, which lists 120-640dpi, is for devices that have a dpi in that range.

Unless you know what you have is specifically within that dpi range, select the nodpi version. Scroll down until you see this and select download.

Lol. Lmao, even.

Congratulations, you now have a YouTube APK! Don't install this one, though. Instead, go back to Revanced Manager and open the Patcher tab. Go ahead and select YouTube.

You might just be able to patch it immediately from there. If you get this, however:

Congrats, yours works like mine does. Go ahead and select the APK from storage. Make sure you're in your Downloads folder, not just your recents, as it may not show up there. It should look something like this:

Go ahead and select it. It should immediately bring up this screen:

There's a ton of quality of life stuff Revanced does aside from removing ads, like returning the dislike button. You can technically go in and select what you do and don't want in the patch, but unless you really know what you're doing, I'd advise sticking with the default settings. If it adds something you really hate, you can always repatch the APK and try again.

It can take anywhere from a few seconds to several minutes to finish patching the YouTube APK, so be patient. Once it's done, though, well... it's done! You're done! You've got Revanced! No more ads for you, and you can do background listening or picture-in-picture while you're in other apps! Enjoy!

P.S.

YouTube Music works the same way, so if you want that go ahead and grab the recommended version of that APK (through APKMirror). Patch that bad boy and enjoy your ad-free music.

Also, like I said before, Revanced breaks periodically. All you need to do is download the newest recommended APK version and repeat the process. Slightly annoying, but guaranteed 10000x less annoying than 2-3 unskippable ads before each video + midrolls.

Reminder that you can block most ads on Android. yes, including youtube ads.

Steps: Download Firefox -> Install uBlock Origin extension.

That's literally it. Enjoy ad free web browsing while we still (barely) have it!

[onemindzen]

There are five lay, ten major, and forty-eight minor Bodhisattva Precepts.

The first Five Precepts are known as the “Lay Precepts,” as anyone, planning to be ordained or not, can receive them. Taking them indicates a desire to follow the Buddhadharma and be involved in the Sangha (community of practitioners) as best as one is able. The Ten Bodhisattva Precepts are for more advanced practitioners who may or may not be considering ordination. While all Precepts are largely aspirational, they are likewise to be taken seriously. We don’t just give them lip service, reciting them and then going back to our worldly ways of violating one or more on a daily basis.

The Lay Precepts:

1) The First Precept;

I vow to support all living creatures, and refrain from killing.

2)The Second .Precept;

 I vow to respect the property of others, and refrain from stealing.

3) The Third Precept

I vow to regard all beings with respect and dignity, and refrain from objectifying others.

4)The Fourth Precept;

I vow to be truthful, and refrain from lying.

5) The Fifth Precept:

I vow to maintain a clear mind and refrain from harming myself or others with intoxication.

The First states what proper action is—“Support all living creatures,” and then what not to do in order to accomplish that. But there are many ways to support all living creatures that don’t involve not just killing them! 

The Second means refraining from not taking credit for someone else’s work to not using a Chat AI to write a term paper.

The Third could mean that we don’t objectify or separate ourselves by defining someone solely based on sexual orientation.

The Fourth would include spreading rumors, gossip, and conspiracy theories in addition to not telling outright falsehoods.

The Fifth means to keep a clear mind, the mind of the Buddhadharma, the mind of the Middle Path. There are many things that can cloud our minds, not just getting drunk or high! 

The Bodhisattva Precepts:

The Sixth Precept: 

I vow to be kind and to encourage others, and to refrain from discouraging others including myself.

The Seventh Precept:

I vow to be kind to others and refrain from being boastful and self-centered. 

The Eighth Precept:

I vow to be generous, to be grateful for what I have, and refrain from yearning for things that do not belong to me.

The Ninth Precept:

I vow to promote harmony and refrain from acting in anger or hatred.

The Tenth Precept:

I vow to affirm and uphold the three jewels (the Buddha, the Sangha and the Dharma).

You may notice that these ten Precepts are basically the same as all other versions taken from the Bhramajala Sutra. Our Sangha’s are slightly different from some Orders in that we state the aspiration of the Precept. In addition to what not to do; they also include what to do. 

Prior to taking new precepts, reflect on how each one might express itself in your own life. In what ways, for example, do your actions harm other living creatures. Use each precept as a mindfulness exercise that enables you to minimize harm to others and to reduce your tendencies toward greed, hatred, and delusion.

It’s also important to note that these are vows we are taking to demonstrate our desire to live an honorable life. They are not Commandments in the Judeo-Christian sense—there’s no soul burning in hell for all eternity. There is however an acknowledgement that our actions do have consequences—karma good or bad—which may not manifest itself immediately or even in an obvious way. Our individual and collective actions leave a wake and a legacy. We should bear in mind what the possible outcomes to our actions may be, and whether we’re willing to accept them. 

Likewise important that there may be times when correct action actually means breaking a Precept is a given situation. In the Lotus Sutra the Buddha himself lied in order to lure children out of a burning building. An important factor to consider in these situations is whether we are breaking a Precept in order to benefit others, not just ourselves. 

That is the bottom line of these Precepts. We receive them as individuals, but we practice them for the sake of all beings, not just ourselves.

Myeong Jin Eunsahn

Won Yung Sunmin

July 9, 2023

[avelera]

Hello! First of all, I'm loving your writing, thank you for sharing it with us 😊 I think I saw that you had participated in an Odyssey writing workshop in the past? I applied for an upcoming workshop- I'm a published poet but have had a hard time finishing a novel/fiction in general. Is it a program you'd recommend for someone looking to switch genres? Thank you!

Hey there Anon!

It's hard to answer your question directly without a deeper knowledge of your specific goals.

HOWEVER, if I may wax poetic for a second, the Odyssey Writing Workshop is where you go, in my opinion, when you want to achieve 10 years of genre fiction writing development in 6 weeks. If I had to say when one should attend it, I'd say it's a pretty advanced course, one I'd recommend to writers like fanfic writers (speaking from my own context) who have finished at least one (1) longfic and who feel their desire to go pro or at least take a serious swing at it is stable and strong enough that advanced workshopping will not discourage them. For me, knowing that I had a few dozen fics under my belt and one popular, complete longfic gave me the confidence to both attend the course and to not be daunted or discouraged by the possibility of tough-but-useful critique, because I sincerely wanted to get better and take a real stab at going pro on some level (even if it's not a full time job, for example).

If you're not a fanfic writer, I'd say the equivalent would be, say, you've completed one novel draft and/or about 10 short stories and have undergone enough critique that receiving a bad critique or one that tells you what you don't want to hear (even if it's true) no longer rocks you enough that you'll consider giving up on writing. This requires self-knowledge and perseverance that--I cannot stress this enough--no one can really know when you've achieved except you.

Now, I was also a creative writing major in college at a top 20-ish liberal arts school in the US and I cannot stress this enough the experience was such utter garbage and I would never do it again nor would I recommend it to anyone. I have an entire rant around the way creative writing is taught in colleges and universities in the US. I can't speak to all experiences but short version, if you see a class that is 1) no practical craft lessons and 2) nothing but amateurs workshopping other amateurs, RUN FOR THE HILLS. The format (originating at the University of Illinois) is literally so bad that I buy into the conspiracy theory that it was deliberately crafted to discourage writers as part of the "War on Communism". But that's a discussion for another day.

Because creative writing is taught so poorly in the US, I was on the lookout, for literal years to find a place where I could actually learn writing craft/technique and not just workshop with other amateurs forever. Particularly I wanted to learn to write sci-fi/fantasy/historical fiction (aka, genre fiction), which is nearly impossible in the US university system.

I have taken other workshops and courses besides Odyssey, including at the NYC New School for science fiction writing and another very well regarded one called Viable Paradise, which I also recommend as a very fun time and a shorter time commitment. However, Odyssey was everything I was looking for as far as nose-to-the-grindstone, bootcamp style craft. How to create a plot if you're bad at plot. How to worldbuild. How to create suspense. How to write a story an editor or agent isn't going to immediately toss in the Reject bin. Nowhere else has even come close to how much I learned there. I suspect not even the Clarion Workshops, which are even more famous, would be as useful based on my comparison of their curricula.

Will it help you transition from poetry to genre fiction? I'm not really sure. Will it teach you how to write genre fiction if you're already a passionate amateur/intermediate skilled writer hoping to become advanced? Yes, it is literally better than any other program I've ever encountered and that is after a great deal of thorough searching.

[britcision]

Once again and as always:

Okay, recommend something

Not “read a comic” or “find something from a “good run” of this character”

Be specific, because DC canon is a fucking hellscape behemoth and almost all of it is directly contradictory

Which run of which character do you want people to read? Because ALL of the DC branded content is canon

Yes, even the Superman who blames Kon for being created in the Young Justice cartoon

Yes, even the Batman slapping his Robins around

Yes, the New 52, no matter how much you hate it

Yes, everything pre-New 52, no matter how much you hate that

I HAVE dipped my toes in DC content; I read every run of Suicide Squad and Harley Quinn comics up to 2018. I’ve watched movies, tv shows, and animated series.

You know what I learned?

There is no such thing as consistent characterisation.

Ever. For anyone.

Every “fanon” thing I have ever seen a DC fan complain about people “getting wrong” can be directly supported by DC canon.

It’s not “oddly controversial” to remind y’all that your DC head canons are not the actual canon, or that the runs you “don’t count” still are

I have deadass given up talking about canon lore with DC fans because I will cite a comic, show, or movie and be told “oh I don’t count that” as if that has anything to do with it being canon

DC EXPLICITLY embraces this; “every DC world is real including yours” kinda messaging was big in the 00s

And yet you still get supercilious jerks who’ll wander in on people having a good time playing with the dolls and complain “oh I don’t like how you’re writing this hero you should write them the way I want” instead of just writing what they want themselves, and wonder why it’s “oddly controversial”

You don’t have to like my interpretations of Batman, Superman, or any of the DC characters. They’re still just as valid as yours, so… yeah. I’m gonna discourage people from worrying and obsessing over finding a DC character’s “canon” personality

Because the second they have a second run, by a second head artist, there are now two options. And so on, ad infinitum, for every single new run, and new show, and new movie

When you want to write a DC character, do what DC’s paid professional writers who determine what is canon do: pick a version you like and stick with it, and fuck anything else

If you love DC and love a DC character and want to suggest a particular comic run, or show, or movie characterisation to people, that is fine! Hell yes, do it!

But. Be. Specific. Because if you say “oh go read a Young Justice comic” and I ask you which of the seven separate runs by the single name alone, you’d better be able to answer, because I’m sure as hell not reading all of them just to find the one you like.

And every single one you don’t like is still canon, and other people will all prefer different ones. They. Are. Not. Wrong. Just. Because. You. Disagree. Nor are you. Nor. Are. They.

DC characters past their second retcon/spinoff/retelling do not have a canon characterisation in the way characters from a single show do. It is not the reality we live in. And trying to pretend that you personally hold the key to the One True Canon is patronising, annoying, and almost always comes in the form of shitting on other people having fun for not doing it your way

Just be positive about the run you like, gush about it, suggest The Actual Specific Content You Want People To Look At So They Will Agree With The Characterisation You want. Self-test by googling the thing you want people to “just look up” and see how many other options are drowning your thing.

I’ll read another comic run if it looks actually interesting to me. I’m not going to bother trying to guess which version of the Justice League’s major players over 70 years of wildly contradictory content you’re thinking of when you complain I’m “writing a character wrong”

This is not a particularly controversial opinion

It’s weird that “hey, maybe read or watch some DC content” seems oddly controversial in DPxDC fandom

Presumably you enjoy the characters since you keep using them, you’ll probably like one of the comics tv shows or movies(especially the animated movies)

we don’t HAVE to treat the entirety of DC canon like it’s Phantom Planet

[mikarchive2]

books i read in march 2023 📚

( trying the read more thing for the first time ever cause this is so long hope it works 💖 )

1. the hurting kind by ada limón - ★★★★★ - goddamn it, i really cant decide between four and five stars here . but at the end of the day, even though i cant say i loved every single poem, the collection as a whole is so full of life and defiant grace i just cant resist rounding up . ada limón has to be one of the best nature poets ive read so far ( cant wait to reread some of these poems outside when spring begins to feel like spring ), and also one of the few who can truly make this blunt and direct writing style work . if i were to talk about every poem i enjoyed, id be here all day but shout out to foaling season specifically that one hit me almost physically

2 + 3. the sandman: the kindly ones ( vol. 9 ) + the sandman: the wake ( vol. 10 ) by neil gaiman - all the stars in space . to me - if i loved it less, i might be able to talk about it more . shrimp emotions dont even begin to describe everything these last two volumes make me feel . i say this all the time though + there is not much else i can say without spoiling things, so . i dont know . just read it . the one thing i want everyone to take from this blog is that they should read it

4. panics by barbara molinard - ★★★★ - i think i found this thanks to lees ( stephaniesays1968 ) storygraph ... one of the instances in which the story behind how something was written is almost more interesting than the writing itself . barbara molinard was known for destroying her work and this is the only book she ever published - and being aware of that does make the stories even more haunting . or haunted perhaps . very madwoman in the attic, very surrealistic, recommending this to those who enjoy kafka and shirley jackson

favourites: the plane from santa rosa, the fathers apartment, untitled ( isolated fragments, liberty ), taxi, the sponge, im alone and its night, the vault

5. serious concerns by wendy cope - ★ - i expected this collection to have roughly the same energy as the famous orange poem, but instead it was just very ... english wine mom after her fourth divorce . though undeniably witty, occasionally funny and even somewhat subversive, the ever-present vibe of cynical pragmatism made it completely unenjoyable for me . however, wendy copes wikipedia page claims that her later collections are different so perhaps i just started in the wrong place ? i wouldnt want to discourage anyone from giving this collection or author a try, but personally i simply dont share her sense of humor

6. contemplation by franz kafka - ★★★ - i spontaneously picked up the czech translation during a slow day at work and ... well, it sure helped pass the time ! i have no idea how i feel about kafkas fiction to be honest - on the one hand he is so much more than the sadboy people tend to reduce him to and there is certain joie de vivre in his writing, on the other hand i find his style ... dry . ( saying that feels like a crime ) this was a pretty hit-or-miss collection for me, but i feel more motivated to read more of his work now, so . a win is a win

favourites: the sudden walk, excursion into the mountains, passers-by, on the tram, clothes, rejection, reflections for gentlemen-jockeys, the street window

7. howls moving castle by diana wynne jones - ★★★★ - this was so whimsical and chaotic and just bursting with creativity . way more down-to-earth than i expected, but it was almost healing to see these really flawed characters loved and happy . im so excited to watch the movie now, unlike everyone else i didnt feel much for book howl ( i just kept thinking he needs a fancam set to womanizer ) but perhaps i will fall for his movie version ? we will see . im very intrigued by diana wynne jones' style, it made the story seem as if it was writing itself ... cant wait to read more ! and recommend her work to every child i run into

up next: i said this last month, but i need to read my silly little college textbooks for real this time, so i should take a little break from this weird marathon reading i seem to be doing . anyway i hope to slowly get thru weavers, scribes, and kings by amanda h. podany ( finally ! nonfiction ! ) and um . well . there is still the prequel to the sandman . and a few spin-offs that seem interesting . and i downloaded stardust the other day because i love actively making my parasocial relationships worse . i should disclose that im horrible at planning though, so chances are i will just read ten completely random books again instead of any of these . love and light

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH 1.

This is a reader insert I originally started posting on AO3. I’m cross posting here because I know some of the fandom still lives here.

Quick Disclaimer:

This is a fic I'm writing for my own comfort.

I was inspired by RaeBees (you can check out their works over on Quotev and AO3), and how they characterize the "proxies". Having always seen the characters different than most of the fandom I've interacted with I never really shared my thoughts until now. This work is only placed in the Creepypasta tag so it reaches its demographic. However, I am fully aware of the fact that no main character is considered a Pasta.

It may also appear to lean more Toby X Protag in the beginning but end goal is protag with all three, and Brian and Tim already in a relationship. How I picture it now is a slowburn but Toby and Protag will be in a friends with benefits relationship before either has any feelings, so I think that counts. Some may be confused by the asexual protag tag but it'll be explained in story, as an Ace myself I get frustrated with media that only show one version and say it goes for us all. That being said I don't represent the whole Ace community but I hope to provide a bit more representation for some others out there.

Protag will be depicted as agender, and will have a few tics that stem from their Autism. Again I don't speak for any others with Autism but I hope to provide some representation for those in similar positions.

Tags will be updated as the story progresses. Canon-Typical violence and mental health issues are to be expected if you feel uncomfortable with those aspects I advise you to not engage. This story will also have a lot of NSFW themes and scenes so I highly discourage anyone under the age of 18 from viewing this work. You will get warnings on chapters with NSFW and I will make it skippable as well.

I'm also very nitpicky and gave the main characters birthdays just because it irritates me when it gets mentioned once and you have to do the math or imagine your own conversation when a birthday was too close to a character's.

Tim January 1st, home state Alabama

Toby April 28th, home state Virginia (saw this years ago no clue if it's accurate)

Protag May 13th, home state Virginia

Brian May 23rd, home state Alabama

Connor the service dog July 18th, home state Kentucky

I've referred to Protag as Protag here but in story they're referred to as YN.

Everything felt impossibly dull; your senses, the dark room you're currently in, the noise coming from the fan just to the left of the bed on which you laid. Turning to the window beside your head you stare out into that weird midnight summer sky. More of a gray than a true dark blue night, cast in an orange glow that made the night seem closer to day than it truly was. While the time was just half past twelve, you felt it may have been more accurate to say it was closer to four in the morning.

You're exhausted but that true sort of exhaustion where whatever energy you have left buzzes all around. It consumes your entire being, dances between being deafeningly loud in your ears to giving you twitches in your legs. You'd laid down hours ago thinking you'd be tired enough to sleep once your tics started to spasm in closer intervals, but to no avail were you able to rest. That buzzing preventing you from dreamland. Maybe the hum of your body was right, you didn't really need to sleep, you just wanted it to feel normal.

Knowing the battle had already been lost you push yourself off the bed and grab a pair of shorts off the floor. Slipping them on you contemplate your options for the night. Going into town was out since it was Sunday...well Monday now, but there would be nothing but bars open and you were never one for drinking. And as fun as a drive sounds right now, you feel the buzzing in your bones grow stronger, you need to move. A late night hike should keep you occupied, with it being so quiet and the middle of the night you wouldn't even have to take your headphones to cancel out the sounds of other people, you aren't likely to run into many people tonight.

Deciding on a hike you grab a mask and car keys and make your way to your yellow Kia Soul. A going away present from your parents that they gave you the moment you got your driver's license after your 24th birthday. Having anxiety throughout your life you'd never been in the head space to start driving till later on, and while you still don't enjoy driving you are pretty good at it even with your “late” start. Surfing through radio stations as you let the car warm up you find your latest obsession, it's a conspiracy theory podcast that someone in Kepler managed to blast through the limited air ways of the town. Impressive considering Kepler was in a radio quiet zone and even cell phones couldn't work in the small town, luckily you lived just outside of the zone so you could send texts and call your parents every weekend.

It seemed today's episode was a rerun, Mothman: Murderer, Man, or Myth. It was actually one of your favorites, the paranormal stories tended to be more entertaining than hearing about how a man could murder sixteen people while working as a cop ruining evidence to lead the others off his trail. Humans could be more vial and cruel than any little gray alien from the future or tall Fresno Nightcrawler could ever be. And they weren't as entertaining to hear about, nor were their exploits as impressive. You could always see patterns, either connecting clues first or finding connections no one else saw, it was never hard to tell where a certain case would lead so you'd always end up disappointed in humanity when they overlooked such obvious clues. Though that often led you down a path of deep diving for information to see just how obvious it was, more often than not you'd find that the most logical conclusion was shady public officers. After investigating so many cold cases you're sure if you're ever in trouble you'll never involve the police, in the end they'd probably just ignore you and rule your case closed if anything ever did happen to you.

'I'd haunt them if they did.' You decide and you shift gears and begin driving to the Monongahela National Forest, as the timeline of Mothman sightings and events play out before for your ears.

Instead of going through town and possibly loosing the signal of the show, you drive on the old dirt road that runs along the very edge of the town, partially covered in trees. This over grown road is the main reason Kepler doesn't see many visitors, the second someone makes their way onto it coming off the interstate they floor it until they see civilization. Over the few months you've been here you've nearly been run right off the road by spooked tourists, trying to escape whatever ghouls their wild imaginations created. The only real thing on this road was a mini mart gas station, and even though it was shady as hell the cashier didn't bug you too much when you came in in the dead of night. Plus they had a cat, how could you not stop in and say hi to little ole Magnolia?

Speaking of which you should probably get a drink for your hike, you could already feel your throat drying out. Turning into the parking lot you're happy to see no other cars around, putting your face mask on you make your way inside. As usual the store is dead at this time, and Ronnie is manning the desk. What's unusual is the man also behind the counter, he has dark brown hair that he's tied into a small and low ponytail, thick sideburns frame his face. You immediately take note of the slight imperfections of his face, most would see the slit in his eyebrow as following the current trend or even just a genetic thing, but you can see the slightly off color of a healed scar that starts just above his eyebrow and ends mid eyelid, he has a few smaller discolorations on his crooked nose, you'd guess he's had it broken at least twice.

Briefly taking a glance to his brown eyes before looking away, today is not an eye contact day. Nodding in their directions, the best acknowledgment you can give right now, you make your way to the freezers. From the freezer section you can hear Ronnie “explain” you.

“That's YN, a regular mainly at night though. A bit skittish and rarely ever says more than 'thanks have a nice day'” Even though she's whispering you can hear everything. Including the high octave her voice takes to mimic you, it feels more like mocking.

If being mocked hadn't already put you on edge the eyes boring into you have. The eyes may not be roaming over your body but the icky crawling of your skin sure makes it feel that way. The feeling of being put under a microscope has always made you sick, the stares, the leers and sneers, and the judgment just makes you want to implode on the spot. Cease existence, be swallowed into the abyss. You're about to set yourself into an anxiety attack with all these thoughts.

'Mask, mask, mask' you repeat over and over in your head, it's the only thing you can focus on. You are wearing a mask, there is one thing they can't perceive, the face is the most important for humans to perceive, your mask protects you.

Without looking you pull a water bottle from the cooler. You don't think you like this brand but the sports mouth makes up for it, and you can't focus enough to grab another. As the imaginary spiders crawl their way under your skin and your breath hitches you make your way over to the counter head down, never looking up at the employees beyond the counter. Your vision is blurring in time with the beating of your heart, you can't tell if it's due to nerves or from being up for five days in a row.

“Hey YN, how're you?” Ronnie asks, her tone is different from the past times you've been in. It's higher and has a lilt in it that you'd expect from a teasing friend. But Ronnie isn't a friend and has never spoken to you like this, you hate it. You nod to politely move on with the process, between the crawling of your skin and the buzzing underneath it you feel sick. And you're now very aware of the existence of your eyelids, you try to focus on ignoring that awareness. You need to move.

“Hmm, that's good. Anyway this is Tim! He's just started so go easy on him.” you hear the sound of a hand hitting fabric and assume she's patted Tim's shoulder as she introduced Tim to you. Why was she doing this, what purpose could introducing you two have? You nod again, was anyone going to ring you out?

“Hi, this all?” a deep voice asked, it isn't extremely deep more of a standard baritone that has a slight raspy quality, probably a reformed smoker. You don't smell cigarettes currently so he could've quit after years. Unfortunately despite your efforts to stave them off your blinking tics emerge. Making it difficult to keep your eyes open for longer than a nano second.

Startled and ticcing you look up and catch his eyes, you see pity in them, before casting your glance back to the counter. You can never tell what's worse people seeing you as weird or seeing you as something needing to be fixed. Nodding again, Tim tells you the total; a dollar fifty eight, and you hand him two dollars from your wallet.

Tim doesn't ask if you want the receipt or a bag, he prints out the receipt and hands you your change. The change goes immediately into the cat food fund for Magnolia. She got diagnosed with diabetes about a month ago and having worked in shelters and pet stores you know just how expensive her prescription food is. After folding the receipt into your wallet, Tim gently slides the water bottle over to you.

“Have a good night.” he says it so low and gentle, as if he thinks you'll shatter in front of him. As kind as the gesture seems, you aren't that fragile...or maybe you are if you have to keep repeating 'mask' over and over in your head to ground yourself. With a final nod you turn and make your way to the door, and just as you open it you hear Ronnie call out.

“Awwww, c'mon YN at least say 'Hi' to Tim.” You really don't like how she squeaked out 'hi'.

Taking a deep breath you prepare yourself, you'll show them both you can do this simple task. Even if you can't stop blinking long enough to see straight. Once you've steadied yourself you turn and look at Tim. He's sending you a look that says 'You don't have to' all that's missing is a slow head shake to complete his unease with this “peer pressure”.

But you can do this you can say 'Hi, Tim.' Two words super simple, nothing complex like 'Hi, Tim, nice to meet you.' and so much better than the option of your next meeting saying 'Hi, Tim. Sorry for spazzing out the other night.'. Yup you can do this just breathe, you open your mouth and...and you've forgotten what to say. Looking like a deer in headlights, well at least the tics stopped, you say the first thing that pops in.

“Mask.” You've said it loud and clear both cashiers heard you.

Tim stares with wide eyes and you see Ronnie failing to hide her laughter. Out of all the ways this could've gone this was probably the best outcome for her. The blinking has started up again, this time growing more frequent. You can't even hold your eyes open, to the two cashiers it must look like you're in pain or crying. And while you want to die of embarrassment, crying is a bit of an extreme for you.

So with red face and the inability to see you leave through the door, and try to make your way back to your car. Once in you lock the doors, switch the car on, and rest your head on the steering wheel. Out of every way this stop could've gone, being perceived by a new comer and Ronnie was not what you expected. While this hadn't been the worst five minutes or so of your life, it definitely would be another thing keeping you up at night for the next twenty years.

Calming down in the cool quiet dark of your car your slowly brought back to the world by the beginning of a new episode. This one talking about the Tailypo legend. A favorite story of yours from when you were a kid living on the coast of Virginia. So with yet another deep breath and the wave of nostalgia, you pull out of the parking lot and slowly coast down the old dirt road. Heading yet again for the Monongahela forest.

It's nearly two in the morning when you roll up to see an RV parked by the forgotten entrance of the park. It isn't surprising at all to find an RV out here since the Monongahela Forest is one of the most beautiful parks you've ever been to. You also don't think anything of them being parked by this unused entrance because you use it all the time since finding it accidentally. Figuring they just wanted to camp and be left to their own devices rather than use the RV sites and be bothered with other campers here for the summer.

Climbing out of your car you notice the RV isn't new by any means but it isn't a total rust bucket either, looks like it's been passed around throughout the years. There isn't anything to suggest it's been here a while, nothing left set up outside, must have just gotten into town then. You do happen to notice dog tracks around the sandy dirt you've parked in, good to know they have a dog before you slammed your car door. Closing the door gently behind you so you don't startle a pup and wake up it's owner or owners, you make your way through the woods. No real direction in mind, with no real thought in your head. Just the thought of moving and to keep on moving.

You could walk the same path every time you came through and always find something different. In fact that's exactly what happens, you're almost positive that you've deepened the imprint of the path just from walking through several times a week. Following the same winding path you usually do, climbing over the fallen tree, and through a scattering of blueberry thicket's you find yourself on the edge of one of the forest's many streams. It's your favorite spot in the forest so far, and about as far as you've gotten considering these hikes of yours take place during the dead of night.

The wind picks up and sends a chill through you, taking that as a sign you slide down to sit by the stream. Vans placed to your side as you sink your feet into the cool water. It's peaceful out here, so cool, and quiet, save for the slight noises the stream makes, various bubbling and drips. You try to think on things like your recent move, your job, the embarrassing 'mask' incident, just life in general. But you can't seem to form a single thought, this happens a lot, you've recently been conscious of the fact that you've been running on auto pilot for the past two months, hell a lot longer than that. You think everyone must get like this from time to time, but you think you've always been this way. Keen to dissociating and slipping in and out of existence.

It's quite nice really, except for the times like right now where you'd love to figure out why the silence in your head is so painfully loud. The more you think on it the louder it gets and the stronger the buzzing under your skin feels. And right now the static in your mind has been getting louder and louder for the past few minutes. You feel your head jerk to the right of it's own accord, moving back in place it happens for a second time, and then a third, then jerks up, before jerking a forth time to the right effectively cracking you neck.

“There we go.” you mumble, you can relax a bit as the verbal tic indicates the end of this round of tics.

Sighing you look at the sky...that can't be right. The sky has been painted it's fresh baby blues for the day, but again that can't be right. You just got to the stream, that path is a thirty minute walk meaning it should be just about two thirty in the morning, but the sky suggests it's five or six at the latest. Reaching for your water bottle you find it empty next to you. You didn't fall asleep you know that much, perhaps you did dissociate tonight. Well this hike was disappointing if you knew you were going to dissociate you'd have saved yourself that embarrassment and stayed home. Maybe done some painting or tidied up.

Sighing you push yourself off the ground, collecting you vans you're about to put them on when you notice a figure off in the distance. You freeze out of shock and stare at the figure, it stares back. The figure is about ten yards away, god your near sighted ass should really remember to not leave your glasses in the car when hiking. The figure starts to make it's way to you and after a few steps you realize it hasn't moved from it's spot. Rolling your eyes you ignore the hallucination.

You'd really needed to get sleep last night, today is day six of no sleep and though you haven't had many episodes these past few days, you have a feeling they'll start to get more prominent today. Hopefully tonight you can manage to get some rest, the longer you go without sleep the more realistic the hallucinations become. But for today you're content with the knowledge that it's just shadow like beings that you'll be seeing.

After putting on your shoes you start the thirty minute hike back to your car. You're thankful for the weather in Kepler, nothing like back on the coast. Here you can go for a morning hike through the forest while a gentle breeze passes by and the sun starts to give the area a pleasant warmth. Back on the coast you couldn't run and grab the mail without getting drenched in moisture from either sweat, humidity, or a mixture of both.  The coast sucks, hell Virginia sucks altogether, you're glad to be in Kepler.

“I want to go home, home.” you say out of nowhere.

Before you reach the entrance you hear barking, oh the RV campers must be up. Should you be careful not to scare them, or just walk normally and say 'Good morning' in passing, maybe just nod your head in greeting. Oh and you've stopped just beside the entrance as you got lost in your rambling. You didn't mean to come to a stop here, and as you try to move you notice how silent it's gotten. Did the dog go inside, maybe they've already passed...no it's too quiet for that. No the silence is oppressive like the one you deal with nightly, there's a reason for the silence. The situation's making you feel uneasy, but that could be the sleep deprivation talking.

You're about to brush it off and move when you hear a whispered, “Seriously man, I don't think anyone's out there. Let's get inside.”

There's a noise of agreement before you hear shuffling. Oh no, you zoned out and now you look like a weirdo stalker. Just perfect, maybe if you wait around a little more you'll seem more normal or at least feel normal. Not knowing how long to wait you walk along the tree line for a bit, looking at the ground as you do making sure you won't step on any snakes. In you quest to not step on any snakes you spot something suspiciously off white. It seems purposefully buried under a dead blueberry bush and some fallen branches.

Having listened to too many true crime shows, you know better than to implicate yourself in a murder. Grabbing a stick off the ground you gently brush the foliage away from the supposed corpse. No way, you can't believe your luck, it's an actual fucking skull. An intact skull of a deer! That is so cool, you've only seen taxidermists on TikTok getting so lucky and finding these dudes. Since the jaw bone is connected by tissue it of course isn't with the skull but maybe it's close by? Clearly this got planted or hidden by someone, maybe they were planning on pranking a friend by 'uncovering' a skull later. Oh well, finders keepers and all that, you have way better plans for this guy, hopefully you can find that jaw bone.

You set off searching through the foliage and near by bushes with the branch while holding the skull in your other arm. After searching about three feet around and finding no more bones you decide that this is the only part of the deer's skeleton in this area. A little disappointed but still thrilled with your find, you decide it must be a good time to go back to your car.

Surely you won't look weird now. You a little forager with their treasure in hand. Looks like you'll be busy cleaning, then bleaching, and cleaning these bones today. Is that the order to treat found bones? You aren't sure but you can look into that later. Placing the skull in the trunk so it doesn't roll about and get damaged you make sure it's secure before closing the trunk and getting into your car and locking the doors.

Not once did you notice the pairs of eyes that had been watching you. One watching as you found the deer skull, and the other set seeing you place bones into your car. They kept watching as you fiddled with the radio while the car was starting up. They watched as you pulled out of the sandy dirt lot and drove back down the old road a little faster than before now that you could clearly see.

[palmett-hoes]

We Need To Talk About Kevin

excuse the silly title, but it’s time for another long character analysis, this time on a character who holds a complicated place in the fandom consciousness: kevin

like every other character in aftg, i have a lot of criticisms for the way that the fandom tends to characterize kevin, because i feel like it tends to reduce a very complicated character down into very binary terms, that of either anal-retentive comic relief or a perfect, underappreciated innocent, both of which ignore his important flaws and the nuance of his character arc throughout the trilogy

now this meta is probably going to sound very, very critical of kevin, as i am focusing on his flaws. but i want to be clear that i don’t hate kevin, i don’t even dislike him. in fact i far prefer the deeply “problematic” kevin from canon to the highly sanitized version in the fandom, just like i prefer my andrew violent and unethical, my neil rude and messy, and my upperclassmen ableist and permissibly homophobic

one thing i really LOVE about aftg is how hypocritical every character is, because it’s honest. they all stand for something but fall a little flat of it in practice. they all hold the people around them to standards they don’t hold themselves to

they’re not simple characters. they reflect their trauma in ways that are not pretty or harmless, and they even reflect wider societal flaws that may not be logical or justifiable.

just like i do.

just like you do.

just like real people do.

---

so with that all squared away: kevin

let’s start with this: what is the essence of kevin’s character? what does he stand for? what is he about? when you simplify him out into a single idea, what is he?

answers will vary, but for me, kevin is an analysis of the idea that you can have everything, you can be rich and famous and talented and immensely lucky on top of it all, and you can still be abused

neil repeats this idea over and over. how he’s jealous of kevin. how he resents kevin. how he wishes he were kevin. because kevin had everything and neil had nothing

remember this?

and this?

and this?

kevin the star. kevin the sensation. kevin the media darling.

lucky kevin, talented kevin, beloved kevin

and then neil gets a little bit closer and learns that that’s not the whole story. kevin was isolated, his worth tied to his performance, his whole personhood tied to exy. the perfect boy who was forbidden from being too perfect, who had to walk on eggshells so as not to incur the wrath of his brother and guardian

but at the same time that doesn’t totally erase everything he did have

i think the fandom focuses a lot on kevin’s inferiority complex from being assigned second best, and not nearly as much on the idea that kevin was SECOND BEST, above everyone else

the fact that kevin had power and sway in the nest makes us deeply uncomfortable, because it complicates kevin’s status as a victim, but it’s the truth. kevin was the third most powerful person in the nest, above dozens of ravens, and not even an owned person like jean

we should attempt to reckon with the fact that kevin was not a passive player in the ravens’ power structure, but someone who was actively involved and benefited from it. the ravens were his pawns, too. his subordinates, there to critique and punish as he saw fit. they weren’t his equals and he didn’t have to view them as fellow people

even if you choose not to believe that kevin took advantage of this power in the way riko did, you still have to accept that it very much shaped his perception and way of connecting with others, which is obvious in how he interacts with the foxes

so let’s talk about kevin and his superiority complex

kevin is arrogant, self-centered, and entitled

it’s not all he is. he has other, better qualities. he’s dedicated, passionate, and - in his own way - caring. that doesn’t ERASE his flaws however

kevin believes himself to be correct 100% of the time. he thinks that his methods and his opinions should work for everyone simply because they work for him, and he tries heavily to push them onto other people. andrew remarks that neil will drive himself crazy trying to do things the way kevin tells him to, because he is simply a different kind of player than kevin. kevin’s methodology will never work for neil no matter how hard he tries and will just end up holding himself back if he keeps trying

andrew notices this, not kevin, because kevin believes that neil is simply not trying hard enough to do things the “right” way.

neil.

who tries harder than anyone to live up to kevin’s standards

he’s worse with the rest of the foxes, who unlike neil do not accept his methods unquestionably and don’t do backflips to make him happy.

the foxes recognize that kevin is talented and could have valuable things to teach them. kevin however thinks that he should have absolute authority over their training because his methods are “superior.” he thinks the foxes fail because they don’t listen to him and conform their playing styles to him

kevin also only approaches the upperclassmen on the court, and even there only with criticism and derision. he has never made any attempt to befriend them or get to know them in any way. he doesn’t need a rapport with them, he’s entitled to their obedience simply because he’s Kevin Day, The Son of Exy, The Best And Most Talented Of Them All

i’ve also written meta before about the assumptions kevin makes in his relationship with andrew. they have a deal that kevin will give andrew something to live for after he graduates. kevin, being who he is, decides that this thing MUST and WILL be exy, no matter how directly or indirectly andrew tells him this isn’t what he wants.

yet kevin never considers an alternative. he never asks andrew what he might want or never attempts to find anything else for him. they spend nearly every second of every day within arms reach of each other, yet kevin has never taken a moment to pay attention to andrew’s interests or preferences, anything that makes him tick. they know almost nothing personal about each other because kevin doesn’t believe any of that matters in giving andrew a future that makes him want to live. no. if it works for kevin it must work for everyone else. if kevin wants it everyone else must want it too

kevin’s relationships often become exclusionary. first with andrew, which i’ve just discussed. then with neil, kevin continually vies for more and more of his time, without regard for his health or concern for any other part of his life. he leaves neil with minimal time for school, pushes their practices late into the night depriving him of sleep, and discourages his efforts to spend time and make connections with the upperclassmen

now if at any point while reading this you, reader, wanted to argue that these things are because of the nest and kevin’s raven indoctrination, yes, you’re absolutely right, they are. it’s abundantly clear where and how each of these qualities developed, but once again, that doesn’t mean they’re not present. in fact, the clear connection between kevin’s flaws and his trauma is a sign of good character writing, showing the multiple dimensions of how our environments and experiences shape us

kevin’s anxiety, his obsessiveness, and his fear all come from the nest, but so does his condescension, his self-involvement, and his overbearing nature.

kevin was raised in a cult, but he was also from the very highest level of it. he comes from immense privilege in terms of his wealth, his influence, his fame, and his access to resources. materially, kevin has wanted for very little in his life, and his entitlement is very prominent in his character. none of this cancels out the abuse he suffered, but it’s also something i very rarely see addressed outside of being hinted at vaguely in a jokingly dismissive manner.

in fact, i often see takes on kevin that fully deny he has these traits at all, and that annoys me. i don’t like to see these wonderfully round characters flattened out, and there’s a particular irritating irony out of changing or misinterpreting a character’s personality in order to make them more palatable or more sympathetic in a series about how even people traumatized in unsympathetic ways are still deserving of help and decency

so

kevin can be a little morally gray,, as a treat

[pollywiltse]

So the main source for wtf exactly happened between André and Honora Sneyd seems to be Honora's future husband, Richard Lovell Edgeworth's memoirs, p237-239 in whatever edition Google Books has digitized. Edgeworth met André once, when they were both in Lichfield during Christmas in 1770:

Whilst I was on this visit, Mr. André, afterwards Major André, who lost his life so unfortunately in America, came to Lichfield. This gentleman had met Miss Honora Sneyd at Buxton or Matlock, and had paid his addresses to her, without at first meeting with any discouragement from Mrs. André, the young gentleman's mother, or, I believe, from Mr. Sneyd. But when the parents on both sides came to consider more coolly, they saw that a match, even where each party seemed well suited to the other, should not be determined upon, till a sufficient fortune for a comfortable maintenance could be provided between them. As Mrs. André and Mr. Sneyd [Mr. André and Mrs. Sneyd were both dead] had the good sense to raise no obstacles between their children, making only a kind and reasonable statement of the imprudence of marrying young without a sufficient fortune, no romantic difficulties urged them to resistance, and they, by tacit consent, kept at a distance from each other, except when accidental circumstances brought them together. [This last bit is clearly wrong because André had no reason to be up in Lichfield other than to visit the Sewards but he definitely went there at least twice.] The first time I saw Major André at the [bishop's] palace [where the Sewards lived], I did not perceive from his manner, or from that of the young lady, that any attachment subsisted between them. On the contrary, from the great attention which Miss Seward paid to him, and from the constant admiration which Mr. André bestowed on her, I thought, that, though there was a considerable disproportion in their ages, there might exist some courtship between them. [Note the age difference between John and Anna was only one year greater than the age difference between Edgeworth and Honora Sneyd, so his real issue was that Anna was the older one.] Miss Seward, however, undeceived me. I never met Mr. André again; and from all that I then saw, or have since known, I believe that Miss Honora Sneyd was never much disappointed by the conclusion of this attachment. Mr. André appeared to me pleased and dazzled by the lady. She admired and estimated highly his talents; but he did not possess the reasoning mind, which she required. [Ouch.]

[And then he goes on to explain how it's not his fault that André joined the army even though Anna claimed it was because he was just that broken up over Honora's marriage.]

So the people claiming money was an issue weren't totally pulling it out of their asses, but it was never Honora dumping him because he wasn't rich enough. It was, according to Edgeworth, that the parents were fine with them getting married, but only after they had enough money to support a family, and the kids were like, "Ok, that's reasonable".

My impression of André at this point is someone who was actually fairly careful and conscientious and somewhat mentally middle-class, so I find this a plausible reaction on his part, but I'm not 100% sure that anyone involved interpreted it as "John and Honora should talk to each other less until he has more money" the way Edgeworth seems to imply and Flexner and sort of Hatch assume. It seems like he was writing and visiting her fairly regularly - based on the small amount of data we have, anyway. (There is an intense amount of making shit up in pretty much every André biographer's version of the John/Honora/Anna triangle. Like, gee, it's absolutely fascinating how many clairvoyants have written biographies about John André because how else could they possibly have know how exactly these conversations went? Hatch is probably the soberest.)

You know, it's actually starting to really piss me off when people claim that Honora Sneyd jilted André because he wasn't rich/upper class enough because it's actually not clear what exactly happened with that relationship, but according to Richard Lovell Edgeworth, who she ended up marrying, and Anna Seward, who was very Team André, she was never actually all that into him for reasons that had more to do with him being silly than him being insufficiently wealthy (and I kind of wonder if the parents picked up on that and that's partly why they weren't super thrilled about the engagement). And honestly I think it's kind of supported by the letters Anna published (which also make me question the timeline of their engagement).

So good for her for managing to get out of an engagement she doesn't seem to have ever really wanted to be in even though she was seventeen and the guy and her best friend were really into it and both older than her.

Though I probably shouldn't get too irritated about what JJ Feild says in interviews because I'm pretty sure doing a promotional interview has approximately the same effect on your ability to hold an intelligent conversation as getting a baseball bat upside the head. (My mother the freelance journalist says this is at least partly because the interviewer needs to know how to ask questions that get intelligent answers and many don't.) And actors just know what they're told anyway. I've seen at least one other person who claims to have been super into André before Turn make this claim though.

But then also even if she had dumped him because he didn't have enough money, in the 18th and 19th centuries it wasn't like there were all that many ways for a Nice Girl to make money, especially after she was married, so unless she was independently wealthy and it was tied up so her husband couldn't get hold of it, how much money the guy had was a legitimate consideration, so it's really unfair that everyone gets mad if the girl actually thinks about this instead of pretending love is the only thing that matters when picking a husband and that she would be perfectly happy giving up all the stuff that she enjoys (and honestly probably most of her social circle as well) so she can have twelve kids, no money, and no ability to do anything about it.

[obeyme-kaidii-writes]

mammon with a overly emotional MC? asking bcs I cry too much lol, the story would just make everytime I cry a bit better :))

Ok, first off anon, SAME. I also had a dad that thought crying was just women trying to manipulate men, so yeah, that was fun.

I was in the middle of writing something else when I got your request and I just felt like I had to write something for you. (And myself, let’s be honest lol) I’ve never done a songfic before, but I couldn’t get this song out of my head and it just seemed to fit perfectly with the idea I had.

I hope you enjoy. ☺️

Emotional

Mammon x gn!MC

Words - 1804

Content warnings - light angst, lots of comfort and some fluffy cuddles

Prompt/inspiration - anon request, “Emotional” by Diana DeGarmo

NOTE - the original song uses the word “girl”, this has been removed in this story and replaced with [gender]

Summary - After a rough day at RAD, you hide out in your room while Mammon tries to figure out what’s wrong.

NOTE - lyric free version can be found here.

AO3

Today had been a long day. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but for whatever reason, anytime someone so much as looked at you funny, you felt like crying. The voices in your head whispering to you that they were watching you, judging you.

Mammon had tried on several occasions to pull you aside, but you successfully managed to slip away each time. Normally you were so grateful for his company, but today you just knew that if he asked you if you were okay you were going to lose it.

And you absolutely did not want to lose it in the middle of RAD.

You flopped onto your bed, now in the safety of your room, curling up on yourself and pulling your comforter around you. Finally you were able to let out all the stress that had been holding onto. And just as you started to cry, a loud KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on your door shocked you back to your senses.

“Hey, open up! You’ve been avoidin’ me all day.”

It was Mammon.

Not even taking a moment to think about what you actually wanted, you snapped at him.

“GO AWAY.”

Sometimes I get emotional

Sometimes I do some stupid things

Sometimes I say

What I should just keep inside

As soon as the words left your mouth, you regretted them. Your tone was sharper than you had intended, but not only that, you didn’t really want him to leave. Part of you wanted him to wrap you up in one of his hugs and just hold you while you fell to pieces in his arms. However, you learned a long time ago that only babies cried. If you were strong, you wouldn’t cry so much. That crying was a burden on and an annoyance to everyone around you.

Sometimes I'm sad

'Bout everything

Sometimes I'm mad

And break some things

Sorry times ten

But you just got in the way

The silence that followed made your heart break. You couldn’t tell if you were more sad at the idea that you had hurt Mammon’s feelings or more hurt that he seemed to have just left you without even trying to figure out what’s wrong. If he cared, surely he would have been more persistent, right? And you knew that was a ridiculous thing to think, manipulative even, but you couldn’t help those feelings that coiled around your heart.

Don't give up now running away

I won't hurt you

Sometimes I'm just a pain

And that's the way it is

That's just the way I am

Resolving to spending the evening alone, you laid back down, curling up as small as possible once again. As your thoughts wandered, and your tears fell, you slowly started to drift off to sleep. You didn’t notice when your bedroom door opened. You didn’t notice the smell of hot chocolate wafting into your room. And you didn’t notice the dip in your mattress as someone climbed in beside you.

Sometimes I feel like crying

Laying down and dying

That's when I need you

In fact, it wasn’t until you felt an arm slip around your waist and a kiss on the exposed skin of your neck that you finally started to become aware of what was going on around you.

“Hey,” Mammon whispered as he settled down in your bed, spooning you from behind.

Your breath hitched, and you felt your body stiffen involuntarily. Why was he here? Had he seen your face? Did he know you had been crying? Tears silently slipped down your face again as you started to panic internally. What was he going to say when he realized?

Laughing's always easy

But sometimes I'm just scared

You'll leave me

That's when I feel

Emotional

“I ain’t goin’ anywhere until ya tell me what’s wrong.”

“I...umm…” you wanted to answer him. Make an excuse. Offer some sort of rational explanation for why you were hiding in your room and had been avoiding him all day. Something told you just saying “there’s something in my eye” wasn’t going to fool him.

“Tch, always gotta be so difficult,” Mammon said. You felt his arms release you as he sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. If you thought you had been anxious before when he was laying beside you, it was nothing compared to the feeling of him leaving, with the words “difficult” echoing in your ears.

You say I'm just impossible

Totally unpredictable

I'm just a [gender], get used to it

No big deal

“Here. Sit up.”

But before your thoughts got to turn too dark, Mammon was sitting beside you again. Poking you with his elbow as he nudged you in the back. So surprised were you to find that he was still there and hadn’t left, you turned around immediately to look at him.

Despite his dark skin tone, you could tell he was blushing, and even if you couldn’t, his refusal to look at you would have been more than enough to confirm that he was feeling embarrassed. Your gaze slowly traveled downward until it landed on the tray he was holding in his outstretched hands.

“What’s this?” you asked, puzzled at why Mammon was offering you a mug of hot chocolate, and what appeared to be...cookies…? Only they were slightly burnt, and you weren’t sure you recognized the ingredients he had added in lieu of chocolate chips.

“What’s it look like? I had some extra and thought you might want some. But if ya don’t appreciate it…”

Not wanting to discourage Mammon, you quickly sat up, wiping whatever tears remained on your face away, and took the tray from him.

“...thanks.”

He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye as you studied his gift, smirking at your response.

Once you were situated with your back against your headboard, you placed the tray in your lap and Mammon sat down beside you. He grabbed his mug of hot chocolate, taking a sip as he waited for your reaction. He was pretty impressed with the results of his baking skills, and was certain the treats would put a smile on your face.

You can't change me

Why would you try (Why would you try)

(You know that I) I'm no angel

But I can make you smile

You reached for one of the cookies, a soft smile playing on your lips as you took a bite.

“So? How was it? Good right?”

When you didn’t answer, Mammon gave you another nudge with his arm.

“Right?”

Without a word, you returned the cookie to your plate, picking up the cup of hot chocolate instead, taking a deep gulp in an attempt to cleanse your palate.

“Mammon...honey...that was awful…” you looked at him over the rim of your mug, taking another deep swallow. At least the hot chocolate was delicious.

“Whattya talkin’ about?! They’re perfect!” Mammon replied, quick to shove what remained of your first cookie into his mouth. You continued to watch him while sipping on your beverage, slowly now that the initial foul aftertaste seemed to have been gone.

You tried your best to hide the smile that was threatening to spread over your whole face as Mammon froze mid bite, glancing at the plate of cookies, then at you, then back to the cookies, before finally chugging down what remained of his own mug of hot chocolate, desperate to rid his mouth of every last crumb.

When his mug emptied, you offered him your own, laughing at his reaction.

“Shaddup,” he snapped, eagerly taking the cup from you and polishing off its contents. But he wasn’t mad. Not at all. He was relieved and overjoyed to see you smiling again, interacting with him and no longer pushing him away.

And that's the way it is

That's just the way I am

When he finished what remained of your drink, he took the tray from you, sitting it on the floor beside your bed, before turning back to you and wrapping you up in a tight hug. Now much more relaxed than you had been, you wrapped your arms around his waist, returning the gesture and burying your face in his chest.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“It's fine. Don’t worry about it,” he reassured you, “Are ya gonna tell me what happened now?”

You nodded against him, tightening your arms around him as you clung to him.

“I just...I don’t know...had a bad day, I guess. Everything made me just want to cry. And I know it’s ridiculous. I’m an adult. I should…”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Huh?”

“With cryin’. What’s wrong with that? Ain’t ya the one that told me it was ok to let it all out?” Mammon had leaned back now, resting against your headboard, pulling you up against himself as he began to rub your back, pressing an occasional kiss to your forehead.

“I...uh...well, I just...I’ve always been told I cry too much. I’m too emotional. Like little things that wouldn’t bother anyone, upset me. And I didn’t want to annoy you...so I…”

“Dummy. I dunno know why you’d think I’d feel that way. You never act like that with me.”

Sometimes I feel like crying

Laying down and dying

That's when I need you

Mammon gave you a reassuring squeeze, and yet another kiss to the top of your head. All you could do in response was hold him tighter, pulling your legs up so that you were practically sitting in his lap by now.

You weren’t sure why it hadn’t occurred to you before. You honestly never saw the connection. And if you stopped and thought about it, Mammon had easily cried more times in front of you since you had arrived in the Devildom than you had cried at all (in public or private) during your stay.

You always reassured him, and comforted him. You never laughed at him, or thought for one second that he was a burden for opening up to you. In fact, you never felt more loved than when he would let you see that sensitive, emotional, side to himself because you knew how much it meant that he trusted you.

Why did you ever think he wouldn’t treat you with the same love and care you had always shown him?

Laughing's always easy

But sometimes I'm just scared

You'll leave me

That's when I feel

Emotional

I won't hurt you (I won't hurt you)

Sometimes I'm just a pain

And that's the way it is

That's just the way I am

That's when I need you

Laughing's always easy

But sometimes I'm just scared

You'll leave me

That's when I feel (feel you)

I feel you

Sometimes I get emotional

[twistedtummies2]

Can I just ask how you make your ocs interesting? I’m trying to make my own Twst oc and he’s going to be a big eater himself, so what qualities could I give him to make him seem interesting?

Ooooh...okay, this is a HARD one to answer. So...buckle in, this will proooobably be long. 'XD First and foremost...I never SET OUT to make my characters "interesting." If...that makes sense? Here's the thing about writing advice from me: I'm bad at it. LOL It's not like writing is easy for me (it REALLY isn't) and it's not like there aren't certain things I try to keep in mind and ideas and concepts and even rules I follow...it's just that, in the moment of creating a character, I'm usually just...creating a character. And how that happens can work in a variety of different ways. Also, what makes a character "interesting" can be so many different things. It's not like there's some magic wand of interesting-making-power that I have. So...I guess what I can tell you is that there are a few things I keep in mind when I'm making my own TW OCs. The main ones, that is - including my preds and Chief Jehan (since he's the only recurring non-pred OC I have in my gallery CURRENTLY; I have another I'm actually planning to write about after I finish Nakoda's next big work, WHICH WILL BE DONE, I PROMISE YOU). First of all, I don't know if your OC is a TRUE OC or based on a Disney character. There are, of course, original characters in TW: Jack doesn't seem to come from anywhere specific, and it's hard to tell with several other characters. For example, most of the Heartslabyul students are clearly based on the Card Guards from Alice in Wonderland, but those characters in the film (and book) are really one solid unit, so they really do come across as original characters with a Card Guard motif beyond anything else. If your character is purely original, all you have to do is make sure they fit the style of this universe. If your OC is - as all of mine so far, and most in general, tend to be - a reimagining of a popular Disney Villain or other Disney Character, then you first have to look at what makes this villain who they are. All of the Night Raven students who are based on such characters - and that is the vast majority of them - have the sort of creative DNA of those characters in their personalities, motivations, and even appearance. Even with someone like Idia, there's a little something of Hades there; Leona takes a LOT from Scar; Azul goes in a somewhat different direction from Ursula (he's more like Mephistopheles or an old-time-gangster), but the basic idea of his modus operandi and elements of his look are found with her, as well. See what elements you think are most important to keep or throw out. And you WILL have to throw stuff out: the Disney Villains are usually pure evil. That's part of their appeal. Very few of them have much empathy or sympathy, what makes them interesting is usually just how much they ENJOY what they do, and how creatively they're handled, and how delectably they're voiced. No one watches Scar kill his own brother and try to murder a small child and thinks he's in the right; that's about the point where we stop finding him funny and instead think he's a right old git. But OH, how we love watching "Be Prepared," how we love seeing him toy with and tease people, and how we relish how much FUN Jeremy Irons is clearly having with every SYLLABLE of his dialogue. With Twisted Wonderland, the whole point of the "villains" of Night Raven is they really aren't villains at all. They're not always good people, but they aren't always bad, either. They all have sad and sympathetic origin stories, they all have understandable reasons for why they do the terrible things they do, and we like to see how they learn from their mistakes and even become friends and helpers to us. They are rounded, flawed people, not demons or lost causes. Your OC should be the same: someone the audience can understand on a fundamental level and find a way to latch onto. These characters can be dangerous, at times downright evil, but they should also be characters we care about: that's a BIG part of their identity, pretty much universally. Going back to Scar: with Leona, the first big change for his character is that he

legitimately cares for his family. Yes, he's annoyed by his nephew, and yes, he resents his big brother, but he makes it clear (perhaps without trying to, because Chernabog forbid he ADMITS having empathy) he does still love them. That, ultimately, above all else, is what separates him from his inspiration: Scar will kill and backstab anyone and enjoy it. Leona still has the capacity to care about other living creatures. Find what makes your inspiration tick, and then "twist" it up: if they're greedy, WHY are they greedy? If they're gluttons, is there anything you can add to that? If you can't find a way to justify your character, then you should probably consider trying a different one. Also, do try to stick with Disney characters. I guess there's nothing to say you can't do other franchises and such, but it feels like cheating to me to include non-Disney properties in a place like this. Then again, Disney freaking owns HALF THE BLOODY PLANET at this point, so that won't be too hard, I guess. :P Anyway...one last word of note: one very hard part is finding a way to make your character unique. I've come to find people have actually made a few different Kaa OCs, but none are the same as Nakoda. If you're familiar with people doing a lot of different versions of the same character, then make sure you're doing something that is truly your own: don't just riff off of someone else's work. Nako may be based on the same character as some of those others, but he's aaallllll mine. If you're not aware of it...then don't worry about it! Don't look it up, don't be discouraged, don't fret! Trust me, the more you freak out about if other people have had the same idea, the less inclined you'll be to try, and/or the more influenced you'll be. Just do what YOU like best. On top of that, be careful your character isn't too similar to other characters within the TW universe: one of the reasons I haven't and likely may not ever make a Shere Khan OC is because, as of now, I don't really know what I'd do with Shere Khan that other characters don't already have, on several levels. I love Shere Khan - he's one of my favorite Furry Preds - but I don't know what I'd do to make him all my own and make him different from both the canon cast and the OCs I've already planned or created. Again, you want your character to stand out and be all your own, as well as fitting for this universe. After all that...it's all aesthetics. Their powers, their designs, their names...maybe you have those ideas first, maybe you don't know yet. It doesn't really matter where you start - Billy and Nako both started with plot concepts, Eli and Reno both started with a desire to make OCs based on certain characters - but the basic idea is, what makes a TW OC interesting is this blend of elements: they need to be unique, and they need to be understandable, and they need to fit the rules and ideas of this world. I could say SO much more, but this post is lengthy enough, and I'm under medication, so I've probably been rambling for too long as it is. 'XD If you have any other questions I can answer more easily, you're always welcome to send them along.