#not that im not seven years old I see that it was me having issues

[impossible-rat-babies]

.

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

@teapunks did your mum ever threaten to put mustard on your fingernails to stop you biting them? because by my count 6 different adults directly threatened me with that or mentioned it in a "in my day, they would do this so youre lucky i havent done that to you".

the direct threats came from my dad, my paternal nan and my maternal great aunt while the guilt-trip-that-always-felt-like-a-threat-to-me came from my paternal aunt, the other classes' year 4 teacher and an english teacher who wasnt even my english teacher, for anyone curious.

you could reblog for a bigger sample size or not who do i look like the freakin queen of england

[soxcietyy]

hii, can i req a older bf + soft dom yuuta please?

Biker Yuta

Age gap, soft dom, Yuta being fine af in general

It was almost every night, the exact time at 1:30 am where a loud bike would pass by your house. It was so loud that it would wake you up from the deep slumber you where in.

At first you didn't think much about it when you first moved into your new house but now its been months and you kept hearing that loud bike zoom by. At some point you grew tired of it and decided tonight was the night you would confront whoever this selfish individual was. There was tones of roads that person could go on and he decided your street was the one to travel on every night? Did this person not have a job?

Grabbing your coat you slip it on and walk out in your pajama’s that consisted on small shorts and a tanktop. Checking the time on your phone you noticed it was five minutes till one. Walking out the door you stand by the mailbox with your arms crossed. The passing cars probably thinking that you weren't fully right in the head. After a few minutes of standing there you could hear the loud bike from a distance.

How where you supposed to get this person attention? you had no clue but decided to find out once it was time. As the bike got louder you step into the middle of the road. When the vehicle came into view you had to shut your eyes from how bright there headlights. Using your hand to cover your eyes from the light you could feel two hands grab you and pulled you to the side. With a gasp you turn around to see them?!

What was the biker doing here? shouldn't he be the one...

before you could finish that though a car zoomed by extremely fast. Then it hit you, you could of almost died mistaking that car for the biker.

"what are you doing in the middle of the road like that? you could of gotten hurt." A male voice said from behind that helmet.

"I thought it was you!" you say grabbing you heart that almost popped out of your chest

"Me? either way you shouldnt be doing that. Arnt you supposed to be in bed at this time?" He asks as he sat you down on his bike.

"yea i actually am but a loud bike likes to go through my neighborhood, waking me and everyone else up! Do you know how much sleep iv lost because of you?" you say angrily.

grabbing his helmet with both hands he slowly takes it off and shakes his helmet hair before looking at you. "Im sorry I didn't know i was bothering people with my late night rides." he says. "Im usually coming out of work at that time and well this is the way I go to make it home.

"Well how about being more quiet? I would hate for us to have issues." You put your hand on your hip.

"Issues? Now I don’t think that’s necessary. How about I make it up to you?" He mocks you by putting his hand on his hip too.

"How will you make it up to me? Do you know how much beauty sleep iv lost because of you?" You quirk your brow.

"Well before I even give you an answer I need to know about you such as name and age."

"My name is y/n and I’m nineteen." You answer.

"Seven years apart mmh, well how about you let me relieve all that stress you got pent up? If you know what I mean. My name is Yuta by the way." He places his helmet under his arm.

27 and he looks young? He’s also not bad looking at all. It wouldn’t hurt to try something with someone more experienced than you. "Sure but I would hate for your back to give out in the middle of it." You hum

"Hey I’m not that old, let’s see who’s back gives out first huh?" He chuckled as he followed you back to your shared house.

Your roommate was luckily out of town for the week so you had the whole house to yourself. It didn’t take long until he was over you. Smothering you with kisses and the string cologne he wore that smelled rich of leather. His bangs touching your forehead as they dangled over you. He still held his helmet in his hand before he dropped it so he could get a better hold of you.

The kisses were fast but deep. It was almost as if he was so desperate to get a taste of you. As he continued to kiss you his gloved hands snaked under your shirt and fondled your breast. You couldn’t lie and say he didn’t look fine with his blacked out gear. If you knew he looked like this you would have confronted him long ago.

Pulling you closer to him he removed your bottoms and his right hand glove. "Want me to teach you how a real grown man should treat a lady?" He whispers in your ear before sliding his fingers in you.

He long fingers bend and move around inside of you. He made sure to touch every spot causing you to throw your head back in pleasure. Biting your bottom lip you shake your head unconsciously. You didn’t even noticed when he crouched down and began to eat you out. That was until your legs began to shake uncontrollably.

"Yuta" you moan

Hmm? He Hums causing you to jolt from the sudden vibration. Why was he so good at this? Could it be his years of experience? Whatever it was you wanted to thank everything that made it possible for him to be with you tonight. He was eating you out so sloppily that the noises echoed in the room. His tongue glided side to side on your clit as his fingers moved in and out of you. You gripped his hair as you got closer to your orgasm. His other hand grabbed your thigh so you wound the able to escape his grasp.

When you started orgasming you moaned his name once again. Tears rolling down your face from how good it was.

Turning you over on your stomach you could hear him unbuckling his belt. Tilting your head back you could see him adjusting himself to your entrance.

"Arnt you going to take your clothes off?" You ask him wondering why he was fully clothed.

"Wouldn’t want to distract you from the main event." He smacks his hard member on your behind.

He then leaned over you and grabbed your face directing you to look at your pile of stuffed animals in a corner.

"Arnt you too old for those things?" He says amused.

"You can never be too old for stuffed animals" you mumble.

Without saying another word he slammed right into you. Your eyes widen at the feeling of being filled up. You don’t think you’ve ever had something this big inside of you. Squeezing your eyes shut you feel how he slides in and out of you smoothly.

"There you go, you’re taking me so well. Thought you would have been crying for me to stop." He says as he quickens his pace. You grip onto your blankets as he slams in and out of you. Each thrust getting deeper and harder. You could hear him breathing heavily next to you ear. You could also heard how the necklaces and chain that he wore cling together with every move. His non gloved hand moved under you and began to pull on your nipple as he continued with his pace.

"You just so cute." He says as he kisses your head, your cheek and your shoulder. "I think I’m gonna start bothering you even more if it mean we get to do this everytime." He mumbles. "Not going to lie I was having second thought about this but I’m so glad I went along. You feel so fucking perfect around my cock." He wraps his arms around your body and slams you all the way into him until he reached places you never thought were possible.

Your jaw drops as he doesn’t let go. Your eyes rolling back at this new painful yet pleasurable feeling. "Yuu" you cry out trying to catch your breath but him hearing you say his name like that turned a switch on for him. He fucked you while you were still being lifted up. Your feet not being able to touch the ground as he used you like his personal cock sleeve. You squirm in his arms being overwhelmed by everything but he held a tight grip on you. At some point you stopped trying and gave in. Your toes curling as you orgasmed once again coating his member in white.

"Easy now, just bear with me for a minute I’m almost there." He groans.

After a few more slams he finally finished inside of you.

He placed you back down slowly and collapsed on top of you. Breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath.

"Fuck, are you On birth control? Or do you need me to get you a plan B?"

[roseadleyn]

something that really bothers me is how much jude is done dirty by the fandom.

like let me lay out jude for yall. jude is a ruthless warrior, a girl who saw her parents murdered in front of her when she was only seven years old. she's not angry and bitter, she's very calculating and doesn't just want to survive, she wants a place for herself. in some kind of way, jude can be called a courtier — she's not as subtle as one and not like cardan or lady asha, but she's cunning and will do anything for power. she is morally grey, and she's actually very intelligent too. ten out of ten, this is how fmcs are written.

but the fandom has never done jude any justice. like they say she just kills her way through every problem — she doesn't. she's extremely intelligent and was raised on strategy. jude ran cardan's court for a full year while juggling spycraft duties and missed on no marks. she does kill out of panic ( valerian, balekin ), but a) she was being attacked and b) even with valerian, she made a plan to hide it and get away with it and she did. jude is smart, not all willy-nilly murdering people.

and secondly,, jude is really remarkable? like this 19 year old human girl, takes the crown, makes a puppet king, rules his court from the shadows and runs her own network of spies, maintains every foreign relation and juggles her own dysfunctional political family, deals with the weird loverboy king crushing on her, fights in a war, saves her lover, and she pulls it all off? and this is just off of the top of my head,. but for some reason this fandom has delegated her to love interest. every jude post is about her and cardan. the jude duarte tag is just cardan and jude, jude and cardan, jurdan, heres how jude dealt with her feelings for cardan!! and then why i think jude should have exiled taryn from elfhame!!

its honestly.. this issue is with the whole tfota fandom, turning a brilliant political fantasy with romance subplot into a mainly romance genre,,, but jude is my main one. female leads in ya are never valued properly or done any due credit - either by the author or the fandom or both. the fact that such a strong, well written character is always being portrayed as lover and sister, queen only in the context of loving king... it's very tiring. i want to see more of jude. how her trauma affects her, habits she might have picked up in elfhame, her hobbies, etc. its just, okay im gonna stop rambling now

BUT WAIT. ANOTHER THING,, i will now need every artist to draw jude the way shes written,. by which i mean give her muscles. she foughtl off a group of men with an axe and uses swords, daggers, crossbows and has been training since she was seven. draw her with muscles, her scars, her missing finger

[frogletscribe]

Until It Doesn’t Hurt

Chapter 11: So Long and Lost

Summary:

20 years since the RDA was pushed off of the moon of Pandora, they are back once more. The RDA thinks their only problem is the traitor Jake Sully and his family, but as it turns out, Jake wasn’t the only ‘problem’ left behind 20 years ago. 

Anthe was a child soldier, stolen from their home and forced to learn the ways of the humans, erasing any of their connections to the Na’vi from before. Finally free from the RDA’s hold after being trapped in cryosleep, they're about to make themselves everyone's problem.

---

Tenak has entered the chat, Neteyam struggles to adapt, Anthe and Spider get bad news

_____________________________________________

Pairing: Aged Up!Neteyam X Nonbinary!Na'vi!Reader/OC (OC and Neteyam are both around 20)

Warnings: Mentions of Past Violence, Mentions of Past Trauma, Mild Claustrophobia, No Use of Y/N, Blood, Self-depreciation, Neglectful Parenting, Suggestive Themes, Mutual Pining, Hurt-Comfort, Found Family

WC: 3672 words. AO3 Link Here

A/N: Okay its been a sec! I graduated college (yaay) and also had my laptop and switch stolen in the same day (;~;) SO, this took me a minute to finish. Also thank you to everyone who has been liking and reblogging my doodles!

I feel like I should also note that I still have not played Frontiers of Pandora so, there are obviously going to be differences. I'm staying away from using too many explicit references, or else im gonna frustrate myself when i actually do get to play the game lol

{ } indicate speaking Na'vi

Masterlist

Previous Next

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One of Tenak’s clearest memories of his childhood was the first time had met Anthe. He was thirteen years old, the oldest child to have been taken just a few years prior. There were only three others then, all between eight and eleven, and all looking to him for safety and guidance. Anthe arrived with three more children, nine years old and full of spite and fire. The others that came with them were even smaller, six and seven at most, clinging to Anthe’s legs, trying to hide from the strangers that had killed their families and stole them from their homes. 

Tenak watched through the classroom window with Kala, a girl from his village that had been stolen with him, waiting to see what would happen with this new group of Na’vi children. They watched the RDA soldiers try to drag Anthe and the other kids towards the classroom. The smaller children went more easily, still too scared to fight back, but not Anthe. Tenak watched the younger child kick and hiss at the soldiers. Teacher tried to step in, urging the soldiers to stop trying to force the child to go, but the soldiers were already angry, and Anthe was still kicking and cursing at anything that tried to get too close. 

So, Tenak made a choice. He left the classroom, pushing past Teacher and the soldiers and putting himself between them and the child. Someone tried to grab him, and drag him back into the classroom as well, but at thirteen Tenak was already taller and stronger than the human soldiers, and could easily brush them back. He stuck out a hand to who he would soon know to be Anthe, helping them back to their feet where the soldiers had pushed them down. They eyed him warily, as Teacher was frantically trying to keep the soldiers from escalating things further. 

“{Why do you dress like them?}” Anthe’s voice was small but accusatory. Tenak looked down at himself, clad in the TAP issue pants and shirt he wore. By contrast, this new child still wore their more traditional Na’vi clothes, a woven and beaded top with matching tewng.

“{They took my clothes.}” He said simply, his mother tongue feeling rusty in his own mouth. “{They will take yours too, and anything else you have.}” The child swallowed, curling in on themselves protectively.

“Hey! English only! You know the rules!” One of the soldiers grabbed Tenak by the arm, shouting in his face.

“They do not know English yet.” He hissed back through gritted teeth. “They are confused, and will not listen until they know what’s going on.” There was a moment of tension, Tenak staring down the soldier holding him, ears pinned back against his skull. 

“Then do your explaining back in the classroom.” The soldier finally relented, shoving the children towards the door. Anthe was less resistant this time, holding close to Tenak as he quietly ushered them into the room, Teacher close behind them. The three other new children were all huddled together around Kala, sniffling and sobbing into her shirt. She was only eleven, and already acting like a mother hen for all the younger children.

“Okay.” Teacher let out a shaky breath, closing the door behind her. “New agenda for the day, we are going to help our new friends get adjusted.” Her smile when she turned back to the eight Na’vi children did not meet her eyes, and Tenak could see the anxiety in the shake of her hands.

Over the next several hours, Tenak and Kala helped Teacher clean up and dress the new children in TAP uniforms. More soldiers came and went, taking away the children’s old clothes and songcords, but while there were many tears, this time there was less fighting. Anthe, as Tenak finally managed to get their name, refused to make a single sound or acknowledge anyone but him. Not once did they cry, only gritting their teeth and clenching their fists as even more was taken from them. That was the last day any of them were allowed to speak Na’vi freely and without punishment, the last day they had even the smallest taste of home, and the first day of the rest of their lives.

Ten years they stayed in TAP, losing their language and stories with the passage of time. Ten years trapped in a cage that turned them into weapons against their own people. All the younger ones were gone now and all that was left were Tenak, Kala, and Anthe. But, Anthe hadn’t woken up when he and Kala had. They had lost fifteen years of their lives to the cryopods and Anthe was still asleep.

 Every year, for the last five years, he had made a point of going back to TAP and checking on Anthe in their pod. When he and Kala had first woken up, Anthe’s pod was the only other one to have not gone completely dark already. They had tried everything they could think of to get their younger sibling out and nothing had worked. So Tenak took to waiting, going back as often as he could, waiting for Anthe to wake up. 

However, he had gotten caught up in the new RDA invasion, trying to protect the new friends and clans he had met in the Western Frontier of Pandora, and now Anthe was gone. Tenak had returned to where Kala was staying with the Aranahe clan in a panic, Pandora was a big place and their younger sibling could be anywhere. Kala was significantly calmer about the news, reassuring him that Anthe would find their way back to them. She had always been the wisest of their family and a mother figure to the younger of them. 

“They are strong, Tenak. Anthe knows how to take care of themselves.”

“But they are alone! And you know they hate about being around strangers. They’re not going to stay with another clan.” Tenak knew Anthe too well, and knew their anxiety about being an outsider. He had struggled with it as well before he and Kala had met the clans in the west.

“We don’t know that. There are many clans, it's entirely possible that they found a safe place to stay.”

But where Kala was a calm and patient voice to soothe him, Tenak’s own inner voice was the exact opposite. Within two days, Tenak was searching every clan in the area, using an old photograph of the two of them he carried with him to ask if anyone had seen Anthe. The longer he searched the more stressed he got, especially knowing that the RDA was back, leaving Anthe in more danger because of it. 

Now, Tenak was practically a year into his search, and there was still no sign of his younger sibling. Kala stayed behind with the Aranahe, just in case they popped up, but Tenak set his sights for the East. There were a number of clans in that direction, as well as the new RDA headquarters if his intel was right. If Anthe was there then Tenak would find them, no matter what it took.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The Metkayina Clan at Awa’atlu were kind to the Sully’s for the most part. The first few weeks in the reef village were tense, but with help from the Olo’eyktan and his family, mostly his daughter Tsireya, the family was brought quickly into the larger community. Neteyam’s siblings seemed to take to the ways of the water quickly, but the same could not be said for Neteyam himself. Where once he excelled in every aspect of his life, now he floundered. He struggled to master the breathing techniques Tsireya taught them, and grew frustrated by his slow pace in the water. It was not helped by Ao’nung, Tsireya’s older brother, and his taunting. Neteyam hadn’t wanted to leave home in the first place, but he needed to stay strong for the rest of his family. There was no room for Neteyam to mourn. 

Now he sat on the sandy beach, watching his siblings joke with each other and their new friends. Kiri and Tuk were building a sandcastle with Tsireya, while Rotxo was play-fighting in the serf with Ao’nung. Lo’ak had run off in a huff earlier, upset that no one believed that his new Tulkun friend was not the killer they believed it to be. At least his younger brother was no longer fighting with Ao’nung. It was a good development, especially given the recent fight the Sully brothers had had with the Metkayina man and his friends. Neteyam licked the healing cut on his lip at the memory, wincing as it still stung. Neteyam was still pissed at Ao’nung himself, even if his brother had apparently forgiven him.  After the fight, when Lo’ak had attempted to make peace, Ao’nung had almost gotten Lo’ak killed, abandoning the younger man outside the reef in Akula territory. At least, there was no more fighting or insults being thrown.

Neteyam thought now, as he did often, of Anthe, wondering if they were okay, if they had escaped the RDA or were still there with Spider. If they were even still alive. He thumbed softly at the hilt of Anthe’s knife, the only thing he had left of them besides the gifts he never got the chance to give them. Neteyam had finished the knife he made for them, and kept it wrapped up with his belongings, and the clothes Kiri had made for them, hiding it from view. No one had tried talking to him about Anthe since they left the Omaticaya except Kiri, who did her best to reassure him that they would be fine, wherever they were. Even his parents seemed to avoid the subject, as if they had never existed, as if they had never spent the better part of a year in the family's company. 

He thought back to their last conversation, how Anthe could believe they weren’t worthy of safety or belonging within the Omatikaya. The thought that they couldn’t ever belong. At the time, he found it hard to understand. He couldn’t see how just having a different upbringing could make a person feel so separate from those around him. Unwelcome. Outsider. But, Neteyam understood it now. He felt it, here with the Metkayina, where none of his previous skills had value, and he was no longer the eldest son of the Olo’eyktan of the Omatikaya. Just another demon blooded outsider. Kiri and Lo’ak had it even worse too, he knew that, even back home they had struggled. Neteyam felt like he had no right to feel this pain now, while his siblings had felt it their entire lives. At least he had his family, all together, all safe, going through the same things with him. Anthe was just alone, not knowing if their family was even alive. No wonder nothing he said had helped. No wonder they had left him when he couldn’t even understand that much. 

“{‘Teyam?}” Kiri’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, back to the beach. 

“{Kiri, hey.}” Neteyam shook himself, pocketing the knife again.

“{Are you alright?}” Kiri asked, plopping herself down beside him, and leaning close.

“{I’m fine.}” He shrugged, not looking at his younger sister.

“{Come on, Neteyam, don’t be like that.}” Kiri frowned, nudging Neteyam in the side. “{You’re worried aren’t you?}” Neteyam just shrugged again, leaning into Kiri a bit.

“{I’m fine, Kiri, I promise.}”

“{But you’re not! I know you miss Anthe and your home sick, we all are.}”

“{Kiri.}” He sighed, “{You really do not need to worry about me, I will be fine, I’m just…}”

“{Sad. You’re sad, and heart broken, and I know you would rather wallow in it but I don’t accept that. I miss Spider more than anything, but we have to trust that they will be okay. They will come back.}” Kiri spoke, holding Neteyam’s face in her hands and forcing him to look at her. Of course he knew she was right, just as she usually was. Neteyam let out a heavy sigh, slumping into his sister’s hands and letting his face squash in her palms. Kiri smiled, pinching her older brother's cheeks with a soft chuckle.

 “{Tsireya said she got her mother's permission to take us to the Spirit Tree here, you should come with us. Please, come with us.}”

“{Okay.}” Neteyam nodded finally, letting Kiri drag him back to his feet.

“{Is he coming?}” Tuk hollered, seeing her older siblings approach where she and Tsireya sat.

“{Should we try to find Lo’ak too?}”Tsireya looked to Kiri, worried expression on her soft features. The Metkayina girl had grown close with Neteyam’s younger brother, who in turn had a very obvious crush on her as well. 

“{I’m not sure he really wants to be around us yet. We can bring him next time.}” Kiri sighed.

It didn't take long for the group to reach the Metkayina’s underwater Spirit Tree, but the sun was still setting quickly in the distance. Ao’nung had excused himself before the group had left, leaving Tsireya and Rotxo to guide Neteyam and his sisters. Even from atop the waves, the view of the glowing tree below them was breathtaking. Tuk was standing excitedly on the back of Kiri’s Ilu, eager to jump straight in, while Tsireya explained that she and Rotxo would act as the Sully’s dive partners to keep them safe while they connected to the tree.

    One by one they each slipped from the backs of their Ilu and dove down into the water. Neteyam could see that Kiri especially seemed excited. She had prayed at the Brother Tree back in their home forest all the time, and was deeply spiritual compared to Neteyam and the rest of his siblings. This would be the first time in months that she could connect to Eywa again since they left. Rotxo brought Tuk to one coral-like branch of the tree while Tsireya led Neteyam and Kiri to their own, encouraging them to connect. He could see why his little brother could be falling for such a sweet girl. Carefully, he reached back for his kuru, watching the pink tendrils hidden beneath the end of his braid eagerly reach for the tree as he brought them to the branch and closed his eyes.

Neteyam was back in the forest, familiar and warm, in an area he knew quite well. He followed the small path to the pond he had brought Anthe to so long ago. It was just as he remembered, the afternoon light bleeding softly through the tree canopy above, glittering across the shifting pool like gems. It felt calm there, peaceful in a way Neteyam missed. But something still felt like it was missing, beyond just the fact that Neteyam knew he wasn’t actually there. It was calm, but it was also lonely, the lack of Anthe’s presence making itself known. 

Homesick, heartbroken, hopeless, Neteyam felt all of it. At least here, he could actually let himself feel it, finally someplace private without fear of interruption. The last time he had tried to have a moment to himself, it had been cut off by the admission from Ao’nung that Lo’ak had been abandoned out in open water, and Neteyam had been scolded for not being there to stop it. Here that wouldn’t happen, he could just be alone and feel as sad as he needed to without being a burden to anyone. It was cathartic, right up until the flashing started, suddenly pulling Neteyam from the connection, back to reality. Neteyam shook his head, trying to orient himself as Tsireya rushed past him, towards where he saw Kiri convulsing, seizing under the water.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

 “We found something.” Quaritch grinned at the group of Recoms standing around the conference room, and Anthe felt their heart drop to the pit of their stomach. There was a chorus of whooping and cheers from the soldiers around them, but Spider was stock still and pale as a ghost. Anthe did their best not to show their dread, forcing a grin and high five when Ja turned towards them to celebrate.

“We got a helicopter ping headed in the direction of this cluster of islands.” The Colonel pointed out on a holographic map, showing an area to the South West of their current location. 

“Ardmore is sending us to the RDA coastal base, here.” He pointed to an area more immediately west of Bridgehead. “Where we will catch a ride to search the islands.”

“Colonel.” Anthe managed, doing their best to seem as neutral as possible. They had only just been released from their ‘probation’, their ankle tracker finally removed, and one step closer to getting out. 

“What is it, private?”

“Are we sure it’s them? You said all that was left back at the original RDA base were scientists, could it just be a research team or something?”

“It’s possible.” Quaritch nodded. “But it's still a lead to Sully. If it's anything good, then maybe you’ll get some use outta that rifle of yours, too. Speaking of-” Quaritch motioned over to a grinning Lyle who excitedly pulled a familiar large shape from behind his back, handing it to Anthe.

“You get your piece back!” The recom grinned, clapping a hand on Anthe’s shoulder. Anthe was quick to check over the rifle, it was cleaner than they expected with a new strap, but undamaged and otherwise unchanged. The weapons' familiar weight in their hands brought with it a sense of safety Anthe hadn’t truly felt in a while, that made the smile that crossed their face feel that much more genuine. They held it close, nodding a quiet thanks to Lyle as he crossed back to his place at the Colonel’s side.

“Right.” Quaritch coughed, regaining the room's attention, an air of smugness about him that suggested he was pleased with Anthe’s reaction. “We leave in one hour, so get your shit together and be ready to go. Anthe, make sure the kid doesn’t break anything while we load up. Dismissed.”

As soon as Quaritch said the word, Anthe was half dragging Spider out of the conference room, back to their dorm. The rifle was comfortably back on their shoulder right where it belonged. Spider was silent, his hands balled into tight fists as Anthe pulled him into their room, locking the door behind them. They turned back to the man slowly, standing stock still in the middle of the room. 

“{Spider-}” Anthe started, moving towards their friend.

“{Do you think it’s them?}” Spider suddenly spun towards them, eyes panicked.

“{I don’t know.}” 

“{It can’t be them right? There shouldn’t be any reason for a helicopter to go find them unless… unless something went wrong.}” He was spiraling, eyes darting around as he was definitely imagining the worst possible reasons for the Sully’s to suddenly need a helicopter. 

“{Spider, look at me.}” Anthe knelt, tossing the rifle on the bed.

“{Something is wrong, something has to be wrong! What if someone is hurt? Lo’ak or Kiri- What if-}”

“{Spider!}” Anthe grabbed both sides of his face, forcing him to look at them. “{We won’t know until we can get out of here, okay? I need you to breathe, deep breathes.}” They placed a palm on his chest, which Spider quickly grabbed onto, trying to anchor himself. Anthe guided him in taking deep, slow breathes, until the man's heart was no longer beating so erratically under their hand.

“{Thinking up worst case scenarios is not going to help anyone right now.}”  Anthe spoke again, once Spider had somewhat calmed, and they were both sat on the cold floor of the dorm. 

“{Those idiots just gave me back my gun, and they took off the ankle tracker. All we need now is to get rid of your tracker, and find an opportunity to get out of here. If the Sully’s are on one of those islands, then the sooner we get out and warn them, the better. Okay?}”

“{Okay.}” Spider said nodding, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“{We won’t let anyone get hurt. I promise.}”

An hour later Anthe and Spider were on one of Bridgeheads roofs with the rest of the Recoms, securing their few belongings onto Anthe’s ikran before they flew out to the RDA coastal base. Spider remained quiet, largely giving everyone but Anthe the cold shoulder. Quaritch kept looking over at them, something like concern playing on his hard features. 

“Okay, Ted. Ready to go?” Anthe said quietly as they mounted their Ikran, the aforementioned Ted, who shuddered lightly as Anthe bonded to her. They leaned over, reaching a hand out to Spider and hoisting him up into their lap when he took it. 

“I still can’t believe you named her Ted.” Spider scoffed, setting himself more comfortably against their front, while Anthe made final adjustments before take off.

“Ted is a fine name, and it's better than ‘Cupcake’,” Anthe smiled, gesturing to where Quaritch was mounting up, making Spider snicker. “Or whatever Lyle named his. What was it again? Manly Barber?” 

“Malibu Barbie!” Lyle shouted from the back of his mount, sounding offended.

“Why?” Spider asked, not bothering to hide his incredulousness.

“She’s pink!” Lyle gestured to the creature's bright pink and yellow markings. Anthe and Spider looked at eachother, sharing confused shrugs.

“I don’t get it.” Anthe shook their head back at Lyle, who groaned in frustration.

“Barbie! The fashion icon! How do you not know this?!”

“I think it’s an earth thing.” Spider frowned up at Anthe, who was feeling increasingly confused.

“Wainfleet! Quit screwing around! We ready to go?” Quaritch shouted over the bickering. There was a small chorus of ‘yessir’s from the recoms, all mounted and ready on their Ikran. Quaritch signaled take off, launching into the air and taking the lead as Anthe and the other soldiers followed.

[beepsalotl]

crying ugh i love these characters so much and i hate the world so much except i dont and i just wish i could have what these characters had and be in a place that isnt like this one

im gonna cry ugh i dont know why i care so much, theyre not even real. but, like, in my head, they are, yknow? as in, they exist in the space i built for rhem as i read the series and learned about them and their world

fun fact, they were the first two characters whose books (each is the continuation of the story from a different third-person-limited perspective) had their names in the title. black hardcover w green embellishments for moonwatcher, a nightwing. white hardcover w blue for winter, an icewing. books six and seven, respectively. all the symbolism was there before you even open the goddamn books. yin and yang. AND YET.

and also they had two different histories and their tribes had a stale feud for thousands of years bc of some asshole jerkface. moon knew nothing about it bc she was raised in the rainforest practically by herself bc her mom had to sneak away from the shitty volcanic island the nightwings lived on to hide from the historic nightmare jerkface. winter knew all about it (or he THOUGHT he did bc he only knew the icewing side) bc he grew up surrounded by heirarchy and laws and rules and structure. moon didn’t grow up with the resentment at all, which allowed her a chance to see the truth.

she had to be self-sufficient. he had structure to lean on, even if it made him narrow-minded and nearly hard-hearted. he had to break through that, and she learned how to have patience. i feel like moon herself is sorely underdeveloped but i take the hints i can get and i feel that she learned how to forgive him by understanding who he was through his thoughts and, after skyfire, remembering that he was different inside than out and was still struggling.

when they were together, he was trying to be better and learn and he was kinder and softer even though he struggled to always be like that, and she was so patient with him.

heartbroken enraged screaming ensues, really.

like the rey and ben situation at the end of tros.

having him die in the end undermines everything the skywalker legacy stood for and all the development he had and it still breaks my heart bc he proved people can make bad, horrible choices and can survive abuse and break through it and change and be better and be loved. and then he DIED instead of getting his happy ending, which practically is what happened to winter bc the author basically said fuck you go live in the mountains doing work for peace and studying scavengers (which i know is his passion, but….) and your friends will hardly visit or write and they wont tell you the truth about how they defeated the bad guy WITHOUT ANY OF YOUR HELP EVEN THOUGH YOURE MORE THAN CAPABLE and they wont trust you and youll be alone forever.

my list of pairings and characters that i’m unreasonably heartbroken over:

ben and rey, winter and moon, catra and adora, draco and harry, zuko and katara.

catradora got together, ik, but their story still breaks my heart no matter how much hope it also gives me.

anyway, there’s no way for me to end this bc i dont even know what im feeling. it’s been years but winterwatcher’s fate still tears me up inside with the way it dashed my dreams of seeing a character like winter learn to let himself be loved.

i want to learn to let myself be loved, but i dont know how.

these characters are my attempts at finding myself out in the world and seeing if it’s possible. i dont attach my self-worth to them, but it hurts to see them fail to find romantic love where i saw it. idk

— a quick journal entry i wrote in my notes app years ago, as an emotional 16 year old with identity issues and way too much alone time on my hands

[theramblinglunatic]

a rather late introduction

hello, its me, the rambling lunatic. i dont really want to disclose my real name (though there are a few friends here that do know it) but after 7 months of only ever posting the poems ive written i decided it might be a good idea to say hello and give an introduction to who i am. if you want a name to call me though call me luna, short for lunatic.

i am an 18 year old writer from england and i am a practicing muslim. ive been writing poems since about this time last year but only started posting them anywhere about seven months ago. ive been writing poems as an outlet to get my feelings out of me and onto paper because i have a hard time expressing myself and asking for help. these poems have helped me feel better by myself in a healthy way.

there are a lot of things i like to write about, ive written about people, music, relationships/romance, my sleeping problems, my mental health issues, my friends, friends ive lost, and any deep thoughts that ive ever had. ive never really had a style other than the fact that most of my poems are 4 lines long and mostly never really following a scheme.

ive used other methods of coping, most of which have been described in my poems but the one that has helped the most is music. if you know me irl, which none of you do, you know that i always always have headphones on. its very rare to see me without them. this is mostly because i also have autism and music helps me tolerate being in a loud environment which i am almost constantly in.

well introduction over. im terrible at these but i hope it works, if you have a question then feel free to comment and ask or dm me i dont mind. if you read this far then i really appreciate it! goodnight.

[brynnterpretations]

Hiii I loved how you wrote my oc Barry’s relationship with homelander 😭 now I gotta see who you’d ship me with 👀 I hope you get to this when you feel better, thank you

I’m a 23 year old bisexual 5ft3 mixed trans guy, I have curly brown hair, glasses, usually dressed comfortably/casually. Im a Taurus and an infp. I’m pretty shy with people at first but eventually I do love to talk, I’m very passive, and love to bottle up all my negative emotions, I’m reluctant to let my walls down. My sense of humor is pretty dumb offensive and immature, I’m described as weird (some of it’s the autism) funny and I love making people laugh. I’m a bit of a hypochondriac who can turn into a scaredy cat. I like drawing and writing, I aspire to be a novelist. I love listening to music and going on walks. My favorite food is french fries. My favorite movies tend to be action/horror/comedy, I like all music but favorite music genres are rock and pop, i love musicals. I like dogs (and all animals) but I like cats more, though I’m allergic to cats, I bear through the pain. My love language is food and physical touch. My pet peeves are loud people, being interrupted, having my boundaries invaded.

I lean toward annie, hughie and butcher but I’m up for anyone 🤔

I ship you with...

Annie January ♡

Girlfriend

GIF Source: @humorblr ★ (link)

You and Annie meet at the nearby Jitter Bean after you ordered your drink of choice and sat down to write and sketch. Annie had exactly three hours and eight minutes to kill before a press conference, so she ordered an iced caramel latte, intending to read her latest romance novel (she's the #1 Sally Rooney fan after M.M. introduced her work to Annie) and avoid eye contact with anyone who might know who she was.

But, then... she spots you. And, let's be real: you're her exact type physically (and emotionally, but we'll get to that later). Curly hair? Check. Comfy clothes? Check. Thoughtful demeanor? Check.

So: she thinks you're really, really cute, and running off of very little sleep for a Supe, Annie takes a seat next to you and sparks up a conversation about what you're working on.

Whether you're guarded or open about it, Annie listens intensely and doesn't pry, and it eventually leads to you bonding over a shared love of music: Annie is a huge pop-punk fan, and with your interests in rock and punk, you all have a lot of intersection.

Once you reach a comfortable end of the conversation, Annie gives you her number for "workshopping purposes".

You guys text nonstop over the course of two weeks before Annie takes the initiative to ask you out on a date after you talk about her career as Starlight. She really, really worries that it's a dealbreaker for any romantic suitors — nobody wants to be under scrutiny 24/7 and have to regurgitate Ashley's PR lines when the news breaks of a "hot new couple" — but trusts you when you reassure it's not an issue.

Annie invites you out on your first date to go on a wak at High Line Park, and it's a breath of fresh air: both figuratively and literally. The fall weather is beautiful, and you're one of the first few people since her induction into the Seven to treat her like a person and not some Christian, all-American poster kid.

Annie tries to avoid too casual of dates in the pre-relationship period, so, over the course of two months, puts a lot of effort into them, even if they're more chill than others, such as going to your favorite restaurant, surveying art museums, going to Jitter Bean and drawing together (which she is phenomenally bad at, but you reassure her enough that she gains enough confidence to do more than a stick figure, so bless your soul), and going out to the movies, where you two always fight over who will pay. She's got that Vought money, bro.

She empathizes with your resistance to your walls being broken down, and doesn't push as hard as Frenchie might have, but does still inquire about your life, any negative feelings you're having, etc. It's when you open up over a late-night text conversation, Annie realizes just how much she likes (loves?) you, and asks if you'd like to be together.

And, when you are...

You are being paraded around NYC, even with Annie's objections. Sorry. Ashley really is pushing for more positive press regarding Supe-civilian relations, and you two have become her cash cow.

Both you and Annie love food, but she has a more negative relationship with it due to her mother—and it being your love language genuinely helps her heal from that. She starts a pretty average cook, but she learns to improve for you, and by the six-month can make your favorite meal pretty decently.

She did accidentally set her stove alight once, though, but we won't talk about that.

And, on that note, you know how the singer Lorde had an account dedicated to rating onion rings? You and Annie share a foodie account dedicated to specifically rating French fries, as she is a huge fan of French fries and potatoes in general (me too, girl). It's great and honestly really cute, though you did disagree with the quality of the fries up in Manhattan.

Annie loves your sense of humor: it's like a healthy balance between Butcher and Hughie, with a lot less cruelty coming from Butcher's side, and due to her entire life basically being a PR-sanitization, admires how much you can commit to the bit and just say whatever.

Annie has a lot of experience with hypochondria, as her mother is a hypochondriac, too, and Annie helped her manage the worries and anxieties that come from it. She's always there for you whenever your anxiety spikes up, and also does things that reassure you: making sure it's obvious she washes her hands before preparing you food, keeping medicine on stock, even buying you fancy supplement pills that ward off sickness which she takes to stay on her A-game as a Supe, etc.

Since you aspire to be a novelist, she always encourages you to share your ideas with her, while also being respectful of your boundaries. Her ventures into books were very recent (she just hadn't really had the time for them before) so she loves hearing your opinions on novels, your writing process, and so on and so forth.

You two are both very fond of animals — Annie actually spends her Saturdays in civ-clothes volunteering at Animal Care Centers of NYC. Once you've both already had very extensive (but theoretical) conversations on your ability and willingness to adopt an animal, she adopts you a Siberian cat for your one-year anniversary due to their hypoallergenic nature.

And, lastly, a very cute last side note: she says I love you after your one month anniversary, and immediately feels terrified that she opened up too late. One amazing, sweet kiss from you, and she knew she didn't.

The Boys ☻

Friends

GIF Source: @minilev ★ (link)

Annie is very hesitant to introduce you to the Boys. While she trusts you and is as transparent as possible with you about her work, she doesn't want it to somehow get you into more trouble than it's worth.

However, about four months into your relationship, she decides it's about time. Hughie, who she remained in a purely platonic relationship with, really wanted to meet you, and everybody else was pretty curious about who was making her so happy—really, since you two became official, she was visibly more happy in the safe-house.

On an off-day where everyone was just doing paperwork, she brought you in, introducing you by your name and your relationship status. Everyone was pretty polite, barring Butcher ("oi there, cunt"—OK, dude), with you and Hughie probably being the ones to talk the most, though it was a tad awkward due to your communication styles.

However, as Annie said you could come around as much as you'd like when there wasn't any imminent danger, you became good friends with the lot.

Kimiko and Frenchie really, really like you; Frenchie loves that you write, being an incredible writer himself, and Kimiko loves that you draw, being an incredible artist herself. The second or third time you come into the office, you three stay up until 3 A.M. talking about books, art, and movies.

You hang out with them the most of the boys because of your aligning interests and Frenchie's ability to keep a conversation flowing with little awkwardness. With you, Kimiko, and Frenchie, it's mostly in the safehouse, but it's so enjoyable and laidback that nobody can complain.

You, Kimiko, and Annie actually go out to cheap take-out restaurants every two weeks or so (Frenchie excluded not for any animosity, but just because Annie talks to Kimiko a lot more), and it's pretty fun, though Kimiko did get insane food poisoning for a Supe once and swore off the ventures for two months (RIP).

Butcher likes you a lot, despite your relationship with Annie. Honestly, if it weren't for your humor, he probably would've been more hostile to you, but he senses you're a chill guy and likes that you can banter. He invites you out for drinks every so often, and while they do end up in both of you throwing up in the bathroom, they tend to be decently fun.

Also, you got to see him do an offensively bad karaoke rendition of "Rebel Yell" by Billy Idol and subsequently be drunkenly threatened to never share that with anybody else, so... that's got it's perks. Not a lot of people have seen that, friend.

You told Annie, though. You also video-taped it. Then, you showed that to Annie. She will never tell Billy for your sake, but every time he gives her grief, she thanks God she witnessed him doing a borderline worm-move to the chorus.

You and Hughie get along, but can have some stilted conversations due to you both being pretty nervous and shy. You know when you're talking to someone who's also neurodivergent, and you really like them, but you can't get a flow in the conversation without being worried you're being too loud, obnoxious, etc.? That's y'all.

However, when you keep coming around consistently, that eases up a lot. While Hughie doesn't share too many interests with you, you talk about your own interests in a way that he can actually understand, and even get him into one single horror movie when he hates horror movies. Consider yourselfa. saint.

Lastly, M.M.: he likes you, but doesn't talk to you too much due to how busy (and pleasantly introverted) he is. It isn't until he sees a copy of a book you were carrying which he loved that he starts talking to you more than small talk, but he still considers you a friend, even if you guys aren't buddy-buddy.

And, when all the boys like you? That's a pretty difficult feat. Congratulations.

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

https://x.com/jmnluv13/status/1730887795676479930?s=46

The narrative that majority of jokers are Jimin biased was always so funny to me. I still have my old jikook account and when I checked it I saw how many of them had Seven above Lc on their Spotify wrapped and Lc was released much earlier.

If they were Jimin biased they wouldn’t be jokers anymore. Look at Jimin biased armys, many of them ar starting to speak up about the unfair treatment while jokers are whining because we don’t like Jungkook and his privilaged ass.

Jimin biased jikookers have been mass leaving the ship since 2018 because of the Japan issue.

2019 because of mijoo.

2020 2021 2022 taekook being in their honeymoon era.

Jikookers are mad pjms don't kiss their asses, that's it. They want pjms to be their allies and they literally beg for pjms validation all the time.

That's why you don't see them demanding anything from Jungkook's fanbases, because they actually dgaf what they think of Jimin or how they hate on him 24/7, like how that bighit tweet is full of people hating on him right now. But they're not making "pls don't hate on Jimin" tweets about that, are they? No army is, the way none of them cared either when that Jimin CNN article came out after face calling him the biggest solo debut and the qrts were just hate.

They want pjms on their side because seeing hate against Jungkook hurts them, while they're literally just okay with people hating on Jimin.

They're also desperate to make their "jikook it boys" tweets, that's why they want pjms to include Jungkook in their tweets lmao. And I hope no pjm ever includes him. I know they used to, but they should stop because nobody is looking out for Jimin, I don't know why they're doing others favors by mentioning them in good spirits. If jikookers want to make their jikook it boys tweets, they should maybe have fanbases that do more than tweet "you're me im you" three times a day. Maybe this psych ward escapee herself should get her own account to hype them together instead of fighting air about an imaginary romantic relationship.

I won't even get into how her and another jikooker are making fun of Jimin with that "4th gen" comment.

Yes, Jimin had a very successful KOREAN song that he wrote and composed himself, in an album that he wrote and composed himself for a year while Jungkook had a successful English song about fucking women seven days a week.

One is objectively more admirable than the other.

Anyways. Tell me this doesn't sound like mental illness...

[vampiricgf]

also feel like dropping some crazy kita lore this morning because ive been ruminating on my upbringing or lack thereof the last few days

it's really damaging when nobody wants to tell you the truth about yourself as a kid. I knew there was stuff that was different about me and the way I lived, obviously, to kids around me growing up and I don't think adults really understand how much that bothers you as a kid

and obviously when you're a kid other kids are mean, it's just the way it is, but hearing jabs here and there about like why you don't have parents and why that makes you a freak really does harm you growing up

if everyone around me hadn't treated my parents like some big clandestine mystery it probably wouldn't have gotten as bad as it did for me. like I was showing symptoms of my mental illness as early as ten years old, which is a little crazy to think about, and everyone around me dismissed me as a "problem child" an "attention whore" or "just a bad kid"

the damage it did hearing that over and over is something I can't even describe properly. and when you're that young you don't have words like "mania" or "major depression" or even "suicidal ideation" to help people really understand what you're feeling. I was legitimately suicidal at the age of ten years old and it was scary because I had no idea why I was feeling that way or what it even was which just added to the strain of it and the endless loop of "acting out". like I would have episodes and they would call the cops on me

I was manhandled and thrown in the back of a car by officers no less than seven times. that did even more damage. a little ass girl screaming and crying out of desperation asking for her mom and the first instinct is to put hands on her and throw her in a car? like anyone with a brain can see that isn't productive in a situation like that but it is what it is

then as I got older it became more extreme, like with the arson charges and b&e. I didn't give a fuck because nobody gave a fuck about me. And then when I was 13 I landed in front of a judge that remanded me to counseling. that was the first time anybody looked at me and was like "no something else is going on here and it needs addressed". the deal was I attend counseling, zero missed days unless I was sick enough to be in a hospital, and then come back before the judge at the set time and if they said I made significant progress I wouldn't go to juvenile detention and I could get my record expunged at 18 if I stayed out of trouble. it also helped nobody was hurt during my little building burning

so my ass was at that office every single thursday for ten years. the mandate was only a couple months but I kept going for ten years. because that therapist gave a shit about me, the first adult in my life to do so

our first month of sessions were spent in complete silence. I didn't say one word to her for an hour every single thursday for a month. I was beyond resistant and defiant. and I'm sure any other therapist would've just pushed it down the line and said im not dealing with this off you go but she didn't. she was basically as stubborn as I was and it paid off because after that first month I started talking to her and then I never stopped. I kept that appointment slot faithfully despite being shuffled around from different homes that was my one constant and it was something to hold onto

idk but I think there's a lesson in there somewhere about taking kids seriously when they're very obviously having issues and to not write them off over and over because all you're doing with that is reinforcing that nobody cares about them or what they're going through and they will spiral just the way I did. and about telling them the truth. I know a lot of people thought they were sparing me some sort of pain by not telling the truth about my parents being in prison for things like dui, drug offenses, and violent murder but it wasn't doing me any favors in reality. I could've come to terms with it and probably moved on. sure my illness would've manifested sooner or later but I don't think it would've happened in quite the same way or with so much inner and outer destruction if I had known because usually during those extreme episodes I'd be sobbing about just wanting my mom while destroying shit. I knew I had one, but I didn't know anything about her and it was a real pain point for me

so idk tell your kids the truth about shit, you don't really know what someone can or can't handle and you could be fucking them up even more by keeping secrets

[zaenight]

Ain't your mama ch2 act 1

Age 6.

Sage trager was now six years old and was on a swing being pushed by a seventeen year old tara , whereas a now three year old Jess was being pushed by a nineteen year old jax teller.

It wasn't untill a roar of bikes alerted The four , but it wasn't Samcrow , It was the mayans from the oakland charter , the sons and mayans have bad blood between them , Territory issues and much more.

Marcus alvarez , not to be confused with marcus coleman , their deadbeat father, had got off of his bike looking towards Jax and the girls , Sage swore she saw a boy around her age get off the bike.

"Relax we're here to celebrate a birthday party later on , we don't want no problems." Alvarez stated to the younger male who went towards him.

"Mijo go play while the adults talk." He continued as a boy no older than seven nodded his head rushing over to the swings where the girls were at.

"Podría conseguir una niñita blanca para ser su futura anciana ." His vp Smirked as The mayans cackled like a bunch of hyenas , even alvarez cracked a smile.

(Might bag himself a little white girl to be his future old lady)

"Watch it." Jax warned before looking towards the swings where tara was with the girls , watching as the boy ran up to sage who had jumped off the swing... right onto him.

......

"Ouch." the boy said before looking at the face of an angel , an angel that currently had her knees embedded into his stomach.

"Oops." Sage trager said with a deadpan look on her face getting up , instead of lending a hand , she yanked the  boy up by his shirt.

"Im Sage trager , and you are?" Sage questioned the boy , knowing full well about the sons and the mayans.

"Esai , Esai Alvarez at your service!" The boy exclaimed holding out his fist for a fist bump.

Instead of doing the same action , Sage trager took the fist in her hand shaking it , as if it was a normal hand shake , Esai was confused and highly amused as he stared at his new friend.

Jess starteed laughing as Tara looked worriedly towards the area Jax and The mayans were , noticing Tig,Clay,and piney had arrived.

Sage however was busy staring into Esai's soul , while Esai was staring into hers,Tara thought that either they were enchanted by eachother or ready to strike if the other made one wrong move.

"Kissy kissy." Jessie screamed laughing , Sage released Esai's hand , her nose scrunching up in confusment , Esai on the other hand was blushing.

Tig Ran zig zags to pick up his niece from the boy , yes tiggy went ziggy zaggy.

"Not my innocent niece!" He exclaimed as Esai looked at him with a bored look.

"Your 'innocent' niece has stabbed,poked, and prodded at Jax more than enough times." Tara stated to the weird man.

"Detail's shmehtails." Tig said with a resting bitch face.

"That's not even a word." Sage said before kicking her leg back hitting tigs knee , allowing her to free herself.

"It is a word if it came out of my mouth and I said it." Tig stated.

"Shmehtails , SHMEHTAIL'S!" Jess screeched as Tara took her out of the baby swing.

The Sons and Mayans agreed that they would not fight today , and went there seperate

ways , oh and Esai had kissed Sage's hand as a goodbye causing tig to let out an inhuman screech.

Who knew the Son of a Mayan Presidenté would fall for the niece of Samcrows resident freakshow.

.........

Age 8 :

An Eight year old Sage and a five year old Jess were watching as Their Mother and Gemma were speaking with their eyes , a day earlier Tara knowles left charming after watching the girls , tucking them in and then bidding goodbye.

"Where are you going?" Sage asked.

"Somewhere to help me become a Doctor , and one day I'll come back okay?,This isn't a goodbye more like a see you later." Tara said finishing the book , tucking her in , Jess was sprawled across the bed already sleeping.

"But what if it's already too late?" Sage whispered.

"What do you mean?" Tara said confused.

"You can get out , you have no ties , but me and jess are the nieces of a samcro member , we have targets on our backs just for being related to them , your leaving , leaving this town and Jax with it , cutting those ties makes you safe , If you leave , you should never come back,coming back will get you killed." The eight year old said as she closed her eyes falling into a deep sleep.

----

"Im just saying I never liked the girl." Gemma said to maeve.

'Don't be mean Gem she was a sweet girl , your just mad you didn't get a grandchild out of it , she got out of this town to study being a doctor , lets just pray she won't come back if she knows what's good for her sanity.' Maeve signed , letting out a huff.

"Yeah Yeah." Gemma said waving her hand around as the bikes rode into the lot.

Sage looked down at her hands that held a small skeleton of a bird,wondering if it was true that a warm light awaited you or if the darkness engulfed you into a cold eternal hell.

"Uncle tiggy!" Jess exclaimed laughing as She was picked up.

"Uncle Tiggy look I found a dead bird!" Sage exclaimed.

"Good job It's still in good condition too." Tig said , Now condoning this behavior might not be normal , but neither are the tragers.

"Jax has been a pissy baby because tara left him." Sage said spinning around before looking at tig.

"Have not!" Jax said coming over and messing up her hair.

'Have too.' Sage mouthed before Jess stuck her tongue out calling Jax a pissy baby like her sister just had.

"PISSY BABY PISSY BABY JAXIE IS A PISSY BABY!" Jess said before screeching as Jax chased after them with the help of opie.

The two twenty one year olds the eight year old and the five year old , ran across the lot of the teller-morrow garage screaming and laughing.

Maeve trager watched her girl's with a smile on her face , snapping picks to send to happy,She wished this could last forever , but life with the mc was never easy.

[sowthetide]

heyyyyyy *saunters saucily into your ask box* congratulations! you have written a character so appealing that i cant stop thinking about her! and considering shes an alternate version of an already fictional character, i literally have no one else to bother about the brainworms she gives me. so, youre stuck with me. (side note if you do get sick of my endless asks just say the word and i will limit myself to like. two per chapter. probably. i can be normal i promise) ANYWAY i was listening to incredible amazing bigbrained theon playlist this morning and foreigners god by hozier came upand. the way i see it, in asoiaf canon theons one of the characters with the most interesting relationship with religion. he has the conflicting background, and doesnt really seem to connect with either. which isnt bad, not every character needs tk be spiritual, yet he is also some sort of mesiah figure??? like he has visions and talks to the weirwoods and has SO MUCH religious imagery like im not gonna get into it all but dude literally got crucified?? at a stake??? shit idk man. i like it. i like the part where he swears by the seven WHILE AT THE ISLANDS BEFORE HIS DEATH BAPTISM CEREMONY bbg theyre not pagans. but but but back to quenn- i feel like this is more emphasized in her story? maybe thats just me being delusional but (she lights insence in the sept after cat leaves hahahha im normal about this i swear) shes been abandoned by ALL the gods but still prays??? and for what??? stability???? hope?????? shes can seem like such a pessimist at time, a down to earth realist at best, but SHE STILL PRAYS. to what god???? im not very eloquent with words but you should listen to foreigners god the end byeeerer

-TeaInABowl

Why, hello again ;-) You're so nice to me 🥺 I really appreciate it cause I've been dealing with some Family Issues lately ❤️

Also, you do not have to tell ME about the pain of Quen brainworms!!! Thank god I have goddcoward, Ashen_Onion, and, of course, Y'ALL to scream with about Quen with, because otherwise I'd have probably lost my mind by now. Never worry about being normal because I've spent the last year being increasingly Unnormal about Quen, with extensive daydreaming about all of the Saw traps I have/will put her in.

You've reminded me to update my Quen playlist (the link is around here... somewhere...), but I also reallyyyy need to finish my Theon playlist too... eventually...

But back on topic! Yes, Theon's relationship with religion is such an interesting part of his character, and it's something that really drew me to him while reading (as someone with a complicated/agnostic outlook on religion). He has an unusually strong connection with the North's old gods, which is especially apparent in his ADWD chapters (which are some of GRRM's best-ever chapters, I will die on this hill), and I can't wait to see how that (hopefully) intersects with Bran's journey in TWOW.

I took this aspect of Theon's character and ran with it for Quen, as she has a lot of exposure to all three of the main religions in Westeros: the Drowned God during her childhood on the Iron Islands, and the old gods + the Seven during her time with the Starks. Quen has a closer relationship with the Seven in particular, due to her closer relationship with Catelyn/Sansa/Arya/Septa Mordane (by nature of being female in this 'verse), but she oscillates between all three when the occasion calls for it.

What is she praying for? Does she even believe in any of these gods? Who knows! Quen certainly doesn't. But she'll pray to the gods of the people she loves, so their gods might protect them. Also, as my dad would put it: "there are no atheists in foxholes". This is to say, Quen will cling to whatever gods get her the hell outta this clusterfuck in one piece. And, unfortunately, she finds herself in an inordinate amount of clusterfucks. She's clusterfucks Georg, really.

"Foreigner's God" is Thee Theon song fr. We all listened to it and collectively went THEON 🫵 If anyone has any other Theon song recs, I am always open to suggestions... 👀

[craw-dacious]

Thats the art of getting by, by sarewolf

Again, new to marauders. This fic 3 that I’ve read. Feel free to shoot me recs, currently looking for ~100,000 word fic with a good angst balance and no major character death.

Summary: Overall this story was INCREDIBLE. I loved the writing style, such a good amount of angst, and an easy to follow narrative. It raised Harry like exactly how I wanted and was so cutey and sweetly and UGH

SPOILERS BELOW BEWARE

Chapter one

I already like the opening quote. Can tell the writing is going to be good.

God the angst is already great

He’s only 24 wild

I kind of forgot just how much he lost that night, like all of his closest friends were dead. Even in canon, with no world star this probably sucks the worst for Lupin.

Okay I’m actually crying already

I’ve been wanting a babyfic since the first one I read

This is such a hard thing to do, parenting is hard without the trauma and sob storying

Chapter two

I wonder how they are going to reincorporate Sirius

And I’m concerned about Harry’s quietness, I feel like that’s not consistent with who he grows up to be

Hoping for some baby Ron and harry content eventually 

I never give Kudos until the end of the fic, this is incredible and I absolutely adore it already

Literally crying from how sad Remus is Jesus

Chapter three

YES love old lady gossip

Neris is so cute delicious

Plus Harry is opening up a lot, so far very happy chapter!

So gay bruh

HARRY BEING SAD TOO IS KILLING ME JUST A BABY FR

This is actually fucking INFURIATING him being like “Sirius never loved us” like BRO I know you’re being LIED TO but I CANNOT HANDLE IT TOO SAD

Chapter four

Now I need to be a depressed widow with a three year old son who loves me

Like I think just having a child would patch my soul

This is actually the cutest thing ever love love love

I think me and remus lupin are the same person

Like gay traumatized werewolf = teenaged girl

“Oh the memories, oh the love” SO ME

YES RON AND HARRY BEST FRIENDS IM GONNA SOB

Damn he’s in love with Sirius fr fr

Can tell this is a shift, so gonna do a small recap

Wonderful characterization

Remus kind of being forced to push forward is great narratively, a little concerned about how it will work with pacing

They write Harry very well, not annoying as children can often be in fic

Chapter five

This is what I wanted, you see James and Lily in harry and remus is just thoughtful and reflective enough to show the audience the importance of this its just MWAH

Oh my god

Baby trauma. He’s so cute and being such a little bitch

Literally so sad, like remus is such a better parent than the Dursleys could ever be but him knowing what harry had makes it sad

If I have to read “angry fucks” again im gonna lose it, say sex please, at least sometimes

YES HE’S FREEEE

Chapter six

God this sucks, like I know they aren’t truly in danger but the emotional turmoil goes crazy

3 chapters till we get Sirius saying it now

Cannot understate how much remus’s pining and distraught connects to me

Like I can tell they were in love but SO TOXIC which, again, is teenage girl core

Not to diminish the relationship, I think the way teenage girls evaluate breakups and romance is like peak human condition and is incredibly poignant amidst the issues of war and death and loss.

YES FUCK YES HELL YEAH INNOCENT INNOCENT INNOCENTTTTTT FUCK PETER HATE THAT SON OF A BITCH

Chapter seven

UGH I know I said fuck Peter but this still sucks ass

When do I get to see Sirius. Ik I said 3 chapters but I didn’t mean it

Damn Petes evil as fuck

The justice in him being DECLARED innocent is so beautiful. I wish that could’ve happened in the books, he died being known as a shitty, terrible human being

Chapter eight

Ok skip this shit and jump to the gay sex I do not want a flashback rn I need TEARS

Jk obviously its important and builds suspense, well written two with good symbolism

Fuck fuck fuck fuck just kiss please I need them to kiss please

Like I actually cannot watch them be fucking roommates ill vomit

Sobbing sobbing sobbing “I hope not” Jesus fucking christ let me suck the authors dick I love this sm

Chapter nine

Just taking in the idea that both Sirius and Harry see each other as a replacement for James in the books, that is such a beautiful like concept with such horrible influences on how they treat each other and I really want to see how its reconciled here, if its relevant at all

Harry with his two dads that barely speak to each other

I do need reconciliation but making sure the weight of tragedy is like there also seems important

But also, please, just fuck already

Chapter ten

Ok remus time to put your big boy pants on and apologize

Like actually nothing will fix itself until you say sorry man

“He’s pack” BRUH harry

Pls having to tell everyone you’re living with this famous not-criminal is so funny I actually am losing it

Pls just be nice to each other for once bruh

Yay!! Nice!!

They’re so like fucked up its messy brother

Chapter eleven

THIS IS SO CUTE IM GONNA KMS

The dog plushie, the memory album, literally everything god I love Christmas

Omfg. Sweater. Sobbing.

AND HITTING ME WITH ANGST AT THE END. This is such a good joy-depression balance

Like its SO SO SAD like irrevocably depressing and filled with grief but also like LIFE and CHILDHOOD and JOY and bruuuhh

Chapter twelve

evil

Chapter fourteen

Basically skipped twelve and thirteen

Jesus Christ

That was gay sex fs

The dementors kiss scene was fucking heart breaking, like devastatingly sad but obviously Peter deserved it

Actually idk, soullessness is so horrific

Then THE KISS and the SEX and everything it was so raw and good and Jesus fucking christ

I want to have sex with eric again bruh

Just so sad, and so happy at the end with the talk of learning to live with it and just UGH amazing I love it

Literally cannot think of a critique atm, im sure ill have some at the end though

FULL RECAP

Yes I know I skipped 16 and 17 and I'm sorry.

Overall this story was INCREDIBLE. I loved the writing style, such a good amount of angst, and an easy to follow narrative. It raised Harry like exactly how I wanted and was so cutey and sweetly and UGH. I will say I wish there was more to the plot than “everyone is sad and trying to not be anymore”While that is a completely reasonable story, it does make it a little boring. But because this fic is fairly short it works out alright. My only true criticism is going to be on the pacing. I am not sure at all when Harry and Remus were introduced to each other, or how far after that Sirius came into their lives. I also think Harry and Sirius’ connection, while amazing, was a bit unrealistic at the beginning. For a child with this much past to IMMEDIATELY latch onto someone like this is kinda wild, but it works for the story so no big deal honestly. I think characterizations were good, not great. However, this is a situation we haven’t seen marauders in and I’m not super familiar with how marauders are usually characterized outside of reading the books and watching movies, so I’d reevaluate characterization stuff once im more engrossed in the fandom.

This is something I just thought about while adding tags, having moody in this fic was nice. He's a character I'd like to see more out of what I've read so far in marauders

9/10, truly loved this one

[multifandomhoodies]

I do park maintenance. In my union of 184 members, there's 10 women as far as I know. I'm on first name basis with seven of them. I have been extremely lucky at the two parks I've worked for because most of the guys have always made sure I felt respected. Both parks, I've been the only woman*. That being said, I did get into an argument with a male coworker in which he questioned why a "girl" was telling him how to do his job. I could have taken his ass to HR, but I didn't. I did tell my management and he eventually apologized. The rest of my crew is pretty good, I get along well with everyone, but there's still subtle sexism. I'm not the strongest person on my crew, but it does always fucking bother me when I'm trying to help team lift and one of my male coworkers takes my place for it. It's so ingrained in our culture that I have no idea how to even combat that. I have worked with other groups outside of my park's crews and definitely felt like I was being judged differently. Being a woman* in a male dominated job definitely means feeling more pressure to know how to do your job and do it perfectly. Because anything that isn't perfect won't be chalked up to issues with an environment, lack of skill, just purely accidental, etc etc. It will feel like they're going to blame it on you being a woman.

One of my good friends in the park system, one of the 10, IS dealing with her manager being more sexist than her previous one. She has a lot of skills and education that he's not fully utilizing. He's giving a seasonal tasks that she as a full time union staff member should be doing, and has done, and can do well. But she's hesitant to talk to him about it, because she doesn't want to be the "woman who cried sexism". I can't blame her for that.

I think a lot of being a woman in a male dominated job is also like. toning down your own femininity. Which for me, is fine. As far as the parks are concerned im a she/her girlboss queen but personally I am a transmasc butch. I didn't really have to tone anything down to fit in and be taken seriously, but that's sexist as fuck if you ARE someone that is feminine. I don't think this kind of job attracts a lot of feminine women to start with, but if there were any, they should be taken just as seriously as anyone else.

I don't know, this doesn't really have a point. But I've been full time with my parks for over 2 1/2 years and been around for almost 6. I'd love to see more women in park maintenance, and it is slowly happening. A lot of the Good Old Boys are retiring and within my organization, there's a big kind of cultural shift occurring of who works in this type of job. Maybe that will open more room for some more women.

There was a time when women did these jobs.

Some of them really liked the work and were keen to continue doing it. But society basically told them to collectively "get back in the kitchen" when the men returned home from war.

The tradition of conditioning women, from birth, to have a distaste for these jobs continued. Young girls are discouraged from even taking an interest in the toys representing these occupations. God forbid they put Barbie in the firetruck.

The truth is, most men do not want women doing these jobs. They complain about how dangerous this work is and use that as a metaphorical bludgeon in debates about equality. But when women actually try to be firefighters and combat infantry, they are told they *can't* do these jobs. They are inferior. Those who are hired have to work twice as hard to get half the respect. They are inundated with sexism and misogyny. And many end up quitting, not because they aren't qualified or they don't like the work, but because their male coworkers make the jobs intolerable.

And instead of fighting to make these occupations safer and valued properly, these men just complain that feminists don't know how hard it is and how they don't understand what it's like to risk their lives for no money or benefits. And then rich assholes like Elon stoke these flames because he doesn't want these men to realize this is a class struggle rather than a culture war. And that feminists and "woke activists" would actually be wonderful allies in helping them get better conditions.

Lastly, there are feminists talking about this. There are plenty of non-men interested in these jobs. But I doubt Elon keeps up with very much feminist discourse other than what he invents in his imagination.

Beyond that, feminists can't seem to prioritize stuff like this in the mainstream because they are too busy trying to regain control of their uteruses.

Did I miss anything?

Oh yeah, fuck Elon and fuck "End Wokeness".

[twilightichor]

ONE. I go by Lyria and I'm a 25+ year old student. My first language isn't English so if you were to find any mistakes I can possibly make, feel free to drop by and tell me. This blog is a low activity RP blog of Jinhsi of Wuthering Waves, heavily headcanon based on canon factors and bound to change as the story progresses. Furthermore, the blog is not affiliated with the fandom, meaning that what the fandom where my muse belongs does doesn't represent me. Until further notice, this blog is on semi-hiatus indefinitely. Established in June 1Oth, 2O24.

TWO. I tend to write more multi-paras or novellas more than one-liners, or unique paras. This said, at times I might be posting one-liner calls to break the ice and reach out to more people to interact with! I'm aware that some people struggle by wanting to match the length of the reply, just know that there's no need to match the length of my replies! I admit that I tend to write a lot, but don't let that be an issue to you. If anything, as long as you write enough to have something to work with, that's enough.

THREE. For comfort reasons, this blog is highly selective and private. However, if I receive asks about the game or headcanons, this is not a requirement. Sometimes it takes me a lot until I follow back. If you see that it’s taking me a while or I’m not following back, I have nothing against you. Do not expect me to agree with everything that’s reblogged under any circumstances nor expect me to feel offended by something that makes you feel that way. If I see any behavior that translates into guilt tripping or any similar attitude for not thinking the same, it will earn an instant unfollow Reciprocity goes a long way. I’m a very patient person, and I understand that life obligations make it harder to dedicate time to what I believe is a hobby. That’s why I think that are more indicators of interest than those related to direct RP interactions between our muses, such as liking posts be it OOC, headcanons, etc. If I see that months pass without any of this happening, it is likely that I will unfollow as I’m not comfortable with the sensation of follow for follow. If I follow you, it’s because I interact with you.

FOUR. Godmod and infomod unless we’re talking about a pre-established thread is a no. Please, don’t do that. If I don’t reply to a meme or a thread, there’s a chance that Tumblr ate asks (which happened to me twice by now, hopefully it won’t happen again) or that I forgot in case of the threads. Coming to me and asking doesn’t hurt, but I’d be grateful if you don’t pester me for responses. If you send a meme ask and you want to make it into a thread, you're more than welcome to do so! In the event you'd like to plot something out before doing that, feel free to drop by my IMs or asks and we'll discuss something out.

FIVE. In terms of exclusivity, I used to practise one-sided exclusivity with me only adhering to the portrayal of the person I’m shipping our muses with and say that the other person can ship with someone else’s portrayals of the same muse as I write without a problem which I’ll still be implementing. However, it’d be wrong of me not to admit that it’d be nice that if we’re shipping our muses, that said exclusivity is reciprocated if possible. Regarding smut content, it'll be tagged with a plain #explicit tw tag. It won't be put under read more, but rest assured that R18 visual imagery won't be used, only writing.

SIX. Art credit.

SEVEN. Blog roll: @reginrokkr (side blog attached to this blog).

[urionstandby]

hi everyone! how r u doing?

i was looking for some advice here, to anyone that might know what to do. just in case this topic is triggering for someone, im gonna talk abt psychiatric medication, mention mental hospitals, some abuse and several other mental issues. im not gonna get into detail but please, if any of these things will make u feel bad, don't read this. I just really don't know what to do.

i had some issues from when I was twelve til I was like 17, when i started getting a lot better. I was in a mental hospital at twelve, fifteen and sixteen, a month and a half each time. I was given a serious diagnosis at twelve and plenty doctors told me later in life (pretty late honestly) that it totally wasn't that. also, every brain scan I've ever had showed no symptoms of this condition that would have totally appeared on the images.

for context, the place I grew up in was a total nightmare. not gonna go into detail as I said in the beginning, but it had to do a lot with the fact that my mother was neglecting me, emotionally and also verbally abusing me from a very young age, and it didn't help at all that she had a lot of boyfriends she'd bring to live with us after only a month of knowing them (since I was four till I decided to gain some inner and mental peace and got a job and moved out, this happened). so the first time I was addmited to the mental hospital, I discovered there a safe place where I was heard and cared for, also a routine and stability I had never had (for more context, at nineteen years old I moved houses about ten times, that I can remember obviously).

so, I been on different medications for the last seven years. the final diagnosis was this thing where my mood can shift from being very happy to very sad (not bipolar disorder), supposedly being about my brain chemistry and not about the fact that I've been on survival mode since my birth until I finally left my mother's house and moved with my father (a very loving, patient and caring man that showed me what compassion and true care really felt like). plenty of doctors told me that I don't really need the medication at all right now, and also I don't have the best psychiatrist honestly. she never really texts me to see how I'm doing or to call me, the only times we talk are when I text her to get my prescription or when I'm feeling down and need to talk. she is being paid for doing nothing basically.

three months ago, I moved in with what started as a three-person relationship, a girl and a boy. the girl turned out to be narcissistic and manipulative, something I learned to detect and stay away from based on my mother and past relationships. she hurt me and this boy a lot, phisically and emotionally, and then acted like it was our fault if we got sad or angry. anyway, with my boyfriend we discussed this and ended things with her, she moved out and we're living alone. it wasn't easy obviously. she wouldn't leave without screaming and saying very hurtful things, trying to turn my boyfriend and I against each other which clearly didn't work. I also would like to clarify that at least my boyfriend and I were very excited with all the future we were planing for the three of us, trying really hard to keep going even though things were very complicated and were making us so sad all the time. we truly loved her, and although I saw fairly quickly what she was all about, I would never get involved in my boyfriend's process and talk shit abt her with him, I would never want to feel like I'm getting in the way and trying to split us up. so I waited even if it hurt, every word and hit and every trigger she caused in both me and my boyfriend. and u may wonder, why did I stayed there after all that? simply bc of the loving boy that showed me some true and unconditional love I have never had; someone so sweet, patient, sensitive, kind, compassionate and so so empathic that hurting me will make him feel just as bad but won't even make it about him. the very few times it happened, he was able to apologize and recognize what he did wrong and most importantly, never did it again. I would never leave him alone in that situation, and what made him see all of this was seeing the way she hurt me, which also made him notice he felt the same way without me saying anything. it may sound like the bare minimum but honestly, I come from a very very abusive (in every way imaginable) past relationship were I was only worth my body and what I could do with it, just showing me the right amount of affection to make me stay there while he just got what he wanted: someone so broken and selfless that wouldn't care how many times she was truly hurt and would run to confront him even though he was the one who really messed up. I'm a lot better now about it, sometimes it hurts to think about those two years I stayed with him but at least now I can recognize the patterns and stay the hell away from them. (don't know if this is important, but I was 17 when we got together and he was 19).

so, now things are getting better, really better. it's so sad that the house feels so much lighter and filled with love and laughter since our ex girlfriend left, but it's also so relieving. my boyfriend and I are able to laugh and dance and love eachother every day although things weren't easy, proving that we are really stronger that anything that can happen.

it's important to mention that when I started taking my pills I was taking a very high dosage (two 100mg pills every day) and it was truly horrible. it only turned off my brain, made me feel absolutely nothing and really sleepy, unable to focus and unable to think straight. thanks to this, I missed all of my high-school years. I was there, but my brain wasn't. with the years and talking with my psychiatrist, I was able to take down the dosage to only a quarter of a 100mg pill. the thing is, in the almost three months I had been with my ex girlfriend, when I was taking half a pill, I missed it for one or two days at a time. sometimes because I forgot and when I remembered, it was late and I knew I wasn't going to wake up for another 16 hours like it always happens, and other times because I just didn't want my brain to shut off like that. it's so horrible that my body just keeps going until it gives up. and almost every time I took the pills, I suffered serious tics until my body gave up and I fell asleep. it was a nightmare. so, I talked to my psychiatrist and managed to take it down to a quarter. gonna be honest, I'm not taking them anymore. I had always hated them, but now I know that I went slowly with it and not suddenly, and that other therapists that really care told me I never really needed them (I just needed to get out of my house honestly. another nightmare I lived in for 18 years). as u can see, I hadn't had it any easy haha.

to make things worst, I started to work again in a very stressful job that keeps me away from home and my partner all day, that started to make me really depressed and so so tired. I wasn't feeling like this before, it all started with this job and as things are very complicated economically, I was willing to try and hold on. it was really turning me into a different person, I was being so impatient and sometimes desconsiderate with my partner, something I only realized after I said some things and got so hurt that I would ever say it and make my partner feel that way. I'm not the kind of person to not think before I talk, and I would never ever hurt anyone intentionally, even less if it's my wonderful boyfriend. I was also feeling so distanced from him and from the only place I could call a home and a safe place, and that hurt so much.

I take a bike for work, and two days ago when I was going to the afternoon shift (I worked morning and afternoon, with enough time to go home at 14:30 pm and stay there for half an hour to eat and talk a bit with my partner before having to go back and come home around nine pm) I got hit by a motorcycle that was going fast and not really looking where they were going. the hit was bad, but at the moment with the adrenaline and the shock I just got up, carried my broken bike for eleven blocks and worked anyway. when I got there, I could barely lift my right arm and everything hurt so much. I was dizzy and felt like I had a fever, and I worked anyway. at night, i told my supervisor (that knew exactly what happened and how I was feeling) that I didn't know if I could go in at work the next day. she got mad that we're short-staffed and she wasn't being noticed with enough time, and forced me to go anyway. the next day (yesterday) I woke up and couldn't get up. I was so uncomfortable and crying from the pain, I actually been needing help getting dressed up, getting up and even going the bathroom and showering. when my boyfriend saw me like this, he talked some sense into stubborn me and I talked with my supervisor to let her know I couldn't go in that day, that I would be going to the hospital as soon as I could. she got really mad and told me that they didn't handle things that way there, and that we would need more organization.

my boyfriend took me to the er that day and we spent the whole day there, me crying from pain and exhaustion and barely moving without help. they gave me very strong medication that did nothing, so they had to put me into the emergency room and give me morphine, which only made me stop crying and feeling everything in my body except for my shoulder. also, in this whole hour I was with morphine and being mistreated by nurses (which had to put the morphine twice as the first time they did it so wrong my arm started to swell and hurt really bad) my partner couldn't even be there bc of the protocol, so I was alone and scared in a white room I found so recognizable with no battery on my phone to talk to my loved ones.

after being in the hospital for almost eight hours, I found out I have a fractured rib and a very badly hurt shoulder. I was prescribed the strongest medication they could give me and an orthopedic thing to cure my rib. I haven't been sleeping well because every position is either hurting me or extremely uncomfortable and not eating well because of the nausea from the two medications I'm taking. I talked to my mom (that tried to be helpful and payed for food and medication but in the process told me that I was exaggerating and other really, really hurtful things a parent should never say to their child even if they think they're joking) and she says that if I'm feeling down or having tics (that only come when I'm truly exhausted and not home) it's just because I suspended my medication. this got me thinking and after a rough night were I slept like five hours and had to wake up from the pain, I woke up so sad. so so sad. I get it after writing all of this that is comprehensible to feel this way, also because I'm probably getting fired and the economy in my country is in such a state that we would need serious help from my father and mother-in-law if I don't have the job. but it also makes me angry, because my boyfriend has been so wonderful with all of this. he has been caring for me and doing everything for me, even helping me to take my pants down to go to the toilet and showering me. also, he made things so easy and I was even laughing and feeling kinda good emotionally when I was with him. he never once made me feel bad about all the help I was getting (and needing so much help for everything is very hard for me, especially bc I was forced to do everything alone since I can remember, the only help I got later being thrown in my face and giving me so much guilt).

the question is, I don't really know if I'm feeling like this bc of my medication. I know I didn't quit taking them suddenly, my psychiatrist told me we could take the dosage down and I went really slowly with it. also as I said, plenty of doctors told me I didn't really need them and that my doctor was just giving them to me to get paid, not really caring about how I was really feeling. I was doing pretty well considering how things are going, and considering I was told all my life I could never live on my own or do basically anything on my own. I've acomplished so much in the last years that everyone that cares is so proud, and I am too.

it's just that after the comment my mother made, I'm kinda starting to feel she might be right. I've been honselty feeling very good in the last time without taking my pills, it's just the situation is so difficult. I don't ever want to take those pills again, they make my brain shut off all day and I can't enjoy anything. they weren't even making me feel good emotionally as they should, they just cancel every emotion.

also, my mother has a history of believing the really bad doctors over me just because they did and said what she wanted, and the only psychologists that were truly helping me and making me feel heard and making me see a lot of things were suddenly terrible and bad for me, so she forced me to change therapists again (one of the therapists I had that she never really let me stop seeing was on her phone during sessions, told me all the time I was exaggerating, and even told me when I was abused by my ex partner that boys are all like that and that I shouldn't leave him just for that. she was part of the reason I stayed with him for so long).

I don't really know what to do. I don't wanna go back to that job but the economy is just so complicated. should I let some time pass and see if I get better (emotionally and physically)? I'm so lost and so sad.

if you read all of this, thank you so much. my current psychologist isn't responding to my texts, she only tells me she'll see if she can give me a time for a session but never does. it might have to do with the fact that I couldn't pay for the last two (and very expensive) sessions because I have no money and no help from the mother who told me would pay for all of this. the therapist know all of this. so, I haven't had any psychological help either. please, if you could give me any constructive advice I would be so thankful. and also, if you're gonna comment, please be considerate, I'm in such a bad place right now I couldn't handle any more bad words.

again, thank u if u read all of this. take care of yourself, drink water and eat something and if u can, move a little. hope u are feeling well <3