#not that im not seven years old I see that it was me having issues

[impossible-rat-babies]

.

[soxcietyy]

hii, can i req a older bf + soft dom yuuta please?

Biker Yuta

Age gap, soft dom, Yuta being fine af in general

It was almost every night, the exact time at 1:30 am where a loud bike would pass by your house. It was so loud that it would wake you up from the deep slumber you where in.

At first you didn't think much about it when you first moved into your new house but now its been months and you kept hearing that loud bike zoom by. At some point you grew tired of it and decided tonight was the night you would confront whoever this selfish individual was. There was tones of roads that person could go on and he decided your street was the one to travel on every night? Did this person not have a job?

Grabbing your coat you slip it on and walk out in your pajama’s that consisted on small shorts and a tanktop. Checking the time on your phone you noticed it was five minutes till one. Walking out the door you stand by the mailbox with your arms crossed. The passing cars probably thinking that you weren't fully right in the head. After a few minutes of standing there you could hear the loud bike from a distance.

How where you supposed to get this person attention? you had no clue but decided to find out once it was time. As the bike got louder you step into the middle of the road. When the vehicle came into view you had to shut your eyes from how bright there headlights. Using your hand to cover your eyes from the light you could feel two hands grab you and pulled you to the side. With a gasp you turn around to see them?!

What was the biker doing here? shouldn't he be the one...

before you could finish that though a car zoomed by extremely fast. Then it hit you, you could of almost died mistaking that car for the biker.

"what are you doing in the middle of the road like that? you could of gotten hurt." A male voice said from behind that helmet.

"I thought it was you!" you say grabbing you heart that almost popped out of your chest

"Me? either way you shouldnt be doing that. Arnt you supposed to be in bed at this time?" He asks as he sat you down on his bike.

"yea i actually am but a loud bike likes to go through my neighborhood, waking me and everyone else up! Do you know how much sleep iv lost because of you?" you say angrily.

grabbing his helmet with both hands he slowly takes it off and shakes his helmet hair before looking at you. "Im sorry I didn't know i was bothering people with my late night rides." he says. "Im usually coming out of work at that time and well this is the way I go to make it home.

"Well how about being more quiet? I would hate for us to have issues." You put your hand on your hip.

"Issues? Now I don’t think that’s necessary. How about I make it up to you?" He mocks you by putting his hand on his hip too.

"How will you make it up to me? Do you know how much beauty sleep iv lost because of you?" You quirk your brow.

"Well before I even give you an answer I need to know about you such as name and age."

"My name is y/n and I’m nineteen." You answer.

"Seven years apart mmh, well how about you let me relieve all that stress you got pent up? If you know what I mean. My name is Yuta by the way." He places his helmet under his arm.

27 and he looks young? He’s also not bad looking at all. It wouldn’t hurt to try something with someone more experienced than you. "Sure but I would hate for your back to give out in the middle of it." You hum

"Hey I’m not that old, let’s see who’s back gives out first huh?" He chuckled as he followed you back to your shared house.

Your roommate was luckily out of town for the week so you had the whole house to yourself. It didn’t take long until he was over you. Smothering you with kisses and the string cologne he wore that smelled rich of leather. His bangs touching your forehead as they dangled over you. He still held his helmet in his hand before he dropped it so he could get a better hold of you.

The kisses were fast but deep. It was almost as if he was so desperate to get a taste of you. As he continued to kiss you his gloved hands snaked under your shirt and fondled your breast. You couldn’t lie and say he didn’t look fine with his blacked out gear. If you knew he looked like this you would have confronted him long ago.

Pulling you closer to him he removed your bottoms and his right hand glove. "Want me to teach you how a real grown man should treat a lady?" He whispers in your ear before sliding his fingers in you.

He long fingers bend and move around inside of you. He made sure to touch every spot causing you to throw your head back in pleasure. Biting your bottom lip you shake your head unconsciously. You didn’t even noticed when he crouched down and began to eat you out. That was until your legs began to shake uncontrollably.

"Yuta" you moan

Hmm? He Hums causing you to jolt from the sudden vibration. Why was he so good at this? Could it be his years of experience? Whatever it was you wanted to thank everything that made it possible for him to be with you tonight. He was eating you out so sloppily that the noises echoed in the room. His tongue glided side to side on your clit as his fingers moved in and out of you. You gripped his hair as you got closer to your orgasm. His other hand grabbed your thigh so you wound the able to escape his grasp.

When you started orgasming you moaned his name once again. Tears rolling down your face from how good it was.

Turning you over on your stomach you could hear him unbuckling his belt. Tilting your head back you could see him adjusting himself to your entrance.

"Arnt you going to take your clothes off?" You ask him wondering why he was fully clothed.

"Wouldn’t want to distract you from the main event." He smacks his hard member on your behind.

He then leaned over you and grabbed your face directing you to look at your pile of stuffed animals in a corner.

"Arnt you too old for those things?" He says amused.

"You can never be too old for stuffed animals" you mumble.

Without saying another word he slammed right into you. Your eyes widen at the feeling of being filled up. You don’t think you’ve ever had something this big inside of you. Squeezing your eyes shut you feel how he slides in and out of you smoothly.

"There you go, you’re taking me so well. Thought you would have been crying for me to stop." He says as he quickens his pace. You grip onto your blankets as he slams in and out of you. Each thrust getting deeper and harder. You could hear him breathing heavily next to you ear. You could also heard how the necklaces and chain that he wore cling together with every move. His non gloved hand moved under you and began to pull on your nipple as he continued with his pace.

"You just so cute." He says as he kisses your head, your cheek and your shoulder. "I think I’m gonna start bothering you even more if it mean we get to do this everytime." He mumbles. "Not going to lie I was having second thought about this but I’m so glad I went along. You feel so fucking perfect around my cock." He wraps his arms around your body and slams you all the way into him until he reached places you never thought were possible.

Your jaw drops as he doesn’t let go. Your eyes rolling back at this new painful yet pleasurable feeling. "Yuu" you cry out trying to catch your breath but him hearing you say his name like that turned a switch on for him. He fucked you while you were still being lifted up. Your feet not being able to touch the ground as he used you like his personal cock sleeve. You squirm in his arms being overwhelmed by everything but he held a tight grip on you. At some point you stopped trying and gave in. Your toes curling as you orgasmed once again coating his member in white.

"Easy now, just bear with me for a minute I’m almost there." He groans.

After a few more slams he finally finished inside of you.

He placed you back down slowly and collapsed on top of you. Breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath.

"Fuck, are you On birth control? Or do you need me to get you a plan B?"

[dreamauri]

♪ — 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗦𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗟 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗦 - part one charles leclerc  x  fem! driver! reader (angst) series summary . . . after mysteriously waking up in an era that you don't belong in, you learn that you have amnesia and that your memories from the last few years have been misplaced somewhere in a memory dump. you're challenged with living in the future in a foreign body and life, especially with a husband who used to be your enemy. forgetting truly is troublesome.

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chapter one summary . . . knock knock. wake up. welcome to the future where your life has changed too much to the point where it's practically another universe. now get up, you feel small and weak and have to do something about it. oh and he's there too, careful with that.

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"What is this-" you fussed, pulling on the wires and tunes connected to your body, ripping them off which was a mistake. You felt a sting come from the inside of your elbow, probably from the IV needle you pulled. 

Looking around the unfamiliar room, you're met with white walls and medical tools and machines. A hospital is what you recognized your setting to be. But why would you be at a hospital? 

"Mom?" Was the first thing you could think of doing. You called for her, stumbling out of your bed starting to feel the panic set it. "Mom?" You tried again, pushing yourself to stand on your sore muscles, pulling the door's room open. 

Your ears are met with the loud beeps and busy noises of the medical center. "Code blue, room 198. Code blue." You watched as several nurses ran to foresee the issue. Taking small steps on your bare feet, you traveled away from where you first found yourself. 

"Y/N!" Turning around your face with the person you were looking for. Running into her arms, you held her tightly. "I just- I woke up in that room and you weren't there and I didn't know what to do so I went out looking for you and-" "Shhhh. Hey, it's fine. It's ok. Im- . . . I'm here now." 

Your mom patted you gently with the occasional back rub. "How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?" She pulled away, cupping your cheeks. You could see that she'd aged- more than the last time you saw her. Her eyes were filled with tears and the gray hairs were setting in. 

"What happened to you?" You asked slowly, feeling your face scrunch. Something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong. "Y/N!" Turning your head to face the source of noise, you're met with an unexpected surprise, one that you don't like. 

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"You understand now?" You gave a small hum of acknowledgment with a hesitant nod. "Wait, what year is it?" You asked looking up at your mom and siblings who had come to visit you. "2023." The voice you desperately tried to ignore replied. 

You turned to glare at the brunette boy— man. "Who invited him?" You asked, turning back to your family. Your mom sent a reassuring Glance to the apparent 'outsider'. "So I've forgotten the past . . . Six years? Was it six years." "Eight." Your brother corrected. 

"You're so big. You traitors are taller than me." You huffed and annoyed leaning back in the uncomfortable bed. "I take a nap after qualifying and this happens." You sighed, rubbing your face.

"And you have boobs now apparently. You flat fuck." You scolded your sister, making her smile uncomfortably. "I don't like this. This is the body of a 23 year old." You grumbled feeling angry. 

"And why are you still here?" You looked at Charles Leclerc who was sitting timidly at the other end of the room. "Honey, Charles is . . . How do I say this?" "Don't care, he can leave." You waved ignorantly, hearing a broken chuckle from the man. 

"Wait, what happened to my race? Did I get a podium in the spa?" You asked, turning to your family. "Did something significant happen in the past seven years?" 

"I mean yes-" "yeah" "Oh of course." The three family members replied at the same time, pursing their lips. 

"Am I in F2?" You asked hopefully, holding your hands together. "F1, you drive for Ferrari." You turned back giving Charles a 'wtf' look. "Who invited him? He's not welcome here—" "Ms. Leclerc." A knock on the door interrupted. "—and family. Dinner." 

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You ate in silence with the rest of your family and Leclerc. 

"So we share a bed." You broke the silence looking at the Ferrari driver across from you. "We are married." He clarified. "How— why?" You asked confused, setting your fork down. 

"Why would I marry you? I don't like you. You keep crashing into me. And you're an annoying prick." You huffed and frustrated. "You wouldn't have married me if you didn't love me." 

"And I don't. I want a divorce. Right now." "No." You siblings gaped at you not believing your words. "You love Him! You can't divorce him!" "I'm doing it, right now." You frowned, folding your arms. "Whatever that other me- I wouldn't even consider her as me. I'm fixing those idiots mistakes." 

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"Y/N!" "Verstappen has a moustache and a jawline? That's one hell of a glow up." You commented, ignoring the driver as you walked past him, even though the driver only tried to check on you with good intentions. "Why is everyone trying to be nice to me?" 

"Everyone is nice to you. They like you." Your PR manager explained. 

"They like her. And I don't like her." You sighed digging your hands in your pockets. "Why's everyone nice to her? What did she do to gain their favor?" 

"You baked cookies every Saturday and gave them out before qualifying." "She." You corrected it. "When did she learn to bake?" You had so many questions. 

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"Y/N do you believe it's a good idea for you to drive the car after such a dangerous accident?" "I've been on the Sim and Apparently my body remembers how to drive. So I'm technically good to go." You shrugged taking a sip of your brand hidden drink. 

You swung your feet mindlessly as people fired questions at you. "How do you feel after your accident?" "This is all new to me. Not to any of you, but to me I feel like I'm in the future. Like I jumped in time. It feels pretty exciting really. If I am as good as I am on the Sim, I wonder what I am capable of on the real track." 

You walked beside your performance coach with your hands behind your back, watching him scroll through his phone as you walked out of the conference room. "Did I do good? With the press." "You're a dynamite gal, Y/N." He chuckled, patting your back gently. 

"Can we play some hockey after this? My brain is working at 500 miles per hour." You jumped up and down as you walked, feeling the excitement create more and more energy. "You don't want to sprint?" "She sprints?!" 

Apparently to help with your haywire ADHD, your team had a curved treadmill at the back of the garage. One you wasted no time on using. jogging in place, you listened to your mechanics and engineers explain things to you. 

You were enjoying this. Only thing that bothered you was your long hair. The way you had to readjust the ponytail and tighten your bun every few minutes bothered you. The other you must have grown it out for a long while because you usually kept it to your shoulders. 

Your hair was now two inches from reaching your ass. Which was one of the things that surprised you because it was very shiny and well taken care of. You must have had a few modeling gigs in your time in formula one, the only explanation why you'd keep this hair so long. 

"Wait, she speaks French?" You listened intently to the video playing. While training your reflexes, you decided to get accustomed to the other woman who lived in your body by listening to interviews, talk shows, and press conferences. 

It weirded you out, hearing your own voice be so . . . different. She was much much more playful, kind and mature, romantic and loving as well when it came to her husband. Something you, a 17 year old ( psychologically ) were not. At all. Especially towards Charles, who for some reason you were still married to. 

You've been told you were risky, brash, maybe a little bit funky and mischievous, very blunt. Type of weird girl who would throw paint balls at a teacher in the middle of class, or who would laugh and humiliate someone publicly. 

Hearing a certain question made you break focus and end up with the three balls you were juggling falling on your head. You turned to your tablet, looking at the other you who only blushed and hid her face embarrassed. 

"You guys are so invested in our relationship." You heard her giggle wiping her face. "We have thought about having children, yes. But we both agreed that we both are still too young to be responsible enough and we want to enjoy our youth to the limit." 

You blinked at her disgustingly, shaking your head as you fast forwarded the video and picked up the tennis balls. "There she is. Seat and teammate thief." You saw Carlos pass by, waving to you with a bright smile on his face. 

You waved back awkwardly, a thin smile pressed on your face. "There you are! I've been looking for you." Turning to the face, you're greeted with Lando. A person you remember finally. 

"What the fuck is that?" You pulled a sour face gesturing to his mustache. "What? You don't like it?" He chuckled, stroking his mustache proudly. "Hell no.” You put your hands on your hips, clicking your tongue. "You're a lot older than I remember. Taller too . . . What the fuck." 

"I forgot how blunt you are." He chuckled, face palming. "You're so judgmental." "I'm honest." You rolled your eyes, sighing. "Wait, were we friends through the seven years I was sleeping?" "You weren't sleeping." "Well it sure hell felt like I did. Were we friends or not?" "Yeah why?" 

You looked right and left pulling Lando out of your garage to take a walk with him. "Am I and Leclerc . . . Together for real? Not just for the media 'n shit?" 

". . . I had to sleep over and Daniel's one year because you two were so loud in the room next to mine." "Ew." You scrunch your face, hitting his chest. "It's true!" "—What are you two talking about?" 

You jumped in surprise at the third voice, turning around to look at the imposter. As you expected, an unfamiliar face. "She doesn't believe she and Charles are actually in love." "Why are you telling my personal shit to strangers?" You seethe through gritted teeth, smacking Lando's head. 

"Stranger?" The boy put his hand over his heart, faking hurt. You only looked at him with an unimpressed face. "Wow, old Y/N is brutal." You blinked, putting your hands in your pockets tilting your head, waiting. 

"Alex Albon, of Williams." He put his hand out, bowing dramatically. "Y/N L/N. Of Ferrari." You shook his hand with a small smile, courtesy slightly. He was cute, you liked the accent as well. "Leclerc. Y/N Leclerc." Lando reminded you, making you cringe. 

"Oh don't remind me." You huffed folding your arms. "What did I miss?" You looked at him for a moment with unsure eyes. "We were best friends." He explained quickly. "She wants a divorce." Lando put his hands on his hips frowning. 

"No." Alex gaped, putting his hands over his mouth, eyes wide. Scorching hot tea. You scoffed rolling your eyes. "What's so good about him?" You shrugged, scrunching your face at the thought of being with your apparent teammate. 

"You. You're so good about him." "I mean . . . The last thing she remembers about him was that fight in Singapore." Lando reasoned with a pout. "But you love him." Alex whined holding his hands together. "You can't not be together." He pleaded. 

"Not anymore." 

Charles listened from afar, feeling his heart clench. He felt pain. Pain. Your words hurt like tons of knives and bullets. He ran his shaky hand over his face. If you divorced him before you got your memories back, it would be over for him. He can’t lose you. 

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You felt your heart race as you sat in your car for the first time this weekend. "My lungs are going to explode." You squealed to your head mechanic. "That's one way to describe excitement." He chuckled, making you test out the functions of a few buttons and the brakes. 

"Is the steering wheel too wide?" You heard him call over the noise making you shake your head. "Is the seat comfortable?" "Yep!" You nodded, smiling. "Alright, you can stay inside if you want. I'll shut off the engine." You already knew your favorite and number one mechanic. 

"How are you feeling?" Looking up, your smile fell upon seeing your teammate . . . And husband. Gosh you were not used to that word. Husband. You've never even thought about getting married, or even having sex for that matter. 

"Leclerc." You huffed a greeting. "You're a Leclerc too." He reminded you crouching down and holding out a cup for you to take. You peered at the liquid, trying to figure out what it was. Whatever it was, it smelled amazing. 

"Is it poisoned?" You questioned taking it and bringing it closer to your nose. "No! Why would he even think that?!" You looked him up and down suspiciously before taking a sip. You must have been married for a long time if he knew something about you you yourself didn't know about yourself. You liked mocha latte. 

"Is that all?" You asked looking up at him. "You did your hair wrong." He held up the claw clip. You narrowed your eyes, staring at him for a second before holding your hand out to take it from him. He chuckled lightly, placing it in your palm. 

He knew how this would end. He watched as you struggled with your hair, huffing and cussing at it every few seconds. He laughed to himself before finally coming to your aid. "Hey- excuse me. I did not give you . . . Permission?" You frowned to yourself confused, no longer feeling bothered by the blond locks as his weirdly gentle hands brushed through them and pinned them up in a nice neat and elegant bun. “There you go.”

It felt . . . Secure. "I'm not going to thank you." You said out of spite, turning away and sipping from your drink. Charles sighed, sitting down on the floor, leaning his back to your car. “Amour, give me a chance. Please?” He asked after a moment of silence. “Don’t you like brunettes?” You scoffed rolling your eyes. “I love you.” You rolled your eyes again, pulling your hood over your head as you caught some sleep. “I really do love you.” Charles whispered to himself, hugging his knees catching some sleep too.

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"Are you going to keep playing that?" Charles turned to you as he searched through the music papers. Your family had insisted that you stayed at your house in Monaco for the Monaco gp weekend, which was fantastic because your husband lived with you. "Do you want me to stop?"

"If you impress me. I'll give you a kiss or whatever wives do." Charles knew this was a trap. old you would never do that. He took a deep breath in and started to play anyways, a song you always asked him to play for you.

You leaned against the door frame, never remembering that he played the piano. You listened, yawning every now and then even though you actually were impressed. Once he lifted his finger off the last note, he hesitantly turned towards you, waiting for an answer even though he knew you liked it.

Your azure eyes met his own forest ones. You laughed at him before pushing yourself off the wall and walking away.

[frogletscribe]

Until It Doesn’t Hurt

Chapter 11: So Long and Lost

Summary:

20 years since the RDA was pushed off of the moon of Pandora, they are back once more. The RDA thinks their only problem is the traitor Jake Sully and his family, but as it turns out, Jake wasn’t the only ‘problem’ left behind 20 years ago. 

Anthe was a child soldier, stolen from their home and forced to learn the ways of the humans, erasing any of their connections to the Na’vi from before. Finally free from the RDA’s hold after being trapped in cryosleep, they're about to make themselves everyone's problem.

---

Tenak has entered the chat, Neteyam struggles to adapt, Anthe and Spider get bad news

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Pairing: Aged Up!Neteyam X Nonbinary!Na'vi!Reader/OC (OC and Neteyam are both around 20)

Warnings: Mentions of Past Violence, Mentions of Past Trauma, Mild Claustrophobia, No Use of Y/N, Blood, Self-depreciation, Neglectful Parenting, Suggestive Themes, Mutual Pining, Hurt-Comfort, Found Family

WC: 3672 words. AO3 Link Here

A/N: Okay its been a sec! I graduated college (yaay) and also had my laptop and switch stolen in the same day (;~;) SO, this took me a minute to finish. Also thank you to everyone who has been liking and reblogging my doodles!

I feel like I should also note that I still have not played Frontiers of Pandora so, there are obviously going to be differences. I'm staying away from using too many explicit references, or else im gonna frustrate myself when i actually do get to play the game lol

{ } indicate speaking Na'vi

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One of Tenak’s clearest memories of his childhood was the first time had met Anthe. He was thirteen years old, the oldest child to have been taken just a few years prior. There were only three others then, all between eight and eleven, and all looking to him for safety and guidance. Anthe arrived with three more children, nine years old and full of spite and fire. The others that came with them were even smaller, six and seven at most, clinging to Anthe’s legs, trying to hide from the strangers that had killed their families and stole them from their homes. 

Tenak watched through the classroom window with Kala, a girl from his village that had been stolen with him, waiting to see what would happen with this new group of Na’vi children. They watched the RDA soldiers try to drag Anthe and the other kids towards the classroom. The smaller children went more easily, still too scared to fight back, but not Anthe. Tenak watched the younger child kick and hiss at the soldiers. Teacher tried to step in, urging the soldiers to stop trying to force the child to go, but the soldiers were already angry, and Anthe was still kicking and cursing at anything that tried to get too close. 

So, Tenak made a choice. He left the classroom, pushing past Teacher and the soldiers and putting himself between them and the child. Someone tried to grab him, and drag him back into the classroom as well, but at thirteen Tenak was already taller and stronger than the human soldiers, and could easily brush them back. He stuck out a hand to who he would soon know to be Anthe, helping them back to their feet where the soldiers had pushed them down. They eyed him warily, as Teacher was frantically trying to keep the soldiers from escalating things further. 

“{Why do you dress like them?}” Anthe’s voice was small but accusatory. Tenak looked down at himself, clad in the TAP issue pants and shirt he wore. By contrast, this new child still wore their more traditional Na’vi clothes, a woven and beaded top with matching tewng.

“{They took my clothes.}” He said simply, his mother tongue feeling rusty in his own mouth. “{They will take yours too, and anything else you have.}” The child swallowed, curling in on themselves protectively.

“Hey! English only! You know the rules!” One of the soldiers grabbed Tenak by the arm, shouting in his face.

“They do not know English yet.” He hissed back through gritted teeth. “They are confused, and will not listen until they know what’s going on.” There was a moment of tension, Tenak staring down the soldier holding him, ears pinned back against his skull. 

“Then do your explaining back in the classroom.” The soldier finally relented, shoving the children towards the door. Anthe was less resistant this time, holding close to Tenak as he quietly ushered them into the room, Teacher close behind them. The three other new children were all huddled together around Kala, sniffling and sobbing into her shirt. She was only eleven, and already acting like a mother hen for all the younger children.

“Okay.” Teacher let out a shaky breath, closing the door behind her. “New agenda for the day, we are going to help our new friends get adjusted.” Her smile when she turned back to the eight Na’vi children did not meet her eyes, and Tenak could see the anxiety in the shake of her hands.

Over the next several hours, Tenak and Kala helped Teacher clean up and dress the new children in TAP uniforms. More soldiers came and went, taking away the children’s old clothes and songcords, but while there were many tears, this time there was less fighting. Anthe, as Tenak finally managed to get their name, refused to make a single sound or acknowledge anyone but him. Not once did they cry, only gritting their teeth and clenching their fists as even more was taken from them. That was the last day any of them were allowed to speak Na’vi freely and without punishment, the last day they had even the smallest taste of home, and the first day of the rest of their lives.

Ten years they stayed in TAP, losing their language and stories with the passage of time. Ten years trapped in a cage that turned them into weapons against their own people. All the younger ones were gone now and all that was left were Tenak, Kala, and Anthe. But, Anthe hadn’t woken up when he and Kala had. They had lost fifteen years of their lives to the cryopods and Anthe was still asleep.

 Every year, for the last five years, he had made a point of going back to TAP and checking on Anthe in their pod. When he and Kala had first woken up, Anthe’s pod was the only other one to have not gone completely dark already. They had tried everything they could think of to get their younger sibling out and nothing had worked. So Tenak took to waiting, going back as often as he could, waiting for Anthe to wake up. 

However, he had gotten caught up in the new RDA invasion, trying to protect the new friends and clans he had met in the Western Frontier of Pandora, and now Anthe was gone. Tenak had returned to where Kala was staying with the Aranahe clan in a panic, Pandora was a big place and their younger sibling could be anywhere. Kala was significantly calmer about the news, reassuring him that Anthe would find their way back to them. She had always been the wisest of their family and a mother figure to the younger of them. 

“They are strong, Tenak. Anthe knows how to take care of themselves.”

“But they are alone! And you know they hate about being around strangers. They’re not going to stay with another clan.” Tenak knew Anthe too well, and knew their anxiety about being an outsider. He had struggled with it as well before he and Kala had met the clans in the west.

“We don’t know that. There are many clans, it's entirely possible that they found a safe place to stay.”

But where Kala was a calm and patient voice to soothe him, Tenak’s own inner voice was the exact opposite. Within two days, Tenak was searching every clan in the area, using an old photograph of the two of them he carried with him to ask if anyone had seen Anthe. The longer he searched the more stressed he got, especially knowing that the RDA was back, leaving Anthe in more danger because of it. 

Now, Tenak was practically a year into his search, and there was still no sign of his younger sibling. Kala stayed behind with the Aranahe, just in case they popped up, but Tenak set his sights for the East. There were a number of clans in that direction, as well as the new RDA headquarters if his intel was right. If Anthe was there then Tenak would find them, no matter what it took.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The Metkayina Clan at Awa’atlu were kind to the Sully’s for the most part. The first few weeks in the reef village were tense, but with help from the Olo’eyktan and his family, mostly his daughter Tsireya, the family was brought quickly into the larger community. Neteyam’s siblings seemed to take to the ways of the water quickly, but the same could not be said for Neteyam himself. Where once he excelled in every aspect of his life, now he floundered. He struggled to master the breathing techniques Tsireya taught them, and grew frustrated by his slow pace in the water. It was not helped by Ao’nung, Tsireya’s older brother, and his taunting. Neteyam hadn’t wanted to leave home in the first place, but he needed to stay strong for the rest of his family. There was no room for Neteyam to mourn. 

Now he sat on the sandy beach, watching his siblings joke with each other and their new friends. Kiri and Tuk were building a sandcastle with Tsireya, while Rotxo was play-fighting in the serf with Ao’nung. Lo’ak had run off in a huff earlier, upset that no one believed that his new Tulkun friend was not the killer they believed it to be. At least his younger brother was no longer fighting with Ao’nung. It was a good development, especially given the recent fight the Sully brothers had had with the Metkayina man and his friends. Neteyam licked the healing cut on his lip at the memory, wincing as it still stung. Neteyam was still pissed at Ao’nung himself, even if his brother had apparently forgiven him.  After the fight, when Lo’ak had attempted to make peace, Ao’nung had almost gotten Lo’ak killed, abandoning the younger man outside the reef in Akula territory. At least, there was no more fighting or insults being thrown.

Neteyam thought now, as he did often, of Anthe, wondering if they were okay, if they had escaped the RDA or were still there with Spider. If they were even still alive. He thumbed softly at the hilt of Anthe’s knife, the only thing he had left of them besides the gifts he never got the chance to give them. Neteyam had finished the knife he made for them, and kept it wrapped up with his belongings, and the clothes Kiri had made for them, hiding it from view. No one had tried talking to him about Anthe since they left the Omaticaya except Kiri, who did her best to reassure him that they would be fine, wherever they were. Even his parents seemed to avoid the subject, as if they had never existed, as if they had never spent the better part of a year in the family's company. 

He thought back to their last conversation, how Anthe could believe they weren’t worthy of safety or belonging within the Omatikaya. The thought that they couldn’t ever belong. At the time, he found it hard to understand. He couldn’t see how just having a different upbringing could make a person feel so separate from those around him. Unwelcome. Outsider. But, Neteyam understood it now. He felt it, here with the Metkayina, where none of his previous skills had value, and he was no longer the eldest son of the Olo’eyktan of the Omatikaya. Just another demon blooded outsider. Kiri and Lo’ak had it even worse too, he knew that, even back home they had struggled. Neteyam felt like he had no right to feel this pain now, while his siblings had felt it their entire lives. At least he had his family, all together, all safe, going through the same things with him. Anthe was just alone, not knowing if their family was even alive. No wonder nothing he said had helped. No wonder they had left him when he couldn’t even understand that much. 

“{‘Teyam?}” Kiri’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, back to the beach. 

“{Kiri, hey.}” Neteyam shook himself, pocketing the knife again.

“{Are you alright?}” Kiri asked, plopping herself down beside him, and leaning close.

“{I’m fine.}” He shrugged, not looking at his younger sister.

“{Come on, Neteyam, don’t be like that.}” Kiri frowned, nudging Neteyam in the side. “{You’re worried aren’t you?}” Neteyam just shrugged again, leaning into Kiri a bit.

“{I’m fine, Kiri, I promise.}”

“{But you’re not! I know you miss Anthe and your home sick, we all are.}”

“{Kiri.}” He sighed, “{You really do not need to worry about me, I will be fine, I’m just…}”

“{Sad. You’re sad, and heart broken, and I know you would rather wallow in it but I don’t accept that. I miss Spider more than anything, but we have to trust that they will be okay. They will come back.}” Kiri spoke, holding Neteyam’s face in her hands and forcing him to look at her. Of course he knew she was right, just as she usually was. Neteyam let out a heavy sigh, slumping into his sister’s hands and letting his face squash in her palms. Kiri smiled, pinching her older brother's cheeks with a soft chuckle.

 “{Tsireya said she got her mother's permission to take us to the Spirit Tree here, you should come with us. Please, come with us.}”

“{Okay.}” Neteyam nodded finally, letting Kiri drag him back to his feet.

“{Is he coming?}” Tuk hollered, seeing her older siblings approach where she and Tsireya sat.

“{Should we try to find Lo’ak too?}”Tsireya looked to Kiri, worried expression on her soft features. The Metkayina girl had grown close with Neteyam’s younger brother, who in turn had a very obvious crush on her as well. 

“{I’m not sure he really wants to be around us yet. We can bring him next time.}” Kiri sighed.

It didn't take long for the group to reach the Metkayina’s underwater Spirit Tree, but the sun was still setting quickly in the distance. Ao’nung had excused himself before the group had left, leaving Tsireya and Rotxo to guide Neteyam and his sisters. Even from atop the waves, the view of the glowing tree below them was breathtaking. Tuk was standing excitedly on the back of Kiri’s Ilu, eager to jump straight in, while Tsireya explained that she and Rotxo would act as the Sully’s dive partners to keep them safe while they connected to the tree.

    One by one they each slipped from the backs of their Ilu and dove down into the water. Neteyam could see that Kiri especially seemed excited. She had prayed at the Brother Tree back in their home forest all the time, and was deeply spiritual compared to Neteyam and the rest of his siblings. This would be the first time in months that she could connect to Eywa again since they left. Rotxo brought Tuk to one coral-like branch of the tree while Tsireya led Neteyam and Kiri to their own, encouraging them to connect. He could see why his little brother could be falling for such a sweet girl. Carefully, he reached back for his kuru, watching the pink tendrils hidden beneath the end of his braid eagerly reach for the tree as he brought them to the branch and closed his eyes.

Neteyam was back in the forest, familiar and warm, in an area he knew quite well. He followed the small path to the pond he had brought Anthe to so long ago. It was just as he remembered, the afternoon light bleeding softly through the tree canopy above, glittering across the shifting pool like gems. It felt calm there, peaceful in a way Neteyam missed. But something still felt like it was missing, beyond just the fact that Neteyam knew he wasn’t actually there. It was calm, but it was also lonely, the lack of Anthe’s presence making itself known. 

Homesick, heartbroken, hopeless, Neteyam felt all of it. At least here, he could actually let himself feel it, finally someplace private without fear of interruption. The last time he had tried to have a moment to himself, it had been cut off by the admission from Ao’nung that Lo’ak had been abandoned out in open water, and Neteyam had been scolded for not being there to stop it. Here that wouldn’t happen, he could just be alone and feel as sad as he needed to without being a burden to anyone. It was cathartic, right up until the flashing started, suddenly pulling Neteyam from the connection, back to reality. Neteyam shook his head, trying to orient himself as Tsireya rushed past him, towards where he saw Kiri convulsing, seizing under the water.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

 “We found something.” Quaritch grinned at the group of Recoms standing around the conference room, and Anthe felt their heart drop to the pit of their stomach. There was a chorus of whooping and cheers from the soldiers around them, but Spider was stock still and pale as a ghost. Anthe did their best not to show their dread, forcing a grin and high five when Ja turned towards them to celebrate.

“We got a helicopter ping headed in the direction of this cluster of islands.” The Colonel pointed out on a holographic map, showing an area to the South West of their current location. 

“Ardmore is sending us to the RDA coastal base, here.” He pointed to an area more immediately west of Bridgehead. “Where we will catch a ride to search the islands.”

“Colonel.” Anthe managed, doing their best to seem as neutral as possible. They had only just been released from their ‘probation’, their ankle tracker finally removed, and one step closer to getting out. 

“What is it, private?”

“Are we sure it’s them? You said all that was left back at the original RDA base were scientists, could it just be a research team or something?”

“It’s possible.” Quaritch nodded. “But it's still a lead to Sully. If it's anything good, then maybe you’ll get some use outta that rifle of yours, too. Speaking of-” Quaritch motioned over to a grinning Lyle who excitedly pulled a familiar large shape from behind his back, handing it to Anthe.

“You get your piece back!” The recom grinned, clapping a hand on Anthe’s shoulder. Anthe was quick to check over the rifle, it was cleaner than they expected with a new strap, but undamaged and otherwise unchanged. The weapons' familiar weight in their hands brought with it a sense of safety Anthe hadn’t truly felt in a while, that made the smile that crossed their face feel that much more genuine. They held it close, nodding a quiet thanks to Lyle as he crossed back to his place at the Colonel’s side.

“Right.” Quaritch coughed, regaining the room's attention, an air of smugness about him that suggested he was pleased with Anthe’s reaction. “We leave in one hour, so get your shit together and be ready to go. Anthe, make sure the kid doesn’t break anything while we load up. Dismissed.”

As soon as Quaritch said the word, Anthe was half dragging Spider out of the conference room, back to their dorm. The rifle was comfortably back on their shoulder right where it belonged. Spider was silent, his hands balled into tight fists as Anthe pulled him into their room, locking the door behind them. They turned back to the man slowly, standing stock still in the middle of the room. 

“{Spider-}” Anthe started, moving towards their friend.

“{Do you think it’s them?}” Spider suddenly spun towards them, eyes panicked.

“{I don’t know.}” 

“{It can’t be them right? There shouldn’t be any reason for a helicopter to go find them unless… unless something went wrong.}” He was spiraling, eyes darting around as he was definitely imagining the worst possible reasons for the Sully’s to suddenly need a helicopter. 

“{Spider, look at me.}” Anthe knelt, tossing the rifle on the bed.

“{Something is wrong, something has to be wrong! What if someone is hurt? Lo’ak or Kiri- What if-}”

“{Spider!}” Anthe grabbed both sides of his face, forcing him to look at them. “{We won’t know until we can get out of here, okay? I need you to breathe, deep breathes.}” They placed a palm on his chest, which Spider quickly grabbed onto, trying to anchor himself. Anthe guided him in taking deep, slow breathes, until the man's heart was no longer beating so erratically under their hand.

“{Thinking up worst case scenarios is not going to help anyone right now.}”  Anthe spoke again, once Spider had somewhat calmed, and they were both sat on the cold floor of the dorm. 

“{Those idiots just gave me back my gun, and they took off the ankle tracker. All we need now is to get rid of your tracker, and find an opportunity to get out of here. If the Sully’s are on one of those islands, then the sooner we get out and warn them, the better. Okay?}”

“{Okay.}” Spider said nodding, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“{We won’t let anyone get hurt. I promise.}”

An hour later Anthe and Spider were on one of Bridgeheads roofs with the rest of the Recoms, securing their few belongings onto Anthe’s ikran before they flew out to the RDA coastal base. Spider remained quiet, largely giving everyone but Anthe the cold shoulder. Quaritch kept looking over at them, something like concern playing on his hard features. 

“Okay, Ted. Ready to go?” Anthe said quietly as they mounted their Ikran, the aforementioned Ted, who shuddered lightly as Anthe bonded to her. They leaned over, reaching a hand out to Spider and hoisting him up into their lap when he took it. 

“I still can’t believe you named her Ted.” Spider scoffed, setting himself more comfortably against their front, while Anthe made final adjustments before take off.

“Ted is a fine name, and it's better than ‘Cupcake’,” Anthe smiled, gesturing to where Quaritch was mounting up, making Spider snicker. “Or whatever Lyle named his. What was it again? Manly Barber?” 

“Malibu Barbie!” Lyle shouted from the back of his mount, sounding offended.

“Why?” Spider asked, not bothering to hide his incredulousness.

“She’s pink!” Lyle gestured to the creature's bright pink and yellow markings. Anthe and Spider looked at eachother, sharing confused shrugs.

“I don’t get it.” Anthe shook their head back at Lyle, who groaned in frustration.

“Barbie! The fashion icon! How do you not know this?!”

“I think it’s an earth thing.” Spider frowned up at Anthe, who was feeling increasingly confused.

“Wainfleet! Quit screwing around! We ready to go?” Quaritch shouted over the bickering. There was a small chorus of ‘yessir’s from the recoms, all mounted and ready on their Ikran. Quaritch signaled take off, launching into the air and taking the lead as Anthe and the other soldiers followed.

[beepsalotl]

crying ugh i love these characters so much and i hate the world so much except i dont and i just wish i could have what these characters had and be in a place that isnt like this one

im gonna cry ugh i dont know why i care so much, theyre not even real. but, like, in my head, they are, yknow? as in, they exist in the space i built for rhem as i read the series and learned about them and their world

fun fact, they were the first two characters whose books (each is the continuation of the story from a different third-person-limited perspective) had their names in the title. black hardcover w green embellishments for moonwatcher, a nightwing. white hardcover w blue for winter, an icewing. books six and seven, respectively. all the symbolism was there before you even open the goddamn books. yin and yang. AND YET.

and also they had two different histories and their tribes had a stale feud for thousands of years bc of some asshole jerkface. moon knew nothing about it bc she was raised in the rainforest practically by herself bc her mom had to sneak away from the shitty volcanic island the nightwings lived on to hide from the historic nightmare jerkface. winter knew all about it (or he THOUGHT he did bc he only knew the icewing side) bc he grew up surrounded by heirarchy and laws and rules and structure. moon didn’t grow up with the resentment at all, which allowed her a chance to see the truth.

she had to be self-sufficient. he had structure to lean on, even if it made him narrow-minded and nearly hard-hearted. he had to break through that, and she learned how to have patience. i feel like moon herself is sorely underdeveloped but i take the hints i can get and i feel that she learned how to forgive him by understanding who he was through his thoughts and, after skyfire, remembering that he was different inside than out and was still struggling.

when they were together, he was trying to be better and learn and he was kinder and softer even though he struggled to always be like that, and she was so patient with him.

heartbroken enraged screaming ensues, really.

like the rey and ben situation at the end of tros.

having him die in the end undermines everything the skywalker legacy stood for and all the development he had and it still breaks my heart bc he proved people can make bad, horrible choices and can survive abuse and break through it and change and be better and be loved. and then he DIED instead of getting his happy ending, which practically is what happened to winter bc the author basically said fuck you go live in the mountains doing work for peace and studying scavengers (which i know is his passion, but….) and your friends will hardly visit or write and they wont tell you the truth about how they defeated the bad guy WITHOUT ANY OF YOUR HELP EVEN THOUGH YOURE MORE THAN CAPABLE and they wont trust you and youll be alone forever.

my list of pairings and characters that i’m unreasonably heartbroken over:

ben and rey, winter and moon, catra and adora, draco and harry, zuko and katara.

catradora got together, ik, but their story still breaks my heart no matter how much hope it also gives me.

anyway, there’s no way for me to end this bc i dont even know what im feeling. it’s been years but winterwatcher’s fate still tears me up inside with the way it dashed my dreams of seeing a character like winter learn to let himself be loved.

i want to learn to let myself be loved, but i dont know how.

these characters are my attempts at finding myself out in the world and seeing if it’s possible. i dont attach my self-worth to them, but it hurts to see them fail to find romantic love where i saw it. idk

— a quick journal entry i wrote in my notes app years ago, as an emotional 16 year old with identity issues and way too much alone time on my hands

[theramblinglunatic]

a rather late introduction

hello, its me, the rambling lunatic. i dont really want to disclose my real name (though there are a few friends here that do know it) but after 7 months of only ever posting the poems ive written i decided it might be a good idea to say hello and give an introduction to who i am. if you want a name to call me though call me luna, short for lunatic.

i am an 18 year old writer from england and i am a practicing muslim. ive been writing poems since about this time last year but only started posting them anywhere about seven months ago. ive been writing poems as an outlet to get my feelings out of me and onto paper because i have a hard time expressing myself and asking for help. these poems have helped me feel better by myself in a healthy way.

there are a lot of things i like to write about, ive written about people, music, relationships/romance, my sleeping problems, my mental health issues, my friends, friends ive lost, and any deep thoughts that ive ever had. ive never really had a style other than the fact that most of my poems are 4 lines long and mostly never really following a scheme.

ive used other methods of coping, most of which have been described in my poems but the one that has helped the most is music. if you know me irl, which none of you do, you know that i always always have headphones on. its very rare to see me without them. this is mostly because i also have autism and music helps me tolerate being in a loud environment which i am almost constantly in.

well introduction over. im terrible at these but i hope it works, if you have a question then feel free to comment and ask or dm me i dont mind. if you read this far then i really appreciate it! goodnight.

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

https://x.com/jmnluv13/status/1730887795676479930?s=46

The narrative that majority of jokers are Jimin biased was always so funny to me. I still have my old jikook account and when I checked it I saw how many of them had Seven above Lc on their Spotify wrapped and Lc was released much earlier.

If they were Jimin biased they wouldn’t be jokers anymore. Look at Jimin biased armys, many of them ar starting to speak up about the unfair treatment while jokers are whining because we don’t like Jungkook and his privilaged ass.

Jimin biased jikookers have been mass leaving the ship since 2018 because of the Japan issue.

2019 because of mijoo.

2020 2021 2022 taekook being in their honeymoon era.

Jikookers are mad pjms don't kiss their asses, that's it. They want pjms to be their allies and they literally beg for pjms validation all the time.

That's why you don't see them demanding anything from Jungkook's fanbases, because they actually dgaf what they think of Jimin or how they hate on him 24/7, like how that bighit tweet is full of people hating on him right now. But they're not making "pls don't hate on Jimin" tweets about that, are they? No army is, the way none of them cared either when that Jimin CNN article came out after face calling him the biggest solo debut and the qrts were just hate.

They want pjms on their side because seeing hate against Jungkook hurts them, while they're literally just okay with people hating on Jimin.

They're also desperate to make their "jikook it boys" tweets, that's why they want pjms to include Jungkook in their tweets lmao. And I hope no pjm ever includes him. I know they used to, but they should stop because nobody is looking out for Jimin, I don't know why they're doing others favors by mentioning them in good spirits. If jikookers want to make their jikook it boys tweets, they should maybe have fanbases that do more than tweet "you're me im you" three times a day. Maybe this psych ward escapee herself should get her own account to hype them together instead of fighting air about an imaginary romantic relationship.

I won't even get into how her and another jikooker are making fun of Jimin with that "4th gen" comment.

Yes, Jimin had a very successful KOREAN song that he wrote and composed himself, in an album that he wrote and composed himself for a year while Jungkook had a successful English song about fucking women seven days a week.

One is objectively more admirable than the other.

Anyways. Tell me this doesn't sound like mental illness...

[worstdisastermaster]

Why is Freyr a solar god?

Author’s note or whatever:

So, a while back, I was curious. (Which honestly sounds like the reason i could claim for all my issues lol) Im an Apollo stan, right? So,, I kept seeing things hinting to Freyr and his connection with the sun. So, ofc, I was confused. Sol’s a thing- I know that myth. Sooo, why is freyr connected to the sun??? Naturally, I decided to do research about it instead of my homework at the time, meaning my notes for the class were mixed with my unfiltered thoughts about what I was learning about Freyr. (Honestly it was pretty hilarious going through it) I absorbed the knowledge and continued on with my life, never clearing up the notes or even trying to source where it all came from. You know, like an idiot.

Welll, i have been asked by an amazing person to share my thoughts, so you can imagine me scuttling away and click-clacking on my school computer to dig through old notes and try to find both old sources and new and throw this together. (I like to talk about things im interested in lol. Im so happy to share XD and infodump.) I apologize if this doesn't make sense or anything- I’ve never really done anything like this before lol, though im excited to start :D aaand the intro is far too long already. Okay MOVING ON.

Disclaimer: I cannot tell you the exact facts about the worship the Norse had for the heavens originally, because no one knows. All of this is speculations from people much smarter than i that i’m trying to piece together and condense. Take this all with an entire freaking pillar of salt XD

So. Want to know how many deities I’ve pieced together, as being associated with the sun/moon (seriously associated lol)? I’m sure you do, because im going to go over all of them. Lol.

six. Six entire deities. (... maybe even seven, or 9, or MORE)

Sol and Mani, of course. Freya and Freyr, the whole point of this. Baldr and Nanna. Probably more I forgot. And a gajillion other things associated- boars and horses and ships and shields and birds and- Loads and loads of different things.

SO. I’m going to explain them individually and then walk you all through what I understand about it all.

(also please note that this is all like. Paraphrased from the websites and organized and stuff. I dont want yall to read this then look at the sources and think ‘why r these so similar’ XD its ‘cause they are. This is more like my research + commentary then me being an expert or anything lol)

Sol and Mani

Like all the others I’m going to go over, there are a variety of versions about this- I’m only going to do some of them. Lol.

Sol and Mani are siblings. In one version, they were created with the cosmos, and had literally no purpose or anything. The gods saw, and created the different parts of the day and year and phases of the moon, then placed them under Sol and Mani’s care. And thus, Sol and Mani rode through the sky on chariots, and fled the wolves Skoll (Mockery) and Hati (Hate), which is the reason for their speed, and why they move across the sky at all. When ragnarok begins and everything goes to Hela in a handbasket, (...thats an absurd image XD) the wolves will finally manage to catch up to them and eat them, as they've literally always wanted to do. (Honestly, what dedication tho-)

In some versions of the above, there’s a guy named Svalinn who protects Midgard (earth) from the might of the sun with a shield. Which is great, since both land and sea would catch on fire and everything and everyone would die if he didn’t. (Everyone, say ‘thanks, Svalinn’!)

In another version, both Sol and Mani are children of a mortal man named Mundilferi. (His name might mean “The one moving according to particular times” which, yah know, vaguely implies the movement of celestial bodies in the sky. Then there's the thought that Mundil is derived from Mund, which means “period of time”- which may be a kenning [kind of a funny word I’ll explain again later. It references a thing thats like, a cross between an allusion and an epithet and metaphor and references and a whole bunch of other things. Basically, it means they say one thing but mean another- they just said the first because it sounded fancy. And you would be expected to puzzle it together because you already knew what they were referencing and everything] for the moon. Which is kind of interesting if we take it literally, since its another instance of the moon being male and the sun being female, which isnt as common as one might think. [norway’s also different in that they imagine the moon being born before the sun- so the day begins from the night, like the year from winter. Kudos to ancient norway for being original]) Etymology aside, this guy has two kids. Basically, they’re so wonderful and beautiful that he named them after the moon and sun, and gave Sol to be wedded to a guy named Glenr (which means ‘opening in the clouds’).

In this version, the sun came from a sperk in Muspelheim and was pulled through the sky in a driverless chariot. Unfortunately, the gods took the names personally, and were like, “Oh, you named your kids ‘sun’ and ‘moon’? Don’t worry, thats cool, they can be the sun and moon then! Wouldn’t that be nice? We’ll make sure their names are accurate, dont you worry your stupid little mortal ‘brain’” ‘cause they were offended or whatever. So, as punishment, they are stuck being the moon/sun forever- until Fenrir eats Sol (and mani, presumably) during ragnarok, that is. Then her daughter will take her place, which is funny since everyone will be dead, so noooot sure how that works, but I digress. Im not sure about mani’s heir- forgot to find a source for that lol XD I do know that he either kidnapped or adopted, depending on the variation, two kids to help him out.

Ive also heard of versions where the sun and moon are actually the very wolves chasing sol and mani, and they simply lead the wolves across the sky in an eternal loop. (that ones my favorite, because d o g g o)

Lots and lots of different versions of sol and mani- more than i’m putting here. This is enough to give you the general gist, though, and since this isn’t focused on them, weeeeee’re moving on.

Baldr and Nanna

These two are quite interesting to me. For one, I’m not actually certain if Nanna is, in fact, considered a moon deity- half of the sources on her say yes, at least kind of, and half dont mention it at all. She’s pretty mysterious- not much is known about her except that she’s baldr’s wife. Even her name has a ton of possible meanings- none of the sources i looked up in my half-hearted search had the same idea for her etymology. (read: i didnt look that hard lol) Her heritage is equally debatable. She’s maybe a daughter of Nepr, who might be Odin’s son- or she she’s possibly the daughter of mani (hmm)- or the sister to sygn, or- she’s not the focus, so i moved on lol.

Baldr, on the other hand…

He’s not always the sun, or even sunshine, but he is always light. And everyone loves him, and its not a huge secret that he’s basically Jesus-ified all throughout the myths we know.

He’s absolutely perfect in literally every single conceivable way- unlike his brother, who’s the god of darkness to his light, and grumpy and rude and generally unlikable, and possibly the freaking embodiment of sin according to some sources. Oh and, he’s also blind. (Love the way ancient representation worked 9-9) He basically exists to make Baldr look better, from what i understand, which is hardly cool at all. Especially ‘cause of how ableist that is. But I digress.

So, Baldr, who’s ‘white as a daisy’ (lol) with a ‘snowy’ brow that im assuming just means that he’s extremely white (its also continuously described as shining… im just gonna make a leap and say its probably not the ancients saying he’s just really greasy…), and has golden locks likened to sunshine. He’s innocence and beauty and light and purity and all that jazz.

Even though he’s so popular, he’s most known for his death, which is kiiiiiinda twisted if you think about it for a sec. Anyway, blah blah blah not the point of this blah blah blah, basically he was prophesied to die but eeeeeveryone loved him so much that frigga (his mom and queen of the gods- and possibly another form of Freya, or- aaand im sidetracked again XD) got literally every single thing to swear to never harm Baldr- except, of course, one tiny little plant. (some say she forgot, others that she thought the plant too young, etc) Loki was jealous of Baldr and, one way or another, found out about the plant- mistletoe, it was. Sooo, while everyone was chucking random things at baldr because they thought it was funny, he decided to be ‘helpful’ to Hodur (baldr’s twin mentioned above) and basically made Hodur kill Baldr- which didnt do what loki thought it would, ‘cause there was no doubt it was actually loki’s fault, not Hodur. (Wow, imagine being hated and mistrusted more than the actual [possible] embodiment of sin himself… snorri really has it out for this guy, doesnt he) Whoopee, Loki’s punished in a variety of different ways depending on the version. Yay.

I’ll be getting further in depth on that later, so thats all on baldr for now.

Freya and Freyr

Now, these two are (obviously_ where i spent the majority of my time looking, since they are, yah know, the entire point of this post. Get ready for a lot of vague things that point fingers at their connection to the sun and moon, because im about to condense a lot of sources on the mystery of their connection into this one.

So, in basic mythology, Freya and Freyr are the insanely beautiful of Njordr- and they’re sometimes twins. (and sometimes lovers, as in some versions Njordr got with his sister to have the two of them. How… interesting. [sometimes their mother is nerthus, sometimes skadi, possibly others, not the focus XD]) Freyr is a big freaking deal (and so is his sister). “He rules over the rain and the shining of the sun, and therewithal the fruit of the earth; and it is good to call on him for fruitful seasons and peace. He governs also the prosperity of men,” is Freyr according to one source. Frankly, they were leaving out quite a bit.

Freyr’s home was considered to be Alfheim, which was the home of the elves. (“The elves were collective gods who were also associated with burial mounds and the ancestors”. You’ll see why this is so interesting a detail in a bit- though its also interesting for a pretty blatant reason. Freya and Freyr are both considered the leaders of the light elves. Yah know, the light elves.) He had a ship that has a name that reminds me of a keyboard smash (because i dont speak norse, not because it is random letters obviously lol, im not funny) that was built by dwarves.

Now, this ship is pretty cool, since it sails on both land and sea, always has a tailwind, and on top of that it can be folded like a piece of cloth and tucked in a pocket. It also connects him with his dad. (Yes, this ship is important, and yes, i will get to it later, lolll) he also has this amazing boar (Gullinborsti) attached to his cart that also doesn’t discriminate between land and air and sea- he travels ‘em all. This boar illuminates everything with its golden bristles- almost like the sun, ahahaha. (The boar is also often depicted on warriors’ shields- and shields are also connected to the sun, as i’ll explain in a bit.) He also has a servant named ‘the bright one’.

“Freyr, like his sister and father, belonged to the vanir race, but lived with the aesir as a peace hostage after the war between the two groups of gods. The fact that his dwelling is also called alfheim suggests a connection between the vanir and the elves; both are also associated with fertility (which, btw, both freya and freyr are considered deities of). Just like odin and thor, Freyr was quite popular with the ancient norse cults. (pOpULar wiTH tHe LaDiEs-) Freyr is destroyed by the giant Surt during ragnarok with his flaming sword.” he’s constantly described as handsome, beautiful, powerful, kind, and all sorts of other nice things. He’s also, interestingly enough, called the ‘world god’ by snorri. (nah, that doesnt connect to anything in this, i literally just thought it was cool lol) He rules the weather and growth of the year, with the rain and sunshine for the crops of the field. He was the go-to god for people who wanted a good future, peace, prosperity, and progress. He was the god of habits (apparently? Kinda cool, that) and the god of years and the giver of wealth. (this is because, according to some, Freyr was originally a mortal king. His reign was so wonderful that he was worshiped beyond his death, and continued to watch over his people as a god. This is very much not true in all versions, however lol) He’s also got horses devoted to him, which is fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He’s the god of lots of very important things and hes very cool and we should all love him lots, is basically the moral of the story lol.

So, why should he (and his sister) be connected to the sun?

Surface level answer is because Freya is considered as beautiful as the sun, and so is her necklace. Freyr is, because of his association with seasonal change and fertility and crops, and his boar.

Except, thats only the surface level. Buckle in guys, ‘cause we’re about to get real. (and real speculative. lol.)

First, we’re gonna look at what the sun even is, before we touch on who and why it has anything to do with Freyr and Freya.

So, the sun chariot is a pretty common thing in norse mythology- and others besides. It isn’t always, however. According to some sources, the sun is on a wagon during the day and on a ship below the sea at night- which might also relate to death and the underworld. (im coming back to that later, too) as one source says, “in prehistoric scandinavia, images of the sun being held by humans, set on a ship or wagon, appear on slabs inside graves, sun-like shields, (which is another huge association btw- the sun and war, specifically) belt plates and the famous 1400 BCE trundholm sun-chariot, where it is depicted as drawn by a horse on its eternal journey, both set on wheels suggesting a continuous motion”

Now, there’s also the connection between the sun and the underworld. There’s carvings with chariots and bird shapes put in graves- most likely to guide or protect the dead. (The sun and freya both were the protecter of dead people in prehistoric scandinavia_ the horse also was important, as it was considered a means of both communication and transportation between the two worlds- which ties back into the sun being drawn by horses. Horses connect earth and sky, life and death, and pull the sun- you know, the sun, which represents life and death in equal measure. (you can even look at it this way- the death of the sun and the rebirth of the day, caused by the sun)

The bird shapes and bird-shaped women are thought to be the valkyries taking one half of the dead warriors to valhalla, and the other half to- oh, how interesting, to freya’s hall. (*intense eyebrow wriggles*) which- odin is also known to shapeshift into an eagle, so theres that connection too- and he’s in charge of valhalla. Similarly, freya has a cloak that turns its wearer into a falcon, letting her fly. The shapes are also regarded by scholars as representation of the eagle, and are connected with battle and war- but also as a symbol of the sun. just like the wheels, the birds refer to the swift flight of the sun. (this is extra interesting, when we consider freya’s connection to the strife and death and etc- wherats freyr is the fruit of the earth and peace and fertile seasons, considered the guy that ‘makes love rather than war’ [ in reference to him giving away his sword for love {he also gave away his horse, which was known for being able to jump over the ‘ring of fire’ and protect the rider from it- or, the sun. curious, isn’t it? Especially if we continue on with the idea that surt is the personification of all things we dont want the sun to be- and freyr’s horse protects against that, and was given away. That, and his sword is summer… which is implied to be the very sword surt will wield to kill freyr} both he and his sister are worshiped as gods of marriage and love, albeit differently] and etc… almost like they are the dual natures of the sun personified…)

Back on the sun=ship thing, “the other image popular in the bronze age, that of the sun on ship, can easily parallel traditions elsewhere, such as the egyptian sun god ra or Apollo (!!!) from greek mythology who gave protection in navigation. This image is used to describe shields” in snorri’s poetic teachings the shield can be a ‘skipsol’, literally a ship-sun, or a hlyrtungl, prow-moon”

(Curiously, Freyr’s ship has been depicted with an image of the sun on it. See what im putting down, here?

…and if not, you will.)

(Also, njord and freyr and freya are all connected to ships and maritime, which is in turn connected to the sun.)

At the end of the world, freyr will battle the giant surt, which possibly means more than we think at first glance. Surt can be interpreted as the destructive side of the sun- which makes sense. The peaceful, gently, nurturing side of the sun in freyr, being defeated by the wantonly destructive side at the end of the world- which makes it extra interesting that surt kills freyr, and not sol.

In addition, there’s also evidence of someone named ‘Sunna’ who’s referenced in the context of invoking the gods to heal a foal’s foot. Which, if you look at Freyr’s association with healing, and horses… perhaps they are connected, perhaps not, but its interesting all the same.

(And again, horses are also connected to the underworld- like ships, and freya, and- basically, its kind of convoluted, but by association one could suggest that freyr has a cthonic connection- just like the sun might. Then, of course, with his association with life, he’s gonna have association with death- and harvest, and the changing of seasons, and rebirth, and- yeah, see what i mean?)

Switching topics!!!!! (Because now im focusing mostly on a specific source- my absolute favorite of the bunch, because of how much information is concisely stated. All the others are mashing together- this ones special)

I referenced njord and skadi and nerthus, right? Wellll, njord and nerthus and freya and freyr have some… interesting connections.

Allow me to lay the groundwork.

“Nerthus travels on her wagon and brings peace and good seasons to people, while njordr, the male counterpart of nerthus, was worshiped as the protector of maritime. Both of these two features could have been derived from the course of the sun through the sky during the day on the sun-chariot, and through the underworld at night, maybe on a ship, which can also be interpreted as a metaphor of the regeneration of plants and crops, and even connected with the journey from this world to the other world.

“As for freya and freyr, who are probably derived from nerthus-njordr (which in another part of this paper, is explained. I wont get into details, but nerthus and njordr can be argued as the same person- and freya and freyrs names mean ‘lord’ and ‘lady’, and can easily be implicated as simply being epithets for the above- which in simpler terms, means that njordr might have came first, then nerthus came from him [or vice-versa] and then the gods freya and freyr came from him/them over time, as they slowly began to be seen as separate deities instead of epithets. That, or nerthus came first, and then njord, and then freya took nerthus’ place while freyr shared njord’s as son and father), they share more similarities with the sun, which may allow them to be identified as nordic solar gods. For example, freya’s wagon is pulled by cats, which are worshiped by ancient egyptians as the representation of the sun (im also going to point out the metaphor of the sun as odin’s eye, and gesture broadly at all the myths referencing ra’s eye in association to the sun. in addition, the ancient egyptians called the sun “the cat” as “the pupil of the cat’s eye grows larger with the advance of day” as the sun does. They imagined a great cat standing behind the sun, as the sun is the pupil of the cat’s eye. Female cats belonged to bast [or bubastis] while male cats- which are the ones that draw freya’s charit- symbolize ra, the sun-god) (At this point, consider this- norse mythology: starring guest mythologies, from such wondrous places as egypt and greece!!!!!!) at the same time, her wagon associated her with both the sun and nerthus. Compared with freya, freyrs role as a solar god is more obvious, as he is the ruler of rains and shining in the sun.

“The similarities of functions between the sun, and freya-freyr, might indicate that the fertile functions represented by the sun in the bronze age, was first inherited by nerthus in the iron age, and then by freya and freyr in the viking and middle ages, even though the sun itself was no longer the key symbol of fertility in viking and medieval north.”

This is another interesting thing- originally, in fertility worship, there are artifacts with images of the sun on them- in all of the forms mentioned above. However, after 500 BC, the sun itself is replaced with freyr and freya- possibly as the personified sun.

In addition, the movement of the sun across the sky was treated as a symbol of seasonal changing and vegetation growing. “The sun comes back after the darkness of the winter, brings back not only the brightness, but also the fertility of earth and vegetation.” That’s interesting, since Freyr is kind of in charge of the changing of seasons and growing of vegetation and fertility and brightness. Funny, that.

Similarly, want to know the difference between the sun-wagon and the sun-ship? Wagons were connected with females, while ships are more connected with males. Hence Freya and Nerthus both owning a chariot, while freyr owns the golden ship ‘Skidbladnir’- and Njord is obviously connected to ships. This implies that there are two aspects of the sun- one connected with females, and the other with males. However, this also isn’t a hard and fast rule- remember Freyr’s boar, that pulls his wagon? Freya also just so happens to own a ship. (and a very similar boar!) So even though there is association with genders and wagons and ships, it’s not a hard and fast rule. Although, if Freyr and Freya are both connected to Nerthus, it might make sense that Freyr has a wagon. (Similarly, Thor has a connection with a wagon- but he also has dressed as Freya)

Nerthus also is known to travel around on her wagon in order to bring peace to her people and fertility to crops- just as Freyr does. (And Freya is also connected to good seasons and harvest!) Interestingly enough, Nerthus’ wagon can be considered to have been drawn by female cattle instead of horses. This is interesting because the sun’s rays are described as cow’s milk- and as us greek nerds know, the sun-cattle is definitely a thing in greek mythology.

(In a similar vein, the tale of Njord and Skadi has been compared to the myths of Hades and Persephone, and the story of Freya’s searching for her husband to Isis and Osiris- underworld and fertility and growth connections, again)

And then, there’s this. “In the thought of these early ages the sun was the child of night or darkness, the dawn came before he was born, and died as he rose in the heavens. He strangled the serpents of the night, (gonna point at egyptian mythology real quick- and also Python from greek mythology, because why not), he went forth like a bridegroom out of his chamber, and like a giant to run his course. He had to do battle with clouds and storms, sometimes his light grew dim under their gloomy veil, and the children of men shuddered at the wrath of the hidden sun. His course might be brilliant and beneficent, or gloomy, sullen, and capricious. He might be a warrior, a friend, or a destroyer. The rays of the sun were changed into golden hair, into spears and lances, and robes of light.” How many of the above points have been referenced in that?! Quite a few.

Then, (with the speakers of the conversation taken out ‘cause their unnecessary,) “The sun fares swiftly, and almost as if she were afraid: she could not hasten her course any more if she feared her destruction. It is no marvel that she hastens furiously: Close cometh he that seeks her and she has no escape save to run away. Who is he that causes her disquiet? It is two wolves; and he that runs after her is called Skoll; she fears him, and he shall take her. But he that leaps before her is called Hati Hrodvitnisson. He is eager to seize the moon; and so it must be.”

This obviously references Sol and Mani- and brings us back to the idea that the sun (and moon) are very, very fast.

Another fun little fact? There’s a few different names for the sun- and it’s associated with quite a few things, like gold and fire, which is shown in several things like freya’s gold necklace being named after the sun- and her tears. Gold is called ‘the shining’, which is often connected with the sun- but so are the names Sol, as ‘sun’, and sunna, as ‘sunshine’, ‘everglow’, ‘the lovely wheel’, ‘all-shining’, etc. In addition, I’m going to bring Freyr’s servant back to your memory- as his name means ‘the shining one’. (Speaking of- did you remember where you’ve seen ‘sunna’ before?) Gold is very much associated with Freya- even in the names of her daughters. She also is called “shining one over the sea”, which plays on this and her oceanic connections.

Who is Snorri and why should we care?

Aaaaaaand here is the reason I said to take all of the above with a grain of salt. All because of this guy named Snorri. If we have collective beef with the roman poets that are responsible for the majority of the ‘greek’ myths we know, i dont even know what we have with this guy.

Why? We have no idea how many myths he made up on the spot. He is single handedly responsible for the majority of norse mythology as we know it- which are quite different then how it was originally.

By the time he’d gotten his dirty fingers all over the myths, they’d already been quite tampered with- thanks to christians who had no patience for paganism, but enjoyed sharing gossip about ‘heathens’ anyway. (thanks, us. Really had to go and screw with history) So they were already moving away from the original myths. (hence Baldr being so blatantly symbolic of Christ) Then Snorri happened, and the original myths fled like they were being chased by some kinda giant, rabid wolf. (See what I did there? …Geeze, okay, fine, I’ll see myself out, calm down-)

(*please note that the majority of my griping is done with relative fondness. I do enjoy norse myths as they are, and I am in fact christian lol. I simply am whining because I want to know the truth, gosh darn it!!!!*)

So what, exactly, did Snorri do?

Allow me to set the scene. Snorri was both Icelandic and Christian, and he was absolutely obsessed with viking poetry. Like, seriously. Snorri was so obsessed with them he decided he wanted to be the king’s Skald- which was often Icelandic. (A skald was a highly honored post- it was a cross between chief counselor and court jester, and was an extremely influential position, with the freedom they had to even scold the king without consequences. [Skald=scold]) He was a 40 year old poet with big dreams. And he was a good poet too- he knew he was.

Unfortunately for him, the king wasn’t interested.

The issue? The king was a 14 year old boy who was much more interested in learning about King Arthur and the knights of the round table than his own history- which was kind of personally offensive to Snorry. The king thought that Snorri was terribly dry and boring- just like viking poetry.

Now, the main reason it was so dry and boring and confusing was the kennings I mentioned earlier- which might have even been named that by Snorri himself. Kennings are a mix between a riddle and a trivia quiz, as one source explains it. “No poet writing in Old Norse before about 1300 would say ‘mead’ when he or she could say ‘waves of honey,’ or ‘ship’ instead of ‘otter of the ocean,’ or ‘sword’ instead of ‘fire of the spear clash’. And those are the easy kennings to figure out. The harder ones refer to Norse myths. For example, what did a Viking poet mean by saying ‘Aegir’s fire,’ or ‘freya’s tears,’ or ‘sif’s hair’? The norse gods Aegir and Freya and Sif hadn’t been worshiped for over 200 years in Norway or Iceland. Few people remembered the old stories of gods and dwarfs and giants, and so the old poems hardly made sense.” So, of course the boy-king wasn’t interested in the poems, and sent him home.

Snorri took this as a challenge.

He had first, in 1220, wrote an elaborate poem in praise of the king and his regent. Said poem was 102 stanzas long, in 100 different styles- which was unprecedented. Snorri was literally amazing.

It wasn’t the best place to start, however.

Luckily for Snorri, he realized this and didn’t send it. Instead, he took the time to write a section explaining how skaldic poems worked- including kennings. Then he began to write myths that would explain the kennings- myths that he’d heard, stories he’d pierced together from old poems, and others that he himself simply made up- which is a great deal of the reason why the characters rarely gave the impression that they needed to be feared and worshiped. Like Thor- he’s quite the idiot in the myths that Snorri wrote. Snorri didn’t fear or worship these gods- he just liked poetry, man. (Thor was nowhere near the idiot Snorri portrayed him as- he was the favorite god. Everything was named after Thor- nothing was of Odin. In fact, Odin is rarely mentioned- and is, from what i understand, the least norse of the gods- only belatedly one of them at all. However, Odin was Snorri’s favorite- and thor was demoted to comic relief.)

Thats also likely the reason for alllllll the mentions of sex, and the insane results- like Sleipnir, or Jormungand. He was trying to keep a 14 year old boy interested- of course he’s going to fall back on dirty humor. Loki was often a main feature of his stories, and often the mischievous antagonist.

Heck, the tale of where poetry even came from can be blamed on- i mean claimed by Snorri. He really, really liked both mead and he liked poetry, and he was trying to convince the boy-king to get interested in Snorri and hire him, and to scold him at the same time. (Its also said that the myth perverts an ancient ceremony- from celtic sources) It says more about Snorri than it does genuine myths.

Snorri also had a mild obsession with connecting the gods to troy and each other and people in weird ways. Like how he was constantly making couples be ‘married’, when originally they were only lovers- maybe even one time lovers.

Like Odin and Skadi.

Or Freyr and Gerdr. Its said that Freyr fell in love with the giantess Gerdr and sent his servant to get her by whatever means necessary. “She refuses at first, but when Skirnir threatens her and curses her, she gives in, and agrees to meet the god, nine nights hence.”

However, according to snorri, they get married- which is never stated in the poem. He also made up an oc- i mean, gave them a son. (Why? Swedish kings claimed descent from Freyr and his son. He also said that Swedish kings were descended from Odin.) He also showed Freyr as lovesick and weakened by his love for Gerdr- and how Freyr gave up his magical sword to win the giantess, which meant that the giants had it. The original poem only said that he gave his servant the sword and horse for the journey- it didn’t say anything about them being gifts.

Thats a pretty mild example, but you can imagine how much worse the others are.

For instance, the beginning of the world. First, he claims the world begins in a volcanic eruption before freezing into ice. That can’t be an ancient myth, because Norway- and the rest of the scandinavian homelands- are not volcanic. Only Iceland was ‘geologically active’, as was discovered when Norse paganism already began to wane. Then, the idea that the world is created by the dismembered body of a giant can be attributed to the idea floating around philosophical treatises of the time, based on Plato. Even the cow can probably be attributed to Snorri, as no other source mentions a giant cow. “A cow, to Snorri, would have been the obvious source of monstrous sustenance. Like all wealthy Icelanders, Snorri was a dairyman. He was also, as I’ve said, a Christian. It fits with his wry sense of humor for the first pagan god to be born from a salt lick.” (Which, when said like that, is objectively hilarious)

Heck, the idea that Odin was the “All-father” who gave men immortal souls and welcomes the righteous to the halls of the dead is very christian-like. It would make it more… welcoming, perhaps, to a young christian king who’d been raised by bishops.

Heck, the valkyries- before Snorri, they were monstrous troll women of gigantic size who rode wolves and poured blood over the battlefield. They rowed a boat (hah!) across the sky, trailing a rain of blood. They were known for their ‘evil smell’ and put me in mind of evil vulture-harpies. Snorri, however, created the iconic valkyries we know and love today- beautiful, powerful warrioresses, who serve valiant men mead.

Now, I promised to go over the Baldr myth before I ended my self-debunk session.

You know the basics of the myth- i can go over it if someone wants me to, but rn the word count is already too high,, so we’re just gonna go over the FiShY parts.

First, the part where Baldr is killed by mistletoe. Snorri had no idea what mistletoe was, since it didn't grow in iceland and was rare in norway. Mistletoe is a parasitic vine found at the top of an oak tree- its not a tree itself. “The ‘golden bough’ of folklore, it was gathered in some cultures at the summer solstice; picking it caused the days to shorten. Originally, it seems, the death of Baldr was a drama of the agricultural year. Snorri did not see it that way. In his mythology, time is not cyclical. Baldr does not die off and come back each year like summer. Instead, Baldr’s death causes Ragnarok, in which the old gods are killed and the old earth destroyed in a fiery cataclysm.”

Mistletoe was, in fact, Baldrs bane- but not in the way Baldr interpreted it. He dramatized it because mistletoe was called ‘mistilsteinn’. Other icelandic words ending in ‘teinn’ referred to swords, and mist is the name of a valkyrie. Surely a plant named ‘valkyrie’s sword’ must be highly symbolic, and deadly.

No where before Snorri is there a version of the myth where Frigga forces an oath out of everything on earth to keep Baldr safe. It doesn’t say that Loki discovered the secret of mistletoe’s being overlooked and guiding Hod’s hand. In fact, Loki’s not mentioned in this context at all.

And only snorri continues the tale with Baldr being retrieved from Hel- in exchange for a ransom, brought by a volunteer named Hermod- who is a god in no other story. (You and your ocs, Snorri)

Theres the whole scene of Baldr’s funeral thats almost absurdly comical, including the gods’ strength being stolen by their grief until they had to get a giantess who rode a wilf with vipers as reins to launch the ship he was to be sent to the sea in, so fast that the earth quaked and fire spurted in its wake. Then, of course, Thor was personally offended that the giantess was stronger than him (??? why snorri) and wanted to bash out the giantess’ brains- and would have tried if the other gods hadnt stopped him. Baldr’s wife, Nanna, drops dead of grief and gets chucked onto the pyre with Baldr- which doesnt exsist in any other known version. Then, of course, they murdered Baldr’s horse, and after teh pyre was consecrated and all that crap and set aflame, thor trips over a dwarf. He kicked at the guy and then literally threw him into the fire of the pyre and he was burned. (???! wHy snorri)

Then we go to hel, and see how things are progressing. The journey itself is quite christian- based off of ‘Christ’s Harrowing of Hell’ from the Gospel of Nicodemus that was popular in iceland at the time. For example, Christ rode a great white horse into hell- so Hermod rode Sleipnir, who was also white. (And eight-legged, but thats neither here nor there) The journey continues, and Hermod finds Baldr sitting in the seat of honor, and Hermod stays the night. In the morning, he tells Hela that everyone was really upset and asks her to let Hermod take Baldr home. (Baldrs horse, burned on the pyre, was safe in Hel’s stables)

Hela was curious, so she set it all to a test. ‘“If all things in the world, alice or dead, weep for him,” she decreed, “Then he shall go back.” If anything refuses to weep, he stays in hel.’

So the gods sent messages everywhere to tell people they needed to cry for Baldr- and so does everyone and everything. (Which includes a fun little explanation for condensation- its merely objects weeping for Baldr, of course) Except, of course, a supremely ugly giantess that Snorri claims is Loki- which of course, isnt insinuated in other versions.

“With baldr’s death, chaos is unleashed. The gods have lost their luck, the end of the world is nigh: Ragnarok, when Loki and his horrible children, the wold Fenrir and the Midgard Serpent, will join forces with the giants to destroy the gods.”

And thats it. No rebirth or anything.

First, why was Baldr in Hel if he was so wonderful?? He definitely should not have been there. Furthermore- why is his horse in Hel, and not the dwarf, who was clearly viewed in an unfavorable light? And where is Baldr’s wife? Is she with him, and just wasn’t important enough to be mentioned? Did she go to one of the hall’s for warriors? (Though i never got the feeling that she was a warrior herself) Plot holes galore.

Honestly though, even though he messed up a crap ton of stuff, he’s kinda funny, and I genuinely love the idea of him in itself- in fact, I’m planning on using him as inspiration in my original novel lol. I mean, the idea of a poet, all vain and puffed up and convinced hes the absolute best, who deserved this incredibly high position in another country, throwing down his best work with extreme pride, only to be rejected out of hand by a literal child who had no desire to learn his own history? And then the poet, out of freaking spite, goes home and writes a crap ton of poetry ‘for dummies’, targeted specifically to be interesting to a child, and warping the stories any way he could to do so, that then become the most well-known source of the myths?

H i l a r i o u s.

A great inspiration to us all. Thanks, Snorri.

(Heh, he also was the inspiration for some Big writers- like Tolkein, who i love, and neil gaiman, who im less familiar with- lol. So i hate him but i also love him ig)

What the heck does this even mean, Regina??? (In other words: way too freaking long, shut up and just gimme the nutshell)

Basically? Believe what you want to believe! We’re going off of the scraps of relics we can’t hope to ever truly understand- assuming that the people who made them even put that much thought in them (‘cause I know I rarely do when im art-ing)- and the fanfictions- i mean, creative interpretations and fantastic retellings of a dude with a pretty clear agenda.

Every single one of these deities could have been a solar deity at one point in time- maybe even multiple times, with multiple combinations. Maybe different eras marked different interpretations of the sun(/moon), maybe it was just by area or personal choice. Maybe none of them were, and we have yet to discover the truth- if we ever will. And im certainly no expert. This all came from me doing a google search and spiraling down deeper and deeper- as im sure you all understand lol.

Either way, it literally cannot be argued that Freyr has zero(0) connection to the sun, so its entirely plausible that he’d show up to a multi-pantheon meeting of sun gods lol.

And bear in mind that I’ve barely scratched the surface here- every single thing ive touched on has sooooooooo much more than I put here XD And some of it remains on the websites of my sources, which imma list for y’all. Theres plenty more beyond those, however.

None of this really, truly matters in reference to how you take inspiration from norse myths. Play with it, have fun- pick and choose pieces you like and discard the rest. Its just here because I think its cool lol

Now, how I personally rationalized this all into the riordanverse previously? (Which you guys are totally welcome to take inspiration from- you dont have to ask if you dont want to! I only want to see your work, whatever it is, because its gonna be amazing and no way im gonna miss out on it lollllllll)

Way back when, when the universe came to be, so did Sol and Mani. Unfortunately, the two were never quite finished- and so they never woke up. Fast forward, and Njord and Nerthus are in charge of both the sun and the moon, with njord having made a fiery chariot from the light of the fire giants’ realm. Over time, they moved on, and Frey and Freya took over, having helped their father and mother and/or aunt for the entirety of their lives. By this time, they adopted 2 wolves, who they loved very very much. Freya and Freyr took the job equally, changing every day, their wolf-helpers changing with them. The wolves just so happened to be the actual sun/moon- far brighter than the earlier chariot. Eventually, Freyr and Freya were chosen to keep the peace between the aesir and vanir, with their dad so he could take care of his little godlings. Freya takes half of the underworld for heroes from Odin, which she had often visited in the ship that toted the sun when the moon rose into the sky (when it was her turn). She had taken great joy in bringing sunshine, light, and happiness to the dead, and eagerly accepted the chance to do so officially. This means that Freyr is now in charge of both chariots and wolves- which is kind of difficult, but he managed.

Then the giant came to build the wall for the gods, as the stories say, and he desired both Freya and Freyr- Freyr as both moon and sun. (I went on and on about how that was such a power move in my original notes, which was kinda hilarious to read XD not sure why i was so impressed with that lol) Afterwards, Loki gives Freyr a new, fancy-er boat, which Freyr uses to send the sun below the sea and into the underworld, visiting his sister and bringing the sun to the dead. He then would raise the moon while Freya took care of the sun, and then vice versa. (He raised them with the chariot and wolves, and lowered them with the ship) Freyr began to be worshiped for a great many things- few of which he had time for. (I never got the impression that norse gods had that ability lol) This was quite distressing, and concerning.

Meanwhile, Sol and Mani had been discovered by a mortal man. Its quite evident that they are gods- judging by their swift grow to intelligence, even if emotional maturity is at a normal pace, and physical growth somewhere in between. (yeah no sources for that dont question it) Beyond that, they were also very much divinely beautiful, and they also maybe kind of glowed sometimes. He was a greedy man, and took great pleasure in the knowledge that he had such clearly important gods for his obedient ‘children’. In his pride, he named them after the sun and moon- the greatest treasures of the heavens, that he has hidden away in his arms. In this time, he gave sol to her husband, and i figure its actually a fine relationship? Havent looked much into it lol.

In any case, the gods discover them, and punish the man and rescue the twins. And its wonderful, and they are all so happy- except that they have no role. Now, Freyr was pretty gosh darn tired by this point, and wanting to move on from sole command of the sun and moon both. He’d had Baldr helping him- such a good, helpful lad- but Baldr had his own responsibilities as well, and so did his wife, when she stepped in. He looked at their glowing skin and made some swift decisions. “Look,” he said. “They glow, just as their namesakes do- just as they should. Clearly, they are to take care of the moon and sun- and i will not contest them for it.” And so it was. Freyr focused on helping Sol, while Baldr (and Nanna) trained Mani. This is why Baldr and his wife were both connected to light- the moon in particular, although the sun as well. This is also why Freyr still has such control over the sunlight and how it effects earth. (Btw, the two wolves are still visited by Freyr and Freya, of course, but they are brought out every day/night by the twins, who take care of them and play with them. Neither wolf has plans to eat the twins- they are merely playing a game when they chase them.)

Then Baldr and Nanna are killed and the moon is suddenly so much weaker. Mani just cant keep up- until he adopts two kids, who take the jobs. Unfortunately, since they are/were mortals, they tire- and this is why the moon waxes and wanes.

(theres also the dude who holds the shield to protect the earth from the sun’s burning rays [thanks to surt being furious ab the light stolen from his realm]- maybe something to do with Freyr, or Sol’s husband??)

To start ragnarok, as it is in some versions, it is fenrir who will swallow the sun and the moon, rather than the adorable puppies- i mean, fierce and determined workers. Their children will take the role after, while Freyr fights Surt.

The end. ~Thank you and goodnight~

Aaaand thats a wrap, my lovelies!!!!! Im really tired and its past 10 here and i still need to do my math homework (also, ironically, im doing THIS instead of my ACTUAL mythology homework… tho tbf, im not sure if thats actually due tomorrow or not) and at least listen to the songs im going to be performing tomorrow, since im like. A veteran in our choir now, and i kinda hate it bc ewww responsibilityy. sO, if theres any plot holes or anything confusing in this, please please please please PLEASE lemme know. In case u cant tell, i love talking, im terrible at explaining things.

I really hope this answered your question, my friend XD

(I also have, like, a lot of things to post on tumblr XD and snippets of stories to wrap up and publish on ao3 and see if i can do more for the monthly prompts lollllll. And to catch up on discord XDXXDXDXD especially since my best friend has now joined, and i havent even hopped on 😅busy, busy, busy lol)

(Also does anyone know if there's a way to make things u copy and paste into tumblr to stay underlined, italicized, whatever????)

Love y’all soooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3<3<3

Sources (*note that i read a ton of others, these are just the ones i took enough from to credit them*):

https://www.duo.uio.no/bitstream/handle/10852/57994/Lan-Wang-thesis.pdf?sequence=1

https://www.worldhistory.org/article/1911/the-sun--the-moon-in-norse-myth/

https://norsespirit.com/blogs/mythology/freyr?srsltid=AfmBOop02PnTHoKx0QTZ93g_m5h637-_6P8PJJWngUnxjOnyl3mozpjz

https://web.archive.org/web/20100401223136/http://northvegr.org/lore/prose/037040.php

https://earthandstarryheaven.com/2015/06/17/politics-myth/b

https://odsmal.org/sol-sun-and-nanna-mani-baldur/

https://ydalir.ca/norsegods/nanna/

https://www.gutenberg.org/files/28497/28497-h/28497-h.htm#ch21 https://reactormag.com/seven-norse-myths-we-wouldnt-have-without-snorri/

https://medium.com/@nyxshadowhawk/how-christian-is-norse-mythology-b9e0a6a1a029

[koishua]

⟡ 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐓 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝟐𝟏𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇 ─── park jay

synopsis ─── at seven years old, heather brown finds a friend in jay jeongseong park. at ten years old, she realizes that she found a lifelong partner in him. at eighteen years old, she wishes that she had told him she loved him for the first and last time (she does not—could not, of anything— and it's all because she can't live a life without daniel yeonjun choi).

starring ─── daniel yeonjun choi. heather nabeom brown, a female original character. jay jeongseong park. additionally, beomgyu choi, sunghoon park and heeseung lee.

genre ─── angst, childhood best friends to almost lovers, drama, hurt/comfort.

length ─── 10,019k words (part one)

warnings ─── mentions of hospitals, illnesses and death, some minor scenes depicting familial issues.

author's note ─── (heads up not edited whatsoever we die like newt.) damn. this has been brewing in my docs for exactly two years and i have rewritten it countless times and waz unsatisfied each time and couldn't finish it. im sort of very tired of it just sitting there, so here i am, posting this in a few installments so maybe i can get the motivation to finish depending on your reactions haha. make note that although the romance is still there, it's not as prevalent as the pure bond between the three protagonists. i have so many feelings bottled up in my wee lil heart for this fic because heather, jay and daniel are my babies and i love their bonds so much and i have so so much planned so yeah i hope y'all enjoyed what i have so far and we'll see. maybe you can read the second part next spring lolol. also heather and her thought processes are totally me lol

taglist no. one ─── @junityy @jeonqquk @leavethemonsteralive @iuwon @envirae @i-luvsang @rae-blogging @jitaros @jdyunvrs @kdyism @yourlocalhotgf @mark-lees-world @99outros @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @tyongishs @yutaalove @yangianwon @icywhatim @sunshine-skz @sooblvr @whoe-dis @injanggarden @90sni-ki @wccycc @sunfics @woo-minhee02 @yyxy27 @bigsobforskz @soobin-chois @jaysbestie @ni-kiii @jungwonerz @sunoosbestie @95sjcc @ja4hyvn @ant-ton-ya @stealanity @pshflrts @norifilms @shekllls @eternallyhyucks @yjwfav @luvningkai @youreverydayzebra @mosviqu @w3bqrl @candysofthours @moontines @rielleluvs @lebrookestore

reblogs and feedback are super appreciated y'all !!

“Hello! My name is Jeongseong Park, but you can call me Jay!” she blinked twice, clutching the hems of the older woman’s skirt. The short-statured younger boy leaned to its side, his head tilting curiously. “Is she shy?”

She chuckled, affectionately running her fingers through her daughter’s soft locks of light hair— well, lighter than his, at least. “She really isn’t most of the time, dear. Maybe she just doesn’t feel well right now.”

She held the chubby hands that tighten around the fabric on her waist, crouching down to the little girl’s height. Her frown seemed evident by the way her brows narrow, big and bright eyes hesitant on meeting her mother. “Come on, Heather. Don’t you think that it’s a little rude to not greet the young man?”

“I don’t want to.” She had a higher voice than Jay was used to, but that was only because he had been hanging around older people all the time, excluding the other boys his teacher had introduced him to in his new class last month. He took slight offense to that statement, however cool his outer kiddy demeanor covered it.

Without wasting a single moment, her mother beats him for a response. “You have to make friends, darling. Don’t you think he seems nice?” 

The unintentional innocence that radiates off her peer takes Heather off guard. He did seem nice enough with his doe-like eyes focused on the tropical mix capri sun, struggling to poke through the plastic with his thin, orange straw. He seemed like he liked to feed pigeons with his bread even if he himself was hungry.

She liked that— he didn’t look like those older kids who always drew on the walls behind school. Heather hated those third graders with a passion, but Jay seemed nice enough. He didn’t wear those black ripped jeans and shirts and he didn’t sport their messy hair. All of those kids did and they were mean towards even the teachers.

She wondered if their clothes and style were the problem, but maybe that would be a little shallow of her. Daniel always told her not to judge anyone by their face, body or clothes, so she would always trust his judgement and come to the conclusion that it wasn’t the clothes that made them seem rude.

Daniel was always right, he was probably the only person that told her that, though— he was the nicest person Heather knew of in her six years of life. He told her that she needed to be nice and accepting of everyone. He was older than her, almost ten years old. That was, in her mind, ancient enough to be considered as good as an adult like her mother and father.

She took in a deep breath, reluctantly letting the silk between her fingers go and came out into the open. “Fine,” she mutters underneath her breath. Daniel would be very proud of her, “My name’s Heather. I will be seven years old on the twenty-first of March. I hope we can be good friends.”

The young boy takes a look at her extended hand, thinking about how odd of an introduction this whole thing was. But he accepts the very formal shake of hand anyways, his smile lighting up the room within seconds. “I’ll be seven after you will, then! My birthday is in April.”

Nodding, she leaned back to inspect his attire. He had weird hair, she noticed. “You have weird hair.” Her mother gasped, “Little lady, that is not how you speak to people.” Though her mother reprimanded her, to which she took no caution to, she was a tad bit taken aback by the quiet snort that had escaped the odd boy’s lips just now.

“It’s okay, I hate it, too.” He did? “My dad thinks that all boys have to have this hair at least once in their life, so he made our hairdresser cut it this way. I like those hairs that they show on television, though! The ones where they cut it short until here and leave it long on top.”

Did he mean an undercut, Mrs. Brown scratched her head with wonder. She shook her head, accepting defeat and patted Heather’s shoulders. “I have to attend to my work, Heather, so why don’t you go off with Jay here and play with him a little bit until John’s father comes to pick you up for your music class later this afternoon?”

She didn't like John, nor did she like his father.

“But, I told you that I don’t like classical music. Do I still have to go?” She tugs at the hem of her mother’s crisp white blouse, an unhappy look etched onto her childish features. She supposed she didn’t look all that intimidating, but she liked to believe that she was either way, however intimidating her puffy cheeks and pigtails could be.

“Heather Brown, you will attend these classes for as long as we tell you to. You must grow up to be as refined as possible, understood? Don’t you think that it would be nice to be able to play the violin well? Look, even Jay here takes piano lessons! And I heard from his mother that he is an excellent student.” The six year-old gave the poor fellow a side glance, backtracking on her older thoughts for a moment.

Scratch that, maybe she did dislike him just a little bit now. 

Resigning to her fate, she pulled away, “Okay, I’ll do it for you.” With a satisfied nod, the older woman took her silent leave and Heather watched as the tall doors click closed, leaving her alone with her new acquaintance in a large hall surrounded by glass windows, the bright twelve p.m. sun peeking through the thin grey sun blockers.

“My mom tells me that it’s always good for you to wear sunscreen,” Jay took notice of the way she seemed stuck on the way the beams of light escaped through the cracks. He pulls his miniature version of a duffel bag out of the large cupboard from the back of the office, navigating his way through the leather seats surrounding the oval oak table to accommodate for large meetings.

“Do you want some? I was told that you have to apply it every two hours.” You stare at the uncapped orange bottle, a tiny bit— pea sized, if she had to give it a relatively accurate description of the amount— of the creamy substance already on the back of his palm. 

Why was their first conversation alone about the many effects of under-protection from the harmful rays of the sun, Heather never knew. Though he might have been a little odd, she supposed he wasn’t that bad of a kid. As far as she could see, he was just her mother’s husband’s friend’s son who had a knack for knowing the most random of knowledge that no six year old usually could know of— he also liked dancing, but she wasn’t about to tell him that she liked that small bit of fact.

Heather made her first friend the same age as her at seven years old. She didn’t like his haircut— and neither did he— but he was nice enough to let her draw stars on his cheeks with face paint on the first day he met her.

⟡

For her entire life, all Heather knew of were three things: she hated bullies, she hated music, and she hated the way Jay was having a growth spurt when she was stuck in the same height as before. She was ten years old now— mind you, she was older than him, however much a gap of a single month was worth— and she was now shorter than Jay Park.

“Are you not bored of always staying in this hole?” Heather whispered into his ear, mindful of her volume with all of the overbearing adults in the office. Although, to be fair, this ‘hole’ that she had been talking about was a 25 stories high corporal building made of expensive glass windows and tall ceilings adorned with chandeliers everywhere she looked if she craned her neck just a little— it was the furthest thing from being a mere hole that they had been stuck inside together for the past three years.

Jay nodded, “I asked my dad if we could just stay back at home, but he said no. He thinks that we will be in danger as soon as we are out of their direct sight, even if the staff are there to clean the house.” Being the only children of two business giants did come with its disadvantages, Heather could only cry in silence.

“Surely, they won’t notice if we go out to buy ice cream, right?” she nudged the pondering boy, urging him to respond. The mischief swimming inside those familiar brown eyes was an exciting thing to witness. 

He glanced at the busy adults, all gathered to sit around a table for a long discussion. “We can go to the store next block and then run back here, how about that?” Heather muttered in a low tone, almost too quiet for him to pick it up, but he did.

“Fine, but if they notice and get angry, you’re the one who is responsible, okay?” Jay took her little block of rosin from the intricately made coffee table, storing the object away in her violin case, carefully clasping the two sides shut together to pick it up— when he had grown into the habit of carrying the large black container for her, he didn’t know for sure, but she always left the instrument behind, so it was up to him to tuck the bow and violin away securely, lest Mrs. Brown reprimanded her daughter for protesting against her music lesson again.

Slinking out of the adults’ way was easy of a task, you only had to be quiet and tuck yourself away behind the walls and just keep on moving before someone actually decided to check the odd moving shadows behind the long blinds. What was difficult, however, was pulling off a maneuver like escaping through the front entrance where security guards were always planted.

“Are you ready?” Heather wrapped her arms around his shoulders, taking notice of how much wider they seemed to have gotten in the two years she had known him. She had stashed her case away in one of the empty offices on the fourth floor where all of the marketing workers were stationed.

The quiet stalking they had done from the twentieth floor all the way down to the first— all the while still going unnoticed by the hundreds of personnel frantically buzzing through the hallways like bees to their nests— had proven to be the most exhilarating part of this sneaking out ordeal.

She peeked a head through the small gap between the door and its frame, allowing Jay to slide a small head through the same gap as well— they looked like characters from cartoons, comically peering at something they shouldn't with heads stacked above each others’— only to speedily hide back inside the small closet filled with cleaning supplies after seeing her father’s secretary dashing their way with a phone held next to her ear.

Once they heard the click of her low heels fade away into silence, Heather turned the handle of the door to slide it open, gesturing at Jay to follow behind. “Look, Freddy is going away to get a drink now. Let’s make a run for it, quick.” Freddy, the tall and grand security personnel who looked similar to the Five Nights at Freddy’s animatronic bear that had given both of you a good amount of nightmares after deciding to play the game together during one of your many stays here in the company building.

Jay took a hold of her hand, fingers wrapped around her palm with a tight squeeze and they sprinted off towards the automatic sliding doors and bursting into the sunlight. A few onlookers took a brief glance at the two children panting as they rounded the corner of the building, hiding away in the comfort of the crowded sidewalks, the tall structure of the enterprise looming over their small bodies that sped through the roads of Washington D.C.

“That was wicked!” The taller one of the two eased them both into a jog, not noticing the fact that their hands were still intertwined, tightly wrapped around each other— neither did Heather, for that matter, too caught up in the adrenaline rushing through her veins.

The cars honking at the ones in front of them did not bother the children at all, not when they were tasting the first bite of freedom they had ever gained. It was a hot summer day and middle school was about to start in a few weeks— dreadful, they knew.

The sad, sob-worthy trek back towards the building was to be expected not even ten minutes after their grand escapade. They had forgotten to bring money to buy their ice creams.

But everything was okay, though. They might not have gotten their cold treats, but their way back inside had gone by as silently as their adventure outside had been. No one had noticed a single thing, save for the one staff member monitoring the security cameras.

Heather had just finished fourth grade when she broke the rules with her best friend for the first time— it felt good. Jay was taller than her now, sure, but she still could put him in a chokehold if she wanted to and that was all that really mattered.

⟡

“Daniel?” The older boy hummed, looking up from his extremely important job that was meticulously peeling bananas to make them smoothies. She settled herself on the tall leather bar stools to watch as the fifteen year old threw in a handful of frozen strawberries from the large freezer inside the sturdy blender with a splash of milk to add to the silky smooth texture of the cold drink.

“You’re not leaving, are you?” The solemn look on her face forced him to turn the machine off for a moment. He examined the way the edges of her eyes seemed to redden by the second, glazing over to signify the oncoming wave of salty tears. 

Yeonjun sighed, making his way to her side to cradle her in his arms, leaning her head against his chest to run his hands through her hair. He didn’t say anything even if he heard the muted sniffles or the thick in her voice.

"You know what 영원한 means?" She shook her head, "Well, flower, it means eternally— forever. I promise you— cross my heart and hope to die— that I will be with you until the end of time, okay?" 

Her mother was leaving, but at least Daniel was staying. She wouldn't know what to do if he left, too.

Daniel was funny. He was always the one that had pretended to be an ox to chase her around the empty complex when her father was glued to his chair in his office at the top floor and her mother was occupied by her endless meetings that she never understood what the need was for.

She knew him ever since she could think back in her memories, maybe he was secretly her brother. That would make a lot of sense, wouldn't it? Or better yet, maybe he was her dad— or her mom. He felt like one anyways, he was always the one that took care of her.

Eleven year old Heather knew that he couldn't be her parent, he was extremely young to be so, so maybe he was either her long lost brother— she didn't understand why her parents never told her, though. That is, if he was actually her older sibling hidden away— or an angel disguised as a fifteen year old middle schooler who liked to teach her to be nice to other kids.

Daniel was nice, he got that from his mother who was working as her own family's cook for the past ten years. Mrs. Choi was always smiling and she never scolded her whenever she snuck into the kitchen to steal all of the freshly baked cookies one by one. 

In all honesty, ten year old Heather really did think that she was the stealthiest living being while crawling her way towards the kitchen island. The woman had always managed to find her slipping away through the sliding doors with a half munched cookie in her hand, melted chocolate smeared all over her lips.

Why did she never get angry? She always gave her a small plate of them after wiping away at her messy face, she always had the kindest eyes as well. Why?

She supposed that was why Daniel was so patient. He was the nicest person Heather knew and she would forever stand by the fact that Daniel Choi would be the most perfect person in all of mankind.

He was nice.

Her mother was leaving, leaving her to her father— was he even her real father? Heather didn't think that she had a single ounce of similarity to him in herself. He had the yellowest hair she had ever seen. Even the pale kid from her old fourth grade didn't have hair as saturated as his.

Heather had smooth brown hair, she was a brunette, and yet he had the curliest of blond hair ever. Her mom, on the other hand, had the silkiest of rich black hair. How did biology work again? What if she wasn't related to any one of them? She had eyes that looked like her mother's milky coffee, very light brown— Mrs. Choi always said that her mother never knew what actual coffee tasted like, always mixing it with soy milk to the point where it was more of a coffee flavoured milk.

Her dad had blue eyes, they were pretty— not to say that her mother's dark eyes were not, but eleven year old Heather was just saying. What if she was adopted? She really needed to pay attention to her biology classes. The short quiz about how genes work was closing up on both Jay and her, but her best friend didn't have anything to worry about anyway.

He had always been smarter than her, but that was fine. She could always be the brawn of the duo— or the cutest one that got all of the attention of the adults to distract them while he slid out of the room to buy a pack of Mentos candy from the nearest vending machine— it was always ten stories below his father's office, but that was fine. Jay was fast— so that they could try to make a bottle of Coke explode out in the garden.

Her thoughts were muddled up yet again, mind running at incredible speeds, remaining unexhausted from hopping on one train to the other. Where was she again? 

Ah, yes, Heather wiped her tears away with the back of her sleeves, noting the way Daniel looked much older than before as he looked down at her with a concerned frown.

She wanted a cat.

“Danny?” 

“Yes, flower?”

“Do you think mother is leaving because she doesn’t like dad anymore?”

“I don’t know, flower. Maybe.”

“Will you ever decide to leave if you don’t like me anymore?”

“Never. I will die before that could ever happen.”

“Okay, Danny. I believe you.”

“Good. Now, let’s drink our smoothies before they get warm.”

⟡

“Blue?” Heather whispers, the vast ceilings of her dark room didn’t scare her like it used to— now that she had him, she didn’t think she would ever be afraid of the empty and lifeless room ever again. The baby dolls her mother had bought for her when she was five years old were still lined up on her window sills all across her walls. The moon wasn’t coming out of its hiding place tonight— it was a rarity these past few months, shrouding her room in the darkest of shadows. 

She wasn’t afraid of the dark, though. She had Jay, he would hold her hand and tell her funny stories that had happened during the day and he would lead her to sit on the velvet stool with him to play a little song for her on the grand piano that her father had made the staff set up. 

Thirteen year old Heather still despised classical music— she wondered why she hadn’t dropped out of her tutoring sessions yet with her mother not around anymore. Perhaps it was a sense of duty towards the older woman, the same way she kept the hideous dolls around. She still lingered around— the ghost of her had never left, she sort of hated it.

She hated a lot of things, Heather had long before accepted the fact that she was just a petty person in general, she hoped that Jay did as well. She abhorred the smell of watermelons, same as the taste of tomatoes and the sound of her violin when she played another piece composed by Sibelius or Paganini— why couldn’t she play whatever she wanted? Where was her freedom?

Strangely enough, though, perched on the cushions of the mahogany stool next to Jay, she didn’t hate the way his fingers softly stroked the keys to lull her to sleep with Berceuse in D flat major, Op. 57— or as they liked to call it, Bercy. For Heather, this was Jay in his core.

Park Jay had a beautiful heart— the sweet tone of the melody sounded different when he was the one playing— she loved listening to him. For an older Heather, one that was not a six year old brat anymore, music sounded nice when it was Jay the one playing for her. She liked music only when it was Jay playing for her.

“Yes, Heather?” There he was, calling her by her name again. Her mother always used to call her little lady, her father only used her korean name, 나봄 Nabeom— the only one to do so, oddly enough. Her teachers didn’t call her by her name either, were they scared of it? What reason would they have to call her dear? 

She didn’t have friends, though— she didn’t need them anyway, they were all terrible little liars— Jay was all she needed, all she ever wanted. Jay liked to call her by her name, just like Daniel often did, save for the few endearing terms he used— mostly about flowers, given her name, Heather, but she liked them all. Anything Daniel said to her, she liked them all.

“Heather? Did you want to tell me something?” He played with the thin bracelet wrapped delicately around her wrist, the one he had made for her when he was twelve— admittedly, not that long ago, but enough to wonder about why she hadn’t taken it off yet. The warmth of her hands was like a reminder of her existence to him.

Do angels exist? He didn’t know the answer to this question, not even after the countless visits to the enormous church, but maybe, it was lying right next to him all this time. Maybe angels did exist in the form of a lonely thirteen year old girl who had hugged him tightly after he had won first place in yet another competition— it was memorable for a reason, he had never been hugged for any of his achievements before, big or small.

A clap of thunder stripped her of the bravado she had guised herself behind, she felt her limbs frozen in place, unable to find a good emotional foothold to hide away from the next set of thunder booming behind her glass windows. 

Jay did not say anything else. Instead, he opted to let his closest friend find solace in the way they linked their arms together, pulling the covers over their heads akin to a comforting cocoon. This was enough for Heather— just her and him together, hiding from the stormy weather underneath her thick white blanket. This was all it took to calm his best friend down, to be there for her.

Just hold her hand.

⟡

Niccolo Paganini, her worst nemesis following the likes of Bach and Sibelius, was the sole reason for her months spent cooped up in her room, going over each one of his rigorous pieces with great care. Oh, how she would have liked to tear those stark white and black sheets with the most disgusted of scowls smeared on her face— right in front of her mother’s scrutiny, might she add.

The years and years of practice— as far back as her mind would allow her to remember— lead up to this one moment of battle between her and the devious fourth caprice in c minor she could barely fly over, never mind the twenty fourth. It was vomit worthy if you asked Heather herself.

Despise was the only word she had for the pieces given to her by her instructor. Why did she not give this up yet? Eleven years— nine of them by her mothers’ wishes, two more she had decided to continue on her own— she had spent cooped up either in a damn skyscraper or a closed off mansion to run through the counts by herself.

Why didn’t she just stop playing? Everyone knew how much she loathed her time playing her instrument. Was it to remember and keep a piece of her mother with her?Maybe, but she remembered that they didn’t even have the best of a parent-child relationship in the first place. Was it really because of her mother?

Jay.

Maybe the only reason she had not quit yet was her very own Jay. He always did play beautifully, coaxing her to join him if she so desired to. And how could she ever say no to him? Park Jay, she never knew how much of a hold he held on her, not even years later.

Indeed, maybe she didn’t quit yet just to keep an even ground with her childhood friend. Soon, she would leave her violin case behind forever.

⟡

Heather could not keep even grounds with her childhood friend anymore.

“Are you okay, miss?” A worker asked her with concern evident in his eyes. She blinked up at him, his form all but a blur going in and out of focus as she desperately tried to come to herself and shake the ringing out of her ears.

A few strands of her hair slipped out of her neat bun tied on top of her head. She tried to push herself back up on her feet, swaying as her knees buckled under her weight once again. The suited man from her father’s office stabilized her by her shoulders, leading her to one of the leather seats pushed against the crisp white wall.

“I’m okay, thank you.” Heather really was okay. It was probably just the fatigue growing on her after the hours of practice she had endured, or the fact that she had forgotten about her breakfast on the counter and lunchbox near her bag. She had to be okay, so she would continue believing that it was nothing, that everything was just fine.

He nodded, unconvinced but not prying any further, “If you say so. Be careful, okay?” 

So she would do just that, but alas, even with great care, fate would continue running at its own pace and it would forever continue to break and build lives. It had done it millions of times before and it would do it again and again.

“I can’t believe you keep tripping over nothing, honestly. Watch your own feet, Heather.” Jay ruffled her hair, effectively destroying her long minutes of hard work at putting her hair together that morning. He always liked to do that, she noticed. Jay liked to systematically mess with her hair and then tuck the strands back behind her ear at least once every single day.

Every day, huh. How many days had it been since they had first met? How old was she even? They had probably spent more years together than without each other being by their side, well over six years she’d say, maybe even eight. Funnily enough, she remembered his long hair as a child as if it was just yesterday.

“Watch your hands, Jay, or else I’ll be the one to keep them in check for you.” she deftly slapped his hands away from cupping her cheeks, puffing out her lips like a fish. He only sniggered at the irritated pout on her lips, “How scary, I’m running for my life.”

“Shut up, I’m older than you.” 

“Only by a few months at best. That’s not much. I’m way bigger than you, how about that?” His noticeably taller frame towered over her, if only by a few inches, but he still liked to take every opportunity to bring the difference up to her just to get her riled up time and time again.

It was somehow oddly cute.

“I will break your kneecaps, how about that?” her raised feet, ready to strike at any moment, made him take a cautious step back. “Only if you can catch me, but that’s hard because your legs are way too short to catch up to me, shorty.”

“That is it, Jay. You’re so dead.” Her roar of indignation did the trick to make him burst into a sprint for his life with an excited howl, heart beating in his throat. The sparkling floors make his brand new shoes squeak with every impact on the surface. “Catch me if you can, Heather!”

And without a single glance at the girl chasing him, he darted off into the hallways with various workers scattered throughout, all letting a noise of surprise out when they saw the boy bulldozing his way between them all, “Jay? Be careful!”

Unhearing of the words from the adults’ mouths for the time being, he dashed left into an open meeting office, countless wheeled armchairs set neatly next to each other around a heavy oval table. Heather ran straight inside, fearsome and glowing with determination to tackle him into the next galaxy, “Don’t think you can escape from me, Jay!”

⟡

“Sweet sixteen, Heather.” Jay brings the small cake closer towards her, urging her to make a wish and blow the sixteen individual candles away. He looked older now— he had shoulders that had grown wider by the day and his baby fat was slowly, but surely, melting away to reveal his strong jawline, his roundish features now prominent in their shape without the softness that came with being a child.

He had gotten rid of that god awful haircut as well, giving himself a brand new and welcome look— his undercut dreams had come true and Heather admitted that it suited him extremely well. He always did have that underlying promise of a handsome future, but now it was clearer than ever. Jay had the prettiest smile.

Much to her dismay, she hadn’t gotten around to beat his height, not when he was half a head taller than she already, or was it more than that? She didn’t know and ten years into their friendship, she didn’t really care anymore. The last time she had asked Daniel to measure their height was two years ago— the lines and dates lining up her door frame would gladly serve as proof of that.

Speaking of Daniel— she looked at the much older and much taller twenty year old across the room filled with just the three of them— he was still there. 

Daniel liked to sing, he loved it and he loved to stand in front of hundreds and thousands of people to just let his voice out and perform to his heart’s content. He was good at it as well, she was not envious of his gift, though— not in that way. She was never jealous of the amount of praises and compliments he would get from people all around the world that had come to watch his concerts.

Big people with big names that wanted to take him away to bigger places than the good old Washington D.C.

Heather was never jealous of the love he had always received, even as a young middle schooler. No, she was never ever green with envy— in hindsight, she would always tell others that she was probably the one person proudest of him next to Mrs. Choi. Would that— could that— ever change?

No, absolutely not. Heather still was a strong believer of the extent of Daniel Yeonjun Choi’s perfection. If anything, she was just downright petrified that one day, he would break his promise of five years that he would never leave her behind in this cold world. That new friend of his seemed all too eager to do so.

What was his name again? Ah, yes, Beomgyu Choi. He was a pretty guy— now, that she was jealous of. Daniel was pretty, too, wasn’t he? Pretty people deserved other pretty people. Was she willing to let him go just yet, though? Not a chance.

Maybe she would, maybe she could, she thought as she looked at the sixteen flames illuminating Jay’s pretty face. Why was everyone so pretty? 

“Come on, Heather. Blow it out or else the wax will drip all over the icing!” There it was, his signature whines that would never cease in her presence— which, technically, meant that he complained all day, all night. That was, if the term in her presence was taken literally.

“Happy birthday, flower. You’ve bloomed beautifully.” Jay let out a snort, a quiet ew right after. “Do you have to be so cheesy all the time?” 

The man playfully jumps on the younger one’s back, quick tempered with his siblings— they were not real ones, but the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, right?— pulling Jay in a chokehold.

Heather had learned that move from him years ago, not even Jay had been around at the time. Heather was five years old when Daniel had come up from behind her and put her head between his arm and torso, lightly giving it a squeeze. Enraged, she demanded he teach her how to do it. An hour later, mrs. Choi would enter the room to find her eldest son being choked out by a five year old little girl as he lay limp on the marble floors.

"Stop flailing around, I'm blowing it out now." The two separated themselves from each other, eagerly waiting for the dessert to be cut into slices for them to enjoy. Deliberately, she gave the older male a larger piece, finding joy in the way her two friends started bickering again over the unfairness of it all. She let them fight it out for a while before giving Jay a smaller second slice to even things out.

“You’re an adult, Daniel. I think it’s embarrassing for you to fight me like this.” Jay quipped from Heather’s bed, stuffing his face with the smooth icing. The girl eyed the cream in disgust, nibbling on the sponges cake instead. She’d never understand why bakeries preferred a seven to three ratio of cream to cake.

“I’m not technically an adult yet. I live with my mom.” Daniel retorted from his seated position on the carpet. Heather sat next to him as always, succumbing to the natural gravitational pull whenever the older male was around. She always felt the safest when next to him, then Jay, but she’d never tell him that. Who knows how he would react if he heard it from her own mouth that she liked him just as much as Daniel. He would never let her hear the end of it.

Sixteen year old Heather finally quit music. She cut it out of her life, the motion done as quickly and soundlessly as her mother had a few years ago, leaving her behind forever as she ran back to Korea. Heather wondered where she’d be in life right now if she didn’t have a Jay Park or Daniel Choi with her.

Lost, probably.

It’s March 21st, Heather turned sixteen at last, safe and sound with Daniel right next to her as she smiled at her best friend sitting on her bed in front of her.

⟡

The next morning, she made her way to wash her face, slowly slinking out of her soft bed and trying not to wake up the boy snoring next to her. She’d slid a pillow under his arm to replace her. Planting her feet on the floor, however, did not come to her as easily as before. Almost instantaneously, her knees buckled beneath her, knocking the breath out of her lungs as she groaned in pain after the impact on her palm registered. She’d reached out blindly, using her hand to brace her body.

“Heather?” The ruckus woke up an exhausted Jay, who still looked incomparably better than her even with an early morning puffy face. He smoothly kicked the blanket off of his body to help the newly turned sixteen year old back on the bed.

“Hey,” brushing away the few strands of hair that had escaped the braid Daniel had put it into the night before, he held her arm, concern etched all across his face, “Are you okay?”

“Damn it.” The brunet winced at the few tears that escaped Heather’s eyes, stomach dropping at her sniffles. She covered her face with her palm, the other clutching the fabric of her sweatpants. 

“This sucks.”

He tucked her in his chest, running his fingers through her hair and waiting till she calmed down from her abrupt meltdown. Looking at her tightened fist, he gathered her tighter in his arms, putting a warm hand over hers, slowly making her release her clothes. “You’re okay, don’t worry.”

Heather sniffled, trying to regain a steady breathing and pulling in deep breaths to soothe her hiccups. Jay kept smoothing a hand through her soft strands, patiently waiting. “I don’t know what came over me, I’m sorry.”

Jay shook his head, pressing a kiss on her temple, “Why apologize?” 

“I don’t know,” she sighed, wiping away the last drop of tear that slid down her cheek, “I just couldn’t hold it in. It didn’t even hurt. I guess I just felt disappointed.”

Jay hummed in understanding, bringing the pad of his thumb to swipe away the moisture around her eyes, “It can happen sometimes, I get it. Come, let’s wash up your face. You look prettier when you don’t have snot all over your face.”

The comment made her chuckle, giving his shoulder a friendly punch, “You don’t tell a girl that she’s ugly, especially when she’s crying her soul out. That’s super rude.”

“Am I supposed to lie, then?” Jay retorted, taking Heather gently by her arm and leading her carefully to the bathroom on the other side of the large space. Truthfully, Heather could never be ugly, not in his eyes at least. No matter how much he liked to tease her about the minor flaws in her appearance here and there, nothing ever seemed less than perfect in his eyes when it came to his closest friend.

Close to two years ago, Jay realized that Heather Brown was prettier than the angels his mother told him all about when he’d been younger. The purest beings, breathtaking and beautiful, those were traits Heather held as well. 

Even with eyes bloodshot, nose running a river and cheeks flushed from exertion, she was prettier than ever. 

“I think we should tell uncle about what happened.” He quipped from behind as Heather patted her face dry. He was leaning against the doorframe, frowning at something she couldn’t see on the floor.

“It’s getting too frequent. You literally fell over while doing nothing yesterday too.”

Heather stayed silent, assessing his words, “It’s getting worse, Heather. I’m just worried about you, your dad too.”

So many words were left unsaid, they both knew that, but with Heather’s insistence on keeping the progression of her disease a secret from her already busy father, Jay swallowed back his thoughts of concern and let her be.

For how long he’d let her live a life of lies, however, he didn’t know. Three years ago, their life had turned upside down with the few words of a man in a crisp white coat and this was the only way he could keep Heather Brown happy.

Just stay quiet, and let her be. He couldn’t possibly shoulder the heavy burden of being the one who insisted she stay locked inside a room surrounded by white walls, unwilling to be the one who ripped her away from her happiness. For now, he’d just let her be and do as she said.

⟡

Winter came quicker than expected that year, heavy clouds creeping over the lifeless buildings of Washington D.C.

Heather never expected her last Christmas break before she graduated high school to be spent cooped up inside a room that made her feel lonelier than her own one did whenever she was left to her own. The only thing accompanying her throughout her days was the large, framed picture of lilacs on the wall to her adjacent, the monotonous monitor to her side, a leather white couch next to the tall windows and the nurses who’d occasionally come and go.

Daniel Choi was busy these days, too. She hadn’t seen the older male in two weeks, quite the record for someone who’d talk to him face to face almost every few days. If not face to face, then at least on the phone where he’d tell her all about his day. He would always complain about something his friends had done, affectionately calling Beomgyu an annoying gum that was relentlessly stuck to him.

She heard that name a lot more often since the first time he’d introduced him to her almost a few years ago. Beomgyu this, Beomgyu that, Beomgyu here, Beomgyu there. It seemed like he lived and breathed by that name, not that Heather was jealous at all.

It was nice seeing Daniel befriend someone closer to his age. What was not nice was the fact that she felt like he was slowly drifting away. He wouldn’t pick up her calls when she missed his comforting voice, only answering hours later at times when even she wasn’t awake.

Daniel felt so far away, more so than he’d ever felt like.

What happened to her Daniel who’d nag her to eat her meals on time, scolding her for not drinking enough water? Where was he, the one who’d drive away all of her worries with a single smile, a lame joke? With a sinking feeling in her gut, Heather realized that Choi Beomgyu was stealing the most perfect human being in this world from her.

The thought brought a certain heaviness in her chest, the walls enclosing in on her. Her hands trembled, heart racing inside her ribs and her lungs felt like they weren’t getting enough air. Fear had her in a merciless clutch as she curled into a fetal position, cupping her hands over her ears, not even taking the presence of the nurse next to her in.

Daniel was leaving her and it was all Choi Beomgyu’s fault.

⟡

Nighttime crept over the sky, for once the moon reflecting light over those on the streets, illuminating the city in a soft glow. 

Heather felt better, good enough to wander down the halls of the large hospital in hopes of finding herself some entertainment, having already slept the day away. Energized for the night, she skipped down the empty corridors, careful to avoid any workers who might recognize the dreadful hospital clothing she’d been forced to put on when she first arrived last week.

“Snacks. I need snacks, lots and lots of them in fact.” She muttered at no one in particular, tracing an unending line on the wall as she went, taking a ninety degree turn to the right after confirming that her chances of getting caught were minimal. 

The automated machine stood proudly at the other corner of the corridor, as she found out after an unnecessarily lengthy trip around the quiet floor, lost in the maze while trying to follow a random blue line that led her to nowhere in particular, not that she knew of. Snickers or KitKat? She weighed her choices, fishing out a few coins out of her frankly quite shallow pocket.

And then she saw black.

Rubbing her forehead in defeat, she pushed herself up to sit on her knees, half having the mind to let out a string of less than pleasant cuss words as she massaged the area that throbbed. Her momentary blackout had led her to collapse right before the vending machine.

Heather pinched the bridge of her nose, reaching out to wipe away the small droplets of red with her sleeve. She hoped her nose didn’t look too bad for wear, “Great, just great.”

With a grunt, she made an effort to stretch her legs out to stand. That’s odd, wait, giving up on trying to hold a hand over her nose, she put out both arms and flexed, wondering why her legs didn’t seem to be functioning properly. I can’t feel anything, she tried reaching out to grab the handle of the sitting bank just an arm’s length away.

Her fingers strained as she clawed the air, hoping to get a grip on the metal bar. Tears of frustration welled up behind her eyelids while she dragged her limp feet with the help of her upper body, strength quickly dwindling as she had to handle all of her body weight. This cannot be happening, not now, she begged for a semblance of power to return to her muscles.

Please, a stray tear slid down her chin as anger rose within her. “Move already.” She slammed a closed fist over her incapacitated limbs. What a joke, cursed to a life of being a burden to everyone around her. “Just do as I say, why won’t you?”

Cursing, she harshly bit down on her lip, making a grand effort to slide her body and carry herself over to sit on the metal bench. Her heart pounded against her ribs, the adrenaline that had allowed her to will herself up slowly ebbing away. She laughed, a reaction forced out of her as she laughed and laughed.

She didn’t feel the traitorous tears trailing down the side of her face for the nth time that week, she didn’t recognize anyone’s voice as people started approaching her. Heather laughed at the injustice of it all, wondering what she had done wrong to go through and struggle with something most people did on a minutely basis. 

She laughed, bitter and tired of everything. 

Nurse Willows sat her on a wheelchair, a kind smile ever so present on her face despite the late hour and exhaustion probably wearing her down from the long day of hard work. “Come on, let’s get you back to your room.”

She liked Ms. Willows too, something about her giving her the same feeling of comfort that came with Mrs. Choi, Daniel’s mother and her cook. She had traces of age where her smile creased, but she still looked youthful, lively. She was just as kind as Mrs. Choi as well, she’d rejoiced at having someone nice to talk to when she would inevitably grow bored sitting around on her stiff bed. Heather barely saw her around after their first encounter, though.

Tonight was the second time she got to interact with Ms. Willows. Albeit the less than pleasant conditions, Heather fell back asleep on her way to her room as the older woman pushed her forward, pleased that it was Ms. Willows and not anybody else.

Tomorrow would be a better day, she hoped. It was Christmas after all.

⟡

Finding a snoring Jay next to her the next morning was the best thing that she could have ever asked for. 

He stirred in his sleep as she watched in awe, taking in his peaceful face like she always did. It had been months since she’d properly gotten to see him this close. She slowly smoothed over his cheek with the back of her fingers, barely hovering over his skin. Despite her best efforts at being subtle, his eyes fluttered awake anyways.

The sunlight was nowhere to be found at ten thirty-four am, right when Jay found himself staring into the eyes of his best friend. The room was dim with the only light coming from the hallway beneath her closed door. With what little brightness came in through the open blinds, shades of blue covering the sky behind the large glass panels, he took in her tired features.

Brown eyes never looked as good on him as they did on Heather Brown. Something about the way she looked at him felt like home, though to be fair, everything she did felt like home to him. There was no one in his life as clearly defined in who they were as Heather. His father, sure, along with his mother, but the person he’d wholeheartedly bellow the name of into the wind when asked who felt like home to him, was his one and only Heather, the girl peering right at him through the curtain of her lashes like he was her everything.

Like he was her everything.

And he was, to a certain extent. Heather thought back on the past ten entire years of her life, recounting the times Jay Park had proven time and time again that he’d always be the one person she could call her everything.

“You’re up.” Jay whispered, tracing small circles on her back with the hand he’d slung over her waist. He rejoiced in the way she fiddled in her position, feeling ticklish by his subtle pokes here and there where he knew she felt the most tickled by. Giggling at his onslaught, she quickly snatched his soft cheeks with her fingers and stretched the skin wide in an awkward grin.

Moving his cheeks around and bringing her hands together to make his lips puff out like a fish, she replied, “Who said you could invade my bed like this? It’s probably against the rules.”

Despite his hammering chest, he pulled her closer to himself, “It’s fine.” He could barely utter the few words through his squished face. “You wanna go out?”

Blinking, she strained her neck to spot the folded up wheelchair next to her small closet. Jay pushed himself to rest on his elbow, “It’s totally okay if you don’t feel like it, I just thought it’d be nice to see the snow.”

“It’s okay, let’s go. Help me up.” She stretched her arms forward, making a give me motion and pointed at the transport device she swallowed her pride and sat on with his help. “Push me as fast as you can.”

“We didn’t even notify the nurse or anything. You wait for like, a second, and I’ll be back in a minute.” After setting her down, he faced his body towards the door, rubbing the sleep quickly out of his eyes. He stopped when a hand pulled him back.

“Wait, why are you here anyways?”

“What do you mean?” The boy feigned innocence, half heartedly pulling his arm away from her loose grip. Heather steeled her expression, “I swear, Jay, if you pulled some funny business, then I’m sending you right back.”

It was at the beginning of year ten of school when Jay had decided he wanted to dance professionally. It was also in tenth grade that he’d finally convinced his father to let him audition, nearly spending the entire year coming up plans with her for the older man to finally cave in and let him quit the orchestra.

Heather had watched him dance for hours and hours on end, audition and then fail twice in a row before getting accepted into a small group. She had watched him pour his blood, sweat and tears throughout the past two years, every moment that would lead up to the big event not even a month away now.

There was no way he’d ditched going to the practice sessions just to take her out for something as mundane as a walk. “I’m actually gonna call uncle, Jay. I know how important the performance is, you shouldn’t be blowing off Sunghoon like that.”

“Chill,” He chuckled, flicking a finger over the bridge of her nose, “The regular meet up was postponed to tomorrow, because it’s a holiday and people have to be at home, exchange gifts and all of that jazz. The studio is closed for the day.”

“It better be.”

⟡

“I don’t have a gift for you.” Heather crossed her arms, looking at the small box resting on her lap. It wasn’t any bigger than the size of her palm, neatly wrapped with a white polka dotted paper, contrasting with the red background and glittering green ribbon tied around it in a typical festive fashion.

“I don’t need one.” He replied, sitting on the comfortable sofa across her as Heather fiddled with the small box. “Go on, open it.”

With great care, she unfolded the colorful wrap. “I’m gonna flip if it’s what I think it is.” She commented offhandedly, trying to cover up the glee seeping out of her voice. The velvet box felt familiar to touch, something she’d held in her hands once before, but never got around to bring it home with her.

“Oh, you bet it is.” Jay hopped off of the couch, flipping on the switch to her room. “I didn’t have the time to do anything special this year, but I know how obsessed you are with this, so yeah, sorry for the last minute surprise.”

“Want me to put it on for you?” Heather nodded at his offer, moving her hair to the side to allow him to clasp the dainty chain around her neck, the small pendant resting pretty on her décolleté. 

“There you go,” Jay stepped back to rake his eyes over her appearance, “You look very pretty.”

And indeed she was. Jay, for all of his life, prided himself in the fact that he had never once lied to anyone about anything. He wore his heart on his sleeves and kept his words simple and honest, truthful in everything he said or did. At times, his frank words hurt those who hadn’t heard what they wanted to from him, driving quite a few people away with the bluntness in his words. 

Everyone wanted to hear pretty white lies from him, turning their backs once they didn’t receive what they thought they would no matter how not unkind his delivery was. Honesty and sincerity, that’s what Jay prided himself in the most. Jay never lied, Heather knew that better than anyone else.

And so whenever he called her pretty, she felt like the most beautiful being in the world. If the words came from him, she’d take them to the bottom of her heart and encase it in a fragile glass container, cherishing it for a long, long time, because it was Jay’s words and Jay never lied.

For that night, she would truly feel beautiful, because he made her believe so.

⟡

July 21st only a couple of years ago, a summer day she remembered with every detail. Daniel had graduated high school just a little while ago and had decided to stay around, continue to make music on his own with his small group of friends, working small part time jobs in his other free time.

Heather had nothing to do that day with Jay away with his father on a trip and her own dad as busy with his business as always. It was Daniel who’d pulled her out of staying cooped up in her room all day. He’d dragged her out of her lonesome and taken her to a small ice cream shop next to the skatepark where kids mostly around her age usually hung out.

“You should try this mint chocolate one.” He’d begged her to try the minty flavored ice cream, to which she’d adamantly refused, knowing how he was aware that she hated it all the way to the depths of hell. Daniel could be annoying like that from time to time whenever he decided to shed his role of the ever loving, wise older brother.

“Suit yourself.” He’d replied with a sulk, typical Daniel fashion.

The heat rose from the asphalt, visible in the way it distorted the view of the park in front of the shop. She wondered if an egg would cook if she dropped it on the ground. It sure seemed like it was a possibility. Just like everything else however, she threw that thought behind, opting to enjoy the moment and her very delicious, very non-mint-chocolate ice cream.

The older male jumped right into step with her as they wandered out into the street, mindlessly wandering through the crowd of families and friends. He had an arm slung over her shoulder, chattering away about his plans for the next week. “You know what would be nice?” He piped up, nibbling on the cone in his right hand.

Heather didn’t reply, tilting her head to lock eyes with him as though she was questioning him. “What if we go on a little trip to the amusement park with Jay this Saturday? It’s been a while since we all went out together.”

She knew what he meant, the underlying message in between the lines. Still, she decided to ignore the unpleasant feeling, dropping her faux displeasure at him to contemplate on the suggestion. It had been a while since they’d had fun together, all three of them. “I’ll have to ask my father for permission, though.”

In a typical Daniel fashion, his lips curled into a lopsided smile, “If there’s anything I know about Mr. Brown after all these years, it’s that he won’t say no if I’m there to be your babysitter.”

“First of all, I don’t need a babysitter, much less someone like you.” Heather jeered at the older boy. “And secondly, remember that one time you almost let me drop from the fifty-first floor’s window when I was eight? And that one time you almost slipped down the wet stairs and dragged me down with you last year? I’d hardly consider you a capable sitter.”

She didn’t mention the time he’d gently held her while she mourned her mother’s departure, or when he’d patched her knees up when she’d fallen down from a tree branch while she and Jay were playing hide and seek at the park, or when Daniel had built them the biggest blanket fort the two younger ones had ever seen and have a movie night just because they’d both gotten great grades in their exam, or the time when he’d carried her on his shoulders because she couldn’t see the artist’s perform at the local music festival, or the time he’d trimmed her hair for her after she’d very unsuccessfully tried to give herself a new haircut.

She didn’t need to mention any of those instances where he’d been the angel taking care of her because he knew. Through her vulnerability with the boy she considered to be family, her constant little praises she liked to shower him with, her pulled back play-punches when he’d annoy her. Daniel knew that she saw him as the one that could do no real wrong, that he was her ever-loving and caring guardian.

Daniel knew, so when she said he wasn’t capable, he didn’t take the words to heart. He was so much more than just capable. Heather is an easy person for him to see through despite how others claimed the contrary.

Daniel knew that he was her everything, though it would be him in the end that would shatter her world.

© KOISHUA 2022, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

[vampiricgf]

also feel like dropping some crazy kita lore this morning because ive been ruminating on my upbringing or lack thereof the last few days

it's really damaging when nobody wants to tell you the truth about yourself as a kid. I knew there was stuff that was different about me and the way I lived, obviously, to kids around me growing up and I don't think adults really understand how much that bothers you as a kid

and obviously when you're a kid other kids are mean, it's just the way it is, but hearing jabs here and there about like why you don't have parents and why that makes you a freak really does harm you growing up

if everyone around me hadn't treated my parents like some big clandestine mystery it probably wouldn't have gotten as bad as it did for me. like I was showing symptoms of my mental illness as early as ten years old, which is a little crazy to think about, and everyone around me dismissed me as a "problem child" an "attention whore" or "just a bad kid"

the damage it did hearing that over and over is something I can't even describe properly. and when you're that young you don't have words like "mania" or "major depression" or even "suicidal ideation" to help people really understand what you're feeling. I was legitimately suicidal at the age of ten years old and it was scary because I had no idea why I was feeling that way or what it even was which just added to the strain of it and the endless loop of "acting out". like I would have episodes and they would call the cops on me

I was manhandled and thrown in the back of a car by officers no less than seven times. that did even more damage. a little ass girl screaming and crying out of desperation asking for her mom and the first instinct is to put hands on her and throw her in a car? like anyone with a brain can see that isn't productive in a situation like that but it is what it is

then as I got older it became more extreme, like with the arson charges and b&e. I didn't give a fuck because nobody gave a fuck about me. And then when I was 13 I landed in front of a judge that remanded me to counseling. that was the first time anybody looked at me and was like "no something else is going on here and it needs addressed". the deal was I attend counseling, zero missed days unless I was sick enough to be in a hospital, and then come back before the judge at the set time and if they said I made significant progress I wouldn't go to juvenile detention and I could get my record expunged at 18 if I stayed out of trouble. it also helped nobody was hurt during my little building burning

so my ass was at that office every single thursday for ten years. the mandate was only a couple months but I kept going for ten years. because that therapist gave a shit about me, the first adult in my life to do so

our first month of sessions were spent in complete silence. I didn't say one word to her for an hour every single thursday for a month. I was beyond resistant and defiant. and I'm sure any other therapist would've just pushed it down the line and said im not dealing with this off you go but she didn't. she was basically as stubborn as I was and it paid off because after that first month I started talking to her and then I never stopped. I kept that appointment slot faithfully despite being shuffled around from different homes that was my one constant and it was something to hold onto

idk but I think there's a lesson in there somewhere about taking kids seriously when they're very obviously having issues and to not write them off over and over because all you're doing with that is reinforcing that nobody cares about them or what they're going through and they will spiral just the way I did. and about telling them the truth. I know a lot of people thought they were sparing me some sort of pain by not telling the truth about my parents being in prison for things like dui, drug offenses, and violent murder but it wasn't doing me any favors in reality. I could've come to terms with it and probably moved on. sure my illness would've manifested sooner or later but I don't think it would've happened in quite the same way or with so much inner and outer destruction if I had known because usually during those extreme episodes I'd be sobbing about just wanting my mom while destroying shit. I knew I had one, but I didn't know anything about her and it was a real pain point for me

so idk tell your kids the truth about shit, you don't really know what someone can or can't handle and you could be fucking them up even more by keeping secrets

[zaenight]

Ain't your mama ch2 act 1

Age 6.

Sage trager was now six years old and was on a swing being pushed by a seventeen year old tara , whereas a now three year old Jess was being pushed by a nineteen year old jax teller.

It wasn't untill a roar of bikes alerted The four , but it wasn't Samcrow , It was the mayans from the oakland charter , the sons and mayans have bad blood between them , Territory issues and much more.

Marcus alvarez , not to be confused with marcus coleman , their deadbeat father, had got off of his bike looking towards Jax and the girls , Sage swore she saw a boy around her age get off the bike.

"Relax we're here to celebrate a birthday party later on , we don't want no problems." Alvarez stated to the younger male who went towards him.

"Mijo go play while the adults talk." He continued as a boy no older than seven nodded his head rushing over to the swings where the girls were at.

"Podría conseguir una niñita blanca para ser su futura anciana ." His vp Smirked as The mayans cackled like a bunch of hyenas , even alvarez cracked a smile.

(Might bag himself a little white girl to be his future old lady)

"Watch it." Jax warned before looking towards the swings where tara was with the girls , watching as the boy ran up to sage who had jumped off the swing... right onto him.

......

"Ouch." the boy said before looking at the face of an angel , an angel that currently had her knees embedded into his stomach.

"Oops." Sage trager said with a deadpan look on her face getting up , instead of lending a hand , she yanked the  boy up by his shirt.

"Im Sage trager , and you are?" Sage questioned the boy , knowing full well about the sons and the mayans.

"Esai , Esai Alvarez at your service!" The boy exclaimed holding out his fist for a fist bump.

Instead of doing the same action , Sage trager took the fist in her hand shaking it , as if it was a normal hand shake , Esai was confused and highly amused as he stared at his new friend.

Jess starteed laughing as Tara looked worriedly towards the area Jax and The mayans were , noticing Tig,Clay,and piney had arrived.

Sage however was busy staring into Esai's soul , while Esai was staring into hers,Tara thought that either they were enchanted by eachother or ready to strike if the other made one wrong move.

"Kissy kissy." Jessie screamed laughing , Sage released Esai's hand , her nose scrunching up in confusment , Esai on the other hand was blushing.

Tig Ran zig zags to pick up his niece from the boy , yes tiggy went ziggy zaggy.

"Not my innocent niece!" He exclaimed as Esai looked at him with a bored look.

"Your 'innocent' niece has stabbed,poked, and prodded at Jax more than enough times." Tara stated to the weird man.

"Detail's shmehtails." Tig said with a resting bitch face.

"That's not even a word." Sage said before kicking her leg back hitting tigs knee , allowing her to free herself.

"It is a word if it came out of my mouth and I said it." Tig stated.

"Shmehtails , SHMEHTAIL'S!" Jess screeched as Tara took her out of the baby swing.

The Sons and Mayans agreed that they would not fight today , and went there seperate

ways , oh and Esai had kissed Sage's hand as a goodbye causing tig to let out an inhuman screech.

Who knew the Son of a Mayan Presidenté would fall for the niece of Samcrows resident freakshow.

.........

Age 8 :

An Eight year old Sage and a five year old Jess were watching as Their Mother and Gemma were speaking with their eyes , a day earlier Tara knowles left charming after watching the girls , tucking them in and then bidding goodbye.

"Where are you going?" Sage asked.

"Somewhere to help me become a Doctor , and one day I'll come back okay?,This isn't a goodbye more like a see you later." Tara said finishing the book , tucking her in , Jess was sprawled across the bed already sleeping.

"But what if it's already too late?" Sage whispered.

"What do you mean?" Tara said confused.

"You can get out , you have no ties , but me and jess are the nieces of a samcro member , we have targets on our backs just for being related to them , your leaving , leaving this town and Jax with it , cutting those ties makes you safe , If you leave , you should never come back,coming back will get you killed." The eight year old said as she closed her eyes falling into a deep sleep.

----

"Im just saying I never liked the girl." Gemma said to maeve.

'Don't be mean Gem she was a sweet girl , your just mad you didn't get a grandchild out of it , she got out of this town to study being a doctor , lets just pray she won't come back if she knows what's good for her sanity.' Maeve signed , letting out a huff.

"Yeah Yeah." Gemma said waving her hand around as the bikes rode into the lot.

Sage looked down at her hands that held a small skeleton of a bird,wondering if it was true that a warm light awaited you or if the darkness engulfed you into a cold eternal hell.

"Uncle tiggy!" Jess exclaimed laughing as She was picked up.

"Uncle Tiggy look I found a dead bird!" Sage exclaimed.

"Good job It's still in good condition too." Tig said , Now condoning this behavior might not be normal , but neither are the tragers.

"Jax has been a pissy baby because tara left him." Sage said spinning around before looking at tig.

"Have not!" Jax said coming over and messing up her hair.

'Have too.' Sage mouthed before Jess stuck her tongue out calling Jax a pissy baby like her sister just had.

"PISSY BABY PISSY BABY JAXIE IS A PISSY BABY!" Jess said before screeching as Jax chased after them with the help of opie.

The two twenty one year olds the eight year old and the five year old , ran across the lot of the teller-morrow garage screaming and laughing.

Maeve trager watched her girl's with a smile on her face , snapping picks to send to happy,She wished this could last forever , but life with the mc was never easy.

[sowthetide]

heyyyyyy *saunters saucily into your ask box* congratulations! you have written a character so appealing that i cant stop thinking about her! and considering shes an alternate version of an already fictional character, i literally have no one else to bother about the brainworms she gives me. so, youre stuck with me. (side note if you do get sick of my endless asks just say the word and i will limit myself to like. two per chapter. probably. i can be normal i promise) ANYWAY i was listening to incredible amazing bigbrained theon playlist this morning and foreigners god by hozier came upand. the way i see it, in asoiaf canon theons one of the characters with the most interesting relationship with religion. he has the conflicting background, and doesnt really seem to connect with either. which isnt bad, not every character needs tk be spiritual, yet he is also some sort of mesiah figure??? like he has visions and talks to the weirwoods and has SO MUCH religious imagery like im not gonna get into it all but dude literally got crucified?? at a stake??? shit idk man. i like it. i like the part where he swears by the seven WHILE AT THE ISLANDS BEFORE HIS DEATH BAPTISM CEREMONY bbg theyre not pagans. but but but back to quenn- i feel like this is more emphasized in her story? maybe thats just me being delusional but (she lights insence in the sept after cat leaves hahahha im normal about this i swear) shes been abandoned by ALL the gods but still prays??? and for what??? stability???? hope?????? shes can seem like such a pessimist at time, a down to earth realist at best, but SHE STILL PRAYS. to what god???? im not very eloquent with words but you should listen to foreigners god the end byeeerer

-TeaInABowl

Why, hello again ;-) You're so nice to me 🥺 I really appreciate it cause I've been dealing with some Family Issues lately ❤️

Also, you do not have to tell ME about the pain of Quen brainworms!!! Thank god I have goddcoward, Ashen_Onion, and, of course, Y'ALL to scream with about Quen with, because otherwise I'd have probably lost my mind by now. Never worry about being normal because I've spent the last year being increasingly Unnormal about Quen, with extensive daydreaming about all of the Saw traps I have/will put her in.

You've reminded me to update my Quen playlist (the link is around here... somewhere...), but I also reallyyyy need to finish my Theon playlist too... eventually...

But back on topic! Yes, Theon's relationship with religion is such an interesting part of his character, and it's something that really drew me to him while reading (as someone with a complicated/agnostic outlook on religion). He has an unusually strong connection with the North's old gods, which is especially apparent in his ADWD chapters (which are some of GRRM's best-ever chapters, I will die on this hill), and I can't wait to see how that (hopefully) intersects with Bran's journey in TWOW.

I took this aspect of Theon's character and ran with it for Quen, as she has a lot of exposure to all three of the main religions in Westeros: the Drowned God during her childhood on the Iron Islands, and the old gods + the Seven during her time with the Starks. Quen has a closer relationship with the Seven in particular, due to her closer relationship with Catelyn/Sansa/Arya/Septa Mordane (by nature of being female in this 'verse), but she oscillates between all three when the occasion calls for it.

What is she praying for? Does she even believe in any of these gods? Who knows! Quen certainly doesn't. But she'll pray to the gods of the people she loves, so their gods might protect them. Also, as my dad would put it: "there are no atheists in foxholes". This is to say, Quen will cling to whatever gods get her the hell outta this clusterfuck in one piece. And, unfortunately, she finds herself in an inordinate amount of clusterfucks. She's clusterfucks Georg, really.

"Foreigner's God" is Thee Theon song fr. We all listened to it and collectively went THEON 🫵 If anyone has any other Theon song recs, I am always open to suggestions... 👀

[craw-dacious]

Thats the art of getting by, by sarewolf

Again, new to marauders. This fic 3 that I’ve read. Feel free to shoot me recs, currently looking for ~100,000 word fic with a good angst balance and no major character death.

Summary: Overall this story was INCREDIBLE. I loved the writing style, such a good amount of angst, and an easy to follow narrative. It raised Harry like exactly how I wanted and was so cutey and sweetly and UGH

SPOILERS BELOW BEWARE

Chapter one

I already like the opening quote. Can tell the writing is going to be good.

God the angst is already great

He’s only 24 wild

I kind of forgot just how much he lost that night, like all of his closest friends were dead. Even in canon, with no world star this probably sucks the worst for Lupin.

Okay I’m actually crying already

I’ve been wanting a babyfic since the first one I read

This is such a hard thing to do, parenting is hard without the trauma and sob storying

Chapter two

I wonder how they are going to reincorporate Sirius

And I’m concerned about Harry’s quietness, I feel like that’s not consistent with who he grows up to be

Hoping for some baby Ron and harry content eventually 

I never give Kudos until the end of the fic, this is incredible and I absolutely adore it already

Literally crying from how sad Remus is Jesus

Chapter three

YES love old lady gossip

Neris is so cute delicious

Plus Harry is opening up a lot, so far very happy chapter!

So gay bruh

HARRY BEING SAD TOO IS KILLING ME JUST A BABY FR

This is actually fucking INFURIATING him being like “Sirius never loved us” like BRO I know you’re being LIED TO but I CANNOT HANDLE IT TOO SAD

Chapter four

Now I need to be a depressed widow with a three year old son who loves me

Like I think just having a child would patch my soul

This is actually the cutest thing ever love love love

I think me and remus lupin are the same person

Like gay traumatized werewolf = teenaged girl

“Oh the memories, oh the love” SO ME

YES RON AND HARRY BEST FRIENDS IM GONNA SOB

Damn he’s in love with Sirius fr fr

Can tell this is a shift, so gonna do a small recap

Wonderful characterization

Remus kind of being forced to push forward is great narratively, a little concerned about how it will work with pacing

They write Harry very well, not annoying as children can often be in fic

Chapter five

This is what I wanted, you see James and Lily in harry and remus is just thoughtful and reflective enough to show the audience the importance of this its just MWAH

Oh my god

Baby trauma. He’s so cute and being such a little bitch

Literally so sad, like remus is such a better parent than the Dursleys could ever be but him knowing what harry had makes it sad

If I have to read “angry fucks” again im gonna lose it, say sex please, at least sometimes

YES HE’S FREEEE

Chapter six

God this sucks, like I know they aren’t truly in danger but the emotional turmoil goes crazy

3 chapters till we get Sirius saying it now

Cannot understate how much remus’s pining and distraught connects to me

Like I can tell they were in love but SO TOXIC which, again, is teenage girl core

Not to diminish the relationship, I think the way teenage girls evaluate breakups and romance is like peak human condition and is incredibly poignant amidst the issues of war and death and loss.

YES FUCK YES HELL YEAH INNOCENT INNOCENT INNOCENTTTTTT FUCK PETER HATE THAT SON OF A BITCH

Chapter seven

UGH I know I said fuck Peter but this still sucks ass

When do I get to see Sirius. Ik I said 3 chapters but I didn’t mean it

Damn Petes evil as fuck

The justice in him being DECLARED innocent is so beautiful. I wish that could’ve happened in the books, he died being known as a shitty, terrible human being

Chapter eight

Ok skip this shit and jump to the gay sex I do not want a flashback rn I need TEARS

Jk obviously its important and builds suspense, well written two with good symbolism

Fuck fuck fuck fuck just kiss please I need them to kiss please

Like I actually cannot watch them be fucking roommates ill vomit

Sobbing sobbing sobbing “I hope not” Jesus fucking christ let me suck the authors dick I love this sm

Chapter nine

Just taking in the idea that both Sirius and Harry see each other as a replacement for James in the books, that is such a beautiful like concept with such horrible influences on how they treat each other and I really want to see how its reconciled here, if its relevant at all

Harry with his two dads that barely speak to each other

I do need reconciliation but making sure the weight of tragedy is like there also seems important

But also, please, just fuck already

Chapter ten

Ok remus time to put your big boy pants on and apologize

Like actually nothing will fix itself until you say sorry man

“He’s pack” BRUH harry

Pls having to tell everyone you’re living with this famous not-criminal is so funny I actually am losing it

Pls just be nice to each other for once bruh

Yay!! Nice!!

They’re so like fucked up its messy brother

Chapter eleven

THIS IS SO CUTE IM GONNA KMS

The dog plushie, the memory album, literally everything god I love Christmas

Omfg. Sweater. Sobbing.

AND HITTING ME WITH ANGST AT THE END. This is such a good joy-depression balance

Like its SO SO SAD like irrevocably depressing and filled with grief but also like LIFE and CHILDHOOD and JOY and bruuuhh

Chapter twelve

evil

Chapter fourteen

Basically skipped twelve and thirteen

Jesus Christ

That was gay sex fs

The dementors kiss scene was fucking heart breaking, like devastatingly sad but obviously Peter deserved it

Actually idk, soullessness is so horrific

Then THE KISS and the SEX and everything it was so raw and good and Jesus fucking christ

I want to have sex with eric again bruh

Just so sad, and so happy at the end with the talk of learning to live with it and just UGH amazing I love it

Literally cannot think of a critique atm, im sure ill have some at the end though

FULL RECAP

Yes I know I skipped 16 and 17 and I'm sorry.

Overall this story was INCREDIBLE. I loved the writing style, such a good amount of angst, and an easy to follow narrative. It raised Harry like exactly how I wanted and was so cutey and sweetly and UGH. I will say I wish there was more to the plot than “everyone is sad and trying to not be anymore”While that is a completely reasonable story, it does make it a little boring. But because this fic is fairly short it works out alright. My only true criticism is going to be on the pacing. I am not sure at all when Harry and Remus were introduced to each other, or how far after that Sirius came into their lives. I also think Harry and Sirius’ connection, while amazing, was a bit unrealistic at the beginning. For a child with this much past to IMMEDIATELY latch onto someone like this is kinda wild, but it works for the story so no big deal honestly. I think characterizations were good, not great. However, this is a situation we haven’t seen marauders in and I’m not super familiar with how marauders are usually characterized outside of reading the books and watching movies, so I’d reevaluate characterization stuff once im more engrossed in the fandom.

This is something I just thought about while adding tags, having moody in this fic was nice. He's a character I'd like to see more out of what I've read so far in marauders

9/10, truly loved this one

[homeofhousechickens]

A Cinnamon Queen Hen with Hemangiosarcoma

This hen right here is Chicken Salad, she is a seven and half year old production layer, specifically a Cinnamon Queen which is a type of Red Sex Link. She is a beloved hen of my friend Curt (say hi to Curt he might be reading this!) and she recently developed a health issue that i just wanted to educate some of my fellow chicken owners about as i have seen multiple birds with this condition before but rarely there is answers about what it actually is.

Almost a week ago Curt noticed something odd about Salad and brought her in for a bath since to him it looked like she may have had poop stuck to her vent or a prolapse. After cleaning her up he noticed a very strange growth a few inches below her vent, not only that a very similar looking lump on her beak. Given her breed and age its not difficult to come to the next sad conclusion, cancer. Yes Miss Salad here has cancer specifically Hemangiosarcoma which is a cancer that is basically cells that are supposed to be building blood vessels that instead get confused. This type of cancer is typically associated with ALV (avian leukosis virus) when it develops in younger birds but with Salads breed and age these types of cancers can just pop up as Salad is very old for a production hen. You see the average lifespan of a hen like Salad is only 5 years but Salad is almost 8 so she is quite a golden girl for her breed so issues like this shouldnt be terribly alarming in a bird her age. Curt is also low risk for ALV since he isn't a breeder and has had the same birds for years with a closed flock to my knowledge so there is no need for him to worry about this being contagious to his other beloved hens. Below are the pictures of Salad's tumors, i think its important to show them because this is not the first time i have seen a hen develop masses in the same way in the same location and i would like to provide some mental relief and explain what will happen with Salad going forward as Im sure this isn't the last time me or one of my friends will see this and if your a vet if you see a bird presented to you with similar symptoms you may be able to find out where start looking for answers. Here you can see the black colored rough looking mass growing on the bottom part of her beak. This is a very common location for hemangiosarcomas in chickens and these lumps are commonly mistaken for Fowl Pox and Trich/Canker that wont respond to typical treatment.

This is a picture of her the mass near her vent, i can why my friend thought this might have been a prolapse or compacted poop at first.

The lumpiness and black color is very common with this kind of cancer. This cancer can be quite aggressive, like it is with Salads case. It can start in the skin, beak, legs, neck, even inside of the mouth or the organs and is known for infiltrative growth that causes inflammation and necrosis (which likely causes the blackened color). This cancer can spread to the organs such as the spleen and lungs.

((picture via poultrydvm)) There is no cure or treatment, removing a mass like Salads is very difficult as severe blood loss due to hemorrhaging is a concern with these masses and since this cancer causes distant metastases just removing it will not get rid of the problem as it has likely already spread. Sometimes the kindest option is patience, you cant fix this and trying to would cause suffering. I am hoping posting this gives someone answers when they encounter something like this with their own birds. Salad is an old chicken, while it can be common for hearty heritage breeds to easily live 10+ years it is not the case for production hens. Salads age means that surgery would likely be very tough on her and Salad also does not enjoy confinement or a house chicken lifestyle which would make recovery even more stressful and difficult for her. Salads owner has chosen hospice and will let her continue to live on intill she shows signs of distress. As of right now Salad seems unaffected by her cancer and is still living a happy chicken life despite her terminal illness. Salad has only ever lived with my friend Curt and she has only experienced one bout of illness as a very young pullet. Salad has lived a happy almost 2,800 days in Curt's care and has laid almost 900 eggs! Our beloved feathered friends are not meant to live here forever and sometimes when they start failing and their time draws close the best thing to do is to love them and support them with what you can intill it is time. Here is what Curt has to say about Salad "Ultimately, since Salad is still doing well, I've decided not to pursue an aggressive path, which would include surgical removal. First of all, that's hard on a old lady like she is. And secondly she's still gives every appearance of feeling healthy. So as long as that continues, I will just monitor her situation.

To say this girl is important to me is an understatement. She has brought me lots of joy, and has been with me for over seven and a half years. Funny enough, she had never been indoors until this started. And she doesn't like being indoors, and I have to say I love that about her. I caged her inside for a few hours while she dried from the last bath, and she complained the whole time that she wanted to get back outside.

She has had a wonderful life, the kind of life that vanishingly few chickens have ever experienced. I don't spoil them, but they get extraordinarily good care. And I will continue to give her the best care I can, so that she can (hopefully) live a few more good years."

[syekick-powers]

Some OC Questions ask game: 1, 4, 5, 11, 12 (for an extra challenge - not a Clear Queer), 13, 16, 17, 18, 22, 24, 27, 29, 30, 32, 36, 46, and 49.

i can definitely tell you took to heart my comment about liking to receive a lot of questions in a single ask huh 😂

Your first OC ever?

my very first OC ever created was a naruto fancharacter named hanari. she was definitely what you would call a mary sue, but i enjoyed writing her a LOT at first; i made her story into like 16pt font and got really excited when i managed to reach 50 pages, but then out of curiosity i shrunk the text down to like 12pt times new roman and it was only 16 pages and it instantly ruined my desire to continue working on her story. so instead i created my character seyna (her name was different back then but that's what her name is now) and her universe and everything and that started a lifelong addiction to writing and creating characters/universes.

4. A character you rarely talk about?

some characters i have that i rarely talk about are probably the mutant ghost hunters from my old 2014 nanowrimo attempt. i created them when i was fairly young and the story still holds up pretty well considering i was a teenager when i started working on it. the only reason it's not something i've been working on lately is because of Figuring Out Logistics Issues (which has killed a lot of my WIPs lately..... 😭).

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

honestly i don't think i could limit it to just one OC, because if i elevated one single OC from a story but all the rest of them didn't get to be popular the entire rest of the cast will be like "well why the fuck does THIS asshole get to be the only one who gets popularity??" like my first thought with this question was salaphiel or selius but if only ONE of the two got to be popular and the other one didn't i'd literally never fucking hear the end of it. ever. i think if i had to pick one WIP to make popular it'd probably be my HOSTS story actually just because my vision for the final product of that is "horror game with supplemental lore novel released after the game" and if i could get the game made and released i would LOVE to see people get into the universe.

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

oh for sure. karini, and kass. ironically both of these characters fall under a common character archetype of mine, which is "girl with a ponytail who is very kind, sweet, and sunshiney, but could absolutely murder you with very little effort." karini is like super buff and an ace archer whose entire specialty is firing arrows with such force that they can pierce through a fucking tree, and kass went to martial arts classes since she was like seven years old and because she's trans she's gotten into a lot of actual fights so any time she's in a fight in the body of the HOSTS story she ALWAYS beats the living hell out of anyone who tries to corner/fight her even if she's outnumbered 3 to 1. both of them are deadly as hell but also just so kind, the sweetest girls you've ever met.

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot

since you said i couldn't name a clear queer im gonna say i love @websterweaver 's boys maphisto and arachna. absolutely QUALITY character dynamic between those two. cannot get enough of them. chefs kiss. i also love my qpp’s character jay pratt.

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

I Have A Few. 😂 the ones that make the most trouble for me are usually the terrible trio (gareth, aiden, and blair, with blair ESPECIALLY being a huge pain in the ass) and selius. sometimes other self-inserts can also be a huge pain in the ass. in hellbent heavensent isaac/isaiah is also a pain in the ass, but that's partially just me empathically feeling salaphiel's hatred of his tendency to ask incredibly insightful Armor Piercing Questions that cut through their stupid facade of lies.

16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)?

honestly i feel like kusiel wins this one from sheer power of Constant Thirst For Knowledge and access to an item that literally gives them limited omniscience so i'm sure that when they're not Scheming they're probably spending time scrolling through tons of scientific information in the fragment absorbing as much knowledge as possible.

17. Any OC OTPs?

oh yeah definitely. dustin/seth, aiden/kass, aiden/gareth, aiden/gareth/blair romantic trio, any incarnation of the hh protag with any incarnation of their love interest (too many incarnations to go through the whole list tbh), any incarnation of the hh protag platonically with their best friend/qpp. there are more but those are the main ones really.

18. Any OC crackships?

i think probably the most prominent OC crackship that i got really really into was seth/aiden enemies to lovers. i started writing a stupid fanfic like story about those two ending up in a weird semi-relationship which started with hatefucking in an alley and gradually turned into a full-blown romantic relationship and it was absolutely bizarre to me how well they worked together as a romantic pairing. originally i was 100% convinced that i'd never enjoy imagining the two of them together because they're such incredibly different polar opposites that i figured it would be impossible for them to get along. but when i wrote it, it was truly amazing how the differences in their personalities complimented each other so well.

22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how?

honestly i don't get enough people interacting with my OCs enough to really see people mischaracterizing them? i think about the only time someone said something "mischaracterizing" about one of my characters was when i showed the first draft of one of my WIPs to my dad and he complained to me about the protagonist narrating the story in long, rambling sentences and generalized that tendency as a feature of my writing in general when it was in fact a peculiarity of this character specifically.

24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?

honestly i feel like i’d like to actually spend time with selius. despite them being a horrible gremlin most of the time, they have moments of genuine kindness and compassion that i feel would make them very soothing to talk to in the right situations.

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?

i don’t think there were any OCs that were specifically inspired by a song? for me, songs generally tend to remind me more of specific scenes or things like that rather than being the inspiration for a whole character. i usually don’t start associating a character with a song until a character has been developed a certain amount.

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?

probably any of the mutant ghost hunters except for lucinda. she’s the only one who wouldn’t fuck with that shit unless she was getting a paycheck.

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection?

kass, most definitely. i feel like plushies are thing she would’ve bought a lot of when she was human and dealing with manic episodes. just a big fuckin pile of plushies on her bed that gets bigger every time she’s manic again because the mania spendy impulses be like that.

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?

honestly a good question?? like my brain goes to the HOSTS characters first because i imagine them BEING in a horror game, but the important distinction is that almost all of the named characters in that story are horror antagonists rather than protags, so i honestly do not know. maybe the mutant ghost hunters would be best as an answer to this question too considering they’re dealing with ghosts constantly.

36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)?

honestly i’m not sure i 100% understand this question but i guess the hh protag and their love interest are kinda like that because the hh protag is really close with their qpp and some of their other friends??? idk i dont get this q.

46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?

i’ve honestly told myself that i’m mean to my OCs, lol. like i said in an earlier question, i don’t usually get people interacting with my OCs a lot, so i don’t usually get people saying things like this to me unprompted. but i am aware that i am definitely mean to some of my OCs. just ask selius

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes?

oh this one’s easy. blair. 100%. blair is one of those people who copes with trauma via humor and memes, and i definitely imagine them just using memes in any situation where they’d possibly be applicable. aiden will often respond with similar memes or jokes, whereas gareth is just like “smh. It’s 2am, go to bed.” and blair’s just like “no :)”

[reginrokkr]

ONE. I go by Lyria and I'm a 25+ year old student. My first language isn't English so if you were to find any mistakes I can possibly make, feel free to drop by and tell me. This blog is a low activity RP blog of Jinhsi of Wuthering Waves, heavily headcanon based on canon factors and bound to change as the story progresses. Furthermore, the blog is not affiliated with the fandom, meaning that what the fandom where my muse belongs does doesn't represent me. Until further notice, this blog is on semi-hiatus indefinitely. Established in June 1Oth, 2O24.

TWO. I tend to write more multi-paras or novellas more than one-liners, or unique paras. This said, at times I might be posting one-liner calls to break the ice and reach out to more people to interact with! I'm aware that some people struggle by wanting to match the length of the reply, just know that there's no need to match the length of my replies! I admit that I tend to write a lot, but don't let that be an issue to you. If anything, as long as you write enough to have something to work with, that's enough.

THREE. For comfort reasons, this blog is highly selective and private. However, if I receive asks about the game or headcanons, this is not a requirement. Sometimes it takes me a lot until I follow back. If you see that it’s taking me a while or I’m not following back, I have nothing against you. Do not expect me to agree with everything that’s reblogged under any circumstances nor expect me to feel offended by something that makes you feel that way. If I see any behavior that translates into guilt tripping or any similar attitude for not thinking the same, it will earn an instant unfollow Reciprocity goes a long way. I’m a very patient person, and I understand that life obligations make it harder to dedicate time to what I believe is a hobby. That’s why I think that are more indicators of interest than those related to direct RP interactions between our muses, such as liking posts be it OOC, headcanons, etc. If I see that months pass without any of this happening, it is likely that I will unfollow as I’m not comfortable with the sensation of follow for follow. If I follow you, it’s because I interact with you.

FOUR. Godmod and infomod unless we’re talking about a pre-established thread is a no. Please, don’t do that. If I don’t reply to a meme or a thread, there’s a chance that Tumblr ate asks (which happened to me twice by now, hopefully it won’t happen again) or that I forgot in case of the threads. Coming to me and asking doesn’t hurt, but I’d be grateful if you don’t pester me for responses. If you send a meme ask and you want to make it into a thread, you're more than welcome to do so! In the event you'd like to plot something out before doing that, feel free to drop by my IMs or asks and we'll discuss something out.

FIVE. In terms of exclusivity, I used to practise one-sided exclusivity with me only adhering to the portrayal of the person I’m shipping our muses with and say that the other person can ship with someone else’s portrayals of the same muse as I write without a problem which I’ll still be implementing. However, it’d be wrong of me not to admit that it’d be nice that if we’re shipping our muses, that said exclusivity is reciprocated if possible. Regarding smut content, it'll be tagged with a plain #explicit tw tag. It won't be put under read more, but rest assured that R18 visual imagery won't be used, only writing.

SIX. Art credit.

SEVEN. Blog roll: @reginrokkr (side blog attached to this blog).