#i just think the man is a bellend and that 14-year-old me deserved to give him a right lamping

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

@teapunks did your mum ever threaten to put mustard on your fingernails to stop you biting them? because by my count 6 different adults directly threatened me with that or mentioned it in a "in my day, they would do this so youre lucky i havent done that to you".

the direct threats came from my dad, my paternal nan and my maternal great aunt while the guilt-trip-that-always-felt-like-a-threat-to-me came from my paternal aunt, the other classes' year 4 teacher and an english teacher who wasnt even my english teacher, for anyone curious.

you could reblog for a bigger sample size or not who do i look like the freakin queen of england

[d2kvirus]

Dickheads of the Month: September 2017

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of September 2017 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

First of all we have PewDipShit who used a racial slur to describe another player during a livestream of Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds when there are countless insults he could have used that don’t happen to be words used to discriminate against and demean black people, because the last time I checked calling somebody an asshole doesn’t violate any laws on hate speech.  Of course this isn’t the first time in recent months where PewDipShit acting like a 14 year-old edgelord who doesn’t consider the consequences of his actions, as a few months previously he thought the Holocaust was the source for LOLs, and not learning from that he spent months thinking it was clever to make jokes about being a Nazi that just made him look like he was throwing a childish tantrum in slow motion.  This also led to a tsunami of PewDipShit’s fanbase raining down upon comments sections across the internet proclaiming his innocence by...saying he’s a nice person, which is not proof of innocence or guilt.

Next we have the dung beetle in human form that is Martin Shkreli, who thought that offering to pay $5000 to the first person who brought him a lock of Hillary Clinton’s hair was a really intelligent thing to do, in doing so violating the bail conditions he was under having been charged with fraud and sent to jail as a result.  Sadly this led to far too many fans of conspiracy theories and false equivalencies mouthing off on social media about how he was silenced for threatening Hillary, as opposed to violating his bail conditions which tends to be a thing that gets people sent to jail.

Then there’s the front-runner to the Tory leadership gig when that becomes available much sooner than August 2019 no matter what the Dire Leader thinks, Jacob Rees-Mogg who said he was morally opposed to gay marriage and abortion under any circumstances, including victims of rape - which funnily enough didn’t lead to him being hounded for several days by the usual suspects in the British media, even though less than six months previously then-Lib Dem leader Tim Farron was both hounded and subjected to lurid headlines based solely on speculation as he didn’t confirm or deny his position on gay marriage - and a few weeks later he followed that up by saying that it is “uplifting” that a large number of people in this country have to use food banks, all of which he justified by hoisting his Catholic faith as a shield - which led to various charities saying his views are as unchristian as him forgetting that all life is sacred when he voted in favour of military action.

Keeping with the theme of Tory MPs, we also had James Cleverly justify all manner of wisecracks about his name when he made a direct comparison between people who believe that public sector workers deserve a 2% pay increase with mass murdering Communist dictatorships.  Because there’s a direct comparison between believing public sector workers deserve a 2% pay increase after seven years without one under the Tories and the Stalinist purges, isn’t there?

As a final entry for the Tories, BBC Political Editor Laura Kuenessberg posted a remarkably patronising tweet demanding to know why people were talking about Boris Johnson stating that leaving the EU £350m a week over a year after the EU Referendum where Johnson first used that lie, either because she was completely oblivious to the fact that Johnson repeated the lie in an article for The Spectator in mid-September (which he received a sternly-worded rebuke from the UK Statistics Authority) or she was merely trying to control the political narrative by saying that Boris Johnson lied to the British public but we should all move on as it was in the summer of 2016?

On the subject of Boris Johnson, he and Liam Fox hosting a launch event for a Hard Britait think tank not only directly contradicted government policy and oh-so-conveniently means the narrative ahead of the Tory conference will be about Boris rather than the party or their leader, but by hosting the event on state property was in direct violation of the Ministerial Code.

Back to Kuenessberg and how The New Statesman responded to The Canary breaking the story that the BBC’s Political Editor was being advertised as an invited speaker at an event during the Tory conference (a quite obvious conflict of interest) by accusing The Canary of running a “sexist hate campaign” against her instead of addressing anything in the actual article.

Another journalist to make a complete arse of themselves was VentureBeat journalist Dean Takahashi for the utterly painful 26-minute video where he failed to get to grips with the tutorial level of Cuphead due to his utter failure to actually bother to read the numerous tips the game’s tutorial was giving him, which led to people unearthing a review he gave to the original Mass Effect back in 2007 where he was critical of the game because he never figured out how to allocate skill points after levelling up - somehow missing the fact that, as he got reasonably far into the game in spite of failing to level up a single skill (which also says he never once used the character menu) the game was doing everything in its power to try and help him despite his obvious incompetence.

Following this we have far too many people who said that Jennifer Lawrence said that Donald Trump causes hurricanes, somehow all of them failing to see that they had typed a sentence that the National Enquirer would think was utterly moronic, while failing to take into account the obvious fact that she never did.  I guess them posting a variation on “Fox News told me to think that Jennifer Lawrence thinks that Donald Trump causes hurricanes” takes too much effort, sort of like fact-checking is too much effort for an increasing number of easily-led people.

Technically not a new piece of dickheadedness but a repeat of his dickheadedness from late August, but James Cameron decided to repeat his baffling claims that this year’s Wonder Woman is not breaking ground for depiction of women in Hollywood because Gal Gadot is a former Miss Israel.  Or something.  Of course making a handful of Avatar sequels nobody asked for is the most groundbreaking thing Hollywood has ever done...

The upcoming film about Boston bombing survivor Jeff Bauman, Stronger, was criticised by the Ruderman Family Foundation for casting Jake Gyllenhaal in the lead role instead of an amputee actor, having previously been critical of Me Before You casting Sam Claflin instead of a actor with paralysis and Blind for casting Alec Baldwin instead of a blind actor, none of which make them look like they’re pestering for attention and making complete asses of themselves.

After this we have Campo Santo, the devs behind Firewatch who decided to abuse Youtube’s DMCA system, but not to try and silence criticism like the Digital Homicides and Dentola Studios of the world, but because they decided that they wanted to abuse the system to teach PewDipShit a lesson - in doing so letting the obnoxious bellend off the hook as half of the coverage took aim at Camp Santo instead, which proves how stupid their decision was.

Sticking with game developers we have Bethesda Softworks after it took all of five minutes before people realised the Bethesda Creator’s Club was nothing more than paid mods, several of these mods being skins for Fallout 4 that had previously been available for free - and the free mods were quite often much better than those Bethesda were selling.

This is nothing compared to Warner Bros Interactive, though, who were already on shaky ground after shoving microtransactions into Middle Earth: Shadow of War, but they went so much further when it emerged that some that a piece of the game’s DLC which was promoted as raising money for cancer charities in tribute to one of the game’s dev team who died of cancer during the game’s production had some very small print, namely that not a penny of the DLC’s price would go to charity if it was bought in a select few US states - or any other country on earth.

Stepping way from gaming, there was also far too many pundits and columnists who claimed that it was “harsh” that Sadio Mane got a straight red card for his studs-up, head height challenge on Man City keeper Ederson that left Ederson's face looking remarkably like somebody came running at him at full speed and kicked him directly in the face with a set of football studs - a challenge which the Laws of the Game clearly state is a sending-off for at least two reasons, with no clauses hidden away saying those rules don’t apply to Liverpool players like they do to players from any other club.

Then we have the charming incident where Chelsea fans celebrated record signing Alvaro Morata scoring against Leicester by regaling him with an anti-semitic song aimed at Tottenham fans - which led to the Daily Mail’s Martin Samuel writing a column which was a blatant example of victim blaming as he repeated the idiot logic that it’s Spurs fans’ fault that fans of Chelsea and West Ham think anti-semitism is an acceptable basis for so many of their chants.  It’s probably worth noting that Samuel is a West Ham fan, isn’t it?

And, of course, there’s Donald Trump.  Where to start on that one?