#not really. unfortunately i like my friends and shit. i probably just forgot to blog
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btw if i ever disappear for days or weeks on end just know it's me living out my fantasy of disappearing and starting over
#untitled.txt#not really. unfortunately i like my friends and shit. i probably just forgot to blog#however i have considered making this blog more ~aesthetic~#i've actually considered remaking all of my blogs to be ~aesthetic~#because jesus fucking christ i am going through it#at least one of my blogs has to get a new paint job eventually bc my art blog can't be my author blog for DOTM for personal reasons#so then which of my alts gets promoted to full side blog?#'tis the question...#maybe i make a new one idk!!!#i don't want to change my url but i also want something more professional at the same time#urgh i could just reframe stagtoast or change the -toast part but the stag- and -toast parts are iconic together!! it's an icon to me!!#whateveri 'm fucking monologunig on side again . eughhg i will figure it out gamers#i always do#i mean sometimes i don't i just give up#BUT I ALWAYS DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#udnerstand
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season 3 summary: july 2024
this summary is mainly for my personal documentation (i like documenting stuff), but i thought i'd post this in the blog too just in case anyone else was interested!
STATISTICS
as you can perhaps tell by the "header", ace is first place for this month with seven appearances! ...though considering the situations he was involved in (most notably an undignified jumpscare, being put in air jail, and being put in a repurposed jail by the name of Arei's Haul), it may be more of a curse. arei, j, and whit all tie for second place with six appearances, which is a very normal occurrence at this point.
PERSONAL FAVORITES (in chronological order)
1) Teruko falls down the stairs (ft. her three* best** friends***) (CHAPTER 2 SPOILERS)
i really like eden and charles' sideeyes here. and drawing teruko falling down the stairs was always one of my main goals with this blog, so i'm glad i could accomplish that!
2) Class is NOT going well (CHAPTER 1 SPOILERS)
the people really liked this one too, it seems! i finished in time for their birthday, too... i'm bound by law to apologize because they happen to be a friend's favorite character. orz
3) Whit shows Xander how to wear a blazer
i've drawn this sprite twice now. he just looks endearing in what i like to call The Stupid Idiot Dog way. I promise I mean this with as much affection (and cuteness aggression) possible. maybe i'll draw more sprites in the future... especially the ones that barely get used
4) Do you see this shit, Min?
another meme redraw! not much thought here. i just want them to be friends, even if it starts from a shared exasperation with practically the rest of the class.
THE POWER OF HINDSIGHT
sometimes i think of adding punchlines in the situations, or fix errors after i've put them in the queue, but forget to actually. do that
veronika jumpscaring ace was supposed to have a dark background but i thought veronika jumpscaring him with a flashlight in broad daylight was way funnier. the end result would still be the same anyhow
as mentioned in both "class is NOT going well" and "min and mai eat taiyaki", the latter was supposed to be min's birthday post. but i saw the meme around a week before her birthday and i couldn't NOT draw it. and i actually finished it in time!!
levi's dialogue in this situation was supposed to allude to him putting ace in air jail, but i didn't know how to make j's dialogue MASSIVE while also leaving just enough words for the viewer to ponder about what exactly levi was doing beforehand
also about the above situation; j's second piece of dialogue was supposed to be lowercase. i try to modify everyone's dialogue according to how they'd probably type (from the top of my head arei, eden, and whit speak in lowercase and sprinkling in emoticons/kaomojis; ace and j also speak in lowercase but they often switch into Titlecase and UPPERCASE for emphasis). that time i forgot to proofread the capitalization though. i guess this is incredibly minor and doesn't even matter that much
arei was supposed to steal hu's butterfly pin off-screen and the situation would be hu recalling the incident to someone like. levi, eden, or david idk. and going "I am unfortunately disappointed but not surprised" with a serene expression. i thought the punchline of hu just giving her pin and arei considering it a defeat was funnier, so i ended up going with that
I really, really wanted to find proper motivational words that Arturo would say,,,,,, ach.....
OTHER REMARKS
i tried to mimic arei's canon handwriting for that header image! also that is indeed the jail cardboard box being repurposed as arei's inventory of stolen items. i guess ace lives there for now
i want to do vocaloid mv redraws... i think i've mentioned it here once before, but i'd like to try. although i probably can't do more "serious" songs
that one comment asking if arei brought ace in her suitcase (since she's wearing some stolen accessories) still makes me laugh because how does one even begin to approach that conclusion. you can freely interpret arei's bigger suitcase as a sign that a whole ass Ace Markey is stuck inside there, i suppose! thank you for the mental image!
unfortunately, my schedule this year is taxing enough that i literally can't draw fuit gumies everyday anymore (unless if it was just one single character standing). i'll still post something for everyone's birthdays, and i plan to draw something to start off september at least, but i'll wait until that post for a more concrete schedule
thank you for your support!
as promised, whether you've seen it or not; here is the miro canvas for the first three months/seasons! i've since moved into another one since it started lagging enough to annoy me.
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Talking about that thing I said I wouldn't cover on this blog.
By that I mean the weird fetish book. And no this isn't VORE, no this isn't INFLATION, this is FEEDERISM shit.
So uhh that's under the cut
-------------------------------------------
After taking a closer look at the cover, I found an image.
It's of 9 people around this circle dude so that's cool
It also says "9-day rotation". It'll make sense later. It also says "DIARY". That'll make sense soon too.
Upon opening the book, I saw this inside cover.
WHAT THE FUCK?
IS THIS LIKE A SATANIC SUMMONING BOOK? LIKE FEEDERISM MIGHT BE WEIRD BUT SHEESH.
Oh, wait- no. This used to be my school composition notebook, that's right. I forgot.
-------------------------------------------
Anyways, I read the first- and surprisingly, only- page of the story.
The page says "Day 1" right at the very top. This is most likely so young child me wouldn't get confused and have to count things.
"I didn't need anyone to protect me. I didn't think that. But somehow I weigh 1000 lb now. Overnight."
DAMN, ONE THOUSAND POUNDS?! IS THAT HUMANLY POSSIBLE?! And how do you get like that OVERNIGHT!?
Ah. Well, the dude died. Not from weighing over 1000 pounds, surprisingly.
"So They made sure this didn't happen again."
Make sure WHAT didn't happen again? You gonna gain another 1000 pounds?
"Every night, they sent a new person in the room to watch me. (what the fuck?) They are all nocturnal. They can't sleep while watching over me. I didn't like any of the team members, (because I'm emo and quirky /j) but I'm not sure if they even like me, so I guess I can't say anything about that."
Wow, so you managed to gain 1000lbs and you don't have friends? That's WILD, bro. Oh and this part kinda explains why I said "9-day rotation" would make sense soon.
"I didn't know who was coming in each day, but I knew it was 9 days, and I couldn't leave the room to check the schedule. I was immobile."
Yeah that checks out.
"All of these thoughts were stirring in my head, causing me to ignore the knocking at the door. They knew I couldn't open it. They were probably just doing this to mess with me. Eventually, they opened it. It turned out to be Tom. I especially hated Tom (average prick name). He never stops messing with me."
Fun Fact: This prick over here was most likely named after Tom Eddsworld, as I had no fucking idea who TommyInnit, or any other Tom, really was.
"Ken??! Tom exclaimed. What the hell happened?!"
Alright, protag's name is Ken. Cool.
"It's a long story. I replied. I was tempted to call him an arsehole, but it seemed uncalled for. (Nah man go for it he's a huge prick.)"
"So, uh, Tom started, How do you live like this?"
WOAH THERE MOTHERFUCKER THAT WAS JUST RUDE
"Tom was pretty insensitive at times, but he still managed to get a girlfriend (HE GOT BITCHES?!?! HOW!?!?!?) And unfortunately for me, his girlfriend was my crush, Levina."
Putting it out there, Levina sounds like a stripper name (sorry any Levinas out there reading this) (but sorry your name kinda sucks, Levina)
I reached the last sentence in the book. "Levina and Tom were the prettiest people I knew."
You want them to rail your fat ass, don't you?
-------------------------------------------
In conclusion, this was a wild ride.
Not necessarily proud of my younger self, but at least I was somewhat consistent with the story. And at least it was... original, to say the least.
Was written pretty well too. No visible spelling errors.
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HOLY SHIT I FUCKING FOUND IT.
THANK AZAR
I have spent approximately the past 60 hours trying to find Srentha's old blog. It had so many silly and fun RPs and a lot of character building stuff!
I THOUGHT I remembered remaking his blog (the one that's a sideblog to this account), renaming the old blog so I could give the New Blog the Same URL, but I couldn't remember Exactly how I'd changed the old blog's url.
I originally thought it was just a sideblog of my old personal account, but I logged in and looked at the sideblog list and nearly panicked when I couldn't find it there. (Apparently I in fact have 3 emlog blogs, though??? Should probably consolidate those someday.)
Then I remembered that, way back then, a full decade ago, I had originally made Dove and Srentha's blogs as their own accounts! So I tried to log in to his!
It took me approximately 24 hours of scrounging around in my memories to remember what I used as "his" email address and password.
(It had been 3 days of Desperately Trying to Find This Blog, so the story gets even longer and even more frustrating.)
Then, when I finally remembered I made HIS OWN EMAIL ADDRESS, and what I THOUGHT I remembered the password (I swear to Azar, I had made it the same format as Dove's password, just altering the number and the name), Tumblr wouldn't let me log in without a verification email.
Problem is, Yahoo also wouldn't let me log in to his email. Even though, 10 years later, I still remember what his ID and password were because they were so Pretty and Poetic and Distinctive that they stuck out in my memory. So I couldn't find the URL by simply logging in to the account.
(Also, I "coded" the Yahoo Security Verification Question Answers for his account. Which was a stupid thing to do because then I had to Play Detective because I forgot how I'd coded them. One of them was "Where did you meet your spouse?" And I was like, that's Dove! That's Azarath, duh! Except that wasn't it. I had invented Seranath by then; maybe that's what I used? But no. It took me approximately 3 hours and several attempts using various capitalization techniques in case it was cAsE sEnSiVe to remember I had simply called it, "home." But then it asked me "What was your first pet's name?" SRENTHA'S BIRD HAS HAD SO MANY NAMES OVER THE YEARS. Fuck if I know which one I used! I tried Janellera, Sheera, and Sieara in case I used Dove's, but then it locked me out. Bleh. I might have used Survivor, which is what his name was meant to mean. But Yahoo wouldn't let me try again.)
So just as I was about to make an act of desperation: attempt reaching out to friends who had RP'd with him to see if they still had access to any posts his old blog may have liked/reblogged and maybe The Notes Section would show me His Current URL, I remembered something crucial.
After this blog/account became my Permanent Residence, I went to check my old blog and couldn't find it. Which was Distressing, don't get me wrong. But I quickly found out Tumblr changes the URLs of blogs on old, inactive accounts (ones that aren't Fully Deleted, just unused for a period of time) by adding "-blog" at the end of the URL.
So, fairly quivering with desperation and hope, I tried that. His regular, default, years-long URL.... with "-blog" at the end.
And it came right up!
It loaded beautifully! It's all there! The old patchwork theme with silly fun pictures and all the RPs I remembered and then some, and headcanons lists I don't even remember filling out! Everything I hoped to find and more!
(If you're curious, it's at @highpriest-in-training-blog. There's a lot of Random Fun and RP Fun to go around there, but I can't log into his account At All, so it won't ever be updated, unfortunately.)
I'm so incredibly relieved, you have No Idea. It really shouldn't have been this frustrating to try logging into something WHEN I KNOW THE EMAIL AND PASSWORD! But it WAS.
But now I'm just so relieved I'm a bit emotionally exhausted. Whew,
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hi zaina, im taking you up on your prev post ab anons getting things off their chest. first off, i adore your blog and your writing (esp speak easy speak love), and thank you for doing this ^^
i got waitlisted by a college i really wanted to go to. dream school and whatnot, it had a 20% acceptance rate and i got waitlisted. this is after i had a really shitty application cycle and overall a bad year in 2022 and i was liek: YEAH 2023 is going to be my year. for a while, it was. i got called for a scholarship interview, selected to possibly go to a t5 uni but that fell through. this entire admissions cycle I’ve just gotten “almosts” but never “yes”. and i know it’s not all black and white, but a rejection is a rejection, yk??? it reallly crushes me because i know how hard i worked for this. i really wanted to go to these places and getting those almost rejections makes me feel so horrible. i genuinely want to give up and stop trying because then i know i won’t be disappointed again. and i know adult life has literally just stated for me but why should i put myself through that struggle to eventually end up disappointed anyways?
sorry for the rant. i think ill get over it soon.sorry if this is overwhelming. have a great day :)
hi anon, first of all ty for the compliments i almost forgot about that smau but yk what i might just post it now 😭😭
anyway to what you were saying. i completely understand what you mean, last year i was in the same position as you, i had gotten acceptances in the uk but i had gotten rejected from all my uni applications in the us, the biggest hit was columbia because that’s where my brother went and he had always told me he’d know i’d get in. and i got an interview and everything and then i open my portal and there’s just a that stupid letter saying “unfortunately”. and it really hurt. because i’d always wanted to go there. it’s in new york it’s in the middle of everything and it’s a fucking ivy league. but no.
and i completely get you on the 2022 being a shit year. in my case it was the year before 2021, i failed my y12 mocks and i had a predicted of 35/45 which isn’t bad but for the unis i wanted to apply to it was very low. i had to beg my uni counsellor to even let me apply to some of my choices. but i got into a great uni here in the uk and i worked my ass off to get top grades and several scholarships to get almost a full ride.
i feel like telling you to work hard just isn’t going to help so let me say this. hard work doesn’t always pay off, especially with unis and i know it’s sad and horrible but that’s just the case. but just know that work ethic is going to help you so so much, i was always a lazy person but after working so hard for the ib now uni is so much simpler because i’m able to work focused and dedicated and finish everything i need to do on time. and ik you’ve probably heard this before but waitlisted is not a rejection, it’s not an almost rejection either. and let’s not forget that getting into a uni with 20% acceptance rate is insanely difficult and just so yk i’m so so proud of you for all the work you’ve put into your application and i wish you luck in this endeavour.
last thing cuz this is getting so long, my friend did this a while back to get out of a waitlist, but write letters to your uni about how excited you are for this opportunity, ask for updates on your application and be super super annoying about this. ask them every other day and tell them just how grateful you are for the opportunity. worst case you stay on the waitlist. but best case you get a place, it’s worked before so. feed into their ego!!
i hope you know that you’re not alone and there are thousands of people who feel the way you do and you all deserve a place at your top school.
#dw about overwhelming me this was not in any way daunting#i hope this helped in a way (?)#ik how scary your last year can be it’s going to decide your future so it feels shit#i had a friend who applied for medicine in the uk n she did so many exams just to not hear back until the end of march#she applied in october btw so those 5 months were so stressful for her#anyway#i hope you are well anon <3#ily#(✉️) — anon
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"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 7*
Chapter 6
Chapter 8
I swear you guys I never know where these are gonna go, and then a plot just starts coming out itself. It's...starting to get dark, I won't lie to you. But not like-- super dark, no assault or anything. Just be wary reading this chapter, kay? Especially if you have any addiction issues.
Tag List
@madamsnape921
@lolliepopsicle
@chasingeverybreakingwave
@milkshqke
@wanniiieeee
@word-scribbless
@gibbs274
@sassyada
@aprildecker-blog
@bookishfanfic
@stars-in-the-skies-world
@stars-trash-18
@omgsuperstarg
@objection-argumentative
@thatesqcrush
@shittanyy
--------------
A few hours later Rafael’s alarm went off, causing you to groan and pull a pillow over your head.
“It’s Saturday,” You whined. “Why do you have an alarm set on a Saturday?!”
“Lo siento, amante,” He leaned over and turned it off, then pulled you closer into him as he nuzzled your neck. “I have to go in today,”
“On a Saturday?!” You repeated yourself.
“It’s what grown ups do, carino,” He chuckled, to which you promptly turned to face him.
“And what is that supposed to mean?” You frowned at him.
“Nothing, amor,” He assured you. “I was only joking,”
“...Were you, though?” You narrowed your eyes.
“You’re not a morning person, are you?” He was still chuckling with a sleepy grin.
“Not when I’m being insulted I’m not!” You now sat up, completely unamused by his flippant remarks.
“Y/N,” He sat up as well, putting a hand on your shoulder and stroking your hair with the other. “I really was joking. You know if we’re going to...spend time together, you should really get used to my snarky sense of humor,”
“Oh should I?” You crossed your arms.
“Yes,” He nodded, his smile never leaving his face.
“....And what exactly do you mean by ‘spending time together’?” You raised an eyebrow.
“...Well, I don’t know, do you really want to label...this, right this second?” He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, now finally reaching an annoyed point.
“...No,” You replied softly while you picked at a loose thread on the comforter.
“Okay, well--” He started to kiss you, but you put a hand over his mouth.
“Uh uh, Romeo,” You shook your head. “If we’re going to ‘spend time together’, you should know I don’t kiss before brushing,”
“Noted,” He chuckled once more as he kissed the top of your forehead. “If you need a label, I think we stick to ‘weird secret friends,’
“Well I don’t know if that applies anymore,” You sighed. “Considering we are no longer secret and I don’t think friends sleep with each other,”
“Well then we’re still weird, are we not?” He pointed out.
“Ha Ha,” You rolled your eyes. “So friend, what am I supposed to do while you’re at work?”
“....Talk to Sonny?” He asked as he got out of the bed.
“Oh, great idea!” You feigned excitement. “I’ll be sure to really twist the knife in his back this time,”
“You’re so dramatic,” He shook his head with a smile. “Just talk to him,”
“There’s no point Rafael,” You objected. “Unless I stop seeing you, he’ll never forgive me,”
“Well first of all, I seriously doubt that’s true,” He disagreed. “And second of all, he’s going to be hurt whether we continue...seeing each other, or not. The bottom line is he’s upset he’ll never be with me,”
“...Does everything just lead back to you, counselor?” You asked him while he began to get dressed.
“Basically,” He teased while pulling on his pants.
“Look, you can call me selfish or arrogant, or cold hearted all you want,” He told you. “But just because you stand there in your moral ivory tower doesn’t mean you don’t feel the same way. You just don’t want to act on them,” He disappeared into his bathroom to brush his teeth.
“I’m sorry, and why is that a bad thing?” You called from his bed, an insulted tone obvious in your voice.
“Because it’s your life, Y/N!” He exclaimed as he reemerged from the bathroom, giving you a serious look. “It’s not mine, it’s not Sonny’s. You don’t have any responsibility for anyone else’s happiness but your own,”
“Well hurting my cousin doesn’t make me happy!”
“And being with me doesn’t either?” He asked with his own hurt tone while he buttoned his dress shirt. Your long pause made him stop and look at you, your head was looking at the floor in shame. “Y/N?”
“....It makes me the happiest I’ve probably been in my entire life,” You admitted, making him grin like a Cheshire cat. He finished buttoning his shirt and then walked backed towards the bed, wrapping you in his arms.
“Back at you, killer,” He pressed his forehead against yours before kissing you long a deep, crawling onto the bed. You began kissing for maybe a minute, then suddenly it dawned on him he still needed to go to work.
“Well, this might be a problem,” He pulled back from you and walked back to his closet now speeding up his routine. He grabbed his tie and began tying it quickly.
“...What is?” You looked at him quizzically.
“You’re clearly a distraction, amante,” He gave you a mischievous grin.
“Well I’ve been called worse,” You shrugged.
“I’m sure you have,” He teased.
“Hey!” You tossed a pillow at him, he dodged it effortlessly.
“Alright killer, I promise I'll be right back,” He grabbed his suit jacket and started to walk out of the bedroom. You trailed behind him, still stark naked.
“You sure you wanna leave all….this?” You presented yourself with an evil smile.
“Oh you are...you are diabolical, woman,” He eyed you up and down, kicking himself for making this meeting today of all days.
“Mmmhmm…” You raised your long leg up until it was right next to your face, reminding him how flexible you were.
“No,” He bit his fist. “No no no, I must go,” He shook his head and bolted out the door. You stared at it, shocked by his immediate departure. How rude! You scoffed and turned to go back to the bedroom to get dressed, just as the door swung open and Rafael rushed in, grabbing your naked body in a heated kiss.
“Okay, now I seriously have to go,” He sighed while taking a mental picture of your perfectly toned body.
“Fine,” You pouted. “See if I’m here when you get back,”
“Oh you better be,” He warned with a cheeky smile, walking back out the door and leaving you alone once again.
You quickly realized you might not have a choice to avoid Sonny, seeing as all you had were your still damp clothes from the night before. You grabbed them and tossed them in Rafael’s dryer while you paced the apartment in the t-shirt and boxers from the night before.
What would you say? What could you say?
-------
Later that day
You pulled up in front of Sonny’s apartment building and exited your Uber, thanking the driver before she drove away. You sighed and walked up to the stoop, ringing his box. There was a long silence, before you heard a woman’s voice:
“Hello? Sonny’s apartment,”
Who the hell was that?
“Um, yeah hi,” You stammered, completely taken aback by the turn of events. “I-I’m here for Sonny? It’s Y/N, his cousin…”
“Aw shit,” You heard Sonny’s voice muffled, before the buzzing of the door to let you inside. You walked into the building and headed up the stairs towards his apartment. As you reached his floor, you saw a blonde woman bolting out of his door, zooming past you and down the stairs. You looked at her for a moment before turning to stare at Sonny who just stood in the doorway.
“....And who was that?” You asked him curiously.
“Nobody, just a friend,” He dismissed you.
“A friend?” You half laughed. “Must be quite the friend,”
“You’re one to talk, with your stupid sneaky friends BS,” He snarked.
“...Weird secret friends,” You clarified in a small voice.
“Really, Y/N?” He asked you, unamused.
“Okay I’m sorry, you’re right--”
“Did you need something?” He crossed his arms as he leaned on his doorway.
“I um...I wanted to talk…”
“Did you now?”
“....And I need my clothes,” You gestured to the ‘walk of shame’ outfit you were still wearing.
“Ohhhh I see I see,” He nodded with a sarcastic laugh. “You needed your stuff so you can continue the sleepover with the honorable ADA?”
“Sonny--”
“Whatever, Y/N. I don’t wanna hear it. Just-- hold on,” He waved his hands in front of you as he disappeared into his apartment, his door slamming in your face. Soon he reappeared with your bag in tow, shoving it in your hands.
“There ya go, enjoy your weekend,” He started to shut the door but you put your foot in it.
“Sonny I’m not leaving until you hear me out,”
“...Fine,” He sighed and opened the door wider, letting you enter. You walked past him and sat on his couch. He walked to the couch and grabbed two beers, handing one to you as he sat on his armchair next to you.
“I um--” You started to say something, but you really needed it right now. Unfortunately, Sonny quickly realized his mistake and took yours back.
"Sorry, I forgot Sunshine," He apologized and grabbed a soda bottle from the fridge this time, and handed it to you.
“So,” He twisted the cap off his beer and took several big gulps, dreading this conversation already. “Talk,”
“Oh,” You hadn’t expected that. You hadn’t even expected to get in the door, let alone having to make some kind of speech.
Sonny knew that look in your eyes, the same look you had when you had forgotten the words to your song in your middle school talent show.
“Seriously, Y/N?” He shook his head with another sarcastic laugh. “You didn’t have anything prepared to say?”
“Well!” You took another swig of your soda
“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” “You just show up here, chase off Amanda, and--”
“Amanda?” You quirked an eyebrow.
“Irrelevant, Sunshine,”
“Right…”
“And you don’t even have a defense ready for your boyfriend?” He finished his thought.
“He’s not my boyfriend!” You objected.
“Damn straight he’s not!” He agreed.
“....What is that supposed to mean?” You narrowed your eyes.
“Let me ask you something, Sunshine,” He put down his beer. “You slept together last night, right?”
“...Yeah,” You answered cautiously.
“And then this morning-- tell me, what did he do?”
“...Well he had to go into work," You pushed a strand of hair behind your ear nervously. You didn’t like where this was going.
"Uh huh" Sonny nodded with a smile.
“He DID” You insisted.
“Right, and did you guys even discuss what happens now?” He kept questioning you.
“Wha? We're not teenagers Sonny,” You rolled your eyes as you took bigger sips of your soda, wishing it was harder stuff. You didn’t like this at all.
“But you're not wondering? At All?”
“….We decided not to label it right now,” You answered softly, looking at the floor. You didn’t know why you were suddenly so nervous about that answer. Weren’t you the one who didn’t want to label it yet?
“Did you decide it or did he decide that?” Sonny read your mind, freaking you out even more.
“What are you doing?” You slammed the bottle on the table. You're upset I "stole" Rafael from you so now you're trying to get in my head?”
“No!” He protested. “But I know how he is, sunshine. I didn't want you involved with him solely because I...have a thing for him, he said the last uncomfortably. It's because I know how...frivolous he can be with relationships,”
“Oh my god,” You rolled your eyes with a laugh. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”
“I’m not fucking with you, sunshine!” He slammed his empty beer on the table angrily. “I’m serious,”
“Oh I’m sure you’re serious,” You nodded, still keeping your sarcastic tone.
“Look Sunshine,” He put a hand on your knee while lowering his voice to a softer, caring tone. “You can make excuses all you want. But I think you know me better than that. I wouldn’t tell you anything I didn’t explicitly believe,”
“...Yeah, I know,” You nodded in agreement, knowing he was right. He always looked out for your best interest, ever since you were a kid.
“So...will you at least think about what I’m saying?”
“What are you saying, Sonny?”
“I’m saying be careful, Sunshine,” He looked at you earnestly. “He can get bored very easy, and very fast,”
You thought to yourself that he couldn’t get tired of the ‘best sex of his life’ that quickly, but you’d never say that out loud to Sonny. Not unless you wanted him to have an aneurysm right in front of you. But then again, would you want him to want you around just for the sex, right?
“...I gotta go Son,” You glanced at your phone. “I promised him I’d be waiting for him when he gets home,”
“Seriously?” Sonny shook his head with yet another sarcastic laugh. “Damn Sunshine, you let him start working you fast,”
“Shut up,” You muttered uneasily as you got up from the couch and started to head out.
“Sunshine, one more thing,” He followed you to the door, you paused in the doorway to listen.
“Yes, Sonny?”
“...You know you always have a place here,” He gave you a big hug, you had missed this. You hugged him back tightly before pulling back and giving him a sincere smile.
“I know, Son,” You kissed him on the cheek and then began walking down the hall as he shut the door behind you.
He was just being his overprotective self….right?
---------
It was around eight that Rafael finally came back to the apartment. He found you stewing on the couch, half of his good vodka was gone.
“Uh….honey, I’m home?” He asked warily.
“Oh, are you?” You rolled your eyes, not bothering to get up,
“...What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?” You scoffed. “What happened to “I’ll be right back?”
“...Stuff came up,” He mumbled.
“Seriously?” You half laughed. “Sonny was right,”
“Excuse me?” He took off his jacket and hung it up.
“I went to go get my stuff from Sonny’s,” You gestured to your own clothes you now had on. “And he told me to be careful with you,”
“Careful with me?” He laughed. “Like I’m breakable?”
“No!” You stood up. “Like you break other people,”
“Oh come on Y/N,” He rolled his eyes as he met you halfway in the living room. “Doesn’t that just sound like something he’d say to deter you from me?”
“He wasn’t saying it like that, Rafael,” You shook your head and crossed your arms. “He’s looking out for me, like he always has,”
“And what else did he say?” He eyed you suspiciously.
“He said…” You looked up at the ceiling. It was starting to swirl a bit, you rocked back and forth. Rafael noticed and quickly put both hands on your shoulders, knocking you from your daze.
“Y/N!” He cried as he led you back to the couch and sat you down. “Jesus, is this what you do when you’re upset?”
“...No,” You lied. You were in no shape and nowhere near close enough to him to start revealing dark secrets about yourself. You really should have thought that through. You had to recover from this, you didn’t want him to know.
“Are you sure about that?” He raised a questionable eyebrow, not believing you for a second.
“...This isn’t about me, this is about how you get bored of women-- and men, I assume,”
“What?” He blinked in confusion. “Is that what Carisi said?”
“Maybe,” You grabbed the glass of vodka and started to sip it, but Barba snatched it out of your hand.
“I think you’ve had enough of that,” He told you, his concern growing more by the second the more he looked at you.
“Great,” You muttered, focusing on the TV.
“Hey, Hey!” Rafael snapped at you. “We’re not done talking,”
“Alright, fine,” You turned off the TV. “You wanna talk? Tell me about the t-shirt,”
“...I’m not having this conversation with you when you’re like this,” He shook his head and stood up to go to his bedroom.
“You’re the one who said you wanted to talk, Rafael!” You threw your hands up. “So let’s talk about it-- or even better, let’s talk about the drawer full of girl’s clothes you have,”
“You went through my drawers?!” He snapped. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”
“Are they mementos? Gifts? Trophies?” You stood up, wobbling towards him.
“Trophies?” He scoffed while putting his hands over his face in frustration. “God dammit Y/N...I…”
“You what?” You crossed your arms, steadying yourself.
“I can't deal with...this,” He gestured to you.
“With what?” You suddenly felt a wave of dread. You’d seen that look before. Many, many times. From many, many people.
“With THIS, with YOU,” He walked up to you and walked you back to the couch.
“You’re clearly more fucked up than I thought, and I-- I can’t be your emotional support fuck buddy,” He went on as he grabbed a pillow and blanket from a closet.
“Wow...wow,” You felt tears choking your throat. “So that’s what I am, a fuck buddy?”
“I don’t--- I don’t know,” He rubbed his face, sitting down on the couch next to you.
“Really? Because twelve hours ago you were sitting here and telling me that- that I meant something to you,” You started to cry.
“You do!” He put a hand to your face. “You...you do, I just…” He looked at your sorry state. “I don’t know what to do with you,” Rafael was kicking himself for getting you both in this mess; he wasn’t equipped to deal with someone so unstable. Maybe it was a one time thing, a fluke.
“Look just-- just sleep it off and we’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay?”
“I don’t…” You whimpered. “I don’t want to,”
“Well, we have to talk about it--”
“No,” You stopped him. “I don’t want to sleep it off in here, alone,” You gestured to the couch, the bed he clearly had made for you to sleep in.
“I…” He sighed, finally conceding and picking you up to carry you to his bed.
“Alright baby, alright,” He placed you on his bed and laid down next to you until you fell asleep, then he got up and went into the living room, kicking a pillow across the floor in rage and upset, falling against the wall with his head in between his knees.
What the fuck did he get himself into?
#rafael barba#rafael barba x you#rafael barba x reader#rafael barba angst#rafael barba imagine#rafael barba fanfiction#law and order svu#law and order svu fanfiction#sonny carisi#weird secret friends#angst#tw alcoholism
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Jealousy
Paring: Oikawa x Female!reader
Summary: Y/n getting jealous of a fan of Oikawa's
Tw: Jealousy. Cursing. Slight crack fic. There’s not really any angsy and it ends fluffy. Please let et me know if I need to add any because there isn’t many warnings from my perspective.
Repost from my old blog. I don't own the characters. There takes place post time skip. So in Argentina. Characters are adults sometime when Oikawa is a professional athlete.
Also constructive criticism is fine. Especially in my inbox on anon. Just don’t make me cry. I really only write for fun and don’t necessarily care for notes but I would like to improve.
Do not re-post my stuff. Also don’t rec my stuff on any other sites (tiktok) (not that my writing is good enough for that but still needs to be said nowadays. Dont rec people’s stuff without their permission. Especially on tiktok.)
Clicking read more means you consent to reading what is below.
Ao3 link
It was common knowledge that Tooru Oikawa had a lot of fans and after becoming a professional athlete those numbers just increased. Oikawa was, unfortunately, also a bit of a flirt and maybe too friendly at best but that never really bothered you.
You weren’t a fan of jealousy and neither was Oikawa. He trusted you when you went out with friends, trusted you when you hung out at your guy friend’s apartments, and trusted you whenever he was out of town.
The same worked for you as well. Regardless of who he was with or where he was going, you trusted him. The two of you had good communication and rarely had any problems with jealousy or any disagreements.
However, today was clearly the exception. After a long and stressful week at work, you just wanted to enjoy this nice coffee shop date with your boyfriend. However, said boyfriend was too busy chatting it up with the barista instead of ordering the coffee and sweets the two of you wanted.
Well in the barista's defense, she was very pretty and she had the perfect hair, perfect nose, perfect face. You internally hissed watching her eyes light up as Oikawa continued to talk excitedly about god knows what to her.
You could feel the swell of pain rising up in your chest. The annoyance grew worse and worse with each smile he gave the pretty cashier. You couldn’t tell if you were more angry, sad, or annoyed that this was bothering you to begin with.
After what felt like a lifetime Oikawa finally appeared to be leaving the counter. Beginning to turn his body and walk back towards your small two person table.
“Wait!” the girl yelled out, “You forgot your wallet.”
Oh my god I’m going to set this place on fire.
You could feel your eyes roll into the back of your head as the girl practically flung herself over the counter to give Oikawa back his wallet. Okay, maybe, that’s not exactly an accurate depiction but it sure felt like it with the way your supposed boyfriend trotted back to the counter.
Really, Oikawa, you forgot your wallet. Un-fucking-believable. Are you trying to have coffee with her or me.
Okay, maybe you were being a tad dramatic, but honestly, Who forgets their wallet!
You could see Oikawa smile cheekily back at the girl, reaching for his wallet and probably making a few teasing remarks.
After a quick internal debate you decided that you were NOT going to bring up the current turmoil you felt. You were going to continue being the carefree, happy girlfriend, that was too good to be affected by such trivial matters.
Trying to psych yourself out and feel absolutely nothing but happiness to be on this date, you didn’t notice Oikawa finally walking back up to the table.
“Hey babe, miss me?” he asked as he sat down on the ornate chair leaning in towards you over the small circular table.
“No, Tooru, not at all.” you retorted back in a regrettable sarcastic tone.
Shit, so much for acting unaffected. He’s so going to notice. Fuck okay… it’s fine. Just act normal.
In the midst of your panic you tried to remedy the situation with a light smile; however, it definitely came out as more of a grimace.
“Y/n, what’s wrong?” he asked with a concerned look on his face.
“Nothing, nothing just tired is all.” you said with a wave of your hand, but of course nothing escaped the ever observant Tooru Oikawa. You could already feel his critical gaze sharpen and bore into you.
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes you are.
“Ugh! Fine. I’m lying.” you reluctantly admitted. You looked away and began wringing the napkin you had in front of you. You felt him place his hand on yours, rubbing his thumb along your pulse point.
“Y/n, please tell me. I want to help. I don’t want you to be upset.” he urged.
“It’s just… I’m jealous. You should just go have coffee with that pretty girl instead.” you mumbled out, looking away.
“What?” he asked.
“Ugh Tooru don’t make me say it again. I know you heard me.” you whined as you pulled your hands away from his, crossing your arms. He began to chuckle.
“Stop laughing” you exclaimed, “This isn’t funny!
“I know. It isn’t” he responded as he shifted his chair closer to you, moving round the table. He reached his arm around you giving you a quick peck on the lips.
“You’re so cute, you know that” he whispered, giving you another peck on the cheek. You felt yourself relax as he nuzzled himself into your neck. The anger drifting away as the goosebumps rose along the spots where he lightly kissed you on the neck.
“I’m sorry for making you jealous, baby. You know I love you, right? Only you, and your pretty face.” he said as he pulled away slightly, placing his hand on your thigh, drawing small circles with the tip of his finger.
“I know, I’m sorry for getting jealou…” you started off before being interrupted by the barista coming over to drop off the drinks and sweets.
“Here’s your stuff! I threw in an extra chocolate cake! Your boyfriend was telling me about how this was the first date you guys had in awhile and he was real nice so here’s another sweet little dessert on the house!” the bubbly barista said placing the last few items on the table.
“Oh wow Thanks! You really didn’t have to do that but we appreciate it!” Oikawa responded, giving the girl another one of his classic smiles. She bounced off back to the counter waving bye, smiling back.
“God, I’m an idiot.” you groaned slouching into your boyfriend's chest.
“Yeah, but you’re my idiot!” Oikawa grinned happily. Giving you another peck on your forehead.
“Shut up. Oh and I love you too, asshole.” you answered nudging him with your elbow.
“How rude, y/n-chan! Here let me feed you some of this delicious cake since you’re being all grumpy.” He scooped up some of the cake onto the fork placing it in front of your mouth.
You leaned forward, accepting the piece smiling back at him.
Despite the drama, you knew Oikawa would always be there to pick you back up. And that regardless of whatever cheeky shit he got up to, things would always end well.
END
© prettyy-kawa : do not repost or alter in anyway without explicit permission.
#oikawa x reader#oikawa x y/n#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x y/n#frecks.writes#DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU"RE A MINOR
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Hi Mil!!
I thought those Meet Cute asks were so much fun!! I am glad you did too!! If you have time I would like to request #35 for Ethan and Olivia.
Thank you!!
-Kate
Please drive!
Pairing : Ethan Ramsey x f!mc (Olivia Valentine) ¦¦ Words/Rating : 1.4k / T ¦¦ Warnings : mention of aggressive dogs ¦¦ Setting : Alternate Universe ¦¦
Prompt : They jump into your car breathless and tell you to keep driving
A/N : Hello!! I'm sorry this took so long but it's here now and I really hope you like this Kate! I certainly had lots of fun with this. Request from the meet cute prompt list (requests still open). Happy reading!
Disclaimer : all characters belong to the rightful owners. Also the Thomas Mendez headcanon here is by @jamespotterthefirst
Masterlist
-/-
It was a warm, sunny afternoon, the sun high upon the sky, the air unusually filled with humidity. A dreadful combination, for sure. The street was mostly empty, the sight of another soul, rare during this time that the heat was at its fullest. Most people would be sensible enough to not go out at 103°F, but as much as he needed to be one of those people, Ethan was on borrowed time that day.
Being an intern at a hospital was probably the hardest - and let's be honest, shittiest- situation you could be in, right? The answer is a big fat no. At least that's what Ethan Ramsey, a doctor who at just his second year as an attending was at the top of his game and highly successful, would say. Why? Because someone has to deal with the interns and that brave soul has to deal with a lot. He speaks from experience.
Hence why this was the only moment he could slip in his schedule to take a break and get some decent coffee. His best friend Tobias, had suggested he go to the new place in the suburbs to get his caffeine fix. Of course, Ethan didn't believe him at first. A coffee shop in the suburbs? Sounds like one of Tobias' usual pranks. Still, his curiosity won and he drove all the way to the suburbs in search of the infamous coffee shop.
He would die before he admitted that Tobias was right, but that was some pretty good coffee. Content and somewhat more ready to go back, he began walking to his car. He could hear some barking in the distance, but that was to be expected. All those rich people around here sure would keep a dog or two. "Well maybe I should adopt the pup Thomas stole. I could use the company of someone not constantly talking" , he thought to himself as he unlocked the car.
Ethan quickly got in and immediately turned on the air conditioning. He sinked into his leather seat and closed his eyes for a minute, finding some relief from the unbearable heat. Suddenly he heard the door of the car open and close along with some very loud barking and he instinctively jumped in his seat, turning to look at the person who jumped in his car.
He didn't even get to utter a word before the woman turned to look at him with pleading eyes.
"Oh my God I'm so sorry for barging in but please please drive ! I'll explain everything I promise!"
Not even thinking about it, he started driving, while keeping an eye on the woman next to him, who was breathing heavily and looking out of the mirrors. It was then that he saw six big dogs running after his car and all that barking he had heard started making sense.
The dogs stopped following them after a few more minutes, their endurance making them seem understandably terrifying. Only then did she relax and take a deep breath.
"Thank you so much for this. I'm so sorry for jumping into your car.", she thanked him with a small smile.
"Uh… it's no problem. Glad I could help."
"I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Olivia Valentine, nice to meet you.", Olivia extended her hand towards him in a handshake.
Turning his eyes on her he briefly shook her hand. "Ethan Ramsey, it's…certainly interesting to meet you"
She laughed slightly at that, shaking her head and looking out of the window.
Ethan couldn't help but really notice how attractive she was. Her hair was gold blonde and tied back into a high ponytail, shaped in loose curls. Her eyes were big and green and her skin was spotless. Olivia wasn't wearing much makeup but what really stood out was her plump, bright red lips, perfectly contrasting with her fair skin. She was dressed in a simple, professional, dark blue , form-fitting dress with black high heels that accentuated her long legs. She was wearing a silver, elegant wrist watch and in her lap rested a black briefcase.
"Would it be okay if I asked what just happened to you, Miss Valentine?", the urge to solve mysteries whether it was regarding medicine or this beautiful woman, propelled him towards asking her this question. Besides she just came out of nowhere, I have a right I ask her. Right?
"Please call me Olivia."
"Only if you call me Ethan"
She grinned and nodded. "Deal"
"So, Ethan , I am a real estate agent. I had an appointment with a client to show him a villa that was for sale but I had been waiting outside the house for thirty minutes and he hadn't shown up. And of course, he didn't even call to let me know that he wouldn't come, instead of letting me roast in the sun. Anyways, I decided to leave and I walked a couple of blocks down the street in hopes of getting a cab. You can guess how well that went in this time and area, so I called a colleague to come pick me up. I was waiting for her to come, when two of these huge ass dogs escaped their homes, thinking I was an intruder just because I passed by and began coming closer, teeth bared and all. Since I am so lucky today, somehow more dogs gathered so I panicked and ran. They started chasing me… and then Olivia met Ethan", she finished her story with a dry chuckle.
Ethan was left speechless. His surprise must have been written all across his face because next thing he knew she was bursting into laughter.
"I'm-I'm sorry… it's just--that you should see your face", she said in between laughing.
"I mean. Wow. And all because of that jerk of a client."
"Definitely a jerk and not only because of that. He's a plastic surgeon and he's all about how successful he is or some shit. "I'm Dr. Thorne and I'm one of the leading plastic surgeons in Massachusetts." As if I give a damn. ", she rolled her eyes hard.
"Dr. Thorne you said? Ugh he's one of the worst of his kind"
"You know him?!"
"Yeah unfortunately. He works in Edenbrook, as do I. I'm a doctor."
"Ohh interesting! Let me guess. Internal medicine?"
"Actually… yes. How did you guess?", he turned to give her a surprised look.
"You previously said of his kind. I know enough about doctors that one working in internal medicine isn't particularly…fond of surgeons. Am I right?", she asked giddily.
Ethan chucked at that. "Yes, you are. Mostly at least"
"Nailed it."
Valentine. Where had he heard that name though…?
"You work in the big firm downtown don't you?" , he stated rather than asked after a moment of silence.
"I was wondering when you would figure it out Dr. Ramsey.", Olivia teased him, smirking.
"I am a diagnostician Ms. Valentine. I notice things. And your firm is difficult to miss"
"Technically not mine. My father owns the business."
"So it's safe to assume, your mother is the doctor?"
"Bravo, Doctor. Yes indeed. She works at Mass Kenmore."
"I see… So. Want me to give you a lift? We're already in the car and your work is on my way.", he raised an eyebrow expectantly.
"Sure! Thanks Ethan", she replied, grinning widely.
They spent the rest of the way comfortably talking to each other, both genuinely enjoying each other's company. For someone who was so talkative and gregarious, Ethan found himself interested in anything Olivia had to say. She was smart and confident, but in the most charming way possible. At last they reached the firm and Ethan pulled over.
Both turned to look at each other and started talking simultaneously
"Olivia--"
"I --"
"Ladies first.", he motioned for her to say what she wanted.
"Right. Thank you once again Ethan, both for the save and the ride. It was really nice to meet you.", her hand reached and squeezed his arm.
"You're very welcome, Olivia. I uh… wanted to ask…only if you want to of course… can I have your number?". He was quite visibly stuttering, but he tried to hide it behind a cough.
Olivia looked him in the eyes, clearly seeing through him and smiled. "Yeah, absolutely. Can I have yours too?"
He smiled back at her. "Yes of course"
They exchanged cards and after saying goodbye, Olivia got out of the car and walked back into the office. Just as she sat down at her desk she received a text message.
Ethan : Meet me this Saturday at 8, in "Gaston's Bistro"?
Olivia : I'll be there :)
Ethan : Perfect :D
She put her phone away and got down to work, smiling all the way, already excited for her date this weekend.
-/-
A/N : Of you made it till here, then thank you for reading! Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated :)
Taglist :
Perma (all OH edits and fics) : @romewritingshop @codykosuckmytoe @sophxwithers @actuallybored @potionsprefect @ethansramsey @crystalwillow @gryffindordaughterofathena @kiara-36 @mrsethanfreakingramsey @writer-ish @panda9584 @genevievemd @jamespotterthefirst @queencarb @shanzay44 @nikki-2406 @starryeyedrookie @coffeeheartaddict @schnitzelbutterfingers @mysticaurathings @starrystarrytrouble @lsvdw-blog @izzyourresidentlawyer @silma-words @stygianflood @headoverheelsforramsey @maurine07 @natureblooms24 @a-crepusculo @barbean @choicesaddict5
Fics only : @alina-yol-ramsey
+ @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics
Please let me know if you want to be moved to another category or totally removed. No hard feelings promise.
#open heart#ethan ramsey#choices open heart#ethan ramsey x mc#choices stories you play#choices#open heart mc#open heart fanfiction#open heart au#ethan jonah ramsey x mc#dr ethan ramsey#ethan x mc#ethan jonah ramsey#ethan ramsey fanfiction#dr ethan x mc#ethan x f!mc fanfic#ethan x olivia#oph au#oph#fics of the week#Mil writes#cfwc
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Late
Hotch x reader
Fem!reader
Summary: you go out to brunch with the girls but your late, (as always) and they have a peak at your sex life before you leave.
Note: italics are readers thoughts
Warning: talk of sex, swearing
Words: 1.8k
Category: fluff
A/N: ok this took me way too long to write but that's ok because I like the way it turned out and I hope you do too. Also this totally isn’t based off of the dumb bitch I am and how I act when I’m late. 😂😂
also again with me not being able to come up with a name worth a shit
Interact with me if you like, anything you want,😘😘, not sure what I’ll write next we’ll see. Also not me getting this out instead of doing hw, not me, wrong bitch.
Other blog: @mac99martin
Masterlist
---
Shitshitshitshit I’m so fucking late UGH SHIT! You are so late. You’re running around your bedroom trying to get ready. You were going for brunch with the girls; Penelope’s idea, which was fine except that you were getting picked up at 11, you woke up at 10:40. For the last 10 minutes, you have been rushing around your room trying to get ready, preying that the girls would be running late as well. You’re dressed, which is good, you threw on a bit of makeup in an effort to look the least bit presentable and now you were desperately trying to manage the mess that is your hair. You had… fun last night. Aaron had come over and well like you said you had fun. Jack was at a sleepover so Aaron came to your apartment, you stayed up half the night, relishing in the time you’ve missed together in the past week. It came to an end when Aaron received a call saying that he needed to pick up Jack. At that point you decided you should get some sleep seeing as you had to get up in the morning, unfortunately for you, your own personal alarm clock left last night and you forgot to set an alarm, yep, you’re late. You’ve been checking the clock every two minutes, you were probably wasting time checking the time and now you're wasting time thinking about how you're wasting time, UGHH, but you were frazzled and freaking out so you can’t be relied upon for anything right now.
10:53
All you have to do in the next 7 minutes is clean up the rat’s nest that is left of your hair after last night’s activities, find shoes, find your wallet, purse, find wherever the hell you put your phone down and pray that you look presentable.
Unfortunately, there’s one flaw that always manages to escape you, most people don’t show up at the exact minute agreed upon.
It was now 10:56 your hair was mostly put together, 4 minutes ok I can do that. As if you weren’t already having the worst morning, it gets worse. Ya, that phone you can’t find, It has been blowing up with messages for the last few minutes.
-
“She’s not answering.” JJ had had none been calling you from the parking lot for a couple of minutes with no answer. Em and Pen had been checking in for the last 15 with no answer and continued to send unseen texts to you.
Em finally snapped, “alright, I’m going up.” not giving the other ladies time to respond she opened that car door and got out.
Pen rushed out after her, “Wait I wanna come!”
JJ watched the two women walk toward the entrance to your complex, looking at the empty car around her, got up as well, “ok I’m coming too.”
-
Emily, completely giving up on you, took out her keys and opened your door, JJ, ever the reasonable one, had protested, saying that they should knock. She got a nasty glare as Em pushed your door open.
-
As you said before, Aaron left in a rush last night, and you had been running around your room all morning, actually, you haven’t left your room all morning, making you completely unaware of the state of your apartment.
-
The women stood in your doorway in shock. You and Aaron didn’t just have fun in the bedroom last night, you had fun everywhere, the kitchen, the floor, the table, your desk, the couch, you name it you were there. In conclusion? Your apartment was a mess, for starters there were clothes everywhere, your shirt, Aaron’s jacket, your bra, Aaron’s tie, your pants and last but definitely not least your-ripped-panties right in the open directly in the eye line of the women at the door. And you were completely unaware.
The stunned women stepped in closing the door behind them, the world did not need to see this. They took in the sight, the clothing, the underwear that pen had pointed out, making sure to specify their ripped state. The next thing they noticed was your desk, what was usually a very precise desk was, quite the spectacle. Papers and folders scattered, pencil cups on their sides, pens just everywhere, photos knocked over. The tables and couch were pushed out slightly into the middle of the room, it was very clear what had happened here last night. The ladies looked at each other, their faces blank unsure how to react. A part of them was horrified, the other part really wanted to laugh. That was until they heard a noise coming from behind your door. They all became alarmed, “wait you don’t think Hotch is still in there do you?!” with your normal, horrible timing, that’s when you decided to open your door
Everyone looked stunned. You tried to start asking how they got into your apartment but you were by a frantic Emily, “Is hotch still here?”
“What? No, how did u…” the women looked relieved at your answer, when you started to ask how they knew he was here last night they gestured around the room. And that’s when you remembered the state in which you and Aaron left your apartment last night, “ohhh shit”
Emily started “Ya oh shit, look at this place”
“You guys had fun last night” JJ, always so passive-aggressive. When Pen went to pick up your panties, you sprang into action.
“Alright I’ll be out in a minute you guy can wait in the car” you practically slammed the door behind them, you look back at the mess that in your apartment, “shit”
-
You get your shit and get out of your apartment as fast as you can, JJ, Pen and Em are in the car waiting as ordered to but when you get in they are all smiling, “soooo, if you guys could just forget what you saw in there…”
“Absolutely not! That image will be engraved in my mind for the rest of my life!”
“JJ, come on”
“Don’t give me that did you see that place, good god Y/N what did you do in there!”
“Ummm…”
Before you could even think of an answer Pen jumped in with, “did you see all her clothes on the ground?”
“Did you see Hotch’s clothes still on the ground?”
“Did you see her desk?!”
“Alright, that’s enough” doing your best to put your foot down while also hiding how absolutely mortified you are.
“I think you’ve had enough.”
“No wonder she was late.”
-
Despite your protests, it went on and on,
“Do you think she has hickey?”
“Hmm, not that I can see” at this point they weren’t listening to you anyway, so you just sat there, trying very hard not to listen, at some point you had started to think about last night. It was so perfect, not only the incredible sex but just being with him, allowing your selves to let loose, show each other affection, which you don’t do around the team. And then there was the literal mind-blowing sex, his hand all over you, his mouth across your body leaving the hickeys that you actually had but skillfully covered. The many orgasms you had that your legs hurt now, your slightly sore throat…
“Do you think that HE has hickeys?”
“Should we find out?”
That was it “NO”
“Well that woke her up, you were kind of out of it there for a second.”
“Ya something up,? Maybe something on your mind, thinking about something, dreaming about it, imagining it, reliving it?” Emily was nudging your shoulder and your face was turning bright red, “oh my god she was!”
-
Once you had actually started eating they let the conversation move on. It was one of the best times you’ve had in a while, you laughed and joked, you really don’t remember the last time you all smiled so much. It was nice to be with them so relaxed and happy, you almost forgot what it was like.
When your phone rang you knew their fun from earlier wasn’t over, they all turn to you, smirks growing on their faces, “hey”
“hey Y/N, I’m sorry about last night,”
“Don’t worry about it, really”
“Jack doing fine now but- it was messy” he said with a tired chuckle
“No no, I get it.”
“Hey hotch” Emily had pulled you phone slightly away from your ear and spoke into it “quite a number you did on her apartment last night” you snatched your arm back from her and shot her a glare
“You're still at lunch…”
“Yes. I am.” with a laugh that was more of a sigh,
“Sorry I totally forgot, Jack just wanted to talk to you, but he can wait-”
“No no, I want to talk to him,” you blushed and everyone smiled, you said you were stepping outside and would be back, they didn’t catch much of your conversation as you walked away, but what they did catch, was way too fucking sweet.
“Wow, they are just-”
“She looks so happy” watching you talk through the window
“Her? Have you seen him?” they thought about the changes in the two of you recently, you both were smiling so much more, you seemed so energetic, he seemed softer. Both so much more selves, a weight coming off both your shoulders, you brought the light out in each other and just being in the same room as you lift the spirits of the team. Watching their fierce leader's stoic exterior melt away and your calm and loving nature amplified out of proportion.
-
You came back to the table still smiling while they all looked at you, “don’t start-”
JJ cut you off, grabbed your hand and looked in your eyes, “hey,” squeezing your hand, “we are so happy that you're happy.” you blushed and smiled at JJ’s soft, kind words, her motherly exterior and your friends smiling faces showing the sentiment.
-
After a lovely lunch, filled with smiles, laughter and best friends you pulled up to your apartment JJ had a grin on her face, “so, you want help cleaning up?” the ladies trying very hard not to start laughing.
You clear your throat composing yourself and your face heats up, again, “um no I’m good thanks” getting out of the car as fast as you could.
“Are you sure?” they call after you.
“I’m sure!” running to your door while the ladies kill themselves in the car.
They may be annoying but who would you be to complain about your life right now, how could you, you have everything you could ever want.
---
Tags:
@spencers-renaissance @averyhotchner
(lmk if you want to be tagged)
#aaron hotchner x reader#criminal minds#criminal minds fic#criminal minds x y/n#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds fluff#criminal minds fanfic#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner fluff#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x y/n#aaron hotch hotchner#hotch x y/n#hotch x you#hotch x reader#bau ladies#Penelope Garcia#emily prentiss#jj#JJ#jennifer jareau#blurb#aaron hotchner blurb#hotch smut#aaron hotchner x female reader#Aaron hotchner x fem!reader#hotch blurb#bau!reader#FTOLfic#FTOL
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For the Lobster of Loki
Summary: Exposure to terrigen mist during a mission-gone-wrong results in you developing some newfound aquatic abilities. Unfortunately, this opens the door for your Avengers teammates to make use of the bane of your existence: fish puns.
Word Count: 2,850
Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader (first person)
A/N: I can’t believe I actually wrote this.
For those of you wondering what the hell this is: a few weeks ago, I had autocorrect change the word "love" to "lobster" while writing a fic. I found this hilarious and made a joke about it on Tumblr and it kind of turned into a meme on my blog. A couple of my friends told me I needed to turn this into a story and so now I present to you the stupidest thing I have ever spent precious time creating. Also, I usually don't like writing in first person at all, but my go-to third person limited just did not feel right with this nonsense, so I decided to experiment with a different style
Thanks for reading! :)
Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae
If you want to be tagged, feel free to send an ask/message :)
Read it on Ao3!
I was going to murder Tony Stark. I was going to murder all of them, but I was going to murder him first because he was the one who started this nonsense and now it had been going on for two weeks and I was one fucking smirk away from scalping myself.
It all started when I woke up with gills. Waking up with gills is a strange experience. Don’t get me wrong—I realize all things considered, I had it pretty good. I’ve heard about some really horrific transformations since I experienced my own— people who came out of the midst having lost their eyes or their limbs or their minds. There have been people who came out of the mist looking, sounding, and feeling like completely different creatures than when they went in. And there have been people who don’t come out at all.
No, I know damn well I was lucky to come out of the experience with nothing more than a pair of gills stuck in my neck. Still, it was an odd feeling—there was a heightened awareness every time I breathed in, pinprick chills trickling across the newfound ridges as I exhaled. It didn’t feel right, but it didn’t feel wrong either—it was a stiff feeling, a bit like putting on a new pair of shoes for the first time, if that makes sense. I didn’t know what to make of it.
When I woke up, there was about a hundred doctors hovering around me, each with some new sterile terminology to throw my way about my condition, none of which made anything close to sense. I was losing my mind until Bruce showed up. He was able to put it simply: during the mission, I had been exposed to terrigen mist. Instead of killing me, it triggered a transformation in my DNA. I was inhuman.
My inhuman gift, it seemed was the magical blessing from the Black Lagoon. I had gills now—that was the most immediate realization—but there was also the fleshy webbing between my fingers and a weird film over my eyes that I didn’t notice until I tried to rub them with the heel of my palm. All of these wondrously fishy attributes added up to one glorious result: I could swim like a fish.
That was the first thing they tested. As soon as the doctors said I was good to go, SHIELD dumped me in a pool and told me to have fun. And I did. I had never been a fantastic swimmer or anything—the extent of my swimming knowledge came from the lessons my mother had forced me to take as a kindergartener because she was afraid I’d fall into the pond at the park down the street from our house and just die, which … fair. I still hated those classes. But now, now—oh, it was a completely different experience! I cut through that water like a knife, like Michael Phelps who? I was a bullet, shooting back and forth across the pool and just hanging water for as long as I liked.
Because I could breathe underwater now. That’s what gills are for, I guess, although it doesn’t really feel like breathing. Like, I’m not inhaling water while I swim. I’m just … I don’t know, my lungs are still filling with air, my chest is still going up and down, but it’s not through my nose. I don’t know how to explain it, it’s weird. But it’s really fucking awesome.
The team was very supportive of everything. I had only been living at the Tower for a little while, so I had still felt like something of an outsider—I didn’t have powers, and I certainly didn’t have the years long rapport that they had with each other. But they were really cool! Tony designed me a sleek new suit that was able to move well in water while still offering protection, and everyone had the time of their life trying to think up a pithy new code name for my newfound superhero status (we still haven’t quite decided, but I’m leaning towards Torpedo, because isn’t that the coolest thing you’ve ever heard?). Everything was great.
Well, almost everything. There was one thing that was kind of bothering me. Loki hadn’t talked to me since I got hit with the mist. That might sound like a weird thing to get hung up on—oh no, the psychotic extraterrestrial terrorist is ignoring me!— but Loki’s not really like that. He doesn’t really talk about the whole New York thing much, but he’s said enough to make it clear that it’s not something he did of his own volition. If you saw it you’d understand what I meant, the way he tenses up whenever someone brings up the Chitauri and his eyes go all glassy like he’s not really there behind them. You can just tell that whatever had been waiting for him on the other side of that portal, it wasn’t good.
We never talked about New York, but we talked about other things. I’m not really sure how that happened. He does this thing where he acts all annoyed with everyone, like he’s just so over everything, and it irritates everyone so much that they all avoid him like the plague, which of course is what he wants. I guess I just didn’t avoid him when I arrived—I was too busy avoiding all the other superheroes who made me nervous to bother trying with him—and he grew to tolerate my presence.
We started talking about stuff one day, random shit like the purpose of nutritional facts on the side of poptart boxes and the boiling point of water on Earth vs on Asgard because apparently that’s different. And then we’d do things like make fun of the way Steve talks because he’s just so easy to make fun of, and Steve would overhear and tell us to knock it off and that would just make the whole thing funnier and Loki would mimic his voice and say something stupid like “I can feel the righteousness surging!” and Steve would just shake his head and walk away while we laughed like idiots. So yeah. We were friends. Or at least, I thought of him as a friend.
But I was starting to think that maybe he didn’t see me in the same way. We had been partners on the mission where I got hit with the terrigen mist, but he didn’t even come to visit me while I was still in the hospital. And literally everyone came to visit me. Friggin’ Director Fury came to visit me, although I’m pretty sure that was more because he wanted to see what my transformation had entailed and not because he had any particular interest in my wellbeing, but still. And then when I got out, he never said a word to me and everyone else wanted to talk to me so I didn’t say anything to him, but I was worried about him just the same. He was avoiding me too—he wouldn’t ever look at me when I was looking at him, and a lot of times he’d get up and leave the room if I came in. And I didn’t know what was going on.
I probably should’ve asked, but I don’t know … I was afraid, I guess. Like, what if he was really mad at me for something, and just me trying to talk with him would make him upset? So I just didn’t say anything—went through my day pretending everything was normal and ignoring the ache in my chest constantly reminding me that it had been weeks since I got my powers and Loki still hadn’t asked me if I was okay.
But I kind of forgot about all that when Tony started this bullshit. Honestly, I’m surprised he didn’t start it sooner, because it was the type of low hanging fruit that had his name written all over it, but once he started it there was no going back.
He started it one day when we were in the kitchen. I had been making a sandwich (tuna fish, because I’m a cannibal) and Tony was leaning over the counter watching me, and we were just talking about my general fishiness.
“I’m jealous, really,” he was saying. “It’s definitely something that would come in handy. You need to get something underwater, you just dive down—no tanks, no masks, no suits. Very sophisticated.” His eyes lit up, which is never a good thing. “Sofishticated!”
I groaned. “Stop it.”
But Tony was cackling. “Sofishticated! That’s rather gilliant, if I do say so myself.”
“Tony …”
“It doesn’t get any betta than this!”
I waved the bread knife in his face. “I will throw this at you.”
“Alright, alright.” Even as he held his hands up in surrender, he was giggling like a child. “I’ll stop.”
He did not stop.
The next morning, it was fish puns. Everywhere you turned, it was fish puns.
“Can you get that report back to me soon, or do you need more time to mullet over?”
“Just let minnow when you’re ready to try on the new suit.”
“Don’t trout your abilities, we all know you’re fintastic.”
It was only breakfast and I was inches away from crushing my face against the china cabinet.
Natasha raised her eyebrows. “What the hell have I walked into?”
Tony grinned. “It’s fish puns!” he said. “Because, you know—” he gestured vaguely in my general direction. “It’s her brand.”
I moaned, face in my hands. “Just kill me now.”
Clint perked up. “Don’t you mean krill me now?”
Laughing, Tony gave him a high five over my head as I writhed in pain. “That’s the spirit.”
I don’t know how he did it, but in the matter of hours Tony had the whole damn tower on the pun train. Natasha was joking about how she was having a whale of a time with this new game. Clint was telling me to clam down and enjoy the fun. Steve asked me if I could get kraken on my o-fish-al business. Even Bruce—Bruce, who always made a point of staying out of Tony’s nonsense—even he was coming up to me with shit like “Cod you come help me with somefin in the lab?”
I glared at him. “Why would you ask me that?”
He hesitated for a moment. “Well …” Bruce inhaled. “Salmon had to.”
I stormed off as Tony roared with laughter from behind the corner.
It was inescapable. Wherever I went there was someone armed with some new fishy atrocity. You’d be surprised at how many fucking fish-related words exist in the English language. JARVIS was so overloaded with the amount of Internet searches for “fish puns” that he started bookmarking lists for easy access. It was an absolute nightmare.
“Don’t play koi, sweetheart,” Tony teased one night while we were waiting for Clint to choose a movie. “We know you lobster it.”
“Lobster?” I scoffed. “That doesn’t even make sense!”
“You just don’t appreciate my ingenui-sea.”
“OH MY—”
“Ignore them, my lady.” Thor smiled gallantly “They are only jesting. You should just relaks.” He grinned, stepping back as he waited for a reaction. We all just blinked at him. He frowned. “You understand, yes? Re-laks? Laks? That’s a fish!”
“Lak is not native to Midgard,” Loki interjected without looking up from the book he was reading. I jumped. He had been so quiet I had forgotten he was in here too. “Their oceans are too warm.”
Thor was surprised. “Truly? But I thought we’ve tasted lak since we’ve been here!”
Loki rolled his eyes, still without looking up. “That’s salmon. It tastes similar, but it’s much smaller.” He turned the page, muttering something that I didn’t quite catch. I was suddenly struck by the fact that it was the closest we had come to talking since before the mist, and that ache came back, gnawing at the edges of my heart. He didn’t look at me. I didn’t say anything.
About a week later, it was my birthday. I don’t really like birthdays in general, but I had really been bracing myself for this one all week because there was no way in hell these morons weren’t going to something infuriatingly stupid to mark the occasion. I guess I didn’t do enough bracing, because when I walked into my bathroom that morning to find a big fat lobster scuttling around in my sink I nearly had a fucking heart attack.
Across the mirror, someone had scrawled a message in red lipstick.
Sending you birthday fishes and lots of lobster!
And that was the moment I decided I was going to murder Tony Stark.
I stormed out into the hallway with no weapon, no plan of action, nothing except the pajamas on my back and the lobster in my hand. Additionally, this was the moment I decided that I hated lobsters more than any other creature on this earth. This thing looked like something from outer space, with its antenna and its bulging eyes and its spindly spider legs—that what it was, an overgrown spider in a slimy red shell. It was disgusting.
I was on my way to Tony’s floor, so engrossed with this half-baked notion of busting down his door and throwing this extraterrestrial arachnid on his face while he snored in bed, that I didn’t even see the Asgardian prince until I walked right into him.
Luckily, Loki grabbed me before I stumbled backwards, because I recoiled so quickly I probably would’ve gone flying. He raised his eyebrows as he took in the sight.
“I assume there’s a reason for the crustacean?” he asked.
There was something ever so slightly condescending about his tone, and I bristled. “They left this thing in my room! I swear, I’ve had it up to here with this fish bullshit—”
He hushed me, pulling the lobster from my grasp. With a wave of his hand, it was gone.
I inhaled. “You didn’t kill it, did you?”
“Oh no. I merely moved it to a more preferable location.” He frowned at the moisture left on his palm, conjuring a handkerchief to wipe it off with. “You know,” he said slowly. “The more visibly upset you allow yourself to become over this, the more encouraged they’ll feel to continue.”
“I know, I know. I just—” I sighed. “It’s so annoying. It’s been going nonstop, for two damn weeks! Puns are the absolute lowest form of humor, it’s just obnoxious.”
Loki only nodded as he turned to make his way down the hall. “I’ll take your word for it.”
And just like that, it was back to ignoring me. I watched his retreating form, the ache in my chest quickly bursting in to flames.
“Why are you avoiding me?” I snapped.
He froze, slowly turning around. “Pardon?”
“Why are you avoiding me?” I repeated. “You won’t talk to me anymore, you barely even look at me— did I do something wrong?” Maybe the fish jokes really had fried my brain, because I was dangerously close to tears. “I don’t get it Loki, I thought we were cool and now you just hate me!”
“I don’t hate you!” he said. “I just—”
“Just what? What is going on with you?”
“You could’ve died!” Loki yelled. I had never heard him speak that loudly before, and guess I was shocked into silence. “With the mist, on the mission. It was only pure chance that you didn’t.”
“I—I don’t understand.”
“I was supposed to cover you. I should’ve realized sooner that they were using terrigen crystals. Instead I miscalculated and you nearly died.” He let out a shaky breath. “I thought you were dead. When I found you, enveloped in that shell …” His voice trailed off and I realized with a start that his eyes were glistening with tears.
“Loki …” My gills tingled on my neck as I reached out for him. Is that what this was all about? Guilt? “Loki, you can’t blame yourself for that. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. And besides, I’m fine now. It all worked out in the end.”
He shook his head. “You don’t understand. You didn’t see yourself. You were gone, I was certain you were gone—”
I griped his hand. “I’m here now though. I’m here and I’m fine. Stop beating yourself up about it. I want to be friends again. I—” For a moment, the words caught in my throat. “I missed you.”
He gulped. “Truly?”
“Of course! Besides, I need your help getting back at these idiots.”
He smirked. “Oh, I’ve already started on that.”
A high-pitched scream broke out across the floor. “How did the fucking lobster get in my shower?” Tony bellowed from his bedroom.
We exploded into laughter.
“Oh,” I wheezed. “That was fucking perfect!”
Loki grinned, squeezing my hand. “Only the best for you, my lobster.”
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The Dream smp will have a bad ending (And why preparation beats improvisation)
So. I am back after a little while. And this is a topic that has been on my mind for a long time. But before we get to my main point we have to clear some things.
The medium where a story is told dramatically affects the story in many ways. A story cannot be the same in a book, or a film, or a tv show, or an anime, or a comicbooks. They are all different mediums that have their own positives and negatives when it comes to telling stories. A book can fit more information but a tv show can have music and good camera work, etc.
Now, the Dream Smp is a completely different thing. This is a medium that has (I think) never been used before (Or at least not at this extend). And as all mediums it has its positives and negatives. The positives are very clear, strong and interesting: You can watch multiple POVs, follow the storylines you care about, you can see events from different perspectives and see whoever your favourite streamer is as the main character. And all of these positives are amazing and unique. No other medium has something like it... but it also has negatives no other medium has. As I see the Dream Smp has three big flaws due to it’s medium:
First of all, real life sometimes gets in the way. In books, movies and tv shows you can just pretend life does not exists for the duration of the episode or movie. This is called escapism, the reason why storytelling is so attractive. The problem with the medium of the Dream SMP is that the storyline sometimes is affected by real life in ways other mediums aren’t. For example a streamer deciding not to do roleplay after a big event when we could use a nice view of the after-effects of said event, or a streamer missing an important event that they could have been a major part of. And this is not the streamer’s fault at all. Real life is inevitable. An example is when Wilbur missed the festival because he forgot to read the groupchat. But it is still an unfortunate negative of the medium.
Second, improvisation can be great. But it can also... not. It is a miracle, a truly testament of how good everyone’s improvisation skills are that the story has been so good for a long time (As I have said in prior post, the story is basically flawless until the manberg/pogtopia war. Then it all kind of went downhill). But I think it is starting to show that preparation beats improvisation 9 times out of 10. Improvisation only works when people have a small guideline, something that tells them point A and point B for them to connect. And I don’t think that is happening a lot nowadays. Furthermore, I don’t think the current writer are doing a good job of communicating the plot to other and including everyone. We can see this in many ways: Nicky not knowing about the festival until the day before because of her chat, Dream leaving Techno on read when he asked what the next plotline was, Tommy not reading the scripts, the story becoming more and more the “Tommy and other two people show” instead of the “Dream Smp show”, and many other examples. (I have many thoughts about how I feel like Tommy sometimes is grabbing all the story/clout of the SMP for himself, not on purpose probably, but... I just feel I bad vibe from that. It is not something I can really put into words. Just a feeling. Not accusing him of doing that or being evil or anything. Just an unfortunate side-effect of him being the center of attention all the time which can lead to fatigue from the viewers when the plot is always about one guy and his discs all the time)
And finally the main negative. The biggest problem and challenge the SMP will have. It’s ending: It is not a secret that the SMP is successful, popular and makes a ton of money. So of course they will continue the SMP. But the problem is that the smp has a story and stories can only go so far. For example, Tommy’s discs being a motivation for his character for one or two arcs is understandable. But when the discs are his motivation for several arcs (And counting), it kind hurts your suspension of disbelief (That is the amount of things you can take in a story before you say “This story is not believable at all”). I am not comparing the smp to Disney. But when they continue to stretch the story more than it should because it is successful... yikes. The manberg/pogtopia war could have been the finally if they changed around a couple of things. And I fully understand them wanting to continue the story after that arc (Which I agree was a good idea despite their not so successful attempt of replicating prior arcs). And the point where we are now although kind of weird, I can totally see the story continuing. But there will be a point where it just feels like everything should have ended long ago. You cannot have a character go through the same arcs, the story having the same events all the time. Writing a long story is hard and complicated, you have to justificate why there is more all the time.
And if they don’t start organizing better, including everyone, planning things out, and deciding on a satisfying ending... then the Dream Smp has a will have a boring repeated ending that few people will watch because it will happen when people start moving on from the smp. And I really don’t want that. They should quit when they are ahead, when they feel comfortable ending the story, when all arcs are resolved, before things start going even more downhill.
PS1: Again, english. Sorry if i’m a bit negative on my blog. But there are already thousands of people explaining an analysis all the amazing things from the smp that I would just be repeating what everyone says. Criticising something you love is not a bad thing. I see as your love for something is so big that even with flaws you can still love it... that sounds corny, jesus christs it is just minecraft roleplay. As always, I am never sending hate ever.
PS2: Something irks about Tommy and Tubbo not streaming together almost at all even though in the story they are friends again. That and Tubbo not being on any of Tommy’s videos but other are just... It is probably nothing... probably. Maybe it is just me projecting my own insecurities with my own friends. I am not saying they had a fight or they hate each other now or whatever. But... it’s still a bit sad and weird. Maybe it is because Tommy only wants to do content with like big youtubers and he is focused on always improving and stuff, while Tubbo is more about relaxing and streaming shit he enjoys. A shame. After months of no content from them, they are back but not really.
PS3: Nothing has happened story wise at all since Doomsday. Which is odd. Is Tommy moving on from the smp? He did say he is focusing on youtube at the moment (And unfortunate negative of the medium, real life gets in the way of the story as I said) so maybe it is that. Nothing major has really happened. Not even small things. Why is Tommy streaming less and less all the time? I don’t know. I also do not think there will be an event on the 16th because of the chess tournament and the lack of any plot developments at all since Doomsday. Many questions, few answers. I kinda feel like I am getting a bit tired/moving from the smp. And Tommy specifically, I am glad for him and happy that he is getting all this success but I think his persona made more sense/was more bearable when he was a relatively smaller streamer/youtuber. With the risk of sounding corny again... I feel like Tommy is too mainstream now (Tiktokers are commenting on his instagram posts and that is never a good sign) and has become more corporate (Only streaming and making videos with people who benefit his video’s/streams instead of HIS BEST FRIEND TUBBO. But that really could just be my anxiety talking. Don’t think to hard about it, I am no one to say what he should or should not do, and I do not know of his life to say things definitively. Just a hunch, a bad vibe I am getting from him.).
#dream smp#dream#tommyinnit#tubbo#wilbur#wilbur soot#jschaltt#nihachu#Nicky#fundy#eret#ranboo#philza#QUACKITY#badboyhalo#SapNap#georgenotfound#skeppy#antfrost#technoblade
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-ˏˋquestionsˊˎ-
Thank you to @johziiii for tagging me !! I haven't done one of these in a while, probably cause I forgot to, so here I gooooo
♥︎ why did you choose your url?
One day in like 2014, I looked at my new cat, charlie, and decided he would like sims, so came Charliesimss, with 2 S's because one S was already taken
♥︎ how long have you been on tumblr?
Since I was 14, I made my personal account for a BOY unfortunately, and then I've been posting on my simblr since 2014/15
♥︎ do you have a queue tag?
Its just #charliequeues but its not organized
♥︎ why did you start your blog in the first place?
I found cc on tumblr through my personal account and that lead me to other simblrs and I was like "hey what if I did that instead of posting my stuff on facebook?" mostly I was just looking for a better place to post my sims stuff where my fam/friends irl couldnt see it, cause that shits embarassing
♥︎ why did you choose your icon/pfp?
Because I was really pleased with Audra and her son in it, and then the au she was in kinda flopped 😭 so im trying to commission my sister to draw me a new one
♥︎ why did you choose your header?
Bro idek what my header IS, I think its a pool pic from spencers fc's instagram, but I dont think its visible
♥︎ what’s your post with the most notes?
Probably a lookbook of Jayden from like 2016 with 180ish notes
♥︎ how many mutuals do you have?
Lots I think !! At least 2 :)
♥︎ how many followers do you have?
Its just me and you bro
♥︎ how many people do you follow?
450 ! But I go through and unfollow all the time cause I hate the clutter
♥︎ have you ever made a shit post?
Everything I post is shit 😘
♥︎ did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?
No im too scared of being thrown out of the community over something, so I just watch the drama and sometimes cry about it if it involves me in the slightest
♥︎ how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?
I ignore them most likely
♥︎ do you like tag games?
YeS
♥︎ do you like ask games?
YeS tag me
♥︎ which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
Too intimidated to tag them 😍
♥︎ do you have a crush on a mutual?
More like I wish I Were Them, if that counts as a crush
Anyway I'll tag @mystery-pixels, @spacy-ihl, @sincerelyasimmer and @daylight-sims if you guys wanna do this !!
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Check In Tag Game ✔️
Thankie for tagging me isa! @meriooli I shall answer below the cut!
why did you choose your URL?
I was trying to think of a blog theme that matched Sims Castaways, and then my lovely friend dettea suggested castawavy to me! at the time I was mainly posting my midnight sun legacy so it all matched real nice!
any side blogs?
just my archive blog for my old story @crescendemon-archive
how long have you been on tumblr?
I’ll answer just for simblr as my old blog was just a reblog blog for anime gifs but I joined simblr I think two years ago now in 2019!
do you have a queue tag
I do not! I find it almost impossible to queue things as I am so impulsive!!
why did you start your blog in the first place?
honestly I was feeling kind of lonely, I was super into sims and wanted to share that interest with other people. I was originally posting on reddit but I found a lot of people in the community to be very well er... anti modding etc. I felt like what people were doing on tumblr was way more interesting, like stories and edits etc.
why did you choose your icon/pfp?
I change it all the time but my current one is from an edit I was really happy with!
why did you choose your header?
also an edit I made for a header! it matches my profile picture
what’s your post with the most notes?
oh hmm I’m not sure I don’t know how to check either but I think it’s this edit ✌
how many mutuals do you have?
145! yep I counted AHAHA
how many followers do you have?
I’m currently at 1919 (no one has ever asked me that before lmao)
how many people do you follow?
211 I try to find new blogs all the time, I mainly follow sim focused ones but idm simblrs that talk a lot about their lives and other interests, idk I like to hear how people are doing, and learn about what people are interested in!
have you ever made a shit post?
so so many I even have a tag for it it’s #mem it’s not funny or anything so please don’t expect much lmao
how often do you use tumblr each day?
unfortunately this site is my current hyperfixation so I check it constantly, I try not to freak people out though so sometimes I wait an hour to reply to comments but I see them instantly :’) yay for fixations lmao. I need to get out of the habit of this whilst I’m at work tho.
did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?
ooo boy yeah, not by choice though. I learnt my lesson though, I feel like I can see through people being fake way better now! I never want to be involved with anything like that ever again tho. It also taught me to speak up if I ever see any sus discord shit happening, cause I failed to do so a few times and I felt bad about it :/ !!!
how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?
idk what those are!
do you like tag games?
yes! I love being tagged I check all my mentions too and I think tag games are a good way to meet new people!
do you like ask games?
I love them! eespcially character related ones!
do you have a crush on a mutual?
I do not! I don’t really know how that would happen ahaha!?
I will tag: @pixiegal @sinfulwunders @dandelion-healing @virginnotsaint @smolteabirb @moonaive and @madeofcc (I probably forgot some lovely people so if you wanna join in then please please do!)
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I'm a fucking wreck rn I haven't been sleeping for a week and I'm getting some rest from the bullshit factory that is my brain only now, but I just wanted to say that last year for me has been saved by tumblr and all the friends I made along the way.
Before you go below the cut, a special thanks goes to the Bee Movie Anon, who, rightfully, I can't tag so I have to say it here in the hope that they'll see it. Your hunger for chaos made me feel a lot of emotions, and I'd have never in any time or space thought that the Bee Movie would be such a prominent part of my life as it is now thanks (read it with a note of sarcasm) to you. Thank you for providing us an infinite amount of both entertainment and suffering, hell, some of the friends I made were because of YOU. I'm still not sure what was your drive to go and start this absurd crusade for the bee movie in the 80s metal fandom, but I don't know, I don't think bee so, I'm not gonna question your ways.
@arnold-layne being the first in line, you kept me sane somehow in the first phases of quarantine and dedicated a lot your time to talk with me and helped me enormously with creativity. If it wasn't for you, that Cyberpunk Comic That Is Kinda Inspired By The Crüe and Shout At The Devil would've been already down the drain. I would've given up probably, because I didn't know how to exted the concept and have an actual plot. A dream that I've been having for literal years wouldn't even have such cool characters with a rich storyline if it wasn't for you. I know I kinda left it after a month or so of intense brainstorming with you, I was literally drained at that point both physically and mentally, but oh boy I haven't forgot about the characters that WE created. How could I after all? Russ being the wreck of a tormented junkie protagonist that he is, Dylan the happy-go-lucky fuck up that seems to do nothing right but with the best intentions, Frankie the runaway sassy and wary androgynous teenager whose gender is a mystery even to themselves, and the epitome of the found family trope, ex gov agent part Japanese, part Russian, part cyborg Vik, whose story isn't still clear yet but we'll give him a very good one, eventually.
You gave me the curiosity to read fanfiction again after literally NINE YEARS of being distant from that part of the fandom and honestly I don't regret it one bit. In fact, I discovered literally my favorite writer in fanfiction. That is you, Arnold. I don't care how frequently you write, I don't care if sometimes you can't do your best. I'll always be there waiting for the next chapter and I'll always think that your art is sublime. I'll have to admit, I don't read your works as often as I should. But it's because I love them so much that I want to always save for later. It's like a drug, or a delicious cake that you want it to last as long as possible so you can enjoy it for much longer (I should be reading your fic more often either way tho like, at least so I can make more art for it. I'll make sure to change that this year and give you the recognition you deserve 🖤).
Everytime I make art, everytime I make a post, I always wait for your name to pop in my notifs. And fuck if I'm happy when I see it, and I rush to read your tags and it always makes my day. Like seriously, you mean so much to me and I admire how you can still be any amount of sane with all you're going through. You're strong as hell, keep going. 🖤
@i-dont-like-rice dude, how can I explain it. You're my best bud here. You're my chaotic sibling from another mother. The other braindead I share the single braincell I have with. The Nikki to my Tommy. Or the Tommy to my Nikki, I'm still not sure which of us is which (I guess I'm Nikki and you're Tommy? lmao it's ironic how even them are an italian and a balkanian) but you get the point. Every interaction we have, I laugh my ass off till my whole body hurts every time. I think I worried my mother and annoyed my sister at least a couple times for bursting out laughing for five minutes straight out of the blue, especially if it was late at night, and all the times, I swear it was because of you. You are as chaotic as you are kind, and it's always so disarming to see you worry or take care of others when you are definitely in a worse situation. Please, be more selfish, goddammit. For your own sake. And be more confident of your art. Draw shit and post it. Who cares if it's not perfect and you hate it and you don't want anybody to see it, it's tumblr, nobody will ever reblog it or give you the well deserved recognition anyway! So it's worth a try isn't it?
@no-stone-no-bone seriously, I'm so glad I met you. You're like the third element of chaos that holds me and Andi together. All three of us are literally unstoppable. You're extremely sweet too and I wish you the best, and DON'T HIDE SHIT IN THE TAGS GODDAMMIT 😂
@white-lightning-625 @viiinceneil I know we really haven't talked much, and we met through unfortunate times, but I'm so glad that something good came out of the chaos and drama, which is being able to talk to you and getting to know you both better. And the fics. My god, the fics. Frankie, I already told you this but MY GOD. I still find it incredible that I've read a fic about a band I didn't even know what they looked or sounded like and I was HOOKED from start to finish. And Katie, I should definitely read more of your works because I love what you've got going on. You're both very sweet and talented with a very distinct, beautiful way of writing and I can't wait to sink my teeth into the pulp of your work, because I know that by now I only scratched the surface.
@awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands Bruh, conoscere una fan su tumblr the parla la MIA STESSA LINGUA (e che ha pure il mio stesso vero nome lmao cosa sta succedendo)??? Che concetto innovativo!!! Le nostre conversazioni sono sempre disgiunte, ma non importa, adoro ogni nostra interazione. Sei seriamente una delle persone più dolci e gentili che abbia mai conosciuto. La tua creatività stimola sempre la mia. Le tue moodboard sono sempre 👌👌👌 e ogni volta trovo sempre qualcosa che sì, ci avevo pensato, ma mai nel modo in cui lo poni tu, e di solito sono una persona che resta vicina alle proprie idee, ma tu riesci a farmi alterare prospettiva, e trovo questo meccanismo mentale molto affascinante. Ti ricordi lo swapped instruments AU, con Tommy come cantante, no? Giuro che è un concetto a cui penso ancora dopo mesi. Spero di avere la capacità mentale per tradurre quell'idea in arte il prima possibile, perché cazzo, lo adoro troppo
@tattooed-lies thank you for providing the fandom the best gifs in the fucking platform and thank you for giving us the vinikki content that everyone, even if they're not aware, deserves and needs. Thank you for being the only Vince stan that I know. Thank you for being the sweetest person alive 💖
@nbtommylee honestly, I wish I was cool like you. Your sense of humor is impeccable, much like your critical thinking. I have never read something from you that wasn't a valid point. You don't talk shit and that's extremely sexy of you, y'know? And having a "gender dysphoria buddy" to be jealous of our Rockstar Gender Of Choice with is always fun to have, so that's definitely a plus. Can't wait to see (and read!) more of your art, I just love your style so much and you deserve to be Known
@metalmelkor @emometalhead @polka-dot-duff I'm always so happy to see you in my notifs and y'all are oh so very sweet and cool, we haven't talked much but I love every interaction we have, sorry for having the social skills of a stale piece of white bread 🖤
A special thanks goes to @awesomgrlgr8job bc you're literally one of my very first mutuals since I made the decision to make this dumpster fire of a blog and holy shit it's crazy to think about that. I don't even know if we ever interacted that much but it's always such a joy to see you around, ily and I hope you're doing well and thanks for putting up with my clownery for so long 💖
Like seriously, thank you all. I don't even know where I would be without you. Here's to another year of chaos, but only of the good kind 💖
#witchy.txt#I didn't think I would've rambled so much ahshdhjfjf I'm so sorry you have to go through all that#there are a lot of people I could've mentioned but we never really talked so I wouldn't have much to say#but believe me when I tell you that I love seeing you on my dash and in my notifs#I really mean that#and I hope y'all are doing well bc ily 💖
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2020 blog update
Hello. No idea if any of you ‘remember’ me but I do seem to have a fair few followers on here. I managed to access the login information for this account and it is safe to say this blog is dead. I denounce everything I stood for on this stupid shit.
I’m writing this because it’s what the blog deserves. Not looking to be dramatic, not looking for sympathy, in fact I think i’ll get a bit of backlash for this but bring it on.
The past and the present- a summary
I had this blog when I was 14, unfortunately way too young to have a social media presence (one which carried any responsibility like this one anyway). No matter what age I said I was, no matter how I portrayed myself or how you, my followers interpreted me, I was a sad young trans guy desperately hoping to look big, cool, masculine and stoic, and that manifested in the most toxic way possible.
I’m 17 now, still very very young, and after developments in my life, especially pursuing my medical transition and becoming happy within myself, I no longer hold such toxic beliefs as I once did. I am happier with myself and no longer feel the need to sacrifice others’ dignity, respect, and unfortunately sometimes on this blog, privacy, for my own. I was a very insecure, stubborn, and ignorant teenager, who dealt with a lot of denial. I’m not blaming the way I treated people online on other factors, but of course external factors came into play. I was dealing with bullying and insecurity, with parental problems, and with loneliness and depression. I seeked some sort of community, and I wanted to push myself away from the ‘weak’ trans community (the way I viewed it at the time). I wasn’t in denial personally, with the fact that I was trans (being gay is a different story- I was in complete denial with the fact that I’m gay), more just with the way other people viewed me (I will expand on this). I could elaborate on the way in which I viewed other people and the way that projected onto my conduction online, but it is a complex and confusing story. I have completely changed my viewpoint on trans ‘discourse’, I am open minded, I am close friends with people I would have turned my ignorant nose up at years ago. I am so proud to say that I am a completely different person now. I grow every day, it seems, and I can assure that I will never return to this ignorant mindset.
Growth
With experience, I have grown too. Obviously, from 14-17 i have become more mature. I have different experiences now as well, for example, I don’t bind often at all really anymore, because its more comfortable and can sometimes make me more dysphoric to know I am binding. I’m bringing this up because I bet you back when I was active on this blog, I would’ve laughed at the more mature, tolerant me, and probably went on a tyrade about how I was a fake trans guy or less of a man for not binding. I often wonder what ‘old me’ would think of ‘new me’. Now obviously, three years isn’t a hell of a big difference, but to a 17 come 18 year old it is. I understand I am not an adult yet, but I’ve always taken pride in conducting myself with a sense of maturity and articulacy, and for this post and platform especially I feel it is appropriate.
The Truscum Mindset
Back when I ran this blog, I was in an echo chamber of like minded people, which didn’t help my ideological development. I watched youtubers like Blaire White and Kalvin Garrah, who I thought gave me a balanced, moderate, and fair opinion which is clear is not the case. Back then I would’ve scoffed at the idea of Blaire and Kalvin and other similar people as being radical or a gateway, but I urge you, if you feel you are slipping to obsession with those ideologies, to seek to widen your opinions and associations. I understand it’s a fairly niche discourse topic, but for me it opened a wider rabbit hole into the alt right. From wanting to fit into the lgbt and wider communities as a masculine male, this opened up the black hole of the alt right, I browsed (now deleted) subreddits and 4chan boards, and forums that put me in a very negative and dangerous place. If you’d like me to make a post elaborating on this, I am more than happy to, but this post is to address conservativetranny.
Denial and owning up to responsibility
Back in 2017/18, I was very much in denial of certain aspects of myself, especially my sexuality. I am gay. I thought that this was, and especially as a trans guy, a demasculating quality. I still deal with those feelings sometimes, as a lot of young gay guys do, but thankfully it does not manifest itself as toxic as it once did. I just wanted to portray myself online as how I thought I wanted to be viewed-I didn’t want to be viewed like ‘any other trans guy’. I wanted to be different, but now I can appreciate individuality and I can also embrace being trans as well.
I used to think that having alt views was the coolest thing ever, which contributed to my slip into the alt right, something on which I’ll elaborate on in later posts. I am now an advocate for deradicalisation, and being rational, truly rational. I’m also an advocate for maturity and owning up to your mistakes.
I have hurt people, especially in my personal life, throughout my time as a stupid, thoughtless immature teenager and i am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for that. I now respect the hell out of those people and unfortunately, but definitely rightfully so, they have lost their respect for me. I don’t blame them, because as I said, up until very recently I was a horrible, toxic person. With maturity, in the past half a year I have been able to own up to my mistakes and I am now taking responsibility for that. No excuses, because I was a shitty person. Of course there is a line between excuses and justification, and I hope those which are reading this can distinguish and appreciate this difference.
Self Hatred and Truscum
Back when I ran this blog, it was very easy to tell I was self hating. Everything I wrote on here, pretty much, was hateful except for the odd two posts that were about something unrelated to my ideology. I was extremely dysphoric and in a bad place when I wrote these things and certainly projected my insecurities onto others. I wanted to find a community of different thinking people that would accept me, and this community was certainly the wrong turn. I had a feeling that it was wrong at the time, but I was too naive and cowardly to own up to it and seek a way out. I kind of just naturally fell out of it, a a lot of things happened in my personal life in late 2018 that forced me out of trans discourse and into much more toxic places like the alt right and true crime fandoms, and I think I’ve only recently ‘found myself’ in the past year or so. I might make a post on self growth on the future as I intend to keep this blog to elaborate and voice my opinions on deradicalisation and highlight the importance of owning up and self awareness.
Don’t fall into the rabbithole
I’m not too acquainted with trans discourse anymore, so I’m out of the loop on this one, but I’d imagine that there’s still ‘transmed vs tucute’ ideas. Kalvin Garrah’s community comes to mind, I haven’t watched his videos ‘as a fan’, if that makes sense, for a while now but I am aware he has a large fanbase of young trans teens that were in a similar mindset to where I was back when I ran this blog. I would love for this post to reach his opposers and supporters for that matter, as a means to show them that they don’t have to fall into this cycle of hate which can be very damaging. I used to be an avid fan of Kalvin, and Blaire White, amongst others. I watched exclusively their content alone and formed my opinions around theirs. If you’re doing that now, I urge you to consider other people when you do. Think about the people like Brennan Beckwith, people who were severely impacted and hurt by hateful rhetoric. Those people are human too, and with maturity you will learn that people with different experiences and views are, at the end of the day, the same as you, and they have feelings as well .I’m going to make a post in the future about Kalvin Garrah, certainly, but maybe Blaire White as well.
Why now?
You may be wondering why this post is being made now of all times, and that is a question that has every right to be asked. I feel as if this timing is right because I finally possess the level of maturity needed to own up to my mistakes and tell you that I was wrong and it was certainly wrong to post those opinions and mistakes online for all to see, and put people in my real life on blast like I did.
I had completely forgotten about this blog, and forgot about the rude and ignorant words I had written towards the people in my real life, until chance had it that I was in contact with one of the people mentioned in this post. [https://conservativetranny.tumblr.com/post/169351517511/no-one-pretends-to-be-trans]
I’m not going to go into the nuances of the conversation we had, but it turns out they had, for a while and definitely rightfully so been hurt by the fact that I had mentioned them, by name, in this post. And while I’d of course still like to keep these people anonymous and will not sacrifice their anonymity in order to tell a story or ‘save myself’, this post is quite funny to read back on as I am good friends with the people referred to as ‘P’ and ‘Shadow’ now.
This is the end of this post, as I feel I have said everything I have wanted to say regarding my previous conduct on this blog. I’m going to change my name on this blog and my bio as I do intend on further posts in the future. I’m not sure how many people, if any, this post will reach, but I’m satisfied I have written this anyway. I certainly do plan on writing future posts but I’m not exactly sure how to formulate them. But thank you so much for reading this far, and if you have, I appreciate it.
#truscum#transmed#ftm#trans#dysphoria#kalvin garrah#kalvin garbage#terf#deradicalisation#i have literally no idea how to tag this#tucute#do people even say that anymore lol
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It’s All In The Execution (S2, E1)
It happened. We got a second season. I’m living my best life...unfortunately Malcolm isn’t...
*** Content warning: brief mentions/allusions to depression, suicidal ideation, and Malcolm’s general poor mental health ****
SPOILERS AHEAD.
0:00 - OH HELL YES. I can’t believe we actually got a second season! <3 My heart is so full.
0:18 – “This ledge is taken.” …..ok so I have lots of feelings about this scene. 1) Malcolm’s lines are iconic in this scene and I love it. 2) WHY THE ACTUAL HELL WOULD JT, DANI, AND EDRISA AGREE TO LET A (LET’S BE HONEST) MAN IN A VERY BAD MENTAL STATE WITH A HISTORY OF DEPRESSION STAND ON A LEDGE FOR A CASE?!? Like seriously, Gil wouldn’t have gone with this shit. 3) As soon as I saw Malcolm on the ledge I believed he was seriously considering jumping. He showed passive suicidality most of last season and after Endicott – well I don’t blame him for being a little depressed.
0:26 – Damn. Malcolm is really manic in this scene. It’s reminiscent of the pilot episode in the sense that Malcolm really has no filter.
0:40 – Ok so Tom Payne deserves a freaking Emmy. This performance is gorgeous. Look at his facial expression when he says “It got real dark for me though. Family issues.” The look on his face completely convinces me that Malcolm is riding the struggle bus more than usual right now…..also am I the only one who thinks this ‘penthouse slasher’ is kind of unbelievable? He strikes me as too anxious and jumpy to be a serial killer.
1:18 – Is Malcolm even trying to hide the fact that he knows what happened to Endicott?!? I mean “I tried to fight it” can’t JT and Dani hear his usual ‘projecting his personal issues on the suspect shtick?’
1:30 – Did he really just scream “I am the Surgeon’s son” from a ledge?!? Dude – someone please give this boy a hug and get him to Gabrielle – like last month.
1:40 – Soooo… now Chester isn’t scared of the ledge? He looked like he was going to wet himself from fear a literal minute ago.
1:49 – OH OF COURSE CHESTER SLIT THEIR THROATS. JUST LIKE AINSLEY SLIT ENDICOTT’S. Chris Fedak really loves to inject Malcolm’s personal issues into the ‘serial killer of the week’.
2:23 – I’m sorry – the team let Malcolm on the ledge without tethering him first?!? No. No. No. I refuse to believe it. Dani, JT, and Edrisa care too much about Malcolm to let him do that.
2:28 – Why is Edrisa even on this stakeout?!? Did she fill in as the 4th team member while Gil was in the hospital?!? I love Edrisa – she’s hilarious but the fact that she’s in the field like this is absolute nonsense. Hahaha
2:32 – hahaha OMG. JT is like the big brother forced to hang out with his younger sibling and their weird friends. He’s think’s they’re all crazy but he’d also die for them.
2:42 – Yikes. Malcolm is questioning his moral code. This boy is headed for a real nasty downward mental spiral if someone doesn’t intervene quickly.
2:46 – Am I really supposed to believe that a rope tied to a radiator can hold the weight of two grown men dangling off a building?!? I mean – I’ll suspend my disbelief because I know it’s fictional entertainment but I found it really distracting.
2:48 – JT. Would. Not. Let. Go. Of. That. Rope. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT. If for no other reason than because he loves GIL too much to let Gil’s surrogate son fall to his death. I understand why this happened – tension and excitement for television in the first scene of a new season but honestly – this whole first scene is wildly unrealistic given what we know about JT, Dani, Edrisa and their respective roles on the team.
2:50 – Can we talk about JT’s facial hair for a sec? I like him with it (and without it). Part of me thinks he grew it because he’s trying to channel Gil while he’s temporarily in charge of the team.
3:08 – Honestly, the second Malcolm picked up his phone all I could think was “You moron. What if you drop that thing off the side of the building!?!?!”…then I remembered that he’s rich.
3:20 – “Please say it’s cancer.” Hahahahahaha OMG. I have a love/hate relationship for Malcolm with no filter. That’s freaking comedic gold.
3:57 – “I’m hanging in there.” Tom Payne is freaking incredible. Look at his facial expression here. Malcolm’s emotional pain is etched on that face. Ugh. I’m love.
4:02 – soooo no updated title screen. Interesting.
4:08 – Istg the writers only put Ainsley in this scene so she would be in the episode. I mean honestly – what kind of precinct lets reporters with a camera crew INSIDE?!?!
4:15 – hahaha I love JT in this scene. I love how he initially looks at Ainsley with a mixture of confusion, resignation, and fear. This is a man who does not like the camera.
4:16 – Side note: is it just me or is Ainsley acting very manic in this scene? Something about her energy reminds me of Malcolm circa 1x05 when he’s not sleeping and trying to convince everyone that he’s fine.
4:38 – hahahaha OMG. That wink.
4:48 – Even Malcolm looks surprised that Ainsley and a camera dude were let into the precinct.
5:00 – Ahhh the hand tremor. <3 Love that they’re still using that.
5:05 – also Malcolm is heartbreaking in this scene. Someone give him a hug. Look at how hard he’s trying to hide his pain, fear, and trauma. UGH.
5:33 - So we finally get to see it. The moments immediately after 1x20. Or do we? I have this crackpot theory (I posted it on my main blog, so you might’ve already seen it – “AllTimeBouvier”) that these flashbacks are only a fraction of the truth. I think Sophie walked followed Malcolm from the vet’s office to the hospital, then home. I think she hid when she heard Endicott’s voice due to fear but came out after Ainsley started screaming and stabbing. Besides – anyone else notice how the portion of these flashbacks where Malcolm is saying “Ainsley, focus on me. You didn’t do this. I did.” Only his right hand is ever in the frame. So it’s impossible to tell if he’s holding his cell (on the phone with Martin) with his left hand or if he just hung up and put the phone back in his pocket? I think that Martin either phoned Malcolm back or Martin heard Sophie’s voice and demanded to talk to her. I think Sophie disposed of the body while Malcolm took care of Ainsley like a good big brother. I think Sophie went into hiding and Martin is gaslighting Malcolm into believing that he disposed of Endicott’s body.
5:37 – Anyone else want to know what happened to the murder weapon? And Ainsley’s bloody clothes? Just me?
6:00 – hahahahaha Jessica is so extra. I love it.
6:29 – Wait. What? Why was Ainsley quarantined with Jessica? Ainsley has her own apartment. If Jessica forced Ainsley to come and live with her during quarantine – why didn’t she also force Malcolm? This doesn’t track for me.
6:40 – I love that Jessica brought Malcolm food (you can see the grocery bag behind Malcolm in one of the shots) and went so far as to actually lay out the breakfast ingredients for him. <3 I mean. It’s extra but it’s also sweet.
6:45 – Why is Jessica looking at Malcolm’s pill bottles? Is it just to avoid eye contact with Malcolm while she talks about Gil? Is she noticing that his dosage has changed (she’s extra so I’m assuming she knows exactly what meds he takes and how much of each). Is that part of the reason why she’s suspicious of Malcolm? His dosage has gone up and he’s clearly trying to hide his pain?
6:52 – I love how Malcolm interacts with Jessica in this scene. It’s so cute. They’re adorable. AND seeing Malcolm in casual clothing is always nice.
7:44 – “Oh about that.” Damn. Malcolm really can’t catch a break. Poor baby. : (
7:50 – hahaha Martin looks like a mountain man here. Completely deranged and un-groomed.
7:51 – Glad Mr.David isn’t dead or evil. I had fears.
8:35 – The tension between Dani and Malcolm seems to have lessened since 1x20. The trust seems to have been partially rebuilt. Partially. Dani is still suspicious.
8:38 – Well at least Malcolm’s still going to therapy.
8:41 – GREEN SUIT. HELL YES.
9:06 – “The ‘Drise knows.” OMG hahahaha I love this show. Look at how Malcolm looks at her hahaha.
9:17 – “I can fire these people right?” OMG. 10/10. JT REALLY SHINES IN THIS EPISODE. AND FRANK HARTS IS KILLING IT and the writers gave him so much well deserved screen time and great lines.
9:53 – Malcolm and Edrisa getting excited about murder is honestly so freaking cute.
10:34 – OMG. The way Malcolm perks up at the mention of rumours is hilarious. A learned behaviour from Jessica during his childhood?
10:45 – I’ll say it again. Chris Fedak was wasting Frank Harts in season 1. This dude is shining in this episode. I hope they keep giving him more lines and screen time than they did last season.
12:00 – I love seeing Malcolm this excited/happy but it’s pretty concerning that his passion is murder weapons.
12:04 – This scene is really interesting to me for four reasons 1) Where the eff did Dani go? I guess she’s probably on her way to see Gil? 2) Even though Malcolm is getting excited about murder he’s way less manic than he was earlier this episode. 3) I love watching JT deal with Edrisa and Malcolm’s nerdy excitement. I could watch it all day. So fun. 4) I love watching JT and Malcolm in scenes together. Period. I can honestly say that watching their friendship evolve is one of the highlights of this show for me.
12:30 – Heartbreaking. Malcolm had a few minutes where he forgot about Ainsley, Endicott, Martin, and the various traumas currently haunting him. Then he not only remembered but he saw Martin in himself. The crazy person collecting murder weapons. You can tell he feels embarrassed, ashamed, and sad. I genuinely believe that’s why JT says, “soooo weird.” with a look of sympathy and concern. JT doesn’t suspect that Malcolm has anything to do with Endicott’s murder at this point in time. Mark my words.
12:55 – Edrisa gets Bright. I will never ship them together but I really hope they get more scenes together this season. Their friendship is beautiful.
13:00 – Malcolm, baby, no. You don’t have to do this. Ugh. Poor baby. This is just going to make the night terrors worse.
13:10 – They trimmed Martin’s beard but not his hair between the first scene in this episode and now. I think they just combed his hair? Why?!? Was this a Michael Sheen request? I must know!!!
13:40 – hahaha OMG. Can we all just take a moment to appreciate how incredible Michael Sheen is?!? This man can go from downright terrifying to hilarious in a split second. Incredible actor.
13:55 – Sooooo Mr. David doesn’t know about Endicott? Because he’s definitely heard Malcolm and Martin discuss some pretty sketchy stuff over the years. I’m pretty sure he heard about the Sophie stuff last season didn’t he? Why is Martin finally trying to hide something from Mr. David?
14:03 – Look at Malcolm’s face. Ugh. He looks nauseous and scared. Someone hug him. Or better yet – get him away from Martin.
14:18 – Sooooo is Jerry going to be a problem later? Martin ‘cures him’ later in this episode so will he be able to tell someone he heard Martin and Malcolm talking about Endicott’s murder? Would anyone believe him?
14:40 – GO. TO. HELL. MARTIN. You’re not feeling it?!? Haven’t you caused enough emotional damage to your son. Stop. Trying. To. Manipulate. Malcolm.
14:50 – Question 1000 about how Endicott’s body was disposed of: Where the hell did Malcolm get that yellow jumpsuit on such short notice? And….those gloves – anyone else notice that they’re practically the same as the gloves he puts on in Izzy’s sex dungeon in a few minutes? ALSO – THEY FOUND ENDICOTT’S BODY IN ESTONIA?!? LIKE ALL OF IT OR JUST PARTS OF IT? WOULDN’T IT BE SMARTER TO SCATTER HIS BODY IN MULTIPLE COUNTRIES IF IT’S ALREADY IN PIECES?!? Unless maybe Endicott’s body isn’t in pieces because we all know that Malcolm’s memory of traumatic events is fuzzy at best.
15:07 – “Don’t. Say. That. Never, say that.” - I’m really proud of Malcolm here. He’s clearly in serious emotional distress throughout this whole conversation. He’s grappling with what he believes he did, what that means about him, his moral code, and his relationship with Martin. But yet – he found the strength to basically tell Martin to eff off.
15:20 – AMAZING. Right after Martin says “Estonia?” there are a few seconds where it genuinely looks like Malcolm is going to cry. It’s moving as hell, heartbreaking, and some downright kickass acting.
15:56 – Well, that’s not going to help Malcolm’s night terrors. But we definitely have confirmation that Jerry wasn’t as engrossed in the cartoons as Martin suggested.
16:20 – I love this scene. Gil is the whole team’s surrogate father – not just Malcolm’s. Sometimes I forget that. Also – the fact that Chris Fedak waited 16 minutes to show us Gil Arroyo alive and well is a crime.
16:28 – “He wouldn’t dare.” “I know.” How cute is this? Look at Dani’s smile. Ugh. I can’t decide if they know that JT doesn’t want Gil’s job because he loves working with Gil too much or he doesn’t like how much responsibility comes with Gil’s title. Probably a combination of both.
16:35 – Sooo has Malcolm not been visiting Gil? I guess because of COVID he couldn’t but now he’s just not? I mean – Gil would be able to tell how Malcolm’s doing just by looking at him.
17:05 – I’m sorry ‘multiple surgeries’?!? I want elaboration on this.
17:09 – So I googled “British musician Izzy” and the top hit was the guitar player for Guns’n’Roses (who looks kinda like this guy). I have no idea what that means but I found it interesting.
17:30 – Holy shit. Izzy is a nutcase. I love him. hahaha
17:55 – Soooo Malcolm keeps a spray bottle of some sort of magic “show me the blood” water? Nah – the writers wrote it into the show for this scene’s convenience.
18:05 – I love this. Malcolm’s nonchalant approach to his mother and Gil’s budding relationship. He’s like a little kid who doesn’t want to get his hopes up. He’s using the mentality of “If I don’t acknowledge it, it’s not happening. Therefore, if it goes wrong – I won’t get hurt by it.” It’s really sad and I wish he didn’t run away from something that will potentially be good but I also get it.
18:06 – I also respect Malcolm a lot in this scene and am irritated by Dani. Look – they both adore Gil. They’re both protective of Gil (and in Malcolm’s case Jessica). Here’s where they’re different: Malcolm recognizes and respects that Gil and Jessica are adults who can make their own decisions. Dani doesn’t. Dani is acting like a preteen trying to break up Dad and the new step-mom she isn’t sure of. Dani and Malcolm both have their hearts in the right place but I disagree with Dani’s response to the relationship. I also understand where she’s coming from given what we know about Dani’s bio Dad.
18:39 – It’s not supposed to be funny but holy hell. Malcolm putting his head on the floor to listen is hilarious.
19:00 – I’m getting major John Watkins flashbacks. Malcolm breaks down a lot of walls where serial killers once hung out. Is that supposed to be some sort of subtle comment on Malcolm’s character?
20:33 – Damn. Malcolm’s hair is long this season.
20:55 – aannnnnd here are the murder gloves from the Endicott flashbacks.
21:30 – Something about Malcolm dancing to this music in this supremely manic state is really upsetting to me. It just makes me uncomfortable.
22:13 – I’m so worried about Malcolm right now. Holy hell. Get him to Gabrielle. NOW.
23:00 – A skil saw. Pretty much a small version of what Malcolm thinks he dismembered Endicott with. Yikes. Fedak really loves making Malcolm project his issues on murder suspects.
23:27 – Yep. Dani totally thinks Malcolm killed Endicott. She thinks he’s gone dark side and followed Martin’s footsteps. This is not going to be good for their friendship or the trust that they’re rebuilding.
23:50 – One of my favourite things about this show is that it can go from dark and creepy to family sitcom-esque drama in a second. It helps lighten the show’s tone a little. I mean honestly – most of the fans are here for the family drama as opposed to the ‘killer of the week’ storyline anyways.
24:10 – I love this. Jessica admitting to Malcolm that she and Gil have been discussing him for almost 25 years. You can see that Malcolm is 1) a little freaked out and 2) a little touched. For a moment you can see how badly he wants Gil and his Mom to have a long-lasting romantic relationship.
24:32 – OMG. Why did Jessica call Ainsley about Malcolm’s mental state before calling Malcolm? Is that standard Whitly family practice? I have questions.
24:40 – Yep. Dani is Concerned and Scared.
26:46 – Sooo we all agree that Martin was trying to electrocute Jerry to death right? I mean “You really shouldn’t have done that Jer-bear.”?!?! And he’s literally a serial killer?!
27:25 – Mr. David is having none of Martin’s bullshit – so how did Martin get away with it? What does Martin have on Mr. David?
27:50 – “A miracle.” Omg. Hahahaha. I love this show. So. Much.
28:09 – “clearing her brother’s name. Not murder.” Seriously, the parallels between this case and Malcolm’s personal issues are more obvious than usual this episode. Almost to the point where I’m annoyed that the other characters aren’t really catching on.
28:35 – “What happened, his brain break?” I love the way JT can simultaneously tease and be concerned about Malcolm. Ugh. It’s beautiful (and hysterical).
29:07 – Not again. Please stop putting JT in front of the camera. I’m getting second-hand embarrassment and anxiety on his behalf. It hurts to watch (funny too, but mostly painful).
29:19 – Look at Gil. Hahaha he’s so amused by JT’s awkwardness in front of the camera – but you can also see how proud he is. <3 I love papa!Gil.
29:33 – “Police work is patience.” Cute 1x05 callback. And can we all just take a minute to appreciate how much Gil loves Dani. Just look at his proud Dad face!! <3 Warms my cold, dead heart.
30:00 – Oh yeah, Dani is suspicious.
30:04 – I love how Gil seems to be the only person who truly understands Malcolm and all his quirks. <3 I love how much Gil loves Malcolm. <3 I just…ugh. <3 <3 <3 • 30:11 – “I’m a good big brother.” That line cut through my heart. He shouldn’t have been put in this position – choosing between his moral code and his brotherly instincts. It’s not fair and the stress of it is literally killing him.
30:17 – “Messed them up.” Them!?!? I’m sorry Dani, when did you and Gil start talking about Malcolm AND Ainsley?!? Last I checked this was a 100% Malcolm conversation. …she’s not wrong though.
30:33 – “There’s nothing we haven’t talked about.” I love what that suggests. To me – that means they when Dani has a bad break up, they talk about stupid stuff like what they’re cooking for dinner and songs that make them happy. I love that it suggests that Dani and Gil have talked about Jackie. Malcolm might be Gil’s fake-son but Dani is sooo Gil’s fake-daughter. <3 I can just see him getting all overprotective when she gets a new boyfriend even though he knows damn well that Dani is more than capable of taking care of herself – he can’t help it, Dani is his little girl. <3 <3 <3
31:00 – Ugh….ok. So this scene. I’ve seen a lot of mixed reactions about it. I have a bit of a mixed reaction myself tbh. On one hand, I love that they have the type of relationship where they can openly discuss this. On the other hand – it feels forced and it really rubs me the wrong way. Dani is just way out of line here. She’s totally attacking Jessica and Gil is kind of letting her? I mean I think it upsets me so much because Gil isn’t even really defending Jessica. Also, that line about Jackie thinking the Whitly’s are cursed?!? Wtf is that?!? No. No. We know that Jackie loved Malcolm like a son. Jessica has said that Jackie was kind. What is this cursed nonsense?!?!? I refuse to believe it. And the fact that Jessica heard it all breaks my heart. Like – it physically hurts me to watch this scene for all of the above reasons. But I also kind of understand why we got the scene – to further explore the Gil+Dani dynamic and to add some angst to the Jessica/Gil romance.
33:00 – Oh hell yes. I love this danger.
34:10 – Amazing how calm Malcolm is while the killer is literally going through his murder weapon collection. Like he hasn’t been this calm all episode?
35:10 – Ahhhh here’s manic!Malcolm.
35:25 – “Is it my hair?” Okay so totally hilarious, but Dani is listening to this. Can she tell that Malcolm is clearly (and weakly) deflecting the comment about him being a killer like Martin?
35:40 – Malcolm is scared. :( Someone please hug him. This is the most honest he’s been all episode. My heart is broken.
36:20 – Soooo did Malcolm just abstractly tell Dani that he’s a justice killer? Nahhhh I’m totally typing out of my ass.
37:00 – He was on the Harvard fencing team?!? Why is that adorable?
37:34 – Malcolm just cut a dude 3x. No remorse. No more fear. He’s calm. I’m terrified. Does he like hurting the killer?
37:50 – I think Dani suspects that Malcolm killed Endicott. Yep. Definitely.
38:00 – Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. This scene with JT and the cops is heart-wrenching. The fact that Dani and Malcolm come to his rescue is beautiful. The fact that JT is clearly terrified but not angry is perfect. I hate that this scene had to be made but I love how it was executed.
38:31 – Look at Malcolm’s confused, white, rich face here. He genuinely can’t believe that cops just racial profiled one of the only good people who ever accepted a serial’s killer’s son as a friend.
38:40 – I’m crying. JT’s fear (and Frank Harts’ acting) is so believable and completely haunting. I hear the subtext in this scene, “What if those cops killed JT? What would happen to his pregnant wife and unborn child?”, “How is JT going to financially support his family if he loses his job unfairly?”, “How messed up is it that a literal military veteran is terrified of fellow police officers?”.
38:44 – “You didn’t do anything wrong.” This line gives me hope. Malcolm isn’t too far gone. Malcolm still knows right from wrong and he still has a heart of gold.
38:55 – Ok. I LOVE that Gil magically shows up in this scene. BUT HOW DID HE KNOW TO COME TO THE PRECINCT?!?! LIKE WTF? Because Malcolm and JT look surprised to see Gil. Dani just looks relieved – did she call Gil?
39:10 – Gil is an absolute A+ human being. I love him. I will die for him.
39:33 – OMG. JT’s big watery puppy dog eyes have ripped my heart to shreds. <3 :(
39:45 – When I first saw this I thought Malcolm was hurt by Gil’s “and whatever Bright is”. But upon re-watching it – Malcolm looks surprised and so so touched. I’ll be honest – I don’t think Malcolm’s mental state would be so bad right now if he had had regular contact with Gil throughout COVID. Gil is Malcolm’s rock. His literal example of what a good man looks like – without him during a traumatic time Martin creeps back into Malcolm’s psyche.
40:15 – Sooo Martin is still definitely lying to Malcolm.
40:20 – Stupid little thing – there never used to be a toilet on Jerry’s side of the room. And what happened to all of Martin’s books and stuff? Did Claremont put it in storage? I mean he’s a serial killer? Jessica certainly didn’t store it for him.
40:37 – Amazing. As soon as Malcolm physically sees Gil he comes to Martin with a renewed faith in his moral code. (“I stop killers. I don’t help them.”)
41:30 – “Please don’t torture yourself for that.” Martin is right BUT that’s also why I hate him. Martin is manipulating Malcolm right now. He’s trying to convince Malcolm that he genuinely cares and loves his children. Thus destabilizing further Malcolm’s mental state.
41:36 – Also – both Tom Payne and Michael Sheen are acting their asses off here. *chef’s kiss* 10/10. I love to see it.
41:45 – Aaaannnnd there’s Martin the asshole. Completely screwing with Malcolm’s mind. Again. What a dick. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
42:00 – Look at how scared Malcolm is. I genuinely think Malcolm (whether or not he actually dismembered Endicott, I suspect he didn’t) feels good when he remembers doing it. This is BAD for Malcolm’s mental health. Yikes. : ( Poor baby.
Ok. So that’s the first episode of season 2. I really liked it. It wasn’t perfect but I’m excited for what this season might bring. Be back next week.
#jess-rewatches-prodigal#malcolm bright#prodigal son#gil arroyo#dani powell#JT Tarmel#ainsley whitly#martin whitly#edrisa tanaka#jessica whitly#I LOVE this show#whump#rewatch#spoliers#malcolm needs a hug#ps#so good#2x01#2x1#it's all in the execution#s2
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