#not really that tired anymore but i AM very sad! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

arielluva · 5 months ago

Text

remember when i said i was tired at like 10:30 and then i binged the entirety of houseki no kuni and now its almost 4 am and ourghhhhhhh

#not really that tired anymore but i AM very sad!#i dont think a manga has made me cry like that before what the fuck!#i dont think i fully understood everything but i guess thats what the 1st go around is for.#being blasted with info and being confused and then later you can understand #i got the gist though and. ourgh #i was holding it together until the last like. 10-15 chapters and then i broke #ue ue ue *gets hit by train*#i started the anime on a whim and i finished it and was like 'ok i liked that i guess ill read the manga'#now here i am! yesterday me could not have predicted this!#time to be sad and sleep i guess #:((((((((((

1 note · View note

thekittyokat · 7 months ago

Text

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

187 notes · View notes

talkorsomething · 5 months ago

Text

I have Got to get more transgender

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #transmasc #trans ftm #transgender #i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever #so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL #it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks #such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also #or like. exist in general maybe #reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically #idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again #i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this #i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian #like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty #miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes #partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it #as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once #didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.

8 notes · View notes

silverselfshippingchaos · 9 days ago

Text

ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..

#ash rambles 💚#negative #part of it is definitely the weather #it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed #but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today #im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up #and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see #me as more than a friend and other stuff like that #i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and #i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that #if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore #what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked #to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s #just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me #being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO #I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot #and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as #though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and #i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA #holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always #bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles #(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if #I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later #i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..

3 notes · View notes

topaztimes · 7 months ago

Text

Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that

#Giving time...#Still more time...#Wouldn't want to plague any previews #Maybe another filler. Just for some fun #Is this enough?#It certainly is now #Alright start:#I'm so bored. I am so incredibly; intrinsically; entirely bored. I have been taught the same thing for four years straight #'It's only four years!' that's literally a quarter of my lifetime right there. My formative years are being spent stressed and in a state /#/of constant self-loathing #I was watching a YT video and the phrase 'attention-starved STEM major' came up and I was like. Yea #What am I even working towards? The hope that my version of capitalist hell isn't as bad as everyone else's? I'm just so sick of not /#/having a stable future what with politics and normal working people becoming more and more oppressed #I don't want to work and that's not because I'm lazy. It's because my brain is recognising that there is no reward anymore #I used to have such a little spark in Yr7. I remember having things to say and wanting to share everything I've done #I still do that now; sure I do. I don't enjoy it though #I thought I liked drawing but I'm realising that all I really like is the attention. I COULD draw things I like drawing... but then I /#/ don't get attention which my mind then classifies as zero reward #I'm very tired of doing things for no credit; reward; or validation. This is becoming a theme #Then I wonder what I'm doing wrong. What part of the algorithm am I not hitting. Then I realise that I'm just not marketable in a way #God. I'm seriously breaking rn. It's not even only because of GCSEs #It's just a culmination of doing all these things to be told that I am unworthy of Having as a result. It doesn't matter if I'm smart; my /#/ parents still don't own their house and can't afford to pay for heating most days #Literally what am I doing this for #And then I realise that all of this is ALSO attention-seeking behaviour! I'm my own worst problem; I recognise exactly what's wrong with /#/ myself but the body wants what it wants. And what it wants is validation that I'm not going to get in this life #Hi guys! Maybe don't interact. That could fix me #Wean me off of needing virtual numbers just to feel something. Jesus #I can't even be happy with the things that I make for myself. Because I make nothing for myself anymore #It's just a whole sad existence of an expected 12hr+ of school every day until I get a job I guess. Then it's 12hr+ of job every day until

5 notes · View notes

1roentgen · 5 months ago

Text

.

#tired and sad today #idk what i want anymore and idk how to change anything but i every day i am more certain this cannot continue #everything’s fucking stupid man like i didn’t ask to be born now i’m not even allowed to not be alive cuz oooo people got feelings and shit #was it a greentext? that imaginary torture room with a sandpaper treadmill floor or whatever #if anyone knows what i’m talking about #i don’t mean to be melodramatic but that’s seriously how it feels to be alive for me exdee #like i’m just doing nothing being dragged along slowly being scraped into nothing #soon i’ll be an unfeeling lump of meat and viscera.i guess #now it really just doesn’t feel very nice #to exist or do anything or not do anything #i am incompatible with life #the guilt eats me alive #i’m sorry i’m not happy… i’m sorry it isn’t enough #i’m sorry i can’t do more and be better idk why i just cant pick myself up and keep moving for that long anymore #smh everything sucks dude #i’m going to bed #new day tmr #it will probably be mildly agonizing but generally tolerable as always #and always and always and always and

2 notes · View notes

hecksupremechips · 7 months ago

Text

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

3 notes · View notes

clerk427 · 8 months ago

Text

Tags rant

no general theme i just want to yell about stuff

will delete later i think

Upd. I am doing better but won't delete it because archiving purposes and I like to reread stuff like that as diary entries and think "haha what a feeble minded fool i was"

#i think i am now extremely unhappy with my art #all i do is doodle or draw stuff for college that i don't really like #and i mean #it's fun and all #but i don't feel like it's art #and i think i started dreading doing full rendered art #because it will take so long and i need to make sh*t in 5 minutes #i don't know if it's an adhd thing or i'm just impatient i don't know i don't #and i'm sad my faith hyperfixation is fading away because it was so fun #i want to draw john but i don't know what to do w him anymore #i was never good with fanart #fanart is so freaking difficult how do people come up with good ideas all the time #all i can think about is oc stuff but it's almost never pretty and #i don't knowwwwww i am dreading i'll have to work with art #why did i think being a designer is a good idea i want nothing to do w it #i am so afraid of the future i am afraid i will have to work till the day i die #it's scary i am scared i want to do nothing i am tired for no reason at all #i have no idea where to even... live?#i should save up and try to leave this God forsaken country #but i am mortified of living on my own #i am just #i'll be fine i'll cry for a bit and everything will get better #but i am not very happy rn i'm sorry #that's about that i'm really sorry i am just scared #I WANT TO FEEL GOOD FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES AT A TIME PLEASE

3 notes · View notes

theultracharmingladynoire · 1 year ago

Text

i am considering deactivating for real tbh

#n rambles #I don't want to because I don't want to lose everything this blog has given to me #but I also don't see any point in it anymore #like. idk if it's because rl has been really hectic and tiring and kind of unpleasant of late #Or if it is because of all the stupid stuff I see everyone I go to the tags #And it feels like my love/interest for yoi also is slowly waning away...idk. this makes me sad #idek why this is happening. Like obviously it's because I've seen the whole show already there's no new material either #But like usually this doesn't even matter I'd be reading fanfics and stuff and still like it very much?#But I guess I've seen too much of drama and negativity whenever this show is even just mentioned and it tires me out. And pisses me off.#I have tried to curate my dash and fandom experience so hard but this just keeps happening and I feel like I am whining about it on here #I don't know. Everything kind of feels shitty lol

7 notes · View notes

strwbrymlkshake · 2 years ago

Text

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

23 notes · View notes

thursdayg1rl · 1 year ago

Text

hate this DAMN household i will never excape

#on god i will kms if tomorrow goes bad bc i dontcare anymore actually #like idk i think maybe im a person who just isnt cut out for living sorry i just cant do it #everything makes me tired everything hurts i hate everyone everyone hates me lets just cut our losses.#will i really kms over the worst person in the world calling me 'very selfish and intentionally numb and cruel human being'. to be seen #of course i am intentionally fucking numb bc feeling anything here is a death sentence..#yeah genuine posibility. like i know 'life gets better' or whatever but i dont think for me actually 👍🏼#i think i will go from being sad and alone here to sad and alone somewhere else and i cannot actually live like this #ok need to stop crying so i can tell her im not going to school tomorrow

2 notes · View notes

salsflore · 2 years ago

Text

#going back to school tmrw and i obviously have Feelings™️ abt that #warning this is a vent? post? idk not really cuz i'm not sad nor do i need comfort and theres nothing for me to really vent about but #well! i suppose you can just call it a way for me to talk about my feelings a little. but the way i am right now? i'm actually fine so if #anyone reads this then don't worry! ya know but. anyways this morning i woke up and overheard something i shouldntve #and for a moment (and what feels like the veryyy first time in my life) i considered if it was worth it to kms LOL a bit overdramatic right #to clarify i WOULD NEVER. i do not want to die but just! very briefly‚ i thought it’d be better if i did #(only for that short short short moment) did i consider if it was truly the best thing to do. like there was a possibility i really would #but i know i would never actually #and now i just wonder what i should do! i guess. like where do i go from here? what am i supposed to do to cope?#how do i get better? very obviously i don’t wanna get stuck in the same sad loop of self pity or anything!#so when therapy isn’t an option‚ and school (an unavoidable) seems to be 85% of the problem‚ what CAN i do if not just tolerate it?#what option is there for me? reach out to my friends? i feel like talking it out doesn’t do anything for me anymore #my calendar is littered with small events and reminders just so i can get by. when does it get better? where do i go from here because it #very much feels like i'm going to be stuck in this cycle forever. i know theres good intentions but i am Very tired of hearing #people say they're there for me and articles telling me to go outside and touch the flowers i!#i don't know what to do with myself anymore. i think i'm going to have to live with this feeling forever actually #but i really do want to get better. i suppose i just don’t know how #⠀mika’s chatroom !⠀

5 notes · View notes

cerberin · 4 days ago

Text

someone sent me a random package and i ended up crying all day about it

#23/11/24 #someone sent me a love heart necklace and my sister persuaded me to check if it was him #after 6 months of no contact and thinking i was doing so well #i text him and i regret it #i know he wouldn’t send that i don’t know why i listened to her #or why my heart entertained the idea #i thought i was doing so well with getting over him. i thought i finally accepted that he just doesn’t have feelings for me anymore #that i need to let him go for good #then that stupid necklace gave me delusional hope that maybe just maybe he did still have feelings for me #he doesn’t #he played with me #he kept going back and forth on whether it was him or not until i made him promise that it wasn’t #i cried all day #i told him i hoped it was him and i feel so fucking stupid for saying anything #he didn’t say anything back #ofc he didn’t and i knew he wouldn’t #he doesn’t have feelings for me and he hasn’t for a very long time #i am nothing but a familiar conversation to him #i thought i’d accepted it and i thought i was over it but it all came crashing down and i’m back to feeling so empty and sad now we’re not #talking again #6 months gone down the drain for what #it wasn’t even him #i know i’m nothing to him #i just wish i could lose my childish ridiculous love for him #i know he doesn’t care about me or love me why the fuck do i still have these feelings for him #i’m so tired of being in pain #i just want to love someone and they love me back for real this time #i just want someone that feels the same about me that i do about them #that would do the same for me as i would for then #it just feels like i’m 14 again and i’ve spent a whole decade loving people wholeheartedly that just don’t or never did really truly love me

0 notes

kavehater · 4 days ago

Text

I’ve been teaching my sister how to play Genshin for some of the past hours today and I hope she quits bc now I feel really guilty about it I don’t want her to waste all her time on it and Im thinking abt why she even wanted to start the game and now I feel even more horrible bc of some reasons that I kinda feel guilty explaining

#dora daily #idk how to tell her maybe she should focus on other things and games #I don’t know I’m overthinking bc everything rn is such a mess and my heart hurt so bad earlier and I felt like throwing up and stuff idk #what to do #everything is somehow going worse and worse it feels like it’s snowballing out of control but it’s because why is everyone so mean to me #like all I have ever wanted is just to be seen but I’m always invisible to everyone and people OFTEN tell me they forget abt me so many #times that it’s more often they forget me than remember #why am I so forgettable and why do I get replaced like idk what’s wrong with me #what’s so horrible abt my personality I don’t understand like is it the way I think ? I think it’s the way I think #but I can’t change how my brain is wired or how it functions I just don’t know how to fix it #I swear I’ve tried everything for years and years I’ve spent since my very early years trying to find out what’s wrong with me and why #it’s so hard for ppl to like me I’ve tried to change everything it doesn’t work and only six months ago I found out why people don’t like me #just by trial and error #it’s my brain and the way I think it’s just all wrong idk how I’m meant to think but it’s not meant to be like this #my personality is all wrong my likes are all wrong my thinking and everything is all wrong and I’m stuck like this unless I somehow do #some surgery on my brain to fix how I think I’ll be like this forever #I wish I could just fold myself up into a little version of myself and just put it away to take up the least amount of space in this world #I’ll never belong in this world and I don’t want to be here anymore #shoot I can barely even see the text on my keyboard bc I just can’t stop crying #I always said my parents should’ve never gotten married they were never a match my mum should’ve gotten an abortion when she found out like #she never even liked my dad anyways #fuck how do I stop crying my mum is gonna be here soon and she’s gonna start laughing at me like she usually does when I tear up I’m #straight up bawling LOL imagine she sees that I’ll be made a mockery more than I already am this is so humiliating and pathetic. why do I #care sm now I’ve never wanted to be alive but now I’m so sad because I really don’t want to be here anymore but I don’t know what to do #my head hurts now maybe I should go to sleep maybe it’ll help me forget about this at least for a while longer #I’m just so sad I have to manually ask ppl to care about me I’m so tired I have to do this with everyone #I’m not even angry anymore I’m just so sad I’m sad that others get that care like it’s second nature but with me I have to ask and beg forit #oh ik if my mum sees I’ll just tell her I’ve been itching my eyes if she asks why they’re red LOL #It’s okay if nobodyll ever like me like I like them right ? I don’t have to get liked back as long as I give love to others right ? then I #won’t be useless like my mum says I am at least I can have a tiny bit of use even though my love means absolutely nothing I bet it’s okay iv

1 note · View note

kabretoss · 25 days ago

Text

I think this is the kind of night where I smoke a joint and try very very hard not to think about anything at all

#it's a bad one today mates #the problem with trying to solve an ongoing issue is you have to actually address said ongoing issue #and as it turns out when there are multiple people involved in that issue #that step gets so much harder #bc 1. you have to be on the same page about the problem #and 2. you have to be on the same page about how to work on it #and 3. you then have to get everyone actually doing said work #and let me tell you i am Burnt Out from trying to get that machine running #to the point where I've developed Problem B: “how do I find a way to believe this is even possible to fix anymore"#and it's tender and delicate and everyone's doing the best they can do with what they've got on hand #and it still ends up hurting and I'm very very very very very very very tired #and no I can't really talk specifics #but if you got through all the tagspam please send me a nice picture of something #because I am devastatingly sad right now

1 note · View note

psilocybinaut · 4 months ago

Text

Gawd wtf am I doing?

#everything just feels so stagnant rn #probably not helpful im just listening to sad boy neo soul and smoking pot on loop #while doom scrolling #idek what i fucking want anymore #shit just keeps getting more expensive #option pool keeps decreasing #the overwhelming urge to drown on pleasure until i choke is like a black cloud that keeps growing larger and larger over my shoulder #i need to hold #and be held #tho you do me wrong now my love for you is strong now you really got a hold on me #and like that the orbit of the earth stopped entirely #is the universe trying to tell me something?#idk how much of anything we learn frok comfort #but i am very tired of learning at this point #i just want warm soft comfort and embrace #my heart feels so heavy #but my brain is no less broken #all this weight and pressure #and it still feels like i cant cry #i dont even know what im sad for #maybe im just tired

1 note · View note