#i told him i hoped it was him and i feel so fucking stupid for saying anything
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강태현 一 ᴘᴜᴘᴘʏ ᴘʀɪɴᴄᴇꜱꜱ .ᐟ
soobin has his good friend taehyun watch his puppy for a night... but she unexpectedly goes into heat! he can't give in to her begging, he isn't even her owner! oh, but she's just so cute when shes needy...
★ pairing。kang taehyun x fem!reader x choi soobin g。⧼ 📖 ⧽ smut , pwp cw。non-idol au・puppy hybrid!reader・mating cycles/in heat・breeding kink・mean dom!taehyun・degredation and praise kink・doggy style・unprotected sex・talk of creampies・manhandling・strength kink・allusions to group sex ・frottage ・sex on furniture ・daddy kink at the very end wc。1. 1 k | to library。
★ requested。" pet sitter!taehyun and puppy hybrid!reader " from my darling @jenomov
notes from lia。i'm not the biggest fan of how this turned out, for some reason i find hybrid!reader difficult to write... but i hope you all enjoy it!!!
“hyung, what do i do?” taehyun whispers urgently into his phone, sat ramrod-straight against the back of the couch. his leg bounces nervously, free hand white knuckling the armrest as if it were the only thing keeping him upright— it very well could be with how you were clambering on top of him.
“taehyunnie, just once, please? i promise i’ll be a good girl!” you whine into his ear, nails scratching desperately at his soccer jersey. your soft puppy ears tickle his tan skin.
“holy shit, is that her?” soobin’s voice crackles over the receiver, sounding more amused than anything. “i’ve never heard her talk like that before. aww, she sounds so sad…”
“hyung.” taehyun grits his teeth. “i’m being serious. you gotta come back, i don’t know what to do— i knew i shouldn’t have agreed to watch her, i told you i don’t know a damn thing about hybrids!”
“are you sure she’s in heat?” came soobin’s reply.
“are you serious?! do you think i’m stupid? she’s dripping all over my fucking lap.”
it was a sight that taehyun was sure would stay with him for the rest of his life. those tight little shorts you were wearing did nothing to stop the outpour of slick dribbling down your thighs, soaking through your clothes to the point they’ve molded themselves against the curves of your ass and pussy. you grind your cunt down hard and desperate against his jean-clad thigh, rubbing your clit against the rough fabric and leaving a large noticeable wet spot in the denim. it was obscene, like some dirty fantasy from the recesses of his imagination come to life. taehyun could feel his sanity chipping away bit by bit every agonizing second he sat there like an idiot watching you seduce and defile him. as much as he tried to will it away, his cock was growing so hard that it was starting to get painful, the throbbing shaft straining against his fly as if it were trying to burst through. he could tell from the glee on your face that you could feel it against your thigh.
but you were soobin’s no matter how hard his dick got, even if he was the one that you were begging for. the fingers of his free hand shake with the effort it took for him not to grip himself through his pants.
“a pretty bad storm’s blown through the city, there’s no way i can come back home tonight.” soobin sighs, snapping taehyun’s wandering attention back to the conversation in hand. “besides, as bad as it makes me feel, i can’t miss this conference. the ceo is going to be there; my entire job depends on this stupid presentation. i’m so nervous i feel like i’m gonna be sick… “
“tyunnie….” you mewl into his neck, tearing his attention back to you. your voice was honeyed and dripping with desperation, sugary sweet whimpers and whines tugging at taehyun’s belly deliciously. so pathetic, erotic, and debauched… better than any pornstar he’s ever heard. he can’t tear his eyes away from your drippy cunt and it’s hypnotic movements against him, the way he could see you getting wetter and wetter through your soaked little boy shorts. “it hurts so bad, feels so empty— need to get bred, please, just give me your cock!”
“holy shit, she sounds so slutty…” soobin sighs wistfully, just as distracted by you as taehyun was. “god, what i wouldn’t give to be back home right now… why aren’t you taking care of my baby? she’s asking so nicely, using her words like i taught her to— do you not want to help her?”
taehyun splutters, shamefully unable to force himself to stop you when you paw at the bulge in his pants, pretty watery eyes looking up at him wantonly; for a frightening moment, taehyun wondered if you could somehow read his mind.
“i-i mean, yes, i do— but. um.” the sensation of your wet hot tongue lazily swiping across his jawline makes his entire body jolt, his erection twitching against your squeezing hand. he chokes on a moan, instead squeaking oddly into the receiver. “s-she’s your hybrid, hyung. you would be better for her anyway, are you sure you don’t want to just wait until you get back..?”
“i’m saying it’s okay, aren’t i? she can’t wait that long. take care of her for me, i’ll be home tomorrow.”
︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶
taehyun’s never felt this dirty in his life. your wagging tail brushes against his abs as he pounds you over the armrest, your face mashed into the couch cushions by his broad hand pushing down on the back of your head. your floppy ears bounce along with your tits with his thrusts, your plump ass smacking loud and wet against his hipbones. there’s so much slick that it drips down both of your legs to the floor, a puddle forming at your feet. his other hand grips tightly on your meaty thigh, holding your leg up to get his thick fat cock impossibly deeper inside of your tight, gushing little pussy. your sopping shorts and panties dangle uselessly from your ankle.
“you like it like this, huh?” taehyun spits, his words rough and choppy with exertion. “ass up, face down like an animal? nasty whore. breeding bitch.”
“yesyesyes!” you wail in rapture, voice muffled against the cushion. “breed me, breed me! wan’ your cum, tyunnie, please!”
taehyun’s eyes roll back in pleasure and he curses under his breath. “fuck, you want me to cum inside? fill that pussy up? you’re so fucking tight, sucking me in… been needing this cock so bad, huh?”
his bulbous cockhead rams into your cervix deliciously, making you squeal and shake. the gummy walls of your pussy pulsate around him, letting out nasty squelches as he thrusts into you maniacally. you’ve barely begun yet taehyun is already embarrassingly close to his climax, your cunt so warm and wet and just begging for him to shoot his load deep inside.
you manage to turn your head to the side despite the pressure of his hand, and taehyun can see that both your face and the couch is soaking wet. you’re crying and drooling, pink tongue stuck out as you pant and moan. you’ve never reminded him more of a dog.
“you’re gonna make me cum!” you shriek, eyes blown wide as you gaze back at him. “i’m gonna cum, feels so good, don’t stop! cum with me, tyunnie, please please please? fill my pussy up with your babies, and then we can do it again, and again.. and daddy can join when he comes home! does that sound good, tyunnie?”
god, taehyun would like nothing more.
#txt x reader#taehyun x reader#soobin x reader#txt smut#txt hard hours#txt hard thoughts#txt fic#soobin smut#soobin hard thoughts#soobin hard hours#taehyun hard thoughts#taehyun hard hours#taehyun smut#taehyun fanfic#soobin fanfic#txt imagines
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later, then | i. rin
✮ tags ; gn!reader, pre-relationship, tooth-rotting fluff, rin in his actor era, assisstant!reader. this is sfw but i am an 18+ blog so minors do not follow me lol.
✮ wc ; 1.4k
✮ a/n ; a comm for @rabbbitseason that i had to rewrite a couple of times. i rlly liked being able to write something like this. i hope u like the direction i ended up going in sdjksdj
✮ synopsis ; on his last day of filming rin tried to keep you out of his thoughts.
"Rin-kun,"
He knows your voice well enough to know it's you before he even opens his eyes. "Hn,"
"We'll be shooting your scenes next," You say, tapping his shoulder lightly. "They told me to wake you up."
It's not like Rin to fall asleep on a set somewhere, no matter how tired he is. He's usually the type to push through it no matter what. It's petty, but it feels like he's lost otherwise.
He was exhausted before hand though. Months of shooting and he still can't get used to his schedule.
He's here from a morning flight from France that he took all the way back home to Japan. After he arrived, he immediately hailed a cab and busted ass to get here on time. He would normally rest on his journey but found he couldn't bring himself to actually fall asleep.
Professor Heartbreak is a Japanese TV drama (airing domestically lived and internationally on Netflix) and Rin's first acting role. The series follows a romance between a graduate student caught in a lot of debt and her relationship to one of her pupils, college student and heir to mega corporation.
Rin has never had any interest in acting, and had even less interest in acting in a romance drama. His manager however urged (read: forced) him to take the offer, emphasizing how good it would be for his public image among other things. Of course, Rin still declined but no matter what he did - he couldn't actually seem to get out of doing it.
He's off-season now though he started filming during. He can say with confidence there's nothing he likes about the job. No matter how much his manager or director insists that all he needs is to have a pretty face - there's still a level of annoying obligation he feels towards doing it.
The reception was more positive then they were expecting. Apparently Rin is a half-decent actor. He's not playing a character he feels is so different from him, if not much more cringe.
Rin plays the love interest Yukio. Not very expressive and rich with a tendency to chase what he wants. Generally aggressive about the female love interest.
It doesn't suit him and he doubts he'll do it again. But a lot went into getting the role. If he's going to do it at all, he might as well do it well.
Rin hates shit that's half-assed after all, lukewarm acting doesn't suit him.
Today is the last day of shooting and happens to be one of the last scenes. Shooting is sometimes chronological, but not always. Regardless, after today it'll be the last time Rin steps foot on this set. No more long nights, or trying to memorize lines, no more out of place press runs. The practice season will start again and he can go back to the busy he's been used to since the debut of his soccer career.
That also means it'll be the last time you and Rin spend time in the same room. It's the first thing he thinks of when you wake him.
Rin sits up and carefully rubs his eye, careful not to disturb the makeup he wears for set.
"When the fuck did I sleep?"
You laugh under your breath, handing him a water bottle like you already knew he would want one. He takes it from you and takes a long drink trying to wake himself up.
"Been a little over an hour. Hour and a half, maybe. Did you sleep okay?"
He scowls, just slightly. "It was fine."
"I'm glad you slept well," You add, voice full of mirth and amusement as you read between the lines said all too easily.
He was moody when he came on set with you, worse then normal and refused to sleep. You suggested he rest his eyes and Rin scoffed at you for thinking he's so stupid. He's not a kid you can trick into going to sleepy.
You conceded easily, made a single sly comment about hoping he's all there when it's his turn. It'd be a shame if he had to keep shooting the same scene and ended up home late after all. Enough of a provocation to submit to your stupid suggestion.
Rin supposes this was why his manager hired you in the first place. You're in a temporary position, your contract to be in place until filming is over and Rin's back on normal scheduling. Rin realized pretty early on that you're more like a glorified babysitter then an assistant which is why he didn't have very pleasant expectations of you at the start.
But you're competent. Push without pushing too far. Clever even when it's annoying. You've known each other for a year and the only thing that binds you is work but you're with him all the time. Maybe it's just the job, but it still feels like you know him better then most.
Not like he cares.
Realizing he was tired enough to sleep and goading him into doing it are two separate things though. But you've managed both pretty easily which he can admit is a feat. You're always like that. You remind him a little of another annoying striker in that way.
A quiet settles between you. Rin gropes around for his phone, checking his messages and the time. Still a few hours until the set wraps and no doubt social obligations afterwards. He groans.
"I'm going home after we're done shooting,"
"You can't," You say, apologetic. "Manager says you have to show your face during the after party."
"That doesn't make any fucking sense."
"You're the main male love interest, you should at least drop in for a little bit. Have a beer, unwind."
"I don't like drinking,"
"A soda then. Don't be so stubborn."
Rin huffs, carefully pushing a hand through his hair careful not to mess up the styling. There's a beat of silence.
"Are you going?"
"To the drinking party?"
Rin looks at you as if to ask isn't it obvious. You just chuckle.
"Why?" You tease. "Will you stay longer if I go?"
Rin pauses. And it's quiet for just a second too long before he realizes. You seem to understand the implication almost instantly.
Even before Rin who catches himself just a second too late.
"...I don't mind staying with you until you've filled your quota. If that's what you're asking." You supply.
Rin frowns, faint warmth creeping his neck. "Then do that."
You fight back a smile. "Sure, sure. What time were you thinking of leaving?"
"As soon as possible," He says bluntly. You laugh that time. Brightly. Sincerely.
"Seems like a waste. You can handle fifteen minutes without me, right? Doesn't feel like I need to go if we're gonna part ways so soon anyhow."
Rin pouts. A petulant, ugly feeling in him. He speaks without thinking. "You're saying it like we're never gonna see each other again,"
You both catch it.
"Are we?" You're grinning at him where you stand next to him, eyes cast down to look at his face. He fights off a blush but fails to keep from turning red. Fuck. "Seeing each other again, I mean."
He doesn't know what it is exactly that makes him answer the way he does.. "No shit."
You grin, beam really - and your fingers brush his hand on the couch. Rin jolts, clearly in deeper than he thought.
"Okay. Then let's go together and get something to eat after," You say, coy. "Since we're seeing each other again,"
Rin rubs a hand on the nape of his neck.
"Shut up. Fine. Whatever,"
You laugh again no longer hiding it. He hands his water bottle to you as he gets called onto set. Standing to his feet, he takes a breather to stretch out all his limbs.
You give him a mischievous smile, staring at him openly when something seems to strike you. Like you've just realized something.
"Rin-kun. Bend down a little. I need to tell you something."
Confused but not concerned, he complies without thinking.
You place your copy of the script strategically to obscure both your faces, and in a single split second - Rin feels something soft and warm press against his cheek followed by another giggle like a bell chime. He flusters, instantly scowling and tomato-faced and nearly cussing as you look so self-satisfied.
(Warm. So warm where you linger on his skin. Hot where you've touched him despite how brief.)
"For good luck. I'll see you later then. Knock 'em dead, okay?"
He curses under his breath before they call him one more time and he watches you disappear to go do the other half of your job. He puts his hand to his cheek and takes a breath.
Stupid. He closes his eyes and buries the explosion of feeling in him as he replies to no one in particular.
"Idiot."
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stress reliever pt2 - captain price
cw: lowkey aggressive price ngl y’all.. forced breeding, bathroom sex and lowkey:.. for like two seconds istg r@pe
“so, will you be taking me up on drinks tonight rookie?” Gaz smiled, holding the door to the armory open as you both brought back magazines for the new machine guns.
“you never stop trying do you?” you chuckled, shaking your head as the heat crept upon your cheeks.
it had been a full week today since you and Price had that little. moment. things have been weird and while he did ignore you for half the week, he’s been trying to apologize and be around you. however you don’t even let him get close, going so far as to ignore when he talk to you during drills or mission assignments.
everyone’s kinda picked up on it. you told them it was something stupid he said and you were just being petty. you knew that was wrong, but hearing you say that gave the captain hope that you’d talk to him soon.
but he’s noticed youve actually completely blocked him out your life, almost at if he were invisible! flirting with Gaz in the trucks, requesting him as a partner for almost everything. he was truly fed up and had no intent on letting this go any further.
“i do not. so. i’ll see you at Danny’s bar tonight at 8:30.” he said, grabbing the other box in your arms before pushing his way to the front of the crowded room, placing the boxes at the front table. Price noticed how you two walked in together, and late.
“3 minuets late. something happen that took up 3 minuets of our time soldiers?” his voice boomed, as you shuffled through the tall men to take your place in the front. “uh no sir just-“ “gaz was asking her out! look at his face it says it all over.” one of the recruits blurted out, causing an eruption of laughter throughout the room. all except one person of course.
price’s eyes met your cold ones, before you rolled them and shifted your way back out the door. “take 10. i better see guns in everyone’s hands fully loaded once i get back, Gaz.” he spat, slamming his clip board on the desk.
you were already well into the women’s restroom, sitting on the sink as you waited out the meeting. or so you thought.
within a minuet price was busting through the door, nose flared and eyes low. “price you sick fuck get out this is the women’s bathroom!” you exclaimed, jumping at the burly man’s sudden entrance.
“i’m yourw goddam captain have you forgotten that?” “yea and you’re also a fucking dick so now what?” you scoffed, almost laughing at his anger.
you felt no remorse of course, he literally ghosted you for a week. “now if we’re done here can you get out? id like to pee now.”
price didn’t like that.
with swiftness, both your hands were pinned to the sink behind you, Price’s body pushed right against yours. “you think you’re funny? think you’re tough shit hm?” he asked, his voice low, grip on yours wrists tight.
price was more than angry with you. of course he was wrong for how he ignored you. but he’s here now he’s trying to fix it. and you’re going on dates with other guys? it made him wonder..
“you’re going on dates either our baby inside you? hm?” to which he got a chuckle from you. “you ignored me, completely, and expected me to keep it? to not take a pill?” another laugh.
for a moment, he felt like his heart stopped and literally dropped. i mean you weren’t wrong for what you did, but the fact you still did it shook him a bit to his core. but that quickly became anger.
his grip on your wrist became almost enough to snap it in half, earning a yelp from you. he yanked you, turning you so your face was smooshed against the bathroom mirror. one hand wrapped around your waist, undoing your pants and yanking them down. no panties.
“Price get the fuck off me!” you cried out, teyinf to move your hips to a voice his hand but all you did was rub up on his cock, poor thing.
he scoffed, feeling his pants grow tight. you too, felt your pussy begin to throb. just slightly tho.
“no panties? what anyone can fuck you now?” he asked, taking his large, calloused hand and rubbing the curve of your ass, every so gently. “you wanna fuck Gaz? want his cock inside you not mine anymore?” he pouted, eyes wandering to meet yourw in the mirror.
you whimpered, the once confident and mean girl in you disappearing into this weak, submissive one. “answer me.” he spat, landing a sharp smack right on the curve of your ass. you yelped, backing into him and feeling the tent in his pants. “n-no no just you. i promise.”
he rolled his eyes before placing yet another smack to your ass. “liar.”
he kept one hand around your waist, the other huridly yanking his pants off his body. oh how much his cock hurt, restricted in his pants while your wet pussy rubbed against it. it was torture.
it was torture fucking into your stolen panties(by him ofc), moaning your name out every night as he overstimmed his cock. how he reminisced on the feeling of coming inside your warm hole, how you rejected it but he still forced all of it inside you. he could never not cum to that night.
“i told you. quit. i told you i’d take care of you.” he spit onto the head of his cock, spreading it with his free hand as he looked back at you in the mirror. “you’re gonna have my fucking baby. gonna make you mind forever.”
for a moment you felt his head, the next he was almost balls deep inside you. price knows how loud you can get, how sensitive you are. but this time, he was so blinded by anger, he didn’t even care.
so, when you moaned out to him bottoming out inside you, instead of covering your mouth like usual, he slid all the way back before shoving himself right back inside you, gasping at how well your pussy took him in.
“p-price please it.. it hurts.” you cried, tears brimming your eyes as you felt his cock make its way back inside you. but he wasn’t listening. in fact, he was way to busy drooling, literally, watching how your pussy sucked his back up again and again, watching how wet his cock got everytime it came out. “o-oh bunny..” he groaned, his hips picking up speed slowly.
your hands pressed flat against the mirror, watching as your captains head fell back, letting his moans out just as he pleased, no remorse or fear of anyone walking in. “you’re gonna.. gonna be such a good mommy.” he breathed out, his hands moving from your hips to the edge of the sink.
he looked down to you in the mirror, watching as your teary eyes squeezed shut, biting your bottom lip as to not give him the satisfaction that he’s satisfying you. but he saw right through you and laughed, picking up his speed.
“you can try baby i know my cocks making you feel good.. just listen to how good i making you feel.” he smirked, leaning down to your ear and gently tugging it with his teeth. “i know how to make my baby feel good.”
it’s true tho. your pussy was absolutely exposing how good and how much you wanted, no, how much you needed this. “f-fuck Price i hate you.” you choked out, all while tilting your head back to look up at him.
“you hate me baby?” you nodded quickly, whimpering out each thrust he gave. he loved it when you told him you hated him. made coming inside you that much more hot. and you knew that, please.
“tell me how much you hate me.” he panted, letting his hand slip up your body to your throat, holding you there while his cock plunged in and out of you. “i-i hate you and.. and you’re stupid f-face. i never.. wanna see you again.” you spoke, the grip of Prices hand growing tighter as you spoke and as he got closer.
he whimpered out, squeezing his eyes shut as he felt his cock twitch inside you. “tell me you don’t want my cum baby. tell me please.”
despite your mouth being dry from all the harsh breathing you’ve had to do, you swallowed your spit and spoke out. “p-please get off me. i-i don’t want your baby please.”
price panted above you. his eyes rolling back as he felt you begin to pulse around his cock. oh how he loved when you did that, chanting how you didn’t wanna take his cum, but you were milking him so fucking well.
“i-i’m coming baby.. hold still for me.” his hands quickly found your hips, giving a few more deep, fast thrusts as his tip hit right at your gspot . “f-fuck it’s coming baby i-im…” for the first time, Price was actually whimpering out from the pleasure, his legs growing shaky as he used you as stability.
“h-holy.. oh my God..” he panted, his body pressed totally up against you as you bent over the sink painfully. you felt his cock still pulsing inside you, his rapid heartbeat on your back.
for a moment, you wanted to cry. cry because again you let this man fill you with his cum, just to ignore you again. you wanted to cry because you so easily melt in his hands every single time. so you let a tear or two drop, both noticed by the man above you.
“i wont leave you. i… i feel so scared to be honest. i want you, i really want you baby but. i’m scared. i scared myself last time.” he confessed.
he slid out of you, not before pushing back his cum inside you for good measure of course. he caught you in his arms, your weak and wobbly legs unable to hold you up. “but i’m not gonna leave again.. please. let me take care of you. let’s start a family let’s-let’s get fucking married.” he chuckled, pulling your pants up before meeting your gaze.
“marry me. i know it’s wrong but i cant resist you. i need you..” he begged, cupping your face as his eyes locked onto yours…
uhhhh you guys can pick an ending i would love to hear alternative endings!! i find that some ppl really want there to be a different ending that i write so i leave it up to you guys
#cod#call of duty fan fiction#call of duty x reader#cod x reader#captain price#captain price smut#captain john price
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couldnt fall asleep for at least 2 full hours bc i kept thinking about it, so ... more (i hope this is the last time)
what was the point of adding isha? no i mean it! i started to like her in act 2 bc i liked mute characters and her with vanderwick where pretty cute.. those episodes are still my favorite, but shes so?? she gets dropped into jinxs lap quite literally (WHY where cross's goons (the chembaron) even chasing her?? i thought thered be some reveal or soemthign or backstory idk but no she just came out of nowhere and got chased for no reason other than to end up falling on jinx and seeing her shoot the goons) and then is given some cutesy time with em only to die horribly for literally nothing except make jinx .... suicidal ... which SHE ALREADY WAS, the entire vi and jinx fight scene at the start of the season is about her wanting vi to kill her- using isha like that is such a waste and so cheap, it served no purpose other than to give jinx and the viewer i guess the hope that things could be better even after everything only to rip it all away again and make it all even worse, but it already was so bad that it falls incredibly flat, and aside from jinx being worse than ever mentally no one seems to really mind? (ALSO feels slimy bc she was mute, mute kid chaarcter only gets used as a cheap way to make mentally unwell character even more mentally unwell)
magma vanderwick ... how ... what was that then? i thought it was either singed who was left alone in the greenhouse with vanderwick using that serum on him that supposedly .. does something to prevent viktor from bringing vanders mind fully back (no other information on that?) or it was viktor 'dying' that made all other cult people flop over and get taken/into stasis, and bc vanderwick was such a strange creature it took vander or part of him but not the beast- but then in act 3 ..... singed uses that serum THERE, so it wasnt him doing anything and him standing ominously in the broken greenhouse was jsut to .. show singed was still alive bc that fucker cant ever die- AND when stupid viktor turns people into fugly robots (im pretty sure, unless im mixing up what mind erased him) you see his memories being burned, so hollowed out .. which means that he was still himself? so it wasnt that viktors 'death' erased vander and left the beast bc it was still both at that point .... what the fuck was up with him then at the end of act2??? why did he go all volcano??
AND then at the end with the weird vi getting emotional over fugly robo vanderwick scene the beast i guess is STILL there .. but when you get turned like that you just turn into a robot and your mind ceases to exist, he already had vander erased, but then gets taken and turned robo so the beast should be gone too?? no`??? even if i remember it wrong and it was viktor who mind erased just vander- again problem as before, why did he go volcano then?? AND why did he slump over dead eyed after it? shouldnt the beast take over immediately when vanders gone??
....did jinx even interact at all with sevika after the scene in stillwater?? i dont think so, what a joke honestly, sevika was pretty much part of the team, then she gets isha out and then next time its jinx isha and vi going to search for vanderwick, the fuck has she been doing until the last episode where she doesnt say or really do a single thing???
im sorry lesbians but that sex scene was rather missplaced, not agaisnt it in general but the timing?? (any sex scene there at that time would be missplaced imo) jinx pretty clearly told vi that she will kill herself "you wont have to worry about me anymore" "im breaking the cycle" HELLO??? and while we dont know how long it took for cait to find vi down there (whereever that prison even is? not stillwater thats for sure) shouldnt vi burst out the prison and go chase after jinx the second she was freed???? i get she says soemthign like losing hope of getting through to her BUT JINX IS GOING TO KILL HERSELF?????????? and then cait and vi make out and fuck in the LITERAL SAME CELL THAT JINX WAS JSUT IN?????????? and even after that doesnt go to check on her?? you CANNOT tell me vi just gave up on her and accepted she killed herself like that
ALSO did no one know what signed was doing with vanderwick (who was still alive .. so isha kinda died uselessly, if he died then as well at least it would mess up the plan .. the stupid plan, i hate viktor cocoon hivemind shit)? they had to get vi out of there so ?? and vi also didnt like .. check if idk vanderwick was really fully dead or just go there again? even if it was secured or soemthign i dont remember her askign anything about him just jinx ... bc there she still cared at least a little bit about her i guess
jayce ... why did act2 make him out to be all mad and like he was given a mission by ekko and heimer (bc he says "i wont fail them" THEM) but then its revealed it was old future viktor who send him back/gave him the mission- ALSO why was he so extreme and mad in act2 when .. yes in act 3 you see him go through that torture in the cavern but when he climbs up hes relatively calm and collected and ignores the weird crawly monsters and has a somewhat normal conversation with old viktor .. and then he returns and is suddendly all mad and going after present viktor- WHICH ONLY MAKES IT SO IT ENDS UP LIKE THE STUPID TIMELOOP??? did i miss something or does that makes no sense?? the only reason it not ending up like that being ekkos intervention- but jayce before that seems to just .. do all that like he wants it to end like in the loop .. i thought he was trying to stop it .. what was the point?
did no one question where the heck salo went? even if he fell from grace .. it feels weird to put him to viktor, make it clear on him how viktor isnt just healing people but taking their minds bc that wasnt salo anymore and no one seems to care?
kinda similar with mel bc her being taken only really matters to ambessa (and when they reunite i expected ambessa to break tbh ...) and one comment from salo and anyone else? who cares? wasnt she in charge? i mean yeah cait took over in a sense but it still feels weird; plus on the whole mel business .. she went from big important power figure of the enterity of piltover to uh .. mage lady in black body suit so quickly? political power figure to weeee blasting vaguely gold magic stuff all over yippiiiie (but in general all political stuff just went out the window with those last episodes)
i said before how i didnt like the whole getting put into other dimension bs with ekko even if the setting was somewhat neat, but similar how weird jayces end speech to viktor felt idk .. ekko having to see, interact and .. make out with a jinx/powder that was 'normal' to see that jinx in his time still had value felt slimy to me also he conveniently gets put right there when jinx is about to kill herself (bc neither sevika nor VI went after her??or did he find her? when did he show up again? idk tbh?) and then uses the z-drive just to try and say the right thing to not make her do it and at the end to through it in viktors face ....................... and jinx showing up at the end barely changes anythign except give her another outfit/look and put her up there in order to do her 'sacrifice' .............idk it all felt so cheap
also maddie evil reveal was so .... was that really needed, like that especially? just so ambessa can tell caitlyn 'told you lol' ?
caitlyn knowing that jinx isnt gone and keeping it a secret is played as if thats a cool thing bc jinx isnt dead yippiiee but to me it makes it even worse (aside from the whole 'our story isnt over' bleurgh ouch eughgnen line of teasing more bc big corpo likes to leaves things open in case they make more expensives shows to serve nothing but the world most overblown champion and skin trailers and in case they dont well who cares) bc its just so ... slimy, am i supposed to see it as a happy end or win for vi bc she gets to be with caitlyn?? bc that is more important than her SISTER THE RELATIONSHIP TO WHICH THE ENTIRE SHOW WAS BUILT AROUND?????? adding the trope i hate 'group of people splitting up at the end bc thats clearly the best for them' FUCK THAT! Vi should have joined jinx and sevika (add isha and non robo vanderwick best case scenario, also ekko and they all get cool jinx outfits and everything, let jinx be a hero instead of a lil crazy footnote in viktors god complex) and get caitlyn on her side to fight piltover to free zaun (maybe with ambessa taking over piltover, mel returning and joining the forces of zaun forcing her to fight her even though it breaks ambessa bc she cares too much about mel or soemthing and jayce and viktor can battle it out gay boi style somewhere else or later interupting the main revolution fight idk im jsut yelling but this whole viktor god thing and robo war and whatever really went so off the rails and out of propoertion i hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh also vanderwick should get to kill singed)
..........and the line of Vi calling herself the dirt under caitlyns fingernails? ... what a line to end this stupid episode with, what a line, a zaunite calling herself dirt under her noble piltover lovers fingernails
(so ... in the end ... what was 'the arcane'? its not the void? its not jsut magic? its something fucked they created when trying to create magic but ... what was it? what where those creepy crawling things? why does it work like that? taking peoples minds? healing their bodies with metal parts but also hiveminding them? what was the hexcore in the end? what the hell was all that? where did the crystals even come from? skarners lore got erased so not there? did i just forget that? and also mages exist but also seem like a very unknown thing in the show? and then mel just is that? and the black rose? like??? what was the point??? it all just feels so pointless? what was this all for? a cheeasy happy ending where they fuck with time more to fix it all would have been satisfying to me than this ... this nothing)
okay i do have to do a mini (i call it mini now.. this is just letting my feelings about it out, so its spelled agressively bc im just so .. frustrated ... also not hate to the studio or the people working on it .. obviously >_>) rant about arcane-
SPOILERS AHEAD FOR ARCANE SEASON 2
its the most beautiful show ever produced, i mean it, its style, fortiche's (the studio) style, is just .... impossibly pretty, 3d and 2d, the animation is just so GOOD, the designs largely (like 95%) are too, the acting and sound design, the voice acting (at least the english one) is so emotional and good, the show in general is just good ... until the last episode
i have my own problems with riot declaring arcane the new canon out of nowhere and for no good reason since it was, im very sure, never conceived to be that, its a reinterpreation and works best as such, now literally everything is once again completely messed up, no one knows whats real and what isnt, no champion or story is safe, especially with the weird hexcore bullshit potentially erasing the VOID (whish is like ... half on which the canon was built on tbh) AND hextech- multiple champions being impossible to exist now .... but thats not what i wanted to talk about
i was pretty on board with everything the show did, though i wasnt a big fan of the whole hexcore stuff, but it all spiraled so far out of control, it just kept making everything worse, also with bringing in the black rose and leblanc, it kept piling stuff onto the plate despite them already compressing everything so drastically; espeically regarding viktor, but i kept my hope up even after season 2s act 2 bc it still seemed 'fixable', though not easily so
what i liked about it (in its writing) despite its pacing issues was that it was rather .. self contained for the longest time, focused on the characters and the class struggle of piltover and zaun, and doing so rather well imo, like it did and said things i did not expect riot to let through
i was worried with the alternate universe stuff that came with the escalating hexcore bullshit but held onto hope even until episode 8 and then ...man .. the last episode ... the fuck was that- like i hate timetravel and multiverses and whatever but the thing with ekko was done rather neatly ... they made all those chaarcter models and sets just for that short stuff and really .. was of little use other than getting heimerdinger out of the picture as well lmao maybe he will get his own series to advertise for 200 dollar skins in league hahaaaa but i guess the main point was to give ekko the z-drive ... which feels alot like what i feared about them forcing it to comply with the characters in game ,,,, even though that wasnt for everyone like warwick was done SO dirty after giving me hope in act two
everythings focused on the hexcore/arcane shit, theres the black rose shit (honestly i think it was a mistake bringing them in too bc .. noxus is its entire own region with so many champs and story itself that got connected via ambessa .. which was a new character the show made up until they made her a champ now .. its just too much to put into this one show already going at a breakneck pace), mel doing her bit with them then bam she mage now which felt like a champion teaser more than an organic part of the story, especialyl with how hard it got pushed later (poor little riots gotta sell more game cosmetics uwu), jayce just taking over control again and everyone going with it, singed reviving stupid version victor via using vander/warwick WHO WAS STILL ALIVE AFTER ISHA BLEW HERSELF UP TO STOP HIM FROM KILLING EVERYONE (which was ALREADY pretty cheap, but i guess jinx had to be even more suicidal than she already was heehoo), dont even ask me HOW, viktor was just whoops from corpse to im a cocoon now, ambessa being so obsessed with it, the entire class struggle being """"solved"""" by piltover and zaun fighting stupid viktors weird ass robot shitheads together and then acting like giving sevika a seat at the council is the solution to it, half the cast just dying horribly for honestly no reason?? ORIANNA being now i guess some weird viktor robot but without the mindcontrol part and singed just kinda ... winning i guess by giving her cocoon some goo of stupid viktors cocoon
it just all ... turning from this so drama, character and class struggle thing into weird ass dimension hopping magical world war that all gets solved bc we fought together once uwu AND it being a fucking timeloop WITHIN what ONE episode? and that being the ENDING (i know i know the hexcore bs was building up throughout the show but it still felt so .. unearned and sudden ... )
also i got personal gripes with the 'ending' bc .. was it REALLY an ending like they kept saying?? was it?? viktor, jayce, heimerdinger, jinx are just disappeared i guess, mel going back to noxus- the fucking 'our story isnt over' tease???? the last minute appearance of swains fucking raven???? pecking at something blue and shining like idk a hex crystal??? SHUT UP i dont want more to come, this story should have had its self containing ending, not this open ended bullshit that just reeks of corporate meddling bc they want their game to connect to their popular show as much as possible now so we gotta bring in as many teases and connections to other champions YIPPIEEEEE (yelling)
also if jinx is dead, wow, what a way to end her story, the traumatized suicidal character being tortured and tortured especially after seemingly having something good for once (i liked act 2 except for its ending the most bc ... man jinx was so enjoyable there, i loved her dynamic with vi and isha and half wolf vander warwick with the beast and man struggle i love alot, that part was genuinely beautiful, i wasnt a fan of the idea of idk ekko doing time stuff and them having a happy ending bc i just dont like going back in time to fix everything kinda stuff, but i would have much much prefered that, not changing the existing story into the perfect world where everythings happy (though i liked that part ... vander silco being gay husbands like that is just so goood) but to fix what is fixable in the present- them still having gone through alot but being able to live with it, so act 2 setup was honestly my favorite way to not invalidate everything and still have something happy .... but no we gotta kill the kid to make jinx even worse and vander/warwick too while we are at it
if shes not dead (given you see a blimp(?) flying away and her scribbles showing up and caitlyn looking at the blueprints of the hexgates) then ... ??? oh yeah lets make her leave zaun and just idk go be the main character in noxus or soemthing for the next show they are gonna do bc jinx is popular so putting her everywhere is a good idea!!!1!!11
ALSO since vander/warwick is my favorite .. i thought maybe after isha doing that, if they dont reverse it, hed get taken by singed again or ran away and turned fully werewolf like he is in the game (though i would have liked if they were able to be a weird family like in act2)- but no he just gets used as fuel for stupid viktor cocoon and then mind erased and made into the ugliest weird robot thing that looks more like galio than him JUST and i feel like it really is JUST to have Vi at the end do the scene that gets jinx 'killed' .. to lead into the 'more to come' teaser.. idk about you but that scene felt so .. forced, the typical oh no platform is slowly falling down but Vi suddendly gets emotional about weird ugly robot warwick (who conveniently comes back to life as ugly robot beast since his human mind got erased but not the beast??? i guess???) and completely ignores jinx yelling at her to get to safety, it felt so WEIRD to me (if you gotta do him like that at least let Vi listen to jinx, them embracing and then watchign emotionally as robo vanderwick falls into the hexgate thing .. that was still active somehow i guess??)
(poor viktor got done so dirty too .. i liked him .. until it all went weird wit hthe hexcore stuff ....... ..... also jayce weird speech to him .. why the FUCK did you not do that back in the cult camp instead of blasting him to bits, i get it he was fucked up from seeing the future, but then later hes just ... okay???? pretty fine all things considered??? and pretty aware of everything?? also his weird speech being all like vitkor actually you were perfect in your imperfection BITCH HE WAS SLOWLY DYING AN AGONIZING DEATH???? idk ??? it all feels so weird to me, like there episodes literally missing- ambessa dying also felt so unnecessary .. just so mel can take her place and go to noxus and have more shows maybe- )
i just .... and just like how i cant enjoy botw anymore after them fucking it all up with totk ... i dont know if i will rewatch arcane knowing it ends like that, what was that for, the most beautiful show ever made just to do a game of thrones ending in a single episode?
im so tired of it all ..... im so tired of being disappointed and feeling let down over and over no matter with how little expectations i go in with
this willl be the only arcane rant unless theres some .. big stupid reveal that gets me more frustrated than i am now, which i hope there isnt .. im tired of being and feeling like this .. i just want to enjoy things, everythings going to shit IRL and i cant even find something enjoyable to watch
#ganondoodles talks#personal#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#in case people have long posts shortened#i added alot to it bc ... i need to rant#im sorry i need to#im gonna try to draw soemthing today at least to make up for this#and i know most my followers dont care about league but like#i just keep on losing the things i like and i need to talk about the last thing#should i ever engage with a piece of media ever again if i just end up feeling this frustrated and empty?#i dont know honestly#the only good thing to come out of this is that at least with arcane i dont feel as alone in my disappointment#whereas with totk .. boi did it feel like me against the world lmao#long post#..... sorry
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*slams into the room with all the grace of a baby and knocks shit off the tables, sending the red string board flying*
forget that relationship tension for a second (dw, i'm Thinking About It). SAM. PUT THE FORMS DOWN. and for the love of everything holy and good, DO NOT GO TO THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE RUINS. you wanna be the next redcanary??? that's where you're fucking headed, buddy. i know the saying is "curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back," but in this case, there ain't nothin' to be satisfied about when it comes to exploring some ol' spooky ruins that are gonna grab you by the feet and drag you further in until you don't know if you're you anymore, or some unwilling servant to a gluttonous, knowledge-seeking eldritch horror. or, you know, you end up dead. there's that. sam. my man. put the forms down, stay the FUCK away from the magnus institute, and figure your shit out with celia and alice because i swear to the unholy eldritch horrors that if you hurt alice in your ill-advised crusade to unravel your past and the secrets of the magnus institute, something worse than a tunnel goblin gouging your eyes out is coming your way.
#tmagp spoilers#tmagp#the magnus protocol spoilers#tmagp 9#the magnus protocol#listen i know it wasn't tunnel goblins#i'm three cups of coffee in and i can feel my bones vibrating#does any of this make sense?#probably not#do we care?#also probably not#can we all agree that we want to protect alice from whatever crackpot bullshit sam is gonna drag her into?#i sure the fuck hope so#that woman has told him time and time AGAIN to leave the cases alone#to stop digging#she clearly wants to keep her hands clean of it all!#but alas love does make us do stupid shit#like following our ex into a spooky ruin#that totally won't have dangerous consequences at all no ma'am
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I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.
I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.
It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.
There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.
#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea#would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress#was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he#just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim#the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking#eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the#reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to#choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like#it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto#that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the#scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt#cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still#followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want#because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so#they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you#just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be#like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c#crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot#himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point#like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a#point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c#there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance#in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly#is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the#convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied#Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact#Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs#around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin#to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more
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i'm sad about a man again so the obvious solution is to remove them from my preferences entirely on the apps. bisexual in theory but no longer in practice. retired from bisexuality. taking a break from my studies (in bisexuality) to vacation abroad (with a broad)
#i do like them but i also dont.#like i'm capable of enjoying their company and CERTAINLY of finding them attractive#but i also have literally 0% trust or faith in any of them#because they've never been anything but shitty to me!! ever!!#even the one i thought was really sweet up until this week has turned a corner and hurt my feelings for fun#basically he didn't text me back for like two days then basically said like#''hey sorry i've been sick and it hurts to look at screens but i'll keep you updated as i feel better''#so i said ok sorry to hear it hope u feel better (despite not believing him even a little.)#and it's been four days since then and he hasn't even opened my text. and like. i'm not that stupid okay i know when im being lied to#and it just really hurts my feelings. i wish he'd just been fucking mature about it and just TOLD me he doesnt wanna talk anymore#or literally even ghosting me with no info would have been better than giving me some stupid lie and then disappearing anyway#and like. it feels worse when i let a man hurt me. because i should know better by now.#when girls hurt my feelings or ghost me or whatever it's like ok that's fine that's dating yknow??#when i feel myself getting sad over a MAN it's like humiliating#vent post
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I think whoever told q!Luzu that slime killed Tilin deserves to be shot in the head
#stupid snake talk#sorry… I have so many thoughts tho#on how slime is so self conscious on how nobody loves or forgives him (and that he deserves to be hated & it’s fair)#and everyday it’s only proven right by others… like it’s not fair man.. it’s not fair#nobody even gets it nobody knows…#he isolated himself from everyone on the sever#he did nothing but feel guilt and ask for Tilin back for days on end#he left everything behind… he told Flippa that he hoped she’ll never be like him#when Tilin first dropped he went over to his body and tried to revive him#slime let quackity fight him and even wanted him to win (idk how he won the first match he said he was tryna lose 😭😭)#AND THE EGGS FORGAVE HIM#nothing will ever be more fucked up than everyone warning Sunny of her dad#and Sunny immediately trusting Charlie’s word anyway#he was surprised she even wanted to be around Charlie considering what he did…#HE FEELS GUILT EVERY DAY MAN LET IT RESTTTTTT#but also this isn’t luzu hate I love u luzu#u haven’t don’t anything wrong u don’t know anything. FUCK whoever told him tho#also all of this is /lh most ppl don’t know the shit he went thru..
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#veronica told me charlie got adopted#i think im the only one in the family who really loved him but still i wanted him so badly#this is so stupid to be upset over im already getting two cats and maybe a third why would i have needed another#i know hes gonna go to a good home but its just like 'okay cool all the time i spent trying to convince my parents he loves us is wasted'#i still wouldve been his friend and stuff but i wish the employee hadnt suggested it because my heart was set#i bet i jinxed it. i kept drawing charlie with the other cats in hopes of guaranteeing hed come home with them#but then i didnt bring those items home so i basically left him behind. alright that makes sense i doomed him. im sorry charlie#i cant even cry but i feel fucking miserable and i have an infusion today so i have to go out. hell world#sky vents like amogus#edit: she said he already went home fuck this stupid world
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Guess who fucked up her knee again??? And AT WORK no less
#oh god i hate this. everything about this. like i am crying and screaming and throwing up#GOD girl. honestly i think the worst part was it was almost the end of my shift. it was ~4:05 and i was sipping my water as i do#and i was about to go back to the counter and get back at it and serve the customers that were there. but i must have.. slipped? or twisted#something wrong??? i don’t know. all i know is my knee popped straight out of its socket and i SCREAMED and fell to the fucking ground#my coworker (we’ll call the sheriff) tried to grab me and failed. i just sat there with my head in my hands thinking PLEASE tell me this#didn’t fucking happen. it did though. VERY publicly#i don’t know who summoned them but the retail manager and my ultimate boss wheeled me out 🫠 and the marketing guy drove me to the hospital 🫠#which didn’t have an x-ray because shitty small town hospital 🫠🫠🫠 but we managed to rendezous with my stepdad there#at which point i was handed over to him. at which point i decided ‘fuck the hospital’ because literally they did NOTHING the first time i#dislocated my knee. they didn’t even x-ray it or prescribe me anything!!!! they just hurt me more; told me i’d overextended a ligament#and sent me home to convalesce. so i was like.. i mean i don’t feel like doing that again#i can tell my kneecap is back in the socket because girl i made it upstairs. like. yes it hurts like hell but i don’t think anything#is broken. i DO need to find out why this shit keeps happening to me and what i can do to stop it; but that’s not an a&e situation#that’s a gp or a physio or a fucking knee expert or something#so basically i’m going to stay in my bed with my brace and an ice pack and some entertainment and see what happens to me#i already know this is bad. like. as bad as the first time probably#the second and third times i was able to walk unassisted afterwards. i can’t walk unassisted. so.#basically tomorrow i’m going to call my boss and be like ‘i don’t think i can come in for the rest of the week on account of my knee#is approximately the size of texas and i have officially sprained it badly. but i’ll update you’#i hope i’m wrong. i hope i wake up tomorrow to just like a mild ache and feel STUPID#girl i can’t believe i’m saying this but i want to go to work. i want to work bank holiday sunday PLEEEEEAAAAAASE#i don’t want to limp around my house and cry. recuperating from an injury is the fucking worst WHY must i do it again#so. if you need me i’m going to be eating whatever the hell my mom has prepared (worst part of this is i can’t even cook for myself)#and reading… something. or i might play stardew honestly. or write!! i’ve been wanting to write for so long my god#so that’s my life currently 🙃🙃🙃#personal
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....
#feel like i went through a brief psych episode the last two months#and it was all because i liked a dude???? men are bad for your mental health#it was insane like i cant even explain#liked a dude who claimed to like me back and wanted to date me#and then in a matter of 7 hours rejected me because we are not from the same caste!!!!!#i was so shocked and upset about the whole thing because caste and community are not things people openly speak about in a fucking#metropolitan city but here i am as proof for how wrong I was#I truly lived such a sheltered and protected life lmaoooooo#I told my dad what happened and he said well are you suprised#and I am like yes!!!!! in the year of 2023 in a fucking city (which is not some village with no access to the outside world) who talks#about caste#anyway life sucked for a while but I am getting better now#and this was the first time I sort of wore my heart on my sleeve and then got rejected so that was a fun lesson#trying to get back to how i was before I met this guy and he managed to give me a fucking complex#i also did a bunch of things really weird stupid things because i wanted him to like me#one of those was reactivating my instagram account#hate it#i hope i heal faster so i could move on :(#jo talks shit sometimes
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I dont know why youve leapt to assuming this post was about the workplace? the original post mentioned friends, family, and going out for drinks, and it feels a bit like a bad faith read to assume this meant for you to try to talk about weird niche TV show interests to your boss, when it seems far more likely to be a post about not letting cringe culture rule your entire life, in a time when its so common for ppl to let themselves become beholden to tiktok microtrends, and being terrified that theyll lose all their friends if anyone finds out they enjoy steven universe.
It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.
#reblog#this feels like it was a personal post by the OP who has realized that stifling every interest and thing that they like to constantly#manage how they are percieved and avoid doing anything cringey or weird is uh fucking exhausting and terrible for your mental health#that has spread quite far past containment#and is now being entirely misread as reveal every weird little thing about yourself At Work.#maybe i simply dont know any better tho cos ive so far worked in warehouse grunt jobs with a bunch of other weird unhinged little freaks#im fairly certain that entire second shift had adhd or something similar enough lmao#i have weird colored hair i even went in a couple times with it styled into sort of a bihawk. i wore a shirt covered in furbies. i carry#a purse shaped like a trilobite. so far the most challenging thing for my coworkers seemed to be the fact that i continue to diligently#wear an n95 cos i dont want to get sick. i wasnt telling my coworkers about my depraved oc lore...but id talk about the newest season of#stranger things with them since i watched it. i talked about cats and fish. i talked about atla. i told a couple of them that i wanted to#learn how to walk on stilts. it was fine. yes youre going to have to do some amount of managing how your percieved. but if you let that#take priority over every aspect of your life youll go insane#and there are people who have let their fear of being judged take over every single aspect of their life#and they do genuinely need to hear that its okay to wear a cringey band Tshirt or whatever#also: i hope porfessionalism standards continue to get more lax. death to professionalism. i just got a job offer wearing a tacky print#short sleeve button down covered in sharks with a vampire squid necklace and jeans with a faded blue fauxhawk. this needs to be possible in#more workplaces and its stupid that it isnt. even if you are not expressing your true self at work for your own safety. you should at least#recognize that these standards are absurd and arbitrary. and if a coworker is brave enough to reveal a tiny bit of their authenticity to u#i think it would be kind to give them the space for that. even if its not your weird.#that said. in these warehouses there were also people who were unhinged in the bad way. the 'blasting alex jones at work' way.#and i was fairly cold to these people. i did my best to be purely professional with them and not express interest in getting to know them.#and i didnt love that the guy who thought stop signs = communism (derogatory from him) was also driving a forklift around#but to his credit he did at least obey the stop signs. so.#this job thats accepted me with the tacky fish shirt and blue hair doesnt pay super well and seems like its going to be a bit chaotic. but#we'll see. and if it doesnt work there i can always go back to that first warehouse job unfortunately. cos im pretty sure they wouldve let#me get away with so so so much
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i am always overthinking dialogue options in bioware games LOL like i dont think it's that deep but ugh. autism
#💾#(vague spoilers for lucanis's story in the tags)#autistic fear of saying the wrong thing/being misconstrued and making something worse + empathizing a lil too well = dialogue anxiety lmao#it doesnt help that bioware's paraphrasing has always been shit. remember when games used to write out the full dialogue options#BUT ANYWAY. me staring at the 'i never trusted illario' dialogue option way too long and picking smth else#even though its TRUE and REAL that lleyth has had illario clocked from the second they met#like they got a vibe. and did not like it#and in my head i like to think they had a convo w/ lucanis about that#like hey here's the vibes im getting btw and here's the stuff i noticed that makes me feel that way. are u SURE we can trust him#i know he's important to you so i dont want to overstep but i also couldn't Not say something#because one of lleyth's traits is that they are. wayyyy more observant + keen than ppl give them credit for#and they're used to being underestimated so. they use it to their advantage lol#and as a result they're very good at picking up on details others miss + getting a good read of people pretty quickly#which has its uses. most of the time#BUT IIIIII didnt want to say anything in that scene (and lleyth as an extension wouldn't either)#bc idk it just feels shitty to be like. hey so someone u trusted since childhood and always looked out for might have severely fucked u ove#would it be helpful for me to be like 'yea i never trusted him' HDJFHGFJD no!!!!#bc in my mind. i would not like being told that. idk#it just feels kinda shitty and victim-blamey like. it's not the time to flex ur people reading skills yknow what i mean#because for the other person it's a significant trauma and they probably already feel stupid for missing the red flags#and as someone who has been in this position irl a lot (my friends having shitty friends/partners i tried to warn them about)#my life flashed before my eyes and i was like DONT SAY THAT!!!!!!#IT'S NOT HELPFUL OR CONSTRUCTIVE TO HEAR.#at least i didnt mind the alternative which was lleyth calmly asking 'and if it turns out he betrayed you?' which is. yea much better#shows solidarity + implies however lucanis wants to deal with it lleyth will support him#anyway. sometimes dialogue options in games feel like the fucking social blunder olympics. to me#getting an 'xyz disapproves' in regular/casual dialogue feels like im being beaten to death with hammers#anyway. i havent gotten a SINGLE 'lucanis disapproves' in this run which is a miracle considering it's my first try#he just likes me i guess. i hope it stays that way LOL
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someone sent me a random package and i ended up crying all day about it
#23/11/24#someone sent me a love heart necklace and my sister persuaded me to check if it was him#after 6 months of no contact and thinking i was doing so well#i text him and i regret it#i know he wouldn’t send that i don’t know why i listened to her#or why my heart entertained the idea#i thought i was doing so well with getting over him. i thought i finally accepted that he just doesn’t have feelings for me anymore#that i need to let him go for good#then that stupid necklace gave me delusional hope that maybe just maybe he did still have feelings for me#he doesn’t#he played with me#he kept going back and forth on whether it was him or not until i made him promise that it wasn’t#i cried all day#i told him i hoped it was him and i feel so fucking stupid for saying anything#he didn’t say anything back#ofc he didn’t and i knew he wouldn’t#he doesn’t have feelings for me and he hasn’t for a very long time#i am nothing but a familiar conversation to him#i thought i’d accepted it and i thought i was over it but it all came crashing down and i’m back to feeling so empty and sad now we’re not#talking again#6 months gone down the drain for what#it wasn’t even him#i know i’m nothing to him#i just wish i could lose my childish ridiculous love for him#i know he doesn’t care about me or love me why the fuck do i still have these feelings for him#i’m so tired of being in pain#i just want to love someone and they love me back for real this time#i just want someone that feels the same about me that i do about them#that would do the same for me as i would for then#it just feels like i’m 14 again and i’ve spent a whole decade loving people wholeheartedly that just don’t or never did really truly love me
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<:-)
#so so angry upset with myself how did I forget I had to finish my paper#I mean I know how#but dude.#you made a point to tell your prof it’d be in way before 9am#and then?#it’s after 10 and now I have to finish this instead of. doing readings for tmr. or literally anything else#i literally told him last night it’d be in before 9am#how do I even explain this? I can’t. I just have to say I somehow forgot and?#that’s so stupid and embarrassing that’s not something you’re allowed to do in grad school#FUCK#do I tell him it’s my birthday and ask for a little lienency?#brother idk what to DO#I’ll just turn it in and I’m gonna hope he takes this no problem#but I legitimately might not pass this class over this#I have 12 birthday messages that I can’t look at or respond to until I get this done.#who does this how did I do this#it wasn’t even a messy night I just hung out#it was Jack and joker then supernatural it was chill#if I don’t pass this class I’m dropping my anthro masters#idk I won’t do that#but i won’t feel good lol#whatever.#whatever#whateverrrrr#I’ll be done soon.
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choked so hard swallowing my drink down the wrong way that I almost puked and I'm still kinda nauseous hours later, so lol. also, friend (the mutual work friend of me and my man that actually hangs out with him outside of work) witnessed and started saying something about how some people choke on things like that bad enough that it kinda spooks them from drinking and they get dehydrated out of paranoia (no idea if that's true, sounds fake but whatever, he's one of those people yk?) and my dumb ass, full of autism and pure thoughts only, said "damn, if that were a problem I wouldn't be able to put nothing in my mouth, my gag reflex is shit 😞😞" which has probably made it's way to my man. because I'm stupid and was really woozy from coughing til I almost vomited and totally didn't think of what I was saying.
#doesnt help that a few days ago we were all hanging out smoking#and i dont get high easy with others evidently but they all have MAJOR tolerance and experience and im baby#so i feel pretty mellow and dazed pretty quick when we do anything despite them all feeling almost nothing#(even though my man is very quick to tell me when something isnt even strong so idk what everyone else ive smoked with is smoking)#(because i hardly get the slightest bit chill from it any time i smoke with anyone else usually)#(but i digress)#and so i was higher than i mayhaps should have been from what i had because again hella baby#but i heard friend say *SOMETHING* that 100% had my name and i think had the word “head” in it#in like a whisper to my man who was sitting on the couch between us#and i was like “okay im feeling kinda dazed and shit and i have hearing issues and hes very much talking so i cant hear--”#“--so i shouldnt make assumptions on what he said because im probably REALLY mishearing what i did hear lol”#but then my man kinda glanced at me and made a noise (an almost laugh??) and said “nah not yet” quiet but not as much as a whisper as friend#so i do lowk wonder if i heard right lol#and if i did thats a whole other story#because pooki cmon#babygirl get real#i sleep over there not infrequently and we cuddle hella intertwined and kiss and all#ive told him that im stupid as fuck and have anxiety so i need things EXTRA communicated with me#ive hinted at kink#ive told him that i trust him fully not to force me to do anything that i dont wanna do and that as long as hell take no for an answer--#--id have no issue with him telling me what to do more often because i again trust him and would say no if i really didnt want to#(in nonsexual situations like him asking if i wanted to go run an errend with him or wait for him at his place and such)#that i was hoping hed be more confident in making a move by now#but im acespec and in zero rush because sex is take it or leave it to me#id do it for him and i really do want to but its so not a need or even much of a craving#but i might bring it up eventually if he doesnt because he is so sweet and cute and i think he just doesnt wanna assume#because he had to be told that its okay to kiss me and that he can and should talk to me at work like a normal person#so i deadass think he just doesnt want to force me into anything but is also bad at communicating so he doesnt really ask either#its just funny that i think they were talking about me giving head a few days ago and i choked and said something stupid today tho#whores lovesick musings
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