#not only was she not looking for criticism but she just doesn’t deserve this

[https-furina]

so anon. you wish for death.

your works suck why dont you stop writing already even 4 year olds i know can write better

thank you for reading, anon 🥰

[goldenspringmornings]

ig imma be the one to bang this drum (despite my many critiques) but it’s actually super Weird™️ that sjm made her mmc’s men of color- heavily black/indigenous coded ones at that- just to turn around and romanticize their abusive behaviors towards their white female love interests. not only is that painfully stereotypical- white women having to be “protected” from scary brown men while still sexualizing their bodies🙄😒- it’s next level gross and definitely not talked about enough when analyzing why fey/sand and ne/ssian are problematic. sjm purposefully made Illyrians (and male fae in general but I’m focusing on the Illyrians rn) to be hyper violent, hypersexual “s*vages” with a culture only focused on war, power and breeding but then holds up rhysand, cassian and azriel as the “exception” and is constantly telling her audience that they’re “not like other Illyrians” (another heavily damaging stereotype) when she also explicitly and textually raises them inside of this culture that she’s condemning constantly as “backwards” propping them up as the prefect men who would never disregard their mate/girlfriend/partner’s wishes, desires or demands all the while showing almost the exact opposite in most circumstances, especially in regards to ne/ssian and how nesta still feels she needs to earn cassian’s love by the end of an 800 page book. all three of our main Illyrian males are presented as bestial, aggressive, dangerous and brutal consistently across the series and it’s only their white, delicate (at least in comparison) love interest that “tames” that innate sense of…dominance ig into something good and lovable. they can’t just be good enough on their own- they have to be good specifically to and for their white partner otherwise they would be just like any other Illyrian presented thus far in the text.

idk I definitely have more to say about this but it’s also starting to short-circuit my brain the longer I think about how deeply entrenched the racism is in this series so maybe I’ll talk more about another day

[deepseawave]

obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog

Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️

Can��t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D

[pepprs]

my mom isn’t letting my dad go back to his office bc him being out of the house stresses her out and makes her have a flare up and it’s like kind of insane. like i understand why the idea of him doing that would make her panicky and angry as someone who also struggles w separation anxiety and abandonment shit / has physical symptoms from that kind of stress (though not to the same degree ofc) but also he is a grown man. he should be allowed to go to his office and not have to shape his entire life around her needs. and she keeps guilt tripping him out of it and it’s impacting his quality of life a lot and the whole thing is kind of… hm

[sharlsworld]

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆ let the light in — 𝐋𝐍𝟒 𖤓

( 𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗈 𝗇𝗈𝗋𝗋𝗂𝗌 𝗑 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 ）

（ 𝗌𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒 ）𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗈 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗉 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅 𝖻𝗅𝗎𝖾，𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗅𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗂𝗇𝖾𝗌𝗌 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗎𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝗁𝗂𝗆，𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗁𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝗍𝗎𝗋𝗇𝗌 𝗁𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾，𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅𝗌 𝖺𝗌 𝗂𝖿 𝖺 𝗐𝖾𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗅𝗂𝖿𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝖺𝗅𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍

✫ thank you guys so much for 1000 followers thats crazy i’m so grateful <3

🝮

landonorris

liked by pierregasly and 2,351,095 others

landonorris feels so good to be back home

yn my sweetheart 🤍

⤷ landonorris my babylove

landolovesyn stop he always looks so sad whenever y/n isn’t with him :((

lewistearmeup it’s the fact she was at the race she just went back to monaco earlier then him 😭😭

danielricciardo Rest up mate ❤️

oscarpiastri Lando without y/n: 🖤💔👿🤒😖🤬🖕 Lando with y/n: 🤗😍☺️🫶🏻💘💖

⤷ mclaren Can confirm ✅

georgerussell63 You never smile like that with me…

⤷ landonorris well you don’t let me do the things i do to y/n???

⤷ alex_albon welcome back bud 😀

⤷ yn 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

mclaren “we miss you in the paddock queen” we all say in unison

⤷ landonorris she only missed friday???

⤷ mclaren Really? You wanna complain after I found you crying in your drivers room cause you “just need a hug from the one person who can make everything alright” ??

⤷ landonorris must you always expose me to my fans that i always cry whenever i’m not with y/n?? 😤

⤷ mclaren Wasn’t that surprising you literally posted yourself crying in Singapore when you were drunk after y/n went to go to the bathroom

⤷ landonorris WELL SORRY FOR HAVING SEPARATION INZINGTY SUE ME 🙄

⤷ mclaren Anxiety*

⤷ landonorris I HAVE DYSLEXIA SUE ME

⤷ mclaren It sounds like you want us to sue you?? Doesn’t seem like a good idea but If you say so

lilymhe the y/n affect is real

maxverstappen1 Didn’t even see you smile this big in Miami

estiebestie i need myself a y/n to my lando

♥︎ by author

sharls_licklayer he’s so gentle with her #needthat

charles_leclerc Guyssss how sweet 🥹🥹 he’s calling her his home 🥲 my heart 💔❤️

⤷ landonorris shark week?

⤷ charles_leclerc it’s always shark week 😈🦈❤️ #forzaferarri

⤷ charles_leclerc WAIT WAIT WAIT I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT

🝮

yn

liked by nbsmallerbear and 2,899,147 others

yn how could anyone hate such a sweet boy

maxverstappen1 He ain’t that sweet when you’re not around trust me

georgerussell63 THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU LANDO NORRIS

⤷ alex_albon LN4 DEFENDER 4 LIFE

lordperceval typa unconditional love i need in my life

⤷ oscars.pastry the sweet gentle love everyone deserves

sainzpoet y/n is the number 1 lando norris defender

carmenmmundt The sweetest people ever we need a double date soon 🩷

⤷ yn we love you carmen 🩷 and yes i agree i miss you so much

love4lando cause why did everyone start hating him after he started winning?? before miami it was “landos day is coming, lando we could be world champion” and when it came everyone’s like “it was luck he doesn’t deserve it, he’s not championship material, he’s so disrespectful”

⤷ yn fr like let the man breathe damn he can’t say anything without being criticized

carlossainz55 Always matching, always leaving me out 😔

⤷ yn we tried to get to to match with us and you said “no that is childish”

⤷ carlossainz55 Well sorry I didn’t want to wear an “alpha” pj onesie

⤷ yn whatever 😒

mclaren 1 of our 2 golden boys 💛

danielricciardo PAPAYA BUCKET HAT!!!!!!!

alexandrasaintmleux Sigh, I miss you 😢

⤷ yn i miss you too 😓 let’s run away to italy for a bit

⤷ alexandrasaintmleux Packing my bags rn

oscarpiastri Guys this is false, I sleep in the hotel room next to them and occasionally me and lily have sleepovers with them and trust me, he is not that sweet behind close doors if you catch my drift (🍆🍑🍌🍒)

⤷ landonorris really osc?? you just had to let the world know y/n calls me daddy?

⤷ yn do you really want to add another person to the list of people who don’t like you?

⤷ landonorris as long as your not on that list i don’t care who else is baby 🤍

⤷ landonorris wait a minute

🝮

landonorris

liked by maxverstappen1 and 3,826,815 others

landonorris my solace

yn light of my life

⤷ landonorris keeper of my heart

yn forever proud of you honey 🩷

⤷ landonorris i couldn’t do this without you

lilymhe This is really cute ig 🙄

mclaren Oh young love 🧡

⤷ all4lando shut up ho you ruined his chance for a real fight in the championship

♥︎ by author & yn

estiebestie please why did lando and y/n like that comment there so petty i love it 😭

alexandrasaintmleux So sweet 🩷🩷🩷

charles_leclerc Lando we can be world champion I said

⤷ landonorris our time will come 🥹

maxverstappen1 It was a fun season getting to battle with you mate I can’t wait for next year ❤️

⤷ landonorris me either i finally got a little taste of it, congratulations mate you deserve it you fought hard to get here ❤️

⤷ alex_albon acting like it’s abu dhabi over here

⤷ landonorris what’s that i hear?? a little bitch?? omg how crazy

⤷ alex_albon well…y/n is clearly doing a good job at cheering you up so i’m gonna go before i start crying

lewishamilton Great job mate it was amazing seeing you and Max battle it out up until here I can’t wait to see how it will go next season ❤️

⤷ landonorris thank you lewis it means a lot

⤷ alex_albon alright seriously what’s with all the sappy stuff we have two more races

⤷ charlos4eva two more races until charles and carlos part ways 💔

⤷ alex_albon way to bring down the mood charlos4eva 😒 you must be fun at parties

⤷ charlos4eva THE MOOD WAS ALREADY DOWN READ THE ROOM ALBONO

⤷ alex_albon do not yell at me charlos4eva i’ve had a bad day

⤷ charlos4eva clearly

⤷ alex_albon zont make me mad i am not the one

⤷ charlos4eva what are you gonna do? come find me? you clearly have the time cause you retired from the race early 😂

⤷ alex_albon I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN

⤷ charlos4eva oooh shiver me timbers 🥶

🝮

yn

liked by aishamian and 2,217,942 others

yn sweet lover of mine 💌

landonorris my one love

⤷ alex_albon get a load of this sap fest

⤷ landonorris i’ll feed you to a shark

danielricciardo Oh who is that handsome man 😍😍

⤷ yn let’s not

francolapinto bye guys my rides here

⤷ yn LETS NOT

georgerussell63 ho is u magical?? how are you not talking him out of jumping off a bridge right now?

⤷ carmenmmundt It’s the y/n affect George did you not pay attention to my power point presentation I worked hard on?

⤷ georgerussell63 No I was too busy thinking what I did wrong to make you love her more then me

⤷ charles_leclerc I get you so bad

⤷ pierregasly Me 2️⃣

⤷ alex_albon Me 3️⃣ 😔

⤷ carlossainz55 Me 4️⃣ 💔

⤷ estebanoncon Me 5️⃣ 🖤

⤷ oscarpiastri Me 6️⃣

⤷ maxverstappen1 Me 7️⃣

⤷ lewishamilton Me 8️⃣(😏) 😓

⤷ landonorris ???

⤷ lewishamilton Roscoe forgets about me whenever y/n is around 😔

⤷ francisca.cgomes Me 2️⃣ 😢

⤷ alexandrasaintmleux Me 3️⃣ 😪

⤷ carmenmmundt I’ll telling you guys, it’s the y/n affect

⤷ landonorris wait what about the smirk though?????

⤷ lewishamilton I think you know what I mean lando cmon 😂 (🏆)

⤷ danielricciardo Me 9️⃣ 😞

⤷ danielricciardo Damn it lando you ruined it

⤷ landonorris ???????

⤷ danielricciardo Are you stupid or dumb?

⤷ landonorris ???????????????

⤷ danielricciardo y/n come put him back to bed it’s past his nap time

⤷ yn awhhh come to mommy babyyy

⤷ landonorris i’m coming 😫😫

⤷ mclaren Let’s not 😊

⤷ yn let’s not ruin lando’s chance at a championship battle next season 😊

⤷ yn OMG 😱 my instagram got hacked 😔 well whoever said that is very wise 👍

⤷ f1 Now y/n…

⤷ yn bite me

⤷ fernandoalo_oficial who is this DIVA💜

⤷ yn how do you know what that means?? oscar didn’t even know what that meant until last week

⤷ fernandoalo_oficial i stay woke cuhz 🤙

🝮

yn

liked by kyliejenner and 3,617,902 others

yn a little retail therapy to sooth the soul

pierregasly “a little” we didn’t even make it to the hotel before you and kika asked to go to the mall

danielricciardo Lando and his lil sugar baby

lilymhe Make his pockets hurt ❤️

oscars.pastry ik lando’s wallet is crying

⤷ landonorris didn’t even make a dent

⤷ alex_albon k me next then ☺️

⤷ landonorris no thank you all my money goes towards y/n ☺️

alexandrasaintmleux Mall dates with you two are my favorite I miss you both 🥲🩷

⤷ yn we miss you too 🥹 can’t wait to make our bfs follow us around at the mall in abu dhabi 🥰🥰

landonorris give daddy some sugar 😊

⤷ maxverstappen1 They could never make me hate you Lando

⤷ angryginge13 i’m coming daddy

⤷ landonorris yeah the only person allowed to call me daddy is the love of my life so

⤷ angryginge13 i know??

⤷ landonorris and that is not you

⤷ angryginge13 oh yeah i knew that…if someone tells you they found me crying in my room DO NOT BELIEVE THEM…

⤷ yn yeah how about we don’t talk about our sex life online for the whole world to see

⤷ georgerussell63 You’re not denying anything Ms sugar baby 👀👀

⤷ yn I DON’T WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS

⤷ georgerussell63 Oh my goodness you dirty dirty girl what would your daddy think of this?

⤷ yn shut up whore

⤷ georgerussell63 You kiss your daddy with mouth?

⤷ landonorris she does a lot more then kissing if yk what i mean

⤷ yn SHUT UP FREAK

🝮

yn

liked by wolfiecindy and 1,121,053 others

yn qatar

sainzpoet she’s so over it

francisca.cgomes what a weekend

⤷ yn only reason i survived this weekend 😭

alexandrasaintmleux 🩷🩷🩷

lilymhe Missin you 😔

⤷ yn come visit 😏

⤷ lilymhe packing my bags rn 😘

⤷ alex_albon oh ok!!! 👌🙂(💔)

oscarpiastri My hero fr 🥹

⤷ sharls_licklayer why is oscar showing so much personality??

maxverstappen1 This post is very cute…

⤷ yn you and george match each others freak so well ❤️

⤷ maxverstappen1 Thank you queen…

⤷ alex_albon why is he being so ominous??

⤷ danielricciardo He’s scared of y/n

⤷ maxverstappen1 No I’m not???

⤷ danielricciardo Oh why did you text me asking if I thought sending y/n a birkin would make her less mad at you then???

⤷ maxverstappen1 I DON’T WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS

🝮

yn

liked by haileybeiber and 2,516,407 others

yn don’t bug, your girls are back 🌞🌑

alexandrasaintmleux Are we about to kiss?

⤷ yn i think we are

⤷ charles_leclerc Sigh

⤷ landonorris please don’t

francisca.cgomes lindaaa 😫😫💕

⤷ yn you’re next 😈😈🫦👅 pucker up

⤷ francisca.cgomes *sprays breath spray in mouth* *puckers lips towards you*

⤷ pierregasly excuse me?

⤷ yn you’re excused

rhode beautiful smiles, i wonder what lip gloss you guys use? ��🤔

♥︎ by author & alexandrasaintmleux

lilymhe a girls trip soon is a must

⤷ yn let’s go to australia after the season ends

⤷ oscarpiastri You just want to go because it’ll be summer there

⤷ yn shut up let me live

landonorris i miss you babylove

⤷ yn i miss you too sweetheart

⤷ landonorris just lit the candle of you

⤷ lewistearmeup i had a stroke trying to read that. and i still don’t understand

⤷ pierregasly Ok so basically lando is the clingy bf final boss so he had a bunch of candles made to smell like y/n so whenever she’s not with him he lights them and he takes them to gps as well

⤷ danielricciardo He set his drivers room on fire once while we were teammates

⤷ carlossainz55 He did once with me too

⤷ oscarpiastri He’s done it three times this season and twice last season and the sad thing is she hasn’t missed a single race weekend this season or last season

⤷ landonorris you guys really had to tell everyone i bring them to races?

⤷ pierregasly They deserve to know lando.

landonorris prettiest smile i’ve ever seen

⤷ estiebestie to be loved the way lando loves y/n must be so great

carmenmmundt So prettyyy 😍

⤷ yn i’m coming for you carmen 💋💋

⤷ georgerussell63 I’m not even gonna fight it anymore 😔

sharls.eclair the sun and the moon 🤍

♥︎ by author & alexandrasaintmleux

hoeforsainzzz you two are the epitome of elegance and beauty 💐🤍

♥︎ by author & alexandrasaintmleux

🝮

yn

liked by leahkateb and 1,655,481 others

yn abu dhabi you were so sweet 🩷 so so proud of lan & osc for all they achieved this season, definitely a season to remember

oscarpiastri 🫶🫶 thanks for all the laughs and memories can’t wait until next season

⤷ all4lando 😪😪😪😪 this is so sweet

landonorris my calm before the storm, i truly couldn’t have done this without you

mclaren Thanks for keeping lando sane this season we miss you already

♥︎ by author

alexandrasaintmleux My paddock pard 🩷

⤷ yn ugh i can’t wait until next season march is to far

⤷ charles_leclerc Were spending new years together?

⤷ yn charles just…okay??? gyash

francisca.cgomes my babyyy 🤍

⤷ yn my love 🙂‍↕️

landoscar481 did you just stab me

maxverstappen1 I’m so glad this season is over you scare me more then my dad

⤷ yn stay scared but congrats on the championship fr 🤍

⤷ maxverstappen1 Thanks gng 🤙🤍

⤷ kellypiquet ???

lilymhe Soooo when we going to Australia??

⤷ yn start packing 😊

⤷ lilymhe packing rn

⤷ francisca.cgomes me 2️⃣

⤷ alexandrasaintmleux me 3️⃣

⤷ carmenmmundt me 4️⃣

⤷ iamrebeccad me 5️⃣

⤷ flavy.barla me 6️⃣

⤷ lilyzneimer me 7️⃣

⤷ roscoelovescoco me 8️⃣ (😏)

⤷ landonorris ???

⤷ landonorris me 9️⃣

⤷ landonorris damn it i just ruined again

⤷ yn ???

⤷ landonorris please don’t leave me

⤷ charles_leclerc Just accept it lil bro

⤷ carlossainz55 The hurt doesn’t last forever lil bro

⤷ pierregasly Trust me lil bro it gets better over time

⤷ maxverstappen1 I’ll take care of you lil bro

⤷ oscarpiastri We’ll get through this together lil bro

⤷ alex_albon the sun will shine on us again lil bro

⤷ estebanocon It’s for the better lil bro

⤷ lewishamilton Cmon lil bro, don’t watch her leave you’ll make it worse

⤷ georgerussell63 You are not alone lil bro

⤷ yn go hold hands and cry somewhere else you’re all annoying

⤷ carlossainz55 Ooh honey

⤷ pierregasly Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed

⤷ charles_leclerc Is everything okay at home?

⤷ landonorris am i not doing good at making sweet sweet love to you?

donatella_versace Donatella VERSACE💜

[thisischaostragic]

i have been holding space for the Agatha finale (i’m in queer media) and am pleased to report that my feelings about it have shifted quite significantly. follow me, my friends, to a more or less coherent, very long text post at the end

primary thing: this show is very much about motherhood. idk why that didn’t totally register for me in the first half given how often they mentioned Nicky, but realizing this changed my analysis a ton. Billy doesn’t just remind Agatha of Nicky — Agatha loves Billy like a son. (i know “like a son” is an oversimplification, but I’m sticking with it for this post.)

with that, my thoughts on Agatha’s arc almost completely flipped. when Rio shows up in E8 and says she has to take Billy, Agatha is revisiting her deepest wound all over again. her reaction is harsh, but it’s not some long-simmering revenge plan or a calculated effort to hurt Rio. Agatha is literally just reacting to the fact that, after all of the almost-reconciliation, the love of her life is taking her son again. i think she was trying to get Rio to fight for her or to say the trade was too high a price and bend the rules. Agatha was trying to get Death to act only as her lover, and looks devastated when Rio actually walks away instead.

and so, when Agatha goes to the morgue trial and says that “sometimes, boys die,” she’s continuing that realization that Rio isn’t personally chasing her down and causing her grief. sometimes, death just… happens. and “out of Death, life” is largely about Agatha realizing that Rio did bend the rules for Nicky, but also doubles down on the Nicky and Billy parallels. both of Agatha’s sons were literally borne of Death and living on stolen time. loss is inevitable.

i think Agatha genuinely believed that Rio could have kept Nicky alive and chose not to. we know that Agatha blamed herself for Nicky dying (“the truth is too awful”). so Agatha, who was taught by her own mother that nobody would ever actually love her for who she is, probably thought that the love of her life just… didn’t love her as much as she thought she did. going back to E1, i think “you don’t have a heart” is equal parts about Nicky as it is about Agatha herself. her main takeaway is that everyone will betray her, even when they claim to love her, and so she hides behind power and a god awful reputation so that she can keep everyone at arm’s length and never get hurt again.

ALL OF THIS IS TO SAY: when Billy is about to die, Agatha almost retreats back into the version of herself she became after Nicky died, but she doesn’t. she turns around and faces the pain head-on.

and I want to take a second to appreciate how immensely hard that would be. Agatha spent centuries killing people so she could be powerful enough to stay numb. Agatha spent all of that time pushing away the love of her life, who still loves her, who still sees her fully, and who Agatha is clearly still desperate to return to. Agatha realizes, probably to absurd amounts of despair, that she was wrong about all of it. and she still turns around.

it’s not about Agatha randomly sacrificing herself for a last minute villain kind-of-redemption. it’s about Agatha breaking the cycle she’s trapped herself in for an unfathomably long time, admitting that she knows Rio couldn’t change the outcome, and acknowledging that, yeah, she actually does love this kid.

and honestly?? i don’t think Agatha becoming a ghost counts as killing her. she’s literally still around, doing stuff, picking up brooches (👀 Rio wya), and getting a second chance at… not motherhood, exactly, but caring for a child. (and a queer child! and the idea of Agatha, who has been queer since the *1600s*, getting to tell this gay kid over and over again that there’s nothing innately wrong with him makes me actually sob.)

HOWEVER! i maintain some criticisms. i think Jen deserved to have an actual fight with the doctor who bound her. (the oops! it was Agatha All Along twist was… complicated. i have mixed feelings. essay for another day, but i wanted Jen to have rage time that everyone was just cheering for.)

i needed Death lore. how is she physically with Agatha so often if, as Agatha states, 120 people die every minute? is she Death the cosmic entity, or are green witches sort of responsible for decay on earth?

some of the plot elements were severely under-developed, and frustratingly, the vast majority of the underdeveloped plotlines had to do with Agatha/Rio’s romantic relationship, Agatha’s mother, and Agatha’s reasons for killing people. (the fact that they said she’s a siphon in interviews and not once on the show will never stop baffling me lmao.) i find it very frustrating that a LARGE chunk of the underdeveloped stuff relates back to Agatha’s queerness in some way.

however… i am willing to be generous about some of that, because i find it difficult to believe that this *extremely queer* creative team actually just disregarded major queer plot elements. i am far more inclined to believe that they were operating under a hostile corporation and pushing as far as they could, and in that case, they did a fucking phenomenal job.

i genuinely think that the way they landed the show opens the door for them to… dare I say it? … give Agatha/Rio a happy ending?? ghost Agatha literally need only show up to Rio’s house or cave or dimension or whatever and be like “heyyyyy, yeah that kiss was forgiveness and also i’m solid enough to use my hands now” and it would be believable. the fact that it would take them only 15 seconds to give us two fucked up lesbians having their version of happily ever after is actually pretty cool

anyway, this is an abridged summary of how my feelings abt the Agatha All Along finale went from like a 4/10 rating to an 8/10.

[lotties-ashwagandha]

POWER CURES

tashi donaldson x fem!reader, word count 4.2k. NSFW!

your career in sports journalism has made you one of the most successful women in your field — a career you built on your own after you broke up with tashi donaldson at stanford. yet rivalry still burns between you, and whenever given the opportunity you can't help but add fuel to the fire. requested by @elaci who also writes for challengers so go follow :)

“It’s a miracle he’s still playing,” you say. “Art showed so much passion today, I could feel it. Maybe next time he could focus on hitting the ball instead of smashing ants on the court with his racket – it just sends the wrong message I think, not very eco-friendly.” 

Tashi shakes her head, attempting to brush off your comment, but you can feel the silent fury you’ve stirred up in her. Her expression is partially hidden by her sunglasses as the two of you stand at the edge of the court, her only guard from your scrutiny. It’s been nine years since you’ve spoken to her, but the four years you dedicated to her before that taught you every one of her tells. She’s different now – she wears her hair short, her makeup darker, age and experience have made her seem solemn. But you can feel it, that under all of the change she is still the same. 

“At least he still plays,” she says sharply. “You’re the critic, the journalist, but you would get on the court and get yourself knocked the fuck out. Art works, he doesn’t lock himself in the basement to write pity-party bullshit for money.” 

“Neither do I,” you smile. “I don’t write anything for money, though I do enjoy the benefits.” 

“You’ve always been greedy,” Tashi accuses. “You enjoy taking what isn’t yours, and destroying what you can’t reach.” 

You shrug. You won’t attempt to deny it – greed is what got you into this profession, and greed is what has held you up to survive it. Greed is what got you a million dollar mansion and the audience that paid for it, and greed is what has you standing at the side of Tashi Donaldson as you watch her husband step off the tennis court after losing another match to add to his streak this year. 

“If you write anything about this match, I will end your career,” Tashi says casually, because power means nothing to her, and using it is easy. She takes off her sunglasses, puts them in her purse that costs more money than your car. When she meets your eyes, there’s stoic sureness in her gaze. 

“It’s sweet that you think I only came here for you.” 

She gives you a hard look, searching you for the truth if she couldn’t trust it to come from your words. Whatever conclusion she would come up with was none of your concern – it’s true that you hadn’t come here for her, not completely. You’re here for another set of competitors, the headliners of the women’s division. If there was one thing you could use to define your career, it wouldn’t be the Donaldsons, or the Duncans – it would be your influence on women’s tennis. Your journalism through the years has put women in the spotlight of the sport, and for as long as you could you would continue the mission of keeping them there. 

But when you had seen Tashi’s husband playing in the final match of the day, and when you had seen her watching him alone at the sidelines, you couldn’t help but take advantage of it. Your comments and motives were petty, but deserved. 

You see Art begin to approach the two of you with his gym bag. “That’s my cue, isn’t it?” you ask. You try to avoid Art at all cost even after all these years, it creates a situation more awkward for you than for him. “I don’t think he needs me to lecture him, not again.” 

You begin to depart from Tashi’s side, but then you pause and turn back to her. “I’ll be in New Rochelle for the Challengers tournament in a few weeks,” you tell her. “Maybe there’s someone there your husband could beat, for a change.” 

Tashi scoffs, and you take your chance to leave before you can be joined by Art or any of the reporters or journalists following in his wake. You’ve done your work for the day, your air-conditioned hotel room is calling to you and you’re all too prepared to run to it. 

When you stand at the exit to the tennis court, you spare a look back in the direction of the Donaldsons. Tashi is immersed in giving feedback to Art as he stands in childlike submission. Her hands are planted on his shoulders, she’s looking into his eyes, and when she spares a look at the court a sense of nostalgia washes over you as you remember how it felt to watch her play. How she used to win every game she signed to compete in, how effortless her victories were. 

In a way, you miss it. You miss her. The promise of her victories that would pull you through in college, that you could look forward to watching and writing about. The memory of it sparks a flare of anger within you – four years, erased, yet still so potent in your memory. 

You turn away from the court. You push through the crowd, in your pride you stand a little taller than the rest. Against you is the only match Tashi Duncan could never win. 

You pass by the doors of the locker rooms on your way out. You know Tashi must have waited with Art in his locker room before the match started – a private locker room, you would suspect, or one they bought out for the day in a grand show of money.

You frown. How many times had you waited with Tashi in locker rooms until tournaments began, how many times had you come in after her matches to listen to her talk through them while she got ready to leave? Enough times to know you weren’t alone in reminiscing, that Tashi could escape the memories with no more ease than you could. 

THIRTEEN YEARS AGO, STANFORD. 

You resist a smile – you can’t let her win, though you can see she’s trying inexplicably hard to. She never takes it seriously when you try to interview her for assignments for your classes at Stanford. 

“I can’t put that in my paper,” you tell Tashi. “I’d get us kicked out.” 

Tashi shrugs, stepping toward you as you stand in the locker room alone together after her match. “You asked what I was thinking about during the game. I was thinking about you.” 

You roll your eyes. You lean back against the lockers, and Tashi takes advantage of it, coming up in front of you to box you in. Her eyes meet yours – her intensity is unmatched, even after she’s won every game of tennis this season that’s been thrown at her by the university. Power means nothing to her, because using it is easy. 

“You don’t believe me?” Tashi asks. Nothing goes unnoticed by her, it was brave to roll your eyes. “You’re all I think about.” 

“Tennis is all you think about.” 

Instead of correcting you, she kisses you. Your hands find her waist, and wrap around her back when you pull her closer. She consumes your thoughts, your mind, and you’re happy to keep it that way with disregard to the price you might pay for it. 

Tashi’s hands slip under your shirt. One travels up your side, under your bra. You arch into her touch, senses clouded with her – until you hear voices outside the locker room, people leaving the building. 

You pull out of the kiss as the voices fade, and immediately she’s kissing your neck. “This is a terrible idea,” you murmur half-heartedly. You want her to prove you wrong. 

“No one’s coming in, I was the last match.” 

“But they could come in.” 

“They won’t.” 

You don’t seem convinced. Tashi moves to look at you, and tilts her head. 

“Tell me you don’t want this,” she demands. You see how she craves you, she’s willing to indulge herself after her latest victory. It wouldn’t be the first time you would find yourself here, against the lockers with every intention of letting her use you in the way she wishes. She sees through your words – she knows you want this just as much as she does. 

“No,” you say, because you do want this. You’ve wanted her all morning, since you saw her warming up for her match. And even if someone were to come in and find you with her, pressed up against the lockers and at her will, it would only prove a fact you dream of everyone knowing anyway: that in every way, Tashi Duncan is yours. Audiences may celebrate her, anyone might desire her, but at the end of every day it’s you she comes home to. It’s you she wants. 

“Good,” she mutters, and presses you harder against the locker, pressing space between your legs with her knee. She kisses down your neck, and one of her hands travels below the waistband of your shorts while the other is still at your chest. Her hands are cold against the warmth of your skin, sending a chill rippling down your back. 

“Be quiet,” Tashi orders, and you nod. An empty promise, but you’ll try your best. “Good girl.” 

Her praise has you biting back a moan as her knee moves away and her hand slides between your thighs. You can’t hold her gaze, the gravity it holds. 

Your hips chase her hand as she circles your clit – your hips buck back against the lockers, and the sound echoes through the room, and your moan would accompany the noise if not muffled by Tashi’s hand over your mouth. A quick reaction on her end, she knows your body better than you do. 

“Quiet,” Tashi whispers. She presses a kiss to the edge of your jaw, below your ear. You try for a deep breath, but it’s shaky. “I’m fucking you here, and you’re moaning? Anyone could hear you. But you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

You nod again, her hand still over your mouth. Your eyes fall closed, her touch burns through you like fire. It’s not enough, it’s too much, it’s everything you need and more. 

Tashi feels the pleasure building in you – it inspires her to interrupt it, to pull both of her hands from you. 

You whine in protest, watching her in curious alarm. You need this, she knows you do. 

Tashi’s hands find your hips, and she watches you closely. A sadistic sort of smile pulls at her lips, one that has you squirming, reaching for her again. Your attempts are futile, your yearning feeds her desire to starve you, push you to your limits. “You have to be patient,” she says. 

And you will be, though everything in you aches for her. You will let her win, let her pick your cards and cheat the game to end in her favor. You’re content with it – a side that is not without reward to you as Tashi lowers to her knees in front of you, and when she looks up at you, she already knows she’s won. 

THIRTEEN YEARS LATER, NEW ROCHELLE.

The sun glares down at you through the windshield, but despite its best efforts, it cannot reach you. It’s cool in your car – it combats the sweltering heat of the morning in New Rochelle as you sit waiting for the final matches to start on the second day of the Challengers tournament. You don’t want to go sit down too early, there’s no point in submitting yourself to the discomfort of hot metal seats amongst the swarm of the audience until you have to. You’re content to sit here with your eyes closed for as long as you can, you finally have a moment to yourself after the chaos of traveling to New Rochelle. 

Tapping on your window makes you jump. Your eyes snap open, and when you see who waits on the other side of your car window, you wish you’d never traveled to the tournament at all. You knew he would be here, you saw him competing yesterday, but you had successfully avoided him and had left early after the first few matches.  

You roll your window down. Patrick Zweig stares at you with the most dumbass fucking smile you’ve witnessed in years. 

“Well, look who it is!” He exclaims. He leans an arm against the top of your car, but you shove him off of it through the window. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” you snap. He frowns, and you sigh. It’s been nine years since you’ve seen him in person – since you broke up with Tashi – and not a day has passed in which you can decisively say you have missed him. 

“I’m competing,” he says. 

You furrow your eyebrows. “I know that. Why are you here, talking to me?” 

Patrick shrugs. “Can’t I take a second to reconnect with an old friend?” 

“An old friend?” you ask. “I don’t think we were ever friends.” 

“Maybe not, but I know you’ll be hoping I win instead of Art this afternoon.” 

You pause. “Art Donaldson? He’s here, competing?” 

“Yeah. You know, I was told you invited him and Tashi. It’s everywhere online. That’s why I came over here, to say thank you for setting up the match. Art and I are the only ones left in the division. I wanted to wish you luck, too, with whatever it is you plan to get out of having us all here.” 

You don’t respond for a moment. Vaguely you recall inviting Tashi to the Challengers tournament a few weeks ago after Art’s loss – Maybe there’s someone there your husband could beat for a change – but you had disregarded it. You had meant the entire thing as a joke, a jab at Art’s poor tennis performance. Never would you have expected the Donaldsons to remotely consider participating in a Challengers tournament. You regret leaving early yesterday, missing their arrival at a tournament so far beneath them. You would have enjoyed witnessing their shame. 

“I didn’t set anything up,” you tell Patrick, yet you doubt the validity of your own statement. “And I’m not planning on getting anything out of it.” 

“Whatever you say. I just know Tashi wouldn’t bother with something like this for the hell of it. Either Art’s tennis has gotten really fucking bad for them to stoop to a tournament this low, or she’s using him to be here with you. Or, of course, both can be true. I’m going with both.” 

You shake your head. “Tashi has no interest in me.” 

“It’s been nine years since she left you, and she still hates you. She would probably fucking stab you if given the chance. That’s not something to take lightly with her, it takes more than resentment to hold onto something that long. Even I’m not as lucky.” 

“I’m not interested in making amends with Tashi Donaldson.” 

Patrick shrugs. He gives you a look, I don’t believe you, that you want to punch him for. You have nothing to say to Tashi, no reason to wish to see her. You went up to talk to her those weeks ago at Art’s game because you wanted to taunt her with your presence. You wanted her to see that you were successful without her, you don’t need her. 

You wanted her to see you – you realize how it sounds, and that there’s no way you would win a dispute with Patrick if your only explanation for reconnecting with Tashi is I wanted her to see that I’m better than her husband. You look back to him with a facade of nonchalance. 

You don’t know what to say, so you shift the focus back to him. “You’re going to get killed in a match against Art.” 

“How would you know? You haven’t seen me play in years.”

“I don’t need to.” 

“Wow, thanks for having so much faith in me.” 

You roll your eyes. 

Patrick’s gaze shifts to something beyond your car, something his eyes trail for a few seconds before he turns back to you. “I need to go warm up,” he announces, and backs away from your car. “Write something heroic about me to publish when I win, will you?” 

You roll up your window. You watch him disappear from the parking lot. Peace still evades you once he’s gone – that Tashi would be coming to the tournament is enough to have you nearly in hysterics. The promise of her soon arrival has adrenaline coursing through you, though the emotion accompanying it is indecipherable. 

You loathe Tashi Donaldson. You hate her husband even more. But there’s something so addictive about being around her to prove it. To prove that it was a mistake to end things with you and pursue Art shortly after, that he could never live up to you. Your fame came from success in writing and journalism, Art’s fame came from Tashi and viral videos of Art flinging tennis rackets after his losses. It felt good for you to prove your worth in contrast to his. You finally have power over them, and you have every intention of using it. 

For better or worse, you still care about Tashi’s opinion of you. For better or worse, you still care for Tashi Duncan. 

A car pulls into the empty spot next to you. The glare of the sun against it burns your eyes, leaves you with the start of a headache. 

You turn to look at the owners of the vehicle. Immediately you understand what Patrick had been spying beyond your car, and why he had been so quick to flee. 

You missed them yesterday, but you wouldn’t miss them today. You turn your car off and get out. 

“Need help carrying that?” You ask Art as he picks up his gym bag out of the trunk of the car beside yours. “I don’t want you to break any rackets.” 

“That would look good for you,” he says dryly. He shuts the trunk. “To make it seem like you’re making amends.” 

“I have nothing to make amends for.” 

He’s silent. You have two thousand words to make amends for, actually, but you’ll never be caught apologizing. You wrote an article about Art’s tennis years ago that gave you much of your fame – an article that had suggested Art was one of the worst tennis players to come out of Stanford, and that it was a shame he was using Tashi’s injury to his advantage by convincing her to coach his mediocre games. You implied that he was using her, that he was a cheater in the very least as far as tennis was concerned. 

It was never your finest moment, but you would never regret it. He deserved it, and so did Tashi for the way the two of you left your relationship. 

A car door slams. You’re joined by Tashi. In a light blue dress she’s stunning, radiant beyond comparison with the man she comes to stand by. A man she knows she cannot defend, a man beneath her. 

She gives Art a tyrannical look. He’s going to go find the locker room, he says, as if he hadn’t played here yesterday, and with a final look between you and Tashi he takes his bag and begins his way across the parking lot. 

You’re left alone with Tashi. The two of you are silent – she’s waiting for you to say something, and you’re waiting to come up with something that sounds right. 

“I saw you talking to Patrick,” Tashi says at last. You nod. “Did he tell you he asked me to coach him?” 

A smile pulls at your lips. “No, he didn’t.” 

“Good. Now you have something to write about,” she says, taking a step towards you, “when he loses. You can write about how he tried so desperately to come out on top, and you can write about who he lost to.” 

It’s not about Art anymore. It’s not about Patrick, it’s not about this tournament. It’s about you. Tashi’s reversal, her revenge. She won when she left you ten years ago, you won with your article, and Tashi Donaldson has never been one to keep a tie. She’s been keeping score for nine years in preparation for an opportunity such as this, one to set the record in her favor. 

“I’m not interested in placing bets on failed prodigies.” 

“You’re not too good for it, though.” 

“You are. At least you should have been.” 

Tashi shakes her head. “What the fuck does that mean?” 

“You know what it means,” you say, and step closer. “It should be you on that court, not them. I should be writing about you.” 

You know you’ve struck a nerve. Tashi stills. Her expression was once unreadable, but now it reveals her resentment. At you maybe, but also at fate itself, because you’re right: it should be her competing. Winning for herself and not through others. She still bears the weight of power, but it’s no longer hers to use. 

“Your husband is going to lose,” you say, and you both know it’s a lie. But you will be there when Art wins, you will be there waiting for her to prove you wrong like she’s always craved. If it is winning that will let her make amends with herself, you will be the harbinger. You will let her cheat the game just so she can win. Maybe it’s all you’ve wanted this whole time, inviting her to the Challengers tournament. 

Maybe it’s your way of making amends. 

“Any final words before the game?” You ask, in the way you always used to ask her before her matches. Any final words. You used to laugh together about how apocalyptic it sounded, and Tashi used to watch you write about her after and use her quotes for assignments for your university classes. 

Tashi remembers the phrase, you see recognition sweep over her. She watches you closely, and behind her facade you see something too reminiscent to be hatred. “Fuck you,” she says, though her voice lacks animosity. 

“Is that on the record?” 

“Yes.” 

An uncanny way of making amends, but one you would welcome all the same. 

-

Her gaze sears into you as you sit in the stands watching the match. Tashi sits on the opposite side of the court, yet the two of you are positioned with a clear view of one another throughout the game. 

The score has fluctuated throughout the match. Patrick and Art have stayed consistent in score and loss – it’s closer than you thought it would be, enough that you see Tashi’s concern growing over the end result. Art is wearing, he’s becoming tired, and you know if he quits in his exhaustion he’ll leave with another loss. The Donaldsons will lose credibility, Tashi will disappear in the eyes of the media. 

You find yourself conflicted in all ways related to the match continuing before you. You want Art to lose every match he signs for – yet the thought of Tashi going down with him haunts you. Even after all she has done to you, all you have done to her, she deserves better than any path offered.  

You pause – the match has ended, the audience stands in applause. You stand to view the court, peering over shoulders, pushing your way out of the audience. 

Art Donaldson, standing in the middle of the court. He basks in the glory given by his victory, one long suspended in anticipation for you to be witness. He looks up to find Tashi in the stands, and you watch as something unsaid passes between them. An I told you so on Art’s end, and something unsatisfied from Tashi’s. 

You don’t need to watch the rest of it. You don’t need to see Art’s self-ordered victory lap, and you don’t need to hear the speech he’ll give the reporters waiting to flock to him. You don’t need to see Tashi by his side, so you leave the court. 

You make your way through the tennis complex. Fluorescent lights stare you down, their judgment shines brighter for you. You don’t give them anything to taunt you with, keeping your expression flat. It was obvious Art would win, and in his victory Tashi has been fulfilled. 

The click of heels trails you. You spare a glance over your shoulder as you walk, and you pause. Her eyes are on you alone in the empty hall. 

“Congratulations,” you say, dull. “Do you feel better now? I see Art does.” 

“Fuck Art,” she snaps. Tashi is empowered in her pride, which has not been placed in her husband, but in herself. This is not his victory, it belongs to her. She closes the distance between you, and if you moved back any further you’d be leaning against the wall. The door to the locker room is across the hall – your memories hardly feel like your own, hardly feel like they belong just the same to the woman in front of you, but they crash through you anyway. 

“This feels familiar,” you murmur, looking up at her. You look to see if the halls are empty, but Tashi wastes no such time – she pulls you against her, her lips on yours, hunger in her touch as the two of you realize how much time you have to make up for and so little opportunity for it. Her nails dig into the back of your neck until her hand weaves into your hair, and like you always have you melt into her every desire. 

“I win,” Tashi says once she pulls away. Her eyes bear into yours, dark and unforgiving, dominating. “I fucking win.” 

There’s nothing that could prove her wrong. Power cures, if you know how to use it. 

—

—

—

i wrote this fic so many different times honestly and i kept a few of the scenes I deleted from it bc it was getting too long so if anyone wants a part 2 lmk andddd i can put something together 😔

[eimids]

Don’t care about them

Alexia Putellas x reader

i’m gonna keep writing to annoy that rude anon😉

this is inspired by this whole situation going on in my blog!! enjoy nonnie i know you are reading this😚😚

warnings: bad body image, rude comments, angst

You and Alexia had dated for a year before your relationship became public. It wasn’t ideal but you were happy that now you were able to show to the world your girlfriend.

The press was having a field day after your relationship came out with the one and only, Alexia Putellas. They were writing about your life and every single thing you ever did.

That wasn’t the worst part. It was the fact that they were talking about your body and looks. Giving their opinions on your posts on instagram. Judging and criticizing if you are worthy enough for Alexia, the star player of Spain and Barca.

The articles weren’t all that bad but the comments were.

Under a photo with you wearing heavier makeup than usual.

“She wears way too much makeup, i bet she’s actually ugly and just maskes it behind that makeup”

If you weren’t wearing makeup.

“She’s so ugly, look at those eyebags. she doesn’t deserve Alexia”

Then there was a photo of you in a bikini.

“🤢 look at those things and that stomach. she should be a lot skinnier. alexia deserves much better than that”

“She’s trying so hard to suck her stomach in it’s pathetic”

“I wouldn’t be posting bikini pictures with that body”

You quickly decided to turn off the comments on specific posts. Not wanting to hear the mean words they said about you.

You went through the rabbit hole of scrolling and reading through every single comment before deleting the comments. It wasn’t good for you but you couldn’t help it. Just needing to read what they said about you. Some comments were actually nice. Telling you how cute you and Alexia were together. Probably most of them were nice but they went to blind eyes. You were only able to see the negative ones.

It quickly became too much for you. You actually started to believe the comments about Alexia deserving better. You started to isolate from her and from everyone. It was easy since Alexia was in the Spain women’s camp during international break.

It started as you just not replying to her texts so often and missing some of her calls but it quickly escalated to you completely ignoring her. You thought she wouldn’t care about your absence in her life but she did.

In fact she was stressing the whole camp about it. She didn’t perform as well and you were in her mind constantly. She thought she did something wrong. Luckily for her there was only one more day of camp and then she would see you again and solve this situation. She knew that whatever it was, you could work through it. You always did.

When Alexia came back home finally she found you in your shared bed. She noticed the dry tears on your cheeks and your phone in your hand. She decided to unlock it to see what it was.

She was horrified when she saw all the comments about you. How could anyone say those things about her precious girl. The girl who wouldn’t hurt or say anything bad about anyone. She hated that this was somewhat her fault. Her being a public figure, it was hard to avoid those comments.

She closed your phone and took her own in her hands to post quickly on her instagram. After that she cuddled close to you. Not wanting to wake you up but also wanting you as close as possible. She stayed like that for a while before falling asleep herself.

The next morning you woke up to the soft hands caressing your body. So gently touching every part of your body while whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

“Should we break up?”

That wasn’t at all what Alexia expected from your mouth and she tensed up immediately.

“What, why” She asked breathlessly.

“I don’t deserve you. They all say it. You deserve much better than me” You said while looking into her beautiful eyes. Tears creeping in your own.

“Absolutely not. You are more than enough and i love you more than anything my beautiful girl” She answered then quickly followed “You don’t actually wanna break up, right?” She asked nervously.

“No” You said and shook your head. You started crying to her about all the mean stuff in your comments. She listed carefully and assured that none of them were true.

The rest of the day she showed just how much she loved you and you stayed in bed for the whole day. Just before you went to sleep you checked your instagram. To your surprise there was a post from Alexia made the day before.

Liked by yourinstagram, Lucy Bronze and 1, 456, 789 others.

alexiaputellas: my beautiful, amazing, kind and loving girlfriend 🩷 te quiero mi niña

the comments you been writing about this beautiful soul are horrible and i disagree with them all. i couldn’t ask for anything better and if we are being honest, i don’t know how i deserve her but i’m so lucky to have her in my life<3

so for anyone who has been sending those comments, just stop. if you’re own life is that boring then maybe get some help 🙂

me and my girl will enjoy our life together 🤝

no me importa lo que piensen los demás✨

—

hehee

[kopilot-pop]

[For you are loved.]

- New Jeans x Ex-IZ*ONE! Reader

Request: You can write New jeans(separate) x Ex-izonereader Who is exhausted because he takes so much criticism (Like Wonyoung, only worse because she suffers🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😓😓😦)and just goes to them and lays on top of them, but oh..they fall asleep..just cute, Your works are too cute!!!!💗💗💗🐰🐰🐰😍😍

Warning(s): Cursing, self-hatred, cyber bullying, etc.

A/N: This is fluffy in the end so don’t be scared to read it because of the warnings. Love y’all, have fun!

———————————————————————

“I just don’t get why you’re with them.”

You froze.

You’re currently at a sign event, meeting hundreds of Bunnies, and having a chance to talk to them.

Everything went smoothly. You smiled at fans, they screamed, you said hi, they screamed, and when you posed for pictures you could hear clicks louder than the ones you heard on a red carpet.

Maybe you should’ve expected not everything could be that perfect.

A certain fan - although it’s clear she has a favorite - made you anxious the moment she sat down in front of you. You were last in the line, so you were able to watch the others interact with her. She brought small wrapped gifts for all your members, but when she arrived at your table, it was clear she was empty handed.

Not even a piece of paper for you to sign at a fucking sign event.

“I… I’m sorry?”

“You heard me.” She crosses her legs, folding up her arms on her chest. “I don’t understand why Ador even considered you to join.”

Realizing what’s happening, you quickly glance at the manager - unfortunately he’s busy handling an overexcited fan with Dani.

“I..”

“I don’t want your stupid signature, it’s the same lazy one you had with IZ*ONE.”

Oh.

“You should’ve just stayed alone and pathetic after the disbandment rather then ruining a perfect group.”

Wow.

“You’re an eye sore - do you even know that? A fucking rat standing next to the goddesses. Every day I pray that you get caught in a stupid scandal and leave like th-”

“Excuse me. Your time is over.”

The ‘fan’ quickly glares at the manager, and hurriedly leaves, stomping purposefully. He gently puts a hand on your shoulder.

“Sorry I came too late. You can stay out for the rest if you’d like-”

“It’s okay! I can’t keep my fans waiting. Thank you though.” The fake smile clearly doesn’t ease up your manager’s mind, but he knows you well, and decided to leave you back to work with a simple pat.

—

On your way home you started to read the comments about the interaction.

The same girl decided to brag about her interaction on Twitter. You recognized her username, having seen her and several other fans that loved New Jeans, but hated you.

From editing songs and group photos to exclude you, apparently they decided to finally face you and say the same things that they posted on the internet more directly.

Her post gained attraction -and even though the replies were filled with Bunnies protecting you and explaining how the poster went too far - several replies were filled with hate towards you.

How untalented you are.

How much they hate your voice.

How you didn’t deserve to be with them.

And even a very detailed; ‘100 reasons why Y/n should leave NJ’.

“Number 23, her personality is way too bitchy...” You accidentally mumble out, causing Hyein to snap her head towards you.

“What in the world are you reading unnie?!”

The commotion caused all the girls to look back at the two of you, watching as Hyein snatches your phone out of your grip.

She takes a few seconds to scroll through the thread, as her face becomes more and more sour.

“H-Hyein! Give it back-!”

The younger girl furiously taps on your phone and shuts it off before handing it to you.

“Wha- what did you do?”

“I reported them. Don’t worry about it unnie.”

“But-”

“What the hell are you guys up to?”

Minji, finally awoken from her nap, looks at the two of you with furrowed eyebrows.

“Some asshole was saying shit about Y/n unnie.”

“Woah! Language!”

“My reaction is nothing compared to what Hanni unnie would say if she saw it.”

“Why are you dragging me into this?!”

Minji, now more concerned by the maknae’s reactions, stared at you.

“EVERYONE I’M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE.”

Haerin’s (rare) loud voice clears the van.

“We’ll talk when we get home.”

—

You quickly ran towards your bedroom, locking the door to avoid any contact. You shove your face into the bed letting out a loud groan.

‘I’m used to this. You’re used to this Y/n. This happened 4 years ago, it shouldn’t be that surprising for it to happen again...’

It was the same hate you received ever since you even joined Produce. It always happened, it always existed.

So why does it hurt so much this time?

Was it the comparing? Was it the comment about your skill? Maybe it was the way your members caught your brooding this time.

God, you hope they don’t know about the other times.

The nights you spent awake, wasting your mind reading disgusting comments from older videos. The holidays you spent crying alone at the dorm as you read yet another article about how you ‘mocked someone’. The hours you spent at the company, running your bones and muscles until you felt like ‘you deserved to be with them’.

You’re the most experienced one out of the whole group. You know how common negative comments are.

But it hurts so much more when you’re with the girls.

“Unnie?”

A knock causes you to shoot up from your crying session.

“Y-… Yup?! Yeah??”

You stumble towards the door, but before you could open the door, the full mirror next to your closet made you hesitate.

You teary face and clearly red eyes stopped you from opening the door.

“Um.. do you need something Dani?”

“Oh, yeah. The six of us are gonna have a movie night! Don’t you remember..?”

Shit. You forgot.

“I.. I’m sorry Dani. I think I have a cold. Don’t want you guys catching i-”

“A COLD?! Are you okay unnie!!? Do you need anything!?” Dani’s panic made you groan at your mistake.

After minutes of convincing her to join the others, you finally hear her shuffle away from the other side of the door.

You don’t wanna be seen like this. You’re the tough senior. You’re not the oldest, but the most experienced.

You deal with this alone. Not with others.

Why waste their energy anyways?

—

It’s 3 a.m. when you wake up on the floor.

Your face is still wet from the tears. You ears rang uncomfortably and the mirror still shows a very puffy, tired version of you.

Wiping your face with your sleeves, you quietly make your way to the kitchen - praying that the girls finished their movie night, and all went to bed.

You quietly creak open the door and tiptoe towards the kitchen. But before you could get there, something catches your eye.

The TV screen still plays an old comedy movie - shining a bright light towards the pile in front of the couch.

The air mattress you bought a few weeks ago was on the floor and the girls were all lying on top of it. That’s what you expected, so it wasn’t a surprise.

The empty pillow between Minji and Hanni was the surprising part.

The six of you always had an order you guys laid in.

And you always slept between Minji and Hanni.

You froze and stared at the cold pillow. The sore throat you felt disappeared, replaced by a sudden warmth in your chest. The tears didn’t feel as heavy as they did when you stood besides the mirror.

Like a magnet, you unconsciously gravitated towards the small space. You slowly laid down, staring up into the dark ceiling as the ringing in your ears turned into soft snores all around you.

You could finally hear the laugh tracks coming from the TV, the whirring of the fridge, and the shuffling of sheets.

It wasn’t loud, but enough to calm your mind.

You’re here. You’re in their arms. You’re not a target on the internet, you’re not a ghost from a different group, and you’re certainly not some bitchy asshole as the world makes you out to be.

You’re a New Jeans member.

You’re an adored idol.

And you’re certainly a loved group mate.

Hanni’s unconscious gentle hold on your arm reminds you of that, once again.

———————————————————————

[katshelluvacritic]

So…. Glitz and Glam huh… y’know what that means my fellow artists and critics…

REDESIGN TIME!!!! + (A bit of critics/opinions on the characters and the og design :-] )

To start it out a lil’ positive, If I gotta be honest I actually kinda liked these two characters from the mid-season special, even though they were just the bitchy woman character your supposed to hate (as if we needed any more of those characters than we already got viv), they were still really fun as characters in my opinion!

I feel like bitchy esc kind of character very much works for these two coupled with them being very competitive towards fizz in the episode, I feel like those two things were like the bread and butter for these characters and if I wanna be honest… I kinda wanna see these two again but wouldn’t be surprised if that didn’t happened bc c’mon this helluva boss we’re talking about after all!

The only thing I would have to say negatively about these two is that they literally got crushed by a rock in the end, like I get it viv hates writing characters who are woman but COME ONNN, you had these two characters that seem really interesting and the only climax you could’a think for them in the ep was to crush them with a rock? That’s literally lame.

But other than that, I think overall these characters were alright! At least writing wise….

Now for the redesign + critic thing on the og designs

I decided to change her outfit bc although I loved the character’s personality, the outfit viv gave them not fit them at all. The jester esc outfit personally I think doesn’t really work for these two because 1. The jester theme Fizzarolli’s thing and 2. It doesn’t really work well with their personality, the song they sang in my opinion shows that.

So I thought I’d base their outfits off of the bratz outfits and also any outfits similar to that, to try to fit their characters more!

That and I’m just getting real sick and tired of the jester/clown theming that’s going on in hb because oh my god it feels so out of place, especially with the theme of greed ring being a trashy polluted city. And even if, EVEN IF viv wanted to give them clown esc themed outfits, I feel like it would’ve made more sense if she gave them outfit that were similar to mimes because technically those guys are like elegant clowns! While jesters aren’t even the same as clowns at all.

I also kept the green ish’ tones while also giving them a bit off red and purple colors to compliment the identical twin duo thing they have going on! Because like… do I even have to say why I did it? Their colors are literally just black and the same exact hues of green, it was literally hard to focus on them when watching the episode because of much they blended in with the background.

I also took inspiration from this fish when designing them because from as far as I can tell (and do correct if I’m wrong), they’re supposed to be fish demons??? So I tried to add more fish motifs for them!

I also made them half succubus from the horns looking similar to that and also because I thought it’d be fitting for them!

I also made their hair look like fish fins because oh my god their hair in the canon design was probably the worst part about their designs, not only did it have too many details that it was too distracting when I was trying to pay attention to the characters but also I just trying to figure out how the hair works in general, because it honestly their hair kinda looked like paper instead of fish fins or even actual hair.

But other than that uhh…

TLDR: I love these guys sm, they deserved much better and uhhh I love women /hj

[pinkandpurple360]

ppl point out Blitzo literally apologized to Stolas in Ozzie's (when he shouldn't have had to) when Stolas accused him of never feeling sorry but I just noticed

that wasn't the only time

Blitzo literally says 'I'm sorry' when he says he can't go rescue Stolas from Striker because he's busy.

so that's twice he apologized and Stolas somehow forgot

and if you count non-Stolas related apologies he also apologizes very loudly and sincerely to Loona at the end of Seeing Stars.

Stolas acting like Blitzo is this prideful guy who never apologizes and it's a major flaw of his is just him rewriting reality, yet again. it comes off like he only believes it because Blitzo wouldn't cave immediately and apologize a second time for expressing how Stolas made him feel (or in Stolas' head, for refusing to believe Stolas genuinely liked him despite it being entirely Stolas' fault that Blitzo has no good reason to believe that)

honestly it really feels like the classic abuser strategy of projection where the perp accuses the victim of doing something they literally just did to their victim

the perfect moment for Stolas to apologize would have been at the end of full moon - a genuine apology, not that weaselly-words 'I'll do everything but say it's my fault for making the deal' speech he did earlier. but he doesn't and in the very next episode accuses Blitzo of being the one who is incapable of apologizing

yucky abuse dynamics asides, idk why we're expected to believe Stol1tz will last longer than five minutes when one party is comically incapable of self-reflection or sincere regret and the other party is being manipulated into apologizing just for expressing their feelings

🤕 except it’s the writer herself who keeps altering past events to make her favourite character look better. So she creates a new character flaw in Blitzø who has actually apologised more than any in the character in the show. 7 times in the series.

1. Sorry I (x) your husband - to Stella (weird but it counts)

2. In truth seekers when he vowed to be a better friend to moxxie and reminded him his value, and to use his actual name. I count that.

3. I can’t do it tonight alright, I’m sorry. - to stolas

4. Loona my sweet baby girl I’m so sorry I’ll never replace you no matter what.

5. Aw shit stolas i cant today alright I’m sorry I’m literally on my way to take Loona for her very important S.H.O.T.

6. I’m sorry Fizz. I’m so sorry you got so hurt, I’m sorry for what you’ve lost and I know I can never make that right. But You have no idea what I lost in that fire. I mean it’s all my fault, I’d hate me too. I do hate me.

7. Stolas, wait, I’m sorry. - stolas kicked him out

8. Him berating himself and verbally lifting stolas up as amazing, so that he stops crying and stops drinking. Shows remorse also. None of which stolas deserved.

Stolas has once. To via. Unless you count a polite ones in those simpering texts of his. In seeing stars via doesn’t let him because she blames herself entirely due to Loonas words. I struggle to count the “sorry it’s a bad time yet again Blitzy but I’m in a sitch” because he’s asking for something. So if you stretch, that’s maybe 3.

The sad part is Blitzø internalises all of stolas’ cruelty and insults and believes them to be true. Blitzø already has an internal voice of hate and criticism; stolas is his externalised self hatred. Because why wouldn’t he believe the prince, stolas is the one dressed so nicely, singing so nicely with pretty props, crying and surrounded by people crying with him, who all hate Blitzø, so stolas must be right.

Idc, Blitzø knew stolas was in trouble and reacted accurately. He had other things to do and Millie offered to help him. He was going to go over there. It’s weird that Viv wrote him to say “he can get hurt?” “I didnt think he was capable of-” and this was all she could come up with to make stolas all wounded and all betrayed. I’m tired of Blitzø throwing himself in the line of fire all the time. Stolas encourages his worst instincts. It’s not his job to protect stolas. But he did anyway. Even if he had saved him Viv would say “but it’s his fault striker even came back at all because reasons” I think it’s Stella’s fault actually but maybe that’s just me? He’s angrier at blitzø than Stella because he didn’t fulfil his damsel fantasy?

I think vivzie doesn’t account for fans who aren’t knee deep in stolitz Twitter, Instagram, ao3, r34, tiktok etc. Those fans have the romance in their heads the show doesn’t need to even write it. I’m guessing their dynamic will end up as Stolas replacing Loona. Blitzø allows him to abuse him because he feels guilt and sympathy, he wants there to be love between them. The relationship is based on this feeling of remorse and self hate, and pity for how lonely and hurt stolas is.

[connabeth]

rick really woke up and said "what if i give the people what they want for once" and gave us grumpy black cat introvert percy and sunshine golden retriever extrovert annabeth we never knew we needed

also no one's talking about how percy made friends with annabeth's college's security guard (Florence or smthn?) so he's the only one allowed to walk in her campus anytime?

also I found a typo in the third chapter where dave was accidentally called paul which I found really funny

1) i’m glad this series is doing justice to annabeth’s personality because she spent so much of pjo & hoo caught in an inner turmoil of hurt and uncertainty and self-loathing and insecurity and fear given the circumstances of luke’s betrayal and percy’s imminent death. in spite of it all, she was still a bastion of hope and light throughout those books, but she deserves to be silly and unburdened by the weight of the world now that she has percy back and there’s no big prophecy (unresolved trauma aside). i think, in her mind, even though new, crazy things keep being thrown at them and she most certainly deals with a latent fear of losing percy at any moment, she’s resolute and confident that they can overcome anything that gets in their way of their dream of going to college and finding peace together because she feels that invigorated and wants it that bad. even if greco-egyptian gods or a triple goddess or a mortal apollo pop up throughout their senior year. i feel like she’s giving herself the freedom to just let go, breathe, be sure everything will be okay in the end, and just be excited about things without drowning in worry for once, which i love. she deserves to feel that childlike enthusiasm she was deprived of for so long. her confidence that they’ll be okay extends to percy being able to complete all his classwork and applications, which in turn reinforces his determination.

2) as for percy, he’s definitely the more outwardly insecure out of the two, mainly because of how his academic prowess pales in comparison to hers and the fact that he feels he doesn’t deserve her and she’s way better than him. percy thinking her SODNYC friends perceive him in the same critical light obviously isn’t helping. it’s evident in the way he’s amazed when he looks at her, disbelieving for a second that she’s his girlfriend, and how he observes her interaction with others more similar to her, feeling like an outsider who can’t understand that part of her brain the way her friends can. it’s even more abundantly clear when he believes “She would always succeed whether I was around or not,” which in theory is a sweet sentiment to have about your very capable girlfriend, but academic and social success aside, she needs him as much as he needs her and she’d see no point in being in california without him. but his insecurities and easy jealousy prevent him from fully understanding this even if he innately knows it’s a universal truth that they’re meant to be together. however, all this being said, percy’s characterization in wottg so far is a little…weird. in order for you to literally pee your pants, something must scare you or catch you off guard really, really bad. so while it makes sense for him to fear a powerful goddess, wetting his boxers seems like an extreme reaction. i know rick was probably just trying to insert immature humor, but the implications are not what he was going for considering this is the boy who didn’t have that reaction staring down titans and giants and nyx and tartarus himself. so forgive me if i think it’s a little insane that percy having such a visceral reaction to a goddess 13 year old hazel fared well against is out of character, even after taking into consideration his fear of not receiving and completing the remaining quests on time. it makes sense for him to be nervous and on edge, given the quiet of the past month, but that amount of fear towards a deity who’s not the most scary thing he’s faced down is an interesting choice since rick isn’t known for realistic depictions of PTSD and that likely isn’t the intention here. it’s also curious how it’s implied even a goddess as primordial as aphrodite caves in to hecate…

3) florence is the goat and i love percy making random friends to help his cause. he doesn’t go out of his way to befriend others in the mortal world unless they approach him first or there’s an opportunity there. and the fact that annabeth can a casually ask her friend to cover for her being gone from her dorm for several days makes me think this is far from the first time she’s snuck out for prolonged periods of time👀

4) this is an INSANE typo to have in a book because clearly not a single person proofread it and it doesn’t surprise me that it got past rick, but becky and several rounds of editors and everyone else in his circle who’s read the book not picking up on it prior to publication is wild. rick is too eager to have his self-insert be everywhere and it shows💀

[2-dsimp]

What if... Harumu's darling was faceblind and had low-social tolerance, basically recognizing people by voice and habits?

Her husband IS a plain, boring, square in comparison to the homewrecker, and she adores him for it because he does it intentionally for her comfort. She finds him a comforting rock and bastion of consistency. She holds 0 attraction for Harumu because he's loud, very in your face, a Diva, and never wears the same outfit twice in the darling's presence. She gets very stressed about it, having gotten into trouble her last job when she failed to recognize her Boss when came in out of his usual outfit once.

Darling can't understand Homewrecker's overtures, she's too busy trying to figure out where they lost their boss and praying to god that no one noticed because the last time they failed to recognize him off the bat (he changed into a sexier outfit because she looks at his clothes more and he thought he could seduce her with a hot body) Harumu threw The World's Biggest Diva Fit.

This scenario is intriguing! But To be frank, if darling had face blindness and a low social tolerance.

Their application wouldn’t even have made it through the preliminaries against their competitors. Harumu is the face of an international beauty brand after all. So qualifications to handle all the attention. Which comes with being his caretaker will have to be met without exception.

To even catch Harumu’s attention you’d have to be exceptional in your own right. Since he believes that they deserve only the best of the best. So it’s not like he’d settle for just any manager. It’s why the beauty influencer initially was against having one in the first place. Since Harumu knows how high maintenance he is and is very critical about every single need being taken cared of.

The Shapeshifter isn’t loud and in your face. They’re a diva but a classy one at that.

Harumu never had the need to raise his tone (except for a few times throughout his spoiled life). Especially when he’s so used to people rushing to his beck and call. With just a simple expression of displeasure and a wave of their manicured fingers which means ‘come hither’.

Though on another note Harumu doesn’t wear anything twice unless they really love the design.

But if for whatever reason darling didn’t show any reaction to his outfit.

At first the yandere shapeshifter! Would be smug thinking that his beauty had finally stolen the breath from their lungs. And would even go as far as to prepare and call for the paramedics. just in case you fainted from the sheer exposure to his flawless features.

But slowly after getting out of his delusional headspace. And sees that you just didn’t have any opinion whatsoever. The yandere shapeshifter! would literally freak out from the notion that his handsome/pretty features didn’t have an affect.

Harumu would be so in shock that he’d feel faint and have a mental freak out. Questioning if he’s having a nightmare or if he’s just hallucinating. While also being heavily concerned about if you were even human to begin with. And was just an android in disguise. (Maybe you lied on your resume how else are you so capable in managing him?).

After having to call the medical staff for your model who fainted from pure distress. You’d later have Harumu wearing a tight lipped smile in their female form. (So that they don’t accidentally break your phone with their male counterparts strength) grabbing your phone to manually type in yet another requirement into your packed schedule.

The task was “practice every morning, noon, and night on giving words of affirmation to me, Darling~♥︎" Into your daily regime. Making it the top priority for you to fulfill as his manager.

After making countless desperate rationalizations. Harumu finally returned to her usual confident self and would simply chalk it up to you just being shy (for her own sanity) Becoming determined to get you outta that meek shell of yours so you can work on (adoring her like you’re supposed to)

[evren-d]

EDIT: definitely turned into a massive rant about Vander's politics, I tried to not be petty and I failed, I can't fix it with another draft, he drives me nuts. In this unassigned essay I literally will...

Vander criticism incoming because I re-watched the Sevika rematch in the last drop and holy moly did he do Vi dirty (What his guardianship style meant for Powder, Mylo, and Claggor all deserve their own posts) and I can’t think about Vi’s struggles without thinking about VanderLand™. Not saying he didn’t do good, not saying he couldn’t have been worse, just that…:

Vander preached against fighting, but lived (comparatively) large off of his reputation for fighting AND through the exchange of a blind eye from the enforcers in return for keeping his own community under heel. Grayson saying, “I keep out of your business and you keep your people off of my streets” or whatever, suggest to me the passes that Vander has enjoyed in his interests over the years.

His thriving business, the life he projects, no fighting oppression, only bar-keeping, but we see him throw his reputation around as a favor to to his friends, like Huck and Babette. Would the undercity merchant/business owner class want your protection if they knew what was up? Maybe, Benzo was on board. What about the rest of the undercity that aren't enterprising? Silco saying, "Not JUST for the Lanes, but for the whole of the underground," is huge.

It pays to be Vander’s friend, but no one else could possibly realize the success that I think he pretends he did. The lifestyle he's trying to get Vi to subscribe to (VanderLand) doesn’t actually exist. Everyone is seeing that but him and Vi is boiling over in confusion and frustration and self-doubt and anger.

If any other kids had caused the damage in Piltover that made Marcus go all ham, their parents would not have had the luxury of negotiating with Grayson, and I honestly don't believe that Vander would have turned himself in to protect them. When Vander or Grayson die, the little pocket of safety that he's carved out for the lanes will be lost, this only benefits a select few for as long as Vander can pull it off.

Bless you Sevika for leaving him behind, my god. The way he claims all responsibility for the day of ash is honestly just insulting. If you hadn’t led them across that bridge, maybe someone else would have, my guy.

Look at the lengths Sevika and others go to to fight YOU so they can have another chance to fight the real enemy without you protecting your cushy life (and kids, yeah, yeah, but it’s still painfully short sighted. People had kids the first time around, some people in the bar calling to fight back with Sevika surely also have kids. That’s -why- they want to fight) all over the conversation. He talks to vi like he opened and closed the book on revolution - get out of the WAY OLD MAN.

To Vi he’s like, Yes, I live a better life for myself, my family, and my friends leveraging just the sheer -memory - of when I used to fight, but you can’t.

There's a difference between self-defense in dangerous streets and planning a heist to steal your way through life, but he seems to lump them together. Then in the same conversation telling her that fists aren’t the answer, he checked quality assurance checked that she kicked Deckard’s ass, because ultimately that is what he expects from her. Attacking the root cause of gangs like Deckard's is immature and selfish, but you better be a good enough fighter to beat the shit out of them on call. WHAT a moving target.

What I saw in Vi’s delirium in the bar in the Sevika rematch was Vander dissing her guard and telling her she has no choice but to keep fighting, that she’s needed, whether she’s wanted or not. And yeah, it’s not Vander that said that, it’s in Vi’s head, but it's reminiscent of things we did see him tell her as a teenager, that message of “you are the only hope that the people you love have, you're responsible for everything that happens when you interact with them, you're not allowed to not interact with them, in fact you must -lead- them. Also, you're stupid.”

For that to be what her brain cooks up for her mentor to say to her to stay conscious and in the game, the way that she accepts it with a huffed laugh and it actually HELPS HER is so gaahhhhhhh.

Fundamentally, (in the admittedly very little we saw in act I of uniquely stressful time,) I feel that he offloaded the effort and responsibility of mentoring, nourishing, and raising all four kids individually, to Vi. He literally made the others leave the room before giving the soft side of his lecture in the basement, then barked at, confiscated from, and threw stuff at the Mylo and Claggor on his way back upstairs. To expect Vi to take his guidance in, make sense of it (impossible), and redistribute it to the others is not cool, and that's why he makes me grump.

[its-time-to-write]

chapter 4

table of contents

we know the steps anyway

Jamie might have stretched the truth. He has an appointment, yes, but not a medical one, like. There’s enough doctors and shit on staff at Richmond. But no one there has fucking critical thinking or whatever, so he’s able to go early. He goes to the shops and doesn’t pray he remembers what you like, instead he prays that it hasn’t changed.

He gets recognized but he hopes the flowers in his hand don’t signal anything to the fans. If anyone asks he can just say they’re for his mum or something, it’s not totally fucking unrealistic, but his lying’s gotten progressively worse recently. Probably because he’s out of practice, but he doesn’t actually want to get back in practice, if you know what he means.

He also prays that your address is the same. You loved that house and he’d be surprised if you moved but it’s almost a year since he last saw you and much longer than that since you were actually together.

Maybe he should have become Catholic so he could say a proper Hail Mary. But he isn’t one, so instead he just hopes harder than he has in a while and knocks on the door. The doorbell’s taped off with a note that says, baby sleeping so he thinks he probably has the right house after all 

He hears footsteps, has the quickest panic attack known to man, then the door opens to reveal you.

Jamie has never wanted to make a baby more than this moment, if he’s being honest. He can tell you’re in the middle of work but the way it takes a split second too long to figure out what’s happening and the pen behind your ear. You look the same, but assured and he knows it’s because you don’t need him. He wants to unbutton your shirt and also tell you that he loves you more than he’s ever loved anyone in his whole entire life and he knows he’s a fucking idiot but his thoughts have never been good at finding their way to his mouth so instead he just says, “Hey,” and pulls the flowers from behind his back.

Jamie doesn’t miss the way your eyes widen in what he can only construe as fear at the sight of him. It subsides into wariness when he hands you the flowers, but he doesn’t like that the fear was there in the first place. He understands you want to be cautious, but fear?

That’s not good at all.

So he telegraphs all his movements as best he can. Shoulders down, hands at his sides and unclenched. He takes half a step back but asks, “Can we talk?” and watches you play a million outcomes in your head at once.

You don’t want to let him in, but Clare’s asleep in the living room. And the flowers are an indicator that he’s here for some positive reason so you step aside and say, “You can come to the kitchen.”

Jamie knows he’s on thin ice so he barely looks any other direction than straight to where you direct him. He doesn’t sit. He stands in the middle of the kitchen and awkwardly holds the flowers before you take them from him and set them on the counter. He opens his mouth to say something (he’s not quite sure what yet) and is saved by the baby crying in the other room. 

The baby. 

You sigh and go to get her and he scans the room as best he can for any indicator as to her name. He doesn’t see anything but photos stuck to the fridge. You come back into the room before he can move to look closer. 

“Her name’s Clare,” you say offhandedly. “You’re not on the birth certificate. You’ve always said you didn’t want to have kids, and I’m pretty fucking sure you wouldn’t want them with me. And-” you pause. Clare’s awake and staring right at your face. She really does look like Jamie.

“And,” you continue, “I didn’t really want you to come back just to fuck off again. Clare doesn’t deserve that. And you’ve been acting like a right fucking idiot all over national television, so.”

Jamie nods. “Makes sense.” 

You wait for him to say something else but he doesn’t, just looks so uncharacteristically lost that you sigh.

“You’re not here about custody, are you,” you. Jamie’s eyes widen.

“Fuckin’ hell, that’s what you thought this was about? I’m not- I wouldn’t- I’ve been to going therapy.”

You raise an eyebrow. That’s new. Maybe that’s what fucking Keeley Jones meant about decent. But he’s not getting off so fucking easy, if at all. 

“So what, you go to therapy a couple times and now you’re fixed? And you want a family? Or to apologize? You haven’t made it entirely clear why you’re here.”

Jamie says, “I’m here because I miss you,” and you scoff. 

“No- shit, I mean- I’ve missed you for a long fucking time but my texts weren’t going through, so I figured you blocked me. And Madeline is fucking terrifying, babe. But I was looking for you the other night because I wanted to apologize. And see if you wanted to get back together,” he says, and you’re not entirely sure how to react.

“Right,” you say, “well, that’s not fucking happening. You dumped me after a year, called me a two in the morning five months later, so yes, I blocked you. And you should be fucking scared of Madeline because I had to forcibly restrain her from ruining your goddamn life despite the fact that I actually wanted her to go completely apeshit. I have more important things than some twenty-six year old footballer who’s only just now getting his life together when I’ve had it together since I was eight. I have a job and a baby, and I’m handling both in the house that I’ve owned since I was twenty-two because like I said before, Jamie Tartt, I’ve had my life together since I was fucking eight years old. I had the same damn childhood as you and yet I’m not the one who has only recently learned what the fuck empathy is.”

Your rant upsets Clare, who begins crying. “Shit,” you sigh. “I’m sorry, Bean. You hungry?” You glance at Jamie. “I’m going to sit on the couch.”

“Right. Yeah,” says Jamie as he follows you to the next room. He sits gingerly on the couch across from you and you sigh again. He’s relatively harmless, and you’re well-versed in what he looks like when he’s up to no good. You pat the spot next to you and he sits, still carefully, while you adjust Clare. It isn’t until you sit down that you realize how fucking tired you are.

“She’s so fucking small,” Jamie whispers. “How the fuck do you ever get anything done? I’d just be looking at her.”

You laugh, but it’s short and brittle. “Things need to get done Jamie. She’s hungry, she needs to be changed, I have work to do and I’ve got to eat, but I’m sick of ordering in so I try to meal prep as much as I can but I don’t ever sleep and I’m afraid of burning the house down, so most of the time I eat frozen dinners at four a.m. because she’s awake.” Jamie doesn’t say anything, just listens. He’s inched closer or maybe you have or maybe both, because your thighs are touching and it sends the same shivers up your leg that it did two years ago. “I’m tired all the time,” you whisper. “It’s like my bones are tired. I think Madeline’s the only one who has any idea what it’s like and she can only help so much. Besides, she’s it’s her last night in fucking Milan and I’m not about to be that mum friend who’s constantly making everything about her baby. It’s just so much work, Jamie. You have no idea.”

You shouldn’t, you know you shouldn’t but Madeline isn’t here and what she doesn’t know won’t kill her, so you rest your head on Jamie’s shoulder.

He freezes for a moment before tilting his face to touch the top of your head.

And you’re furious. It should have been like this before and as soon as it’s over your going to wish that it were like this more often. It’s a fantasy.

But you’ll indulge a little while longer before seriously considering moving somewhere else. Probably Chelsea if you’re being honest; it’s not too far away but it’ll give you the space you need to remind yourself that Jamie isn’t for you. He’s for someone else, someone like Keeley.

And anyway as soon as you want to let Madeline find you a man, you know you’ll have no shortage of options.

It’s not about that, though. It’s about the fact that you’ve been on your backup plan ever since Jamie left and you’d give anything to feel like you’re in control again.

Jamie murmurs, “I want to help,” and you shake your head slightly. 

“Don’t need money, my darling. I need someone to change her diaper at one in the morning.”

“That’s what I mean,” Jamie says and you chuckle.

“And when do you have time for that?” you ask. “Don’t you footballers have a strict sleep schedule? And you’d have to be here in the guest room because there’s no way I’m taking Clare to yours.”

Jamie shrugs and you sit up. “Don’t take this the wrong way love, but plenty of footballers ignore their sleep plan to fuck around. It’s got to be healthier and shit to take care of a kid, yeah?”

“No,” you say. “You can’t just show up and slip back into my life like that. I haven’t talked to you in almost a year and now you’re here on my couch, which is fine, but you can’t just come all the way back.”

Jamie frowns. “So what do I have to do?”

You shake your head. “That’s something for you to figure out without me.”

—

Jamie replays the whole thing from the time he gets back into his car to go home to the time he falls asleep. And then starts again when he wakes up and heads to the Dogtrack. The only person who looks at him twice is Higgins, although that may be more to Jamie’s choice of lime green sweatpants than his mental state.

He can’t get Clare’s face out of his head. He can’t get the feeling of your body on the couch next to him out of his system.

He wasn’t sure what he wanted when he returned to Richmond, he just knew he wanted something different. Maybe this is it.  

He’s so wrapped up in his thoughts that he knocks completely into Roy on his way to get his lunch.

“Fucking watch where you’re fucking going,” Roy grunts but Jamie barely acknowledges him.  

And that’s how Roy knows something is wrong because the little shit is never one to back down from an argument. But he’s Roy fucking Kent and the last thing he’s going to do is ask Tartt about his fucking feelings so he just walks away and forgets about it.

In hindsight, he thinks it probably would have provided some fucking context to what he’s seeing in front of him. 

A very apologetic Keeley Jones hangs on his arm while he watches some short brunette march into the locker room as if she owns it, grab Jamie by the ear, and start swearing at him.

No one seems to know what to do, probably in too much shock to stop Madeline from dragging Jamie (still by his ear) out of the room and presumably to the car park. 

Roy catches Beard’s eye, entirely by accident, who shrugs. Ted claps his hands and says something to the effect of, “Everyone’s made poor decisions when it comes to women, Sam go check on Jamie,” before following Roy and Beard to the coaches’ office. As soon as the door is firmly shut, Ted says, “What in the Sam Hill was that? I know Jamie’s ruffled a few feathers in his time, but I’ve never seen anything like that before, no sir.”

Everyone looks expectantly at Keeley. After all, she was the one chasing Madeline’s heels as she shouted, “God DAMN it Tartt, I’m going to fucking kill you!!” down the hall.

“Well you see,” Keeley begins, voice mousy, “I was in Milan where I met Madeline. We were chatting and we both found out we knew Jamie. And she’s friends with this girl who lives here in Richmond, and it turns out she and Jamie dated right before he was with me. I don’t know what he did but he did something awful while we were away because she got a text, said, “Fucking Tartt,” and then stepped out to take a phone call. She came straight here from the airport; I think her taxi’s still outside, actually.” She lifts one shoulder in a shrug. “I’m just surprised Jamie’s fucked something up again. He’s been doing so well recently.”

“Jamie has a kid,” Beard says like he can’t hold it in any more. He’s met with shocked silence until Ted says, “Well I’ll be. Jamie Tartt’s got a little tartlet,” and then everyone’s talking at once. Mainly, how does Beard know and what does that have to do with his arse getting hauled to the car park?

Ted’s just thankful this debacle happened at the end of the day, because the team can’t afford to miss any training with the Aston Villa game coming up. There’s a knock on the door, and Ted opens it to reveal Sam. 

“Jamie is going home with that angry young woman,” he says. 

Ted asks, “Should we be concerned?” and Sam shrugs. 

“He did not seem as though he needed rescuing,” he replies, and that makes sense. From what anyone could tell, it almost seemed as though Jamie felt like he deserved whatever Madeline was saying to him. As if he expected it. But no one has any more answers so they all just sort of disperse to their various homes. 

Keeley though, Keeley is so fucking curious she thinks she might explode. So as soon as she’s at Roy’s and seated on his sofa she opens her laptop and scrolls through Madeline’s entire fucking instagram to look for clues. It’s hard, what with all the brand deals and photo dumps, but Keeley’s a professional. She has a list of girls who occur in multiple photos throughout the years, checks off their socials, but comes up empty. 

Well, almost empty.

Half of Madeline’s friends are private, so those are Keeley’s top suspects, but there’s one friend whose photos switch from being full length to shoulders-up only about nine months ago. And there’s a selfie of Madeline in a hospital bed with this same friend buried in a photo dump from two and a half months ago with the caption, “she lived, bitch.” It’s focused on their faces and nothing else, but Keeley’s one hundred percent positive this is the girl.

Keeley spends the rest of the night on her computer scouring the internet for as much as she can possibly learn while Roy makes her tea and reads next to her.

next chapter

[witlesswitnesstm]

I am a firm Marvin Gardens BPD/NPD truther, so here’s all my evidence.

This is a very long post, so buckle up.

• Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Let’s go through the symptoms he shows, shall we?

- Has unreasonably high sense of self importance, and requires constant admiration:

Marvin, especially as a child, exhibits a large amount of grandiosity. This is most evident in How Marvin eats his breakfast and My Highschool Sweetheart.

He thinks of himself as above the maid staff and he constantly threatens/accuses them. Then he’s given the role of Columbus, and highly identifies with him to the point where he claims he *is* Columbus. That he’s this grand explorer, who’s the king of the ocean. He believes he’s powerful because of the role.

Then as an adult, Marvin has a constant need for adoration. He needs people (like Whizzer and Trina) to love and want him in songs like Thrill of first love and This had better come to a stop. That might even be a reason he got with Trina in the first place. He wanted to feel needed, without the responsibility of having to love back.

Not to mention the line “Kid. Be my son.” In Father to son. He wants Jason to fulfill the role as his son (and subsequently love him), not really acknowledging he’s his own person. But he still deeply cares about Jason, and wants him to succeed, he just does it through the only lense he understands; himself. Also, I noticed that Marvin literally moves the chess board aside and makes Jason face him during that song, even though he clearly doesn’t want to.

- Believes they deserve special privileges or treatment:

The R of Ms. Goldberg shows Marvin is obsessed with getting what he wants, for no other reason besides the fact that he wants it. It’s also implied that he didn’t even necessarily have the acting skills required to be Columbus, Ms. Goldberg just conceded because he kept pestering her. He believed he deserved it, so he got it.

- Make achievements and talents bigger than they actually are:

Again, Marvin obsessed over being a star actor. He also consistently exaggerates his intelligence with lines like “I can read her like a book” in How Marvin eats his breakfast and “I'm not so rich but hell I'm smart.” In This had better come to a stop.

In I never wanted to love you, Marvin also claims that he’s in demand, when he’s most likely not and is just trying to cover for his ego.

- Preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance

Oh wow. Ok, so we all know about the metaphor for games at this point. Marvin loves winning, he literally says it’s everything to him. He also says that he wants it all multiple times which is just, really driving home the point that he craves success and power over everything else.

Marvin is also characterized as being rich, which again emphasizes his need for success. I’m thinking he climbed the corporate ladder for the sole objective of looking like he’s successful.

Side note, I think the reason he never acknowledges how rich he is might be because he’s ashamed of being a trust fund baby. He had a whole maid staff as a kid, so it’s implied his parents had mad stacks. He might’ve sought success outside his parents’ money so that it was his own accomplishment, not his family’s.

I want to touch on My chance to survive the night, specifically the line “I played a game. She was as cute as a dime and couldn't spell. I asked her to spell my name. That's it for girls.” Marvin has a history of using games as a basis for breaking up with people because of his insecurity, even before Chess game. He gets a lot better with this in act 2, and this is evident in the racquetball matches. He seems a little unconfident, but he’s not devastated by it in the way he would be before.

I’ve mentioned this in a separate post, but The r of Ms. Goldberg can also be interpreted as a fantasy for power, since Marvin isn’t actually interested in having sex with Ms. Goldberg, and instead just wants to have control over her.

- Is critical and looks down on people they feel aren’t important:

Marvin consistently ignores his sweetheart even when she begs for his attention. When she tries to tell him she’s a person, he calls her ridiculous.

Marvin also just generally acted out as a child because he considered everyone as beneath him.

This trait is especially highlighted In Tight Knit family reprise, where he just straight up talks shit about Mendel, not being able to believe that Trina can love him. It’s also shown in Marvin hits Trina, that he dislikes her platitudes and expects substance from her, and then goes on to again beg for admiration with the line “How could you ever deny what we had?”

- Expects others to do what they ask without question:

This is best shown in This had better come to a stop and Chess game. Marvin expects Whizzer to play the housewife, while not acknowledging that he’s his own person.

This is also displayed in Tight Knit family, where he expects everyone to go along with his perfect vision of what a family should be.

- Has an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others:

This is most clear with Sweetheart and Trina. As I’ve said, Marvin blatantly ignores sweetheart’s attempts to love him, and completely disregards her. I want to note how he does this in favor of being attached to Ms. Goldberg and playing Columbus which are his power fantasies, essentially.

This trait is also shown in Breakfast over Sugar when Marvin basically tells Trina to shut up and that she’ll get over it when she’s having a a pretty expected emotional outburst to him divorcing her. He completely disregards her feelings, showing no empathy to her.

- Acts arrogantly:

This can just be interpreted as confidence but Marvin says that he loves being himself multiple times over the course of In trousers.

• Borderline Personality Disorder

- A strong fear of abandonment:

This ties into Marvin’s need for admiration, but he constantly asks others for validation, and even doesn’t want Trina to find new partners because he interprets it as abandonment of his family.

There’s also the workshop version of This had better come to a stop, which is all about how Marvin is terrified that Whizzer’s going to leave him again in act 2, but he tries to bury all those feelings down so that he doesn’t appear needy. One of the lines is “I sit here and slowly rot. Wait for Whizzer, wait for answers, and get none.” Which just really nails down this point.

There’s also Unlikely lovers, when Marvin refuses to leave Whizzer’s side in the hospital.

- A pattern of unstable, intense relationships:

I’m sure we all know where this is going.

Marvin has a lot of opinions about Trina. He says that he thinks she’s perfect in I have a family, but that at the same time, he says that he hates her in I swear I won’t ever again.

His wants are contradictory. He wanted Trina to leave him alone when he divorced her, but couldn’t accept that she married Mendel. Also, he fights with Trina consistently, even throughout Act 2.

Onto Whizzer, their relationship is driven solely by chaotic passion. Their relationship is *built* on fighting and making up with hate sex.

Whizzer has no idea how to feel about Marvin because of how unstable he is. Marvin can be gentle, but he expects everything to go his way. He’s affectionate but highly judgemental. (Then again, so is Whizzer.)

- Quick changes in how they view themself:

This is best shown in Your Lips and Me reprise. Marvin goes from hating who he was and what he did to Ms. Goldberg to having a whole ass victory song about how he loves being himself.

This might be sarcasm, but Marvin is also self deprecating in Tight knit family reprise, with the lyric “I'm too damn peeved, self-absorbed, self-deceived. Who knows?”

- Periods of stress related paranoia and loss of contact with reality

This is a stretch, but Marvin’s exes always hovering around him in In trousers might be paranoia about his past manifesting itself. This is especially clear in I can’t sleep and Your lips and Me reprise where they physically interact with him, preventing him from sleeping or reminding him of his past.

- Impulsive/risky behavior:

Bro got multiple STDs, presumably from unsafe sex. Also, it’s implied that he also got HIV after Whizzer.

Hitting Trina could also be seen as impulsive behavior.

- Wide mood swings:

This is where Marvin’s giddy seizures comes in. He has periods of extreme laughter and giddiness, sporadically.

- Inappropriate levels of anger

Marvin hits Trina. I mean, what else do I have to say? This whole song is about Marvin’s anger taking over his actions and causing physical harm because of it. He also shows inappropriate anger when he brings out Whizzer’s belongings after the Chess game.

Ok Jesus Christ that was a lot of words. Keep in mind that these are just my headcanons and you’re allowed to interpret Marvin in any way you want.

Also I don’t have these disorders myself and I’m not a professional psychologist or anything so let me know if I got some things wrong. I just care way too much about the Marvin Trilogy and I’m also interested in becoming a psychologist.