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trans day of remembrance please for fuck's sake remember disabled trans people this time, dont leave it to us to be the only ones who mourn them
so many posts about today and ive seen nobody mention them. nobody at all.
im fucking tired.
#ffs if youre able-bodied and/or nt PLEASE reblog this#you are VERY encouraged to#im tired of everyone at least getting a mention#but disabled people literally having to force even someone aknowledging us down people's throats#i cant with this shit#ofc all marginalized groups deserve to be acknowledged#but that also means us#please don't forget your disabled siblings who lived and fought and just looked for better days#please don't let their memories fade away#please don't let their lives and the many battles they fought mean nothing#this trans day of remembrance make sure to remember everyone#not only the ones who were able-bodied#not only pallatable trans people#everyone means Everyone.#disabled#trans disabled#trans day of remembrance#cripple punk#queer cripple#cpunk#madpunk#neuropunk#transgender#i should probably get ready for everyone taking this out of context but im tired angry and in pain so i cant bring myself to care lmao
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The other day I freaked out bc I offered my friend some CBD gummies, then she offered to some her mom, and it wasn't until after her mom took it that I realized that with the 500mg CBD it also included 25mg THC and her mom wasn't a weed user so she was about to experience being high for the first time. After a while she started doing some chores, asking very philosophical questions, giggling at her own jokes, and was extremely happy. She ended up coming up to me and thanking me, saying they helped her immensely, including taking away a lot of her joint pain. So it ended up going well! But damn I felt like a piece of shit there for a minute lmao
#side note im so fucking proud of her mom.#my friend escaped a religious cult started by her dad#who was extremely abusive to her mom#after a few years of being out of the home she ended up convincing her mom to leave too#and she went from a hardcore conservative to someone who's open and understanding#like she turned her whole belief system around immediately#bc she admitted she was really only holding onto those ''beliefs'' in fear of being punished by the cult#i looooove talking to her about it#i wonder what kind of person she would have been if she was able to escape sooner 🥲#she was really only able to leave bc my friend helped her get housing and a job...she had absolutely nothing to her name#.bdo#the reason i didn't know there was thc in there was bc the bottle had huge letters everywhere saying they were cbd gummies#and then the thc content was listed very small on the nutrition info#granted it did say ''full spectrum'' in small letters on the front. which means thc included. didnt know that at first#my body doesn't react to edible thc so i wasnt getting high from it and didn't think much about it#i once ate 800mg thc in one day and it did nothing lmao
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almost forgot about this. made as soon as i finished reading day 48 and booted down my laptop . good god. not quite sure what happened with this. it was something to the effect of 'oh. god he really loved didn't he.' in full force AGAIN. the parts of banging on the door, doors in general, just carmen as a whole other thing, the yelling, the want to die to sink to be forgotten. yeah. that was a trip. carmen... i know you meant well with your words but he took it LITERALLY......
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#ayin lobcorp#I WAS. SO UPSET WHEN I WAS MAKING THIS is so sketchy and a mess but i wasnt able to clean it up because of just how upset i was#actual physical emotional pain in my body. couldnt. croid. LMAOO yeah#god just thinking back on it again..#he was the one to find her. her in the water. in the bath. in her own blood (?)#banged and yelled and called out her name knowing it was pointless#not wanting to open that door because he knew what was on the other side#yet yanking like a madman on the handle to try and force it open#calling out her name and the only audible response being the running water#desperation fear hurt hurt open the door god open the door please have it shut i dont want to see whats on the other side#and it opened. it opened. her eyes wont open again though. they wont#he was alone when doing this to righr??? right???? just him at a door probably forcing himself against it until his body aches until the#door opens. would his knuckles have burned? would his arms have ached? his throat started to feel as if it were falling apart?#for a man who was one to be stated of few words#to now yell at the door wanting so desperately for it to open yet stay forever shut to be blind to the result#it mustve. it mustve burned.#how long was it? how long did it feel like it was?#anyways yeah. uhm. haha..#I WANT TO MAKE A WHOLE POST JUST BEING A not quite analysis i dont think anything like this could be called analysis ON ALL THE As#aughhhhfhh i fell in love with him sorry. i really really like him. and. everyone else too. man i just love lobcorp
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known we were a system for about 7 years now, probably been a system for far longer, and just realised. we got an intrusive self-fakeclaiming thought today and laughed it away
#it does get better it does get easier eventually you will not fear being wrong or out of place#the thought felt like it just rolled away like a little creek washing over stones#it used to be a tsunami size wave that would throw us around and leave us feeling like we're not fitting in or even in the right place#and now we're just. solid and sturdy and the water's calmed to a tiny trickle#this is the first self-fakeclaiming thought we've had in i think months#and honestly probably only brought on by very new system members not being used to being alone in front#(it's rare for us. we're almost always cofronting. but sometimes it happens and it's so jarring)#rejecting the idea that we could possibly be faking this gives us this massive sense of wholeness like. this is who we are. and it's right#it feels right it feels like. we're real again. we're healing and able to learn. we're doing better. we feel whole like this#sharing this body with a million others will only ever bring us joy this is home this is love this is healing this is right#i love being plural#i love having a system#i love my headmates#we're so so close to hitting our real milestone of being functionally multiple#our challenge kinda. the goal we have to say Yes we feel we have functional multiplicity now#is to just. be able to connect all the sidesystems and have dormant people come back now and then and recover lost headmates#(TOBY WE *WILL* FIND YOU EVENTUALLY)#and it's starting! we've discovered people from BEFORE the syscovery we've brought back Blank and Ro multiple times#we talked to Bee once!!!! Bee literally hasn't fronted since fucking 2020!!! AND BEATRICE CAME BACK AND SHE'S TALL NOW??#and Siren came back!!!!!!! he was so so so fucking scared of falling out of the front rotation bc he thought he'd be lost forever but!!!!!#system wise i cannot believe how far we've come EVERYONE can feel the difference Ro and Blank get shocked by how much more cohesive we are#they were used to a constantly terrified proxy host and gatekeepers that loved to section stuff off and no communication#now it's like walking into a real place for them. they aren't used to headspace being this solid#when we started out WE DIDN'T HAVE ONE we had to manually build it and it took so long and so much focus#now it's as easy as closing our eyes#god i fucking love this im so happy right now
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I never understood WHY during the Black Star arc in Dragon Ball GT they didn’t think of bringing Vegeta along on their space travels considering he is LITERALLY the only character among the Z Fighters who has actual experience out in space. He’s lived and traveled throughout outer space for the first 30 years of his life!
Unless they did explain why and I just didn’t listen cause the first arc in GT was boring af I just wanted to get to the Baby arc.
#they really thought bringing a man stuck in a kids body#And 2 young adults who have slacked off in their training for years was the best option#Grained: only one of those two young adults were able to go#AND INSTEAD A BRATTY CHILD TOOK HIS PLACE#it’s should’ve been Goku Vegeta and maybe Gohan#I feel they would’ve been the best options#and maybe pan tags along so she can “prove herself”#random thoughts#dragon ball#dragon ball gt#dbgt#vegeta#anime
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pont pont vesszőcske
#this year just feels weird. im selfishly not saying ~rawr so awful or tragic#because there are things ive achieved this year that im proud of and that were long due#im so happy i did that masters course and im so glad i landed a job that pays well even though its torture on my nerveous system#my mind is forever free from academic guilt and pressure#and i can afford things that nourish my soul and body when they werent accessible before#so this is the firm acknowledgment of the fact that im lucky and have an objectively good life#part of which i was given and nice parts i actually worked my ass off for#and for the first time in my life im at a stage where its all … freestyle?? lmao like ok girl you did the things now find new things to do#and theres none hehehe just human connections that are harder to build than a cv or a thesis defense and doesnt only depend#on the effort i put in#but also on how the stars and planets are moving or idk#plus i just remembered how my sister told me that the reason why i kept procrastinating on my diploma was bc it was an excuse to not grow u#and now the universe is kicking my ass all year to make me realize that i need to change and grow and build a life i could settle in#because this bitch!!!! took 3 of my 4 closest friends and made them move countries and get married or in one case just simply get over me#and not to make everything about me but its how humans work okay so ofc im internalizing a lot of other tragedies as new signs#from the universe screaming at me#to get away from the parasocial bonds that give me so much joy but also affect me too much#like LAUGH AT ME all you want but ive been wanting to see ts live since 2009#and the only thing that kept me up in exam season at 4am was me and my friend sending outfit inspos to each other#like its silly i know but when that show got cancelled and i was hysterical i kneew the lesson was to grow up and stop investing so much#into lovely but also relatively short moments of my life#because i should be able to#look forward to other things after graduating than the eras tour but i WASNT okay#and i dont have to elaborate on how liam’s passing has been affecting me/us so i wont#but fuck that was a cruel reminder - to make things about me again- that though i can talk about this with friends on my phone#until my retina burns out or melts or idk what retinas do#i still dont have ANYONE in my phsyical proximity who would understand this pain and thats partially on me#and then my 85+yr old grandma got covid AGAIN for the 3rd time and my god she got better but in case i forgot she wont be with me forever#and i reached the tag limit so thats it anyway weird year very weird dont know what it wants from me#to the void
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tender as a bruise, sharper than a razor wrap her tentacles around me like she'll never let me go
klaus' backstory arc just ended heho and it was revealed he used to be the lover of the goddess of storms and pirates... she had basically kidnapped him and imprisoned him into murder and piracy for 20 years and needless to say it greatly damaged him on every level <3 its okay he's been able to be normal for once since the start of the campaign thanks to the party aka his new found family
get urself a surrogate middle-aged father who can speedrun a forbidden romance in one minute and then immediately go to confront the darkest version/a corrupted version of himself, as well as his toxic lover as she tortures him -w-)b
details and just the lines hehe
#clerichs.png#my artwork#original character#original art#original illustration#digital art#digital painting#digital illustration#dnd character#oc#oc illustration#im so unnormal about him.#he got hurt soo badly in isolation... thats where all the scars in his ref came from </3#this portrait is of the one scar his goddess did not give him.... </3#tfw ur jealous sea goddess lover pits you against other pirates and sea monsters to fight for ur life and test ur devotion#and she promised to love you wholly only for u to realize she doesn't understand or know what love is#and only wanted it bc everyone else who had love seemed so happy and she wanted that too#so after she destroyed everything you loved (literally your entire world) she merely treats u as a possession for 20 years#and you don't know how to ask for love because you don't know how to love either so you resent her and everything and everyone#leading rage to build up within you and you willfully slaughtering so many things because you cant handle your emotions and pain#and after deflating and sinking into apathy a rogue priest manages to break ur exterior and touch you deeply enough to let you love again#and because of him you're able to begin breaking free of everything and you lose everything again but this time#this time you wake up in a crate of fish to outstretched hands and people who love you as family even after learning who you are/were#filling you with strength and willpower even as your goddess lover comes back swearing she loved you and loves you still#and she tortures you and threatens to take everything away again if you don't come back to her but because of your love for everyone#and their love for you youre able to hold fast long enough for them to break you out#his goddess made a copy of him by warping the body and soul of a naive young man in an attempt to replace him and fill the hole in her hear#he had to literally kill the darkest version of himself that hurt everyone and he laid him to rest... catharsis if ive ever seen it#as i said. im so normal about him <3 the guy i project onto the most ever#klaus lierstark
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#almost came unglued in my cubicle bc I got a bunch of queer instagram reels#and specifically these ‘what it’s like as a lesbian dating someone whose only dated men’#and it’s just like…oh I really Haven’t ever been in a fulfilling relationship with anyone huh#and then there were videos explaining hand positions and exercises to help with cramping and stamina and I’m just…#I just feel like the biggest loser#which is so stupid bc I would never even think to judge anyone else who is like me and has no experience#but gOD I FEEL LIKE A LOSER#ugh FUCK I’m so tired of feeling like an absolute outsider to the queer community#I’m so tired of feeling like I’m wasting time and missing out and like I’m going nowhere#but I can’t fucking navigate dating apps I can’t talk to women at the bar#had to delete the one app I was using bc I refused to pay $30 just to be able to filter for monogamous#I would run out of swipes on poly and causal only people#and then shit like ‘oh but THESE people didn’t meet until their 40s/50s/60s/etc!!’#and it’s just like!!!!! I DONT WANT TO WAIT THAT LONG!!!!!#i would like gay sex before menopause absolutely wrecks my body!!!!#bc if watching what it did to my own mother is any foreshadowing it’s going to thoroughly wreck me!!!!!#and that’s getting closer and closer every fucking day!!!!!!#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#negative
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I understand why everyone who read dunmeshi instantly shipped marci and falin but tbh the fact that it's just treated as canon by the fandom cuts on a lot of interesting analysis that could be done on their relationship outside of the romantic reading, which is kind of a shame
#when i read through i spent a lot of time trying to understand if marci saw her as an equal or as a younger friend she had to take care of#this started from her comment about how 29yo is “a child” and falin is younger than that#and then the scene in the bathroom which is very loved by the shippers#it felt a lot like falin understood the implications and marci didn't yk#i read that and it just felt like they were failing to communicate bc marci just couldn't see falins body as something she should be#embarrassed about#very mom with a child behaviour#same in the bed falin mentioned growing up and marci said it was just the same#doesn't it imply she still sees her as a kid?#there's that time in the backstory of when she first met laios and how she treats falin like a kid who can't make her own choices too#like she tells laios off for taking her away and then tells her she'll take her back to the academy like falin isn't#perfectly able to choose for herself#extremely “mom knows best” of her??#there's a lot of moments like that#then there's also everything that could be said about falin being marcis first friend and what it means for her to die#like...if you just call it romance it goes to undermine a bigger issue in marci's character imo?#like marci went to those lengths just cause she's in love with her but i think the point is that this was yet another person she lost before#she was ready to let her go? her character arc culminates in her accepting that falin might just be dead after all#and even with the possibility of falin being reborn she was ready to be taken away by the elves and never see her again#this is incredible growth for her but it only makes sense if falin was just one of many friends this could have happened with#and not the love of her life? I'd assume she would want to spend the rest of falins life with her if that was the case#whether or not she got over her fear of everyone dying before her#it's a thought! i think it's interesting to think about!#it's fun to ship them so I'm not saying we shouldn't or whatever but not treating it as canon now and again would open#to so many possibilities#for example I can't get out of my brain the scenario in which falin is in love with her and marci just can't see it until it's too late#kind of like himmel and frieren? think of the angst!! all lost because we just assume they're canon......tragic
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discovery of the day
#im sorry i do Not see what everyone sees in this movie. although from the years of browsing the internet ive began to realize#that i actually dont know if people actually like the movie or not#why is everything so rushed#their romance felt like nothing to me because i dont KNOW what they see in eachother#listen you dont have to tell me straight up into the camera why they love eachother#but the aggressive kissing and cut sex scenes arent telling me much#i get that it came out in 2005 but cutting mostly every gay sex scene? even the kissing for the most part?#but oh we NEED to see this happy husband and wife doing it. yes im bitter#a german movie by the name of summer storm came out the year before this one and actually shows something that feels like actual passion#i sound like i need to see people doing it in these movies all the time I promise thats not it#but even the kissing? the thing i Actually like the most? the thing that makes me feel things? felt like nothing at all#and oh i forgot that this is a tragic gay movie where one of them dies. Oh yeah. forgot.#mentioning summer storm again: it actually has a relatively happy ending. feels good that i dont need to be reminded of how gay people are#doomed 24/7.#the romance started good. with jack telling the guy whos name i already forgot to get his ass in the tent already.#the Pulling his arm over my body thing. it was going great#THEN IT WENT SO FAST! WHY WAS HE SUDDENLY SO INTO IT! WHY WERE THEY BOTH SUDDENLY DOING IT#im sorry i expected a slighter slow burn than this!!! calm down cowboys i have no idea why you two like eachother all of the sudden!#i seriously thought they would show these little moments of tension#and it just growing bigger and bigger#until they couldnt take it anymore#that would explain the aggressiveness of it! why they were so desperate! but it literally just HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!#im sorry i. I expected more of this movie that i hear so much about.#the most it made me feel was at that moment that turned into a meme where i thought “Hop on fortnite”#chuckled. that was it. did i cry? did my heart race at any moment? was i worried about what was gonna happen? not Once#im so. Disappointed.#after this i wanted to watch summer storm but netflix removed it. Its a german only movie no one knows from 2004. where the hell am i gonna#🏴☠️ that#AAAGHHHH!!!!!!!#not being able to watch summer storm made me cry more than this movie did What the hell
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#i doubt i'll be able to sleep now because i am full or rage right now and i want to go murder my father#that said... i am feeling better than last night when i couldn't pinpoint my emotions lol#last night i was worried i wasn't sad/worried enough and thus not normal#tonight i'm planning murder so i know i can still feel shit sjnfjsg#anyways my entire body is boiling hot and my head hurts now so that's not fun but whatever#i wish death upon my father and my uncle can go eat shit too (although I have no proof to justify those feelings lol)#i have no family... none#my aunt and uncle from one side are the shittiest people i have ever met and their son is a monster#my father is the most pathetic little worm on the face of the earth who sometimes manages to conjure up feelings in me#feelings of hate and rage#my uncle on that side is another pathetic little useless man who doesn't really conjure up any feelings in me#my grandma is dying but even when she was alive she had what i can only assume were mental health problems which made her push everyone away#the rest of the grandparents are dead#the only woman in my family who had some amount of kindness and love was my grandma from my stupid ass father's side#and i sadly didn't appreciate her enough while she was living :/#that's it... the only loving kind and understanding people left are my mom and my brother...#it's us three against the fucking world huh?#fuck that's depressing...#anyways...#i'm gonna try to distract myself with other shit until I can't be awake anymore#fingers crossed that happens soon (and that i die in my sleep)#angel talks#personal
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Some of you guys were really nice about my Ez art so I decided to go ahead and post these! Some are very sketchy and/or only make sense in the context of our game, sorry about that! I'll put a few explanations in the tags for fun
Also can you believe that last one is the only in-game canon kiss? That said, play a drinking game with Zone of Truth activated, 11/10 best way to get npc lore and/or try to uncover if your cleric is indeed a werewolf.
#the first one was right after the rest of the party yelled at her for always rushing in and endangering herself#and she was trying to explain to them that that was how she kept them safe#because she knew she was the only one able to take the hits and the others needed the range#but she had gone down a few times at that point and they were concerned and a bit aggressive#and Ez basically took her side and defended her a bit before asking her to still be careful#the hug one is wishful thinking#the third one is when they had a bit of downtime to read a certain book and they were having basically sleepovers for a week#and that's when Rainer realized that this was more than a crush#the kiss one I don't really need to explain but the other girl is Savra#who is Rainer's ex in our game#the comic is right after Rainer was exposed as a warforged#she had her arm almost ripped off by a wolf and wasn't sure she could put it in water#that one is very old and the art is eh but it's still a precious moment#especially since it was the beginning of Ez' comments slowly reshaping Rainer's perception of her own body#then it's just my obsession with drawing people in braids#there is a reason it's Rainer's love language and that reason is I want to draw all the braids#then I just wanted to draw her happy and free after we got part of her backstory#the one where she's from the back is right after Rainer almost got mauled by wolves#i got too excited because I had just gotten Haste and got to 1hp ahahaha#she panicked and got Rainer back up#got beat up herself and then refused healing#saying she was okay#Rainer didn't listen and Lay-on-hands-ed her in passing#this was her reaction and to this day I'm half convinced this was part of her hating that they were starting to care for eachother#and then the last one is her kissing Dhakil (our cleric and the love of my life)#during a truth or dare (with alcohol and zone of truth) where she was dared to kiss someone in the party by our warlock#Dhakil 'touch-averse' Virkas straight up said 'yeah don't be shy'#so she kissed him instead and immediately came out as gay afterwards. a queen.#ezmerelda d'avenir#curse of strahd
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HI GUYS, MY LOVE FOR WTNV IS STRONG AS EVER AND I WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE A HEADCANON.
So my good friend @ultimate-dumb-ass has this theory that the longer somebody stays in Night Vale, the more non-human looking they’re likely to become.
And to add onto that theory, I like to think that the reason nobody realises that Cecil and Kevin are doubles — (because like, we all agree that they are, right?) — is because they both look so different to their “default” appearance. Cecil lives in Night Vale, and Kevin was physically changed when Strex took over the radio station (as mentioned in Triptych).
Cecil doesn’t look in mirrors and canonically doesn’t even know what he looks like, and Kevin obviously isn’t mentally all there due to Strex’s brainwashing. He doesn’t seem to remember his old self properly — he literally refers to his past hatred for a corrupt organisation in the most offhand manner ever (as shown in the screenshot below).
So who’s to say he remembers his physical appearance in detail too? The changes Strex made are what seem to be the clearest in his mind, after all. Neither of them are likely to recognise the few, probably almost unnoticeable features they share as their own.
side note - jesus, the tags were supposed to just be a side headcanon but it turned into something with the potential to be a post of its own 😭
#ALSO only semi-related but I think the reason Dana doesn’t know if she’s her or her double is#doubles naturally die at the same time#unless somebody kills their double#and if that happens then they become jumbled. not remembering which one they are#because they are now both themself and their double rolled into one person#kind of like a very stable steven universe fusion 😭#but they don’t realise that this is what’s happened#but if doubles are as different as Cecil and Kevin#then they know who they are simply because of those differences#so if Cecil were to kill Kevin he would logically know that he is Cecil#but only because his living body is Cecil and the dead one is Kevin#and because they have both had such differing unique life experiences that Cecil would be able to vaguely decipher Kevin’s from his own#wish I’d put as much effort into my gcses as I did for this fucking tumblr headcanon post 💀#tag time#welcome to night vale#wtnv#cecil gershwin palmer#kevin wtnv#night vale#desert bluffs#wtnv headcanon#wtnv doubles#patto the space phrog#kill your double
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My brain apparently picked “right before my sister’s birthday dinner” as the time to have a complete meltdown. I hate this.
#A lot has been going on guys I’m sorry#The job hunt is going like shit#My sister left her partner who has turned into an abusive shithead so now everything is a mess#I’ve been gaining weight again and so I hate my appearance and my body#And I just feel ugly and inadequate and like a Colossal Failure because that is what I am lbr.#I am nearly thirty and this is not where I thought I’d be.#I’m overqualified for the jobs I want and the only ones left are private practice family law which I might as well kms#But it doesn’t matter because no one is hiring anyway!#So I just sit and get fatter and uglier#And no matter what I do everything just gets worse.#I tried to curl my hair to look nice today for the dinner#Only for every single thing I tried to end up in failure as always.#I’ve never been able to curl my hair and I don’t know why#I tried multiple different curling wands and a straightener and tutorials and nothing. Just kinked ends as always#Which is story of my life. Every time I try to look nice I end up looking worse than if I hadn’t tried at all#Same with my bar call tbh I tried to have nice hair and now I can’t even look at my bar photos because my hair is so fucking ugly#My law grad photo was the same so I didn’t even buy them#Even my parents had to admit they were bad photos. I got hit with windstorm that ruined my hair#Again every time I try the universe just goes Haha You Thought You Could Be Pretty?#Please Remember You’re the Ugly One in the Family :)#The ugly one the failure all those degrees and nothing to show for it beyond an education that does nothing#Because I am nothing! Awesome#The only thing my law degree is good for is making my sister feel better#And I can only do so much because it’s a conflict otherwise.#Explain processes and likelihoods to her and support her as her ex fucks everything up and that’s about it#He threatened to come to the house and make things ‘ugly’ while I was the only one there (unbeknownst to him)#Then I dropped concealer on my leggings and it wouldn’t come out mmm#Just tired. Why do I try again?
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Nooo the trans allegory is also a Big one for me in that song, but I know not everybody is about Trans Aoki so I figured it went well with his disabilities regardless. And like yeah blah blah basic whatever, idc y'know, I'm here to enjoy life so imma listen to music people don't like 😂🤣
But you're so real for the trans Aoki thoughts okay.... I love both cis and trans interpretations of the Boy bc he's fits very well in both categories. It's all just spice y'know!! You sprinkle some of this... Some of that... And tomorrow you make a new dish! Love moving head canons around for funsies
Anyway ty for validating my music choices 🫡 good luck charging your phone
i dont really hc charas any particular sexuality or gender since i always feel weird about it its called being BORING its what I AM but its the way i was playin y7 and just kept jokin bout it every time the game gave me a chance until the very last scene then i was just like.. hm... feels less like a joke to me now... its just what my eyes perceive at this point.. sorry...
but i got you covered with music choices man !!!! i like most music even if it can be considered 'overplayed' or 'generic' like idk man... if it makea me feel ima listen to it..
#snap chats#love how i forgot the Eyes lyrics to Body when it's deadass the first line.. STUPID ASS !!!!!!!#but anyways. yeah it been a hot year since i talked bout trans aoki LMAO#honestly if it wasnt for the fact i saw korean artists draw aoki with top scars (and specifying they were TS scars) then id prob just like#be quiet about it. cause most of the time i was just jokin like the whole injections bit and his voice being hoarse in eng#and nasally in jp... lol.... the jokes were being lined up for me... and then he went and changed his name#and got surgery that made him feel more at home in his body... LIKE THEY PROVIDE NON-TRANS REASONS WHY HE DOES THIS#I KNOW but thats why i just kept /jokin/ bout it cause i was like 'lmao' yk. Lmao congrats your accidental trans rep is republican#AND THAT'S WHY IT'S FUNNY TO HC HIM AS TRANS CAUSE HE SUCKS !!!!! i want more shitty people as trans rep#im p sure im the only one who 'openly' hcs him trans but not even. like i remember twitter was Allegedly mad at me for drawing aoki a lot#and they made a point bout me makin him trans but like... i never even 'publicly' made him trans..#when i'd draw aoki without a shirt i'd give him scars but those were from his lung surgery.. lmao...#not my fault the scars look Like That... cause i like drawing scars leave me alone...#my DB followers know i was obsessed with drawing yamcha's leg scar from when his leg was broken#Truly just a coincidence but also not cause it Was lowkey intentional but anyways.. lol...#i remember the period where people were askin me bout the hc.. hehe...#My Apologies for going on the Trans Aoki rant i still do very much like to joke bout it with myself.... it was too real to me...#every time i think of The Specifics i start to get like 👁️👁️ because then it gets too real so i gotta stop before i start crying....#it's not that the HC is personal or deep to me or anything it's just funny <- in denial for the bit#anyway.. i havent been able to be productive all day so !! time to start i have a really hectic week and its only getting worse (╯▽╰ )#thanks for letting me ramble... and feel validated for being delulu...#lowkey funny that While True you said not everyone's about the HC Which Is True it's why i dont talk about it a lot#but like... Not To Be Presumptuous And Self-Important but i do remember being one o the first people to bring it up with other aoki fans..#imagine me not being abot my own hc.. or at least one i stand heavily by... lmao..
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what if I just screamed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and cried!!!!!!!!
#local girl forced to deal with everything on its own due to incompetency of parents 5 dead 24 injured.#I’m all of the ppl who were harmed. i am. i just wish I could ask someone about things and get a good answer#that didn’t make me feel like. well. you know. but yeah.#and then INVITING THEMSELVES UP FOR MY BIRTHDAY.#like. yeah I don’t have plans and I won’t have friends up there yet but also. maybe ask me first instead of just deciding 😔#but also I might not even be able to do any of that bc ! none of this might happen!#bad things just keep happening and it keeps making me just. want to quit the whole process and stay here and give up#but I already bought the car so now I have to commit and just. yeah. yeah. i wanna scream#i am trying to vent less on the internet but also there is nowhere else to put this!!!!! i don’t have ppl to vent to so now this is my diary#but yeah. I’m just. going crazy. i know I should be doing my own research but also god would it kill you to even try.#like literally no effort has ever been made to help me it’s just an afterthought of like oh have you thought about x when I thought abt x#like weeks ago. and it’s always been this way. or me going yes I’ve thought abt x and them going oh good and then not offering any more help#i would just like to be given proper guidance once in my life. just once.#that didn’t feel like ripping my heart and all my guts out of my body. like just once in my life yk is it too much to ask for#but no I’m the only one with any fucking vision around here and I hate it so much#whatever. it’s fine. I’ll suffer through another day tomorrow. its fucking fine.
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