#not in the best place mentally rn

[nekrophoria]

Failed at making a machinima, made some gifs instead.

-Anna Akhmatova, The Last Toast

[indigopoptart]

man i love the people im surrounded with. how did this happen. youre all so lovely😭

[michaelatmandelacounty]

I want to thank @alicethedracoraptor for helping me with doing one of the hardest things anyone could do. Telling your parents how much you're actually hurting and asking for help.

I don't know how long it'll be to get the help, but that was one of the hardest things I ever did. Alice was there and despite being forceful in the most respectable way, I know she wanted me to do it as soon as possible because she didn't want me to hurt anymore. I'm very thankful for that.

It went well btw the talk with the parents although it wasn't long and we hardly talked, I just handed them two pieces of paper telling them I wanted help and what I was struggling with. Although I went downstairs we hardly talked, my mum after she read it said "I know you don't like it, I don't either" um...and despite going to counselling, it doesn't really help and that's alright, some things don't work for everybody so my parents said they'll look into alternative options.

... But um Alice? Thank you, I appreciated your help more than you know...thank you so damn much for caring about me and my mental state.

Having an older friend who very much has an older sibling vibe to them... BIG HELP indeed. And she helped me with doing the one thing I was terrified of doing, and she sympathised with that.

I'm not going into what I go through since it's quite uncomfortable to put it out there in public, but intrusive thoughts are very harmful, and they're hard to deal with alone...it really warps your vision on life and who you are as a person. But Alice was willing to hold my hand and help me through these random depressive episodes and thoughts.

I love you Alice /pos 🫂💙

[dentpx]

Noooo my ex wants to get coffee idkkkkk idk about all that I don’t think I want to do that

[kingproteus]

Me watching “leftist” Americans call for Biden’s impeachment bc of his various maybe disabilities and stutter. And not bc of, like, the genocide and racism towards Palestinians. Great! I’m sure this has no meaning at all.

Like daily reminder, I guess, that a democracy with no allowed participation from the disabled is the worst of all possible dystopias. Lol. 😐

[thelastspeecher]

btw I'm taking a break from testing fructose stuff rn, in case anyone was worried I'm still doing that massive weighty task while dealing with a kinda hell week.

don't worry. I'm gonna restart when I feel like I can expend the spoons to try the reintroduction phase again. right now, I'm avoiding the three triggers I've found so far and otherwise eating how I like.

[byanyan]

byan's distrust and outright fear of hospitals is something that's come up a bit in threads and muse discussion, but i've never really talked about why they hate them so much?

for one, they have a heavy distrust of any authority figures, including doctors and nurses. pair that with the fact that being treated in the hospital puts them in a vulnerable position and not in any control of things going on around them or to them, that's already enough reason for them to hate the place. and YET... the thing that really traumatized them and created a proper fear of hospitals happened when they were 12. after running away from an abusive foster home, which put them back on the street as they had no where else to go, byan stole from the wrong person and wound up severely injured in the resulting altercation. someone found them, called an ambulance, and they woke up in a hospital bed. using clues from the things they'd had stuffed away in their backpack, the hospital managed to find byan's identity and, from there, found their family - or, the foster family they were still technically under the care of. when the nurse told them that their family had been called and was already on the way, byan panicked and pleaded with her to not let them in, but... of course that didn't work. she thought they were merely afraid of the consequences of running away and being out so late in such an unsafe part of the city, brushing off their concerns to assure them that everything would be fine. it wasn't.

going to the hospital resulted in the family they fled from not only finding them, but dragging them back to that terrible house which became much, much more difficult to escape from after that. and that's all they can think about anytime they're in one of those buildings, be it in a bed or simply visiting.

[meateater-rabbit]

[kittlyns]

Something I've noticed amongst my family is that they would rather keep you at a distance but let you know they're "thinking of you" by praying for you, and not making any real effort to ask how you are, or if there's anything they can do for you.

[vengeful4ever]

I wish art was effortless

[thehoneybus]

guys do you think the fact that I keep running into my ex girlfriend means we're meant to be together

[around-your-throat]

how do people vent bro that shit's embarrassing as hell

[kalach-cha]

i feel so terribly sick in the head i don’t know what to do

[meowscarada]

for the past week or so i have offhandedly mentioned cashews a few times. i guess ive just been craving them, not sure why. today my best friend surprised me with olive oil cashews that they hand baked. love thrives in the little plastic cup of nuts in my hand

[sxcret-garden-archive]

,

[astralsys]

hi again…. things got slightly worse than they have been! thats not fun!!! havent been online in a while kinda self sabotaging and self isolating by accident cause I feel bad rn. I try not to do that, per advice of — whose been helping me out since I came to them, but its hard to remember not to when memory is not reliable and coping mechanisms are not the greatest. I'm trying to be better its just hard to be kinder to myself cause everyone in my life has hurt me. I looked over my past posts and I never got back to those games I said I was going to go back to I probably will go do that later today actually I dont have much to do today. idk how people do these posts things feels like I'm just standing in the void where no one can reach me….