#not in the best place mentally rn

[nekrophoria]

Failed at making a machinima, made some gifs instead.

-Anna Akhmatova, The Last Toast

[3416]

the thing is, i wouldn't be nearly as bothered about mitch not being on the top line if it wasn't being treated as some kind of proof that he's never been good enough to play there and that it hurts the team or drags auston down when he does. i don't care about domi ultimately, he's an effective player (when he's not taking boneheaded penalties) and obviously it helps to spread out our best guys to make each line that little bit harder to play against by forcing the other team to decide how to matchup. whatever. i don't agree with keefe's choices there but i get the intent.

what i do care about is one of the best players this franchise has ever seen being treated like some kind of anchor holding the team (and auston specifically) back from achieving greatness and using domi's success with auston (BECAUSE of auston tyvm) to paint him as some selfish jealous (genuinely wtf @ this fanfiction in particular coming from an actual media guy) brat pouting over being ~demoted~ when he's never not done what has been asked of him (which is literally fucking everything) and has always been fully on board any time he's been paired with johnny!! or anyone else!! like these are all mitch's guys!!! he loves them and this team /so much/!!!! like i genuinely can't imagine the list of things he loves more than being a leaf is very long

i'm just so tired of so many (non-tumblr) fanspaces being dominated by people who have made an entire personality out of treating him like one of the worst things that's ever happened to the leafs (and, again, auston specifically) because idk they hate his dumb dad (welcome to the club weirdos!!!) and/or can't "forgive" him for his contract. even the critique of him in the playoffs is overblown in comparison to the rest of the team and the goalposts for what it means to be a ~playoff performer~ always seem to find a way to shift as needed to single him out as some kind of unique failure among the group which.. rme for all time

anyway sorry for venting lmao it's just such a bummer but WHATEVER here's to mitchell daniel marner having the best damn playoffs of his damn life!!!!!!!! go leafs go

ohhh anon. so many things i can (and will) say here, but you and i are totally on the same wavelength, lol. that's what has made this stretch so much worse imo... auston on a hot streak with two mid guys and workable chemistry (for now) all around, and we try spreading out the "offense" but actually... for the leafs... i think spreading the offense is less what we're doing w 1634 and more... shifting defensive responsibility off of our 'top' line and giving them easier matchups by putting the tougher ones with the mcmann-jt-marner line bc mitch is there now to take on some more defensive responsibility that isn't doable by players like willy/whoever else plays rw there. (which annoys me in it's own way bc it makes the 'top' line look more impressive stat wise while not even dealing with the most dangerous 'top' line on the other team, lol but.. it's still gonna require auston to be On Top of it all the time bc he's by himself defensively.. only reason it annoys me is the discourse afterward too like anyway). mitch and auston are our best all around players by quite a bit, lol, so i get WHY splitting them up works well too, but when people get mad that they're together so much... when they've proven to work better and be more dangerous year after year as a duo... i mean, peoples anger should be at the rest of the lineup that sometimes doesn't pull their own weight in that regard, lol. i get the experiment we're running rn. i'm not confident it will work, but we will see. i don't care if it does or doesn't... doesn't change the fact that ultimately, i know they want to play together the most and that hasn't changed bc of some randos that came in this year so. i genuinely think auston requests to play with mitch often after not being allowed to for a couple years, and this year he's sucking it up for the playoffs and trying something different for the sake of the team.

as for the way a lot of people treat mitch as expendable... it's so frustrating to me too... just the double standards abt him vs anyone else are insane. even tonight, seeing people lose their fucking minds over max reposting a fan's hype video without credit and assuming he made it (?? lol) and drooling all over themselves about how he "has the passion", but like... mitch had a video made last year and people were telling him to get off social media and perform better in the playoffs in the exact same spaces like. if he even comes on social media near the playoffs, it's always just hateful. honestly.... so many leaf fans don't deserve him and don't deserve to see a cup in their entire lifetimes either, lol. it makes my relationship with this team so much more complicated to have such a hate for the fanbase like that. like . this year, i just care so much less about the team as a whole too. i'm less connected to the overall results, lmao. i love the leafs and want my guys specifically to be able to win the cup in their lifetime more than anything, but i realllyyy don't care about some of these ppl on our team and i hate how the worst fans in this fanbase feel so vindicated over the dumbest ugliest shit. like i'd give anything to not have to see braindead opinions for a single day. as much as i'm rooting for them, if this isn't the year... well. we move, lol. i wouldn't die! (which is exactly why they'll prob do it this year lol) i'll feel competitive while watching the playoffs, esp vs the bruins, but like... whatever happens happens man. my men will be coming back and i hope some other ones won't, regardless of playoff results. sometimes it's even less about the player himself and more about the idiots attached.

all i literally care about this year is mitch's performance since we're going into a contract year for him. nothing he could possibly do would get people off his back but that, and somehow his points never seem to matter in the playoffs bc they're in games we're already winning ?? but yeah. the willy is our best playoff performer narrative makes me fucking laugh man........ like people will lower their standards and move their goalposts and do ANYTHING to make it seem like mitch is cancerous and the reason we keep losing and everyone else steps up when he doesn't and it's just a fucking lie. morgan is the only one with visible elevation in the playoffs imo, and . idk. maybe the way the team's structured rn and shifting players to different lines will work. maybe it won't. we won a round not doing it last year, so it's not like that's THE make or break thing and we haven't even seen this lineup play a single meaningful game in the last month fnlkdsjf or a singular playoff game so. it's all a LOT of big talk. at the end of the day.. if the leafs ever make it to the cup.. itll be 1634 passing it to each other and their names next to each other and that's all i want for them, honestly. leafs duo of all time regardless of the dumbasses the 23-24 season has emboldened.

[indigopoptart]

man i love the people im surrounded with. how did this happen. youre all so lovely😭

[michaelatmandelacounty]

I want to thank @alicethedracoraptor for helping me with doing one of the hardest things anyone could do. Telling your parents how much you're actually hurting and asking for help.

I don't know how long it'll be to get the help, but that was one of the hardest things I ever did. Alice was there and despite being forceful in the most respectable way, I know she wanted me to do it as soon as possible because she didn't want me to hurt anymore. I'm very thankful for that.

It went well btw the talk with the parents although it wasn't long and we hardly talked, I just handed them two pieces of paper telling them I wanted help and what I was struggling with. Although I went downstairs we hardly talked, my mum after she read it said "I know you don't like it, I don't either" um...and despite going to counselling, it doesn't really help and that's alright, some things don't work for everybody so my parents said they'll look into alternative options.

... But um Alice? Thank you, I appreciated your help more than you know...thank you so damn much for caring about me and my mental state.

Having an older friend who very much has an older sibling vibe to them... BIG HELP indeed. And she helped me with doing the one thing I was terrified of doing, and she sympathised with that.

I'm not going into what I go through since it's quite uncomfortable to put it out there in public, but intrusive thoughts are very harmful, and they're hard to deal with alone...it really warps your vision on life and who you are as a person. But Alice was willing to hold my hand and help me through these random depressive episodes and thoughts.

I love you Alice /pos 🫂💙

[dentpx]

Noooo my ex wants to get coffee idkkkkk idk about all that I don’t think I want to do that

[kingproteus]

Me watching “leftist” Americans call for Biden’s impeachment bc of his various maybe disabilities and stutter. And not bc of, like, the genocide and racism towards Palestinians. Great! I’m sure this has no meaning at all.

Like daily reminder, I guess, that a democracy with no allowed participation from the disabled is the worst of all possible dystopias. Lol. 😐

[thelastspeecher]

btw I'm taking a break from testing fructose stuff rn, in case anyone was worried I'm still doing that massive weighty task while dealing with a kinda hell week.

don't worry. I'm gonna restart when I feel like I can expend the spoons to try the reintroduction phase again. right now, I'm avoiding the three triggers I've found so far and otherwise eating how I like.

[byanyan]

byan's distrust and outright fear of hospitals is something that's come up a bit in threads and muse discussion, but i've never really talked about why they hate them so much?

for one, they have a heavy distrust of any authority figures, including doctors and nurses. pair that with the fact that being treated in the hospital puts them in a vulnerable position and not in any control of things going on around them or to them, that's already enough reason for them to hate the place. and YET... the thing that really traumatized them and created a proper fear of hospitals happened when they were 12. after running away from an abusive foster home, which put them back on the street as they had no where else to go, byan stole from the wrong person and wound up severely injured in the resulting altercation. someone found them, called an ambulance, and they woke up in a hospital bed. using clues from the things they'd had stuffed away in their backpack, the hospital managed to find byan's identity and, from there, found their family - or, the foster family they were still technically under the care of. when the nurse told them that their family had been called and was already on the way, byan panicked and pleaded with her to not let them in, but... of course that didn't work. she thought they were merely afraid of the consequences of running away and being out so late in such an unsafe part of the city, brushing off their concerns to assure them that everything would be fine. it wasn't.

going to the hospital resulted in the family they fled from not only finding them, but dragging them back to that terrible house which became much, much more difficult to escape from after that. and that's all they can think about anytime they're in one of those buildings, be it in a bed or simply visiting.

[meateater-rabbit]

[kittlyns]

Something I've noticed amongst my family is that they would rather keep you at a distance but let you know they're "thinking of you" by praying for you, and not making any real effort to ask how you are, or if there's anything they can do for you.

[vengeful4ever]

I wish art was effortless

[thehoneybus]

guys do you think the fact that I keep running into my ex girlfriend means we're meant to be together

[around-your-throat]

how do people vent bro that shit's embarrassing as hell

[kalach-cha]

i feel so terribly sick in the head i don’t know what to do

[meowscarada]

for the past week or so i have offhandedly mentioned cashews a few times. i guess ive just been craving them, not sure why. today my best friend surprised me with olive oil cashews that they hand baked. love thrives in the little plastic cup of nuts in my hand

[sxcret-garden-archive]

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