#not hacked

[undead-knick-knack]

Ashton's down bad for the crazy goat woman 😩

[the-daughter-of-lilith]

I've finally figured out HOW I was hallucinating 2 years ago about being "hacked." It was due to CPTSD from my youth, tied to a form of limerance, due to someone likely having a BPD/DA personality. When you're an autistic teenager you don't actually understand the methods of communication when it comes to people that have BPD/DA personalities yet. I was wanting to seek out the reasons behind that behavior because I persistently try to solve problems as someone that's neurodivergent, and then it spiraled into obsessive thought patterns because of it. (There was also a lack of self respect and people pleasing aspect of course.) I'd use a "push and pull" tactic due to my hesitancy with DA behavior, and didn't know how to communicate that hesitancy any other way.

The effects of BPD/DA from the limerant object caused my brain to recognize patterns, and I LOVE patterns and routines. So I would hop on my phone and doomscroll or shuffle my liked songs on Spotify, and due to being in a more traumatic state, I'd pick out patterns through the song sequencing, phone notifications, featured photos, and algorithms during my usual routines. My traumatic state was expressing my deeply inherent fear of being hacked while in Cybersecurity, while simultaneously seeking "comfort" in a state of limerance. My neurodivergent brain combined both paranoia & limerance, causing visual and auditory hallucinations in real time. Mix this with 4 tabs of acid every 3 or so months around an abuser, prior to being homeless, and you have a full on psychotic hallucination that feels very real. There were actually times during my psychosis I felt like I was a "psychological test subject" due to my brain trying to analyze my own behavior, perspective, and thoughts.

I'm so grateful to have my partner help me figure this out. It's been so long and frustrating to not be able to grasp how these hallucinations occurred so frequently and vividly, until now. I'm crying while writing this out of pure relief knowing I'm finally able to identify this in order to avoid a relapse. I wanted to figure out the inherent reasons behind my psychosis so badly, and I finally am. This does not justify someone consistently stating their "ex wife hacked me" while in a psychosis however, and I find that behavior very disrespectful and ableist. Their words contributed to my delusions. I hope my medication prevents those delusions moving forward.

If there's one thing I could change it's the fact that not enough people know how to communicate effectively with autistic, BPD, and/or Dismissive Avoidant behaviors. A lot of people are stuck in a mental feedback loop and it causes immense communication trauma and psychological damage. It can lead to a neurodivergent person isolating and being abused. If I could tell my younger self this information it would've helped her avoid being alienated, groomed, and raped for almost a decade. I'm glad people are speaking on this topic lately and I hope it prevents younger generations from losing their youth and freedom like me.

[closingremarks]

[bloodybellycomb]

One massive, legitimate way to improve as a writer or artist or in any creative endeavor really, is to become absolutely obsessed with something and to allow yourself to be weird about it. Genuinely mean this btw.

[scuttlebatt]

I Have Found A Solution!

So, obviously classic wizard robes aren’t wheelchair friendly. (Alright, admittedly this isn’t common knowledge and also this definitely isn’t a problem for most but listen, this is a problem for me and I’m pleased to present a solution for it nonetheless.)

The issue is in the sleeves and the length of the robes. The traditional trumpet style allows them to get snagged, dirty, and caught in the wheels.

This is distinctly not an issue with other mobility aids such as canes and crutches, these wizards are fine to carry on with their trumpet sleeves simply rolled up if needed.

Now, one solution might simply to shorten the sleeves and hem to be out of the way, but that looks rather silly so I won’t do that. Instead I propose the more elegant design of a hanging sleeve to maintain that flowy magical feel while allowing for better range of motion.

Honestly I just love the look of hanging sleeves in general and think more people should appreciate them, wheelchair user or not.

In conclusion…

[foldingfittedsheets]

Oh hey. I learned a bit of magic at the jewelry store that I’ve forgotten to share, please pass the blessing along.

Have you ever had a knot or tangle in a metal chain? Especially the very fine ones, it can be impossible to work them out with your fingers.

My friends, all you need is a thumbtack. In a pinch, a toothpick, needle, or any fine thin stick will do. I have never been defeated by a knot with a thumbtack in hand.

You stick the pointy end into the trickiest part of the knot and slowly just work it in. The knot loosens around it, and I’ve used this metaphor for acupuncture too because it’s the same principle to me.

But anyway, I’ve untangled chains women brought in that have been stuck multiple hellish kinks and knots for decades. It never fails to astonish them, and honestly it’s fun. Very tricky knots can take longer but it always works.

[fabricdragondesigns]

[hinamie]

post-graduation trip airport looks

[undead-knick-knack]

Ashton wants that old man so bad it makes them look stupid 😘

[lesbian-disaster-academic]

i used to be so good at writing strong, thoroughly-researched, thoroughly-edited essays.

as a kid in hs, my teacher literally came up to me, holding my 40 page essay on the intersection of the European witch hunts and capitalism/exploitation/gender roles (it was supposed to be 7 pages...whoops) and went like "this is literally a master's-degree level thesis. what are you doing?? you could literally use this as your final dissertation in a master's program, what the fuck."

NOW??? NOW?? you'd think I'd be oh so skilled. but alas. i can barely piece together two ideas. adhd skill-regression is so so real. im SOBBING

[thatsbelievable]

[itsaspectrumcomic]

Behold, my new favourite item

[cyberpunkplaza]

laptop with seven fold-out screens