#corny 90s movie

[allwhiterain]

Matthew Lillard and Angelina Jolie as “Cereal Killer” and “Acid Burn” in Hackers (1995) directed by Iain Softley

[killjoygem]

One complaint that I've never understood about the doctor who movie is the idea that the movie is bad because its American. Since when did something being American make it unenjoyable

I just don't understand it

[thefangirlfever]

Sexy dbf! Miguel that, dominant dbf! Miguel this... What about corny and soft dbf! MIiguel?

Like dbf! Miguel making dad jokes.

dbf! Miguel who is bad with a computer, like really bad it's actually funny.

dbf! Miguel who falls asleep in the middle of watching TV, his glasses dangling from his nose as he quietly snores?

What about dbf! Miguel who sings badly but proudly at the top of his longs during every car ride the bangers from his younger days?

Dbf! Miguel whose passion is like puzzles. He is actually very good at this. And even if he feels a bit embarrassed to show them to you, you're never judgmental with him. And he feels more and more confident to show you the small scale models he makes during his free time. Like this man is skilled with his hands (in more ways than one) and he likes this type of hobbies who allow him to relax.

dbf! Miguel who always guesses the culprit during a thriller. You don't know how he does that but he is always right.

What about dbf! Miguel who is so embarrassed that he actually turns red when you discover old pictures of him with his very questionable fashion sense from the 90s?

dbf! Miguel who snuggles up with you on the couch to watch old movies with you during a rainy day, remembering how he used to see them in the theaters when they came out and now they are this easily available and he can enjoy them with you.

dbf! Miguel who laughs with you when you both watch an old horror movie together, trying to convince you that it was actually scary at the time. But all you can see are the poor special effects, the pathetic plastic mannequin supposed to be a dead body...but he doesn't care if the movie you're watching sucks because you're actually together.

What about insecure dbf!Miguel who starts panicking when he notices a few grey hair on his head. And he turns all sheepish and looks at you with a guilty look when you stumble upon him trying to dye his grey roots.

Absolutely flustered dbf!Miguel who squirms and blushes slightly when you tell him that he doesn't need to hide himself, to hide anything or that his hair shines like silver.

================================

I think I like dbf! Miguel because this AU allows us to imagine Miguel getting older, which is something he might not be able to do because of his dangerous life and his mutation. Like, I want that man to experience a real, peaceful life at some point.

That's enough delusion for today. I'll leave you with these thoughts ~

Edit: thanks for the 200 likes, folks. I'm so glad you liked this 🌻

[mayasaurusss]

Hi hi!! Love ur writing :3 could we maybe get something about seeing a horror movie with Shauna? Reader is a huge horror fan and Shauna thinks the movie sounds kinda corny but still wants to see something with them?

Day nineteen: watching a scary movie.

Hello anon! It so happened that you requested this just as I was about to start fictober, so I've decided to include your request in! Sorry for the delay. This might be slightly bad because unfortunatley I only slept two hours tonight and I can't even form coherent thoughts.

Shauna sits on your couch, looking at you pulling out your DVD stash.

"I hope you picked a good movie, not one of those corny ones" she says, judging your movie choice.

You had invited your lovely girlfriend, Shauna, to have a movie marathon with you. Now, you knew she wasn't a horror movie fan so you thought she was going to give you a half ass apology, but instead she agreed.

"What movie did you pick?" she looks over your shoulders to see an old dvd copy of 'Scream'. You hear her sigh behind you, and turn to see her slouching back into the couch. "What?! It's a classic, we've gotta see it!".

Shauna can already feel a vein popping in her head. She simply doesn't like horror movies, of any kind, especially those old 80's to 90's movies. Friday the Thirteenth, Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream and many others really aren't the kind of movies she'd watch for fun, unlike you. She much prefers drama and romance.

"I know it's a classic, I'm just not so sure I'll like it" the couch cushion dips under your weight as you sit next to Shauna. "You will, I promise".

“Can’t we like, watch creepy children’s movies? Like Coraline or Monster’s House?” you slowly turn your head at her, giving her a judgmental look. “Kids movies? I mean…yeah maybe we could, but I wanna see this first” you wave the empty case in the air, emphasizing it. “Alright…”

As the movie goes on, Shauna feels more creeped out than she'd like to admit. She moves closer to you, leaning on your body for comfort.

"Oh don't tell me, are you getting scared?" you tease her, feeling how she slightly trembles against you. "No I'm not, I just want to figure out who it is". You scoff at her, "Yeah baby, sure".

During the film, you keep making trivia references about the making of the movie and it's lore, making it harder for Shauna to even enjoy the movie. "You know here in this scene, it's one of the few times where Ghostface is played by an actor and not a stuntman!" and "The party scene was shot over twenty one days!" and "Ghostface's costume was supposed to be white!" and so on.

Her body betrays her when ghostface appears behind Sidney, ready to slice her throat. As the masked killer suddenly appears, Shauna lets out a scream of pure terror and clings for dear life to you.

"Shauna!" she buries herself in your arms, steering her eyes away from the tv. "Hey! It's done, it's done" she emerges from the blankets like a scared puppy, looking between you and the tv. "Is it over?" you let out a relieved sigh, looking to see if she's alright. "Yeah; yeah I paused it".

The monitor illuminates the dark living room, giving it a disturbing look of suspension in time. "...Sorry" she lets go of your body, sitting up straight and away from you, as if staying any second longer may not let her breathe.

"And for what? I am sorry, I forced you to watch something you didn't feel comfortable in" you may have gone overboard, but in truth, you just wanted to slightly tease her. You certainly didn't expect this reaction out of her.

"I am sorry, truly" you tell her, watching how the fear leaves her eyes to be replaced with relief. "But I wanted to. I wanted to watch it with you" she pauses for a second, "You're my... I like you, and I wanted to spend time with you".

A deep feeling of adoration fills your heart and you take her in your arms and hug her tight against you. "Aww, you're so cute!". Shauna is blushing deeply, but she secretly loves all this attention and sweet words you're giving her.

You remain tangled with each other for a moment, until you feel her shift and look up at you. "So...can we watch The Addams Family instead?".

[kobrafangs]

i've been compiling a bunch of maze runner headcannons over the past few weeks, and i decided to share what i have so far :) fyi most of these are ivytrio centered heheh ^_^ enjoy!!!

- newt would be a big oatmeal fan. he'd have it every day and put cubed fruits and maple syrup in it too. thomas prefers a plain toast with butter and always teases newt for "being an old coot"

- minho is rlly extra and likes to make these fancy pancakes that frypan taught him how to make

- newt would be addicted peach tea. every morning he goes to the convenience store and he buys a bottle before class

- newt loves bracelets and he made a matching pair for him and thomas :] (minho, newt, & thomas also have separate matching bracelets!)

- newt does poetry & art. he carries around a little sketchbook in his satchel where he jots random thoughts and sketches. his muse is thomas <3

- newt likes musicals & claymation/stop motion movies (his fav is dear evan hanson or kubo and the 2 strings) & thomas likes action movies (his favs are starwars or the spiderman movies)

- their fav movie to watch together is fantastic mr fox or coraline

- thomas and minho are both on their school's track team

- thomas downloaded duolingo as a joke but now he feels guilty if he misses even a single day so he has a daily streak of 479

- thomas almost threw up crying watching end game (he forced newt to watch it with him as well)

- thomas prefers calling/face timing over texting and he will do everything in his power to call

- he's also like the least coherent texter of all time He always has like 90 spelling errors in a 4 word text

- newt doesnt like calls but is also the driest texter of all time

- minho sends those corny Good Morning! gifs with a sunset in the background and glitter and flowers on it

- minho studies hard, passes his classes

- newt barely studies, passes his classes (hes just smart)

- thomas doesnt study whatsoever, passes his classes somehow

- minho has legible, normal-but-a-bit-wonky handwriting

- newt has a slanted cursive scrawl

- everything thomas writes is illegible

- minho has the dirtiest mind known to mankind

- when frustrated, minho gets really sassy, thomas gets snappy and fidgety, and newt just goes silent

- minho would go on 5 am runs and post a picture of him on his instagram story all sweaty and smiling and put the dumbest caption of all time on it

- thomas cannot eat unless he puts on a show

- minho scrolls on his phone and texts people while he eats

- newt raw dogs every meal No stimulation whatsoever. pure silence

- thomas is extremely ticklish. like hellishly ticklish. he will literally scream like hes getting stabbed and kick his feet if he gets tickled

- ivy trio stays up until like 3 am playing horror games. thomas is the one who always screams bloody murder at literally any noise, minho keeps yelling at thomas to shut up, and newt is the only one actually playing the game. they also love roblox

- minho and thomas play dress to impress and they get way too invested in it

- newt & sonya braid daisies in each other's hair

- thomas likes having his hair played with

- thomas likes chewing gum, specifically bubble gum because hes actually 8 years old and likes to blow bubbles

- newt looooovessss libraries he'd literally live in one if he could

- minho unironically says "where my hug at" to thomas and newt

- newt is usually the little spoon but he knows thomas likes it too so sometimes he insists on being the big spoon just so thomas is happy

- sun thomas, moon newt, comet minho

- thomas isn't allowed to play fnaf anymore because the last time he did he got jump-scared so hard he threw his phone against the wall so hard it made a hole

- thomas's favourite pony is pinkie pie, newt's is applejack, minho's is rainbow dash

- newt has a fear of heights so thomas and minho always have to beg for him to go to an amusement park with them

- danny gonzalez thomas, drew gooden newt, kurtis conner minho

- minho always quotes random tiktok audios that nobody gets so at one point he just started making up really specific ones that catered to whatever situation they're in and then proceed to gaslight newt and thomas into believing they're real

- dog thomas, cat newt, otter minho

- THOMAS TMNT FAN RAAAHHH

- newtmas' favourite date was an aquarium date. thomas is absolutely captivated by all the fish and newt is so enamoured

- newt would probably like manga (he really enjoyed saiki k, chainsaw man, and sxf)... its his guilty pleasure

- on minho's aforementioned morning runs, he BLASTS pop music thru his headphones. because of this he's literally almost deaf. he always goes "huh" "what?" "say again?" whenever talking to anybody but it especially makes newt so frustrated

- also. minho would love charli xcx SORRY I DONT MAKE THE RULES!!!! he really likes pop music because it gets him pumped up and energized

- when thomas is focused, his speech gets really curt and he kinda shuts the world out because hes so tunnel visioned. as a result people think hes just really rude and a pain to work with

- only newt can work with him effortlessly because they don't need words to communicate. a slight nose scrunch? thomas knows he made a mistake. quirk of the brow? newt nods his head to show his approval. thomas taps his fingers against the table? newt can tell he's frustrated. their relationship can be tacit but understood by one another which is why they work so well with each other

- thomas LOOOOOVES karaoke he literally will not hesitate to belt his heart out

- when thomas blushes, he blushes HARD. he gets really red in the face and gets super embarrassed and newt likes to tease him for it

- when drunk, thomas gets really chatty, newt becomes clingy, and minho turns into a whole nother person he gets SO rowdy and loud and crazy. life of the party kinda guy

and thats all for now hehe !! ^_^ hope these were entertaining enough :p

[blueberry-lemon]

An introductory guide to getting into Sonic the Hedgehog...

…if you're a grown-ass adult who is busy and doesn't want to play a bunch of video games but thinks the characters look sorta cool.

If you've ever been curious about Sonic as a series but haven't known where to start, I have some recommendations! I think Sonic is a cool and still somewhat unique thing because it takes cartoony characters (like a Mickey Mouse or Felix the Cat) and lets them jump around in cool action sequences through the lens of a shonen anime. It's colorful and usually pretty light-hearted, and I think the character designs are pretty iconic.

There's two handy places you can start without prior context, to see if it's something you'd be into...

Getting Started: If You Wanna Read Something

The IDW Sonic Comics

There were years of different Sonic comics back in the '90s and early 2000's, but the franchise got a complete reboot and fresh start with IDW Publishing in 2018. If you're looking for the most straight-forward way to get into this world of characters, I think this is a great start. You don't need any prior knowledge whatsoever to crack open issue 1 and get started. All you need to know is "Sonic and his friends protect the world by fighting against an evil scientist named Dr. Eggman, who they just recently defeated after he briefly took over the world."

I love these comics and I feel that the writers and artists who work on it have a really good sense for this series. Reading issues 1 through 12 will get you the first major story arc. If you like it so far, I highly suggest reading up through issue 32, when another major story arc concludes. After that, the world's your oyster! Unlike the tangled web of Marvel or DC comics, IDW Sonic has a very simple and linear reading order. You pretty much just read the issues in order, and occasionally there are spinoff stories that are optional to read.

Getting Started: If You Wanna Watch Something

Sonic Mania Adventures

Maybe comics aren't your thing and you want something even quicker. These are a series of animated shorts that are lovely. Conveniently, they've been compiled together by Sega into one little video right here.

It's a great intro to some of the main characters, and combines cartoon slapstick with some amazing action sequences.

There's also a nice little epilogue short.

Sonic CD's intro cutscene

If I had to pick a single 1-and-a-half minute clip to embody what I like about this series, it would be this very simple intro movie that plays before Sonic CD. Check it out!

Sonic Origins/Sonic Origins Plus Cutscenes

In 2022, Sega released a compilation of the classic Genesis games on modern consoles. In it, they added a few animated cutscenes. You can watch those cutscenes, plus the Sonic CD intro and the Sonic Mania Adventures episodes, all compiled into one handy Youtube video.

Taking The Next Step: If You Wanna Read Something

The Archie Sonic Comics

You might have heard that Sonic had a comic series published by Archie Comics from 1992 to 2016. This was a vast, overarching series that wrote an original story by weaving together ideas from the different Sonic cartoons and games. It went through several different writers, many different artists, and obviously spanned over multiple eras of pop culture.

It's pretty cool! The fact that it was so long-running, and the fact that Sega wasn't very strict with what the writers could do, led to a lot of buckwild lore, new characters, and plot developments. That said, it's also pretty bizarre, complicated, corny, and cringey at times. There is a stretch in the middle that is pretty infamous among fans.

You have a few options for jumping in.

Option A: You can start at the very beginning and read all of it. If you do this, it is going to be like a One Piece / Homestuck / etc. kind of undertaking, and you're going to be pushing through the good and the bad of huge genre and tone shifts. That's your call!

Option B: You can brush up on the main characters on a wiki and then start at Issue 160, when Ian Flynn (who now does a lot of work on IDW Sonic) became the lead writer. More specifically, you can jump in at the start of a new story arc by starting at Issue 175.

Option C: You can start at Issue 252, when there is a universe-altering event that essentially retcons all of the characters and plot threads from the previous writers and starts completely fresh. Easier to keep track of and you won't have to worry about all the previous plot and lore.

If you want something you can read in a single sitting, you should instead read Sonic: Mega Drive, a short-lived miniseries published by Archie that follows "Classic Sonic" characters (aka, the same vibe and art style of Sonic Origins, Sonic Mania Adventures, etc.) It's really great!

Taking The Next Step: If You Wanna Watch Something

Sonic the Hedgehog (OVA) aka "Sonic the Hedgehog: The Movie" (1996)

This is, essentially, a 1-hour Sonic anime movie. You can watch it in Japanese or in English. I adore it. It makes up its own lore and continuity so you don't need to know anything before going in, besides generally knowing a one-sentence synopsis of who Sonic, Tails, and Dr. Robotnik are. It's action-packed, well-animated, and has great music. Enjoy! Sonic X If you're enjoying what you've seen so far, and you want something much, much longer...there's an official 78-episode anime adaptation of Sonic called Sonic X. It's an original story that loosely pulls together some ideas from a few of the games. It's mostly intended for a younger audience, but I hear if you watch it in the original uncut Japanese, it feels a little less "for kids."

Other Ways To Get Into Sonic

There's some great video essays on Youtube about the series!

Professional animator Dan Floyd did an in-depth video looking at the highs and lows of Sonic character animation in the games starting from Sonic 1 up through Sonic Forces.

Super Bunnyhop plays through the first level of a bunch of Sonic games to compare how the mechanics, physics, and level design feel throughout the games' history.

Liam Triforce has a great deep dive on the franchise's music.

You can play The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, a murder-mystery-party themed visual novel put out by Sega. It's nice and short, so you can finish it in an afternoon.

If you haven't seen them already, you can check out the live-action/animated hybrid films Sonic 1 and Sonic 2 featuring Ben Schwartz and Jim Carrey, they're pretty good. That Sonic Prime cartoon that's currently on Netflix is pretty good too.

This may sound strange, but honestly you might enjoy poring over the sprite sheets from the old games. In particular, I really like the sprite animations from the GBA games, like Sonic Advance and Sonic Battle.

Sega is pretty lax about allowing noncommercial fan games, so there's at least a hundred different Sonic fan games out there by hobbyist developers. Check out the Sonic Amateur Games Expo and the Sonic Fan Games HQ.

You can watch LPs or cutscene compilations of the games on Youtube! If you watch Sonic Adventure, Sonic Adventure 2, and Sonic Heroes, you'll get a crash course on most of the characters.

And finally, of course...you can play the games if you want to! There's a number of them that are available on Steam, Switch, Xbox, and Playstation if you don't have access to older consoles.

There's a lot of different angles to come at Sonic as a franchise, and lots of different entry points. Have fun!

[poetry-vs-depression]

watched holes (2003) for the first time this weekend

WOW this movie should be the dictionary entry for "trust the process". i was never exposed to the movie or book as a kid and all i knew about it was that scene with zero and the shovel. thought it might be a lighthearted but corny "rag-tag group of inner city kids" comedy.

spent 90% of the movie thinking it was the most insane, all over the place film i had ever watched and then WOAH when it all came together-

anyway 10/10 movie, highly recommend watching with siblings and pausing to scream at every plot twist.

[diggersapologist]

The Rules (A Horropedia x Reader)

Written by: Mod Diggers

Word count: 1000

The smell of long, burnt out candles filled the air, and the room was in a deep chill- not that you and Horropedia minded, anyways. This just meant that the two of you had to huddle for warmth beneath the quilt that rested over the both of you, cuddling up against the cramped armchair that Horropedia had insisted you sit in for your annual Halloween horror movie marathon. How terrible! Your limbs were tangled together in ways thought impossible due to the space, and the feeling of his arms wrapped around you was like no other, a safe haven, a place that provided you nothing but solace. While you were too busy thinking about the peaceful nature of the situation, how comfortable you felt pressed close to Horropedia in an intimate but non-sexual manner, Horropedia was rambling on and on, something you had grown accustomed to in the time you had known him.

 “-and you of all people know that Scream is one of my all time favorites! In the 90’s, slashers had long been written off as something cheesy, corny, and stupid. I beg to differ, when a slasher is really done correctly, it’s just as scary as any Canadian psychological horror could ever be! Anyways, Scream was a total game changer in the mid-to-late 90’s! It brought back slashers in a way that people couldn’t help but eat up- I think it’s a fantastic movie, the fourth-wall commentary made by Randy is some of my favorites ever, he totally reminds me of- me! It’s a damn shame what they did to him in Scream 2. Uncalled for! Hey- hey! Heyyyy? Are you paying attention?” 

You shook your head in a “snap out of it” manner, blinking your eyes a few times as you couldn’t help but stare at Horropedia’s face. “You weren’t! You know I don’t like repeating myself!” He feigned an annoyed huff, squeezing you tightly and burying his face in the crook of your neck. “Oh, I’m sorry, Joshua~” “You stop that!” “You know I only keep saying it because you keep responding to it.” “Hey, I only respond to it because that’s what everyone else calls me, but I know I can trust you to call me what I’d like…” 

That managed to tug at your heart in a way you hadn’t expected for tonight, your lips pursing as you moved to gently brush Horropedia’s hair from his face, your other hand tugging out his ponytail and carding your fingers through his hair. “Hey. You’re always going to be my Horropedia. Nothing will ever change that.” Horropedia had the softest flush on his freckled cheeks, one that was barely visible through the light glow of the tv screen. “Haaa, I am, aren’t I?” His lips quivered into a nervous smile, fighting the soft noises that wanted to leave him as your fingers would gently tug at his hair as they carded through it.

This genuinely was the perfect way to spend Halloween for both of you. Horropedia got to indulge in his interests, and you got to indulge in Horropedia’s presence. Your relationship was very slow in manner, and neither of you truly minded it. Horropedia for all his life had insisted he would never, ever engage in a romantic relationship. “You know what relationships lead to- the couple gets all googly eyes at each other and then they do the deed and then a heinous killer comes out and slashes their throats open with a bowie knife! I’m not a newbie to this!” His rationalization through horror movies was sure to be his romantic downfall, but your patience is just what he needed. Sex was a no-go- for the moment being, at least, (though realistically, it would not come into fruition for a long, long time,) but you certainly didn’t mind that, everything else that Horropedia had to offer was more than enough to satisfy you. He had so many rules about relationships developed through horror movies, but you were willing to follow each and every one if it meant you were lucky enough to be his significant other.

His personality was something entirely unique to him, and you simply found it adorable. Horropedia always grew so excited when discussing his favorite movies- and was disgusted in a hilarious manner when discussing his least favorites. There would never be another person that could encapsulate all of the perfect imperfections about Horropedia, whether it be his social awkwardness, his lack of filter, or his tendency to ramble over others. All of these amalgamated into the love of your life, though, you wouldn’t dare tell him this for years to come, in fear of scaring him off. All of Horropedia’s rules were truly grounded in fear, fear that he wouldn’t be loved in the way that he so desperately needed. You were his rock, and proved time and time again that someone was capable of loving him, of taking their time, of accepting each and every one of his flaws.

The room was silent aside from the droning of Scream on the television, and the tension in the room was palpable as you played with Horropedia’s hair. The both of you simply stared at each other, and you couldn’t help but blurt out a soft, “I love you.” Horropedia’s eyes were as wide as dinner plates, not having heard those three words in a romantic manner towards him in… perhaps his entire life. His mouth would open and close a few times before his brow furrowed, leaving you nervous, but still continuing your ministrations to comfort him. He was silent as he moved to pull your hand from his hair, clasping your fingers in his before squeezing your hand. Once. Twice. Thrice. Pause. Once. Twice. Thrice. Pause.

As you held his hand, you could tell Horropedia was trembling, all too scared to utter those three words, though the squeezing of your hand was all you needed to know he felt the same. He loves you too.

[yooils]

lightweight . drunk!isagi x reader. fluff. accidental proposal. short blurb + extremely forced plot.

— ISAGI YOICHI is a lightweight.

it’s a truth acknowledged by everyone close with him, really, with the way he begins his flowery proses after a drink or two– followed by a gradual descent to an emotional wreck; usually accompanied with an abundance of impulsive decisions and a self depreciating monologue of his life.

but in spite of that, he knows how to handle himself 90% of the time. (the remaining 10% is left unmentioned by all, regardless of the copious amounts of black-mail material some of his teammates possess.)

so naturally, the first time you see yoichi have an emotional breakdown in public is during a team get-together! he’s half on his knees with an abnormally flushed complexion; his eyes are starting to water from the reverie he’s found himself in, and his throat is constricted with hiccups. you've been so-called paged by his colleagues– only to find that the emergency they had mentioned afore to be your drunk boyfriend.

“i just want you to know that i love you.” is the first thing that comes out of isagi's mouth when he catches sight of you entering the bar his team had booked for the night.

the collective wolf whistles from his teammates would have portrayed the unfolding scene to be akin to an extremely romantic (read: corny) scene of a movie, if it wasn't for the uncharacteristically delirious look in your boyfriend’s eyes.

“my affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this. i just want you to know that i’m pregnant, and you’re the baby. will you marry me?”

(a few feet away, rin spits out his drink, outraged at the sheer blasphemy of one of his favourite books and movies. nagi's recording next to him, half-asleep yet still giggling at his friend's drunken antics.)

you love yoichi too, you really do– but you have to run through the list of things you love about him just to keep yourself from strangling him to the brink of unconsciousness so he stops talking.

– he's cute. he's only a little bit annoying sometimes. he does the laundry properly. he just confessed that he loved you amidst his drunken stupor even though you've never said it to each other directly before in person– and then proposed to you. and he's hot.

finally forfeiting to his boyish, drunken charms (and having had enough public humiliation for today), you find yourself and your extremely drunk boyfriend in the middle of the parking lot; with you holding him by his coat so he doesn’t escape, and him squirming around with airy sounds of discomfort which you had opted to ignore.

isagi’s leaning in close, breath reeking of alcohol and hands fumbling with his seatbelt clumsily.

“psst.. don’t tell anyone, but i’m gonna marry you one day.”

the pause in the car is deafening.

you furrow your eyebrows. he obliviously leans his cheek against the car window, unbothered by the sheer weight that his words had carried.

“wait, you don’t want other people to find out that you’re going to propose to me, so you tell the person you’re actually proposing to?”

his drunk gasp speaks volumes to you. “oh no, did i say that out loud? am i being kidnapped? where am i? is the world finally ending? but i still haven’t told (name) that i loved them…”

(okay, maybe he’s a little more stupid when he’s drunk, but you’ve grown to become a believer in the concept that drunken words are sober thoughts in the last hour. you hope.)

isagi’s eyes melt into something akin pools of sapphire stones under the lamppost-lit light. it’s been your favourite colour from the moment you met him.

“yoichi, why are you sniffing me?”

you amusedly ask, finding minor entertainment in his actions.

he’s half slumped on you by the time you stop the car by his apartment– and you realise that there’s no way of getting out of your vehicle without damaging 1.) your spine 2.) your arms and 3.) his dignity. (which really is already ruined, objectively, from the amount of second-hand embarrassment you’ve faced tonight.

“don’t wanna leave you.. smells like home..” he almost-incoherently mumbles, and you impulsively have half a mind to keep him forever-intoxicated because of how cute, despite tedious he’s become.

as a relatively simple man, isagi has always been subjected to a desire for more; especially when it came to football.

(but you, he thinks, will always be more than enough for him. and he hopes he’s enough for you too, even in his drunken haze, because he doesn’t want to let you out of his grasps for even a second).

the way you stroke his hair has his mind collapsing into a puddle of melted goo even in the air-conditioned car. you’ve rewritten his brain chemistry to make yourself the only pearl in his universe composed of mostly football, and in every life, he would let you break his heart over and over again.

once you realise that he's stopped his drunken ramblings and fumbling, the panic finally kicks in.

"yoichi, are you sleeping? we're still in the car park! i can't get out with you laid on me!"

(the next morning, he apologises after a much needed hangover pill and a reminder of what happened last night, sent to him in the form of a video by nagi.

you don't tell him that you've already seen the ring in his sock drawer.)

8.12.23

[pnfc]

thoughts on the opinion that 'busted' and 'not so bad a dad' are the best pnf songs? :3

i dont need to say anything to affirm that 'busted' is one of the best songs. i love its sassy minor key 90s pop sound, i love candessa duetting...more please

n.s.b.a.d. is a really great storytelling sequence and the song is elevated by olivia's voice but the song itself is just ok to me, i don't seek it out.

i dont have a ranking of 'best songs' tho, i have a list of ~120 songs that get stuck in my head sometimes. and of those ~40 that i will regularly rewatch on their own for the visual sequences. i love the songs, especially when they're corny diegetic theatrical productions the characters put on, 'rollercoaster the musical' is probably my favorite pnf episode and 'fabulous' is what made me start watching (cuz phineas is so cute in that one, i really crave more of that style of phineas. playful and manipulative.)

but of course the BEST songs are: the excellent candace songs that they cut out of every movie, per tradition. and that song taylor swift wrote about perryshmirtz. and the cut 'rollercoaster' song where baljeet says fuck. and this

[richardlawson]

The End

After a few years away from that particular couch, I started seeing a new therapist at the end of last year. It had been long enough, I sagely determined, after I was felled by a series of really nasty panic attacks—one happened while I was doing a Q&A on stage with some filmmakers. They didn't notice, nor did the audience, nor (most importantly) the publicists. But it was happening. Me contemplating running off stage, into the Soho afternoon. It was a terrible feeling, and eventually feeling terrible starts to be a drag, so I found, after a fair amount of searching, someone new.

He is in his late 50s and has a kind, open comportment. He's much more giving and lean-in-and-nod than my last therapist, a sort of prim and watchful gay guy who retired to Florida. I like this new gay guy, I think. Or, I am warming to him. At first, I thought his platitudes and constant quoting of various people were corny. But I have resisted such sentiment for so long, and lack of sentiment hasn't cured me, so maybe I should try the earnest stuff. He has me meditating for one minute a day. The panic attacks went away.

For a little while, anyway. They've been creeping back, when I least expect them, and when I most do. I am afraid of what I am afraid of, I hate what I hate, I feel increasingly indifferent to what I love. Winter hardens care. Do I like movies anymore? Do I like a play, seen on some chilly Saturday afternoon? Maybe it's just seasonal. Or it's media malaise in a time of such austerity. They're trying to lay off the best people while the worst people watch, safe as houses. They're trying to take the whole thing apart and replace it with nothing. I have worked in my business for 16 years, well over a third of my life, and for the first time it now feels truly dire and terminal and like I need to start making other plans for what to do with the rest of my time here in the waking, working world.

Something I talk about a lot with my therapist is inertia—I use the word constantly. Why can't I just, why can't I just, why can't I just. I know something's in me, latent under my lazy skin, but it never makes its way to the surface. At least not yet.

Which causes panic, this stasis. I am scared of the drugs that might help, and am resistant to other concrete life changes that might make this better. (I like a glass of wine too much; I'm a fan of my vape.) I have tried avoiding things, I have tried not avoiding things.

I guess it's not circumstance, really. I have panic attacks when I'm home at night, Andrew asleep in the other room, me watching some murder show or YouTube video (same thing) and suddenly a feeling hits me, the conviction that a blood clot or some other lurking thing is making its way up my body and that this is my sorry, lonely little nighttime end. Here it is, the moment when I'm carried off, when I disappear, when I slip away into nothing.

My parents just finished a cruise, a lifelong wish fulfilled, in South America, hooking around Cape Horn and then exploring the fjords and inlets of Chile. All the reports were good. They had the best time. I had worried about my mom itching for her work email, about my dad being newly 90 years old and maybe feeling exhausted by all the activity. But it seems they managed well. They saw Patagonian cities, they saw mountains rising out of the sea, they saw the shy, retreating edges of glaciers, so quiet and demure in their dying. My mom sent us pictures and I thought most about the glaciers, those last cracking murmurs of a time before. When I was in Alaska for a wedding, years ago now, we went to a park of some kind and the visitor's center that was once built over a glacier then stood cantilevered over dry land. The ice had crept much farther up the mountain, winking goodbye.

How awful. And yet, in the depths of my hypocrisy, I relish an unseasonably warm day. Whatever lifts me out of winter, I guess. Whatever can drag me out of the feeling that everything is indeed going to ruin—a career, a life, a liver, a future. My best friend moved out of my neighborhood recently, which is sad. But it also affords us the opportunity to explore new territory, to find backyard bars with good deals where we can huddle in forgiving late-winter winds and make uneasy escape plans, where we consider what parachutes could ever be made of.

It's not always enough, of course. I too often have nights, far too late, when I go pacing around the living room, circling the coffee table in a weird sort of marching step in my underwear, shaking my hands to get the dread to go away. My new therapist has urged me to find what centers me. To think of all that is known and steady.

I try to gather myself and remember the people I have, arrayed across the planet. Andrew, in restless sleep down the hall. My sister in her Los Angeles canyon, surrounded by trees. I walk the room, knees high and somehow defiant, chest straining with worry. And I see my parents, on a boat at the tip of the world, dreaming of lost things.

[april-ape]

Captain America: Brave New World sucked ass.

First of all, Carl Lumbly was the absolute best choice for the role of Isaiah Bradley. The character has a deep history of African-American history. People at first found it hilariously ironic to put a black man in Captain America’s red, white, and blue suit. Once the backstory of Bradley was developed, they soon realized the significance. A large portion of his backstory was derived from the Tuskegee Syphilis Study, an event where the American government and health organizations took black men with and without syphilis and promised them free healthcare if they allowed to be observed while on experimental medication. The CDC and PHS did not inform most of these men of their diagnoses, and even gave them placebos and drugs they knew wouldn’t work, resulting in over 100 deaths.

Similarly, in an effort to recreate the Super Soldier serum that turned Steve Rogers into the super soldier he is, the government experimented on black men in fatal tests to perfect it. Isaiah Bradley was one of these men. He was also heavily based on Muhammad Ali, something that Axel Alonso, former editor in chief of Marvel Comics, pushed for.

So why was Isaiah Bradley played by Carl Lumbly, and why was this such a good choice? Lumbly has a variety of very notable roles spanning back to the 80s. He is a black man born in Minnesota to Jamaican immigrant parents, and he was a journalist before ever acting in anything. He portrayed Theseus in The Gospel at Colonus, an African-American depiction of Oedipus at Colonus. In 1987, he played the role of Bobby Seale, the co-founder of the Black Panther Party, in the movie Conspiracy: The Trial of the Chicago 8.

Most notable was his role as Dr. Miles Hawkins in the show, M.A.N.T.I.S., in the mid to late 90s. The character is shot by the police during a protest, causing him to be paralyzed, and this leads to him uncovering a conspiracy against the black community. The character uses his vast resources, not unlike the superhero Batman, to get justice for himself and others.

This show also made him the first black superhero on television. After the show aired and they stopped filming, throughout the years he has been involved heavily in the superhero franchises. From voice acting in Batman Beyond, Justice League, and Justice League Unlimited, to playing the father of Martian Manhunter in CW’s Supergirl.

This all leads to him getting the role as Isaiah Bradley in Marvel's The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Truly, there is no one that I would’ve preferred to play this role. He has the experience, the skill, and the know-how to get it done. In the aforementioned show, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, his role added to the story beautifully, if heartbreakingly. However, I believe he was done a great injustice by the writing of Marvel’s Captain America: Brave New World.

The next points that I want to talk about are the outrageous product placements, the American Propaganda, and the corny ass writing.

 First of all, why in the hell is the GMC logo taking up half the screen during an entire fight scene? That, combined with the corny dialogue that sounds like it was written by ChatGPT, made me think that my movie theatre was playing an ad in the middle of the movie. Seriously, I turned to people next to me to see if they were confused too. It is practically the same film style and dialogue from the Tide commercial that features this movie. Tide Commercial 2025 Captain America: Brave New World: Powerful Clean in Any Universe Ad Review

Then the Pelotan stationary bike, or whatever it’s called, had more screen time than Bucky did I swear. Why am I watching the president work out for ten minutes in his private jet, and I’m supposed to care about his sob story? Please, just shoot me, seriously.

Next, the corny writing. Marvel has been a victim of this forever, but I have never cringed so badly at it as much as I have for this one. “You want me?! Come and get me!” It was like they asked AI to write them a dialogue between a hero and a villain, and then they copied and pasted it into the script and called it a day. Everytime a line like this happened, me and my partner would turn to each other slowly and then sink lower into our seats, embarrassed to even be seen in the theatre.

I don’t even want to write about my full thoughts on the crazy propaganda in this movie because it will lead to a very long rant and lots of negativity that I don’t want associated with my blog. So here is a meme that has all that I want to say:

[positivelybeastly]

Hey feel free to ignore this if you've already answered something like this, but for all the focus on comics ( rightfully) how do you think the various animated versions of Hank McCoy stack up and compare to one another?

"I endeavour to never ignore a question, for in answering, one reveals a truth about one's self - and truth, whether that be scientific truth or personal truth, is what always saves us."

Mm, a good question! There have been rather a lot of them over the years, haven't there? All right, I'll give it my best shot!

Our rating system will be on a scale of 1-5, and will rate the following:

Comic Accuracy: As the origin of the character, how faithfully Hank is transcribed from page to screen is important to me, but I recognise that changes need to be made for the medium, especially given most of these animated shows trend towards a younger audience.

Importance to the Narrative: How essential is Hank to the show as a whole? Is he wallpaper, or does he possess storylines of his own?

Likability: How likeable is this Hank? Note that this is a separate criteria from Accuracy, because accurate Hank is not always likeable Hank, and while I like that about him, it's hard to make an unlikeable character work 100% of the time.

Voice Actor: How suitable are they for Hank's character? Do they sound accurate, do they give a good performance, are they trying, how well can they handle technobabble?

Final ratings will be out of 5 - the other ratings will be added together, then divided down for an overall rating.

X-Men: The Animated Series (1992-1997)

Without a doubt, the most iconic version of Beast. If someone knows who Beast is, this is probably who they think of, if not first, then it inevitably comes up, before his comics incarnation, or before any of his movie incarnations - he's a legend.

And it's not hard to see why, honestly. He's infinitely quotable, gentle hearted, compassionate, heroic, intelligent, funny, no-one has a nasty thing to say about him - he is, I would actually say, the most pure hearted and lovely of the entire cast, honestly. He doesn't have a negative quality to him. He's not a stick up the ass like Scott, he's not corny like Logan, he doesn't have Rogue's annoying scream, etc.

Which is a little bit of a problem, and it's the main thing I ding this Beast for - he's actually a little bit too perfect. The man cures the blind on his days off, he's that much of a saint. He gets angry, sure, but only in the most dire and unjustifiable circumstances, such as when someone's trying to deny him the ability to be with someone he loves, or destroy the planet.

He lacks negativity, he lacks a caustic sense of humour, he lacks immaturity, he lacks his shielded emotional core that causes him to be mopey - he's unnaturally well adjusted. And I like Hank to be a little maladjusted! I like him when he's bipolar, when he's a bit bitchy, when he's given to being a bit of a cunt. I like him having negative qualities, because that makes him well rounded and complex. This is, in many ways, the man Hank would like to be, but isn't, because he's only, sadly, awfully, tragically, unavoidably, human.

Accuracy: As mentioned, the primary flaw is that he's too perfect, but he's still a very accurate distillation of what especially 90s Hank was often like at his very best, just without any negative baggage. Props for including things like his friendship with Ship, an acknowledgement of his background and mutation of himself in the crossover with the Spider-Man animated series, a seamless integration of him into the Phoenix Saga, and his friendship with Iceman, which is often downplayed these days. 3.5/5.

Importance: Actually fairly important! He's given a lot of prominence in the opening episodes, he's given the role of 'acceptable' face of the mutant movement, he always has a line, and he has several episodes focusing on him, including the seminal Beauty and the Beast, and the very fun Phalanx Covenant two parter. 4/5.

Likability: This is the Hank most people would most like to marry, and he's the best friend we kinda wish we all had. 5/5.

Voice Actor: Buza was inspired casting, and he's actually very good at emoting and making for an emotional performance when the script calls for it, which it sadly doesn't too often. His fury and angst in Beauty and the Beast is extremely well communicated, and his diction is perfect. The gold standard. 5/5.

Final Rating: 4.375/5.

X-Men: Evolution (2000-2003)

Honestly, a very good adaptation that suits the adjusted tone and scale of this version of the X-Men, but it, along with X-Men 3 and several characterisation choices in the comics, are probably largely responsible for spreading the misconception that Hank is so much older than the rest of the X-Men. He's also relegated to side character for most of the series' run, with his most interesting episode being the episode in which he mutates into his furry blue form, and not much after it coming close to its emotional punch.

That being said, it does get some severe points for actually doing something with human Hank, who often gets entirely skipped by adaptation in favour of just getting the familiar version of the character in there as soon as possible, and while Evolution's scale prohibits him from being one of the smartest people on Earth, he's still extremely brainy and droll, with a good sense of humour and a centring presence that suits him being the 'rock' of the X-Men that Bobby Drake has sometimes referred to him being.

Had the series not been cancelled, I would have liked to see where it went with the character, though it likely would have been a singular focus episode and not much else, if that. Kudos for including the entire O5 as an homage to their history together, even if they had to jimmy it a little to make it make sense, given Warren's independent status from the X-Men and Bobby's ageing down relative to everyone else.

Accuracy: As before, a mixed bag. The O5 nod and the inclusion of his self-inflicted mutation storyline earn massive kudos, as does the love of Shakespeare and emphasis on his teaching abilities, but he's just so much older than everyone else and siloed off from them as a result. 3.5/5.

Importance: Sadly low - primarily a side character who acts as a mentor, but Professor Xavier and Logan get much more focus in that capacity for the majority of the show's run. He does better than Ororo, who mostly gets shafted for the duration of the show, but it's still not great. 2.5/5.

Likability: Scores highly, especially since he's introduced first as the 'cool' teacher at Bayville before he joins the X-Men, covering for Scott when he loses his ruby quartz glasses, and also does his best to reach out to Evan, aka Spyke, a character who needed that character focus more than most. Charming and erudite, but lacks the exposure and a core dynamic with one of the other main cast members the truly demonstrates how good of a friend he is. 4.5/5.

Voice Actor: Honestly, he's kind of amazing, especially in the Beast of Bayville episode - he doesn't get the plaudits Buza does, but Michael Kopsa absolutely nails it and brings the needed emotional intensity that those scenes call for. I have to score him the same as Buza, frankly - he's maybe less iconic, but I cannot, in all honesty, say that he performed the role any worse than George did. 5/5.

Final Rating: 3.875/5.

Wolverine and the X-Men (2009)

Man, I was disappointed by this show when I went back to watch it. The billing would make you assume it's 50/50, but frankly, it's more like 75/25 in some of these episodes (god, that Silver Samurai bullshit was just so boring, I was just waiting for it to be over), and that means I'm going to be fairly critical - not really of this portrayal, because it IS good, but more just of the show in general.

There's just not enough for a lot of the other X-Men to do - Kurt and Warren actually get some excellent prominence in their Genosha and Archangel storylines, but it highlights just how boring what the other X-Men who are part of Wolverine's team get to do is, which is mostly act as filler in fight scenes, provide exposition, and. Exist, I guess. It's a shame, because this is a very fun and cute design for Hank, but it's just kinda wasted on this show.

Accuracy: We don't really get enough of him to see how he's characterised, but he's definitely Beast; he reads books, he's got glasses, he's friends with Warren and Bobby (but again, that implied age gap with Bobby), it's . . . Beast. Store brand Beast, right here, this is the Beast you get when you don't want any Beast in particular. 3/5.

Importance: I was tempted to rate this a flat zero because you could honestly remove him from the series and put someone else in there, and you wouldn't notice, but he's given some dialogue with Logan here and there, so I guess I'll be nice. 0.5/5. That's me being nice.

Likability: Very likeable and charming, if a touch stodgy, but not given enough to demonstrate his empathy and kindness and friendliness towards others, especially since he spends most of the show at the base doing . . . um. Stuff. 3.5/5

Voice Actor: Fred Tatasciore is a seasoned voice actor who usually handles characters with deeper, gruffer voices, and he does a fine job - I've never hated his take on Hank in any of the times he's voiced him, and he's actually really quite especially good in Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3, where he really gets to flex how charming his take on Beast can be when he's given airtime, so I have to rate him highly, even if he's not my favourite. 4/5.

Final Rating: 2.75/5.

Marvel Anime: X-Men (2010)

Not even gonna front, I can't be objective about this ranking because this is the only time an animated property has tried to adapt feline Beast, and they kinda knocked it out of the park first try - maybe it's just because anime artists and animators have a ton of experience handling anthro beast men, but they just got Hank perfect here, and the fact that they didn't go with the standard design shows a commitment to doing something a little bit different.

This is far from my favourite adaptation of the X-Men, but for Hank? Oh, it's a swing and I love them for it. Also, big props for adapting a non-standard X-Men enemy with the U-Men, which indicates they were lifting from the Morrison New X-Men run - another big swing, and it makes sense they went with feline Hank as a result, given his prominence in that storyline.

Accuracy: Ouaghhh . . . I have to be honest, I have to rate this one incredibly highly just because of the feline aspect. That's dedication to the craft and to the character, and he's done well, too, which is no mean feat. I also absolutely adore his scene with the augmented octopus in episode 1, where he lets it continue to teach his lesson once he's called away to deal with X-Men things - a little bit more madcap than I generally like my Hank to be, but for an animated property, it tells you so much about Hank with just one scene. He's kookier, and I like that. 4.75/5.

Importance: Still very much a supporting character, but you can't really remove him from the narrative because he does too much scientific heavy lifting, and I can't really knock ALL of these shows just because he doesn't have real Main Character Energy like Scott, Jean, Logan, or Emma. I've made my peace with the fact that I've fallen in love with someone who's never gonna be a solo draw, so this is me making my peace with that. 3.5/5.

Likability: Eminently likeable and fun, with kooky charm and genuine competence and chances to show off his genius in the field as well as off of it. Allowed to be animalistic, but a genius - a character with duality. Not as instantly magnetic as some, but I think that someone could very well come away from this anime thinking, man, I wanna know more about Beast, what stories is he prominent in? 4/5.

Voice Actor: Fred Tatasciore again, but I have to note that I think Tatasciore's performance more suits simian/classic Beast, and I think someone a touch deeper, or maybe just given a vocal modulation/distortion to add an unnatural note to his voice, would have really elevated the performance and added to the take on feline Beast. That being said, still a consummate professional and excellent performer, Fred's great. 3.5/5.

Final Rating: 3.9375/5.

X-Men '97 (2024)

Rated separately because this is a separate production with different writers, voice directors, and overall storyline than the original 90s show, though it is of course a continuation of it and thus can assume continuity with it. This incarnation is different enough that I still want to talk about it, and rate it differently.

Accuracy: More multi-faceted, allowed to be disillusioned with Xavier's dream, given emotional depth in his dynamic with Trish Tilby (indeed, though I don't like her as a person, I appreciate her role in the narrative and like that she was brought in from the comics). Honestly, in all the ways that matter, this Hank has all the genius, kindness, and lovable traits of his 90s counterpart, but is the beneficial recipient of a more mature take on the subject matter. 4/5.

Importance: Sadly lower than his 90s counterpart - he mostly fulfils the role of scientific and medical exposition and participates in fight scenes, lacking the main character status of Scott, Jean, Rogue, Magneto and co. Beau DeMayo categorically did play favourites here, though that's far from the worst thing alleged about the man. That being said, I loved Hank getting to pilot a Sentinel as a mecha, TWICE, as well as being given the MLK/Genosha scene, which is a scene that ONLY Hank could have done justice. 3/5.

Likability: Frankly off the scale - the amount of work that Buza did to elevate Hank's standing in 2024, coming off an awful decade in the comics that had categorically tanked the character's reputation, can't be underestimated. A shot in the arm, and a reminder that Hank is so much more than just one writer's vision. 5/5.

Voice Actor: Frankly, it has to be the same as before, just because George Buza has not missed a single trick - whereas Lenore Zahn and Cal Dodd have both notably aged vocally, Buza has not, and despite the intervening 30 years, he still delivers every line with evident joie de vivre, pathos, emotion, and charm. His introduction scene in episode 1, a wonderful callback to Jubilee's introduction to him in the 90s show, epitomises why Beast as a character is so wonderful. 5/5.

Final Rating: 4.25/5.

Note that I am not rating Beast's appearances in other shows such as Marvel Disk Wars: The Avengers, or The Marvel Super Heroes, because I haven't seen those, and I can't imagine his role is important enough that there's much to say about them.

Which brings us to our final overall ratings!

Overall:

X-Men: TAS

X-Men: '97

Marvel Anime: X-Men

X-Men Evolution

Wolverine and the X-Men

Not a huge surprise - the 90s show is still, in many ways, the definitive version of Hank, and barring some kind of pop culture fluke, it's hard to see another adaptation making such an impact in people's minds as this version did.

Accuracy:

Marvel Anime: X-Men

X-Men '97

X-Men: The Animated Series/X-Men: Evolution (Tie)

Wolverine and the X-Men

This entirely objective ranking hinges mostly on my appreciation for the anime's willingness to go off the beaten path and adapt an extremely comic accurate feline Hank, rather than stick to what was safe and known to work. Feline Hank is my favourite incarnation of the character, and I make no secret of that, so brownie points are in full effect.

Importance:

X-Men: The Animated Series

Marvel Anime: X-Men

X-Men '97

X-Men: Evolution

Wolverine and the X-Men

If this were a Nightcrawler or Archangel blog, you would see nicer things said about Wolverine and the X-Men, but. It's a Beast blog, and I was underwhelmed at just how little focus the character got (i.e. none) in the 2009 show.

Likability:

X-Men: The Animated Series/X-Men '97

X-Men: Evolution

Marvel Anime: X-Men

Wolverine and the X-Men

The main thing bringing down Evolution is its lack of screen time for Beast, frankly - I think Kopsa's take on Hank is eminently likeable and fun, not to mention complex, but he just doesn't get the time or the focus on account of being relegated to the adult cast.

Voice Actor:

X-Men: The Animated Series/X-Men '97/X-Men: Evolution (Three way tie)

Wolverine and the X-Men

Marvel Anime: X-Men

Frankly, I feel as though this does Fred Tatasciore a disservice. I love his take on Beast, I just think he hasn't been given a project where he can leave an indelible mark on the character like Buza and Kopsa. I love them all very, very much.

Hope that answers your question, friend!

[jerracotta]

OKAY, so let me explain this unhinged thing that my imagination has spawned. I’ve created not just a bunch of headcanon Riddlers as animals but I’ve imagined an alternative universe populated by animals in which Batman as a franchise developed on its own. The Batman shows listed above are shows that exist in this alternative universe I’ve imagined. As such, I’ve included not just details about each of the Riddlers but also the backstory about all of the actors who play them and their relationships to each other.

Quick! Call Batman! - Clive Mortenson (1966-1970)

‘Quick! Call Batman!’ was your typical corny 60s television affair with onomatopoeia flashing on the screen and cheesy acting.

The Riddler in the initial version of the show was hammed up and would tell simple riddles as the clues. This version of the Riddler was mostly motivated by riches and power, and used riddles as a gimmick.

Clive Mortenson was a popular actor during the golden age of Hollywood. Due to his athleticism, he was often hired to do roles requiring the actor to do challenging acrobatics. In fact, he started his career as a stunt double in cowboy movies! His talent for acrobatics allowed him to play the Riddler as energetic and bouncy.

BATMAN: Brave and Brazen – Peter Trot (1984-1988)

This version of Batman was taken far more seriously and allowed for a more contemplative Batman. This show began to explore the themes of being a vigilante hero and established arcs over the course of its different seasons.

Unlike the previous Riddler (Mortenson) who would tell simple unrelated riddles, Trot’s Riddler produced riddles that were related to each other and built off each other to build to a greater theme for each episode featuring him. This version of Riddler was deeply obsessed with proving himself more intelligent than Batman, setting a precedent for the ‘quintessential’ Riddler. All future Riddlers would be obsessed with proving their superiority over Batman to some extent.

Peter Trot was an English superstar actor who rose to stardom in the 70s by playing of roles of James Bond, Sherlock Holmes and Robin Hood. In the 80s, he was intent on not being typecast strictly as a heroic leading man and proving he had range as an actor. Hence, he took on the role of the Riddler to prove he could play a villain. He received much critical acclaim for this role and would go on to act in both blockbuster and ‘artsy’ movies in the latter half of his career.

The Batman Files – Nadia Reddy (1993-1997)

The third show version of Batman leaned more into gritty and neo-noir aesthetics, attempting to make the Batman series more ‘edgy’ for the new youth. The show experimented with presentation, choosing to dress the Riddler as a ‘detective’ looking figure with a light green dyed trench coat.

The show experimented with having a female Riddler was well as a Riddler who would go beyond riddles and wordplay, to ciphers and codes. Unlike the previous Riddler (Trot) who dressed relatively elegant and acted sophisticated, this version of Riddler was far more sleezy, cheap and a bit rough and tumble. This Riddler’s motivations are played as more mysterious with the show never fully revealing the Riddler’s motivations.

Nadia Reddy become popular in the 90s for being a tomboyish and butch female actor, willing to take on roles that subverted typical gender roles, with the Riddler being her early breakout role. Nadia tended to pick the movies she found more ‘interesting’ and sometimes art-house projects throughout her career. Nadia, later in life, began to identity as non-binary and gender-fluid in the 2010s when the term became more well known to the general public.

BATMAN – Daniel DeCoetzee (2005-2009)

The 2000s version of Batman was the most self-serious, intent of exploring themes of society and the ethics of vigilantism. Episodes were extended to an hour as opposed to the previous shows which were half an hour per episode.

DeCoetzee version of the Riddler was very cold and unfeeling, a calculating mastermind who’s riddles came in the form of codes and complicated puzzles. This version of the Riddler was a technocrat intent on manipulating the powers of Gotham behind the scenes to create a new technocracy out of the government.

The writers of this version of Batman were intent on having actors method-act. That’s why they sought Daniel DeCoetzee, a former child science prodigy turned scientist and celebrity science communicator. The writers thought his background as an intelligent academic and his strength in public speaking might make him suitable. He turned out to be the perfect choice as in his bitter teenager years, he was briefly a technocrat but grew out of it. Daniel, thus, used the role of Riddler to explore a version of himself where he never grew out of that mindset.

Batman Adventures – Ian Blum (2013-2015)

Batman Adventures was a neo-retro version of Batman that took the inspiration to be corny and hammy from the first Batman show ‘Quick! Call Batman!’, but was still interested in exploring themes like the later shows.

Blum’s version of the Riddler is over-the-top and flamboyant, taking inspiration from Mortenson’s Riddler, but his motivations are clearly focused on proving that he is smarter than Batman like Trot’s Riddler. This version of the Riddler, instead of focusing on riddles or ciphers on their own, would focus on elaborate (and theatrical!) escape rooms littered with puzzles and riddles.

Ian Blum works mainly as a TV presenter, musician and singer. He was quickly identified by writers for his lively personality and high energy, which made him ideal for the role. Ian managed to convince the writers of Batman Adventures to allow him to write and sing some musical numbers for the show, villain songs of course. This later turned out to be a standout element of the show. Since finishing with the show, he has continued to present on TV and is working on writing a musical.

Batman & Gotham – Austin Tao (2023-)

‘Batman & Gotham’ is the current version of Batman. The show makes an effort to try and incorporate modern day affairs and issues, trying to channel the social commentary of Batman (2000s) while going for a gritty angle like The Batman Files.

Tao’s version of Riddler is a failed tech mogul from silicon valley who blames those in society for their ‘lack of intelligence’ and ‘poor foresight’ as the reason who his failed startups. In reality, his projects failed because he’s an egoistical narcissist who’s impossible to work with. Nevertheless, this version of the Riddler is intent on taking out his revenge on the world that he feels has wrong him. He decides to ‘prove his intelligence’ by setting out riddles, codes and puzzles onto the public and triggering terrorist-like bomb attacks in public locations if no one solves them in time.

Austin Tao is a bright young actor and long-time comic book fan intent on doing the role justice. He’s still only 22 and playing the Riddler has been his breakout role for him. Despite his inexperience, he has taken to the role well. Austin has even taken it upon himself to do ‘soft’ versions of what his version of Riddler does on the show and poses riddles, codes and puzzles to social media for the fans to engage with, something that has proven very popular.

Bonus!

All the actors who played the Riddler has a strong culture of mentorship where the older actors will often make time to work with the younger actors to ‘pass on the baton’ for the character that they all care a lot about.

All the actors are bisexual! It’s not just coincidence: Clive Mortenson was closeted when he took on the role of Riddler but Peter Trot was open about his sexuality during the 80s and pushed for his version of the Riddler to be bisexual like he was. When Mortenson did eventually come out in 1989, the Riddler become a quasi-bi-represention-symbol since both actors who had played him were bisexual. As a result, next generation writers decided to write all future versions of the Riddler as bisexual and hire specially bisexual actors.

Finally, I’d like to acknowledge gl1tchr (@gl1tchr) whose depiction of the Riddler as various animals, inspired this. (Their art is great!) Here’s a link to the art I’m referring to: https://www.tumblr.com/gl1tchr/764054301549215744/what-animal-do-you-think-each-of-the-riddles-are

[venusdeluxe]

This is just some whatever thing I wrote on Discord the other day cus sometimes I need to get my monthly Spider-Man rant. I was just doing a lot of thinking on the state of things for Spidey.

It feels weird that out of the last 4 Spider-Man movies, 3 of them are based around the multiverse. And the one that isn't pretends to involve it for like the first half! Spider-Verse was a cool novelty to me as a kid with stuff like Shattered Dimensions and the finale of the 90's show. When Miles showed up in the Ultimate cartoon I thought that was frickin sick, but now its like… I've had my fill. This was never really what people liked Spider-Man for, but now it's like all he gets to do on film. And beyond that it feels like a lot of media is missing out on his appeal in other ways too. Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man is basically a riff on the MCU Spidey so I get why the similarities are there, but I wasnt clamoring for another Spider-Man story where he has the support of a billionare. It's Norman so it's atleast tied more to actual Spider-Man characters and I'm sure it wont go well for Pete, but it's still a thing that happens that you just have to deal with for atleast a few episodes. You still have to sit there and watch a teched out Spider-Man being given a whole bunch of suits by someone else. It's just been so long since a good Spidey cartoon came along and I just want some new shows or movies that are lil more classic ya know. I've been on a journey to read all (or atleast most of) The Amazing Spider-Man and there's still so many cool stories that they haven't tried or that could atleast use a second chance. It just feels like there arent a lot of good alternatives for solid Spidey storytelling coming out at the moment. You have the Ultimate comics and then I guess thats it. I'm sure Miles is doing well, I just haven't kept up with his shenanigans.

Also Spider-Man should be funny again. They make him corny and awkward, but he should be a funny guy! He shouldn't be the kinda dude to make a pun and then say "heh… nailed it". Give him his sauce back.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

So. You want to watch a pre-MCU Marvel movie.

The time before the MCU was truly a Wild West, so you have all sorts of bizarre offerings to choose from. Of course there’s the Blade trilogy, which covers a whole range of quality from good to bad; you have the Ghost Rider duology, a pair of campy supernatural action films where Nicolas Cage turns into a flaming skeleton; you have three different Punisher films of varying quality that all get Frank Castle at least to some degree; and you have Howard the Duck. But maybe you’re looking for something truly weird, obscure, and strange…

No, not that one.

Not that one either, that’s too obscure.

There we go!

In 1990 we got a film featuring the first Avenger, directed by cult filmmaker Albert Pyun and with a budget of only three million bucks. This tiny budget meant a lot of corners had to be cut, the script was constantly changing, the film had to be shot in Yugoslavia, and worst of all Stan Lee’s cameo had to be cut. And what’s the end result of this? A film that grossed barely over $10,000 and left many staff members at Marvel extremely disappointed. It would be a little over two decades before Steve Rogers was unfrozen for another ride, and this film was left to languish in obscurity. Hell, the only reason I know it exists is because it was the subject of an early video from the Nostalgia Critic.

But in the spirit of America, in the spirit of redeeming crappy old Marvel movies, and the spirit of cashing in on the release of the new Captain America film, I decided I’d finally check out this bizarre piece of Marvel’s history to find out if this really is as bad as critics say it is, or if this hero film is a lot more super than previously imagined.

THE GOOD

The biggest thing that stood out to me while watching this is that Captain America and Red Skull are genuinely perfectly done. Let’s talk about Skull first, since he’s a bit more mixed.

His makeup is extremely weird, but we only see it in the first quarter of the film, and his backstory is unexpectedly tragic seeing as he’s a boy forcibly orphaned by Italian fascists (yes, he’s Italian rather than a German Nazi) and turned into a super soldier through torturous experiments in a backstory that is vaguely and ironically similar to Magneto in a lot of way. But those things aside, he very much feels like a megalomaniacal comic book villain, complete with dramatic speeches and a truly dastardly plan. You see, he—a fascist foreigner—wants to mind control the United States president and use him as a puppet to rule by proxy. Thankfully, nothing so ludicrous as a foreign fascist using the president as a puppet could happen anywhere but in the world of comic books and their movie adaptations!

It really is Scott Paulin’s performance that carries the character. Yes, it sucks that Red Skull’s skull is not actually red outside of the World War II scenes that kick off the movie, but with how deliciously menacing he makes the guy it’s hard to be too upset. He may not have the look, but he has the wickedness down to a T.

But more impressive, and the thing that stuck out to me the most, is how good Matt Salinger is as Cap. I wasn’t expecting to be blown away, but boy did Matt knock his role out of the park despite the script and budget not always letting his Cap go as hard as he should. His simple refutation of Red Skull mocking everything he stands for—a simple rebuke of “I care,” delivered with conviction and sincerity—is so fucking good that it’s worth the price of admission alone. Salinger also nails the sweetness and corniness of Steve, such as genuinely complimenting his now elderly former flame by telling her she’s still beautiful or just in general having a cheesy fish-out-of-water charm of a man from the 40s transplanted into the 90s. I love Chris Evanas to bits, and his Cap is one of the best parts of the MCU… But I think Salinger might actually have done Cap best. If nothing else, it's very funny seeing a Salinger prevent presidential assassinations instead of being blamed for them (yes, Cap is The Catcher in the Rye author's son).

Ronny Cox as President Kimball is probably the biggest surprise in the cast, though. You’d expect the kidnapped president of the United States to just be a helpless plot device or even a dick, but no! Kimball is badass and resourceful, escaping on his own and being utterly willing to die just to foil Red Skull’s plans. When he finally gets to meet up with Cap near the end, they also have a really fun little dynamic going on. It’s so easy to make a shitty, unlikable douchebag president so it was just refreshing seeing a noble, selfless, and likable one, even though such a thing makes it glaringly obvious this is a work of fiction.

THE BAD

Look, this is a low-budget action movie and it shows. The action scenes are few and far between, and when they show up you can see where a lot of the corners were cut. Not to say there’s nothing good, but when half of the scenes feature Cap running away rather than kicking everyone’s ass, you know there’s a problem. There’s also a lot of really bad acting, particularly from the non-Red Skull villains. Like these guys just have awful line reads. And don’t get me started on the wings on Cap’s helmet. I am more charmed than mad at how silly it looks, but I’d be remiss not to mention it.

Of course, the bigger problem is just some of the weird creative choices. Changing the Red Skull from a Nazi to a fascist Italian lab rat is the big one, as is only letting him keep his iconic look for a brief window. While the latter is presumably due to budgetary reasons, the former is strange because while his new backstory does garner him some sympathy it’s just… not really dealt with at all? Like it never comes up after the opening, at least not until Cap weaponizes his trauma to give him PTSD flashbacks in the climax. It’s not glaringly awful but the fact they do pretty much nothing with it and have Skull be a scheming, unashamedly evil supervillain makes this feel like a forced attempt to garner pity from the audience.

Then we have Cap. Yes, Salinger does a great job with him and makes him extremely charming and likable, especially in the corny ways Cap should be, but the writing of the film also kind of makes him a dick in a couple of moments. I am of course referring to the two times he fakes carsickness in order to jack a car. Yes, seriously. I think people do harp in this too much—it’s not a huge dealbreaker and both times he is at least a little justified as to why he does it—but it is so strange to see Cap do something so petty and ridiculous that I have to mention it. At least it’s pretty hilarious.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

So. You thought I was going to hate this movie.

For the first time I held a poll asking what viewers of my blog predicted what my opinion of the film would be, with the negative option winning by a very slim margin. Considering this movie’s reputation, it’s easy to see why, especially since as a big superhero movie fan and an ardent MCU defender I at least try and have some standards. But as a B-movie lover and a trashy cinema aficionado, it was pretty impossible not to be charmed by this film.

Yes, this film has tons of issues because of its tiny budget. No, this is not some pitch-perfect adapatation or an awesome action showcase. Yes, it is unbelievably corny. But I think in the vein of the unreleased Fantastic Four movie, this film has something a lot of other superhero films of the time don’t: Heart. This film has personality oozing from every pore, and for everything it does poorly or weirdly it makes up for with how well it understands core aspects of Steve Rogers and Red Skull. Salinger and Paulin really do carry this film, their acting paving over the cheap action and the janky acting of the villainous goons.

If you like cheesy 90s B-movie action films, you will love this. As the world’s only unironic Street Fighter fan, I am definitely deep into that category, and so I think this film is definitely worthwhile. I gave it a 7/10, but I think realistically it should be in maybe the high 5s or low 6s. This is a cheap, janky film, but it is full of heart and charm. It’s hard to love, but it’s damn near impossible to hate. At any rate, it's always interesting to go back and see what superhero films were like back in the day before they had to be cogs in an overarching franchise.