#coldpapernightmare

[positivelybeastly]

Hey again, since you've once again brought up the idea of Hank and fatherhood, thought I'd try again to bring up his romantic history ( first comes love then comes marriage, Yada Yada and all that)

For a guy so down on himself and his appearance his got a pretty good dating history, and that's not even counting the people he's been teased with that the writers haven't pulled the trigger with yet

* cough*wonderman* cough*

How do you think Hanks romantic history in comics reflects on him as a romantic partner, both good and bad?

It's not my fault Hank's got such dad energy that people want to talk about how good of a father he'd make all the time. ;)

So, I think that Hank's romantic history is. Interesting. Because there's the surface level perception of Hank, and then there's the actuality of Hank as a romantic partner.

The surface level is largely dictated by the only non-comics source that ever bothered to give him a romance (no, I emphatically do not count the Mystique bullshit from the movies), which was the 90s animated series and the continuation of that theme in '97 this year.

Yep, it's time to talk about Carly Crocker!

Now, Carly is a completely original creation for the 90s show, and she doesn't quite fit any of the archetypes of Hank's other notable comics paramours, so I'd hazard a guess that they just kinda freestyled it here because, well, Hank's other romantic partners up to this point (Vera Cantor and Trish Tilby) wouldn't have fit the interracial romance/literal Beauty and the Beast angle that this episode is going for.

Carly's cute! I like her dynamic with Hank. They're very soft and tender with one another - she's not what I'd call frightfully complex, but she's a good woman with a nice dynamic that tugs at the heart strings a little, and especially given that the original 90s cartoon was aimed at kids, I feel like this is the right level of romantic interest to give a similarly relatively un-complex version of Beast.

Neither of them have any real negative qualities because if they did, well, it would detract from the tragedy of their denied romance and the unfairness of it all. It's very clear that the makers of the show want you to come away from this thinking that it's complete bullshit that Hank and Carly can't be together because other people are so small minded, and that would be muddied if Carly was, idk, kinda rude, or if we more faithfully transcribed some of Hank's neuroses to screen. So instead, it's very idealised.

This is where a lot of people get their idea of what Beast is like. He is a perfect saint who literally cures the blind on his time off from being a superhero, and his paramour is an angelic blind woman who is completely free from prejudice or rough edges. I think it's fine for what the show is going for, but it's not quite accurate to what Hank and his romantic history is like - to the point where I've seen some people (usually Redditors) say, UGHHHH, Beast was never the saint you think he was in the 90s cartoon, he's ALWAYS been morally grey, you fools! The fun blue uncle never existed in the comics!

And it's like, my guy. Yeah, the 90s show embellished a little bit, but this is not a million miles away from who Hank is. He's simplified, but Hank was absolutely a fun blue uncle jokester with a heart of gold for most of his existence. Maybe it wasn't exactly who he was in the comics, but neither is he what certain later writers think he is.

But. I digress.

We do, of course, have the '97 romance to consider, but we'll get to that, because that's a lot to unpack . . .

Comics!

Vera Cantor!

Ugh.

So, like . . . teenage Hank is just obnoxious. I don't enjoy him, tbh. He occasionally has good lines, but I'm basically just sitting around flicking his annoying head like

But in this instance, the 'do something' is turn blue. He's so much less obnoxious and annoying when he's blue . . .

Even filtering out the 60s misogyny, which isn't a particularly interesting flaw to try and give Hank, he's just not a great romantic partner because he's too stuffy and bookish. He's inattentive to Vera's needs and it really does read like he's only here because, well, it's something to do and Bobby needs a wingman. Vera states that she likes Hank because he's refined, which I suppose is true enough, but that's not enough to build anything more than a flirtation out of, tbh.

He's just. Not ready yet, for a fulfilling romance. The stuffiness and the blowhard vocabulary are all a smokescreen for a lot of insecurity, and that's just not someone who's ready to have a relationship.

Then again, when has that ever stopped a teenager?

They survive for longer than they should have done, honestly, given that Hank and Bobby are literally ALWAYS being called away to do X-Men things, which naturally puts a damper on dates, and they're on decent enough terms when she shows up again in Amazing Adventures, needing his help in dealing with Mimic's whole deal in Incredible Hulk.

It's a comic book romance (derogatory). It is what it is. Not really all that complex, not a lot to write home about.

Where it gets interesting is when J.M. DeMatteis enters the picture.

There's something very . . . performative, about Hank's romance with Vera, under DeMatteis. And I don't say that analytically, I mean that completely, utterly literally.

Silence. Uncertainty.

Guys, if I have to tell you that this is a bad foundation for a relationship, then I'm worried for you and your significant others. You can't be with someone because they're safe. That's part of a good reason to be with someone, but if you look at someone, and the best you can think of when you look at them is, you remind me of when my personal life was a little less scary because it was being dictated by a stern Professor Xavier, that's. Probably a sign???

It's also not great that Vera hasn't discovered feminist literature yet, so she keeps falling for being lovebombed because Hank is a bad boyfriend.

And this scene is just a big fuckin' WOOF.

Kid? Is that . . . really how you want to talk to your girlfriend, Hank?

Like . . . in the end, this is not the worst relationship in the world. Hank, when he's around, is charming. He's a good man. He writes good poetry, he'll take you dancing, he's handsome, he's great in bed, and he's a goddamn superhero. He is a fundamentally good man.

But.

He is inconsistent. He is prone to making decisions without consulting you. He is prone to showboating and revelling in attention from his fans because he has self-esteem issues. And, in the end? He's just not that into you, Vera. The base problem is still kind of the same - he's immature. He hasn't grown up yet. He's working on it! He's showing some self-awareness! But it's gonna be a bit before he's really good for anything beyond a fling.

Thankfully, Vera grew up and out of it quickly. Good for her!

The fact that they're still friendly means Hank didn't completely fuck this one up. I think both of them realise they had a lot of growing up to do, and I think that's the kind of sin you forgive people for a lot more when they're actually working on it, which Hank did.

Now, let's compare and contrast . . . with Jennifer Nyles.

I fucking love Jen.

Introduced in 1991's Marvel Presents as a flashback character who was Hank's first proper girlfriend (there's a character called Mindy that appears to have been a less serious relationship before Jen), Jennifer is a clever clogs like Hank, and even more feisty.

Hank remarks multiple times that if it hadn't been for his choice to join the X-Men, he likely would have stayed with Jen for the rest of his life, and I can see it. In a world where Hank didn't go with the X-Men, he lives a quiet, happy life with Jen in Illinois. Maybe he wins a Nobel Prize for biophysics. They have kids. They're good.

But, instead, Xavier wipes her mind of Hank's existence, and it shifts her entire world's axis - she commits her genius to the task of working out what the gap in his mind is, and becomes an expert in the field of techno-organic cybernetics.

As you do.

They find each other again. They have their moments together. And then, because Hank is a superhero, and they live dangerous lives, and Jen is reckless enough to get involved in dangerous endeavours to try and work out what was stolen from her, she nearly dies.

Nearly.

Hank and Jen are incredibly compatible, to be honest. They're a great match, and it's interesting to compare her to Vera, who is identified as a librarian, an 'intelligent' profession, but whom Hank seems disinterested in, whereas Jen, who is explicitly on Hank's level, enraptures him, and in the end, he's forced to let her go for her safety.

In the end, Hank doesn't want someone who'll just hold his hand, he wants someone who can challenge him intellectually, someone who will hold him to account, who can match his wit, and Vera . . . can't.

Not really.

It's partly a foible of when they met, partly a case of Vera being who she is and Hank who he is, but in the end, it all comes down to how Vera reacted when she received those flowers and poetry. She folded. She was charmed. She fell for Hank's charming exterior. And that's. Kinda. Not interesting to him? I don't even think he realises that's what's going on, but it is what happened. She showed him that she would put up with his shenanigans, and that's not what Hank wants. Not really.

You could almost see it as a game that Hank plays, a challenge to see if you can scratch the surface and get at who he really is, under the surface, if you're dedicated to getting at him. Maybe that's unfair of him to do, but again, I don't think it's something he even realises he's doing. He has walls up for a reason, and if you break through them, then you clearly want him - he can believe that, because you just fought him, to get to him. It all comes back to that insecurity . . .

It's also worth noting here that Hank and Jen have another encounter in X-Men Unlimited vol. 2 #10, in a way that contradicts Marvel Presents. It's hard to reconcile, since she remembers Hank here when she shouldn't, but I like both stories too much to really fight over which one I have as canon, so I kinda just don't think about it too much.

"What would you think of me if I was to tell you how terrified I am of everything right now?"

"You've never been scared of anything in your life. I think we should both be brave and go take a look at what might be hiding in the cemetery."

That touch, that tenderness . . . ouahhghhhh . . . the timelines are screwy, and these are all written years apart from one another, but I do think it's significant that Hank spends entire issues of Amazing Adventures and Incredible Hulk hiding his beastly appearance from Vera under a mask, and yet, he willingly unwraps his bandages for Jen.

I think that tells you all about how willing he is to be his true self around Jen versus Vera. Hank literally says he doesn't know who he is sometimes around Vera, and she tells him, I'll help you find out if you let me. Helpful, but it doesn't fix the problem. Meanwhile, Hank is in the midst of the worst depression and fear of his life, reeling from his worst ever mistake, and Jen tells him that she'll be brave with him, and they'll confront the unknown together. He finds catharsis that way. Vera is supportive. Jennifer is proactive. Hank appreciates both, of course, but only through one can he achieve growth.

But, that's no real surprise, because . . . she's the one who tells him this, too . . .

Jennifer Nyles, you have, like, 9 appearances in all of Marvel Comics, but I would die for you. Genuinely one of the most influential characters in Hank's life, tbh.

. . . SPEAKING OF INFLUENTIAL CHARACTERS.

So . . . in the interests of a fair analysis, Trish is an interesting character. She believes in transparency, the democratisation of information, she is eminently heroic, she is self-sacrificing, she is intelligent, and she is strong.

You can see why Hank would be attracted to her. She can cut through the flip attitude and get at the Hank underneath. If we're going with the theory that Hank is playing keep away with his real feelings so that the only people who get close to him are the people who work to get there and he can believe that they're there for him, then Trish will succeed, because she'll put in the work.

But, the problem is, the Hank she met was human Hank, and even though she claims not to have a problem with the fur - and maybe, at this point, she doesn't! - we know that Hank's mutation becomes a problem for her.

Man, if I had a penny for every time I posted these panels, I wouldn't have to work.

But. In the interests of fairness. I have to point out that the problem here is not that Trish found it hard to get used to Hank's changing face - I've talked about this before, that it's understandable it would become an issue for her, in a romantic relationship, faces and bodies and the tangible aspects of a person are more important than ever - but that she thought this was in any way an acceptable way to do it.

Trish's insecurity made her lash out and 'fix' the problem in a way that saved her career and severed the tie that would drag her down. That is. An understandable reaction. It's hurtful, but in the end, she's prioritising herself, and that's. Understandable. That being said?

She had no fucking right to even try this.

Like. No??? You don't get to do this??? Fuck off??? You exited from his life in a way that saved your career and your reputation, you do not get to try and dip back in because you feel bad - and, I'm going to be incredibly fucking honest, that's if that's even the reason she's doing it. I suspect, maybe maliciously, but maybe not, that she had ulterior motives, because of past behaviour.

Because do you want to know what the worst thing Trish Tilby ever actually did was?

Meet Dennis Hogan. He is a mutant. His power is to look like a lizard. That's it. He also was infected by the Legacy Virus, making him incapable of controlling those transformations. He is a perfectly harmless, innocent young man, who is trying to find medical help for a disease that he had no way of avoiding contracting.

Trish Tilby is directly responsible for his death in a hate crime.

And Trish's response, when Hank brings this up?

Just throw the whole fucking woman out. She's septic garbage.

How does this reflect on Hank? It reflects badly that he ever took her back after this. After she sold out his fucking race, got an innocent man killed, deflected blame, physically assaulted her partner, and acted as if she, somehow, were the wronged party in this.

"If you were doing your job as well as I'm doing mine, there'd be one less dead mutant to mourn!"

Hank is currently working on a cure for the Legacy Virus, Patricia. Thank you for implying that he's not doing enough, while you sit around, hocking news stories that will tangibly improve your position at your job, that directly lead to hate crimes, because you have decided that people just NEED TO KNOW things that will make them act irresponsibly, hatefully, and cruelly.

Yes, there is such a thing as freedom of the press. There is such a thing as the democratisation of information.

And then there's this asshole, who was storming into Angel's hospital room with a camera, recording him with his ruined wings, chasing a story because it was the right thing to do, and damn the consequences.

Who cares who gets hurt, so long as Patricia Tilby gets her story?

It reflects badly on Hank that he ever went out with her. it reflects badly on Hank that he ever took her back. It reflects badly on everyone involved that they didn't have the heart to tell Hank to just fucking NOT.

This is who she is. It's who she's always been, since her first appearance, and it is stark how awful a woman she is.

The X-Men '97 adaptation of her was kind. Think about that for a moment. Think about the fact that turning this woman into a fucking Prime Sentinel couldn't make her do as much damage as she did with her own free will and bad judgement.

. . . Blech.

So, this is an incomplete history, because I've run out of images? Heh. If you want to hear more about Hank's other relationships, most notably Cecilia Reyes, Abigail Brand, and Simon Williams, feel free to send another ask, and I can link them together. Hope you found this informative and not as rambly as it feels.

Also, if I remember correctly, Cerebrocast is gonna do an episode on Trish Tilby soon? I have no intention of listening/watching to it, but keep all of this stuff in mind and see if it gets mentioned when that episode happens. Because that podcast's hate boner for Hank McCoy means I genuinely think they'll find a way to excuse Trish's poor behaviour just because it's Hank. It honestly wouldn't surprise me.

[dainesanddaffodils]

Trick or treat! 🎃🧛‍♀️

Happy Halloweeeeen!

You get.... gummy vampire fangs!

enjoy!

[perpetually-dehydrated]

@coldpapernightmare

[coldpapernightmare]

I apologize for what I am going to say to you, but I have to. I am Ahmed from Gaza, married with two children. We live in the shadow of war and destruction. I lost my brother, my home, and most of my relatives. We have nothing left. I ask you to help, even a little, so that we can survive and protect my children. Any amount, even a small amount, will save our lives.

Link in bio

https://gofund.me/991535b1

Ask coldpapernightmare a question

Passing this along to anyone who can help

[asexual-thot]

It's only got one day left but Coldpapernightmare here is running a little donation game where if you donate to pillowfort, you get to vote on this Jon's fate.

Right now the voters are arming him with lots of garlic!

[parad0xm0th]

I posted 886 times in 2022

That's 405 more posts than 2021!

72 posts created (8%)

814 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/zagreuses-toast

@/theminecraftbee

@/lesbenny

@/powerfulkicks

@/coldpapernightmare

I tagged 434 of my posts in 2022

#mcyt - 89 posts

#hermitcraft - 26 posts

#my art - 24 posts

#deltarune - 17 posts

#critical role - 17 posts

#pokemon - 16 posts

#empires smp - 13 posts

#the legend of vox machina - 13 posts

#indrids talkin - 12 posts

#double life smp - 12 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

100% headcanoning that Pearl is like 12 ft tall when she went from hermitcraft to Empires- and while the empire’s folk would probably think it rude to comment on her height, all the hermitcraft folk are like, “idk wait has she just always been that tall and no one’s noticed???? It would be rude to say something right????”

28 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

#4

Mrs LDShadowLady the man just died you didn't need to kill him again

28 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

#3

IDK how I didn't notice that, but Pearl does say like EXPLICITLY in her ep while she’s up in the clouds at Stratos that she feels at home up there; IE furthering my Pearl Tall Lady Goddess agenda

29 notes - Posted November 1, 2022

#2

100% not a toy (Lying)

72 notes - Posted August 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I'm loosin it watching Joe and Impulse's streams it really sounds like Grian was like "Show up here now for a Fun Event :)" and then DIDN'T EXPAND AT ALL

1,361 notes - Posted October 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Cursed website I hate you so much look what you done to me /affectionate

[memes-in-a-half-shell]

Loving the Buisness AU! Quick question though, Is Donnie the only one of his brothers with a love life/ and or significant other in this AU...or just the only one that matters?

That is yet to be decided! To be frank, I'd see them with significant others, I just don't really explore that for now.

My small fic is just to play around that AU a little bit. It helps me flesh out some aspects of it and it's a way for me to relax after work :) !!

I'm mostly writing about Donnie because I like to write about him heheheheeh 💜

[mishacakes]

I'm just getting into ROTTMNT and found Tomiko and LOVE her, as in went into your archive and binged everything I could find about her love her (Plus her mom, her mom is goals)but one thing I noticed in my binge is you don't do much with Tomiko with the other Turtles. just Leo. Which while those interactions give me life, I have a hard time imagining any of those boys have a S/O without said S/O being friendly with the rest. boys are a package deal. I need to see her with the bros, plus April.

ok full disclosure I’m a full adult with like, a job and responsibilities, so fandom stuff is good for my heart and destressing so i can’t draw every idea BUT I CAN WRITE STUFF

Raph? Tomiko was intimidated at first but soon understood oh yeah this dude is cool. big softie. she’ll gladly nap on him in cat form. meanwhile raph is happy there’s an animal friend who doesn’t want to tear his face off? tight.

Mikey and Tomiko have a similar love of the arts. artwork and fashion etc etc

Donnie and Tomi they CAN tolerate each other, and sit in silence, she’s not allowed in his lab tho. many small parts plus a kleptomaniac cat. not great.

April and her are friendly and she’s definitely been invited to a Girls Night. Girls Night Hidden City edition

[vetisntdead]

Sorry ahead of time if this is a bother, looking for some vet advice. recently dealt with kennel cough, with the meds we got the dogs recovered but my mom decided to get a supplement that is supposed to help dogs & cats, but I want to research it more. its called Alfa Pet and is said to contain Marshmellow Root mellein leaf angelica root licorice ginger calanduala elderberry & orange peel, plus glycerin ad water. online search has mixed results. Help?

So sorry I left this t languish so long!

I tried googling this and all I could find was a company in new zealand? Dont know if its the same thing.

I have never heard of half those ingredients but then again, that may be a good thing as I usually know about something because its toxic. To be honest, this product sounds like crap to me. I understand the need for supplementation, but most plants in their raw form do not contain enough of the wanted compound to actually have an effect. This is where pharmacy comes in-we now have the means to purify these compounds from their naturally occurring sources, and sometimes even make them from scratch, into an effective dose.

As long as your dogs do not have any adverse effects from this product, I dont think theres anything wrong with giving it, as long as you keep in mind that it is not a suitable replacement for proper disease treatment. 

[elsewhereuniversity]

I'm curios which here is troubling but I'll take a chance and ask anyway. How would I do? I'm a biology major with focus on zoology, but I like a garden too I dable in many hobbies like knitting spinning yarn, woodcarving basketweaving jewelrymakin christain witchcraft but I'm only a beginner in all. I like history folklore and reading have made a habit of saying please thankyou and sorry to just about anything cause it's only polite. and lastly I was born on winter solstice at 7pm 3 weeks late

You take a date to the haunted house set up in the student center! It’s all very cute and snuggly up until the first scare, at which point she drops her glamour and leaps to defend you, chitinous arms bared and ungodly snarl tearing the air like radio static. In the aftermath, you will gloomily reflect that you could have explained more thoroughly.

[gfdatingsim]

I feel needy just for typing this but I gotta learn to embrase the needy and try for things. I reposted a fic I wrote based on the Ford route, and I'd love if you guys could give it a look

isa: we’d be happy to! can you send us a link to the post in the submit box? :)

[ladynorbert]

Fanfic 8?

8. Bed sharing or roommates AU?

I don’t think I’ve ever written either, but I’d probably go with a roommates AU. 

Thanks for the ask!

[firebirdscratches]

About that woman Maggie who was looking for her sister. There was another post that explained she found her but she had already died of cancer. If you look in my archive i posted it earlier this week sorry my tags are useless

Oh, how sad :( Thanks for telling me. I’m glad she was able to find her, even if it ended up being too late to form a relationship...at least hopefully it will give her a feeling of closure. And maybe she’s met other extended family now that she can build a relationship with. 

[abutterflyobsession]

I was summoned by the promise of prompts, so I ask for ButterflyBog ArtSchool AU in 11! Please?

thingsyou said when you were drunk (sort of angst AND fluff)

a song to listen to while reading

Ithad been a bad week.

Nothingbad had actually happened, which just made it worse. Bog felt flatand miserable even though he had no reason to. The end of summer wasstill lingering so the days were warm and bright, Marianne wasmeeting up with him at the restaurant that evening to enjoy someleisure time together since they were both between projects. They hadgathered up enough people for paintball that weekend and Bog had beenlooking forward to it.

Nowhe wasn't looking forward to anything. An array of good things waslaid before him like a feast but he had no appetite. It wasn't eventhat he was revolted. He just didn't care.Every step, every word, they were all meaningless motions. The futurewas laid out in front of Bog, flat and straight and never changing.He got up in the morning because it was what you were supposed to do,not to move toward any goal.

Thesight of Marianne waiting for him at the restaurant's bar did notcheer him up. He should havebeen happy to see her. Should have been happy. Because of one thingor another they had barely seen each other in more than passing overthe past couple of weeks. Marianne crawling into bed next to him inthe middle of the night, too exhausted to do more than mumble a fewwords. Then a quick kiss on his cheek in the morning before he gotout of bed, looking up just in time to see the back of Marianne'spaint-stained overalls before the door shut.

Bogbent over and kissed the top of Marianne's head because that was whathe always did. She took his hand and kissed the purple flower inkedat the base of his left-hand ring finger.

“Longtime no see,” She said, resting her hand on his shoulder as sheoften did.

Itfelt heavy and wrong. Bog's skin crawled, his brain not sure how toprocess the touch. He knew he should put his arm around Marianne'swaist and pull her as close as the barstools allowed. His armwouldn't move. He knew whatto do, how to act. Why couldn't he just doit? Marianne would notice eventually and call him out. Ask why herhusband didn't love her enough to pull himself out of a sulk.

Theyordered drinks.

“Yousure that's okay with your medications?” Marianne asked after thebartender went to fix their drinks.

“Oncein awhile won't hurt,” Bog shrugged, knowing he should change hisorder to a soda or something. But he had already made his order andthe idea of calling the bartender back over and going through theprocess was exhausting.

And really, how much harm could one drink do?

“C'mon,you long bag of bones,” Marianne shoved Bog into the bedroom, “justa few more steps and you can fall over. Hungover Bog is totallygetting an earful in the morning, believe me.”

DrunkBog tripped over his feet and fell sideways onto the bed. Thisapparently amused him, judging by the wheezing giggling. Mariannesighed and sat down on the edge of the bed to undo the straps of hershoes. She had dressed to impress and she hadn't even gotten so muchas a 'wow'. If she had known she was going to have to lug her husbandback home she would have worn flats.

“Maybedinner out wasn't the best idea,” Marianne pulled off her stockingsand stood up, “We should have taken the lightsabers to the park andimpressed all the kids with our sweet jedi moves.”

“ImmaSith lord . . .” Bog objected, hisvoice slurred with alcohol and fuzzy with his accent, which had gonefrom a tantalizing hint of a burr to so strong that it made himnearly impossible to understand at times.

“Don'tsplit hairs with me,” Marianne pulled off Bog's shoes and tossedthem into the closet. Bog hated having shoes strewn all over thebottom of the closet. Marianne tossed her shoes in too, “Karaoke.We should have done karaoke.”

“Sorry. . .”

“Don'tbother apologizing until you're sober and it counts. I'll be madthen.”

“.. . mad at me?” Bog rolled awkwardly to follow Marianne to theother side of the bedroom when she went to unhook her robe from thepainting easel crammed in a corner with boxes of scrap metal.

Oh,Marianne was mad. She was a little misty-eyed too, because she hadbeen looking forward to their night out and had not expected Bog toget himself absolutely smashed. It was just so stupid.If he'd wanted to unwind like that they could have just stayed homeand let him embarrass himself in private.

Rightnow she was too tired to be wholeheartedly mad. Even if she had theenergy she knew her tirade would be lost on Bog. Also, Bog had sungslurred love songs in a thickScottish accent to her all theway home and it was hard to be mad at his drunken sincerity.

“I'msaving it up and letting it ripen.”

“I'msorry.”

“Itold you,” Marianne said, walking toward the bathroom, “notuntil--”

Bogsnagged her around the waist and pulled her onto the bed. He held hertight, nose pressed into her shoulder blade, fingers kneading hershoulders, “I can move now.”

“Moreor less,” Marianne agreed.

“I'msorry, I'm sorry . . .”

“I'llforgive you eventually. I can't right now, when you reek of booze andbad decisions.”

“I'msorry. I do love you. I really do. Sometimes I can't . . . but I do.”

“Bog,are you okay?” Marianne got herself free and turned around to findtears pouring down Bog's face. That was new. He had never been aweepy drunk. Not that he really ever got past the tipsy stage as longas she had known him.

“I'mfine . . . fine . . .”

“Whata bare-faced lie. C'mon, scoot over, get that pillow behind yourhead. Okay, good. I am sodestroying you tomorrow, butright now feel free to babble out your woes.”

Mariannelaid down next to Bog and was instantly caught up in a hug again. Boghid his wet face in the curve of her neck and continued to mumbleabout being sorry.

“Sometimes. . . 'times I can't move. Can'tthink. Full of mud . . .”

“Oh. . .” Marianne suddenly got a clue. She'd been so wrapped up inthe busyness of life and the evening that she hadn't even stopped tothink, “Why didn't you tellme you were having a gray day?”

“Ow!”Bog fell back on the pillows, holding his head where Marianne hadsmacked him.

Mariannegrabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him up until they were noseto nose, “How many times to I have to tell you I understand? Youdon't have to pretend you're okay. Not with me!”

“Ilike your eyes.”

“Thisis not time to be sweet!”

“Likelight through honey . . .”

Itwas getting even harder to be mad.

Shedropped him back onto the bed and lay down on her own side to stareand the ceiling and think.

“Well,obviously we're making an appointment tomorrow to get your medsadjusted.”

“. . . 'm fine . . .” Bog murmured, snuggling up next to her andburying his face in her hair, “just a bad week . . .”

“Prettybad, considering how much booze your threw back tonight,” Mariannegave his chest a pat and let herself be snuggled.

“. . . love you. Really do.”

“Iknow, I know,” she rubbed the back of his neck, “but do you knowhow much a love you? I love you through all the bad days, Bog. Youdon't have to hide them from me.”

“Idon't want you to think . . . I don't love you. Ilook at you and I should love you . . . not feel . . . nothing. Allthe times I looked at you and I couldn't breathe, I loved you somuch. Then it goes away. Itall goes gray. I don't . . . I don't want to stop loving you.”

“Samehere, lovely pine tree. If we split up I'd have to get my tattooremoved.”

Marianneheld her hand up and looked at the little purple flower she'd gotteninstead of a wedding ring. Rings got in the way when you werebuilding canvases and scrubbing paint off the walls. Tattoos stayedput and didn't get lost downthe drain.

Shereached out and laced her hand with Bog's, their tattoos lost in thetangle of fingers.

Sheworried about Bog. Sometimesshe felt that he'd fade away to smoke and be swept away by the wind.He worried about the same thing. He held on so tight sometimes.Sometimes he couldn't hold on, for all he wanted to. So she wrappedher arms around him and held him twice as tightly to keep him fromflying away.

“You'rereally pretty, Mari.”

“Thanksfor noticing, handsome.”

“You. . . got hair. Good. Nice. And your dress is really, really . . .swishy.”

“Swishy?”

“Like,the skirt . . . swish swish.”

“Thatalmost makes sense. Thankyou, this skirt does swish nicely.”

“Youstaying here tonight?”

“Seeingas we're married and share this apartment . . . yeah, I'm staying.”

Bogstarted giggling.

“What'sso funny?”

“Ibet you snore.”

“Ugh.I'm going to go take off my makeup, Bog. You go to sleep.”

“Nooo!”Bog pulled her closer, “you're staying.Because you love me.”

“Ireally should have thought to film this. Fine, I'm staying. Justdon't throw up on my swish swish dress. Goto sleep, you lush, I love you.”

“Mmmm,”Bog hummed happily.

Mariannewiggled around until she could face Bog and reach over to run herfingers through his short hair. He had gotten a haircut recently,probably for their date. He said he didn't know how to love her, how to care, but he had gotten his hair cut and bought a new shirt. Hehad come to the restaurant when he could have stayed home. He triedso hard.

“Ilove you, Bog. Neither of us are going anywhere.”

Bog'seyes were closed but he smiled at her words and the touch of herfingers in his hair. He was drifting off and Marianne thought shemight as well repay him for some of the songs he had serenaded herwith that day. Softly, she sang:

IfI had my way,I'dspend every day right by your sideAndif I could stop time,Believeme I'd try for you and IAndeach moment you're gone,Isa moment too long in my lifeSostay right here, right now

Sojust say you'll promise me,Please,take me if you ever leaveMyheart breaks with every beat,Idie every day that you're away from me . . .

[luxlightly]

Hello! First off love your blog, second if you have the time can you explain how to make a moodboard? I've been wanting to try it but haven't seen how anywhere

Thanks! And sure. It’s super easy. 

First open up photoshop(I use Adobe Photoshop for my moodboards.) and create a new canvas. I usually use a 1000x1000 but you can pick any size you want. Then, go to “Edit -> Preferences -> Grids,Guides & Slices…”

Once there, set the “Gridline Every:” setting to 33.33 Percent. You can change the units from pixels/inches to percent using the drop down box. Putting a gridline every 33.33% will break up your image into 9 equally sized boxes. You can use different percentages for different numbers of boxes.

Then go to “View -> Show -> Grid” to display the grid.

Next, import one of the pictures you want to use in the board and move/scale it into place so that the part of it you want to be seen is inside the grid box you want it to be in. Don’t worry about overlap with other grid boxes.

Next use the “Rectangular Marquee Tool” to select the grid box you want to contain the image. The tool should snap automatically to the gridlines. 

Then go to the bottom right hand corner of the screen where the layers are shown and click the “Mask” button with the layer you want to mask selected.

This will mask everything not inside your selection, getting rid of the excess not within the grid box.

Then just repeat for the rest of your images.

Hope that helps!

[suzie-guru]

your either sitting on a dock under full moon light or a hillside glade in spring

As one who has sat on a dock under full moon light, I am utterly beguiled and aflutter that you associate me with such a moment of beauty

Thank you!