#not feeling either of these
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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Makin a fantroll :3 Started out as a sona but then I ended up giving her like, an actual personality, separate from mine. I mean we did end up sharing some traits - we are all the mask and the wearer and all that - but nevertheless this isn't a sona anymore. NOW I'm trying to not make her too Vriska LMAO
#venlapost#starte with quizzes for some reason#lol#i've GOT a design for her but only quick five-minute concept sketches i aint posting that shit#i think knight might be an alright class. jury's still out on the aspect though#not feeling either of these#she would appreciate having one of the arguably most important aspects but eeeeh i don't know how suitable they are...#like life is generally seen as a healer class and girl. no#....then again meenah is a life player and she has never helped anyone in any way. guess it really does come down to the combination#of class + aspect#siiiighhhh this is why i gotta use quizzes as a starting point i need to rationalize everything and there's just too much to consider#also why the sona is still on the backburner#figuring out MYSELF is SOO much more difficult than a character who is anything i want them to be#can't manipulate the facts in my own favor in the same way#does any of this make any sense to anyone else am i rambling incoherently to myself again
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looking at (vetted) gofundmes for people trying to escape palestine and i don't know how many of you actually click on the gofundme links you reblog but i would like to point out, for what it's worth, just how amazing it is that so many have raised so much money. it may overall feel like a drop in the ocean but the fact that several gofundmes have raised tens of thousands of dollars is amazing. it is so expensive to leave gaza right now, and people still need money after they escape. but regardless of what propaganda the US, UK, canada, and other western nations are trying to pump out, people across the world are doing what they can to help these people survive. many of them are still very far from their goals (like this one and this one and this one) and some of them are very close to high goals (like this one), and some of them have reached almost double their original goal.
and that's not even addressing direct aid or organizations that take continuous donations for distribution of food, menstrual products, etc. the PCRF has raised $16,000,000 of their target goal of $20,000,000 to fund current aid and long-term relief efforts in gaza. ANERA's febuary 13th update discusses the material ways they helped palestinians today:
(ANERA donate link)
my point is, it often feels like the world is turning a blind eye to palestine. but i would like to point out that there is an important difference between "the world" and "western political leaders and media narratives". a breathtaking amount of real people, the people who make up the world, are trying to help. in the face of israel attempting to commit genocide, the world is saying No. These people deserve to live. and literally sending millions of dollars internationally, through the internet connection that israel has desperately been trying to destroy.
it may not feel like it matters in the grand scheme of things. but to the people who get fresh clothes, or a hot meal, or blankets, or the kids who get new toys, or to the people who are able to bring their families to safety, it matters to them. go make someone's day better. i've linked so many options with ways to do that.
#free palestine#cricket chirps#palestine#gaza#if you feel overwhelmed and don't know where to begin#i recommend deciding on a total amount of money to donate (e.g. $20 $100 etc)#and deciding you will either donate it all in one place or split it between a few places#do what you can!!! it will always be helpful no matter how little#1k#5k#10k#20k
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You know I used to think "tumblr's absolute refusal to actually engage with the Trolley Problem in favor of insisting that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is just a short-sighted idiot is really fucking annoying, but I guess it's not actually doing any harm".
Anyway that was before we asked tumblr at large to decide between "guy aiding a genocide but making progress elsewhere" and "guy who would actively and enthusiastically participate in a genocide and would also make everything else much, much worse for everyone elsewhere" and the response was that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and that anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is a short-sighted idiot.
#there is not a third option. it is either trump OR biden#and one of those will be much MUCH worse for palestine#i'm really really sorry that these are the options. i wish they weren't.#but WHAT third option are you trying to take here? what on earth is your proposed outcome#that will actually make things better for palestine?#because letting trump win the election is NOT going to help them#i'm sorry but you need to set aside your feelings and take the option that will lead to less harm to palestine in the long run#you talk such a big game about how people need to be willing to make sacrifices to help palestine#but you yourself aren't even willing to hold your nose and vote to stop things from getting worse?#or did you think 'sacrifice' only meant not getting mcdonalds for a few months?#us politics
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#uk#uk politics#losing my mind a little bit lads#f*ck the tories all the way#labour isn't amazing either#but god it feels good to be (mostly) rid of the tories!
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kids who werent raised christian being like "lol baptising children is whack if they tried to do that to me i would start doing things to make it look like i was possessed" no you would not. you would bask in the pride and approval coming from the adults around you and you would quietly wait your turn because you were told from birth that sinning sends you to hell and baptism is The Promise that youre dedicating your life to jesus that youve had hyped up for years and watched other people be fawned over as they cry happy tears about it and you do NOT want to fuck up your One Big True Promise To Love Jesus Forever So You Don't Get Tortured For Eternity when you are literally 8 years old. im begging yall to remember its a thousand times easier to see the church's bullshit for what it is when you're not actively in the church. eight year old you is not thinking about trying to fight back against an oppressive religious group indoctrinating children because You Are The Children Being Indoctrinated. stop acting like you would've magically known better if it were you.
#origibberish#ex christian#also yes this is very christian centric but from what ive gathered this could go for Catholics and mormons w their confirmation things#but i know very little about either so didnt feel comfortable mentioning them explicitly in the post
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I can't keep being fundamentally changed as a person by animated movies, it's just not sustainable.
#animation#animated film#animated movies#across the spiderverse#across the spider-verse#spiderverse#puss in boots#puss in boots the last wish#puss in boots 2#nimona#nimona film#yes i'm posting this specifically because i just watched nimona and am feeling all kinds of things but really these are all PEAK TIER#the fact they have ALL been released within 7 months of each other...like...woah we are thriving right now#stylised animation with its own unique style reflecting the movie i love you forever kissing you on the mouth#films that make me ferally rip up any and all art blocks to shreds#and that's just the animation side of things#i won't get started on the plots. they also make me want to bounce off of walls#hugging all these close to my chest#as well as all the other great animated movies that exist because animation wins all catergories for me always#(let's not forget anime movies either; y'all are beautiful too! keeping 2d animation alive and i'm so here for it)
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DC x DP Prompt: Bruce is bad at emoting but at least ghosts are empathic (too bad bat kids are not)
Was reading Twincognito on AO3 when I stumbled across this gem again:
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" “Danny, Tim. I was just…checking in. Is everything alright?” Curse his inability to make meaningful conversation when it wasn’t a life or death situation.
They glanced at each other and shrugged.
Then Danny hauled himself out of the bed and walked over to Bruce.
Bruce tried not to let too much excitement show on his face. "
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Now I really want to read a story where Bruce adopts Danny post Meta trafficking and is being his usual emotionally constipated self. His kids keep getting mad at him because he's treating their new meta brother who was trafficked poorly (generally being stilted in conversation with him, walking away hurriedly mid-conversation, avoiding Danny when he's feeling really awkward, etc). They think Bruce is discriminating against Danny for being a civilian, meta, dealer's pick, but really it's just Bruce being horribly socially awkward. Danny knows this because of ghost empathy and find the whole thing hilarious. The whole thing comes to a head with the Bat Kids staging an intervention in the Bat Cave.
#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#dcxdp#batfam#batman#danny phantom#danny fenton#bruce wayne is a good dad#bruce wayne#bruce is terrible at feelings#the whole thing comes to a head with the bat kids hosting an intervention in the bat cave#maybe like a five plus one set up?#each time one of the bat kids thought bruce was discriminating against danny#and one time where they realized 'no#he is just that awkward'#dealer's choice if alfred thinka bruce is discriminating or not too#thinking this is either before adopting duke or not long after#because its one thing to be a light and shadow meta and another to be as OP as Danny is#also i'm thinking they don't know danny is a halfa#like they think he's just an unfortunately useful meta that got trafficked#could also have danny encountering his new siblings in and out of uniform knowing who they are without them revealing it for extra fun#idk#couldn't get this out of my head#my original post#fic prompt#story prompt#prompt#please guys i have no spoons but i want to read it so bad#🥺
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listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded mfer happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.
#seeing some discourse and im not saying lucy grey didnt know#im saying she never dropped the kind of hints that she knew like she did in the movie#or if she did snow isnt worried about them until he very suddenly is consumed by them#snow is not concerned about whether or not she believed him. of course she did! hes snow!#but then shes gone…. for a while……#and its the sudden immediate drastic unravelling that comes across so clearly in the book#that i knew wouldn’t translate to screen yet still cant help but miss#the hunger games#coriolanus snow#tbosas#lucy gray baird#not a crime or anything just a note that i cannot stop thinking about#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#this is all from memory of reading it quite a while ago. so maybe 3 pages is an exaggeration#but i remember it happening VERY quickly and without much external cause#like we as the reader have no indication as to whether shes nearby or not.#snow has no idea either. he just SUSPECTS. and his suspicion breeds the hatred that has been bubbling inside him all this time#he hates how she undoes him. he hates that he WOULD run away with her if shed let him keep his secrets#and he HATES more than anything that she makes him WANT to tell his secrets#he wants to be vulnerable and reveal the ugly nasty parts about himself and still be loved#but he does not let himself and it is everyone’s downfall#he chooses cruelty bc it is easy and familiar and makes him feel more powerful than the vulnerable give and take that real love requires
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sometimes while i think about that while a lot of adults did not treat me very well as a kid i also get a lot of 'in hindsight this person was so good to me and i didnt even realize it until now' as an adult. today i was thinking about how the first anime convention i ever went to was when i was 10 and i asked the man working the manga cafe what manga was/what a good place to start was (because the con was very overstimulating for me and i had gotten lost) and he asked how old i was before recommending yotsuba and asking if i wanted any water or something to eat. its really simple but theres a lot of bad things that couldve happened or he could've been careless in his recommendation, but instead yotsuba has remained one of my favorite manga for years, and probably a large portion of why i continue to read manga as an adult... i think adults who try to involve kids in the world safely/kindly even in little ways make so much more of a difference than they ever really know.
#and i know that sounds silly like YES. it was just a bookr ecommendation#but i feel like a lot of people either dont really care about whats a good starting point for younger kids in their shared fan spaces#or dont really take the care to recognize different peoples ages would effect what they would both enjoy or#be capable of engaging with#not to mention theres a lot of manga that would NOT have been appropriate for a 10 year old to read#so the fact that he askedd and even asked what sort of thing i liked at the time#was very sweet. i think about him a lot and i hope hes doing well#txt#scratchpost
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need to exist in your warmth (id in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#blood tw#ruporas art#love u when i get to cuddle u and love u when i get to feel ur blood soak into my hands#being this close to one another means the eternal suffering of trying to separate love and mission. love for one and love for humanity#i like to think of pre-vol8 vash as someone who struggles with his feelings for ww bc as equal and as trusted he is -#vash knows his responsibilities and he knows/expects ww wouldn't let him stray from it either. for that he can't take to any romantic incli#and i think itd make him view ww in a stricter non-personal way... If that makes ANY sense.#for ww - take someone who youv gotten close to and ended up liking more than you expected#someone who has a belief and follows it stubbornly - someone who'll get into more fights and trouble more than youv had your entire life#ww thinks of him as a monster but he knows theres a limit he himself can take - i feel like hes considered what might be the limit for vash#for Safety measures. just in case. yknow. whenever he himself might have to load the bullet < him hyping himself up as if he could do it#my point being that the thought of vash being dead crosses his mind more than he'd like. i think its a simultaneous dread drop in his stoma#for failure of the mission - but also an Ok? They can be killed? and also a disastrous gunning of his own heart. considering how much they#both live in their own heads some days are Just the worst ever for them in each others company. but also they lov each other :[ sooo much
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just to be completely clear, the amount of military power and political influence Israel has has NOTHING to do with its settlers being Jewish. Israel is a force for American & European interests in the region and they're just doing what America does and allows/encourages its close allies to do.
war crimes aren't considered war crimes when someone America finds useful is doing them. european and american pushback against anyone criticizing Israeli apartheid & genocide is 100% because these crimes are useful to American & European hegemony.
Governments that are deeply antisemitic, like France, aren't suddenly caring about Jewish people. Jewish people, persecuted the world over, don't hold some kind of hegemonic power outside of Israel.
The state of Israel and its attendant brutal treatment of the locals are both incredibly useful to the US, and American hegemony means we're expected to celebrate both.
not bc they're Jewish. this isn't a break in the pattern of western antisemitism and it's not evidence that antisemitism doesn't exist.
it's just like how you could get fired for saying shit against the US war in Afghanistan when i was growing up. it is 100% about US military and political interests (ok slightly western europe too but lbr)
#this widespread support has NOTHING to do w Israelis being Jewish apart from evangelicals wanting to use them as pawns for armageddon#the primary reason this is all being treated like it's ok is cuz it's useful to the usa#i feel like this post is going to bring terrible ppl into my inbox but i'm gonna leave it rebloggable for now#if our (US+EU) governments push back at all it will be because it stops being useful to us#either because Israel isn't doing this as quickly & efficiently as promised and it looks like Palestine might actually do some damage#or if it otherwise becomes too politically costly by causing too much tension between the US & other nationstates#either allies like Saudi or if states we aren't quite ready to have war w seem to be ready to throw down over it
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Can I just say, I really appreciate how Critical Role plays the Devil trope straight. There's been this phenomena in a lot of modern media (I'm not going to mention specifics but I'm sure a few examples pop up in people's minds) where Hell and the Devil aren't scary or malevolent forces. Hell is portrayed as being basically the same as our world just "edgier", and the Devil is a pretty decent guy actually. Heaven are secretly the real bad guys!
But Critical Role doesn't do that. In Exandria, Asmodeus *feels* like the Devil. He's malevolent and manipulative and terrifyingly powerful and he hates you, personally. We never see that type of portrayal anymore! And it's amazing! And he still manages to be sympathetic and tragic without losing his edge!
And the "Good Gods" are portrayed as flawed without being secretly evil or something! Like, actual nuance? In my Heaven/Hell dichotomy? What!?
It's just such a breath of fresh air after so many "The Devil was right, actually" stories. So props to Matt and Brennan and the cast.
#bg3 does this too which i appreciate#on my “Make Hell Terrifying Again” agenda#I can only see the devil be portrayed as a poor little meow meow so many times before i lose my mind#i feel like that sort of portrayal does such a disservice to the actual mythology/religion behind demons/hell/the devil#its gotten tired. y'all#this post is inspired by me#opening up the lucifer tag and having to filter through a million posts about either tom ellis or some blonde circus twink#like PLEASE END MY SUFFERING#cr spoilers#critical role spoilers#exu calamity#cr downfall#critical role#cr meta#cr asmodeus#the lord of the hells#asmodeus cr#asmodeus the lord of the nine hells#nine hells#the devil
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@alberichfanpage mentioned that Freyja talks about Jerren but even if we had the option to ask Ansbach about Varre, I’d imagine we’d get something like this
#Elden Ring#elden ring sote#elden ring dlc#sir ansbach#ansbach#pureblood knight ansbach#Varre#white mask varre#white faced varre#elden ring varre#elden ring ansbach#mohgwyn dynasty#tarnished#tarnished oc#moore elden ring#for a frame lmao#they’re drinking wine#not blood#my three monsters all show these with wildly different colors#so it’s either gonna look nice and earthy#or like dog vomit#I’m hoping for the former#the dynasty drip and embroidery is testing me#I feel bad bc I love Varre so much but he is an excellent punchline#him and his freakiness is just perfect for the butt of a joke#I love him so much#I put my whole artussy into the grass bg#I despise bg so much but I must get better
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Extremely bad batgirls comic I made featuring Steph's sex life and Cass' ability to read everything but the room
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#batgirls#feels really wrong not tagging their ship here. they could be in an open relationship if you want#and Cass is either aspec or not down for sex for another reason and they've talked about it and whatnot#or it's just cass wingmaning steph#also those little scribbles in the bg are. vaguely circuit breaker and red canary BUT ONLY BC I BLANKED ON CHARACTERS-#-IN STEPH AND CASS' AGE GROUP WHO AREN'T GAY MEN OR TIM OR KON OR BART#i could've just had steph fuck a woman but i liked to imagine this could happen in canon. if DC were based (worse. much worse)#anyway normally i hate uploading bad drawings in poor quality but that just felt like the correct medium for this idea#I'm working on two dc for gaza Commissions rn and im a bit blocked w the lineart rn but we're truckin!
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still breathing ☀️
#happy valentines !#don’t worry guys mw3 was just a bad dream :)#ghostsoap#soapghost#cod fanart#john soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#my art#doodle#as if my writers block wasnt enough im starting not to feel my art either rip#help me ghoap help me gay cod men
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