#figuring out MYSELF is SOO much more difficult than a character who is anything i want them to be

[thatlittledandere]

Makin a fantroll :3 Started out as a sona but then I ended up giving her like, an actual personality, separate from mine. I mean we did end up sharing some traits - we are all the mask and the wearer and all that - but nevertheless this isn't a sona anymore. NOW I'm trying to not make her too Vriska LMAO

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Sorry if I’m rude, but I really don’t get the Ugetsu hype at all 😕, would you mind explaining it please, I would like to widen my perception of him

Hello, dear anon!

First of all, I’m so sorry for keeping your ask waiting for so long. You would think that as an Ugetsu fan, I would have been jumping up and down because of this question - and don’t get me wrong, I am excited. But much like with my previous Given ask, I found myself a bit puzzled by what to say, to be honest. Turned out this wasn’t as “simple” of a question as I originally thought. 

Secondly, don’t worry, your question isn’t rude. On the contrary, I think it’s admirable if you want to try to understand someone else’s bias and interests. It doesn’t mean you will start liking and being passionate about the same things, but I think it’s always welcomed to ask people why they like something. I’m not expecting you to start liking Ugetsu after reading how I feel about him, but your attitude is something I think we desperately need more of in this fandom.

“I really don’t get the Ugetsu hype at all 😕, would you mind explaining it please”

It’s interesting to me that you speak of “Ugetsu hype”. According to my time in the Given fandon, Ugetsu does have fans but he is probably one of the least liked characters. My gut feeling says that out of the main cast (Uenoyama, Mafuyu, Akihiko, Haruki, Ugetsu), Ugetsu is definitely the least liked among the fans. So, I can’t say I have witnessed any “hype” regarding him. Apart from a couple of hardcore Ugetsu stans, the closest to “hype” I have seen is people wishing he would find happiness after he and Akihiko broke up.

Also, I don’t think I can really “explain” anything either. Certainly not as some kind of fandom phenomenon. I can only speak for myself and myself only. The reasons why I love Ugetsu might not be why some other fans love him. I think that’s important to remember whenever talking about favorite characters/ships in general. We can never know why someone loves something, so I don’t think we should judge anyone on a personal level for liking something in fiction.

To give my answer some structure, I thought I would use some of my favorite Ugetsu illustrations. 

His character design and overall “vibe”:

As a reader/viewer/fan, I am more often than not interested in the somehow controversial characters and they usually end up becoming my favorites. Gotou Masamune (3-gatsu no lion), She Li (19 Days), Sing Soo-Ling (Banana Fish), Bakugou Katsuki (Boku no Hero Academia), Joker (DC Comics), Oikawa Tooru (Haikyuu), Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter), and Oh Sangwoo (Killing Stalking) to name a few. I have always connected more with the antagonists and found them more interesting.

So, with a track record like that, I wasn’t surprised when my heart made a beeline to Ugetsu’s character. To me, it was pretty much love at first sight. I was instantly drawn to him: dark, sensual, and beautiful. In the anime, I absolutely loved his character’s mischievous and playful voice acting.

Ugetsu had an aura of solitude and distance to him, but he was also needy and affectionate in his own way. His frankness and mischief seemed to work as defense and yet he was also surprisingly vulnerable and even afraid. In many ways, he was like a cat who are often misunderstood as assholes when there is also a lot of character, affection, and intimacy packed in them.

Kizu’s choice of instrument for Ugetsu also fascinated me. To me, the violin is one of the most beautiful and intricate instruments, and it fits Ugetsu’s character perfectly. It's elegant, incredibly difficult, and kind of temperamental. The violin is sorrowful, seductive, and possesses loads of charisma. It sounds beautiful on its own though the more solitary it is, the more lonely it sounds. But it can also be a light, playful and mischievous sound, bouncing and chasing in the air. In either case, the violin won't allow itself to be ignored. 

To pair Ugetsu with the classical violin especially was also great. First of all, learning the violin on the level of becoming a soloist requires incredible discipline, dedication, and passion. Violin is a very unforgiving instrument, but it also gives you freedom. Things like intonation and phrasing are where a talent like a soloist could shine and express themselves. I think that kind of combination of disciplined precision and expressive freedom fits Ugetsu so, so well.

His softer and more vulnerable side:

I often see comments that Ugetsu didn’t really love Akihiko or care about him. Some readers think he was selfish, heartless, and abusive/toxic towards Akihiko in their relationship. And they feel sorry for anyone who later ends up in a relationship with him. To some people, Ugetsu came across as the lowest of low in his time with Akihiko.

Now, I am not going to try and claim that Ugetsu didn’t hurt Akihiko. He most certainly did, oftentimes knowingly when he was trying to push him away. Their relationship was no doubt turbulent and painful for both of them, and I’m sure they will both be happier now freed of their cycle. Even though I am an Ugetsu fan, I don’t want to make it sound like he couldn’t have done a lot of things differently.

However, I also see some parts of myself in Ugetsu. I relate to his certain type of uneasiness when it comes to letting someone/something occupy my priorities. It makes me restless and defensive easily, and I end up rejecting that someone/something which often comes across as being cold. That was an important part of why Ugetsu originally wanted to break up with Akihiko. His love for Akihiko grew so deep it posed as a “threat” to Ugetsu’s sense of “order” when it came to his passion for music. Despite of how their relationship ended, I don’t agree that Ugetsu is somehow incapable of loving someone, it just scares him and is something he needs to figure out for himself. Also, because I somewhat relate to Ugetsu in this sense, it kind of stings when people are so eager to proclaim that his kinds of people don’t deserve someone to love them.

I also believe Ugetsu cared about Akihiko and was worried about him. He did notice Akihiko had started to lose his passion for music and in a way, was giving up on himself. He wanted Akihiko to find his “trigger” again somehow. I have also read interpretations that Ugetsu probably felt guilty about how their relationship seemed to affect Akihiko’s drive. I think that’s an interesting point. Overall, it’s important to remember that partly why Ugetsu initially wanted to break up was to also “free” Akihiko from his suffering. I don’t think that is something that a heartless character would do.

I do think Ugetsu was happy with Akihiko in many ways, but it’s not his style to be flustered and lovey-dovey about it. Which is another thing I find myself somewhat relating to. Instead of being super romantic, I think Ugetsu shows his love and happiness by being clingy, playful/mischievous, and letting someone in his space both mentally and physically (by this, I don’t mean just sleeping with someone but actually letting them see him as a private person). Despite of the lack of proper communication being one of the problems in AkiUgetsu, I think Akihiko was one of the few people who really knew Ugetsu.

AkiUgetsu as roommates:

The beautiful coloring of the panel is by o_yang_o on Twitter.

I think it’s safe to say that most of the Ugetsu-hate stems from his time of being roommates with Akihiko. It was a very dark time for both of them despite the occasional islands of reminiscencing the good parts of their relationship. Ugetsu hurt Akihiko in many ways during that time and realized his behavior was hurting him.

But I think people often forget that Ugetsu was unhappy and hurting, too. Of course, it doesn’t excuse his actions but it explains them. Letting go of Akihiko was just as hard - if not harder - for Ugetsu as letting go of Ugetsu was for Akihiko. In his incapability of cutting the relationship off, Ugetsu resorted in trying to push Akihiko away by hurting him, but Akihiko wouldn’t give up on him. So, his actions didn’t come from some deep-rooted evil but rather being in pain and scared. He wanted the suffering to end but at the same, he couldn’t picture Akihiko not coming back and was terrified of everything, even the music, disappearing in the basement if Akihiko did leave him. 

I think the breakdown Ugetsu had when Akihiko finally broke up with him was telling of how difficult taking that last step had been for Ugetsu as well. He was scared of letting go and being let go of because surely nothing would be left behind. It’s true that it was Ugetsu who originally wanted to break up, but it was Akihiko who needed to walk away first when it finally came down to it. I think Ugetsu’s reaction spoke volumes of how deep his feelings for Akihiko truly ran. In short, AkiUgetsu ended up in a bad and painful direction, but I most definitely believe Ugetsu overall is capable of loving someone and he has a caring/affectionate side to him as well.

Overall, what I love about Ugetsu is his complexity and layers. You need to see deeper than his behavior to see his character as a whole. He’s not innocent and has many flaws, but he’s also not the cold and distant human monster he’s sometimes made out to be. I think Kizu put a lot of care and effort into building his character and did a beautiful job.

Liking a character like Ugetsu ultimately comes down to personal taste and preferences. I can understand that he’s not everyone’s cup of tea or if he evokes negative feelings. But I don’t think it’s fair to see some characters in a black-and-white manner if you’re at the same time making an effort to see behind some other character’s behavior. You don’t have to like every character and you can have biases, but if you catch yourself knowingly ignoring something, your reading probably isn’t the most accurate. A “lesson” I came to realize in my journey with AkiHaru.

Thank you for your question and patience, dear anon!

[tardytothepardy]

Fruits Basket - Vol.12

Compared to the previous book, this one was a lot lighter. It also featured Kagura, who hasn't really been in the series for a while. She kinda showed up for a little bit in the previous book but it wasn't much. It's not necessarily that I like her but she used to be around a lot, then she just kinda poofed away. In this volume, we discuss fun things like breaking curses (or trying to, anyway) and parent-teacher conferences! Exciting stuff, right?

We start off with Tohru meeting with Kazuma to ask about the curse, if he can help at all. She's doing all of this as secretly as she can, because she knows that if anyone finds out, they will try to stop her, either in a "Agh I'll kill you for trying to meddle with these things!" way or a "Ah you don't know what you're getting into, stay out if you value your safety!" way. Either way, it'd get in her way. (how many times can i say "way" .-.) During this talk, Kazuma says that Akito has a strange power over the Juunishi, that his words really do have a heavy weight on them, something that even Kazuma, despite being a Sohma (but not a Juunishi), can't fully understand. They're all tied together, in a bond. That is part of the curse. But because of this extra power that Akito can assert over the rest of the Juunishi, it makes it extra difficult to figure out how to help them break the curse. Later, as Tohru leaves, our local Horse Girl, Izusu shows up, asking what the fuck Tohru was doing. It seems as if Izusu is also trying to break the curse. Spicy.

Since we were already at Kazuma's,, dojo? Should I call it that? I don't know, but Kyo and Kagura are also there, because they practice kicking butt at least three times a week. What a ritual. Kagura asks if she and Kyo can talk somewhere, which works well with Kyo, since he was planning on talking to her anyway, but she insists that they go out on a "date", wherein she takes them to a place that I guess they played at when they were kids? Something like that.

During this scene, we get to know why exactly Kagura has been latched onto Kyo throughout this series, and she admits that it was sort of out of pity for him. She herself didn't like the fact that she is a Juunishi (is that how I should phrase it I'm not sure about that either), but when she saw Kyo out in the yard area, drawing fried eggs, apparently, all alone, she felt worse for him than she did herself. She knew that he was the cat, and that he was treated worse than she really ever would. And so, she took pity on him. Maybe she didn't fully realize or intend for that in the beginning, maybe she just saw Kyo all alone, and wanted to get to know the orange haired boy drawing fried eggs in the dirt, because, hey, who wouldn't?

But over time, it definitely became that way. Everything changed significantly when she pulled Kyo's bracelet off, the one that keeps him from being in his dark form or something (is it like a light switch or something does he really have no control over that like i know at the time he was just a little kid but like,,, currently in the story. does he have any control whatsoever?), and she promptly got quite scared (understandably), and ran off. Afterwards, she just kinda pretended that it didn't happen (Kyo's mom did that too, I just remembered), and for some reason decided that if she was as close to Kyo as she possibly could get, that all of that stuff would go away, and that Kyo would like her. As we know, that did not happen.

One big reason that I was glad about the scene is that Kagura is admitting to herself but also to Kyo that she was being selfish. She apologizes for her actions, and is aware that she was acting that way in some part (however big or small) for her own peace of mind, for her own gain, potentially. She still says that she loves him, which I'm not here to debate. That's her own business. Kyo just thanked her for saying that, but also made it clear that he never really did and still doesn't feel the same way at all. So thankfully that's all been put away. For now, anyway.

I mentioned our local Horse Girl earlier, and she does come up more in this story. Apparently, when Yuki was younger, for some reason, people weren't really allowed to visit him. Maybe it was just a thing that happened as part of a punishment, or maybe it was something else, but basically Haru would go like "That rule doesn't apply to me because I can't read!" and see him anyway, and sometimes Izusu would also be there. She wouldn't talk to either of them, she would just sit in the corner for a while, then leave. At the time, it didn't make much sense, but within this book, we find that she was actually listening to people outside the room, and if she heard anyone come too near, she would go out and distract them so that Haru could leave without punishment. So our local Horse Girl does care <3

Speaking of the parent-teacher conferences, Tohru's grandpa can't go. Why not? Because he threw out his back, probably from all the energetic dancing he does in a day (i mean they didn't say how he hurt his back so,, dancing. i'm deciding it's from dancing), but this is a bit of a problem for Tohru, seeing as she no longer has parents that would go. Valiantly, Shigure offers to take her grandpa's place, mostly so that he can see Mayu's reaction to his general existence. (Specifically her look of disgust. Admittedly, it was pretty good.) The conference goes over fairly well, with Mayu telling Tohru to not take on too many things at once, which is true. Tohru is running around here thinking that she isn't pulling her weight as if she isn't part of the reason why Yuki and Kyo aren't constantly fighting, or the fact that, just by existing and being the ray of sunshine that she is, she's helped basically everyone she's come into contact with to strive to be their best selves. Sure, Tohru, you're slacking soo much. (Honestly it's probably one of those things where she wouldn't really be aware of it, since she's only known these people to be the way they are since knowing her. Like, she's noticed that people are changing, but she doesn't know how much they've really changed, so it makes sense, but still. Girly is doing lots and she doesn't even know it.)

The conferences go over pretty well, but Yuki's mom had it changed to a later date. Yuki has already been having some struggles with it all, because he's going to have to be around his mom, who he does not have a great relationship. There's some mention of her making decisions for him, and I imagine in the next book that will shine fantastically. It seems that Ayame is going to pop up, though, and hopefully that will work in his favor.

As it is currently, Hanajima said she thought Kazuma, who showed up for Kyo's parent-teacher conference bc let's all be honest he's basically Kyo's dad at this point, was handsome. Also apparently people say that Uotani should be a model. She said that she's trying to get to six feet tall (as if that's a conscious decision that you have much control over??), and so she just said she wants to do that when she's older. Be a model, that is, not be six feet tall. Agh, grammar. It's weird.

Later, Tohru visited her grandpa, and talked about her parents. I think it was mostly a dream that she was talking about, and how they got along. I thought it was interesting, because as a whole, if Tohru is talking about her family, it's usually only about her mother. I'm anticipating that later on, there could be more of a focus on the rest of her family, or, at least, her father. Who was he? Was he an awful human being and good riddance, or something else? Hopefully it's just "something else", I'm not sure how many "awful human being and good riddance" characters I can handle.

Anyway, for some reason, after Tohru left her grandpa's place, and was all overwhelmed with emotions and memories, Kyo showed up. What was he doing there? I dunno. She asked him why he was there, and he just said that she's tiny and skinny. Nothing to do with anything, but whatever.

This feels so disorganized, but that was mostly what happened. I feel like I list things out too much, drawing out on every detail, and I think I'm trying to reign myself in. Unless someone does want a play-by-play run down of this series, in which case I'd still probably be lacking in something. I dunno.

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

JULY PICKS!

You heard me correctly, I said JULY! Whoosh, this year is going by fast-but not in a good way if you know what I mean. This will be my last monthly wrap up where I am strictly staying home in quarantine as this upcoming week I’m heading back to work in person. Wish me luck!

We had quite the range this month from newly released, reality, musical and then some favorites from last month that I’ve continued watching. Without further ado here we go....

There’s going to be PLENTY of SPOILERS this go round. ESPECIALLY with my first pick of Stargirl. You’ve been warned!!!

DC’S STARGIRL

I need to talk about 1x10 or I’m going to burst!!! As stated above there will be A LOT of SPOILERS IN THIS POST!! So scroll down to the next picture if you don’t want it to be spoiled. 

You’ve been warned...again.

IT CANNOT END LIKE THAT!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Henry! Wow! 1) Epic fighting 2) The backstory and how he wasn’t going to give up on his dad AND THEN how he wouldn’t give into his dad. 3) HE DIED RATHER THAN JOIN HIS SIDE OR PRETEND (which I honestly felt was going to happen). His character arc and I can’t believe it’s over!!! 4) His speech at the end: *weeping.* I knew Brainwave was going to say he killed his mother. It just felt like the build up. Brainwave Jr. would have been a GREAT ADDITION TO THE JSA! AND OMG THE WAY THE REST OF THEM FOUGHT FOR HIM! I loved how they framed it so you could still see them in the back when Henry spoke to his father. Super heartbreaking. Man, it feels like a lot of people have been killed off this first season (or am I just still thinking about Joey?) 

Side note: Check out the Instagram Live between father and son Brainwave on Stargirl’s CW page. Jake Austin Walker did an AWESOME interview in his take over.

This was one of the strongest episodes overall and definitely one of my favorites so far. I agree with many others that while it is SOO GOOD and I want to rewatch it again, I don’t know if I can emotionally yet. I can’t remember the last time I felt that way about a show. 

Some other thoughts this episode: WAY TO GO BARBARA! Way to record them to translate later (such an awesome app btw, how do I get it?). I’m glad her and Pat came more to an understanding because I love them especially with that glimpse into how they met. Jordan’s parents give me the creeps, like the couple from The Visit vibes. I feel like Mike’s got to find out ASAP, especially because he’s spent time in the garage. Something’s got to show him the truth; because I’m really feeling he figures it out rather than being told. Very curious to see what his reaction will be. SOLOMON GRUNDY. Thank God Beth talked Rick down. She really is like Chuck in being the voice of reason. She did really well in the cafeteria too. While I still don’t believe Starman is Courtney’s dad, how cute was it when she put together her and Henry were cousins? Speaking of Court’s dad, who else didn’t feel like Starman was her dad until they saw that upcoming promo? I don’t know who that impostor is but he is not her dad. Something’s fishy.

Loving this show. So happy it’s renewed for a second season!! 

THE 100

From a show I can’t get enough of to one whose final season is a disappointment. I’m not going to spend too much time talking about The 100 because I feel I’ll just be repeating myself from previous posts. However, I did want to include it because I haven’t spoken much about the previous 2 episodes that I wound up watching back to back and I didn’t overly dislike them. 

As many have complained, when you have a final season you shouldn’t introduce SO MANY new characters and just push aside your originals (or the ones who are left). You also shouldn’t include so many confusing plots that are making it look like were the main points overall (like this many world concept was around since the first grounders) and playing with time in so many episodes is hard to keep up with too. Having so many people separated makes it difficult to remember what just happened to this specific group because I haven’t seen them in forever. ANYWAY, I did promise some positives. I didn’t except to like 7x08 because of it being a flashback episode with brand new people that was just going to feel like a potential spin-off pilot. Well...I actually really enjoyed it and the concept that the bunker was used before One Crew. The characters were easy to like and it was cool seeing Allie again (and this time not as the villain). While it felt forced including the orb (is that what it’s called? If not that’s what I’m calling it), but I liked how all the other pieces fit together (ex: the flame, the grounders’ language). Honestly, I surprise myself to say this, but I’d watch another episode. For 7x09, I liked being on Bardo and watching Octavia, Echo, Diyoza and Hope slowly get “brainwashed” I mean trained. We all knew it wouldn’t work for Hope and if I was them I would rather be on Sky Ring than Bardo (but then I guess I’d go crazy, so...) I enjoy the Octavia and Levitt relationship and would love them to work out, but if this show taught you anything it’s to be skeptical. I also want to shift to the Primes plot, just to showcase John Murphy for a second. THAT MAN! What a character development he’s had on this show. From the first season where I was like come on Murphy to now me awaiting his scenes. From cockroach to someone who won’t view himself as a hero. So good and something that is fantastic about this final season. They might have forgotten about other characters, but they’re doing it right by Murphy. 

Well, that was more than I was expecting. ;)   

THE CIRCLE

It feels like I haven’t watched a lot of reality TV this year, which makes sense because of our quarantine situation (but then again I’m watching World of Dance, but that’s a different because it’s more of a competition/dance show. I’ll stop rambling). The Circle is a reality ‘game’ show that could be easily completed during quarantine and social distancing because the contestants do not see each other in person. They each have an apartment in this complex and only communicate with each other on a social media platform called the Circle. The objective is to become the most popular and an influencer who gets power over who stays and who goes in the competition. There’s some side contests throughout, but most of the show is just people chatting through an insta messenger and trying to learn as much as they can. Alliances are formed and cat fishes try to thrive all for the grand prize of $100,000. (Wow, that’s a lot!) It is SUPER addicting and very funny. Having a voice-over narrator really makes it even funnier because she says what we’re all thinking. Just about every episode a contestant leaves and then is able to meet one other person in their apartment. It’s been cool seeing their reactions as oftentimes it’s someone they did not expect AT ALL. I can’t wait to finish it. If you’re a fan of Big Brother than this is definitely for you. Looks like there will be a second season, which I am excited about.  

THE BABYSITTERS CLUB

Jumping from one Netflix show to another. Released on Netflix on July 3rd, I tried not to binge it all in one day because then it would be over (and we still don’t know if there will be a second season yet). This is definitely my feel good watch for July. If you want something that’s a quick watch and just wholesome and fun to escape our current world than this is for you. I always felt so happy after watching and couldn’t wait to watch another. While I was familiar with the franchise--the 90s movie and of course the books (although I was more of a Babysitter Little Sister fan, so I was very excited to see Karen), you don’t have to have any knowledge of the Babysitters Club to enjoy this show. I was hooked just about right away by this new series shown by me watching the first three episodes back to back. I really like how they set up each episode with one girl as the main focus (just like in the books) where she takes over the voice-over narration. Great representation and made modern to fit in with our current times. The first example that comes to mind is when Mary Ann babysits Bailey who is transgender. I liked how Bailey says those are her old clothes while they’re playing. It’s shown in a way that explains the situation without feeling like a lecture. It fits so naturally into the episode. And then Mary Ann’s speech at the hospital is super powerful for both Bailey and herself. This is just one example of how well represented this show is. Extremely strong cast and actresses who are the proper ages. I also love the adult casting and how they threw in a Clueless reference from Alicia Sliverstone (who plays Kristy’s Mom). As someone who is writing for this age group, I really liked hearing and seeing how authentic this show is. 

FEEL THE BEAT

A Netflix original movie that has been on my list for a while that I just got around to watching. It didn’t come out too long ago. In the film, Sofia Carson’s character is a dancer who is a perfectionist. She gets on the bad side of a big NYC producer when she not only leaves her in the rain as she steals her taxi, but also knocks her, accidentally, off stage and becomes a viral video-this basically blackmails her in Broadway. This all happens within about the first 10 minutes of the film and the majority takes place back in her small home town (very Hallmark-like) in Wisconsin. While there her old dancing teacher wants her to share her Broadway wisdom with her young students. Meanwhile Carson has only been a chorus girl, so she doesn’t really have any. What draws her to helping the young girls is the chance to perform in front of a big choreographer that could get her to be the star she always dreamed of. The catch is that it’s the teacher dance in the childrens dance competition. While this might sound like a movie you’ve watched many times before, it was still worth it and a really fun watch. I think the kids really make the movie. They are adorable, funny and super talented. You feel connected with them really fast and want to see them succeed. I loved Dickie and how he joined the group. I think he was my favorite overall. I loved how inclusive the cast was here too (just like BSC) from a mixed race family, to single parents and even a student who was Deaf. It was great seeing the other actors sign to her. Carson’s character, April, can be annoying at times, but you understand it’s her character and something she needs to overcome. As I said before the plot may seem familiar, but the ending was something I didn’t see coming. Overall, wholesome, feel good and fun for the whole family. You can consider to watch while babysitting. (See what I did there??)  

VIOLETTA SEASON 2

She’s back! I know last month when I included Violetta it was mainly me being excited to see the second season FINALLY streaming on Disney Plus. I had watched a few episodes (remember there’s 80 altogether, so even if I watched 20 that’s still very early on and just a dent in the season) and was still getting used to this season. Well, now I’m happy to report I am in the 40s and more than half way. For a bit I was watching many of these episodes a day, which told me that I was loving it again. Recently, I feel I need a little more of a push to watch, but it’s mainly because of certain story-lines that feel like they’re dragging. (For example: Violetta’s voice. One minute it’s fine and the next she’s like dying). For this section I have two words: LOVE TRIANGLES. And I’m not just talking about Violetta, Diego and Leon. For a bit it felt like each character had their own love triangle, which honestly I was loving. These characters have definitely developed a lot from last season, which allows this to happen. Olga was in a love triangle, which just recently got resolved. I think German is still in one because of his alter ego Jeremias. Jackie was “kind of” in one. For her it was more of a misunderstanding, which is very classic on this show. Lots more secrets have been uncovered in these episodes as well as songs! You know how excited I am for those. Overall, I think I’m still enjoying season 1 songs more (which get referenced enough in this season), but some of the season 2 ones are really growing on me. Specifically Leon’s Entre dos mundos and when he sings with Diego Euphoria in English. Also, Yo Soy Asi has been real catchy. I know Frederico will be coming back soon and I can’t wait to see him again!  

HAMILTON

Like many I watched Hamilton this month-actually on the day it came out. It’s been a musical that I’ve been intrigued by, but never thought I’d get a chance to watch because of how popular and expensive it is to see on Broadway. So, I was very excited to hear I’d get the chance when it was to be released in theaters for a special event. Then because of Corona it was released to Disney Plus, which was EVEN more convenient and exciting. I really enjoyed it and watched it twice within the same week. I immediately downloaded the playlist and started singing it around the house. I do this a lot with many of the plays I see, but depending how good they are is shown by how long I listen to the soundtrack. (Some of my top ones are Bandstand, Once, Newsies and Anastasia.) Because there are so many songs in Hamilton it is taking me a little longer to know all the words, but I feel pretty confident with the first act. It was the perfect timing for this to be released on Disney Plus. Not only because it was July 3rd, but also because of the world we are living in. Lin’s diverse cast brings to life the world of 1776 and the revolutionary war (as well as the time after it), but it’s such a strong commentary on our world today. This is something I am continually noticing with historical dramas/pieces being released within the last 5-10 years. It feels like there’s more we can say in this genre than in a commentary piece. I also like all the analysis videos I’ve seen popping up, which just make it even more powerful. (Like it being Eliza’s story and her putting herself back in the narrative. That the play Hamilton is named for both her and Alexander.) I don’t know if all of what I see were intentional, but  either way well done. I hope it doesn’t leave Disney Plus soon. 

1917

And lastly, 1917. I promised quite the range this month and you can see that’s definitely the case. I always enjoy watching war films and with 1917 there was so much hype (both before it came out and after) that I was interested to give it a watch. Giving the movie to my dad for father’s day felt like the perfect excuse to be able to watch it. Even though our DVD stuck in a few places (still don’t know if it was the player or the DVD itself), the film was very entertaining and I would suggest it to anyone who is a history/film buff. Taking place in WWI, we follow two British soldiers as they attempt to deliver a message about an upcoming ambush that could take countless lives. I feel that I often watch more films revolving around WWII, so it was very interesting to be immersed in the first great war. After watching I am not surprised that the film was up for so many Oscars. While cinematography is the first thing everyone discusses when it comes to this movie (and it should be because the one shot/long shot is sooo impressive and beautiful to watch. It really brings you into the scene and has a way of making you feel like you’re there too. There’s a realness to it that’s raw and new compared to other war films I’ve watched in the past), there’s so much more to this film too. First, I like how it connects back to Sam Mendes’ grandfather, so while it’s not a true story it has real facts in it. I LOVE the score and music to this film. In the scene where George Mackay runs at night through those ruined buildings I could really hear how well the music worked with the action. Because of this I made sure to listen to some of the soundtrack and now I’ve added some of the songs into my writing playlist. I have chills just thinking about it. The other point I want to bring up is the cast! While there are SO MANY big names in this film from Colin Firth to Benedict Cumberbatch, the two main characters are played by George Mackay and Dean Charles Chapman and they are the ones with the most screen time. If their chemistry and acting wasn’t so great then the movie wouldn’t be as successful as it is. Because of this I have been watching non-stop YouTube interviews of the two of them for this film. 

They are so well-spoken, stand-up guys and I can’t get enough of their dialogues with each other and others. (You should watch these interviews too). While familiar with Chapman’s time on Game of Thrones, I haven’t seen him in much else, so I’m excited to see what he’ll have in the future (as well as checking out his IMDB page). For Mckay, I’ve seen him before when I just watched Ophelia earlier this summer so that was my first time watching him act. After that film I was curious what else he was in, but it was only after 1917 that I started doing more research. So far, I’ve only been able to watch the short film he was in called Infinite. While only 17 minutes it was very strong and deep. I highly recommend. As I’ve shared on this page already, in another post, the more I hear him talk the more of a crush I am developing. It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced a celebrity crush this strong so soon. This quarantine has to end so I can make it to England to just casually bump into him like one does. :) 

[writinginstardust]

is nikoli request almost done? or kaz?😔

Short answer? No.

Explanation (not that I’m obligated to explain but I’m nice and considerate) if you feel so inclined to read: there’s a multitude of reasons why but i’ll try to be as succinct as possible - 

1) I have and have had A LOT on my plate at the moment 

- I’m doing a shit ton of christmas fics which yes I don’t HAVE to do but it’s something that makes me happy and other people seem to be into as well so I am and obviously they have a bit of a deadline and there’s a lot to do there

- I did fictober where I posted a fic (sometimes 2!) every day for a whole month so that took a lot of time and effort and again I didn’t have to do that but I like writing as more than a hobby and it was a challenge that I really wanted to see if I could do and did

- I’m aware some of the requests were from a bit longer ago than the last couple of months but before that I was still busy as heck preparing to move across the country, on a couple of holidays (fine yeah that’s not a busy thing but a bloody needed them), and working quite frankly insane hours (6 days a week 8-12 hour days in fastfood) and that left me so physically and mentally exhausted that writing was just like not gonna happen most of the time

- I’ve started university and I’m a film student now and it takes up soo much time both with actual classes and all the work we have to do outside of them as well

- Unfortunately I have to be a proper adult now too and everyday household chores and stuff take up a surprising amount of time when you have to do all of them yourself and also clean up after a messy flatmate if you want to do anything else

- I also do a lot of drawing and it’s something I’ve recently got back into and honestly love doing so much so that takes up some of my free time too and yes this is another thing I have no obligation to do but I’m gonna do it anyway and I’m not gonna feel bad about it potentially making me take longer to write stuff

2) Specifically in relation to Kaz, I find him really tricky to write about generally especially in a relationshipy way due to the way he is in canon and how that does not translate well into a relationship setting. It takes a lot of effort to get him right and balance all the fic stuff with not writing him ooc or ignoring his trauma and it leaves me incredibly mentally exhausted so in general I’m more likely to write stuff for other characters if I have options. He’s also just generally not my favourite character to write about

3) Most of this year the books and stuff that I’ve been in love with and most excited to make content for are new things and not the grishaverse. I still love them but there’s just so much more I can and want to do in my new fandoms

4) I’ve actually received a lot of requests for fics when I have specifically said in either my bio or my request info - which I do ask people to check every time they want to request something because it changes - that i’m not taking any requests or only for a specific fandom or prompt list. I’ve been very lenient with people and agreed to take their requests anyway but have warned them every (or nearly every) time that it will take a while before I get to them.

5) Sometimes inspiration is just hard, y’know, and a lot of the fics people have requested, especially the Kaz ones, have been particularly difficult for me to figure out a plot or way to write it because words are also tricky fickle things to wrangle

6) This, I do for fun. When I stop having fun writing a fic, I’m not gonna force myself to keep going with it then and there, I’m gonna write something that I do enjoy. “But Amy, why don’t you just say you’re not doing it?” I hear people ask and it’s for one very simple reason: I still want to, just not right then. If I ever decide that I really will never manage to finish a fic, I’ll say 

7) I hope people remember that I’m under no obligation to write a request quickly or even at all. I don’t beg for requests (except sometimes with the prompt lists when I want to write everything but know I can’t), I just give you guys the option of suggesting stories you’d like to see

> Honestly I know there’s even more stuff than that but it’s late and I’ve wasted the last hour of my evening explaining all this and I’m tired and tbh I really shouldn’t need to explain any further than that. 

> Also I’m pretty sure I’ve said a fair amount of this a number of times before but whatever. I’m also sure I mentioned that most fics would be taking a back seat to fictober and ficmas for the time being and that it was unlikely much would be posted other than those until the new year.

> If y’all want to know if a fic is done/being done and when things might be uploaded there’s several places you can check on my blog very easily: If you go to my navigation section, there’s an update schedule there which I do change when I get fics finished and plan their post date, and if I have more than the 5 slots the blog theme allows then I make a post which gets linked in my bio and you can check out my ‘currently writing’ post which I keep updated and will show what’s been started and what’s been finished but not posted

Edit: Guess who just remembered another couple of reasons some stuff isn’t done?

8) I am so incredibly lucky to get a load of mental health problems which are officially undiagnosed and going untreated because my anxiety is so bad that just the thought of actually talking to a professional about it makes me feel physically sick. So quite often my headspace is just not good at all and if it’s alright enough to write, I’m gonna write stuff that I enjoy and isn’t exhausting. (it also gets worse during autumn/winter so that’s fun for now!)

9) My physical health is like really not the best either and especially in winter and especially lately I’ve barely had a day when I haven’t felt a little unwell so writing gets pushed aside and then when I am okay and write I have to prioritise and like I’ve said before, my priorities are/were fictober and ficmas

[thinkyoureholy]

Love Shot [6]

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Pairing : Do Kyungsoo / [Fem] Reader

Genre : Angst, Violence, Some Fluff, Smut, Character Death?, Mafia! AU, Detective! AU

Words : 2.5k

Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt 4. Pt 5. Pt 6.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

-Y/N’s P.O.V-

I stared up at him wide eyed, not believing my ears...and eyes admittedly. Junseo never told me he had a brother but this man looked exactly like him, despite saying he was his older brother I would’ve believed him if he said he was his twin. I guess that no aging gene really runs in the family huh? My thoughts were cut off as he spoke, his eyes on me but his words directed to Chanyeol.

“Mind if you give us a minute alone?”

Chanyeol just stared at the man, his feet glued to the floor as he refused to move. When he noticed Chanyeol wasn’t going to leave he turned to him but he didn’t back down. Chanyeol then spoke to me, his eyes glued to him.

“Hey Y/N is it just me or does this dude have the same name as the guy Sooyoung said sends his regards. I don’t know about you but Junmyeon isn’t that common of a name.” He said, a smirk on his face when Junmyeon clenched his jaw.

I said nothing as I let the information sink in. It can’t be the same guy...I mean if he was anything like Junseo he wouldn’t have anything to do with the likes of Sooyoung. Then again Junseo never mentioned a brother to me in all the years that I knew him and I can’t help but to think this is exactly why he never mentioned him.

“Chan it’s fine. He won’t try anything...will you?” I said, directing that last bit to Junmyeon.

Junmyeon let a tight smile cross his face, his eyes never leaving Chanyeol’s, “Wouldn’t dream of it sweetheart.”

Chanyeol didn’t move for awhile, warning Junmyeon with his eyes. With one last look in my direction Chanyeol left the two of us alone. Junmyeon then let out an annoyed sigh, combing his fingers through his hair as he took the seat Chanyeol had occupied. He cross his left leg over his right one, turning his attention to me as he sat back and got comfortable. I just continued to stare at him, the image of Junseo flashing in my mind.

“God...you look exactly like him the resemblance is uncanny.” I said under my breath, hoping he didn’t hear it.

But he did, his eyes darkening at the mere mention of him, “If possible I’d like you not to mention my brother.”

I furrowed my eyebrows at his words. The way he acted was enough to know he hated being in the same room, speaking to me seemed like it took a lot out of him. He hated me enough to have Sooyoung target me directly but why? I had never crossed paths with him before and the only thing that connected us was Junseo.

“What is it you want here?” I asked, getting straight to the point.

He chuckled at my change in attitude, now talking with the detective he had hoped to meet in the first place. He kept quiet for some time, just staring at me, as if he was studying me. His eyes fell to my stomach where the wound Sooyoung gave me still throbbed.

“Sooyoung had one job and she couldn’t even do it properly.” He said in a low voice, the disappointment clear, “But I should’ve known better than to give a pup a job meant for a wolf.”

“You shouldn’t underestimate me Junmyeon. I won’t go down without a fight.”

“I can see that. Junseo always said you were a fiesty one.” He said with a hint of a smile.

Silence enveloped the two of us. I stared down at my hands on my lap, my mind clouded with thoughts of Junseo but I shook them away. I had to focus on what was in front of me. Junmyeon was clearly using his people to try and get rid of me and I had to figure out why before Kyungsoo got caught in the crossfire. If he ever found out about the relationship between Kyungsoo and I he’d kill him immediately.

“I’m going to ask again. What is it you want here?”

Junmyeon grinned at hearing the repeated question, tilting his head to the side slightly, “I want you dead.”

I kept my face blank at his words, trying to hide the way his words actually affected me. My mind was going haywire but I managed to keep my heart rate normal as I waited for him to continue.

“You’re the reason why I was left without a brother and now I’m going to be the one to take your life. If you hadn’t dug your claws so deeply into him he wouldn’t have risked his life for you.” He said through clenched teeth, the anger clear in his voice.

I was left speechless by his words. I had never been more clueless in my life. Junseo died in a car accident...how was that my fault. Sure I blamed myself since it was after he left my place but risked his life? What the hell did he mean by that?

“Judging by the look on your face you’re as clueless as ever.” He said, scoffing when I made no move to say anything, a humorless laugh leaving his lips, “You really knew nothing about him did you? Well let me fill you in. Seo was as much of a criminal as I am, hell the bastard was the devil himself. He had many others before you and they all died. They were held hostage by our enemies and eventually killed. You’d think he would’ve done everything in his power to save them but no. He left them to die and he should’ve done the same to you when they found out about you.”

“...You’re lying…”

“They sent him pictures of the two of you together and my idiot brother couldn’t bare the thought of anything happening to you, that’s when he went to them instead.”

“Shut up…”

“You know what they did to him? They tortured him, mentally and physically. If it wasn’t for you my brother would still be alive!” He yelled, getting up from his seat and towering over me.

I shook my head, the tears already streaming down my face as I covered my ears. He reached forward and grabbed my shoulders in his hand roughly, forcing me to look up at him.

“When we found him he was unrecognizable. What I found wasn’t even my brother anymore, I wasn’t even sure if it was human. He died because of you!”

“No! You’re lying!” I yelled through my tears, trying to get his hands off me but he held on tightly.

“It’s all your fault! You killed him!”

“No!” I screamed out, pushing at his chest, successful in getting him off of me.

I grabbed onto the sides of my head as I brought my knees up the my chest, ignoring the pain that spread across my stomach. The tears fell from my eyes as the image of Junseo’s lifeless body flashed in my mind. I couldn’t help but imagine how badly mutilated his body was. He was cremated so I never did get to see his body. But everything he said about Junseo being a criminal didn’t make any sense. Seo was the most gentle and caring man I had ever met, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’d cry every time we watched Marley and Me. That man could never be capable of committing a crime.

“It’s your fault...and I’m going to make you pay. Kyungsoo was the first step in my plan-”

“I think that’s enough Junmyeon.” Kyungsoo’s voice cut him off.

I raised my head at the sound of his voice, seeing him standing in the doorway through my tears, “Soo…”

He gave me a sad smile, taking in my current state, “I’m sorry I’m late.”

I reached out for him but stopped myself as Junmyeon’s words bounced off the walls of my head, ‘Kyungsoo was the first step in my plan…’ I let my hand fall to the bed, watching his face fall at the action. He went to take a step towards me but froze at Junmyeon’s next words.

“Is Kyungsoo really your inside man...or was he mine from the start?” He asked with a smirk.

And with that he turned on his heel, bumping his shoulder with Chanyeol’s who had been standing off to the side quietly this whole time. I stared at Kyungsoo wide eyed, praying that my thoughts were wrong, that he wasn’t a part of Junmyeon’s plan. I prayed to all that was holy that he didn’t betray me, not him anything but him. He was the only man I had let myself fall for after Junseo and to think he had never meant any of his feeling for me and this was all a part of some damned plan to kill me... I couldn’t bare the thought of him being a part of it.

“Y/N I-”

“Kyungsoo let’s go.” Junmyeon said from the hall, cutting him off.

Kyungsoo looked torn on what to do but seeing that look on his face was all the confirmation I needed but still...I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt...I never knew it’d be wasted on him though.

“Soo...don’t. If you leave I-”

“I’m sorry Y/N...believe me I am…” He said, the tone of his voice making my heart sink to the pit of my stomach.

He turned on his heel, about to leave but Chanyeol stopped him, grabbing onto his arm roughly, “Next time I see you Do I swear to you I’m putting a bullet in your head.”

I hung my head forward, unable to keep it up as I stared down at my hands blankly. The tears were now falling in a steady stream down my face. I felt like my whole world had completely shattered. Everything I knew about the men I loved was a lie. Junseo wasn’t the man I had thought he was and Kyungsoo...Kyungsoo just proved I hadn’t even really known him from the start.

-Kyungsoo’s P.O.V-

As soon as I left the room I heard her sobs, my heart breaking in two. I wanted to turn back and go to her but I knew I couldn’t. I clenched my hands into fists at my sides, following after Junmyeon in silence. I knew I had to hold myself back but I couldn’t, not when I knew he had thrown Junseo’s death in her face when it was still a difficult subject for her.

“Did you really have to bring up Junseo’s death?” I asked in a low voice, trying to control my anger.

“She had to know it was her fault.”

I said nothing afterwards, knowing that anything I said wouldn’t work in my favor. I didn’t want to be in his presence any longer as placed my helmet on my head and went straight for the stairs, “I’ll see you back at the house.”

He said nothing, the door closing behind me as I went down to the parking lot where I left my motorcycle. I had to go somewhere before going back to the house and I’d get there faster on my own. Besides, if Junmyeon knew where I was going he’d never allow it. I had to leave some sort of explanation to Y/N, I couldn’t just let things fall apart just like that.

-

I parked my bike in the garage, sitting on it for awhile as I stared off into space. I hoped she’d believe what I had written to her. I really did love her more than anything, I could see why Junseo gave up his life for her. If worse comes to worse I wouldn’t think twice about giving up my own life for her. I sighed heavily, pulling my helmet off my head and hung it on the handle of the bike. I pulled my gloves off my hands, slipping out of my jacket and headed inside.

Once inside I knew immediately that something was wrong. Before I could think to react I heard the sound of something whipping through the air, a yelp of pain leaving my lips at the hit I received to the leg. I fell to my knees  but before I could get back up I felt something hard hit my back. I fell face first onto the floor, groaning out at the pain I felt. Within the next second I felt multiple things hitting my body at once, my limbs screaming out in agony. I curled up into a ball to try and protect myself as much as I could but it was no use. By the time they stopped I was bleeding from my nose as I coughed up blood, a small puddle starting to form by my mouth. I let out a grunt of pain when I felt a foot on the back of my head, forcing my face into the floor.

“Just how much of an idiot do you take me for?” Junmyeon asked.

At hearing his voice above me I knew that it was his foot on the back of my head. I froze right then and there, not wanting to anger him further.

“You think I wouldn’t find out about you sneaking off to leave your bitch a letter?”

My heart sank at his words, knowing I had been caught red handed. I was sure that nobody had followed me but knowing him he probably had one of the guys staking out her house. He knew all along that I was going to head over there but instead of stopping me he let me get away with it, or at least that’s what he wanted me to think. He put more pressure on the back of my head, the pain becoming unbearable.

“I’m going to give you an ultimatum and you’re going to give me the answer I want to hear, do you understand?” He asked, his voice gravely serious.

He seemed annoyed when I didn’t answer, removing his foot from my head, kicking at my stomach instead, “Do you understand?”

I spit out the blood that was in my mouth, looking up at him, “I understand.”

“Good,” He said with a fake smile plastered on his face as he crouched down in front of me, “Now back to that ultimatum I was talking about. You kill Y/N yourself to show me how loyal you are, refuse and I’ll kill you and I kill her anyway. Though I won’t be so quick about it, I’ll make sure to take my sweet time with her.”

I couldn’t help but clench my jaw at his words. The bastard knew what he was doing. I either agree to kill her myself or he kills us both, either way she dies. Junmyeon chuckled at the look on my face, reaching over to place a hand on my shoulder.

“I’d really hate to have to kill you. You are one of my best after all. So what do you say? You’ll do it right?”

I looked away, already regretting the words that were going to come out of my mouth but I had something up my sleeve, it was just a matter if Y/N believed me or not, “Yes sir.”

[cookieswriting]

So I’ve done it again...you can thank my dad for introducing me to Blue Bloods and my boy Jamie Reagan.  Naturally, I’ve gotta show him some love in the form of beating up on him a *little* bit.  I am only on Season 3, but I’ve seen enough on Tumblr to love me some Jamko already.  This is set before they get together, but after they acknowledge their feelings for one another.  Since I haven’t seen the later seasons yet, throw this somewhere in between there for me and call it good? Haven’t decided yet how long it’s gonna be, but at least a 2-parter.  

Also...for anyone waiting for the next part of Make This Right (SEAL Team), please please please don’t hurt me! I’m trying, I really am...I think the whole fear of not getting renewed and then the events of the latest episode have me somewhat shooketh, soo I’m trying. I promise.

Prompt: Take Me Instead Fandom: Blue Bloods Characters: Jamie Reagan, Eddie Janko, Danny Reagan, Frank Reagan

The call for an alarm at a jewelry store a block away from where Jamie and Eddie had taken their break set the partners into motion immediately.  Jamie slid behind the steering wheel while Eddie grabbed the radio.  “Central, show 12-David responding to the alarm at Taylor’s Jewelry.”

As soon as they arrived on scene, the pair could see figures inside looting the store.  Without a word, they slid out of the car and approached the shattered door, guns drawn.  “NYPD! Come out with your hands raised and we can all get out of this in one piece!”

Jamie’s command garnered no response, so he gestured for Eddie to follow him in carefully.  He registered four perps dressed in black, no visible weapons - until one was swung around in their direction, stalling in Eddie’s direction.  Without hesitation Jamie shouldered her back, and was not surprised by the sharp crack of a gunshot.  The impact of the bullet twisted him into Eddie’s stunned arms, but it still took a moment for the pain to hit.  She supported his weight as his knees buckled, softening his collapse while redirecting her eyes desperately around them.  

“Get back! Drop the gun or I will shoot!”  With her left hand Eddie fumbled with her pocket to pull out a pressure bandage, blindly feeling around her partner’s chest for the point of impact.  Jamie did his best to guide her hand towards the source of his blinding pain, glad that she was keeping her focus on the thieves.  Once he found the wound, he tapped once on her wrist, and sucked in a hiss when she pressed down firmly.  

“10-13 at...Taylor’s Jewelry...shots fired...at police,” Jamie reported into his radio breathlessly, dropping his head back against Eddie’s thigh.  His partner continued to shout orders, firing a warning shot when one of the unarmed thieves tried to dart past her.  He tried to lift his gun as well, but knew that his aim would be too shaky to be effective.

“Mind telling them to roll a bus while you’re at it, Boy Scout? I’d do it myself but between keeping the blood inside you and these idiots from taking any more shots, my hands are a little full,” Eddie bit out, desperation thinly veiled behind her anger.

Before he could, though, sirens echoed and the faint red and blue of police lights flickered in the distance, and the demeanor of the room changed.  The thief with the gun tensed, which had Jamie tensing as well.  “Son of a bitch! There’s no way we’re getting out the front now...and I’m sure they’ll try to cover the back too.”

“Let’s take them with us, some leverage to get us clear.”  Eddie turned her gun on him when he leaned their direction, and Jamie’s mind went into overdrive.

“You don’t need both of us,” the blonde man growled, forcing himself to sit up despite Eddie’s attempts to push him back down.  “Let her walk...just take me.  I’m all the leverage you need.”

He winced when she pressed harder against his now-bandaged wound.  “If you don’t shut up, Jamison, I will shoot you myself.”  

“And what makes you so special, cop?”

“Jamie!” Eddie hissed, panic clear as he held her gaze.  Tears filled her eyes despite what he knew was a colossal effort on her part.  He held her stare as he responded, silently asking for her forgiveness.

“I’m the youngest son...of the Police Commissioner of New York City. I’ll go quietly...if you let her go.”  He finally turned to look back at the perps expectantly.

The ringleader lowered his weapon and canted his head, seriously considering the offer.  Eddie pressed her forehead against the base of Jamie’s skull, and he could feel her trembling.  It killed him to put her in this position, but he’d rather her hate him for this than put her at even greater risk.  “Please don’t do this, Reagan…” she begged, voice finally breaking.

“When have you ever let me down, Janko? You and Danny will have this handled in no time,” he murmured quietly before returning his attention to the man now looming over the partners.  “Do we have a deal?”

“Go on, sweetheart, run off and tell your bossman that we have his kid and will be in touch.”  The man reached down and jerked Jamie to his feet, ignoring the uncontrollable yelp of pain.  Eddie scrambled up as well, gun aimed at the man holding her partner.  Warm steel pressed against Jamie’s temple, but he refused to flinch away.

“It’s okay, Janko...please, go,” Jamie insisted gently.  He could read the despair in her eyes, and knew how difficult it was for her to take each step backwards, away from the perps and towards the safety of the NYPD cars screeching to a halt by the front doors.  With any luck, his brother, also working the graveyard shift, would pick up on the situation and be one of the first responders.  Eddie would need family there to back her up.

Edit Janko could not remember a time that she’d felt so terrified and helpless as she backed away from her partner, barely upright in the arms of a damned jewelry thief, watching her with all of the confidence and trust and reassurance she’d ever seen in his eyes.  Part of her hated him for playing the hero...but then he wouldn’t be her favorite boyscout if he’d done any different.  “Officer coming out,” she called over her shoulder, eyes not leaving Jamie’s until the perp jerked Jamie around to the back door.

“Make sure they give us clearance, lady cop, or your partner is dead!”  

As she backed out through the doorway, a hand settled on her shoulder and startled her.  “Easy, Eddie, I’ve got you...where’s Jamie?” Danny’s voice was both soothing and nauseating; how could she tell him to call off the rescue of his injured baby brother? She turned to face the detective, and smothered a sob.

“T-they took him...we have to let them go or they’ll kill him.  H-he said he would ‘be in touch’ with your father…”  Danny, suddenly pale and tense, glanced over to Baez who immediately began calling for the rest of the responders to stand down before returning his attention to Eddie and gently tugging her gun from her shaking hands.  

That was when he apparently noticed the blood. “Eddie, are you hurt?”

Eddie finally looked down, and nearly threw up at the deep glistening red staining both hands.  “It’s...it’s not mine.  It’s not mine, Danny...he took a bullet for me, and then surrendered himself for leverage to protect me...Goddamn boy scout…” This time, she failed to hold back her sob.  Danny grasped both shoulders, and ducked his head until she met his gaze.

“Hey, hey, Eddie, look at me.  This is not on you, do you hear me?  This is who Jamie has always been...hero is ingrained in his brain.  Let’s get you back to the precinct, get your formal statement and get you cleaned up while we wait to hear from the PC.”  She heard his words, but could not help but to blame herself for her partner being taken hostage.  Baez guided her to their sedan, and eased her into the backseat, careful to steer clear of her hands.  

The ride to the precinct was a blur; memories of the pain lining Jamie’s face flashed across her mind repeatedly, along with other things she could’ve done to prevent...this.  It wasn’t until the door was opened for her that she realized they’d arrived, and Baez’s sympathetic face brought her from her thoughts. Get it together, Janko...his family must be going through so much worse right now.  Despite the attempts to shake herself from her thoughts, Eddie didn’t even notice when she was led to a chair.  

All she could see was the red, suddenly back in her line of vision as her hands draped between her knees.  A morbid sense of awe seemed to settle onto her shoulders as she lifted her hands, numbly observing how it had pooled into the lines of her palms.  Jamie’s blood...her best friend’s blood...and she’d just abandoned him to be taken by jewelry thieves willing to shoot their way through a couple of cops.  

“What did I say about blaming yourself, hm, Officer Janko?”

Tears burned at the backs of Eddie’s eyes when Danny knelt before her, a gentleness to his voice that she’d never heard before.  “How can you be so comforting to-to the person responsible for the abduction of your brother?”

“Jamie always says you’re too stubborn for your own good.  I haven’t been quite where you’re at, but I’ve been close...and I know how much that wrecked me.  I didn’t have to fight to keep my partner alive only to be forced to walk away from them anyway.”  He glanced down at her hands, and steely resolve tightened his features.  “I’ll have my time to freak out once we get him back.  Right now, I know that there are two things that Jamie would expect me to do: make sure you’re okay, and bring him home.  Since I can’t do the second part until those assholes make contact, I’ll take advantage of the time to focus on the first part.  He’ll kick my ass if I let anything happen to you.”

Eddie gave a wet laugh, and scrubbed at her cheek with the back of her hand, belatedly realizing that it would streak blood on her face, which seemed to be her tipping point, and a sob wrenched from her chest.  “God, Danny...I just walked away from him...I just left him bleeding, couldn’t do anything to stop the perp when he pulled Jamie out of my arms. I...what if we don’t get to him in time? What-”

“Come here, c’mere,” Danny insisted, shifting to his chair beside her and drawing her against his side.  “There is nothing that you can do to change Jamie’s mind once he’s made it up.  Why don’t you walk me through what happened?”

She sighed heavily, desperately trying to calm her breathing and process what was going on in her mind.  “We responded to an alarm at the store, Jamie ordered them to exit.  W-when they failed to comply, we approached.  One of the men turned a weapon on us, which is when Jamie knocked me back and took the bullet.  I trained my gun on the perps while also trying to apply pressure bandages to the wound, which Jamie was able to help me with.  When they saw the lights coming they panicked, and when one of them mentioned taking us, Jamie told them he’d go quietly if they let me go...because he’s the commissioner’s son.”

“That sounds like my youngest,” a deep voice intoned from behind them.  Eddie’s head snapped around to see the commissioner, and before she could even make the move Danny could feel her prepare for, Frank stepped forward and waved his oldest son away and smoothly took his place in the chair beside her.  

“Sir...I can’t say how sorry I am for letting this happen...Jamie-”  The blonde was stunned into silence when her partner’s father pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and took one hand gently, wiping his son’s blood clean the best that he could.  The tender gesture felt like forgiveness that she didn’t deserve, and brought on a whole new round of tears.

“Jamie made a judgement call in the middle of a dangerous situation to eliminate the threat to his partner.  You are not to blame for this...we will find the men responsible and bring my son home, and you will be right there beside Danny when we do.”  He cleaned her other hand with just as much care.

“Sir, we need you to take a look at this.”  Danny, Frank and Eddie all turned in unison as the Captain stepped into the room, gesturing towards his office.  Dread settled into the pit of Eddie’s stomach, and she rose alongside the Commissioner, steeling herself to see whatever was waiting for her boss; Jamie deserved that much at the very least.

[fleetofshippyships-archive]

WIP tag meme

aaah, I was tagged over 2 months ago by @parkkate O.O sorry for not doing this sooner @parkkate​ XD I’ve been offline for a few months! Just now catching up on everything I missed! but I’m ignoring asks for now because my inbox is a mess

The Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

I’m gonna cheat and only do this for my drarry wips, since I post everything else on another account now, and tbh I have so many drarrys it’s still gonna be a long ass post XD

Oh man *sweats nervously* I’m a bit of a hoarder in all aspects of my life...I don’t even know where to begin! 

I’m not tagging anyone cos I was tagged 2 months ago and I have no idea who has and hasn’t done this and don’t want to be a pain. But if you wanna do it, go a head, and please tag me so I can be nosy and hopefully find someone with a wip problem as bad as my own so I can be less embarrassed XD

Also I’m putting this under a cut for reasons

1. 4th year au idea 

Sooooo, right off the bat, I often open a new file to jot down an idea even though I have docs specifically to dump ideas...and then at some point during the process of jotting down basic details of the idea...I start writing it....? This is one such occurrence...but I had to open it to check...and now I want to keep writing it XD

But also yikes it’s super dark

2. ... 4th year au idea

I swear, this is an entirely different wip and I am going ‘wtf’ at myself because wtf that’s confusing! I had also totally forgotten the existence of this before opening it....probably because of the name of it and the only reason I apparently have 2 files the exact same name is that one is a word doc and one is a libre office doc XD

3. drarry character death idea

Soooo, I need to stop turning idea files into wips without changing the names because I actually forget they are wips apparently

Also, I really want to finish this RIGHT NOW IT HURTS SO GOOD GIMME GIMME GIMME

4. Veela fic followup

LOL LOL LOL I’m rewriting my veela fic so I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to end up doing with this XD I might have to try and merge it with the re-write if the story has a similar outcome when I’m done. or maybe I’ll just turn this into its own thing....

5. Veela fic present tense

I really need to get back to working on this, this is actually the full re-write that re-doing the tenses spawned...I was binge writing this before my life went to hell but then my life went to hell and I went offline for like three months and didn’t do any writing or anything XD

although, the last time I looked at it I got the itch to change it back to past tense so who fucking knows what I’ll do with it now

6. Veela fic Draco pov

Curse my obsession with alternate povs of the same story and Draco for being such a good angsty pov

7. Veritaserum idea start

At least this one has ‘start’ in it so I know it is in fact a wip and not just an idea outline XD

7. Veritaserum

So, turns out I started that fic over in a new file and just left the old one lying around XD I do that too often. I should delete that other one...

Also...this better not turn into another ‘Amortentia’ with me unable to think of a fucking title and going with the file name because lame

This is also my first time trying to do god’s eye 3rd person instead of 3rd person pov...also first time trying to do this weird structure thing...I dunno but I like it XD

8.  CTS followup

9. CTS sequel

Two separate followups set at different times in the same story verse... I hate myself. I love them both. I can’t pick which one to stop writing so I’m gonna keep them both around and try and make them merge at some point...

10. MMB saying sorry

11. another erase the shame

12. next erase the shame

I work on followups and lose interest so often (usually because people bug me for followups and I get very ‘fuck you’ about it and stop writing them...but I keep them around and tinker with them every now and then soooo they’re still technically wips

13. Tea and Coffee oneshot series (Tea and Coffee, Coffee and Dark Marks, The Cottage Kitchen, next untitled one)

There’s also a present tense version of the first one of those *sweats nervously* first 3 are finished, of course, but my original purpose is lost to them becoming a long fic soo....gonna merge them into one long fic soon...once I decide what tense I like better......kill me now

14. Communion of the Soul (folder name)

This is the sequel to One Touch and this is spread across 5 files because apparently I did that and even though each time I got to work on it I have to figure out which file holds which part of the sequel timeline and which I feel like working on...I have yet to merge them into one file to make my life easier...

15. Crumbling Facade

ugh working on this always makes me want to re-write restraint and actually put in the major plot line, or what was supposed to be Harry’s major plot line before the relationship crap got away from me and I had to cut out all the plot stuff because by the time I got around to addressing it, it started reading like a completely different fic and I had to cut a huge chunk and end it instead, because back then I sucked more than I do now and couldn’t juggle

sooo...I still work on this in starts and stops and then get frustrated for having to stick to Restraint’s chain of events when I have better ideas now for working in Harry’s plot about his damn magic problem and ARRGEHGEHGFVEDHDBVUIOFNBFKDB EFBVJ

I should just let Crumbling Facade take me where it wants to take me and fuck Restraint

16. Potter’s Insatiable Heart

This is my longest wip at 130k XD and I’m stalling now because if I keep going with it where I was intending to go it will end up my longest fic and I’m getting intimidated by the length and how much work it will be to edit that long of a fic so I just go in and write a few paragraphs now and again, get scared of the length and move on to another wip XD

I also periodically binge read this bitch because I love it to death even though it’s severely flawed XD

17. Corset Drarry

oh boy, when I started writing this this I was weirded out by writing a kink I didn’t understand and kind of tailed off and left it...then I did kinktober for voltron and now I’m laughing at myself because corsets and lingerie is so fucking tame after that kinktober list and all the the crap I wrote for it XD

18. Music in the Periphery

Emily bugs me about finishing this a lot...I bug me about finishing it, progress is non-existent because I have a clear plan for it and when I have a clear plan I can’t write for shit

19. Saying Sorry (Round 2) (MMB)

I gotta kick that habit of starting over with something but keeping the first attempt and still working on it parallel to the second attempt, because then I wind up with 2 fics too similar to each other to post both and I’m completely unable to pick which one I like more *facepalm*

Also, MMB is dead if I can’t stop turning the next fic attempts into angst, I just look at that big fluffy mess and want to angst it all up

20. scrapped MMB ficlets - theo’s letter

not technically drarry thought the greater series is drarry...torn between making it mmb or making it its own fic for a rare pair

21. Weather the Storm

*cries* my 6th year war au, I have such plans for this, but the plans get in the way of writing =(

22. Soulmate AU (folder name)

fucking hell, this is 10+ files and I’m not naming all of them, current count is 5 completed versions 60k+ each, 1 incomplete alternate version, all of which I’m seriously unsatisfied with, none of which I can bear to delete, all of which I periodically go and tinker with, thus leaving them all wips i’m such a fucking hoarder but also I have never gotten over all the awful comments that were on the original soulmate fic on ffnet before my purge and now I can’t ever be satisfied unless it is perfect and wont result in such horrible comments again

23. Turnabout (folder name)

Once again, multiple wips in here of the same 60k finished fic I’ve been unhappy with since the moment I finished it and keep trying to fix by starting over and changing things here and there to change the course of the story. Honestly ready to hit the delete button with this one unless my latest attempt pans out, liking it so far buuuut I’m a mess about my writing so who knows

In the Ways that Matter was based off this fic XD

24. Dependency 

Oh boy, I abandoned this cos it was so dark I got too uncomfortable writing it...I’ve since started revisiting it after being in the Voltron fandom gave me a new tolerance range for dark content XD

Plan on posting this on anon if I ever finish it, obviously changing the title XD it stopped being relevant after the first 30k anyway 

25. Dependency V2

LOL light version of the above that removes most of the dark aspects while maintaining the core plot, but I’m finding it a bit dull XD not sure how long I’ll keep trying to chug along with it

26. *censored title*

hahahaha omg why is this in a different subfolder, this is actually one of the soulmate au ones only it’s actually a spin off au of the original soulmate one I from ffnet and therefore it’s new ground and I’m less unhappy with it

.....I’m probably going to stop working on turnabout today and work on this instead now

(censoring the name because I might post this on anon because I’m too scared to post another drarry soulmate fic under my own name)

27. Retrospection

Sooo, I’m always on and off this fic cos it triggers my anxiety and depression, but fuck that I want to write it so I keep trying XD

I’m also thinking of splitting the two main plots and only going with 1 and using the other to write another story....see if that eases how difficult it is for me to write without self triggering

28. Sequel to mornings

29. Sunrise (loose prequel to mornings)

30. Surrender

I had no idea what this was, opened it and then holy shit THIS BITCH, THIS SLOW BURN FRIENDS TO LOVERS PIECE OF BULLSHIT. I DON’T WRITE SLOW BURN! I DON’T WRITE FRIENDS TO LOVERS. I REFUSE.

but also I really really really love what I wrote so far and now I’m itching to write more *cries* making this list is leaving me with so many open files to work on

31. day 2 ass worship

32. day 3 sensory deprivation

*laughs nervously* the kinktober oneshots that starting turning into a long fic hahahaha cos I really needed more wips

33. Perception of Angels

*wistful sigh* one day I will be able to finish a heavily plot driven story full of fantasy elements and creatures and magic I made up, and when that day somes, Perception of Angels....or that timetravel war au drarry fic idea I have sitting around.....which isn’t on this list only cos I’m not stupid enough to start writing it

So that’s all the drarry files in my wip folder.... I also have heaps more for other ships and fandoms, but I’m keeping that separate =)

And...now I have some writing to go do, cos after 2 months of being unable to write thanks to the bullshit in my life, I started binge writing again 2 days ago =) and opening a few of these to remind myself what they were has a lit a fire under my ass

[v-le]

Kdrama: 그냥 사랑하는 사이 Review

Foreword: The entire composition of this “rant” took me about 5 months to complete. This drama changed a part of me. That is all I have to say.

---

It hasn’t been a full 24 hours since I finished the last episode of this drama, and I may have not completely collected my thoughts yet, but I just want to make one point clear: it was a beautiful masterpiece that was simply too poignant, real, haunting, and raw for the world of kdramas.

This probably sounds like a terrible diss at the rest of the kdrama world, but to call this drama a kdrama, in my opinion, undermines its value. This show went beyond the boundaries of “normal kdramas” and brought us stories that are unpopular or just rarely addressed in the realm of kdramas in general.

To start off, I have a simple disclaimer, and it is that this drama is not for everyone. For some, it is too heavy, for others it is too slow. 그 사이 requires an open mind that is willing to absorb not only all the light, but all the dark, too. Because the brightest things tend to come out of the darkness.

Especially, towards the latter half of 그 사이, I began to cry really easily for every interaction that Kang-doo and Moon-soo had, for every event that made them a little more miserable or a little happier, for anything small or big in their lives. For the first time ever while watching something, I genuinely felt the pain of their worlds reflect onto mine, not because I necessarily related with them, but because their stories felt so real and tangible, that they were beginning to coincide with the stories of my own. Even up until the very end, although I thought it would be excruciatingly difficult for me to bid farewell to these characters and everything else they came with, I ended up feeling genuinely satisfied. Because, something about it, I didn’t feel like their stories actually ended there. It really does feel like Kang-doo and Moon-soo, and everyone else including Seo Joo-won, Jung Yoo-jin, Jung Yoo-taek, Ma-ri, Moon-soo’s mother, and Sang-man, too, are still living their lives somewhere far away from me right now in this moment. And to me, that was magical. Because whenever I finish a drama, especially a good one, I always felt extremely empty after its end. The withdrawal symptoms from amazing dramas are one of the hardest withdrawals to cope with. But after 그 사이, I of course felt regretful that it was over so fast, but I didn’t necessarily long to keep watching more and more, which probably sounds very odd, and maybe even bad.

But, no. Simply put, the way 그 사이 chose to wrap up these intricate storylines made everything feel overwhelmingly realistic. It wasn’t the ending of a story, but more like the closing of the curtains, the turning off of the cameras, and the end of the audience’s privileged priviness to their lives thus far. But the characters themselves, it didn’t feel like their stories ended anywhere close to there. I firmly feel like they are continuing. Just continuing.

How this drama managed to pull off such a clean finale, is something I will save to think about later. I know I am hopping around all over the place right now, but I felt that my post-finale thoughts had to be recorded promptly, before they drifted from me. Now, I want to back it up all the way to the end, to even before 그 사이 began to air. Oh, how grateful and glad I am to have noticed its uniqueness even prior to its actual premier. Of course, I didn’t exactly expect it to nearly change a part of me, but I had the slightest, really, just oh-so slightest inclination that this drama might contain all the elements that my heart has been searching for for so long.

After years of watching kdramas, one’s standards begin to naturally rise, and by today, I am definitely very picky with what I consider a “good” drama. Granted, everyone’s preferences are subjective, and my very own may be more specific than others’, but if anything, that probably enabled 그 사이 to rise in ranks faster than I ever expected.

Just from its posters, 그 사이 exuded a sort of ethereal calamity that most dramas don’t really go for these days. Everyone associated 그 사이 with the word “melo”. I am not sure if I completely agree with that description, because like the word “kdrama”, labeling 그 사이 as “melo” seems to undermine its value in a negative way. Melos have a stigma for being slow paced, dragged out, over-dramatic, and tear-filled for more than half the series. The most “melo” part of 그 사이 is the fact that its pace is definitely calmer; it didn’t rush into events and plot twists. But that is, in no way, a bad part of it. I will get back to its elements later. But trust me, slow added a gorgeous feat to 그 사이.

Going back to what I mentioned about the posters, specifically the one above, it felt like a movie. I had mentioned this to my friend, but upon watching the teasers and scrolling through a few images, the biggest thing that piqued my interest was that “it seriously looks like a movie!!!!”. Now, what I mean by “a movie” might sound pretty lame. However, personally, I am not a frequent moviegoer. In fact, I am barely a moviegoer at all. This is because I always felt overwhelmed by the end of movies, regardless of the genre. Movies were always so concise, impactful, and had the ability to leave a really strong, lasting impression within a really short amount of time. That sort of stuff always threw me off; it was just always too much for my brain to handle. Dramas and shows on the other hand, are way more subtle. I get to wean myself into the emotions and storylines, and there is an added level of depth simply due to the fact that they are longer than just an hour and a half or so.

And so, with 그 사이 giving me movie vibes, meant that I felt like it had plenty of room to hit me like a truck and leave me with a few scars, while at the same time, playing itself out as a 16-episode series. The prominent usage of cool colors, mellowed-down instrumental tones, wistful voiceovers, and a cityscape that wasn’t your classic, bright uptown Seoul, but instead a somber yet colorful Busan, all left a very strong, but refreshing first impression on me. It really looked like a movie. Its feats and details looked grand from the get go. It meant that I had a gut feeling that this show was really, seriously, going to move me. And it truly did. 

initialization & continuation--

The very first episode, like most first episodes, introduced us to the one thing that this entire series basically revolves around: the mall collapse accident. I don’t want to exactly recap what the first few episodes were about, but more of what stood out to me that made 그 사이 feel much more special than anything else out there so far.

Moon-soo is a hard worker, balancing a lowkey, blue-collared “job” for her family, as well as working as a designer. Aside from the maybe flawed balance of “work” she has going on, 그 사이 decides to show us the mundane parts, too. Clips of her scrubbing the walls, sweeping the floors, building paper models, simply going about the daily rounds in her life. The initial portrayal of Moon-soo accomplished something that many dramas cannot really pull off, and that is that Moon-soo is just like you and me. Maybe not in the same exact occupational way, but she wakes up in the morning, maybe restlessly, maybe a little bit miserably, she does the things she needs to do, she tends to her responsibilities, and she simply carries on her with life. Of course, not everyone can relate to her on an emotional level, but in a way, we can relate to carrying on with our days no matter how hard it gets. We can see that Moon-soo isn’t that happiest soul in the world, but she isn’t oversensitive and extra mopey, either. She reflects a part of us that we can empathize with, to varying degrees.

The most prominent thing that I initially noticed about Kang-doo was his sharp tongue and the fact that he was always getting beat up and walking around with scars and blood stains. At first glance, many would probably assume that he was your classic, reckless bad boy that doesn’t give two shits about the world. And to an extent, that is true. However, we are also fully aware of the kind of ordeals he has gone through, and we could, or at least I could, sort of feel this underlying pain that he carries around within himself. The eternal scars that Kang-doo carries within himself still haunt me to this day. I can’t even begin to fathom, how hard it must be, to carry so much trauma within one’s own mind. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to have your father die in an accident, to have been buried beneath rubble for 7 days, to have been stuck with a dead body, to have watched him die, to have your mother die promptly afterwards, to legitimately have schizophrenia due to the all these ordeals combined. In short, Kang-doo is fucked up in ways unimaginable to a normal person, but he hides it all away behind his cold eyes in a heavy layer of bruteness and disregard. From the very beginning, I could feel that Kang-doo’s character has so much complexity, to a point where I couldn’t even comprehend how deep the series would choose to dig out from him. I was excited, but at the same time, apprehensive to watch his story unfold. I knew I had to prepare myself for some massive waterworks. This, in itself, was something a drama had never presented to me with before. 그 사이, I could tell, would not be your cliche kind of romance story.

Even the opening, since the very first episode when I saw it, it pulled at something deeper than anything else. It is comprised of still frames of tragic accidents or sites of rubble and such. It is haunting for an opening and it definitely left a huge impression on me. It established a heavy aura that rarely any dramas dare to take on. 

Another random but poignant point that stuck with me was the scene in which Halmoni was smoking, and she passes the cigarette to Kang-doo, who also takes a puff. We only see the back of their figures as they sit on swings, but when they turn their faces to the side, we can clearly see that it is the actors themselves smoking, and not some sort of lookalikes. This left a lasting impression because it almost felt shocking, to watch Jun-ho of 2PM smoke so blatantly like that. Korean media always heavily censors these kinds of things, even if it’s ingrained into their culture like smoking sort of is. Watching him smoke felt kind of scary, in a good way. It felt real, that yes, even someone who is a top idol that sings and dances and has to maintain some sort of pretty image 24/7, can and will smoke. So fun fact: kpop idols are humans, too!

The other characters as well, Wan-jin and Sang-man and Moon-soo’s mom, and Seo Joo-won, Jung Yoo-jin, Ma-ri and Jung Yoo-taek, and Halmeoni played their own special, but very symbolic role as 그 사이 progressed.

Since our introduction to Sang-man, we can get the gist that he is “not normal”. Once again, at first glance, Sang-man looks like a guy who is mentally slower than everyone else. But with time, we get to learn how much more mature he actually is than the rest of our crew, in his own special kind of way. Some of his simplest lines hit the deepest, and although he wasn't exactly my all-time favorite character, I can safely say that he was a hidden gem amongst this web of characters. He is extremely precious, and he shows the audience a beautiful side to being mentally “different”. 

Then, we have Wan-jin who contributes to 그 사이 as a figure of immense support for Moon-soo. They share a friendship through their hardships and that in itself resonated really well with me. Throughout this series, we get to see small snippets of how the disabled are disadvantaged and disrespected, too. There is one scene that stands out to me, which is when Wan-jin tells her assistant (idr his name) that she doesn’t want his pity, but she simply wants to be treated like human, like everyone else. Because she is no less a person than anyone else is.

Even Ma-ri, head of the karaoke place that essentially “sells” girls for their presence: at first glance, she is your classic, rich, and manipulative female figure. But underneath that layer of presumable impurity, she is actually the victim of sexual abuse who has worked her way to her place and owes her life to the bravery of Kang-doo himself.

Furthermore, Moon-soo’s mother is more than a lamenting mother who has lost a child, but she is in particular, an alcoholic. Her relationship with her husband has gone sour and she barely manages to hang onto her sanity with the help of soju and Moon-soo by her side. Her mother portrays the agony of a child’s death in such a surreal way, that it only felt right for her to not be okay, in every way possible. She was a complete mess, but rightfully so. Her battle with alcohol didn’t end as just an unsolved addiction, but we were even able to see her enter rehab and conquer herself from within at the end of the drama.

Halmeoni played such an immensely pivotal role in this story. Her words of wisdom sat with viewers even weeks after she said them on screen. One of my personal favorites is “Just because someone is yelling louder doesn’t mean that they are hurting more”. Halmeoni played a sort of role that was like a guardian angel, who was present to give all that she could, until her own time was up. Her sharp tongue and snarky attitude made her likable in the most unique of ways. Because in the end, she was always sort of right. One of the hardest hitting things that Halmeoni talked about was when she was scolding Kang-doo’s sister, saying that it isn’t cigarettes nor cancer nor car accidents nor drugs that kill people. It is poverty. Because a lot of the times, poverty pushes people into these situations. And especially so, it is those in poverty that don’t have the resources to help themselves, in which they are left helpless to die. Halmeoni preached to viewers that poverty is the number one killer of humans. Her departure from the lives of our characters, and particularly Kang-doo’s, left a void that was meant for filling. I will never get over this, but I absolutely love how the show decided to handle her death. We didn’t see any funeral procession or all-black attire or wreaths or a nicely framed portrait. We just saw the aftermath, the broken pieces of Kang-doo and others, and we get to see how they pick themselves back up from all of it. It was a work of art, and it hit much, much, much more deeper than showing us the explicit parts.

All these supporting characters surrounding Moon-soo and Kang-doo indirectly dealt with things like mental health, people with disabilities, sexual assault, poverty, and even alcohol abuse. Aside from the obvious central theme of post-traumatic stress and remembering the forgotten, 그 사이 decided to touch upon these seemingly subtle, but very sensitive topics as well. All these characters were messed up or struggling in some sort of very real way. And it was so, so well done.

The next thing that I absolutely loved about 그 사이 was the progression of Kang-doo and Moon-soo’s relationship. It was simply drawn out so gorgeously. Of course, their fate began in a cliche sort of way, through the accident in which they both lost a loved one. However, this fact was only apparent to Kang-doo for a significant part of their progression. Moon-soo’s inability to remember the bits and pieces of the accident are compensated for through Kang-doo’s haunting ability to recall every miniscule detail, to an extent where he is mentally unstable. Time and time again, Kang-doo asks Moon-soo, what is the point of both of them suffering when only one needs to? This question was raised more than once during 그 사이 and I came to appreciate a sort of two-sided beauty to it. The fact is that, Kang-doo didn’t want another loved one to suffer, but Moon-soo didn’t want Kang-doo to suffer alone. Is it better to suffer alone and hold all the pain in? Or should you share the burden because it may be too much for one to handle alone? This is a dilemma that I resonate with in terms of my very own friends and loved ones. It is a question that we have all asked ourselves at one point. And it is a question that was at the forefront of Kang-doo and Moon-soo’s relationship.

Another thing with these two is that they came to love each other flawlessly. Although this came up before during Joo-won and Kang-doo’s conversation, when Moon-soo asks why Kang-doo loves her, he says “그냥” (just because). And that my friend, was the end of me. The End.

Of course, this definitely was not the only scene in which I cried, but it sure did release a flood of some sort. When posed with this question, the leads of many dramas don’t always list out amazing features of their significant other or anything, and they even say the similar things along the lines of “Do I even need a reason?”. But a one word answer, spoken so genuinely, so lovingly from someone who has gone through so goddamn much, has so much more meaning than a paragraph or an essay or even a book about how much he loves Moon-soo. It hits deeper than mundanely loving someone because they are pretty or accomplished or an amazing person. It touches upon a sort of love that only them two can feel and possess. Only them two, and no one else, will ever understand. And the feeling that this one-word description gave me, was one of a sort of invasion. I felt like I was intruding on something so precious and dear, the fact that Kang-doo spoke “그냥” in itself already felt like much, much more than I already should be allowed to know. I felt like anything further said would just tarnish the beauty of it all. That is simply how real and stunning their affection for each other felt.

Another point that many others could probably agree with is how their physical interactions exuded overwhelming chemistry out of the simplest actions. All they did was hold hands for a really, long freaking time, but it felt a million times deeper than just hand holding. Even when the two finally kissed, there was nothing extravagant about it. The two just genuinely wanted to be with each other. And that was enough. In fact, it was more than enough. I probably sound like a broken record by now, but these two felt so natural and organic together that I almost felt like I didn’t deserve to watch them be so cute and coupley and just in love. The surrealism was overwhelming and it is something that could only come about from stellar writing, and of course, the performances of Lee Jun-ho and Won Jin-ah.

Jun-ho absolutely blew me away. Watching him progress through this drama made me fall for him, hard. Honestly, I sort of want to not even talk about the fact that he is also an idol, too, because the stigma of idol-actors has no place in this drama. Jun-ho literally made himself into this person. Usually, when actors play a significant role, and even when they pull it off really well, I still tend to associate the actor himself with that one character, not in a bad way, but as a form of infatuation (e.g. Ryu Jun-yeol as Kim Jung-hwan in ‘88). Not to say that seeing that actor only reminds me of that one character, but more like, I always tend to see flecks of the character that I can never fully shake off no matter how hard I try.

But for Jun-ho as Kang-doo, this is not the case. I can separate the two, very clearly, too. Of course, as a person, they have completely different personalities and such, but its the fact that I can see Kang-doo existing in this world as well as Jun-ho the actor, idol, and human, too. Because that’s just how well he played it. And don’t even get me started on how multi-talented Jun-ho is as a person in real life, too. The fact that he can dance and sing super fucking well (with countless solo songs and albums to call his own) further blows my mind and raises him up to the top ranks of my favorite actors. There is nothing this guy can’t do. And I just want to mention, he isn’t particularly handsome or anything. To me, it is endless charms and abilities that make Jun-ho such a likable guy. I am absolutely proud to have watched him grow thus far.

As for Won Jin-ah, it was already hyped from the beginning that she was chosen out of “120 auditions” which is indeed a big feat, but I think just further adds to her credibility as an outstanding actress. She has such natural features of expression, and of course, that pure, innocent kind of vibe that is commonly taken for granted among actresses. I am going to be honest here, I am not as good at dissecting female performances compared to male performances, mostly because I am a female myself, but Won Jin-ah fit Moon-soo so well that I truly can’t see her as anyone else. I know that that kind of saying is a bit overused for many characters played by certain actors, but I truly do mean it in the same way I talked about Jun-ho as Kang-doo. She made herself into Moon-soo, in which I can firmly believe there is a Ha Moon-soo somewhere out there working at her mother’s bathhouse and making models, while there is also the actress Won Jin-ah doing her job.

It is just stunning, how intricate and detailed these characters were, and how well they came to life on screen. I can’t get over it, I just really can’t. If I daresay, it was almost as if I was watching a documentary. These two were that real together. It was heartbreakingly beautiful.

Which takes me into the angst realm of 그 사이. Many, many commenters of this drama mentioned how heavy it was, and how it was difficult to watch during hard times and such. But for me, although I admit I am a total sucker for dark and depressing shows anyway, its heaviness weighed me down in all the right ways. It tugged at the right corners of my heart, to a point where for the first time ever, I literally bawled my eyes out because of something beautiful.

It is pretty hard to explain, how I felt as I watched their lives unfold. The most prominent feeling, of course, was sadness and pain for when the characters themselves were in pain. Sometimes, I could feel the pain physically in my chest, and I wished until the end of the world that everything could be okay. But at the same time, when things just seemed to happen at the right moments in time, when their fingers seemed to intertwine at all the perfect angles, I weeped like there was no tomorrow because have you ever seen a couple so beautiful before? I haven’t, I really haven’t.

Anything that heals must have been hurt before, too. And that is Kang-doo and Moon-soo. They provide each other with a sort of healing that only they can feel and understand. While one radiates pain and suffering, the other absorbs it all and folds it with love into the layers that is their relationship. I agree to an extent that their occasional back-and-forth-ness got a little bit out of hand, but I also see it is as a sort of apprehensiveness. That these two loved each other so much, that they wanted to avoid hurting the other in any way possible.

So as much as their agony from the unfortunate events in their lives caused, and as much as they cried themselves, I cried along with them, the entire way through. And when there were those small, gorgeous moments of the light shining through the cracks for just a little while, I still cried. Mundane moments reflected something so much deeper than any viewer can feel on their own accord. Crying a shit ton during a show probably sounds like a negative thing, but for me, it simply shows me how much 그 사이 moved me. It moved my soul to peer into places deeper than the deepest places of my imagination. Even when I was simply walking to class in the middle of the day, I got choked up just thinking about Kang-doo and Moon-soo and how everything might unfold before them, for better or for worse.

Everything that happened between Kang-doo and Moon-soo felt so raw with emotion. Each line spoken to each other was purposeful and wistful. There really never was a dull moment between the two. The way in which some of the scenes were shot, the camera would shake in the slightest. It made it all look so brutally realistic, as if we were really there, privy to their thoughts and secrets and feelings.

그 사이 literally took over my life for the weeks that it was airing, and although this obsessive enthusiasm wasn’t exactly new to me (Healer & Reply ‘88 both accomplished this), it pushed me to ask why this show had the ability to do so. I honestly don’t think words alone will ever fully be enough to explain all of the pure beauty in 그 사이, but words are all I have at my expense.

silhouettes & hands & ice cream & carrots--

These are the small things that made this drama all the more ethereal. The cinematography and the way the sunlight hit the camera at certain angles, it literally printed itself onto my brain. These frames were magnificent and nearly struck a tear in my eye each time. The usage of silhouettes as well, was so, extremely well done here. I have no words.

One of the biggest things that also stood out significantly to me, although maybe not that big of a deal, but definitely worth a mention, was how well her hand fit into his. I have never felt such a swell of emotions through people simply holding hands. I swear to god, it is as if their hands were made for each other. Her hands are perfectly smaller than his, which means his covered them effortlessly. “You were born to be loved by me, right?” asks Kang-doo. Some of his lines were honestly so cringey, but Jun-ho pulled them off so well, they seriously sounded really natural to me. 100% cute and 0% corny.

And of course, the iconic ice creams. The fact that by the end of the drama, Moon-soo herself actually likes ice cream, too, can it get any cuter. To add to the cuteness, in real life, Jun-ho is ice cream obsessed, always posing with it, talking about it, even writing a song about it, and of course, eating it. I feel like the symbol of ice cream was sort of like Jun-ho’s piece to take from Kang-doo. It is like a part of him that he gave to his character, to fully make it his, but not exactly him.

The carrot is iconic because of the one line we can never forget. The line that Moon-soo meant, but didn’t really mean at the same time. The line that sputtered out of her mouth in a funny, exasperating way, but also in a meaningful, deeper, heartfelt way. Me too, Moon-soo, me too. I like a man that eats carrots, too.

thank yous & i love yous & geu sa-i--

This motif was quite a prominent one, but after thinking about it more, I started to realize the sort of message the writer and director were possibly trying to get at. The “i love you”s were touching and cute and everything, but the line(s) that got to me the most were not those three stereotypically monumental words, but it was the “thank you”s that cut deeper than most. How many dramas have you watched where the couple consistently thanked each other? And what kind of meaning did those thank yous hold? In 그 사이, Moon-soo and Kang-doo exchanged genuine, heartfelt thank yous.

The thing with these thank yous though, is that they have a multitude of meanings. “Thank you for picking me up today.” “Thank you for calling me.” “Thank you for being there for me.” “Thank you for loving me.” “Thank you for being you.” “Thank you for staying by my side.” “Thank you for being alive.” I could go on and on, but you get the point. These thank yous meant the universe to them, they relayed a sort of gratitude and passion and sentiment that only these two could feel and share. It all just felt so organic.

Next, I want to discuss the “trope” that 그 사이 utilized in which Kang-doo was fighting for his life towards the end of it all. This part was excruciatingly painful to watch, mostly because I honestly couldn’t tell how they were going to end it all. Nor could I really understand what sort of meaning each kind of ending could have. If they ended it happily ever after, why? And if not, what else were they trying to say? I just couldn’t tell.

Kang-doo was suffering from a failing liver, and I think it only made sense. From day one, he is depicted as reckless, especially towards his own body. A comment somewhere on Dramabeans stated it nicely: “Grandma kept telling him to stop taking [the painkillers] and to let his pain out instead, and with no granny to give him placebos, he ended up taking real, strong painkillers.” I feel like 그 사이 toyed with Kang-doo’s life as a sort of reality check, that shit goes on, no matter how good or bad everything seems to be turning out, shit still goes on. But by saving him, of course, maybe they are telling us that miracles really do exist. Most importantly, they don’t forget to remind us that these miracles may come at the expense of others’ own misfortunes.

And if anything, the dragging out of Kang-doo’s potential death left room for the supporting to characters to come out and shower Kang-doo with love. I can’t remember the quote exactly, but it was when the doctor asked Jae-young what kind of person her brother was, that so many random people were coming forward to readily donate a part of their liver as if it was no big deal. But Ma-ri countered wonderfully, that it is a serious decision to make, which is all the reason why it matters so much more. It was super duper heartwarming to see everyone try their best, in any way, to help Kang-doo and just have him live. I feel like giving us the most plausible hope of Sang-man specifically, was symbolic in which he, of all people, literally the most profound, but possibly most childish person out of our entire bunch, would be the one to save Kang-doo. But it also felt brutally realistic when they suddenly took him away as a donor because life just doesn’t get to work out perfectly like that all the time. But also with last-minute miracles, life kinda does tend to work out at the perfect times. Life is luck? Maybe.

But the ending scene, that goddamn, fucking gorgeous ending scene. I don’t even care if people whine all they want about how ending with a kiss scene is cliche and overrated, just leave me be to pick this one apart. In fact, the part that got me the most choked up wasn’t even the kiss itself (I mean, it partly was), but it was the dialogue, the eyes, the expressions, and the voiceover that got me wailing like a drowning beluga whale in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. Like smack dab in the middle. Wailing incessantly. That was me.

Because here is the thing. First off, we pan into a frame that overlooks the Busan cityscape as the sun is setting, the bright houses are subtly flashing their hues, the horizon is glowing all sorts of reds and blues and pinks and oranges and purples, and our couple’s silhouette is situated perfectly at the center of it all. Literally, just that still frame of that scene itself, took my breath away. Stunning cinematography at its finest. Moon-soo tells Kang-doo that she loves him, which we haven’t gotten a chance to hear after all the times he’s already told her the same. But here she says it and her eyes are literally glowing, and his eyes are peaceful yet joyous at the same time, the most comfortable, and just the most at-home I have ever seen them throughout the entire series. And then there is a really long pause with no dialogue, no sounds, no loud blowing, just a blank, subtle, empty noise, as he cradles her face which somehow just manages to fit perfectly into his hand, and then Kang-doo’s voice breaks through the ever-so-slightly prolonged silence, and he narrates “Moon-soo loves me”.

I will repeat that just in case you couldn’t read it above: “Moon-soo loves me”.

The impact that this one simple line had was massive, colossal, unimaginably poignant, and it hit me. Deep. This one line, I feel, gave validation to this entire show, to all our hours devoted to watching it, to the characters’ actions, and most importantly, to Kang-doo’s life. Throughout the entirety of 그 사이, he is literally battling for his life, not only physically at the end, but emotionally and mentally as well. He very much lacked that spark of purpose, the thing that made him live. Not to denounce his worth and say that now his life only boils down to Moon-soo’s love for him. It’s more like, she gives him another beginning. Kang-doo states this eloquently when talking with Seo Joo-won on the roof about why he loves her. “Just because”. He continues, “I was a man that could only live by the day. But after meeting her, I was curious about tomorrow”.

And so “Moon-soo loves me” is so pivotal in which Kang-doo has mostly, hopefully relieved himself of all the shit and guilt and trauma and struggles that he has been fighting from within, and all he needs in his life to keep going is Moon-soo’s love. This line is followed up with a “The fact that we are alive… it is a relief.” How fucking beautiful is that.

And now, this is where I can come full circle to the title of this drama, “그냥 사랑하는 사이”. The English of this has been commonly translated as “Just Between Lovers”, but as you can tell since the beginning of this composition, I do not prefer to use that title, for several reasons. The main one is that, well, sometimes there are things in other languages that you really just cannot translate. “그냥 사랑하는 사이” is one of them. The meaning that it has in Korean, the feelings and implications that it carries with it, simply cannot be translated into the English language. If I wanted to try, it would be something along the lines of “just your average, simple relationship between two people that love each other”. Which still sounds pretty stupid in English, but with those extra strands of meaning, and even more added depth, is what the Korean title holds. Also, for simplicity’s sake, Korean phrases tend to be condensed into acronym-like words. In this case though, “그냥 사랑하는 사이 (geu-nyang sa-rang-ha-neun sa-i)” as an acronym-ish kind of word is simply “그 사이 (geu sa-i)” in which the “냥 (nyang)” and “사랑하는” (meaning “loving”) are removed to now signify something along the lines of literally: “that relationship” or “a relationship”. “그” is used as sort of an article, I guess, meaning “that” or “a”, or basically anything not really specific like his or hers or yours. **I have never learned Korean formally, and everything I’m saying is legitimately self-taught, so please don’t quote me on any of this, but I am just trying to get my point across as best as I can LOL** This all boils down to how, to me, “그 사이” is so simple yet touching and moving and so full of meaning, that it has this sort of immense, hidden beauty to it. Not only is it, in this case, a shortened version of “그냥 사랑하는 사이”, but “그 사이” as a phrase in any context is seemingly mundane, but carries so much more than meets the eye.

Just like, you know, a relationship. But not actually. The love part sounds simple enough, and it is. They love. But how they came to love, what it means to them, contains a meaning so deep and intricate that, maybe, just to make things easier and to even preserve its profound beauty that we will never understand, we will leave it as... just a relationship.

And I find that incredibly moving. I am struggling right now, to type down my feelings, but I hope that it is working to an extent. For the first time ever, a drama’s title actually seemed to fit, in less of a relevancy sort of way, but in much more of a meaningful, heartfelt way. The title of this drama is so short, so plain, almost boring-sounding, but it encompassed so much more than that. It encompassed an entire, full relationship of two people that come to love, or even more than love, but live, through pain and deaths and guilt and hardships and tears and growth and interdependence, and just each other.

There is an infinite amount of complexity hidden within the seemingly thin and obvious layers of  그 사이, and I think this is what is at the center of its ethereal beauty as a show for viewers to absorb. The words behind the characters’ actions and the events that occur carry immaculate weight, that it makes you question things, maybe even about your own life. This is a sort of art that I have never, ever seen a show demonstrate, and it completely took my breath away. It left a million pieces of my heart shattered on the floor. I literally feel like my life has changed, even if just a little bit.

Which now brings me to the things that this show wanted to tell the audience. When commenting about 그 사이, many people tended to say something along the lines of “It had great messages, it was so deep, etc.” and yes, I agree with that, too. But nowhere did anyone actually say what those messages were. I feel like there is an infinite number of lessons 그 사이 wanted to teach us, but I’ll try to point out the more noticeable ones first.

think about this--

Remember the forgotten.

Awareness is one of the strongest forces, because knowledge is power. I feel that, amidst people’s ordinary lives, we sometimes forget to remember those who simply never had a chance to live. We all live so voraciously and fervently, but it is important to be aware of that fervor that couldn’t be. Some people questioned the intent of leaving out the final product of the memorial that our two leads were working so hard on throughout the entire show. One commentator wrote simply: "In a way, it gave cadence to the idea that the memorial wasn't for the public or even us as the viewers. It belongs to the victims and the survivors of the tragedy." Very well articulated. Nothing more is needed.

Poverty kills.

I touched upon this one a little bit in the above text, but here, I’m just going to lay down Halmeoni’s entire spiel because no could have said it better than her.

Mental trauma is in its own way, more painful than any physical sort of pain.

Jun-ho demonstrates this so hauntingly and beautifully through his acting as the broken Kang-doo. In an interview that Jun-ho had after wrapping up filming, he says, "I didn't know what these people thought. It's something you won't know if you haven't been through it. You have to experience pain to know what it feels like. So I didn't even dare to try to understand them. I just used my own method of shutting myself away”. So much personal heart and character lies within those words, making his performance even more credible and noteworthy. Here is a line from the wise ol’ Halmeoni that hits pretty deep.

Never take life for granted.

I feel like this sort of message has such redundancy and insensibility in common-day life, but it is a reality that 그 사이 brings to life gorgeously. These characters are struggling in the depths of their own despair on a daily basis. But in the end, we get to see them prevail in some sort of way, with the help of each other’s sheer existence. In the same interview, Jun-ho says, “You don't take things for granted. Every little thing from the sun and wind, is important.” It is so poignant, to see the actor himself connect so deeply with the plot and depth of the story itself. The ending scene of 그 사이 paints this message in the air and the wind, from Kang-doo’s very own voiceover. He says, “Because we survived… it’s a relief”. And that’s it. That concludes the entirety of 그 사이. What huge punch to the guts that line was. It was so bold, heart-rendering, and just true. It was true, that the simple fact that we are living our own lives, sad or happy, good or bad, pain or not, we are alive, and that is all that matters in the end.

words & frames--

In addition, I want to include a few more lines (that are conveniently included within the beautiful OST MVs produced by El Music Studio) that struck huge cracks into my soul as they were spoken aloud on screen. Honestly, these lines sound much better in Korean because there is a sort of depth that an English translation isn’t able to capture, but that is okay. English will just have to do.

“Misery is just... being miserable.”

“Looking down from such a high place like this, people don’t really look like people anymore, do they?”

“Just because they are crying more loudly doesn’t mean that they are hurting more.”

“Him distancing himself that much shows how much he actually cherishes you.”

“And so, more than anyone else... we must be happier.”

An extra note about the OSTs: none of them stood out enough for me to add to my music library, not even Jun-ho’s very own (as much I love his gorgeous voice). However, I can confidently say that they added a haunting effect to many of the scenes and portrayals throughout the show. All the voices and quiet, heart-tugging melodies that meadered its way between the dialogue and echoes, created some intense emotions that probably would’ve been empty otherwise.

noticeable hair-growth & flaws & final wrap up--

One of the things that I really came to notice by the end of this show was that the characters’ hair had grown significantly. I mean, this is a given. Hair grows over time. Duh. But aside from the fact that it’s an obvious naturality. I found to love how it added to the realism in 그 사이. The fact that by the last episode, Jung Yoo-jin’s hair was almost reaching her shoulders, Seo Joo-won’s was creeping towards his neck, Moon-soo grew out her bangs and swept it to the side, and Kang-doo’s covered his eyes a little more than usual, was just a touching sight to take in. Look how human they are! Their hair grew properly, following the time sequence of the series itself. How beautiful is that. It’s such a subtle, minor detail, but to me, it really stood out as an aesthetic touch to its already-brimming-with-reality depiction that 그 사이 establishes.

I could be biased here, but I want to say that 그 사이’s biggest fault was that it used supporting characters like Seo Joo-won and Jung Yoo-jin. Not to say that their roles were completely useless or detrimental to the plot, but more like, their roles were underdone amidst the medley of such a strong leading pair mixed with the other complex, unique supporting figures. Although Jung Yoo-jin thankfully did not play your classic, snooty second female lead vying for the main man, Seo Joo-won very much fell under this category, in his own male-ish sort of way. I honestly did not really appreciate some of his actions and words. I felt like his character was lacking the depth and charm that the rest of the cast hones in on so well. The writers really could have given more to work with, but with such bland lines and cliche intentions, I just couldn’t find myself warming up to him. Aside from parts of Joo-won’s incompleteness as a character, I guess another flaw could be the classic kdrama tropes 그 사이 utilized. As minimal as they were, some were there regardless. The wrist grab, the mid-fall waist catch, the eavesdropping behind a wall, and all of that cliche mush you could find in 1897957 other kdramas, were definitely present in 그 사이. But whatever. It was fucking beautiful anyway.

Finally, I want to address the last part of this clean finale that 그 사이 managed with ease. In particular, it was the montage of the familiar locations that we have gotten to see since the beginning. Externally, it looked plain and a little bit sad and empty. But I feel like these stills offered us so much, because these locations were more than places that our characters frequented, but they are perpetual within their spaces of time. These places, those sort of “places that you can always go back to no matter what happens”. Places of rest, of heart, of everything else that has and could happen. At this point I’m basically just rambling, but my point is that. It was breathtaking.

Also, let us just take some time to appreciate these real Busan visuals. 

To anyone that has read this far by now… Wow. Just so you know, you have read through an entire 5-month journey with my thoughts LOL. It is almost May now and my life has been too much of a mess for me to be able to post this within one sitting.

Many days have passed since I last finished this drama and wiped my tears off my face and blew my nose into a soggy tissue and gazed awestruck into the beautiful skyline on my laptop screen. But my feelings remain the same, and this series has held such a special place in my heart. When talking about Korean dramas with friends or acquaintances I try to sound nonchalant about 그 사이. Because, you know, it was just that one show that lowkey changed my life. 그 사이 made me feel things and taught me things and provoked thoughts that no other show ever has in my life. I really could care less about what the general public had to say about 그 사이. I just know, I loved it with all my heart and soul. Thank you for everything, 그 사이.

[extrology]

Baekhyun. Struggles & Talents

Saturn Dominant

among all Baekhyun’s faces there’s this hidden serious and wise side

powerful concentration on goals (remember his motto 'Life is Only a Path Full of Efforts'?)

overall this guy loves to work. And he works hard

saturn also makes him honest and straightforward

most likely rebellious youth

the second part of his life should be easier and more fulfilling

(probably difficult trainee days, struggles with finding career path and “superstar” ego)

saturn prompts him to seek the essential, security and longevity (makes him even a bigger materialist. Maybe 4th time mentioning it. sigh)

saturnians deep down hide a golden heart ♥

strong aspects who gift him with great social skills counteract and fix the struggles your average saturnian has. He’s left with all the positives, lucky one

So saturn gives him some trouble in the earlier stages of life but teaches structure, wisdom, honesty and inspires to work hard.

People say it’s an awful planet to have as a dominant as you usually have terrible pre 25es but Saturn teaches so much that life becomes incredibly easy and smooth sailing after that

Other prominent planet in his chart is Mercury (planet of logic, communication and brains).

Saturn and Mercury as two most dominant planets make him a very smart, logical, social, straightforward, reliable and hard worker with a golden heart. If you combine with the charms of the rest of the chart you get the most perfect being alive. How is this even possible? Does he really have such few flaws? Does he exist. even.

Aquarius & Capricorn as dominant signs.

Aquarius gifts Baekhyun with originality, geniusness (is that a word?), to the point of eccentricity

makes him likeable and impassive

tremendously sexy and charming in public ;)

tends to get in trouble for his nontraditional behavior

but honestly, people might simply label him as “strange” “extra” if he shows his true colors

doesn’t open up on a personal basis but he tends to do so easily in public (you know those people who are awkward when you get alone with them but otherwise are the star of the party. yup, that’s him)

despite nice and sociable character possibly frustrates many people in private

because he finds it impossible to show deep and warm affection, emotions or tears one-on-one

(so he’ll give you advice and will try to be a good friend but he would feel pretty tense alone with somebody. It would get awkward real fast if you started crying. He would be such a lost puppy. He would hug you but then would be at a loss of words. He wants to be a good friend and help you but at the same time doesn’t know how to do that and overthinks everything. Probably with Aries Mercury would say how he’d beat up everybody who hurt you and how they all will pay for it. Such a break of character, but it’s pretty common. I know several people who act this way. Prefers being in a group overall )

Aspect Patterns

Earth Grand Trine (all aspects are very strong)

blesses Baekhyun with exceptionally good looks (i lost count how many times I wrote that already. we get it universe. he’s born to be handsome)

surprisingly lucky when it comes to his career

can achieve anything by working hard (remember Aikido, Rock band, relationships, popularity in school? I’m not even talking about EXO. If he sets his mind on it, he can make it big)

Baekhyun was popular all his life. And I can’t imagine it being otherwise with this planet placement.

T-Cross shows a very serious problem (common in businessmen and famous figures). People usually know where the problem is and are able to fix it.

Baekhyun’s problems lie in relationships with people

needs friends in order to feel safe and secure (this usually comes from low self esteem, in his case he has a huge Aquarius ego that needs to be petted)

(Baekhyun is the type to ask friends to go even to the convenience store with him)

really selective when it comes to friends (conceited)

prefers people several years older

doesn’t know how to be personal with people (social butterfly/class clown, awkward when one-on-one)

Huge “I want to be original, weird and myself but I also want to fit in and be loved” struggle

saturn here makes it harder, so every time he shows his true self people laugh and make fun of it

(by true self I don’t mean active and outgoing, I mean that “extra” guy we sometimes see on stage, the guy who walks in on other members showering, undresses other members on stage and embarrasses everybody around him overall)

saturn is here to teach him to detach from his hurt ego and not to take what others say personally

(when he would let go of himself and start doing weird things or shared his dance videos, his friends would make fun of him. It probably hurt him far more than we can imagine)

he probably had to pretend to be normal and act by the social norms (Baek was one of the most popular kids in school after all)

by doing so he fed his ego but with fake love as he never showed the real him

and Aquarius wants to be recognized for his true original self so he was never actually happy (I believe he tried expressing himself by joining a band and with other hobbies)

People like Baekhyun need a lot of praise and recognition from strangers

as they feel like it’s fake when it comes from their friends

and they know they have to deserve the praise.

in their head they’re always thinking

“I don’t deserve the attention, I need to be perfect to earn it”

“I have to become stronger, smarter, more courageous and well rounded”

overworks himself for it

but then the T-Cross points that the solution is in romance and entertainment

as relationships are crucial at forming his personality, I believe that love transformed him.

In relationships there’s nowhere to hide, he had to be alone with his girlfriend however uncomfortable it was.

This is where he learned how to be more personal, show warmth and affection.

He probably became more confident and not so reliant on others as well.

(He said he reads “how to be a good boyfriend” books on his free time. I mean he probably knows it’s his problem area)

work in entertainment industry is probably helping him a lot with dealing with his “weird but want to fit in and be liked” personality.

Fans give him a lot of support and it probably makes it easier for him to finally accept himself for the quirky weirdo he is. (I honestly hate those people who said that Baek should wear makeup as he looks ugly without it. Poor baby was so close to fully accepting himself and then... little shits)

(it’s probably no secret that Baekhyun values friendship very very much. And whatever problems he had concerning it in his early life he’s probably solving them right now)

Bonus

Baek has 3 quintiles. It’s rare for a person to have one quintile (straight off a talent or a lovable quirk). But this guy has 3 of them

is great at experimenting, creativity, having fun, tasks that ask for individuality but also great at sacrificing his ego for the sake of common cause.

Free and open expression of feelings, instinctive over-acting and self-dramatization but everybody loves it (it’s his charm)

By the way I describe him, you may think he is soo damn conceited when it comes to making friends but I’ll just explain it here

Friendship is something SO SO important to him. We already know he’s the best kind of friend to have. And because he values friendship so highly, gives so much love and attention to his friends, he doesn’t feel like throwing it around and letting everybody in.

if he’s willing to become friends with you, you two are going to stick together for life, you just need to prove you’re worth the trust and absolute loyalty. ^^

Now about the materialism. I say it a lot. But what I mean is that he likes to be surrounded by nice things. Have good headphones, nice car, apartment, a nice phone, suit. It’s not his main goal but he just feels good surrounded by beauty and it gives him comfort. Who doesn’t have this side to them? His is just a tiny bit stronger

I know this post was kinda dry, but I gotta find out all ins and outs of the personality to make correct assumptions later on. ^^; The next post is going to be all about Love & Relationships though *smirk*

So in the middle of writing this post I started questioning my morals. Am I invading his privacy by doing this and making it public? Am I an awful human being? So I cut out the more personal chunk and I doubt I’ll write something as serious about other members. It’s way more fun to read and write casual posts about crushes, hobbies and everyday topics anyway~ ^^

[deepdarkwaters]

Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Got back from the Kingsman double bill a bit ago and am trying to put my brain into words even though I'm very tired and a bit numb and I smuggled five hours' worth of gin into the cinema in an Evian bottle so I'm as drunk as Harry at breakfast time.

OBVIOUSLY THERE ARE SPOILERS BELOW

Watching them back to back like this was interesting because it highlighted so clearly how much better the first one is than this fumbly ridiculous sequel. Not saying it's not good or not worth watching or whatever because it absolutely is worth watching for several reasons I will babble after another teacup of gin, but holy god is this really the best they could come up with? REALLY? A 100% true fact that I believe with my entire heart: YOU reading this, you are a better writer than people being paid obscene money to write films. I could easily name thirty fic writers off the top of my head right now who have an infinitely better grasp on pacing and plot and characterisation and dialogue than the people responsible for this stuff. I've not read any press or fan reviews but I imagine there's going to be a hell of a lot of backlash over so much in this from every angle because it's just so incredibly lazy and sometimes ugly and absolutely cannot stand up to its own hype.

Really good things:

* SPECTACULAR, EH!

* Eggsy/Harry and Eggsy/Merlin shippers, goddamn we have a lot of new stuff to work with. Chemistry through the roof, especially Eggsy/Harry (including possibly the best clingy desperate hug I have ever seen on film in my entire life WE HAVE WAITED SO LONG AND IT'S HERE AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL). That was the heart and backbone of the first film, I'm so relieved that it's not only survived but evolved into something fiercer and often messier. So so good to watch. Pretty sure I've got Harry/Merlin written down the inside of my heart like the words in a stick of rock, and though it's not romantic you get much more of a sense of their friendship here and it's all just a bit shattering and gorgeous.

* Pretty much everything to do with Harry's memory loss and Eggsy and Merlin trying to shock him into remembering was great, Y E S  P L E A S E. And Harry's matter of fact comments about his loneliness, fuckkk. Angst writers, go forth with all this new information and break my heart some more! Fluff writers, fix him!

* Lots of beautiful intricate fight choreography which is literally all I need in my action films, so even if I did think the rest was complete balls (which I don't entirely) then I'd still be happy. Nothing comes near the vivid glorious gutpunch of the church scene as a standalone set piece, BUT there's so much Harry & Eggsy teamwork and please just inject this directly into my veins, it's amazing. Prepare for several years of me writing many more elaborate fight scenes than I already do.

* Part B to the above: Whiskey is a lot of fun and his fighting style is full on hardcore pornography to me.

* Merlin in a flawless Kingsman suit, RIP me.

* One of my Bespoke WIPs is about Merlin and Eggsy getting into the habit of going to the pub together sometimes and rolling home completely drunk with a kebab in each hand then trying to get in the house really quietly because Harry's asleep but they end up waking him because they think it'll be really nice to cook him breakfast in bed and Harry comes stomping downstairs in his dressing gown like "it's four o'fucking clock, put those frying pans away and drink some water!" while Merlin and Eggsy side eye each other and try not to giggle. So maudlin singing drunk Merlin was very nice to see :P

* Eggsy and Roxy bromance. There’s such lovely chemistry between them as well, it feels so natural and real, and it’s so good (and miserably rare) to see platonic friendships that aren’t shoehorned into some shitty boring love triangle.

* Eggsy and Tilde were seriously adorable. It ended up not at all satisfying as a romance plot arc because it was like CUTE - fight - marriage, it needed so much more screen time. Like all the important stuff was there, but it was just so abrupt. Include a satisfying romance or don't include one at all, fuck your lazy bullet points. But it started so well and I hope there's a ton of fic that treats them better than the script did. I appreciate the anti-Bond-ness of it all, that Eggsy's genuinely in love and wants to settle and is figuring out how that and his job can possibly fit together, especially with the complications of marrying into royalty. Interested to see where they take that if there's another film. Until then, soo much scope for fic.

* I'm shipping Harry/Elton like burning.

* Poppy was terrifying in a vaguely Umbridge-ish way. That sort of characterisation is always freaky, Julianne was great. So glossy and cheerful but absolutely dead in the eyes. And I'm ambivalent on Charlie, but I ABSOLUTELY want lots of brutal older woman villain/pathetic younger male minion smut. Please provide asap.

* T H E   M Y T H I C A L  B R E A K F A S T   S C E N E   I S   R E A L

Really bad things: well where the merry fuck do I start haha.

* I will never ever understand why they thought it was a good idea to wipe out all the locations and almost all the existing characters at the very beginning. It's lazy shitty writing. If you feel like you need to shake up your fictional world you don't just knock it all down and start over. It's cheap and very shallow angst.

* I only have two middle fingers but I need about seventeen million to even begin to profess my disgust at them killing Roxy. I knew it was going to happen, it was the only spoiler I asked someone for ahead of time and it was not at all a surprise to find out for sure. Still utterly infuriating. The way people responded so positively to her in the first one is a real indication of how ridiculously low the bar is for female characters in action films ("good at something" and "not the hero's love interest" are literally the only two requirements), and JG/MV didn't even think enough of her to follow through on the absolute base level achievement they made before. Fuck everyarse involved in this decision.

* Absolutely revolting honeypot mission scene. Not really the fact that it exists, just the entire way it was handled and shot - so predictably male-gazey and laddishly "waheyyy!" that it kind of turned my stomach. Horrible and completely unnecessary.

* A million new characters and not enough time spent on any of them to care. Tequila was barely more than a cameo. Champ and Ginger hardly had anything to do. All the Statesmen (except Whiskey) were completely two dimensional and it's such a jarring contrast to the obvious care taken over Eggsy, Merlin, and Harry. It's not even because we already know them, I don't think? It's weird to try and explain. The Statesman characters just feel so rushed and shallow, there's no substance to any of them. Kill off Roxy and replace her with paper cut-outs, ok that makes loads of sense!!! Whiskey’s a level up from the others because he gets loads more screen time and some beautiful fight scenes, but his ~emotional plot twist fell completely flat. I don’t know what it was, the pacing or a boring cliche backstory or what. It was just dull as fuck. WE HAVE HEARD THIS EXACT STORY FIVE MILLION TIMES.

A bad thing that's somehow not really a bad thing even though I'm fucking numb and want a hug:

* I've been raving for ages to people about Roxy being killed off and trying to figure out a way to satisfactorily explain how I feel about a character dying for a reason and a character dying because a writer is a lazy bastard who wants some quick angst. Merlin's death was an A+ wonderful death along the lines of my dear fictional boyfrends Quincey Morris and Lee Scoresby and a million others. Maybe it comes from all the swashbuckly historical adventure stories I grew up loving, but I'm a desperate sucker for a good noble death. Characters brave and self-aware enough to look at the bigger picture of an impossible situation and realise that their death means a better outcome for the people they love? This is ABSOLUTE CATNIP to me. Characters who go down fighting to the very end. If a character I love with my entire soul has to die, this is how I want it to happen. Give them some agency and a proper goodbye.

I mean I fully expect him to be magically resurrected with fancy prosthetic legs if there's another film because we saw those wedding set photos of him in the nice neon green cgi stockings, so really I should be saying "death". I totally reject this one. (I reject Roxy and JB's deaths as well, but the big difference is I really can't see the filmmakers bringing them back. Eyeroll.) Maybe that's what's making it easier to deal with? A not-real noble courageous self-sacrificing death. That's about as good as it gets. All three of them get Oscars for this whole sequence.

Anyway the tl;dr of it is:

This film is a very beautiful, very patchy mess. The good stuff is absolutely gloriously perfectly incredibly wonderful. Most of said good stuff is the interaction between Eggsy, Merlin, and Harry, which is written and performed with real care and heart. Nearly everything else is relatively lacklustre filler, misogyny, and shitty nonsensical decisions. These people cannot write women.

I liked it? I will definitely see it 900 more times, mainly for wet terrified Harry and gorgeous fight scenes. But ffs, how can it possibly be this difficult to pinpoint the reasons why people loved your extremely successful creation and consider including them in future plans?

I'm feeling fairly zen about everything. I kind of trained myself ages ago to think of sequels as just another bit of fanfic, so it's going to make absolutely no difference to the cheerful fluff porn and fight scenes I like to write. What I'm annoyed about isn't so much to do with ~new canon~ limiting what we're allowed to create for ourselves now, because that's just silly. It's more about being pissed off at the shoddy state of action films, particularly women in action films, when it seems like it should be SO EASY to take these astronomical budgets and create something groundbreaking. I'm so tired of this unimaginative lazy narrow-minded bullshit.

[shesdreamingofamonster]

EXO (OT12) - Reaction to Their S/O Having to Film a Kiss/Steamy Scene With Another Member

Minseok: The boys all knew about how serious your relationship with Min was, so when you were casted opposite Junmyeon in a highly anticipated web drama he wasn’t worried. Let’s just say this boy radiated confidence when it came to you and him. “Jagi, I trust you, and I trust Junmyeon. Just don’t tell me about it. As much as I trust you that doesn’t mean I need to know all of the information.” He wrapped his arms around you and kissed your forehead.

Luhan: When you were going over the script for the movie you were costarring in with Yixing, Luhan was sitting beside you looking over occasionally. He just happened to see something that caught his eye. “This says you pull him onto the bed.” He gave an unamused expression. “Lu it is just acting. He is a great guy, not to mention a gentleman. I doubt he wants to do it either.” He sighed and pulled you closer so you could lean your back on his chest. “I know baobei, I just don’t like to think about it.” You closed the script and turned your head to kiss his cheek and then his mouth. He smirked and kissed you again throwing the script aside, “I suppose this could take my mind off it.” He grabbed your waist and positioned himself over you, the thought of you with Yixing completely forgotten.

Kris/Yifan: “So what you are saying is that you need to make out with Jongdae?” He gave a confused and slightly shocked expression. “Not ‘make out’ just a few kisses, I promise there will be no nasty business involved. I will talk it over with Jongdae tomorrow on set, he will understand.” He considered giving a talk to Dae himself but decided against it and placed an arm around your shoulder. “But if he tries anything, just let me know, this hyung will not stand for it.” You positioned your arms around his waist, “Do you know how sexy you are when you are jealous?” He smiled down at you, “Oh really, sexy? That is my style.” You laughed as he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on your lips.

Junmyeon: Junmyeon was always protective of the members but he was more protective when it came to you. You were his girl after all. He had known that Jongin had helped you get a role in the drama he was filming but he didn’t know that is was as the maknae’s love interest. When you told him, his expression went from a smile to a small frown. “What does this role involve, I mean romantic wise?” You took his hands in yours to reassure him it wasn’t anything major like a night of passion, just a kissing scene. “Our characters are old friends who end up falling in love, I think it is sweet.” “Sweet? Kissing isn’t sweet. Kissing is passionate.” You rolled your eyes, “Jun, we are all professionals here. He is basically my little brother, trust me when I say I will not enjoy it.” He met your eyes and gave a soft smile, “I know. It is just weird.” “Totally weird,” you responded and felt him laugh against you.

Yixing: “Hey babe,” you said cautiously, not knowing how Yixing would react to the fact that you were about to tell him. You were informed earlier today that you had received the role you had been waiting for, the problem was that Minseok had been casted opposite of you and the role required you to act as his girlfriend. You told Yixing and he looked a bit confused at first. “So what is wrong? You got the part!” This wasn’t the reaction you expected. “But I have to be affectionate with Minseok. Does that bother you?” “It does. But I know that you love me, and that Min will respect our relationship. So, I will support you both 100 percent.” You smiled at your boyfriend and he wrapped you into a hug. “I’ll just make sure that I kiss you before you leave everyday so you know what is waiting for you when you come home.” That is the behavior you expected, and you wouldn’t pass on Yixing’s extra affection.  

Baekhyun: You and Chanyeol decided that it would be best to let Baekhyun know about your romantic miniseries castings together. Finding out that his best friend and his girlfriend would be playing a couple on screen wasn’t the greatest news to find out. He looked between you two and then pulled you to his side. “Chanyeol, you better behave yourself with her, okay?” Chanyeol nodded and pledged his loyalty. You couldn’t help but silently giggle at the whole situation. There is no way Chanyeol would get in between you and Baekhyun and you all knew that. But playing along to help calm Baek’s nerves wasn’t difficult. After counseling Yeol, Beak turned to you. “I see the smile on your face missy, this is a serious matter.” With that you put on a straight face and let Baekhyun have his moment. After being serious for a few minutes everyone went back to their usual selves with Baek and Chan joking around and you enjoying the entertainment.

Jongdae: Dae had known that you were casted in a romantic comedy which was going to begin filming soon. He was ecstatic for you! He knew that Baekhyun was casted in a movie as well but he wasn’t aware that it was the same one until you told him. “You and Baekhyun, is there a kissing scene?” You gave a somber expression. “Wae!!!” He let out one of his usual whines but it was more out of annoyance than anger. “I guess I will be laying out some ground rules for hyung tonight. You better get it perfect in one take.” You giggled and pulled him into a hug. “Alright Dae, I’ll try.”

Chanyeol: “Sehunnie mentioned how you and he have to film a kissing scene next week.” You were sitting on the couch snuggling up to your gentle giant of a boyfriend when he decided to bring this information up. “Did he now? Does that bother you? I told you that there would be some kissing.” “Not really, I know he means no harm. I just want my Jagiya all to myself is all.” He tightened his hold on you and kissed the top of your head. “Besides, I know how amazing I am.” You laughed and turned to gaze at him, “Of course you are, but you know who is more amazing? Me!” With that he began tickling you which led to plenty of playful kisses.

Kyungsoo: Soo and you had been going over lines for your movie which you were starring in with Luhan. Since Luhan was busy filming China’s version of Running Man and promoting his solo music, you asked Kyungsoo for help. He happily agreed since you had gone over his lines many times before. He noticed how the scene was playing out and became slightly bothered imagining you doing it with Lu. As an actor, he knew that what happens on camera was purely for show, but the image still popped up in his head. “When are you filming this?” You thought for a few moments, “I believe it is on the schedule for Monday.” He gave a small nod and continued reading, you noticed the look on his face that you associated with him being upset. You pulled the script down so he could look at you. “Please tell me if this is bothering you babe.” He gave you a small smile, “It is alright, I know it doesn’t mean anything. Just come here for a second.” He beckoned you into his embrace and held you close to his chest. “Save your best work for me, okay?” He softly whispered into your ear. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” You showered him in kisses until he giggled and gave a gummy smile.

Tao: You had informed Tao that you would be filming a movie with Kris earlier. Now you had to tell him that there was a short bed scene, mostly clothed. “How undressed are we talking about?” You blushed a bit, “He will be shirtless, I however will be wearing a tank top. We were told that there will be some kissing and then it will cut to something else.” You knew that he and Kris didn’t have the best relationship right now, but that they still cared for each other. He silently nodded then he pulled you onto his lap. “As long as you practice with me.” He gave you the look he always did when it was that time and you gave a smirk in return. “All right then, I say that is a deal.”

Jongin: Jongin knew that you were an amazing actress and you were bound to be cast in a lead role eventually. What he didn’t see coming was that the male lead would be Tao. You noticed how cute and clingy he got whenever you were preparing to go to set. “You better not fall for him,” he said hugging you tightly as you stood in front of the door. “How could I? I already well for the most handsome boy I know,” you pulled away to give him a loving glance as well as a quick kiss before you left. He gave you one of his trademark Kai smiles as you walked out the door.

Sehun: Sehun had filmed a kissing scene before, in fact it was a French kiss which required multiple takes. The difference then was that he was not in a relationship at the time. Finding out you were going to be kissing someone bothered him. When he found out that it was going to be Kyungsoo it bothered him even more. “Now Y/N, remember who you are dating.” He gave you a pout and you wrapped your arms around his lean figure, looking up into his eyes. “Maybe you can remind me?” With that he bent down and kissed you deeply, both of you smiling against each other’s lips.

As requested :)

Masterlist

[luvdsc]

hello miss cat! omg yes i'm SO glad they're over they took up so much of my time and were so prolonged for no reason? i never understand how colleges keep 2-3 exams a day, give a long break, then keep 2 exams a day AND STILL have the entire thing go on for two weeks esp when it's online :/ the burn out 😔 aah i had a few research papers for my ergonomics class and econometrics which is always so hard to trudge through esp right after giving papers. but they're my chosen subjects after all

so i can't complain omg what have you been baking? does it turn out well? facetiming friends is always fun 💗 and 10 minute paintings sounds like such a stress buster! how is work? i've been working towards preparing for my drama exam coming up and i'm also teaching speech and drama to kids those younger than me :D and have also been researching for debates that i moderate with my friends from school. and YES i watched their dance practice it was sooo fun to watch i thought the winderella

i thought the entire escape room idea was so cool and the entire episode was just super fun to watch plus taeyong eating chocolate when everyone was solving the mystery!! 10/10!! i even liked the last episode I WAS ROLLING WHEN KAI JUST KEPT PULLING NOTES FROM THE BOX 😂😂 which was your favorite episode miss cat? hsbdkas i haven't watched the enquete episode entirely yet but i should now that sicheng said that LOL and YEAH OMG i thought it was kind of a red flag when he didn't tell her anything

hey that's so exciting! what do you want your space to look like?? being an artist as a profession is actually really cool! but it wasn't the most..what can i say now, stable? when it came to the economic standpoint so my mother didn't go with it :") ooo ok so from what i know when she's working on her cityscapes she's always like "the bigger the better" and she always works with knives on those so there's a lot of place to experiment with that! but otherwise when she has little time on hand she

prefers smaller canvases! omg yes a lot of her art was hung up at home (tbh it was more like storage before it went to exhibitions 😅) but she took them down because when my brother and i were younger we used to run around the house with darts and toy guns with ink rubber bullets which always ended up hitting the paintings rip and now she has her own studio so most of them are kept there! but yes she painted a family portrait so we have that up :") and a few more scenic paintings too!

dskcsjd i don't really think i enjoy interior designing that much mainly because i'm too lazy to start and move things around but yes conceptually it sounds like so much fun and i have sooo much respect for everyone interested in it. omigosh miss cat i could talk a lot about this but mainly since i teach speech and drama along with studying i love to experiment with different ways the characters can be portrayed when the younger students are performing! i love planning out play moves and

various voice modulation techniques! after all, there's no such thing as a bad molly weasley dramatization now is there? i looove performing arts and the feeling  of being on stage is unparalleled for me with acting and dance :") i also used to write and edit but that was in school i don't think i've got it anymore rip. how about you? would you consider yourself creative? you've got a way with words so that's surely down for you 💗 it's so cool that you enjoy museums! do you have any favorites?

oooo yayoi kusama!! wasn't she the artist behind the fireflies room? (or was it something like that i'm sorry i don't remember what it was called jdbnsd) and monet is such a classic! oh wow, do you often incorporate impressionism into your artwork? (if that kind can be applied rip i'm sorry i'm not that knowledgeable about this stuff aah) 3d design!! ooo what materials do you use there? hndjxjdk oil paints take such a long time to dry don't they? awww doinf 10 min paintings sounds so cute!

what are they like, if you don't mind me asking? my weekend was good! i went to the park and fractured myself rip but otherwise i enjoyed by eating and sleeping well! did you have a good weekend? i hope you're having a super week and continue to do so! oh oh also, thank you for taking the time out to respond to me this is really sweet of you <333

also im sorry to randomly pop this in but i saw you got the album signed by our lord and savior our knight in shining armor our light at the end of a dark tunnel the woman herself QUEEN JISOO??!?!11/!?1 AAAAAAAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU MISS CAT YOU ACTUALLY MANAGED TO SNAG ONE WOW SJSNDJKNSKJ (maybe now you'll have luck with pulling her i hopeee ahaha)

✿ ✿ ✿

hello, sweetpea!!! 💕 oh my god, i feel- i had like 3 exams in one day many times before and i just wished they spread the exams out over two weeks instead of cramming all of them into one ): it’s such a terrible class structure /: also hate when teachers still teach new material when it’s supposed to be dead week ugh asdfkaljshdfkl i heard economy and i’m that spongebob aight i’m out meme 😬  econ was my least favorite business subject rip. do you like what you’re learning in ergonomics and econometrics? is it interesting for you? 💓

i’ve been baking bread!! my mom and i like making little french baguettes or the japanese milk bread :’) and they come out really nicely!!! we have fresh bread for the week, and i love making breakfast styled sandwiches with it 💖 work is going well! i managed to finish work early on friday and got off at 7 pm :D so that made me very happy, and i’ve been relaxing over the weekend 💕 omg a drama exam! what do you have to do for it? will you be reciting a monologue or performing or is there an actual written exam too? :o and you’re teaching little kids and moderating debates too omg you’re so busy!! is it difficult managing all of that? 😦  and winderella is soo pretty like wow visuals 🤩💝

omg YES i love love love the escape room episode too!!!! it’s also my favorite! and LOL yeah, i noticed that too and laughed when i saw taeyong more interested in the chocolate than the game aksjhflaksjd also lucas is so smart?? he figured out the clues so quickly in the most simplest ways, and i wished they had acknowledged that ): watching mtopia made me more interested in ten too, like wow, he’s really quick witted too 💕 sicheng is whipped for lucas and lucas only. lucas won the life lottery, he received sicheng’s affection and their feelings are mutual 🤧💗

i would want it to look like how i decorated my dorm!! i pinned up all the art postcards i collected from different art museums around the world in a sort of mosaic collage on my walls and hung up my paintings too :’) and i had my paintbrushes and paints stored in these jars on my desk along with a bunch of my books stacked here and there. it was like a bright organized chaos in my dorm room in a sense? i had large sketchpads and blank canvas shoved behind my desks and bed and paintings drying in various areas, but i knew exactly where everything was placed ✨and i totally get it!! it’s why i didn’t choose to major in art too because i wanted financial stability

ooooh my gosh, your mom does palette knife paintings??? those are so gorgeous!!!! 🤩🤩 i looove seeing those being painted and i wish i was skilled enough to do those :o AND SHE HAS EXHIBITIONS?? SHE’S LITERALLY LIVING THE DREAM 💘💘  aksdjfahjlks i hope none of her paintings got hit 😅aaaah it’s great that she still has some of them up though :’) my mom hung up all my paintings too and it made me so happy when i saw 🤧

akjlshfdlja omg i feel that, like it’s fun to just think about it but actually moving furrniture around is hard work rip. once i move in somewhere, the furniture is gonna stay like that until i move again LOL oooo so do you teach different ways to portray a single character? do you create your own characters or do you use a preexisting one? have you ever created your own original play before? :o omg i have so much respect for actors and performing arts honestly, like memorizing all those lines and then having to add emotion to it plus remembering where you’re supposed to stand and go amongst a million other things?? i would completely fail. the only times i participated in performing arts are for piano recitals :’) 

ooo yes, i would consider myself creative!! i love making things, like whether that be through building robots, drawing, painting, soft sculpting, 3d designing, graphic designing, baking, cooking, writing, etc. it’s just so much fun to be able to create. there’s something magical about being able to bring something from your imagination to life ✨ also, thank you so much 🥺💗  i looove moma!!! both the sf one and the nyc one! i also really love the louvre and museo thyssen-bornemisza 💜 i also really really want to visit the monet museum in france one day because i wasn’t able when i traveled there in the past, and i imagine that one will become my favorite if i do get the chance to 🌷

omg yes, you’re correct, she is indeed the one who made that!!!!! she made all those pretty mirror rooms with lights ✨ i absolutely adore her work 💟   and yes, i do!!! I try to incorporate monet’s style into my own paintings by doing a lot of short strokes and studying how sunlight hits nature. and rather than trying to be perfectly accurate, i go with my intuition. it’s kinda like how cher describes it in clueless, like from far away, it looks ok but up close it’s a mess LOL and omg it’s ok, you don’t need to apologize!!! thank you for taking an interest in my art :’) for 3d design, i used foam, cardboard, newspaper, wax, and metal wires!! and yeah, oil painting takes days, even weeks, to fully dry rip but it’s so much easier to blend and paint with because of the slow dry!

i do small paintings of flowers in ten minutes! i included some of them in my letters here 💛 oh my god, you fractured yourself??? how did that happen 😭 did you go see a doctor and get a cast? does it hurt now? pls be careful ):  i did have a good weekend, thank you! 💞 i slept in and ate lots of good food :’) and thank you so so much, my week went well too 💟💟 and omg of course, you don’t have to thank me, lovebug, i enjoy talking to you!! 💓 💓

AND YES I DID!!!! I’M SO HAPPY 😭💜💜💜 I HAVE IT DISPLAYED IN MY ROOM AND IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL 🤩  THANK YOU SO MUCH 🥺💟  omg i actually just bought all her pcs 🤧💗 jisoo is an expensive woman, but i have most of her pcs now :’) and yes, hopefully when the next album comes out in two years hopefully, i’ll be lucky enough to pull her pc 💞💞

how have you been, sweetpea? how’s your weekend going? 💚

[likelyfantasywriterspsychic]

31 Day Angst Challenge

Day 3: Betrayal

This is really just a few characters from a story that I haven't touched in two years and that I probably won't go back to. The "hero" and love interest of the story Ace ends up as the leader of a rebellion, while the main character Nihimeira along with her friends work for the villianous Queen. I was trying to flip the regular hero from the evil side coming to the light and leading the rebellion to victory thing on its head by painting the rebels as the ones actually causing trouble and hurting people while the monarchy is trying to keep the peace and it would be up to the readers to decide who was right Ace or Nihimeira. Which was the real villain or were they both tragic hero's? Betrayal features heavily in this story so I wanted to see how it went.

Soo here goes nothing!

Some swearing, threats of torture, sacrifice and murder.

***

Ace looked at Nihimeira, bound and gagged, hanging from her hands, her feet barely touching the ground.

She was just as beautiful as the last time he'd seen her. Her platinum blonde hair was flowing freely-- for once-- in waves around her face. She was dressed in a short gold nightgown that showed off her long, perfectly shaped legs. Her eyes were closed. Her face serene. Her breathing was normal. No scars marred her, no blemishes anywhere on her skin. Ace took all this in, in a matter of seconds and he concluded that they must have drugged her just as she settled down for the night, before dragging her down here.

His temper flared, his power flaring up with it, but of course the ropes that bound him to the far wall would not be so easy to get out of. The Queen knew their powers inside and out. Which meant she also knew how to lock them down.

He had been reckless. He had wanted his shot at her. He had been bidding his time, waiting for the perfect moment to strike at her. But then, he had seen her at that damned address; standing over them as if it was her right.

It infuriated him past the point of reason.

So he snuck into the palace, with only one thought in his mind.

He needed to kill her.

The Queen stepped out from the shadows. "You have awoken, finally. We are pleased."

Ace's anger flared again but the ropes didn't even warm.

"We were hoping you would wake first. Our apologies for the rough treatment but you would not have answered had We called. You have proven that much to Us."

Ace struggled in his bonds. "What do you want you Bloody Bitch Queen?"

The Queen shook her head. "Where did We go wrong? Such horrendous manners. We taught you better than that."

"You went wrong," Ace spat, "when you tried to use me as a sacrfice for your ritual."

The Queen looked at him then continued as if he hadn't spoken. "We have decided that you must pay for your crimes. As you seem to have no care for your own life We have decided to use hers."

Ace had wondered-- But she couldn't be serious could she? She wouldn't really--

"Shall We wake her first? Or shall We just begin?" The Queen pulled a wickedly cruel looking dagger and trailed it lightly down Nihimeira's face. "Shall We start with those beautiful blue eyes of hers?" The dagger trailed down her body to hover just above her navel. "Or perhaps we shall slice her open and see whether lightening truly runs through her veins?" The dagger came back up to hover over Nihimeira's chest. "Shall we see how a broken heart might still beat before We rip it from her chest? Or shall We cut out that silver tongue first, and see if she can still scream? What do you think Ace?"

The look the Queen gave him sent a chill through his body. She wasn't kidding. She was really contemplating the best way to kill Nihimeira.

"Please." He said.

"Please what?"

"Just... please just..." His fire flared again. "Let me out of these damn ropes!" He demanded. "Let me out so I can kill that whoring bitch myself!"

Yes. It was Nihimeira he had been after this night. He had seen her at the Queen's address. Standing in his position, as leader if Battalion E. As if she deserved it. She had stood over him and all those others, as if it was her right to command such power after what she, the Queen and the others had done to him.

They had turned their backs on him, betrayed him when he needed them the most, and Nihimeira, her betrayal had her the most. The one he had veen closest to. The one who had held his heart for so long tore it to shreds then stomped on the pieces.

He had watched a city burn because of it.

Oh yes. Nihimeira was the one he most wanted to kill.

The Queen blinked then slowly began to smile. "You are more ruthless than We gave you credit for. Is she not your lover?"

"Once but no longer." Ace growled. He looked at her, and all he felt was burning anger and rage. "Kill her if you wish, kill all of them. All of the ruthless attack dogs you call Battalion E. Make it as slow and painful as you wish. However, if I get out of these ropes, My Bloody Bitch Queen, there will be nothing you can do that will stop me from slitting her throat! And yours!" He vowed.

"Do it Bitch Queen. But make no mistake on this, Nihimeira is mine. I will be the one to kill her in the end."

The Queen smiled as Nihimeira flickered and vanished right before Ace's eyes. His stomach dropped. An illusion? Why? What would be the point of--

The wall behind the Queen flickered out of existence as well and there stood Nihimeira-- the real one this time, he was sure of it-- surrounded by his friends, Battalion E.

Ex-friends, he reminded himself.

They stopped meaning anything to him the day the Queen made that proclamation.

Their faces ranged from stunned to sadness to anger. But again it was Nihimeira thay he couldn't look away from. She was dressed as she normally was in her white uniform, with her long billowing black cape and red ribbon tied at her throat. Her long hair pulled back. But it was her eyes, wide and flashing with betrayal, hurt and anger that Ace lingered on.

"You all see now." The Queen said. "The traitor cares nothing for one that he once professed love to. He came here tonight to kill Us, and Our beautiful dark mage, you heard him yourself. See him Our children. He has betrayed us all."

His temper hit the ceiling. Fire engulfed Ace. Pure blue flames. They burned so hot and brightly that the others looked away. He betrayed them? Fine then. They could believe what they wanted. The Queen wanted him to be the villain? He'd be the villain.

Nihimeira was the only one that refused to look away from his temper-tantrum.

It only fueled his rage.

He imagined her under him once again, in that sane gold nightgown from the vision the Queen had showed him. But this time? He would have his hands wrapped around her damn throat. She was his. He wanted to feel the life leave her, see the light leave her eyes.

One day he would wipe her name from the history books for what she had done to him, to so many others. He would make it so that she may as well have never existed at all for all anyone would know of her. But frist he had to kill her.

"Traitor!" Novi cried. "You bastard how could you! You're our leader! We trusted you, we believed in you! We fought for you! We're your family dammit, how could you say that about her, about us?!"

Ace's fire winked out as he looked Novi in the eye. It was difficult, to pour ice into his veins instead of fire. But he managed it. "You were never my family." He told them.

Pain laced through all their features.

He had to remind himself that he no longer cared if they were hurt by him.

"You see children?" The Queen said gently, wrapping an arm around Diz, the youngest of them. "We wish it was otherwise, but Ace has turned from Us. See how he did not hesitate to ask Us to kill you all? This is a harsh lesson children, but one We feel you needed to learn."

The Queen called in the gaurds. "Take him to the preparation chamber and make ready for the ritual. He is not worthy of such an honour, but the stars were cheated once, we cannot allow such a tragedy to happen once more because of our own selfish wants. Take him away."

Ace tried to look back at them. Knowing full well that none of them would step foreward to try and save him.

After all, when he had still been loyal they hadn't stepped up. Why should they now that his was their enemy?

The Queen and Battalion E had betrayed him four times now. Ace figured it was time to even the score.