#not feeling connected anymore

[sangric]

what if I just clean out my drafts and then peace out for awhile

[paperglader]

they really put alicent in bridgerton blue on the reunion and genuinely expected me to think that she didn’t in fact march all the way to dragonstone to get wifed up? bfr

[shiraoyagi]

hot take ??

the only reason people say that "mafuyu and tsukasa have nothing in common" when presented with mafukasa parallels is because they equate mafuyu and tsukasa being similar to "tsukasa has depression" because the fandom equates mafuyu's personality to being depressed and nothing else.

it doesn't help that people (primarily younger people in the fandom) who DO believe in mafukasa parallels end up making the mistake of portraying tsukasa as depressed because as of right now he is not (although it's possible he was in past because of his Very Unclear Middle School Backstory but that's irrelevant)

anyways, mafuyu and tsukasa are narrative foils because their core personalities are built off of the concept of wanting to make the people around them— especially their families— happy.

they both developed personalities at a young age based on someone they looked up to. for tsukasa, it was seiichi amami's performance that inspired him to be a star— a hero that could cheer anyone up. for mafuyu, it was her mother taking care of her that inspired her to be a nurse— and you can see the similarities from there.

for mafuyu, her identity would first come into conflict when her mother expressed her want for mafuyu to be a doctor— suddenly, "everyone's" happiness didn't match what she wanted to do, leaving her in a state of disorder and eventual depression.

for tsukasa, his identity was something he nearly forgot in its entirety at the start of the main story— becoming arrogant and fully absorbed in a hero persona, forgetting the kind person he truly is. furthermore, his current character arc seems to be foreshadowing that what "being a star" to him is going to be called into question— maybe it is something more than just being the main character that saves everyone.

their insecurities are incredibly similar.

in mafuyu's first mixed, mafuyu feels insecure towards ichika because unlike ichika, she feels as if her lyrics have no genuine meaning to be expressed to other people— despite them being her very real feelings. this is brought up again in her second mixed as well.

in tsukasa's third focus event, something similar happens. when watching seiichi's performance, he thinks that his acting is "real" and feels inferior towards him, which is ironic because tsukasa has been method acting this whole time. when tsukasa is acting out rio or bartlett or really anyone at this point in the story, it's not just those characters— it's a reflection of his traumas.

just like mafuyu, tsukasa undermines his passions he's poured his feelings into because someone else's work is more genuine in his eyes.

now, then, foils have many similarities and parallels (and i could honestly list a lot more), but how i define them is that they usually have some kind of major branching difference that MAKES them foils.

for mafuyu and tsukasa it's pretty straightforward.

mafuyu's people pleasing behavior comes from external expectations and pressures— her mother's demands.

tsukasa's people pleasing behavior comes internally, from himself— if he can't meet his own standards, if he can't be the perfect big brother or the perfect star, then he is nothing.

and even then, there's some overlap.

tsukasa's behavior was indirectly encouraged by his mother praising him for being a "good big brother" over the phone instead of asking him if he was okay while home alone.

mafuyu's terrified to be herself around other people because she doesn't want to worry or bother them— she doesn't want to be a burden— and projects her mother's expectations onto them, not realizing that they would prefer the real mafuyu if they knew the truth.

and the concept of mafukasa being foils is most perfectly and blatantly portrayed in these two cards.

mafuyu, the marionette, sitting limp on the floor— puppeteered by her mother's demands and donning a mask to hide her true self.

tsukasa, the jester, standing above everything else— puppeteering silenced plushies— his feelings. he's not being completely honest with himself, and he doesn't even realize it.

mafuyu has cut her strings and ripped her mask in half. she has acknowledged her true feelings and expressed them to her mother, even if she had to run away in the end.

tsukasa has not yet cut his.

[lazylittledragon]

hi! I absolutely love your art and I get so happy when I see it come up on my feed! 🥰

if I can ask, why does cyra use a cane sometimes? I just saw your art where gale and cyra are with their newborn and cyra is walking with their toddler and she has a cane and I was curious.

have a good day! 😁💚

thank you so much!!!

i don't think i've said much about it other than 'she almost died' aksdhsh but everything went very wrong when the first one was born and she got sepsis, which can really fuck you up long term and she developed chronic fatigue.

she definitely tells the children that she's got a sword hidden inside it

[saudrag]

the depth of self-awareness homelander showed in the new episode (s4e5) is mind boggling. and the fact that he did not get defensive over his manipulation of ryan, trying to excuse his previous actions, but instead he recognised the manipulation for what it was and corrected his behaviour while also acknowledging his wrongdoings out loud?

when ryan said that he wants to help people, you can see that john was not happy with that decision, because he doesn’t believe people deserve saving. and, from john’s perspective, when humans only showed him violence and manipulation and anguish since the little age, he is right. but if that’s what ryan wants, then he will support him, even if this suggestion makes him deeply uncomfortable and challenges his views and evokes the trauma. john will try because he no longer wants to be the same tormentor to ryan as his own “family” was to him.

absolutely incredible improvement, it makes his character so much more likable. the self-reflection was a very unexpected touch.

homelander really wants to be a better parent to ryan than the lab team was to him. and maybe he can even be that parent. we can only wait and see if he can really keep his promise and not fall in another vicious cycle.

[evren-d]

Vi (presumably) being left out of the undercity revolution is breaking my heart. I don't want a Jinx redemption arc and I don't want the sisters to magically be reunited under the new faction, but this is all that Vi wanted seven years ago, to fight with her people for a better life, and for her to be outside of it now 😩

I'm seeing a kind of, "serves her right for choosing the wrong side" attitude and ????? I can't think of a single major choice that wasn't a vote for Powder and/or the Undercity, I never once saw her choose Piltover, unless I'm missing something? I know she's in enforcer uniform in some of the clips, but I don't know under what circumstances/duress/context/goals, so I can't judge that yet. What I can judge is her expression there and she looks like she's going to vomit in a shoe and hang herself in the barn.

Said it before and I'll say it again, if it's just about being sweet to Caitlyn (or not being happy to shoot her dead at the drop of Jinx's hat), catching feels from someone showing tenderness and who displays overall GOODNESS, regardless of class loyalty and proves their good intentions multiple times in life and death situations, is not the same as switching sides politically or turning a blind eye on the Undercity plight.

I can see the show characters rejecting her as a traitor, and it makes sense from their POV, heck, she rejects SEVIKA as a traitor to the undercity, but we can see the whole picture. I don't see where Vi ever acted in Piltover's best interest or expressed a desire to further their goals.

[drenched-in-sunlight]

I know you mostly focus on the Marika/Messmer relationship in your works (which can i just say i fucking ADORE IT IT'S SO GOOD GAAAH) but i wanted to ask, what do you think of the other parent? Who do you think Messmer's (and by extension Melina's) father is and what his relationship is with him? Is it Radagon? Godfrey? A secret third option perhaps??

im glad you enjoy my work!! as for your question, i think Messmer and Melina are like... parthenogenetic offsprings?? they are born of Marika only, which is why the game groups them in as brother and sister and they are the ones inheriting everything closest and most personal to Marika.

but i don't necessarily think they know each other exist, or at least it's my personal headcanon that Melina was born after Marika shattered the Elden Ring (at which point Messmer was already stuck in LoS, so he didn't know).

i actually think Marika only split into Radagon on the eve of Liurnia war, when Messmer had already been a grown young man fighting alongside Godfrey for a while. so technically, Messmer existed before Radagon. but on paper i guess the guy could be counted as Messmer and Melina's dad? cuz he's Marika still? (ugh my head)

but imo to Messmer and Melina they don't consider him their dad (and he doesn't consider them his. i lowkey think Messmer and Radagon despise each other 😭). they only regard themselves as Marika's children. at the same time, Messmer respects and trusts Godfrey, which is the closest he'll ever regard anyone else as a father figure.

[roomba-mangga]

thoughts on thistle and yaad's dynamic that i vomited in the tags of another post but will now try to articulate here: they're not actually family, or at least they shouldn't be. not in a conventional sense anyway. framing them as uncle and nephew (even in a non-literal, silly fantasy world way) rides more on technicality than anything concrete.

what i mean by this is yaad calls thistle by name and says he and delgal were raised "like" brothers. he talks about thistle like he's an outsider imposing himself into the melinis' space, and it's clear that thistle was never legitimized as a member of the family. for thistle's part, though we don't know how he would treat yaad pre-demon brainrot, it's safe to assume based on the way he punishes him—turning him into a doll—and how little is shown in the way of any sort of relationship between them that thistle only cares* about yaad as an extension of delgal (otherwise i'd expect something like kabru and milsiril, because it's not like another complicated interspecies family dynamic would be out of place, yet there's next to nothing on them even in bonus content, just their scant interactions in the main story).

in essence, they're strangers to one another. thistle's desperation to preserve the illusion of a family, a model where he doesn't even fit, was the snare they were caught in for the past thousand years of stasis. yaad-as-nephew is a prop to uphold that illusion, and thistle is playing a role he's unfit to play. in the context of post-canon interactions, attempting to reconstruct that facade would only be a reenactment of trauma for them both (in a deeply compelling way i'd love to watch unfold, tbh), as that "uncle and nephew" framing places thistle in an implicit position of power over someone he's already traumatized through misuse of authority in the past, a role which also perpetuates his adultification and yaad's infantilization in turn. it'd mostly be an obstacle to any real connection.

best to burn the melini family bridge, i think, and if there's still anything salvageable left in the rubble, let something different supplant it.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ok so

the instructions were for Wally, not the whrp/qa/You. which is especially interesting, because I think we all assumed they were instructions from Wally - after all, he's the one telling the whrp that they have work to do, he's sending envelopes (assumedly), he's sort of the driving force behind the whole in-universe project. he calls the shots, in a way. he's the one with the phone.

so who the hell is giving Wally instructions?

is it related to the distorted "extra" voice under Wally's in some of his hidden record audios? is it related to Sally's "monster"? is there someone else in Home?

just... there's a whole 'nother layer underneath Wally that i think is really scary. there's something else there, i feel. i Fear. i wonder if Wally is aware of it, or if he isn't quite as aware as we all - including him - like to think. how aware can a puppet be if they can't see their own strings (so to speak)? it's one thing to know what you are, and another entirely to understand what that entails.

[fancygremlin]

Arthur and John are both characters that had to learn how to be self-reliant to ensure their own safety and survival. However, it's interesting how their independence originated differently and caused the characters to learn how to cope and react to their surroundings in different ways.

John's self-reliance comes from not being given a voice, nor the possibility to express in any way what did not conform to the ideals of the person in power (a.k.a. the King in Yellow). He was not expected (or neither meant to) have opinions that diverged from the KiY. As a result, his suffering was suppressed or ignored. No one was ever in his corner, no one ever saw him suffering, and no one ever offered to help. John's self-reliance causes him to direct his anger and feelings of being ignored outwards: he blames other people if things go wrong.

Arthur's self-reliance comes from being abandoned and neglected while growing up. He could never find someone to rely on and was often expected to deal with difficult situations with a maturity that was way beyond his young age. This resulted in a distrust for authority figures, a failure to take care of himself (emotionally or physically) and a tendency to bottle up negative emotions or experiences. Arthur self-reliance causes him to direct his anger and feelings of inadequacy inwards: he blames himself if things go wrong.

If we take their differing point of views into account, their emotional outbursts from Part 1 (John) and Part 14 (Arthur) make more sense:

Despite their tendencies of isolation and self-reliance, they both have a deep need to be heard and feel cared for by another person. They are however, incredibly stubborn individuals.

Their determination, after all is what made them resilient and able to survive anything that is thrown at them. Still, this feeds into their difficulty to trust others and ask for/ seek help. Ultimately, they become unable to properly communicate their needs to one another, leading to an ineffective and confusing relay of ideas and plans between one another.

However, through the course of their adventures, they do have two moments where they do demonstrate how much they care for one another and how they have and always will have each other's back, no matter what happens (Part 19 and Part 26).

In Part 19, Arthur and John were in the Dreamlands' prison pits and their fight originated from John actively withholding information from and lying to Arthur. Arthur was malnourished and had to resort to give up his humanity to ensure his own and John's survival. He also was actively repressing all and any thoughts regarding Faroe. John had been convinced he was, is and always will be a monster by the King in Yellow.

The trust the Arthur and John had in one another had been severed, which caused them to fall out of sync and have issues coordinating their efforts to leave their prison cell. John was the one that expressed a strong desire to leave the pits, while Arthur was more hesitant.

Arthur however, finally gives in and listens to John's needs. He attempts a leap:

And he succeeded. All on his own. They both cheer, as Arthur managed to save both of them. John's needs and desires were listened to and Arthur tried to help him despite the circumstances and regardless of their probability of success.

In Part 26, Arthur and John were in Larson's mines and their fight originated from Arthur deliberatively withholding information from John and being evasive. John was weakened and hardened by his experience in the Dreamlands. Arthur had been convinced he was, is and always will be a monster, his humanity had been shattered along with Faroe's music box.

The trust the two characters had in each other had been severed, which caused them to fall out of sync and have issues coordinating their efforts to leave the mines. Arthur was the one expressing a strong desire to wanting to kill Larson, while John was more hesitant.

John is trying very hard to get through to Arthur, but is not succeeding... still he doesn't give up on him. Arthur attempts a leap:

And he nearly tumbles to his death. But this time John does come to his aid to save them both. Arthur doesn’t cheer, but instead seems almost incredulous that John even attempted or even considered to save him. Maybe this is the moment Arthur is shown that even in his most vulnerable and most fragile moment, he deserves to be helped and not carry the weight on his own.

In summary, in the Dreamlands, Arthur shows John that people can truly care about him and his needs and are willing to take a risk themselves to ensure his safety. In Larson's mines John shows Arthur that he doesn't have to do everything on his own and he can rely on others when he is not doing well.

[yuripira4e]

Shaking my head and wagging my finger as I like ivantill art so people know I don’t think anything about the romantic aspect of their relationship was requited

[cakemoney]

i can't even begin to describe how excited i am for the confrontation evan will have next episode that we got a glimpse of in the teaser. from the beginning, the elephant in the room was k and evan's breakup; we don't know how it happened, why and what happened, who initiated it, how long ago it was, we see evan look at k with his big soft eyes and try to help her, we see k coping poorly with being single and burying herself in alternate lives and identities. there's already so much there that they're talking around, and now k has literally killed him while evan was in the middle of a conversation about complicated relationships with exes. insane. we have never seen evan get upset at his friends, i want to see so badly how it comes out

[marimbles]

i miss carpisuns sometimes </3

[nelkcats]

Right person, wrong time

In another situation, and at another time, they could have been happy soulmates, feel the pain and feelings of the other; but after their deaths the universal system broke for them, and that was more a bittersweet confirmation than a cruel assumption.

Jason felt the electrocution, felt his soulmate's heart stop as if it were his own heart, his despair; it made him stop during his patrol, worrying Alfred and Bruce when all he could do was cry and scream in pain. Until all that was left in his chest was a constant feeling of emptiness.

Danny felt the blows, not fatal at first, probably due to Robin's patrols, not that he knew that; the pain was a bit out of place, it didn't hurt as much in his ghost form because instead of pain it just felt...wrong, disconnected somehow.

Until the moment he screamed in the middle of dinner, in which he felt something crush his head, and a feeling of betrayal and despair in his soul; he ended up shielding his head, his sister reached out to him completely shaken, the already disconnected connection fading until it was simply empty.

Both Danny and Jason knew it, in different days, years and situations, but their soulmate had undoubtedly died, and their divine connection with them; while some dreamed of meeting their other half, guided by small feelings from love, to physical sensations of pain, they did not look for anything, they knew there was nothing to look for.

Jason came back to life and his chest continued to hum, although he was sure it was completely empty, he generally attributed the unpleasant sensations to the lazarus pit, and wasn't that an experience? Knowing that his mind hadn't been his for years and when he returned his very soul felt wrong.

Danny slowly relinquished the human side of him, not because he had anything against it but because he endured the hum of his core more than the rumbling emptiness in his heart, letting him know there was nothing waiting for him.

That's how they both simply denied the constant question from their friends or family "do you have a soulmate?" Because they didn't have it, not anymore.

[toruq]

jump school

[entirelysein-e]

Back to normal Navi

The dreaded post has come...

I will not finish this years Kinktober on here. Opening tumblr has become a chore for me more than anything. It sparks no joy, I dont want to scroll dash anymore, I don't bother to keep up with anyone anymore on here.

My interests have shifted greatly over the past few weeks and I found my way back to crafting, gaming and even playing the bass again. At the moment I don't enjoy animanga / fandom on tumblr and wish to no longer participate or create for it.

I'm 99% certain that this is just a mood and I will most definitely be back but as of now I have no motivation or interest to create for tumblr. I'll be here every once in a while and answer asks should I get any and to still do background work in my network but otherwise it will be silent until I found my love and passion for all of this again.

There is no point in forcing myself to write for characters I do not care for, to force myself to keep up with the latest stuff that changes every 2 weeks. I will be selfish now and put myself first until my love has returned- be it 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years.

- Much love, Luma.