#not expecting many but if i do get a bunch i might not be able to do them all
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takingasterix · 7 months ago
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anyone have any Merlin drawing requests for me? can be anything--ship, friendship, character, AU, etc. Just want to draw but it's always more motivating to have a prompt :) <3 Thanks so much!
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felixbit · 29 days ago
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chestnut
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pairing: hyunjin x gn!reader w. 0.8k genre: comedic fluff summary: your boyfriend, hyunjin, comes home on christmas day from sbs gayo daejeon after surprising you with a new look. he's shaved his hair and gone blonde. warnings: reader mourns the long hair but is very supportive. playful teasing a/n: this is literally just how i'm coping rn
New year and comeback season always meant new looks and fresh things. However, this was not expected.
You were at home, as always. Christmas was a busy day for Hyunjin, away at SBS Gayo Daejeon performing and looking pretty for the cameras. It was routine, but you always enjoyed tuning in and seeing the talent from him and his group as they performed.
There was a red carpet to unveil looks, but you were preparing some food for dinner that night. Things were getting hectic in the kitchen and time passed you by.
But your phone started to buzz. And buzz. And buzz.
Unable to ignore the repeating notification noises, you stopped what you were doing to figure out what had your phone blowing up. Notifications from posts and texts from friends... what was happening?
Everyone was talking about Hyunjin. As normal as it was for him to get the world's attention, the sheer amount of notifications was concerning. Something was obviously going on.
So, you opened your feed. It didn't take more than a single scroll for the picture to hit your timeline. On the red carpet, looking sharp and stunning, was Hyunjin. Beautiful outfit, many piercings, eyebrow slit fresh.
Oh, and his head was completely shaved and dyed blonde.
You stared at your phone in shock for what felt like forever. The two second clip of him looking stunning for the cameras replayed over and over as your brain tried to pick up the pieces.
You knew he wouldn't have his phone on him and able to look at it for a bit, but that did not stop you from blowing up his texts. Nothing outrageous or upset, but a lot of spammed questions and confusion got the message across pretty well. It was the least you could do.
Reeling from the overwhelming knowledge of your boyfriend's look, you decided to put your phone down and get back to cooking. You had to take your mind off of it or you might go insane.
The whole time, all you could think about was him. How drastic it was, how hot he looked, the whole bit. Hwang Hyunjin was taking up your entire mind.
Any task that you tried to do seemed impossible to entirely focus on. Every moment had you wanting to grab your phone and scroll, finding every possible photo of him. Hyunjin being a world-famous idol did not make this any easier.
Giving in, you resigned to doom scrolling. If you weren't able to focus, you wouldn't get anything done. Might as well just drool over how good he looks, you thought.
When he finally got done with the show, he was able to text you back briefly. He returned your texts with spam of his own, a bunch of apologies and letting you know when he'd be back.
Waiting for him to come home seemed impossible. The performance that the group gave was phenomenal as always. However, nothing could prepare you for seeing the look in person. Time passed dreadfully slow.
As you had finished up dinner, you heard the door swing open. You turned around to see Hyunjin out of breath. He waved to you, a shy smile on his face as he hung up his coat and took off his shoes. He approached slowly, looking uncertain.
"Do you... like it?" He finally asked, his voice shaky and small.
Staring at him for a few seconds, you smiled and nodded. "Of course I do, but why didn't you tell me?"
"It was supposed to be a surprise! A Christmas gift, you know?" Hyunjin tried to explain, breathing still heavy from running, "I thought it was a really big change, and I was worried you'd say no."
You looked at him incredulously. "Why would I say no to you wanting to try something new?"
"I... don't know." Hyunjin climbed into a chair, tilting his head back and closing his eyes as he fully caught his breath.
You watched him for a few moments, quietly observing his new look for yourself. He looked stunning, his sharp features accentuated by the new hair and the piercings grabbing your eye.
Although, you had something on your mind. "Oh, your poor hair," You lamented jokingly, "If you had warned me, I would've cherished it more if I knew it was the last time I'd see it."
"Aish, you'll see it again," Hyunjin groaned, standing up and looking at you, "Just not for a while."
"You better grow it back out," You retorted, walking over and running your fingers through his soft, short hair.
Hyunjin grinned and shrugged his shoulders. "We'll see."
"Hwang Hyunjin."
"Okay, okay, sorry."
As you plated your dinner with him, you looked over and snickered. "God, you really do look like a chestnut. Changbin was right."
"What did he call me?" Hyunjin scoffed, "I'm not a chestnut."
"Chestnut, dumpling, flour boy. You're becoming the real grocery list."
"I am not!"
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beeeeandpuppycat · 26 days ago
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That Leon s(lut) Kennedy smut alph I promised (I forgot so it took me months >:[)
A= Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
No in-between he's either leaving you in bed alone to go work or your gonna wake up snuggled in two strong arms pushed against his chest
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Belly!I can imagine him nuzzling his face into his partners belly in a tired manner after he had a long day
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
ALOT I mean I can imagine he doesn't do it that often so it comes out in one big go! Like doing it on ur face even if he acts embarrassed
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Has a bunch of old shitty porn comics under his bed cause he's too embarrassed to actually buy more
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
In-between I mean he's good but considering he doesn't so it much he isn't the best in the world. Still makes the best effort ♡
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
LAP . You sitting on his lap with ur back facing him. His arms wrapped round you for support and his face down in the crook of your neck.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
He's usually serious himself. Most the time your more goofy seeing this strong man all blush and flustered. Ending with some lil jokes
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
He's pretty well groomed ? I mean look in the future he dyes his hair and everything. Straight and a pale blonde. A pretty sight to the eyes!
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
He's a cutie. ^^ not necessarily words of passion or even insults he's usually quiet. But romantic where he holds your waist as tight as possible making sure your as close as you can be.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Does it all secretly cause I know he'd be embarrassed about it . Taking more precautions then he should. Tho at some point he got too pent up and had to do it in some dirty club bathroom :/ (poor leon)
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Praise kink ! More partner complimenting him. It feels nice knowing they really appreciate him. Plus size kink! Both ways. When his partner is taller or shorter. Either way he's getting flustered
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
He prefers in the safety of his own home. Hotel rooms mostly places you guys can't be caught . He enjoys the adrenaline but he rather not be seen with his dick out
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Simple touch. Something like a little glance to just your fingers touching when you pass him a pen. The simple jump of his heart when acts like that happen makes this man happy.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Anything with another person. Even if you would ask he'd end up being uncomfortable
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Receiving.! Of course he tries to give.. but most the time it's not overly good? And he likes the view of seeing you between his thighs.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Depends. Most the time nice and slow. Taking rather deep thrust each time to savor it. If you guys haven't done it in a long time due to him leaving etc? As fast as he can. Most the time it ends with his hips hurting.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Not a fan! If your not gonna take your time and enjoy it what's the point of even doing it? He might if it's before he's going on a long trip
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Yeah! But his partner would have to bring it up. Or else he doesn't really get put his comfort zone
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
BIG. Big stamina(just like his dic-) what do you expect? Look at this man's muscles. I just know he's able to do it long enough till their partner turns to a rag doll
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
No>:[ tho poor guy was rather embarrassed when he came home to see his partner using one on themselves. Atleast he knows your not lonely when he's gone? Can't imagine him really using them on himself more his partner.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Usually he's the one being teased. Tho don't take it too far- it would end with him getting pent up and just doing it himself. (Head down ass up)
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Quiet. Small little groups and deep breaths on in a while. Long pants- and occasionally whimpers if you reallyyyy try!
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
At some point when he rent to work he kept seeing this group of cats. It became his routine to bring snacks for them on his way to work! Tho at some point the lil meow meows disappeared. Everything he goes to work he still looks around wondering if they came back
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Just a little bit above average ! Pale with a pretty bubble gum tip and a lil vein going down the bottom. A slight curve in the middle.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Not all that high. At some point he became used to not having sex. Tho- after getting with you it definitely became higher.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Silly man falls right asleep. He doesn't really know when to stop so it ends with him just passing himself out at the end
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Finally did it!!
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lionhanie · 19 days ago
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study with boynextdoor! (ot6 hc + drabbles)
….ranked from best to worst study buddies 😅
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classmate!boynextdoor x gn!reader (college au)
word count: 3.4k (~500-700 each)
warnings: TW SCHOOL 👎, written in lowercase, there’s a curse word here and there…, No Beta We Die Like Men (not proofread very well lmao)
a/n: wrote this while i was procrastinating studying for my final exams :,) soooo these r self indulgent hoohohoh ... enjoy :3
reblogs ↺  + feedback always appreciated!
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°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・sungho
tbh i feel like he’s the type to not study and just. be perfect idk 
sungho pays attention in class so he doesn’t feel the need to review extensively before the exam … COULD NOT BE ME!!!!
with that being said tho, he’s the perfect tutor ^_^
sungho will definitely be right by your side as you’re doing the exam review packet, waiting to see if you get stumped on a particular question 
when you do, he walks you through the steps you got stuck on, making sure you /actually/ understand the content rather than just doing whatever he tells you to do
and if he isn’t able to be physically there with you, he will literally be on standby bc he’s so used to you calling him for help the night before the exam :,) 
he is SO patient too. especially because he sees how hard you’re working and he just wants to see all of your hard work pay off 
sometimes you’ll feel bad because you feel like you’re taking up too much of his time just because you don’t understand the material 
but he’s so quick to reassure you about it all bc he genuinely doesn’t mind, and he will MAKE SURE you know that 
✐ᝰ
you place your head into your hands for the nth time that night, groaning at the way you can’t seem to memorize the right definitions. sungho chuckles from the other side of the phone, knowing exactly how you look despite not being able to see you right now. “everything okay over there?”
“i’ve been studying for so long and it still doesn’t make any sense,” taking a look at the time, you realize it’s later than you expected. “you know, you really don’t need to help me study right?” 
“how many times do i have to tell you that–”
“yeah, i know you don’t mind, but i always feel bad keeping you awake any later than you need to be.” of course you’d take all the help you could get, but you don’t have it in you to hold him hostage again for the sake of your grade. “...goodnight, sungho!” you end the call before he has any chance to reassure you any further.
…you’re not surprised when you get a knock on your door 20 minutes later, opening it to see sungho with a bunch of snacks in one hand and his backpack slung over his shoulder. “are you still going to turn me down after i went through all the trouble of coming over?” 
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ jaehyun
he’s so annoying to study with (endearingly) but i feel like a study sesh with him would guarantee you are getting a good grade on your exams
since he’s so hardworking i feel like he’d immediately call you out if you were getting sidetracked when you weren’t supposed to be 
or if he doesn’t…. him being Ultra Locked In only makes You feel like you Also need to be Ultra Locked In
it’s honestly kind of scary how On Top Of Business jae can be when he needs to study…. bc he’s normally pretty hyper Every Other Time, you didn’t know he was capable of being so quiet for an extended period of time
it’s suuuuper impressive how seriously he takes his studies though… sometimes you’ll stop him when you have a question about something and he’ll explain it with EASE before immediately getting back into the zone
bad news for yappers because jaehyun is NOT entertaining the conversation unless he is Also taking a break. if anything he might even be the type to side-eye the people being too loud in the library because he doesn’t want them to distract you 
honestly though it’ll probably help you get a lot more done 
even though he studies like his life depends on it, i think he’s really good when it comes to balancing the work so your brain isn’t fried too quickly
i fully believe he will like. have some weird ass Study “Hacks” that lowkey make no sense but you entertain them bc he’s a cutiepatootie :3 
✐ᝰ
the rustling from the other side of the table takes your attention away from your laptop, taking off one earbud before asking the boy across from you what he was doing. jaehyun doesn’t turn to answer, instead continuing to dig through the various compartments of his backpack for who knows what. “you know about superfoods and stuff?”
“...yeah? what does that have to do with what we’re studying though?” you let out a soft laugh, unsure about where he’s going with this conversation. 
“well, i heard that if you eat five almonds everyday it makes you smarter. there was a study on it and everything, i swear.” you raise your eyebrow at his words, finding it hard not to roll your eyes at the ridiculous “fact” he just proposed. moments later, he’s plopping a ziploc bag full of almonds in the middle of the table, looking incredibly satisfied with himself. 
you watch as he counts five almonds for the both of you, motioning for your hand to pass your portion over. “why don’t we just eat a ton of almonds so we become geniuses?” you move to reach for the bag to grab more, before he snatches it away from you. 
“no, we can’t do that. the limit is five almonds, or else it starts reversing the effects,” jaehyun tosses an almond into the air and catches it with his mouth. “or something like that, i didn’t actually read the study.” he grins at you from his side of the table, making you laugh in disbelief before resuming your work, almonds by your side.
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ taesan
personally i think taesan is the type to just. periodically check in from time to time while you’re studying
he seems like the type to focus best when he’s completely in his own space, so he wants to give you that same space (especially if he’s working on music, he doesn’t want to bother you with the noise) 
….but that doesn’t mean he’s completely ignoring you while you’re out in the living room hunched over all your papers
he’d probably ask if you wanted to do the pomodoro method with him LMFAOOO like. you do work for 50 minutes and then u get a 10 min break
it honestly helps make the work go by faster bc you’re just looking forward to your next break w/ him :,) 
when the fifty minutes is up and it’s time for both of your breaks, he’s so excited to come out of his room and just Recharge with you. simply seeing you quite literally gives him enough energy to go back to whatever he’s currently working on 
if he found you too burnt out from studying for so long, he’d make an exception to his rules & he’d let you take a longer break bc he knows how much effort you’ve been putting into prepping for your tests 
✐ᝰ
you were only halfway into your fifty-minute work interval, but taesan could sense something was wrong when he left his room to get some water. instead of taking notes like you were earlier, your pen was left abandoned on the side of your textbook as you frowned down onto the blur of words you were trying to take in. 
taesan knows how hard it is to keep working when you hit a mental roadblock– he knows how badly you need to study right now, but it’ll be no use trying to force yourself when you clearly need to step away. he peeks around the corner, clearing his throat to catch your attention. 
“hm?” you tilt your head as you look up from your notebook, frustration clearly written all over your face. it almost pains him to see you so stressed over exams. “is it time for break already? i could’ve sworn i just started–”
“maybe you just got so into it that you didn’t realize how much time passed,” he bluffs, walking up to the table. “do you want to see what i’ve been working on? i feel like i need a second opinion on it, something isn’t quite right with the melodies.” 
taesan finds it cute how your face lights up immediately; you were clearly looking for any excuse to walk away from your work, but you knew you’d feel guilty if you had no good reason to do so. since taesan really needs your help, it’s fine… right? 
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ leehan 
idk something makes me feel like leehan just dgaf LOLOLOL but he’s definitely not going to bother you much unless you’re taking a break or something
i don’t think he puts too much effort into studying but he’s definitely just going to be in your general vicinity so you don’t get too lonely looking at your computer screen for so long… he’s just there in spirit
if u were in the same class & u asked him what Something Meant… he genuinely could not tell you unless it was about a topic he was actually interested in. bro just has his laptop open to feel included yk
i think he’d be the type to see you frustrated over whatever concept you can’t seem to get right & literally Make You take a break so you can clear your mind 
you didn’t realize it while you were too focused on doing work, but he’s constantly been catering to your every need so you don’t get distracted
like he made sure your water bottle was refilled every time you finished it
turned up the heat in the apartment when he noticed you shivering
opening curtains so the sun lights up your workspace n makes it less stuffy :,)
i totally see him as the type to stay up as long as you are, even if he isn’t studying with you
again. just the idea of him wanting to keep you company so you don’t feel lonely ARRGHHHHH
like maybe he’s just sitting at the table w/ you as he watches u do work (like a freako) ((I need him so bad))
even if he falls asleep in the process… at least he’s nearby in case you need him…. (he wakes up every now and then to make sure you’re doing OK) 
✐ᝰ
you can’t help but turn around when you hear all the commotion your friend (he’s in love w/ you btw) is currently making in the kitchen behind you. sensing your gaze, he looks back slowly, giving you a sheepish smile. “i know i’m being loud, but i’m doing this for you, okay?”
before you get the chance to question what he meant, he’s balancing a tray in his hands as he makes his way over to your desk. it’s adorned with anything you could possibly want during your study session– a steaming cup of tea, a plate of fresh fruit cut into cute shapes, a bag of your favorite chips, some of the gummies you two were sharing earlier, and even a bottle of painkillers for the eventual headache you’ll get from looking at the screen for too long. 
you could honestly cry; it wasn’t a grand gesture, but you’ve been so overwhelmed trying to meet all the deadlines you’d made for yourself recently that you’ve been neglecting your own needs in the process. leehan’s clearly proud of himself as he takes a seat next to you, resting his head on his palm as he watches you. “you’re not gonna study with me?” you question, popping a piece of fruit into your mouth as you look at him. after all, you did ask to study together. 
“i was kind of hoping being next to you while you reviewed would transfer all the knowledge to me.” his eyes turn to crescents as he grins at you. you guess that works too.
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ riwoo
riwoo would prefer to do work specifically at home bc he likes to be comfy if he’s gonna spend a majority of the day studying
with this being said tho… he’s restless. he moves every hour bc it claims it helps him focus if he changes up his surroundings every once in a while 
def going to put on some music and maybe light some candles so you aren’t too miserable trying to learn so much content the day before the exam … he’s all for setting the vibes PERFECT for the study sesh
i like to think riwoo has like. a system he uses to keep the both of you motivated while studying (i do this. im projecting) 
like…. if you both get the next 10 practice problems right… you can share the slice of cake waiting in fridge LOL or maybe if you finish writing one more paragraph of your essay, then you can go lay in bed for seven minutes idk i think he’d be really random with it
riwoo always says that you guys are gonna take a “short” break but it usually ends up 3x longer than you intended
he’d say “maybe we should take the dogs for a walk to get a breather before getting back to work”
and then you come back 40 minutes later bc you two got distracted letting daebak and jangyi play with all the other dogs in the park T_T
he’s 100% the type to try and discreetly watch tiktok or something when you’re both supposed to be doing work and it plays on full volume (woonhak would too but he would not try to hide it)
honestly i feel like he’d get tired of his own studies at some point, but i know he’d stay with you to help you review or just to encourage you to keep going <3 
✐ᝰ
you’re welcomed with warm lighting and the sweet aroma of a seasonal candle as riwoo opens his front door, daebak in his arms and jjangyi wandering around the room behind him. it’s a familiar environment; you’ve gotten used to doing work with riwoo in the comfort of his own home, finding it much easier to focus there than any of the popular study spots on campus. 
you’re sitting at the dining table, one paragraph of your essay on the verge of completion. riwoo is sprawled across the couch, his laptop laying haphazardly on his chest as he swipes across the trackpad. “do you remember that takeout place we passed by last week? i was thinking we should order some later once we get hungry!” 
“...are you looking at the menu right now?”
“well, no…” you glance at him from your seat, clearly doubtful. “...okay, maybe i am. i can’t focus when all i can think about is how good it smelled walking by the place!” he groans, shutting his laptop and placing it on the coffee table beside him before moving to a more comfortable position on his couch. 
he’s so quiet that you almost forget he’s there when you’re locked into your essay, snapped out of your zone when he sighs dramatically, not having moved an inch since you last looked at him. you’re not sure why he’s the one in distress when he hasn’t touched his laptop in nearly forty minutes. 
“y/nnnnn…. i don’t wanna study for my classes,” you don’t have it in you to scold him, especially when he’s the one letting you work at his place to begin with, but you can’t just let him do nothing the whole time. “can you take a break so i don’t die of boredom over here?”
“okay, how about you come over here and help me proofread my paper, then we can get food once i finish?” he makes his way over to you, using his socks to slide across the wooden floors in the process, more than happy to occupy himself with something if it meant he got to hang out with you afterwards!
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ woonhak
finals season with woonhak honestly seems like it would be hell LMFAOOOOOO
genuinely i think he’s the last person i’d ask to study just because i feel like procrastinator x procrastinator is a DEAD END!!!
no shade but the chances of both of you locking in at the same time are little to NONE.
trying to be accountability buddies for each other genuinely doesn’t work because. he just doesn’t want to study ☠️
bro is definitely trying to convince you that you don’t need to study (you desperately do)
and even IF…. you guys both start working…. it genuinely doesn’t last long LOLOLOL
woonhak literally cannot shut the hell up when he’s doing work for some reason. everything needs to have some sort of commentary, even if you guys aren’t even studying for the same class
if you didn’t also Need To Study, it’d be pretty funny to hear him complaining about getting every other question wrong…. and his periodic comments are NOT helping 😭
but bc of that i think he’s the most willing to stay up late with you to study just because you wasted so much time doing Who Knows What that you both feel like you need to pull an all nighter if you want to pass that test YIKES
u eventually both feel SO GUILTY bc you wasted so much time doing NOTHING productive and it’s already 11pm…. guess you have to make up for it by ACTUALLY being productive until 4am . . . .
the urgency finally kicks in and you actually ARE clocked tf in until you’re literally forced to get out of the library
✐ᝰ
the security guard working the front desk at the library gives the two of you a quizzical look as you walk through the doors at 11:37pm, whereas most of the other students tend to wrap up their studies around this time. this wasn’t out of the ordinary for you and woonhak– you knew what you were getting yourself into when you first texted him asking him if he was free to study earlier in the day. 
just a couple hours ago, the two of you were seated on the floor of his dorm, pages of notes sprawled across the carpet in a pathetic attempt to try and make a game plan for a semesters-worth of material you had to learn before the final tomorrow. it was almost laughable the way neither of you could make sense of the content in front of you. 
“how is it that we’ve gone to every lecture and we still don’t know what’s going on?” it’s a useless question, given that neither of you are capable of providing any sort of explanation. 
“have you seen that video where they rub their notes on their heads to try and send the information to your brain–”
“woonhak, you know that doesn’t actually work, right?”
“right. i just wanted to know if you saw it too. haha.” there’s an air of silence between you two as you both realize how screwed you actually are for the test, but nobody dares to speak it into existence. “should we go to the arcade before we start studying?”
…and that’s how you found yourself set up in one of the booths in the far corner of the library (obviously after wasting three hours and twenty bucks at the claw machines), the tabletop adorned with a jumbled mix of your shared review problems, scrap paper balled up in a growing pile, and two freshly-opened energy drinks.  you’re both lucky that the library doesn’t close for another couple hours, you needed all the time you could get to try and burn the information into your brains. 
when you walk out of the exam room, seeing woonhak laying on a bench outside & using his backpack as a makeshift pillow as he waits for you to finish, you can’t help at chuckle at the look of defeat on his face. it’s funny the way your eye bags match his own; you’ve definitely seen each other at your lowest at this point. 
“so…how do you think you did?”
“can we talk about this after i take a nap at your dorm for, i don’t know, three days?”
“deal.”
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© lionhanie 2025 ; all rights reserved!
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of-a-chaotic-mind · 5 months ago
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Hey Bartender
Summary: Reader thinks it's just another shift of bartending but instead meets a drunk golden retriever that sets her up with his best friend.
TW/CW: Eddie Diaz x Reader, Get Together
Requested?: No 
Word Count: 4,087
A/N: I realized I always write reader as a fellow firefighter and wanted to try my hand at not doing that lol. You know I just had to add a drop of angst in there lmao. Anyways, hope you enjoy the read! Much love to all! Requests are Open!
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--- Your POV --- 
    It's another Saturday night, and I'm expecting just as many jackasses as usual... Let me tell you, bartending pays well but damn does it suck ass. If I had a nickel for every time a douche bag hit on me, I wouldn't need to bartend, I could just live on my own private island. If I had a dollar for every decent man that ever hit on me, I'd be living on the streets if it weren’t for my weekly paychecks.  
    I drop my bag in the back office and head to the bar, throwing my hair up into a messy bun on the way. When I round the corner of the hallway out into the main area, I can see my coworkers Tiana and Grayson struggling to keep up. I slide through the swinging door with ease and begin taking orders. Soon, the chaos has died down some and I'm able to send Tiana home.  
    A rowdy bunch of college guys, that I see often, come in as she leaves. I raise my voice, "Hey! Don't come in here acting a fool, y'all know better." They sarcastically salute me or wave dramatically before making their way to their favorite table in the corner.  
    A tall, older, and muscular guy takes a seat on the stool in front of me, "You must be the boss lady around here," he states pointing back toward the college kids. 
    I scoff, "Might as well be but no. Our boss tends to only show up when it's slow. What can I get ya?" 
    The man laughs, "Two Jack and Coke, please." 
    I nod and turn around to reach for the Jack Daniels but find it exactly where I had repeatedly told Grayson not to put it, on the top shelf. Placing my hands on my hips, I turn toward my coworker, "Hey, dickhead!" He looks up immediately but I only point in the direction of the bottle I need. He grins with a laugh as he approaches me, grabs the bottle, and passes it down to me. As he returns to the customer, he was helping I gripe, "I swear you only do that to piss me off." 
    He looks at me, still wearing that stupid grin, "Yup, sure do!" 
    I roll my eyes and proceed to finish making my customer's Jack and Coke. When I set the glasses down in front of him, he admits, "If he wasn't making my gaydar go off, I'd be concerned." 
    I laugh, "Yes, Grayson is gay. He's basically my annoying little brother that enjoys making my life difficult." 
    The man laughs, "I'm Tommy," he points behind him, "The one waving his arms around like a crazy person is my lovely boyfriend, Evan." 
    I watch Evan animatedly tell his story for a beat before responding, "I'm (Y/N). What on earth is he talking about?" 
    Tommy shakes his head, "I don't really know. I love listening to him speak, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I zone out because I'm too focused on how pretty he is." 
    This makes me laugh extra hard, "I could see that." 
    Tommy pulls far more than enough cash out of his wallet to pay for the drinks and hands it to me, "Keep the change. See you around, (Y/N)." 
    I nod and watch him leave before jumping because Grayson speaks right in my ear, "He was cute!" 
    I shake my head, "He's gay and taken." 
    Grayson pouts, "Damn... A loss for us both I guess." I laugh and start cleaning up around the bar. 
    Sometime later, I notice something suspicious out of the corner of my eye. There's a gruff looking man leaning far too close to a girl who looks at least half his age. At first glance, I wouldn't even be sure she's old enough to drink but considering they card everyone at the door, she's at least 21 and this man looks to be in his late 40s or early 50s. She is very obviously uncomfortable and from the way her eyes dart around I can tell she's looking for an escape route. 
    I place my hand on Grayson's shoulder, still keeping an eye on her, "I'll be right back." He follows my line of sight and nods in understanding. As I pass the cooler on my way to her, I blindly grab a bottle of water. I step beside her, opposite the man, and place my hand on her shoulder and the water on the table in front of her, "Here's that water you ordered, sweetie." 
    "Aw, I just brought you a drink, Baby. You haven't even touched it yet. You don't need that water, do ya?" the subtleties his voice makes my skin crawl. 
    She avoids eye contact with him as she opens the water and takes a sip before looking me dead in the eyes, "Thank you. Could you point me to the bathroom, please?" 
    I nod, "Sure, I'll walk you there." She hops down from her stool and I put myself between her and the man.  
    I point in the direction we need to go but as she starts that way, the man grabs my right arm, "I think I can handle walking her to the bathroom. Besides, your coworker looks pretty busy over there." 
    I turn slowly to face him. I look down at where his hand is clamped around my right bicep and then back at his face, "I suggest you remove your hand from my body before I remove it from yours." By now everyone in the bar is zeroed in on us. I even notice Tommy, Evan, and a couple of their friends get up from their table. 
    His grip tightens, "I said," spits flecks across my face as he speaks through gritted teeth and with a menacing smile, "I can show her to the bathroom." 
    I wipe my face with my left hand, "Last chance, pal. You have three seconds." I give him a few seconds as promised before using my right hand to remove his hand from my arm, twisting it outwards with a small crack. Anger now replacing the smile on his face, he lunges at me but I drive the palm of my left hand straight into his nose.  
    He doubles over in pain, holding his nose as blood leaks through his fingers, "You bitch!" 
    I glare down at him, "That shit doesn't fly in my bar," I point to the bouncers, snap my fingers, and point down at the piece of shit at my feet. Already on standby, they immediately make their way through the crowd to collect him. I turn to check on the girl and escort her to the bathroom. 
--- Third Person POV --- 
    Bobby and Athena meet the bouncers at the puddle of filth who is still writhing in pain, "My husband is just gonna make sure he doesn't need a stop at the hospital on his way to the police station," she says, as she flashes her badge. The bouncers take a step back to let Bobby work. Athena turns to speak to (Y/N) but finds her already heading toward the bathrooms with the girl.  
    Bobby stands and wipes his hands on a napkin, "Alright, Athena, to the slammer. As far as I can tell she just broke it. No serious damage."  
    Athena nods and looks toward the door where two officers enter. When they approach her, she explains what happened and gives them instructions. A few feet away, Buck leans toward Tommy, "I wonder where she learned to do that." 
    Wondering the same thing, Eddie looks over as Tommy answers, "She had an Army Sergeant's insignia tattooed on her wrist." 
    Eddie nods, "That'll do it." 
    Buck looks toward the bathrooms, "A badass, former Army Sergeant, who can take down a man twice her size...," he looks at Eddie, whose eyes are locked in the same direction, "You should get her number." Eddie rolls his eyes and soon the three are ushered back to the table by Athena and Bobby. 
--- Your POV --- 
    As we arrive at the bathrooms, I wait with the girl in silence. When the door opens and another lady exits, she moves to enter before looking back at me, "Thank you." 
    I nod, "I'll be at the bar if you need me." She nods before entering the bathroom. I make my way back towards the bar and as soon as I round the corner, the college boys in the corner start whooping and hollering. The rest of the bar erupts to join them. I quickly return to the bar, grinning and shaking my head.  
    When the commotion dies down, one of the college kids loudly slurs out, "That, ladies and gentlemen, is why we don't fuck with (Y/N)." Many in the bar laugh before returning to their friends and drinks. Not too long later, I watch the girl meet a few friends at the door and make their way to a table. She smiles at me as she passes. I smile back. 
    I take and make a few more orders before letting Grayson know I'm taking a few minutes for a smoke break. After what feels like too short of a break, I'm checking notifications on my phone when I pass Grayson who grabs my shirt. I look at him in confusion, "What?" 
    He nods toward the other end of the bar where Evan is sat blowing bubbles into a fresh Jack and Coke, "said he wanted to ask you something." 
    Still bewildered, I make my way over to Evan, "What's up, Buttercup?" 
    He snaps his head up from his drink and grins at me before slurring out, "I was wondering if I could have your number," and is quick to add, "b-but not for me! I have a hot pilot boyfriend," the grin on his face gets even bigger, "I'm gonna give it to my friend Eddie who's been staring at you all night," he thinks for a split second, "He also seemed very disappointed when he saw you leave a little bit ago."  
    I laugh but before I can say a single word he goes on, "I came up here and asked your coworker if you were done for the night but he said you were just on break so I waited until you came back." He keeps rambling on and on as I grab a sticky note pad and pen from under the counter. I jot my name and number down. Normally, I wouldn't do this but these Evan and Tommy dudes seem decent so I figure their friend Eddie can't be too bad.  
    Evan is still going when I remove the note and press the sticky side to his forehead. He stops abruptly mid word, "Sweet! I'm Buck by the way." With that, it seems our conversation has come to an end as he gets up and returns to his table, not even removing the sticky note. 
--- Third Person POV --- 
    Hen giggles, “I think the golden has retrieved something.” 
    Tommy follows her line of sight and notices Buck stumbling back toward the table with something attached to his forehead; question already locked and loaded for when he's in earshot, "Whatcha got there?" Buck stops and attempts to pose heroically which makes everyone giggle. Tommy reaches up with one hand to remove the note and pats the bench beside him with the other, prompting Buck to plop down and lay his head on Tommy's shoulder. Realizing what his boyfriend has done, he looks over to Eddie, "I believe this is for you," and hands him the note. 
    Confused, Eddie takes the paper and reads it before looking at Buck with a facial expression that reads, "Seriously?" 
    Buck grins proudly as Maddie nudges Eddie, "You so should text her." 
    Chimney grins, "Or if you're man enough you can call her." Eddie glares at him, very clearly annoyed. He looks down at the paper in his hands and thinks for a few seconds before nudging Tommy and Buck out of the booth. He ignores the excited gasps and "ooo"s that break out behind him and makes his way to the bar. 
--- Your POV --- 
    I look up from the beer I'm pouring and notice one of Tommy and Buck's friends heading my direction. I top the beer off and hand it to the college kid in front of me just as the newcomer takes a seat to my left. He's staring straight ahead and hasn't said a word. 
    I wipe my hands off on a towel and grab a glass before crossing the short distance between us, "You're either a whiskey guy or a fruity cocktail guy. What'll it be?" 
    He smiles and tilts his head as he looks at me, "Whiskey, please." 
    I nod and turn around, aiming to grab the bottle of Jack I left on the other counter but find it has mysteriously moved back up to the top shelf. I whip my head in Grayson's direction but his back is turned to me. Placing my hands on my hips I glare up at the bottle. "Do you need me to-" Eddie tries to ask but instead I step up onto a shelf under the counter and climb up to stand on the granite, promptly procuring the bottle, "Guess not," I hear Eddie chuckle behind me as I scrunch up the towel on my shoulder and throw it at Grayson.  
    It nails him right in the back of the head, although not all very hard. He turns around grinning until he notices me still standing on the counter. An expression of fear almost crosses his features before he speaks, "Rodney will have your ass for standing on his counter," a teasing hint of humor in his tone. 
    I flip him off, "Rodney can suck a dick. I'd say you should too but you'd enjoy it too much," I punctuate my sentence by jumping down from the counter. Grayson doubles over in laughter as I turn back to my customer, who is also laughing his ass off. 
    As I pour the whiskey, I ask, "So, are you the Eddie that Buck mentioned?" 
    He looks back at the table where his friends are very clearly pretending to not be watching, minus Buck who is staring at us with his chin in his hands. He looks down at his whiskey, "Yeah," and takes a sip. 
    I tilt my head at him, "You don't seem too thrilled." 
    He makes eye contact with me, "To be honest, my heart is racing a mile a minute. I'm not like wasted or anything but uh," he looks back at the table and then at his glass, "I've got enough liquor in my system right now that when Chimney challenged that I wouldn't call you, I was like, 'Oh yeah? Watch this,'" he looks up at me again, "So, here I am with no clue what to say and possibly making a fool of myself." 
    I can't help but laugh, "I've had plenty of men make fools of themselves in front of me. I promise, you sir, are not one of them." 
    He smiles at this and is quiet for a few beats before asking, "Would it- would it be okay if I called you?" 
    I give him an "are you serious?" look, "Eddie, if it wasn't okay for you to call me, I wouldn't have given Buck my number." I swear I see him blush as he looks down at his glass again, nodding. I hear a customer call my name and grimace, "Give me a sec." He nods so I move to serve the customer and when I return to where Eddie was seated, he's back at the table with his friends. He's left cash on a napkin that has a note scribbled on it: 
I'll call you tomorrow when I can actually form coherent sentences :) - Eddie P.S. Keep the change! 
    I smile softly to myself and look up toward their table to find him already looking my way. I wave and he returns the wave before I slip the napkin into my back pocket and move on to take some more orders on Grayson's end of the bar. 
    The next morning, or rather the next afternoon, when I roll out of bed I immediately reach for my phone. I find a text from an unknown number: 
This is Tommy from the bar. Just in case Eddie loses the sticky note, I added your number into his phone. Figured I'd shoot you a text so you have his :) 
    I smile and lay my phone back down on the side table. My excited anticipation dwindles quickly as hours turn into days of not hearing from Eddie. I'm beginning to think he was just drunk that night and wasn't actually interested. One afternoon, as I'm getting ready for work, I glance at my phone for the millionth time hoping to see something from Eddie. No such luck... I open up the text conversation and my fingers hover over the keyboard trying to decide what to say. This isn't the first time I've done this in the past few days. Once again, I finally give up and shove my phone back in my pocket. I head to work with a pit in my stomach and disappointment heavy in my chest. 
    That evening, Grayson and all of my regulars notice how down I am and a few even try to cheer me up or be an ear to listen, including Grayson who hasn't stopped pestering me about it every chance he gets. "So, did things not work out with Lover Boy?" I brush him off and start wiping down the bar. "Come on, (Y/N). Talk to me," he sighs, "I know I'm a dick sometimes but I do care about you and I don't like seeing you so upset." 
    I take a deep breath as I toss the dirty towel into the laundry bin, "He never called. Never even texted either. And it's not because he lost my number, Tommy saved it into his phone for him." I can't hide the disappointment and hurt in my tone. 
    "Are you serious? Dude was absolutely entranced by you but doesn't bother to contact you?" Grayson asks, dumbfounded. 
    I shrug, heading for the cellar door, "I'm gonna restock. Holler if you need me." 
    He lets me go and as the door shuts behind me, I feel tears prickle against my eyes. Why am I about to cry over some dude I've only met once and only shared a few sentences with? Frustrated, I wipe my eyes and grab a few bottles that I know we need. Half way up the stairs, tears threaten to spill again. Sighing in defeat, I descend back down, place the bottles on a table, and drop to the floor against the wall with my head in my hands. This shit is why I don't let myself get hung up on guys anymore. The tears are flowing freely when I hear the cellar door open, "(Y/N)?"  
    Grayson sounds worried so I answer, "Yeah?" but my voice comes out weak and shaky.  
    I hear his footsteps descend the stairs rapidly before he drops to the floor beside me, "Hey, you okay?" 
    I look up from my hands and make eye contact, "I thought this one was different. I let myself hope. Now look at me, crying on the floor of a dusty ass cellar." 
    Grayson rubs my back comfortingly, "It's okay to cry, (Y/N)." 
    I drop my head back in my hands, "No it's not, not over a man I don't even know. I'm an independent woman who don't need no man. I shouldn't be this heart broken." 
    "First of all, yes, it's still okay to cry. Second, you may be independent but everyone needs somebody to love," Grayson says softly. 
    From the top of the stairs, a voice rings out, "Hey Grayson, quite a few people wanting drinks up here." 
    "We'll be up in a minute," he answers before pulling my face to look at him, "Get up, dust yourself off, and let's go have a good time, okay?" 
    I sigh deeply, "Okay," and wipe my tears. On our way up, I grab the bottles I had set down earlier and by the time we reach the top of the stairs, I've promised myself I won't shed another tear over this man unless he earns it. 
    Later that evening, I'm wiping down the bar again after a rush. In my peripheral, I notice someone take a seat and toss the towel away to tend to them. When I finally look over, my heart starts racing. It's Eddie. He's staring at his hands where he interlocked them on the bar top. I look around, hoping to pass him off to Grayson but find him helping other customers. I take a deep breath before smoothing out my shirt and walking over to Eddie. 
    "What can I get for you?" I ask, attempting to keep my tone friendly and even but it still shakes the slightest bit. His head shoots up and he makes direct eye contact with me. There's something in his eyes that makes me tilt my head. 
    He breaks eye contact and breaths deeply, looking back to his hands, "Listen, I- I'm sorry. I know I haven't called or texted. I tried to several times but I didn't know what to say. Buck says I was overthinking it too much but... I don't know, I just- I didn't wanna fuck it up." 
    A small smile touches my lips but I squash down the hope that's trying to breach the surface, "Eddie, a hello would've been sufficient." 
    He looks up at me and grimaces, "That's what Tommy said but I didn't wanna sound so- so casual I guess?" 
    Bewilderment replaces my smile, "What?" 
    He hesitates a second, "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I didn't want to sound so uninterested when you're all I've been able to think about for days. I also didn't want to sound too interested and scare you off... Which I may have just done anyways," he shakes his head in embarrassment as he looks back down at the bar top. 
    The grin on my face kind of hurts as I tuck my finger under his chin and lift it. His eyes have a touch of worry in them when they lock with mine, "I almost texted you several times too but didn't for the same exact reason." For some reason, I let myself get a little vulnerable, "I may or may not have cried a few hours ago because I was so disappointed that I didn't hear from you..." 
    I pull away as shock etches across his features, "I'm so sorry." 
    I shrug, "Forgiven, as long as you take me out on a date at some point and remember that my number exists in your phone." 
    He grins, nodding, "I will. When are you off work this week?" 
    I look up at the ceiling trying to remember, "All day Wednesday and Sunday and then until 3pm every other day." 
    When I look back at him, he smiles, "How does coffee sound Wednesday morning? 10am?" 
    I mirror his expression, "Sounds great!" 
    I can barely contain my excitement over the next few days and wake up before my alarm even goes off Wednesday morning after tossing and turning all night. I jolt up in bed, checking my phone in a panic, thinking I've slept through my alarm going off. Relief courses through my veins when I realize there's still an hour until it will. Excitement quickly floods that relief out of my system and I hop out of bed with a spring in my step. 
    Sometime later, as I enter the small outdoor café early but too excited to wait, I see Eddie threading his fingers through his hair at a table, having beat me there. I smile brightly and approach his table. He stands as soon as he sees me, pulls out my chair for me, and motions to the coffee in front of it, “I wasn’t sure how you like your coffee but if it’s wrong just let me know and I can order you something else.”  
    I giggle, take a sip and grin, “It’s perfect,” and as I look at him sitting across from me, knee bouncing and fingers fidgeting with his coffee cup I can’t help but think he’s perfect too. 
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hugsandchaos · 23 days ago
Note
Regarding this post
How would Frostbite react to Danny having a panic attack like that? How does he respond to it? Is he able to help Danny calm down?
I don't know, just a thought- I'm a sucker for the father/son bond it made me think of when you mentioned it.
Frostdad
You wouldn’t believe how much I actually struggled with the panic attack scene, it was insane. I had to do it over and over again, but I’m proud of it! The ending was a little rushed, so it might not be as good as my usual work, but I plan to add more if I can because I’m starting to like the ideas I got from it! I just had to give you what I already had written down, I think you’ll like it! I’m sorry if it’s shorter than you were expecting. I got way too carried away with possible scenarios and ended up with a bunch of vague notes instead of actual writing 😆
——————————————————————
First Encounter
Frostbite could still hardly believe it. The Great One, Savior of the Ghost Zone, right here! In the same room as him! If the chief wasn’t so focused on the core readings in front of him, he’d be practicing what to even say to him in preparation for when he woke up. He very briefly glanced over to the bed where he was resting before turning back to the screen. The warrior was exactly as other ghosts had described. At least, at first.
He was small, about the same height as a two hundred or three hundred year old, and had very little fur aside from the rather big patch on his head that covered some of his face. His eyes were opened briefly a while ago to make sure they weren’t damaged or that he didn’t have a severe head injury, and they were indeed the same green as the ectoplasm that flowed through them all.
His limbs didn’t look like they have much muscle, but Frostbite knew from the stories that they weren’t as weak as they seem, but they were as injured.
Yes, the Great One was discovered when an unknown ghost entered their borders and triggers the sensors. By the time Galeforce had gotten there with Frostbite by her side, the Great One was already unconscious and bleeding out into the snow, staining it green. He was brought into the hospital immediately, and many odd things were discovered.
For instance, it became clear during core scans that the Great One’s core wasn’t done maturing. It hadn’t even finished developing its ice powers! This meant that he wasn’t a ghost for very long, and it was frankly concerning. They’d heard that he wasn’t a full ghost and was half human. From the limited information they had, they knew that humans couldn’t handle the extreme cold very much.
The room had been raised to a high enough temperature that the he’d survive and hopefully be comfortable. It wasn’t something the doctors couldn’t handle, though. Building tolerance to a warmer room was practically a requirement in certain fields of medicine in the Far Frozen.
Frostbite was getting pretty warm, however. He looked at the clock. It had been 45 minutes since he came in. He’d need to take a break in the next 20 to 30 minutes if he didn’t want to begin experiencing problems.
A high pitched beep from the computer snatched Frostbite’s attention away from the clock and forced him back to looking at the monitor. The Great One’s core was picking up in vibrations and becoming more active, and the strange rhythmic thumping known as a “heartbeat” had picked up as well. The strange waves from his head were changing as well.
A small groan came from the bed. The chief snapped his head to the side. He was waking up.
The Great One was waking up!
Without thinking about the others wanting to see this, Frostbite rose from his seat and walked towards the bed, both out of excitement and concern for his patient.
The Great One turned his head and made an expression that Frostbite had seen before in patients waking up from an incident. It seemed almost like a struggle, but once they were open, they drifted around the room lost until they landed on Frostbite. Frostbite composed himself and bared his teeth in a smile. He reminded himself to keep his voice down since he had just woken up.
“Hello, Great One. It is an honor to—“
Frostbite was cut off by a scream.
The monitor beeped loudly from a jump in the core vibrations, and the other machines began to follow as they picked up on a sudden increase in ectoplasm pressure, and breathing rate. The veins in the Great One’s body flashed a bright green glow as ectoplasm rushed to the surface to harden it. It became so hard and taunt that little crevices were glowing along the skin. It almost looked as if the skin was going to break apart.
The Great One started reaching for the IV, but couldn’t grab it. He tried again and again, but his hands were shaking too hard to fully grasp it. Frostbite reached out to grab his wrists once he realized that the ghost was trying to pull out the IV. The Great One’s breathing rapidly picked up and grew shallower.
“Hey, hey, don’t pull that out!” Frostbite exclaimed. He was pulled out of trying to impress the Great One and back to acting the way he does with other patients, which suddenly felt like an obvious choice.
It seemed to have only made the problem worse as the Great One began fighting back, tugging his arms and made noises of distress. Frostbite is a doctor, but he is also a chief who takes his people’s protection very seriously, so it was no struggle to keep his hands around the Great One’s wrist. Then it was as if he was speaking another language, but if it was, it was nothing like Frostbite had heard. His injured core was practically screaming to be released, to run away and escape the danger.
“What’s going on?!” A voice shouted from outside the room. Frostbite turned around to see SwiftIce run into the room.
“I think he’s having a panic attack.” Frostbite said. He had to restrain from shouting, but the urgency was in his voice.”Get the diazepam, now.” He said. He turned back to the ghost and tried to put on a friendly expression.”Hey, hey, it’s alright.” He said calmly. He knew those words alone wouldn’t work, but it was a place to start.
The Great One pulled harder on his arms and began to move around as he struggled and failed to get his hands free. His eyes squeezed shut from the strain.
“Look at me.” Frostbite said gently. He lowered his head and knelt down so he’d be closer to the young one’s height.
The halfa opened his mouth and repeated the phrase from earlier, then repeated it again, but with extra “words”. It might be whatever it was that humans spoke. It would make sense for his first language to be a living one since Frostbite knew that some ghosts were humans before becoming ghosts. This wouldn’t be a bad thing if they had a translator.
“Please, look at me.” The chief repeated. This time, a little bit more sternly in hopes that the child would listen.”Get something to calm his core and muscles!” He called out, very briefly turning his head before looking back to the halfa.
Green eyes filled with terror opened up and looked at Frostbite, but only for a split second before looking beside him. Tears threatened to spill as he doubled his efforts to escape. Now, he was kicking as well. He cried out when he moved his left leg, which was still wrapped in bandages stained with green and a hint of red.
“I said let me go!!” The Great One screamed. His eyes glowed brightly as he shot a glare at Frostbite and bared his teeth, which as previously stated, were small and not very threatening. Frostbite noticed SwiftIce out of the corner of his eyes admitting the sedatives to the IV. The young one would be calmer soon, but he needed to breathe.
Frostbite took one of the halfa’s hands and placed it against his chest, ignoring the tugs and noises of protest.”Listen. In…”
The chief took in a deep breath.
“Out…” He exhaled. He took in another breath, and when he began taking in his third, the halfa had started to copy him. It was a struggle at first. His first breath was shaky and hitched, and he exhaled a little too quickly, desperate for the next one.
Frostbite continued and watched as the Great One’s breathing slowly evened out and became deeper. It seemed he was coming out of the panic attack as he took one without suddenly gasped for air or shaking. Once the sedatives he was given kicked in, the bright glow in his eyes and veins died down. The strength in his tugging slowly became less and less intense until he stopped fighting all together.
His shoulders slumped and he started leaning back against the pillow and bed frame, his eyes only barely glowing now and starting to look tired. Once Frostbite was sure he was calm enough, he spoke again.”Can you hear me?” He asked, just to be extra sure.
His patient nodded.
“I’m going to let go, but I need you to stop trying to remove your IV. If you can’t, we will have to strap you down for your own safety.” Frostbite said. He spoke sternly, putting a heavy emphasis on the “stop”, but not without understanding.“I understand that you’re scared, and I will explain everything as long as you don’t try to remove anything, fight, or run, okay?” Frostbite said.
The halfa nodded again.
Frostbite slowly released his grip on the Great One’s wrist and stepped back to give him a little space. The Great One didn’t reach for the IV again. Instead, he held both hands close to himself. He held the hand Frostbite had pressed against his chest. Frostbite hoped he hadn’t accidentally hurt him. He was sure he was gentle enough.
“My name is Frostbite. You are at the hospital in my village. You were brought here after you were found unconscious and bleeding into the snow at the edge of our borders.” He explained.
The young halfa stared at him blankly for a moment, likely processing what he heard. His eyes soon shifted away from Frostbite to look around the room. They landed on the IV next to him for a moment before he looked back to Frostbite.
“What did you give me?” He asked. His voice was much quieter than before, and Frostbite was sure that if it wasn’t for the meds, he’d be either snappy or still terrified.
“Diazepam, amrix, and gailen.” Frostbite responded.
The halfa raised an eyebrow and made a funny face in confusion.“Gailen??” He questioned. He almost didn’t finish the word before opening his mouth wider and yawning. Frostbite could barely see any fangs and wondered if he even had any.
The chief nodded.“It helps soothe your core and prevent it from buzzing too much.” He explained.
His patient didn’t quite look like he was paying attention as he sunk further against the bed, but his eyes still looked focused. Well, as focused as they could be. He stared at Frostbite for a while, which was to be expected, and he smiled at the young halfa.”I understand if you don’t trust me, but please know that we aren’t your enemies. If we wanted to hurt you, we’d have done it by now.” Frostbite said.
His patient slowly blinked. He opened his mouth, but only the strange noises came out again and it was quiet.“What was that?” Frostbite asked. He leaned closer.
“Where...?” The halfa muttered. His eyes fluttered closed, but after a short while, they opened again. Just barely, though.
“You’re in the Far Frozen.” Frostbite responded. The Great One’s eyes drifted shut again, but the chief continued.”You’ll likely still be healing when you wake up, but don’t worry, we have our best doctors and nurses helping you.” He said. The only response he got was the machines monitoring his patient’s heartbeat and core vibrations slowing down.
Frostbite soon sat down and took a moment to think about what had just happened. In hindsight, he should��ve expected some form of surprise or wariness when the Great One woke up. He’d been unconscious when he was found, so he didn’t know that he was brought to a hospital. They’ve never met, either, and there were just as many bad ghosts as there were good.
A full on panic attack, however, was not something Frostbite would have expected even if he realized the chances of the halfa reacting negatively to the new environment sooner. Not only that, but hearing his voice made Frostbite realize something that was frankly terrifying.
It was clear that his core wasn’t fully matured yet, so he was a child by ghost standards, but Frostbite had hoped that he was at least an adult by human standards. Despite never having met a human before, Frostbite thought that he looked rather young. Then again, some adults look young. He held onto these assumptions because surely, a child didn’t attempt to fight Pariah Dark and win, right?
However, after what just happened and hearing his voice, a sense of horror was creeping its way into the chief’s mind. It was almost certain that the Great One was indeed a child.
The next time the Great One awoke, he didn’t freak out as much as last time, however he was startled about Frostbite as he woke up with his bandages being changed and yanked his arm away. After staring at Frostbite for a short while, he held his arm back out to let him finish. He winced a little during the process, but other than that, he had good self control.
“You said your name is Frostbite, right?” The young halfa asked. His core buzzed anxiously as he stared at the bigger ghost.
Frostbite was nearly done with the bandages and didn’t look up from his current task.“Yes. May I know yours?” He asked calmly. This time, he was more mentally prepared to talk to the halfa.
When he finished, the Great One held his arm and looked at the bandages. He turned his arm as if inspecting them before he turned to Frostbite.”Danny.” He responded.“Thanks for the help, but I need to go.” He said. He began to move around in the bed that was too big for him to try to swing his legs over the edge, but realized that the bed was bigger than he thought and resorted to trying to stand up.
“What? But you’re not properly healed yet!” Frostbite exclaimed. He lifted a paw to try to lightly push Danny back down. The halfa nearly fell over fairly easily and exclaimed something in human speak, but he grabbed onto Frostbite’s paw and began trying to squirm his way out from underneath.
“Hey, let go! I seriously need to head back home before something happens!” He said. He was able to escape fairly easily on account of his size and Frostbite’s loose grip. He flew up a little too fast and hit his head on the ceiling. He let out a noise of pain and looked down at Frostbite.“Wait, how long have I been here?” He asked.
The chief raised a paw up to try to gently grab the halfa. Unlike most ghosts, Frostbite’s people were surprisingly incapable of flight after spending so much time on the ground.“About a week, but you must--”
Frostbite was cut off by Danny letting out a noise of surprise in Human Speak.“Thank you so much for helping me, but I really need to find my way home! ‘Kay, thanks, bye!” He said quickly. Before Frostbite could say anything, he was gone.
Reunion
The day had gone by as usual. Work got done and things were running smoothly, and there was still no sign of the Great One. It had been two weeks since Frostbite saw him, since anyone saw him, and the chief was wondering if he was alright. He had no doubts that the Great One was powerful. He had defeated Pariah Dark, for Ancients’ sake!
Yet every time Frostbite thought back to their conversations, for lack of a better word, he couldn’t help but worry. The fact that the Great One was so young left him with a heavy weight in his core. Where were his parents? Where were his mentors? Why didn’t they help?
Frostbite stood at the edge of of one the islands and looked out towards the distant parts of the ghost zone. The entire sky, including the pieces that stretched below the islands, had almost turned dark. The last few ships between other nearby floating islands were just now landing and unloading their passengers. Soon, Frostbite would need to return home.
He continued to watch the sky grow dimmer for a while before he noticed something in the dark green. He squinted his eyes and leaned forward a little. It looked like a ship. As it came closer, he realized it didn’t look like one of his own. Not only that, but there was something smaller flying beside it.
The thing beside the ship picked up in speed and started heading right for Frostbite. The chief growled and readied himself for a fight. Why weren’t the defenses up? Where was everyone? If their ships were already turned off, he’d need to handle this threat by himself for a while. That won’t be a problem, though. The ship and the thing next to it were small. He could--
The thing next to the ship stretched an arm out and waved. The white glove contrasted against the black sleeves, and the green eyes that the chief could see more clearly now looked more lively than last he saw them. The half-ghost picked up in speed and flew a little lower, possibly coming in for a landing.
Frostbite’s shoulders relaxed as a smile began to stretch across his maw. The Great One was back!
The Great One landed a distance away from Frostbite and waved the ship down to land next to him. Once it was down, he looked over his shoulder and directly at Frostbite.
The chief began making his way over to the young halfa. He wanted to say many things. He wanted to greet him, he wanted to ask where he went, he wanted to ask why he’d returned, but all that came out was a worried “Are you alright?”.
The Great One smiled. It looked a little strange without a longer maw, but he couldn’t help that and shouldn’t be judged for it.”Yeah, I’m alright. The injuries healed a while ago.” He replied. It was almost strange seeing how calm he is now. Before, he seemed absolutely terrified, but now, he seems more confident. Perhaps it’s the fact that he wasn’t alone, or maybe it’s the simple change in scenery. He turned to the ship and called out to whoever was inside. A few seconds later, a small door opened and two humans stepped out.
They were both wearing large coats and pants lined with white fur. One of them shivered and hugged themselves, then said something to Danny. The Great One spoke back and all their gazes were directed to Frostbite.“This is Sam and Tucker. They’re my best friends and wanted to come with me to say thank you!” The Great One said.
One of the humans waved their hand, which was covered in a glove thicker than Danny’s. Frostbite knelt down to be more at eye level and extended both hands.“It is an honor to meet you both!” He said.
Danny turned to them and spoke in the human language. He most likely translated what he said to his friends, who took both hands and shook them.
Well, it was more like they placed a hand against his palm. Their hands were significantly smaller than his own and he had to be careful not to crush them. Frostbite turned to Danny.
“I’m honored that you have returned to thank us. It was no trouble at all helping you. It’s getting dark, so I insist you stay the night before returning home.” Frostbite said.
The Great One looked surprised.”Uh-- Sorry, but no. Not this time. We have to head home soon or people will start to notice we’re gone. I just really wanted to say thanks for all the help and ask why.” He said. Frostbite’s eyes widened a little. One of the humans, one with black hair and purple eyes, held his paw as if interested in his claws. The chief paid little attention to this.
“Why? Why wouldn’t we? Great One, you defeated the ghost king! You prevented him from rising up again! The entire ghost zone should be in your debt for what you’ve done for us. Helping you recover was the very least we could do.” He said.
The Great One stammered, then let out a small laugh.”Great One? I-I mean, I did put that guy back in the box, yeah, but I doubt I’m all that great.” He said.
The human holding Frostbite’s paw turned to the halfa and asked him something, to which he replied with a shrug and a string of noises. Suddenly, there was a blaring noise coming from the ship. The third human rushed inside to investigate. He poked his head out moments later and shouted something.
Danny turned to Frostbite.”Sorry to cut it short, but Tucker says that the ship is already starting to freeze. It’s not meant for cold temperatures.” He said. The other human rushed inside.
As disappointed the chief was by this news, he knew it couldn’t be helped. He could offer to bring the ship to the engineers and they could improve its tolerance to the cold, but the humans would need a warm place to stay. Plus, it wasn’t hard to tell that Danny was eager to return home, although it seemed more that he was worried about something than disliking the Far Frozen.
Frostbite put on a smile.“Very well, but know this; If you are ever in need of assistance or are feeling unwell, you are welcome in the Far Frozen any time. You and your friends.” He promised.
The ship hovered up into the air. Danny jumped off the ground and flew up into the air.”I’ll… remember that. Thanks again for the help. See you again sometime?” He said. The ship circled around and flew off the way it came.
“Of course. Safe travels, Great One!” Frostbite said.
“You can just call me Danny!” The Great One called out as he rushed to catch up.
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cosmal · 2 years ago
Note
✪ — *94 from the prompts list with any of the marauders you see fit lolzies 🫶
i'll hold it
summary — james gets you in his lap when there's no seats.
content — james potter x fem!afab!reader, drunk!james
You can't find your friends anywhere. The local you're at is packed, everyone squashed in like sardines to watch the footy finals. You despise Sirius for convincing you to come. But not as much so when you spot James across the beer garden.
He spots you at the same time and shoots his hand up in the air, giving you a wave. You try to hide your smile in your scarf and fail miserably.
You push through a group of people and reach their table. "Hello," you smile.
You push your thighs into the edge of the table and try to avoid the rings of sticky drink on the wood. "Hello," James beams and you melt like the ice in his glass. He's been drinking vodka and squash by the looks of it.
"Y/N!' Sirius calls from the end of their table as you expected. You look to Emmeline for refuge and she smacks him in the arm. "Hello, lovely! Please, save me, James won't shut up about you."
James tries to hide his embarrassment in his empty glass. This time, Frank smacks him to keep him quiet. You giggle and it has James relaxing.
"Sorry, I'm late," you say to everyone. Sirius seems too preoccupied in Remus's side already for you to feel too guilty. "Bus strikes."
You didn't think you were too late, but by the looks of Lily's flushed cheeks and how many empty glasses don their table, you think they've been at it for a while.
It's only now you realise there's no room at their table. The bench and the seats are all taken up. You feel awkward suddenly and decide to go find an empty chair, no matter how impossible that seems.
James grabs your wrist and you startle. He's pouting when you turn back around. "Where ya goin'?" he asks. He seems drunker than you thought when he blinks slowly. Eyelashes touch his cheeks when his eyes droop for a second.
"To find another chair," you tell him, smiling. You want to melt with the way he's looking at you.
He lets go of your wrist and scoots back in his seat, tapping his thighs. It's more of a smack where his thighs strain against the denim of his jeans. "No offence, lovely," he says, smiling like he can't help it. "But I think you should sit in my lap.''
"James," you giggle. You turn serious when you think he's not kidding around. "You don't want me to do that, I'll squash you."
James scoffs indignantly and you think you catch him rolling his eyes. Before you can even think about moving off again, he's got his hands at your waist. He tugs you down until you're landing in his lap and your feet are dangling from the ground. He's big, firm, and you think you don't have a single problem with being manhandled like this.
You have a thought, it's so quick but it's still there, but you think he'd be able to throw you around. You shake it from your head before you think you might pass out and focus on how he feels beneath you. His fucking thighs.
"James," you sigh, keeping your hands on his shoulders. "James, c'mon, be serious. You'll get uncomfortable in no time."
"Will not," he hiccups and you realise he's still got his hands spread over your hips. Where he bunches your skirt until it rides up your thighs and shows the ladder in your tights you were trying to hide.
"Yes, you will."
He sits his chin on your shoulder. He's so close that you shiver when he speaks. "I'm gonna prove you so wrong, babe."
Babe. "What if you need to pee?"
"I'll hold it."
"You've been drinking."
James brightens up a bit, looking half-offended. "You think because I'm drunk, that I'm incontinent?"
"Hey, Prongs!" Sirius calls out for James and he rolls his eyes again. "Hey- remember that one time after you got smashed at The Yorkey's?!"
"Shut up!"
"Yeah- yeah when you-"
"Stop fucking talking!''
He flushes with embarrassment. Smothering a groan in your shoulder. You cage your hands over his head and tug at his curls. "Oh, my poor baby," you sigh, half giggling. James shivers.
"Please don't listen to him," he groans and sits back up. He's still just as flustered. You mourn the loss of his curls under your fingers terribly.
"I never do," you tell him.
He takes a breath. "Good."
After a moment, you allow him to relax a little. You turn around to push his glasses up his nose after your shoulder had nudged them to sit crookedly. He'd been too embarrassed to fix them, clearly.
You lean in and say, "Were you really so drunk you wet yourself?"
"What!?" James gawps, sitting up so straight he almost knocks Alice behind him. "No, Y/N! I wasn't."
You do spend the entire night in his lap. He also spends the entire night hiding in your shoulder.
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seamsterslocal · 2 years ago
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summer binder picture tutorial
this is the third binder ive made for myself recently and the first one i’m writing up. it’s designed to do a few things: 1) allow me to put it on by myself without dislocating my shoulders 2) allow me to breathe well enough to partake in normal activity 3) be cool enough to wear throughout a muggy 90-100F summer 4) not constrict my ribs in a way that aggravates my lack of connective tissue and causes intense pain.
this has become necessary even though i had top surgery many years ago, because when i had it i was extremely skinny and since then i’ve increased in size by about 50%. this has been really fucking good for my health in every single way* except that when my chest is squishy or moves at all it’s So Goddamn Triggering for me. but also since ive had top surgery ive developed and/or been made away of a plethora of chronic conditions that make every single commercially available binding option medically impossible. unbound, my chest is pretty much what you’d expect for a chubby cis guy but venturing out into the world in just a tshirt no longer works for me
*anyone who badmouths weight gain or fat bodies in the notes WILL be blocked
under the cut are a bunch of process pictures and explanations of what they all mean:
first i’ll give you a look at the pieces and measurements:
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most of the seams are sewn in this picture and one half is turned inside out, allowing you to see both the finished dimensions (right) and the placement of the fusible horsehair canvas that gives this lil scrap of linen any structure at all (left)
to get your chest measurement, you’re gonna have to do some math:
first measure above and below what you want to bind. average these numbers. mine are something like 32 and 34, which average to 33. subtract a few inches--this is to allow the air movement between the laces at center front and back, critical in the summertime. i deleted 3 inches bc i like that number but you can go bigger if you want. the more inches you subtract here, the more youll be able to ratchet all your chest material down later, but at the same time you need to leave enough fabric for a sturdy garment. let’s say a range of 2-6 inches/5-15cm. by taking your measurements this way, you’re essentially measuring the chest you would like to have. that + the horsehair canvas work together to compress any squishy tissue/force anything that doesnt compress up and to the outside (basically into the armpit/lower shoulder--the chest might stick out but it will give a very puffed chest captain america pectoral silhouette)
you can also see how ive clipped my curves and pre-drilled my lacing holes. i used the marlin spike on my knife to open up the holes on the interfacing side, mainly as a way of marking them. this worked well bc the interfacing’s glue kept the linen from raveling
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this is the same stage but looking at the non-interfaced grey linen/cotton blend (the black is some 100% linen from my cabbage stash). you can see ive broken the solar-plexus-to-back measurement up into a bunch of pieces to save on fabric but that’s not necessary. my original pattern was just two pieces (front and back) and chopping the straps into thirds on both sides was aesthetic
in the following picture you can really see how this is really just overgrown regency stays:
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i thought about doing side lacing but didn’t think that would be comfortable for me. on the front, the side seam allowance was pressed inwards before turning to create a finished looking slot. on the back the side seam is left unfinished with an extra wide seam allowance, and is inserted into that slot.
here’s a closeup on it pinned in place (you can adjust the angle of the side seam and the fit during this pinning stage):
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that side seam was just topstitched in place once i had the fit how i liked it, and the armhole was reinforced with more topstitching
alright, time for eyelets: first, you can see how well the marking worked:
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next, two rows of basted eyelets (left), one row of eyelets sewn with a doubled and waxed cotton thread (center right), and one row of eyelets opened and stainless steel rings placed (right).
next time i’m going to mark the eyelets same as i did above, but do this step differently--i’ll mark and baste the steel rings in place BEFORE widening the eyelets. this is bc i had a lot of problems keeping the eyelets on center
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eyelets half done on this one! on the left are eyelets sewn with doubled and waxed cotton thread and on the right eyelets sewn with quadrupled and waxed thread. the center is basting again. i was able to force the holes back in line while sewing the eyelets but it was kinda annoying. adding a second picture that doesnt have great focus but hopefully shows how that process worked and shows the spike clearly
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i ended up using this white cotton thread because it’s stronger than my black cotton thread (which the rest of it is sewn with). [eta: after this was first posted, i pressed the whole thing heavily, which effectively de-waxed the thread, and i dyed the whole thing a medium charcoal grey, the thread blends in perfectly on the lighter side and isn’t such a sore thumb on the darker side]
bonus: the piecing layout for that little piece of strap. the whole light gray half of the binder was made from 1/2 of one of the legs i cut off some linen suit pants to make slutty camping shorts last year and i really really didn’t want to break into any of the other three halves for this garment--i have Plans for it
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overall the fit of this is incredible. it DOESNT hurt my ribs which every zip-up garment ive been able to find (and it is difficult) does due to really thick elastic at the base. it doesnt aggravate my sensory issues with the synthetic fibers that every commercial option is made of. i can walk up a hill or stairs, or go to pt, without getting too out of breath. i can eat with it tight, or loosen the front easily and without taking it off to make eating easier and less nausea-inducing. it is reversible!
best of all the lacing at the back gives the garment enough movement for me to get it on without dislocating, and the interfacing and steel rings give it structure once it’s on. the shaping comes only from fusible horsehair linen canvas and stainless steel rings like youd use for chainmail, there’s no boning at all, which makes it very quick to sew (except the eyelets, but metal grommets would be sturdy and quick provided theyre of good quality)
there’s a small amount of gaping on the outside of the shoulder strap, which i plan on fixing with a tiny tiny dart in the armpit, i want to add pockets to tuck the laces into, and i need a better lace for the back, but it’s completely wearable in time for the 90 weather next week which is all i wanted. i’ll do a reblog when it’s perfectly finished with an update on the fit but for now it is done enough 
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the little ridge where it doesnt lay flat against the shoulder is most visible with just a single t shirt over it. with a flannel or a sweater, it disappears, and by itself, it’s hidden in movement
eta: after dyeing this, i relaced it a bit looser in the back and that gape mainly disappeared. ive decided to leave it in instead of smoothing it with a dart because the loose fabric gives space for my chest to expand when breathing and shapes my silhouette in a way that emphasizes my shoulders
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olderthannetfic · 3 months ago
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Writing about my favorite characters as transgender has opened my eyes to how many people in fandom are able to get away with actual transphobia without other people judging them for it, and after one particularly bad experience I feel like I can't participate in fandom without constantly having to check people's profiles and social media to see whether or not they might secretly hate trans people. The fandom I currently write for is relatively small compared to others, but somehow I still manage to catch a lot of casual transphobia, especially on my higher-kudos'd works. This didn't really bother me at first since most of the comments were misinformed but rather harmless otherwise, with most asking me to write a fic where the MC medically transitions to become their "real gender" as a sequel. Those comments were written politely, but the sentiment that a person's body designates their gender bothered me a lot. I specifically present the trans characters in my fics as pre-op or non-op without dysphoria in order to feel more comfortable about my own body, and I'm really tired of reiterating the reasons why I personally won’t create a fic where the MC undergoes a full medical transition. I would be thrilled if someone else wrote that, but it’s not a concept I have any interest in executing myself.
Usually the casual transmedicalism in my comments is my only real gripe about the attitudes towards transness in my fandom, but recently I joined a major fandom discord server and found out that they had a dedicated thread for bashing my work. (Well, to be more accurate they had a bunch of threads for bashing people's works, but mine had the most messages at the time.) I should have just left at that point, but I was curious to see if there was any valid criticism because honestly I don’t get a lot of constructive feedback on my newer stuff and I wanted to see if there was anywhere I could improve. Unfortunately, it was almost entirely just really hurtful comments, with many people making assumptions about my body and offline identity, calling me a fake trans person and a chaser for the things I've written. They kept going on about how I'm fetishizing transness, how I probably just wanted an excuse to write het smut with an M/M tag on it, how I'm probably not actually a trans man but an obsessed and misguided teenage girl instead. I've been on T for over two years now, but even if I wasn’t, their belief that all bodies like mine are basically "female" was really upsetting. Maybe I just happened to stumble upon a bad crowd, but at that moment I just really felt alone. I never expected to receive that kind of vitriol in such a small fandom - I have maybe like five or so people who follow my work closely, so it's not like I'm hitting super big numbers compared to others. I understand that my work might be dysphoria-inducing for other people, but I include warnings for language at the beginning of all my fics and I'm extremely thorough about tagging all the sex acts that take place. It's easy to filter out my work via additional tags if you don’t want to see it. But no matter how many measures I take to make others feel more comfortable, they still feel like I'm taking up too much space and mucking up the tags with my fanfiction.
Part of me feels like quitting after this experience, but I'm also a spiteful bastard and I think it would haunt me forever if I stopped now lol. I'm curious to know if you or any of your followers has ever dealt with a similar situation (as in, finding out there's a bunch of people who hate your work for shitty reasons), and if you have advice on how to continue interacting with others in fandom without constantly wondering if they hate me behind closed doors. I left the server already but I'm sure there's other things I can do that I'm forgetting. Thanks for reading!!
--
There will always be people who dislike you for silly reasons, and if your fic is popular, there will be a lot of them. The only way to deal with it is to just accept that this is normal and not think about them.
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writersmess · 2 years ago
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Hello, how are you? I hope you're doing okey so I see that you are taking request again I wanted to know if you could do a Derek Hale x reader when they have Eli and he is at the stage where he's learning how to talks and he only knows how to say his last name so when Derek and reader leave Eli on peter's watch and at one moment Eli is missing his parents so he goes to Peter and says his last name and Peter just don't understand why he is saying that and Eli ends up crying so Peter calls Derek because poor uncle Peter don't know what to do, just something funny and chaotic please ( sorry if this long and if you don't understand everything it's because english is not my first language so I might have confused everything ).
MISSING YOU | DEREK HALE
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Pairing: Derek Hale x fem!reader
Summary: While under Peter’s care, baby Eli wouldn’t stop crying. Until everyone found out why.
Warning: none
Word count: 1.4k
a/n: hey sweeties! Thanks for the request! I loved it so much! I hope you enjoy it!!! I apologize for any mistakes, English is not my first language.
Masterlist
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“did you get this on tape?” you asked excitedly and Derek agreed in a murmur. You looked at him and your eyes automatically filled with tears as you saw him with a few tears streaming down his face. he was completely dazzled.
Hale.
It was baby Eli’s first word.
You were playing with the child when he randomly dropped the word. Derek was filming the moment unpretentiously as he always did to keep all possible memories of his little family, and he got to record this moment. It was magical.
“of all the words, he had to chose Hale” Derek said as he hugged you from the side and looked fondly at the baby carefully positioned on the floor with his toys.
“what can I say? He is just like his mama” you joked, hugging him back while laying your head on his shoulder.
You knew exactly why Eli chose that word.
You were Scott and Stiles’ classmate and when the supernatural world began to take over the town, you found yourself in a pack full of scared and inexperienced teenagers. Scott and Stiles took you in and explained what was going on, after you were caught in the middle of the crossfire between hunters and werewolves. Suddenly this bunch of teenagers were best friends and together they were fighting supernatural and human threats.
And there was Derek Hale.
A sourwolf who after so many losses, had to deal with these teenagers full of doubts and fears.
The moment you laid your eyes on Derek you knew your heart was his. And he knew that too, he wanted to love you. But you were too young, it was totally against his morals. And then you went away to study in another state, all of you did. Derek would never admit it but he missed you, missed your irony, missed your passionate glances, your contagious laugh.
He didn’t expect that after a few years you would come back to the city, but your father was sick, he needed you. And it was supposed to be for a while, until you decided to stay. You got a job, got your own apartment, and settled in.
You never imagined that your story with Derek would unfold, indeed you never thought that he would even look at you with second thoughts. The way you looked at him. But you decided to give each other a chance. And it worked, you were perfect for each other. Until a few months after you started to get involved, you found out that Derek’s one-night stand had resulted in a baby. It happened way before you moved back to the city, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. It did.
But you learned to deal with it and you were willing to help in Eli’s upbringing. You loved him as if he were your own.
Since your school days you have never been able to call Derek by his name. He never really understood why, but you were too embarrassed to address him by his first name so you chose to call him by his last one. Hale. And everyone got used to it, at one point it even became cute. And even after you were together, you didn’t lose that habit, what you didn’t expect is that your son would use that as his first word.
“morning sunshine. the party is about to begin” you exclaimed excitedly as soon as Peter opened the door and he let out a grunt. He had just woken up.
“jesus, i don’t remember arranging that so early”
“what better way to start the day if not with your adorable nephew”
You said, passing the baby into Peter’s arms, and you could see how his face lit up with the baby’s presence. A smile immediately broke out on his face.
“this is not the first time, so I don’t need to remind you of the rules, also I am very eager to enjoy the day with my boyfriend, so I’m gonna get going” You let out a mischievous smile and Peter rolled his eyes.
“first of all, gross. Second, the Hale’s men are ready to take over the town” you laughed leaving them alone.
***
“okay pal, it’s just you and me and a whole day ahead of us. You have to help me” Peter talked to the baby as if he was understanding. It was comic.
He was preparing breakfast when Malia and Parish arrived at the house.
“check it out, looks like we have company today”
Malia said, changing her voice tone and moving towards the baby. She absolutely hated pda, but when there’s a baby as cute as Eli in the house, she couldn’t help herself.
“thank God you arrived. He is here for like an hour and has cried at least three times” Peter spoke and the couple could see the desperation in his eyes, making them laugh.
“he’s a Hale, it’s not like he’s easy to deal with” Parish said and both Hale’s looked at him with deadly eyes. He laughed and went into the kitchen, trying to get out of they sight “Sorry”
***
“did he just say Hale?” Parish asked as the three looked stunned at the baby playing on the floor.
“i guess so” Malia replied and they could see how Peter was smiling. “look at this, uncle Peter is getting emotional”
“shut up” Malia and Parish couldn’t hold their laugh.
What they could not imagine, was that from that moment on baby Eli would not stop crying and repeating his last name for the rest of the afternoon.
“I think he’s broken” Malia said as she shook some toys in front of the baby on Parish’s arms, trying to get him to stop crying.
“dont be stupid, Malia” Peter said with his hands on his head, he couldn’t stand to hear the child’s crying anymore “okay I’m gonna call Derek”
“he’s gonna get crazy, I don’t think it’s a good idea” Malia warned.
“well I don’t know what else to do” Peter said desperately as Eli continued to mumble the word Hale non-stop. “then I’ll call y/n I’m sure she won’t want to kill me”
You and Derek were in the middle of a make-out session when the phone started ringing. You declined the first time, but the fourth time it was impossible.
“jesus christ Peter, what happened? Is everything okay?” You answered preoccupied and you could see Derek’s watchful eyes. He was listening to the conversation.
“Ok don’t go crazy about it, the baby is fine, I’m the one who isn’t” This only made you even more worried. Derek was already starting to get out of bed and look for his clothes.
“why? What happened?”
“there’s the thing! I don’t know! Eli started to cry and hasn’t stopped for at least a couple of hours”
“did you try-“
“yes I did” he cut you.
“but the-“ you tried to say and he cut you off again.
“i tried absolutely everything that you can imagine”
You could sense the tiredness in Peter’s voice and the baby crying in the background.
“he’s not in pain. I tried that too”
“okay we’re coming to rescue you” you said as you finished getting dressed and noticed Derek grabbing the car keys.
“thanks” he mumbled and you laughed.
“he’s okay baby, don’t worry” you said comforting Derek already in the car and he sighed.
“yeah I know”
As soon as you opened the door, you could see what a mess the house was. Toys everywhere, Malia and Parish sitting on the couch and Peter pacing up and down with a crying baby on his arms. Peter was defeated. Eli had swollen eyes from crying and you could see that he was desolated.
“Hale” Eli muttered and stretched his arms out the second Derek entered his field of vision.
“oh hi baby boy” Derek said walking towards him.
The moment Derek held him in his arms, the crying ceased. His little head rested against Derek’s big shoulders and he was now letting out little sighs.
Your heart melted watching that scene and the urge to cry was huge.
“really?” Peter said and the three of them watched the scene in disbelief.
“so hale is Derek? He kept saying that all afternoon” Parish commented and you nodded.
“I can imagine why” Malia said sarcastically looking at you and you felt your face turn red.
“Well what can I say if he’s just like his mama” You joked and let out a laugh.
All this time the baby was just missing you guys, especially Derek.
He really was just like you.
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archandshri · 7 months ago
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28th June ‘24 - [arch] One Page Limitation??? - My process for Traffic Zine #5
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Hello All!
A couple months ago, I got accepted to @trafficzine, a digital anthology of pieces by a large group of artists and writers based on the most recent season of the Life Series. I made this piece back in April, but thankfully I kept some notes of my process. 
Heads up - this contains spoilers for Secret Life :D
We were able to choose our own prompt from a list! For this project, I wanted to push my comic making - especially how to communicate a lot of information in a small space. I went through and watched a few clips from the series to see which prompt would fit a comic and settled on Scott’s death.
As usual, I began by getting some reference images and going ham on some big paper. This gets me excited about the project and helps generate ideas. I go for whatever interests me in terms of medium and subject matter, but I try to use a process that doesn’t let me control too much (in this case brush and ink)
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initial sketches for fun and vibes :D
During this, I also took the time to transcribe the scene - I wanted to use the dialogue directly, and see how much I could fit into the single page that I was allowed for the zine.
In these early planning stages I make sure to do warm-up sketches to remind myself of the energy I want to communicate. This also keeps things fun and fresh so I'm not ONLY thinking about page composition and making things 'good'. (the expectation for it to be 'good' kills a project prove me wrong)
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Dialogue from the clip + warm up sketches
Next up, I started to plan what panels I have on the page. At this stage, some panels might just be a box with some words, and some may have a sketch if I have a clear composition in mind. This stage is mostly for pacing and plot, so instead of focusing on what the panel and page will look like, I will think about:
what will happen in the panel
it's purpose and
what it will communicate
Sometimes I'll illustrate a string of panels that tell the story and fit them on a page after - but this depends on the project and my confidence with the size of it.
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After messing around with these and coming up with a pretty clear direction, I draw a bunch of boxes to see how the panels could sit nicely together. At this stage I might realise I have too many panels, and need to cut a few or come up with a creative solution. Nothing is set in stone at this point.
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sketching panel layouts
Now begins the fun! I decide on the layout I prefer and I can start putting planned compositions into the boxes. I often do this digitally, or a digital editing process will be involved.
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Once planned, I print these out to do a more refined sketch over. I find that my traditional drawings have a lot more life and character to them than digital ones, so I try to keep the majority of the process traditional, with passes of scanning and digital editing.
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I tried a version with her looking out at the distance - ready to face the oncoming battle. But it still felt off. So I turned to my slides to ask myself some questions!!
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I tried to think of more things that were working - but I really felt like it was lacking a lot. I was going for this slower emotional feeling because that came more naturally to me, but it just wasn't working for this image. The original clip is quite rushed and chaotic - which would be harder to communicate in a comic format but the challenge interested me. Either way, I knew I wasn't happy with this direction so... i decided to start from scratch! Back to the drawing board!!!
In the previous version, I had cut out a lot of the dialogue, but I decided to go back to the original clip and use AS MUCH as possible. Since passing the bow was my favourite part of that first composition, I really wanted to lean into it as the emotional height and final goodbye before Scott's death. It's a moment to slow down and absorb the vibes :D
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I made a list of panels along with their descriptions to refer to when trying to figure out the order of panels. there were SO MANY and it was VERY CONFUSING when they were too small to read.
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These thumbnails were super small and would not have made sense without my list, I swear.
I printed this tiny thumbnail out at A4, so I could sketch over it and get a clearer sense of flow. Then began a loooong process of printing out tiny photocopies and rearranging the panels to be legible. It was a difficult balance of communicating busyness while making sure the hierarchy/reading order made sense.
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After some tweaking, i printed out an A3 copy to draw my panel borders and text.
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Doing this on a separate piece of paper means I don't have to worry so much about messing up the text or borders when drawing the characters. This allows me to be more free and expressive with my illustration.
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Woah! Quick trip back in time!! During the thumbnailing process I drew these warm up sketches! I looooved the way the linework came out. I drew this on an A3 piece of paper - and the shocked Gem would, in theory, be one of the smallest panels. So I decided to do a crazy thing.
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I touched up the sketch digitally, compiling some of my favourite warm up sketches, some traditional sketches made for the panels, and filling the rest in digitally. Then I printed this image out in QUATERS at A3!! This meant the final sketch layer, printed out was A1!! (aka very large, considering the final file would be at A4, about 8x smaller)
I did this so I could get fairly small detailed lines with my pencil while being quite expressive and firm with my mark-making. Slowly, I dlined all of the panels traditionally and scanned them in. Then I assembled the finished linework on Photoshop, along with the text and panel borders and got to colouring :D
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final linework :D
For colouring, I played a little bit with halftone but I found the texture made it feel a bit too busy - the panels are already doing enough. Because of this, I also decided to use a limited colour palette. Here are some images of the colouring process, which I won't go into today.
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I'm really happy with how this came out - I think it captures the chaos of the moment, while taking time to linger on the emotion of it. Keeping that bow moment really made it, I think.
I think the last panel is still quite weak. Earlier in the process there was a low-angle shot of Gem about to kill Scott which may have been more powerful, but I think I was struggling with my actual drawing skill when it comes to perspective. A lot of learning how to draw, and in particular with comics, is about knowing where your skills are at, how to utilise them best and how to test and push them.
I'm glad that I started again, instead of finishing that composition I wasn't happy with. It was a tough project but I learnt sooooo much from it, and it's been essential skill-building for.... the current comic I'm working on (stay tuned!!! :0) Thanks for reading this incredibly long post! Go check out @trafficzine and look at all the other cool art Cool vibes and silly men,
Archie :D
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year2000electronics · 5 months ago
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So how did Dipper and Mabel transform? You said that most people in the town change over a year, but the twins were almost immediately, so was there some intense body horror?
Like growing extra limbs or the leg joints snapping into disturbing shapes and lengths while their toes fuse together into hooves and their spines push out into a whole other back and continues into a tail? Or Mabel’s horn growing? Idk that sounds like it would hurt pretty bad.
Or did they just wake up one day with their lower half replaced by a unicorn and deer, respectively?
Btw I LOVE how you’ve been doing your world building, and all of your designs are SO CUTE/COOL!!
GREAT QUESTION! see, dipper and mabel's cursed transformations in particular need to happen at a stricter time-point than many of the others because of the role it plays in the story
it can't happen too late, because this is an au about "what if everyone was monsters", and if dipper and mabel were taking their time transforming all the way up to mid-season 1, it kinda defeats the point a little
the transformation needs to happen quicker than expected, because if it's too slow, stan or another adult can see the warning signs and realize that the twins are absolutely going to get cursed if they stay for too long. it needs to happen like [snaps fingers] that, or else it wouldn't be able to happen
SO. with all that in mind, my answer for how the twins end up transforming is this. the twins have exactly one event in our show timeline that they're NOT monsters for: tourist trapped. at the starting point of tourist trapped in the show, we also know for a fact that it's been at least a couple days just based on things like dipper's "until one fateful day" line in the show. so it's not like they get cursed the moment they step into gravity falls! but the curse happening only AFTER the twins find journal 3? i feel like that makes a sort of air of mystique that's like... did the curse take the twins so fast because they dove too far into studying the supernatural? is it because they're kids so it happens faster for them? whoooo knoooows... oooh... (it's left purposely ambiguous)
ANYWAYS. about a day or so after tourist trapped but before gobblewonker, stan has the kids working at the shack for another day of suitable-for-kids labour. however, the entire day, the kids feel really sore and they keep complaining about it to stan. id also pin it as feeling really similar to "growing pains" that kids around that age get? that aching around the hips
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he figures they're just being a bunch of city slickers not used to lugging their weight, and he DOES let them have the rest of the day off, but, like, doesnt think anything else about it. why would it be weird? curse takes at least a year. that's how it's always been. the kids go to bed and end up experiencing a lot of feverlike symptoms, crazy fever dreams, unexplained pain, but all that ever happens is that one or two of them wake up half-asleep and try to get some water (not noticing that their feet are clacking against every surface)
and then.
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BUT YEAH thats how i imagine it basically. once i finally get around to making a Customary Google Doc about my take on monster falls i might revisit this answer but this is my headcanon for now!
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severus-snaps · 7 months ago
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Legilimency & Occlumency & Emotion
i was reading something somewhere (possibly on my binge of metas last night, but who knows) that Snape was very talented at Occlumency, but just about average at Legilimency - but I respectfully disagree, and here's a whole (3k word) accidental ramble about it, which started as an observation and devolved into how I think Legilimency/Occlumency works in the context of Snape and Voldemort, and why I interpret it differently than it being (entirely) magical dissociation and actually quite an emotion-based skill once it's more complex TLDR: I've often seen Occlumency described/conceptualised as a "shield" or some kind of suppressed emotionless state, but I discovered upon writing this that I think it can be quite a bit more complex and emotional, actually - just like Snape <3
Snape's Talents
The idea that got me rambling today went something like "Draco, who only had a handful of lessons from Bellatrix, was able to keep Snape out of his mind using Occlumency - so Snape can't have been a very good Legilimens, or Occlumency was easy to do"
And I do agree that Snape was probably better at Occlumency than Legilimency by sheer quantity of practice alone - and also that, outside of using it on Harry (and Draco) when they were up to mischief, and Snape likely wishing he could use it to work out what Dumbledore was hiding from him, Snape had no desire to see, hear, interpret or otherwise get the gist of what anyone at Hogwarts was thinking - but especially not a bunch of pubescent students, nor colleagues who liked him on a surface level but obviously were not close enough to think Something Was Up when he killed Dumbledore (which, fair in some ways, unfair in others, but I digress)
[side note: Snape can't have just not used Occlumency for over a decade before Voldemort's return, so I like to think of him and Dumbledore practicing to keep his skills sharp - although I expect that would be another 'fun' way for Dumbledore to hold Snape in chains which would make for an interesting fic]
I suspect that if Snape had chosen to, he could've invaded Draco's mind in that scene, broken through whatever defenses Draco used - but that's not a very Snape thing to do to a student, and especially not one he knows well, was a family friend of, has closely seen grow up, and probably has a soft spot for. It's very reminiscent of his conversation with Narcissa, to me. Throughout that entire conversation with Draco, Snape was trying to comfort Draco, empathise with him, get Draco to trust him, confide in him, offer support to Draco whether he wanted it or not - not further alienate him to a point where Snape couldn't help. And besides, invading Draco's mind aggressively doesn't sit very well with his vow "to the best of your ability, protect him from harm".
And as for Harry's lessons, Harry was using spells - which Snape seemed surprised, interested, and almost impressed to learn that were effective against Legilimency, which isn't surprising in itself as it's not a widely used area of magic. And since Harry had no idea that Snape (and probably Dumbledore) were 'reading his mind' for years before he learnt about Legi/Occlumency, I don't expect many people would know if Snape used it, or put up a fight using those methods - other Death Eaters probably stuck to Occluding, because it would hardly garner any favour if they cast a stinging hex or Protego at Voldemort or in a DE meeting Which brings me back to my other point as well, which was that "Occlumency possibly wasn't difficult to do". On a rudimentary level that might be true (at least insofar as any advanced magic was difficult to do - Harry was actually quite talented, e.g. casting a corporeal patronus at 13/14 or whatever, and Draco could do it after a few lessons with Bellatrix). Harry learnt almost despite Snape, because he didn't take instruction from him well and because Snape is (intentionally) abrasive in lessons (which I could go on about, since Snape couldn't really be nice to Harry when Voldemort was possibly looking through harry's eyes at any given moment - and as other metas have pointed out was another layer to Snape's rage when Harry looked at his memories). But Snape could do it without a wand, without an incantation, so he was reasonably skilled - imagine casting a full body Patronus or other impressive spell with neither a wand nor an incantation
Also we don't know precisely how long Draco had lessons for, it might have been loads and he was actually pretty good, or it might have been 3 and he was awful. But unlike Snape, who is not the greatest Legilimens of all time (that's apparently Voldemort?), it was glaringly obvious to him that Draco was using Occlumency - Snape had him sussed in like 3 seconds, and chose not to go any further for the reasons I outlined above - which interestingly he did not do with Harry, when faced with finding out where Harry learnt Sectumsempra (but at that point both Snape and Draco's life had been on the line - if Draco dies, presumably so does Snape?)
Which brings me back to Snape... How I think Legilimency/Occlumency works (sometimes)
You have no subtlety The mind is a complex and many-layered thing It is true, however, that those who have mastered Legilimency are able, under certain conditions, to delve into the minds of their victims and to interpret their findings correctly. The Dark Lord, for instance, almost always knows when somebody is lying to him. Only those skilled at Occlumency are able to shut down those feelings and memories that contradict the lie, and so utter falsehoods in [Voldemort's] presence without detection.
There's a lot to take in there, and also pretty ballsy to say to Voldemort-by-proxy (Harry), which might reduce the validity of my idea that Snape didn't want to be nice to Harry during their lessons in case Voldemort was watching, since Snape's pretty happy to give Voldemort (and the reader, more likely) a complete insight into what he's himself doing... although I expect that Voldemort has considered this, and also doesn't recognise the limits of his own power - or the extent of Snape's.
I also wonder whether the 'certain conditions' are something simple, like eye contact being made or the spell being cast, or whether there's something to the mental state of the 'caster' at the time as well, like there is with Occlumency walls/shields and being calm and empty-headed, or whether the conditions is the Occluder themselves presenting (or not presenting) some alternative things to interpret. One of the wizarding world (I think) pages says Snape trained a 'slight natural ability', so that makes me wonder more, as well, but i digress.
But my second point is this: Snape's talents weren't Occluding by total shutdown, or Occlumency 'shields' which always now irk me in fanfiction (this I'm definitely drawing from another meta but I have no idea where, so... apologies). Snape wasn't throwing up a wall in front of entire memories or thoughts, for the most part. Although I expect that between the Pensieve and Draco's example use of Occlumency, that was sometimes a function (e.g. some of the things Dumbledore told Snape to pass along, he'd have to entirely block out, alter, or otherwise adapt those memories to make it look as though Snape had passed information along of his own volition against Dumbledore's orders, or hide the fact that he'd helped Dumbledore when he was supposed to be helping Voldemort, etc).
So inkeeping with my own questionable metaphor, where Draco threw up a wall - metaphorically crumbling, last-minute, cowboy builder Occlumency where the wall would hold but you could see it very clearly and obviously; where with a lesser Occlumens the wall was nice enough, but you could see where the paint job didn't quite match up and the plastering wasn't done very evenly; Snape had the whole house set up so that you didn't know the wall wasn't there from the start, and probably had a few artfully chosen scuffs to make it seem real, or it was some kind of trapdoor under the carpet. (okay the metaphor died, but I've been watching a lot of remodelling shows lately, you get the point if you've read this far)
In another metaphor I imagine detecting a lie to be like running your fingertips along a smooth surface and finding a lip or a bump - you could then, pick at it, poke at it, tear it open. You could sense that something was being hidden, or withheld. But there were no lips or snags in Snape's thoughts; potentially Voldemort could simply not detect them, not even when he searched him openly, repeatedly, full eye contact, at the table at Malfoy Manor. Snape welcomed Voldemort into his (it's just occurred to me, but "mind palace") and Voldemort repeatedly, for years, could not tell that anything was amiss, and presumably Voldemort did this with much more ferocity (and skill) than Snape looking at Harry for 2 seconds and immediately summoning Harry's mental image of the Prince's copy of Advanced Potions Making
But it can't be down to detection alone. There's also a level of interpretation to Legilimency. So here I'm focusing on a more interesting aspect to me, which is how emotion is used in Legilimency/Occlumency. Obviously, Snape isn't Occluding all the time, and as much as I adore Alan Rickman, book!Snape was naturally a total petty, stuttering mess (love him for it) who only wishes he had Alan Rickman's gravitas, and could on occasion emulate it.
I told you to empty yourself of emotion! … Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked this easily — weak people, in other words — they stand no chance against his powers!
I think this quote is interesting for many reasons I probably won't be able to connect properly and are in no particular order beyond how I thought of them
Snape is emotional here when he says it, he's angry, annoyed, upset, and it's an honest feeling, and he's obviously not devoid of emotion but can still Occlude Harry
Snape is an emotional person, much as he tries to pretend not to be, and can still Occlude Voldemort just fine even on the night he thinks he's marching to his death at the end of GoF
Much like how many other kinds of magic require lots of study and a strong emotion/will/conscious thought at the start, perhaps it become easier with experience to the point where this advice is not essential (e.g. kind of like driving, I no longer have to think about changing gears like I did as a Learner)
Snape is also talking about himself here, indicative of Snape's worldview where showing 'weak' emotions is the problem - soft emotions, vulnerability, "never tell".
"Provoke" is exactly what Voldemort does to Harry
This is Occlumency 101; Snape's teaching Harry the most basic of Occlumency - to compartmentalise, to block someone out, to throw up that shoddy but sturdy-enough wall for Voldemort to come up against, like Draco did to Snape. Harry's anger and emotion is a weakness in this basic Occlumency lesson, where Voldemort is trying to look through Harry and/or trick/provoke him; thus, the wall.
But this probably isn't the kind of Legilimency Voldemort would use on Snape (which is to see if he's lying, if his information is real, if his values are aligned, etc), and it probably isn't the kind of Occlumency Snape was doing in return, to lie or deflect suspicion or ingratiate himself. In fact, throwing up a wall is the opposite of what Snape does with Voldemort; Snape lets him in, lets him stare him down in front of an audience, all the while showing Voldemort what he wants to see. I think as well there's an element of a Legilimens 'grasping' for something, searching, "provoking", like how Snape 'grasped' for Harry's memories of Advanced Potions Making, how Voldemort appears to search Snape at Malfoy Manor - so if all Snape presents is a memory, empty, devoid of any complexity, Voldemort would question it.
In my interpretation, when Occluding, Snape displays a different type of emotional control; Complex Occlumency means you control your emotions, yes, but not block them off - Snape takes his emotions where they need to go, makes them do what they need to do, to support the interpretation he wants Voldemort to reach. He chooses to some extent what Voldemort sees if he lies outright or omits details (a well made wall, basic Occlumency), and chooses how to present it (complex Occlumency). And he does it with subtlety; he doesn't often outright lie, and there's a lot left to interpretation - in both Snape's speech (with Bellatrix) and his actions throughout the books, and presumably his Occlumency.
So I suggest that Snape, in a situation with Voldemort, must be able to "lift up" or "lean into" an alternative emotion for interpretation - the decoration around the wall, the interior design, if you will. For example, Snape couldn't tell Voldemort that he desired Lily, in a total absence of any feelings at all, without it coming across as false and thus easily detectable as a lie. And you know that when a young Snape, who's hardly made a name for himself (Snape's likely never killed, at least, and isn't especially memorable to anyone in Azkaban and is last named by Karkaroff, and other things I won't go into here) outside of overhearing half a prophecy begs for a Mudblood Order member who's the mother of Voldemort's downfall who's thrice defied him to be spared, you can bet that Voldemort will want to thoroughly find out why, so...
To me this suggests that there was a level of desire there that Snape could 'lean into', whether that desire be for Lily or someone else he found desirable to act as a kind of substitute - though given that Legilimency seems to work on mental images and memories at least in part, a memory where he desired Lily would've been useful. And I'm just using that as an example, because Voldemort would also presumably at some stage have interrogated what Snape thought of Dumbledore and Harry, and Snape would've had to lean into feelings of hatred and loathing - which he'd manage just fine for Harry, but Snape would have leant into his feelings after Dumbledore silenced him after nearly getting eaten by a werewolf and again freeing Sirius in PoA, but I digress
When Harry finally learns Occlumency (by his own admission) in the wake of Dobby's death, it's grief that helps him master it - which, for me personally, is not a detached, clear-headed feeling in any sense. It's visceral, emotional, and painful; all-consuming. It's love/grief/loss/strong loving emotion that forces Voldemort out, after he loses Sirius and again when he loses Dobby. But it's a contrast to the emotions Voldemort uses of Harry's to draw Harry out, via his fears for Sirius. But with grief, Harry's dived headfirst into feeling what Voldemort doesn't want to feel (unlike the anger), to keep Voldemort out of his mind. Whereas Snape would do the opposite, and dive right in to the feelings Voldemort would want to sense - to the exclusion of others. Would Voldemort even think to search for Snape's love for Lily, if he was first presented with something more visceral, with more negative connotations, like desire or jealousy, hurt or betrayal? These are the emotions Voldemort thrives on and can exploit, that he's familiar with, that he understands. In the context then of 'grasping' that's how I think Snape leads Voldemort down a path of believing him - by bringing honest 'negative' emotions to the fore that Voldemort understands.
this is really where I think skilled Occlumency differs from dissociation or wall-building. I think Snape would simultaneously have to dampen his 'lie' feelings and to raise the volume on the 'fitting' feelings for his chosen interpretation. My interpretation of this all stems from my experience of writing, of getting lost in music, in using those activities to "wallow" in certain feelings. Snape does not present Voldemort with his true feelings, but they are real feelings. So in that way, I feel Snape was like an artist or writer; he felt deeply, he felt conflictingly, and dived headfirst into those wells of emotion when he needed to - diving so deeply that it cuts off and hides the conflicting evidence. I feel that when I'm writing, when I'm listening to music, when I'm wallowing. And I feel a lot of sympathy for Snape, because it can feel like a real whiplash when you're midway through writing an intense scene or listening to some excellent music that really fills you up with something, it can take you to some dark places, and it's quite shocking somehow when abruptly interrupted - which would be what his life was constantly like after Voldemort's return, leaning into and shying away from/shutting down emotions and memories he didn't necessarily feel whenever he was called, and then having to return to work or meetings in that headspace, where everything feels out of touch and you're in internal turmoil. (Granted, I can snap out of it because the music or the writing is neither here nor there, really, but he'd be doing it with his own life experiences, with his own life on the line, and to repay a debt of guilt - there's a lot more emotional baggage there, and even more once Dumbledore died). And I think it would take its toll in other ways, too, which leads me to Lily...
Far from some people's cries that possessive or obsessive attraction or desire is some huge moral failing, I'd argue that you'll find a level of it in most teenagers and indeed the regular spectrum of human emotion - I know I've certainly experienced feelings of intense jealousy and whatever 'Snaters' (I'm not a massive fan of the term, but as a shorthand) accuse Snape of, whether I acted on it or not. So I'd suggest that Snape 'leant into' that for the sake of being on the receiving end of Voldemort's Legilimency. Whether Snape regularly, or actually, felt those emotions of his own free will or not is hard to say - since there's no actual evidence he did act possessive or jealous beyond the normal teenager level (and that's without addressing the fact that we didn't know how he would've ended the sentence "I won't let you -"). And I'd also go as far as to say that Snape probably, truly, had some awful thoughts (don't we all?) and so he was able to lean into some very dark and gloomy nooks and crannies of his mind, the parts we're told healthy people steer clear of acting on but also undoubtedly experience (jealousy, possession, rage, bitterness) in much the same way as a writer, artist, or musician might, to make his 'lies' and the stories he told more 'truthful' - which was why Voldemort trusted him so much.
TLDR: Snape's a man of many contraditions and very much emotional depth, and he manipulated his own emotions (likely to the detriment of his mental health) for years. But just as I, a fanfic writer, can vicariously experience the bitter resentment for a person who doesn't love me, can imagine a world where he can think those thoughts, embody them, and still not take them on as part of his identity.
anyway i don't have a conclusion, I just had thoughts
[Side note not strictly related to ANY of the above: I find it interesting as well that Voldemort's skill is apparently specifically in working out whether people are lying to him, suggesting that you could specialise even further into different aspects of behaviour. But people do lie to Voldemort (Narcissa, Snape, off the top of my head, but there's no indication of Voldemort using Legilimency on Narcissa in that moment where Harry lives - Voldemort was too elated, once again caught up in his own glory). [side side note: Harry's treatment after his 'death' does make me wonder, briefly, about Snape's own treatment when he returned at the end of GoF - public torture and humiliation, an opportunity for the other DEs to turn on one of their own to 'increase their own standing' in Voldemort's eyes, crucio to weaken Snape's defences, to check that his information and loyalty true? i get the impression that Snape shared his information with Voldemort privately, given that Bellatrix didn't seem to know much about Snape's return, but who's to say there wasn't some 'fun' beforehand, or at other points during his time as spy]
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corpsebasil · 2 years ago
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Practice Makes Perfect 18+
Nikolai’s fake girlfriend is nervous for their staged romance.
this ones ridiculous to me but I can totally see Nik being into public sex
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“Okay, so,” Y/N said, having had knocked on the Prince’s door early in the evening. He was still dressing for dinner, and let her in as he worked his buttons together. “I have a weird question.”
He raised a brow.
The two of them had been ‘dating’ for the past few months. She was a Crow, a girl from Ketterdam that had become friends with him at almost the moment they’d met. And when he’d offered to give her a, in his words, “Big ass room and access to the library” she’d caved. He needed someone, someone he trusted, to pretend to be his girlfriend. At least until he’d managed to persuade his mother that no, he didn’t need to immediately get married, and no, he wasn’t going to flounce around with a bunch of princesses until one was likable enough to actually date.
And so he’d asked her to be a cover for him, and they’d both secretly had their own private flings with whomever they wished while under the guise of a couple.
But it was beginning to grate on her.
Everyone was expecting some sorts of physical affection; a Heartrender had even questioned, with obvious confusion, why the two of them had never been seen kissing in public. She’d congratulated the Crow on her modesty, claiming that she heard so many hearts racing a day it made her feel extremely lonely and single.
Y/N needed to sell it. Needed to if it kept her in this wonderful elegant place, far away from the slums of Ketterdam, where crime and Stadwatch still raged. And sure, she liked the prince. What wasn’t to like?
“Speak, Y/N.” He said, snapping her out of her momentary daze. “As much of a fan of mind reading that I am, I unfortunately lack this admirable quality.”
“We need to..” She trailed off a bit, swallowing. “I think we should kiss.”
He halted, blue eyes flashing to her own as he lifted his coat and slid it on.
“If you want to kiss me then sure but we might not leave this room—”
“Nikolai come on.” She sighed, stamping a foot lightly as he froze half a step away from her, already reaching for her waist. She, very valiantly, ignored the way her heart had began to race when he’d moved towards her with such little hesitation. “People are starting to wonder. We can’t just—not touch each other in public. We’re supposed to be in love.”
“We hold hands,” he offered, tilting his head to the side. She felt a twinge of frustration. “sometimes I even hug you.” His gaze turned mischievous, moving an inch forward again. “Should we make out in the hallway? Scandalous some guards?”
“Nik.” Y/N grabbed his coat, almost involuntarily. She wasn’t sure why she wanted him to agree so much. To stop joking and take the situation seriously. “It doesn’t have to be some elaborate show. You just need to—oh I don’t know—” she felt nervous, suddenly, wringing her hands together.
The corset she was wearing was way too tight. It’s like Ravkan women wanted her not to be able to breathe. Especially when her breathing hitched, eyes catching his own, when Nikolai reached out to touch her cheek, then ran a thumb down her smooth skin.
“If you want us to kiss for them,” he said, voice soft and startlingly serious. “then we can. But I feel like a practice run is in order.” He smirked, half-heartedly, as her chest rose and fell with nerves and…something else. Something she’d rather not identify. “That away you won’t be so uncomfortable when we do it in front of others.”
“Okay.” She said. “Kiss me then.”
Nikolai laughed, looping an arm around her waist, tugging her body closer to his. He was even more handsome up close, infuriatingly so, and damn her if a wild blush didn’t spread over her face as he ran his fingers through her hair.
“How romantic of you.” He scoffed, but leaned forward, kissing her cheek. She tensed entirely, and his dark chuckle made her face redden further. “Don’t worry. I like when women tell me what to do.”
“Idiot.” She forced a breathy laugh, and then lost all her air entirely when he kissed her. Not demanding, not harsh, just a sweet, gentle kiss. An exploratory one. And tentative, almost hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if she really wanted this or was only doing it for the public’s eye.
So he pulled back a fraction, glancing down at her, absorbing her heavy-lidded expression. And shit—his mouth went dry at that look, especially when her hands clutched him tighter, eyes darting from his mouth to his eyes and back.
“May I kiss you again?” He murmured, a breathless request, and she tipped her face up to his.
This time the kiss was rougher, him dragging her up against him. If they were going to sell it, if they were going to do this in public, he was going to make sure she enjoyed it. Knew that he would make it easy to bear. And—gods—she seemed to like it. But he forced himself to pull away, to ignore the thrumming of his heart, and separate back from her.
“The dinner,” he almost gasped, pointing at the door. She didn’t speak—just smiled a bit and whirled, speed-walking out the door.
And he watched her go, unsure of why he instantly wanted his mouth back against the Crow’s.
-
They’d kissed in public. Multiple times. Everyone was more than convinced, especially when they did in fact scandalize the guards, Nikolai pressing Y/N up against the wall in a rather popular hallway and kissing her until she couldn’t breathe.
They were at a dinner, now, a fancy occasion that celebrated their recent engagement. He’d convinced her, almost embarrassed, that to keep selling it they should advance their romance. And she, slightly clueless, had agreed, unaware that the prince had slightly more serious intentions than she thought.
“I want to leave.” Y/N whispered, side-eyeing Nikolai. “This corset is too tight.”
The prince only chuckled, nodding his head to the large amount of courtiers around. He ran his hand over her knee, brushing his thumb along the smooth material of her dress.
“We have to keep up appearances, love.” He murmured, giving her a coy smile. “I believe that was your idea.”
“Well I’m bored. I’m bored and it’s been forty minutes and I haven’t seen a single piece of chocolate in a five mile radius.”
“I’m sure I can entertain you.” He said, not looking at her, and ran his hand down her knee, to the hem of her gown. “If you would like.”
“I’m not sure what you mean.” She mumbled, shifting a bit in her seat as his hand moved under the dress, moving up, up, up, the skin of her thigh. “Nik..”
“Just drink your wine and pretend nothing is occurring.” He said and, to her disbelief, began talking very casually to the person next you him.
Y/N sat in stunned silence as Nikolai’s fingers brushed her inner thigh, and she stiffened, reaching down to grip the side of her chair, when he ran his fingers over the center of her underwear.
“Nik.” She hissed, shooting him another look. He just smiled, ignoring her as his fingers moved a bit quicker. She tensed, trying keep her expression neutral as he moved.
“Y/N?” Her eyes snapped up to meet a courtier’s, the woman smiling politely at the fiancée of the prince. “It’s lovely to see you again. Howve you been holding up so far from Ketterdam?”
“It’s been—” she paused, swallowing. “fine.”
“Just fine?” The woman pressed. “Surely the Grand Palace is an upgrade from the slums?”
“Yes it’s very nice.” She said, cheeks beginning to warm. Her gaze, feeling someone watching her, slid to the Grisha across the table. The Heartrender’s eyebrows were raised and she quickly looked away. “Very nice. Thanks.”
And when Nikolai continued, when she had to grab his wrist and dig her nails in hard to keep a straight face, she was almost entirely certain she’d be having a confrontation with that Heartrender in the morning.
for my Nikolai girlies <3 I’m still here for you
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i-write-things · 1 year ago
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Pen, I know New Years already went by but, how did your favorite Troupe members spent their new year days? (hcs)
Ugh, dw, I'm even later to answering this request. But I shall answer, anyway.
(None of these will be yandere)
Chrollo-
So it all depends on who he is spending it with. If he's with the troupe, he'll likely plan like a small scale heist, then go back somewhere (probably the hideout) and throw a small party. However, with Uvogin and Phinks there, it ends up much larger than he intended. Not that he cares. He sees his troupe, his people, happy. If his darling is part of the Phantom Troupe, while everyone is distracting counting down the new year, he'll sneak in a quick, new year's kiss-one of the few, rare times he'll do PDA in front of his family.
If he's by himself or just with his darling, he'll probably just spend it inside and relax. He'd read majority of the day away, unless darling has something planned. He would cook for you, u less you wanted to cook for him. He wouldn't want to eat out somewhere, because he wants it to be a quiet moment. So expect just a simple night, talking and relaxing the night away until the countdown, where he kisses you more passionately than he would have in front of the troupe.
"If fate will allow it, lets try to spend the rest of this year together, too."
Machi-
Machi, like Chrollo, is definitely more reserved. She'd prefer to stay indoors, but go on a walk at night. She'd also like to watch the countdown as well, but don't expect a kiss from her unless you've been together for some time. You'll have to be the one to initiate that.
If she's partying with the troupe, it's one of the more rare times you can see her true feelings. No pressure to do well in a hiest, none of her family is in danger, ect. She can just enjoy the moment. First thing, she'd probably ask Chrollo if he already has any plans for the new year. "So, what are you planning to do for a great new year, boss?" *She'd ever so slightly smile.
Feitan-
By far, the least of a party person here, unless it involves kidnapping or torturing. So it's not too surprising when he enjoys himself at a troupe party. He can hang out with his murder bro (Phinks) and probably play a prank or two with Shal on said murder bro. He gets into a shots battle with either Uvo or Phinks (maybe even both) to see who doesn't pass out from so many shots....or get alcohol poisoning.
If he's by himself, he does literally nothing. He doesn't see it as too different of a day. Although, of course, he does like the 'new year, new me' thing. and by that, I mean he'll try out different methods of torture. If his darling is there with them, he might slightly bring up spending time with them, but only if they're aware of his...career.
"...Hey, You....like...come torture....with me?" *Of course, that's his broken way of inviting you to torture some poor souls with him.
Shalnark-
Finally! Someone who loves to party! If he's spending time with the troupe, you can bet he's one of the main people who keep it awesome. He'll bring most of the party games. And of course, play most of the new years pranks (on anyone but Chrollo and Machi. He doesn't want to bug Machi, knowing how cold she is, and while the boss wouldn't mind, there's no way he'd be able to catch him off gaurd.) He, Paku, Shizuku, and Machi usually set up the decorations if they're feeling extra festive. Oh, and expect a bunch of selfies and pictures from the party if you're not there.
If he isn't at a troupe party, then he's probably party hopping around. He'd bring his darling with him, too. He'd get into the most bizarre and fun parties. If there is a bouncer who won't let him in, he can just stick him with an antenna. Though, he probably won't have to, considering he was preparing for this and has already hacked into most party systems to add his name, and brings you as his plus one. Expect a very sweet kiss from this boy at the countdown. You two only go home once one of you is hammered. If it's you, he laughs and comments on how much fun you had. "Haha! Looks like someone had fun!" If it's him, he'll have his arm wrapped around you and drunkenly slur, "Y'know baby, this was a great bew year...ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick.."
Uvogin-
Alcohol. Is it much of a surprise? I think not. Shalnark brings most of the games, and Uvo brings the alcohol. I'm talking beer, wine, ale, mead, whiskey, just about anything and everyone's favorite, including their favorite brand. And when I say the life of the party, I mean the life of the party. You think Shal and Fei's pranks bring the chaos? That ain't nothin' compared to our very own Uvogin's capabilities. On top of being very chaotic, he's also very loud. Probably the main reason why, if they choose to put on music, it has to be turned up so loud....he's also probably the one who puts it on in the first place after getting so drunk.
If he's not with the troupe for New Years, he's probably raiding other people's parties, but not in the way Shalnark does. Shalnark just infiltrates those places and kills maybe 3-0 people. Uvo, on the other hand, full on raids the party. (mostly for the 'good stuff') He might even hurt someone simy to see others react, though. But if that's way too much chaos for his darling, he'll keep the violence to a minimum. But expect to get very drunk. Because he'll be handing you lots of cans, and saying "Drinks on me all night!...and these other fellas, too! Hahaha!"
Phinks-
Where would Phinks be, if not with his murder bro(Feitan)? Of course, he would love to have a party with his family and it'll be a blast. Though, other than trying to best Uvo in their annual shots game, he'll mostly be chasing Shal and Fei around for the dumb pranks they pull on him. Of course, he doesn't do this the entire time. He also really likes to socialize, too! He'll just be having a casual conversation, mostly with Feitan, The boss, Shal, Uvo, or Kortopi.
If he's not partying with his gang, he'll probably stay indoors, but still throw a full on party. He doesn't have to have 70 people at a party to have fun. Though, he does have a tradition of New Years Giving, where people give things to him...and by that, I mean he walks around every night and just takes what he wants while everyone is distracted. Of course, he won't always do this. If his darling asks him to stay inside, he will. He can still have a nice New Years with just the two of you!
"Mm, ok. I won't go stealin' or raiding anything, tonight. But, only on the condition you spend the rest of the year with me." He chuckles, delivering a very cheesey kiss after a very cheesey line.
Pakunoda-
She likes to bring in all the games. Pakunoda has always been, other than Chrollo and Shalnark, the adhesive of the group. Could they all get along just fine without them? Of course. They've known each other since forever. But those three still really help keep the peace. So it's not surprising she, along with Shal, likes to bring in all the games. Mostly the fun, team bonding ones. Though majority of them never get played, it's still fun. She also usually brings most of the food. She's actually quite the cook. Her, Machi, and Chrollo make most of the food. Sometimes, the others will order a couple of items and pick them up, back that's about it. At these parties, she loves to casually socialize and just watch her family do what they do. Create chaos, play pranks and games, argue, laugh, ect.
If there is no party with them, she actually probably just plays a couple of games with her s/o, cooks something nice, and has some nice champagne. Pretty much the stereotypical couple's night on New Years.
Shizuku-
If there's a party, it takes her a bit to arrive. She either gets lost, or forgets where she's going. She's supposed to bring some snacks or games or decorations, but she forgot them at home. So she'll probably just...get everyone some coffee? Yeah, people like coffee, why not on New Years? Oh, a member doesn't like coffee? Oh yeahhhh....Oh well, too late now. She'll try better next year. She likes to watch everyone play games, but also has a blast playing them herself. She also updates everyone how much more time is left until the new year....but forgets to check the last second. So it usually ends up being Machi, Chrollo, or Shalnark that let's everyone know its the last minute of the year.
If she's not at that party, she doesn't do anything. She honestly doesn't care too much. Unless her s/o has something planned, or asks her to do something, then she'll go. But other than that, she doesn't care much. In fact, she doesn't care too much about the countdown, and will just go to bed. She might refuse to get up, even if her s/o asks her to. The best way to get her to get up is to tell her there's fireworks outside. She likes watching those.
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mischievouslittlecreature · 27 days ago
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Part 26: Do You Love Me
Summary: The sudden shift in living arrangements causes Charlie's behavior to take a turn for the worse. 
Word Count: 8,317
Warnings: Smut, suicidal thoughts, kids throwing temper tantrums, infertility, and polyamory.
Notes: Clarification for those just tuning in, Lucy is not Charlie's biological mother (she is unable to have biological children) but Tommy--and Grace, prior to her death--have always treated her as if she was. This chapter was a reasonable length, and then I decided that I needed to add a whole bunch of smut at the end, and I didn't wanna move it to the next chapter. So apologies in advance for the bloated word count!
Previous Chapter • Series • Fic • Next Chapter
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Chapter 3: Your Mistakes Loom
“Charlie, could you pick up your toys, please?” 
She said it offhandedly, not even really looking up from the cover of the book she was examining, one hand gripping the wooden ladder she was balancing on so that she could reach the upper shelves of the huge bookcase. 
Arrow House was packed to the gills with books on just about any subject imaginable. Lucy had gorged her mind on many of them. Climbing carefully down the rickety ladder, she tucked her most recent selection under her arm, looking up to find that Charlie hadn’t moved from where he was seated on the sofa, his toys still spread out all over the floor.
“Charlie? Did you not hear me?”
Still no response. Lucy frowned. Things had been tense lately. Charlie was still angry with Tommy over him shooting Dangerous, barely speaking to him at all and spending most of his free time sulking in his room. And then Lizzie’s announcement to Tommy of her and Ruby's departure went over about as well as Lucy had expected it to. There was an awful lot of shouting and insults hurled from either side, and when Lizzie finally left with little Ruby in tow, it was with a slam of the front door that seemed to reverberate throughout the entire house. 
Charlie had grown even more sullen after that. Lucy wasn’t sure how much of the fight he’d actually heard, or what Lizzie had told him before she left. But he clearly was angry with both of them. And missing his step-mum and sister. She tried to find ways to occupy his time or offer him companionship, but her attempts to get him to go out riding or play a game with her had all been met with a glower and cold shoulder, and she’d eventually given up and decided to just leave him alone.    
“Please don’t make me repeat myself, Charlie. Pick up your toys now before someone trips over them, yeah?”
It would only take him all of two minutes to do it. And yet he continued to just sit there, shooting a scowl her way, crossing his arms, and huffing under his breath.
“Charlie–”
“Shut up!” he suddenly shouted, little voice bouncing off the high walls of the room. Jumping off the couch, he stood in the middle of his pile of toys, face turning red. “You can’t tell me what to do! You’re not my mum!”
She flinched back as if he’d hit her, eyes widening. “Charlie–”
“You’re just Dad’s whore! Everybody hates you! Mum says!”
Her jaw dropped open, recoiling even further from him. The boy she’d always thought of as her own stared at her with blazing eyes that were a perfect combination of Tommy and Grace’s, his mouth set in a firm line, little hands balled up into fists at his sides. 
He might as well have reached in between her ribs, and ripped out her heart. 
Lucy’s jaw worked, but no words came out; too shocked to be able to speak. Tears welled in her eyes, lips trembling as she tried to battle them back. 
“Charles Thomas Burgess Shelby!” 
The voice boomed throughout the room, roaring so loud it practically shook the stacks of books erected from the floors and lining the walls. It took Lucy so by surprise that she almost screamed.
And then Tommy was there. Tommy, who unbeknownst to both of them had been standing in the doorway. Tommy, who had heard everyone hurtful word his son had just hurled at her. 
He descended upon Charlie, taking him by the shoulders, looking down at him furiously. Charlie’s eyes had grown big as saucers, shrinking in on himself when faced with his father’s wrath. 
“You do not speak to Lucy like that. Ever. Do you hear me!? Ey?” He leaned in closer when Charlie tried to dodge his gaze. “Do you hear me!?”
“No, Tommy, don’t–” she tried, somehow managing to get the words out around the lump clogging her throat. Shouting at him will only make everything worse.
“No, Lucy! He does not get to say something like that to you without consequences.” He turned back to Charlie. “Apologize, Charlie. Now.”
“No! I want my mum! Why did you let her leave!? Why couldn’t Lucy go away instead!?”
She cringed, drawing deeper into herself, arms clutching in tight to her chest as if they could somehow shield herself from the words Charlie was erupting with. Tommy gaped at him, and she could see shock and horror at his son’s behavior leaking past the anger and protectiveness glimmering in his eyes.  
“Charlie, you don’t understand–” he tried. She could tell that he was working hard to not fully lose control of his temper. To remain calm and rational in the face of Charlie’s outburst. To not explode as he would in response to anyone else who dared speak to her like that. But Charlie wasn’t having any of it. 
“Yes, I do understand!” he stomped his little foot. Under any other circumstances it might’ve been funny. “You shot my horse! You shot my horse and you made my mum and Ruby leave! I hate you too!”
Tommy stared at him for a long moment. Lucy could see the tension standing out in the veins pulsing in his throat. “Go to your room,” he said finally, voice deadly calm. 
“No!” Charlie shouted, tears starting to stream down his cheeks now that he’d gotten all of his anger out. “No! I don’t want to!”
“Go to your room now!” Tommy bellowed, finger pointing towards the door, face contorting. 
Charlie let out a wailing, furious scream, head thrown back to the ceiling, and then raced out the door sobbing, little feet thundering up the stairs. A moment later, they heard the crash of his bedroom door slamming shut.    
Lucy let out a haggard, painful breath, rocking back and forth on her heels. Her chest heaved and her shoulders shuddered, face dropping to bury in her hands. 
“Lucy,” Tommy’s hand touched delicately at her arm just as the first sob managed to make its way past her lips. “Come here, love.” He drew her into his arms, hugging her to his chest and rubbing her back comfortingly while she started to cry. 
Her mind was completely trapped within that one singular moment, replaying it over and over, of her baby boy telling her how much everyone–himself included–despised her.  
“I’m so sorry,” Tommy said. “I don’t know why he would–”
“Why do you think!?” she burst out distraughtly, ripping away from his embrace. “His mother hates me. Who knows what she’s said about me when we aren’t around.” It was only then that she realized she was still holding the book she’d gotten down from the shelf. She set it heavily on one of the end tables by the couch. 
“Lizzie isn’t his mother…”
“Yes, she is, Tommy. She’s the one who’s always here. Who always takes care of him.” Sniffling, she scrubbed at her eyes with the heel of her hand.
“That doesn’t mean–”
“It does to him. And isn’t that all that matters, in the end?”
Trouble, the tortoiseshell cat who had been living at Arrow House since Lucy adopted her after the vendetta, hopped up onto the couch, stretching and meowing at Lucy worriedly. She reached down a hand to stroke her soft black and orange head.
“I’ll talk to him.” Tommy was watching her with worried eyes. Lucy shook her head. 
“Scolding him about it will only make things worse.”
“I won’t scold him. But he can’t talk to you like that.” He took a step towards her, hand resting on her shoulder, thumb rubbing up and down. 
“I promised myself that I would never come between you and your children.”
“You’re not.”
She wasn’t really sure if she believed that. Trouble climbed up onto the armrest of the couch, angling her head in silent request for scratches under her neck that Lucy provided. Purrs rumbled in the small cat’s throat. 
“Lucy,” Tommy moved in a little closer to her. “Don’t…don’t take any of what he said to heart. He’s a kid. He’s just having a tantrum. He doesn’t really mean any of it.”
“Are you sure?”
He raised an eyebrow. “You mean to tell me that you meant everything that you shouted at your mum and dad as a kid?”
She couldn’t really argue with that. Tommy kissed the top of her head. 
“He loves you.”
She nodded, swallowing roughly. Trouble meowed, and she scooped the cat up, holding her like a baby. She purred, snuggling into Lucy’s chest. Tommy lowered a hand to the cat, letting her sniff at his fingertips, waiting for her approval in the form of bumping her head against his palm before he started to pet her.
“He called me a whore,” Lucy whispered. The hand Tommy still had resting on her shoulder tightened. 
“I heard.”
“Do you think Lizzie told him that?”
“I don’t know. I’d like to think that she just said it to someone else and he overhead. But…” he trailed off, then sighed. “She’s never done anything to actively try to turn the kids on you before. Not like that.” 
She nodded. That was what she suspected, too. Lizzie wasn’t that cruel. 
“Either way, she’s apparently forgotten what her previous profession was.” She could hear the edge of building frustration in his voice, and leaned back into him in an attempt to try to quell it. He slipped an arm around her waist, pressing his lips to her temple. 
“You really think that he didn’t mean any of it?” The buddings of insecurity had sprung back up inside her at Charlie’s words, doubt flooding her veins. She often worried that her presence at the house might have a negative effect on the children. A thought that made her feel so awful and guilty that she was half tempted to pack a bag and run far, far away. Or better yet, take a revolver to her head. 
Sometimes she wondered if everyone would be better off if she wasn’t around anymore. 
“He has no reason to.”
“He thinks I’m the reason that his mother is unhappy.”
“I don’t think that’s it.”
“But all that stuff about me leaving instead of Lizzie…”
“He doesn’t understand what’s going on between me and her. Not really. All he knows is that you and I both had arguments with her, and then she and Ruby left and he misses them. That’s why he’s lashing out. He doesn’t actually want you gone. I don’t believe that.”
She closed her eyes, trying to will herself into believing him instead of the cruel voices in her head. “He’s got your temper.”
She felt Tommy’s lips curl up fondly against her hair. “Yeah. We’re fucked once he hits adolescence, aren’t we?”
“Mhm.”
Sighing, he pulled out his pocket watch to take a glance at it. “What do you think? Has it been long enough for him to have calmed down yet?”
“Maybe give it a few more minutes.” 
He nodded, dropping his head to rest against the crook of her neck, laying butterfly soft kisses there. “You’ll see. By tomorrow he’ll have forgotten that the entire bloody thing even fucking happened.”
She huffed out a breathless laugh. “We can only hope so.” 
“It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I’m the one who shot the horse. That’s what he’s really upset about.”
“No; you did the right thing. Dangerous was in pain; it would have been wrong to make him continue on like that.” 
“Yeah. He’ll understand. Someday.”
“Yeah. Someday.” She was deeply aware that they weren’t just talking about the horse.   
Would Charlie ever fully understand? She often had her doubts. Her and Tommy’s arrangement was unconventional, to say the least. Not even some of the Shelbys had ever fully been able to understand or accept it. 
Her eyes raised to sweep around the dim room, landing on a few framed photographs set up on a nearby table. In one of them, Grace was sitting with baby Charlie in her lap. Her head was turned away from the camera, looking instead upon the precious little boy clutched in her arms, cheek dimpling with a smile. Charlie’s eyes danced with joy, lips parted in the smile he was giving to his mother. 
Everyone would have been happier if I was the one who got shot that day at the charity dinner, Lucy thought, sniffling. Charlie would still have his mother. Tommy would still have his wife. They would be happy. 
Her boys; who she loved more than anything in the whole world. All she wanted was for them to be okay. To be happy.   
Trouble meowed at her, head angled up, watching her with those knowing green eyes. Lucy tightened her grip on the cat, holding her tighter to her chest. Tommy’s warm breath ghosted across her neck and shoulder where he was still resting his face against her. Leaning back into him, she closed her eyes against the warm press of her back to his front. 
∗ ∗ ∗ 
Tommy stood in front of Charlie’s door, the dark wood seeming to loom over him forebodingly. He smoothed his hands down his waistcoat. Adjusted his cufflinks. Fiddled with his wedding ring. Well aware that he was stalling. 
He needed to remember to keep his cool, no matter what waited for him on the other side of that door. It was his knee-jerk response to act protectively whenever someone upset Lucy. But yelling or scolding like he did with Polly or Lizzie was unlikely to accomplish much in this situation other than make Charlie more furious with him. 
And, he really didn’t want to yell at his son.
Sighing heavily, he raised his fist, knocking twice against the door. “Charlie?”
No answer.
He opened the door anyway, stepping in and closing it softly behind him. Charlie was curled up on his side in his bed, back to the door. The stuffed horse that he’d had since he was a baby was clutched to his chest. 
Sitting down on the mattress beside him, Tommy folded his hands into his lap, despite wanting to reach out and smooth a palm across his boy’s golden hair. While he did not move or otherwise acknowledge his presence, Charlie’s eyes were open, red-rimmed and puffy from crying. 
“Charles,” he started after taking a deep breath, being mindful to keep his voice calm and soft. “I understand that these past few days have been hard, and that you miss Lizzie and Ruby, but you can’t talk to Lucy like that, mate. You hurt her feelings.”
Charlie didn’t respond, save for a small sniffle.
“Listen, Charlie,” he raised a hand to rest on his shoulder, then thought better of it and let it fall away limply instead. “I know you’re sad about Dangerous. But that’s not Lucy’s fault.” Hate me, he thought. If you have to hate anyone, hate me. But not her. “I miss him too.” 
Charlie began to sniffle again, chin trembling while a few more tears leaked out of his eyes. “He was a good horse.”
“Yeah.” This time, Tommy did rest a hand on Charlie’s head, stroking his soft hair soothingly. “Yeah, he was. But he was in pain, Charlie. And I wasn’t going to let him suffer. That would have been cruel. He didn’t deserve that; not when he’d been such a good horse to us. I know it’s hard to understand, but it was the best thing we could do for him.” He could still hear that final whinny that Dangerous let out as he pulled the trigger, see the way that his body twisted, hear the thud as he struck the hard ground. Just as he could still feel the weight of the gun in his hand, that moment of desperate, endless desire for relief as he raised it to point as his temple, holding it there. Just for a second. 
He could have pulled the trigger. And it would all have been over. No more pain. No more stress. No more unhappiness for those around him who he loved. 
No more Tommy. 
He jammed his eyes shut, trying to banish the thoughts from his mind. “It was a kindness.”
Charlie started to cry harder,  burying his face in the worn material of his plushie. Tommy rubbed up and down on his small back as comfortingly as he knew how, just letting him get it all out. A good cry was probably what he had needed more than anything else.   
“I know. I know, my boy. It’s alright.” He drew in a rattling breath. “I’m sorry.” So many things he had to apologize for. If he tried to list them all, they’d have been there for an eternity. 
“I didn’t mean to hurt Lucy’s feelings,” Charlie finally said, after his tears had ceased into quiet sniffles. 
“I know you didn’t. But sometimes, we hurt people even when we don’t mean to. She loves you very much, Charlie. She only wants what’s best for you.”
Charlie sat up, rubbing at his eyes and still clutching his toy horse with one hand. “I know.” 
“You’re gonna need to apologize to her. And remind her that you love her.”
“Okay.”
Tommy nodded, a small, relieved sigh leaving his lungs. He tipped his head down to kiss his son’s forehead. Disaster averted, it would seem. 
“Where did you even hear those things that you said to her, ey? ‘Cos I know that you didn’t just come up with them all on your own.” He kept his voice light. Conversational. Easy going, even, so as to not upset him again.  
Charlie hesitated. 
“No one’s in trouble. I just want to know,” Tommy reassured. Charlie eyed him scrutinizingly, then looked down at his hands, fiddling with them in a way that reminded Tommy distinctly of how Lucy often fidgeted with her rings. 
“Mum was talking with Aunt Polly and Aunt Linda in the drawing room. I finished my spelling early, and I was going to ask Mum if I could go out into the stables. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but…”
Tommy closed his eyes, jaw tightening. But he pushed the anger down, not wanting Charlie to see it. “It was Lizzie who said it?”
“Yeah.” Charlie looked up at him with big, pleading eyes. “Please don’t be mad at her, Dad.”
A little too late for that, son. Putting an arm around him, Tommy craned his head to look down into his wide eyes. “Charlie…sometimes, Lizzie says things to or about Lucy that hurt her very much. Because she’s upset. Like what you did down there in the library.”
“But I didn’t mean it…”
“I know. And I don’t think that Lizzie often means the things that she says either. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt her, or that it’s okay to say those types of things to her. You understand?”
Charlie considered, then nodded. 
“It upsets me, Charlie, when someone makes Lucy sad. Because I love her.”
“Do you love Mum?”
The question caught him off guard, frowning. Portraits of Grace still lined the walls of Arrow House, photographs of her scattered throughout the various rooms. He’d done all he could to keep her memory alive. To make sure that bits of her lingered with them always.
“Of course, Charlie. I still love and miss your mother very much–”
“No, not Mummy,” Charlie shook his head. “Mum,” he said, with great emphasis on the distinction. “Lizzie. Do you love her?”
Tommy froze. The question pried open a well of guilt inside of him, dark and all consuming. Charlie looked at him expectantly, those eyes that were suddenly almost a perfect reflection of his own staring back at him, assessing. 
How? How did he tell his child that he did not love the woman tasked with raising him?
“You’re really missing her and Ruby, ey?” he asked instead, hoping that Charlie would allow him the reprieve of dodging the question. His son stared up at him for a beat, and Tommy could see him processing the sidestepping of the inquiry, and the silent admission that came with it. He held his breath, waiting for Charlie to start shouting or crying again. But instead he just looked away, head bowed towards the floor with his legs swinging back and forth where they dangled off the edge of the bed. Tommy thought he caught a glimmer of disappointment, but also an understanding, well beyond Charlie’s years, shimmering in his eyes.
“I guess so.”
Tommy let out a silent, relieved breath, reaching up to stroke Charlie’s hair again. 
“Why did they have to leave?”
He supposed that he shouldn’t be surprised at all these hard to answer questions being lobbed his way. Charlie was getting old enough to be able to comprehend, but not yet fully understand, that his father’s relationship with his wife and concubine was not exactly conventional.
“It’s…complicated, Charlie.”
“Are they coming back?”
“I…” I don’t know. But he couldn’t say that. Not to Charlie, at least. “I hope so.” But it was a hope not born out of missing his wife, but more so for Charlie and Ruby’s sake. He missed his sweet Ruby, with her joyful laugh and her bright eyes, terribly. 
As for Lizzie herself…she was a package deal with Ruby, and–outside of badmouthing his lover within earshot of his children–she was a good, stabilizing figure in Charlie’s life when he and Lucy weren’t home. So he tolerated her.
“Can I come out of my room now?”
Tommy looked at Charlie fondly, reaching down to ruffle his hair. “As long as you apologize to Lucy.”
“I will. Promise.”
“Alright, then.”
He followed Charlie out of his room and down the stairs, hands in his pockets, smiling a little to himself when Cyril came lumbering over to sniff and lick at Charlie’s palm, accompanying him the rest of the way to the library. Lucy wasn’t there, but Charlie’s toys were still scattered all over the floor. Tommy felt a small burst of pride as Charlie knelt down to start gathering them up and putting them neatly away. 
We made a good one, Grace, he thought, glancing over at the photograph of her on the table, a wave of the usual quiet melancholy that he always felt when he thought of her settling over him. Temper tantrums aside, of course. 
There was the soft click of nails on the floor, and then Asher was sniffing at his trouser leg, the big, black shepherd wagging his tail when Tommy reached down to stroke his head and give him a few scratches behind the ear. 
“Where did she go, Dad?” Charlie asked, finished with putting away his toys. Tommy cocked his head. 
“Ash, where’s your mum?” he asked the big black dog. His tail wagging increased. “Go find Mum!”
Asher made a little overexcited hop, and took off at a prance down the hall. Charlie took off after him.
Asher led them to the front drawing room, nosing open the door and trotting over to where Lucy was curled up on one of the sofas with Trouble. He flopped down on the floor beside her, eagerly knocking his head against her palm when she lowered it to pet him. The book she had been getting from the library when the whole mess transpired was propped up in her hands.  
Charlie hesitated a moment, looking nervous, glancing back at Tommy with wide eyes. Leaning against the wall by the door, Tommy gave him an encouraging nod. Charlie turned back to Lucy, shuffling forward.
“Lucy?”
She looked up from her book, sliding a bookmark into place and setting it aside when she saw him. “Hey, kiddo.”
Charlie inched closer until he was directly in front of her, fingers fiddling with each other again. “I…” his little brows pinched together, lips pouting. And then he flung his arms around Lucy’s neck, hiding his face away in her shirt. “I’m sorry, Lucy.”
She rested a hand on the top of his head, returning the hug strongly. Tommy felt warm affection for them both stir inside his chest.
“Thank you, Charlie.”
“I didn’t mean it. I was just mad.”
“I know. I know, sweetheart.” Lucy pressed a kiss to the side of his head.
Tommy was about to go to them, when Frances appeared at his side. She glanced at Lucy and Charlie embracing, then leaned in to murmur quietly in his ear so as to not disturb them.
“Mr. Shelby, dinner is ready.”
“Thank you, Frances. We’ll be there in a minute.”
She nodded, and departed the room as quietly as she had entered. Tommy looked back at his son and his lover, crossing the room in a few strides to stand by the sofa. Charlie was still hugging Lucy tightly, and when she looked up to meet Tommy’s gaze, he could see that her eyes were a little glassy. 
“Dinner is ready,” he told her softly, reaching out a hand to pass over her shoulder. She nodded. Charlie didn’t seem to hear him, not loosening his grip around Lucy’s neck, not even when Tommy tousled his hair.   
“Charlie?” Lucy asked, gently smoothing her hand down his back. 
“I love you, Lucy,” he said, in a very small voice. Lucy leaned back, brushing away the few tears that had silently slipped down Charlie’s cheeks with her thumbs. 
“Oh, honey. I love you too.”
Charlie’s bottom lip wobbled. “I’m sorry I made you sad. I didn’t mean it.”
“I know you didn’t, sweet boy. It’s okay.”
He hugged her again, little head coming to rest on her shoulder. Lucy pecked his cheek. He was starting to lose more of the baby fat in his face, features giving way to the cheekbones that Tommy had passed onto him. 
Fuck, he’s getting older, Tommy thought, no small amount of panic interlaced with the words.
“Let’s go to dinner, kiddo, yeah? Some food will make us both feel better, I think,” Lucy encouraged, rubbing his back. Charlie nodded, but didn’t make any movements. She rolled her eyes fondly, and scooped him up into her arms, hoisting him up onto one of her hips like she used to hold him when he was a baby. 
He may have been getting older, but at least he wasn’t at the age yet where he did not welcome being carried. Tommy did not know what he would do when that day came. With either of his children. Holding them in his arms was one of the few joys in life he still had left. 
Ruby should be here, he thought mournfully, the ache of missing his daughter widening within him. And with it, another drop of resentment, to fill the already overflowing bucket that he held towards his wife, dripped in.
“You eating with us?” Lucy asked. Tommy nodded, hand finding the small of her back to help steer her towards the doors that led into the dining hall. It wasn’t an unfounded question. He’d been so busy recently that he often ate at his desk rather than in the dining room. And even then, Lucy usually had to scold him into consuming a few mouthfuls of whatever was on the tray that Frances brought him.
He had work to do. Calls to make. But they could wait until morning, he decided. Right now, he just wanted to spend time with his lover and their child.  
∗ ∗ ∗
He watched Lucy where she was standing at the window. It was dark out, and the expansive grounds of the mansion looked like a great black void surrounding them. They had come down to the sitting room after tucking Charlie into bed. It had made his heart ache with love, watching as Lucy sat down on the mattress with his son, the book he’d selected for her to read to him clutched in her hands while Charlie snuggled into her side. Tommy had stood leaning against the doorway, watching them until Charlie’s eyelids started to droop and Lucy put the book down, slipping out of the bed and kissing him on the forehead. Tommy had stepped forward to do the same, and then they’d flicked off the light and tip-toed out the door.   
Taking a step towards her, he set his glass of whiskey down on the table and wrapped his arms around her waist, tucking his head into the crook of her neck. She smelled sweetly of her rose and vanilla perfume, and he breathed in deep as he pressed a few kisses to her pulse point, drawing the scent eagerly into his lungs.
“Are you alright?” 
She brought one hand up to rest on top of his where he was holding her. “Yeah,” she said, in a voice not all that convincing. He kissed her neck again. 
“Come here.” Taking her by the hand, he pulled her with him to one of the nearby sofas. She let him maneuver her until she was laying on the couch with her head in his lap, his fingers stroking tenderly through her mussed hair while her cheek pressed into his thigh. 
“There you go,” he said when her eyes slipped closed. “Just relax. It’s okay. It’s all worked out.”
“Until there’s a next time.”
“There won’t be a next time.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“I’ll talk to Lizzie.”
She half lifted her head. “No, Tommy–” panic flashed in her eyes, but he urged her to lay back down on him.
“I’m not going to try to pick a fight over it,” he soothed, knowing how guilty she always felt whenever they argued because of her. “But she can’t talk about you like that. At least not when the kids are within earshot. I won’t have her trying to turn them against you.”
“I feel like I deserve it.”
He frowned. “What? Why?”
Her brown eyes looked up at him sadly. “I’m having an affair with her husband.”
“I’m not sure what we’re doing can really be classified as an affair, love.”
“You’re fucking a woman who isn’t your wife. That’s the definition of an affair, Tommy.”
“She gave us her blessing…”
“Did she? I’d say that it’s got to be the most reluctant, begrudging blessing in the whole world, then.”  
He was quiet at that, still frowning down at her. “It’s not your fault that she’s unhappy. She knew what the arrangement between us was going to be like before we got married. She knows I’ll never leave you.”
“She changed her mind about being alright with it…”
“That’s not our problem. We shouldn’t have to upheaval our entire lives together because Lizzie decided to go back on the arrangement the three of us made. We’ve already made plenty of accommodations towards her.” He touched her cheek. “Her happiness is not your responsibility. You’ve done more than enough for her already. It’s up to her if she can figure out a way to live with us or not. And she doesn’t just get to take all her anger about a situation she got herself into out on you. I won’t allow it.” His fingers traced the shape of one of her cheekbones. “I promised I’d protect you from her”
Lucy turned her face to kiss the center of his palm. “What if she decides that she can’t live with us? If she leaves you…”
“Then I’ll deal with it.” With a sigh, he raised a hand to thumb at his brow. “I’ll try to get her to stay. For the kids, if not for anything else. I’d really rather not deal with the mess that a divorce would cause; at least not right now. Not on top of everything else. But if she really is set on leaving…I’m not going to hold her prisoner here.” 
Lucy looked down, index finger tracing over one of the buttons on his shirt. Tommy watched her shrewdly, still noting traces of miserable guilt in her eyes. He felt his heart twist at the sight of it.
“It’ll be okay,” he told her, hoping that she could see the love he had for her reflected in his eyes.
“He was right,” her lips trembled slightly. “Most everyone does hate me.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is.”
“I don’t.”
“You’re still horribly outnumbered, love.”
His fingers stroked delicately over her hair again. “Arthur doesn’t hate you. Neither does Ada. Or Uncle Charlie, or Curly, or Johnny Dogs, or Aberama, or the kids…there’s lots of people who care about you.”
A shaky breath left her lips, turning her face to hide against his stomach. Tommy put his arms around her, the embrace a little awkward due to their positioning of her laying across his thighs, but they managed. His sweet girl. His best friend. His lover. His Lucy. With her huge heart and her desperation to make everyone else’s lives better and easier even at the expense of her own. She didn’t deserve any of this. 
He wanted to gather her up, pull her into his chest where he could keep her safe and sheltered forever. 
“I love you.” His grip around her tightened, lips pressing to her neck, slowly working their way up to her cheek, brushing only just against her mouth when she turned her head to receive him. “I love you so much.” His body shifted against hers, holding her closer, suddenly desperate to comfort her in the best way that he knew how. “Let me show you.”
Her lips parted to his, hands latching onto his shoulders when he brought his mouth down more firmly on hers. A soft groan left his throat at the first slow stroke of their tongues against each other. Shifting them with a hand on the back of her head and the other at her waist, he pulled her up the couch a little so that her head was laying on the armrest with him hovering over her. 
“Should we go upstairs?” Lucy asked between long, slow kisses.
“No,” he shook his head, hands moving to open the buttons on her shirt. He heard her breath catch as he moved his face to start sucking love bites into her neck. “We have the house all to ourselves, tonight.” 
It was a rare occurrence. Where once they’d been free to fuck almost anywhere they pleased in the big mansion, after his marriage to Lizzie they ended up more often than not relegated to their room. Neither of them were particularly eager to have to face the sour mood that would likely follow if Lizzie caught them entangled together. 
A shudder went through Tommy, momentarily thrilled at the thought of being able to have her out in the open like this. His want for her was building steadily, trousers growing uncomfortably tight, not helped in the slightest when she opened her legs to let him lay in the cradle of her hips. 
Charlie almost always slept like the dead. He wouldn’t be up again tonight. And the staff had already turned in for the evening. There was no risk of them being interrupted. 
Clothes came off, tossed carelessly to the floor while they continued to kiss over and over again. Tommy’s hands threaded through her hair, feeling the soft red strands twine around his fingers, as if trying to cling to him as tightly as she was gripping his back and shoulders.  
“Tommy…” Her hand was on the nape of his neck, pulling his mouth down even more firmly onto hers. 
“Want to make you feel better…” he crooned, slipping a thigh between her legs. A needy sound left him at the slickness his leg was met with and the noise she made at the pressure he was putting on her clit. Her hips started to grind onto him, greedy hands groping at his naked torso, tracing the shapes of his scars and tattoos. He couldn’t help the delighted sound he released when she ran her fingers around the sun rays that circled his left pec, drawing the circles tighter and tighter until she brushed against his nipple.
“Fuck,” she arched her back when his hands moved to cup both her breasts. He gave each globe of flesh a firm squeeze, thumbs stroking over her hardened nipples and lightly pinching them. Her hips jerked, rubbing herself more firmly against his thigh, and he felt his cock throb in response to her wantonness. 
Propping himself up on his hands, he raised himself over her enough so that he could drink in the glories of her body. Soft, delectable curves, with full breasts and round hips, her fair skin covered in an array of freckles and scars and encasing strong, lean muscle. 
He could have stayed there just looking at her for forever. Drinking in her unfathomable beauty. He wanted to worship her. Claim her. Gorge himself on her. Lay himself at her feet and let her do what she pleased with him. Married to Lizzie or not, it was Lucy who he belonged to completely. Always. 
A growling noise sounded from low in his chest, dropping his head and beginning to slowly working kisses down her body. Taking his time lavishing her breasts with his mouth before moving lower. She whined when he had to retract his thigh from between her legs, but quieted when he brought both her legs over his shoulders. Looking up at her through the fringe that had fallen partially into his eyes, a smirk pulled at his lips at the shiver that went through her as he slid his hands up her sensitive thighs, reaching for her wetness. At the first brush against her folds he groaned, finding her already soaked and throbbing for him. 
“Fucking hell, love.” His swollen cock pulsed, aching with the thought of how easily he would be able to slide into her. Lowering his face, he pressed a kiss to her clit, tongue teasing over the sensitive nub before darting out for a taste of her folds. On either side of his head, her legs twitched, her fingers diving into his hair, hips lifting to chase his touch. At the first breach of one of his fingers into her, he felt his jaw flex with a gasp at the tight warmth that enveloped the digit. Lucy’s fingers clenched in his hair, and when he looked up it was to find her with her head lolled back against the armrest, eyes screwed shut, full lips parted with a moan, her fiery hair a mess of glorious waves around her face. 
He swallowed roughly at the sight, another shock of need traveling down his spine straight to his cock. With a soft groan, he lowered his head back to her cunt, and set to work. He knew her body better than he knew his own. Knew just how to roll his thumb over her clit to make her nearly scream. When to curl his fingers inside her to get her moans to raise a pitch. And when she was warmed up and ready enough for him to add a second finger to the mix, stretching her even wider in preparation for the girth of his impatient erection. 
He coaxed her to the very brink of orgasm, drawing her up, up, up…listening to her moans grow in frequency and pitch, feeling the way that her walls gripped and fluttered around his fingers and her clit twitched on his tongue. And then he withdrew, grinning cheekily when she let out a mournful cry, eyes popping open as he moved to prop himself above her once again. Tears welled in her eyes at her stolen orgasm, an adorable pout forming on her lips.
She looked so fucking cute like that, all pleasure-drunk and desperate. 
“Not yet, sweetheart,” he soothed, not letting her suffer for long. This was about making her feel better, after all. And he had always been incapable of denying her anything. He kissed her nose, chuckling fondly at the pleading look that crossed her face. With the hand that moments ago had two fingers knuckle-deep inside her, he grasped his erection, hard and thick between his legs. Flushed and oozing beads of precum from the tip. It ached with pent-up desire, every throbbing inch longing for her tight cunt. “Want to be inside you when you come for me.” 
He saw her pupils blow out even further than they already were, almost swallowing the brown of her irises completely. “Tommy,” she reached out, pulling his mouth back to hers. He kissed her back desperately, each of them moaning into the other’s mouth as he lined himself up, weeping cockhead nudging at her entrance. 
“Ready?” he asked between long, wet kisses. He always liked to make sure. At her enthusiastic nod and mumble of consent, he pushed just the first few inches of his cock in, then withdrew completely, then pushed only the head back in again. She whimpered, nails scratching down his biceps lightly. 
“You’re such a fucking tease, you know that?”
He laughed, nuzzling at her cheek affectionately, as if his cock wasn’t crying out to him in protest each time that he withdrew it from her tight, wet entrance. Taking his chin in her hand, Lucy guided his mouth to hers, those pillow-soft lips of hers curled up into a smile as they brushed against his. Her other hand went to his ass, giving a gentle press to encourage him to go deeper, and this time he relented. Low moans were unleashed into each other’s mouths as he finally pushed himself all the way inside of her, until his balls rested against her and their hips were flush together.
Tommy’s head spun with the feeling of being buried to the hilt inside her. The fit was so snug, it made stars pop across his vision. He swore that there was no feeling in the world better than this. Being one with her. Having her in the circle of his arms. The warmth of her kiss sinking into his skin.  
He pushed himself up on his hands just enough to be able to brush a few tendrils of hair out of her face, caressing her cheek and smiling down at her softly. She smiled back at him, almost shyly. 
“I love you,” he punctuated the statement with a kiss. Her arms went around his shoulders.
“I love you too.”
He kissed her again, reaching down to take hold of one of her thighs to hook it around his waist, and then he slowly started to thrust.
Sex with Lucy had always been one of his greatest comforts. It served as a reaffirmation of the connection between them, that little invisible thread that seemed to tether them together only growing stronger with every touch. No one else made him feel so loved, so safe and free to simply be himself, as Lucy did. More and more these days, he found himself needing the reminder that she was still there. Despite everything. All the shit he’d put her through. All the monumental sacrifices that she had to make to be with him. She was still there, and she still loved him. 
It had never been lost on him how lucky he was. 
Most days, he ached both in and out with wounds that would never wholly heal. But her just being there made it all easier. She made him happy, even on the days when he started to think that he’d lost the ability to feel any sort of joyous emotion at all.  
“Lucy,” he grunted. Her walls were hugging every inch of his cock, squeezing tight enough around him to make him feel almost light headed. He watched her long lashes flutter, head falling back to expose the length of her pale throat to his kisses while she moaned as he found the right angle in his thrusts to rub right up against that spot that always had her coming in record time. 
“Right there. Right there. Don’t stop,” she begged, nails scoring down his back, no doubt leaving faint red scratches in their wake. Reaching a hand between them, he thumbed at her clit, drawing tight circles around it in time with their love making. 
He could feel the sensation of tingles starting to build at the base of his spine, his balls beginning to tense and draw up as they prepared to spill his load. He groaned deeply at the sensation of her hand gripping his ass so tightly he was sure that she left little crescent moon indentations from her nails behind. The idea of being marked by her in such a way was enough to make his eyes roll in his head, hips bucking more vigorously. 
“I’m coming,” she gasped, as if he could not already feel it in the way that she squeezed around him so tight that it felt like she was trying to draw his very soul out through his cock and into her. The hand she had resting on the back of his neck pressed his face down more firmly against where he was sucking at the place where her neck met shoulder. The flexing and tightening of her walls around him had Tommy careening right over the edge with her, cock twitching and then releasing as he let out a thunderous groan, rolling his hips a few more times to prologue the pleasure as he spilled into her. 
He stilled with a deep sigh, head coming to rest on her clavicle, arms wrapping around her, keeping his still slightly twitching cock buried deep in her body. Lucy draped her arms around his shoulders. They were both covered in a light sheen of sweat, chests heaving as they fought to catch their breaths. 
Tommy closed his eyes, peacefulness momentarily sweeping over him as Lucy started to absentmindedly trace her fingers over a scar on his shoulder, then reached up to stroke his hair. Turning his face, he pecked at one of the many scars that covered her skin, nuzzling before raising his head to find her lips once more.    
“Feeling better?” he asked, moving his mouth from her lips to her cheek. 
“Mhm,” she brushed a few bits of dark hair out of his eyes. “Thank you.” Cradling his face, she kissed him again softly. 
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
He moved to kiss her neck again a few times. “You’re a good mum, you know.”
She averted her gaze, suddenly becoming very interested in rubbing a hand up and down his chest. Tommy’s fingers curled at her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes.
“You are.” His voice was stern, but kind. “Charlie adores you. They both do.”
Her hand flattened against the smattering of hair on his chest, and based on how still she suddenly became, he could tell that she was feeling the steady rise and fall of his breaths and the thump of his heart. 
“Thank you,” she said again, and he knew from simply looking into her eyes that she was talking about far more than just tonight or his words of reassurance. He gave her a soft look, brushing his nose affectionately against hers. Dropping his face to bury into the side of her neck, he breathed in the lingering scent of her perfume, enjoying the warmth of her skin. The weight of her tucked in his arms was incredibly comforting. He could have stayed there forever. 
But falling asleep on the couch was likely to cause her shoulders to bother her come morning. Even without her chronic pain, neither of them were exactly spring chickens anymore. Her remembered when they used to be able to fuck on the floor without issue. 
“Shall we go to bed?” Lucy asked, apparently thinking the same thing that he was. Tommy nodded, drawing himself up enough to kiss her once more before he pulled out, both of them wincing a little at the oversensitivity as he withdrew his softening cock. Sitting up on the couch, he began hunting around for their clothes, dragging on his underwear and passing Lucy her knickers. 
“Oi!” he huffed, trying–and failing–to hide his smile when she snatched away his undershirt, pulling it on to let it hang loosely over her body. She was short enough that it came down nearly to her mid-thigh.
“Mine now,” she said possessively, flashing him a cheeky grin. Tommy cupped the back of her head, drawing her in for yet another kiss. 
“Looks better on you anyway.”
She smiled, looking down bashfully, cheeks turning an adorable light pink. An undignified yelp left her lips when he suddenly stood and scooped her up, carrying her bridal style towards the stairs. 
“What about the rest of our clothes?” she laughed, looping her arms around his neck. 
“The maids will deal with them.”
She hummed, letting her head lean against his chest. His steps stuttered when she started to pepper firm kisses all across his skin, breath hitching when she let her teeth nip teasingly at his nipple, footfalls growing hastier, until he was almost speed-walking towards their room. 
She opened the door for him since his hands were full, and he didn’t bother turning on a light as he stepped in and kicked the door shut behind him. Moonlight snuck in through the sheer curtains, casting silvery-blue beams across the floor. Tommy captured her lips in his, movements creaking the floorboards as he managed to get them to the bed. She propped herself up on her elbows after he tossed her onto the mattress, and it was not lost on him how her eyes trained on his naked chest before lowering to fix on the tent already starting to form in his shorts. 
“Again?” she laughed, as he crawled on top of her.
“Again,” he affirmed, and descended on her with a playful growl.
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