#like it can’t even be reunion sex because one party is always finding and excuse to come back

[hitlikehammers]

Rockstar!Eddie Leaves What He Had With Steve Behind in Hawkins 💔 to Chase His Dreams 🎸

(so why is it that he’s back in Steve’s bed Hawkins every couple months for ‘very pressing reasons’ that are straining Steve’s heart honestly anything but? 🫤❤️‍🩹🥺)

NOTE: this was originally a fill from @eddiemunsonbingo AGES ago, and I’m only bringing it over here NOW because something for the @steddielovemonth is going to be posted soon that is a standalone in its universe, but also very much a sequel to it ♥️

Steve really does try not to think about it in terms of…time.

Maybe that’s foolish. It’s mostly denial. Lots of it isn’t reliable anyway: the score his body keeps isn’t accurate, war-time left over from too many near-misses with a fucking alternate dimension but the popping in his joints and the ringing in his ears and the white hair he pulled out of his scalp and stared blankly at in the sink for a good twenty minutes: those are real things, but they don’t chart the passage of days, of hours, months and fucking years with any real meaning.

It’s been four years. Roughly. Depending on what the start point is. Whether it’s that Spring Break. Whether it’s the first winter. Or the spring after, when Robin begged him to go with her—there’s still time. She still begs, because they still talk given the thread inside them stays tied unbreakable to one another, oblivious to miles between. Maybe it’s measuring from the graduations, the kids—only Erica’s left at Hawkins High, now, though Steve gets calls from the whole bunch of them, Eleven the most, which was maybe surprising, then it’s a good split between Dustin and Will, another surprise. Max calls enough but her calls are calls, with a weight most of the others lack. Lucas’s calls aren’t super frequent but always long, mostly because he talks around the point forever, whatever the point happens to be. Even Mike usually ends up on the other end of the line once a month. It’s…that could be where the time starts from.

Or it could be the summer, that first summer. The one that taught Steve what it was to have a heart just to fucking break it.

Could be that. Impossible to say.

(It’s been 3 years, 7 months, and 14 days. Steve had only counted in retrospect, in the wreckage left behind, because while he’d known there was a deadline in it, to it all, he’d thought he could be enough. That he could change a mind. He’d thought…

Foolish things. Bullshit. Didn’t matter. Could be any fucking date.)

But since the point's come up, and it’s front of Steve’s mind, his least favorite (most favorite) place to find it: he hadn’t expected it. Robin liked to say she saw the signs but. Steve hadn’t watched it happen in slow motion because there wasn’t a single goddamn slow thing about it. Which was…for whatever it was worth, Steve knew falling fast and hard and with everything he was had maybe failed him every time, thus far, but at least he knows that for him?

That means it’s real. He’s all in. He might not be met equal on the other side of the equation—hadn’t been yet, maybe wouldn’t be ever, but he wasn’t having any luck trying to fucking change that fact so, learning to work with what he had was the best he could do. And he had love. He’d never been able to name it to himself so far: not before, and certainly never since. But.

Figuring out the sexuality thing had been a not-bathroom-but-definitely-floor talk on the shitty Family Video carpet sometime around November of ‘85. Slow days, idle comments, and Robin’s suspiciously-but-reliably-gentle-when-the-need-was-dire hand to his shoulder to say no, no: actually wanting to kiss people of any gender wasn’t really…the default Steve had always expected it had to be. How could anyone look at, say, Harrison Ford and not think, oh yeah, I would at least suck his face?

Turned out probably at least half the people on the planet. As in the straight guys and the lesbians. Steve had spent the majority of three days on that disgusting fucking carpet, open to close, popping up to ask Robin if she was sure because what about—

She was sure. And eventually, through a couple of needs for deep breathing and a handful of assurances that it was okay to cry—he appreciated that, but he kept the crying to his room after these long-ass shifts and if Robin stayed for some of those times, that was because she was half his head, half his heart, and she knew what he was going to do sometimes before he did.

They did end up on the floor of his bathroom, a clean one for once, at one point. Maybe because they both held to tradition. Maybe because Steve had largely come to terms with the mindfuck of yet another piece of his world, his self unravelling and rewriting itself, and thought the vodka in his dad’s liquor cabinet was a good way to celebrate. The label was entirely in Russian and Robin had been practicing on hers, said she was pretty sure it was the good shit.

Sometimes you can drink enough of the best shit on an empty stomach, though, and still spew the whole of it up.

Steve sometimes does think he drinks his dad’s best liquor that way on purpose, though. Delightful going down and yeah, it sucks to chuck it up but. The idea that it’s ultimately wasted feels…right.

Anyway: Steve had settled with it all by New Year's, and while he’d hosted the rugrats who could only blabber about their latest campaign with their epic DM, and he’d kissed Robin when the clock turned, well. It felt like a new start, a fresh page.

Something that had the chance at being a good thing.

And nothing much happened in the two-and-a-half-months that followed save for finally catching a glimpse of the D&D god who ran their little club while he was idling in his car to pick up the shitheads, this legendary DM who did not make Steve jealous one tiny bit and who was cool and was edgy and was so fuckin’ cool, Steve, did we tell you got cool he is?! and Steve had said language as monotone as he could before he squinted as out came all the metal and the ink and he’d said your club president dude is Eddie goddamn Munson and he should have kept his mouth shut because the amount of talking that ensued left him with a headache the size of Montana; but.

That was really all that happened until about…mid-March.

Then Spring Break happened.

It could be argued Eddie and Steve grew close enough to pass the acquaintances benchmark, ended up as at least tentative friends on top of necessary battle mates as early as the Upside Down. Whatever reason Eddie gave, he jumped in after Steve. Whatever speech Steve landed on, he didn’t want Dustin orEddie hurt.

It could be argued Steve wasn’t paying attention and didn’t stop in time and landed in the land of Tentative Friends You Wouldn’t Mind Added Benefits With after the…at least after the way Eddie leaned in close and his lips we so red and he called Steve big boy and…

Yeah.

When Steve carries what may or may not be Eddie’s still fucking corpse out of the Upside Down—he can’t tell, every time he tries to check again his own heart's too loud, his own breaths too shaky—but by then, they’re family. Bound in blood. Steve would die for him, like the others. He won’t let him die, if he can fucking help it.

Between him and Max, Steve almost crashes, breaks. Steve’s there when Max’s fingers twitch and he laughs with tears in his eyes and hands over hands and tells her he loves her and he’s sorry and he’s there, tries to talk around the letter he opened and resealed without evidence because Steve knows some tricks too, okay, and her words had broken him but now he could live up to what she thought she was leaving behind, could make sure she had every goddamn thing she thought she was giving up in spades, to roll around in in abundance. He was going to take care of her, whatever she needed. Whatever it took.

Her lips had quirked and the doctors called coincidence, don’t get your hopes up but; Steve knew Max. That was all her.

And there were more tears, he let her fucking feel them; he fucking hoped she’d notice, and remember, and give him so much shit.

Eddie takes longer, pulls out of the woods enough to exhale a few days later, and the way Steve slips out to find the hospital chapel, the only goddamn place he won’t be found by anyone he knows, and bawls his goddamn eyes out?

It’s family, and it’s love because it’s family but…it’s been so quick. It’s been intense, and that probably speeds it along but…

Shit. Shit.

That’s when Steve knows he sets a new goddamn record for himself and falls hard and heavy and stupidin, like, a week and change. Jesus Christ.

It’s in the recovery that they build something though. Something that’s not trauma or terror or the threat of imminent death. Steve spends most of his hours between two hospital rooms listening to progress reports and taking notes and the kids gravitate toward Max—Dustin would have been the outlier but Steve knows he’s not ready, and so he gives his own updates just to his brother when he drives him home after visiting hours—but that means Steve’s Eddie’s most common conversation partner. They talk about bullshit. Steve defends a-ha to the last breath he has. Eddie’s rendered speechless for a second and then frantic when challenged to pick his favorite band. Again when it’s his favorite song, from his favorite band. And again when it’s his favorite song of any song, ever at all. Steve's heart swells in the watching. He’s foolish enough to bask in the glittering of Eddie’s eyes when Steve indulges in talking, scene by scene as guided by the master in the bed beside him, about what his opinions on Star Wars really were. And then guided by no one, just invited to share what his opinions are on the last movie he saw and loved: which was Weird Science, the last movie he watched in a theatre because he and Robin had gone to face their fear or some shit after Starcourt and it was easier than he’d expected. Eddie listens, and nods, and asks if they can rent it when he’s out, before making sure to add  but you should really have a new choice like, eight months later, man, you work at a video store.

Steve was mostly just focused on Eddie more than implying, of his own volition, that he wanted to have a movie night.

Eddie’s released before Max, largely for mobility reasons, so they both go to visit her now. Robin’s put on the night shift when they schedule their movie night and Steve immediately moves to reschedule but she says no, she’s seen it, make Eddie suffer this time. So it’s just them.

They sit closer than they have to, on the couch.

And it’s little things that build from there. Max’s physical therapy is a government secret, like some fancy space-age protocol that has real hopes to put her on her feet again so she needs a ride, and while they could take turns, Steve and Eddie just take turns as to which vehicle they hop into to drive her. They stay when she needs them—not when she asks because she’s Max and she never asks—but it ends up three days a week back and forth and during: together.

And a lot of nights, for a movie or a smoke or a nightmare or a pulled stitch before they’re all taken out: together.

And shifts where Steve doesn’t even bother to bring his own lunch because Eddie Munson, unpredictable and wholly forgetful super-super senior—who Nancy and Hopper and most of all Joyce convinced the School would be finishing his final senior year at home save for tests, and only that once he was cleared by his doctors—that Eddie Munson brought Steve something every single time he worked. A burger, a chili dog, chicken fucking nuggets. A PB&J clearly homemade and cut diagonal.

So yeah. It starts out how it does when Steve’s in trouble. But it builds like…Steve’s never known before.

They kiss in May. Maybe so that it’s not their first, and a total cliche, when Steve kisses him for graduation behind the bleachers.

The sleep together after graduation, high on the thrill of it, and that’s maybe a cliche but Steve could not give a shit less.

And then they're EddieandSteve, only to find out they have been for a while; and this is just something a little deeper, a little bit more.

In ways that mean everything.

Looking back, Steve knows Eddie never minced words about his plan to leave Hawkins in the fall. With a mixtape and a prayer if I have to, Stevie-boy, he’d said once even, and Steve had laughed.

He’d fucking laughed.

So he’d known.

But July bleeds into August and Steve…Steve’s in love, okay, for real in a way that he’s never felt before. Right in a way he’s never felt before. He kinda just…overlooks it. Because Eddie seems to be at least on the same wavelength. Touches him first, reaches for him first: wants him. Looks at him with not just desire or attraction but…something no one’s ever looked at Steve with before.

And so he hopes. More than hopes.

But when Eddie starts packing, Steve can’t breathe.

He buys a set of luggage and goes home to start the same, has half of his not-excessive possessions shoved in when he realizes:

He’s not invited. Eddie’s never asked him to come.

Looking back, he’s afraid he wasted too much of those last weeks. Scared of giving too much away, the hurt from so many sides and the heartache that’s already taking root, but also: the way he clings, but tries not to make it obvious.

Fuck; but of course it was gonna be obvious, and how much energy did he waste, how many opportunities slipped by, because Steve was trying not to give away that Eddie leaving—to get away from a town that hated him, to try and make a real go with his music, to be anywhere without Steve so he could live out the dreams that predated Steve, that Steve had no place in—to try not to give away that all of it; it’d fucking destroy him.

Steve doesn’t know, to this day, how he stood and let Eddie kiss him breathless out the driver-side window, how he waved until Eddie was out of sight. He doesn’t know.

Kind of like he doesn’t know how he fucking keeps doing it.

Eddie throws tapes to every radio station with Van Halen or other top-played bands written on the insert in sharpie like that gives nothing away, and sneaks a demo in every underpaid delivery boy’s hands to record executives as he drives to the West Coast, sends Steve postcards what seems like has to be every goddamn day, filled up with his rambling until there’s no space left, has to draw lines around Steve’s address to make it clear where the damn thing’s going lest it get confused. Like they’re SteveandEddie still. Like only…only the things that changed after graduation are gone.

Steve sobs after about a month of it all, grateful and resentful, hateful and still so goddamn full of love it’s sickening. Literally, it makes him feel nauseous. He…

He keeps every postcard.

When one of them comes to say some idiot in San Francisco accidentally played Corroded Coffin on what’s apparently an important station, and Eddie got a letter in response from one of the labels, he says he’s coming back for the boys, they need to be ready. Steve knows he’s not one of the boys, but.

Eddie wouldn’t have told Steve he was coming if it wouldn’t matter to Steve. And maybe Eddie wasn’t in love with him anymore, maybe never was in love with him.

But he’d be lying if he said he thought Eddie didn’t love him. In a different way. A…you-don’t-get-to-come-with-me-but-I’d-still-want-to-see-you-when-I-stop-back kind of way.

And Steve…Steve’s not a fucking monk or anything. But even Robin doesn’t try to push him when he finally just tells her what he feels, lovesick and pathetic as it is:

I gave everything I had to someone else, and it’d be different if I wanted to back, to give again, but…I don’t.

I don’t want it back, not from him. Not if any part of him, wants to keep any part of it.

And because she’s Robin, she knows he means something else when he says ‘it’. And because she’s Robin? She’d push if she thought it was worth it.

She just holds him, and that’s really the best thing he could ask for.

But it becomes a thing. The boys go with Eddie, and they record new shit to impress...whoever. And they do. They come back for Halloween, because Eddie loves it. The label’s dragging its feet, but they’re not deterred, they’re energized. They come back for Thanksgiving because Wayne loves it—except he doesn’t, Steve knows that, Wayne actually hates trying to make a bird and Eddie had lamented more than once that they ended up with lunchmeat cut into cubes one year when Wayne was particularly frustrated with the process. They go out East, and try a few studios in New York. They come back for Christmas.

Eddie spends most of his time with Steve. Steve doesn’t fucking fight that; wants it…like…

There’s nothing to compare how he wants it to. Nothing exists that fits.

Eddie spends most of the time that he spends with Steve, though?

In Steve’s bed.

And here’s the thing: Steve had a decent amount of experience to compare to, but once they’d fallen into a rhythm, got past the awkward bits, the learning curve? Sex with Eddie had been a goddamn revelation. Not just because he was a man—after he’d left, Steve had forced himself to try, and dispelled that possibility quick as hell—and now?

Now, it’s like they never stopped. Every fucking time, it’s like they never stopped.

Steve’s not surprised in the slightest that he remembers every give and tell of Eddie’s body—of course he goddamn does—but that Eddie doesn’t miss a beat in touching, sucking, licking, worshippingSteve’s? That’s insane. That’s…

Unexpected. Every time it’s unexpected and every time Steve’s shown he wasn’t forgotten when he probably should have been. Eddie’s building a life that doesn’t include him.

He’ll only get in the way.

But Steve is selfish and stubborn and maybe it’s often, like almost strangely so, but it’s only a week or two at a go so he tells himself he’s allowed. He tells himself that it felt like making love in the beginning because Steve was in love, and that it still feels exactly the same because Steve…Steve never stopped.

Steve is still just as goddamn in love.

So yeah. Steve sleeps with Eddie and it’s like…it’s like rationed air. He gets a regular taste and he gets to keep breathing.

And it’s okay. Probably more then. Because he gets Eddie—even a little bit. Even just in scraps. When he has Eddie?

He has him, even for moments that were never made to last.

It’s Easter, this time. The band put out their first record in January. It’s doing really well. Eddie’s over the moon. Someone called about a magazine cover for a publication in Cleveland that’s apparently kind of a big deal, Alt..something. Steve will buy every copy in a fucking 100-mile radius. 200 miles. 500—

It’s Easter. Eddie didn’t lament not celebrating it after Spring Break in ‘86 but he’s back every year now. And if it’s just…come to mean something, or maybe did then and circumstances won out against it? Steve will be here. Steve will be comfort and a reprieve or a hot as hell romp with a familiar body, Steve will…

Yeah. Steve will do whatever’s needed. Wanted. Anything.

Pathetic.

But so much better than nothing.

Case in point: they’re both naked, sweat mostly dried, sharing a joint and it’s comfortable. It’s quiet and gentle and put up against sitting alone on a weeknight, not with Eddie?

It’s heaven.

“So when’s the dream happening?”

Steve looks cross-eyed toward his lips; he hasn’t smoked this thing long enough to have heard wrong. He squints up at Eddie, whose chest he’s laid out on, confused. Offers him the smoke but he waves it away.

“The dream?” Steve asks finally, when Eddie doesn’t seem to want to answer on his own.

Eddie looks at him weird. Not weird for its own sake but like: like he’s staring into him, and then like he’s disbelieving, but then also like he’s seeing him for the first time.

That kind of weird.

“Getting the fuck out of here,” Eddie answers like it’s obvious. “White picket fence. Little nuggets.” He spreads his hands as wide as possible without tossing Steve from where he lies. “See the sights.”

And Steve’s response is immediate. Doesn’t even require a thought.

He laughs. Like, ugly-laughs.

“Man,” he shakes his head as he catches his breath, and passes the joint off this time with purpose, not an offer or a choice as he snorts a little; “that’s not the dream.”

When Eddie doesn’t grab the smoke, Steve finally looks up. Eddie…

Eddie looks like what Steve’s always struggled to understand the word ‘poleaxed’ to mean. He thinks it might be this.

He looks…like something stuck him through the gut. Slapped him silly across the face.

“What d’ya mean?” And it’s just three words, one that’s a cheat, and he says it slow enough to take an age.

Steve breathes out, and then, if he’s gonna be honest, and if he has to keep holding the damn thing anyway, decides to take another drag before speaking:

“Figured out what the dream was, inside the dream,” Steve says, wondering if he’ll get away with the vagary; knowing he won’t.

“All we see or seem?” Eddie jokes a little, but it falls flat, his tone eerily kinda…strained but hollow.

“I like poetry.” Steve smiles up at him, soft, and offers the joint again straight to Eddie’s lips. He takes it this time.

“It was about family. It was about stability, not,” Steve shakes his head, stops talking half-assed around the lungful he’s holding, and lets it out slow; “not in a place, fuck, not in a house, but,” a person he doesn’t say, but he hears it in his head; “it was about sharing it.”

And that's it. That’s the simplest, most straightforward truth. Steve doesn’t think there’s anything complicated, or offensive in it. Hard to swallow. Even if he’s come to terms with it. Is mostly at peace with it.

Which is why it’s weird, that Eddie feels suddenly rigid beneath him.

So Steve turns, and braces his hand on Eddie's chest for balance, and frowns when he doesn’t even have to push down to feel the way his heart’s a fucking riot.

“What?” Steve asks, gentle; Eddie’s face is a portrait of conflict, of distress and Steve can’t fucking figure out why, they just came like four times between them and are sharing some very nice Cali weed—they’re nestled close, they’re together, it’s…

Eddie’s quiet, his breath disconcertingly steady for how his pulse pounds, and then he breathes out slow before covering his face:

“I don’t think I can fuck this up any worse than I already have, so,” he mutters, dejected for reasons Steve can’t even guess, then he laughs, humorless, shakes his head:

“Let me try, I guess.”

Steve frowns, uncomprehending, until:

“I’ve been in love with you forever.”

Steve thinks the world stops. His heart does, at least. Suspended. Silent so he doesn’t miss a syllable.

“And I told myself,” Eddie bites at his lip, worries at the bottom swell; “end of that summer, from the very first, I said: don’t ask him to come with you, even if it breaks your heart,” and oh god, oh god after all this time: Steve doesn’t think he’s projecting to hear the genuinely broken heart in those words for just remembering.

“Don’t ask him to settle, you’re not even in the same universe of what he wants,” fuck, what lies Eddie’s saying; did he believe them? Has he always—“what he needs.”

But Eddie is everything he needs, always was, will always be—

“You’ll never have the picket fence. You can’t give him his nuggets. You should never be trusted to park a Winnebago.”

They could have had a shitty studio apartment. They could have had the kids in college. They could have run the BMW until it died, or sold it to put toward a better van for equipment. They could have—

“You’re selfish, Munson, you’re a rat fucking bastard but,” Eddie’s still going, heart still hammering under Steve’s touch even as Eddie swallows hard and fails to smile, looks ill with the attempt like it hurts to try: “you love him too much for that.”

Oh. Oh god.

“It didn’t break my heart, though,” Eddie clears his throat and glances away, to the ceiling, eyes too bright: oh fuck; “broke my goddamn soul,” and a tear falls, and Steve can’t help but wipe it away, and kiss the track. Even just once.

So he does.

“When I saw you again that first time back,” Eddie starts again, voice rougher and shakier as he reaches a hand for Steve’s. “I could have asked the boys to fly out, the execs offered, but,” and this time, the attempt to grin is more successful, like a weight’s lifted from it: “and you smiled at me, it felt like,” and when he shakes his head this time it’s for disbelief, but the kind that comes with awe; “and when we slotted back together like we’d never been apart, it was…”

Eddie’s voice trails, but it cracks at the end—Steve doesn’t know which does more to stop his words.

He’s grateful, relieved, when they come back. He’s powerless but to give when Eddie touches his cheek so gentle and breathes:

“And I had to tell myself again, and again,” he murmurs, stroking Steve’s skin like he’s precious: “you love him too much to take his dream away from him.”

“What did it matter?” Steve can’t help but ask, no malice in it, just the need to understand. “You had your dream, you have—“

They have a contract. They have an album climbing the charts. They’re not just on their way—they’re there. The only next step is to get bigger, and bigger, and—

“Dreams within dreams, wasn’t it?” Eddie murmurs close to Steve’s cheek, where maybe he’s pressing to be close, or maybe he’s hiding a little, so Steve strokes his hair because he can either way and relishes how Eddie leans, melts into it like always. “Inside the dream?”

Steve nods, more to encourage more words. More Eddie.

“Break my dream open and there’s you with me, every step,” Eddie whispers, his lips warm on Steve’s skin. “Break my heart open, same damn thing,” and that causes Steve to shudder, and his heart to pick up now, too. “Both just kinda crumble if you take out the center.”

Steve can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. Wants to. Doesn’t think they’re lies. It’s just, he…

“Those,” Steve tries to speak but his voice cracks; he clears his throat and kicks his lips while he tucks Eddie into his neck, under his chin: “those would be good lyrics.”

“No,” Eddie shakes his head and nuzzles Steve’s throat with the motion and this can’t be happening.

This can’t be happening, can it?

“No, those words were only ever meant just for you.”

And Eddie kisses the pulse point close to his mouth and holds there, like a sentry and a miser, and holy shit.

Holy shit.

“And I don’t know,” Eddie’s saying more, but it’s pitchy, thready, like he’s barely holding the words together at all; “I don’t know if it’s nostalgia, or convenience, or routine,” his voice breaks again and the sob’s in the word when it comes even if it’s not streaming down on his cheeks: “pity,” and no, no, not fucking ever, how—

“I was never your dream then, and I don’t even know if I can be your inside-dream now, and,” Eddie’s rambling, and he does that when he’s desperate, when he’s overwhelmed and overfull with feeling—and Steve knows that. Steve knows that about him.

Steve knows. Better than he knows himself, Steve still knows him.

“I just want the world for you,” Eddie whispers, stroking up and down Steve’s jaw; “my sweetheart. My sunshine,” he smiles so real and soft and Steve melts, like the heart in his chest starts spilling through his ribs, warm and liquid: “you deserve more than the world, more than fuckin’ me and I,” Eddie shakes his head again, more this time like he’s stopping himself, like it’s a defense mechanism and Steve reaches for his cheeks, broad palms on either side to hold him still because…he doesn’t want Eddie to stop.

Ever.

“Did I ruin it?” Eddie breathes, and barely at that, eyes so wide and swimming and oh, god; “did I—"

And Steve can’t help it. He can’t help but kiss him with all he’s got, even if it couldn’t be all Eddie’s worth in all the world. Steve can’t contain all that Eddie’s worth.

But he can give everything, because this is the man who already has it.

“What the hell was I supposed to be to a rockstar?” Steve tries to talk through his own tight throat, his own growing smile, his own threat of tears bubbling close to the surface. “How the fuck was I ever going to measure up, ever do anything but hold you back when you could have—“

“I come back to you, for you,” Eddie answers immediate; it’s not what Steve’s asking but he won’t lie and say he didn’t want to know, at least a little. “The handful of times I’ve tried,” Eddie shakes his head once now, definitive; “I have always left my everything with you.”

The idea that Steve’s spent all this time feeling empty, and hollow, and missing the best of himself where it lived in the man he loved—the idea he was wrong, that they both were so fucking wrong is…insanity.

“I had a bag half packed.”

Steve doesn’t need to explain further. The noise Eddie makes is pure pain.

“Baby,” he nearly croons, falls into Steve somehow closer, wraps him up tighter; “I wanted to kidnap you in the night.”

“I sobbed in my bed after you were out of sight.”

“I pulled over before the town sign, because I couldn’t see the goddamn road.”

And Steve…Steve doesn’t really have a decision to make about what he says next. What dream he wants; always has.

“I never got rid of the luggage.”

And Eddie hears everything he says in those words, because after everything, Eddie Munson knows him, and…yeah.

Steve’s been kissed in a lot of ways before. By this man in particular, even.

But this: if leaving broke Eddie’s soul, if somehow the lack of Steve somehow did that?

This is…this is the body meeting another body, heart to heart and tasting the way a soul slides back in place. It's Eddie’s hands in his hair like hell never let go and he’s happy about the idea; blissful for it, even. It’s—beyond anything Steve’s ever known. So: yeah.

It’s not a decision. It’s just a fucking given.

♥️

🎸also on ao3

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[jasontoddssoulmate]

I made an account for the sole purpose of this TUA fic concept

I’m a sucker for those “the characters read the books/watch the series” fics and I’ve read a little for TUA but I just had the idea:

The Hargreeves kids watching the two seasons but instead of just the seven of them, their birth mothers are brought in to watch as well

Maybe have the birth mothers family (if they have any) watch it with them 

This happens before everything. Before Ben’s death, before Five’s disappearance, before they even have their names. The kids, One through Seven, are brought in. Maybe when they’re old enough to get the gist of what’s going on, but before they’re 13.

These 6 young women are brought in (because I adore that Luther and Five being twins is canon in the comics and I love the mention of it), and they’re confused because maybe The Umbrella Academy isn’t internationally well known so the kids are familiar but they can’t put the name to the face. Not until they introduce themselves, anyways, and suddenly they’re face to face with the baby that they gave away years ago.

Maybe a few of them regret it, maybe they tried to forget it, maybe they spend so much of their time thinking about it or maybe they’re overjoyed that their baby seems to be doing so well. 

But their names. 

There’s just so much about them that doesn’t feel,,, so right? Maybe that’s not the word for it but they’re too polite sometimes, their casually cruel treatment towards their sister isn’t normal and the way that they simultaneously act entitled and inferior towards each other isn’t suppose to be as normal as the kids make it out to be. 

All in all, the women are confused and maybe a bit wary of their casual usage of powers among each other that’s normal to the siblings as much as it is abnormal to the birth mothers. 

But communication is easy since each child learned their own mother language as well as the language of their siblings birth place and then some which only seems to remind the women that holy shit these kids are technically rich because of their father

The Hargreeves though? They’re confused and wary as hell. They may not have been introduced as The Inaugural Class of The Umbrella Academy yet (or maybe they have considering what your timeline is) but they’ve been training for most of their life and the situation is baffling. Here are these random people that they’ve never met before (at least to their knowledge) and they’ve never had to go outside to interact with others, not really at least. 

So it makes sense that they go for polite but threatening. They maybe decide unanimously that the weaker willed ones like Four, Six and Seven are discreetly protected behind their older (in spirit) siblings, One, Two, Three and Five. 

But they’re no real threat, its obvious in the way that the Hispanic woman uses such an endearing term like “mijo/a” and the way that the Russian woman has an ever present smile on her face and such a sweet disposition that reminds them of their littlest sibling and hey her eyes look just like Seven 

So after a while, they’re more open to being relaxed. Not Five though, he’s always been just a little paranoid and being a 58-year-old in a 13-year-old body never had anything to do with it. So he’s got a harsh personality but the Danish woman doesn’t seem to be deterred. He kind of reminds her of her older twin brother who acts so harshly, but who she knows loves her so much.  

So here are 7 siblings and 6 women and maybe family that was there for the women when they needed them the most. And maybe the person(s) behind this decide to be kept anonymous but they oh so want the children to get to know what being cared for is like. Maybe these women get to know the consequences of their actions or the children learn that the one who birthed them had their reasons. And it’s no excuse but it’s also not their fault. Both parties should be able to feel what they feel because it’s a complicated and maybe painful situation. 

The children lose their respect for their father every episode. Even One, who they all know cherished the favoritism but it doesn’t get in the way of his horror when he finds out that he used to lock Four in the mausoleum, still does if the flashbacks are anything to go by because not Four, not the kindest and brightest of their siblings. 

And when they learn of Seven’s powers and the reason why they are never present, they are understandably upset. They feel rage and disbelief that she had such a crucial part of herself ripped away at such a young age, because they know that their powers are like another limb. They’re born with it and they grow up with it and they were able to live their life with it so they feel rage. Rage that Seven had been so violated. Rage that the Seven they know isn’t really the Seven she was suppose to grow up to be. The Seven they knew as toddlers was sweet towards them but had a mean protective streak a mile wide that could never be controlled, not even by their father. The Seven they know now is so meek and desperate for attention. The Russian woman looks the most devastated as she thinks of the baby girl she got to hold for only a few hours before she was whisked away by a rich old man who is turning out to be the monster that one often hears about in television. 

But the women? They watch as the children in front of them, maybe a little damaged and emotionally constipated but so obviously protective and caring for each other, grow to be the grow ups in the screen above them that grow up and grow apart after so much tragedy. 

They watch as seven eventually becomes five. 

How Luther is sent to isolation for years and he goes along with it in a bid to continue to please their father.

How Diego continues to rebel because he wasn’t able to growing up but also maybe because he wants to spite his father, no matter how much he protests that he could care less what his father thinks.

How Allison goes through a divorce and loses her parental rights to even see her daughter due to her dependence of her powers that leaves her devastated. 

How Klaus is an addict who desperately wishes to get rid of the ghosts that have followed him all his life. 

How Five disappears only a little while after their current timeline.

How Ben was brutally killed by his own powers, never getting to grow up and become his own person. 

How Vanya can’t seem to do anything but go through the motions of her life, maybe having a little hope that she’ll be seen this time around, but is quickly squashed from Diego’s disparaging comments and the casual dismissal of her from her living siblings. 

They watch all this, and feel sadness and rightful anger that their babies lead the life of ex-child superheroes. The life of abused children. The life of children who had only each other. 

But was it really enough? Was it enough to know that they loved each other but had a hard time showing it and owning up to it due to fear of their father? Due to the constant comparisons and the way Sir Reginald had them turn on each other. 

But they knew it was enough. They see it in how Diego waits for Klaus to drive him around even after he had expresses annoyance beforehand, in the joy on Allison’s face when she sees Klaus again after so long, in how Five makes sure to check up on Klaus after his kidnapping, on Luther’s face when he apologizes to Vanya after realizing his own misgivings, in Ben’s task of continuing to follow his brother around even when it pains him and in Klaus trying to comfort Luther after he finds the unopened correspondents. They see it in the support they show Vanya as she goes to check on Harlan.

It had to be enough to know that after all they went through, they still care for one another and at the end of the day, would protect one another just as they were as One through Seven. 

So they watch what would be the Hargreeve’s kids misadventures, they watch as they grow together and grow apart just to grow together again, much stronger than before. 

They express sadness and disbelief when they see where Five ends up, they get mad when Leonard throws Vanya’s pills away, they grieve when they learn that Ben is dead, they’re embarrassed but find it hilarious whenever Klaus cracks an inappropriate joke, they become protective when there’s allusion to Vanya having sex, and are rightfully ready to throw down with Leonard as they watch their littlest sibling get gaslit into believing her family hates her as he nitpicks all of her interactions with her family. 

But just as they express their feelings over what happens to their family, they feel an immense amount of exasperation towards their older selves because so much could be fixed if they only talked to each other. 

They watch and despair over the missed opportunity that is Leonard in the same house as them just as they find out what his role is in the apocalypse.

Four tears up as he watched Klaus and Dave’s reunion be undone after all the heartache. 

Seven cringes when Vanya dismisses Five’s claims that he had been stuck in an apocalyptic wasteland and suggests that he’s gone crazy after his stint with time travel. 

Three feels her heart drop to her stomach as the flashback shows what becomes the moment that she faces the hard truth that come with her use of her powers.

Five feels himself flush in embarrassment as he watched two version of himself in the future, one that looks not much older than he does currently, go through paradox psychosis. 

Six feels frustration and a fierce grief that leaves him confused because he’s still alive he’s not dead, but I don’t have much longer. 

One feels horror as he watches himself hurt his siblings one after the other with a sense of helplessness because this isn’t me, I wouldn’t do this but I already did, why would I hurt my siblings, I’m Number One I have to be the one who protects them- 

The women, on the other hand, see themselves in their children. 

The French woman sees how her daughter and granddaughter, it seems, both look like a carbon copy of herself and her own mother. 

The Danish woman sees herself and her twin brother in Luther and Five. Sees her own personality reflected in Luther and her brothers personality in Five. Sees how her twins care just as much for each other and their siblings as herself and her brother do each other.

The Hispanic woman sees Diego’s fierce sense of justice that leaves others in the dust, and sees herself as she fought to keep her boy but ultimately lost him just as Diego loses Eudora. She thinks to herself like mother like son and bitterly laughs to herself but she’s so grateful that Diego had a mother who cared for him just as she cared for him because she often though about him and always made sure to commemorate his birthday. 

The German woman can’t help but see herself in her boy. Can’t help but see her little brother in him. Can’t help but see her older brother in him. Because Klaus is so joyful but he hides his pain behind a mask like her younger brother, he’s so loving towards his siblings like her older brother, and so nonsensical like herself. So like herself, down to the curly hair and the addiction. Even if she was able to overcome it with support from her family, it pains her and leaves her in despair to see Klaus and can’t find fault in those he had around him because she sees how much they try and sees how hard the Hargreeves find expressing emotion is to others. 

The Asian woman sees how sweet and shy her youngest is and thinks only of her oldest, who reminds her so much of him and can only despair in seeing that he didn’t live as long as her oldest had. She can only ask herself why her children don’t seem to be able to see themselves to adulthood but can only be grateful that even in death he has someone with him.

The Russian woman knows that her husband sees her in little number Seven, in Vanya, no matter how little that is. Maybe their personalities aren’t so similar because Seven is shy but she’s got the sweetest heart and so clearly loves her siblings. She has the same smile that she has and her little doe eyes remind her of herself when she was younger. She’s so small next to her siblings, just like herself. 

So they see themselves in these kids, these grown ups. But so do the Hargreeves. 

They see how Luther looks like what the Danish woman would look like as a man and how Five looks exactly like a younger version of the Danish man who introduced himself as the woman's older brother. 

They see how Two has the same skin tone and facial structure as the Hispanic woman. 

They see that Allison looks exactly like the French woman and see the same in Claire. 

They see Four’s curly hair and slim build in the German woman. 

They notice how Six shares the same dark hair and lower facial features. 

They see Seven’s eyes and smile and short stature in the Russian woman. 

So maybe they don’t know them well enough to see what the women see, but they grow to see it overtime because they spend so much time there, in this suspended room in time.

The women insist on getting to know them and vice versa. They insist that they have to talk about their feelings and assure them or gently scold them, depending on the reason, for what they feel because god do these children need to learn how to talk more about their emotions in a healthy way.

They get closer to the children and start to really see their childish side. They all fight over the silliest things, and become pouty when attention isn’t being drawn over to them. They crave physical affection, even Five who won’t admit that his maternal uncle patting him and One of the head made him feel all gooey inside. They make faces towards foods that they don’t like and still prefer junk food over real food. 

So maybe it’s harder to let themselves act like children because they’re being conditioned to not “be childish” but even then they have their lapses in control. Four enters a state of panic after being reminded of his time in the mausoleum. One feels overwhelming guilt when he sees how Luther hurts Klaus and reminds himself that he’s the one that needs to protect them, as the leader and self proclaimed older sibling. Five feels himself cry for the first time in a long while when he sees how his siblings act towards him in the future and realize it hurts him deeply because he knows that he’s messed up their lives a lot but can’t they see that he only want to keep them alive, he doesn’t want to see them die again, he can’t-

But instead of being shamed into controlling their emotions, they are comforted and reassured. Four’s birth mother helps ground him and counts his breathing with him to keep him from falling further into his panic. One get’s reassured by his birth mother that his future self isn’t his current self. That everyone in the room has seen just how much he cares for his siblings and knows he would do anything for them. The twins uncle gives into his urge and hugs Five, whispering in a hushed tone that it’s okay to cry, to let it all out. He whispers that his older siblings are being idiots and if they knew just how much their actions were hurting you, they wouldn’t hesitate to apologize and hug you too. His words only make Five cry harder. 

So they are cared for and allowed to be themselves fully and can be childish to their hearts content. And their birth families watch on in amazement and adoration. 

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I have so much more that I’ll probably add later, but basically I want them to be cared for, allowed to care for each other and learn to express themselves better. I want to see them get to have a good relationship with an adult and if possible their birth mothers. 

Pls share links and stuff if you get inspired, I’m not much for writing fanfic but I really do want to see something like this. I’d read the shit out of it. I have so much more that I want to add but I’ll probably do something about it later. 

[hopelesshawks]

Love and Admiration Part 19- Goodnight Princess

18+ Bakugo x fem!pro hero reader

Summary: (Y/n) has known Bakugo since middle school, admired him since high school, and had a crush on him since the first time they met. Even now, a top pro hero in her own right, she can’t shake her school girl crush. Too bad Bakugo literally has no idea she exists. Well that’s not entirely true… He does know pro hero Mercury exists, but (y/l/n) (y/n)? Never heard of her.

Warnings for brief depiction of sexual harassment (not from Bakugo), unprotected sex, fingering, oral (female receiving), degradation, praise kink, dacryphilia (crying kink), overstimulation, and dirty talk

Masterlist Help Lulu <3

As you walk up to the AHA building you spot Aizawa talking to a man with his back to you in a black bomber jacket, a white hood pulled over the back, with a black baseball cap on. Curiosity drives your feet forward a little faster until you get close enough that recognition finally hits and causes you to slow down again. Even with his back to you you’d recognize Bakugo Katsuki anywhere. Part of you wants to turn around and run home, message Aizawa some half hearted excuse about getting tied up in a villain attack and no longer being able to help out. Before you can though Aizawa notices your arrival and waves you over. “Here’s who you’ll be working with,” you hear your former teacher tell Bakugo and just as it sinks in that Bakugo was also clueless as to who he’d been working with, he turns around to see and your heart skips a beat. Yes he looks unfairly attractive the way he always does but what really caught your attention is his outfit. Right there in the center of his white hoodie is a black Mercury symbol, the same symbol stamped somewhere on almost all your merch and the same one you’ve been using as your profile picture on social media since your debut. Bakugo follows your gaze down to the incriminating symbol, his cheeks going bright red. He mutters out an excuse about tossing bags in the car so he can turn away although you’re a little surprised when he extends his hand out to you expectantly. You consider the man in front of you who still won’t meet your gaze. Hurt still burns unpleasantly in your chest but you hand over your duffel bag and with little more than a sheepish glance and nod as acknowledgment, Bakugo moves to the trunk of the car to load it up. “You and Bakugo can handle this right? I saw the news call you a dynamic duo so,” Aizawa asks and you nod immediately. “Yea, we’ve got this. You got nothing to worry about,” you assure the older man. “Good. Get into town, get some rest, one of the local heroes will fill you in on the situation in the morning,” he explains. You nod your understanding and then go to join Bakugo in the car. Once you’re settled in, Bakugo starts up the engine and pulls off into the night.

The silence is awkward. You stare out the window as the cityscape slowly starts to thin out. Once Bakugo pulls the car out onto the highway it doesn’t take long before you’re leaving the city lights behind entirely. When the silence becomes too oppressive you pop open the glove box and root around until you find a USB port. You use your phone charger to plug in your phone, scroll through to one of your chiller playlists, and press play. Music floats through the speakers and you feel yourself relaxing although a quick glance at Bakugo reveals he doesn’t feel the same. He’d discarded his jacket in the backseat once he’d gotten in the car and, as usual, had pushed the long sleeves of the hoodie up to his elbows. As a result it’s easy to see the tense line of his shoulders and the popping veins in his forearms. His grip on the steering wheel is so tight his knuckles are almost white. You’ll be genuinely surprised if there aren’t permanent indentations of his fingers in the steering wheel by the time you two reach your destination. You’re tempted to just let him stew in whatever emotions he’s feeling at seeing you again for the first time since you’d hooked up, but then your eyes fall on where your hero name is written on the sleeve of his hoodie and you decide you’re feeling just generous enough to break the silence.

“You’re wearing the hoodie I got you.”

“Yea.”

“Why?”

Bakugo’s hands somehow tighten even more on the steering wheel before he bites out “Because I like it,” defensively. You roll your eyes and return your gaze to the window. No one can say you didn’t try. You’re about to give up and lament your fate to the groupchat when you hear Bakugo sigh next to you. “That’s not it. I mean I do like it but I didn’t think your dumb ass was gonna be here and it’s not the only reason,” Bakugo confesses. “Insulting me is not a strong start but what’s the other reason?” you ask. The pause is long before Bakugo speaks up again to admit, “I’ve missed you.” The incredulous look you give him almost makes him wince. “You’re the one who stopped messaging me you asshole!” “I know that!” “Then you don’t get to miss me!” “Well I don’t know what the fuck to tell you cause I do!” “Then why’d you ghost me?” “I panicked!”

Both of you go silent after that particular admission. This time it’s Bakugo who speaks up to break it. “Look I don’t date,” he sighs. “Who the fuck said I wanted to date you?” you ask defensively, your cheeks heating up the slightest bit. “Will you shut the fuck up? I’m trying to apologize.” “Apologize better.” “If you shut the fuck up I will.” “I don’t think apologies are supposed to include telling the other person to shut the fuck up.” “I’m trying here (y/l/n),” Bakugo growls and the almost desperate edge to his voice is enough to make you swallow your next retort, instead motioning for him to continue. “I don’t date and I don’t usually fuck people I enjoy having around. I already fucked up with you enough so I didn’t want to do it again. I panicked and that only made shit worse until I didn’t know how to fix it, ok? People care about me and I’m shit to them, that’s just how it goes. I’m sorry you got caught up in it,” he finally admits.

You weren’t expecting that level of honesty from him, nor were you expecting his answer to be so vulnerable. You turn to face him as much as you can within the confines of the seat of the car and take in his body language. Had he always been this insecure about his relationships with the people around him? Maybe if you hadn’t spent years cataloging his every move and expression from afar you would’ve missed it, but looking at him now he looks cracked open. You get the distinct impression that as small as his list of people he likes is, the list of people he’s allowed to see him like this is even smaller. “That’s not true,” you offer but that only makes Bakugo scoff. “It’s not!” you insist. “I don’t need your fucking pity,” he grumbles. “Jesus Christ you really are an idiot. Midoriya, Kirishima, and Denki all have plenty of other friends asshole. If what you said were true they would’ve dumped you a long time ago so cut the pity party bullshit and give me a real fucking apology so I can forgive you already,” you insist, and it reminds you a little of how he’d encouraged you during the reunion. The glance he shoots you is calculating, as if trying to assess how much you mean those words. “You’re going to forgive me?” he asks skeptically. “With an actual apology? Yea. I swear to god you’re the only one who still sees you as the same person you were when we first got to UA,” you reply with a roll of your eyes. “I’m sorry for ghosting you,” he grumbles out, cheeks slightly flushed as he does so. “Good. You’re forgiven. Now what songs should I play the rest of the drive?”

The ride gets a lot easier after that. You’ve missed Bakugo and it’s nice slipping back into the groove the two of you seem to have with each other. He talks shit about your song choices but you still catch him humming along or tapping the steering wheel to the beat a few times. He reveals he got around to finishing your favorite movie and so you guys spend a long time talking about that and your recommendations for other movies going forward. It’s comfortable and before you know it Bakugo is driving past the welcome sign for the tiny town the two of you will be working in. There’s only one hotel. It’s small and could probably use some updating but it’ll do just fine for the short duration of your trip. As the two of you grab your bags and start to head inside Bakugo asks “What are the odds the old man sprung for us to get our own rooms?” “Doubtful, you know the association is cheap as fuck. It has to be. You’re stuck with me,” you tease. “Guess that ain’t so bad,” Bakugo shrugs, which causes your heart to pound a little harder in your chest. “I’ll check us in if you wanna grab some shit from the vending machine,” Bakugo offers and you easily agree, the two of you heading in opposite directions to complete your tasks.

As you make your way over to the vending machine you catch the attention of a middle aged man, likely another guest, who follows you over that direction. “Well hello beautiful, what’s a pretty little thing like you doing around here?” he calls as he makes his way over. You roll your eyes but otherwise ignore him as you instead focus on selecting something from the machine in front of you. “C’mon hot stuff, don’t ignore me. I can tell you’re a big city chick, probably been around the block right? What’s one more?” he insists, sliding his body in front of you. “Do you mind? I’m trying to grab something,” you reply as levelly as possible. It’s moments like this where you hate the spotlight of heroism. You would love nothing more than to make the man blocking your way move but that would be unbecoming of a role model for future generations. “Aww don’t be like that doll, lighten up,” the man grins before having the audacity to move away from the vending machine just enough to smack your ass. You are livid, your hand immediately grasping hold of his wrist to stop him from touching you again. You whirl on him to tell him off but before you can he’s being wrenched out of your grip and violently tossed to the floor. Before you can even fully process what’s happened Bakugo stands like a wall between you, all fury and fire and brimstone. You haven’t seen him this angry in a very long time and even if the man who’d been hitting on you doesn’t know who Bakugo is, the glare and overall body language is still enough to have him cowering at Bakugo’s feet. “If you ever fucking touch her again, if you so much as fucking look at her, I will make you wish you were never fucking born,” Bakugo growls out and god maybe you do have a murder boner like Nejire said because you should not find any of this hot but you definitely do. The older man scrambles to his feet with a nod and runs off with barely a glimpse behind him and certainly not one in your direction, allowing you and Bakugo to heave a sigh of relief. “I know you had that handled but dude pissed me off,” Bakugo explains. His voice is still rough and anger-laden and you try to ignore the way it sends shivers down your spine. “Thanks Bakugo,” you reply, grateful both for his defense of you and his acknowledgment that you don’t need defending. “Katsuki,” he corrects you immediately. “What?” “You’re not mad at me anymore right?” “No?” “Then call me Katsuki,” he insists gruffly. You can only nod in response, afraid that if you open your mouth something embarrassing will come out of it like how incredibly fucking hot it was watching him defend you or how saying his first name right now is bringing back a few too many memories of when he’d first demanded you use his first name in the alley.

Bakugo leads you to your room as you try in vain to rein in your rampant thoughts. Even as you finally arrive all you can think about is the feeling of his lips on yours, the feeling of him filling you up, and what it was like to, for a moment, be the sole owner of his attention. He tosses his stuff on his bed and sits down as you move towards your own but your mind insists on picturing him fucking you relentlessly into it. “What’s up with your face dumbass?” Bakugo suddenly asks and the question makes you jump about a foot in the air, warmth filling your cheeks as you realize you’ve been caught mid-fantasy. “Nothing is up with my face!” you defend and you hope it’s the truth because you can feel how much wetness has pooled in your panties already. Bakugo rises up and stalks towards you and you can’t help but feel like prey, stepping backwards away from him until he’s got you crowded up against the wall. The similarity to that day in the alley is not lost on you and it only makes things worse. “What’s running through that head of yours princess?” he asks and the nickname is too much, a breathless curse slipping past your lips unbidden. You don’t have much time to be embarrassed by how obviously flustered you’re getting because one of Katsuki’s hands finds your waistband as if on instinct at the sound of you breathless. “If you don’t stop I won’t be able to hold back,” he admits and you can tell by the flush in his cheeks that he means it. “I thought you don’t sleep with people you like,” you reply with bated breath. “You’re the exception,” he growls out, pressing closer before seeming to think better of it and closing his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose as if trying desperately to control himself, before adding “if you want to be.” “God yes,” you reply and no sooner have the words left your mouth is he pressing a bruising kiss to your lips as if he’s been quietly suffocating and you’re the last bit of oxygen left.

Katsuki tugs you away from the wall and you go easily, allowing him to push you towards your mattress until you’re lying down on it and he can comfortably hover over you, his lips barely leaving yours the entire time. It doesn’t take long to get you both down to your underwear, the entire process a blur. “You’re such a fucking mess for me princess,” Bakugo practically purrs as he runs his fingers along the damp fabric of your panties. Your hips buck up into the attention eagerly as you nod your agreement at the statement. “Yea, it’s only for you,” you tell him breathlessly and it might’ve been embarrassing if not for the way it draws a deep, satisfied growl from Katsuki’s chest his mouth dropping to your neck and then your chest and working further and further down. “Think you deserve a better apology then I gave you in the car,” he says suddenly looking up the length of your body to find your eyes. “What do you mean?” you ask with what little breath you have in your lungs. “I’ve always been better at doing shit than talking. You thought that apology before was good just wait,” he grins up at you cockily and it already has your stomach doing somersaults even before his teeth find the waistband of your panties and start tugging them down your legs. The moan you release at the sight is completely unfettered as your already dripping wet pussy clenches desperately around nothing. Katsuki is nothing if not a tease so even once he’s done with your panties he doesn’t immediately head to the main course. He lavishes attention on your inner thighs, leaving countless hickeys in his wake but no matter how much you whine and squirm he shows no signs of moving his mouth to where you really want it. “Katsuki,” you finally whine desperately. “What is it princess?” he asks and you can feel him smirking against you, the bastard. “I don’t think apologies are supposed to be teasing like this,” you pant. “Oh really now? You got something to say about my apology princess?” Bakugo asks, the smirk sliding away. “I think you’re not much better at this kind of apology than spoken ones.”

That was the wrong thing to say.

“I didn’t realize my princess was such a whore. You want my mouth that bad? You want to cum that bad?” Katsuki asks and there’s an edge to his voice you’re pretty sure means trouble for you but you nod anyway. “Please Katsuki.” “Well if my princess wants to be a greedy fucking slut then so be it,” he agrees in that same lethal tone before diving in to devour you with an intense voracity you’re unprepared for. You moan loudly, hands grasping hard onto the blankets as he licks a hard swipe all the way from your twitching hole to your sensitive clit before pulling the nub into his mouth and sucking hard. He continues to lave attention on your sensitive clit even as he shoves two fingers into your dripping cunt and starts setting a brutal pace. Eventually he brings his free hand to take over for his mouth and stimulate your clit while he moves his tongue to join his fingers, stuffing you absolutely full. The attention is almost overwhelming and it isn’t long until you’re seeing stars, crying out Katsuki’s name. As you come down from your high you realize Katsuki is still pumping his fingers slowly in and out of you. “Katsu- ah!” you cut yourself off with a shout as he resumes massaging your swollen clit. “S-slow down,” you moan but if anything it only makes him move his fingers more aggressively. You grit your teeth, grasping the blankets even more tightly. “What’s wrong? Thought you wanted this,” he taunts as he pushes you into your second orgasm of the night.

Your entire body is tingling now, thoughts filled only with Katsuki, but he still hasn’t stopped and you’ve never been so overstimulated in your life. “Kas’ki ‘s too much,” you moan, eyes watering as he continues to relentlessly massage your almost painfully sensitive clit. “Don’t tell me my greedy little slut is done already. I still haven’t filled you up yet,” he teases you as he finally removes his finger only to line his dick up with your entrance instead. “Come on baby, I think you’ve got one more in you. Don’t you want to be good for me?” he asks and every inch of your body is saying that you should tap out but instead you find yourself nodding. “Use your words baby.” “Wanna be good for you,” you pant and the devilish grin you get in response has your heart practically in your throat. Slowly but surely Bakugo starts pushing into you. It’s so much, too much, stimulation but even as tears start to run down your cheeks you can’t bring yourself to tell him to stop. He curses under his breath as he finally bottoms out inside you, taking a moment to collect himself so it won’t be over too soon. As he starts moving he lavishes you with praise while all you can do is whine and whimper, alternating between barely intelligible expressions of how fucking good it all feels and broken cries of his name. “God you look so fucking beautiful like this. You know that? Fucking gorgeous,” he groans as his hips move faster and faster. You can tell when he’s close, his rhythm starting to get sloppier. “You ready to give me that third one baby? Can you do that for me?” he asks and you nod frantically, coasting along that razor thin edge between pleasure and pain. He leans down to kiss you then, swallowing each broken sound you make, as he rocks into you harder and harder until you’re both too strung out to do much more than pant and breathe into each other’s mouths. You topple over the ledge first but Katsuki isn’t far behind, your walls fluttering and clenching around him. You sob out his name one final time as praises pour from his lips about how perfect you were for him. “Knew you could do it for me princess. So good for me,” he sighs as he continues to paint your insides white.

When Bakugo is finally spent, he rolls over and practically collapses next to you. You both have to take a minute to recover, chests heaving as you try to catch your breath. Unsurprisingly, Bakugo recovers first so he carefully pulls back the covers before bringing them back up to drape over the two of you. “You good?” he asks, eyes scanning over your body as if trying to catalogue any damage he might’ve done. “More than good,” you sigh contentedly. “Good. C’mere,” he commands and you’re more than happy to oblige, allowing him to pull you against his chest. He carefully wipes the tears away from your cheeks before wrapping you more fully into his arms. “I take back what I said,” you mumble into his chest, exhaustion creeping in as the steady beat of his heart starts to lull you to sleep. “What are you on about now?” he asks, but the fondness in his tone belies the harshness of his words. “You’re fucking amazing at apologies,” you mumble. “Shut up and go to sleep dumbass,” he replies but you can practically hear the pleased smirk in his voice.

“Goodnight Katsuki.”

“Goodnight Princess.”

A/N: Apologies are difficult for Bakugo. He’s a very actions speak louder than words kinda guy. Also as funny a trope as the whole “forced to share one bed at a hotel/motel cause there are no other rooms” trope is, it’s more meaningful to me if there are two beds and they still choose to share.

Taglist: @pixelwisp @oliviasslut @larkspyrr @heroacadema @kozukatsuki @captaincyberqueen @undead-nyx @ineedtofocusfr @i-heart-fictional-boys

[official-weasley]

Meant to Be (Charlie Weasley x OC)

What happens when Bill brings home a girl and Charlie is completely awestruck by her?

WARNINGS: curse words, mentions of alcohol, SMUT

A/N: This chapter contains a rather long sexy scene (probably the longest I have ever written and well..it’s…juicy. I had a day, okay. BYE 🙈)

Chapter 14

Charlie

3 months later…

“Charlie, you got a minute?” I stopped in front of the Admission Office.

“Of course, Ernie. Got something for me?” I grinned at him.

“A letter from your brother.” He handed me the envelope. “What got you all cheered up today?”

“What do you mean?” I kept looking at the letter.

After all these months it still felt amazing getting a couple of letters per week from Bill.

“I heard you whistling walking here. You only whistle when you’re in a really good mood.” He smirked.

“It’s the first Saturday in August, Ernie. You know what that means!” I couldn’t hide the smile that spread across my face.

I can’t believe Ernie noticed when I whistle.

The truth is, I don’t recall the last time I was this happy. The mating season was over. Bill and I were on speaking terms again. Just last month I was able to see all my siblings and my parents again.

We had a family reunion and Bill and I got Ron drunk by accident. We had two bottles on the table. One with wine and the other with apple juice and we forgot to check the bottle before pouring him a drink.

He, of course, didn’t say anything and after two glasses he was hammered. Bill and I couldn’t stop laughing at the way he spoke and he was so tipsy. He tried getting up and almost fell flat on his face and then found it so funny that he fell off the bench we were sitting on.

It wasn’t funny when mum found us and saw something was wrong. Bill tried to distract her but failed and she figured us out. She made us take Ron to bed and then we planned to hide in the attic with the ghoul but mum found us and she shouted in our faces for a solid hour. I felt as if I was 12 again.

When she stopped she made us go down and wait on our family members for the rest of the night. Before we did, we made an excuse that we need to use the toilet and we locked ourselves in the bathroom on the middle floor and started laughing so hard I thought I won’t be able to catch a breath. We might be 23 and 25, which is way too old to make mum so mad, but we didn’t care. We were having the time of our lives.

I can’t begin to describe how happy it made me that I could hang out with Bill again. With my siblings. To get a bone-crushing hug from Ginny and play chess with Ron. It’s indescribable. For the first time since I started working in Romania, I wanted to plan my days off to go and see them again and I was loving it.

I was finally myself again. Talking to my family. Supporting and being there for my siblings. Teasing Bill for being so in love and having the best job in the world. I even made myself a bookshelf and I am slowly filling it with books.

My routine in the Sanctuary is more or less the same. I wake up. Make myself a coffee and go watch the sunrise. I am no longer overthinking if Rhylee’s going to be there and if she is, we simply watch the sun showing itself from behind the mountains together.

I didn’t think I would be able to be friends with her after what happened at her place that night but we grew even closer. She was one of my best friends. That didn’t mean my feelings for her faded away. But they were easier to bear now that I didn’t feel guilty for being in love with her.

I have come to terms that I will never call her mine. It was painful, I am not going to lie about that but at least I can move on and not overthink her every move.

Bill and my friends in the Reserve all think that I should tell her how I feel but every time they try and persuade me I stop them. I made a mistake telling my mates what Bill told me about Nick. Ever since I did they are trying to do everything to bring me and Rhylee together. At first, I wanted to kill them but now I just find it amusing.

I am proud of myself for how much I’ve grown. I feel more mature and I see things differently. I see what matters and I push myself to do things that make me happy. I read more. I run. I train Aami and Bean, that’s the name Rhylee decided to give our albino Short-Snout. I hang out with my friends and advise my siblings. I really couldn’t ask for more.

The fact that I am still awestruck every time I see Rhylee or that my heart wants to escape my ribcage every time she laughs or looks at me, is just a minor inconvenience now. I can deal with that with everything else being so great. I wouldn’t change my current life for anything in the world if it means I make my family happy and I can hang out with my friends while having the best job.

At first, I wanted to fight my feelings. Push them down. Get rid of them somehow. But I quickly realized that I can’t change them and that it’s pointless to think they are simply going away. I have meaningless sex and even though it’s never as it was with Rhylee, it still counts as a fun night and it’s a good distraction.

I might get lucky and find myself a girl to settle down with one day. For now, I was happy with the things being as they were. It wasn’t perfect but it was much much better compared to the painful loop I was in before.

“I’ll be damned!” Ernie’s voice brought me back to reality. “I forgot about the party tonight!” He slammed his hand at his forehead. “Thanks, Charlie for reminding me! Can you imagine me forgetting about it?” He shook his head.

“Ernie, if it’s going to be anything like last year, just the music and us being all over the place would remind you soon enough.” I laughed.

Every year, in the first week of August we had a party. We invited everybody from the neighboring wizard villages and there was always someone that borrowed something Muggles call speakers. We decorate the central area of our village with lights and put tables and chairs around it so it looks like a dance floor. We hang the speakers from the trees and we help with the cooking throughout the day.

The party officially begins the second we are done with work and the music starts playing. It’s something we all look forward to all summer. Theo has been talking about it for two weeks now. He made an entire plan on getting us all so wasted that if he asked Gerta out again, we won’t remember how she slaps him in the face.

“You’re right, mate! I’ll see you there!” Ernie started putting papers together. “I have to clean up the office early if I want to make it to the party in time!”

“Want me to help you? I just finished working.” I offered.

“Oh, no! You go get all nice and ready, so you can dance with the ladies!” He laughed and I followed.

“Will do, Ernie. Will do.” I waved to him and started walking toward my home.

People were already running left and right, checking if everything is ready. I unlocked my front door and closed it with my foot while opening Bill’s letter.

Dear Charlie,

I know you’re going to be busy this weekend with your big party and everything, but I just had to write to you about this.

I bought a wedding ring for Fleur today. I am planning on asking her to marry me this weekend. I am taking her to the beach near Shell Cottage. Dad said that perhaps we could even buy it if we ask aunt Muriel nicely. I don’t want to get my hopes up but I can imagine myself living with Fleur there.

I am planning a romantic picnic and popping the question by the end of the night! I would love your opinion on the matter but I sent out this letter too late for your owl to reach me with your answer. Perhaps while you’re reading this, I’m already engaged!

Can you feel how nervous I am through my letter?

Anyways, I just needed to share that with you!

Wish me luck!

Oh, and have fun at the party! Please have the time of your life and don’t hold back in case anything ought to happen, if you know what I mean!

Love, Bill

Merlin’s beard, he is getting engaged! It was Saturday, so either he is already or he will be soon!

I jumped in the air in the middle of my living room that’s how happy I was for him. I hope they can convince aunt Muriel to sell them Shell Cottage. We used to go there as kids and it’s a wonderful place to start a family.

I blinked as I felt my eyes water. I wish I had the time to write him back and tell him how fucking proud I am of him for doing this and that I think Fleur will be thrilled for how he is planning to propose. I can’t wait for them to have babies so I can be an uncle!

What was I doing?

I put the letter down and scratched my head. I was so excited for my brother that I completely forgot.

Party! Right!

I hurried to take a shower and then opened my closet to see what I could wear. I didn’t wear jeans for ages. So let’s go with that and a buttoned shirt. I checked myself out in the small mirror in the bathroom and combed my hair with my fingers. As much as I could comb it. My hair was untamable.

I think I look pretty good! Not that it matters as I knew Theo is going to get us all drunk in about 15 minutes! I locked the door behind me and started walking toward the music.

“There he is!” Andrew raised his glass at me the second he spotted me.

“Look at you being all handsome!” Theo put a hand over my shoulder the second I sat down.

“Are you flirting with me, Theodore?” I winked at him. “My place or yours?”

“Damn, Charles. Is that how you flirt with women because if I wasn’t married I would go with you right now.” Peter laughed.

“I would love to, Weasley. But I am going home with Gerta tonight!” Theo was determined.

“Really?” Andrew and John asked together before bursting out laughing.

“We should get one of those Muggle devices that capture what is going on. So that even if none of us remembers tonight we could watch it in the morning.” Evan said.

“I will stay sober just to see Theo get slapped by Gerta!” Peter smirked.

“You’re already tipsy, boss.” Andrew obviously didn’t believe Peter will stay sober.

“Damn, you’re right.” Peter said after a few seconds of thinking about it.

We all started laughing.

Three hours later our table had 3 empty bottles of Fire Whiskey on it, more empty beer bottles than one could count and the waitress just brought another round. To say that we were completely hammered was an understatement.

We were laughing at something, tears running down my face. I am pretty confident none of us knew what the joke was or who told it.

“Theodore, there you are damn it!” Our faces got serious the second we comprehended who was standing in front of us.

“Gerta, love!” Theo stood up, knocking a few bottles off the table.

“I am just wasted enough to say yes to you. Now come with me before I change my mind!”

I have no idea how Theo fancied this woman. I was terrified of her. Even her harsh voice scared me.

We all watched Theo and Gerta going towards her hut with our mouths open.

“Please, tell me one of us will be able to remember that in the morning!” Peter whined.

“I don’t think I could forget this if I drank the entire alcohol stash in the Sanctuary.” Andrew said slowly.

He looked like he was about to throw up.

“What is happening?” Evan, who was sleeping, leaned on his crossed arms, lifted his head.

“Gerta just took Theo home.” I answered, still in shock.

“What?!” I thought his eyes were going to fall out of their sockets and I think it’s safe to say he just sobered up.

“Look, Charlie!” Peter and John leaned against me. “It’s Rhylee.” They sang together.

“So?” I rolled my eyes.

I knew this was coming. I was hoping they would be too drunk to remember to tease me about her, but apparently, they weren’t there yet.

“Come on! Go and dance with her!” John tried pushing me to stand up but he was too weak.

It was funny how I was the youngest but did the best with alcohol.

“Give me a break, mates.” I pretended to look through the bottles to see if there was one that wasn’t opened yet.

“C’mon! She has been eyeing you all night!” Peter said. “Have some fun, will you!”

I sighed and got up. I knew they wouldn’t stop until I would go and ask her to dance. And to be perfectly honest, I was too drunk to care or to feel nervous about it.

I made my way to her. Surprised that I wasn’t tipsy at all.

“Hi.” I waved at her awkwardly. “Want to dance?”

“Sure!” She grinned and stood up at once.

I haven’t noticed how drunk she was until we reached the dance floor and she started hugging me. We danced to a few songs and I didn’t even dare to look at the table where my friends were sitting. They would probably start cheering.

The next song was a slow one. Shit! Who’s idea was this?

Rhylee pulled me closer, our bodies slamming against each other and if I wasn’t so steady on my feet we would collapse to the ground. She wrapped her arms around my waist and brought her face closer to mine.

“You look very handsome tonight.” She winked at me.

Okay, I think it’s time to take her home. She is drunk and doesn’t know what she’s saying.

“Thanks. You look great too.” I didn’t know what else to say.

Of course, she looked great. She was gorgeous. But I’m not going to admit that to her.

I didn’t like the way she was looking at me. Not one bit. It’s the same look she was giving me all night the night we had sex at the Burrow and I am not going through that again. I might not be hurting anyone this time but she was in a relationship.

“Let’s get you home, shall we.” I smiled at her and hugged her over the shoulder.

“No! Why?” She tried to stop me. “We just started dancing. Come on, Charlie! Loosen up a bit!” She got so close to me that if I wouldn’t move my head backward we would kiss.

This was getting out of hand.

She wrapped her hands around me again. How was she so strong if she was as drunk as she appeared to be? I sighed and we danced through one more song.

“Okay, now you can take me home.” Her whispering in my ear sent shivers down my spine.

We were slowly making our way through the crowd, toward her cottage when I remembered that I never opened the present she got me for Christmas at the Burrow. I have no idea why it popped in my head but I was just drunk enough not to care and admit to her that I lost it.

“Hey, Rhy?” I cleared my throat.

“Yes?” Her eyes were too hopeful for my liking.

“Do you remember the present you gave me for Christmas when we met?” She simply hummed in response.

I felt my cheeks turn pink. This was embarrassing. After what happened between us and she gave me the little package, I simply tossed it in my bag. I don’t remember where I put it once I got back to Romania and I don’t even know why we are talking about it now but apparently drunk Charlie’s curiosity got the better of him and wants to know what’s inside.

“I never got the chance to open it and I misplaced it somehow. What was inside?” I said as quickly as I could.

I didn’t want to offend her for losing it.

“What?” She laughed.

“What was inside the little box?” I repeated the question.

“Where did you lose it?” She ignored me.

“It has to be somewhere in my cottage if I didn’t toss it in the trash by accident.” I scratched my chin, thinking hard where it could be.

“Well, let’s go then!” She grabbed my hand and started walking.

“Where are you taking me?” I chuckled.

“We are going to search your place for my present!” She bestowed me with the biggest grin I have ever seen.

She seemed so pleased with her idea.

“Now?” I chortled.

“Yes!” She exclaimed. “The gift might be silly but we got to see what I got you!”

“You don’t remember?” I raised my eyebrows at her and she stopped walking for a second.

“I am not sure.” She said slowly after a few seconds. “Come on, Charlie! It’ll be fun!”

I haven’t seen her this relaxed and happy in months. She grabbed my hand and started walking towards my cottage again. She was so excited to do this that I simply couldn’t deny her the satisfaction of finding the little box. And to be completely honest, I didn’t want to stop her.

“Okay, so if I was a little box, where would I be?” She put her hands on her hips, thinking hard, her eyes scanning every shelf and drawer. I started in the kitchen and she went to check the compartment in my bathroom.

After half an hour we completely trashed the place but I didn’t mind at all. I was having too much fun with her. She started throwing the clothes out of my closet, jumper after jumper and I started moving the socks away to see if I tossed it in the drawer.

I almost gave up when my fingers touched something that wasn’t fabric. I pulled out a small red box with a green bow on it. This was it!

“Rhy, I found it!” I heard her gasp.

I think she was standing inside my closet. I laughed when she poked her head out of it. She was adorable!

She hurried to me, stepping over piles of clothes, and stopped right in front of me.

“Open it.” She whispered, her eyes on the box in my hands.

I slowly removed the lid and shook the box’s contents onto my palm. I couldn’t believe it. It was a dragon scale. A dragon scale of an albino dragon.

That’s what she got me for Christmas?

I know it didn’t mean anything because she didn’t even know who she was bringing the gift to but I was still astounded. She knew I loved dragons so she got me a dragon scale. I couldn’t take my eyes off it.

“You call this a silly gift?” I breathed.

Rhylee dragged her finger across it and put it back in the box. I was so in shock at what it was that I didn’t notice how fast she was breathing. She took the box from my hand and placed it on top of my dresser.

“Rhy, are you o…”

She cupped my face and kissed me hard on the mouth. I was so startled by her action that I didn’t have the time to respond.

“I’m sorry.” She pulled away, her hand over her mouth.

“Emm…it’s okay.” I didn’t know what to say.

I just kept staring at her with my eyes wide open, trying to calm my heart down.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” I could see the panic in her eyes growing.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to pretend I didn’t enjoy the kiss? Because that would be a bloody lie. I have been dreaming about kissing her again since we spent the night together at the Burrow.

Did she even know what she was doing? How drunk was she? Because that kiss definitely sobered me up! I thought we were over this. She stopped that night when I came to her place. Why did she do it now? I thought I was doing a good job being her friend. Why does she mess with me like this!

I needed every muscle in my body not to grab her hand and pull her back for another kiss. I can’t do this, can I? She has a boyfriend. Somebody will get hurt again! I can’t go through that guilt again. I can’t hurt someone else. Even if I don’t know the guy. Even if he is a prick like Bill said.

Bill…

What did Bill say in his letter this morning?

Please have the time of your life and don’t hold back in case anything ought to happen, if you know what I mean!

Don’t hold back. Bill, that’s not helping!

I was trapped. I wanted to grab her hand and prevent her from leaving but at the same time, I wanted to do the right thing. My heart was beating so fast that it hurt and the look in Rhylee’s eyes wasn’t helping me decide. It was a mix of panic and hope. Hope, that I would decide for her whether or not this was a bad idea.

Of course, it’s a bad idea, Rhylee! It’s the worst possible idea.

“I have to go.” She bowed her head and started towards the door of my bedroom.

It’s a bad idea.

It is a really bad idea.

I know, damn it!

But do I care?

I stepped toward her, almost tripping over the clothes on the floor.

Do I care?

I grabbed her hand and turned her around, our bodies colliding. Her eyes slowly moved up to lock with mine. We were both breathing heavily.

“Charlie.”

Damn it, Rhylee! You can’t say my name like that. Don’t ask for me to do something.

Okay, let’s go over this again.

Is it a bad idea? Yes.

Do I care? I am just drunk enough that it’s safe to say that no, I do not.

I placed my hands around her neck and kissed her. I thought she was going to resist me. I was waiting for her to pull away. But she didn’t. She was doing quite to opposite. She parted my lips with her tongue and it gently found mine. She was kissing me back.

Merlin’s beard, this was insane! I can’t believe I forgot how good her lips felt on mine. What an amazing kisser she was. How soft her lips were and with what passion she kissed me.

I put her hands on her hips and brought us closer to the bed. With a gentle nudge, she was lying on it, that playful look in her eyes again. I climbed on top of her and wrapped my fingers around her hair and gently pulled it back so she tilted her head and revealed her neck.

I placed a soft kiss just behind her right ear and I felt her tremble. I kissed her again, not so softly this time. I started biting her neck and I felt her moving under me.

This simply can’t be wrong. It felt too right to be wrong.

I pushed myself up and started to unbutton my shirt. I looked down at her. Damn, she was so sexy. She always was but the fact that she was wearing a dress when she always wears either jeans or sweatpants was frying my brain.

“Please, fuck me, Charlie!”

Seriously, she was begging me?

Why in Godric’s Hollow did I put a shirt with so many buttons on? I don’t have time to do this! I put my hands on my chest and pulled the shirt off me. The sound of fabric ripping filled my ears and my heart started pumping even faster when I saw Rhylee’s eyes shine.

I helped her get up and pressed her against the wall. She wants me to do her, I will do it my way!

I took my precious time unzipping her dress. I could feel her getting impatient but I knew she liked the tease. If she only knew what she got herself into.

She took her arms out of her sleeves and shook her body so the dress fell off her. I turned her around, her back to the wall now, and spread her legs. She was observing my every move, curious what I was going to do next.

“Lift your arms.” I demanded and without questioning me they were above her head.

I wrapped my left hand around her wrists and pulled her underwear down with my right one. I unhooked her bra without hesitation. She was now standing in front of me, completely naked. I stuck my tongue down her throat while circling her nipple. She moaned in my mouth.

Oh, Rhylee, you haven’t felt anything yet.

I slowly moved my fingers down across her belly button, still kissing her. It didn’t really surprise me that the second my fingers ran past her clit, they drowned in her wetness. She gasped in my mouth as I started moving them in circles.

I let go of her arms now and she put them around my neck, trying to keep it together. I have to say she was doing a rather poor job.

“What is it?” I teased her when I started moving my fingers around faster and her eyes rolled back.

“Fuck…you.” She said between her moans.

“I’m a little busy focusing on you right now, Rhy.” I whispered to her.

She tried squeezing her legs together but I didn’t let her. I felt her getting tighter and I was determined not to stop until she screams from pleasure.

“Are you going to cum already?” I laughed playfully.

“I…I can’t hold it.” She cried.

“Oh, don’t hold back.” I bit the tip of her ear as her breathing got even faster.

She buried her fingers in my hair and kissed me. She was pressing hard against my lips, clutching my fingers with her soaked walls, muffling her moans with the kiss. It was pure euphoria, feeling her tremble. It brought me pleasure on another level.

“Stop.” She finally pulled herself together to talk.

“Are you sure?” I mocked her.

The look in her eyes was saying otherwise.

“It’s your turn.” She winked at me.

“Oh, I am not done with you.” I pressed her harder against the wall and placed a gentle kiss on her collar bone.

She winced, her body still sensitive to my touch.

She was speechless and her eyes were full of the wonder of what my next move will be.

“You begged me to fuck you. Don’t you know you have to think before you speak?”

I bit her neck. And her shoulder. And made a few circles with my tongue around her nipple, while playing with the other one with my finger. I kissed the scar that painted her belly. And just below the belly button. I got to my knees and spread her legs again.

I slowly ran my finger across her clit and she shivered.

“Are you ready to cum for me again?” She bit her lip and nodded in reply.

My fingers slipped back into her. This time I decided to take it more slowly. Let’s see how she likes it if I move my fingers in and out. Does that do anything?

She arched her back, scratching the wall behind her. And what if I do this?

I spread her legs just a bit more, lowered my head, and kissed her wet lips.

“Oh.” She let out a sigh.

I ran my tongue over her clit and started turning it in gentle circles. As she started breathing faster I doubled the pressure and felt her knees give in.

“Keep it together, Rhy.” I teased, my fingers still hard at work.

She grabbed my hair and pushed me back to continue my work.

“Fuck, Charlie.”

I don’t know if she was so horny or was I doing such a good job as it didn’t take her long to cum again. Her body was spasming more than before and this time she didn’t have my lips to stifle her moans. I loved how loud she was. How her pleasureful sounds filled my ears. It was like a drug.

I got up and wrapped my arms around her. She was a mess.

“Have enough yet?” I winked at her.

“No.” She giggled.

“Good.” I nodded.

I put my hands on her hips and lifted her and she automatically wrapped her legs around me. I gave her just enough space between our bodies that she unzipped my jeans and pulled them off.

She grabbed my dick, looking me straight in the eyes, and bit her lips when she placed it right in front of her juicy entrance. I don’t know what she was expecting as a surprised gasp left her mouth when I thrust in her.

She wrapped her arms around me and held tight to keep herself steady, moaning while I was rocking my hips back and forth.

Fuck, she felt good. This was insane. I knew that with all the adrenaline running through my veins, the alcohol left my head a long time ago but I still felt dizzy. I can’t believe it was even better than the last time.

I fantasized about sleeping with her more times than I would like to admit. I just couldn’t help it. She was the best I ever had. I could be myself around her. Somehow I knew exactly what she wanted and I wanted to give it to her. Badly.

I have to start thinking about something else. She felt too good and she was getting tighter again. I want to wreck her completely. I want her to forget her name and I want her to scream mine again.

“Charlie.” She moaned in my ear.

“Have enough of me yet?”

“Charlie.” She said louder.

“Yeah.”

“I…”

“What is it, sweetheart?” I placed a soft kiss on her neck as I started to move my hips even faster.

“I…”

“Come on, you can do it.” I encouraged her to speak.

I was too amused by how weak she was.

“Oh, my…” Her eyelids fluttered and I felt her squeezing me even more.

“Cum for me again.” I breathed.

I could watch her moan and twist from pleasure all night every night.

“Charlie, I can’t.” She finally managed to complete a full sentence.

I stopped moving my hips and froze.

“Are you okay?” I lifted her chin and made her look at me.

“Why the fuck did you stop?” Her eyes widened.

“You said you can’t, I thought…” I blinked at her.

I was so confused.

“I…” She bit her lip and looked away.

“What is it?” I tilted my head to find her eyes again.

“I never came three times before.” She mumbled so fast that I thought I heard her wrong.

“Oh.” I pressed my lips together, to stop them from spreading into a smile. “Well, do you think you could cum again?” I asked gently.

“Yes. I was close.” That naughty smile is going to be the death of me.

“Then let’s break your record, shall we?” I smirked at her and lifted her so she wrapped her legs around me again.

I entered her slowly this time and she pushed my hips more towards her immediately when she saw what I was doing.

“Don’t get slow on me now, Weasley.” She bit my lip and sent a new wave of adrenaline through my veins.

I decided to tease her just for saying that. I slowly pulled my hips back, so that only my tip was inside of her and then pushed my hips forward again with such a force that it took her breath away.

I did it again.

And again and again and again until she started screaming from pleasure again. For a second I thought she was going to pass out as her eyes sealed shut and she gasped for air between her moans. But I was determined not to stop until her body relaxes or she tells me to stop. She was doing neither.

She barely had the strength to wrap her hand around my neck so I could lift her when she stopped moaning. I took her to my bed and covered her.

“What are you doing?” She asked, her voice rusty from all the sounds she was making.

“I’m going to take a shower. You need some rest.” I winked at her.

“We need to take care of you first.” Her eyes moved from mine, down to my dick which was still hard.

“You can do that later. Now rest.” I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

I walked out of the room, straight into the shower.

Just as the hot water started running down my body, I felt her press her body against mine from behind.

“Miss me already?” I turned around and smirked.

“I told you…” She kneeled. “We have to take care of you.”

She didn’t have a chance to say anything else as she grabbed my dick and put it in her mouth. Damn, she was good at sucking dick. It was unbelievable. I was the one with weak knees now. She was moving her mouth so fast as if she wanted to get revenge for before.

I wanted to watch her doing it. I wanted to see how she chokes on my dick but I couldn’t. It felt too good and I couldn’t stop my eyes from rolling back and closing them. I buried my fingers into her wet hair and helped her move.

I loved how she enjoyed doing it. The way she was moaning and looking up at me. I can’t take it anymore. I let out a loud groan as I came, the water washing my load off her face.

“Now, I can rest.” She smirked and I helped her get up.

I turned her around, wrapped my arms around her and placed a kiss on her shoulder.

[eulaties]

MYSTIC MESSENGER FIC RECS ★ JUMINV ★ #8

fics that have an asterisk (*) in front of them are my personal favorites! also, all of the fics listed are completed unless otherwise stated.

NOTE: these are fic recs for the ship jumin han/jihyun kim. 

this list was last updated on 12/29/20.

if you want general mysme fic recs click here

if you want yoosung/mc fic recs click here

if you want yooseven fic recs click here

if you want yooran fic recs click here

fall to slow motion • one-shot

SUMMARY: “the only person who has ever consistently cleared the threads in his head is v, yet he is not the one drinking with him tonight.”

TAGS: angst, spoilers for 707′s route, v is dead, longing, mc comforting jumin

*in-hyeong • one-shot

SUMMARY: “jihyun comes around to visit without any sort of schedule. he’ll visit twice within the week, before staying away for months and returning again. each time, he looks as though he’s expecting some sort of punishment for his absence, apologising profusely and excusing himself early – as though everyone present would be better without him. he seems to be stuck in the space in-between; some crevasse between understanding that those around him are just worried but afraid his mere presence is a hindrance.”

TAGS: angst, trauma, hurt no comfort, one-sided pining on jumin’s part, healing, jihyun kim character study, mental health issues, prose, read this if you want to cry

CW: unhealthy relationships (rika/v)

the mint was a weed • one-shot

TAGS: angst, spoilers for 707′s route, v is dead, flower imagery, hurt no comfort

it’s always you • one-shot

TAGS: soulmate au, slow dancing, fluff, mutual pining, drinking, drunken kissing, nothing explicit happens

to the night’s end • one-shot

TAGS: unrequited pining, that eventually get requited at the end, angst, canon-divergence, childhood flashbacks, happy ending

*susurrus • one-shot

SUMMARY: “v shows up at jumin's door at some inappropriate time of night to show up at a person's door. after jumin blinks the sleep out of his eyes, v confesses the real reason he came.”

TAGS: hurt/comfort, angst, bittersweet fluff, late night conversations, longing

redamancy • one-shot

SUMMARY: “two years after the end of jaehee's route, when v surrendered himself to mint eye, jumin finally finds him again.”

TAGS: angst, hurt/comfort, reunion, rescue, happy ending

CW: mentions of past abuse and torture, depictions of blood

it might have been • one-shot

SUMMARY: “v asks jumin to meet him for the first time in a while. the topic turns to v's eyes, and jumin tries to make sense of his feelings toward v and the way love affects people.”

TAGS: possibly unrequited love, angst, hurt/comfort, friendship

*sparsile • one-shot

SUMMARY: “chairman han's latest girlfriend insists that he bring jumin to a party. jumin finally agrees on the condition that he can invite v and rika along. being there with his friends leads to complicated feelings arising in jumin that he doesn't know how to explain.”

TAGS: unrequited love, angst, jealousy, hurt no comfort, dancing, an exploration of the concept of compulsive heterosexuality

CW: harassment, anxiety

we’re not out of the tunnel (i bet you though there’s an end) • one-shot

TAGS: angst with a happy ending, friends to lovers, confessions, first kiss

CW: alcoholic abuse, emotional abuse, mild gore (blood and injury), domestic violence

*sunglasses for the moonshine • one-shot

SUMMARY: “jumin and v have kissed more times than best friends should. or: 5 times jumin kissed v and the 1 time v kissed him.”

TAGS: 5+1, childhood flashbacks, fluff, friends to lovers, mutual pining, confessions

CW: implied domestic violence

wine and sunlight • one-shot

SUMMARY: “jumin invited v over to his house to drink wine and catch up. he realizes that his feelings toward his childhood friend are turning into something more.”

TAGS: drinking, first kiss, post-canon fix-it, fluff, gentle kissing

CW: mentions of suicide

*like the sun in the sky • one-shot

SUMMARY: “v encourages jumin to forget about his father and just follow his heart.”

TAGS: childhood flashback, fluff, first kiss, unrequited love, angst

eleven days • one-shot

SUMMARY: “v dies every eleven days and tries to break the cycle.” reset theory, but instead of 707, it’s v.

TAGS: reset theory, angst, death, sharing a bed, fluff, happy ending

sense • one-shot

SUMMARY: “v turns up at c&r to surprise jumin one evening.”

TAGS: prose, fluff, angst, post-secret ending, v survives, established relationship

block out the sun • one-shot

SUMMARY: “because, jumin,” v said with a sweet smile, looking up at the glow around the clouds that had made their way in front of the sun. “the day i go blind will be the day i die.”

TAGS: angst, open ending

CW: v has suicidal thoughts in this fic

*garden • one-shot

SUMMARY: “he has so, so many regrets, and it’s far too late for love.”

TAGS: mutual pining, drunken kisses, confessions, hurt no comfort, angst, regret, sad ending

*awake • one-shot

TAGS: so much fluff, established relationship, cuddling, kisses, they’re soulmates your honor

grateful • one-shot

TAGS: spoilers for secret ending, canon divergence, v survives, reunion, first kiss, happy ending

the wind that carries the rain • one-shot

TAGS: first kiss, kissing in the rain, confessions, hurt/comfort, healing, au where rika is dead

remind me how to forget • one-shot

TAGS: friendship, hurt/comfort, kisses, implied sex but nothing explicit happens in the fic

begonias • one-shot

TAGS: jumin finds out about v’s blindness, angst, hurt no comfort, argument

*terrible things • one-shot

TAGS: angst, one-sided pining, hurt no comfort, background rika/v

something more • one-shot

SUMMARY: “he'd always thought v was beautiful, but seeing him like this, all worry and stress gone from his expression, his chest slowly rising and falling with deep breaths, the sound filling the otherwise silent room, was almost... ethereal.”

TAGS: soft, fluff, domestic bliss, just jumin admiring his husband

sweet dreams • one-shot

TAGS: lying in bed, talking, fluff, nostalgia about childhood

the wedding is tomorrow • one-shot

TAGS: poetry, wedding, happy juminv!!

*ghosts & robots • one-shot

TAGS: mourning, grief, v is dead, angst, read this if you want to cry

sunflowers • one-shot

TAGS: blind v, fluff, established relationship, v being happy

*death’s miracle • one-shot

TAGS: angst with a happy ending, mutual pining, first kiss, canon divergence, reunions, healing, flashbacks

CW: mentions of abuse

*let me tell you a story about love • one-shot

SUMMARY: a story about the morning routines of jumin and jihyun.

TAGS: post-canon, established relationship, domestic bliss, fluff

*words can’t describe it • one-shot

SUMMARY: “v appreciated jumin on a deeper level than just trust and respect. he wasn’t sure if there was a word for it, he just felt...connected to jumin, like an invisible string tethered the two of them and granted each other access into the other’s deepest, darkest, most innermost thoughts.”

TAGS: character study, post-canon, confessions, yearning, rough kissing, porn with feelings

CW: there is some smut in this fic so be warned! (no oral sex, mostly just dry humping lmao??)

winter mornings • one-shot

TAGS: college au, fluff, established relationship, morning routines

[wonderlandleighleigh]

85 Thoughts while watching Return of the Jedi

1. THE HELMETS ARE DUMB

2. I still love the idea that Stormtroopers fucking loved Vader, and all of the commanders were terrified of him. 

3. Vader helmet so shiny.

4. Back on Tatooine. It always comes back to Tatooine, doesn’t it? 

5. 3P0 was so hoping that the door wouldn’t open. He just wanted to go home. 

6. Everyone in Jabba’s palace looks really...gross. I guess that fits, right? Jabba’s palace is super gross, so.

7. I never understood as a child the slavery - and the sex slavery - aspect of Jabba’s palace. Only as an adult have I fully understood just how fucked up this is.

8. Remember kids, Luke has NO IDEA that Anakin was a Hutt slave as a child. Is there any canon stuff where he finds out about that? I’d be interested. 

9. Han’s carbonite face is so fucking dumb. 

10. Man droid torture is no joke. If that’s what they do to droids, think about what they do to people...

11. Oh god, the musical number. Like I thought it was funny when I saw it for the first time when they did the re-releases, but also, it’s this weird dissonance between that and Oola’s death. 

12. Jabba is so much creepier here than in New Hope. 

13. I love all the disguises and subterfuge in the opening storyline. And I love that they took the time to deal with Jabba and the bounty on Han’s head. It’s a nice break from the Galactic War. 

14. I remember watching this for the first time, and when Leia pulls the helmet off and is like “Someone who loves you” I was like OMG! And my shipper heart grew ten times as large.

15. Han is so...moist. Here. Blugh.

16. Ugh. God. Poor Leia. They do a good job of illustrating just how fucking terrible Jabba is, but...god dammit. 

17. Han and Chewie reunion! <3 <3 <3 

18. Luke Skywalker - Jedi Knight. Somewhere Mace Windu is looking at all of Luke’s attachments and impulsive behaviors and dry heaving. 

19. THE BIKINI IS GROSS! The only thing good about it is that Leia will eventually strangle Jabba to death while wearing it. Otherwise? Ugh.

20. Luke Skywalker. Jedi Knight. Fashion icon.

21. I always felt bad for the Rancor’s master. He loved his Rancor. And the Rancor was just as much a slave as any of the people in Jabba’s palace. It was probably only fed when there was a person Jabba wanted to kill so it would be as vicious as possible.

22. This trio is so bad-ass. 

23. Luke knows what the Sarlacc is. 

24. BANTHA HERD! 

25. Ugh. The Dune Sea is really fake-looking here.

26. R2 as waiter makes me so happy. It’s so ridiculous. 

27. “Convenient.” 

28. Anakin Skywalker would be so fucking proud of his daughter strangling Jabba the Hutt to death. It’s everything he ever wanted to do to fucking slavemasters on Tatooine. 

29. “Boba Fett. Boba Fett. WHERE?!” 

30. Per Dettiot: Luke went to Obi-Wan’s old hut on Tatooine and found the handbook to make his lighsaber, as well as some kyber crystals. What else he was up to between Empire and Jedi, I’m not sure.

31. Knee. High. Chanel. Boots. 

32. The sheer utter chaos and destruction would make Anakin Skywalker kvell*. 

33. I don’t know if Yoda considers Luke his friend. More like just another snot-nosed apprentice who will eventually disappoint him. 

34. Leave us alone, Palpatine. What a fucking pruny piece of shit. 

35. Yoda’s death is so bitter-sweet for me. I love Yoda. But he made so many mistakes in his life that he never really owned up to. I suppose he felt that his exile was his penance. But I don’t know if I agree. He could have come out of hiding to aid the Rebellion. 

36. Also, he was planning to die without coming clean to Luke about Vader. And that is some horse shit.

37. “Suffer your father’s fate.” At least he’s admitting that Anakin wasn’t solely to blame. That there was manipulation there. 

38. “I can’t go on alone.” Go find Ahsoka and Ezra! You’re not alone!! 

39. The fact that Obi-Wan truly believed that that Anakin had died and Vader took his place. 

40. Yoda and Obi-Wan never moved on from their trauma. They keep reliving their trauma and so they cannot move forward, and so they keep making the same mistakes over and over. Asking Luke to kill Vader is proof of that. 

41. And it really shows that Obi-Wan, even after his attachments to Satine and Akakin and Ahsoka - does not understand family. Luke saying “I can’t kill my father,” and Obi-Wan being like “Whelp. There’s no other way so the Emperor wins.” 

42. There being no mention of Luke and Leia’s mother ANYWHERE except for the one moment later on, drives me CRAZY. Obi-Wan could have told Luke about Padme then.

43. I love that Han and Leia can sit next to each other in a meeting and not have to have arms wrapped around each other. Just being next to each other is enough.

44. GENERAL SOLO! Leia’s face. “Excuse you, how did you suddenly get hotter?” 

45. The painted backgrounds are so beautiful. 

46. Poncho game is strong in this movie. 

47. FLY CASUAL is such a stupid line. I love it.

48. Skywalker twin exasperation is the best. Padme would be proud. 

49. Leia just going for it is so so good. 

50. I know Ewoks catch a lot of shit for...well..being Ewoks. But I love them. They’re adorable! And they have no qualms about eating humans! 

51. “My Son.” I think this is the first time Vader has referred to Luke as his son to someone who isn’t Luke, instead of the “Son of Skywalker.” 

52.  Watch as we realize that Leia has been holding the one brain cell this entire time, and Han, Luke and Chewie get totally clueless. 

53. PROPER. 

54. I love Ewok tree houses. 

55. Remember kids. They were planning to eat Han, Luke and Chewie. 

56. Where the hell did that dress even come from that Leia is wearing??? They just had that lying around? 

57.  I guess they ate the last woman who wore it.

58. I love that 3P0 in New Hope, claims he’s not much of a storyteller, and then in the Jedi like is like a master storyteller lol. 

59. And here, we get the only mention of Padme. And it wasn’t even Padme. It was a handmaiden. I will forever be salty that Padme isn’t mentioned at all because George didn’t think of her until the prequels. Argh.

60. Luke’s unwavering belief in Anakin is so amazing. The sequels did that part of his character so dirty. This version of Luke would never have tried to kill his nephew. 

61. “It is too late for me.”  God dammit, Anakin. The thing is that if he goes with Luke, he is admitting that everything he has done for the last twenty years is all for nothing, and he just fucking can’t do it. So much denial .So much pain. Fuck you, Vaderkin.

62. EWOK ON A SPEEDER 

63. REX! A REX SIGHTING! YES! 

64. Y’all remember that Ewok movie with the blonde child? “Star cruiser crash!!” 

65. Padme would be so proud of Luke’s fashion.

66. Wedge got promoted! Yay! 

67. I love the old Hollywood trick of shadowing the Emperor’s face except for his eyes. 

68. I just. I love that the Empire is defeated by fucking teddy bears. I know a lot of people hate it, but it’s just- it feels so karmic.  They’ve done such terrible things. And to be taken down by these fuzzy, little bastards. *chef’s kiss* 

69. Palpatine hitting in that nerve that Luke has about his attachments. About his hope. Oof.

70. The entire Vader fight is just him trying not to see how much like Padme Luke is. That’s gotta hurt. 

71. Bro. Vader. You do not want to try shit with Leia. Like. No. Fuck’s sake. Don’t try it. She’ll have all of you arrested and then executed. 

72.  Yes Luke. Thow away that lightsaber. Show that wrinky fuck who’s boss. 

73. I love that Anakin gets to make the right choice here. He does what he didn’t do with Mace. He finally realizes all the lies...all the manipulation...that he can make things different. And he does. And it rightfully costs him his life.

74. Vader couldn’t survive. Vader would have been tried for his crimes and either executed or jailed for the rest of his life. The same thing happened to Ben Solo in the sequels. He had to die. Otherwise he’d have to have a real-world ending: Prison or execution.

75. I feel so sad that Anakin became this fucking horror show of a person. It didn’t have to be this way. Fuck. 

76. “Tell your sister...you were right.” 

77. Oh Han no. No no no. 

78. No Han.

79. HAN. 

80. Han’s face when he finds out Luke is Leia’s brother is hilarious. 

81. I wish that Rex and Ahsoka had been there when Luke burned Anakin’s body. I feel like they needed to, for their own closure. And Luke would have felt like he had people who understood. Who loved and knew Anakin before all of this. 

82. AND NOW WE PARTY! 

83. Let’s eat Stormtrooper! 

84. I am SO MAD that all of this will be undone by the sequel trilogy. Ugh.

85. I want them to refilm Hayden now that he’s just about the age Anakin would have been when he died as a Force ghost. I feel like that would be really nice. 

*Kvell -  Yiddish - to be bursting with pride 

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

The catch (E.D. AU)

Summary: Being a CIA agent and getting tasked with taking down a notorious assassin, Ethan’s life gets a lot more complicated when a web of lies reveals just how clueless he’s been.

Warnings: swearing, sexual innuendos 

Ethan has a complicated life. One would say he chose his life as it is, to keep his job hidden from everyone he loves while being a part of one of the most secretive, successful CIA teams in history. That’s right! He’s an agent with a hundred percent success rate and he’s not shy about flaunting it either. It’s his pride, the ultimate proof of his superiority.

Though he loves his job, it comes with a lot of bad as well. For instance, his success rate means nothing to the world because to the world, Ethan is a businessman with a growing company that requires him to travel a lot. His family believes the lie too, let alone the world. The agency made sure of it.

Agent Doomsday is what the criminals call him. A ghost in the system, an anomaly they can’t trace, almost as if he doesn’t exist outside his job. It’s also the only name they have - to them, Ethan Dolan doesn’t exactly put the fear of death in the bones. Oh, if they only knew.

However, Ethan Dolan certainly had a nice little life outside his duties. Lucky enough to charm the dress of a very ravenous woman, Ethan was happily in love and eager to come home to her unscathed. He could always count on her lips to seal every ache, every wound and while she did ask questions before kissing it better, Ethan wasn’t a top agent for nothing, giving her a believable excuse each time.

On his way to his last briefing meeting, prepared to receive his next target, Ethan picked up his vibrating phone with a gleeful smile.

“Hey there pretty lady.” Playful and romantic as ever, his lips pursed as he awaited the sound of her voice on the other end of the call, missing her after almost a week of not seeing her. Had he not decided to speed things up, he’d still be in the field with his mind in the gutter. He had big plans for their reunion, that much he could promise.

“Handsome! Was that message real or are you teasing me senselessly without a cause?” She bit her lower lip, trying to restrain a wide smile dangerously spreading across her face, hoping her boyfriend truly intended to come home that night and she wouldn’t have to hug his pillow until his lingering scent calmed her enough to fall into a deep slumber.

“I’ll be home in time for dinner. And I plan on being a sinner.” He whispered the last bit, looking around to make sure no one heard his flirtation though he wouldn’t really mind it. His girl is gorgeous and he didn’t care what people thought about them or how he chose to talk to her after yet another successful mission that really made him horny as hell. The adrenaline rush still didn’t stop raging through his body and he was itching to release it all in bed, to have her quake under his touch and scream with every thrust. But he didn’t want her involved with the agency, so he hid his happiness as much as he could. For her safety. It was always for her. If it were up to him, he’d flaunt her just as much as his supremacy in the agency.

“I’m counting on that.” She chuckled. “I’ll make your favorite.” And that’s when he chuckled.

“Well, I’m counting on that! I just gotta get through this meeting and I’ll be home before you know it.” And while it was hard, both parties put their phones down and got to work - Y/N with cooking among other things and Ethan with the meeting where he got a chance to flaunt like a peacock.

“Agent, we have a new target prepared for you.”

“Already?” Ethan raised an eyebrow, wondering why he can’t get a damn week to spoil his girl rotten. She definitely deserves it.

“I’m afraid it’s of utmost importance. A group of assassins we’ve been investigating finally slipped up. We caught one out of 3 and we have some information.” Eyebrows furrowed in concentration, Ethan tapped his chin with the tip of his index finger as he imagined this scum. An ugly, middle aged man with buck teeth and beady eyes. That’s what he saw in his mind.

“The deadliest of all, Blackbird, is stationed in our city and we need you to take this assassin down. We know an alias, but it’s up to you to track them down and get the job done before we have more dead on our hands.” Slipping the folder in front of Ethan, his boss adds:“Good luck agent.”

As the doorbell rings, Y/N was quick to run to the door, opening it with elation and she didn’t wait for Ethan to enter before throwing herself at him, her arms firmly around him as he tries to steady himself. His suit would wrinkle, but she didn’t care.

“Whoa! You really missed me, didn’t you?” A nervous chuckle escapes him as he hold her waist and picks her up gently, keeping her close, closer than he could in his dreams and imagination.

“I’d say you feel the same.” She smirked, pulling back to press her forehead against his, not rebelling when he puts her feet back on the ground but his hands remain at her sides.

A heavy sigh escapes him, his eyes closed as she opens her own, looking up at him with worry etched onto her face. “Tired?” She questions, her voice small and sweet, enveloping him in a comforting haze he could never have enough of.

“Very.” Ethan mumbles, leaning down to peck her lips lightly before walking toward the dining room, the smell of his favorite food making him hypersalivate. Glancing back at her over his shoulder, Ethan feels his heart pick up pace.

“You look beautiful and this smells…amazing.” Pulling out her chair, Ethan seats his wonderful girlfriend before sitting himself, but not before sending her a quick smile.

Clearing his throat, he dug into his food, wondering how his next mission will go for he never had more to lose than in this particular moment where everything was so perfect, his life peaceful and in harmony.

“Did something happen?” Y/N speaks up, breaking the veil of silence that befell them, unsure what to say or do ti make the weight on his shoulders just a little lighter.

“No. It’s fine. Just had a long week of missing you.” Smooth. Charming. That’s what she loves about him. He’s always been a perfect gentleman but very vague about his job. And it didn’t bother her before, but unless he had unexplained bruises or wounds he usually blamed boxing or gym training with hiw twin brother. She liked giving him the benefit of doubt, but his excuses weren’t as believable as he wanted them to be.

She wanted to try and talk to him, to get the truth for once in their relationship, but her cellphone rang and she decided to try after she has him unraveled in her bed.

“It could be work. I’ll be just a second.” Excusing herself, Y/N left Ethan alone with his thoughts - possibly the worst thing she could do to a man who is facing a dilemma of a lifetime. Questioning what’s right and what’s not, looking for meaning and clues on what he should do and to what extent had left him sick to his stomach even next to the very tasty meal Y/N prepared for him.

“You were quick.” Ethan speaks up as Y/N comes back to the table, her eyes set on her food as she remained motionless. Staring silently, her lips parted ever so slightly, Y/N wasn’t sure how to proceed.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Ethan’s attempt to spark up conversation had caused her to look up at him, her gaze fixed on him like he’s the only thing that matters in the world.

“I was thinking about how you’ll die.” She stated plainly, her voice light and sweet as ever but her yes are cold and unforgiving.

“Oh? That’s an odd thing to think about.” Ethan swallowed thickly, praying not to choke on his own spit as he stared back at the woman he loved dearly.

“Is it? You never think about death? How it will stop your heart when you least expect it? Or how that happens to other people with or without your interference? Or do you think about my death?” She all but snarled the last but, her left hand resting on the table as the right one remained under, hidden from sight.

“You know.” Ethan breaths out, his eyes widening as he took notice of her death glare and even more so of the loss of innocence she had about her.

“That you’re an agent tasked to kill me? Yeah, no shit!” She raised her voice slightly, her heart beating out her chest, trying to break the bony confines.

“And you’re an assassin tasked with killing me.” Ethan leans back, raising his left eyebrow as he smirks. “Guess we both lied.”

“Were you about to slit my throat during sex? In the bed we bought together?” She narrows her eyes at him, her lips set in a scowl as Ethan snickers.

“Seriously? I literally just found out you’re a fucking murderer and you’re accusing me of being the one that’s plotting your demise? How were you going to do it?” Y/N’s lips twitch as she glances down at the dinner Ethan half finished, smirking once he realizes what she’s insinuating.

“You wouldn’t.” He says quietly in disbelief, voice just above a whisper and her smirk grows into a smile.

“Are you sure about that? Agent Doomsday?” Quirking an eyebrow, she stood up, revealing her hidden left hand and the gun she held so tightly, as tightly as she held on for her life. One she wasn’t ready to quit just yet.

“I will allow you to go to the hospital and get your stomach pumped and I expect you not to come looking for me. That’s a one time offer. The next time I see you, you might find out why I’m the deadliest assassin of the decade.”

Slipping out the back, Y/N ran for her life, very much aware the story isn’t finished yet and Ethan wouldn’t give up until she’s two feet under. And despite her better judgement, she sent him a letter the same night before skipping town and laying low until she forms a proper plan. A letter she knew would make him want to play.

When Ethan came home with his stomach pumped for no reason because after the food went through extensive toxicology testing, it came back clean, he was pissed and heartbroken, angry and hurt. But when he found the letter, the paper scented with her perfume, he found himself in the game of a lifetime.

“Catch me if you can.”

PART 2

Tags: @beinscorpio​ @godlydolans​ @dolanstwintuesday​ @ethanhes​ @peacedolantwins​ @heyits-claire​ @dolandolll​

[hicsqueakfest]

Hicsqueak Fest Prompt List!

Hi all! Here’s the prompt list for Hicsqueak Fest! You can request up to 3 prompts at a time. Once you finish your fics/arts, you can come back for more! 

To claim your prompt, simply send an ask to @hicsqueakfest and copy/paste the prompt you want (you must have a tumblr username to do this). I will cross it off the list and put your name by it so it’s all yours. First come, first serve. Make sure you tell me if you’re claiming a FIC or ART prompt, because some of them are duplicates! 

Prompts are divided by FIC (sub categories: AU, AR, Gen, Smut, Lyrics/Quotes) and ART. 

HAPPY CLAIMING!

FIC

- Domestic Hicsqueak

- Hecate and Pippa are in an established relationship and see each other again after months apart. Could be smutty or domestic and cute.

- Hicsqueak first time. doesn't have to be sex (but it can be). It could be first time they do anything. Ie: ice skating together, first date, etc.

- Young Hicsqueak building staff/wand for Hecate to have more control over her magic and learning how to use it 

- Pippa and Hecate dancing

- Pippa already knows about the confinement in S1, how she deals with all the little ways Hecate makes excuses to not do things; and how she eventually reacts to Hecate telling her about the confinement.

- Pregnancy fic - Hecate pregnant. Pippa being the best. Mildred minding her own business.

- Single parent Pippa meets her child’s teacher Hecate @ohlookitstomorrowff

- Hicsqueak flying together on a broom

- Domestic Hicsqueak (I need a lot of that)

- A series of firsts with Pippa, after Hecate is set free

- Hecate is clueless about how attractive she is, and Pippa tries her best not to be jealous (but she so is)

- Hicsqueak as parents (interpret "parents" however you want)

- Going hunting

- Going fishing

- Visiting a planetarium together

- Hurt/Comfort. Mistress Broomhead remarks in front of Pippa that Hecate "continues to have poor taste in companions." Pippa asks Hecate what Broomhead meant by it, and Hecate has to make a choice whether or not to reveal the whole Indigo incident.

- Miss Bat catches Hecate and Pippa out of bed past curfew, but instead of punishing them, she just mercilessly teases them about it for the rest of term.

- Gardening together

- Comparing stories of the weirdest stuff they confiscated from students

- Playing poker

- “Have you done this before?" @hovercraft79

- Forehead kisses

- Adventuring to find rare ingredients for Hecate's experiments that the school can't afford @cliotheproclaimer

- Visiting Pentangle's Academy for the first time

- Candlelight supper

- Hecate introducing Star to Pippa

- Playing Mario Kart

- Pippa shows Hecate all the video games she's confiscated from her students, one of which is Skyrim. (I bet Hecate would be a closet GTA5 player after)

- Ethel saw their first kiss and is about to cause havoc

- Playing billiards

- They have a fight at Cackle's and Pippa leaves but Hecate chases her and slams into the barrier and falls off her broom and that's how Pippa finds out about the confinement @allthosegaywitches    

- What if Hecate encounters [a siren] and it takes the form of the person she desires most and Pippa is there to save her or vice versa

- There was a post not too long ago where it was discussed that its possible many girls had crushes on Hecate. So my prompt is: Pippa keeps them unknowingly all away from her Hiccup and years later at a reunion Hecate realized how many girls liked her while Pippa realizes how she really feels about Hecate.

- "I was afraid of what you'd think of me." @maybegarbo

- A fic about/involving musical harmony as a chant method - how did Pippa come to decide this was a better way of doing it, for example? (either gen or shippy)

- Hicsqueak picnic

- Pregnancy fic because there’s not enough of those... Bonus if Hecate is the pregnant one

- Fake dating

- Hicsqueak discovering their favorite ways to snuggle

- Pentangle's academy is under attack Pippa is struggling against the enemy but Hecate comes to protect and save her wife (and the academy)

- Pippa is injured/sick and Hecate takes care of her @cliotheproclaimer

- Hicsqueak wedding

- End of year, the graduating girls play pranks on the teachers and this year someone magicked a mariachi band to follow Hecate around ALL DAY and every time she vanishes them they just reappear with one more band mate

- Staff party at the end of the year Pippa is invited too; Hecate doesn't like those parties and so never shows up but since this year Pippa is going she might go as well too

- Mildred yelling, "Ethel, if you don't stop being a homophobe, DuRIng PRide mONth, then I will yeet you out the window!!!" @firesofthestars

- Fist fight

- Hecate visits Pentangle's

- Going to festivals together

- The first time Hecate sleeps outside of Cackle's, in Pippa's bed. She knows this is where she belongs.

- Hecate gets sick, Pippa takes care of her

- Accidental magic. Something silly preferable to angsty, but if angst calls to you then by all means. For example: the reason Hecate is nicknamed Hiccup is because accidental magic gave her a case of uncontrollable hiccups. that sort of thing.

- Going to conferences together

- Hicsqueak. Pippa asks Hecate why she didn't lift the confinement spell when she (Hecate) was the acting headmistress (mid season 2)

- Hicsqueak in the aftermath of s3, emphasis on Hecate dealing with her trauma and figuring out how to have a healthy relationship

- Hecate as Pippa's "knight in shining armour" (can be non-magical or magical and from gen to smutty, whatever you make of it). Basically the classic damsel-in-distress-scenario with a badass Hecate coming to the rescue. If swordfighting could be included, that would be awesome!  @well-met-and-good-day-to-you-sir

- AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED

- Broomstick racing

- Fake Married trope! 

- Smoking weed together

- Touring witch colleges together/touring the country together

- Camping in the forest (the one surrounding Cackle's or any other)

- Getting drunk together for the first time

- Cuddles

- Pippa-centric, missing Hecate through the years @emiline-northeto

- Hecate-centric, missing Pippa through the years

- After Hecate and Pippa reconcile, their familiars aren’t quite sure how they feel about it.

- Hicsqueak conference fic

- Hicsqueak day at the beach

- Young!Hicsqueak - Hecate lied to Pippa about what happened to Indigo 

- "I don't think I ever stopped waiting for you."

- Pippa has always known about Hecate’s confinement and the hurt over the broomstick display came from her belief that Hecate didn’t have enough faith in them.

- Pippa finds out about Hecate’s confinement - and not from her.

- Fic where Hecate reconnects with her parents after the confinement is over - with Pippa’s support, of course.

- Hecate's favourite colour is pink 

- "You're an idiot" 

- Wedding fic 

- Baby fic 

- After the s3 finale, Hecate discovers the world with Pippa by her side 

- 5 trips Hecate and Pippa take together 

- 5 things Hecate wore that weren't her standard black dress @maybegarbo

- 5 times Pippa tapped Hecate's nose after Spelling Bee (bonus, but not obligatory: and one time Hecate tapped Pippa's) @shafeferi 

- 5 times Hecate and Pippa almost kissed (and one time they did) 

- Pippa gets abducted and Hecate loses it and tries to find her 

- Heat-of-the-moment kissing 

- Either of them gets implicated in a crime and there's ample evidence against them, so they go on the run, but the other is fiercely on their side and helps them any way they can / goes on the run with them 

- Coming out 

- Ace!Hecate @amillionmillionvoices

- Pippa is on the brink of getting married, and Hecate is heartbroken but doesn't think it's her place to say anything 

- One year, seven months, three weeks and two days  @ephemeral-winter

- 5 sunsets they saw together 

- "Ask me to marry you again" 

- Emotional scars 

- Morning routine 

- One day in the life 

- Hecate is bored in a meeting and decides to text Pippa on her maglet, Pippa texts back immediately 

- Pippa is ill, Hecate takes care of her and/or vice versa 

AU

- Doctor Who AU

- Persuasion (Jane Austen Novel) AU

- AU where they're Sirens and they have to deal with Odysseus. Or even about when Demeter gave the Sirens wings to search for Persephone

- MERMAIDS!

- Pirates

- AU in the Harlots universe @concreteangel1221

- Space commanders (Star Trek/Star Wars)

- Crime syndicate

- Street racers

- An AU where they go to Woodstock '69

- Middle earth

- Hecate lives above a bar, and is always angry about the noise. Pippa, the proprietor, has something to say about that. 

- Westeros

- Titanic AU, except there was enough room on the door! 

- Notting Hill AU

- Skyrim

- Witch in the Woods AU: Hecate does Pippa a favor, in exchange for her first-born child. But when Pippa shows up, distraught, 15 years later with a baby, Hecate wants no part of it.  @merricatsgarden

- Georgian Era

- Bus drivers (bus driver... what bus driver?)

- Stealing a car together (au)

- Dragon trainer. Pippa is gifted a dragon and needs someone to help her train and handle it. Enter Hecate Hardbroom, the Dragon Whisperer.

- Detective AU (potentially a bit humorous, a la Tommy & Tuppence or Psych, for example)

- Hecate is a college professor and Pippa is an older student returning to get her degree and the two fall in love

- Fluffy Harry Potter au where Hecate frequents nocturne ally for potions ingredients.

- Hicsqueak Victorian au

- Flirting / UST

- Heatwave

- Business woman/bakery or tea show owner AU

- Library AU @hovercraft79

- Medical AU

- Teacher/parent au @thegeneralisalive 

- Potions shop / magical pharmacy / similar au

- Soulmate au

- Spies / secret agents au

- Space au

- Princesses AU

AR (Alternate Reality) 

- AU: the thirty years of separation didn't happen, what are their life like now? (Living together, happily married, children?) @captaintangledmess

- Hecate's ~25 years old, she is given one day out of Cackles, what does she do? (Run to Pippa + drama ensues? Go somewhere else? Try to get Pippas help and they live happily ever after?)

- A canon-divergance AU where Pippa does end up with Ada's job in s2 and they have to work as a team. Lots of angst material there

- Pre-Spelling Bee and ignoring the whole stupid s3 confinement plot. Hecate and Pippa run into each other over the years at events, conferences, etc. @pellucidthings

- Hecate gives up her magic to restore the founding stone at the end of s2 @amillionmillionvoices

- AU where Hecate DOES show up to the broomstick waterskiing display, but someone sabotages her broom, and she crashes. Lots of #feelings and Hicsqueak hurt/comfort

- Tattooed!Hecate AU where Pippa has no idea that almost every inch of her is inked until she undresses her for the first time... @maybemoira / MauraMae

- AU where Hecate’s ‘confinement’ is because she’s a werewolf. @maybemoira

Gen

- Gen-Hecate, she discovers she has a sister 

- Hecate tutoring Mildred without being prompted or ordered to do so.

- Hecate supporting Maud during a difficult time @marvelousmadmadammim

- How Pippa came to found her school 

- Dimity being a friend to Hecate after the events of s3

- Dimity and Pippa becoming friends at a staff party or conference 

- A student comes out to Hecate, and she has to figure out how to handle it/how much to reveal about her own life

- 5 people Pippa came out to over the years (bonus + 1 she didn’t) @shafeferi 

Lyrics/Quotes

- Bastille's song JOY. Either take a line or just the song in general

- ‘But I'm on my way back home / It's been hard to be away’ (Dying Day- Brandi Carlile.)

- Interpret the poem "One-Act Play In Which Not All Problems Can Be Solved, & Not All Problems Are Problems, But Even So, Some Are" by Dalton Day, for Hicsqueak in light of S3, especially the bit that goes "ME: I have hands. You said you are scared of things like hands. Are you scared of my hands? YOU: Yes. ME: You have hands, too. Are you scared of your hands? YOU: Yes. ME: What if we traded hands?"

- Take the poem "One-Act Play In Which We Float Facedown In the Center Of A Lake, A Position Known As The Dead Man's Float" by Dalton Day as your starting point. Make me cry.

- Baby take me outside / kiss me in the moonlight / i just want you to touch me / i don't wanna waste no time (léon - surround me)

- I am no good at goodbyes / i never was and i don't know why / tell me, tell me that it was love / that it was real, remember all / that you have me if you still want me / baby, i'm no good at goodbyes / i never was and i don't know why (léon - no goodbyes)

- Want You Back by HAIM

- Supercut by Lorde

- ‘Will you lie here for me?’ (Lizzie)

- ‘She’s seen the pain that comes with your displeasure’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Maybe some day I’ll walk in the open’ (Lizzie)

- ‘They tried to keep me down, but I said no’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Let me tell you losing is not a game I play’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I sit here in the darkness, waiting for the light’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I know I got ‘em beat’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Watch me fly away’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Maybe some day I’ll walk in the open’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Maybe some day we’ll tell the world’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Into your wildest dreams I’ll fly’ (Lizzie)

- ‘You’ll see my face in every night sky’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Lock away your secrets, lock away my life’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I was a trembling child’ (Lizzie)

- ‘But now I see my troubled soul reflected’ (Lizzie)

- ‘What I don’t see can never hurt me’ (Lizzie)

- ‘But I’m more afraid to stay’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Settle cozy dark as sleep’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I want to sleep with my eyes half open’ (Lizzie)

- ‘You didn’t choose what side you’re on’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I’m standing looking forward in the dark’ (Lizzie)

- ‘It’s just us girls’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Don’t let them see how the fire burns’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Who told you that?!’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Will you bite through the skin to the sweet truth within?’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Will you stay?’ (Lizzie)

- ‘In every room a prisoner of a long silent war’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Sometimes you say the words, but this is not love’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I know if I stay here longer it’s gonna turn out bad’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Would you let me comfort you, if you knew?’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I can barely breath tonight’ (Lizzie)

- ‘A secrets just a lie’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Every night I dream of you’ (Lizzie)

- ‘The violence of freedom’ (Lizzie)

- ‘My silver wings are pinioned with green gold’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I feel myself disintegrating’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Oh that I had wings like a dove’ (Lizzie)

Smut/NC17

- Pippa persuading and watching Hecate touch herself

- Hecate’s first visit to an “adult” toy store with Pippa as an equally wide-eyed guide.

- Pippa telling Hecate all the dirty things she wants to do to her

- Hicsqueak smut, not first time, they're both happy and confident in their sexuality and relationship

- Dom!Hecate has Pippa in "detention" 

- Cuddle sex

- Angry sex

- Kisses/hugging/sexy times

- Pippa buying lingerie for Hecate and telling her how much she'd love for her to wear it // she does

- Hecate’s first time

- Hecate stripping for Pippa, feat. a nervous Hecate and a reassuring Pippa who has Hecate on her lap as soon as she can.

- Pippa calling Hecate "Good girl", Hecate calling Pippa "Miss Pentangle" during sex.

- 5 times hecate went down on Pippa

- "I hate this dress." / "then take it off me."

- Dom!Pippa telling Hecate when she can/can't cum - up to you if Hecate does or doesn't do as shes told.

ART

- Kisses! Sweet, passionate, you name it, any kiss. but Hicsqueak art of kisses would be really nice.

- Doctor Who AU

- MERMAIDS!

- Pirates @kayryn

- Space commanders (Star Trek/Star Wars)

- Crime syndicate

- Hecate stripping for Pippa, feat. a nervous Hecate and a reassuring Pippa who has Hecate on her lap as soon as she can.

- Street racers

- Middle earth

- Westeros @kayryn

- Pippa and Hecate dancing.

- Skyrim

- Georgian Era @kayryn

- Bus drivers (bus driver... what bus driver?)

- Cooking a full English breakfast together

- Afternoon tea @merricatsgarden

- Hecate's first trip to the beach, with Pippa

- Sunbathing

- "I don't think I ever stopped waiting for you."

- Swimming

- Swimming in a moonlit pond/pool. @merricatsgarden

- Stargazing

-  Adult Hecate standing between Pippa and some idiot man/Headbroom trying to hurt her

- Want You Back by HAIM

- Supercut by Lorde

- Forehead kisses

- Hicsqueak kissing under the mistletoe (I know it's not really that time of the year sorry)

- Hicsqueak wedding

- Hicsqueak flying together on a broom

[omnomsauruswrites]

Peach (Engaged Part 7)

Pairing: Stucky x You

Summary: You were told to not engage unless necessary because you were in fact dead, or at least that’s what the death certificate said.

Song inspiration: Maggie Rogers “light On”; Florence + the Machine “Long & Lost”;  Mumford and Sons “Tompkins Square Park”; LEON “Dreams” 

For Chapter 7, I wrote to “Tell Me How” by Paramore on repeat

Masterlist

“You know how they said, you two couldn’t get me pregnant?” she paused, her right hand going to her right side. “Well…,” she swallowed, “that wasn’t exactly true.”

“Well… really they said Bucky couldn’t get me pregnant… and that was wrong, too,” she cleared her throat. “If anyone’s potent in the sperm department it’s actually Bucky.”

She laughed softly, as she looked at her hands and then at the white wall in front of her. She couldn’t turn around. She couldn’t look at the two men who had held her through the morning light. “I was… we were… FUCK,” she muttered. “Before I was stabbed, I was about eight weeks pregnant.”

She closed her eyes, remembering.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re about eight weeks along,” Helen explained, again, trying not to be exasperated.

“I thought… Bucky was sterile?” she asked.

“Apparently, that was wrong.”

She stared at the cream colored wall. Pregnant. How? She and the boys were usually… “Oh fuck,” she mumbled.

Two months ago, Bucky and her had a naked reunion sans condom, sans Steve.

“That looks like the face of woman, who just realized when conception occurred.”

She tried not to sneer at her friend. They had talked kids but it was a far off concept. Well, not that far off, but it was definitely more planned than this. Definitely, going to happen after a commitment ceremony not before, but apparently 48 hours of naked sex with the Winter Soldier will get you pregnant.

“Do you want to know the sex?”

“Pregnant?” Steve whispered.

She stood from the bed with her back to them. Her hand rested on her right side, it had been an unconscious move from her several times over the past months whenever they saw her. Something that she did when they talked about their separation. Steve realized it was where she had been stabbed, the event that caused her to lose the baby. “Yeah….” she whispered.

“How?” Bucky asked.

“Usually one gets pregnant when they don’t use protection,” Steve commented.

“We’ve always made sure,” Bucky said.

She shook her head, “Our reunion….”

Steve looked at Bucky, trying to figure out what Y/n was talking about. A light seemed to go off in his lover’s steel blue eyes. “The two days we stayed in bed…..” Bucky remembered, his eyes far away.

Steve tried to recall the event, his brain filtering through the memories. He couldn’t come up with two days spent in bed with his lovers. “When was this?” he asked.

“You were in Lima,” Bucky explained. “I had gotten home from Kiev early. Y/n and I celebrated our reunion by having sex…”

“Multiple times within 48 hours,” she finished, her back still to them.

“But they said…” Steve argued.

“Yea, about that,” she replied. “They got the samples mixed up. Bucky’s actually the one with the super sperm, we just didn’t know it.” She ran a hand threw her shorter hair. “And it doesn’t make sense. If anyone should have potent sperm it should be Steve,” she sighed in exasperation, like she’d been staring at a puzzle for too long. “But there’s something….FUCK….Jarvis?”

“Yes, Ms. y/l/n?” the AI replied.

“Do we still have the samples?” she asked, looking to the ceiling.

“Which samples, miss?” it asked.

“Blood, possible semen.”

“We have blood samples going as far back as 6 years, and semen samples are frozen about four years old.”

“Wake up, Banner.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Steve stood from the bed. “Where are you going?” he asked, reaching out for her but missing her.

She turned, eyes holding his for a split moment. “The labs,” she responded, moving towards the living room.

“That’s it?” Bucky asked, following her.

“What more do you want?” she asked, as she padded towards the door.

“I want to know why,” the brunette answered. “You never told either of us. We had no idea that you were ever …. Pregnant. That we were to be a family and you tell us, refuse to look at us during the process and drop it and walk away! Not only that but that’s after you fake your death, go on the run, show up at our engagement party and then run off again. DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT HURT US?!”

Bucky watched her hands start to shake. She turned fully around to face them both. “I imagine it hurt as much as it hurt me. I imagine that you will go through the same emotions that I did, when I lost the baby almost 3 years ago. BUT you will do it together, something that I was unable to do. Instead, I chose to protect both of you and fake my death so that you two would have a chance at happiness….”

“You didn’t give us a CHOICE,” Bucky cut in, stepping towards her. His posture tense and battle ready. “You didn’t even let us know what we lost!”

“Would you have wanted me to?” she threw back in his face. “Before I ‘died’ you barely looked at me, barely even acknowledge me, as I was grieving. Did you want me to tighten that noose by telling you that saving your life caused me to lose our baby? Is that what you want?”

There was silence. Her eyes flitted between Steve and Bucky as they looked at her. She pulled at the shirt she wore. “I don’t regret my actions. I don’t regret saving your life. Sometimes, I wish somehow that we could have been the perfect family - the four of us. That maybe just maybe, the baby could have made it. But that wasn’t in the cards and wouldn’t have led to me putting a stop to HYDRA’s super baby program and hurting innocent women. Wouldn’t have led me to figuring out Steve’s super soldier formula. I can’t regret doing it, because if I do, it will eat me alive.”

A few tears fell down her cheeks. “I made my peace with you two possibly hating me a long time ago. Now if you excuse, me there is a piece of the puzzle that Bruce and I are missing that can help me stop HYDRA and this program forever.”

The two super soldiers said nothing, as she walked out the door.

She stared at the guest bedroom. ‘We will paint it peach,’ she recalled Steve saying. ‘Peach?’ she had asked. ‘Peach,’ he confirmed. He had explained that the color was nurturing and inviting, ‘feelings we want to convey to our baby,’ he said.

She tried to push the sob down. Tried to not let it escape. It would be her last time in this apartment. Fury was letting her out, rather he had agreed to help her. Just like he had so many years ago, when she was running from HYDRA. But at that time, she hadn’t been in love. Just a runaway medical student with a terrorist organization who wanted her for a special project to make super babies. And in the end, she had done just that when she had gotten pregnant. She was proving that HYDRA could make super babies if they could get the serum right. She just didn’t know how and she couldn’t figure out HYDRA’s serum.

She had figured out Erskine’s serum, but that didn’t help her figure out how Bucky’s serum created a super baby and why she had been the only one so far to be successful in creating a super baby. And it didn’t explain how the serum had made her into a super soldier after the stabbing. ‘All things to work on,’ Fury had said, when she had come to him with her proposition. ‘They won’t be happy if they ever find out the truth, you know that?’ ‘I know.’

So there she stood, imagining peach walls and a crib. They couldn’t ever know. She had woven too many lies. Woven too many half truths about her past and who she was. And now after the miscarriage, she couldn’t stay. Bucky wouldn’t talk to her and Steve was moving between the two, trying to sew back the pieces and that was without them knowing that they could have been fathers.

The sob finally escaped her mouth, as she stood there holding her duffel. ‘Don’t take much and don’t take memories,’ Fury instructed.

Her grip on the bag wavered. Part of her couldn’t do it. Wanted to run into their arms and unweave the web, but the ink was already dried. In a few days, a body much like hers would come back in a pinebox. Another sob escaped as her eyes went around the room, remembering their conversation about kids and the spare bedroom. She closed her eyes, “Peach would have been the perfect color.”

@scuzmunkie @cari105 @soldierplum @muggleluna @valkyrieofsmut @youreahandsomedevil @coal000 @xxashy999xx @wishingforahome @dottirose @serpentbaby @spaghettirogers @xxloki81xx @keldachick @hellaqueerangelofthelord @mypage-myfandoms @fifty--shades---of---fucked--up @jamiedr @colie87@pockettoasian @shannonr2003 @southsiderepresent @persassyismyspiritanimal @futuremrsb-r-main @emilysallysmith @irisweirdness @pomelo-villano @so-not-hotmess

[brownskinsugarplum76]

Eye of the Storm, Ch 4

I've had much of this written for a while, but I got caught up on whether I should write in a less important part. I decided against it. So, what we have is pseudo-smut (it'll make sense shortly) and more heartfelt road trip conversation and flirting. The real-life smut should go down with the next chapter! ❤️❤️❤️

To catch up, the Eye of the Storm master post is here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Robert lowered himself on top of Maggie and continued his gentle thrusting. They had shared a frenzied, steamy moment earlier, and now, with that out of the way, he was expressing his feelings with every cell of his body. He was as close to her as two people could possibly be. He littered her with kisses and the tickling sensation of his long curls in constant motion, and he lulled her on the slow road to oblivion with the heat of his body and his metronome-regular strokes. Maggie telegraphed how she cared for Robert in much the same way, grasping him and meeting his movements, wishing their coupling could last forever. He growled softly in her ear and--

“--Earth to Maggie! Where'd you run off to in your head, love?” Robert gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

She jolted out of the fantasy that had occupied her mind for the last few miles on the road.

“I, uh…”

“Were you thinking about bananas and lemons, and the squeezing of lemons? Mine, to be specific?” He smiled his most mischievous smile, knowing he was right.

“Yes, Robert. You caught me thinking about tonight. You could say I'm a little impatient to be alone with you.”

“Your smile is what tipped me off. I must've been doing an exceptionally bang-up job… Rest assured, I'll meet every last one of your expectations tonight.”

He nipped at her earlobe and traced small circles on her thigh for good measure. “Quite frankly, if I was 100 percent healed, I would have asked you to pull off the road for a proper reunion a while ago, but the yoga I'd have to bend into in your darling automobile on a bum ankle…”

“Well, excuse me for not having a limo for you, Your Highness.” She gave Robert's leg a playful shove while she kept her eyes on the road, but a tiny smile was visible on her face.

“You know, you can drive us around in my Land-Rover. She's not had much of a workout in quite some time. Benji's been using his Cadillac when we go out.”

“Sure, I can do that,” she said, nodding her head.

“And then you can get your fix of me anywhere. And I of you.” His smile warmed her heart and her core at the same time. Robert was the only man who could make her feel loving and lustful at the same time. And she would never get enough of it.

“So, what have you been doing with your time off of your feet? Writing new songs? Re-reading your Tolkien books? Practicing new sexy faces for your concerts?” Maggie quickly glanced at Robert before turning her eyes back to the road.

“A little bit of this, and a little bit of that, but not much of anything productive, I'm afraid.”

He turned to Maggie, studying her familiar profile and smiling. “Well, I did write some songs, of course. One can't help but be inspired when they're living in paradise, yeah? But scenery notwithstanding, many of the songs that you'll hear on the new album do have a bit of… Angst, shall we say.”

“Pobrecito… Poor, dear Robert,” she said, glancing at him briefly. “Did it help any to get your feelings out on paper? Out of your head?”

“It did at the time, but now I hope I didn't get too moody. The fans are expecting us to serve as their aphrodisiac, as it were, not make them weep into their bloody cans of Miller.”

“I noticed that you were silent when we drove past the billboard for the album earlier. Is that why? Pre-release jitters? I'm sure it will be fine. Everyone is hungry for some new music from you all.”

“That's what G keeps saying…”

“And you don't believe it? The band with unbelievable concert attendance numbers and mountains of records sold, all without really breaking a sweat?”

“I do believe it, but… Things are different… I'm different. I won't be wild, Black Country Robert, prancing about on the stage.”

Maggie turned down the music to focus on Robert.

“Don't get me wrong, I'm going to give ‘em everything I've got, same as always, but I don't seem to have a prance left in me right now. It's going to be baby steps as I continue to heal, you know? I'll dream up a different way wiggle my ass and look good. Bonzo's right, no one will ever take that away from me, at least.”

“I, for one, am counting on some ass shaking and strong singing,” Maggie said reassuringly. “I know you'll be back to your old self once you get in front of an audience.”

“But beyond how I feel physically, I think I'm losing my zeal for tour life,” he continued. “It's not enough to just be the happy, horny kid who sang every day and partied every night, you know? I'm excited, but I'm also restless. I need to know my future has something more than singing the same songs every night, even if we do throw something a little different in here and there.”

“What do you want to do instead?” Maggie asked.

“That I don't know, Mags… For a brief moment I considered a solo album, or just saying fuck it and becoming a teacher or something, but…”

He raked a hand through his hair. “Ahhhhh… Bugger that! Enough self-pity blathering and castles in the sand…” He gestured with his hand as though the movement could cast his mood away. “I'm sure you don't want to hear all of my ‘woe is me, poor little rock star’ bullshit. I haven't even asked you about your feelings. I'm sorry, love, you're the one leaping blindly into the abyss of touring a first album. What's on your mind?”

“I am beyond excited. Everything is moving so fast, everything I'd always hoped would happen. I feel really blessed. We all do.”

“It sounds like you're going to add a ‘but’?”

“But the waiting is hard! I wish we could start tomorrow and get that first concert out of the way. I want to know if they're going to love us or not.”

“How have the album sales been?”

“There has been some interest. San Diego especially. People who know us from the dive bars down there have continued to support us.”

“What about singles? Radio play?”

“We have one single, but it seems that no one knows what to do with it. Rock radio is skittish, I think because there's a woman fronting the band. It's either that or our Latin influences that make us “unique,” as everyone likes to phrase it. But we're not getting much Latin radio play, and we're too rock for black radio… It's like we don't have a natural home or built-in audience.”

“I think there's a place for you lot. Good music always finds a way, no matter how different it is.” Robert stroked her hair reassuringly.

“From your mouth to God's ears, Robert.”

“I think you're all amazing. Your brother, his rhythm! And he hits hard, almost as hard as Bonzo. You all play so tight. You make absolute bedlam in the audience. Trust me. I was there. If your record captured any of that, and I'm sure it did, you're good as gold.”

Maggie smiled at the memory of Robert coming to one of their concerts a few years ago. The spectacle of rock royalty in the audience--he insisted on watching from the front row--did die down quickly once the concert was underway. The crowd couldn't get enough of her band, and the noise before the encore was deafening. Robert was right, it was a night that made them all believe they were on the way.

“You'll have people across the country dancing in no time. And when you strut onstage in the outfits I have in mind, if you'll have them… There might be some news reports of this Prince of Peace getting into fights over the horny hordes of fans getting too close to his woman…”

Maggie didn't know whether to laugh or thank him, or pull over to show him a different form of gratitude. “I love this fantasy you're painting, Robert.” She also liked that he called her his woman.

“Mark my words, Mags, it will be a reality.”

Her smile was uncontrollable. “Now, back to you. You know what your problem is, Robert?”

“Tell me.”

“I think you'd believe that things will go fine if someone prettier than G was trying to cheer you up.”

He stared innocently at Maggie, and she caught his puppy dog gaze in her periphery. “You? What do you have in mind for a mopey bloke like me?”

“Everything you like, Robert. I have lots of ways to make you forget all your worries.” Maggie flashed a wicked smile at Robert before turning her attention back to the road.

“Don't tease me, woman…”

She smiled smugly as she kept driving.

Robert yawned and looked out the window. They were almost at Maggie's place with her brother. She was lost in thought again, with her musings ping-ponging from sex with Robert to his fragile mood, to her own anxieties. She asked herself whether her band should be practicing more, fretted about the order of their set list, wondered if anyone would show up when they weren't in San Diego.

Her fitful rumination was interrupted by Robert's soft snore. He had fallen asleep with his head leaning against the car window.

She glanced at him briefly and smiled at how comfortable he was with her. He felt safe enough to unpack his deepest struggles, and she was delighted that he felt that way.

She was also glad that their relationship was growing stronger. They were no longer in a new acquaintance phase, for which the most mundane conversation was volleyed back and forth to prevent awkward silences. Robert could share what was on his mind, or he could sit quietly while listening to the radio or looking out the window, while he found some reassuring way to touch her.

She thought of their ease with each other in the car as the equivalent of the couples on TV who would comfortably sit side by side in bed, one person reading a book, the other doing a crossword puzzle. It was the kind of relationship she wanted with Robert. She craved a partnership of two people who felt secure enough to be vulnerable with each other or tend to their private goals and interests as needed, without straying too far from each other. He seemed as willing to live that way as much as she was.

She smiled to herself. It was exactly what she needed while everything else in her life was so uncertain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of my stories are here, or search for the hashtag #brownskinsugarplumlibrary

[bulletproofcarats]

I dare you

JungkookxReader

suggestive smut

Its been two years since you last saw Jeon Jungkook. And maybe you might need to thank your friend for all the opportunities she's trying to pave for you.

You can’t believe this is actually happening.

As you fiddled with the hem of your crop top, which your friend has forced you to wear, you glanced around the beach nervously. They said he was here.

And there he was.

He looked different from before, with hair dyed to a brown colour. You couldn’t remember when he was this tall, even though he had been tall before, but saying that he was dashing was an understatement.

He wore a pair of black shorts that complimented his sleeveless navy blue shirt. His toned abs that peep out from under his shirt as he played beach volley and made your jaw drop.

His muscular built… Did two years in the army do this to him? You recalled the last time you met him he was still such a boy. But still one of the cockiest ones you had ever met, even when he was just barely legal, he had became one of the most infamous flirts just like the rest of his friends, who were no better than him. If you had thought all girls were all over him back then, you couldn’t imagine what they would actually do now if they saw him.

Thank god this was only a small reunion, and that there were only eight girls who turned up, who either had boyfriends or were too hung up over modelling for their themselves in the mirror to actually come down to the beach, because you really didn’t want to hear any squeals as girls threw themselves at Jungkook.

He had been playing volleyball with his friends and their voices were getting louder as you slowly neared the area, barely feeling the warm sand underneath your feet. You were going to act natural, and to constantly remind yourself to not look at him.

“Hey Y/N!”

You froze, turning to see the person calling you.

Thank heavens it had been your friend who was holding two glasses of lemonades in her hand. She shook one in her hand as she handed it to you, and you drank it gratefully.

Or maybe before you actually felt fully grateful, you felt a ball slam you in the stomach and you almost choked on an ice cube as you spat out your drink, your friend patting your back heavily.

“Woah Y/N.” Jisoo said. “I know Jungkook got hotter and all after two years, but you can’t be that thirsty already.”

You rolled your eyes at her but froze again when someone came running over to retrieve the ball.

Said someone looked up at you apologetically before freezing too, as the two of you locked eyes with each other.

Jeon Jungkook, your ex neighbour, maybe friend and the campus bad boy back at your old college, was right in front of you.

He tilted his head at you before giving you a cocky smirk.

“Hi Y/N, I’d say a pleasure to meet you, but then we already met a long way back, didn’t we?”

You narrowed your eyes at him before chucking the ball back at him. “Hi Jungkook.”

You could practically feel his eyes on you, as if trying to read your mind… Or probably annoyingly checking you out. After all, you had grown and changed as well.

“Hey, why so cold?”

“Why would you care.” You replied flatly, hoping that he will just go away. You weren’t ready to talk to him just yet.

Jungkook shrugged before he tossed the ball back to where his friends were, giving you one last long look before walking away.

“Looking good, Y/N.”

-

Two years ago.

You fiddled with your thumbs as you stood outside the school gate, waiting for the bus.

“Y/N!” You turned to see your neighbour and classmate, Jungkook waving to you.

He was wearing a black jacket over his school uniform and tie, which was slightly undone, and his jet black hair was all over the place. Though the look kind of fit him. He grinned at you as he walked up to you, throwing a careless wave at the two girls who gave him admiring gazes as they waved at him frantically.

“Uh, hello Jungkook.”

“Going home?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Yep.” He popped the p. “Wanna come hang out at the arcade later?” He asked you. You sometimes wondered why he even talked to you. He was way out of your league, or you two were just too different. You supposed it wa because he was being nice since you both were neighbours.

“We have chemistry homework, Jungkook, and I need to study for the test next Tuesday.”

Besides, you didn’t wanna be in the company of Park Min Rae, who would definitely be there. She always looked at you like you were going to steal her boyfriend away anytime, even though you and Jungkook were just classmates and neighbours no more.

Jungkook frowned a little.

“Aww, you’re no fun Y/N, we’ve known each other for three years and you still don’t hang out with me, but alright.”

You threw Jisoo a dirty look as she jumped up and down while clapping.

Your dear friend, you were considering murder victim actually, had just volunteered the two of you as new members for the ongoing volley ball game since Yoongi wanted to go back to the chalet to sleep.

Please, she just wanted an excuse to get close to Jimin.

Jisoo looked at you before whispering. “Hey, I just got the both of us a chance to get a hook up for the night.”

-

You resisted the urge to hiss at her but from the way you looked at her, Jisoo must have sensed your annoyance. “You can thank me later if you actually get the best sex you’ve had in ten months.”

There was no time for a sarcastic comeback from you because Jungkook and Jimin had come over to the both of you, wearing matching grins.

“Hey girls.” Jimin said. “You’re on our team. We’re against Namjoon, SeokJin, Hoseok and Taehyung.” The four boys he gestured to waved. “Remember them right?” He smiled. “It’s alright if you can’t, Namjoon’s probably going to trip on his way to the ball and SeokJin is probably going to cry when the ball hits his beautiful face.”

Namjoon flipped the finger in Jimin’s way while Seokjin muttered under his breath.

Jungkook glanced at the both found before speaking. “Freestyle, no rules, except, don’t use your feet to kick the ball.”

Jimin threw the ball at the other team and you watched as Hoseok dived to save it and Jisoo hit the ball towards Namjoon, who almost tripped over Jin but still managed to send it over, towards you.

You rushed backwards as your outstretched hands volleyed the ball over to the opposing team, you didn’t particularly care who, and you struggled to regain your balance before you fell on your back.

“Careful.” You felt two warm palms on your back steadying you.

Looking behind, you saw Jeon Jungkook staring at you before you cleared your throat and he removed his palms from your back before you stepped away.

“Uh, thanks.” You said before you rushed to join back into the game, where Jisoo had thrown the ball in the air and Jimin had spiked it over.

And as the both of them high fived each other when the ball smacked SeokJin’s face before bouncing away, you tried to ignore the burning feel of where his palms had been, and the other feeling of eyes boring holes into your head from behind you.

-

That evening, you were drinking punch from the food and drinks table when Jisoo dragged you away.

“They’re playing truth or dare. You are not standing beside the food the whole night Y/N.” she said.

“Jisoo…”

“Come on, you’re positively glowing in that dress. It will be a shame if you don’t get into the circle and act as decoration here the whole night.”

You had to admit, you did look nice in the black dress you wore that had spaghetti straps, with the colour highlighting your eyes and red lipstick.

Except you felt uncomfortable, since you had caught Jeon Jungkook staring at you the whole evening.

Because you could practically see the dark pupils in his eyes from afar, and he had given you another smirk and a thumbs up before he turned away.

His white tee shirt and tight black jeans only caused the veins on his muscular arms to pop out more, you noticed as you reluctantly headed towards the circle and sat between Jisoo and another girl, Sowon, who gave you a friendly smile as she made space for you.

“Ah, Y/N.” Jungkook said. “I see you decided to join us.”

You ignored him as you looked at Namjoon. “What are the rules?” You asked him.

“Spin the bottle. Whoever the bottle lands on has to either tell a truth or do a dare. Skipping turns with shots is only allowed for a maximum of three times.”

Nodding, you watched as Jisoo flipped a coin and shouted. “Heads! The guys start first.”

-

Two years ago.

You stood outside the door of your house, in your simple white dress that had small sequins sewn onto the collar, your hair tied in a high ponytail as you closed your eyes and yawned. Thank god you had finished your biology assignment a few hours before.

It had been a small family gathering and you were absolutely bored of playing the door girl who had to greet everyone with a cheery smile.

Where was the fruit punch again?

“Tired, Y/N?”

Startled, you opened your eyes to find Jungkook staring at you, his face inches from yours.

Way too close.

You inched back against the wall. Jungkook was wearing a black leather jacket over his white tee shirt inside, you knew he liked white tee shirts. His black pants fit him snugly.

“Uh, no. I’m just bored. Wait why are you here?”

“Your mother invited us. Remember?”

Oh yeah. Your family and the Jeon were quite friendly and amicable with each other.

“Oh…there’s the food and drinks.” You gestured to the table a distance away from you. “Want some?”

Jungkook shrugged. “I’m not hungry. Come with me.”

He didn’t even give you a chance to protest as he grabbed you by the arm and pulled you out onto the street.

“Jungkook!”

“What?” He looked at you. “Relax, I already asked your mom for permission. You can’t possibly be door girl for those four hours of the gathering.”

“Where are you taking me?”

He smiled. “Well, I told your mom the park.” Your shoulders sagged in relief. You needed some fresh air.

“Except well, I’m going to Hoseok’s party, and I saw you dressed perfectly for the occasion.” He patted the black seat of his bike as he thrust a helmet in your hands. “Hop on.”

-

Namjoon spun the bottle, which landed stopped in Yoongi’s direction. Yoongi shrugged before muttering the word truth.

“Alright, if you had to date a guy in this room, who would it be?” Jimin asked him. Yoongi snorted. “Not you fam, ask Hoseok to come hold my hand.” Jimin pouted while Hoseok brightened.

The next turn was Jisoo, who got dared by Jimin, to kiss Jimin. You could have very well done without that ten seconds of mouth in mouth action in your line of sight.

Taehyung put two fingers in his mouth as he pretended to keel over and puke. “Alright hormonal people, let’s move on.”

The next time, well, the bottle pointed at you.

You were about to make a move to drink from your red plastic cup when Jisoo stopped you. “No way woman, not a shot in the very first time you get a turn.” You raised your eyebrows at her before sighing. “Truth.”

Seokjin asked the question. “How long has it been since you got laid?”

You blushed abit before you looked at him. “I didn’t think you had it in you to ask something like this Seokjin. But yeah, ten months.”

There were many audible gasps around the room.

“How have you survived so far?” Sowon asked.

“Do your books help you get off?”

“Hey, how are you still not pouncing on one of us yet?” Jungkook asked you.

You stared at him. “Even if I were to pounce on someone, it wouldn’t be you, Jungkookie.” Jungkook narrowed his eyes at you. You knew he hated being called kookie, it made him look like a baby.

Jimin patted him on the back. “Need cold water, buddy?”

He shook his head, but you could tell from his eyes that revenge would come soon.

After several rounds and two shots from your own self , the next time the bottle pointed to you, Jisoo didn’t even give you a chance to take your final shot before yelling it.

“I dare you to give Jungkook a lap dance for thirty seconds.”

What. The. Fuck.

“Oh no no no no no no.”

“Why not?” Jungkook challenged. “Scared that you’ll pounce on me?”

You gritted your teeth.

Jisoo, was officially your murder victim.

“I’ll do it.”

Ignoring the wolf whistles that were being thrown, you steeled yourself as you made your way over to Jungkook who was sitting on the floor. He spread his palms in a welcoming manner, that cocky smirk plastered in his face.

“I’m all yours, sweetheart.”

Huffing, you spread your legs on either side of his hips and took a seat on his lap.

Slowly, you started moving, as you locked eyes with Jungkook’s brown ones as you moved your hips and ignoring the feeling that sparked within you when your crotch came into contact with his, you rolled your hips, refusing to break eye contact with Jungkook.

The idiot actually chose the time to run his hands down your arms and hips, tilting his head at you, smirk still on his face. You shuddered at the tingling feeling that he left on your skin, biting your lip as his fingers danced on your thigh, which even though was still, covered by your black dress, you could still feel the heat from his fingers surging into your skin, the sensations causing arousal and heat to pool in your core.

You actually felt him underneath you beneath the layers of clothing between the both of you, and thirty seconds had never seemed so long.

You froze as he leaned in the whisper in your ear.

“You’re definitely wet, Y/N.”

As he pulled away, there was clapping all around you.

“Thanks for the live porn, both of you!” You glared at Jimin.

And as you made your way back beside Jisoo and sat down, you let out a long exhale as you saw Jungkook run his tongue over his lips as he looked at you.

-

Two years ago

The party was fun.

If you counted fun as standing beside the bar and drinking fruit juice from your cup every ten minutes while you stared at everyone else on the dance floor, glancing at the occasional couple who you didn’t know how, made it up the staircase while being all over each other.

Where was Jungkook? Where was the kitchen knife so you could stab your own self? You were pretty sure you would look like a beautiful piece of art for the vampire when your blood turned your white dress a dark shade of crimson. It definitely beat being stuck with fruit punch.

Eww, cut the morbid thoughts Y/N.

Speak of the devil.

Jungkook appeared beside you as he snatched the cup out of your hands, drank a mouthful before putting it on the table.

“You were supposed to come here to loosen up Y/N. Not stick with drinks, that, might I add, are not even alcoholic.”

“We are not legal yet.”

He shook his head at you. “Fine. Come on, Hoseok has great taste in music. Dance with me.”

“Jungkook I don’t dan-” He ignored your protests as he dragged you into the crowd of people dancing all around you, and you tried not to whimper.

You had never danced before at all.

Jungkook must have seen the look on your face because he put both his hands on your shoulders as he looked you in the eyes, tufts of black hair framing his own ones.

“Hey Y/N, hey, deep breaths, and just follow my lead.”

-

Standing on the balcony of the kitchen, you faced the sea, enjoying the view. The lighthouses occasionally shone in your direction as few ships sailed on the waters, city lights twinkling a long distance away, blurred by the mist.

You closed your eyes as you allowed the cool breeze to blow in your face.

“Comfy?” You opened your eyes in surprise as you turned to see Jungkook standing behind you. Just like you, still in his clothes from earlier. The others were either goofing around somewhere, or like Jimin and Jisoo, were hooking up. That left the two of you here. Why did you choose to stay in the chalet and not go home, you weren’t sure.

“Yeah, why are you here?” You turned away from him and Jungkook came to stand beside you, leaning on the balcony railing.

Don’t think about it.

Two years ago

It had been day of your graduation and you all were dressed in your party wear after the ceremony.

You had been standing outside the hall near the photobooth looking for Jisoo, when you felt someone grab your wrist from behind.

Park Min Rae was positively glaring at you.

“Yah! You bitch! Jeon Jungkook must have broke up with me because of you!”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Don’t feign ignorance with me, slut.”

“I…I…”

Crack. You felt a burning sting on your face where she had slapped you.

“I’m honestly so angry right now. I always knew you were eyeing my boyfriend.”

“Wrong words to use, sweetheart.”

Jungkook pulled your wrist and you were suddenly standing beside him.

“Firstly, I’m not yours. Secondly, I’m not your boyfriend . ”

Min Rae shot you a look filled with hatred.

“I knew it!” She screeched. “You’re with her!”

You shot Jungkook a pleading look as he ran his thumb up and down your wrist.

“I never said that woman. But then, you should have known that with your constant harping, I’d break up with you sooner or later.”

“Besides,” he leaned in to kiss you on the cheek, lips seemed to stick there for a few seconds as you stood in shock. “Y/N’s a much better person than you are.”

Even now, could still feel that kiss imprinted on your cheek. The burning feeling, as if it had happened only awhile ago.

-

Jungkook had let you go after Min Rae left in anger and Jisoo had appeared a few moments later, the both of you unable to exchange words with each other.

He had not said a word to you the whole evening, even giving you the cold shoulder the entire week after, barely glancing at you when you two happened to be at the doors of your homes at the same time, walking away before you could even mutter something.

Your family had moved away to be nearer to the campus of your new university a few days after.

And as the Jeons came out to bid you goodbye, Jungkook was the only one who wasn’t there.

So much for knowing him for three years. Or maybe you were quite angry because you had suppressed the feeling of actually allowing him to make your heart flutter before.

“Y/N.”

“What?” You glared at him.

“You are honestly damn good at bearing grudges you know that?”

“Oh so you know why I was so cold? Wow Jungkook, I thought you suffered from amnesia or something.”

“Hey, I’m sorry for that alright. I’m sorry for using you get a clean break with Min Rae.”

“So you actually admit that you used me? The least you could have done was actually speak to me after that! Not leave me hanging about my feelings or your feelings because I could have maybe looked at asked another guy to dance on graduation night instead of trying to absorb what-”

Jungkook suddenly grabbed you by the waist as he used the other to steady you against the balcony railing, which your back was now leaning against.

“I was a coward not to confess to you two years because if I thought you were a sweet angel last time, you’re positively a devil right now.” He purred. “So not a word about another guy Y/N.”

“Besides,” he smirked as he raised an eyebrow at you, causing you to gasp when his knee parted your legs and he leaned in, his lips barely touching yours as he grazed your jaw and down your neck. “We have some unfinished business from earlier, don’t we?”

~Admin Waffle

[idemandoolong]

It’s not racism, Negro. It’s you.

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I believe the federal government decided to break up the Black Family when it was obvious blacks were going to finally get civil rights after centuries of requesting and demanding them. In a previous post, I wrote about how in the 1960’s, 25 percent of black children were born to unmarried parents, but just one generation later, that percentage zoomed to 70 percent. Why? Because federal benefits created in the 1960’s replaced black fathers, who were already struggling to comfortably provide for their families due to racism. I believe this was intentional.

Today, statistics show about 75 percent of black children are born to unmarried parents. That is a staggering number. Now, you may hear people saying things such as, “Well the single mother rate for all races is increasing, so this is normal.” Yes, that’s true, but Blacks are winning in that department by a landslide. Asian-Americans are at 17 percent, whites are at 30 percent, and Hispanics are at 50 percent. Also, black women are the least likely to be married of all demographics, and they are the most likely to be divorced. I hate to say it, but a married black couple who have never been married before and have at least one child who was born after they were married is uncommon in the United States. The chances are more likely that at least one of the partners is divorced, at least one of the partners has a child from a previous relationship, and that the couple will end up divorcing. It’s even more likely that the female partner will never marry, and she will instead be a “baby mama” to a man who has at least one other “baby mama.”

And don’t act like you don’t see it.

We’ve all seen the group of black women in the mall surrounded by children, and not one man is present.

We’ve all seen the black woman pushing the stroller down the street with no ring on her finger.

We’ve all seen the social media posts the black woman posts of her child(ren), but never of her husband. And if there is a man, he’s the “baby daddy” not to just her child(ren), but to another woman’s as well.

We’ve all seen the couple posting videos of their gender reveal party, but never of their engagement party or wedding.  

We’ve all seen Maury and Paternity Court.

And we shrug and say, “Well it is what it is.”

But despite all this, we blame white folks for all our problems. We point the finger at racism and discrimination and prejudice when our families are literally falling apart by our own doing. Did The White Man tell you to have unprotected sex with that 27yr old ex-con unemployed aspiring rapper who asked you for bus fare so he can get back to his single mother’s house but texts you from a fake phone number so his third baby mama won’t find out? Did The White Man tell you to have unprotected sex with that 22yr old hair stylist with a GED and 19 inches of somebody else’s hair glued in her own hair who has four children by three different men and participates in “Man Crush Monday” on Instagram by posting pictures of married celebrities and posing half-naked for “likes”?

Now you have a(nother) baby you can barely provide for, and it’s Donald Trump’s fault.

You cannot stand there and confidently proclaim that you have absolutely nothing to do with the unpleasant aspects of your life when you’re voluntarily (and knowingly) making foolish decisions. You know they’re foolish.

Oh, but do you?

See, this is where family and community come into play. You very well may not believe the man or woman I described are not fit to be healthy partners, spouses, or parents because that is all you see. Most of the men you know are similar to him. Most of the women you know are similar to her. They’re in your schools. Your neighborhoods. Your jobs. That’s all you have to choose from. But why are these your only options? Again, because of the breakdown of the Black Family.

And when you meet a black person who isn’t like that, you think something is wrong with him/her.

He has no criminal record. He has no children. He’s never been married. He has an advanced degree. Maybe two…but you believe he’s beyond your reach, or that he’s too good to be true. So you settle for what’s familiar, because familiarity provides a (false) sense of security. You know what to expect when dealing with that triflin ass fool with six baby mams. You don’t know what to expect when dealing with the black guy who has an impeccable resume and credentials. Girl…he might bring you to his college reunion at some university that has manicured lawns, a lacrosse team, and running water! That’s pretty intimidating to somebody who grew up watching fight videos on YouTube and live tweets “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.”

Now on the other hand, she has no criminal record, no children, never been married, has an advanced degree. Maybe two…but you believe she’s beyond your reach, or that she’s too good to be true. So you settle for what’s familiar, because familiarity provides a (false) sense of security. You know what to expect when dealing with that triflin ass fool with three baby daddies. You don’t know what to expect when dealing with the black woman who has an impeccable resume and credentials. Man…she might bring you to her job’s Christmas party where everyone is wearing J. Crew, Express, and Brooks Brothers, nobody does the Cupid Shuffle, and an argument doesn’t break out about if LeBron is better than Jordan! That’s pretty intimidating to somebody who grew up trying to get famous off of SoundCloud and live tweets “Black Ink Crew.”

Are you starting to see what I’m getting at? When the family is dysfunctional, the members participate in dysfunctional activities. Many of us know that one “uppity” relative who doesn’t communicate with the family much. Everyone says “He think he better than us,” or “She think she got it goin’ on.” In reality, nine times out of ten, that uppity family member doesn’t associate with you all because he/she recognized the dysfunction, tried to fix it, was criticized, so he/she planned an escape, executed it, and never looked back. Rather than the family saying, “Hmmm…maybe they’re onto something,” they said, “Don’t talk to them. They think they’re better than us.” 

When people can no longer control you, they try to control how people see you.

Now I’m not saying families with money are functional and healthy. I’m just saying a lot of black families are dysfunctional and unhealthy, but we blame everybody else for our issues. It’s the government’s fault. It’s the school’s fault. It’s the uppity family member’s fault.

At what point do you realize you’re living in dysfunction, especially when it’s all you’ve ever seen? It’s like describing the ocean to a camel or a desert to a whale. Well that’s just an excuse people use. It only works up to a certain age. At some point, everyone realizes the rules of the game. The game of life. You realize what the rules are, but you don’t want to follow them. You cheat, you always lose, then you blame The White Man.

Allow me to explain.

First, answer these questions. Typically speaking, is it easier for a person with children at home to attend college, or is it easier for a person without children at home to attend college?

Is it easier for a person without a family to move to a different city for more opportunities, or is it easier for a person with a family to move to a different city for more opportunities?

Is it easier for a person with a family to work long hours, or is it easier for a person without a family to work long hours?

A single person without children has an easier time to focus on his/her own life than anyone else does. The game of life is set up for single people with no children…at least in the beginning. This is why people who make six-figures or close to it almost always marry later and have children later. And by later, I’m talking mid-30’s and up. They do everything for themselves first because it’s easier, and they recognize the game was designed that way.

On the other hand, people who make an average salary or lower almost always marry and/or have children in their 20’s and younger. Why? Because they try to cheat the game of life.

By the time you’re 18, you know the rules of the game. However, it’s up to you to follow them. Now, as I stated before, many black people are in families that encourage them to have children young, move in with romantic partners they don’t really know, have multiple children by multiple partners, not marry, etc. The families and the communities aren’t actively telling them to do these things…but everyone in the family and community is doing these things.

So why are they doing it? Because they want the things you ought to wait for to get. They don’t want to wait to have children and get married and create a family and have an above-average income and all of that. They want those things now, so they try to rush everything. That’s what I mean by cheating. The system is not set up for a 22yr old with three children to have a PhD and work as an executive at a law firm. It’s set up for a 72yr old to have a PhD and children in their mid-30’s to work as an executive at a law firm. If you do the math, at 72, this law firm executive had his/her first child around age 37—which, as I stated, is normal for those raking in six figures.

That 22yr old sees the 72yr old driving the Jaguar and living in a six-bedroom, six-bathroom home and thinks, “I want that!” So he/she runs out, sleeps with the first knucklehead who pays them attention for more than five seconds, has a baby, then can’t figure out what went wrong.

Where’s my Jaguar?

Where’s my huge house?

Where are my garden parties?

Where’s my Brooks Brothers wardrobe?

It’s The White Man’s fault! The White Man is keeping me down!

No, dummy. It’s your fault. And you know that.

 The White Man didn’t make you sleep with her.

The White Man didn’t make you sleep with him.

The White Man didn’t make you get that DUI.

The White Man didn’t make you goof off in school.

The White Man didn’t make you sell drugs.

The White Man didn’t make you abuse your children.

The White Man didn’t make you get that assault charge.

The White Man didn’t make you spend money on $300 hair or $250 shoes.

The White Man didn’t make you buy all those lottery tickets.

The White Man didn’t make you do shit.

YOU did that shit because you were trying to speed up the process of life. It took that executive 72 years to get to where he/she is. You didn’t want to wait that long. That’s where you fucked up.

Now does The White Man encourage you to do those things? Of course! He encourages you with reality shows and music videos and movies and television shows and all of that…but he doesn’t make you do any of that. He encourages black people to do that shit so he can remain secure in his position of power. He encourages you, but you don’t have to abide. Just like your teacher and /or supervisor encourages you to do shit, and you don’t always do what they say. You make a choice. At the end of the day, you make a choice.

You chose to scroll through Instagram all day while your classmate chose to study for the GRE.

You chose to go to that Memorial Day cookout while your neighbor chose to work that extra shift at work.

You chose to go on that cruise while your sibling chose to apply for that internship.

You chose to read the gossip blogs while your friend chose to read that book about environmental science.

Now here you are. Mad at The White Man and calling your former classmate uppity. Calling your former neighbor a sellout. Calling your sibling an Oreo. Calling your friend fake. All because they have the life you wish you had, but you didn’t have the patience to work for. You looked for shortcuts while they took the way that was on the map. And ironically, they got to the finish line as your black ass was still looking for shortcuts.

Make different choices, folks. That’s all it really is about. Choices and patience.

[inarsics]

Jikook and yoonmin 3, 10, 11, 19, 23, 33, 39 & 41 (Im sorry if this is too many it's okay if you cant do both and all)

Ahhhh i’m sorry i don’t have any experience with y/m (;-; ) 

This will be a long post, so i’ll put it under here!!! 

3 - Are they open about their relationship? How do they feel about public displays of affection?

In a world where they’re not idols, yes, they’re very very open about their relationship. They don’t see why they have to hide, and neither of them want the other to think that they’re a dirty little secret. And when I say open, I mean sometimes getting caught having sex on their balcony lmao

In the idol world, I think they’d both be a little more careful. They’d hate it, and get frustrated about it, but they know that it’s for the best. If they want to keep their relationship, they’ll have to hide it for a while. 

10 - Who drives? Cooks? Does the handiwork? Cleans? Pays the bills? Handles the public?

Jungkook drives!! And not just because Jimin doesn’t have his licence but because Jimin thinks he looks hot whilst doing it. Also, Jungkook has the steadier hand when Jimin gets bored and decides to have a little fun lol. 

They would both cook!! Though they’re not at Seokjin’s level, they both give it a try. If it turns out bad they agree that they should just order take-out!! 

They both clean too! They split the bills in half, and it really depends on their mood on who handles the public. Even if they’re both not feeling up to it, they do their best to keep up a smile. It’s mostly Jimin who handles it. He’s the oldest, the most responsible, but Jungkook can also step up if need be. 

11 - Do they celebrate holidays? Anniversaries?

They do!!! They celebrate all the holidays! They’re favourites being Halloween and Christmas of course!! They decorate the apartment every time. They’re the couple that goes all out during the holidays because the other people in the building don’t care too much. The kids in their building love them. They always talk about how much more fun it’ll be once they have kids of their own because then they have an excuse to go trick or treating lol. Jungkook mostly is excited about the candy, and Jimin tells him he can just go to the store to get it but, 

“Hyung... it’s not fun that way...” 

As for anniversaries, they don’t care too much about the monthly ones, but they definitely care about the yearly ones. They always go on some sort of trip. Maybe camping, or hiking, or a quick vacation in Italy or Japan. They like the beach a lot too. Have thought about renting a beach house one day when they’re older.

19 - What do they fight about? What are their arguments like? How do they make up?

They get into pretty childish arguments. They’re both very competitive, so they’ll get into fights involving videos games or how much food the other can shove into their mouth without throwing up. Jungkook usually wins those. Their arguments are never too serious, however, if there was an issue that could complicate their relationship, they’ll sit and talk it out. 

Usually, they make up pretty quickly. If it’s a playful argument, it often leads to making out or just sex in the living room. They like to rile each other up, like to tease each other whenever they can. They know it’s not serious, it just makes the sex that much hotter for them. 

23 - How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort?

Their hugs can be intense and sweet. When one of them is having a rough day, the other will crawl into their lap and cuddle up into the other’s arms. believing that their partner can protect them from the wrongs of the world. Jungkook does this most of the time. When classes and schedules become too much, no matter where Jimin is, he’ll latch on, bury his face in Jimin’s neck and not let go for thirty minutes. Jimin doesn’t mind. He’s always willing to comfort Jungkook in any way he can, vice versa. 

Their more intense hugs are reserved for reunions after long periods of time apart. Separated for longer than a few weeks, you bet these two will be making out right in the middle of the airport. So wrapped up in each other they can’t feel any sort of shame. 

They tease and flirt all the time. There’s never really a dull moment with these two. They flirt even after years of being together, they tease whenever they can. It’s to make each other laugh. They know each other well, it’s how they show their love. There’s no malice behind it, it’s just how they work. It’s their dynamic. 

33 - What kind of presents do they get each other? Do they only do it on special occasions?

They get each other presents most of the time. Every Friday they’ll get each other flowers. If one of them forgets, they make up for it by cooking or doing something the other likes. Since Jimin likes rings, Jungkook does keep an eye out for jewelry whenever he’s out shopping. And when Jimin passes by a game store, he’ll wander around and look through all the games to see if there were any that he thinks Jungkook would like. He feels like a parent shopping for their kid but he loves the way Jungkook’s face brightens up when Jimin drops a game onto his lap and says he thought of him. 

On special occasions, they get each other a new bead for their promise bracelets that they’ve had since high school. Every year, one bead is added to count down the years they’ve been together. 

39 -  Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first?  When did they realize they were in love?

I think they both fell at the same time. While Jungkook was less vocal about his affections, he was the first to ask Jimin out. They both had different ways of showing their affections, however, Jungkook was definitely the first to step up because Jimin wanted to see what he’d do. Poor baby bun was left to suck it up and just get on with it lmao 

They went in for the kiss at the same time, bumping foreheads after a date at the park. It was still sunny outside, yet they still managed to clonk their heads together on accident. They laugh about it before Jimin leans up and pecks Jungkook on the lips chastely. 

Jungkook falls first. 18 years old and a little careless, he blurts it out when they’re alone in Jimin’s room. Jimin, who’s in his first year of college already, who’s a little more mature now, is a little startled. He tells Jungkook that they might be moving too fast and that he needs to figure it out himself. Jungkook ends up crying, and they don’t see each other for a few days. And within those few days, Jimin is worried sick. He calls Jungkook all the time, asks if he’s okay. Drops by the school to see him but Jungkook always avoids him. Then... when Jimin thinks that enough is enough, he barges right into Jungkook’s room and demands they talk. He accidentally says that he’s in love too without realising, and they both cry about it. 

41 - Are they party-goers? What are they like when they’re drunk? Does it happen often?

They do go to parties on occasion, but it’s not very often that they go by themselves! They’re always with the rest of the boys since they trust each other to look out for one another, but they’re still adults so they can be quite reckless!! 

Jimin is a pretty happy drunk. He’s a little silly and he can get quite touchy with Jungkook, who is a loud, competitive drunk. He’ll challenge anyone to a drinking game. He’ll get blackout drunk if it means he’ll win. You can usually find these two in the corner of the room with a group of people. Jungkook is doing shots after shots, while Jimin is nestled in his lap, kissing along his neck and jaw, having the time of his life. They’re weird, but they work well together. 

This usually doesn’t happen! They have fun with each other without alcohol!! It’s only when Taehyung drags them to one of his ‘social gatherings’ that they get this way. Nevertheless, they’re both pretty wild when they drink lol 

 Send me a ship and a number and I’ll tell you

[allhallows-art]

WRITING REQUESTS

So, I’ve decided to redo this shit I did a while back. A long time ago, I compiled a huge list of AU’s and I’ve decided to repost it. If you want a bit of writing done for the following people:

SuperMega Game Grumps Markiplier ( and crew including Tyler and Ethan ) HatFilms Sidemen Cow Chop CancerCrew Then all you have to do is pick from the list below, send the number to me along with who you want it to be about. I’ll try and get through them as soon as I can. They’ll probably all be shit and jokey bc that’s my writing style but I hope you enjoy Thanks to @apocalypto-12​ for rekindling my love for writing and feel free to pick some Au’s and I'll write them for you babe

1. ‘my parents are rly religious and forced me to this meeting I hate everything the entire world is against me what the actual fuck did a stranger just send me nudes’ 2. I’m passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I must shove it down your throat 3. all our friends are drunk 4. it’s 3 am and I’m still in the library studying for finals and I’m losing my grip on reality and I think I just saw a ghost 5. We’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances 6. You decked me in the head while you were playing frisbee golf 7. I’ve been sitting in this seat all semester why did you decide to sit in it today 8. my friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me 9. it’s 3am, in the dead of winter, some motherfucker pulled/set off the fire alarm and I am being very vocal about how I’m gonna make that fucker pay 10. you’re the fucker who set off the fire alarm with your awful cooking (or) I’m the fucker who set off the fire alarm with my awful cooking 11. dude your headphones are loud like I can make out most of Kayne’s lyrics and I’m sitting across the fucking room 12. you live above me and I’m going to murder you if you don’t stop throwing parties Sunday night 13. ‘me and my roommate decided to decorate our house for Halloween but got really into it, and ended up re-enacting several scenes from nightmare on elm street so loud the neighbours called the police to investigate screams’ 14. I broke your nose at a mosh pit 15. “You were chased by the cops, got in my car and just yelled ‘Drive!’” 16. “You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friend’s house and I should call the cops but my cat kinda likes you so we’re good” 17. “You saw me reading the same book you did and we got into a heated discussion on how much it sucks 18. “My cat steals underwear and I come home to find you chasing my cat to get your underwear back.” 19. “This horrible umbrella won’t extend! Oh, shit I just hit you in the stomach/crotch! I’m so sorry.” 20. “I drunkenly tried to fight you and knocked myself out but you were kind enough to take care of me till I woke up.” 21. “I thought you were my friend so I slapped your ass in greeting.” 22. “I’m watching The Lion King on my phone and I’m trying to hide the fact I’m sobbing uncontrollably but you notice anyway.” 23. cat person and dog person meet at petco and their pets won’t stop hissing and growling at each other 24. we’re both ‘team leaders’ at a summer camp for little people and you may be hot but goddammit my collection of twelve-year-olds are going to beat yours into the dust 25. a mutual friend invited us to their laser tag party and we’re the last two alive on opposite teams and goddammit if I’m going down you’re going down with me 26. ‘I met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3 in the morning and when I asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that’s why you’re here right now also what the fuck is your name and why were you patting a dog in a stranger’s backyard in the middle of the night’ 27. 'last night was a haze for both of us and somehow we woke up hungover in a bed that isn’t either of ours and neither of us recognize this apartment we should probably get out of here before someone calls the cops on us’ 28. 'i found you sleeping on my balcony when I went out to water my plants why are you here and more importantly how did you get here we’re eighteen floors up’ 29. ‘I called the wrong number and started talking about my life and you only interrupted me after a few a few minutes of me revealing some pretty personal stuff and now your invested in my life troubles’ 30. ‘we’re two thirds of the threesome we had last night and we’re walking awkwardly out of the last person’s apartment together’ 31. ‘I’ve had a really awful day so I started kicking a car out of frustration and it turned out to be your car I’m so sorry’ 32. I always see you doing weird shit at ridiculous hours of the night and it makes me feel better because I do weird shit in the middle of the night too 33. “I’m going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else." 34. “So why did I have to punch that guy?” 35. “I hope you know that my name is actually ________.” 36. "That is the tenth demon summoning this week holy shit.” 37. “Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2AM?” 38. “You need to stop leaving dead bodies in my kitchen.” 39. I asked you to babysit one time and now my child keeps asking when you will spend time with them again 40. “I’m so sorry that my child pointed out how your shirt- actually never mind I agree, that shirt is horrendous” 41. “You’re drunk and walked into the wrong apartment and fell asleep on my couch oh god you’re going to be so confused in the morning” 42. “I’m at work and my son needs to be picked up from school do you mind?” 43. “Okay well it turns out you’re really good with kids and my son has started calling you daddy and insists we move in so ‘we can be a real family’” 44. “Our dogs whine whenever they’re apart so we spend pretty much every day together” 45. “I walked in on your ex yelling at you so you grabbed me and kissed me so she’d go away and I’m kind of freaked out I literally just met you last week” 46. I’m giving out candy for Halloween and you brought your little sibling trick or treating and I think that’s sweet 47. I accidentally egged the wrong house and I’m trying to apologize but it’s one in the morning and you’re pissed off and I’m so sorry 48. “I live below you and I was minding my own business watching the snowfall out the window WHEN I SAW A BODY FALL ARE YOU REALLY PUTTING UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS NOW” 49. “our Christmas party turned into a tropical theme because the radiator is broken and it’s hotter than hell in here - damn you look good without a shirt I never noticed before asgdhfjgkhl” 50. You’re allergic to cats but my cat really likes you my bad 51. You caught me having a Barbie movie marathon and now I’m trying to keep you from telling anyone about this! 52. met at a family reunion but not related to each other 53. your kid hates my kid 54. Accidentally “parkoured” through your window and I must pay you back but I’m dead broke 55. It’s a rainy day and I see you get side-splashed by a car and I’m laughing so hard until I get hit too 56. Drunkenly sold my soul to a demon and now I’m their bitch but this might be not so bad 57. Work at the same shitty restaurant and have all the same shitty shift times 58. 'What the fuck are you doing its midnight why are you playing 'My Heart Will Go On' on the piano' 59. “I came up to your apartment to ask you to turn down your music and have quieter sex, but it turns out that you’ve just been jumping up and down on your bed in your underwear listening to music alone 60. 'I heard you singing backstreet boys at 3am and decided to sing along oops’ (other old boybands can be substituted) 61. 'I was walking by the roller coasters and SOMEONE’S SHOE FLEW OFF AND HIT ME IN THE HEAD 62. you’re the drummer for my brother’s band and I find you hot (bonus: the band is really shit and the drummer doesn't want to be there so uses the other person as an excuse to get out of practice) 63. we go to the same coffee shop every evening to do homework but we never speak to each other until today 64. I’m only your friend because we smoke weed and get high together 65.

66. “I want to blame my young child from accidentally breaking your window with a baseball, but it actually was in fact me, and I was aiming for your roof I am sorry 67. we have apartments next to each other and sometimes you’re blasting shitty music but other times you’re jerking off and that’s even louder than the music please quite down 68. “I’m a biker and one day I was biking in your neighborhood while you just happened to be outside watering the plants and since you’re so goddamn cute I accidentally steered into a pole and now you’re giving me first aid (holy shit you’re even cuter up close)” 69. “I’m at a karaoke bar and I’m sober enough to realize that your voice singing my absolute favorite song is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard, and you caught me staring and winked at me oh shit" 70. “it’s 2 in the morning and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole – would you please stop laughing you’re a cop. you’re supposed to be helping” 71. “you can’t get tattooed drunk, come back in the morning and if you still want my name on your ass we’ll talk" 72. ‘I walked into the public bathroom at a mcdonalds and you’re dangling halfway out of an air vent do I even want to know what you were doing’ 73. ‘I found you on the roof of my house passed out with a black eye holding a fire extinguisher’ 74. I accidentally texted the wrong number with a cat meme and you replied back with a different one unexpectedly and we just kept going ‘till I was convinced I would marry you 75. I’m best friends with your brother and when we were face-chatting you walked past in your boxers and bent over to pick something up and I tried averting my eyes but that ass 76. Detective partners 77. Reincarnation 78. Childhood friends with adjoining houses/rooms 79. This is the end of the world and we’re all we’ve got 80. I keep calling tech support because you’re helpful and your voice is cute 81. Competitive buskers who eventually for a band 82. Pen pals who vent to each other every week 83. Working at a theatre together during midnight premiere of a blockbuster 84. Meeting while waiting for hours in the a&e 85. Panicked yelling in unison because of lost baggage between connecting flights 86. Book store 87. Reluctant team mates who save the world together 88. Stuck in an airport because our flights were very delayed and it’s like 2am 89. Pretending to be siblings because of reasons 90. Teaming up to rescue respective abducted children 91. Trapped in a bank during a robbery 92. I’m pretending to be your bff bc you look very uncomfortable with that person at the bar 93. New fbi partner is hot 94. You accidentally shipped this weird thing to my apartment 95. Inappropriately timed confessions 96. At a ski lodge somehow got stuck outside in a storm hey look an abandoned cabin logically thinking go inside for warmth 97. Oops friend looks like the only place to sleep in this house is this small twin sized bed guess we are sharing 98. Inappropriately timed proposals 99. Called the wrong number while drunk 100. Hitchhiker 101. Arranged marriage 102. Fallen angel 103. Fashion designer 104. Zombie apocalypse 105. Backpacking across Europe 106. Mermaid 107. Band on tour 108. Small town lovers 109. Ice skaters 110. Dancing partners 111. Singing partners 112. Lawyers/ detectives 113. Writer and editor 114. Photographer and model 115. Stuck in a lift together 116. Phycologist and a patient 117. Partners in crime 118. Dystopian 119. Utopian 120. We both got kicked out of our rooms bc our room mates are hooking up and we are now avoiding each other 121. Laser tag 122. Walked by a rollercoaster and got hit in the head by a shoe 123. Swim team 124. Got mistaken for a celeb by their biggest fan 125. Sorry I set the fire alarm off for like the forty ninth time I tried to cook 126. I’m a werewolf but I’m embarrassed to tell you bc my wolf form is more like a Chihuahua 127. We both tried to rob a bank at the same time 128. Mistaken identity 129. Trapped on a desert island 130. Lab partners 131. Runaway royalty and a confused commoner 132. Android ad human 133. Immortal and non-immortal 134. Detention 135. Time travel 136. Came to the wrong Halloween party 137. Pranked the wrong person 138. Accidentally scared a kid and their adult is angry at me 139. Rival super heroes trying to save the same small town 140. Neighbours who only met because “I cannot get this stupid jar open can you help?” 141. We made a bet at the beginning of laser tag guess who won pay up 142. I’m on the FBIs most wanted for killing a ton of people but dw I just wanna date you bc your face is smoochable and you give me butterflies 143. Life sized version of clue in an old abandoned manor 144. Reunited after surviving zombie apocalypse 145. “are we both robbing the same house?” 146. Kissed them as a distraction to steal their wallet 147. “you know you’re singing out loud to your headphones, right?” 148. “I think my dog likes your dog” 149. Little kids getting way caught up in make believe 150. Lives alone in the woods next to a waterfall finds a confused lost person walking round 151. Fighting a squirrel 152. Spy 153. Private security 154. Angry biologists 155. Historians 156. Crazy cat hoarder and frustrated allergic to cats neighbour 157. Modern royalty 158. Got up at 2am for snacks at the store and found you trying to sleep in the hallway bc your roommates have his fiancée over and I guess I’ll lend you my couch 159. My cat went into your apartment through an open window and likes to piss everywhere and ruin furniture and now your back home from the store and you found me in the middle of your living room but I promise I’m not a burglar 160. Its 3 am and as much as you have a great music taste people are trying to sleep 161. My best friend somehow broke me to and tonight it the season finale of my fav to show and no internet streams are working can I watch it on you to please I promise I’ll go back to my apartment once it’s over 162. “I moved into the apartment next door and its totally haunted crash I crash here tonight” 163. “I may or may not have just robbed a bank and please help me get away I will pay you in sexual favors also cash” 164. “I don’t know you but you were at that party last night and long story short I now have your name tattooed on my ass2 165. “my friends dared me to go on this rollercoaster and now we are at the top and it looks hella scary and hello hot person next to me careful I might puke” 166. You thought you were alone at the bus stop early this morning so you started singing fall out boy loud but your Patrick stump impression could use some work and I’m not afraid to point that out 167. We’re rival up and coming singers and every time one of us releases a song the other covers it to try and make it better. We’re also always trying to out cute each other and top each other but half our fans ship us; our agents use this to their advantage and decide we should do a duet bc it would be popular but now we are in the studio together and I know and I kinda wanna know how your lips feel 168. Help I cannot find my cat and I know its 3 am but me and Neil cat rick Harris would appreciate the help 169. I’m a computer hacker trying to hack government systems but accidentally hacked your computer as you were searching up sex positions and looking at questionable porn 170. I’m a fandom blogger and you’re an aesthetic/fashion blogger and I accidentally followed you through that Tumblr radar thing but you’re too cute to unfollow 171. I sent you one of those ask memes Reponses saying that I would date you but we’ve never talked and you live half way across the world but now you’re interested whoops 172. You started banging on my door at 3 in the morning bc you got the wrong apartment and now I’m inviting you in for tea to bitch about the person you thought lived here 173. Person A accidentally falls in the pond trying to reach something and person B is a bystander who can’t help but laugh 174. Person B must grab person A from falling into the t6raintracks because they did stay behind the yellow line 175. you’re a store clerk and oh no I just spotted my ex can I hide behind your desk thingy 176. We’re neighbors and we’ve never talker but your cat may have gotten my cat pregnant guess we’ll have to raise a kitty family together. 177. A toddler broke your nose and I may or may not have snapped my thumb n an intense game of Mario kart and now we are sitting next to each other in A&E 178. I tried to rescue you from being robbed but got knocked out and you had to take me to the hospital after getting your wallet stolen 179. I purposefully get your coffee order wrong so you will talk to me again 180. I work at the checkout ad you are clearly not old enough to buy that 181. We are both con artists scamming each other 182. My hamster escaped and I think he went under your door 183. “Hey we hooked up last night and it turns out you’re my child’s teacher” 184. “we are neighbors and every night at 3;14 you start yodeling?? Why?? Is that you yodeling?? Its been two months??” 185. “I woke up this morning to find you in my living room with a goat wearing a poncho who are you?? Why is the goat wearing a poncho?? How did you get the goat here I live on the 12th floor?? 186. “I was playing beer pong with a coin and accidentally threw it in your eye at a party” 187. “okay I get that you’re a good thief and you don’t want to go to jail but I’m the tired af detective sent to catch you I stg if you let me bring you in I can get you a good deal” 188. “We’ve been nothing but friends our whole lives but then we played seven minutes in heaven on a dare and now I think I’m in love with you” 189. “My guitarist quit the night before a gig that could be my bands big break and apparently, you are really good but if you screw this up for us I will hunt you down and slit your throat” 190. “it’s the middle of the night and I’m walking in the dark and there’s this guy following me and he’s gaining on me and I found a phone booth with a lock on and tried to call my sister but my hand was shaking so now I’ve ended up calling you and I don’t know who you are but please help” 191. They captured you and put you in a room with me because I can suppress other people’s powers so you hate me but I’m just lonely and bored and want to talk to you 192. Esteemed rival chefs who find each other shamelessly buying ramen at 3am 193. “I know it’s the apocalypse but please can we keep this stray dog” 194. We’re at a murder mystery party and I’m sure you’re the killer 195. Your grandma is forward even though we are just friends 196. “We got into a really heated Wii tennis match and the rec and now I wanna bang you” 197. “you are literally the last person I would expect to see at Disneyland but hey wanna ride space mountain” 198. “YOU LIKE GAME OF THRONES TOO?!” 199. “in interviewing you for a newspaper can you please stop flirting with me and we can get coffee afterwards” 200. “we’re enemies by day but league of legends allies by night” 201. Ancient gods 202. Whoops I accidentally summoned a demon 203. Co captains who always argue 204. “I didn’t mean to throw the water balloon at you I meant to hit my friend behind you” 205. There was a food fight and I accidentally threw spaghetti at the scariest kid in school 206. “I happened to glance in your window when you did some air guitar and then you caught me looking” 207. “I live a block away from the pizza place that’s open until 2 am and you’re like always here which is nice because I get to see you but, um is you sleeping here because you’re literally always here” 208. “I swear to god if I hear you taking a shower at 3 in the morning I will fight you, the pipes in this building are right above my room WHY are you taking a shower at THREE IN THE MORNING” 209. 210. “I can literally hear you sneezing through the walls and I bought you some chicken soup because I have exams to study for and your sneezing is seriously distracting” 211. “Im the poor loser you lent your umbrella to yesterday and my cat scratched through the fabric I’m sorry” 212. “we were partnered for this project and both forgot to do it and now have to pull an all nighter at my house” 213. “I came to this Halloween part as Frankenstein and you came as frankenstein’s wife and now everyone thinks we are dates” 214. We’re the only ones at this tiny bus shelter and you’ve been crying for the past ten minutes and id give you privacy but its pouring down with rain outside so “do you want to talk about it?” I guess 215. You’ve just moved into my apartment and I want a drink but you’ve been in the kitchen for an hour and you will judge me for drinking whiskey at noon on a Sunday 216. We’re both in the brass section of the marching band and you won’t stop making ‘horny’ puns 217. You work in construction and I walk by every day to give you a bagel 218. I sit behind you in lecture and bio1102 is not the place to watch porn 219. We were the only idiots who showed up to ballroom dance class without a partner 220. We are in class and you keep throwing paper balls at me why 221. Its 2am and I’m knocking on your window, wake up let’s go on a late-night walk or something idk can we hold hands already 222. Our kids got paired up for a project and I meant just drop my kid off at your house but now we are at the end of a three hour talk 223. Battle of the bands 224. Our grandparents are in the same nursing home and hate each other whereas we don’t. 225. Arrested at the same protest 226. How do you keep getting my name that wrong on my coffee cup? 227. Only two people who bought tickets to this movie 228. Our manager is making us push this crappy item no one needs but you thought my campaigns was funny so you bought it 229. I desperately need you to fix my laptop but please don’t judge me for my browser history 230. My kid’s hamster died while she was at school and I don’t know how to tell her 231. I made a dumb science joke in class and you’re the only one who laughed 232. Everyone in our dorm has gone out but I have the flu and hear you coughing pathetically from the next room wanna share my stash of cough drops and have Netflix marathon 233. Got into a seriously heated argument in the comments of a mutual friends post 234. Rival street performers 235. My kid shoplifted from your store and I marched her right back to apologies 236. Why didn’t you tell me this place was haunted before I rented it from you? 237. My band plays at the same restraint every Friday and you always make obscure requests and I know you’re trying to stump me but you have rally underestimated how much of a music geek I am 238. m the caterer and you’re the florist for this wedding and we bond over talking about how bad of a person the bride’s mother is 239. We’re chaperoning these kids at an ice skating rink and that last couples skate was pathetic how about we show them how it’s done? 240. We both work at rivalling gossip magazines and keep trying to outdo each other ridiculous stories 241. I accidentally caught the neighbor’s yard on fire and I didn’t think it could get worse but the volunteer fireman reprimanding me is gorgeous and probably thinks I’m an idiot 242. I didn’t mean to get you arrested I thought I was helping 243. Your pizza keeps getting delivered to my house and I need to talk to you about your choice of toppings 244. Graffiti artist/ mural painter 245. You’re the only major film critic who’s hated my movie and I need to talk to you about it because I agree

[anew-books-blog]

A Matter of Time - Volume 2 ::: by Mary Calmes

My dear Anewers!

I think it is time for the sequel of A Matter of Time Series. Here we go again in a journey with Jory Harcourt and Samuel Thomas Kage. Let’s hope things get better between these two.

Let’s cut to what matters? Synposis and starting info:

“Books Three and Four Vol. 2

Three years ago, Jory Harcourt changed his name and shut the door on a past full of pain, only to emerge stronger on the other side. He has a new career, a great working partner, and a satisfying life—except for the hole in his chest left behind when police Detective Sam Kage walked out with his heart.

Now Sam's back and he knows what he wants... and what he wants is Jory. Jory, who doesn't know if he can survive another break up or losing Sam to his dangerous job, resists returning to the arms of the only man he has ever truly loved. But when a serial killer with a score to settle targets Jory, he will have to decide if love is worth the danger as he tries to solve the case and keep Sam safe.

Title:  A Matter of Time Volume 2 (Books 3 and 4)

Author: Mary Calmes

Year: 2011

Publisher: Dreamspinner Press

Language: English

Pages: 298

Reading time: 3 days

Format: e-book (Kindle)

Date of Purchase: 28/07/2013 at amazon.com

LINKS: Amazon (US) Dreamspinner Press

Again, this volume has two books in sequence.

I - Cover: (1)

The only thing i will say about the cover is: Who the hell is depicted at the cover? Jory? Nah... Sam? If it is, please don't... Erase this image from my brain please! Sam is like Chris Hemsworth easily for me... So please... Just don't.

II - PoV: (4.5)

BOOK 3: Now she nailed it! The third stallment of A Matter of Time was sublime! Fast paced when needed, slowed down right on time. Not much dwelve on repeat scenes that just happened. PERFECT! Jory’s mind each time more and more twisted and interesting.

BOOK 4: Well... I will not repeat myself. Amazing. (lol), but the narrative sometimes gets a bit fuzzy, confusing.

III - Protagonists: (4.875) - HEAVY SPOILER ALERT!

Jory Harcourt: (Book 3 e 4) He was resilient about being back where all things began. Sam was out of his life completely for 3 whole years or so, and of course, who in the name of God would be, in good shape, after loosing the one person that holds your heart in his hand and then (even well justified) trashed it? Not a soul, i bet. So the reaction that Jory had about being around with Sam again was totally justified, i would personally do things a bit differente, but hey! That's Jory, not Alex.

Sam Kage: (Book 3 e 4) That persistent sonofabitch. He's adorable and perfect about the way he crumbles little-by-little the resistance of Jory. Stubborn, but both are. And his family mauling him and Jory after the definitive reunion... awesome... but let's not talk about them, the focus here is SAM. Hot as ever, still the man of anyone's dreams. I just didn't enjoyed him at all at the last chapter of book 4, if i was Jory, i would've let him alone and went home.

IV - Antagonists: (4.5) 

(Book 3): There's no antagonists at this book, i could place Aaron Sutter like it, but it wouldn't be fair to the man.

(Book 4): Caleb Reid: I can't mention him in his full feature now, because the HUGE SPOILER is coming on twists section... all i can say is this. This character is full of surprises, awesome and awful surprises. It would be interesting to read more about him messing with Jory and Sam’s life in the future.

V - Side Characters: (5)

(Book 3): General speaking... All perfect as always. I am madly inlove with Dylan Greer and her husband. The Kage's are something unreal. I miss a lot of Dane and his wife Aja. Aaron Sutter is something! Like a refined Sam Kage, but way out of Jory's league. Having nothing else to add... PERFECT.

(Book 4): Dane is back, like ACID back... He just mauled Sam's ass to submission for being back at Jory's life again. It was really awesome!

VI - Hot Scenes: (4.75)

(Book 3): There's only two hot scenes about Jory and Sam. And... WOW! The first one, the getting back sex was ASTONISHING-BREATHTAKING-AROUSING-EXCITING-SUBLIME-HOT.AS.HELL-PERFECT! Being mauled against a door, it got me right at the spot!... I can't comment any longer without pausing to take a cold shower...

(Book 4): Not so many scenes like that, and the ones that happened were as great as always, but getting too fast, should be a little bit more detailed.

VII - Story: (4.5)

(Book 3): The story is shortened as the Sam pushing real hard to get Jory's back... Or as his father said: "Hey, dipshit, when do you get your boy back?" Plain and simple, with some sidetracks: the marriage of Dane at the beginning, the pregnancy and birth of the first child of Jory's partner and BFF Dylan, the reencounter of Jory and Aaron, and two or three bad dates of Jory. No crime, no pursuit, no shots fired, or house busted, or kidnapping, torture... so on... just the plans of Sam to get Jory back. Funny and sweet. Unmisseable.

(Book 4): Despite the perfectness of book 3, book 4 starts doing a full back to books 1 and 2... and back and forth memory lane, BUT this time it was right. At least Mary Calmes doesn't lost too many time (or lines) re-explaining things... Thing is, if you never read Books 1, 2 and 3... you will be filled Crash-Course-Style everything in 3 chapters, and i meant it: EVERYTHING.

On this book, we already have the all cops-investigating-thing back again. Turns out that, the Brian Minor's case wasn't the real deal after all... but a serial killer matter, and, as you might think, "Jory is at the center of it" (well, not really), or so they thought. No more spoilers here...

This time Jory left Sam (same situation of Book 2, but in reverse) to investigate himself what's going on. And... well... read and see. It was interesting, and well developed,... BUT there's a huge ass flaw: Why the hell the police or the FBI didn't traced Jory's cellphone position to find where the fuck he was? Only when you take off the battery tracing is impossible. Moving on...

Jory's Batman-Mode is interesting, but... tiresome. Mary Calmes build this up for far too long, that i caught myself skipping some lines and paragraphs, meaning that i had to went back several times to catch up. It transited easily and fastly from interesting to boring.

But in the end, was really good, as a Hitchcock's Psycho gay version.

VIII - Plot Twists: (4) 

(Book 3): No twists in here. The story was way too forthcoming as predicted. And its not bad, actually it is awesome, no room for continuity mistakes.

(Book 4): HUGE SPOILER NEEDED! BE WARNED: The twists here are almost every single one in Jory's mind, and especially at the end when he was doing the Batman-Investigating-thing. Confused twists, first the one to Caleb Reid as the responsible for the murders, after that shifts to his mother Susan with a very poor excuse. Then Jory assumed that Sam thinks about he's being a danger for himself and the society?! Really??? Then Jory, unexplicably, tells he's wrong, Susan Reid is innocent. WHAAAAAT??? How so? The Caleb Reid hid inside the closet, really?! And the police didn't find him there? Really??? Searching 1-0-1: look under beds, furniture, inside armoires, furniture and CLOSETS!!! And Surprise-surprise! Caleb Reid has MPD! Multiple Personality Disorder. REEEEALYYYY!!!!!????? How Psycho is this?! Originality was forgotten or forsaken or forbidden? Hahaha, jokes apart: i loved it! However... the dialog between Jory and Caleb in Susan's shoes was AWESOME! Short and direct. I felt the horror Jory felt. This alone saved the entire sequence of unrealistic, unlikely, illogical, unclear and highly implausible events.

IX - Ending: (4.5)

(Book 3): HAPPY ENDING! I JUST LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS!!! So cute! And it gave you the feeling that there's room for more (a lot more). I love it! Simple as that.

(Book 4): So... Considerations on this ending... Interesting thing is, i would rather read about the full Jory/Sam wedding at Canada, some party after and they coming back to US happily ever after. This would be the crown jewel for me. BUT - in the interest of surprising people - Mary Calmes didn't do it. Disappointing? Definately yes. Bad? No.

Sam's brother, Michael's wedding with a blasting-catholic chick was the touch, but then again, i would rather see Jory this time standing his ground and obliterating that bitch over pulling out Sam and kiss the life outta him, than sucking it up and got all jealous in silence. So not Jory, even in Michael's best interest. I wouldn't toletare such thing, but then again it is me, not Jory. To avoid this i would not be at the reception, i would just be at the wedding, at the most far away bench and accept that everyone or suffer the consequences.

I would not consider this a real perfect happy ending, it was a happy ending, but with a catch. I didn't enjoy it that much. Pity.

X - Pace: (4.5)

(Book 3): Since this book has no twists (not that i can recall) tempo was right. Could be a little bit longer, but i'm not complaining at all. Perfect timing as i said at the beginning of this review.

(Book 4): This book has ups and downs. Some scenes i simply skipped, too long or visiting extensively down memory lane. Even so, not tiresome. The book have a good pace. In comparison with book 3, this one could be shorter, like WAY shorter. Too many unnecessary twists.

XI - Re-reading Factor: (5)

(Books 3 and 4): Well, this was the 8th time that i read the entire series, so... You all know what i mean by that, right?

XII - Recommendation: (5)

(Books 3 and 4): Do i really need to answer to that?

XIII - EXTRA POINTS: (+2.5)

- Bonus points:

   . Gorgeous characters, and absolutely my type;

   . Should have a TV or Silver-screen adaptation;

   . Perfect HOT Scene (wow, just wow... did i mentioned that i want Samuel Thomas Kage in my bed right fucking now?!)

- Penalties:

   . None.

Average: 4.34 of 5 (from I to XII)

Final grade (applying bonus points): 6.84 of 10

Well, a little improvement from the previous volume. Although my review on book 4 was a bit harsh, the story is really interesting, just gets confusing and tiresome at a few points.

Anyway, Mary Calmes still delivers great stories about Jory and Sam. I would mention a few things here about this series, but let’s mention only after the review of the last book, ok?

x-o-x-o

AlexM

NEXT REVIEW: “Pale as a Ghost” by Stephen Osborne.

[daileymiller]

We are never, ever getting back together...or are we?

If you had told me back in November of 2012 that I would be getting back together with my ex from college, I would have done one (read: all) of a couple of things: laughed, told you to fuck off, and then opened a bottle of sickeningly sweet Moscoto (back in the good ole days when I only drank sweet wine) and drowned my sorrows in it, whilst probably drunk texting said ex. 

We all have those exes. The ones we swear off, pinky promising our friends that we’re completely over and won’t drunk text at 3am when we’re stumbling home from the bars. The ones who’s social media accounts we claim we’ve blocked, but really cyber stalk when we can’t sleep or have had too much wine after “accidentally” rereading old text messages. The ones who’ve stuck in our minds, long after the relationship has ended. The ones we always look around for, secretly hoping we’ll run into to have that magical made up fantasy reunion. 

Well, for me, that ex was KP. Not at first, though. No, in the beginning of our breakup, I was a woman scorned. He almost immediately found a new blonde girlfriend who was everything that I wasn’t: a pretty, wealthy sorority girl who donned the latest Tory Burch bag or Yurman bangle, someone who understood his growing obsession with EDM- something I didn’t have any desire to understand at the time. She fit in with his Greek friends, held his attention in a way I couldn’t , and lavished all sorts of material items onto him that I couldn’t afford. Now, if this makes him sound like a materialistic douche bag Greek frat star, I’m giving you the wrong impression. KP didn’t come from money and he’s had to work hard for everything that he’s got. But, I think he definitely enjoyed having a girl fawn over him and give him new experiences that he never had before. And I was so angry- angry to the point where I almost became obsessive over it. I stalked her Instagram and Twitter, constantly wanting to know what she had that I didn’t. I was heartbroken, confused, and abandoned to put it lightly. I’ve never been one to take breakups well. I tend to jump off the deep end- and not in a normal, get a new cut and color way; but in a big, scary, I’ll end up doing something emotionally stupid like sleep with his friends kind of way. 

I ended up transferring back home because Valdosta is a small town and that makes it virtually impossible to avoid people. Before I moved, I’d see them out at the bars, at parties, at our friends’ houses. It was becoming harder and harder, not to mention more awkward, uncomfortable, and tense each time I would run into them. He’d constantly put on a show- making sure to make eye contact with me before he’d kiss her, let her pull him in for the hundredth picture she’d post to her Instagram, wear her sorority t-shirts around campus- anything to get under my skin. Finally, I had enough. He could have Valdosta, with it’s cheap well drinks, frat parties, and her. I’d move back home to Atlanta, where I had the good bagels, Sephora, dive bars in the Highlands, brunch spots with bottomless mimosas, but most importantly: my mom. My mom became my number one ally. She hated KP, and I did nothing but fuel her hatred for him by telling my scornful one sided stories of our breakup; spilling all of his mistakes and detailing every little thing that I hated about him. For a while, it felt good. To have someone else to share my pain, to foot my bar tab, and take me for weekly mani/pedi’s. But, it wasn’t until a few years later, that I began to see the damage that my hatred had done. It built a wall around me that kept me from letting others in, caused me to refuse any and all dates I was asked out on, and kept me emotionally removed and withdrawn. 

As the years passed, I started over. I got a new job, met new friends on campus, and eventually stopped thinking about him all the time. Time definitely helps, but so does vodka. And I drank a lot of vodka. My new friends brought me around new guys, and while I would have fun with them, most of the time I was checked out, just wanting an excuse to leave. I wasn’t ready to date again, and I liked being single. I didn’t have to check in with anyone, I was free to flirt with the hot guy at the bar who wanted to buy me a drink, I could wear whatever I wanted, and do whatever I wanted. It wasn’t until late January 2017 that I would start to think about him again. 

It was after one too many margaritas at my mom’s favorite Mexican spot, that we drunkingly decided to go on a Target run. I was sloshed, but on a mission: I needed the new Fitbit, Pinot Noir, and the new line of Loreal clay face masks. As we loudly walked around the store, I found my Fitbit, but because it’s over $100, a Target employee would have to come unlock the case for me. I scrolled through my Instagram feed while my mom went to find someone who could help us. Vaguely, I could hear my mom’s laugh as she explained to the clerk that her daughter just insisted on getting this new Fitbit, even though the one she had at home worked perfectly fine. I looked up from my scrolling to see a curly headed guy walking towards me. Then I did a double, no actually, a triple take. Could that possibly be who I thought it was??? 

Sure enough, as fate would have it, the curly headed guy was KP. Yep, a Target electronics clerk. Now, I hadn’t checked in on him in a while, but the last I had seen, he had graduated with a fancy business degree, lavaliered his girlfriend, and was living in Jacksonville with her. So, what the hell was he doing in the Acworth Target? I was stunned. I assumed IF I were to ever see him again, it would be at one of his fraternity brothers’ weddings, or in his girlfriend’s Instagram announcement of their engagement.

 So, what now? Was I supposed to make the first move or was he? After a few awkward beats of silence, I finally said, hey. He laughed a nervous, what’s up and unlocked the case for my Fitbit (not exactly the fantasy reunion my 19 year old self had fantasied about all those years prior). As we walked to his electronics register, my mom started making conversation, and I loved her for it. He told her that he was living back at home in White, and was working in Target while he looked for a job, despite having a business degree specializing in economics. A quick scroll of his Facebook confirmed that he was single. WHAT? How had this slipped my radar? What kind of friends did I have back in Valdosta that they couldn’t be bothered to tell me? One angry group text later, both of my best friends confirmed he was indeed single. Neither of them knew the context of the breakup, only that he had been living with her and now he wasn’t. Before we walked away, I stole a quick glance at him. He looked different. But as our eyes met, I realized he had been checking me out too. I wondered if I looked different to him, as well. 

Fast forward to March 2017: I’m laying in bed watching late night, and my phone buzzes. I have a Facebook message...from him. Wow, what a shock, right? A couple weeks before this, again, after one too many margaritas, I had decided to friend request him on Facebook. What the hell, right? At least now I could justify my cyber stalking. Shockingly, he had approved the request almost immediately. As I had sat scrolling through his feed, an internal debate was raging in my head: Do I message him? Do I apologize for my psycho post breakup behavior? Do I start a friendly conversation? I ended up not messaging him, and instead waited for him to make the next move.  

Looking back on that very first conversation, I’m surprised how easy it was to talk to someone who had hurt me so deeply, but, it was. There wasn’t any pressure, we were just two people sharing what had happened in our lives over the last four years. We both apologized for past mistakes and decided to leave the past in the past, where it belonged. We re-exchanged numbers, and started talking all day, every day. I was surprised how open I was becoming with him, sharing little details about myself that had been locked away for so long. 

We’ve been together now for almost a year, and I would be lying if I said that this isn’t the happiest I’ve ever been. This time around, our relationship is built on honest and open conversation, laughter, late night Sonic slushie runs, watching bad movies on Netflix, going to shows, and lots and lots of sex. It’s funny how quickly we fell back in with each other- in some ways, it feels like we were never apart. I’m the most comfortable I’ve ever been with a boyfriend. As cliche as it is, I do feel like I can tell him whatever is on my mind. He’s made me feel safe, strong, and vibrant, despite my battle with depression and anxiety. 

People say getting back together with an ex is like taking a shower, getting out, and then putting yesterday’s dirty clothes back on. That second chances rarely work out, and that you’re better off leaving your old relationship in the past, and starting fresh with someone new. 

But what if your ex is actually right for you? What if you both needed to take time and date other people, only to fall back together some years later? What if those years apart taught you the lessons you needed to learn, to allow your heart to heal, and to stand on your own two feet again? Well, for me, that’s where this story ends. I’m thankful every day for second chances because it got me the guy I thought I would never, ever get back together with.