#not even sad abt the gender dysphoria

[kruxton]

"hello teacher i am batman!!!!!!!!! look i made this costume-" "haha i get it youre catwoman!!!!" "what no im not. im batma-" " OHHH WAIT!!!! YOURE BATGIRL!!!!!" "no- IM BATMAN" "haha how silly. you cant be batMAN. youre batGIRL. what a cute batgirl costume."

[fawnoir]

When I tried going on T, I was deliriously horny for the first maybe 3-4 weeks. Then my body realized it hated testosterone and I stubbornly stayed on it until 9 weeks, which left me with pain (and the resulting health anxiety bc of said pain) and no sex drive for about 3 months after that until my hormones balanced out again. Now that estrogen is back in control, I’m ….deliriously horny again. If I can compare the two, testosterone horny is short incredibly intense bursts but my natural state of horniness lasts for days and completely takes over my mind. I am consumed….

[nervocat]

NO NOW I'M SPIRALING

[bowie-boy]

what about your trans Wilson headcanons pretty please? 👀👀

An excuse to talk about my beloved, trans Wilson…this is an amazing day

(Def me projecting but) Wilson was one of those kids who always knew. Growing up with two brothers, he didn’t really get as a kid that he was different from them and got confused when his parents treated him differently

His first early sign of being trans was when he tried to pee standing up and pissed all over the floor (he assumed he would just grow a penis as he got older) (also me projecting dw abt it)

Once he realized he was technically “a girl,” he went along with it but never really felt connected to being female at all, which led to him feeling really displaced and unattached to people around him all the time

He found out that being a trans dude was a thing sometime in undergrad from one of those 80s talk shows and felt like the world exploded beneath him

Definitely went through an extensive questioning period (even though he definitely knew he was trans) where he would make really long lists of reasons why he was trans, why he couldn’t be trans, pros, cons, etc. and mull over them excessively because he was terrified of making a mistake (me projecting bc OCD Wilson is real and true to me but that’s another post)

Part of this phase involved going to gay bars and finding trans people and basically giving them the verbal equivalent of an “Am I really trans?” Reddit post until they told him he probably was and to stfu

Wilson came out and started transitioning between undergrad and grad

His parents weren’t super accepting at first and didn’t offer to help him pay for anything, nor did they gender him correctly at all, which took top surgery off the table for a long time

The only family member of Wilson’s that was accepting from the get-go was Danny (sad)

Wilson always looked pretty masc so once he started T he passed easily almost immediately but even to this day he’s still paranoid to no end that people somehow Know he’s not cis

Wilson really leaned into dating women once he started transitioning (he’d fooled around with people of both genders in the past while extremely drunk but dysphoria had pretty much taken any kind of sexuality exploration off the table for him)

Got married to Sam way too fast bc he assumed no one else would ever accept him for being trans (Sam’s version of acceptance was like. Never bringing it up)

In my perfect beautiful T4T hilson world, House was Wilson’s first ever trans friend and was his connect for getting top surgery

In an equally real world, Wilson being trans was the one personal detail House never found out until Wilson revealed it at some point in small waves purely to drive House insane

Stealing from @occultbooks but Wilson’s McGill sweater is 1000% his dysphoria sweater

Wilson and Chase go so many years at PPTH with no idea that the other is trans

Wilson’s comphet goes crazy until at some point post season one when his doctor ups his T dose and his sex drive gets completely thrown out of wack and he starts being attracted to House in a way he cannot ignore

Wilson learns from the Internet that starting testosterone can make you gayer and briefly considers dialing his dose back but the dysphoria is too strong so he decides to accept it as a “side effect”

Anyway eventually he realizes he was gay along and is just lowkey super repressed and maybe a little stupid

Amber never made Wilson feel awful about being trans from the get-go and was so supportive and curious and interested and that’s part of why Wilson loved her so so much

In non-T4T-verse, House pretends to be a chaser and is like wow Wilson it’s so hot that you’re trans it turns me on but actually he’s just hiding from vulnerability bc he really is just obsessed with Wilson and his body no matter what

Wilson is always afraid that his STP looks like a boner in his pants and House takes advantage of this paranoia by making as many jokes about it as possible bc he’s evil

Wilson never got a hysterectomy bc expensive but he still gets insanely awful cramps once a month that sometimes suck so bad he needs to stay home from work (this makes him hella dysphoric)

Wilson doesn’t like his top surgery scars but House thinks they’re the hottest thing ever which Wilson uses to make House feel better abt his leg scar

Wilson’s guilty pleasure is man spreading to a horrendous degree bc it helps his dysphoria a fuck ton

The reason why he wears those old man matching pajama sets is because that was his ultimate transition goal as a kid

On really bad days House does Wilson’s T shot for him (the catch is that House insists on doing the shot in Wilson’s ass)

This lowkey got extremely long my apologies but I could actually talk abt this forever

[nachosforfree]

Some questions about the Roleshift AU

How did William die? How did the people around him feel about his death?

Does Sammy possess the puppet? Is Charlie Shadow Bonnie/Shadow Freddy? Or do they possess different animatronics?

What is Cassidy's motivation for killing Elizabeth?

What is Jessie's motivation for killing children?

What is Elizabeth's relationship towards Baby? Is she still a big fan of her? If not, what animatronic does she like?

I'm assuming that the reason Michael is killed by Baby and not Foxy is because Baby is one that kills him in the regular timeline. But why does Michael hold a baby plush? Is he not a fan of Foxy?

Do the events of the Charlie Trilogy happen in this AU? Are they (Jessica, Carlton, Lamar, etc.) swapped with anybody?

Are the MCI swapped with anybody?

Does Jessie still smoke weed?

How is Cassidy killed by Fredbear? Is Fredbear built with child-killing features, much like Baby? If so, how did Henry not notice? If not, how did Cassidy's head make contact with Fredbear's mouth?

How does Henry feel about Jessie trying to fill in for William? Why is Jessie trying to fill in for William anyways? We know that Cassidy's mom still has custody over her son in your regular AU, so does Michael's mom have custody over her son in the Roleshift AU?

THESE ARE A LOT OF VERY GOOD QUESTIONS

1. I'm not fully sure how William died yet but tbh knowing him I wouldn't be surprised if he got into a car accident while drunk. Mr Drives-down-the-wrong-side-of-the-highway-at-200-mph

2. Everyone feels awful and sad about it, since no one had a reason to hate him yet. I think the people it hardest were Henry, Jess, and Elizabeth

3. Yes and yes! Sammy is the puppet and Charlie is shadow bonnie/freddy. Tbh I also associate Charlie with bunnies like I do Sammy so it still fits. I have some thoughts about changing the puppets design in this au to fit Sammy more though

4. Similar to Liz's motivations for killing Mike in the main timeline! He mistook her for Jess due to them looking similar, and killed her both out of desire for revenge and to try and escape (I'm not entirely sure how yet, since I have liz's death as CC biting her face off rather than her being scooped (；・∀・) maybe he just manually rips her open and digs his way inside?) I'll go more indepth into why he wants revenge when answering the later question abt him and Jess--

5. Jess knows about remnant and is trying to figure it out! She has William's old journals, and since he's known about remnant a long time, there's details in them about creating it (just not from/for humans. William spent a lot of his life experimenting on animals before main timeline Will hyped himself up enough to kill a person). It's also a great way to relieve stress (and then get More stress from the fact you have to hide the fact you killed children)

6. I think she likes Baby a lot still, it being made for her and all, but as she got into her teen years she felt the need to "grow up" and start acting like she doesn't

7. I think Mike doesn't actually like Baby very much. His plushie was a hand me down Liz basically forced on him (and-- like how fredbear plush acts to CC in my main timeline comic-- the plush follows him around even when he tries to leave it places). Liz bullying her baby brother via inducing gender dysphoria by making him carry around a girly baby doll is wild. I think he does still like Foxy though (also, I think in this au, Baby and Co are the animatronics that stick around for the public while the fazgang gets the sister location trapped underground treatment, so the foxy Mike is more familiar with would be funtime foxy!)

8. They could, but that would be a second timeline split off from the one I've been drawing so far (which is a shift of the roles in my game timeline)! I think if I were to do a roleshift for the Charlie trilogy, I'd just shift some of the roles of the friend group around! For example: Marla -> John -> Jessica -> Carlton -> Lamar -> Marla (I'm not sure this is the order I'd ACTUALLY shift things though. I have to put more thought into that).

9. Hmmm I'm not sure... I don't have a lot of character laid out for the missing kids in general (it's definitely something I should think more about, it's just hard for me to get super attached to any of them). If I do end up having the funtime animatronics fully swap places with the fazgang I'll have to think about how that works and what changes I would make to certain characters >_> (looking at ballora mostly... don't want to saddle a child with that kind of body)

10. Absolutely lmao it's a staple of her character to me. She tries harder to hide it what with the kids around though

11. I've thought about this a little and I think maayaybbeee... instead of CC getting his head bit, he crawled inside of Fredbear gregory-style and got springlocked? Maybe he knew he wasn't supposed to be alone w Fredbear, heard Jess coming, panicked, and tried hiding. I do think Fredbear was made with child killing features, but Jess made them less noticeable or found ways to explain them (which-- William actually has explanations for the child killing stuff in the funtimes in my main timeline!! He explains the voice copying as a means for fun party tricks, and the space made to hold captured kids is explained by the biddybabs and minireenas being able to crawl inside and pop out for little acts)

12. Henry feels sorry for Jess and understands why she feels the need to try and fill William's shoes, but he can't help but feel annoyed and pitied by it. She can't replace William and he doesn't want her to. Jess tries to fill William's place because she feels like she has to. I think she feels guilty for his death for whatever reason, like somehow there was this butterfly affect where he wouldn't have died if they hadn't gotten married maybe. I think it makes a little sense, since they both liked getting high and drunk and stuff together. Maybe she feels like since they enabled each other, it's partially her fault that William ended up dying. A lot of her actions stem from her missing William and feeling bad about his death

13. In the main timeline, Marina (Mike's mom) and William technically both have custody over Mike, in that if he wanted to he could choose to stay with either of them, it's just that Mike feels like he can be more of himself in hurricane than he could living with his mom and grandma so he chose to stay there. I think this carries over to the roleshift au. Marina and William's mom both keep in touch with Jess and I imagine Marina has offered to take Mike home after William's death but Jess feels responsible for him so she's like "noo it's okay I love having Mike around and anyway his friends are all here I think moving him back to the UK would just make him upsetttt" and Marinas like "sick awesome yay" (marina and main-timeline-Jess are in the absent mothers club together). I think in the roleshift timeline Clara (CC's mom) still has shared custody of him. She was very very angry when Jess "lost" him

Thank you for all your questions!! And anyone can feel free to share their thoughts for things that are currently less defined!!!

[dandelionandkrindle]

posting this here under a cut instead of on r/trans where it probably should be (but i can't stand reddit), in the vague hopes someone can give me some kind of advice.

so my gf is currently transitioning and has basically told me that she doesn't feel like she should be dating anyone while she's experiencing intense gender dysphoria and related depression. she's just started hrt this month but probably won't be able to afford and schedule her surgeries for another couple of months at least. she's also not publicly out (just to friends and family but her family is....not great about it) and i know she's scared to be out because where she currently lives isn't a safe country for trans people (which is like an oxymoron but some places are Worse y'know).

we're still in contact but she's slowly shut down more and more and thinks that she's dragging me down or holding me back from being with someone better (even though i've assured her that's not the case). i've always been super affirming regarding her appearance and that helped initially but it's at a point where she just doesn't believe me and then she feels bad for that. she also completely refuses financial help and says it makes her feel like a burden etc. right now i'm just sending the occasional supportive text, i don't want to smother her, but i do worry she'll cut me off completely out of some misguided idea that i'm better off without her.

i've been educating myself as much as possible on transitioning and dysphoria, i wrote her a list of things she might like to try even just at home like femme outfit ideas, hairstyles, makeup tips etc. things that might give her those more euphoric moments. i've sent her flowers, bought her 'feminine' gifts, talked about braiding her hair, going shopping with her etc. all the stuff i know she's sad she missed out on from being closeted. but it's really hard in a long-distance relationship to help her in a more material way. she won't be able to move until the end of this year at least and i guess i'm scared abt what might happen in that time.

i told her i'm happy to wait, months, or years even, until she feels ready to be with me. it doesn't matter because it feels like i've been waiting my whole life for her, what's a couple of years compared to that. i just don't know what else i can do in the meantime, short of getting on a plane and being there for her irl for a few days or a week at least but she completely shut that idea down and i know she's scared that i'm not going to enjoy being with her in person especially when she hates herself so much right now.

which is ????? to me. she's so sweet and kind and she's said the most insanely romantic things to me, she's clever and funny (my lil comedian fr) and she looks like a fucking model LIKE it's honestly incomprehensible that a girl like this calls herself trash. but at the same time, i know from childhood trauma and years of depression/suicidal ideation how easy it is to hate every part of yourself to the point you wish you were never born. and that makes my heart ache for her so much and makes me wish i could help even more. i just feel like i need direction, am i doing the right things could i be doing more is being here for her enough. i just don't know.

[wellthatwasaletdown]

I've read hilarious tags to a tweet (that was posted on tumblr): Don't think Harry Styles likes dressing like that. Looks miserable in pics. Probably is like hey man can I wear a suit or something. maybe a big t-shirt Pete Davidson gets to wear big stinky shirts. And his handler is like nah you're a fake gay guy gotta wear fake gay guy clothes

The tags (and some replies): -he exists so straight people can be allies without actually being allied to any queer people /hj -Hey yeah the issue is not that he isn't wearing ""man clothes"" the issue is that he looks like shit and it feels incredibly performative to everyone except you fans. -the issue is that his music is bad. if he was putting out bangers no one would gaf how he looks. You know who never got this kind of reaction for wearing a dress? kid cudi. cause man puts out bangers -its what happens when you only achieve level of solo fame by being part of a wattpad ship -I just saw you rb the diamond jumpsuit and he looks so uncomfortable it gave me sympathetic dysphoria. Like legitimately he looks like he's desperately closeted, but like for cishet people. He looks like want transphobes think we do to people. Like those shitty alt right political cartoons of like 'in 2030 everyone will be forced to be queer at gunpoint'. Lazer sniper sight glinting off his diamanté encrusted extra nipple -sure he's fighting gender norms but the gender norms are winning -he looks like a very boring conservative man's idea of a gay man. Like whatever he's made some good music and he seems like an alright person. But I cannot find it in me to be happy for him. He looks manufactured -Literally like you look at the photos of 70's glam rock stars and like. Not only are they rocking it but they seem to be beyond comfortable in it in that 'this is me' way. Styles looks as if he'd kill for a pair of khakis and a hoodie -Dude the logic around Harry has fully switched. First it's 'oh no management isn't allowing him to be gay' and now it's 'omg he's acting gay only because his pr team told him to -Why do Harry Style stans try to suck your eyes out of your skull if you criticize him? Celebrity culture makes me wanna self immolate lol I am saying that's just him trying to be more special than his designated bland pop singer for straight girls niche


Said in a server last night he looked like he just came in straight from a cke binge. Then said he looked like that hairy pink dancing creature with that silver look 😭 
He just always looks like sht man…you're rich. I know you can afford to challenge gender roles and dress well Wearing the ugliest rompers w his nips out just aint cutting it


LMAO he looks SO sad in the diamond jumpsuit people have been comparing it to their pre transition pics

-fake pretentious c*nt. *untalented -he really is just some guy being forced to be a gay icon mf showed up looking like a batman villain -Nah i was directioner and harry biased then and he always dresses like that. But yeah i agree his stylists and producers say for him to exaggerate and pretend he is the modern david bowie when in fact he is just a boyband soloist lmao hes in my top 5 on spotify for the past million years TWO THINGS CAN BE TRUE

-if 2021 target pride collection was personified.

-this is exactly how my 62 y/o mom talks abt him lmaoooo. Liike she HATES him she thinks he’s a total phony and finds him an insult to the lgbt community#best ally tbh gotta love her

-I've literally been saying this like he’s just doing this for the money but for how long 😭😭 -ite transtrender but for gay people

-ok. there was this huge ass paper thing full of his new cd in the middle of my favourite record shop. Making the already small store even more cramped. so fuck him#there you go i <3 being a hater

-he’s literally not gay. if he was i’d become homophobic

(Sorry if some of them are too rude, I have hard time discerning bc I don't speak to many people on the internet and don't know fully what's the proper etiquette)

.

[burning-sol]

yeah i feel like i have to put this post under a cut. cw for talking about ed in relation to kian stone

i hate that i stare at kian stone and am always thinking to myself "that guy got an ed" but i dont feel like i can say it aloud because i dont wanna make ppl uncomfortable. but like i cant be the only one, right? someone else definitely taken a good look at that guy and had the exact same thought as me.

i dont even know how to talk abt it. its so sad. kian loves when people are just themselves, he's always telling people they're perfect just the way they are. he loved becky just the way she was. he loved rand just the way he was. he loved rolan just the way he was. but as much as kian wanted to embrace the message he was trying to put out there, there was always the nagging negative voice in his head telling him he needed to look a certain way. it didn't help that he was already dealing with gender dysphoria.

kian is such an open book usually but it was one of the few things he couldn't admit to anyone. he would rather pretend everything is fine and normal than admit he spends an unhealthy amount of time agonising over his own appearance. over what he eats. it's humorous but also deeply depressing that kian would rather you find his stash of pornos than his magazines with tips and tricks to get the perfect body. and he can't help it but there's times where he sits alone in his room, no one else around, and just cries to himself because he can't look the way he wants to.

everyone considers kian stone attractive and fun but he himself can't look in the mirror because he is constantly agonising over how he looks. also insert issues of him pulling out his own hair and picking at his skin.

[thymechaos]

alright gotta get the rest of this off my chest, so here are the cliff notes of the essay i was yelling at my wife from the bathroom at 5:30 this morning

1. obviously this is where he meets zoro’s trauma from patriarchy and cisnormativity coming the other way.

zoro has also seen that this shit kills. like sure they said it was an accident, but the bystanders at the funeral literally point out how fucking WEIRD it was that kuina would be be carrying those swords down the stairs for no reason. so either it was an attempt to pull a sabo and get the fuck out with those swords, or - more likely, because swords don’t fucking unsheathe themselves that easily and a skilled fighter would know better than to carry an unsheathed blade down the stairs, or indeed to unsheathe it at all unless in combat - the harm was self-inflicted. was it suicide, or a horribly sad reaction to the implied dysphoria in the previous scene with zoro? who knows, but his friend died regardless.

so he sees sanji acting all weird around women and he’s instantly like wtf is wrong with you, why can’t you just treat women as people, don’t you know the harm you are doing? he sees someone who makes a big show of not raising a hand to women, and treating them as perfect paragons who can do no wrong, and what he hears is kuina’s words about being inherently weaker, the resentment at the perceived pity, that helplessness in the face of a life inevitably diminishing.

meanwhile sanji is faced with the obvious disdain from a tough guy who fights with swords and he’s instantly defensive. because yeah, this is how the world works. men like zoro look down on him because just like his brothers and father, they think he’s not a Real Man. if he backs down, he'll be a target, he'll be weak again, he'll be right back where he started again and he does not want to.

obviously they get to know and respect each other and learn that it's not that simple, but not until the dynamic is firmly established, and they're both too proud to actually acknowledge that they were wrong abt each other.

2. and then luffy. oh god luffy. another guy, so he's wary, but then this unhinged little ray of sunshine instantly zeroes in on his art, his passion, the thing other men either disdain or see as mostly utilitarian... and he unreservedly tells him how good it is. there is no condescension, no pretense, no grudging acknowledgement that he's not too bad for a useless brat, because god forbid men just compliment each other. just wow, you're so fucking cool, your skill has incredible worth, your dream is precious and important, I see your kindness and your caring, and I want you.

for the first time, another man takes the part of sanji that he has tried so desperately to protect at all costs, the part that matters most to him despite being devalued and underplayed at every turn, and he says that this? this is exactly what I've been looking for.

poor man didn't stand a chance.

3. sanji's fucking sister. a perfect portrait of a woman who plays along with patriarchy in the desperate hope of being spared by it. she projects a persona that lands right between a tradwife and Not Like The Other Girls. she laughs along with the cruelty, she embodies everything they want her to be, she gives up her agency in return for safety. she shows kindness through the mitigation of male violence, not by openly rebelling against it. she hates it and it hurts her, but since she feels powerless to stop it, she might as well benefit from it.

4. related to this, viola. no fucking wonder sanji unflinchingly believes that she is in fact a victim, that she does need help, even though she immediately went “PSYCHE, i was playing you, get wrecked”. because he’s met his fucking sister and he can recognize the coping mechanisms.

5. gender, man. it’s complicated. because all this is obviously related to his reactions to people who challenge the gender binary. and yeah there are some Choices made in the writing there that are not always fantastic, bc oda is confused but he’s got the spirit? but also… haha we literally see Iva weaponize dysphoria in a fight, we see the baseline for how a cis dude reacts when suddenly forced into a woman’s body. sanji’s reaction is… not that. like even before they know wtf is going on or if there is EVER going to be a way to reverse it? he doesn’t show the SLIGHTEST discomfort, not even a little bit. he’s unequivocally delighted, it’s the best day of his fucking life. make of that what you will.

6. bro no seriously, the queer coding. like they hide him away and pretend he’s dead? and then they let him leave provided he never shames them with his existence? and the found family? and the LITERAL REJECTION OF A HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE IN FAVOR OF THIS FOUND FAMILY? the sheer ROMANCE of sanji being told that he has to come back; that the feeling, kind, caring person he is at heart is integral not just to his own dreams, but to luffy’ was well? What The Fuck.

i am not okay. i’m never going to be okay again. this shit is in my brain and in my emotions and i can’t deal.

i just can't believe that oda fucking create sanji, a stereotypical ladies man who simps to an embarrassing degree for women while having his hackles comically raised around everyone he perceives as a man - and most notably butting heads with the more obvious ~manly man~ of the crew. haha, classic anime running gag, the kind that gets obnoxious at times but still makes you laugh.

AND THEN, like a billion chapters later, motherfucker steeples his fingers and goes "soooooooo... what makes a person Like That?"

and the answer is that he grew up in fucking Toxic Masculinity, The Kingdom. the answer is that he was always Different, in a way other guys instinctively perceived as weak, and that made him the target of visceral scorn and violence. the answer is that he was sensitive, sweet, caring, nurturing - feminine-coded traits which are only valued by patriarchy insofar that they're performed by women in service of men. the answer is that in a kingdom comprised almost entirely by violent men, the only ones who were ever kind to him, the only safety he ever had, were a girl and a woman.

so cooking is for women and servants, it makes you less of a man. only women will ever really value you for your passions and dreams. women are also actively hurt by the way the world works, they are unsafe unless they comply with men's violence, and you have to protect them.

(men will always know what you are, and they will hurt you if you let them.)

and even after he leaves... at baratie he is cherished and respected, but even that is an extremely masculine environment. we don't talk about our feelings, we don't let our guard down, the only love is tough love. when he tries to express his artistry and express himself through his cooking, rather than just filling orders and making money, he gets mocked.

so here is a man who will not raise a hand to a woman, because he rejects the masculinity he was raised with and refuses to become yet another man subjecting women to violence. he is desperate for women's attention and affection because it's SAFE, it's the only kind he can trust. other men are potential threats and must be treated as such. he must at all times be snarky, tough, Not Feminine, because to be perceived otherwise is to be powerless, to be hurt.

like y'all. the queer coding of it all? the overtly feminist themes? the active rejection of toxic masculinity and the way it's shown to be directly tied to imperialism? what the fuck.

[intergalactic-chameleon]

gender stuff once again

SOOO ive finally come full circle and am now considering hypothetically one day getting top surgery (if not just breast reduction) and maybe also going on T at some point.

literally about a year ago when i was discussing gender with my roommate at the time, she asked me if i would consider getting top surgery after i told her that i was going to get a binder just to “try it out” and see “how it feels.”

i thought abt it, but told her “no, not really” because my boobs had never rly bothered me before and they made me feel “more like an adult” (im really short and tiny and would occasionally get mistaken for being a teenager rather than someone in their twenties, so my boobs were often the one age indicator for people). besides, they also made me feel attractive - i had long, wavy hair and taking topless photos of myself was a hobby of mine because i just looked fucking good. ultimately, my tits, which have always been somewhat disproportionally big (i think im a 34D), helped feel me more feminine and sensual as i grew up. though i definitely had a hard time trying to find cute tops that fit me and give me enough support sans bra, i still built a good wardrobe of interesting feminine clothing that i really enjoyed.

but despite all of this, i still wanted to try out something different. at the time last year, i had only just begun to think about being more transgressive with my gender presentation. i had realized that i wanted a shorter, boyish haircut (specifically to look like steve harrington) and kind of started to wear less feminine clothing overall. i also was discovering how attracted i was to men in an undeniably queer (ie. faggy) way, which further propelled me to explore masculine identity even more.

anyway, i was prolonging ‘the big chop’ until after my sister’s october wedding, so i began to grow my facial hair out in order to grow more comfortable with gender non conformity. and to my surprise, my mustache became very noticeable and at some point i realized that i could genuinely grow a little baby chin beard. ofc, by the time of the wedding, i shaved all that off, but went right back to growing it out.

then, the big day: i got my first ever short cut in january. it was shorter than i was expecting, but i immediately felt something shift. i started to feel a lot more confident and got tons of affirming compliments from loved ones about how well it fit me. i also finally felt comfortable enough to dress more “masculinely” and my facial hair didnt make me feel ratty and unkempt anymore; it just fit.

in the coming months i continued to feel more confident and expressed myself more openly around my peers. additionally, a lot of my trans peers started identifying me as trans (which was honestly very validating because i kinda felt like i couldnt loudly identify as trans unless other ppl saw me that way). thus, ever since i’ve been thinking about myself as a trans person and continuing to develop my identity around that.

however, now that ive been actively presenting more masculine/andro for about 6 months now, ive now run into several things about my appearance that i kinda struggle with, such as my height, my shoulder width, my small little arms, fussing with my hair, and of course, my chest. and so i now have this conundrum where im not necessarily experiencing intense gender dysphoria that leaves me feeling depressed, but i have this voice in my head that’s just like “hm, yknow, it’d be nice to maybe not have my tits” bc i’d really like to show off my chest / torso but my tits are so big that it’s distracting !!! and if im binding then i cant rly show off anyway…

so tl;dr: my tits dont make me hate myself but they’re getting on my nerves bc i feel like i’d be hotter without them but that doesnt feel like a good enough reason to gather all the resources needed to obtain a reduction/removal !!!! i also get sad thinking abt how pretty n feminine i used to look and how getting my tits altered (and/or if i went on a low dose of T) would make it hard for me to “return” to how i used to look … idk. how do i find out what i truly want for myself….

[xumoonhao]

now that im an adult and am over a decade removed from some of the Worst years of my childhood/adolescence, i genuinely did experience so much gender dysphoria. like whyd i have to go through that at such a young age!!! i was a child

[sureuncertainty]

being nonbinary really fucking sucks sometimes, and other than the fact that we’re cooler and sexier than everyone else, it’s kind of a bum deal :////

[ironmandeficiency]

a para i work with decided to go out of her way to tell me how much she doesn’t like my haircut

[shaftking]

https://pixiedustystuff.tumblr.com/post/694135282936758272/tw-trans-issues-body-dysphoria-and-bad

if u havent heard abt what this is refering to: basically hunter schauffer commented "!!!!" on a transmed post about how dysphoric people should be the face of the trans community instead of nondysphoric enbies (which. duh) and got a Ton of backlash because those types cant stand not being the center of the conversation

anyways- i hate this idea of like "middle upper class white trans women are the only ones who would ever need to transition, and theyre actually shitty terrible greedy people for not wanting to hsve to pay the whole thing out of pocket!!!1!1!1" like holy shit that was such a stupid as take i could barely finish the whole thing💀 its also so infuriating that these people genuinely dont consider the people that literally "unalive" themselves every fucking day because their dysphoria is that severe but they cant put themselves into thousands and thousands of dollars of debt. its just so self centered and idiotic that they cant even manage to consider how many lives would be saved if actual dysphoric trans people could safely transition because theyre too focused on making sure every nondysphoric assigned gender presenting enbie on this planet is palleted to 24/7

I think I heard something about this, yeah.

The fact that these people are seemingly incapable of stepping back and realizing that people who are actually struggling, which includes trans people who have or are receiving medical treatment, should be the focus and not how they’ve decided to stack the progressive pyramid this particular day of the week.

It’s really sad to me that what is basically a milquetoast take from less than a decade ago from a trans person who knows what it’s like to live and be out as as trans is being taken as this radical attack by people who very clearly need to understand that they are the problem.

It reminds me of that Blaire white clip from a few (?) years ago where she was on a trans interview panel and the moderator was putting the feelings of some sensitive nonbinary person as their priority while shutting down Blaire who was just stating objectively that she didn’t think that calling yourself nonbinary made you trans.

Guess I’ll have to pull out this classic again:

[neon--nightmare]

How can a parasite devoid of all true emotions, only capable of emitting false personas taken from culture, consider themselves any gender identity?

Just because he has been called a he, and they have been called they, it doesn't define any gender. Sure, he can mean male, but they is used to define when you're unaware of someone's gender, so you use it to be respectful; it does not denote gender.

It is actually kind of disrespectful to people who are transgender, given that a "funky colourful skeleton" suddenly meaning transgender is rather offensive.

b. bro. I’M trans. i’m literally transgender, nonbinary transmasc, and have identified as such since i was ten or eleven? i’ve been diagnosed w gender dysphoria, i’ve been on T, and i plan to get top surgery in the future! I’m trans. (ofc those things aren’t necessary to be trans, but this is for my credibility on your end)

i say fresh is trans because he’s a very personal character to me, so i project that on him, and it makes me happy. i wasn’t born yesterday, man, i know the issue w the entire ‘nonhuman = nonbinary’ thing, bc, again, i’ve IDed as nb for almost ten years, and i would have when i was even younger if i knew the label existed! i wasn’t the one that created fresh or made the decision for him to be explicitly NB/agender, but it’s very personal to me as someone with the same label, so i’m reclaiming it. putting the rest under a readmore bc its long, and this ^ was the most important part imo

to me, it’s like someone who very closely identifies with mewtwo talking abt mewtwo being nonbinary. is mewtwo completely nonhuman and divorced from the human concept of gender? yes! but actual nonbinary people can see themselves in him, even with the negative connotations (that, again, has been a big issue in media for decades,) and reclaim it for themselves. it’s different than someone who isn’t trans or nb calling an alien or robot character nb, because we have the genuine lived experience, and if it makes us happy to do so, especially with such few nb characters in non-niche media that ARE actually human/aren’t some boy/girl fusion, i, personally, don’t see much of a problem with it.

i don’t joke about fresh being nonbinary because he’s a ‘funky colorful skeleton,’ i do it because 1. he’s a character that’s been explicitly identified as agender, 2. i’m agender and 3. he’s a character that’s very, very very personal to me, and it makes me happy to project my experience on him. obviously, he’s not trans, he’s a body-hopping parasite. but it’s something that brings me comfort and makes me happy, man, and that’s why i talk abt it, not bc hes the pinnacle of agender or aroace representation. (which, im also aroace! triple a, etc.)

it’s like how i personally project a lot of my autistic experiences on him, because even though he was never designed as autistic and it would be very harmful if he WAS, i see a lot of myself and my own experiences of completely missing social cues, not being able to truly understand or guess why others react the way they do to things so you come up w 1000 scenarios in your mind to ‘prepare’ before every conversation, and how once hes able to feel it leads to immense constant anxiety, the way letting urself actually feel is so so overwhelming and even tho it’s not healthy its easier to just bottle! was it intended to be that deep? no, but i still reclaim it, bc im just some guy on the internet who likes fresh way too much.

(I’m assuming you came here from my dumb fresh iceberg post, he is actually capable of more than anger and fear after loveball, he can feel joy, love, sadness, but he crushes all of it down because 1. allowing himself to feel those things will get him killed and replaced! by someone better. 2. he has extremely negative connotations with letting himself feel after a series of extremely traumatic events, (somethin else that’s also very very personal to me, and why loveball has been so important to me for years, but that’s another story i’m not goin to go into, esp not here!) especially since it would just lead to a future of horrible breakdowns and 3. his lifestyle and sense of purpose relies on not feeling. on convincing himself he’s still a hollow shell. in his mind, it’s his purpose, it’s the reason he was created. and if he ‘falls’ to the level of all the people he mocks and manipulates for feeling, than what is he?) fresh presents himself as an empty shell, even to himself, but after loveball, he isn’t. but he needs to be, so he lies to himself and tells himself that he’s fine. fresh doesn’t believe he deserves any kind of kindness or redemption. he can’t understand any of it directed at him. hes not just an empty shell or reflection of his surroundings, but he WANTS to be. bc its easier man! it’s less painful! but he cant go back to what he was!

ironically, to me, hes a very human character, while also being so fundamentally alien, he makes sense to me. ofc im not sadistic and i dont purposefully torture people for a living, but! hopefully this makes any sense. i didn’t pull any of this out of nowhere, and i can grab receipts off the top of my head if u need them bc i have so much pointless fresh lore memorized down to the wording (like how i remembered the wording for one of the asks was agendered instead of agender, it’s that bad. i have the Burden of knowledge)

[kitzbin]

so basically hi, i’m nat. i’ve been having some major dysphoria and it isn’t going to well especially since it’s mixed in with my depression and anxiety. i’ve been trying to research what i’ve been feeling lately and i don’t know what to do because i always try to reason with myself and convince that i couldn’t be that. i’ve been struggling with myself for a bit, but now that i’m in school it’s hit harder.

i came out as non binary like maybe half a year ago, and i’ve been having thoughts like i want to be a boy who falls in love with another boy, i want to like a boy like i am one and i want to experience everything as a boy. i already dress more masc, and not fem anymore. i don’t even wear makeup anymore because i feel trapped and it doesn’t feel like me. i used to objectify myself and be hyper feminine because i wanted to be seen and wanted i guess lol. i honestly just want to look like a boy and be one, but i also feel like maybe i don’t fit that criteria. like i don’t think i’m valid, and that if i use he/him it’ll sound weird for me. i’ve been searching up trans masculine and i think i might fit that but i don’t necessarily feel comfortable using he/him either, maybe because i’m not used to it? i also don’t get offended when people misgender me, but it does get a little sad for me, like i have to accept it. at the same time, maybe i’m actually gender fluid, but i don’t really feel like a girl but i still want that to be apart of me? anyways, please help, i need some advice or have someone to talk to abt it.