#not even in the “ im not getting engagement way
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for a lucius fic/blurb maybe he was betrothed to a girl before he was sent away and them reuniting after the events of the movie
OMG YES THANK YOU!!! This is divineeee im gonna make it a lil angsty (with happy ending though)
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In all the years he’d been gone, he had never stopped counting the days until he saw you -- his betrothed, the love of his life -- again. Both of you had been young when your engagement was arranged, meant to marry when you were of age. You were the daughter of a senator who was close to Emperor Marcus Aurelius, his grandfather, and you had been friends since infancy.
He remembered playing in the gardens together, chasing butterflies, picking flowers for your mothers, and feeding the fish in the vivarium. Endless days of laughter, without worry of what the future might bring. At least you had each other, and there was comfort in thinking it would be for the rest of your lives.
But everything changed after the death of Maximus, the gladiator who had slayed his uncle, Emperor Commodus. Staying in Rome as a youth was far too dangerous, as many would attempt to assassinate him for the throne. His mother Lucilla's last act of love was to save him, even it it meant there was a possibility he would never come back.
Unfortunately, though, that meant he did not have time to say goodbye to you; to vow his everlasting fidelity. In Numidia, the breeze blowing in from the sea whispered your name, and he swore he could almost see your face -- as he remembered it in youth -- where the sky and the water met on the horizon.
The resulting rage and guilt fueled him as he started training, becoming stronger and more cunning over the years. He vowed his revenge against the Roman armies, fiercely defending the country that housed him.
Their arrival had been both a curse and a blessing, but only because they took him back with them. In the sands of the Colosseum, he fought harder than ever before in order to prove himself.
It was torture being unable to find you, wondering day and night where you might be in the great city. But once again, he let it fuel him, hellbent on taking down any enemy that might stand in his path.
It wasn't until the first game he participated in that Fate seemed to smile upon the two of you, and you saw each other across a great distance. Him in the arena and you sitting on the second tier with your father.
Your eyes widened in recognition and you couldn't look away. You almost stood but stopped yourself in order not to bring any unwanted attention to yourself. You absently grabbed your throat, your heart thundering fiercely with a maelstrom of emotions.
"Lucius..." you murmured, your voice barely audible.
"Did you say something, dear?" Your father asked, glancing at you curiously.
You shook your head, but an icy dread spread throughout you as beasts were released into the arena. Lucius nodded at you just barely before he had to tear his gaze away, his sword at the ready. The way he fought was precise and ruthless, reminiscent of his father, Maximus.
You anxiously looked towards the Emperor's box, seeing Queen Lucilla come to the same realization. You desperately hoped you would be able to speak to her, so the two of you might find a way to speak to Lucius.
You sat at the edge of your seat the entire time, watching him fight his way to victory. You couldn't help but cheer with the crowd, immensely relieved, but covering it up with infectious enthusiasm. Lucius looked to you once again before he was forced to leave the arena, silently vowing to get to you, no matter the cost.
Under the cover of night, and with some help from General Acacius, some of your father's guards accompanied you to the underground cells where Macrinus kept his gladiators.
The gate to Lucius' cell was opened and you stepped in, making him immediately stand from his cot. Tears sprang to your eyes, a sound that was half sob and half laugh escaping you.
"Lucius!" you said as he embraced you, kissing you desperately.
You kissed him back as tears of happiness tracked down your cheeks. You pulled apart to look at each other, taking in the evidence of time on your features. Your hands cradled his face tenderly, seeing the boy you remembered beneath the man that now stood in front of you.
"I can't believe you're here," you said as he kissed your palms. "We have to get you out."
His jaw clenched in rage and frustration. "I have to earn my freedom in the arena, it is the only way for me."
You let out a sound of despair, trying not to break down sobbing. "But surely General Acacius can--"
He shook his head. "No one can know who I am. At least, not yet. There is too much at stake."
You grabbed both of his hands and held them against your chest.
"My heart belongs to you, Lucius Verus Aurelius," you said solemnly. "I have always been yours, and I intend to marry you no matter your status."
He swallowed thickly, pulling you in for another kiss as he realized time was running out. He leaned his forehead against yours, holding you as close as possible.
"I love you," he said. "Nothing could keep me from you.”
“Then promise me you’ll live.”
He promised, intending to see it through. There simply was no other way. Even through the most grueling trials that followed, losing one too many people in his life, he prevailed. He rightfully claimed the throne of Rome, ridding it of the threats that almost were its downfall.
And his first act as Emperor was to marry you in the palace’s gardens under the night sky, with only the Gods as witnesses. The way it was always meant to be, your fates written in the stars.
————-
#lucius verus x reader#lucius verus x fem!reader#lucius verus x you#gladiator fanfiction#lucius verus#x reader#anonymous#thanks for requesting!!
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You tell him your name in the first three minutes of clambering into his truck.
It's rattled off between where you’re going (wherever he'll take you), where you'd like to be (the ocean, the sea, the ocean and the sea and the mountains; a place where both meet—), and sits, nestled, in the heart wrenching travesty of where you ended up. In a truck with just a stranger for company, destination unknown.
Your whole life packed up inside of a box resting on the rusting bed of his truck. No one knows you left. They'll figure it out in the morning, you're sure. A ant that escaped the colony. Left for something better and got stranded in the middle of nowhere with nothing but a few hundred dollars to your name, and a box filled with junk.
(stupid, stupid girl—)
It's quiet in the cab. The only sound cutting through is the crunch of gravel and dirt under his tires. The noises his engine make.
The sound of his truck is not too dissimilar to an old, sick cat. It doesn't quite purr. It sputters. Sickly. Hacks through corroded lungs, spitting up plumes of thick, black smoke into the air. You grip the worn, threadbare seats until your nails ache, feeling each jerk and dip of the road acutely in your chest. Thump, thump, thump.
This might have been a mistake, you think, eyes staring firmly ahead. Through the streaks on the windshield, the horizon a smears a pale pink beneath powder soft blue. Cloudless. The sun is to the west. Maybe. Your knowledge of the world outside of the box is rooted in a weathered textbook printed back in 1935.
(A dumb girl, mamma always said. But at least you have your pretty face.)
Embarrassment needles in—that familiar knife of shame cutting into your seams. You swallow it down. It doesn't matter. Not here. Not in this truck. You'll go somewhere else. A big city where the books are based in fact, and you'll read and read and read until you're not just pretty face. Empty space. Something to gawk at but not engage.
an ornament girl.
It makes you itch to say something. To fill the air with whatever might impress him even if you don't think you like this man too much. But you don't. You bite your tongue because smart girls like silence, don't they? They like the time to think because that's what they do; think, and that's what you do, even if they race by like silverfish, too quick to catch: just think, think, think—
But as the winding back roads of the flat prairie yawn into thickened wheatfields and towering tussocks of corn deeper in the rural, unpopulated countryside, he speaks, voice rough. Gritty. It grazes over your neck like a sharpened blade, tip pressing against your jugular.
"Don't care what your name is," he grunts, rummaging through the console for a pack of cigarettes—Pall Malls, he snorts; ain't even go’ Marlboros in this shithole.
When you ask why he doesn't care to know your name, he snorts in way that rankles down your spine. Like it's obvious. Like you know the answer. But—derisively, droll—his eyes slant in your direction over the console of the old truck that sputters down the barren dirt road, drenched in something you can't name. Shouldn't name, maybe. Shouldn't think about. Shouldn't acknowledge.
"Dogs don't get to name themselves, do they?"
No, you think, settling back into the seat, mind reeling. Spinning in circles as he tosses the pack into your lap, grunting at you again to get ‘im one. Make yourself useful.
As he drags you further and further out to the middle of the prairies, where the thick tussocks of grass away in the breeze like waves lapping over the surface of the rugged sea, you think of your mother and what she used to say about men.
(do you really think any of them want anything good with a girl like you?—)
Your fingers dig into the seat as your mind sputters like the old truck, spinning uncatchable thoughts of dogs and men.
Don't get to name themselves. Don't want anything good with a girl like you.
You suppose they don't.
(You don't get it until you do.
But that comes later.
What comes first is a box.)
#despite that line theres almost no dog metaphors in this baby#honestly this is probably the most fun ive had with a reader in a while and i love writing the way she sees herself and the world and ahhh#anyway!!!!#this bad boy is almost finished unreal#dogmeat
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regarding romance involving your characters, im aware you've talked about how you likely wont engage in making content surrounding that topic (WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY FINE obviously), but do you mind if others do? i personally find a lot of enjoyment in those kinds of scenarios and itd be good to know if thats something you're fine with when it comes to your own creations. (im sure you get enough asks about romance already, apologies!!)
and related to this, are there any strict boundaries or hard lines youd prefer not to be crossed when it comes to fan content of them? even anything that just makes you uncomfortable; if youre alright with sharing, that is <:-} i would really like to know just to be certain
Hi there! This is a very kind and conscientious message; thank you for that. ^^
Short answer: sure, I don't mind if people want to make romantic-themed art or writing with my characters. It's flattering!
I don't really have much in the way of hard limits when it comes to depictions of my characters (not counting nsfw/kink art, where I'm also pretty permissive but want to be communicated with in advance), but here are some personal boundaries when it comes to how people treat me, the human:
My characters aren't able to be "claimed" by people for exclusive shipping purposes (either with other characters or for self-shipping). When people get jealous of either other people who want to ship themselves or their characters with mine, or jealous of the characters' in-story love interests, it creates a highly uncomfortable situation for me.
I'm happy for people to enjoy their romantic fantasies with my characters, but I am not included in that bargain. Liking my character does not mean one knows or is in any kind of relationship with me, platonic or otherwise (especially not otherwise).
Likewise, I probably won't reciprocate a lot of self-shipping or Your OCxMy OC type stuff. Of course I'll comment and appreciate the effort and the expression of being interested in my silly stories! But I won't necessarily make a lot of ship art in return or trade head-canons or what have you (again, I just am not super into shipping and I have my own story stuff I already don't have time to draw orz).
My characters aren't made to be boyfriend material. I also have not drawn/written/shown every part of their awful personalities or actions. In the future, I might reveal something about them that makes them unappealing or unsexy. People can ignore the unpleasant qualities I give my characters in their fantasies/fics, but I won't change how I write or draw the character to make them better suited to someone's tastes (yes this is something people have asked me to do).
I feel like stating some of these things makes me look a bit neurotic, like "oh come on, that's not going to happen," but unfortunately all of these things have happened to me before when people got, I guess, a liiiittle too romantically invested in my characters.
So really, I don't have many boundaries in the way of content. Go forth and write or draw or just imagine what pleases you (general you). Write them getting married, having unrequited crushes, being one of the last survivors of the Titanic and sacrificing themselves so that the other character can live her best life beyond their doomed romance, etcetera.
All I ask is that the appreciation is centered on the character as an imaginary being, and I, the real and very boring human woman, am largely ignored in the equation and not pulled in to do matchmaking, officiate any weddings, or act as a conduit to manifest a tulpa.
#text#people have written romantic fic of their characters and mine before and it's fun!#just when that crosses the line from “playing with my oc on their own” to#“expecting me to act as an ERP partner/write a bodice ripper for them/be exclusively devoted to the ship/or be their best friend/girlfriend#that things get unpleasant#sorry this is way too long because I have verbosity disease but tl;dr: do whatever have fun but be chill
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remember when 911 used to include the 118 in each other's personal lives?? the way they would present a central theme and then weave it thru everyone's story was one of the things that really drew me to the show. i love that shit lmao
maddie's pregnancy feels like one of those missed opportunities. its not just that i hate the way the pregnancy was, once again, accidental (i wish theyd made the decision intentional. the surprise at the end of the discussion really cheapened it all) and the way they rushed maddies feelings about it, and didnt show any of her journey to reach the point of being ready for a second pregnancy (fantastic chance for convos w her dispatch coworkers huh)
but remember when chimney would bring his relationship problems to the 118? remember all the kitchen convos they would have? it gives chim a chance to air his (v valid) concerns and his hopes, in a way that opens up the storyline to the other characters too
since they wanna trigger bucks abandonment issues again?? ok then. now hes worried about maddie running again. that she could always just run again. hes always just accepted it in the past when she runs. what is he like when he (thinks he) knows its coming?? would he do anything different now? or would this pregnancy remind him that hes of the age where hes expected to have kids/be planning to have kids? could he spiral about how he feels about that?? (be that he feels like his "biological clock" is ticking or the realisation that he doesnt want to be a father and thats ok? so many options!)
since they wanna make every henren storyline about their kids? heres a chance to have them struggle w the reminder of their own pregnancy difficulties. can personally confirm, u think ur good w that shit until suddenly u get a reminder that no, u are not. during that sl they focused on karens depression and hen just did not get it. how would that be different now? has hen processed the loss by now? does it hurt more now?? and show hen concerned for not just chimney, but also for maddie now too. their relationship has grown so much since maddie first ran away and madneys engagement. give hen concerned for and trying to support chimney AND maddie. show karen trying to be happy for maddie when its hard for her (ough. maddie thinking karen is mad at her for some reason bcos karen has been avoiding her but its bcos karen is struggling w her own feelings about pregnancy and doesnt wanna put that on maddie and ruin her happiness and maddie ends up cornering karen to "fix it" bcos theyre so close now and karen tries so hard to keep it together but she bursts into tears and maddie holds her and htey cry together?? now im tearing up FUCK. the dual power of jlh and tracie thoms crying?? we would never recover) fuck, give us that henchim tension and have hen struggle w jealousy that chimney gets to easily grow his family when she has hurdle after heartbreak after hurdle. have chim mad at hen for being cautious about another pregnancy, for being so negative when she should be happy for him! let their own traumas and fears affect how they communicate! dig into the drama!! on the drama show!! have them fight it out, have them cry it out, have them come out of it better best friends and a closer family pleeease
and eddie!! oh my god, theres so much potential there. eddie struggling to see the happily married husband and wife having a second child. that was what he was "supposed to do". thats what he wanted. thats what was taken from him, by shannons death. by shannons divorce. by his failure to give chris a mum. by his own actions. use that! have him and buck talk about the expectations to be fathers. have eddie talk to maddie about running away bcos u think thats what is best for ur child. have them talk about being parentified. what i would give for eddie and chim to talk about father-son relationships. chimneys father leaving him in another country vs chris being in another state?? delicious. even better if they argue about it, work thru it, make up. they help eddie process his situation better and move him towards repairing his relationship w chris!!
im running out of steam now lmao idk how this would personally impact bathena. probs more that they would both be giving advice/lending an ear. hen (w karen?) talking their troubles out w athena. the 118 going to bobby for advice. espesh eddie, him talking to bobby about fatherhood and daddy issues should be explored, plus bobby AND athena have both lost a spouse! ok now im just pissing myself off, thinking of all the wasted potential here lmao
and hey, maybe the show does intend to dig into these things?? who knows! not us!! not tim i just needed to vent here mostly lmao
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ALSO being on bluesky is reminding me i used to be on social media bc it was kind of fun. i used to be less scared of strangers and of talking to ppl. i have already rambled about this at length other times but i am thinking abt it again relative to necrotech99 and how excited i am abt it. it makes me wanna talk abt my stuff again.... (not TOO much bc i don't like unduly influencing quest suggestions/audience participation lol. like one thing i want to avoid from the tvrn era is it was really fun to answer so many behind-the-scenes questions, but i did end up eventually feeling like it created a situation where like... ppl who followed me on social media were having a rly different experience w the story, and had way more info, than ppl just following the thread, and i don't love cultivating/encouraging that kind of divide?)
anyway. thinking about that again. bc i used to talk abt tvrn all the time and promo it like crazy. and i even remember sometimes thinking to myself "damn where did i get all that energy bc lately promoing stuff/remembering to boost things online is such a drag and a chore and i hate it." and now that im on the necrotech grind im like oh yeah it was easy for me to remember to promo it bc i was.... genuinely promoing it... like i was genuinely eager to re-reblog stuff over and over and get more eyes on it bc i wanted really really badly for ppl to read and suggest!!!!! vs w work stuff a lot of times it's like. "[HEAVING A SIGH] i guess i should re-reblog stuff for Engagement and Visibility and Reach" in an abstract "maybe this will help me out jobwise? maybe someone will see my stuff and want to hire me, or find my itch and buy some games?" vs the DIRECT "i am hyping this up bc i want ppl to look at it now now NOW NOW NOW NOW :D NOW" that i feel when im rly into a quest
#vs also it feels. fun and safe to Want something to blow up on bsky#on twitter i literally was like. scared of things getting too much engagement#i got to a point where i was like. NO MORE PEOPLE. I DONT WANT ANY MORE PEOPLE#and even on here sometimes im still a bit jumpy#but on bsky im actively Trying to rebuild which is. freeing in a weird way
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for my money, labru is head and shoulders above other ships involving them simply due to the unmatched yap potential, i imagine them feeding off each other's energy like they're slipstreaming in mario kart until they start going fast enough to break the sound barrier
#dungeon meshi#dunmesh spoilers#labru#the Compounding Yap Effect#thinking about kabru wanting to understand the value of monsterhood despite how much pain they caused him ...#laios wanting to understand the value of humanity despite how much pain they caused him ...#none of this even mentioning how much kabru needs a person like laios to spur his character growth#kabru is a schemy schemer who schemes and it's one of his best qualities#but it's also what gets him killed over and over again in an attempt to get closer to laios and co when none of his usual tricks worked#it took until the absolute 11th hour where kabru HAD to choose#between potentially unlocking the secrets of the dungeon or giving it up to the canaries and losing his chance forever#if kabru had fallen back on what he knew he would have killed laios then and never got what he wanted#laios forcing kabru to be honest with his feelings#(a feeling kabru had buried so deep he was barely aware he had it in the first place)#is what finally gets laios to stop and listen#and he finally gives kabru enough of a reason to trust him and make kabru stop the canaries and give the party time to escape#and it's ONLY then that kabru is able to get what he wants#legit i cant imagine a more fulfilling ending for kabru than getting to directly engage his interest in a way that directly helps people#with someone who both needs wants and sincerely appreciates his skills#literally riding off into the sunset gay ass ending im#im going to be sick#day 28 being normal about them
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My personal take on the coalecroux official wedding rings (like they are dating and perhaps decide to do an actual wedding) is that they can look like anything but they must be enchanted. One always feels like the cold side of a pillow and the other always feels like a warm blanket. Yes the former goes to Gideon and the latter to Kremy
#of course you can have the classic one purple one red going to opposite person too#but i feel like even though im sure kremy would LOVE some flashy shit to show off#its not practical for like. cons and fighting#so the ring would have to probably be rather simple#now the ENGAGEMENT RINGS on the other hand#oh buddy. u KNOW its the coolest flashiest thing#they are showing them off to everyone#(mostly for cons or to get free shit or a distraction)#those rings get taken out on date nights and less criminal events#u think Gideon would make the bands himself im sure he could#forged these rings. in the firey passion of love i have for you. and also the regular fire that i naturally have.#aww wait and then kremy can maybe get them enchanted. or like nice-cursed?#excuse me baron can you link these two rings in a gay way#im writing this draft at like 9pm so sorry if this is nonsensical. im going to sleep#text#once upon a witchlight#kremy lecroux#gideon coal#coalecroux
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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They're soulmates in every single universe and I miss them at the most random times.
#my characters#haha funny thing is that venus doesnt even exist in base plot she is ONLY for AUs#in base plot ego the ginger guy is a prince and serenity the navy haired guy is an energy alien#and serenity takes on the form of a human to be fake engaged to ego and its never meant to actually end up with them married#but serenity falls in love with the prince and feels immense guilt when they meet up#and then ego is like HAHA YEAH my life is the greatest cause i get to marry my best friend but technically youre best friend by default#since i have zero other friends because i cannot leave the castle which kinda sucks but whatever#and serenity can give his life force to others to keep them healthy and usually stops by to heal egos younger brother#so he looks tired a lot bc he is depleting his own life to help others#and and in au versions hes just chronically tired and very much in love with ego who is completely oblivious#and half the time they (bc theyre mine) are pining mutually thinking ahaha theres no WAY hed like me#or in egos case a lot of the time in the au its what if he only likes me cause i spoil him rotten bc im super wealthy and i love gifting#and serenity ! in base plot since he is an alien from like... space.... basically... another realm#he resides with another royal family in a different kingdom and the king there treats him like a son#which plays into the au versions where serenity is adopted and he just really loves his dad a lot#like really admires the man who adopted him and raised him as a single father who almost always has a connection to egos dad since#in base theyre just two kings being buddies and trying to get good relations between their kingdoms#but anyway ego is one of the few ocs i have that will actively say#I LOVE YOU SO MUCH : D very openly and i love that for him??#not a lot of my ocs will be that open about their feelings but ego is very good at communication and talking and stuff#compared to serenity who is an alien who doesnt even have to talk where he originated bc the aliens are just blue energy blobs#and they sense each other and communicate silently#so making him take a human form is like MMMM not sure how to interact like a normal human tbh#i owe art to one person then i am able to get back to indulgent stuff for me and reqs and stuff#this was just so i had something to post today since idk if the art i owe someone will be cool to post or not
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people acting as if laios can Do No Wrong and infantilizing him because he is autistic are annoying as hell. especially because laios belongs to my favorite genre of character: "person who desperately wants friends and deep relationships because they're lonely, and while part of their problems stem from people not wanting to understand them and refusing to meet them where they are, they also genuinely come across in a way where you Completely Understand why others can get turned off from them"
#.txt#dungeon meshi#laios#like. okay. i think its a very autistic experience to Want People In Your Life So Badly but because you act differently and have a hard time#with social cues you dont get that easy friendship and it sucks and youre lonely as hell#<- source: im autistic#but ALSO. i think some people forget that missing social cues genuinely makes you rude. even if you dont mean it#intent goes a long way but sometimes the autistic experience is realizing that Unfortunately You May Have Been A Dick#or that being intense or overbearing or disregarding boundries you dont know are there Drives People Away#like idk i think wanting people to look deeper and see whats worthwhile about you while also realizing youve unintentionally#driven people away#and that you can be misunderstood AND need to improve how you treat people#is an interesting story (growing as a person while also understanding that you were worthwhile the whole time even if others didnt see it)#on TOP of being a. idk more true to life autism expereince at least for me#and characters who have these kinds of arcs are really fascinating to me and i think theres a lot of nuance to them#and idk it sucks when people try to act as if lack of malicious intent suddenly means everyone who doesnt love you unconditionally is wrong#to be clear sometimes its not the Neurodivergentisms that drive ppl away sometimes its smth else#but idk i find more nuanced approaches to characters like this feel much more engaging to me and its lame when it seems like ppl go out#of their way to remove nuance from characters :/
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How is tumblr going to ban porn and then show me ads where two triceratops are straight up having sex
#frankly these mobile game ads have also gotten just kinda disgusting and i feel like there needs to be regulations on them#i don't mean the dino fuck one it's not graphic but like#all the ones about those app women getting abused are out of hand like i keep seeing one where a guy cuts off a his wifes boob???#or where a lady is lactating or pissing herself or shitting herself#or even ones that imply straight up sa. like.#i understand. it's because it's shocking and drives engagement and ppl to make YouTube videos going woooaa weird ads but.#like. i don't wanna talk too much about them bc i don't wanna feed into what makes it effective but i just feel like#there needs to be somekinda standards here. the same way you can't just show whatever on tv advertisements#bc malicious advertising is an issue and there SHOULD be limitations to make sure this doesn't happen#not just bc it's gross but because it's underhanded and also false advertising! that stuff is straight up not in the app lol#it's usually just candy crush w extra steps#tbh im surprised no one has capitalized on actually making a fucked up gross game like that since there's clearly an audience#but still. annoying. sick of seeing them
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thinking abt the ggy easter eggs rn
#im so ready for whateber theyre cooking#this is like the only era rn where the sw games arent interesting me rn im so ready to want to engage again#plz focus on ggy vanny gregory vanessa cassie and not cassie dad mapbot dying absent father doing nothintnfor the story#and a game based totally off of books instead of the other way around#i really hope SW games dont become super tftp oriented#as in they make games based off of books instead of the other way around#that would suck majorly#a ggy game would be new content based off of game lore that does exist for ggy and not the book#like patient 46 and his canonical mysterious past#plus everything the tapes said he did#it could be so good#i really want to just see like. any progression of the story#outside of very basic ideas like 'vanny cassie' that are probably going to happen but are so bare bones#theres not much you can think about#insyead of useless plots like cassies dad. sorry but its true if hes the hw2 story he does nothing#nothing that cassie couldnt have also done if shes the protag#i know that sotm has to happen before they can progress so im being patient#but man#i hope we get more stuff like ruin that has good linear on screen storytelling and is more character oriented#everybody liked ruin but not everyone likes sotm#when hw2 came out i saw soo many opinions not just by me and the moots or something but just#fans on twitter diehard or casual#that hated how hw2s story was handled#people actually want storytelling now at sb and ruins scale instead of old school barely comprehensible frustrating lore#thats what sotm feels like its leaning into and im not excited#i hope its a one time thing since its a good chance to do that#a game that already takes place in the og fnaf days#before it even#of course its a good idea to put old school easter eggs and characters and story and stuff of the og days#i just miss my guys :(
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me: keeps drawing random one-off fanarts from things that aren't currently big at all
also me: why no notes on my arte
#grateful for all of u lol#but why no notes !! lol !! i want attention i want engagement#i need to be LOVED and sharing my art is the vessel through which i ascribe my self worth...#it's like how if you have a long list of movies to watch ur still more likely to just.#watch some random movie you heard about 2 minutes ago that seems interesting. if u have spare movie time#bc it's lower pressure or smth#idk brother ! idk#im just chillin here in my cave drawing things apparently only i want to see and like maybe 5 other people#welcome to my cave#alligates says things#yo being an artist on the internet is genuinely awful. social media is not built for my delicate ass#even popular artists (i might technically be a popular artist) like i Know it sucks babe. i know#anyway 'no notes' generally in the past i could hit like. 500 ? with relative ease ? sometimes#yall i'm struggling to hit 100. why 7 reblogs and 35 likes. this is not the way#i'm a creator on the internet complaining about numbers ! not really gonna stop me tho#let's be honest whether or not i'm getting attention my ability to draw or not is contingent on. my own psychological ass. and little else#thank u for listening. it is my bedtime. goonite#if you read all these tags... idk. tell me the name of your favourite flower !
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rehyperfixating on a children’s game that came out in 2015, is one of the least popular entries in its series, and has minimal content, the vast majority of which i’ve seen before. the series has been dead for nearly 10 years, nothing has happened recently that would warrant anyone’s returning interest in it, very few of my friends give a shit about this specific game, and those few who played and liked it in the past have no reason to give a shit about it at all right now. i have been coasting through on a playthrough i’ve been doing with a friend who’d never seen the game before and who was kind enough to let me show it to them, but we just beat the game, and after we play the epilogue we will have nothing left to do, and on top of that they really have just been humoring me as they have their own very strong current hyperfixation they would much rather be thinking about. also i am depressed enough right now that literally nothing else except for waiting to play this game with them and playing this game with them and watching them enjoy it at least a little has been able to briefly quiet the constant cacophony in my head screaming how much of a worthless, lazy, constantly-failing miserable excuse for a living person i am and how much better everything would be, especially for myself, if i stopped existing lately. would anyone like to volunteer to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ because i would really like for someone to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ right now
#me.txt#delete ltr#and i like hearing my friends talk about and show me their interests but it isnt enoughhhh its not enough right now to make my head SHUT UP#right now the only thing that can give me energy is a hyperfixation like this#but with enough content and engagement from others to keep subsisting me without hitting a wall#SOMETHING THAT IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO DO WHEN YOU CANNOT DRAW OR WRITE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#BECAUSE WHEN NOBODY IS MAKING ANYTHING!!!!! AND YOU CANT MAKE ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!! ALL YOU CAN DO IS CURL UP AND STARVE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼#immmm so sick of the only thing that makes being alive feel worth it being hyperfixations theres nothing REAL tying me down i cant stand it#because i am!! too broken!!!! to ever achieve any of the things that WOULD give me a real solid tangible reason to keep living!!!!!!#like a stable job!!!! a place of my own!!! a partner whos dedicated to me above everyone else and me to them in return!!!!!!!#a LIFE that isnt just constantly failing over and over and waiting for the shoe to drop and to lose everything all over again!!!!!!!!!!!!#i dont have that!!! and i cant have that!!!!! because im too broken to be able to cultivate and maintain it!!!!!#and the only way. to fix myself enough to be able to do so.#would be to HAVE ENOUGH STABILITY THAT ID HAVE THE TIME AND ENERGY TO PUT INTO FIXING MYSELF AND HEALING#i cant fix myself without stability and freedom. and i cant get stability and freedom unless i’m fixed#so it is. literally impossible!!!!!!!#impossible to create my own concrete solid reason to be here.#impossible for me to even create anything to feed the fixations that are my backup reasons.#theres nothing!! nothing!!! i have nothing new to leap to and ive been dwindling for too long and i think i am about to drown#im just waiting for time to tick out. for me to fuck up too badly to come back from one last time and get found out and punished.#and then? theres nothing left. theres literally nothing else left for me
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Being a woc fan of Bridgerton can be a struggle, especially when it comes to liking the poc characters on the show, especially the woc. Like I remember when s1 came out and the blatant microaggressions and just plain racism coming from this fandom was atrocious. You had people spewing very hateful things about Charlotte, Marina, and Simon and undermining the latter two's pain and trauma at the hands of the white characters---Marina was treated terribly by the Featheringtons and, whether you like Penelope or not, you cannot deny that she also played a part by releasing that letter to the Ton and Simon was violated Daphne no matter how people try to spin the story to offer her some form of sympathy (it still blows my mind that people would want to though).
S2 is just as bad (not even including how they changed the Sharma family's storyline than how it was in the books when that wasn't necessary) and the racist undertones many of the fans have towards Mary and Edwina (as well as Kate but for her it's carries more brown woman needing to be saved by a white man when Anthony is involved because a lot of you all in the fandom are quick to use this trope such as "oh, he's the only one who truly knows her"). The lack of screen time for this family really ends up hurting them to but even with that, whether you like Mary and Edwina or not, it would be a lie to deny the racism a lot in the fandom hold towards them (and how that falls onto the actresses because it was very apparent how many in the fandom couldn't let two Desi women shine without having to bring down the other and Netflix played into that too for drama) and paints every small thing they do as being terrible crimes but in the same breath will not have the same smoke for the Bridgertons, who have their own set of problems (but because they are also the main family, among other things, they are provided more grace without consequences).
#bridgerton#edwina sharma#kate sharma#mary sharma#marina thompson#queen charlotte#simon basset#like fandoms can be a very hostile place especially toward poc#and don't even get me started on some fans acting like they care about the poc characters but only still fall into the tropes i presented#im nervous for how this post will be received bc ngl when people call out the racist antics in bridgerton people love to downplay it#and that's just not right (for any fandom)#and this impacts actors too bc there should be no reason that charithra can hardly be excited about her role in the show#or how ruby had received so much hate that (probably) as a result had two breakdowns#on top of still being asked by polin and pen fans to denounce marina to uplift their white faves#dni if you can't have a calm conversation here#also seeing the creator of the show say for s3 kathony that there won't be as much angst#more happy couple scenes irks me in a way bc that amount of angst didn't have to flood s2 if they weren't so concerned with pointless drama#like the books themselves gave enough angst without the engaged to your sister plotline and such#also would have made anthony seem like less of a prick and actually respect a woman's honor but nope#don't even get me started on how it seems more common for the poc characters to have to gripe and struggle#(especially with things that....they should not be blamed for) at the hands of or as result of white characters#when in the same breath that courtesy isn't extended to said white characters#(e.g. marina having to push colin in pen's direction even though both failed her#to simon begin assaulted and then blamed for it by daphne and the narrative#to kate having to move mountains to grow (even though for most part she wasn't wrong) but don't even see anthony apologize for his actions)#all the actors especially the woc experience racism (and other forms of discrimination) from this fandom#i haven't even gotten into the shitshow from some fans towards simone and the actor who plays simon#as well as the racism the actresses for queen charlotte faced#a lot of yall need to do better
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haikaveh... save me haikaveh...
i KNOW it's been talked about to death but. the haikaveh research project. it literally haunts my mind. i cannot get over the implications. alhaitham going through his school life as someone that most people dont even really know about because he keeps to himself and doesn't socialize, with kaveh being the one exception to that, finding his way into his life as his Best Friend, and then leading to alhaithams one and only time he participated in a research topic. his bio says he only ever did ONE joint project!!! one!!! the one with kaveh his best friend and i think also his only friend at the time!!!! and then it ended in not only the project falling apart but also alhaithams only friendship. kavehs best friendship. they were each others closest person. they had no family around - alhaithams parents having died when he was young and his grandmother dying before he joined the akademiya, and kaveh's dad dying when he was young and his mom having moved to fontaine. like even if you dont look at it through a romantic lens it's still undeniable how important they were [and are] to each other..........
i'm getting off track but my point is very specifically for alhaitham, the one time he got close to someone, made a friend, even agreed to join one(1) group project ever, it ended in disaster. it led him into a fight so bad that his one and only friend said he regretted that friendship!!!! it was so bad alhaitham left the project and he and kaveh didnt speak for ages until they just happened to run into each other again at the tavern!!!!! like obviously it has to be incredibly awful for both of them but i just think how this probably had alhaitham in the cynical mindset that friendships and collaborations like that might just never work out for him because the one time he let someone into his life, it blew up on him and he was all alone again. even though alhaitham never seems to care much if people dont like him, that clearly cant still apply to someone he was exceptionally close to. like if he didnt care he woudlnt have been the one to take his name off the project and mutually not speak to kaveh...... kavehs words are the ones that hit the most significantly to alhaitham.......... kaveh is said/implied to have had at least some other friends while at school / people knew who he was, but not so much alhaitham. people didnt know him and the ones that did just knew he didnt socialize/he was not easy to get along with. he only had kaveh and then, for a while, he lost him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the number of times i have reread alhaitham character story 4 and kaveh character story 5. like. dont look at me. kfjsdklfh#on one hand im tempted to think alhaitham would have a fully cynical view of friendship#and be like USELESS NEVER AMOUNTS TO ANYTHING but. i kinda dont think he works like that#well i dont think he would think that either way now but#even in times of friendship breaking up w/kaveh like#alhaitham is very FACTS AND LOGIC and i feel like he would still like#idk. understand the objective value of human companionship. whether or not he feels it works for him#HOWEVER. jkdlhfsd he is also the one who in his other lore bits was like 'grandmother the other children are boring at school'#AT AGE SEVEN god he was probably such an unintentionally funny child. i love u alhaitham u are so neurodivergently coded#so idk i feel like he would have a period where hes like okay. i was alone before and clearly that was the right call bc my 1 friend is gon#even if he does well alone i cant even imagine like. kaveh mustve been a huge impact and difference in alhaithams life#humans need SOME level of socialization!! and kaveh was his.... aughhh god they literally also read as having a bad breakup!!!!!#queer coded TO ME!!!!!! friends to rivals/friends to lovers to enemies to it's complicated..................#but again even if u dont think of it in a romantic sense like it's still so much. they were and are so significant to each other.#their bond is so complex and oughghdhgh they make me go bonkers#i do not think of any other 2 genshin characters so intensely as i do them .what have they done to me. what the fuck.#im alone in my stupid little genshin pit endlessly babbling about these motherfuckers!!!!!!!#and i love them. also i like that one scene in i think cynos 2nd character quest where al and kav r in the library or w/e#and kavehs like wtf no way u dont small talk w/coworkers. and alhaithams like no i just happen 2 hear people but i do not engage#hes so real he likes to eavesdrop but he does NOT want to get involved!!!!!!!!!!!!#also that same scene where kaveh goes 'WTF looking thru these will take FOREVER!!!!' alhaitham: 'ill manage'#kaveh: >:( FINE ILL HELP YOU!!!! like ok he did not ask. silly.#and alhaitham teasing him right after all that. 'teach me to pretend u werent listening' '...' '...' '...' '...HEY STOP IGNORING ME' 'see.'#theyre so goofy. kaveh u walked right into that one. ily.#i love when i talk about characters and it's literally just me going 'wow remember when character x said this. remember when he did that.'#i just love repeating scenes and dialogue and lore over and over and over and offering nothing new to say about it JKFLDSHKLFH#sorry i love them SO much and im bad at drawing and bad at fanfic so i just have to ramble in text posts forever#i do have. a fanfic outlined for them. i am just scared to write it#nothing crazy deep or whatever but yknow. im in a bit of a Funk Right Now dont worry about it#i need a constant stream of alhaitham and kaveh content constantly injected directly into my brain.
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