#not crazy just a little unwell

[branchingcrossroads]

Been reading some H/C and talking to my person and attending a program and thinking, and,,,

"You need to get better so that you can start being useful again. You need to get better so that you can pull yourself together and GET BACK TO WORK." (('work' meaning 'whatever's expected of you', not necessarily 'job')) You can get a reprieve while you're weak, but as soon as you are stronger, you'll be expected to work yourself to the bone again. It never ends. “Just (...) and THEN you can rest” always ends up being a lie. You can't say “no, I don't want to get back to work” (or even admit it to yourself) - that's selfish and greedy (or at best 'weak and useless', or 'whining' or 'exaggerating' or 'trying to get attention' or 'feeling sorry for yourself') - "you think you're the only one who has problems? you think YOU're struggling? you think you have a right to complain when you've got it so easy? you think others have to wait on you hand and foot? how dare you - aren't you ashamed - burdening others - bad bad bad stupid unacceptable"

You can't allow yourself to feel better for a while or do something enjoyable, because “if you can do this, clearly you're fine, stop malingering and get back to work”. (eg. “so you want to (play a game/learn about a topic/etc)? why aren't you putting that energy into (looking for a job/cleaning your home/meeting more people/etc)?”) ((Unless the activity is something 'sanctioned' and 'socially approved', in which case you CAN participate, but you can't show (and therefore feel) much enjoyment or energy or motivation or skill, otherwise “if you can do this, clearly you're able to do all kinds of things, now get back to work”))

And since your brain caught on to the pattern, it learned that: "Getting better is unacceptable" "Getting better only leads to more pain, exhaustion, useless struggling" "Getting better means you have no excuse" "Getting better means people will resume expecting more than you can give" "Getting better means people will go back to holding you to a standard you can't meet, you'll keep falling short, they'll keep getting angry at you or disappointed or frustrated" "Getting better means losing whatever sympathy you're getting" "Getting better means losing whatever help you're getting" "Getting better means losing whatever reprieve you're currently allowed to have"

So things that 'help' feel like a threat - they are tools to make you 'get better' so that you can be pushed beyond your limits again. So that you're able to push yourself beyond your limits again. So that you can be hurt again. So that you can go back to letting yourself be hurt. To ignoring when it hurts. To squeezing yourself for every last drop.

And part of your brain doesn't want that. 'Getting better' is a threat.

So there's a level of resistance even (especially!) to the most basic things that are helpful or positive or comforting. And you don't even know why. You're hungry, the food looks good, but for some reason you can't bring yourself to eat. You'll feel better after you take your meds, but you find yourself just staring at the bottle for minutes at a time before you can make yourself open it...only to then sit there with pill in hand, willing yourself to just take it already, what's the holdup, what the hell Branch, you KNOW this will help, just do it. You used to love going into your hideout, it used to feel safe and comforting - now even imagining it stresses you out. Hearing "it's OK, you can do it, I'll help, I believe in you" makes you panic, and you don't know why. This is supposed to be encouraging, so why are you suddenly frantic to make the person give up on you? (Because on some level it feels like- not even a threat - a sentence. “It's OK, now stop whining before I lose my patience. I know you can do it, stop pretending like you can't, I'm not letting you weasel out of it. I'll help you do it or I'll MAKE you do it, but you're getting this done whether you like it or not. I believe in you, you better not disappoint me.”)

[cowardlykrow]

"That is where you are wrong, my boy!"

@ratb4stard3 and I deliver another Cowardlyghostbro's(™) collab ✨💛

[ongsasuntilt]

There’s just something about this poster and the detail that Ongsa is as close to Sun as she possibly can be WITHOUT touching her.

She admires Sun from afar, but she can’t help the need to be close to her. However, she’s afraid to touch Sun because of the damage that would cause. The Earth orbits the Sun, always keeping its distance. If they were to collide it would be catastrophic not just for each other but for everyone else around them too. Yet, Ongsa is holding onto the edge of the desk, because despite her fears she wants so desperately to be close to Sun and maybe just maybe that’s stronger than her fear of the consequences…

And also Ongsa keeping her eyes on Sun the whole time to clock her reaction. If she were to open her eyes, then the veil would be lifted and Sun would know not only about her feelings but also that she’s Earth.

[triglycercule]

dust with a fucked up savior complex save me dust with a fucked up savior complex SAVE ME!!!! he's literally sooo savior complex coded. he killed his underground to "save" everyone and stop the human from killing them. he thinks that it's better that he does the murdering instead of the human because he has better intentions. he's sad at the beginning (rightfully so) but savior complex dust really gets so much cooler when you add in the fact that dust eventually started to LIKE killing his underground 😭😭 like just..... imagine a manic dust who's gone mad going around claiming he's helping everyone with what he's doing when he's really,,,, not. soo cool.,,, (like dude how are you SAVING people if they don't exist after you've killed the person who was killing them. there is nobody to be safe but yourself anymore) (can you tell this was inspired by the one comic of dust killing his papyrus and saying "it was better if i did it" or something)

but also also on the other hand,,,,, revenge fueled dust??? he's gotten SO bitter from the repeated resets and genos that he's genuinely bitter enough to risk it all to stop the human. he doesn't have pure intentions in this one. dust doesn't claim he's saving anybody with what he's doing murdering them all. he KNOWS it's bad and wrong and hypocritical but he does it anyways because he wants to not only stop the human but to make them suffer. he purposely wants them to keep coming back after killing them just so he can kill them over and over and over and have them experience a fragment of the suffering he did with having all of his friends and family killed. but i think a revenge fueled dust (in contrast to savior complex dust) would be a lot cooler if he still felt shitty for killing everyone. it's painful to do but hate is stronger than love and dust's hate for the human is MUCH stronger than his love for the underground atp

[skitskatdacat63]

Pictures from the 2023 Brazil Post-Race that made me psychologically and physcially and emotionally unwell:

[oopsalltes]

coughs up blood. shiromura faith au

[iamjackstylerdurden]

still thinking abt dennis checking macs pulse…. mommying him…. when mac wasnt even conscious. like that wasnt part of the sinned manipulation system that was just dennis’ instincts. that couldnt have been anything but genuine since mac didnt have a way to know abt it

[ftm-dick-grayson]

Holy 1,000 likes Batman. Lmao. I started this blog on a whim a few days ago because the mental illness needed somewhere to go, glad to see people liked my shitposts and transgenderisms.

[sharpace]

46. What Home Feels Like

One of the comics I wrote while I had COVID. Pulling the curtain back a bit, I had to be completely isolated and had a particularly rough time for two and half weeks. I had so little energy, I missed out on a lot of my usual social time so I felt pretty lonely on top of physically terrible. The only “social” interaction I could get through that time was through Animal Crossing and that became my countdown until I could be allowed to rejoin the world. But I will say, the original comic written during COVID was... incomprehensible but, at least, I remembered my fevered thesis. Ha.

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[imviotrash]

Wishing an underaged character you don't like would get abused is not the hot take y'all think it is...

[ardentpoop]

@adihildilid yeah 💕

[supernova-151]

[tomb-bloom-noctem]

Depression is my muse and my monster. It inspires and hinders me. It wants me to connect to others like me then shy away from their light, convinced that I am only darkness. Always demanding more and giving up.

[jessiethelion]

I love running side blogs more popular than me it makes me feel like loser Batman

[torpublishinggroup]

Today is the release date of Alone With You in the Ether, a contemporary romance from bestselling author Olivie Blake that probes what it means to experience love while deeply unwell, but trying. 

Aldo behaves compulsively to excise the impact of chance from his life, and Regan is bored by chance: everyone (including herself) is so predictable! However chance is what brings them together. Neither are okay, but they’ll rearrange each other’s worlds. This is a story that will burrow inside you. Love, mental illness, time, space—all of these things collide in the ether of the mind. Feeling lost isn’t the same as being.

Check it out 😎

[mbat]

idk what it is about hearing the song unwell by matchbox 20 in a public area but it hits different. what do you mean other people know this song thats music video has 94 million views and top lyric video has 52 million views. its my song. talk to me about it (dont actually)