#not be people. this is an acceptable thing to say to someone i consider a friend'.

[cheshireliam]

"Wrapped in Wicked Romance" Story Event: Chapter 1

Ring Schwartz

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

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Kate: Why did you… kill them…?

Ring: “Why”...? Is it not natural? 

Ring: I’ll kill anyone as long as Dari orders me to.

His face, splattered with blood, showed not even the slightest bit of doubt about the murder he just committed.

It was at that moment when I finally realised it.

He, too— was utterly evil. 

…

One night, I stumbled upon a secret I never should've known, which led to me becoming Fairytale Keeper for a month.

A week after, Vogel, an organisation consisting of Cursed Ones similar to Crown, appeared and seemed to be hiding something. 

…

A few days after my encounter with them, I was called upon by Vogel’s chief— Darius. 

Darius: I’ve heard about it. To deepen your understanding of Crown’s members, you became their lover for a day.

Darius: We want you to do the same thing with us. The kind Miss Fairytale Keeper will surely agree to it, right? 

Unable to make the decision on my own, I quickly went to discuss it with Victor. 

…

Victor: Lovers for a day with Vogel? 

Kate: Yes. They also mentioned that they want me to show them around the city at the same time. 

Victor: I see… I don't have a problem with that arrangement. I happen to also have been thinking about giving them a tour of the city. 

Victor: What are your thoughts, Kate?

Kate: I… I can't stop thinking about what Harrison said to me that day. 

Victor: That Vogel is lying, is it?

Victor: I understand your concern, but we still can’t say for certain whether their lies are harmful to Crown. 

Victor: I doubt that they would be so reckless as to harm you in this situation. Therefore… 

Victor: The most important factor we should consider is what you want to do.

…

(What I want to do…?) 

(Victor did say he'd turn them down if I don't feel comfortable, but��)

(Since I’m going to have interactions with Vogel as a Fairytale Keeper, I’m personally curious about what kind of people the three of them are.) 

(So in order to find out… I’ll accept this request.)

(But before that…)

Kate: Excuse me, who is that tailing me? 

Ever since I left Victor’s office, I’ve had the gut feeling that someone was following behind me. 

When I voiced it out, a man emerged from the shadows.

Kate: Ring…? 

I called his name, although I still wasn't used to doing that because he only said very recently that I could address him as such without the use of salutations. 

Ring: Y-you misunderstood. I didn't mean to tail you today.

Ring: There’s something I want to ask you about… I just couldn't figure out when to approach you.

Kate: … Something you want to ask?

Ring: I wanted to ask who you’re choosing to be your lover for a day. 

Kate: Umm… and what do you intend to do with that information? 

Ring: Depending on whether you choose Nica or Dari, I’ll need to change my route and method for being their escort for security purposes. 

Ring: With the close, intimate distance of being “lovers”... who knows what tricks you’ll pull on the two of them. 

It appeared that Ring was wary of me and planned to protect them regardless of who I chose.

(Hm? But in that case…) 

Kate: What happens to the whole escort planning thing if I choose you to be my “lover”?

Ring: ME!? 

Ring: I- I don’t understand… Normally, either Nica or Dari would be chosen for this sort of thing. You don't need to consider such a possibility. 

Kate: But Darius said to choose “one member from Vogel”. 

Kate: So choosing you isn't a problem, right?

Ring: I-it’s a HUGE problem…! M-me as your l-lo-lov-lover…!? 

… Initially, I asked the question because I was genuinely curious how he intended to go about the escorting. 

But seeing Ring turning bright red and panicking sparked a mischievous impulse in me.

Kate: I’ve decided! I’m choosing you as my lover for a day.

Ring: WHAT!? You absolutely CANNOT do that! 

Darius: Really? I think that's a wonderful idea, though. 

The voice cutting into our exchange was Darius, who happened to be passing by.

Ring: D-Dari… why?

Darius: Somehow, it sounds like it’d be interesting. 

Ring: But what if she “cajoles¹” me into doing her bidding…!? 

¹ The word for “cajole” is 篭絡 (ろうらくrōraku). Here, when Ring’s says it, it was written in hiragana as “ろーらく” to express that his pronunciation of the word wasn't very accurate; possibly because his first language is german and not english. 

Darius: You know such a complex phrase as “cajole”? Good job, good job. 

Darius: But don’t worry. Miss Fairytale Keeper could never be a threat to us.

Darius: Have I ever been wrong about such things? 

Ring: … Never.

Darius: Then there's no problem at all. 

Darius: Go on, Ring. Pass auf dich auf (have a great day²). 

² For the record, I don't understand German at all. I’m only translating based on the Japanese translation provided by the game in the form of furigana.

As soon as Darius said something to him in their native language, Ring became obedient like a well-trained guard dog. 

Ring: … Alles klar (understood). 

…

The next day, I became Ring’s lover for a day and was tasked to give him a tour of the city.

Kate: I look forward to spending the day with you. 

Ring: … Oh, uh, yeah. Dari ordered me to “pretend to be Miss Fairytale Keeper’s lover for a day”. 

Ring: Going on a… d… da… date… with you… I- I’ll do it just fine. Just you watch…! 

(Ring looks extremely nervous…)

I was a little nervous myself, but seeing how tense he was actually made me feel better. 

Ring: S-so… the first destination is The Scala, right?

Kate: Yes. Since it’s a date, I decided to take you to some of my favourite places today. 

Kate: We could take a carriage there, but the weather is pleasant today. Shall we walk instead?

Ring: … Got it. Also, um… 

Ring looked like there was something he wanted to say as he stretched his right arm out in my direction. 

Kate: …?

Ring: Ah! No… nothing. T-this is just me warming up! 

He pulled his arm back and started rolling his shoulders in circles.

[creatingblackcharacters]

Say, if someone were to take a long time (more than months) before speaking up about racism, are they wrong for not immediately addressing it and instead letting the hurt fester? The first time it happened I was questioning my own perception, and by the time I became sure, it feels like it's too late (and it's also been very long after the last time I saw it happen too), and I feel like I also played a part in not immediately speaking up because of fear of the consequences. None of the racism were big enough, but if I were to list every instance then wouldn't it look like I'm being petty and trying to smear campaign someone? Or immature for being avoidant and not communicating my hurt immediately?

I'm going to approach this from an antiblackness perspective, since that's what I talk about here.

I think it depends on a couple of factors. Are you Black? If so, then no, it's not wrong to feel hurt about it no matter how long ago it happened. What you experienced was wrong, and it'll always be wrong. Plus, not wanting to speak up because you know it'll just be a threat to you is a common reason why Black people usually don't speak up about racism. Because yeah, you'll get dogpiled and gaslit and abused when you dare suggest someone was *gasp* bigoted toward you and needs to apologize! There's no statute of limitations on racism, and we shouldn't have to create an entire case to prove ourselves the way we do. That said, if this is a stranger, you will probably not be able to approach on the offensive because you let the time pass. So unless you have receipts, really all you can do is block them and move on with your life, or tell them privately "hey, this thing you said/did wasn't okay. I didn't say anything before because I wasn't sure how you'd take it, but I have not felt as safe around you since then, and I felt you needed to know" (and then probably block them). And you can't expect them to take it well- all you can do is say something, if you choose to at all. And if they take it that poorly, now you have the ability to tell others "yeah, this person did not take hearing about their bigotry well, and is not safe for Black people to be around". Because I would want to know if who I'm sharing from hates me.

If you are not Black, then I want you to consider (using your words) why the racism wasn't "big" enough, especially given that it wasn't dangerous towards you. What do you need to see in order to speak up? And by allowing it to get that large, recognize that you helped create a space where that behavior was safe and acceptable by saying nothing when all the "small" racism was occurring! That said, people are going to take it as petty regardless of your intent, because that's how racism is treated both here and outside the internet. It may be demeaned, treated as a smear campaign, because people think calling out racism is worse than being racist. So it really depends on how much you're willing to stand on it. You saw all these things happen, you have the receipts, you know you're in the right- are you willing to speak up? Are you willing to accept what may happen, or are you more worried about your own comfort? Maybe you'll allow Black people who saw all that racism feel heard and valid, so they can speak up too. Maybe you'll start a conversation that needs to be had. Maybe you'll be a step towards cracking that environment where this racism was acceptable, or worse case scenario, you'll recognize that this isn't a place you want to be if racism is treated so lightly. Those are hard decisions!

Sorry that this probably didn't make you feel better, but it's not a light topic.

[helluverse-rewrites]

Random tidbits/headcanons

I mostly just made this because I think there's some things I forgot to put in the other posts so here you go Ig

Starting off with a big one, Millie proposed to Moxxie using sign language

Millie often translates for Moxxie when he's talking to others

Moxxie won't admit this, but it really means a lot to him when someone learns sign language for him. He grew in a place that told him that no one would learn such a thing just for a worthless, waste of space like him. So it contradicts what his father said to him when someone at least puts in the effort and tries

Not only is Sallie May trans, Millie now also has a trans brother

Verosika would probably listen to boyfriend asmr for shits and giggles

Asmodeus hates alpha male podcasters

In my rewrite, Moxxie is more apathetic than in canon, so the conflict in Murder Family is different. That's all I'm gonna say

Stella is the living embodiment of "I'm not just a regular mom, I'm a ✨cool mom✨"

Fizz has a shit tone of medical trauma

Octavia has crippling abandonment issues

^ this is because Stolas would constantly tell her as a kid when she would be crying "Cut this nonsense out or else I'm leaving you. For good." Stolas would also say he'd take Stella with her. So basically she thought that if she cried as a child, her parents would leave her

^ this is why she's so quiet and pretends she doesn't care about anything. She learned that everyone will leave her if she shows any emotion

Yeah she doesn't like to cry in front of people anymore (Stella is completely unaware of this btw)

She just bottles everything up in general

Stella will just accept anytime Stolas or Andrealphus yells or threatens her, but she'll attack you if you mention her daughter

After some character development, Fizz would be good friends with Moxxie I feel

^ They would play a game where they would see how much random shit they could say in sign language before people start to catch on how much they're bullshitting. They would be saying the word 'watermelon' over and over again. Everyone is confused while Millie and Asmodeus are laughing their asses off

If M&M were to have kids, they would definitely go for adoption (COUGHSINSMASCOUGH) also because Moxxie is trans so they wouldn't be able to have children biologically

^ also they're broke so they need more money before they even consider that

Millie often worries about Moxxie when she's not there to translate his sign language. It's not that she doesn't think he can handle himself, Moxxie has been surviving on his own for a long time before he met Millie. It's just that he has a tendency to force himself to talk when no one can understand what he's saying, and Millie knows it hurts and exhausts him

Millie's family adores Moxxie. I hate the trope of dad disapproves of daughter's boyfriend. It's just pretty annoying and oftentimes the boyfriend is the sweetest guy ever

Her family is the most accepting family in the Wrath Ring and upon first meeting them, Moxxie was certain they hated him

That was literally the opposite though, they even helped Millie set up the proposal. They just wanted Moxxie to be their in-law so bad

Striker is kind of an older brother figure to Millie, he used to have playdates with her when they were little

Stolas is the most powerful Goetia, which is something he brags about constantly

Asmodeus is a huge fucking nerd and loves reading

Moxxie and Blitzø constantly steals Millie's fidget toys for fun

Dw Millie thinks it's funny

That's all I can think about for now! If I think of anymore I'll do a part two

[terrietont]

Yes thank you! As someone who exhibits a lot of these traits with quite a few of these characters, it feels super ableist to me especially because women with different personalities and traits that seem too “weird” often get bullied a lot, especially teenage girls! But you never hear any of this “EvERy PriNcess The SamE” about male characters that are “quirky!” And it infuriates me! Let women be silly for the love of fuck!

Plus if that’s all people see about the characters, they obviously haven’t even paid attention to what said characters are doing! They’re more than just “quirky” many of them are harboring trauma and anxiety and there’s only so many ways one copes with those things. Sometimes it’s being spontaneous, sometimes it’s sleeping a lot. Women are more than their appearance!

I have seen complaints about Moana, in fact recently. People saying she’s “akorable” because she can be silly and she’s also A TEENAGER (at least in movie 1 I haven’t seen the sequel so I can’t judge)

But fucking hell man. People will look at women and judge them immediately.

Just go ahead and tell me you would judge me because I have AuDHD and I often make little jokes and quirky sounds every so often to stim and I’m also clumsy and self conscious. Tell me you would say I’m “doing it for attention” because being myself isn’t normal.

I look up to so many of these characters because I understand so much of their anxieties and trauma and the love of being silly without being judged.

Frozen for example connects with me to this day since my sister and I are so close as friends and I was once the ‘conceal don’t feel’ type and my sister I often say is like Anna. She’s determined, she loves her sister so much, she can be clumsy and silly and also break down from time to time, she has a little bit of a temper but she’s still got so much kindness and respect.

I’m like Elsa in many ways too. I get very bad anxiety, I can be creative when I’ve focused. I prefer being alone a lot of the time but I still want company. I can be silly and joke around and I struggle with crowds and prefer to be in nature.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again.

Despite these characters being conventionally attractive, it’s the fact that they have a personality that many people wouldn’t find “attractive” because they’re clumsy, highly emotional, silly, can make awkward mistakes and often seem airheaded.

I’m so sick of women only being seen as Boobs and Butts and also “Manic pixie dream girls” just for being “not normal” Why do men get to be silly and goofy? But as soon as a woman/non cis gendered man has a personality and flaws it’s considered “too quirky”? Get fucked!

It’s hurtful to see people pinpoint neurodivergent behavior in women as being “quirky uwu” and not women unmasking and being themselves. Being silly is being real to me!

I don’t care if it’s fictional or not, it’s rooted in reality. The way people react to women being not socially acceptable even in fiction happens in real life and it hurts. I can’t be on good terms with someone who looks at these characters and thinks that they’re just “quirky” and not that maybe a ND person could relate to them because she also happens to have a lot of the same traits and trauma.

LET. WOMEN. BE. SILLY.

Not saying all Disney Princesses should have the same personality, but I can’t help but have an itching feeling that a lot of the pushback against “quirky” and “adorkable” princesses is rooted in at least some form of misogyny. I mean, what? Girls can’t be socially awkward? Is that what you’re saying?

[applestorms]

@jessaerys ok shit this took a while but WHATEVER. wammy's lore collection here we go :3c less analysis this time, this is mostly just to archive the main known details we have in canon about the house, and also the people from there more generally. however much you wanna accept all this/take it at face value is up to You, Dear Reader (and tbh y'all should just read all these if ur curious since they're all pretty short + have Interesting narrators. i'll include links to free versions). do whatever you want forever etc. etc. also, SPOILERS. obviously.

LABB: (listen here)

no this book isn't written by ohba. yes i'm including it. shush. anyways, most of the lore in this comes from mello's vague comments about beyond's backstory, but there's a Lot of interesting things established in this, so. here's a bunch of notable quotes. if you're not already familiar, please keep in mind that the narrator of this novel is mello, writing at some point shortly before his death.

"L. The century's greatest detective. In light of his staggering mental abilities, L died an unjust and untimely death. In the public record alone he solved over 3,500 difficult crimes, and sent three times that number of degenerates to prison. He wielded incredible power, was able to mobilize every investigative bureau in the entire world, and was applauded generously for his efforts. And during it all, he never showed his face." (pg. 10)

"So, what you're reading now are my notes about L. It's a dying message, not from me, and not directed at the world. The person who will most likely read this first will probably be that big-headed twit Near. But if that's the case, I will not tell him to shred or burn these pages. If it causes him pain to discover that I knew things about L that he did not, then that's fine." (pg. 10-11)

"I am one of the few people who ever met L as L. When and how I met him...this is the single most valuable memory I have, and I will not write it here, but on that occasion L related to me three stories of his exploits, and the episode involving Beyond Birthday was one of these." (pg. 11)

"Obviously, it never came to light that L--and more importantly, Wammy's House, which raised me until I was fifteen--was deeply connected to the matter, but in fact, they were. L, on principle, never got involved in a case unless there were more than ten victims or a million dollars at stake, and this is the real reason why he belatedly, but aggressively, involved himself in this little case, which only ever had three or four victims. I will explain further in the pages that follow, but for this reason, the case of the Los Angeles BB murders is a watershed event for L, for me, and even for Kira. It was a monumental event for all of us. Why? Because this is the case where L first introduced himself as Ryuzaki." (pg. 11)

"For any one else but those two [Near and Kira], my identity may be of no interest, but I am the old world's runner-up, the best dresser that died like a dog, Mihael Keehl. I once called myself Mello and was addressed by that name, but that was a long time ago. Good memories and nightmares." (pg. 12)

"She [Naomi Misora] briefly considered the idea that Raye Penber, or someone else, was playing a practical joke on her, but she found it hard to believe that anyone would be so bold to sign their name as such. L never revealed himself in public or in private, but Misora had heard several horror stories about what happened to detectives who tried passing themselves off as L. It was safe to say that no one would dare use his name, even in jest." (pg. 18)

"This was L, so he was undoubtedly solving several other difficult cases all at once. Cases all over the world. For him, this case was just one of many parallel investigations. How else could he maintain his reputation as the world's greatest detective? The century's greatest detective, L. The detective with no clients." (pg. 35)

"L had earned a certain degree of hostility from other detectives, and the jealous ones called him a hermit detective, or a computer detective, but neither of these is a particularly accurate representation of the truth. Naomi Misora had also tended to think of L as an armchair detective, but in fact, L was quite the opposite, a very active, aggressive individual. [swoon.] While he had absolutely no interest in social connections, he was certainly not the kind of detective to shut himself up in a dark room with the shades drawn and refuse to come out. It is now common knowledge that the three great post war detectives, L, Eraldo Coil and Danuve were all actually the same person. Certainly, anyone reading these notes is almost certain to know...though they may not know that L engaged in a war with the real Eraldo Coil, and the real Danuve, and emerged victorious, claiming their detective codes. The details of this detective war I will save for another occasion, but in addition to those three names, L possessed many other detective codes. I have no idea how many, but there were at least three digits' worth. And quite a number of those were fairly public detectives--just like, as anyone reading these notes must know, he appeared before Kira, calling himself Ryuzaki or Ryuga Hideki. Of course, Naomi Misora had no way of knowing this, but in my opinion, the name L was, for him, just one of many. He never had any direct connection to that identity, he never thought of himself as L--it was just the most famous and most powerful of the many detective codes he used during his life. The name had its uses, but lacked obscurity. L had a real name that nobody knew, and nobody will ever know, but a name which only he knew never defined him. I sometimes wonder if L himself ever knew exactly which name was written in the Death Note, which name it was that killed him. I wonder." (pg. 43-44)

"If we must discuss why L so adamantly refused to reveal himself, we can explain it very simply: doing so was dangerous. Very dangerous. While the world leaders should make efforts to ensure the safety of all the finest minds, not only for detectives, the fact is that the current societal systems do not allow for this, and L believed he had no choice but to protect his mind under his own power. By simple arithmetic, L's ability in 2002 was the equivalent of five ordinary investigative bureaus, and seven intelligence agencies (and by the time he faced off against Kira, those numbers had leapt upward several more notches). This is easy to think of as a reason to respect and admire someone, but let me say this as clearly as possible: that much ability in one human is extremely dangerous. Modern danger management techniques rely heavily on defusing risk, but his very existence was the exact opposite. In other words, if someone was planning to commit a crime, they would greatly increase their chances of getting away with it by simply killing L before they began. That was why L hid his identity. Not because he was shy, or because he never left the house. To ensure his own safety. For a detective of L's ability, self-preservation and the preservation of world peace were one and the same, and it would not be correct to describe his actions as cowardly or self-centered." (pg. 69 nice)

"So whenever L was working, he would usually have someone else as his public face--and in this particular case, the FBI agent Naomi Misora was filling that role." (pg. 70)

"Beyond Birthday had the eyes of a shinigami congenitally. It was not particularly difficult for him to track down people with the initials B.B. or find people who were fated to die on a certain day at a certain time." (pg. 94)

"Normally contact with a shinigami was a prerequisite for acquisition, but Beyond Birthday had traded nothing--he had seen through those eyes since before he could remember. He knew your name before you said it. He knew the time of death of every person he met." (pg. 94)

"You might think [the eyes] would hardly be useful without a Death Note, but that is simply not the case. The ability to see someone's remaining life is the ability to see death. Death, death, death. Beyond Birthday lived his life unceasingly reminded that all humans would eventually die. From the time he was born he knew the day his father would be attacked by a thug and die, knew the day his mother would die in a train crash. He had these eyes before he was born, which is why he called himself Beyond Birthday. Which is why a child as strange as he was taken in by our home, sweet home--Wammy's House. He was B. The second child in Wammy's House." (pg. 94-95)

"The competition between L and B. L and B's puzzle. 'If L's a genius, then B's an extreme genius. If L's a freak, then B's an extreme freak. Now it's time to get ready. There are things I must do before B can surpass L. Henh henh henh henh.' This thought was the only thing that made him laugh without needing to think about it. And those that know will recognize the laugh of the shinigami. Still grinning to himself, he faced the mirror, brushed his hair, and began applying his makeup. The reflection of himself in the mirror. Himself. As always, he could not see his own time of death. No more than he could see the death of the world." (pg. 96)

"We were raised at Wammy's House in England, in Winchester, as L's successors, as L's alternatives, but that does not mean we knew anything more about L than anyone else. Including myself, only a few of us ever met L as L, and even I knew nothing about L before he met Watari--Quillish Wammy, the genius inventor who founded Wammy's House. Nobody knows what's going on in L's head. But even so, I know how Watari felt. Looking at L's incredible talents from the perspective of an inventor--of course he wanted to make a copy, of course he wanted to create a backup. Anyone would feel the same. As I have already explained, L never appeared in public. L knew that his own death would increase the crime rate all over the world by a few dozen percentage points. But what if they could copy him? What if they could make a backup? That was us. L's children, gathered from all corners of the world.

"But even for a genius like Watari, creating a fake L was easier said than done. Even for Near and I, who were said to be the closest to L...the more we tried to be like him, the closer we got, the father away he was, like chasing a mirage. So I hardly need to tell you what it was like when Wammy's House was first founded, when he was still experimenting. The first child, A, was unable to handle the pressure of living up to L and took his own life, and the second child, Beyond Birthday, was brilliant and deviant. B stood for Backup.

"But B tried to surpass L, not become him...no, that might not be right. I have no way of knowing the inner workings of his mind. He...their generation was not like the fourth generation, with Near and I, all the children bound only to the code with the serial L. They were prototypes, never even given the L code, expected to fail. I prefer to refrain from idle speculation based on my own experiences, but, well, Beyond Birthday may have thought something like this: As long as there was L, B would never be L. As long as the original existed, the copy was always a copy." (pg. 104-105)

"The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases. L.A.B.B.--L is After Beyond Birthday. This reading is why I think this name is so much closer to the killer's intentions than the Wara Ningyo Murders, or the Los Angeles Serial Locked Room Killings. I wasn't talking about the names on a purely stylistic basis. Whether Beyond Birthday had put that much thought into it I have no idea, but if he had a specific reason for choosing to commit his murders in L.A., then that is probably why. I am sure he had a much more personal obsession with L as an individual than Near or I ever did. I can understand why someone would become a criminal in order to fight against a detective, which is why I can write something like this, but even so. What did he hope to accomplish by killing unrelated people? Or perhaps B simply wanted to meet L. Then he could use the eyes of the shinigami he'd been born with and see L's real name, see when L would die. He would be able to figure out who L was. Beyond Birthday had never told anyone that he had the eyes of a shinigami, and it would not surprise me at all if he believed himself to be some kind of shinigami." (pg. 105-106)

"Beyond Birthday challenged L. And L accepted the challenge. To put it bluntly, the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases were nothing but an internal struggle, a civil war within our home, sweet home-- Wammy's House. Unfortunate for the victims that got mixed up in it, but even if Beyond Birthday had not killed them, all those victims were fated to die that day, at that time, for some other reason, so logically and morally, their deaths were unavoidable. So in the strictest sense of the word, the only one who really got mixed up in their war was Naomi Misora." (pg. 106)

"L was said to never move on a case unless there were more than ten victims or a million dollars at stake. The only exceptions to this were cases at difficulty level L (extremely fitting), or when L had personal reasons compelling him to get involved. The Los Angeles BB Murders were both of these. I hardly need to point out the difficulty by this stage of the story, and L was essentially fighting his own dead copy. [harsh, dude.] The current head of Wammy's House had told Quillish Wammy/Watari, who had told L about B's disappearance in May, and ever since L had been looking for him even as he solved other cases. Wammy's House only knew him as B--they did not know his real name, Beyond Birthday, so this search was near impossible, but L knew who the killer was. He had not been looking for a killer so much as he was looking for a case. L had been waiting, expecting Beyond Birthday to do something to challenge him. L could move any policeman in the world, but in this case, he could not ask anyone for help except Naomi Misora...more than likely, for this reason. I don't think L really put that much stock in honor, but everyone is embarrassed by their own sins, and nobody wants those missteps to become public knowledge. L was the goal of everyone in Wammy's House. Every one of us wanted to surpass him. To step over him. To step on him. M did, N did, and B did. M as a challenger, N as a successor. B as a criminal." (pg. 116-117)

"No matter what she did, she had no way of knowing. That this killer, Beyond Birthday, could tell someone's name and time of death just by looking at their face, that he had been born with the eyes of a shinigami--she had no way of knowing that fake names were useless with him, completely and utterly pointless. How could she have known? Even Beyond Birthday himself could not explain how he had been born with the eyes of the shinigami, how he could use them with no payment, with no arrangement. Neither Misora nor L knew why, and, obviously, neither do I. The closest thing to an explanation I can offer is that there are shinigami stupid enough to drop their notebooks in our world, so there might well be shinigami stupid enough to drop their eyes." (pg. 193-140)

"'So, Naomi Misora...' said L, wrapping up. But Misora hastily stammered, 'Um, er, L...' but then she hesitated, not sure if she should ask this or not. 'You...know the killer, right?' 'Yes, as I said. He is B.' 'I don't mean like that...I mean, he's someone you know personally?' On the 16th, L had said that he had known the killer was B, and she had sort of known ever since, but two days before, L had said something that changed her guess to conviction. Whatever you do, please catch the killer. The century's greatest detective, L, would never say that about some ordinary indiscriminate serial killer. And the way his letter was just one letter long... 'Yes,' the synthetic voice agreed." (pg. 144-145)

"'I have nothing to do with him,' L said. 'To be completely accurate, I do not even know B. He is simply someone I am aware of. But none of this affects my judgement. Certainly, I was interested in this case, and began to investigate it because I knew who the killer was. But that did not alter the way I investigated it, or the manner in which my investigation proceeded. Naomi Misora, I cannot overlook evil. I cannot forgive it. It does not matter if I know the person who commits evil or not. I am only interested in justice.'" (pg. 145)

"My great and respected predecessor, the man whose actions were a strong influence on me personally, B, B.B., Beyond Birthday--obviously, I need hardly explain again that the murders themselves were not his purpose. So what was he doing? Again, I hardly need to explain--he was challenging the man he copied, the century's greatest detective L. A matter of winning or losing. A contest." (pg. 159)

"Since L could solve every case no matter how challenging, if he created a case so difficult that L as unable to solve it, B would have defeated L." (pg. 159)

"He knew that the moment he took action Wammy's House and Watari would alert L, so he did not even bother trying to stop them. He could only guess at which stage of his plan L would start to come after him, so he prepared things carefully, ready for L's entrance at any point." (pg. 159)

"B approached Naomi Misora, calling himself Rue Ryuzaki. Rue Ryuzaki--L.L. For anyone from Wammy's House, there could be no higher goal than identifying yourself with that letter--and Beyond Birthday seized this case as his chance. even Naomi Misora knew what had happened to detectives falsely identifying themselves as L, and B was from Wammy's House, so he knew this better than anyone--so this choice suggests the strength of his decision. He never once intended to survive--had had made up his mind. He was ready." (pg. 160) [trans. note: the name "Rue" in Japanese, ルエ (ru-e), is an anagram of エル (e-ru), which is how L is pronounced.]

"Naturally, his face and fingerprints would burn as well--he had always disguised himself with heavy makeup while he was with Misora, and he never left a picture behind, so even if someone directly affiliated with Wammy's House inspected the body, they would have no idea that Rue Ryuzaki/Beyond Birthday was B from Wammy's House. He had left nothing to connect Beyond Birthday to B." (pg. 162)

"B was presenting the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases to L as a case that could never be solved. That L could never solve. In other words, he had never prepared any clear solution to it--since the killer had committed suicide, disguised as the fourth victim, there was no longer a killer to catch, and no clues left to catch him with." (pg. 163)

"My poor, poor predecessor. Not only was he utterly and completely defeated, but he survived, driving home his embarrassment...he must have longed for death. Accept my condolences, B." (pg. 169-170)

"If I had space left over I had intended to carry right on into the other two stories I heard from L: the story of the detective war between the three greatest detectives, all solving that infamous bio-terror case, with guest appearances by the last of the alphabet, the first X to the first Z from Wammy's House; and the story of how the world's greatest inventor, Quillish Wammy, aka Watari, had first met L, then about eight year's old--the case that gave birth to the century's greatest detective, the Winchester Mad Bombings that occurred just after the third World War. But however objectively I look at things, I do not have the space or the time. Oh well." (pg. 170)

"She had spoken to L only once after the killer was arrested. He thanked her for helping to solve the case, and told her just a little about the background of the case. That B had been a candidate to succeed L, and that the pressure of that had driven him off track." (pg. 171)

"And a few years after his arrest, on January 21st, 2004, serving a life sentence in a California prison, Beyond Birthday died of a mysterious heart attack." (pg. 173)

C-KIRA: (read here)

near grief :pensive: pretty sure this was animated in the anime movie thing?? tbh i still need to watch that. Very interesting as some of the most recent post-main story lore we get about wammy's imo. less quotes now + more summarizing since these are just comics

near has apparently only "talked" to L once (in quotes since he didn't actually say anything, just sat in the back of the room doing a puzzle the entire time. real asf girl)

during this "conversation," roger or one of the orphanage heads set up the usual L screen + a camera/mic so that L could see all the kids and answer their questions.

notably, mello & near didn't ask any questions, just lurked in the back watching L with a "nasty look in [their] eyes," which near assumes is what made him pick them to be his top successors, considering the fact that he didn't actually look at any of their data. (somewhat seems to imply that L didn't actually give a shit about grades or anything like that when picking his main successors?)

while answering questions, near is caught off guard by one of L's answers. to transcribe it all directly here--

NEAR (NARRATING): At the time, I didn't think L would put it so bluntly. L: It's not a sense of justice. L: Figuring out difficult cases is my hobby. If you measured good and evil deeds by current laws, I would be responsible for many crimes. L: The same way you all like to solve mysteries and riddles, or clear video games more quickly... For me too, its simply prolonging something I enjoy doing. L: That's why I only take on cases that pique my interest. It's not justice at all. And if it means being able to clear a case, I don't play fair, I'm a dishonest, cheating human being, who hates losing...

not quite the monster speech, but fascinating all the same. near seems to imply that this answer sent some kids into a despair spiral, but it actually caused him to like L more and more, feeling that he was, "exactly the kind of person who wanted to achieve his own goals." kinda goes against the HTR13 ohba comment? shrug

The Wammy's House/L's One Day: (read here)

honestly i interpret these comics as like. canon crack fic. but anyways, here's the established L lore included in these two.

L was taken into wammy's as a nameless orphan at an unknown but likely quite young age

very soon after arriving he beats up all the other kids he meets--

he is "utterly incompatible," with all the other kids and monopolizes all the things he likes simply cause he's stronger than them and presumably could fight them for it-- naturally, he ends up usually just playing by himself

notably, this all establishes that L isn't the first kid at wammy's, that there was already at least one generation of older kids living there before he got there (and could eventually turn it into an L successor creating machine)

once watari realizes that L has some outstanding mental abilities, he gives him his own private room and a computer. afterwards, L spends most of his time sitting in front of the puter by himself

L requests that watari buy 1 million pounds with Japanese yen and tells him which stocks to buy, causing his assets to reach "almost 20,000 times the original amount," in two years. visually this is depicted as happening when L is still quite young

several years later, L stumbles across a serial murder case in the news, which is the first he solves, starting his new career path

-

L can stay awake for 100+ hours and then gets over it by sleeping for like 17 hours. pictures also may imply that he doesn't actually sleep in a bed, but just lies down sideways in his chair. RIP yotsuba light's perfectly designed sleep schedule

L also shits/pisses in the same position he usually sits in (frog-pose), facing the tank south park style

he is a big fan of cleanliness!! human washing machine etc. etc. honestly i think this is just another way for him to hold that same crouched position

text says he always has, "ten or so identical sets of clothes prepared for him," since he's picky about it, but the art itself shows way more than ten. also rare shirtless L moment?? (watari helps)

L does in fact go outside!! he likes roller coasters/theme parks, swinging, art galleries, live music, etc. though most of the time he just sits in his room thinking thru shit n solving cases.

[bioethicists]

Do you have any thoughts on the idea of enablers? I'm struggling to find anything online analyzing the idea, rather than just chastising people for like, giving an alcoholic loved one money.

i do! i wrote a course paper about it once lol. gonna bullet point my thoughts for ease

first of all, i want to both point out that the concepts of enabling/codependency are deeply shitty + originate from toxic, abstinence-only spaces-- that being said, there is absolutely a painful dynamic that can crop up in relationships with ppl who are chaotically using which sometimes takes the form of: giving more than you can/want to give without receiving anything in return, burning yourself out trying to 'save' someone, breaking your own boundaries for another person, doing whatever another person asks without question even when doing that thing makes you feel bad, + more

personally i believe that codependency + by extension, "enabling", has caught on due to the total lack of infrastructure or public resources for ppl in chaotic use, alongside prohibition which tells us that all 'illicit' drug use is inherently bad. obsession with individual responsibility ensures that we treat ppl in chaotic use as irresponsible (but perhaps Sick, Helpless) ppl who need to Choose to Get Better (which will happen if they Hit Rock Bottom). except rock bottom doesn't usually produce healing + with today's toxic drug supply, they're liable to fucking die on the way down.

as someone who has loved + does love many ppl who use drugs to various degrees of danger + someone who absolutely fit(s) the definition of a "codependent" or "enabler" in many ways (sometimes proudly, sometimes in ways i want to change): what matters is, are you breaking your own boundaries for this person? are you giving them things then resenting them when they don't receive them in the way you expected (e.g paying for rehab, then they leave)? are you refusing to hold them accountable for mistreating you bcuz they 'can't help it' or 'that's not them; it's the drugs'? are you expending massive amounts of resources you don't have on someone who doesn't want those resources? are you acquiescing to every request for resources, even when those requests are clearly shortsighted or unfair? do you have a vision of how your loved one Should live + are you harming yourself trying to actualize it?

some examples of boundaries i have which help with this, some of which might be considered enabling lol: i won't give money if i expect it back; if i give you money, i've already accepted i may never see it again. i won't use a substance with someone if they have a recent history of using it chaotically. i won't offer a substance to someone much younger than me if i know that it isn't already part of their regular substance patterns. i probably won't offer a substance with high dependency potential to someone if i know that it isn't already part of their regular substance patterns. i will make requests for my loved ones to be a certain level of sober at certain key moments (e.g driving me somewhere, an event, to be emotionally present with me).

there are a lot more + i have a lot more to say abt this + have been considering writing an essay abt this actually but i hope this helps!

[livingformintyoongi]

Goodnight N Go | Kim Taehyung

a/n: Woop! little surprise! Here's a little sneak peek of the part of Taehyung, BOTN guitarist and kpop star, Y/N (aka, Sunny). It could be considered a kind of prologue… probably soon to appear with more content of the couples in this story! Summary: For the first time in your entire career as an artist you had gotten into a scandal, and one of the worst scandals there could have been. A rapper whose name you didn't even know had told hundreds of gossip channels that the two of you were in a solely sexual relationship. Now, with no excuse to give because no one would believe you without proof, you and your manager decided to make a completely risky bet; talk to Kim Taehyung, the guitarist of BOTN and ask him to pretend to be your boyfriend. To your surprise, he didn't hesitate to accept. The deal was clear: neither would have feelings for the other, neither would meddle in the other's relationships, and neither owed the other any explanations. At first you thought it would be simple, just another performance, just like you did for your music videos. How wrong you were. WC: 1.7k Taglist: @thunderg @minjianhyung @queenv1997 @yoongtism @lizzymizzy-blogg @superbbananananana @drpepperobsessed @themwordsblog @taekritimin123 @bluecloudss @yooglefics @irishhbamb

Since quite a young age, you had been accustomed to being in the news tabloids; a young music prodigy, with a successful career since your debut, someone with charisma, kind, talented, an idol with a bright future, filled with cameras, awards, and many other things.

You were a person greatly loved by the public, with no drama throughout all your years in the industry.

Until now, of course.

"Is Sunny dating the rapper from Dragons?"

"The lead rapper of Dragons tells us about his wild relationship with idol Sunny."

"Everything that’s sweet about her, she’s equally wild, says the rapper from Dragons about his relationship with Sunny."

These and many similar headlines were flooding all social media, your phone was about to explode with all the mentions you were receiving on X, and every passing second seemed to increase your constant anxiety and crisis. What were you supposed to do in this situation? You hadn’t even known that rapper before this, how could he talk about you like that? You had barely had two boyfriends (two!) in your 24 years of life, and he definitely wasn’t on that list.

“Y/N, you need to calm down, take a deep breath, don’t panic,” murmured Jihyuk softly, your manager and only friend. It was hard to make friends when everyone seemed to have ulterior motives with you, this situation was a reminder of that.

“I’m ruined,” you whispered, pulling at your hair with force. This could easily end your career. People would go crazy if they knew you were with someone, and even worse, if they talked about what you were supposed to be like in bed. Was that even legal? He was defaming you! You should be able to sue him or something. “What am I going to do, Jihyuk? My career... my music... everything will go down the drain if I don’t prove this is a lie... no one will believe me.”

Both of you fell silent for a few seconds because you both knew you were right. No matter how much you tried to deny it, everyone would believe him, because it was more fun to pretend it was true than to believe you. You lived in a world where morbid curiosity trumped the truth, and where a man’s word would mean much more than yours.

“Look... I’ve been thinking about it a bit...” Jihyuk looked up, noticing how you brought your trembling hands to your lips, scratching their soft skin, “I talked to a colleague, another manager from another group, and she... she came up with an idea that might, you know, work.”

You quickly raised your gaze, your eyes shining with the hope of getting out of this drama as soon as possible, “What did she say? What should I do?”

You noticed how he looked away and scratched his neck while a nervous laugh escaped his lips. “Well... she works with this group... Bring on the Night, they’re pretty famous, the group of the moment, you know…”

“Yes, I know them,” you nodded quickly, eager to hear whatever he had in mind. You were desperate, and didn’t mind showing it, “they were the first Korean artists to be nominated for a Grammy, right?”

“Yes, them,” he looked at you for a second, pursing his lips slightly. “Well, the thing is... one of the members, the guitarist, is still single and…”

“Wait, why are you telling me this? I don’t get why it matters that he’s single,” you muttered quietly, tilting your head slightly. Why would you care about his personal life? You’d never even spoken to him before.

“We think maybe the two of you could pretend to be in... you know... a relationship... together... as a couple.”

You blinked once, then twice, your eyes fixed on your manager’s. Was he joking with you? A love drama had gotten you into this, why would another rumor like this get you out? Especially when the guy was globally desired by all young—and not-so-young—women in the world.

“What?” was all you managed to say before lowering your head. If this was your best option, then you were lost.

“Look, I know this is hard to take in, but think of it this way!” He knelt in front of you, taking your hands in his, “Like you said, it’ll be really hard for the public to believe you if you go out alone and try to deny this, but if you appear with a boyfriend, one who already has a strong voice in the industry and who also comes forward to defend you and say he was with you that day when that idiot claims he slept with you... well, there’s a possibility things could turn in your favor.”

“Jihyuk, that’s the stupidest idea in the world! That guy doesn’t know me, we haven’t even run into each other in the past! People will figure it out right away,” you sighed, feeling your eyes start to fill with tears of frustration. Why did you have to depend on someone else to get out of this drama? Why did his word matter more than yours? It was unfair, it made you feel powerless, you wanted to scream, cry, hit that idiot who started all this.

But you controlled yourself, because you were better than him, you were a grown woman, someone who knew how to control her anger and didn’t act impulsively. Yes, you could do this, you were going to get through it.

“Just... think about it, okay?” murmured Jihyuk, giving you a gentle squeeze on the shoulder before leaving your living room, leaving you completely alone with your intrusive thoughts.

You took your phone, still with trembling hands, and typed the band’s name into your search engine. You wanted to know who the hell this guitarist was. It wasn’t like you were going to agree, but... you at least wanted to know the face of the person who was about to sacrifice his career to help you get out of the hole people were starting to dig for you.

You were a little surprised at how handsome he was. He didn’t seem like the type of person who wouldn’t have a partner, he was way too attractive and, from what you could read about him in the headlines, he was also quite charismatic and chivalrous. You knew you couldn’t be swayed by appearances, especially not those of an artist, hell, you were in this situation because of one, but... there was something about this “Taehyung” that made you believe he was actually sincere in front of the cameras.

Or maybe he was just a good actor.

Not like it mattered in the end.

You weren’t going to accept this deal.

���Y/N?” a deep voice murmured from behind you, causing you to freeze in your seat. What should you do? Stand up and greet him? Wait for him to sit in front of you?

Before you could react to your state of panic, the young man sat down across from you, wearing an elegant cream-colored shirt paired with caramel-colored pants. His hair looked neatly styled compared to the photos you had seen online, and his smile was even more charming in person. It was the first time you were in such a small space with such an attractive person, and it was starting to make you extremely nervous.

“You’re early,” he said cheerfully, leaning over the table to study your face closely. You didn’t feel judged at all, of course, “I thought I’d have to wait a bit longer to finally talk to you in person.”

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t want to be late, and I thought there would be a lot of traffic since it’s the weekend and all that. Also, you’re here because of me, and I didn’t want to leave you waiting any longer than necessary, so I thought I…” you stopped your verbal spill when you heard a deep laugh escape his lips. If your cheeks weren’t red already, they definitely were now. Your heart started racing too fast to be normal, and you had to run your hands over your dress to dry the sweat that was beginning to form on your palms.

Why was it so hot all of a sudden?

“It’s fine, relax, you don’t need to explain,” he observed around the room, noticing that neither Sooah nor Jihyuk were present for the meeting, “so… where’s your manager? Aren’t we supposed to sign the contract this afternoon?”

“Uhm, yes… it’s just that…” you lowered your gaze, scratching the light blue paint covering your nails, “I wanted to get to know you a little before… you know… doing this…”

“Oh,” he rested both elbows on the table, his gaze fixed on your blushing face. Soon, a playful smile appeared on his lips, “So, is this our first date?”

“What? No! No, it’s not… that wasn’t…!” you bit your inner lip, mentally kicking yourself for making this situation so embarrassing. It wasn’t that you wanted a date with him, of course not, it’s just that… you wanted to know the person you’d be calling “boyfriend” for the next year, and well, both of your schedules were pretty packed, so there was no other time besides this…

“It was just a joke, princess,” he chuckled softly, standing up from his chair to offer you his hand, “why don’t we go for a walk, and then you can decide if I’m the right guy to play the role of the fake boyfriend to the big star, Sunny?”

You stared at his hand silently for a few seconds, mentally wondering if this was really a good idea, if it was really worth the risk to go along with this bet. The plan could either go really well or really badly, and both of you were aware of that.

You lifted your gaze, meeting the amused yet soft look of the man in front of you.

This was just the first test. You needed to know that you’d be safe by his side, that at least you could be friends and get through this situation more easily.

Yes, that’s it. You weren’t going on a date, just a friendly outing between two strangers who would soon pretend to be a couple for a greater cause.

That was it, nothing more, nothing less.

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist.

[velvetvexations]

Just saw a post telling trans women it was okay to want vaginoplasty even if it's "just" for sexual reasons (true, it's not "shallow" or "perverted" to want your body to feature a vagina for sex reasons, it's literally genitals) and some people in the comments were acting like there was some sort of unique, super strong stigma and backlash to trans women getting bottom surgery compared to other demographics, and like. Lol. Lmao even.

Of course, there are plenty of people being extremely shitty (saying gross stuff like that "angel without its wings" phrase, or "axe wound", "rot pocket"...) but I'd say most of it comes from cis people, who... Say similar shit about trans men. Maybe I'm wrong, but I've never come across someone praising FTM bottom surgery while simultaneously dragging MTF bottom surgery. Meanwhile, even within the trans community, everyone and their mother has an opinion about FTM bottom surgery and how awful it supposedly is. Joking about how "it's easier to dig a hole than build a pole" to say it's worse than vaginoplasty. Bottom surgery is not even considered an option, you're supposed to only get top surgery and be satisfied, and never dare to want to ruin your ~ pure AFAB body ~ by adding an Evil Oppressor Penis. Some people will straight up tell you that they prefer dating or being around trans men because they "feel safer since they don't have a penis" (imagine what they think of trans men who are post bottom surgery... Well you usually don't even have to imagine, as people love to loudly announce to everyone how they think transmasc bottom surgery is terrible).

So, from what I've seen, no, I don't think there's an unique bias against trans women getting bottom surgery that doesn't exist for others. I don't think they're seen as way more predatory or sexually perverted for wanting bottom surgery than other trans people (just using a packer gets you called a pervert walking around with a dildo in your pants, ffs...)

In fact, again, from what I've personally seen, I'd even say that's it's considered slightly more acceptable to want vaginoplasty than to want phalloplasty. I've seen, several times, places offering various trans surgeries listing every mainstream trans surgery and giving information about them, but suspiciously omitting phallo and meta. A "post-op" trans woman has a vagina. A "post-op" trans man has top surgery. I've lost count of how many trans people I've heard saying that vaginoplasty is indistinguishable from a cis vagina and then turning around to say that phalloplasty is just an ugly flesh tube. At some point I even read with my own two eyes an informative pamphlet about trans surgeries *made by a trans organization* saying positive things about the different types of vaginoplasty and reassuring people wanting it, but when it talked about phallo (I don't remember their stance on meta but the one on phallo really shocked me so it stuck), instead of just talking about the surgery neutrally like they were supposed to do, the text suddenly started criticizing people who wanted it for "conforming to cis society" or some stupid shit like that. Straight up, wanting vagina = good, wanting penis = bad. There's a huge taboo about wanting surgery to have a penis, even within the transmasc community. Everyone will say the most disgusting shit about it and try to discourage you to get it. Your motives get questioned, because obviously the only people who would get that kind of surgery are shallow, toxically masculine, "trying too hard to be like cis guys", wanting to become oppressors and planning to be rapists. They need to learn to deconstruct gender, don't they know they don't need a penis to be a man ? Clearly they haven't read enough feminist or queer theory. Oh, they have ? Well then, if they weren't misguided and still seek the evil penis surgery on purpose... It's clearly because they have bad intentions, they're predatory, power-hungry and probably fantasize about becoming a rapist...!!

So yeah, it kinda pissed me off. I don't really see why people feel the need to insist that if something is bad for trans women, then it must automatically be The Absolute Worse compared to every group. Idk.

I'm really sorry anon. <3 SRS should be normalized for everyone.

[by-ilmater]

i'm going to start this post by apologizing, i don't know why i'm like this. i just like being annoying and pedantic about lore and narratives. i also need to stress that i am A Fan™ of lich emmrich (i wrote a fic where my mourn watch rook gets off to putting her hands inside his chest cavity so you could say i kinda dig him)

saw this post by @kirkwalls-hanged-man and i fully agree with it. there is no right or wrong way to make a choice in a video game, and someone choosing an option that you don't like does not make them a villain. it is also true that emmrich's lich ending is not a "bad end" in the traditional video game sense. emmrich's writer stated clearly that she wrote both his paths to be neither good or bad. i know many would argue that point, but i do think that's what she did. there's nothing in the game's ending that explicitly shows lichdom as a bad ending in the way that, for example, baldur's gate 3 does with god gale.

however

if we look at it outside of just the narrative of veilguard and consider it in the context of the greater dragon age canon, there is huge potential for it to become a bad ending.

lichdom, as far as i know, is a brand new concept in dragon age. we have never seen liches before veilguard (unless they're in some random side media i'm not familiar with) so we really have no idea what lichdom entails in this universe. additionally, the only real information we get about liches, lichdom, and the lich lords is filtered through emmrich. even if you play as a mourn watch rook, when emmrich first broaches the topic with them, they explain that they know of the concept of lichdom, but understand that it is purely theoretical. they are not even aware that liches can exist.

i think it's fair to say that in this situation, we can consider emmrich to be a very biased source. he has desired lichdom most of his life, it is his dream to achieve it. of course his view of it is going to be very positive. while he obviously accepts that there's pros and cons, he clearly idealizes the lich lords.

furthermore, if we look at what we know about nevarra as a country and the realities of their politics, the mortalitasi have a huge amount of political power. and this is not something about nevarra's history, it is current fact. the conversation mw rook can have with emmrich about king markus being undead is very funny, but it is also demonstrative of the level of influence necromancers have in nevarra. it stands to reason that this would go double for the lich lords, considering the intense secrecy of their existence. just because emmrich says that their job is to protect thedas from "dark things in creation" doesn't make it entirely true.

this is all in addition to the obvious potential for tragedy and darkness in any mortal/immortal relationship. but those things have already been discussed at length.

part of what i really enjoy about lich emmrich is that potential. and it's also why i totally understand people not liking it. but, once again, i'm not talking about the people casting judgment on other people's real life morals or ethics. let's knock that shit off, yeah?

[truthunfiltered]

Enough Is Enough – Addressing the Normalization of Toxic Behaviors on Desiblr

I can’t step into 2025 without addressing something that’s been weighing on me for far too long. Desiblr — what was once a space to celebrate culture, self-expression, and connection — has turned into something else entirely. It’s become a breeding ground for romanticization, fetishization, and sexualization. And the worst part? It’s all become so normalized. Excused. Ignored. Accepted.

Let me make one thing clear: this is NOT okay.

I’m writing this because I’ve lived it. I’ve seen it. And I’ve been victimized by it. I’ve had a front-row seat to this toxicity, not just for myself, but for those I care about, including a close friend who I consider my brother. The same toxic culture that I’ve been subjected to? He has too. And I know I’m not alone in this.

Here’s the truth: Behind closed DMs and hidden posts, it’s a different world. And it’s disgusting.

There are people — predominantly men — who act like they care, pretend to be supportive, pretend to understand. But deep down, they’ve got a different agenda: manipulation. A 25-year-old man I encountered had “18+” in his bio. He posted explicit content openly, then removed it, as if that changed anything. But did his behavior change? Nope. He still sent suggestive messages, acted like a predator, and went after vulnerable people, all under the pretense of being “chill” or “open-minded.”

And when I called him out? What did I get?

“Oh, it’s his blog. His rules.”

“He can post what he wants.”

Would you still say that if your younger sibling or cousin stumbled upon his account? If they became the next target of his manipulative, disgusting behavior?

When I tried to speak up, to raise awareness, I got dismissed. Some random person called me an “attention seeker” for standing up for myself. Since when did protecting yourself from being objectified turn into a “cry for attention”?

The normalization of these behaviors is the most dangerous part.

But this isn’t just about one man. It’s about the entire system. The culture that lets these men thrive without consequence. I remember a guy telling me he had a crush on me—great, but then he found out I’m an NRI and suddenly it was, “Oho, green card ka access mil gya.” Are you kidding me? This mindset is pure trash. It’s transactional. People are no longer seen for who they are, but for what they can offer. It’s disgusting.

But here’s the part that really stings. When I was harassed by that same guy who made the green card joke, no one came to my defense. Not a single person. Why? Because they knew who he was. He was the “popular guy,” the “known” one. So, instead of standing up for me, people just ignored it. It’s like they knew his behavior was toxic, but they didn’t want to risk angering him or getting caught in the drama. The girls who all claim to be “girl’s girls,” the ones who preach sisterhood and solidarity, where were they when I needed them? Nowhere. Not a single person stood up for me. But if it had been anyone else, I guarantee the story would’ve been different.

It’s like I wasn’t even worth defending because I wasn’t as “valuable” in their eyes as he was. And that’s the reality of it. The double standards, the prioritization of popularity and social status over basic decency. It hurts, but it's the truth.

I was harassed so badly that I ended up deleting my account altogether. I couldn’t even stand to stay on a platform where the toxicity outweighed the support. It wasn’t just about one incident—it was the culture, the dismissal, and the gaslighting that made it unbearable.

Later, I befriended a guy who seemed to get it. He understood how toxic Desiblr could be, how my ex treated me, and how I had been romanticized, fetishized, and sexualized. He seemed like someone I could trust especially after he had called out the other guy. But guess what? He ended up doing the same thing. Seriously? I made a fake account to go undercover and see if this really was the case, and he had the password because it was part of the supposed mission. I hadn’t used the account since June, but when my brother-like friend and I checked it recently, I saw that he’d changed the theme to make it look like a guy’s account. He even kept some of my posts and added vulgar things What. The. Hell. This guy, who seemed to understand, ended up being just like everyone else. The betrayal? Unreal.

Even my brother like friend, someone I trust entirely, has faced this. Women on the platform romanticize him, turn him into some kind of idealized fantasy, ignoring his boundaries, treating him like an object. When I talk to him, the first thing people ask is, “Who is she? Why is she always on your account?” The entitlement is real, and it’s infuriating.

And you know what? I’m done. I’m done tolerating this nonsense.

To those defending these behaviors, let me ask you something:

Would you leave your younger sibling or cousin in the hands of someone like that 25-year-old? Would you trust them with someone who claims “I’m not dirty-minded,” but then turns around and posts fantasies about dominance and control? Would you? No? Then why are you defending them?

Stop pretending this is normal. Stop pretending this is harmless. It’s not. It’s harmful. It’s disgusting. And it has real consequences. The emotional and mental toll of being reduced to an object of desire is immeasurable.

I’m speaking up because I refuse to let this continue. I refuse to let anyone else go through what I went through, feel the shame I felt. It’s time to stop pretending it’s “normal” and start calling it what it is.

And honestly? I’m still pissed.

It’s 2025 soon, and I’m not stepping into the new year without taking a stand. We need to hold people accountable. We need to stop excusing these behaviors. Stop calling them “harmless fun” or “just vibes.” It’s time to recognize the damage they cause.

This fight isn’t just for me. It’s for everyone who’s been silenced, dismissed, or made to feel like their boundaries don’t matter.

We deserve better. And we’re going to demand it.

[wolfgirlcoven]

Hmm yeah not a fan of the concept of physical alterhumanity. As someone who has dealt with delusions (and still does from time to time, but have mostly managed to get them under control) that would fall under that definition, I really don't think it's something that should be encouraged. I think it ultimately is harmful, especially if it includes things like p-shifting. I didn't survive a p-shifter cult for the very thing that traumatized me to be roped into a community that's supposed to be safe from that sort of thing. I say this as an alterhuman, as someone who fully considers themself to be non-human aside from the physical body.

I also don't think we should be romanticizing clinical lycanthropy/zoanthropy. Again, I am someone who has dealt with delusions that would fall under that category. If left untreated it can cause serious harm to oneself + psyche. Like be fucking for real. If doing things such as quads or dressing in gear helps manage the delusion. Cool, good even. But please, for your own sake, seek help or other coping mechanisms to manage it. Delusions should NOT be taken lightly.

The nonphysical part of the definition is there for a reason. It's to keep people safe. I honestly think if you fall under the category of clinical lycanthrope, or if your alterhumanity is caused by delusion, you should avoid the community until you're able to separate your delusion from alterhumanity. For your own sake and safety. I know it's unpopular to say this here, but it's NOT a good thing to feed delusions. I say this as someone who physically thought themself to be able to transform, and physically thought they could grow wings.

If you don't like it, block me by all means. I'd actually rather not interact with physical alterhumans and p-shifter adjacent folks, and if the broader alterhuman community is going to accept this kind of stuff, then I'm gonna stick strictly with Therians and Otherkind.

I just KNOW yall are gonna come at me with silver bullets for this take but it's not changing

[thecouncilofidiots]

@cytochrome-system asked to be tagged <3

Something we've been wanting to say, but hadn't been able to articulate

But because apparently some people don't know

Plurality is an umbrella term and spectrum

There are multiple types of systems, each with different origins and levels of functionality and ways of existing

Traumagenic means their system formation is attributed to trauma. Traumagenic systems tend to be disordered because trauma often results in dissociation and PTSD. However, disordered systems don't require trauma for diagnosis, only disfunction in daily life due to dissociation -> it's a dissociative disorder, not a trauma disorder.

The brain is a weird, unpredictable thing - trauma doesn't present the same way in every being. It's not the action, but the brain's response to the action -> the same event can be devastating to one person and no big deal to another. Trauma CAN'T be quantified, and thus, can't be used as a measure of validity for systemhood or disorder.

It's possible for traumagenic systems to not be disordered, to be functional/non-dissociative despite their trauma, or to be disordered and through therapy/healing reach a level of functionality (functional multiplicity) [or final fusion, each system's healing journey is different, and whatever they choose is best for them is valid]. That doesn't make them any less valid.

Endogenic means their system formation is attributed to something other than trauma. There are many sub-categories, as each experience is different, though they often get lumped together because of syscourse and anti-endo sentiments. There are spiritual origins (which, like with all spirituality and religion, is as real as it is to the believer, and thus can't be rendered invalid unless you're an intolerant asshole); protogenic - meaning their systemhood has existed for as long as they've known (perhaps even since birth), and considering that each brain forms differently (some develop "properly", some have developmental disorders, ect) who's to say a brain can't naturally develop with multiple self-aware entities? We don't even know how sentience works for typical brains, can't measure existence/awareness except in external assumptions, so to dismiss the existence of natural plurals? *pointed silence* Neurogenic encompasses systemhood caused by neurological conditions (distinct from protogenic in that neurogenic tend be caused by other disorders, such as having a personality disorder that causes disrupted sense of self, ect). Like with protogenic, brains all work differently. Otherwise, neurodivergence wouldn't exist, but it DOES. And these differences in brains, affect how the brain works. Can affect self-perception, can affect singlethood. Does everyone develop plurality? No. But some DO, and they deserve the same respect and acceptance as everyone else. While there are no doubt more endogenic origins, the last one I'm gonna mention is willomancy. Contrary to what some may believe, willomancy is NOT "wanting a disorder" or "pretending to have a trauma" - plurality in and of itself is not a disorder. It is nothing more than a state of being in which there are multiple self aware entities sharing a mind/body. That being said, willomancy is the intentional formation of plurality through mental exercises (I do not have knowlege of the specifics, that's for others to share if they wish). It can be done for coping reasons, or just for fun, and either way - it is a valid form of plurality. Not all endogenic systems are intentionally created, but those that are aren't "taking resources" or "making a mockery of a disorder" because having a different experience than someone doesn't make their experience wrong or lesser. The same goes in reverse - having a trauma-induced disordered system doesn't make you more valid than other systems.

Probably controversially, but fun fact! Endogenic systems can also be disordered because endogenic doesn't mean they have no trauma, just that they don't attribute their system formation to trauma. And like I mentioned before, brains are fucking weird. Say someone was born a system, yeah? But they went through some shit and developed a dissociative disorder. Neither of their experiences are rendered invalid by the other, and they shouldn't have to hide to avoid being targeted and hated for existing in a way others don't like.

When you take into account mixed origin, and the multiple vs mediple vs median vs pluralet vs ect? Brains are weird! Brains are cool!

The problem is, we can't know anything about the brain for sure - and that includes not being able to disprove things that aren't readily understood. Not only is there not enough research, science is an ever-evolving field. Science isn't how the world works, it's how we UNDERSTAND how the world works - and that changes depending on the tools we have, how we interpret them, ect, at any given moment

So to say only trauma can cause the "separation of self" "required" for plurality is presumptuous as best, malicious at worst.

All things considered, I'd rather listen to each plural's lived experiences, and accept them, than fakeclaim them for existing in a way differently than me, for not following what sysmed "science" says (though, there IS scientific research validating the existence of endogenic plurals btw <3)

Plus, endogenic systems existing isn't ableism/saneism, it doesn't HURT traumagenic systems. They aren't "taking" resources, most resources aren't finite, and IF they're using the finite ones, it's because they need it too, and withholding resources from someone who needs it really fucking shitty. Especially when using resources encourages the production of more because it proves there's a demand for it...

All this to say

Be kind to one another

((Also, personal pet peeve, but upholding and promoting the values of a corrupt institution (psychiatry) to invalidate and harass a group who's existence doesn't hurt anyone (endogenics) is literally the opposite of punk ideology, and anti-endo/sysmed "punks" are fascists in disguise <3))

[pinkittens12]

I'm not sure about this. Let me preface this by saying I haven't watched any interviews with the creators. Looking at Silco individually, there are plenty of things that he's done for people to be mad at him for and claim he's a villain. He killed Benzo and Vander, he flooded the lanes with shimmer, and he used the grey as a weapon, too. (Primarily against the chem barrons thought to my knowledge, which is acceptable in my opinion, but some may see it as villainous on principle) All of these things are separate from him leading revolution and calling for Zaun to be it's own sovereign nation. I personally have not seen anyone villainize him for standing for Zaun's independence, I've only seen people villainize him for the reasons I stated above. (I, of course, could just have not seen it. That doesn't necessarily mean it isn't happening) I am Anglo-American, and I really don't see why you consider the relationship between Piltover and Zaun to be colonial; Piltover and Zaun were originally the same city, separated by severe class imbalance. Zaun represents the working class, with Piltover being the rich oppressors who profit off of Zaun's labor. Piltover is definitely oppressive, but I don't really get what's colonial about it. I don't agree really with the hate that Silco receives, every character in arcane (except Isha, she is perfect and can do no wrong, and I can't think of what Ekko has done?) has done bad things of varying degrees. Whether it be inaction or mass murder, everyone has done bad things that could make them the villain in someone else's story. That's the beauty in arcane: there is no pure hero, and there is no pure villain(ok, the chem barrons and ambessa are pretty bad, but I digress), only people.

Can I just say that I really fucking HATE how the majority of the Arcane fandom praising Season 2 is deeply in the mindset of Piltover in reality? Like, it's not even funny, and I don't know where to begin.

I'll just start with Silco because he's this huge metaphorical character who is clearly written as the embodiment of a long list of sociopolitical agendas in the real world. And before I start, pardon my English, since it's not my first language.

I know y'all in the Anglo-American sphere tend to focus more on classism, inequality and police brutality theme. But the way I see it, THAT and every single dialogue plus the specific word choice of Silco & Sevika literally SCREAMS of postcolonial discourse (I guess F. Fanon is most well-known to y'all) and even some part of M. Foucault's philosophy, etc. I'm writing "etc." because the list will go on forever if I describe all these creepy historical parallels between the depiction of Zaun's internal conflict and what real countries that have been (or still are) colonies went through, and what real colonizer propaganda looked like during that time—like how those characters who fight for the nation's independence are the big bad villain and psychotic monsters who need "redemption arc" therapy, while those who cooperate with the oppressors are the good-hearted familial heroes of this story.

So upon reflection, if this fandom were to be a collective intelligence, we should have asked ourselves, "Is this show truly not problematic for portraying such a character as villainous?" and thus, "Is this show thematically implying far-right propaganda?" even before Season 2 presented us with this insane plot that glamorized the militaristic fascist aristocrat proclaiming martial law as a 'romantic revenge arc'.

But what did the majority of the fandom do since 2022? They were so busy shitting on this dead villain, claiming he has done so much wrong that he doesn't even deserve to be praised as a character. So instead of trying to understand where this character's point of view is coming from, they blindly hate him to the point where they are now fabricating a list of crimes that he didn't even commit, editing false information on the fandom wiki profile.

What's more frustrating to me is that I thought the problem was media illiteracy all along, but oh no, I was being way more optimistic than the reality. Now that I’ve read all these interviews from the showrunner and main writer—Linke and Overton—I get the sense of why Season 2 turned out like that. The more they babble on about this show, the clearer it becomes that they don't even acknowledge how messed up their political views are, which are so far-right. Taking the seemingly-centrist line doesn't make you fair, you're just passively siding with the oppressors. And lesbian sex scene doesn't make this show "progressive", in fact, hiding oppressor fantasy behind a rainbow flag makes it even more treacherous.

So yeah, I think critical voices should be much louder than this, but watching the majority of this fandom neglacting problems only to praise the show? I think my hope for humanity kind of get lost more and more as time passes, lol.

[dykedvonte]

You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.

-Shrimp Anon

The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.

Get ready cause this is a yap session:

Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.

I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.

The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.

This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.

Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...

These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.

I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.

Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.

It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.

I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.

It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.

There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.

End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.

[dxxtruction]

Louis' "You're boring!" Could mean so many things, but I think what's most apparent about that line is that Armand takes no initiative just for himself. He's not really anybody, because he never goes out and finds himself or gets attached to anyone but Louis. Without Louis as his guide he's literally just sitting on a couch picking lint! That's the thing.

He orbits constantly around what would make Louis happy, and never really fully going what would make me happy? Ultimately that drive to please Louis is what drives him to torturing Daniel, not so much that he'd care to just do it. Ultimately, not giving proper care to Louis is just a way to make sure Louis knows he has to orbit around him as well, with shoving Lestat onto him just that other nail on the coffin. So, even if he fails to figure out how to make Louis happy with him, he still knows what Armand is good for, and better than.

That dependency is what drives Armand's abuse. It really just comes down to that. Armand doesn't even realize how suffocated he is by his own dependency. This is just how life is to him. (It shouldn't be lost either that dependency is a theme considering this episode also deals with addiction).

Daniel's fascinating because he's just so driven to be somebody. He's largely independent, he seeks things because he wants them. It's his drug to poke and prod at all the things that he shouldn't. Daniel's exciting because he lets Louis in to something different, lets him in to all this potential in another person that he can also do the same with for himself. It's a real connection. A two way street. It's easy to tell how Armand can be smothering then because he's never introducing him to anything really new, and most the ways both of them connect are all painful and traumatic. It's never just fun because there's always that layer of that pain. Fun died with Claudia.

50 years on they've gotten to a lot better place, both of them, but it's still that same shit. No seriously, "How is this any different from last time, Louis?"

Well... Because Armand's going to be, at the very least, making one [1] decision only for himself - and that's to hold power over Daniel's life. Fucking sick foreshadowing.

They aren't driving each other to the brink anymore but "The vampire is bored" STILL. Maybe it's even worse, despite being in better places, because Louis' sort of just been defeated by it. (I mean, can he even really leave this either?). He's accepting the dependancy cause he kind of has to. He'd literally ended up letting all the enjoyment be up where he can't reach [The book shelves]. Armand so desperately wants Louis happiness but what really ends up happening is that Louis ends up having to give Armand all his own. He's got no one or anything else to get it from. But like an iPad and an over the top eating ritual. Two extremes of what's just more lint picking.

This whole relationship is one I find just tragic inside and out. You have to just pity it, really. There's ways in which you can find yourself feeling bad for both of them. But you can only really be mad at Armand for any of it. Armand, who isn't even 'free' in any sense, having so little concept of his own independence, but is at the same time so controlling over other's. It's a tragic cycle. It's an infuriating one.

Louis at least has the mind to know when enough is enough. If just needing that extra push to get there. Armand's too scared of it being over to even try.

[toddtakefive]

thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.

the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)

there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.