#Gotta feel bad for Louis for winding up falling in love again with someone ruled so much by their own undealt with shit

[dxxtruction]

Louis' "You're boring!" Could mean so many things, but I think what's most apparent about that line is that Armand takes no initiative just for himself. He's not really anybody, because he never goes out and finds himself or gets attached to anyone but Louis. Without Louis as his guide he's literally just sitting on a couch picking lint! That's the thing.

He orbits constantly around what would make Louis happy, and never really fully going what would make me happy? Ultimately that drive to please Louis is what drives him to torturing Daniel, not so much that he'd care to just do it. Ultimately, not giving proper care to Louis is just a way to make sure Louis knows he has to orbit around him as well, with shoving Lestat onto him just that other nail on the coffin. So, even if he fails to figure out how to make Louis happy with him, he still knows what Armand is good for, and better than.

That dependency is what drives Armand's abuse. It really just comes down to that. Armand doesn't even realize how suffocated he is by his own dependency. This is just how life is to him. (It shouldn't be lost either that dependency is a theme considering this episode also deals with addiction).

Daniel's fascinating because he's just so driven to be somebody. He's largely independent, he seeks things because he wants them. It's his drug to poke and prod at all the things that he shouldn't. Daniel's exciting because he lets Louis in to something different, lets him in to all this potential in another person that he can also do the same with for himself. It's a real connection. A two way street. It's easy to tell how Armand can be smothering then because he's never introducing him to anything really new, and most the ways both of them connect are all painful and traumatic. It's never just fun because there's always that layer of that pain. Fun died with Claudia.

50 years on they've gotten to a lot better place, both of them, but it's still that same shit. No seriously, "How is this any different from last time, Louis?"

Well... Because Armand's going to be, at the very least, making one [1] decision only for himself - and that's to hold power over Daniel's life. Fucking sick foreshadowing.

They aren't driving each other to the brink anymore but "The vampire is bored" STILL. Maybe it's even worse, despite being in better places, because Louis' sort of just been defeated by it. (I mean, can he even really leave this either?). He's accepting the dependancy cause he kind of has to. He'd literally ended up letting all the enjoyment be up where he can't reach [The book shelves]. Armand so desperately wants Louis happiness but what really ends up happening is that Louis ends up having to give Armand all his own. He's got no one or anything else to get it from. But like an iPad and an over the top eating ritual. Two extremes of what's just more lint picking.

This whole relationship is one I find just tragic inside and out. You have to just pity it, really. There's ways in which you can find yourself feeling bad for both of them. But you can only really be mad at Armand for any of it. Armand, who isn't even 'free' in any sense, having so little concept of his own independence, but is at the same time so controlling over other's. It's a tragic cycle. It's an infuriating one.

Louis at least has the mind to know when enough is enough. If just needing that extra push to get there. Armand's too scared of it being over to even try.

[ad1thi]

begin again

for @rhodeslabs‘ prompt: "OK I HAD AN IDEA A FEW DAYS AGO FOR SAMTONY THAT I THOUGHT YOU'D LOVE. Ok so teacher!Sam with single parent!Tony AU where Sam is the best teacher for Tony kid of your choice :)". major shout-out to @omg-just-peachy for the beta and @warmachinesocks for sensitivity reading!!

i’m super proud of this fic, i put a lot into it, so please consider reblogging, and leaving a comment if you liked it!!

//

There isn’t a specific rule against having opinions on your kid’s parents, but Sam knows that it’s not the done thing.

As a teacher, he may know a lot about his kids, but he learns next to nothing about the people raising them. He doesn’t know their work schedules, or what goes on in their private lives, hell - sometimes he doesn’t even know their names until he meets them at a PTA meeting. It’s bad form to judge people you don’t know, and it’s even worse to judge them through the very biased lens of their kids.

There’s exceptions of course, like the kinds of folks who leave bruises on their kids - but for the most part, passing judgement on parents isn’t standard procedure.

That doesn’t stop Sam from fiercely hating Lila Rhodes’ old man with every fiber of his being.

//

Sam never imagined himself as an elementary school teacher.

His father was Air Force right up until the day he died, just like his father before him, and there was never any question about whether Sam would follow in the family tradition. He enlisted right before college, because if he was going to give away the rest of his life to the military, the least they could do is pay for the next four years of his life. He picks an English degree, because it’s easy enough that he’ll actually be able to enjoy college and not find himself holed up in a library - but not too obscure that he can’t do anything with it after.

Not that Sam ever plans on using his degree, but his Ma mentioned that it was good to have a back-up plan. Just in case.

He graduates Summa Cum Laude on a Friday morning, and catches the evening train to Texas for Basic Military Training. There’s no break, no pause, no hesitation about who he’s going to be or what he’s going to do. He has his orders by the end of the year, and only has time to make a quick phone call to his sister to let her know where he’s gonna go and make her promise that she’ll tell the family before he’s on the first flight out.

In truth, Sam enlisted because it was the thing to do. There was never a time in his life when he considered another path, when he was allowed to consider another path. But now that he’s here, he finds that he loves it. All that bullshit they say about the military giving you a sense of purpose? It’s true.

Still, there’s an itch under his skin, something that keeps tugging at him that’s telling him he can do more, be more - so when it trickles down the pipeline that the Brass is looking for two flyboys to test out the experimental EXO flight-suits, Sam jumps at the chance.

It takes about six months for him to retrain as a paramedic, which is more than enough time for him to get to know his new partner, Riley Evans - but when Sam puts on the EXO-1 FALCON and kicks off the ground; everything in him settles.

It’s a stupid way to describe the feeling - but it feels like everything in his life has been leading up to this very moment, Sam in the sky with honest to god wings, Riley on his left, and nothing but the open sky around them.

There’s others in their unit - in total, there’s about 8 members of the 58th Squadron, but Sam knows that he and Riley are the best. The others are good, there’s no doubt about it, but they don’t come close to the kind of stats that Sam and Riley have.

It’s exhilarating work, saving people instead of killing them, and it makes the blood in Sam’s veins thrum. He can’t write home about it, because the 58th is shrouded under all sorts of covert operations and need-to-know missions, but he tries his best to let his family know that he’s happy.

That he's more than happy, that he’s found his purpose, he’s found himself a brother, that he finally gets what his father meant when he said there’s nothing like a life in the service, son.

It’s the best three years of his life, and then everything goes to shit.

It’s a routine training session, not even an operation, and Riley’s doing loop-de-loops around Sam and generally being a dumbass. The wings have been upgraded recently, more manoeuvrability and decreased weight, and Riley’s making sure he gets his promised full range of motion.

He shoots up, yelling something that gets lost in the wind, and Sam watches as he goes up, and up and up - and then just as abruptly, he goes down.

It takes a couple of seconds for Sam to realise that Riley isn’t slowing down, that he isn’t flying down - he’s falling down; and those precious seconds cost Riley his life.

Later, he’ll hear people say that it wasn’t his fault. That there was some sort of malfunction in the wings, that Riley went too high too fast and the shift in altitude caused something to break.

Sam knows the truth though.

He catches Riley’s arm just as Riley hits the ground, his head lolled back and body limp, and rushes him to the med-camp, screaming so loud his voice goes hoarse. They rush him inside, a large burly man stopping Sam from following, and Sam stands there for five hours, in the blazing sun, catching glimpses of the doctors working as the wind moves the tent.

He stands there, un-moving, until someone steps out of the tent, caked in blood, and solemnly tells Sam that they’re very sorry, and they did everything they could.

Sam files his discharge papers the very next day.

Sarah picks him up at the airport.

//

She’s waiting for him outside, leaning against her car and furiously texting someone, so Sam sees her before she sees him. He’s split between being grateful that he doesn’t have to hail a cab, because those are next to impossible to catch from Louis Armstrong Intl Airport to Delacroix and he does not feel like renting a car - and being annoyed because he thought he had a couple of hours before someone was going to start asking him questions.

“You didn’t have to do this y’know,” Sam says when he’s close enough, and Sarah looks up with wide eyes, expression softening into a smile when she sees him, “I could’ve caught myself a cab.”

“That’s what I told Mama, but you think she listened?” Sam steps into his sister’s arms to accept the proffered hug, “Her baby boy coming home on his own? Like the fully grown man he is? Perish the thought.”

“You know I’m her favourite,” Sam wiggles his eyebrows, throwing his bags into the trunk of the car and making his way over to the passenger side, “I don’t get why you gotta be so mad about it.”

“Trust me, everybody and their mother in Delacroix knows you’re our mother’s favourite. There’s a little shrine for you next to the cash register. Any day now she’s gonna start leaving out candles next to your photo like you’re the second Jesus.”

Sam rubs at his chin, “You know - there’s been a couple of girls, and guys who’ve made that mistake before.”

The only reason Sarah doesn’t reach out and slap him upside on his head is because she’s driving, and Sam’s never been more thankful for his sister’s hyper-focus on road safety. She packs a mean punch.

They fall into a companionable silence, the kind cultivated by knowing each other for their whole lives, but Sam knows she’s biting back her questions.

“It’s okay,” he says finally, because you have to rip the band-aid off fast to lessen the pain and all that jazz, “You can ask.”

“I don’t got nothing to ask,” Sarah says immediately, like it’s a rehearsed answer, “but Mama thinks you’ve been hiding some major injury from us. Like a missing leg or something.”

Sam huffs at the non-question, “I got all my limbs Sarah. All ten fingers and toes I promise.”

There’s a beat and then - “My partner died on my watch. Fell out of the sky during a training exercise. I couldn’t stay there after that.”

Sarah hums, “You know what you’re going to do now you’re back home?”

Sam shakes his head, even though Sarah isn’t looking at him, “I have no idea.”

read the rest on ao3!!

[annie-banks]

Adore You - Harry Styles (2019) // you’re wonder, under summer sky // All About That Bass – Meghan Trainor (2014) // every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top // Alone Again – Betty Who (2014) // when it rains it pours and you drown me out // Anything Could Happen – Ellie Goulding (2012) // letting darkness grow, as if we need it's palette and we need it's color // Bad Girls - M.I.A. (2012) // leaving boys behind ‘cause it’s illegal just to kill // Bitch Better Have My Money - Rihanna (2015) // your wife in the backseat of my brand new foreign car // Blank Space – Taylor Swift (2014) // darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream // Bloodbuzz Ohio – The National (2010) // I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees // Bo$$ – Fifth Harmony (2014) // boss. Michelle Obama. purse so heavy gettin' Oprah dollas // Boy Problems - Carly Rae Jepsen (2015) // I think I broke up with my boyfriend today and I don't really care // Boys - Charli XCX (2017) // I wish I had a better excuse like I had to trash the hotel lobby // Butterflies - Kacey Musgraves (2018) // I was hiding in doubt till you brought me out of my chrysalis // Call Me Maybe – Carly Rae Jepsen (2011) // before you came into my life I missed you so bad // Call Your Girlfriend – Robyn (2010) // don't you tell her how I give you something that you never even knew you missed // Canyon Moon - Harry Styles (2019) // doors yellow, broken, blue // Chandelier – Sia (2014) // I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry // Cherry - Harry Styles (2019) // I confess I can tell that you are at your best, I'm selfish so I'm hating it // Circles - Post Malone (2019) // we couldn't turn around, 'til we were upside down // C’mon - Panic! At the Disco and Fun. (2011) // feels like I am falling down a rabbit hole, falling for forever, wonderfully wandering alone // C’Mon – Kesha (2012) // feeling like a saber-tooth tiger sipping on a warm budweiser // Cruise (Remix) - Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly (2012) // she was sippin' on southern and singin' Marshall Tucker, we were falling in love in the sweet heart of summer // Daddy Lessons - Beyonce ft. Dixie Chicks (2017) // it’s your song // Dark Fantasy – Kanye West (2010) // too many Urkels on your team, that's why your wins low // Death of a Bachelor - Panic! At the Disco (2016) // the lace in your dress tingles my neck, how do I live? // Demons- Sleigh Bells (2012) // They're gonna stand em up six by six by six // Diane - Cam (2017) // And all those nights that he's given to me I wish that I could give them back to you // Diane Young – Vampire Weekend (2013) // you torched a Saab like a pile of leaves // Downtown - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Eric Nally, Melle Mel, Grandmaster Caz, Kool Moe Dee (2016) // neighbors yelling at me like, you need to slow down going thirty-eight, Dan, chill the fuck out, mow your damn lawn and sit the hell down // End of the Day - One Direction (2015)// I told her that I loved her, just not sure if she heard. the roof was pretty windy and she didn't say a word, party died downstairs, had nothing left to do just me, her and the moon // Fireproof – One Direction (2015) // riding on the wind and I won't give up // ***Flawless – Beyonce ft. Nicki Minaj (2013) // mayday, mayday, earth to bitches // Follow Your Arrow - Kacey Musgraves (2013) // if you save yourself for marriage, you're a bore. if you don't save yourself for marriage, you're a whore-able person // Formation - Beyonce (2016) // always stay gracious, best revenge is your paper // Forrest Gump – Frank Ocean (2012) // my fingertips and my lips, they burn from the cigarettes // Freaks and Geeks – Childish Gambino (2011) // I have worked all winter, I will not fail summer, in the back of the bush, like Gavin Rossdale's drummer // Gay Pirates - Cosmo Jarvis (2011) // and I hope they didn't tie up your hands as tight as mine. I'll see you on the bed of this blue ocean, babe, sometime // Get Lucky – Daft Punk ft. Pharrell Williams (2013) // the present has no ribbon, your gift keeps on giving // Glory - Bastille (2016) // and then you put your hand in mine and pulled me back from things divine, stop looking up for heaven, waiting to be buried // Good Grief - Bastille (2016) // caught off guard by your favourite song, I'll be dancing at a funeral, dancing at a funeral // Green Light - Lorde (2017) // I whisper things, the city sings them back to you // Grown - Little Mix (2015) // no regrets, it's a lesson learned 'cause what you think ain't my concern // Hayloft - Nickel Creek (2014) // young lovers with their legs tied up in knots // Holocene – Bon Iver (2011) // and at once I knew I was not magnificent // I Believe - Original Broadway Cast (2011) // and I believe that the Garden of Eden was in Jackson County, Missouri // I Like It - Cardi B, Bad Bunny, and J Balvin (2018) // I like those Balenciagas, the ones that look like socks // I Love It – Icona Pop ft. Charli XCX (2012) // you're from the '70s, but I'm a '90s bitch // Judas – Lady Gaga (2011) // I'm just a holy fool, oh baby he's so cruel, but I'm still in love with Judas, baby // Juice - Lizzo (2019) // I be drippin' so much sauce got a bitch lookin' like RAGÚ // Just Hold On - Steve Aoki ft. Louis Tomlinson (2016) // feels like you're standing on the edge looking at the stars and wishing you were them // Laura Palmer – Bastille (2013) // what a year and what a night, what terrifying final sights put out your beating heart // Lemonworld – The National (2010) // I gave my heart to the Army, the only sentimental thing I could think of // Love on Top – Beyonce (2011) // I can see the stars all the way from here, can't you see the glow on the window pane // Make Me Feel - Janelle Monáe (2018) // it's like I'm powerful with a little bit of tender, an emotional, sexual bender // Making the Most of the Night - Carly Rae Jepsen (2015) // baby I'm speeding and red lights, I'll run // Meet Me in the Hallway - Harry Styles (2017) // just let me know I'll be on the floor, on the floor // Menswear – The 1975 (2013) // well, who's this? going for the kiss, I'm probably gonna yosh in your mouth // Mirrors – Justin Timberlake (2013) // if you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find, just know that I'm always parallel on the other side // Monster – Kanye West ft. Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Nicki Minaj, and Bon Iver (2010) // you could be the king but watch the queen conquer // The Mother We Share - Chvrches (2012) // I'm in misery but you can't see, as old as your omens // My Church - Maren Morris (2016) // I just keep the wheels rolling, radio scrolling 'til my sins wash away // N****s in Paris - Jay-Z and Kanye West (2011) // Prince William's ain't do it right if you ask me 'cause I was him, I would have married Kate and Ashley // Oh, What a World - Kacey Musgraves (2018) // did I know you once in another life? are we here just once or a billion times? // Old Town Road (Remix) - Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus (2019) // cowboy hat from Gucci, Wrangler on my booty // Otis – Jay-Z and Kanye West (2011) // luxury rap, the Hermes of verses, sophisticated ignorance, write my curses in cursive // Pineapple Girl - Mister Heavenly (2011) // I am besieged by the vagaries of power. I'm all alone and lonely in this tower // Primadonna – Marina and the Diamonds (2012) // I know I've got a big ego, I really don't know why it's such a big deal though // Pumped Up Kicks – Foster the People (2010) // he's got a rolled cigarette, hanging out his mouth he's a cowboy kid // Radio - Lana Del Rey (2012) // pick me up and take me like a vitamin 'cause my body's sweet like sugar venom // Raising Hell - Kesha ft. Big Freedia (2019) // hungover, heart of gold, holy mess. doin' my best, bitch, I'm blessed // Rivers and Roads - The Head and the Heart (2011) // been talking 'bout the way things change // Royals - Lorde (2013) // we don't care, we aren't caught up in your love affair // S.O.B. - Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats (2015) // I'm going to cover myself with the ashes of you and nobody's gonna give a damn // Satisfied - Original Broadway Cast (2015) // it's a dream and it's a bit of a dance, a bit of a posture, it's a bit of a stance. He's a bit of a flirt, but I'm 'a give it a chance. I asked about his fam'ly, did you see his answer? his hands started fidgeting, he looked askance? he's penniless, he's flying by the seat of his pants // Sex – The 1975 (2013) // and she said use your hands and my spare time, we've got one thing in common it's this tongue of mine // Shake It Out – Florence + the Machine (2011) // our love is pastured such a mournful sound, tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground// Shut Up and Dance - Walk the Moon (2014) // my discotheque Juliet teenage dream // Silly Love Songs - Darren Criss (2011) // how can I tell you about my loved one // Some Nights - Fun. (2012) // this is not one for the folks at home, I'm sorry to leave, mom, I had to go. who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun? // Someone Like You – Adele (2011) // we were born and raised in a summer haze, bound by the surprise of our glory days // Sorry - Justin Bieber (2015) // *dolphin noises* // Spaceship - Kesha (2017) // I knew from the start I don't belong in these parts. there's too much hate, there's too much hurt for this heart // Stars - Fun. (2012) // some nights I rule the world with bar lights and pretty girls, but most nights I stay straight and think about my mom // Stitches - Shawn Mendes (2015) // needle and the thread gotta get you out of my head // Sunflower, Vol. 6 - Harry Styles (2019) // *gasp* your flowers just died, plant new seeds in the melody // Super Bass - Nicki Minaj (2010) // and he ill, he real, he might gotta deal. he pop bottles and he got the right kind of build. he cold, he dope, he might sell coke. he always in the air, but he never fly coach // Take Me to Church - Hozier (2013) // I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife // Thank u, Next - Ariana Grande (2018) // she taught me love, she taught me patience, how she handles pain // The Pachanelly Canon - Gentleman’s Rule (2012) // I'm getting pages out of New Jersey, from Courtney B telling me about a party up in NYC. can I make it? damn right I be on the next flight. payin cash. first class. sittin' next to Vanna White // The Wire - Haim (2013) // I just know, I know, I know, I know that you're gonna be okay anyway // Theme From “Cheers” - Titus Andronicus (2010)// I'm sick and tired of everyone in this town being so goddamn uptight, but don't you worry, I'll do all the talking when they turn on the flashing lights // Thieves – She & Him (2010) // I'm not a prophet, old love is in me. new love just seeps right in and makes me guilty // This is America - Childish Gambino (2018) // tell somebody, you go tell somebody. grandma told me, get your money, black man // Trouble - Neon Jungle (2013) // lights up let's have a toke, pour more whiskey in my coke .. Truth Hurts - Lizzo (2017) // you coulda had a bad bitch, non-committal // Uma Thurman - Fall Out Boy (2015) // and I slept in last night's clothes and tomorrow’s dreams, but they are not quite what they seem // Wetsuit – The Vaccines (2011) // with a cool, cool breeze and dirty knees, I rest on childhood memories // What a Feeling - One Direction (2015) // when the air ran out and we both started running wild, the sky fell down // Wilson - Fall Out Boy (2018) // I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color // Wolves - One Direction (2015) // I feel the waves getting started, it's a rush inside I can't control // You Need Me, I Don’t Need You - Ed Sheeran (2011) // melody music maker, reading all the papers, they say I'm up and coming like I'm fucking in an elevator // You’re in Love With a Psycho - Kasabian (2017) // I'm like the taste of macaroni on a seafood stick

Songs that would have made the list were they on Spotify: We Can’t Stop - Bastille // I Love Clothes (Deadbeat Summer) - Childish Gambino //  G.O.O.D. Friday - Kanye West ft. Common, Pusha T, Kid Cudi, Big Sean & Charlie Wilson // Driving in Cars with Boys - Lana Del Rey // Blurred Lines - Vampire Weekend // a number of mashups (Office Musik, What Makes You Da One, Live While We Die Young, Brush Your Bittersweet Shoulders Off, We Are Complicated)

[sarahmcmenomy]

Tarot Reflections Playlist

I’ve been working on this for longer than I should probably admit, but I finally finished my complete Tarot Playlist! I’ve chosen one song for each card of the 78-card RWS Tarot deck. In the spirit of the little white book, I have excerpted a line or two from each song to justify its association with its chosen card. Each suit has its own musical themes, and some of the songs were chosen to invoke the elemental association of the suit. The Court Cards get their own playlist because it can double as an astrological playlist. There are also a few sillier songs picked primarily for humor value (though hopefully still in keeping with the theme of the song). What follows is a complete index, so you can easily listen to whichever parts of the playlist you want to or browse the whole thing.

Entire Playlist

Major Arcana

Wands

Cups

Swords

Pentacles

Court Cards

Major Arcana

0. The Fool: “The Wanderer” by U2, The Edge, and Johnny Cash

“I went out there in search of experience, to taste and to touch and to feel as much as a man can before he repents.”

1. The Magician: “I am the Mercury” by Jimmie Spheeris

“For I am the mercury, the light of the morning, looking for shelter in this thunder and this rain. And you, like some windmill, weave light where it's storming, and love, like a potion for the hunger and the pain. Let it rain...”

2. The High Priestess: “Witch” by The Bird and the Bee

“Yes, I am a carnival, a house of mirrors... and I will con you. And all my tricks and all my magic will keep you dizzy with desire...”

3. The Empress: “Suddenly I See” by KT Tunstall

“Her face is a map of the world, is a map of the world... You can see she's a beautiful girl, she's a beautiful girl... And everything around her is a silver pool of light; The people who surround her feel the benefit of it... It makes you calm.”

4. The Emperor: “Viva la Vida” by Coldplay

“I used to rule the world; seas would rise when I gave the word. Now in the morning, I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own. I used to roll the dice, feel the fear in my enemy's eyes, listen as the crowd would sing... Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!“

5. The Hierophant: “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers

“He said, ‘Son, I've made a life out of readin’ people's faces, knowin’ what the cards were by the way they held their eyes. So if you don't mind me sayin’, I can see you’re out of aces. For a taste of your whiskey, I’ll give you some advice.’” 

6. The Lovers: “Dance Me to the End of Love” by Leonard Cohen

“Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on; dance me very tenderly and dance me very long. We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above... dance me to the end of love.”

7. The Chariot: “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen

“I'm a shooting star, leaping through the sky! Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity. I'm a racing car, passing by like Lady Godiva, I'm gonna go, go, go! There's no stopping me!”  

8. Strength: “Roar” by Katy Perry

“I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire, 'cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar, louder, louder than a lion, 'cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar!” 

9. The Hermit: “Building a Mystery” by Sarah McLachlan

“You live in a church where you sleep with voodoo dolls, and you won't give up the search for the ghosts in the halls... You wear sandals in the snow, and a smile that won't wash away. Can you look out the window without your shadow getting in the way?”

10. The Wheel of Fortune: “Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is a Season)” by the Byrds

“To everything (turn, turn, turn) there is a season (turn, turn, turn) and a time to every purpose, under heaven...”

11. Justice: “Botched Execution” by Shovels and Rope

“I gotta find a friend, someone to tell I didn't do it, but my picture's in the paper and there's no way that I can prove it... and the body's in the closet 'cause I never got to move it... Now the neighbor's kids are talking sayin' everybody knew it... All my little seeds have grown... Sooner, later, come back home...”

12. The Hanged Man: “Philosophy” by Ben Folds Five

“Won't you look up at the skyline, at the mortar, block, and glass, and check out the reflections in my eyes. See they always used to be there, even when this all was grass, and I sang and danced about a high-rise. And you were laughing at my helmet hat... Laughing at my torch...”

13. Death: “End of the Line” by The Traveling Wilburys

“Well it's all right, even when push comes to shove. Well it's all right, if you got someone to love. Well it's all right, everything'll work out fine. Well it's all right, we're going to the end of the line.” 

14. Temperance: “Under Pressure” by Queen

“Turned away from it all like a blind man. Sat on a fence, but it don't work. Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn... Why, why, why? Love, love, love, love, love... Insanity laughs, under pressure we're breaking.”

15. The Devil: “Sympathy for the Devil” by the Rolling Stones

“Just as every cop is a criminal, and all the sinners saints, as heads is tails... Just call me Lucifer, 'cause I'm in need of some restraint.”

16. The Tower: “The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning” by the Smashing Pumpkins

“The sewers belch me up; the heavens spit me out. From Ether's tragic I am born again, and now I'm with you now, inside your world of wow, to move in desires made of deadly pretense, ‘til the end times begin.”  

17. The Star: “You Gotta Be” by Des’ree

“Listen as your day unfolds, challenge what the future holds. Try and keep your head up to the sky.”

18. The Moon: “Hope Eyrie” by Leslie Fish

“But we who feel the weight of the wheel, when winter falls over our world, can hope for tomorrow and raise our eyes to a silver moon in the open skies and a single flag unfurled. For the Eagle has landed; tell your children when. Time won't drive us down to dust again.”

19. The Sun: “Sunshine of Your Love” by Cream

“I'm with you my love, the light's shining through on you. Yes, I'm with you my love, it's the morning and just we two. I'll stay with you darling now, I'll stay with you till my seas are dried up... I've been waiting so long, to be where I'm going, in the sunshine of your love.”

20. Judgement: “Ring the Bells” by James

“Ring, ring the bells! Wake the town! Everyone is sleeping. Shout at the crowd! Wake them up! This anger's deeper than sleep! Got to keep awake to what is happening, I can't see a thing through my ambition, I no longer feel my God is watching over me. Got to tell the world we've all been dreaming, this is not the end, a new beginning... I no longer feel my God is watching over me.”

21. The World: “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong

“The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky, are also on the faces of people going by. I see friends shaking hands, saying, ‘how do you do.’ They're really saying, ‘I love you.’ I hear babies crying, I watch them grow... they'll learn much more than I'll ever know. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.”

Wands

1. The Ace of Wands: “Spark” by the Bird and the Bee

“Tell me a tale, something with fire, to break from the sorrows. To break through the dirt, piles of earth, to see where the sun goes... What if I stopped just for a while to see if I'm closer? Still half the night, just for a while to see where the sun goes, oh, oh, oh...”

2. The Two of Wands: "First We Take Manhattan” by Leonard Cohen

“I'm guided by a signal in the heavens. I'm guided by this birthmark on my skin. I'm guided by the beauty of our weapons... First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin.”

3. The Three of Wands: “Billionaire” by Travie McCoy ft. Bruno Mars

“Oh every time I close my eyes... I see my name in shining lights... Yeah, a different city every night, oh right, I swear, the world better prepare for when I'm a billionaire.” 

4. The Four of Wands: “Eternal Flame” by The Bangles

“Say my name, sun shines through the rain... A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain. I don't want to lose this feeling, oh... Close your eyes, give me your hand. Do you feel my heart beating? Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Or is this burning an eternal flame?“

5. The Five of Wands: “The Ultimate Showdown” by Lemon Demon

“This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny: good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see... and only one will survive: I wonder who it will be? This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny.”

6. The Six of Wands: “We are the Champions” by Queen

“We are the champions, my friends, and we'll keep on fighting 'til the end! We are the champions! We are the champions! No time for losers, 'cause we are the champions of the world!”

7. The Seven of Wands: “Uprising” by Muse

“Rise up and take the power back. It's time that the fat cats had a heart attack, you know that their time is coming to an end. We have to unify and watch our flag ascend.”

8. The Eight of Wands: “Fast as you Can” by Fiona Apple

“I let the beast in and then I even tried forgiving him, but it's too soon. So I'll fight again, again, again, again, again and for a little while more, I'll soar the uneven wind, complain and blame the sterile land.”

9. The Nine of Wands: “Conquest of Spaces” by Woodkid

“I'm ready to start the conquest of spaces expanding between you and me... Come with the night, the science of fighting, the forces of gravity...”

10. The Ten of Wands: “Running up that Hill” by Kate Bush

“And if I only could, I'd make a deal with God, and I'd get him to swap our places, be running up that road, be running up that hill, be running up that building...”

Cups

1. The Ace of Cups: “Quiet” by Milck

“But no one knows me, no one ever will, if I don't say something, if I just lie still. Would I be that monster, scare them all away, if I let them hear what I have to say? I can't keep quiet.”

2. The Two of Cups: “Bus Stop” by The Hollies

“Every morning I would see her waiting at the stop. Sometimes she'd shop, and she would show me what she'd bought. Other people stared as if we were both quite insane... Someday my name and hers are going to be the same.”

3. The Three of Cups: “The Cult of Dionysus” by The Orion Experience

“I'm feeling devious, you're looking glamorous... let's get mischievous... and polyamorous. Wine and women and wonderful vices... Welcome to the cult of Dionysus!”

4. The Four of Cups: “High by the Beach” by Lana del Rey

“I don't wanna do this anymore, it's so surreal. I can't survive if this is all that's real... All I wanna do is get high by the beach, get high by the beach, get high...”

5. The Five of Cups: “What Have I Done to Deserve This?” by The Pet Shop Boys

“I bought you drinks, I brought you flowers. I read you books and talked for hours... Every day, so many drinks, such pretty flowers. So tell me, what have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this?”

6. The Six of Cups: “In My Life” by The Beatles

“There are places I'll remember, all my life, though some have changed... Some forever, not for better. Some have gone and some remain...”

7. The Seven of Cups: “Which Will” by Nick Drake

“Which do you dance for? Which makes you shine? Which will you choose now, if you won't choose mine?”

8. The Eight of Cups: “Go West” by The Pet Shop Boys

“(Go West) Life is peaceful there, (go West!) in the open air, (go West!) where the skies are blue... (go West!) This is what we're gonna do.”

9. The Nine of Cups: “No Surprises” by Radiohead

“Such a pretty house... and such a pretty garden... No alarms and no surprises, no alarms and no surprises, no alarms and no surprises, please...”

10. The Ten of Cups: “Rainbow Connection” by Kermit the Frog

“Someday we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection... the lovers, the dreamers and me.”

Swords

1. The Ace of Swords: “One” by U2

“You say love is a temple, love is a higher law... Love is a temple, love is a higher law. You ask me of me to enter, but then you make me crawl, and I can't keep holding on to what you got, 'cause all you got is hurt.”

2. The Two of Swords: “I Can’t Decide” by The Scissor Sisters

“I can't decide whether you should live or die... Oh, you'll probably go to heaven; please don't hang your head and cry...”

3. The Three of Swords: “The Killing Type” by Amanda Palmer

"I would kill to make you feel. I don't mean kill someone for real. I couldn't do that, it is wrong... But I can say it in a song.”

4. The Four of Swords: “Take it Easy” by The Eagles

“Take it easy, take it easy. Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy. Lighten up while you still can, don't even try to understand, just find a place make your stand. Take it easy.”

5. The Five of Swords: “Young Men Dead” by the Black Angels

“Run for the hills, pick up your feet and let's go. We did our jobs, pick up speed now, let’s move. The trees can't grow without the sun in their eyes, and we can't live if we're too afraid to die.”

6. The Six of Swords: “I Will Survive” by Cake

“At first I was afraid, I was petrified. I kept thinking I could never live without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights just thinking how you'd done me wrong. I grew strong; I learned how to get along.”

7. The Seven of Swords: “Sabotage” by The Beastie Boys

“I can't stand it, I know you planned it! I'mma set it straight, this Watergate. I can't stand rockin' when I'm in here, 'cause your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear. So while you sit back and wonder why I got this fuckin' thorn in my side, oh my god, it's a mirage! I'm tellin' y'all, it's sabotage.”

8. The Eight of Swords: “Whipping Post” by the Allman Brothers Band

“Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel, like I been tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post, tied to the whippin' post. Good Lord, I feel like I'm dyin'.”

9. The Nine of Swords: “Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums” by A Perfect Circle

“Don't fret, precious, I'm here. Step away from the window, and go back to sleep... safe from pain, and truth, and choice... and other poison devils. See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do. Count lies like sheep, like sheep, like sheep, like sheep, like sheep, like sheep...”

10. The Ten of Swords: “Hurt” by Johnny Cash

“I hurt myself today to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real. The needle tears a hole, the old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away, but I remember everything. What have I become, my sweetest friend? Everyone I know goes away in the end.”

Pentacles

1. The Ace of Pentacles: “Dime” by Cake

“I'm a dime, I'm fine, and I shine. I'm freshly minted. I am determined not to be dented by a car or by a plane or anything not yet invented...”

2. The Two of Pentacles: “Down to Earth” by Peter Gabriel

“Did you think that your feet had been bound by what gravity brings to the ground? Did you feel you were tricked by the future you picked? Well, come on down. All these rules don't apply when you're high in the sky, so come on down, come on down.”

3. The Three of Pentacles: “With a Little Help from My Friends” by Joe Cocker

“What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, I will try not to sing out of key.”

4. The Four of Pentacles: “This is the Life” by “Weird Al” Yankovic

“They say that money corrupts you, but I can't really tell... I got the whole world at my feet, and I think it's pretty swell.”

5. The Five of Pentacles: “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” by The Rolling Stones

“No, you can't always get what you want... You can't always get what you want... You can't always get what you want... But if you try sometimes, you find, you get what you need.”

6. The Six of Pentacles: “Rent” by The Pet Shop Boys

“We never ever argue, we never calculate the currency we've spent... I love you, you pay my rent “

7. The Seven of Pentacles: “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac

“I took my love, I took it down, climbed a mountain and I turned around. And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills ‘til the landslide brought me down.” 

8. The Eight of Pentacles: “The Weaver” by Steeleye Span

“The loom goes click and the loom goes clack; the shuttle flies forward and then flies back. The weaver's so bent that he's like to crack... such a wearisome trade is the weaver.” 

9. The Nine of Pentacles: “My Way” by Frank Sinatra

“I've loved, I've laughed and cried. I've had my fill, my share of losing. And now, as tears subside, I find it all, all so amusing... To think I did all that, and may I say, not in a shy way... oh no, no, not me. I did it my way.” 

10. The Ten of Pentacles: “Monument” by Röyskopp and Robyn

“This will be my monument. This will be a beacon when I'm gone, gone, gone... When I'm gone, gone, gone... When I'm gone... So that when that moment comes, I can say I did it all with love, love, love... All with love, love, love... All with love.”

Court Cards

Wands

1. The Page of Wands: “The Arsonist’s Lullaby” by Hozier

“All you have is your fire, and the place you need to reach. Don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep 'em on a leash.”

2. The Knight of Wands (Sagittarius, the Archer): “Portrait of the Knight of Wands” by Suzanne Vega

“His mood was melancholy, his attitude severe. His inner burden weighed upon him mightily.” 

3. The Queen of Wands (Aries, the Ram): “The Queen of Hollywood” by the Corrs

“She's never gonna be like the one before. She read it in her stars that there's something more. No matter what it takes, no matter how she breaks...”

4. The King of Wands (Leo, the Lion): “King and Lionheart” by Of Monsters and Men

“And as the world comes to an end, I'll be here to hold your hand, 'cause you're my king and I'm your lion-heart.”

Cups

1. The Page of Cups: “The Salmon Dance” by The Chemical Brothers

“Hello, boys and girls, my name is Fat Lip, and this is my friend, Sammy the Salmon! Today we're gonna teach you some fun facts about salmon and a brand new dance.”

2. The Knight of Cups (Pisces, the Fishes): “Knight of Noir” by Susanne Sundfor

“I can't go back again and lock the door. In the dead of night I hear her call out for more. I want to be stung by the stars, I gave her my soul and my heart, and now I am a slave.”

3. The Queen of Cups (Cancer, the Crab): “The Queen and I” by Gym Class Heroes

“I love it how she breaths booze in the morning... and it’s so sexy how she can't remember last night... I made the fatal mistake of letting her drink again. But who the hell am I to tell her how to live her life?”

4. The King of Cups (Scorpio, the Scorpion): “Sea King” by Eisley 

“Sea King, Sea king, can't you see that you're so silly? Sea King, I know things, and without love you won't get far...”

[Honorable mention: Franz Schubert’s rendition of Goethe’s “Der Koenig in Thule” is probably the ultimate King of Cups song, but it felt too different in musical style -- and language -- to include in this playlist. Still, it’s gorgeous, and the lyrics are perfect.]

Swords

1. The Page of Swords: “The Sword and the Pen” by Regina Spektor

“What if the sword kills the pen? What if the god kills the man? And if he does it with love, well then, it's death from above, and death from above is still a death...”

2. The Knight of Swords (Gemini, the Twins): “Knights of Cydonia” by Muse

“No one's going to take me alive. Time has come to make things right. You and I must fight for our rights. You and I must fight to survive.”

3. The Queen of Swords (Libra, the Scales): “My Snow White Queen” by Evanescence

“You belong to me, my snow white queen... There's nowhere to run, so let's just get it over.”

4. The King of Swords (Aquarius, the Water Bearer): “The Idiot Kings” by Soul Coughing

“Batting in the light, my reptile-lidded eyes. And all this strung end to end, is wider than the mind.”

Pentacles

1. The Page of Pentacles: “Sweet Child” by Pentangle

“You've been working so hard all day, won't you take your rest? You've been driving my blues away, now it is my turn. Come fly beneath my wings, sweet child it may not be for long.”

2. The Knight of Pentacles (Virgo, the Virgin): “Knights of Malta” by Smashing Pumpkins

“Where omens scar your door... Like a harvest we're bound and set for war... But no soldier comes...”

3. The Queen of Pentacles (Capricorn, the Goat): "Dreaming of the Queen” by The Pet Shop Boys

“Then carriages arrived... We stood and said goodbye. Diana dried her eyes and looked surprised, for I was in the nude. The old Queen disapproved, but people laughed and asked for autographs.”

4. The King of Pentacles (Taurus, the Bull): “A Farewell to Kings” by Rush

“Cities full of hatred, fear and lies, withered hearts, and cruel, tormented eyes... Scheming demons dressed in kingly guise, beating down the multitude, and scoffing at the wise. Whoa, can't we raise our eyes and make a start? Can't we find the minds to lead us closer to the heart?”

Giant shout-out to the Tarot Nerds Facebook Group for inspiring me. You are the best.

[yahoo-puck-daddy-blog]

What We Learned: How the Penguins won the Stanley Cup

(Hello, this is a feature that will run through the entire season and aims to recap the weekend’s events and boils those events down to one admittedly superficial fact or stupid opinion about each team. Feel free to complain about it.)

One of the things to watch in this entire Stanley Cup Final series was how badly the Nashville Predators outshot the Pittsburgh Penguins.

The shot deficits in Games 1 through 4 were of good size. It was tied in Game 5, and only after Pittsburgh opened up a huge lead. Then, finally, in Game 6 — which they won in a 2-0 shutout — they had a very, very narrow edge. And one of the two shots in that narrow margin was into an empty net.

But because things were so, so lopsided early on, one must consider how extreme this kind of performance was. To get outshot by about five shots per game over a six-game series, and win it? That’s only happened one other time in recent memory.

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In the first year after the implementation of the salary cap era, the Carolina Hurricanes basically got run out of the building by the Edmonton Oilers every night. They were outshot 200-164 in seven games, but because their starting goalie got hurt in Game 1, Carolina was able to shoot nearly 12 percent for the entire series and hey, whaddayaknow, Cam Ward stood on his head at the other end.

More of less the same thing happened this time around. The Pens got outshot 174-144 over the course of this Cup Final but scored one extra goal per game (3.2-2.2), and hey, that’ll do it.

You look at that Carolina team and this Pittsburgh team and there aren’t a lot of similarities. Not a ton of superstars on for those Hurricanes, whereas the Penguins have a ton of All-Stars. Perhaps you chalk the Carolina Cup up to the weirdness of the 2005-06 season in general, and this year you just have to say, to some extent, the Penguins got lucky.

Even beyond the insanely lucky bounce Patric Hornqvist got to win the series — receipts are in on the Hornqvist/Neal trade: Pens win — the fact that Pittsburgh shot better than 13 percent, and just steamrolled Pekka Rinne at PPG Paints Arena, has to be categorized as more luck than anything else. They finish the Cup Final with the third-highest all-situations PDO, at 105.7, since the salary cap came into play, behind only Chicago two years ago (107.5!) and Boston in 2011 (107, thanks to Tim Thomas’s .967 save percentage).

Of course, any team that wins the Stanley Cup needs luck to get there, but the Penguins got it and then some. Injuries to crucial players for huge stretches of the playoffs, if not all of them, seemingly didn’t matter. They got down to their seventh defenseman, they got hemmed in by a vicious Nashville forecheck, and still the goals came.

You need elite talent to do that, no doubt. So the fact that Sidney Crosby had seven points in this Cup Final, and Evgeni Malkin had three goals, and Phil Kessel had four points, and Matt Murray had a .930 save percentage, well, the big players stepped up.

But also: Jake Guentzel (Chris Kuntiz Mk. 2) had four goals as well. Conor Sheary had two. Justin Schultz and Brian Dumoulin were the only defensemen who seemed capable of getting the puck up the ice with regularity

Hockey’s a weird sport at all times, but especially so when you’re awarding trophies based on a best-of-seven series. In a candid moment, Mike Sullivan would probably tell you the Penguins didn’t actually do enough to win this series. On the face of it, they did not. But here we are anyway. No one’s “Well actually”-ing the 2006 Cup champs, and no one would do it here and no either.

Look, this is a great Penguins team. You can fall ass-backwards into a Cup once, maybe. Twice in a row, not so much. But look at those stats above: Last year they were a bulldozer, and just put the Sharks in the dustbin for six straight games. This time around, they were the ones getting handled, and everything worked out anyway.

Crosby’s why. Malkin’s why. Kessel’s why. Murray’s why. Sullivan’s why. In fact, looking at the Penguins roster, it’s hard to find someone who didn’t contribute something meaningful in this Cup Final. Matt Cullen was solid on the PK. Ron Hainsey ate 20-plus minutes a night because no one else could. Nick Bonino scored two huge goals before he disappeared into the trainer’s room for the remainder of the series. Carl Hagelin played with his jersey on fire last night.

It’s tempting fate to try to win this way. Just about any Hockey Person will tell you that. Because it’s not just about shots on goal, but also scoring chances (Nashville had nearly 55 percent of them in all situations). Sure, Pittsburgh had a narrow edge in high-danger chances, but it was mainly because Nashville’s power play was an embarrassment for most of the series. There wasn’t anything the Penguins PK units were doing to make Nashville shoot into a pile of bodies from the top of the circle at every available opportunity, but here we are.

Look at that above list of winners again and have a look at what the Red Wings did in two straight Cup Finals to this Penguins franchise. Dominated them, both years. In fact, they even outscored the Penguins when Pittsburgh won the Cup in ’09. But sometimes you just get the bounces.

Unless you’re really interested in digging this stuff up, no one will know or care 10 years from now that the Penguins only put 24 shots on net per game. The whole “They went 37 minutes without a shot in a game they won” thing will disappear in the wind.

First back-to-back Cup winners in the cap era? First since the late-90s Red Wings All-Star teams? Yeah they got badly outshot and this probably shouldn’t have happened this way.

But to quote the guy who scored the Cup-clinching goal, “Ah, [expletive] it.”

What We Learned

Anaheim Ducks: The Ducks are 100 percent trading a defenseman. But whomstsoever should it be? (Spoiler: It should be Sami Vatanen.)

Arizona Coyotes: If they can find someone dumb enough to take Mike Smith off their hands, they should absolutely do it. How is this even a question?

Boston Bruins: I don’t know how you can write an article about the Bruins’ defensive “depth” and then say, “Will they protect Kevan Miller or Colin Miller?” Obviously the answer is Colin. Kevan is, like, very bad. What’s hard about this?

Buffalo Sabres: The Sabres want to interview Phil Housley and a couple of Pens assistants before they hire someone, and it’s tough to blame ’em. But also: uhh Darryl Sutter much?

Calgary Flames: Gotta respect Brian Burke going, “[expletive] it, mask off,” and just saying the team will move if the city doesn’t buy it a new rink. Then the team has to be like, “No no, mask on. We’re not evil, we swear!” Amazing. I love this saga. Have fun in Quebec.

Carolina Hurricanes: Eric Tulsky keeps movin’ up in the organization. Tough to blame the ‘Canes for loving what he brings to the table.

Chicago: Chicago basically has to make a trade and rumors say it’ll come real soon. One imagines that the guy they end up moving has a name that rhymes with “Sent Breabrook.”

Colorado Avalanche: I wonder if any bad contracts on the Avs end up looking a lot better once the player gets out of that black hole of an organization. Is Carl Soderberg as bad as he looked last season? I doubt it.

Columbus Blue Jackets: Have to imagine Joonas Korpisalo was basically just like, “Yeah I’m never gonna start for this team” but he also had no options since he’s only 23.

Dallas Stars: If Jamie Benn is actually great again next year, that helps a lot.

Detroit Red Wings: Gordie Howe’s name comes off the Cup next year. Just more evidence the NHL hates the Red Wings and will never ever let them be good again.

Edmonton Oilers: Good lord. Why?

Florida Panthers: Not the most flattering picture of new Panthers coach Bob Boughner here. Hahaha.

Los Angeles Kings: Lots of momentum to this Evander Kane-to-Los Angeles thing at this point. Wonder how much of it is BS.

Minnesota Wild: What do the Bruins have to give up to get Jonas Brodin? Probably something not-really-worth-it, especially given the market for young, already-signed top-four defenders. Taylor Hall trade and all that. And moreover, why would the Bruins stay in Going For It mode? That team, man.

Montreal Canadiens: It unequivocally rules that these are the only headlines around the Canadiens at this point.

Nashville Predators: These guys got straight-up boned. No other way to say it.

New Jersey Devils: Yeah I’d be really surprised if it’s the Panthers who trade for Ilya Kovalchuk.

New York Islanders: Imagine if Colorado were this dumb. The only thing to move Matt Duchene for is picks and prospects. C’mon.

New York Rangers: Turns out no one wants any of the Rangers’ crap defensemen, almost all of whom have bad contracts. Hmm. Weird.

Ottawa Senators: Honestly who cares. Semi-competent backup goalies are a dime a dozen. Mike Condon is fine. So are lots of guys. Whatever.

Philadelphia Flyers: Can’t help but feel like Shayne Gostisbehere left a lot of money on the table long-term. But hey, that contract makes him extremely easy to trade if things go sideways with this club.

Pittsburgh Penguins: Finally, Sidney Crosby is as good as Jonathan Toews.

San Jose Sharks: They’re getting closer to re-signing Marc-Edouard Vlasic, who is very good. Great news for the club.

St. Louis Blues: Mike Yeo is honestly one of those coaches where it’s like, “Seems like he’s fine.” Not sure he’s the guy to get this club over any sort of hump, but he’s not bad. I dunno. Feels like tire-spinning.

Tampa Bay Lightning: If I’m Steve Yzerman I give Vegas a second-round pick and a B prospect to please for the love of god get Ryan Callahan the hell off this team.

Toronto Maple Leafs: The Leafs are at the 50 contract limit? That seems not-wise.

Vancouver Canucks: The Canucks may want the No. 1 pick. Give New Jersey the 5, Tanev, and a decent prospect for it.

Vegas Golden Knights: Can I recommend something instead of “going all in?” How about, uhh, don’t?

Washington Capitals: Justin Williams is an American citizen now. Big mistake Justin! Get out while you can!

Winnipeg Jets: Yes, they could.

Play of the Weekend

This is a Stanley Cup-winning goal with 1:35 to go, so that’ll work.

Gold Star Award

Hmm, three Lowell guys get on the same team and that team immediately wins a Stanley Cup? Total coincidence, right? Ha ha ha.

Minus of the Weekend

This is the greatest take in the history of the universe. Difficult to top.

  18 million Americans tuned in to Comey daytime TV. Now tell me again how great those 3m audiences were for NHL in US.

— Damien Cox (@DamoSpin) June 9, 2017

Perfect HFBoards Trade Proposal of the Year

User “Kcoyote3” is after that roadrunner.

To San Jose:

Tavares


To New York:
 Couture , Dillon, 
Donskoi, 
2018 1st

Signoff

I love you Dr. Zaius!

—

  Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

(All stats via Corsica unless otherwise noted.)

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