#no seriously the adhd is strong today

[practically-an-x-man]

me: I'm gonna work on writing!

also me: *starts composing a From Eden tab by ear on Guitar Pro 7*

[milf-murdock]

Unsteady (Simon x Johnny x Reader)

Request: Simon and Johnny taking care of F!Reader

Summary: Simon and Johnny take care of you after you almost pass out at the pub.

TW: heavily implied disordered eating, almost passing out, mental health concerns, medication mentions (nothing specific but could be read as ADHD medication side effects).

A/N: Hi anon! Thank you so much for your request and your kind words! I'm choosing not to publish the ask because I think there are some triggering words that I won't be able to hide under a "read more" line, but I hope that you enjoy this and find some comfort in it.

As someone who has also struggled with EDs in the past, please, please, please do not be afraid to ask for help. There is nothing glamorous about eating disorders. They absolutely need to be taken seriously.

Instead of going the full ED route with this one shot, I took it down a slightly softer path and based it off of my experience with ADHD and how it has led to me accidentally missing meals.

The din of the pub faded into the background as you sat in the corner booth of your favorite pub. You were pressed up against Simon’s bulky frame, one of his strong arms wrapped around your body, keeping you tucked in close. Johnny sat across the booth, taking in his favorite view: you wrapped up in Simon—his two loves, his whole world sat right across the table from him. 

Your empty glass clinked against the others as your set it on the table. “Looks like we’re ready for another round,” you said, smiling up at Johnny. 

“Mm, that it does,” Johnny smiled back at you, and you felt like you could absolutely drown in those ocean eyes. 

“You tryna get us drunk or something, love?” Simon teased, lips pressing against your collarbone. 

“Something like that,” you laughed, turning your head meet his lips for a quick kiss. “Here, I’ll go, order them” you reasoned, being on the outside of the seat and closest to the bar. “Be right back.” You pushed yourself from the booth to your feet, and instantly the entire room started spinning.  Damn, you thought to yourself. That beer is hitting fast. You went to take one tentative step, and then the room started to tilt, the floor coming up at you fast. 

Johnny was out of his seat in an instant, having picked up immediately something was wrong from the moment you stood up. His two large hands reached out to steady you, catching you in his arms. “Easy now,” he grunted,  bracing you both. “I’ve got ye.” He gently lowered you back into the booth, letting your weak form lean up against Simon. Simon’s hands instantly held you against him, supporting you. At the edge of the booth, Johnny got down on one knee so he could be eye level with you. 

“Look at me, hen,” he coaxed. “What’re you feeling?” Johnny grabbed one of the ice waters from the table and gingerly helped bring it to your lips. 

You blinked, trying to get your bearings. The room finally stopped spinning. “M’fine,” you mumble before taking a sip of the water Johnny offered you. The icy cold liquid helped clear your mind. “Just got a bit dizzy.”

Johnny and Simon exchanged knowing glances. 

“What’ve ye had to eat today, lass?” Johnny’s voice was gentle, prodding, but his eyes were a dead giveaway to the concern and hurt he was feeling, already knowing the answer. 

“Umm, I’m not really sure,” you stepped around the question, your voice hesitant. “I think I had a banana this morning?” 

Simon let out a resigned sigh. “I’m assuming that would be half of a banana,” he corrected. “Considering I found the remaining half still in the peel on top of the dresser.”   

You eyelids fluttered shut, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. “Oh.” You let out. “Yeah, I went in there to grab one of your jumpers and I must have forgotten it.” 

It happened all the time, you getting distracted mid task. It had gotten even worse since one of the side effects of your medication was a suppressed appetite. You never did have quite a good relationship with food to begin with though. 

“And what about lunch?” Johnny continued his prodding. 

You bit your bottom lip, a nervous habit of yours. Wincing, you reply with a mumbled “forgot.” Your voice was barely above a whisper as shame flooded through you. 

At this, both men let out a sigh, completely in synch when it comes to their concern for you. 

“Love, we’ve been over this,” Simon started before being cut off. 

“M’sorry.” Despite your best efforts, a couple tears started to slide down your face. 

Johnny pulls you into his arms. “S’okay, Bonnie,” he soothed, running a hand up and down your back. 

“S’not okay, Johnny,” Simon snapped from the other side of you. “She needs to be eating.” 

Johnny shot Simon a glare. “I know that, Si.” He took a deep breath before pressing a kiss to your temple, your head buried against his chest. “He’s right though, bonnie. Ye need to be eating.” 

His hand slid up to grip your chin, forcing you to look up at him. 

“I know,” you whined, fidgeting under his piercing gaze. 

Simon scooted closer across the booth, a strong hand coming to rest against your back. 

“We just need to know you’re taken care of, love,” Simon began to rub his hand in a soothing circle. “Specially knowing we can’t always be here to take care of you ourselves.” 

“I know,” you sighed, feeling yourself shutting down. 

Simon and Johnny exchange another glance, Simon giving a short nod of approval signaling to back off for now. 

“Just promise us you’ll try,” Johnny pleaded. “For us. Please?”

You nod, sniffling. 

“I promise,” you sighed softly. “I’ll try harder.”

Johnny gave you a crooked smile, a favorite of yours. “Atta girl.” 

Simon pressed a kiss to the back of your head. “Now let’s go get some dinner, love. How’s that sound?” 

“It sounds…” you trailed off.  “Well, I don’t really feel that well.” 

Simon nodded his head knowingly. “Well that’s cause you’ve hardly eaten today.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Probably.” 

“Something easy then,” Johnny stated matter of factly. “Perfect weather for soup. Think you can manage that, dove?” 

You gave a small nod and let Johnny transfer you over to Simon’s strong arms. 

“Aye, good lass,” he gave you a quick peck. “Si, get our girl home and I’l go pick it up.” 

“Affirmative,” Simon agreed, giving your hip a quick tap to encourage you to try to get on your feet again. 

Johnny stood up and offered you a hand to help you up, Simon’s hands never leaving your hips until they were both certain you weren’t in danger of passing out on them.  

“I’ll see you both at home,” Johnny quipped, giving both you and Simon a quick kiss on the cheek before going to pay the tab. 

Simon helped you shrug into your coat and the two of you made your way out to the brisk Manchester air. 

An hour later, empty takeaway containers littered the coffee table in the living room as you laid on the couch with your loves. You were pressed up against Simon, leaning up against him, tucked under his arm. Your legs were sprawled out across Johnny’s lap, his calloused hands giving you the most delightful foot massage. 

“Y’know we love you, right?” Johnny’s voice broke the silence that had settled over the three of you. 

“I know,” your voice was low. 

“We just worry about you, love,” Simon urged, pressing a kiss to the back of your head. 

“I promise I’ll try to be better.” You sighed softly. “I love you both so much.” 

“We love you too, lass.” Johnny leaned forward to give you a kiss. 

“So much,” Simon finished, pressing another kiss to your exposed neck. 

[velsims]

Swimming Lessons 🐟

Inspired by me NOT KNOWING HOW TO SWIM at my big old age 😭

uhh warnings: mentions of drowning, foul language and the likes, kind of modern ellie??, kind of adhd!reader sorry its hard for me to write normal people

reader is in italics, ellie is in bold/italics!

summer is finally here, its hot out, like fucking scorching, and cold showers with your lover and standing in front of the AC isnt cutting it anymore

you suggest “how about the pool?” and ellie’s all like “babe theres gonna be little kids and old people lets go to the river or something”

and you freeze up. and shes like ‘did i say something wrong is she okay’

and then the cats out of the bag. “ellie, i sorta, kinda, maybe dont know how to swim”

so shes all like “i can teach you, yknow, how to swim.” and ur like “babe thats so embarassing 😭” and shes like “its not embarassing if its me teaching you!!”

so she somehow convinces you to pack up for a river trip.

“are you sure about this...” you say cautiously, eyeing ellie, whos already in the water. It had been an hour trip to the river, and the whole time you were worried you’d make a fucking fool out of yourself in front of her. or drown, drowning is also a viable possibility. “babe, the current isnt that strong today, and neither is the wind. and i’ll have a hold on you the whole time. we’ll be fine.” she says as she reaches an arm out for you to take. 

you take her arm, and both slowly walk into the river. you arent even waist deep yet before, “OHMYGODDUDE” you grab on to ellie for dear life as a little current washes by you two. “first of all, who the hell are you calling ‘dude’. second of all, i got you, seriously baby” she reassures you. you make it in to about chest level deep before she stops you both. “okay, promise to do what i say, because as much as i dont want you to worry, drowning is serious. and if i dragged you all the way out here to die, i might as well die too.” she says to you, holding on to your waist. “aww like romeo and juliet! kind of...” “please shut up and listen” “yes ma’am!”

so she teaches you how to tread water and all kinds of shit and by the end of the day youre a fucking champ

kind of. you know the basics but you both decide thats enough for today.

the sun is setting and you two start to pack up

you two are heading back to her truck and youre like “ellie...maybe you forgot to put sunscreen on...”

and shes soooo burnt “fuck babe, you didnt remind me!” “that is NOT my job.” “well then whos job is it” and youre like “literally what would you do without me”

tldr u both are dorks who swim lol

[babyspacebatclone]

Oh.

Oh.

Oh FUCK.

….

Wow, this was a revelation.

I just saw a stupid repost of a stupid Twitter thread saying how stupid it is that there is an Agender Pride day, that “wanting to opt out of Gender Identity shouldn’t be a Gender Identity” and literally calling Asexual a - cult? religion?

Stupid fucking shit.

The revelation was:

I was fucking furious, and personally offended.

I just….

I have never been this angry about imagining people misgendering me before.

I will have a ‘moment’ when I get referred to by male pronouns online, but I go “Oh, yeah, they didn’t check my blog, they don’t know, yeah I can see them defaulting to male, that was confusing for a second, carrying on.” It’s equivalent to my confusion if someone I don’t know calls me by a different name, just “Huh, did they mean me? Ah, yes, I get it now.”

Wow.

I haven’t been sure about applying “agender” to myself, because seriously gender makes no fucking sense to me including claiming I don’t see myself as having a gender. It was just - it’s there, I guess??

But my experiences are real.

People do have strong, impactful, even furious rage about their gender identity.

And I don’t, and that’s a thing.

And I’m allowed to have that thing.

“Well, why do you always need to put a label on things???”

Because for 40 fucking years, I never knew this about myself.

I have always been fucking agendered, because “girl” was just a word to me. I liked being female in the geek space because that made me an outlier, and I’m comfortable in that role because as a long-undiagnosed Autistic AFAB with ADHD, having “outlier” defined made me safe. The more reasons I was obviously different, the more excuses I had to cover up all the unobvious but still impactful ways I couldn’t mask/conform.

But every time I looked at the list of things that I was “supposed” to be, or want, as a “female” (outside of romantic and sexual attraction), none of that mattered.

But neither did any of the list of things for “male,” so, that just made me a lame (as in weak) female, right?

No!!!

I’m not a “lame” female!

I’m agendered!!!!

And there are others like me out there!

I’m not “failing” at a gender identity, I’m just - not gendered.

But that is worth celebrating, because by celebrating - by having and showing my Pride at being Agendered - I make that safe for other people to be Agendered!!!!

So, um, yeah.

I was today years old - 42.6 years - when I realized yeah, I’m Agendered.

I will still present as a Ciswoman, and use that term in situations where more detail isn’t necessary, because living as a Ciswoman explains much about me and I seriously don’t care enough to make myself Agendered in public.

Because I Don’t Care.

And I’m allowed to have “Present as my assigned at birth gender” as my presentation of “don’t give a fuck about gender, so go with the easy thing I’ve done anyway.”

Ok now.

Gotta lower my heartrate from that epiphany so I can sleep so I can get up for work tomorrow.

[its-that-gay-fox]

bio!

realized that i never did one and probably should so here ig

basic info:

y’all can call me fox, she/they pronouns

i’m a minor

lesbian asexual

probably autistic or adhd but my mum won’t let me get an actual diagnosis :[

i have a dog and love said dog and think dogs are so cool and i think people should know that dogs are so cool and great

fandoms:

doctor who (specifically nuwho, i’m still trying to get through classic who)

torchwood

marauders era

good omens

kinda hermitcraft and life series

supernatural

arcane

stuffs:

i crochet and occasionally draw and write

very big music lover and enthusiast

i like pretty much any fandom with david tennant in it

i take my boundaries seriously cross them and you’re blocked

if you’re in the same fandoms as me and a minor, can we be besties please i know no one who likes the same stuff as me

tag me in stuff and give me asks that’s cool

supernatural and arcane are the main hyperfixations right now

boundaries:

nothing nsfw i’m a minor and you’re a stranger on the internet let’s be civilized people

please don’t be mean to me or even joke i won’t get it and then i’ll probably cry

no asking for personal information

if you’re not part of a minority, you can’t use hateful word directed towards said minority

don’t be a creep please

reminders:

if you got out of bed today and you felt like you couldn’t, you’re so strong

drink water

go get some sustenance

sleep you need it

touch grass

you are loved and appreciated and people care about you

you are valid

i needed to complete the rainbow have a great rest of your day y’all and just remember, if you’re gay keep doing that

[turtlemagnum]

there's this online recreation of the sans fight that i played religiously back in middle school before i even owned a device capable of running undertale, still up. i got good enough at it that under normal circumstances, i can usually do it first try. a bit of a banging my head against a brick wall thing, but damn did it eventually break. honestly i think doing that before ever actually playing undertale was a bit like goku training in 100x gravity, except instead of landing on namek to fight frieza he went and fought raditz again and just absolutely wrecked his shit. at least, until i got to undyne, still not great at her. god i love her. adhd, getting distracted, i had a goddamn point i was trying to make. so, notice that i said "under normal circumstances" as a caveat. what i would consider not normal circumstances would be, say, playing with fucked up arrow keys. such as, the ones that seem to be on every goddamn modern laptop where up and down are both collectively taking up the same amount of real estate as a single normal key, because apparently right shift needs that extra fucking space. like seriously who the fuck even uses right shift, top 10 useless keys right there, right next to caps lock and most of the function keys. guess i've just gotta suck it up until i can afford to get an actual gamer laptop and not a budget office clunker that i got for the admittedly nice CPU

honestly like, i think my ideal laptop would be halfway between the Ultra Gucci Gamer shit and what i have now. give me like, 16 gigs of RAM, a decent CPU for emulation, a low end but modern and power efficient discrete GPU, and a big fuckin SSD. no RGB shit, just a power waste, though i do like having backlit keys at times i think the more efficient way to go about it would just paint em with something glow in the dark. is glowstick fluid toxic to get your hands on? i remember hearing about a guy who died because he injected that shit at a rave, but i don't know how much of that is This Shit Is Poison vs Dont Put Things That Arent Blood In Your Blood Sacks You Moron, y'know. for some reason radium popped into my head, but after thinking about it for more than an instant i'm like 85% sure that shit's what done killed marie curie, and now i can't help but imagine that's something elon musk would tell his engineers to do. "yeah. just a, uh, gamer key-board. with, radium paint on the lettering. saves power, good for the planet." what was i saying

anyways yeah like. the only other specs i can think of would be just having as many ports as possible, 1080p screen @ 60hz, y'know the bare minimum in Current Year. i will say that my current laptop has given me problems with screens i've never had on a computer before, there have been times where i see something i know for a fact is a different, more saturated color on other screens and having it be barely different from the background. also? i want that motherfucker bulky god dammit, i'm tired of everything being thin and light and having absolute dogshit battery life. i miss when i could charge my gameboy once a week and have it entertain me the entire goddamn time, y'know. i'm lucky if i get half a day of consistent use out of a laptop or my switch without charging it, y'know. to be honest, you should be able to murder someone with your technology. i could kill a man with a gamecube or the PC my dad left me as a kid, if i tried to bash a man's skull open with my laptop the laptop would take more damage than the skull. like don't get me wrong, it'd fucking hurt, but i'm not sure there's any singular component in this thing less than 95% cheap polymer by volume. a goddamn disgrace, lemme tells ya. back in ancient rome we had the technology to build bridges strong enough to still be used today, there are guns from the world wars that you can shoot to this day, you're tellin me you can't make a laptop sturdier than a saltine cracker? well, i'm pretty sure they're mostly designed by crackers, so i guess i can't blame em too hard for their inadequacies. such is lief i suppose (sic)

[antvnger]

((This is really interesting, Anon. And I’m sorry this is late. This is definitely one for the books because I had to Google what makes a good father of the bride speech.))

((Check it out below. Hope you enjoy it. Scott cried writing this by the way ��))

Scott takes a breath before he stands and takes the mic. He pulls some cue cards from his tux pocket, clears his throat, and begins.

“Hi, everyone. It’s good to have you all here. Thanks for coming on this very special day. When I Googled how to write a good father of the bride speech, one of the first things it listed was to introduce yourself. But considering how I’m an Avenger, I wrote a book, and became famous for quite a few awesome heists…” He gives the audience a bit of a cocky look before he tosses the first cue card away, and the audience laughs.

“But seriously, thank you all for joining us and celebrating with us on this pretty awesome day. It’s a day that every dad simultaneously looks forward to and dreads. There’s a lot of pride - so much pride - and a lot of bittersweetness too. But ultimately, there’s a lot of love here today. It’s just bubbling over everywhere. That’s what we’re celebrating, right? Love and life and new chapters. And we’re especially celebrating Cassie and [Significant Other] and the commitment they’ve made - excuse me, are making - to each other.

“The first time Cassie brought [S.O] home to meet me, I saw the look in her eye and thought there was something different this time. [S.O] definitely is different from all the rest and in the best way possible. They’ve proven they can handle all sides and depths of Cassie. Fun Cassie, work Cassie, sad Cassie, happy Cassie, frustrated and stressed Cassie, angry—you get the idea. They can also handle Avenger Cassie, and that’s a big deal too. Not only can they handle it, they want to handle it. They want to be by her side for the whole ride, and I gotta say no one deserves my kid…but [S.O] comes pretty damn close.

“Now the next part Google suggested was of course to talk about the bride, but that’s really dangerous because even with my ADHD I could go on for hours and not tire of talking about her.” The audience chuckles softly with some aaaws thrown in. “But lucky for you I’ve got a time limit.” The chuckles increase for a bit at that. “Ultimately though, she’s my kid. My kid. My pride and joy. My reason for doing so much in my life. The only thing in my life that never ever was or will be a mistake. A bright shining star in my sky. Now, I know it all sounds kinda cheesy, but the thing is it’s true. Cassie is all of that to me and so much more than I could shove into a five-ish minute speech. She’s my Peanut. And for those who know me, you know just how much love and joy and pride…” He pauses. He can’t help it. The lump in his throat forces him to pause. It’s not the first time he’s gotten choked up today. “I give to the person behind the nickname.” He turns to look at Cassie who’s tearing up again as well. “I love you, Peanut. Always have. Always will.” There’s many in the audience tearing up too.

Scott clears his throat and wipes his eyes. “I’m almost done, I promise,” he says quietly, and the audience chuckles, needing the gentle reprieve from the tears. “Lastly, Cassie and [S.O], some advice. Believe me, guys, learn from me, okay? Never stop dating each other. Never stop being friends and keeping that part of your relationship strong. It’s a foundation for a lot of aspects of marriage, and good foundations lead to strong structures. Talk to each other. Communicate, even when you don’t want to. It’s okay to get pissed off with each other. Just be careful what you do when you’re pissed. Work together. Marriage isn’t always equal parts give and take; it’s supporting each other when one can only give 10% for a little while. It’s standing strong when the other just wants to crumble and cry. It’s putting the other before yourself and not really expecting anything back. But you will get it back because the other should put you before themselves too. And it’s okay to not have everything figured out. That’s why you’ve got all of us,” he gestures to the audience. “We’re your support group, and if you need some help or guidance neither of you can offer, we’ve got your back. And finally, choose to love each other every day. Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a verb. An action. A choice. Sometimes you’ll look at each other and the feelings won’t be there; that’s okay it’s part of it. But choose to love each other anyway. The feelings will return stronger than ever.

“Cassie and [S.O], we’re all excited for you, and we’re all rooting for you. And we all love you.” Scott raises his glass in a toast, and the audience does the same. “To Cassie and [S.O]!” The audience exuberantly responds before they all take a drink. Then the audience claps and cheers over Scott’s speech, and the cheers only increase when Cassie gets up from her seat and hugs her dad tightly.

[talkingbl]

Two Things Can Be True At Once: Prom, Phuwin, Yui & Mark (aka MSP + Phuwin)

I have a lot of thoughts about each of these scandals and reactions to them that I want to address. We'll go in order.

Prom: What Prom said was absolutely horrendous. I could not believe my ears and eyes and feel like he deserves every bit of criticism being tossed his way. He openly admitted to violating the human rights of CHILDREN, all for a weird cool-guy fantasy he wanted to portray for his damn near grown friends. That is maximum creep behavior and I hope he learns a powerful lesson from all of this. In spite of his apology, violating a child's right to privacy in those moments is way too much for me to feel comfortable with. Plus, the fact that he felt comfortable enough to say it on national TV until he got a little backlash speaks volumes to me.

Yui: Look, I'm not claiming to be in that woman's mind or know why she dismissed the reaction to Prom's disgusting statements--I only know that she has a job to do. For her to all but tell a much younger, more impressionable person that his dangerous words and actions were okay since it'll all blow over anyway was wrong and garbage can behavior. Being the adult in the situation, regardless of what her intent was, the effect is to become a pedo-apologist. She should have never told him his actions were okay, regardless of if she was just trying to talk him off a ledge or whatever. It is NEVER okay to do what Prom said he did--and it's completely fucked up that I even have to say that.

Phuwin: What Phuwin said was completely inappropriate and, unfortunately, a very common incidence even today. As someone who has ADHD, I can totally see why many are hurt by his words. Him using the r-word was indecent and deserved the criticism being lodged against him. And while I personally thought his apology was well-crafted, people have the right not to accept it. For me, I go on peoples' general feel in addition to their actions and words and Phuwin doesn't feel like this big bad monster to me. Again, totally up to other neurodivergents if they want to accept his apology.

Mark: This situation is a bit different than the others IMO, because I don't know the full context behind the most incriminating-sounding statement "it's normal." There is a very strong reason to believe Mark was stating "it's normal [to be stressed about this]" (since the sentence immediately preceding "it's normal" is about Prom being stressed). I want to be clear that I've not heard the full audio myself and every translation seems to attribute different words to Mark (but Yui's message stays consistent). Like, seriously, even Thai people don't even know what was said. For that reason, I am hard-pressed to feel the need to personally cancel Mark (but if you want to, that's your business). I think it would be misguided of me to feel the need to end this person because of something I barely understand myself. But this leads me into my next point when these scandals start piling up...

Folks on the internet do not live in the real world. For chronically-online young people, it takes not even a scintilla of evidence against someone to rip their entire livelihood away from them. Not only that, but these folks will hear a lie or exaggeration and RUN with it. They will hear that Mond, who was on the same Safe House season as Gemini, did Blackface (he did); Prom, who was on the same show as Gemini, spied on kids in the shower (he did); and Gemini colonized Namibia (he didn't) and will believe each allegation as if there's any truth to the last claim simply because Gem is associated with those two in some vague way. I'm not saying Gem is (or will turn out to be) an angel but the way some of these folks will just believe any characterization of things without looking at the evidence for themselves is dangerous.

I want to be clear. Calling Prom out is not dangerous to anyone. If anything, you're protecting more poor children from being spied on. However, running with lies, half-truths, or yet-to-be confirmed speculation is dangerous. I just wish more people would approach things logically instead of going on witch-hunts and calling anyone who exposes that tendency a "sympathizer" or "apologist".

That said, I want clean up the trash in our media (Build, apparently now Prom, etc.), but don't see the point in calling everything trash and taking it to the dump indiscriminately.

[liliallowed]

I miss the LV tringle comics tbh I really wanna know what happens 😭

I feel guilty for forgetting about it along with my other wips.

I remember being really passionate about my seraphim dust but his design was so time consuming that I got burnt out...

it's also the same with LV triangle. I WANT to draw these silly guys so much but I'm scared I'll hyper focus too much and get behind on my studies like I always do. (ADHD is a bitch specially when it comes to my inherent leaning towards escapism)

I know I'll eventually cave into it and fall. BUT NOT TODAY! >:D IM STARTING THIS YEAR STRONG!

I just I wanna start this year as a more responsible person who has a better sense of time management yk?

I hate it too when content I like stops flowing with an indefinite return. I LIKE DRAWING for you guys I love it.

but like... I really REALLY need to study seriously this year. I apologize for the wait. I would still LOVE to hear your ideas and head canons.

I'm not sure if I'll continue the comic any time soon but the story is still very much active and alive! feel free to share your ideas and stuff.

[artaxlivs]

Help-Liv-finish-her-Big-Bang WIP game! 💫

Hey peeps! Lex @thefreakandthehair made their own version of the WIP game specifically for their Big Bang fic and it looks fun and challenging. I totally voted, will be back to vote each week. Unfortunately, that, like the regular WIP games, doesn't work for me. We're all different types of writers and that's okay. I'm catering this one to me. You should feel free to the do the same!

My goal is to have the full 100% draft of my Dirty Dancing AU completed by August 31st and I need deadlines to make that happen (that inattentive ADHD yo). So, rather than asking people to pick a new WIP for me to work on or vote words into scenes (I can't write that shit out of order). I'm gonna do this:

Each Monday from now until then, I'm gonna post a motivation poll. For every vote encouraging me to get my goddamn shit together, I will write 100 words before the next Monday's poll.

With each new poll, I'll post a good size snippet that your votes helped motivate me to write during the previous week. Today I'm posting one (below the cut) that I wrote this weekend.

Snippet below the cut:

It’s just a few cabins down from Eddie’s which is how Steve had known where to go last night, they’d walked past it before seeing the commotion at Chrissy’s. They knock but Eddie uses a key to open it just a bit and ask if they can come in.

She looks tired. Wrung out but in the way that shows she’s just been through something not in the way that she’s still going through it. Her normally shiny eyes are dulled but her smile spreads when she sees Steve behind Eddie. Putting her hands out, she says softly, “Steve, come.” She beckons him closer before opening her arms so Steve can lean in for a hug. “Thank you, thank you so much Steve.”

He’s uncomfortable. Not with the hug, he likes Chrissy. She’s sweet and strong and so brave. Her arms are small but her hug is tight. No, it’s not her. It’s the praise for something he didn’t do. “I didn’t do anything but get someone who could actually help you.” He says softly when he pulls away to sit in the chair that he’s pretty sure Robin slept in.

Eddie swoops in for a hug, “Tell him Chris, he won’t hear it from me.” He kisses her forehead as he pulls away and then leans in to kiss Steve on the mouth, squeezing his thigh as he pulls away. It’s unexpected but not unwanted. Steve feels his cheeks go pink and Eddie grins, biting his lip before flouncing out with wild energy. “See you tonight, Stevie!”

Steve’s eyes follow him out and when he turns back to Chrissy, her eyes are twinkling and she’s got a full bright smile shining towards him. “Finally! Tell me everything!” Her nose wrinkles then and she amends, “well, not everything just like the non sexy parts.”

“It’s Eddie, Chrissy,” Steve looks at her seriously, “it’s all sexy parts.”

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

tagged by @ragnarokhound <3

name: kai (yes im a trans man named kai, its a good name, okay?)

pronouns: he/they

where do you call home: eh the general answer is west of england, midlands and up. theres a sentimental answer but its a pretty small area so im not gonna potentially dox myself in a tag game dhdjsjs

favourite animal: walrus all the way, baby! although my url is actually unrelated to my love of walruses. theyre just the best animals, theyre big old chunky boys with two big front teeth that can grow to over 3ft in length. when on land, they huddle together in cuddle piles. AND mama walruses can use their flippers to pick up their babies and cuddle them to their chest; tell me thats not the cutest thing youve heard today.

cereal of choice: im not really a cereal person or like a breakfast person at all, but if im having it, golden nuggets or nothin'

visual, auditory or kinesthetic learner: ...all of them? idk, it depends on what im learning. auditory probably less so than the others just because my auditory processing isnt just trash, its trash the binmen wont take.

first pet: my parents had four cats before they had me and my brother so i guess them? they were thomas, alfred, cally and misty. my uncle, who incidentally doesnt believe in seatbelts, named alfred.

favourite scent:

no but seriously i have a very strong scent of smell which is part of why im such a picky eater like im yet to meet a food that smelt bad and tasted good, but i just,,,, dont have a favourite scent?

my brother gave me a lynx body spray of his he didnt want pretty soon after i came out the third time, as trans this time, and its definitely a he got the spirit moment so i guess that.

do you believe in astrology: nah, its not my thing really. all the more to you if its yours as long as you dont try to ascribe my behaviour to me being a taurus, thats the mental illness or the autism or the adhd or the neurological disorder thats pushing my eyes out of my skull very slowly.

how many playlists on spotify/apple music: 28 which is more than i thought i had. right now, theres only like 3 im cycling through named dead reckoning, the old swan, and dutch angle / danish pastry.

sharpies or highlighters: yeah so like, we could never afford sharpies in my house so its highlighters my default. sharpies are like mega expensive in the uk and by mega expensive, i mean unaffordable for a child of a working class single parent.

songs that make you cry: hmm. thats kinda difficult because whether i cry depends almost entirely on my mood. if i had to name some, i guess id go with:

a little fall of rain, turning and empty chairs at empty tables from the london cast recording of les mis (its vital to specify this, okay?); george blagdens secret? recording of drink with me; breathe from in the heights; flowers, doubt comes in, promises, gone im gone, and we raise our cups from hadestown (are you sensing a theme yet?); unruly heart from the prom; here i go again specifically from the rock of ages musical (and NOT the tom cruise movie, i saw this musical live and i cried); i know where ive been by queen latifah, and also from pretty much any hairspray cast recording; if i met myself again, ugly in this ugly world and hes my boy from everybodys talking about jaime and i have sobbed at all three of these songs.

and finally: grandmas song, deep into the ground, he could be a star and once we were kids from billy elliot, and yes i cry at most of act 2, i was raised working class in a working class area that was once revered for its industry and has since been forgotten and left to drown in poverty, how am i meant to not cry at it?

songs that make you happy: hmm again. throw the entirety of the first mamma mia soundtrack onto the list. then welcome to paradise & coming clean by green day (when i was a very depressed teenager, listening to green day always made me feel better, both about the world and about myself); the irony of choking of a lifesaver by all time low because its moms favourite song of theirs and weve gone to see them live five times together; merry christmas maggie thatcher from billy elliot because fuck that bitch; legend of coco chanel from everybodys talking about jaime; sexy from the mean girls musical; do it for your lover by manel navarro; strangers & i dont want to talk about me by stereo jane (the strangers music video is so fucking bisexual yall); king of my heart by sub-radio; ghost ship of cannibal rats by billy talent; carpe diem by joker out; who the hell is edgar by teya and salena; let me entertain you by robbie williams because i sang it in karaoke as a 7 year old who did not know the words and then proceeded to get obsessed with robbie fucking williams for a while; slipping away by materia; and 68 guns by the alarm which is a funny little one because it reminds me of my dad but i still enjoy the song and ive made a conscious choice not to limit my music taste just because some asshole whos not even a good hobby ghost hunter likes it too, you know?

do you write/draw/create: all three! granted i havent done much of the first two in a while, but on my defense, losing 7-8 months worth of your memories kind of fucks you up and its oddly time consuming. also developing fainting attacks and spending a week in hospital while they fail to figure out whats wrong with you other than weirdly low blood pressure does not help. but i do have a drawing planned out to do and while i went a little too much detail on one small detail (i will justify it as soon as i actually finish it), im going to finish it. i also do origami pretty often as well as baking, and i am currently building a wooden replica of the titanic AND LISTEN, i started before the titan submersible stuff happened and i havent touched it yet because it just feels weird to, you know? also, i didnt even want to do the titanic, but like, good luck finding any starter kits that arent a) titanic and b) upwards of a £100. i would love to do a ss malolo or a mts stockholm but that aint happening and while i might be able to find an ss normandy or ss united states, im not gonna be able to afford. its titanic or bust which sucks.

tagging but no pressure: @bottlesandbarricades @vaellusvitutus @rad-roach

[nerdyenby]

Blue time :D I’m watching Shelby

Thank you Shelby!! Hair is normal and it’s so weird that society tries to make afab people feel bad for how their body naturally exists

Shelby talking about needing a reminder to take her vitamin D when I’ve been out of mine for over a week now 👀

STARLORD!!!! Oh my gosh, I just remembered I’m seeing gotg3 this weekend

Blue’s skins for this event are so cute I could freaking explode

When will my husband (buildmart) return from the war (hiatus)???

MCC is about the vibes first and foremost, if you’re not in it for a good time then why are you here lmao??

Wait when was there a 3-player team???

Shelby’s chat is so silly and for what (me not knowing who that was either)

Yeah no, they do sound alike, I didn’t think they did but ummm yeah

I too forget meltdown exists lol

“I didn’t vote, oh my gosh, I’m a bad ciziten” I can’t believe you Dave, smh

Grid Runners

A bit rough but it was such a smooth grid runners overall

They did so good on the Minecraft one!!!

Dave trying to craft a daylight sensor with their minecraft in Spanish 😭

I feel like this is a good sot team, why do they want it so early??

Parkour Warrior

This team is so chill until Shelby just starts screaming lol

“I can’t do that one- that’s not even parkour, that’s like mind games and I have a small brain” Dave 😂

“You got 30 seconds, no pressure” I love False

“I played so bad, how is that number one?? These guys honestly need to step up, I played horribly” we stan a humble/self-deprecating king

Dave calling out Fruit’s hypocrisy, as he should!!

Did I know Shelby has adhd? I’m not sure if I did tbh, we’re literally the same person tho

That fox dissociated into the afterlife, same dude

Sands of Time

Dave sandkeeper arc my beloved

Dave’s saying all the right things, be more confident, man

Why didn’t Shelby get that sand??

“I’m coming for you, sir” Dave what is that voice????

Why are they so flustered?? This team has experience and are all strong sot-ers, they just need someone to take charge

Shelby you need to rush red vault, everyone else is busy, you got this queen

Fruit praying to the timer and giving the gold key as an offering 😂

Trust yourself Shelby, you had it, you just need to believe in yourself

“I like [sandkeeping] because all I have to do is talk the whole time which is… what I do anyways” Dave my beloved

Ace Race

*Giving Shelby all my asexuality* “now have him home by 8”

REAL!! Ace race is so hard to commentate

Tridents broken, real and true

Purple is stacked, fear them

Identity theft?? In my minecraft tournament???? /j

Halftime show my beloved

Meltdown

The most polite power negotiation in history

They are merely cruising

It’s the bare minimum but people actually using both sets of pronouns for Ranboo means way too much to me as a fellow he/they

NOOOO

That was such a tragic way to go :((

Dave popping off!! As she should!!!

It’s easy for them!!!

Dave going absolutely insane and Fruit just sounding so concerned 😂

“This is my game, baby!!” YEAH IT IS!!!

“Dave you’re so insane!!” “I don’t know what I’m on today, I’m just three beers deep” “I like it! Wait, beers?” “Who said that? Not me” I swear I could hear the 👀 in Dave’s voice

Blue 2nd and Dave 2nd individual!!!

Battle Box

I’m so ready for them to pop off

Oh that first round was so smooth!!!

“They’re a piñata” IM WHEEZING

Aimsey and Shelby screaming their love for each other my beloved

“I kinda love this map” “Yeah, I could see how people could hate this map” real

“Our comms make no sense but they work” seriously, they’re killing it!!

Dave is such a good igl, I’m glad they’re leaning into it :))

Good calls on better comms False :)

“Ori” 😭😭😭

That’s was sooooo close against cyan, my goodness

Gosh this event was SO close

Sky Battle

“Mr. Fruit ridge over here” the temptation to make a gay joke is nearing max capacity

“I was reviewing the map ‘cause I’m a dork” I love her, you don’t understand, Dave Krtzy my beloved

False advocating for hermit on hermit violence, as she should lol

Dave popping off!! He’s insane!!!

“Alright, new plan for me: not miss the jump” I love you False

Shelby’s death was so sad what

That second round territory battle was so tense, sad how much it threw them off though

Good eyes and good comms, rip to lime but blue handled that sneak attack like absolute champs

Fruit popping off???? Not unexpected by any means, but it was so chaotic and he was just running around like ‘mhm yep and dead’ what a king

Dave and Fruit holding hands, real

Dave only has banger opinions, MCC is about the silly goofy first and foremost

Not the AirPods 😭😭😭

Hole in the Wall

“Whatever happens, we did great” “Whatever happens, I love you guys” what is this, the finale battle to defeat the Firelord???? /lh I love them

They’re too in the zone to do meaningless things like so called ‘bodily functions’

Oh the way Shelby went out was so tragic, she bounced and slipped all the way off the edge ;-;

“Purple! No- I wish I never said that, I’m shutting up” Shelby 😭

NOOOOOO why does Shelby always go out in the saddest ways

“We did our best” real and true!!

Dave s-tier real and true!!! If you disagree you hate nonbinary people /j

Dodgebolt

I think they’re getting confused on who’s saying “purple” vs “Purpled” lol

“This is what [All Stars] should’ve been” Shelby spitting absolute facts

Gumi insane!!!

False changing sides just as her new pick loses rip

Ah yes, reverse psychology on reality as we know it

“I have faith in Purpled, which probably means he’s gonna miss these… yep”

GGs, great team, great time

[poisonpercy]

I have finished wottg, and I would rate it 1.5 out of 5. This book is not good at all. It has its moments here and there, but the story as a whole is not engaging. The writing and plot are bland, the jokes aren’t funny, and the characterization of the main trio is so far removed from all their past canon appearances. You can’t get through a chapter without it either mentioning pee, farts, or that Percy is stupid.

It’s also very clear that Rick is not thinking about the preexisting characters of his long running book series and is instead thinking about the PJO Disney+ adaptation of the characters when writing them. That’s not a good practice to implement because it shows that Rick doesn’t think well on his past writing. The very same writing, might I add, that gave him the fame and fortune he has today. I personally didn’t like the Disney+ show and stopped watching it halfway through because of how disappointing it was. That means I don’t want the show influencing the books, but alas all can’t get what we want.

While the senior year adventurers are supposed to be fun, low-stakes books, it’s clear there’s no love being put into the books, which makes a relatively easy read hard to get through. And furthermore, PJO has always been about disability representation. One of the main points of PJO was to show kids that their disabilities don’t define them. Reading wottg would have you reevaluating that main point because it makes a mockery of Percy having ADHD and dyslexia by saying that the poor grades he gets from his academic struggles with these conditions equates to his intelligence.

Anyways, enough with me rambling. Here is part 1 (of 2) of my reactions to reading wottg.

Spoilers for wottg below:

Please imagine a better crew* 😐

*This does not include the actors of course. No hate towards them. But everyone else, it’s on sight

Starting off strong with the same timeline inconsistency I’ve pointed out multiple times! Percy did not, in fact, miss his entire junior year. He missed his sophomore year. If this is supposed to be the school year following the summer of hoo, Percy would be in his junior year and not his senior year

Hey, so this is actually insane! I’m now wondering about accommodations and if Percy gets them (he should). This paragraph, however, makes it seem like he’s not, or they’re just not the right ones. Despite that, a kidnapping victim shouldn’t be put under this much stress to catch up. Unless, of course, Percy was never reported as a missing person which doesn’t make sense since schools take note of chronic absences. Anyways…

I won’t lie, I laughed at this description of Zeus

Percy is stronger than me because I think hearing that would have broken something in me. I would have snapped. Like genuinely, I would be so pissed if I learned that I could have finished all my recommendation letter quests, but Hecate held them off because she wanted me to pet sit for her. Granted, I wouldn’t mind pet sitting but that’s besides the point

I wish somebody would stop writing books about you, Percy 😒

Aw that’s cute. He’s so in love with Annabeth 🥺

I don’t like Hana. Also, Percy’s insecurity in comparison to Annabeth is strong. I don’t like that these interactions are painting that Annabeth is the smart one and that Percy is the dumb one. The narrative used to treat Percy as smart, if unconventional

So who proofread this book?? Because that’s definitely supposed to be Dave and Hana. Not Paul and Hana

I do love that Annabeth the dog person has made a reappearance. Let her play with all the dogs

I absolutely hate this! Please bring me back to the original characterization of these characters. I am begging for Rick to stop reducing them to shitty fanon interpretations. Percy very much had good ideas. Annabeth has had some stupid ideas. Let these characters be multifaceted again, please. Or else

I can’t take this book seriously when it’s this inconsistent with the established timeline. Leo Valdez is still thought to be dead. How can he tutor Percy in Spanish if he hasn’t arrived to chb with Calypso? Toa hasn’t happened yet, yet somehow Leo is known to be alive 🙄

This is my villain origin story. Percy and Grover being reduced to dumb caricatures of themselves and Annabeth being reduced to the smart, sensible mom friend

I actually am a huge fan of Percy becoming a firefighter. He has some fire resistance and is obviously good with water. The only problem might be possible PTSD surrounding fire due to Mt. Saint Helens and Tartarus

Ok new lore surrounding celestial bronze. I don’t hate this, but kinda wish it was something brought up in previous books. I get why it wasn’t, but idk. Feels like it was only added for convenience

Ok another mention of Leo. This is killing me. That man is still presumed to be dead. Also is the whistle actually something Leo gave Percy in another book (like toa)? Anyways, weird engraving considering the two of them weren’t close to each other

It would be nice if Rick remembered that it was Percy who wanted to attend college in New Rome. This makes it seem like he’s only doing so because Annabeth wants to go to college

New game: take a shot every time wottg implies that Percy is dumb and can’t survive without Annabeth’s help

So we’re just ignoring the long history of Percy comforting Annabeth 🤨 This book is giving me a headache

Why are we making pjotv canon into book canon. Please leave pjotv out of the books. Also Percy is not this oblivious. He’s very perceptive. Why are we changing Percy’s characterization so much? And the changes aren’t even for the better!!

Yes, because the girl character just has to be the mom in every relationship, even when they’re a minor. Totally not regressive and misogynistic. Annabeth deserves better than this

I have to agree with Grover here. I love tzatziki. It’s absolutely divine. I had some on a gyro just a few days ago 😙🤌

Listen, I think this is kind of weird. While it may feel like Percy and Annabeth have been dating for a long time, realistically they’ve only been together for about a year. Most of which Percy was missing. They are not that far in a relationship to be thinking about being parents and it keeps being brought up. Also they’re both 17, so yeah super weird imo

When will my wife (Percy being able to think on his own) return from the war (Rick’s terrible writing)

Says the guy who said all three of them died by drowning in a bathtub. Not but let’s talk about how improv is one of Percy’s strengths that has been a consistent part of his character until now. I could list so many instances in which Percy’s ability to improvise has saved him and his friends, but apparently Rick can’t 🙄

Why does it seem that like every time Percy has a win during this book, Rick makes sure to mention that this is abnormal? As if Percy can’t accomplish things without Annabeth because he’s not as smart as her? This is a disservice to all characters involved. This also makes it seem like Annabeth doesn’t trust Percy’s abilities, which is so untrue

I need a gun 😐

Finally finished the 2 books I planned on reading before wottg came out. It’s now time for me to read wottg. Will report back with my opinions

[lambsearandlavender]

So... my January.

Got incredibly badly triggered in therapy. Had decided in advance to give myself a week off and so just, raw dogged reliving some serious fucking trauma in that time. Think like...I thought my attachments were secure and I unsurfaced a memory that literally took my closest, safest, most loving relationship and snapped it in half. One of two people I trust to never leave or hurt me. And the other one is dead.

So then I didn't sleep for 2 weeks.

So I missed a lot of work.

And I already have intermittent fmla in saying I can miss one day a week because of my pnes seizures. And some weeks I use that for panic attacks instead but whatever. Anyway, lack of sleep and increased panic attacks.

Then right when I was getting better, I got covid. I avoided it for 3 years, but when you work in a school and no one wears masks or takes tests or even stays home when they're sick anymore, well, it's going to happen.

Anyway that means I missed more work. And I'm still very sick and actually only confirmed today at urgent care that it's covid (I knew, but none of my coworkers will take a test anymore because they don't want to have to stay home or they just don't think it could possibly be covid for whatever reason).

And so, in the end, I missed literally 50% of my work days in January. And i am doing fucking everything I can. I am working my ass off as much as is possible, physically without aggravating my cfs/whatever else, mentally while intentionally aggravating my trauma and pnes to heal it long term. There is not a single thing I can be doing better in my life right now. But it's not working, it's all falling apart. I'm a fucking wreck.

My therapist agrees that I'm doing everything i can, which i guess is nice validation because i keep beating myself up over it. Today she told me I'm strong for logging into therapy, with covid, having had a panic attack earlier today, after 2 weeks of not sleeping much. She was like wow, and at your baseline on top of all that you're in pain, but you still logged in to therapy? But what am I supposed to do? My baseline is bad. Things right now are worse. But they never go any better than bad, and I have a home and bills to pay and a job to keep. I need therapy to get better. I know it will sometimes make me worse on the way to better. So you bet your ass I'm going to be there and do that work because it's the only alternative I see to suicide.

That reminds me that I've also gone through all of this fully unmedicated; no antidepressants, heart meds, pain managers, adhd meds, no combating my fatigue, none of it because I was supposed to be off them for a tilt table test tomorrow that I now have to reschedule. And tbh I've actually been really proud of myself because the lack of sleep and anxiety are bad, but they're trauma, and I feel like aside from the trauma responses, my un medicated baseline is better than normal rn? Which is wild because life sucks rn.

Normally on a good day, even a fantastic day, without meds I seriously want to die. Really truly can't stop thinking about it, want to be dead. But the last two weeks it only crosses my mind like twice a day and never too seriously or for too long. That's huge.

But then, back to work - obviously I can't be missing 50%. And unfortunately I don't do the kind of job you can just reduce your hours at, it's full time or nothing. So this isn't sustainable. But there is literally nothing more or better I can be doing about it right now. But today I got an email from hr about obviously being out of compliance with my fmla and that I need to update the paperwork or whatever or there will be disciplinary action.

I guess I have to email my doctor tomorrow. Idk. I'm a fucking mess. I might have more panic attacks about it before I get any sleep tonight. Sigh.

Anyway I also can't really afford to um. Lose my income. But the only thing I can think of to do is fight to finish The school year and then work my ass off over the summer to finish my doula certification and start my business so that at least I have more flexibility and no bosses to answer to about my illness. But. I have to do all that fighting to stay afloat and then all that working my ass off while continuing to be extremely physically and mentally ill, disabled, and dealing with trauma and ptsd. So.

That's when I find myself thinking, maybe I should just die. The odds are so very very against me in every way. I'm tired. I'm working so hard and I'm so burned out and I'm tired. And right now I feel very alone in it.

[darkobssessions]

Why you should join my membership.

If this is you, message me for the link!!

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In I See Me, we break down each aspect in your life and detail how it is or isn't working for you, we map it out and rewrite it, in a personalised way unique to you that brings you the results. It's basically a process and journey of unmasking: on your terms.

The theme this month is self care, discipline, motivation, routine and navigating scary new things and challenges and step by step, crushing them. I invite you into my space through this video, just message me for the link or find it under the video!

🕯See you on the inside.🕯

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Disclaimer:

I am weird I am witchy I am dark, have morbid humor sometimes, and so so many special interests from psychology, to forestry, to microbiology and nutrition, to art history and artists, to old medical devices and museums, to curios and creatures.

There will be a lot of info and a lot of systems delivered by a many hat wearing individual: a caring and supportive friend, challenging mentor, an inspiring muse, a fellow neurodivergent, and much carefully crafted art and curated experiences. It will be decadent sensory bliss helping you find out exactly what your sweet spots are with EVERYTHING and helping you step into that and maintain it.

As a QA officer my job is to make all the information streamlined, to make the system function; and my job as a teacher is to make it fun. So hope you're ready to learn some stuff about a lot of stuff AND how to implement it and actually see results!

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Yours truly,

Dark Obsessions aka Natural Order

You will learn my real name on the inside on so many levels. You'll learn yours and your familiars. There have I got you captivated? Good. It's time to pay attention to the small ways and systems that can turn your life into one you're obsessed with living and a sense of order you never thought was possible.

It's possible for people with mental illness, chronic medical conditions, a personality disorder, ADHD, someone neurodivergent, autistic, bipolar, schizospec. Stigmatised, disbelieved, drugged and abused. Shunned and forgotten, not taken seriously and mistreated. This is for you.

You can revel in your life again. You can cope better, feel better, you can achieve great things even on bad days, episodes or years. You can be loved, you can be accepted. You are wondrously made and inherently valuable and you are showing up and not taking shit anymore on what it means to be you or to struggle. Enough is enough what's yours is owed to you coming back tenfold in this space, just say yes to elevating on a budget, grenerational trauma breaking on a Wednesday, cutting ties with toxic exes like its our business.

Disordered and damaged representing

Cute but crazy

Inspired but insane!

I am here with you and for you, a support group unlike any you have ever seen before with all of the stuff, steps, and support to help you succeed.

The mental health 'system' has got nothing on me.

🖤

[neurodivergientqueerthoughts]

Introduction

Have you been wondering what ADHD is really like? This will not be biased towards one minority of people who have ADHD. It will be focused on the big picture.

This document will explain the seriousness of ADHD and everything that may come with it. Make sure to do more research into ADHD, as I am not an expert (although I, myself, have ADHD). In this, I go into detail about different aspects of ADHD and why it should not be taken lightly.

What is ADHD?

(Note: Not everyone with ADHD has these symptoms. They can vary from person to person.)

Constant activity going on internally (Hyperactivity)

Hyperfixations

Hyperfocusing

Depression (Co-occurring)

Anxiety (Co-occurring)

Sensory Processing Disorder

Executive Dysfunction

Auditory Processing Disorder (Co-occurring)

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

Insomnia / Sleep issues

Inability to focus

Difficulty switching tasks

Inability to stick to one task

Mood swings

Difficulty regulating emotions

Choice paralysis

Problems with focusing

Poor impulse control

Trouble recalling things, such as commonly used words

Exhaustion levels

Imposter syndrome

Overwhelm

Overstimulation / Sensory Overload

Understimulation

Memory issues

Motivation issues

Time blindness

Poor sense of time

Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (Co-occurring)

Extreme boredom

Going into Detail

Executive Dysfunction/ADHD Paralysis:

A feeling of constantly ‘waiting for something’, without knowing what or why.

Confusion as to how to start or do a task.

A feeling of being completely overwhelmed, even by mundane tasks, to a point of being unable to do the task or function.

A very good description of how this can feel is “a fuzzy-restless feeling when you need to do something but your brain won’t focus on anything… you’re silently begging yourself to just do one thing but instead you’re [sitting there] even though you don’t even want to be. It’s like your head is filled with heavy electric cotton… you’re both uncomfortable and unable to stop.”

This is not the same thing as procrastination or laziness. This occurs with tasks that the person is afraid to do, does not want to do, or even wants to do. Laziness means that a person does not feel like doing something, but they could if they wanted to. Executive dysfunction/ADHD paralysis can be described as something a person has been trying to do for [insert amount of time between minutes and months/years], but they physically cannot do the task and end up feeling like a failure because of that. It is debilitating.

Hyperfixation/Hyperfocus:

An extreme obsession over something. This can be creating something, finding out everything about something, or just something that creates extreme emotions in somebody.

This obsession can easily become unhealthy as the person may forget to take care of themselves due to it. However, these hyperfixations cause extreme joy or curiosity in the person.

Difficulty switching tasks:

“When you have ADHD, task switching can often be difficult. You might feel like you're stuck in a gear. It might be you're trying to start, and your gears just keep on grinding. Other times you may want to stop but the gear just stays in place because you're hyper-focusing on whatever you're doing.”

Inability to stick to one task:

People with ADHD often have issues with motivation, which leads to many unfinished projects.

If a task does not give a person with ADHD dopamine, they are often unable to complete the task (i.e. homework; chores).

Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome:

Instead of having a regular circadian rhythm, with sleeping hours from 11 pm to 7 am, people have an irregular pattern of 2 am to about 10 am.

These times are flexible. However, this means that people with ADHD tend to have issues with falling asleep at a “normal time”.

Extreme boredom:

People with ADHD have issues with dopamine and serotonin.

There are moments when boredom can be painful. People with ADHD can be bored to tears due to extreme emotions and a lack of dopamine.

Time Processing:

If somebody has to leave at 8 am and they wake up at 5:30, they will think that they have two hours or less to get ready. Time seems to pass without a pattern or rhythm.

“Today is Monday, but tomorrow is Tuesday and I have class. After that is Wednesday: I’m having lunch with my mom. Then on Thursday, I have a night class which means it’s basically already Friday and this week is already over.”

Time Blindness:

Not knowing how much time has passed based on their ‘internal clock’; they don’t have one!

Being completely unaware of how much time something will take.

Memory issues:

With ADHD, memory can be greatly affected. Some things will be forgotten very quickly, and some things can be over-remembered.

Difficulty regulating emotions:

“Processing emotions starts in the brain. Sometimes the working memory impairments of ADHD allow a momentary emotion to become too strong, flooding the brain with one intense emotion.” -Thomas Brown, PhD

Brain imaging shows that delayed rewards don’t register for people with ADHD. They are more motivated by the instant gratification that strong emotions deliver.

As a result, a person with ADHD may struggle to deal rationally and realistically with events that are stressful, but not of grave concern.

Motivation issues:

People with ADHD have much lower levels of dopamine than those without ADHD. This causes the brain to constantly crave dopamine.

If a task is not providing the dopamine the brain wants, it will make a person with ADHD less motivated to complete the task, or even start it.

Overstimulation / Sensory Overload:

Information reaching the senses feels like an assault of competing stimuli.

Understimulation:

Outside stimuli are dulled, as if a shade has been pulled over the environment, muting sights, sounds, and touch. These people crave extra stimulation to feel alive.

Exhaustion levels:

Feeling fatigued and tired all the time can actually be related to ADHD. Due to low dopamine levels, people with ADHD can feel exhausted even after getting ample amounts of sleep.

Ironically, people can get bursts of energy from ADHD as well. This can be from hyperactivity or high amounts of dopamine.

Imposter Syndrome:

Feeling like a fraud and doubting your own abilities.

Somebody who is intelligent and who has ADHD can have imposter syndrome towards both. They are not related to each other, but the ways they are portrayed in media causes imposter syndrome.

Auditory Processing Disorder:

Things can take longer to process when somebody hears them than when they see/read them.

The amount or complexity of noise around somebody can affect how they hear things.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria:

Extreme anxiety towards being criticized or rejected by others, despite their relationship with the person.

Extreme pain or emotional sensitivity is caused by a sense of ‘rejection’.

Hyperactivity:

This is not always visible, if at all. There is constant activity going on inside of a person’s head when they have ADHD.

This creates difficulty with sleep and relaxation.

If visible, it usually takes the form of fidgeting or stimming.

“Dealing” with ADHD

ADHD cannot be fixed, but some things can help people work with it. The coping mechanisms vary from person to person, and they aren’t always going to work. Getting diagnosed with ADHD is the best step to take before anything else, as trained professionals can help with ADHD symptoms.

It is important to understand that ADHD is a learning and doing disability. It affects every aspect of life, but it isn’t a bad thing! Many things with ADHD can be positive as well. Hyperfocusing can lead to a lot of productivity! Additionally, people with ADHD are known to be more creative and inventive (according to numerous studies). Empathy and compassion are higher in individuals with ADHD. People with ADHD even have a stronger moral compass!