#no readmore cause im on mobile sorry

[shadowscommand]

MORE thoughts about STALKER2 AU please. ANYTHING

okayyyy :)c im putting this under a readmore if u saw it wout one sorry. on mobile u can't tell how long things are until u post them ummm

so as mentioned the bale twins would b looking for nikto And zakhaev's whereabouts but theyd for sure start w nikto and theyd have to like.. circle around to the last few places he'd sent information from. and they'd like Fully expect to find just A Corpse but they'd instead find convos zakhaev had about leaving someone to die in the red forest. I think probably also niktos torture would not be like As long and arduous sadly but he still ends up fucked mentally bc of psi shit. its like a point of pride for him on not going back + the Zone just Has him he's found himself as a stalker. i also don't think hed have a super strong drive for Revenge against Zakhaev bc i think everything about the wish granter and c consciousness would Scream trap to nikto. like he'd assume hes a lost cause out in the zone already. believes the zone will take care of him itself. fanatical belief in the zone bc it seems like he was protected by it (left for dead only to wake up alive much later all alone.) his past is gone bc hes a Stalker now hes a loner in the zone and hes like insanely protective of his solitude he does not like being fucked w played w or anything. he especially does not entertain any questions about his past and why he came to the zone. i keep trying to place him in gear and whatnot but i think he might actually be in a modified monolith armor set bc he wants to be Left alone and thats the best way. to get people to think you're monolith.

i think both of the ipsf bale twins would b rly neutral on the zone its just part of the job for them. they might enjoy working w just the two of them but nikto would frustrate bale soo fucking bad esp once they catch up to him. everything he tells them is either a half truth or an outright lie and hed send them to continuous dead ends trying to get them to Leave him alone. the only reason to not kill them is they bring him free shit in exchange for information. nikto cannot turn down new shit (esp w rodion being a rookie straggler following him along. He needs items for his new boytoy.)

rodion can intrude on his solitude bc he listens emphatically to what nikto says. hes rly out of his element in the zone (bc its hostile to him) and nikto knows if he lets him out of his sight hes going to die. and that would be sad. bc he has a nice hole. but as they get more comfortable with each other and in their routines rodions real personality slowly starts to come out and soon he is a hardass loner with a peppy follower who has a walkman and carries books & blankets in his backpack bc he likes frivolous things that he wouldnt have the luxury of if he was walking the zone by himself. even if he starts to get stubborn as he approaches the "ive been here for a few months i know how things work" stage. would piss nikto off so bad but now hes endeared to rodion. he gave him a nice new beautifully repaired mark 1 emr and everything. little bitch.

[boymage666]

I survived the

WIZARD RACE

Anyways I'm gonna talk about it now. no readmore because mobile tumblr is dumblr, sorry.

So, only slightly relevant to anything, but I did the entirety of the game during the school day. Started around 11:30, but I didn't find my first charm until about 12:45 (I had to go to an assembly then eat lunch)

Finding the charms was a pretty fun challenge, the only one I didn't get on my own was the heart (thanks for that one @wizardgoblin )

had to take another break after submitting the charms because I had to get back to school, by that time 3 people were already done. No big deal to me, all I wanted was top 13. So I do my work for that class and open Tumblr again to start phase 2.

This is a good point to say I love codes and cyphers, so I was very excited at the idea of the next part, only to metaphorically fall on my ass because I forgot that the actual question was on the main post about the game. Once I found that again I copied it onto a sheet of paper so I could write out the sounds as I figured them out. And so the teacher of my next class wouldn't flay and crucify and sous ve me for using my phone, but more so i could write my thoughts.

This bastard. (affectionate)

That symbol right there caused me the most trouble of everything, I thought for a moment I was going mad because I couldn't find anything like it in the sample text. But you know what? I think it's better that way. Made me think harder. I was kinda skipping around on words while translating, going for the easy words first then the words that I felt would be important. Decided I would hold off on this word and skipped back to the line above it to solve the big word up there. Catchphrase. And the last word was "Weekly". I realized then that this had to be "Wizard".

I'm glad that the "z" sound wasn't in the passage, it made me think harder about the puzzle, and that was fun in hindsight.

(please ignore the blatantly mistranslated word on the second row.)

Unfortunately I don't have timestamps for exactly when i entered the maze, but it was probably around 3:40, as I remember realizing school was about to be over, which meant I'd have to drive home before finishing if I didn't get through fast.

MAZE SPOILERS AHEAD. DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE IT RUINED FOR YOU. DO READ IF YOU'RE STUCK AND WANT TO PLACE. IM NOT YOU MOM.

On the first page of the maze there were three options to choose where to go. I translated the first option, If I recall correctly it was scoundrel. Did not want to deal with that, the second option I couldn't translate immediately, so I skipped to the third option. Merchant. Sounds safe enough, I should go there.

So I did.

Reading the options, and knowing I was at a merchant, I decided to barter, and got an item. Cool. Sick even. So I move on.

[something] [STRENGTH] [STEALTH]

Decided to go stealth, and remembering how the merchant went, I choose the stealth option. Made it out with a cool gem. Encountered the dragon. Decided I didn't want to give up the candle and tried using the gem. Back to the start. Same path with the merchant, chose the option i didn't translate for the monster, and decided to try and charm it. Sandwich aquired. Not a good offering, back to the start. Merchant and gem? Close but no. Finally, I decided to try and fight the monster. It worked, and the item visually matched what I got from the merchant much more that the other items, sure enough, it was a good enough offering, and I got to move on.

Last part of the maze. 14 options, one was correct, spotted it immediately. Escaped at 3:57 pm ctz, day one of the race.

Honestly, I thought the game was fun! The maze was slightly easier than the cypher, for better or for worse, but that also could have been on me by refusing to try the other routes at the start of the maze. I can't wait to see what future events have waiting for us! Thanks for hosting this @wizardweekly

[butchviking]

can i say something. smthn mentally ill :) thanks. i dont know how to do a readmore on mobile sry :3

i spend a lot of time going back and forth on chest dysphoria and what uhh. Options. i would like to take or not take abt that. and in the end i always decide well this is my body and it is what it is and mental illness is tough but it happens and i know how to deal w it and i will always have ups and downs but my body is my body and i shouldnt hurt it just for existing. weirdest thing abt it is i spend so much time hating it but it never says a bad word about me, it's not perfect but it's mine, etc. and then as SOON as i go to a concert its like. no literally my life would be so much easier and im so so tired i just dont want to wear bras i dont want to wear binders i want to move and breathe freely i don't want things to move i don't want to worry about whats exposed u cant wear smthn loose enough to not constrict at all while still keeping things in place which by definition requires constriction. i wanna just BE. nd sometimes i think i am just wasting years that i could b spending feeling. free. choosing to NOT do that because ???. because why? can't remember. but i d. i don. i ddont wanna kill time like it doesnt matter. do u understand. i dont wanna kill time like it doesnt matter!! waited long enough to be this way!!! [s]he cant change for love [s]he explains how long [s]hes waited for [s]he wanted more. or whatever. u know. ps im also scared/resentful of going the gender clinic again cause they were fucking evil to me last time and theyre kinda evil in general and ohhhh i dont want 2 be involved with u people i do NOT want 2 be associated with. anything. but by god. i want 2 feel free. whys everything so stupid and weird whys everything such a big deal. i love 2 b dramatic about shit that does not even matter to most ppl i love to have a 7-year crisis just for the hell of it <3 someone just fucking knock me out and give me surgery dont even bother waiting for me to give the ok just do it im tired im tired im tired i feel like im always fighting but i dont even know what im fighting or why. sorry <3 i have 2 get this shit out sometimes <3 there are poisons in my brain i think. and i would never punish anyone to live like this it is your choice alone i would never punish anyone to live like this it is your choice alone i would never punish anyone to live like this it is your choice alone. whatever. 🫠

[wuffzilla]

I already disliked not putting my long ass Dream Posts under readmores, despite having a good reason, but was comforted knowing I tagged them so people could BLOCK EM.

But today I’ve been hit with the realization that blocking tags doesn’t affect the APP.

Meaning you swell peeps who follow me & use mobile have to scroll aaaaaallllllllll the way thru my rambling!

IM SO SORRY!!!!

I gotta find another solution, cause I just had to scroll thru a ridiculously LOOOOOOONG post & don’t wanna put others thru that kind of pain.

[iloveduinsecret]

Headcanons for how Rosalie deals when she first sees Bella for the first time? Bonus if Bella like sooo doesn’t even really notice her bc Bella’s an oblivious little gay with her head in the clouds and sure the blonde girl is really pretty, but holy shit are those cookies at the cafeteria line??

•Bella was looking down at her tray of food. The realization that every high school in America serves trash to their students was depressing.

•She didn’t know why she was expecting anything different from Forks.

•Bored, she looked around at all the new faces. Mike was eating a chocolate chip cookie.

•He shared one with her without question.

•Across the hall, Rosalie noticed her brother was acting funny.

•Edward was staring at the new girl intensely. He was glaring at the back of her head. It looked like he was either focusing really hard or had constipation.

•To be fair, he always looked like he had constipation to Rosalie.

•Rosalie followed his gaze for a bit. The girl he was looking at was uninteresting. Ordinary. Rosalie didn’t have to see the front of her to know that she was more attractive than the girl.

•Besides them Emmett and Jasper took bets on who could take down more mountain lions that weekend.

•Alice was doodling.

•Edward kept staring.

•Bella stood up once the conversation got to be too much. She didn’t know how to talk to these people. Social situations exhausted her. She thanked Mike for the cookie again, and mumbled something about leaving early to find her next class.

•It was when she turned to leave that several things happened at once.

•A group of kids walked in from outside. The cold breeze came in and shifted Bella’s hair.

•Rosalie realized she had severely underestimated the beauty of the new girl, now that she could see her face.

•The breeze reached the table where the Cullens sat.

•The strongest wave of desire for blood that Rosalie had ever felt smacked her right in the face. Edward, reading her thoughts, immediately grabbed her by the wrists and held them under the table. He looked panicked.

•Emmett, not knowing what was happening but understanding enough, seized Rose by the shoulder.

•Bella felt like someone was watching her. She looked up to see all five Cullens staring at her with varying degrees of panic on their faces.

•Alarmed, she looked around to double check that she hadn’t walked in front of a bus or something. The rest of the students were oblivious. Only the Cullens stared.

•Throughly weirded out, Bella dumped her tray in the garbage. She sighed when she considered she’d have to walk to the farthest building away from the cafeteria for her next class. In the rain. Again.

•Rosalie used every ounce of self-control she had to stay in her seat.

•Right before she left, Bella was unable to resist looking at the Cullens again. They were unchanged.

•The blonde one was the one who stared the most. Bella didn’t think she was blinking. They locked eyes across the cafeteria.

•All at once, Rosalie controlled herself. She couldn’t look away from the girl. Edward dropped her wrists when he realized what was happening.

•Jasper felt the sheer anger and confusion that radiated off of Rose, and he scooted closer to Emmett. Emmett looked just as confused as Rosalie felt.

•Alice froze, hit with a vision.

•She stared at Rose like this

•Edward read the vision. He put his head in his hands and groaned. He seriously considered moving out.

•All at once, Rosalie broke free from Emmett’s grasp and stormed out the doors opposite Bella.

•Bella took it as her cue to go. She shrugged off the encounter as evidence of Jessica’s testimony that the Cullens were weird. Like, really weird.

•Emmett watched Rose go. He was hurt. He couldn’t decide if he should follow her or not.

•Under her breath, Alice filled Jasper and Emmett in on what she saw.

•Emmett stayed seated.

•Jasper patted his back.

•Edward listened to Rosalie’s swearing all the way until she got to her next class.

•He watched in her head as she waited outside the door for the bell to ring so she could go in.

•Bella made three wrong turns on the way to her classroom, but she found it just as the bell rang for students to leave lunch.

•She didn’t understand how the Cullen girl had beaten her there already. Or was it Hale? She tried to remember Angela’s breakdown of the strange family.

•Rosalie heard footsteps. She looked up to see that the new girl was walking towards her tentatively, eyeing the door number behind Rose’s head.

•Rosalie cursed so loud in her mind that Edward flinched.

[kissingarthurclaus]

The other funny thing about the AU is just how sappy of a love story me and David had before he met Max and got dragged into all that trouble??

He was a runaway who'd made his way to Santa Carla and couldn't seem to keep himself out of trouble. When I found him he was hurt pretty badly and hiding from some goons he tried to cheat out of some money in a card game or something so I brought him home and nursed him back to health. I think my family must have owned a shop in town and gave Max supplies for his hotel now and again ot something, but we had a nice big house in the countryside and a few acres of land and some horses and such! And needless to say David was pretty smitten, especially being taken care of and given so much tender affection. So when he was all healed up he offered to make up for the trouble by helping take care of the horses and hauling stuff to and from the store and such, and thats how he worms his way into our house. But it's all to stay close to me, really. When he was young and hopeful he was such a hopeless romantic, and he was so mushy?? He fancied himself a poet and tried to impress me with his poetry and brought me flowers and smiled that rugged smile at me. Of course I loved him too.

We'd read together under the shade of a tree during his downtime, sometimes he'd fall asleep and I'd stroke his hair or tickle his nose with a blade of grass. Or when he was distracted by something I'd sneak up behind him and scare him before throwing my arms around him, and we'd dance under moonlight. He honestly had never been so happy! His father left him and his mother didn't want him, so he thought he'd be able to be a part of this family.

He wanted to marry me, but without a penny to his name he couldn't buy a ring, let alone start a life. He needed a job that would give him money and not just room and board, and that's when Max comes into the picture.

[synthlet]

Ur ocs are very cute,, pls tell me about them?

u are both so sweet ;_; maybe i will

no read more im on mobile. Forgive me

ok so first things first YES i nicked popular fandom design elements for the guys from haf life funny. my approach to thinking abt anything too much is to just make ocs. aside from their designs tho they're different ppl. Mostly

bug is a changeling/mimic kinda creature that starts off as a nondescript worm thing and grows up to copy the shape of another species. hes copying a "human" shape but 1. he isn't very good at it and 2. he kinda knows this. so he wears a lot of layers and wears a mask/helmet that covers his head and makes his big googly eyes seem less out of place. he can shapeshift but his actual shapeshifting ability is kinda limited (he can change his size and grow extra limbs/eyes/teeth, but he can't look like anyone but himself)

since he is off-putting to look at he works as a bouncer/doorman for a shitty little bar/club. he was hired by two other ocs of mine bc they do Business out of there but he isn't really in their "in group". he takes his job seriously even though he barely has to do anything. he stole the security vest and helmet, and made the mask part himself.

despite taking his job much more seriously than anyone else does he is very quiet and placid when he's not blocking the door. hes distressingly earnest and has a hard time telling when ppl don't want him around, hes also quite stubborn. he spaces out often and is in his own head a lot. his apartment has one mattress on the floor and a chair with no table.

morgan is a little mouse guy borrower dude. due to Events he gets displaced from his home and finds that scrunchie that allows him to become human (ths is so silly and also the part I have the least figured out). at some point he loses it when he ends up in the city bug lives in, which can be not a nice place. hes basically just in survival mode until bug finds him fighting off a rat behind his building. they become friends after bug scared the absolute fuck out of him, and eventually?? find his scrunchie or get an equivalent replacement. somewhere there is a big (small) city of mouse ppl that he is either from or finds but that's kinda up in the air

hes a neurotic, paranoid wreck, but that's partially due to bad circumstances he finds himself in. he's easily frightened and startled for the same reason. however when not fighting for his life, he is only a slightly anxious guy who is easy to make laugh and is pretty caring. he sometimes worries over other ppl in a dadlike way (i know what's better for you than you do etc.) once he gets attached to someone he really gets attached, hes starved for any kind of approval or interaction since even before he was on his own he didn't have many friends. in fact, before he was on his own he was much more withdrawn, and spending a lot of time by himself sort of made him forget how to act when other people are around. (this means nothing to bug, who has no social skills).

this is way more than I intended to write oh well!! that's literally all my thoughts abt them so far they are very freshly baked hgdhghj

[badlydrawn-kh]

i won’t be answering anything else like this publicly as I do not want to fill the blog up, but if you want to dm me about it that’s fine

if you guys want me to delete the post entirely that’s fine just tell me! Sorry if I cause anyone distress!

—

i didn’t actually know that about cupio, as an ace person (who doesn’t really care about being in a relationship) I figured it was simply a specific subset definition and identify, especially as I personally have not seen any discussions over the topic.

about the polysexual thing, I actually got into a discussion yesterday with my one of my lesbian friends about attraction to nb people as well as the history of he/him lesbians, so I actually knew that lesbian would’ve been a better fit for her after that (but thank you for confirming that for me!). I always been confused about the difference in poly, pan and bisexual and after looking over the definitions before making the post and seeing a few different things I thought poly was a more accurate description. But I can sorta see now after you’ve mentioned it that this was a vastly incorrect assumption.

and as for the nb thing it was never my intention to be transphobic and while I do hc other characters not on this list as nb (such as demyx and blaine (though given their moral greyness I guess those probably aren’t the best examples), I can totally see how it comes across that way and I do apologise for that. I am not very well versed in the gender side of the community as I’ve only had experience with trans and genderfluid people so again I’m very sorry if my ignorance there caused anyone distress and thank you for telling me!

[sapphic-sppider]

for whatever reason, im reminded of a dnd encounter i had once where my character, a dragonborn sorc, and his party were protecting a dwarven mining crew from the undead that plagued the mine. we eventually go toe to toe with a bone naga, an encounter meant for our full party, when we were two men short. my guy's main source of damage, magic missles, was doing the generous side of nothing to the snakey bastard, so in my infinite wisdom i decide to have him take a defensive role, by having him mage hand a tankard full of magic-eating obsidian in front of it. the idea was that it would nullify the naga's spellcasting ability; in reality, the naga swallowed it, thanked my character in draconic, and began growing a skin of that same obsidian. big fucking uh-oh. so while the soon-to-be-obsidian naga was regenerating the paltry damage we had done to it (all our party's sources of damage were either magic or piercing, save for the two guys we were missing), i'm freaking my shit out. i tell my guy to run his ass up and start stabbing with his pocket knife, in-character because it was to save his friends, but out-of-character because i was never going to hear the end of it if i caused a TPK and didn't try my damnedest to fight it off. oddly enough, this was the right idea, because me being right in front of the naga was going to give a flanking bonus to our half-ape barbarian, who we thought was lost and dead in the mines. he shot in on a minecart, lept out of it screaming the war cry of a fresh zerking sesh, and went for the biggest hail mary since los tiburon, shark of the land. he swung both of his axes downward into the naga's obsidian skull, crit with both, and split the thing ears to ass. he single-handedly saved like 10 people because he was so fucking angry from being lost for half a day. i got up and hugged his player

bonus tidbit the dm showed me the stat boosts he brewed for the naga on the spot. he gave it fast healing 5 while it was formimg, total magic immunity, and 4 extra hit dice, among other buffs. the full thing was planned to have a necrotic breath weapon and some extra necromancy spells. he also informed me that the naga was one turn away from these buffs before our barb sashimi'd it. cruel bastard he was but he did a great scottish accent

[kawaii-kozume]

Vent

I missed my submission deadline. Emailed the documents to professor but probably not getting the grade for it... which means that I'm failing yet another fucking math course. Jfc I feel like I shouldn't even try anymore and just give up. Like its not even worth fighting at this point.

[megatraven]

RE: Number asks--4, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 14, 15, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 28, 30, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, and 44. (Apologies in advance for the interview dump--and feel free to ask any back to me that you want! XD)

sorry this took a bit! my computer's been crap the last couple of days and answering this on mobile was a no-go :^) (if i already answers some, then i didn't re-answer them here!)

i am putting this under a readmore cause it's a little long, and there is a potentially triggering answer (with TWs on it)

4:Do you drink? - sometimes! not very often tbh, and when i do it's USUALLY just one drink tops

8:Want any tattoos? - YES!! the best tattoo idea i've ever had and desperately want is a tattoo of a grape on my finger tip so that when my fingers prune it becomes a raisin :))

but also i want this symbol tattood on in honor of alex <3:

but also also.... i want a bunch more too :) i want to get a cool sleeve tattoo that travels over my back and down the other arm

10:Want any piercings? - not really, i'm not big on wearing jewelry and the piercings i do have are empty for most of the year

14:Biggest turn offs - physical intimacy that isn't initiated by me. mansplainers. i dont really knwo what else to put here bc i don't necessarily even get turned on LMAO

16:I’ll love you if - this is a hard one because i already love everybody, i love all my little friends and followers here on tumblr dot com

18:Most traumatic experience - (TW: suicidal thoughts (not mine), knives) once when I was younger, i was home with just my older brother and my mom. out of nowhere my mom starts yelling and crying and me and my brother rush over to her and she's so obviously in pain and she's yelling about how her head feels like it wants to explode. (found out later she was having a really terrible migraine). my brother was trying to calm her down and we were trying to figure out what to do. i remember her saying, very clearly, that she wanted to take a knife and stick it through her ears to get the pain to stop. that she wanted to die because it hurt so bad. my brother kept an eye on her while he called our neighbors to come help. i went and took all of our steak knives and hid them. just in case we couldn't stop her. i was just a kid. i didn't know what else to do. but after so many years, that situation has stuck in my head, and it makes me extremely afraid of other people in pain. my mom's had a lot of health issues over the years and there have been times that she's in intense pain and i've always just froze up. and i would try to prepare myself to hold her down if i had to, like my brother was prepared to do back then. and sometimes i would wonder if i need to hide the knives again. (it never got so bad again, though, thankfully)

20:What I hate most about myself - i have a tendency to self-isolate when i'm feeling down or anxious and that only makes me feel WORSE and i hate it so much. im working on getting thru that tho

22:What I want to be when I get older - an artist and writer :) BUT!! also would be very interested in being an anthropologist still, too

24:My relationship with my parent(s) - strained a lot of the time, but it does a lot better when we're not living under the same roof. i love my parents, but they have a lot of room to improve, and i don't think they will. they love me, too, and they've helped me out a lot when shit has fallen apart, which i'm endlessly thankful for. but i don't know if they would love all of me if i came out which strains the relationship on my side which frustrates them and it's just. woof. we have stuff to work through lol but i'm not ready yet.

26:My biggest pet peeves - self deprecation as a form of humor, and refusing to take care of your body's basic needs even with a reminder to do so. neither one is funny or cute or quirky. it's annoying as shit. when my friends do it i want to throttle them (with love)

28:A description of the person I dislike the most - genuinely cannot think of a person i dislike the most

30:What I hate the most about work/school - i am taken advantage of because i'm a good worker and im a doormat so they just keep getting away with it >:(

32:What words upset me the most - when other people call me stupid or dumb or otherwise imply i'm not smart. when people try to control and box me in re: my sexuality as if they have any authority on that.

34:What I find attractive in women - everything :)

36:Where I would like to live - denver colorado! or really any place with mountains that gets relatively cold

38:My childhood career choice - volcanologist! (still kinda want that tbh) and firefighter, like my dad.

40:Who I wish I could be - i'm pretty happy being myself tbh

42:The last thing I ate - strawberry toaster strudels for breakfast

44:A random fact about anything - the plural of the word "beef" is "beeves"

[justlittlekatherinethings]

(this isn’t on main bc i don’t have readmores on this mobile version of tumblr. if i can edit one in i will.) cw mental health talk & some negative self talk. and religion woes. and pandemic mention. and cancer mention. wow we are filling up the cw bingo card.

not to blog on a blogging site but the jumble of emotions rn is making me go berserk. i hate being trapped here. the natural environment where i’m at is so beautiful and calming and healing but it gets usurped by the Im gonna Die In Here vibes emanating from my parents (read: mom).

she yelled at me today because my cat was having zoomies and burst open a door upstairs that caused a loud bang and woke her up. i was on a call so i didn’t see her angry texts and apparently that set her off and she stormed upstairs to blame me for the noise. when i said it was Jasper she just got frustrated and said the meanest thing she could think of, which was ofc that I need to get a real job.

i’m sorry im not fucking hireable and still under your roof like i don’t know what to do :( i keep applying for jobs and getting denied or passed over and it’s like. you don’t think that’s frustrating for me?? is it because i don’t show it (bc you taught me how to suppress emotions to keep them safe from you?!!!) like i’m. aough.

sincerely last month i could feel the kms ache creeping back (i have normal depression but in extreme duress the pre-ideation sneaks in again) due to being stressed and the insurmountable hopelessness of it all. i’ve been equal parts guilty and frustrated with myself as well as with the state of things. had a breakdown bc it’s my birthday in a few days and for the first time ever i’ve felt this Dread with it coming. it was like at this year milestone i was supposed to have been out, on my own, doing well and thriving, but like i’m just. here. i don’t want to spend it with my family i just want to curl up alone or drown you know cixhxbdkdks ugh.

those are side tangents. the interaction was so laughably funny like bc i Happened to be awake when the crash happened means I’m failing at getting a real job? like at its core I cant help but laugh bc wtf. but you know in the aftermath i’m just shaking bc it’s so evil and gets exactly at my insecurities and guilt and inherent worthlessness and then it makes me Angry for myself that someone would dare use those to hurt me like that.

it’s such a tangled mess of things. i’ve been scared of being kicked out since i was a kid and realizing i wasn’t religious, i was gay, and that i wouldn’t have any financial support necessary to live if they got tired of me (in that order). they get pissed at me for not spending time with them, but don’t want to see or hear me or think about me unless it’s on their terms. like i’m a doll. or a hermit crab. or yup a houseplant. they don’t support my art and never have (unless it’s making what they deem to be acceptable amounts of money). they don’t think any of my interests are cool or fulfilling even if they are for me. the only thing i do for them is the bare minimum of chores and mail their letters. i’m a blight to their perfect successful family and an embarrassment when people ask about me. But Also I can’t go get a normal retail job or like leave the house to do Anything (unless it’s an errand for them) because what if I get exposed while i need to take care of my Very Paranoid and undergoing cancer treatment & surgery Grandma. that would be so unfair to her :((((( So like which is it.

i just hate living in this toxic environment and want out so badly but have been failing and keep failing at getting a job since i graduated. it translates to all this self hate and frustration because i like, should have Just Done Better or majored in something useful or i dont know not been such a depressed and anxious fuck up.

I know that isn’t being fair to myself or my mental illnesses or the State Of Things and The State of Things 2: Global Pandemic. But maybe if i had less morals in their eyes I could have been rich off of bitcoin making my own tech start up and restructuring the UN from the inside-out…and not a pest animal living in their attic who creeps downstairs to get food and disappears.

I know it’s going to Suck tomorrow and I don’t want to go to sleep and/or wake up and deal with it. I have half a mind to think I’m gonna be woken up at 7 with ice water to the face like I’m a kid again and it’s Time For Church.

Closing thought thesis i guess is that i’m just frustrated and angry and scared.

[flareondotcom]

Incoming ptsd rant, I'm on mobile so I can't put it in a readmore (sorry), but this just Needs to go somewhere. Purposefully used vague language so nothing triggering is mentioned, just a heads up dw

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I was watching the news by proxy this morning because my grandmother watches cnn like it's her religion, and the parade shooting witness accounts caused a very bad flashback, the first one I've had in a while. So I spent the morning Grounding, Redirecting Thoughts, Productive Dissociation.

I kept it managed, it was hard, but I prevented a full on episode. A few hours passed, and family started trickling back into the house, my husband got home from class, my mom came downstairs for lunch after a nap, etc etc. They're a perceptive bunch, so they clocked I was a little Off almost right away. I was honest, because they're wonderfully understanding and know what's up, I said I had a bad emotional flashback that morning.

Left it at that, no further detail even needed, but even that level vagueness, get this, triggered the e.f. AGAIN!!! so I am Grounding, Redirecting Thoughts, Productive Dissociation, AGAIN!!!

All I do all day is Grounding, Redirecting Thoughts, Productive Dissociation and IM SICK OF IT!!!!!

[viviae]

im gonna make this a little hard, for that favorites ask.... mind taking on all even numbers?

You jest but im stubborn, I'm only doing Celica for all the evens however. Also I'm on mobile so no readmore im very sorry

2. Favorite ice cream flavor 🍦

Celica: Cookie Dough with chocolate syrup

4. Favorite vegetable 🥕

Celica: its almost impossible to imagine Celica eating vegetables but I think she'd like broccoli

6. Favorite holiday 🕎

Celica: Halloween! its her birthday

8. Favorite metal and/or gemstone 💎

(answered here)

10. Favorite song to dance to 💃

Celica: Isolated by Chiasm and she dances like this ( https://youtu.be/_lPagAuwOXY ) actual romantic dances Moonriver by Frank Sinatra

12. Favorite restaurant (small sushi bistro, upscale steakhouse, crowded sports bar with 59 flavors of wings, etc.) 🍕

Celica: Likes small local cafes where everything is just a tiny bit overpriced but its for a good cause and the atmosphere is nice

14. A gift from or a memory with a lover 🎁

Celica: Early pre-story Asra becomes employed at the magic shop while Celica is in recovery from her first brush with death and he plants a wisteria tree for her without her ever even asking. Most of the garden is dead by time the story starts but the wisteria is still there.

16. What’s their go-to cocktail order? 🍸

Celica: White Russians

18. Favorite book/genre 📚

Celica: the largest genre she owns is "Beginners Guides to (insert language)" books but she loves biographies most of all

20. Favorite thing about their partner/s 💕

Celica: oh her chaotic air signs are the loves of her life, she adores their air of mystery and wit

22. What would they do on their dream honeymoon? 🏩

Celica: She has always wanted to travel so any honeymoon would be on some lavish island where she can swing on a hammock and fall asleep in her partner's arms.

24. Favorite article of clothing or accessory 👓

Celica: Gloves are something she never leaves home without and she is fond of neckpieces such as scarves and cravats

26. Favorite way to celebrate their birthday 🎂

Celica: Her birthday is on Halloween and she adores decorating the shop in an excessive amount of spooky decorations. Take her around town as "the terror of the night" and top it off with a cake that has enough chocolate to make anyone with sensible tastebuds cry.

[badfriend]

drakepad mairrage hcs! also sorry theres no readmore im on mobile

okay lets be honest ducktales 2017 launchpad and drake would totally start dating after a couple months of knowing each other and wouldn't pine after each other for like 3 years before FINALLY getting together and then dating for 6 years before getting married like 91 launchpad and drake.

and 17 launchpad and drake would totally get married within like. a year and half of dating. i'm a sucker for launchpad proposing and i'm also a sucker for drake proposing (i love the lets get married proposal tbh) but i do think that launchpad would propose. it would be so sappy and cheesy and launchpad would probably go off on mini tangents before finally popping the question after being on one knee for like 10 minutes. and drake would cry and then launchpad would cry and id be so sappy.

a couple weeks later launchpad rolls into the mansion like “hey guys i'm getting married in a couple months here are your invitations!” and everyone's like. what now. bc i sincerely believe that scrooge, donald, huey, and louie wouldn't be able to fathom launchpad getting married.

the only ones who actually have heard about launchpads bf/fiance are mrs. b and dewey because after the events of friendship hates magic launchpad and mrs. b would really get along better and i think mrs. b would be a good (and rational) person for him to go to advice to. and dewey bc they're best friends and also because dewey is nosy and likes to ask personal questions. also maybe webby bc launchpad and her have such a cute friendship!

everyone's super happy for launchpad and the kids (mostly dewey and webby) are exited about actually going to a wedding and what makes it better is that its launchpads and as soon as dewey reads the invitation he immediately ask if he can be launchpads best man. launchpads like “sorry dewey i already asked someone to be my best man!” to which dewey immediately bounces back to asking if he can be the flower boy to which launchpad says no again because gos is flower girl. deweys so upset because he cant be in his best friends wedding and is very upset that someone else beat him to the role of best man but launchpads like. dude. who said you couldn't be in my wedding? and launchpad tells dewey he can be ring bearer! to which dewey gets so exited about and immediately starts dancing on the nearest piece of expensive furniture. OR!!! gos doesnt want to be the flower girl and instead her and dewey are JUNIOR GROOMSMEN!!! and webby and either huey or louie can be the flowergirl/boy and the ring bearer!

launchpads best man would totally be fenton though and i firmly believe that after the events of beware the buddy system launchpad and fenton really hit it off and would go out and have fun together! though fenton being launchpads best man and his future husband being drake would be hilarious. 17 drake and fenton would have that one sided rivalry thats about drake being petty (also probably about how gizmoduck is mode of s respected hero(?) not sure how itll play out in season 3)

also i debated back and forth on this but i do think drakes best man would be morgana. i think in 17 she would be more of a comp het crush from starting out as darkwing. he just saw the gothest woman alive and he got confused. plus the fact at first he probably wouldn't want to admit his crush on launchpad to even himself at first so he kinda forces himself to like morgana. they bond and they both realize theres nothing there and morgana kinda becomes a confidant that drake really needs in his life. as he doesn't want to talk to launchpad about some things before they confess and start dating in fear of rejection. but yeah morgana and drake would be tight.

gos is flower girl (or junior groomsgirl) as i mentioned earlier because of COURSE they have to involve their daughter in their wedding! it be cruel not to. gos is so happy her two dads are FINALLY getting married because its about time!

i also think their wedding would be fairly small with the side with the most people in attendance would be launchpad. his parents and sister come with either both parents of maybe his sister walking him down the isle. then scrooge, donald, della, mrs b, and the kids coming (lena and vi come too because by this point they basically live at the mansion and are basically family) with drakes side being gos, gyro (because they would so be friends i know they would!!), and the muddlefoots because if they don’t invite their annoying neighbors they’ll never hear the end of it.

they both cry during their vows because they’re saps (also gos and dewey make a bet on who cries first and they both lose to louie because they both start crying at the same time and then gos and dewey start crying because why wouldn’t they!) and when they kiss drake grabs launchpad and dips him and they kiss and they're crying and theyre both so happy!

their first dance they're both stepping on each others feet but they're both smiling so wide without a care in the world. and they smear cake all over each others faces. the best man speeches that fenton and morg deliver are so nice and sweet and drake and lp start crying again cause its too good to be true.

plus their reception would be great too. a bunch of dancing and talking and just everyone having a great time. plus all the kids falling asleep on each other by 11.

tl;dr drake and launchpad are in love and they'd have a great wedding

[flame-cat]

script: my wishful thinking

oscar needs some Validation and im sappy. gonna quickly @littlemisssquiggles

VOLUME 7 SPOILERS!!! i cant figure out how to do readmores on mobile so hopefully youve got the tag blocked

--

[jaune and oscar are in a jail cell in atlas. its only big enough for two people. they sit on opposite sides of the cell.]

jaune: ... well, this sucks.

oscar: kinda, yeah. but at least we're one step closer to ironwood.

jaune: we're still in JAIL!

oscar: i mean... yeah.

jaune: did we seriously go through all that just to wait in some... some box?! ... ugh. sorry. im just frustrated is all.

oscar: no, dont get me wrong, im frustrated too.

jaune: you seem pretty calm about this, though.

oscar: ... i guess im just kinda used to roadblocks like this by now. i dont have to like it, i just have to get through it.

jaune: ... well, its always a good idea to vent your frustrations. and weve got a lot of time.

oscar: ... do you... want me to scream or something?

jaune: no, no, not unless you WANT to, that is- i just figured... i dunno.

oscar: ... figured what?

jaune: i dont know, i was making conversation and then probably started overthinking things.

oscar: ...

jaune: ...

oscar: ...

jaune: ... you know... youve come a long way.

oscar: huh?

jaune: i just, looking at you right now, you just seem... older, somehow.

oscar: ... thanks, i guess?

jaune: ... dyou think it has something to do with oz?

oscar: ... i dunno. hes been quiet since he helped me land the airship... maybe im just tired.

jaune: yeah, its been a long day...

oscar: ...

jaune: ... ugh, im sorry. i just dont know how to talk to you.

oscar: oh, thats... its ok. to be totally honest, id... rather not talk.

jaune: ... oh. i. yeah, sure.

oscar: i-its nothing against you, i know youre trying, i just... dont want you to feel like you have to, if that makes sense.

jaune: not... really.

oscar: i mean, its fine if you dont wanna talk to me. i dont mind.

jaune: what makes you think i... oscar, youre my friend.

oscar: ...

jaune: ... you dont believe me?

oscar: i- no, thats not- no, no, i... nevermind.

jaune: listen, if this is about argus, i-

oscar: no! no, no, no, no, no, its not, i promise. you- thats all- its really okay, i just, um, wasnt quite sure where we stand.

jaune: what made you unsure...?

oscar: n-nothing in particular. i think. i dunno, im being stupid. just forget about it, okay?

jaune: ... no. i wont just forget about it, i wanna know whats going on.

oscar: i-i. um.

jaune: ... are you... scared of me?

oscar: no!  no, no, no, im not, i- i just, i dont know, im trying really hard here okay? i dont know whats right! i just want it to stop!

jaune: ... oscar...?

oscar: um. l-lets. not talk about this.

jaune: honestly, i dont even know what we're talking about.

oscar: just... mngh, i dunno.

jaune: ... oscar, you know i dont hate you, right?

oscar: ... o-of course. yeah. of course i know that.

jaune: so... why dont you trust me?

oscar: n-no, no, i- no, i trust you, really, i do. i just dont wanna bother you.

jaune: ... ugh. i know you said you forgave me, but... i still messed up big time.

oscar: no, jaune, you didnt. its okay.

jaune: its NOT okay. i HURT you.

oscar: ... well... im fine now, right?

jaune: ... are you?

oscar: ... um. o-of course. yeah, why wouldnt i be?

jaune: cause you dont really seem like it.

oscar: ...

jaune: oscar, you dont HAVE to be okay-

oscar: of course i do!

jaune: -?

oscar: im not HERE to be a PROBLEM, jaune, im here to FIX problems! ... i, oh, oh my gods, im so sorry, i didnt mean-

jaune: no, hang on, oscar, hey. youre NOT a problem! youre- youre allowed to have FEELINGS. i- we, all of us, we care about you.

oscar: ... you shouldnt.

jaune: huh?

oscar: im not trying to say youre wrong, but the facts are that im not... im not permanent. i cant... i cant take up peoples time like that, im not THAT important.

jaune: ... yes you are.

oscar: you dont have to say that.

jaune: i know i dont. im saying it because i believe it. what- what made you think that youre not?

oscar: im sharing a body with an immortal magician fighting against the forces of ultimate evil. a farm boy from mistral kinda pales in comparison to that.

jaune: well, ozpin isnt exactly around right now. and even if he was, that doesnt mean youre not still here!

oscar: but for how long?

jaune: who cares? no one lives forever, oscar. that doesnt mean we're all insignificant. ... i lost someone... REALLY important to me, back at beacon. she did everything she could, fought with everything she had... she wasnt perfect, but... she was amazing. and i'll never forget her. ever. and i promise, if i can help it, i wont forget you either. and... youre still my friend. okay?

oscar: ... im not... im not worth remembering.

jaune: ... oscar... do you really believe that...?

oscar: ... if im honest, when i left, before, i was kinda hoping youd forget me.

jaune: why...?

oscar: ... i... didnt wanna be a burden. you guys are the important ones.

jaune: ...

oscar: ... i, um, im sorry, did i-

jaune: no, stop, its okay. i... dont know if i can convince you that youre wrong, but... im gonna try.

oscar: ... oh.

jaune: what?

oscar: nothing, i just... you... really care.

jaune: yeah. yeah, we all do.

oscar: um... th-thanks.

jaune: dont thank me. id... like a hug, though.

oscar: ... that sounds really nice.