#no one cares tas!
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you know im really fucking stressed out when i start having dreams about him
#its been a while since the last one ukno i was doing so well#my brain's way to tell me to chill is to say 'hey remember that guy who broke your heart and gave you lifelong issues? yh you're welcome!'#(it was a nice dream tho rip)#no one cares tas!#personal
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do you think when cherik fuck all metal items in the room an maybe in the house starts to fly..... bc i do and i can't imagine what's going on with charles's powers help please
idk what happens on charles' end but this was my immediate first thought regarding erik
#nsft#xmen#xmen tas#cherik#In Essence theyre the subject matter vjaelvkjla#morph#wolverine#was this just an excuse to draw logan and morph And If It Is. Sue Me About It I Love Them#snap sketches#but charles... rather maybe i dont want to think of what might happen on charles' end .....#if i think about it i might just start laughing ohmy god#maybe hes just really careful about his powers and nothing happens beyond the room ... one can hope#unrelated note i think ima dedicate saturdays to drawing asks and sundays to personal stuff .. that might be my schedule#depends on how busy life gets but anyways. poor logan this is a weekly occurrence#it's why bro don't hang round the mansion </3
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#AUUUGH WAILING SCREAMING CRYING SLIDING DOWN THE WALL SOBBING#BROCEDES PLEASE WHY COULDN'T YOU TWO HAVE BEEN NON-FAMOUS#WHY DID YOU DRAG ALL OF US INTO YOUR SITUATIONSHIP#my mom is sick of me wailing about them. nearly collapsed at work when i remembered 'yes... and team-mate'#sliver springs is going platinum in my house rn#how can you be childhood friends and just fall apart like that? i think about falling out with tas like that and i go nearly catatonic#yeah you're a 7x wdc winner and you got the one wdc that you wanted but was it worth it? was this loss worth it? would you do it again?#going by the interviews they probably would and that's why they fell out in the first place. i literally cannot imagine caring about some#trophy over my childhood best friend but like i guess that's why they're pro level athletes and i'm in my room posting about them#anyway what the fuck was up during f1 photographers during their fallout? why is every photo of them cinematic? did you know we'd be using#them? did you know we'd go crazy? or were you also like 'oh this is cinema in the making. i gotta capture this.'?#anyway for all of that want to know where the quote is fromā it's jacob black from twilight when bella is getting turned into a vamp#stephanie meyer had one (1) banger line and it was this#brocedes#brocedes edit#f1 edit#f1 web weaving#nico rosberg#lewis hamilton#nr6#lh44#formula 1#web weaving#please ignore my absolutely atrocious photo editing skills. thank you imgflip!!
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Listen its like a million degrees out and the official Russian art by Djune of Mobei-jun got me messed up I wish I had a big tiddy ice bf to motorboat rn
#is this even a popular ship? do people care? idk man but I literally couldn't get back to ta until I drew this#idgaf about most of their relationship that one bonus bit where mobei-jun goes soft is it for me i have too many hcs now#honestly prolly will draw more of all the couples being soft cause mannnn mxtx writes good couple dynamics#my art#airplane shooting towards the sky#mobei jun#mxtx svsss#svsss#scumbag system#scum villian self saving system#scumbag self saving system#shang qinghua#moshang#mxtx#mxtx fanart#svsss fanart#svsss art
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you have to stop acting like you are only worthy of hate and malice. you have to. i know how hard it is ta stop the self deprecating jokes or feeling the constant urge ta dunk on yourself i have been there and i have done that and i cant even say that i love myself b/c i dont, but im in a better place now b/c i actually accept that people feel positive feelings about me and i am not unlovable! ive lost count of how many times i have poured out my heart ta my friends and told them i love them or that i love something they create and then i just get slapped in the face by them saying "no thats not true everything i create sucks and i suck" like!!! what is the point of me being here honestly. why am i saying nice things ta you if you're constantly going ta say otherwise. do you even care about the things i hafta say? why are you acting like your friends are constantly lying ta you abt how they feel? you hafta think about how constantly rejecting someones affections for you (in this specific sense) is going to impact them! you dont hafta believe that you're the best thing since sliced bread if someone tells you that you are. but you have to accept that the people who care about you feel that way about you or you're going to drive them away. like im trying to love you asshole! let me!!
#spacie spoinks#i saw that post about not using self deprecating language on my dash (the ''i wanna kms'' one)#and was gonna ramble in the tags but i decided ta make a post instead#b/c i also thought of this as i was reading it#like do you even *want* your friends ta love you? do you? b/c you're acting like you dont.#you dont hafta accept these things about yourself. but at the very least acknowledge that your friends care about you#theres only so many times you can do this 2 a person b4 they start ta think *they* are doing something wrong!#you hate yourself so much you are hurting the people around you! cut it out!
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as a hua binan/shi mei selfcest enjoyer this is a win for me
#the only ship for sm and hbn that i care about tbh#legitimately don't think they could ever be happy with anyone else. i mean they can't be happy with each other either but ykwim#no one else could GET them like they get each other#also it makes sm the less violent one who has to pacify his partner and talk him down from murder and i think thatās just hilarious#also 2x hbn tops š¤·š»āāļø#shi mei#shi mingjing#hua binan#hua binan x shi mei#2ha tag#2ha#erha he ta de bai mao shizun#erha#meatbun doesn't eat meat#äŗååä»ēē½ē«åøå°#meatbun
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it is almost midnight why am I still drawing art ...
#picrew baby crew#ok i will try to be concise on the explanation lmao#ages ago someone in the discord server im in was like... in the mood to do a couples picrew but asked with whomst#and im like oh oh pick me ! and they did#but the thing is ? they had yet to meet me irl and had never seen me in a picture so like#they just made me look like ferdinand basically#so i have a lot of cute lil picrew of them and my ferdsona as they dubbed it#and it was super fun bc neither of us care to be limited to a gender so in some i was more feminine and in others they were#and so tonight they posted some halloween ones and im like oh man thats so cute#but i asked them in private hi would you be cool if i had a different sona to use ?#bc by now i have actually met them face to face and so they know what i look like irl#and and so i got to describe a new sona and thats the lil blonde buddy#and since i wanted to be a werewolf theme (i had three options) they were like cool ill make myself lil red riding hood then#and it was SUCH A cute lil picrew so i drew the designs#but i have noticed in my games lately if i get character design im like ... various shades of blonde#and i am a freckle addict in games that let me have a freckle option i need freckles in game so#ta da lil blonde fella with freckles !#that was probably not concise but its fine i think ???#anyway shout out to them for being super cool and chill
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My sister just started rewatching one of those old serials we used to watch ages ago, namely Class of the Titans, and now that I'm incredibly deep into greek mythology and pjo, it's hitting way harder than it did in 2007
#pjo#percy jackson#class of the titans#ta moots this thing is brilliant trust me#it's got season one winx club animation quality#and extremely mid-2000s character designs and tropes#but I think it just adds to the charm#also my girl Nemesis shows up to stalk Ego McGee for an episode#the nerd who never gets the girl ends up stranded on Calypso's island#leaves to do plot stuff and then comes back for her#the season four finale gives off very strong Luke Castellan energy#the gods seem to actually feel some level of responsibility and affection for the children in their care#instead of being demigods everyone is the descendant of an ancient hero#achilles' descendant inexplicably has an ankle brace the whole show#he's also my sister's favourite character so I have a familial obligation to evangelise about his dumb little sandals and one-liners#Q
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Opinion on the idea of role-swap AU where everyone only swaps one random trait per pair? (like say, Audrey is the one who stayed in Paris while Andre dipped but its still very much regular Audrey. Or Shoto going to Aldera instead of Katsuki)
Honestly we have plenty of AU ideas that stem from 'character A does something different/Character A and B swap roles'.
#actually that *shoto at Aldera* one is driving me insane#because while it would never happen because (as the next Road to Hell chapter shows) Enji is not touching that district with a ten foot pol#it would fix so many problems#shoto befriends Izuku half out of genuine Izuku and the power of friendship and half because he thinks it'll spite his dad#shoto is confused because enji doesn't care about Izuku's lack of Quirk and is just answering every one of Izuku's rapidfire questions#(because enji's focus on the family's quirks was for a specific purpose not some prejudiced bullshit)#(izuku being an All Might fan might annoy him but Enji gets why the population likes All Might so he's not too bothered)#Either Shoto decides to use this for good and/or Fuyumi is doing some TA shit and finds out about the bullying#and they go *hey dad as a Hero I'm sure you could do something about this* and whoops a rain of hellfire on the school staff#On the flipside Inko finds out about the abuse and flips on Enji because how dare he call himself a Hero but act like Thatā¢#(she may or may not throw a chair at him because damn it reoccurring theme)#tbh once confronted by an adult who knows the situation is fucked and can point out the wrongness of it from every direction?#It's actually pretty easy for him to back down on some of that and unpack a chunk of trauma
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Iām so happy for you getting into grad school! Getting closer to hopefully one day becoming Dr. Mystery!
Awww! Thank you very much, Hon!ā¤ļøāØ
Iām getting close to my goal of getting my PhD! Gotta complete my Masterās degree firstš
#I start in early August! Iāve signed up for two assistance ships too! One of them is TA work while working on the schoolās lab.#Iļæ½ļæ½ļæ½ll have three jobs in total but I donāt care. Iām very excited!#mystery anon#off topic#I am an anthropologist#I am an archaeologist
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...
#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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y'all my friend was telling me about how her friend with a 4.2 GPA and 5 labs got rejected for what I want to go into... I was having a crisis about grad school but it looks like that choice might get made for me
#my GPA is like. 3.7 atm#it'll def go up after this sem cause I'm getting an A+ in my programming class#cause the ta is hella hella helpful#but like still it'll probably only get boosted to 3.8 or 3.9...#and i only have one lab#and way too much edi and volunteer experience#which. idk if grad school cares about that kind of stuff#but š¬ tbh it is not the end of the world i may just go into music and art therapy anyways#but yeah my parents keep talking about it and I'm like hmmmmmmm we will see...#cy says stuff#personal
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anybody wanna nominate themselves to kill me with hammers?
#somehow the week of spring break is my most incredibly busy week with work. KRILLS MYSELF!!#im on our colony care rotation. im doing my grant experiment that takes 3hrs a day. my TA prof wants me to grade a shitton of stuff. my PI#was like can you get an updated draft to me by wednesday? ^_^ gonna have to tell him no fucking way tomorrow#bc we are also having a fucking forensics meetingļæ¼#i wanted to go on another bug catching trip with a friend on wednesday but idk if ill be able to now :(#and i wanted to have a wine and cheese night. no fucking way im gonna feel up to hosting that this week#i was supposed to have an appointment this last wednesday. lady cancelled last minute and said how about monday (tomorrow)? and i thought#that would be fine. but i just had to text and be like hey sorry dont think i can#im probably forgetting something too. who fucking knows.#i wanted to clean my room bc its looking like the fucking labyrinth trash lady zone in there but fuck me i dont have the energy to#oh edit from one minute later. just got an email from my prof abt an assignment he wants us to do over spring break in my horrid fucking R#coding class. yeah im killing myself ššš»
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SkyShowtime: Here, FINALLY, have Star Trek Discovery
Me: !!!!!!!
SkyShowtime: it's just the first three seasons for now
Me: .............................................
(ok, the 4th comes on the 22nd and then the 5th in April. Good)
#also the second batch of short treks pls#if you're new here discovery is my favorite trek#probably don't expect me to go back to trek atm tho#i'm just excited it's finally available again#but i wonder if i'd be able to maybe just watch it slowly on my own - no rambling. but i can barely keep up with the new look lol#i just don't know if i want to rewatch everything or just s3#since I've seen s3 only once#picard lower decks and tas and then everything will be in one place#not that i care about these but good to see they're honouring their word
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absolutely obsessed w/the idea that fluttershy is taller than twilight. giant lanky pegasus and her tiny alicorn girlfriend
#spacie spoinks#a literal god should NOT be this teeny#ohhhggg my gioddddd#i get twishy brainrot once every couple of months#and twilight will obviously outgrow her since she's an alicorn but man.#oooo and like imagine when twilight is finally taller what a bittersweet moment that would be#fluttershy: omg babe you're so tall now looks like you'll be the one doing the swaddling from now on ^_^#twilight: heh yeah (dying inside b/c she can no longer be smothered by her girlfriends size) ((totally not tearing up at all))#shes being so strong abt it#b/c fluttershy deserves ta feel the way twilight did when she was swaddled!! safe. secure. loved.#but man. does she really miss being the short one#they'd find a good balance tho :]#they care each other so much#she is the small spoon 2 me#even when she's huge fluttershy will still be big spoon#fellas is it strange 2 think abt colorful horses being sapphic 2gether#mlp#my brain.#twishy
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I think one of my biggest fantasies in life is being able to live somewhere/with someone that I can come and go as I please. Have my own car, not have to rely on other people or explain why I canāt be home of take care of people/the dog/etc. at all time. People think Iām greedy for wanting a well-paying job but having to take care of people youāre dependant on is really shitty and money would 100% solve this problem.
#such is life#I look forward to finally getting my drivers lisence#my mom only let me practice becauseĀ I convinced her it benefits her#I have a grad student scholarship that's ending and no idea where more money is coming from#I meanĀ I am ta-ing butĀ I'm not earning enough to pay rent somewhere#andĀ I have a dog to take care of#I love daisy but she's a lot of work#and my mom is pretty useless#so she needs me to do nearly 100% of the work#I'm 30 why is it so hard to leave#I have no external support#why can't one person in myĀ actual life see that my home life is shitty and help meĀ get independence rather than just make fun of me#I'm tired of being a caregiver to someone who should have raised me#I never got to be a teenager soĀ I don't know how to have fun soĀ I have to pretend or people don't like me#ifĀ I've learned anything it's that all love is conditional#if you think otherwise you just don't know what the conditions are#sorry for rantingĀ I just don't have another placeĀ I can be honest about stuff#this is a roundabout argument forĀ ubiĀ I guess?#having the means for financial independence and a social safety net should be someone everyone has#I know a lot of people have it much worse too#I guess this is whyĀ I need to find a good partner and create a version of myself thatĀ is appealing to them#I would kill to be loved for whoĀ I am whenĀ I'm not making myself into things butĀ IĀ also gotta live#and these things don't go together
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