#i was supposed to have an appointment this last wednesday. lady cancelled last minute and said how about monday (tomorrow)? and i thought

[girlcockholmes]

anybody wanna nominate themselves to kill me with hammers?

[valentijnsstuff]

AAAAAAAAAA week Report

Monday I have an intake at the waayyyy too fancy new therapist office. The building alone makes me afraid that I will never financially recover. I run into neighbor that I ghosted on the way back (oops) and cook dinner for my homies.

Tuesday I am SUPPOSED to have my intake for a caseworker. But the administration lost my appointment somehow. Big frustration. I have another intake in the afternoon, at a humanitarian organisation that organizes group sessions for trans people. I tell them its the third intake of the week. They tell me that I really dont have to do this many intakes in this short of a time. I am somewhat taken aback, my anxiety to do everything as quickly as possible has fooled me again.

Wednesday I am ??? Stressed. My in home care homies are getting a bit tired bc its week three. The tension of 'should I stay or should I go' is very present. Me and a homie go bring stuff to second hand store. I get last minute email asking if I can do an intake at the gender clinic tommorow. With a lot of huff and puff, I get myself to sleep at home for the first time in weeks.

Thursday morning I hang out with my dad and my sister, sis is going to asia for a month. I am tired as shit. I hang around in the city and end up at the gay fraternity building where I'm a member, I do my video intake for the gender clinic there. I try to nap on the couch before going home, but a cute transfemme who plays guitar is writing lyrics and I HAVE to help her. Chill for an hour at home. Go to a hangout of queer people I dont know so well, but they love my tshirts and I get had scratches, so all is well.

Friday is somewhat insane. Early morning, I go to the next city over with my bestie, to get psych eval from a the crisis phychiatrist that I dont like. He says a whole bunch of things that make me very defensive and I leave feeling frustrated, because I sat trough the session with gritted teeth. Me and the bestie talk about it for a while, on our way back to the home city, where we have lunch and also visit the comics festival. I am greeted by familiar faces, and am happy to see them, despite being a mess. I remember that I have my on-call therapy session and proceed to have a crying session with my therapist, while at the festival. This should have been my que to go home. But nooooo. I go to the casual trans meetup to top it all off, where my friendliness is mistaken for open invitation for trauma dumping and unwanted advice from an older trans lady. Regret going. Go home tired. See that the plans for saturday are last minute canceled. Anxiouy ask one of the queers I just met if they want to come to your house tommorow. Get a message from a twink on Grindr and respond wayyy to eagerly. Now I can't sleep.

Saturday, I feel okay in the morning, but as soon as the friendly new queer person shows up and we finish brunch, it becomes clear how beat I am. I pass out on the couch, feeling somewhat guilty for inviting this person over, with no energy to actually play host. They are very cool and sweet about it. I am exhausted. I ask if I can sleep at the homies house for a night.

Sunday. I have learned my lesson. Hopefully. No more doing whatever the hell all that was. My body is kranky as hell. I want to go see my lesbian bestie, but I can barely get of the couch. She ends up coming over to my house, where we just huddle up, updating eachother frantically, but also exhausted.

I don't recommend doing whatever hell I am doing while handling trauma/depression/burn out

[this-lioness]

Another bullshit update on life in general

Work has kept me busy, and I’ve been trying to get more done creatively and around the house, as well.

This was the first weekend in awhile I didn’t do any (or much) meal prep, since we had enough in the freezer to last us for all the dinners this week, and even a few lunches for Marc.  I made a dozen eggs, cut up and roasted almost 5 lbs of potatoes, and called it a day.

I cancelled the physical therapist, because between work, gym, housekeeping and trying to do something other than being a machine I did not have time for an additional two rounds of exercises every single day.  We were getting up at 5 AM, leaving for work at 6:30 AM, leaving work for home at 5 PM, getting home from the gym around 7, then eating for a half hour.  It was not going to happen.

We ended up cancelling the gym membership, because -- as much as we want to go -- we are just too tired and hungry after an hour-long commute to be like, “Yay, let’s do something tedious and exhausting for a half hour!”

The long term goal was to cancel the membership anyway, however.  I told Marc I want us to concentrate on finishing the sheetrock in the former “cat room” this coming weekend so that we actually use it for its intended purpose, which was exercise.  I have that barre I bought last year that I haven’t had time or room to use even once, and the treadmill and hand weights is just sitting and collecting dust.  So anyway, that’s the plan for next weekend.

We will also be fostering two cats in the next couple weeks, and trying to find them a home.  Long story short we met an artist at one of the galleries downtown, very nice guy, and his friend or nephew or I forget has recently knocked up his girlfriend and decided, “Well, we need to move and get rid of the cats I guess!”

So they’re two year-old sisters, and he wants them to stay together, which is fine.  Like Rosie, they actually look very young, like maybe only 5 months old.  They have never been to the vet in their life, so no shots, and neither of them are fixed, which means it will be on us to take care of all that before they get adopted out.  I’m sure he’s going to be a great Dad [/sarcasm].

When Marc found out that the cats needed a full vet workup, including spay, he was initially resistant due to the cost.  I said okay, if you’re not comfortable with it you’re not comfortable with it, and went upstairs to investigate our options.  The Walmart just opened up a “Vet IQ” clinic that does basic veterinary care, and we can utilize a local spay clinic for about $50 per cat, so on that end alone we’d be shelling out less than $300 (there’s always food and litter, of course).

After awhile Marc came up and was like, “I think I was a little hasty, I’m sure we can make it work.” After I told him the anticipated costs he was much more into it, so that’s good.  Hopefully we won’t have any trouble finding a home for them.

Rosie is doing well at feeding time in her crate!  It has not stopped her from being an absolute maniac spaz about food, but there is almost no growling at all while she eats now.  She goes in her crate, Marc covers it up with a towel, and she eats with seemingly less hysterical anxiety.  I’ll call it a tentative win.

Rosie, by the way, loves Bones. Bones can usually take her or leave her, although his tolerance level is much higher when she’s not acting the spaz, although you see moments of affection for her as well.  She greets him with a nice long body rub when they cross paths, and yesterday Marc caught him grooming her head.  It does my heart good.

At the risk of jinxing myself, I’ve been doing much better at bowling for the past few weeks!  I did decently at league on Friday, and when we went for our Sunday practice I had a series of something like 145, 106 and 140.  Considering I was lucky to break 100 a couple months ago I’m feeling very encouraged.

What has worked for me, honestly, is throwing out a lot of convention wisdom.  Marc has always been very patient with me, explaining game theory and approach and all that, but no matter how much I tried to put it all together it just wasn’t working.  And I was really, really trying.

Then, a few weeks ago, I was chatting with someone about Dyscalculia, and did a bit more casual reading about it.  I was reminded that it often causes issues with spatial awareness, something I can absolutely vouch for (I actually suspect it’s part of what’s caused me to have such persistent problems with perspective and anatomy over the years, although that’s a discussion for another time.)

So I started keeping that in mind when we play: I used the techniques that I knew were helpful, but in any aspect where I was supposed to do one thing, but consistently got unexpected and problematic results, I tried to go more by “feel”.

It’s hard to explain why this works, but it has so far.  Basically, I had to throw out the notion of bowling at “angles”, and became more of a straight-shooter, keeping in mind that my ball does have a tendency to hook left.  I got something like 3 or 4 strikes in one game on Friday!

Which is not to say that I’m suddenly a good bowler, because I’m not, but I’m better, which is what I wanted.  What’s annoying is when (admittedly well-meaning) people are like, “Here’s what you’re doing wrong!” and try to teach me about techniques which I already know, but which just don’t work for me.

This happened two weeks ago I think, and I’m sure the lady meant well, but she also was ignoring me when I said multiple fucking times, “I understand, but I have spatial awareness problems, that doesn’t work for me.”

Like, repeating something at me over and over is not going to make it any more true.  I hear what you’re saying, you’re just wrong.

So in other news I finished two more of the Mori Girl Cats, and that dumb little werewolf thing that was strictly for my own amusement.  (Someone was like, “That would make a great t-shirt,” and haha, I’m not fucking falling for that one again.)  I also organized the office / computer area of the Geek Room, we stashed away the last of the convention stuff, and it feels much more clean and open and neat.  A place I actually want to hang out, and not anxiously work while avoiding the pile of shit sitting behind me!

Last night I also installed Sims 3 and treated myself to a handful of expansion and “stuff” packs.  I only had enough time to create one Sim last night, but I already look forward to giving him a cold.

…*cough*...

Unrelated, but I meant to talk about something that happened last Wednesday, when I was out running my Mom around to her appointments and whatnot.

So… for anyone who didn’t follow me on Facebook or my old Tumblr, the short version is that my Mom and I have a very long and complicated history. She was not a very good mother, she is a textbook covert narcissist.  She was an alcoholic for many, many years which caused serious and life-altering problems for me as a teenager and young adult, and after she got sober she transitioned to a prescription drug addiction which further deteriorated our already tenuous and fraught relationship, and landed both her and my stepfather in financial ruin.

About a year and a half ago, to help save them from the road to homelessness, we helped them sell their old house and moved them to Bucks County to live about 10 minutes from us, in a mobile home park.  We helped them get it fixed up, we help with maintenance, running errands, etc.  It’s a very cute little house, and although it took some time I think they see that now, and that their lives are better off.

When they first moved up here my mother was still on prescription drugs, but she very quickly found that it was impossible to find a new doctor to continue prescribing her the same pharmaceutical cocktails she wanted.  And boy did she fucking try. She’s already changed doctors at least three or four times since moving here, whipping out her favorite refrain of “I don’t think this doctor knows what they’re talking about!” every time they’re like, “Yeah, you don’t need to be on a steady stream of opiates.”

Eventually the lack of drugs caught up with her, the withdrawal passed, and for the past year or so she and I have actually gotten along okay.  She is still, and always will be, a difficult person, and I worry about whether or not she’ll find a doctor to start filling prescriptions again, but until then things are… okayish.

Anyway, that’s the long back story.

Back when they were still living at their old house, Marc and I would periodically go to visit them.  My Mom was always drugged out of her gourd, so I fucking hated going, but I had to do my duty, and she made every excuse imagineable for why she couldn’t come visit us.  So once a month we’d pack up, trek over to her house, order take-out, hang out for a while, then go back home again.

Except my Mother would do this thing where, after the food arrived, she would put the plates out, and then she would continue to gather plates and reorganize the kitchen while everyone was sitting down, serving themselves and eating.  

Like, the food would be on the table, we’d all be halfway through our meals and well on our way to being done, and my Mom would still be in the kitchen sorting around in the drawers for a mystery spoon or bowl that she needed, then finding it, washing it out, drying it, realizing it was the wrong one, putting it away, etc.

Eventually she would come out while everyone else was finishing up, serve herself a tablespoon of food, eat half, and then talk about how full she was.

For a while we would be like, “Mom… everyone is eating. We have everything we need. We literally don’t need anything else. Just come in and eat,” and she would ignore us.  Eventually I just stopped caring, and let her do her thing while the rest of us ate.  The sooner we finished the sooner we could leave.

I don’t know how else to describe her behavior apart from manic.  Like, when it was time to order, if I asked her for a menu, she would bring me the menu, and for fifteen minutes after I had called to place the order she would still be rooting through the drawers looking for more / other menus.  She would get herself so worked up that sometimes while we were sitting downstairs hanging out she’d have to go up and be sick.

All this just to give you a sense of what she used to be like.

Anyway.  I’m driving her home from an appointment on Wednesday, and she’s commenting how all of us just naturally turn into their mothers as we get older, even though we don’t want to.  In that I stayed dead silent through this observation I think she recognized that I disagreed.  So then she moved on to how different some daughters are from their mothers, especially in the kitchen.

And she said to me, “Like when I cook, I have to clean as I go along, I can’t just put everything in the sink until later.  Remember when you used to come over to eat, and you’d say to me, ‘Mom, come and eat, the food is ready!’ and I’d be so busy cleaning up that I wouldn’t even realize!”

And I’m like, “....”

Because that’s not what happened.  That’s not even fucking remotely what happened.  So she has spun the reality where she is an out-of-control manic drug addict and spun it into a funny story about how she’s such a neat freak that she doesn’t realize it’s time to eat.

I was sorely tempted to correct her, but at the last second realized it wouldn’t make a difference either way.  She is never going to look back on her behavior with any kind of clarity, and trying to force her to do so would just make the day end on a sour note.  If she wants to live in delusion, that’s on her.  I can tolerate it, but I’m certainly not going to feed into it by saying something like, “Yes, that’s precisely how it happened.”

She’ll have to learn to interpret the silence on her own.

Anyway, I guess that’s it.  Greatly looking forward to getting home and having a nice night on the couch, or maybe playing Sims some more.  I may even make some tea.

I hope all of you are doing well <3

[tcfkag]

Spoonie Life: My Last Week (fun with complications)

So, I’m having a really rough week. It feels like literally the second I get a break from one thing or a handle on another, then another thing pops up. I never get a break and it is exhausting. And sometimes it just makes you feel so alone because even those that support you - and I have a hugely supportive community of people in my life - just can’t understand. I’ve been feeling increasingly depressed and anxious and alone and my therapist does not have any availability to see me...possibly for months. So I wanted to just write up everything I’m going through because sometimes that helps but also because hopefully some of you may have gone through some similar things (esp. blood clots and ovarian cysts) and could give advice and/or just support. 

Here’s a (not so) short summary of shit that’s been going on lately (in list form because why not). Don’t feel like you have to read it all. I know everyone has their own things going on. But I just needed somewhere to vent and while I shared some of this on FB, I also feel freer to be honest and just fully disclose how hard this is for me here. Sometimes that’s one good thing about this hell site - less reason to self-censor and try to sound positive/hopeful/happy when I really truly am not.

Last Monday (the 15th), I finally finished three months of IV antibiotics I was on for an intra-abdominal abscess (an infected collection of fluid that was right underneath my diaphragm which meant that, for a while, it hurt to even take a breath). 

Good news right? Stopped it about a week ago which is awesome because the antibiotics were infused two hours x three times a day (i.e. six f*cking hours a day that I was connected to an IV bag).

But, I knew I would need a follow-up CT scan that was scheduled for this past Wednesday....and who knew what that would show.

Towards the end of last week, I started feeling very tired all the time. And then my physical stamina just suddenly....decompensated abruptly. I would get tired doing anything. Monotasker and I went to the grocery store and halfway through, I had to sit down (or risk passing out). After a few minutes, I told him “we need to get out of here” so we rushed through the rest of the basics we needed. And then while he checked out, I sat on a bench near-by. My heart was racing, I was out of breath, I was dizzy and light-headed, and just generally felt like I had run a 5K. 

The first couple times this happened I thought “well, maybe I’m out of shape, I *haven’t* been working out at ALL lately. But then I remembered, it was what - a week ago that I attended NYCC where sure, I got tired sometimes and had to sit down once in a while, but it was nothing like this. And I knew that fitness doesn’t decompensate like that....it’s sad that when confronted with such a serious health issue that my first reaction was to just....blame myself. Right away.

So last Sunday (a little over a week ago), I went into the ER to get checked out. I hoped it was something SIMPLE, like dehydration or maybe my anemia had gotten worse or low levels of some kind of electrolyte imbalance. Anything that could be handled in a single evening. Three guesses about whether that was really the problem (though if you’ve followed me for more than a hot minute, I’m sure you know that the right answer is...because of course, NOTHING is ever simple).

At the ER, they decided to do the CT scan I was supposed to have that Wednesday just to make sure there wasn’t anything they were missing. And while the abscess they had been treating was largely unchanged (so they are going to stop the antibiotics), they also found that I had a blood clot in my pelvis. This is my third blood clot but the other two (a DVT in 2008 and a PE in 2015) were both post-surgical. This is my first blood clot that happened “spontaneously”. The admitted me to the hospital for about 48 hours and put me on a heparin drip until they could get a blood thinner arranged to release me and send me home. 

A few observations and factoids about blood clots and their treatment for those who are interested.

People with Crohn’s Disease and Ulcerative Colitis (i.e. IBD) are more prone to blood clots. If you have IBD (or any autoimmune disease actually), you should be aware of this risk and know the signs of blood clots (esp. after surgery) and make sure to take preventative measures like standing up to walk around on long flights.

 Traditionally, blood clots were treated with the blood thinner warfarin (Coumadin is its brand name). It takes a few days to get to the correct level in your blood, so you have to be on injections of another blood thinner Lovenox (twice a day, at home, injected yourself) until your “INR” reaches the right level in your blood. While on warfarin you have to have regular bloodwork to check your INR - every few days at first, then weekly, and if you’re on it long term the tests become less common.

This is very challenging for me - after ALL the health issues I’ve had, my veins are completely shot. Even basic blood work is a challenge.

There is a newer genre of blood thinners out there called DACOs - you’ve probably heard of them (they include Xarelto and Elliquis) which are better for a couple reasons, I guess, but the main one for me is the lack of required blood thinners. Three guesses on whether my health insurance approved them? NOPE. They sent me into pre-authorization hell (which frequently means “nope never going to happen” but in this case I hope means “well if your doctor pushes hard enough, we’ll give in eventually).

Question: has anyone gotten one of the DACOs approved? Is there anything specific that you had to prove? How did it end up working out?

If you are someone who menstruates, just be aware - going on a blood thinner can cause your period to start early (mine started less than two days after starting them - at least a week or two early) AND it will make your period longer and heavier. 

P.S. - the GYN I saw yesterday said that Xarelto would make that even worse which leads into a later part of this post, but basically she said it was really important that I get my IUD replaced if I was going to be on Xarelto long term.

Since this is my third blood clot, it may mean that I will have to be on blood thinners permanently, which I’m not looking forward to AT ALL. Because really, do I need another medical complication? The answer is no. No, I do not. WHICH MAKES THE NEXT PART OF THIS POST IRONIC.

So this is the part of the post that I could actually use some advice on. 

So for a while, maybe as long as a year, every CT or MRI I’ve had has included a note from the radiologist saying that a benign ovarian cyst was seen on the scan (or sometimes it was called an “inclusive cyst” from the ovary into the peritoneal area. It would sometimes “recommend follow up with a GYN”. Okay....fair enough.

When I asked my GI and my PCP about it a long while ago (maybe even two years ago), they both sort of just said “sure you should see an OB-GYN about that at some point” but really didn’t follow-up on it. And then time passed because I had a LOT of other health issues that took precedence.

Sometime nine-months to a year ago, I started having pain in the area where my rectum used to be, especially when I was sitting at my desk at work. There were days it was so bad that I could not sit directly on my butt at all and had to constantly find different positions. And on those days, I would frequently also have pretty severe pain in my pelvis. For months I basically ignored it...again, I have chronic pain and I had bigger fish to fry. Again, it got put on the back burner. Until one day it was so painful I was crying at work. So I called my PCP who also called my GI and he looked at my scan and said “it’s probably that cyst, you should see a GYN....” Still no urgency (and my PCP even said “I don’t know i it’s that - sometimes doctors like to blame cysts when they just don’t know what else is wrong.”) Again and again, this cyst was acknowledged but treated as no big deal - a nuisance to be dealt with eventually.

Side note: at no point in this did my PCP or my GI bother to ask me about pain with sex, despite that being a somewhat obvious question.

So nine months ago (or so), my PCP finally did get me a referral to see someone in the minimally invasive surgical OB-GYN office. I called to make that appointment and was told “you cannot see a surgeon until you’ve seen one of the GYNs” so I got an appointment for several months later with a GYN in the office. 

Then, I had to cancel two different appointments with her because I kept being sick and/or in the hospital...and of course, each new appointment was two-three months later. 

So my appointment with the GYN (who was lovely) was yesterday. She told me that my cyst (which is in both the ovary and the peritoneum) is now the size of a GRAPEFRUIT! It is almost certainly to blame for the pain I get sometimes in my (former) rectal area and the pain I have when I have sex. She said that even if it’s “benign”, if it’s symptomatic like this, I shouldn’t have to live that way. For the first time, I had a doctor who I felt like was taking this issue seriously even though it wasn’t related to my IBD and was “just” a lady issue. (Though to be fair to my PCP, she has taken it seriously in the past, but it’s just not her specialty).

This GYN also said she’d be willing to take me to the procedure room and sedate me to put an IUD in, whether I have surgery or not because I had such a bad experience getting it last time!!! I really loved that she took my concerns about that seriously. Bless her.

So the (very extended) upshot is that I made an appointment with the minimally invasive surgeon who I was supposed to see SIX-NINE months ago (who, amazingly enough, had an appointment available MONDAY) and I may need to have another surgery to take care of this cyst. This cyst that wasn’t always the size of a grapefruit....but years of being told that it was benign, to “check it out” eventually, and having all of my other health needs take precedence has now left me here. With a huge cyst that has ruined my sex life and is starting to seriously impact my everyday life too.

TL;DR? I have TERRIBLE LUCK. ESPECIALLY this week. And I’m just feeling absolutely overwhelmed, lonely, and frustrated. And if you’ve had experience having surgery for an ovarian cyst, especially one that’s “including” on something outside the ovary, I’d really appreciate your thoughts on the procedure and whether it helped and was worth it.

[restorerjourney]

First week in Mazatlán

Buenos Dias! Jesús te ama!

The first week had a lot of ups and downs, but we are so thankful that God has been with us every step of the way.

Before departure: It’s been a whirlwind cleaning up, running errands, and saying our goodbyes here. It started off pretty bad as our red-eye flight to Phoenix, Arizona was the worst flight ever. We had to endure 5 hours of freezing cold with no blankets so a lot of us couldn’t fall asleep. Then what was supposed to be an hour layover ended up being a 5 hour layover. Finally we arrived to Mazatlan and we were warmly greeted with a big hug of heat and humidity. For those not familiar with YWAM, they are bases that created all over the world. Each base is different depending on what kind of building God provided. The one in Kona, Hawaii looks like a college campus since we were given acres of land, in Mazatlán, it was a hotel! So we get amazing ocean views and have access to see the skyline at night! Now it is not a 5 star hotel and it is pretty rundown, but I could feel the love poured out to this building to make it a home to any missionary who visits here. An A/C room is like heaven on earth here and although we have one in our own room, we are only able to use it from 9pm-9am, so we would have to find a public room at the base to have a/c. Another adjustments are the stairs since our base is a hotel and the elevator is small. The food here thankfully is so much better than what it was in Kona. Our dining schedule was another huge hurdle we had to adjust. Meal times were at 7am, 1pm, and 6pm. If you don’t make it on time within 30 minutes, all the food would be gone. Another hurdle was rooming situation. All 9 girls had to be in one room with one toilet and 2 showers. There have been many funky smells which are intensified with the humidity and hair balls in our room but we organized a cleaning system so we could keep our sanity. Lastly the water issue. Thankfully we have filtered water provided at the base but when we brush our teeth, we are not recommended to use the sink water. Also if we go out to eat there is a chance we could get diarrhea and many of us have already. So to sum it all, our team felt overall this week being a time of sanctification and discipline as we adjusted here. 

Our schedule is super packed so our week has felt so full, but I am so thankful that our leaders prioritized carving out time for us to have alone time with the Lord and debriefing with our team. Before coming here, God really spoke to all of us the importance of unity and the debriefing session really allowed us to not only share but communicate our struggles and interceded for each other. 

We had two days to do orientation and get acclimated to our living situation. Wednesday we did our first ministry which was bible distribution. We all carried 5-7 bibles in our backpacks, rode the back of a pickup truck, and walked in the heat to do house visit and distribute bibles. We split into small groups and I was with Sunny, Martin ( our spanish translator), and Grace. We were lost at first but then we found a house with a man staring at us. We gave him a bible and his mother came out with a wrapped wrist. She was 82-years-old who suffered from a multiple chronic fractured wrist, swelling in her legs and feet, and cataract in her right eye. She couldn’t afford medical care so we offered to pray for her. I’m not going to lie, it was not easy to pray for her cataract to be healed as an optometrist. It’s like asking God to reverse an 82-year-old from wrinkles and gray hair but I felt God impress my heart if I was going to dwell in my unbelief or obey. As I prayed for her, I felt the Lord leading me to share how God saw her as his darling little daughter. After prayer she teared up and shared with us how touched she was by our prayers. We asked if she knew Jesus and she said she did. We hugged and said our goodbyes. We then visited another house where we found a woman named Maria as well who was isolating herself since she had COVID. We prayed for her and Grace prayed for her since she had compassion for her situation since she herself had COVID last year. We gave her a bible and encouraged her. It’s always fun when we come home after dinner to hear everyone’s experience as we debrief together. 

Thursday’s highlight was when we got to choose which ministry we wanted to be involved in that YWAM Mazatlan was already partnered within their community. There was soccer ministry, hospital ministry, bible distribution, Stone Island ministry, skateboard/surf ministry, children’s ministry,and government ministry. Children’s ministry, hospital ministry, and government ministry were canceled because there were COVID outbreaks so I ended up choosing soccer ministry. What happened to work out was that soccer ministry was actually a type of children’s ministry. We were able to play scrimmage with the local children which was great because there is no language barrier. After the local pastor shared a quick bible story and then we gave ice cream to the children. It was so fun to see the children laugh and have a great time. 

Friday’s highlight was when we went to visit Stone Island’s ministry. Stone Island is not an actual island but a peninsula but looks similar to an island. There the population is majority indigenous mexicans and you have to take a 10 minute ferry from Mazatlan. There the people are living in huts with not much to live on but are one of the friendliest and humble people that I’ve met. We split into small groups and I went with Grace, KC, Bethel ( our translator), and YK. We listened to the voice of God and asked Him which way to go. It was crazy how looking at hindsight, the Lord really directed our steps to go to the specific people He has called us to meet. When we approached the hut and made eye contact with them, YK got excited because they had a lot of parrots and she had 2 parrots back at home but one died recently. She asked if she could see them and they immediately invited us. As we sat the grandfather recognized KC who played with the children yesterday so without him we wouldn’t have made a quick connection with the family there. They offered to give us food and we ate chicken and coke with them. One of the ladies there shared about her eyelid condition which she had suffered for over 10 years. She had a congenital tear duct issue and has received multiple surgeries here in  Mexico but they just made the condition worse. What was heartbreaking was when she showed us scars on her leg, neck, and forehead where they took pieces of her skin tissue to use for her tear duct surgery but ended up lying to her and selling her skin grafts. We prayed healing for her and after we prayed YK started to tear up and share what God has revealed to her..about how Jesus loved her so much and his heart grieved her situation and that He was with her. She teared up and was so touched. Her father also teared up and they asked how long we would be here and invited us to their home for dinner next time. They were so generous, pure, kind, humble, and beautiful that I felt so privileged to get to meet. 

Saturday was our day of rest and it was just so nice to be able to do laundry since it gets so humid here and we can’t rewear some of our clothes. At night we went to the street market and ate mexican corn. While we were there a few children approached us and were so excited to talk to us because we were korean. They were huge fans of a korean band called BTS. They were so excited one girl started to cry and they all wanted to hug and take photos of us. We asked if they knew Jesus and we prayed for them. 

Sunday we went to a local church in Stone Island and two of our members shared their testimony. I’m not gonna lie, it was so difficult staying awake during service because it was so humid and hot that day. This past week's outreach experience really has opened my eyes to see how weak I was and depending on my condition and external circumstances...it really affected me and my ability to love others. It was convicting to see how my love was conditional and a humble experience. 

Prayer request:

1.Unity: We are already experiencing spiritual attacks from the enemy towards some of our members but praise God that we experienced breakthrough every single time we bring to light our issues during debrief. Please pray that we would continue to remember to love our team members as ourselves and to fight for our unity.

2. Divine appointments and salvation for the people in Mazatlan: We do believe there are many people ready to receive Jesus. Please pray that we would have a greater fear of the Lord more than man. 

3. Health: Please pray for protection from COVID, stomach/digestive issues, back, shoulder, neck, and skin issues that we have been facing.That these ailments would not hinder us doing kingdom work her.

4. To focus our eyes on Jesus and have him involved in all that we do. 

Praise Reports:

-We are seeing God’s promises already fulfilled in us! We are experiencing unity like never before. We have experienced supernatural healing and it’s amazing to see our team members be transformed by the love of Christ. Jesus is so so good!

Gracias!

Alicia

[thechasefiles]

The Chase Files Daily Newscap 8/31/2019

Good Morning #realdreamchasers. Here is your daily news cap for Saturday, August 31st, 2019. There is a lot to read and digest so take your time. Remember you can read full articles via Barbados Today (BT), or by purchasing a Saturday Sun Nation Newspaper (SS).

WAY FORWARD – A major step has been taken towards having a medical marijuana industry in Barbados with the piloting of the Medicinal Cannabis Industry Bill 2019 in the House of Assembly yesterday. Minister of Agriculture Indar Weir piloted the much-touted legislation in a comprehensive presentation during the opening session of the House.Up front he dismissed fears surrounding the legalising of marijuana by explaining the Bill was not intended to decriminalise cannabis that is used for recreational purposes, but to make way for Barbados to secure a stake in the global medicinal cannabis business that is projected to reach US$100 billion in trade in six years.The minister said the move to develop a medical marijuana industry represented a paradigm change in the process of wealth accumulation by Barbadians, since the industry provided for nationals to have a major stake in the business.(SS)

PARTY RAPS GOVERNMENT FOR HANDLING OF TOURISM AFFAIRS –The People’s Party for Democracy and Development (PdP) has given the Barbados Labour Party a failing grade with respect to matters on tourism. The verdict was handed down by the party’s spokesperson on tourism and regional and international transport, Scott Weatherhead on Thursday in the Leader of the Opposition’s office in Parliament.“We believe the Government is doing a really poor job of managing the tourism sector given the restructuring of the various tourism entities of Government-owned and managed state owned enterprises now together, along with some of the other projects legislated to come online, many of which have been stalled. “Some have been badly handled, particularly the Hyatt project and the acquisition of lands. You don’t go about a project like that where Government goes and acquires private lands ostensively and then leases those lands for another private hotel,” he charged. (SS)

DEXTER JAMES & QEH PART WAYS - Dr Dexter James is no longer at the helm of the Queen Elizabeth Hospital (QEH). In a media release tonight, the Board of the QEH said the two parties “have mutually agreed to part ways”with effect from today. James was appointed Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of the hospital In October 2009 and was tasked with leading the transformation of the 600-bed tertiary care teaching institution. He has been on sick leave since February 27, 2019.

STILL NO WHERE TO GO – Germaine Felix is caught in limbo with the Welfare Department, the National Housing Corporation (NHC) and a landlord who wants her out of her house now. She claims that this morning when she went to the Welfare Department to ask for assistance to acquire food and school supplies for her children, she was told that her plight could not be heard until September 23. Her initial appointment for August 26 was cancelled due to the passage of Tropical Storm Dorian. “I even fill out a paper to get uniform for them this morning. But because the lady tell me I got to come back, them can’t go to school when school open because I don’t have nothing for them. “If I got to wait until the 23rd school wouldn’t be opened already? I supposed to get a food voucher but I got to wait all until the 23rd and I ain’t got nothing home for them to eat,” she said.  In addition to not having food in her house, the utilities have been turned off because Felix has been unable to pay her bills. Then, earlier this month, Felix received yet another notice from her landlord giving her and the children 14 days to get out the house. But, the St Lucia-born who contended she has nowhere to go with her children who were born in Barbados said that while she was sent to the NHC to fill out an application form weeks ago, she was told that no housing was available. She said officials at the Welfare Department told her to find a house and they would make the effort to assist her in paying the rent. However, according to Felix, she was not finding any potential landlord who was willing to enter an agreement with the Welfare Department. “It is hard for me to get a house. I went to a gentleman and he said welfare does take too long with the rent money and he don’t want to wait. But I still looking around. I just need a house to get out of here. I ain’t got no water, I ain’t got no light. “I got to be going at people and asking them for water. The truth is I don’t want help all the time, it is until I get back on my feet. As long as I get through, I will give somebody else that really need help. I just need the help,” she said. It was in July when Barbadians became familiar with Felix’s urgent appeal for assistance after she declared that the owners of the King Street, City house had given her an eviction notice because she owes thousands of dollars in rent. At that time, the cleaner said she was struggling to feed and clothe her three children, aged 17, nine, and eight, because her just over BDS$100 per week wage was barely helping her to make ends meet. The mother had admitted that she had been unable to pay her $800 monthly rent and other bills since the father of her two younger children, who signed the contract to rent the house, left days after they moved in on March 1, and had not been giving her any money to assist with running the household. “I just want to get out of here. You can’t wash no dishes, you can’t bathe, you can’t use the bathroom, the light turn off this morning. If I could have done better I wouldn’t be in this position. NHC saying they don’t have any house but people still going and getting help. I stressed and the children taking on the stress too,” Felix said. “Every minute them asking me ‘you get somewhere mummy? If you don’t get somewhere we will be on the road’. Every minute them peeping to see if the landlord coming to put us out. That ain’t good for these children. That could mash up them heart,” she added. When contacted this evening, an official who is familiar with Felix’s case said that her claims, as it relates to the Welfare Department, would be investigated as soon as possible. (BT)

BODY IDENTIFIED AS RAHIM WARD – A mother’s worst fear was realised today. Barbara Dorant-Layne broke down after identifying the body taken from a shallow grave at Walkers, St Andrew, this afternoon as that of her son Rahim Ward. The 22-year-old of Cottage Grove, St George, had been missing for a week, and police and Barbados Defence Force soldiers did the third search for him this morning in the rugged terrain near the St Andrew Parish Church. The body was discovered around 6 a.m. in a disturbed area, and just before 4 p.m., Dorant-Layne and other members of the family were allowed to view it. She was heard saying: “them killed my son; them killed Rahim”. His grandmother Virgene Ward, one of the last people to see him alive, and other family members, were also at the scene.(SS)  

HOT HEAD IN TROUBLE OVER MESSAGE – On Thursday, Jason Renaldo Ashton declared his head was hot and that was why he told a man “what I had to tell him”. Yesterday, he railed at the “unfairness” meted out to him and declared: “I feel I gine kill myself.”Ashton was back in the District “A” Magistrates’ Court yesterday, after he appeared initially on Thursday.The 31-year-old, of Brittons Hill, St Michael, admitted he used a computer to send the electronic comment: “I want you to stop messaging my phone, you f****** idiot or let me come and pelt some bullets through your house,” on July 31, and he intended to cause or was reckless as to whether he caused annoyance, inconvenience and distress.(SS)

ST. JAMES MAN CHARGED WITH DRUG TRAFFICKING – Police executed a search warrant at the home of a St James man and discovered almost 250 cannabis plants growing. Members of the Drug Squad of the Royal Barbados Police Force arrested and charged Jerry Nathaniel Haynes, 47, of Halls Village No. 1 on Wednesday for possession of cannabis, possession with intent to supply, trafficking and cultivation.They seized 243 plants ranging in height from one foot to six feet and loose quantities of cannabis were also dfound.The 32.9 kilogrammes of cannabis has an estimated street value of $131 600. (SS)

LEVI BACK ON TRACK – Levi Cadogan is aiming to make a stunning return to track and field after a two-year ban for doping. The Bajan Olympic sprinter resumed training on Wednesday after he was cleared earlier this year following a two-year ban.In 2017, the former Carifta Games silver medallist, who made his Olympic debut in Rio 2016, tested positive for the banned diuretic and masking pill furosemide.The National Anti-Doping Commission (NADC) initially ruled for Cadogan to be sidelined for 24 months but he appealed to the court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) and his drug sanction was reduced to 20 as a first-time offender. (SS)

HOLDER STALLS INDIA – India captain Virat Kohli and opener Mayank Agarwal stroked half-centuries but West Indies skipper Jason Holder responded with a terrific display of pace bowling, as the home side shared honours on the opening day of the decisive second Test yesterday. Sent in at Sabina Park in excellent conditions, India reached the close on 264 for five, with Kohli top-scoring with 76 and Agarwal getting 55.Well placed on 157 for three at tea, India lost both Ajinkya Rahane (24) and Kohli inside the first hour following the resumption, but Hanuma Vihari carved out an unbeaten 42 and wicketkeeper Rishabh Pant, an unbeaten 27,  to deny West Indies any further success in the session in a crucial 62-run, unbroken sixth-wicket partnership.Low-keyed in the Antigua opening Test which West Indies lost by 318 runs inside four days last week, seamer Holder sprang to life in the humidity of the country’s capital with a haul of three for 39, including the prized wicket of Kohli. (SS)

That’s all for today folks there are 122 days left in the year Shalom!  Follow us on Twitter, Facebook & Instagram for your daily news. #thechasefiles #dailynewscaps #bajannewscaps #newsinanutshell