#no one can tell me this didn’t actually happen

[mapis-putellas]

𝑫𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒅/𝑶.𝑩𝒂𝒕𝒍𝒍𝒆

Ona had been off all morning. You’d noticed it the second you woke up beside her. She’d been quieter than usual, taking longer than normal to get ready, her mind clearly elsewhere as she pulled on her training gear. Even on the drive to the training ground, she’d been distracted, fingers drumming against the steering wheel, barely responding when you spoke.

It wasn’t like her. Ona was always so present, so engaged. When she was with you, she was with you. But today, she was somewhere else entirely.

You didn’t push, though. You figured she’d tell you when she was ready.

It was only when you were standing on the sidelines watching training that you realised just how much of a distraction whatever was on her mind actually was.

She was playing poorly, uncharacteristically sloppy with her touches, mistiming her runs, fumbling simple passes. Even the other players had started to notice, shooting her confused looks whenever she misplaced the ball.

And then it happened.

A sharp, powerful pass from Mapi, completely unintentional, but heading straight for Ona. She had plenty of time to react. Any other day, she would have controlled it perfectly, spun away from her marker, continued play like nothing had happened.

But she wasn’t paying attention. The ball smacked her square in the face, a loud, unmistakable sound, and she went down immediately.

You were on your feet before you even realised it, heart leaping to your throat as you rushed onto the pitch, ignoring the amused whistles from a few players and the exasperated sighs from the coaching staff.

“Ona!” You dropped to your knees beside her, hand cupping her face, your stomach twisting at the sight of the blood trickling from her nose. ��Oh my god, baby, are you okay?”

She groaned, squeezing her eyes shut. “Me duele…”

You reached for the hem of your sleeve, gently pressing it to her nose, ignoring the way she winced and the red that now stained your shirt. “That looked brutal. You weren’t even looking.”

She peeked at you, face scrunched in discomfort. “No lo vi.”

“No, you didn’t,” you said, exasperated. “What is going on with you today?”

Before she could answer, Mapi appeared beside you, guilt all over her face. “Mierda, Ona, lo siento. I didn’t mean to-“

“Yeah, yeah,” Ona grumbled, still holding her nose. “You just have a rocket for a foot.”

Mapi winced. “It’s not broken, right?”

You shot her a glare. “If it is, I’m fighting you.”

Ona let out a pained laugh. “No pelees con Mapi.”

“Then tell me what’s wrong,” you shot back.

Her cheeks flushed, but before she could say anything, the team’s medical staff finally reached her, gently nudging you aside as they examined her nose.

“It’s not broken,” one of them confirmed after a moment, dabbing away the blood with a piece of gauze. “But you’re going to have some swelling.”

Ona sighed in relief, though she still looked embarrassed.

Mapi clapped her shoulder. “Well, at least it’s not your lips.” She not so subtly gestured to you. You, who was still knelt next to her looking less than happy.

Ona glared at her. “Vete a la mierda.”

Mapi just grinned and jogged off, back towards Ingrid who was watching the whole situation from afar.

You, however, weren’t letting it go.

By the time you got back to her apartment, Ona was still oddly quiet, sitting at the edge of the bed, gingerly pressing an ice pack to her nose.

You stood in front of her, arms crossed. “Okay. Spill.”

She avoided your gaze. “Spill qué?”

You scoffed. “Don’t play dumb. You weren’t paying attention today. You got smacked in the face because you were too busy thinking. And I want to know what you were thinking about.”

She swallowed, still not looking at you.

“Ona.” You softened, stepping closer and crouching down before gently tilting her chin up so she had no choice but to meet your eyes. “Talk to me, baby.”

She exhaled shakily. “I…I wanted to ask you something.”

You frowned, brushing your thumb along the sharpness of her jaw. “You can ask me anything. You know that.”

She hesitated for a long moment before finally saying, “Move in with me.”

Your breath hitched. “What?”

Her grip on the ice pack tightened slightly. “I was going to ask you. Today. But then I got nervous, and I started overthinking, and then-“ She gestured vaguely to her face.

Your chest ached, but not from worry this time.

“Ona,” you murmured, voice soft.

She swallowed. “I know we spend most nights together anyway, but I want-I want it to be always. I want you here. With me.”

Your heart swelled. You leaned in, brushing your nose ever so gently, against hers, smiling when she sighed softly at the touch. “Of course I��ll move in with you, baby.”

Her eyes flickered up to yours, hope flickering in them. “Sí?”

You kissed her, light and tender. “Sí.”

She let out a breath of relief, her hands coming to rest on your waist, pulling you closer.

“Though,” you added, a teasing lilt to your voice, “maybe next time you have a big question to ask, don’t let it distract you so much that you get smacked in the face?”

She groaned, burying her face in your shoulder. “Dios mío, nunca voy a vivir esto.”

You laughed, arms wrapping around her. “Nope. Never.”

She squeezed you tighter. “I love you.”

You pressed a kiss to her hair. “I love you too, baby. And I can’t wait to live with you.”

**

Tags:

@ceesimz @marysfics @girlgenius1111 @codiemarin @simp4panos @silentwolfsstuff @goldenempyrean @xxnaiaxx @liloandstitchstan @ktgoodmorning @chelseacult

[xobunni0]

𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃’ 𝓈𝓉𝓊𝓅𝒾𝒹

𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰 𝐱 𝐟!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

➵ ℳ𝓔𝓝𝓤

- DAY 2 💌 , friend!shadow, confession, fluff, wc-1537

Shadow loved being in control; in control over his emotions, his actions, his thoughts. but when it came to you that control crumbled completely

and that was unacceptable.

you were his friend. nothing more. nothing less. someone who had somehow wedged into his life

yet here he was, standing outside your apartment door hands buried in the pockets of his jacket, shoulders tense. the cold night air cooling against him, but he barely felt it. his pulse could be heard in his ears

he had been standing here for at least five minutes. maybe longer.

it was ridiculous. the idea of knocking on your door left him paralyzed

it was just you. his friend.

but that was the problem wasn’t it? you were just his friend. and he was just a coward who couldn’t say the words that would make you see him as anything else.

his fingers twitched toward the door then curled back into a fist. you had invited him over, for what reason? he wasn’t sure of.

it was just going to be you. him. and that terrified him.

he exhaled sharply forcing himself to knock. once. twice. a second later he heard footsteps. then the door cracked open and there you were hair slightly tousled, wearing a loose sweater that looked too soft for your own good eyes blinking up at him in confusion before softening.

“perfect, you're here to help me make cupcakes!” you said, this what you invited him over for…

cupcakes?

he stared at you, trying to piece together how that was relevant to whatever this was.. this weird, nervous feeling coiling in his chest the reason he had been standing outside your apartment debating whether to knock in the first place

with a quiet exhale, shadow followed

your kitchen was small but cozy, the counters cluttered with bags of flour, sugar, and other baking essentials. a recipe on top of the counter though you didn’t seem too concerned about following it exactly. you handed him a whisk.

“Alright you’re on mixing.”

Shadow eyed the whisk like it was a foreign object.

“I don’t bake.”

“you do tonight!” you said, dumping ingredients into the bowl. “It’s just stirring. you can handle that right?”

he scoffed but took the whisk, moving it through the batter.

the room was quiet except for the soft scrape of the whisk against the bowl. it should have been comfortable but Shadow felt restless. his mind was screaming at him to say something anything

god he couldn’t stop staring. even if we wanted to he couldn’t.

you were humming to yourself as you spooned cupcake batter into the tray, completely unaware of what was going in in his mind. the way a few loose strands of hair framed your face perfectly, the way your sweater hung a little too loosely over your frame, the slight flour that had gotten on ur temple. it was all so you. and it was driving him insane.

because all he could think about was what would happen if he just said it.

if he turned to you right now and admitted what had been clawing at his chest for months. if he just told you how you made him feel, how sometimes he just wanted to kiss you badly, how sometimes he found himself wanting to hear your voice when he was alone.

how would you react?

would you laugh? brush it off as a joke? or worse would you look at him with that soft, apologetic expression that told him you didn’t feel the same?

the thought made his stomach twist.

“You’re quiet again” you noted, glancing at him as you slid the tray into the oven. “What’s on your mind?”

you. always you.

but instead, he just shrugged leaning against the counter fingers drumming lightly against the surface. “Nothing.”

you sighed, unconvinced. “one day, you’re actually gonna tell me what’s on your mind, you know.”

he huffed, looking away. “Doubtful.”

either way, he was infuriating.

because no matter how obvious it was, no matter how many times you caught him staring when he thought you wouldn’t notice, no matter how he always found excuses to be near you he still wouldn’t say it.

and you were getting tired of waiting.

you stole a glance at him now, leaning against the counter arms crossed lost in thought. his eyes had that faraway look again, like he was lost in thought, you wanted to shake him to tell him to stop overthinking and just say it already.

but instead, you sighed and grabbed the two frosting containers. “Chocolate or vanilla?”

Shadow blinked, pulled from whatever internal debate he was having. he eyed the options then shrugged. “Chocolate.”

“you sure are slow when it comes to making decisions.” you remarked, popping open the container.

something changed in his expression just for a second. then it was gone. “I don’t make decisions without thinking them through.”

you leaned against the counter beside him, crossing your arms. “And how long does it take before you finally do something?”

Shadow tensed just slightly. maybe it was your imagination, but you swore his fingers twitched like he wanted to reach for something. for you.

you held his gaze, waiting.

his jaw clenched. then, just like always he looked away.

of course he did.

you exhaled sharply, shaking your head as you grabbed a spoon and started stirring the frosting with more force than necessary. “you are so frustrating, you know that?”

Shadow didn’t respond. but out of the corner of your eye, you saw his fingers curl into a fist.

you were both too stubborn to say first.

after all friends didn’t ruin things. friends didn’t make things complicated. right?

you didn’t know what possessed you to do it. maybe it was the tension that had been growing between you two for months. maybe it was frustration. maybe it was just him the way he was always so composed, so impossible to read.

for whatever the reason, before you could second-guess yourself, you swiped a dollop of chocolate frosting onto your finger and smudged it right onto Shadow’s cheek.

for a moment, he didn’t move.

he just stared at you, his red eyes wide with something unreadable.

then, slowly, he reached up, swiped a finger across his cheek and examined the frosting like he couldn’t quite believe you had actually done that.

as he turned toward the sink, you scooped up another bit of frosting and without hesitation again smeared it across the back of his neck.

you let out a startled laugh, shadow had lunged forward. before you could make it two steps, his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you back toward him. the sudden shift in weight threw you off balance, and you tumbled backward taking him down with you.

you landed on the kitchen floor, Shadow landing directly on top of you

for a moment, neither of you moved. the only sound in the room was the distant ticking of the oven timer, and the shallow rise and fall of your breaths

you blinked up at him.

Shadow hovered just inches above you, his hands on either side of your head, his chest pressed lightly against yours. his breath was warm against your cheek and you could feel the warmth radiating from him his entire body locked in place as if one wrong move would send him over the edge.

your own breath hitched. your heart pounded so loudly you were sure he could hear it

this was closer than you’d ever been. too close. and yet… not close enough.

Shadow’s gaze flickered to your lips.

just for a second.

you saw it. you felt it..

say it.

you didn’t know if you were pleading with him or yourself but the words were on the tip of your tongue, threatening to spill out and break whatever existed between you.

Shadow swallowed hard. his jaw clenched.

his voice was low, strained like the words had been clawing at his throat for too long.

��I like you.”

your breath caught.

“I’ve liked you for a long time” he admitted, eyes never leaving yours. “but you’re my friend. and if I said anything if I ruined what we already had I…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I wasn’t willing to risk it.”

Shadow searched your face like his entire world depended on your next move. like he was waiting for rejection, for you to laugh it off or tell him this was all some mistake.

but you didn’t.

Instead, you smiled the kind of smile that made his chest tighten in ways he still didn’t fully understand.

then without hesitation, you leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek

Shadow froze.

he let out a slow breath, his mind still struggling to catch up. your lips had been warm against his skin, soft, real. you were real. And you weren’t pushing him away.

you actually… wanted this.

his crimson eyes stayed locked onto yours, searching for any hint of doubt. any hesitation. but there was none. only you.

day 3 out this friday!💌

𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 ⏦ﾟᢉ𐭩 - 𓊆ྀི𝐝𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞𓊇ྀི

[lustlovehart]

Oh my gods, I was eating the sick!reader piece UPPPPP. 😩 Already re-read it like 5 times. Especially the Diasomnia part had me so good. Silver is the real MVP here.

Do you think you'd ever be willing to write about what'd happen if we didn't recover from an illness and specifically Lilia & Malleus got their way? I find their dynamic as yanderes always super interesting.

Ahh i’m so happy you liked it <33!!! Silver is basically your prince charming and it’s adorable!! Diasmonia was wayy longer than the other parts because the situation I decided on them was the most entertaining! Everyone else only thinking about turning you… They’re the ones who actually act on their thoughts (unfortunately).

(shh, he actually felt extremely guilty letting them do their thing, because no matter how hard he tries, he feels the same desire of you becoming one of them as well… the only thing that stops him is the fact you’ll be miserable, and he doesn’t know how he could live with that </3)

Pairing: [Monster!Twst] Diasmonia x Reader

Cw: You’re turned into a monster (Up to you what kind of monster, but there are scales and claws), Obsession, Craving Human, Kisses, Implied human eating (not a lot), It’s not said in the text but Malleus regenerates so he doesn’t lose a limb, Silver and Sebeks parts are kinda angsty

In the case you fall for your illness, they’re plans succeed, and you fall into a deep slumber. The last thing you see before your eyes shut, you see Silver, an apologetic frown looking at you as he mouths a silent ‘i’m sorry’. It’s enough to tug at your heartstrings, but the sight behind him immediately cuts any form of forgiveness you have.

Malleus’s cold-clawed fingers tracing up your arm, a soft smile on his face as his nail traces a pattern on your palm, Lilia playing with the bracelets gifted to you by the others on the table, and Sebek staring through the castles window, glowing eyes lighting the dark from his swamp.

“It will be over soon, Child of Hunters.”

…

The moment you jolt awake it feels as if you were forcibly taken from the afterlife, a feint memory of Idia desperately trying to pull you back into his arms before being dragged away. Your head is essentially a living furnace, flares happening every other moment leading to an excruciating headache. Despite the tremble in your hands, you reach up to soothe the thrumming, your fingertips coming into contact with skin.

But, rather than human, you feel pin sharp nails poke at your forehead.

You didn’t notice, not at all, with the blur in your vision it was practically impossible to see, but now with the newfound clearing in your sight you see it. Claws emerge from where your cuticles once rested, scales crawling up your skin. You throw the covers off your bed, the sleep wear concealing your horrific monstrous traits beneath the fabric, but it does nothing to rid the fear of what’s under your clothes.

“Mal… Malleus—!” your words are hoarse when you yell, a sign of your voice being unused for… you have no idea, but you know it’s a long time. “Damnit…! Malleus where are—?!” Your next step has you colliding with a stiff material, arms wrapping around you in an attempt of comfort. A fist is raised towards this entity, prepared to break wretched stone. “What the hell did you do to me Mal?!”

“… I’m so sorry.” the softness in his voice is different from the gargoyles, leading you to drop your hand, the only part of yourself you rest on him is your head, Silvers tough muscle tensing before gradually relaxing.

“… No you’re not.” your fresh fangs bite into your lip, your claws reaching into his bicep and burying them self into the dreameaters skin.

Silver hesitates for a moment, before speaking again, “I really am”. His previous pause has you doubt him, but the way he tightens his arms around you tells you he’s being entirely truthful, unfortunately.

You can feel a sting in your eyes, a familiar feeling of tears ready to burst, yet it’s like your tear ducts burned away with your humanity. But that’s not the thing that disturbs you in this moment, no…

It’s the way your stomach is desperate for food. A food you never wished to eat,

“It seems you’re in desperate need for food, yes?” the voice you were looking for emerges from behind you, a stone hand dragging your sleepwear down your shoulder, placing a hard kiss against your scaly skin. You’re quick to slap Malleus away, your claws cutting a strand of his mossy hair.

“Oh, be careful new one, it would do no good to hurt your potential supplier~” another equally disliked voice enters the fray, Lilia floating right next to you.

“Like hell i’m eating human…!”

“I wouldn’t advise not doing it, you’ll die a more painful death than you did a few years ago.” Malleus interjects, his pleasant smile falling into a much more serious frown.

“That’s better than becoming one of you bastards—” You pause your spiel, your legs buckling at his words, a great shock that has you falling into Lilias's arms, and not even fighting back. “… years?” Lilia's hand pets your head, a pathetic attempt at soothing you that only furthers your despair. “You’re joking… But, everyone else… Everyone else…!” you throw yourself back up, pushing Malleus against the wall, a hard clash sounding at stone hitting stone. “What the hell happened to them?! The monsters… Jack… Neige…!” your eyes burn like you’re crying, but you know you’re not. You hiccup before dropping to the floor, the last name that leaves your lips causing your last shred of sanity to snap. “… Rollo.”

For a moment, Malleus’s eyes glare at you, but they’re quick to disappear when he falls to his knees.

You despise it, you despise how even in your current panic, all you can think about is consuming. You grit your teeth, resisting all desire, but the sound of wind has you knowing something will happen, something that will test your patience. Your eyes are closed when Lilia’s hand takes yours, placing a kiss on your wrist before leaving you with his words of departure. “Do try to not eat all of Malleus, new beastie.”

You can’t question him before his presence disappears, but before you know it, when your eyes reopen, you don’t see stone, only pure human. “Malleus… What are you…?” He lifts his arm to your mouth, your lips attaching to his skin while his forehead rests on yours, looking right into your eyes. You can feel your canines put pressure on him.

“You’re what you are now because my affection for you runs so deep…” his free arm reaches behind you, pushing your head into his limb, “that I will do anything for you to stay alive, and here, together.” his voice is low, your jaw trembling with the urge to eat. But his words gnaw into your soul.

… Is this really living to him?

…

You rest your head on Lilia’s shoulder, his deep voice humming as he wipes your mouth clean. “Did you enjoy it?” your silence tells him not to inquire further, but in truth, you hate the fact… that you did enjoy it. “Hm, well, if you’re not satisfied with just Malleus…” his clawed finger taps your lips, red eyes piercing your soul, “I’ll always offer myself up for you too~”

He laughs at the way you glare at his joke, only continuing to rest yourself on his shoulder.

You stare deep into the swamp as Lilia continues to hum, hoping he will emerge. And he does, but he’s quick to disappear just as quickly as he appeared.

“Why did you want this for me…?” your ask has him pause, his finger pushing your head up and off his shoulder. “I just wanted…” you pause, Lilia patiently waiting for the rest of your sentence, yet there’s nothing more to be said. His thumb swipes across you bottom lift, showing you all signs of you feast had been wiped clean.

“Everyone wants something, whether it be human or immortal.” you bury yourself in your arms, the moon reflective on the mystery creature's pale exterior. “And you want to know why it is I wished for this?” he uses his hand to signal at your body, his smile disappearing, an all too serious expression painted on his features. He leans into your face, a few centimeters stopping him from being directly on your skin.

For a moment, a single second, it’s like his scarlet eyes share every single moment of greed and cruelty in his hundreds of years alive, even moments from before his improved personality. A cruel beast who’s a monster just for the sake of being one… It’s gone in that same second.

“Because you’re so adorable!”

“…Go away Lilia.”

“You’re hurting my feelings… And I thought you wanted a bite of me.” you glare at him again but this time he doesn’t laugh, only smiles, “You’ll learn how mucher crueler the world is as a human… We only wish to protect you.” and with that, he’s gone, leaving you and the creature of the swamp alone.

…

“Sebek?” you dip your hand into the water, splashing the liquid up. But to no avail, he doesn't appear, a different monster answering your calling.

“I don’t know if he wants to see you.” you turn around to see Silver, his eyes looking into yours, but you can tell how hard he’s trying to avoid looking at your new monstrous traits. You can’t fault him though, the sight of your replaced eyes in the water sends chills up your spine.

“It’s not like i’m the one who asked for this…” you throw a stick in the water, hoping maybe it’ll darth through the marsh and poke the beast underneath.

“I— He knows…”

“Great! So what’s his problem?” Silver doesn't reply, but to be fair, you don’t think he knows the answer either. “… He left me flowers while I was dying.”

“He did?” Silver sits next to you, he eyes focused on your rather than the ripples you trace into the water with your claw.

“Mhm. I never saw him do it though.” you can see Silver’s reflection staring at you, but you can’t bear to look back, only continuing to draw on the surface.

“That’s… Nice.” he watches you stop, the waves halting as well, the silence that hangs in the air suffocating. You grit your teeth, turning your head but not looking him in the eyes, eyes that are far too kind for a monster of his caliber. You fixate on the place his heart would be if he was human.

It was meant to distract you, but it instead has you wonder, maybe Silvers's warmth would be much stronger had he had the makeup of a mortal. Such hypotheticals are better left in your head though, and you know this. It doesn’t stop you from taking his hand in yours, squeezing his limb as you force your words out.

“Did you want me to be a monster too Silver?” his stoic expression widens, hesitation evident, before his head hangs in shame when he finally tells his truth.

“I… Don’t know.” he watches you stand up, making no effort to stop you, but very obviously tensing at the prospect of you leaving. “I just… I just knew I didn’t want you to die painfully somewhere we can’t reach you…!” he’s about to jump up to meet you eye to eye, stopped by you placing a flower on his head.

“That’s something I knew would happen, something I signed up for.” you both stay still, only looking at each other. This contact is broken when Silver lets the flower fall, his head resting on your bottom half.

“I know… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t feel this way, but…” he expects you to leave when he feels you shift, but instead, relaxes when you let him continue to rest his head on your lap. All his words die in his throat, but you know what he meant to say. Truth be told though, you don’t know if you’re okay with it.

…

Your bottom half is cold as you sit in the water, staring directly at Sebek under the water.

“Can you come out? I don’t wanna risk being a non-marine based monster and drowning.”

“I don’t think so human, I don’t wan to risk— Er…!” He jolts at the mistake he made in his burgled voice, further burying himself into the water. You lean over, your hand reaching out to dunk one of his flowers beneath the surface, he quirks an eye at the action.

“You never visited me when I was dying.” your words have him furrow his brows, but he doesn’t give you a reply nor explanation. “Why is that Sebek?” a moment passes, a few moments, before he emerges from the water, his large form moving towards you on the ledge. His large arms cage you between the side of his marsh and his body, golden slit eyes staring into you.

“I did not want to see that.” His eyes move down your new form, scales, claws, canines, and all, he sees it all in his mind. “You bedridden… It’s a weak sight. It’s like you were giving in, it was cowardly.”

“Aren’t you the one who said all mortals are pathetically weak?”

“They are! You are!” Sebek pushes back, the water splashing at the outburst. “But you’re not supposed to be!” his tail swings in the water causing a wave to move towards you. “You weren’t supposed to die… You were meant to prove me wrong…” you’re about to move towards him before he stops you, a single outstretched webbed hand in your face. “But now you’re here because you proved me right… Humans are weak, pathetic… evil…” he slowly moves towards you again, wavering clear in the way he slowly places his forehead on your shoulder. “It’s why you can’t be one anymore… you can’t be any of those things...”

There are two directions I think their scheme could end, one where they successfully stop anyone else from the cast from knowing your current predicament, and one where your current state is found out by everyone else. If the latter were to happen, it doesn’t matter where their domain is, they will show up to Diasmonia and demand to see you. A vast majority will wish to have you in their care, while the ones who never wished for you to be a monster, will make sure you don’t fall into the other's hands.

[vershautece]

u not liking the stretch marks u got during ur pregnancy but they make lu go feral

yessss he would make sure u know how perfect u are, you’d start feeling insecure during sex and he’d hate that

imagine you’ve just got on top to ride him but you look down at yourself and remember about your stretch marks: ‘um lu i don’t know if im in the mood actually’ and you go to get off of him but he pulls you back onto his lap

‘hey? what’s wrong, you were just all over me?’ he’s looking up at you concerned

‘um yeah i don’t know, it’s just-’

his hands are rubbing softly over your hips, and you look down at the stretch marks there, feeling bad that you don’t look as good as you did before your pregnancy. you have some on your inner thighs and your boobs, and of course on your stomach - yesterday you guys had sex for the first time since you gave birth, but it was in the dark so you didn’t mind. now he can see the marks all over you, and you desperately want to cover yourself and not bother him.

‘hm? what is it, baby girl? are you still not ready to start having sex? i only instigated it because you seemed happy last night’ he’s still looking up at you with worry in his eyes, and you lean forward into him, wrapping your arms around his neck while he wraps his arms tight around your waist. he kisses your cheek and waits for you to answer

‘i didn’t wanna say anything because i’m embarrassed, but uh, i’m not really in the mood because i feel bad that i’m, y’know, not at my best for you’

‘baby, what do you mean? you were fucking amazing for me last night, i thought i told you clear enough’ he laughs, his hands drifting down to grip your ass. all you can think about is how you’re on top of him and if you lean back again he’ll be able to see every single one of the marks on your skin

‘yeah, i mean i don’t look my best, y’know?’ you get embarrassed just telling him this, anxiously playing with the curls on the nape of his neck. as soon as you say this he gently moves your head back to look into your eyes, while you try to look away. ‘huh? what do you mean? amore - look at me’

you make eye contact with him, and the way he’s looking up at you with so much concern has you melting. ‘my stretch marks, they’re literally all over my body’ you sigh, going forward to rest on his chest again so he can’t see them. ‘yeah, and what? hey - baby, stop hiding your pretty body from me, sit back up properly’ he speaks to you in that deep, honeyed voice, shifting you so you’re sat back up on him again

‘lu stop it i know i don’t look good, that’s what happens after pregnancy, it doesn’t matter’ you sigh, and he clenches his jaw at the way you speak about yourself. one of his hands rubs at your right hip, the other moving to play with the fingers on your left hand. ‘i don’t wanna hear you talk that way about yourself, okay? you have these marks because you carried and gave birth to our baby, and there is nothing sexier to me than making love to the mother of my child. you understand?’ he doesn’t break eye contact with you, and when you try to look away he uses one of his hands to turn your face to him. ‘c’mere’ he whispers, bringing your lips to his and caressing your waist. when he pulls away, he smirks at you: ‘you didn’t even give me time to play with those perfect breasts’, now he’s pressing kisses down your neck, ‘tell you how gorgeous they are… grip your waist and hips, press kisses along your stomach down to your thighs…’ you’re starting to rock your hips onto him now, getting back in the mood as he praises you, your wetness dripping onto his hardening cock, hands pulling at his curls.

‘te amo, bellissima. you gonna let me show you how perfect you are for me?’ he stops kissing your neck to look up at you. ‘mhmmm, yeah, thank you baby’ you moan, humping his erection. he laughs at you softly: ‘i knew you were in the mood, my love. c’mon, let me make you feel good - gonna give you this cock every day from now on, it’s been too long and i need to treat my beautiful girl, need to get your perfect body to cum for me’

‘i love you, luigi - mm - i’m so lucky to have you’ you’re rocking yourself even more desperately on him, as you grip his cock to guide it inside. but he holds your wrist to stop you: ‘hey, not yet, let me eat you out first.’

‘mm, luigi, do that after, i’m so desperate for you, baby - and you can touch all of me in this position. god, i need you to fuck me, please’ you’re whining on top of him, and he laughs as he holds your left hip in one hand and guides his cock into your pussy with the other. ‘so much for someone who wasn’t in the mood, hm? you know you were being so stupid, dolcezza’ he whispers, pushing in the tip. you moan out loudly, and he laughs. ‘shhh, you’re gonna wake our baby. and that’s just the tip, my love’

‘mmm, so big lu’ you whine, gripping his shoulders. ‘oh i know, i know, mhm’ he coos. ‘it’s a good thing she was at your mom’s yesterday when i basically took your virginity again, you were screaming for me all night’ he laughs softly. you’re still struggling today though, and you bite your lip to try to stop the sounds. ‘i’m gonna rub your clit while i push in slowly, okay?’

‘mhm’ you moan in response, and he starts to draw teasingly slow circles on your bundle of nerves as he gradually pushes the rest of himself in you and bottoms out. he groans at the feeling, and your eyes roll into the back of your head as you whimper. while he gives you time to adjust, his attention turns to your breasts, pressing soft kisses around your areolas without sucking on your nipples because unfortunately for him, they’re for your baby right now. ‘so fuckin’ pretty… you don’t think these marks are sexy?’ he mutters against your skin, drifting his fingers over your stretch marks before gripping both of your breasts tightly and kneading them in his big hands.

‘lu, mmm, be careful, i might leak’ you moan, and he smiles up at you with a slight smirk, moving his hands to your ass. ‘it’s okay if you do, it’s natural - you ready for me to move? i’ll do all the work for you, just want you to rest on my cock while i thrust up into that pussy, yeah?’

‘yes, that’s fine baby’ you grip his shoulders so tight in anticipation, and he plants his feet on the bed, bends his knees and starts his thrusts, setting a steady pace. ‘mm, luigi, fuck’

‘that feel good, hm? yeah, baby girl? takin’ it so well’ he groans, squeezing your ass and moving his head to get a better look at it. ‘gonna show you that ass in the mirror later, those marks make you look even sexier than you did before - i didn’t think it was possible, mm’ his thrusts get faster now, and he smacks your ass lightly. you squeal, and he chuckles and reminds you to be quiet: ‘sh, princess, remember she’s asleep in the next room’

‘how am i supposed to stay quiet when you fuck me like this, mmm’ you’re breathless and you’re not even bouncing; his thrusts are hitting your g spot perfectly and it’s too much to take already

‘we’re gonna have to start practicing staying quiet for our girl ‘cause i need to start fucking you every night again like we used to’ he lands another soft smack on your ass, and you drag your hand down to play with your clit but he moves it away swiftly and replaces it with his own. ‘bella ragazza, i’m still doing everything for you at least for the next two weeks, mhm? you just take my cock, let me make you feel good, that’s it baby girl’ his fore and middle finger work so perfectly on your sensitive clit, and you’re so in love with how he treats you that you instinctively lean forward to make out with him. your tongues meet, and you moan into each other’s mouths, the pace of lu’s fingers and his thrusts never faltering. the hand on your ass comes up to caress your cheek as you kiss, and after a couple minutes he pulls away, feeling your walls clench around him.

‘oh, amore mio, you gonna cum for me, yeah? lay on my chest, baby’ he pauses his thrusts for a moment as he lies down just a little so you can lay on him - he’s still sat up slightly to continue pounding up into you. when he resumes his thrusts you’re biting your lip so hard so your daughter doesn’t hear, fingers tight in his curls and you’re getting extra stimulation from the way your breasts are pressing against his chest, rubbing up and down his pectorals with the pace of his thrusts.

‘luigi, fuck, baby’ you’re a moaning mess, and you start to feel your boobs lactate a small amount onto his chest. you feel a little embarrassed, but you know he wouldn’t mind and it’s his fault for stimulating your body so well. his hands are gripping your ass tight, smoothing his fingers over the stretch marks there and on your hips as he thrusts up into you impossibly faster.

‘i love you my princess, cum for me - you’re so beautiful, love feeling you’ he whispers into your ear as he moves one hand to caress your hair and the side of your face, pressing sweet kisses on your forehead. when you’re both getting so close, he wraps his arms around your waist protectively and you can hear his soft grunts in your ear. you’re so desperate for your release that you’re rocking your hips back onto his cock, moaning into his neck. ‘i love you, lu, you’re everything to me’ your words get muffled against his skin

‘dolcezza, you’re the perfect mama - wanna give you my last name, give you more of my babies’ his grunts and soft whines directly in your ear paired with his words and his thrusts have you feeling like you’re in heaven

‘i want that so bad, mm, baby, i’m gonna cum’ you’re so fucked out against him, your words coming out incoherently.

‘yeah, me too princess, aw c’mon, we gonna start making another baby, huh? want me to keep fucking you raw every night? i love your body so much’

you’re so glad you’re pressed against his chest so your moans are muffled because otherwise you’d be screaming. ‘yeah i want your cum, oh please lu, give it to me, oh god i’m g-’ you cut yourself off with a strangled moan as you get your release, and moments later you feel his hot cum spill inside you, a loud groan leaving his throat. you’re both breathing heavily for a while, playing with each other’s hair. you’re so cosy on his chest, and you don’t ever want to move. ‘baby, don’t pull out’ you mutter into his neck, and he smiles: ‘you want my cum so deep, huh?’ you both giggle, and he continues whispering to you: ‘hold on, i’m serious now, amore - do you really want another baby so soon? i’ll get you plan b and we can start using protection again - i’m not pressuring you, beautiful. i wanna have more kids but it doesn’t have to be anytime soon’

you pull away from his chest a little to look into his eyes, caressing his curls. ‘luigi, i don’t mind. after going through the first pregnancy i know i’m ready for another baby whenever you are. they say that after giving birth you forget about the pain and you just want to do it all over again’

he smiles down at you: ‘that’s great baby but i don’t think i’m gonna let you get pregnant just 3 months after giving birth - let’s wait, i’ll just start pulling out cause i’m never making you go on birth control’

your heart melts at his words, and then you smirk at the last part. ‘you sure you’re gonna pull out every time? i don’t believe that’

he raises his brows at you: ‘what, you don’t think i can? you’ll see i have more self control than you think’

‘mmmkay we’ll revisit this conversation tomorrow’ you roll your eyes playfully, resting back on his chest again, and you giggle to yourself knowing your man is going to struggle like hell to pull out of you in time every single night :3

[nimbusclan]

Moon 5 Part 2

[Previous] [Start] [Next]

Moonstar gasps awake, sitting up so fast she rams her head into the thick underside of a low-hanging branch that she and her brother had spent the night taking turns sleeping under. They’ve been doing that, taking turns – who knows what things are lurking out here in the dark, so far from home.

If they can't go back, does it still count as home? 

“Ow…” Moonstar groans, a sharp throb pounding against her skull. What a way to start the morning.

Fogfreckle ducks his head underneath one of the branches, sweeping past the leaves to gaze curiously at his sister. He tilts his head questioningly, mouth open to ask what’s wrong, when the words die on his tongue and his eyes widen.

“Fogfreckle!” Moonstar mews excitedly, leaping to her paws. “You’ll never guess what happened!”

“Your– your forehead,” Fogfreckle croaks. “You… were visited by StarClan?”

“What about my forehead?” Moonstar asks, confused and distracted. She presses a paw against her head to see if perhaps she’s bleeding, but her paw doesn’t come away warm or wet. The rest of her brother’s words filter to her slowly through the dull throb of pain and the fog of the early hour. She pouts. “Yeah, Star– how did you guess so quick?”

“There’s– your forehead. You have a star. A leader’s star.”

Moonstar’s pout deepens. “Well. That kind of steals my thunder.”

“Moonpool, what happened?”

“Moonstar now, actually.” Moonstar grins. “StarClan visited me in my dreams and granted me my nine lives. Isn’t that crazy? I didn’t even have to– there was no–” Moonstar’s tongue can hardly keep up with everything that’s swirling in her brain, the experience of her leader’s ceremony playing back to her as if memory and not just dream. “NimbusClan lives on, Fogfreckle. In us, just like you said. We’re to lead NimbusClan into its new future.”

“‘We’?” Fogfreckle asks weakly, jaw slack with disbelief.

“Of course, ‘we’!” Moonstar laughs, bounding closer to her brother. She feels so full of life, coursing through her like the widest, wildest river. “I wouldn’t be here if not for you, you know that. Besides, what’s a leader without her deputy?”

“Deputy?” Fogfreckle repeats, dumbstruck.

“What are you, a raven?” Moonstar laughs. “Yes, deputy! As leader, I’m appointing you as deputy of NimbusClan, Fogfreckle.”

Fogfreckle swells with pride, pale chest fluffed out as he inhales a shaky breath. “I– yes, Moonstar. Thank you.”

“Don’t get all formal on me, now. You’re my brother first, deputy second.”

“So, we really are still a Clan.” He grins, then the expression fades from his face somewhat. His eyes take on an earnest shine. “Did you… I know you’re not supposed to talk about the ceremony, but… when you visited StarClan, did you… did you see our parents?”

Moonstar smiles gently, heart squeezing painfully in her chest. Dad had told her to tell Fogfreckle that their parents miss him, too, so surely StarClan won’t be displeased if she shares just that much? “Yes. I saw them. Mom and Dad. They told me to tell you they miss you.”

Fogfreckle hiccups, stepping close to push his head hard against Moonstar’s.

“I wish you could have seen them too,” She adds in a whisper, nuzzling into his dawn-warmed fur. The sun is just starting to crest the side of the mountain on its way up, crawling lazily into the sky. Greenleaf heat creeps on silent, soft paws across her pelt. It’ll be humid later, but for now, it’s pleasant.

“Maybe they’ll walk in my dreams one day, too.”

“I hope so.” Moonstar presses one more smile into his fur and then pulls back, squaring her shoulders in what she hopes is a leaderly fashion. It’s only her brother, but she may as well start getting used to playing the role. “Alright, deputy. What’s our first order of business?”

Fogfreckle grins. “How about breakfast? I could go for some eggs.”

“Perfect idea.”

Both cats stretch out their paws and take off, bounding up the mountain.

[Previous] [Start] [Next]

[cloverapple]

Shifting FAQ and why you need to calm the FAQ down

“Can I script that—”

Yes.

“Can I shift to a reality where—”

Yes.

“Is permashifting possible?”

Yes.

“I’ve been trying for x amount of years—”

The time passed already. Focus on here and now.

“Will X happen if I script Y?”

Whatever you script will happen exactly how you want it to.

“Can I shift without any methods?”

Yes. There are infinite ways to shift = Infinite ways to go about something that is instant.

“I’ve tried everything—“

Except fully trusting yourself, since you’re still dwelling on your shifting journey from a place of lack.

“Do I need to believe 100% to shift?”

No. You just need to allow it. Doubt doesn’t stop you, resistance does.

“Is shifting, like, REALLY real?”

Yes.

“But my blockages—“

You’re not a clogged drain. There’s nothing blocking something that happens naturally.

“My subconscious doesn’t believe in my affirmations—“

Oh, my bad. I didn’t realize affirming was the only way to manifest. Sooo, what should I do with this whole bag of feeling my way into my DR, visualization, subliminals, SATs, askfirmations, scripting, channeling, daydreaming, meditating, embodying the state, living in the end, inner conversations, mental rehearsals, literally just vibing, and doing absolutely nothing because sometimes that works too? Should I just toss all that in the trash? Light it on fire? Bury it in the backyard? Cool, good to know.

“Can I shift while I’m tired? While I’m sad? While I’m stressed?”

Yes, yes, and yes. Emotions don’t block shifting. If anything, they help.

“Why haven’t I shifted yet?”

That’s like asking why the sun isn’t rising when you know it’s just beneath the horizon. You know it’s coming, you know it can break through any second, but you keep staring at the dark like the world is ending.

“How do I figure out what I need to do?”

The only person in this universe who knows the answer to that question is you, yet you doubt yourself so much, you mistrust yourself so much, that it’s like whatever your subconscious is telling you goes in one ear and out the other.

“But NOTHING works for me 😭”

Okay, listen—in the gentlest, most kindergarten-teacher voice possible—shifting is like 10% processes that “work for you” or not and 90% trust and letting go. If you can’t trust yourself, cool, trust your undeniable ability to shift. If that feels like a stretch, trust your subconscious (it’s been running the show since forever, give it some credit). Still not there? Trust the outcome. Trust something, anything. And then? LET. GO. RELAX. Like, actually unclench your jaw and stop treating shifting like it’s a piece of raw chicken and you a dog that has not eaten in *checks watch* 2 minutes.

Because if you’re over here sobbing, whining “nothing works for meeeee,” that tells me two things:

A) You don’t trust anything, which, surprise surprise, makes shifting a little difficult. B) Something does work for you. There’s a sweet spot, a method that clicks—but you haven’t found it because you approach every process with fear instead of fun, frustration instead of curiosity, anxiety instead of chill.

Imagine slipping into the driver’s seat of a car you know how to drive, but you’re bawling, panicking, flailing around like the steering wheel’s out to get you. You’re gonna hit a pedestrian. THE PEDESTRIAN IS YOU.

People forget that shifting is as limitless as you are. Shifting is you. Shifting has no rules. You have no rules. So why are you boxing shifting in? Why are you boxing yourself in? Why are you creating problems for something infinite? Why are you stepping into the identity of a finite being when you have the power to shift realities?

You weren’t born with limits. You were taught them. Conditioned to believe that things have to be hard, that you have to struggle, that you need to earn what’s already yours. But shifting doesn’t play by those rules, and neither do you. The only limits are the ones you keep dragging along with you.

“I’m quitting shifting. I still can’t shift even though I’ve tried XY and Z⏤”

This is you:

Side note: If you’ve read all this and you’re still frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, and sitting there like “I don’t know what to dooooo 😩”

Take. A. Break.

A day? Cool.

A week? Even better.

Two weeks? A whole month? Do it.

Take a break from shifting, from overthinking, from spiraling down every forum post and Reddit thread like it’s gonna reveal the secret of the universe. Because if you’ve hit that point where nothing sticks, every piece of advice goes in one ear and out the other, every answer feels wrong, and you’re waiting for some magical piece of advice to make you shift, guess what? You need to calm the FAQ down.

Maybe your brain’s flashing red lights like “WARNING: SYSTEM OVERLOAD” and you’re out here ignoring it, treating frustration and exhaustion like it’s another problem to fix instead of a big ol’ sign that your mind needs a nap and a snack.

Let it chill. Recharge. You’re not losing progress; you’re just giving your brain a breather so when you come back, shifting feels like fun again, not a chore.

[chaaistained]

hazy fairy lights and the thought of schedules

me waking up in my kpop dr for a total of five seconds ..

.

.

.

i didn’t exactly go into this with the desire to wake up in a bedroom i’d only ever seen from one angle, in a picture, off of pinterest . i even started out this whole “process” feeling so desperate that i’m embarrassed to go into further detail but, we persevere —

the night before, i was plagued with insomniac anxieties, the fidgety kind, where your mind won’t sit still and your body thinks “hey! that’s a grand idea, let me do the same!” as if i’m not laying there in my bed, tempted to pull my hair out

i figured, what’s there to lose? like every other night, let’s give this another go, and i went to look at my screenshot of emma’s method (@hrrtshape — tysm lovely <3) and started trying to shift to my wr

the desired outcome of a mind bending epiphany, an almost destruction of the very construct of reality . that didn’t happen .. and truth be told, i found it hard to concentrate in general. but eventually i just kept telling myself that “this isn’t a chore, this a hobby, this is something i do for fun. i’ve done this [shifting] before, even if it was only for a few seconds, i can do it again” and i let my mind think about my daily routine and plans for my wr

after that, i don’t really remember falling asleep. i sorta wafted from dream to dream, mostly about my cr life — university, my high school best friend and our galentines plans, i had a weird panicky one about a chemistry test .. i haven’t taken chemistry since i graduated high school four years ago . but anyway apparently the body keeps the score.. yay us

i think what set me off into a more calming deep slumber was how my dream rippled from chemistry and science to literature, english, writing, and more specifically, editing — before i went to bed i was editing an upcoming fic i will be posting to my fic account (shameless plug : @yourislandgirl) and it was a drabble featuring enhypen’s jake, a kpop idol for those who don’t know ^.^

next thing i know, i hear a twinkling alarm, the kind of one that sounds like stars? not exactly the same as the standard iphone alarm sounds but, i remember it feeling familiar ??

i instinctively went to rub my eyes, expecting the usual crust and sleepiness only to find that they were relatively clear-ish (a point i make bcs i specifically scripted that i don’t get super crusty eyes bcs i hate it). it didn’t exactly hit me then, but i patted around my bed for my phone, snoozing the alarm, my eyes still closed as i took in a few deep breaths.

my room smelled like lavender . which is odd bcs i don’t have a room freshening spray in my cr, i rely on candles but wtv not the point, i don’t own a lavender mist .. but for some reason the only thought running through my head when i sighed out in relief, curling myself back under the sheets was “man . my rooms smells nice”

for your information i’m rolling my eyes at myself while i type this up bcs BITCH (directed at me) YOU SHIFTED

anyway, i kinda felt myself dipping in and out of consciousness, or at least that’s what i thought, bcs in actuality i think i was dipping BETWEEN consciousness’ — the cotton softness of my cr sheets was suddenly a smooth milky satin, and then it was cotton, and then satin, and it wasn’t until this hellscape of a cycle repeated itself for the third time, that i finally realised my surroundings were changing.

it was sort of like what being tipsy felt like, a little buzz in my head, my mind feeling fuzzy, like a pom pom . (that’s legitimately how my mind feels when i’m tipsy btw) and it was like my energy was rising slowly and then getting sapped out of me and then rising and falling

i think i was getting sick of it, and knowing me and my lack of patience, that totally tracks, so when i felt a bit more energy bloom inside, i took the chance to open my eyes. my only thoughts were “god i need to get up, i can’t keep laying here dreaming..”

and that’s when i saw it, the room of my kpop dr self, from an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ANGLE — i saw a vanity, 80% of it filled with lip products which, again, totally tracks . there was a door open and a stepping stone path of clothes leading out of it, my wardrobe . guitar stands, one for an acoustic, one for an electric . a desk with a monitor and a laptop . i EVEN HAD ROOM FOR A BEANBAG COUCH IM SO JEALOUS

AND AND YA KNOW WHAT SUCKS . IT WAS SO NORMAL?? I KEPT BLINKING TRYING TO WAKE MYSELF UP

my mind was like “ . . . huh”

and THE CHERRY ON TOP OF THIS MIND FUCK — all i could stare at were the strings of fairy lights going along the edge of my ceiling, little stars and diamonds, they gave off a warm golden glow and as i laid there with silk soft hair and skin so smooth i can’t believe i didn’t notice when i touched my face . my brain had the AUDACITY to go “oh fuck . i’ve got to record something today. …(sigh) and rehearse”

LIKE- THATS NOT SMTH TO COMPLAIN ABOUT GIRLYPOP??!!)?)!?,?!

i swear- i swear to you guys . i’m appalled at myself

because i just HAD to think abt something important something tiring, something like my DAILY SCHEDULES BCS THEN

I CLOSED MY EYES AGAIN AND FELT LIKE EVERY OUNCE OF STRENGTH WAS BEING PULLED OUT OF ME

and then i woke up here. again.

my hair was drier, and so was my skin, my eyes were crusty and sleepy, my pillows were comfy but nothing could compare to the marshmallow cloud of comfort that were my kpop dr pillows.

i sat up, stretched, cracked all my joints, went straight for my phone and started to doomscroll . like it was some coping mechanism or something. my mind kept going : “that was a dream. that was just a dream. man what a VIVID dream. yeah, that’s it chaai, you had a vivid dream, you’ve always had vivid dreams, that’s your thing! (true story) that’s all this was…”

but, and i swear you can’t make this shit up, it all felt NORMAL , creepily normal. usually in a dream you’re like “ah yes, i’m dreaming, i can’t exactly wake up right now bcs i’m enjoying this dream, but i know i’m dreaming”

no, no, this quote unquote dream, felt like those sleepy mornings when the world feels slow, when the simplicity of the small rays of morning sunlight coming through your window feel cinematic, when you want to close your eyes and keep taking in gentle deep breaths, hold off on getting up, just for five more minutes.

that’s what it felt like.

i didn’t know i was dreaming bcs i wasn’t dreaming. i was just waking up to a dream, as my reality.

and honestly, another factor is how my mind immediately went to the events of my day, a CLASSIC trope in yours truly. honestly nothing is more on brand than me being like “(sigh) life feels so soft and sweet right now .. alright now let’s cause myself a mini panic attack by thinking about my responsibilities for the day and how many there are and how little time i have to complete everything, isn’t that fun???!?”

finally, my energy levels, that thing i mentioned earlier? about how i’d feel the strength grow and decline over and over again? those five seconds i had in my kpop dr were tiring and drowsy, but not lethargic, they weren’t draining, they weren’t exhausting. i had some energy in me .. and when i closed my eyes, it felt like i was being drained, and i woke up here and felt like i had the life torn out of me and then forced back in. as embarrassing as this sounds, i actually think it “proves” this shift a bit more — logically speaking, i’m more fit, more toned, more active in my kpop dr, where my career is hugely based on my skill levels, as a dancer and singer and performer, where an asset in my job is my appearance, and how i keep myself in shape .. i don’t have to worry about those things here, i don’t have the strength or flexibility or just straight up energy that i do in that reality.. i guess it didn’t hit me, how much difference there would be in my physicality, until this shift

so , yeah. that about sums it up

i think i would have benefitted from grounding myself. and i’m 99% sure i’ll face this problem again bcs i can’t even ground myself in this reality let alone another, mostly bcs i don’t want to, (life’s just so much lighter when your head’s in the clouds .. this is very unhealthy, i do not recommend)

but, for the five seconds that it lasted, it was honestly worth it. my room looked splendid, it was spacious, it was not messy (not matter what dr-self tells you), it was instead, aesthetically chaotic in a pleasing way . and i stand by that

but those fairy lights… mf they’ll be haunting my dreams, ghostly and golden and glorious, i can see them so clearly if i close my eyes.

anyway, here’s to more shifts to come !! i’m not giving up just yet, i WILL get back there, or any other dr for that matter, and i wish you all a happy shifting experience <33

bcs trust me, it took me five years to get five seconds, but in those five seconds i felt a whole 16 years of life in me, i felt a definitive existence there, like i had places to be, people to see, things to do. and i hadn’t even sat up in bed yet ..

this shit is real. it’s as real as you reading this right now. and i’m gonna keep trying, even if all i get next time is another five seconds. and i hope you try with me ≈

.

.

.

chaai brews; tea assortments — dr archive

2025 © chaaistained

[harrywavycurly]

Worst Mob Boss Ever: Book Club

Part 1: Here

A/N: I wasn’t planning on a part 2 but here we are because I got hit with inspiration, so enjoy✨

CW: Language, mentions of Harry’s “job”, mentions of past violent acts (broken nose), multiple “threats” of violence towards one person.

Tag List: @mema10 @angeldavis777 @outofthisworl-d @howling-wolf97 @umadirectioner @fangirl509east

Summary: Harry joins you for book club and it doesn’t go the way he imagined it would ✨

“They aren’t going to let you in dressed like that.” You warn the tall green eyed man who is standing next to you holding your slippers outside the parked car that’s currently in a driveway of a house he’s never been to before. Harry quirks a brow as he looks down at his suit, not sure why his attire would keep him from being able to enjoy an evening discussing a subpar romance novel. You shake your head and give Mitch a glare as you grab your backpack off the floor of your car. “You better bring it back with a full tank or I’m kicking your ass.” Your brother just rolls his eyes as he watches you sling a strap of your bag over your shoulder.

“Just call me when it’s done.” You just nod and go to close the door. “And uh tell Sydney I said-” You close the door on him before he can finish his sentence making him laugh as you shoot him the bird before turning and facing the house.

“May I ask what’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” You ignore Harry as you make your way up the path that leads to the front door of your bestfriend’s house. “Do they have an issue with Gucci or something?” He asks as he follows closely behind you while Mitch begins to back out of the driveway so he can go run the errands he needed to borrow your car for.

“I told you this is a cozy book club meaning you can’t just show up in a suit and honestly no one gives a shit if it’s Gucci or not.” You explain to him as you take the pair of slippers out of his hands that you made him hold for you while you got the rest of your stuff from the car.

“If I take the jacket off and roll up the sleeves it can give cozy vibes.” He offers making you roll your eyes because both of you know that nothing will make his suit look cozy.

“Just don’t embarrass me this-” Harry’s attention moves from you to the front door of the house as it swings open revealing someone he hasn’t seen in months, dressed in a matching pink and white stripped pajama set and white slippers.

“What the actual fuck is Harry Styles doing on my front porch?” You look at Morgan and then over your shoulder to Harry who looks more amused than annoyed or even shocked at her question.

“Good to see you too Morgan.” He greets your bestfriend with a smile making her cross her arms over her chest as she glares at him.

“I must have died and gone to hell because there is no way this is actually happening.” You raise an eyebrow at her as you try to ever remember her ever mentioning knowing Harry but you come up empty as the two of them just stare at one another.

“Uh how do you know him?” You ask making Morgan finally acknowledge you and you could laugh at how her face changes from a scowl to a soft smile as soon as her eyes meet your, but then she lets out an annoyed huff as she looks away from you so she can go back to glaring at the man behind you.

“That’s my cousin’s old boss. I met him at a holiday party a year or so ago.” Harry can’t help but feel his jaw clench as she motions at him with one of her red acrylic nails, not liking the tone she’s using at all. “He’s an asshole and-”

“I’m an asshole? Your cousin was the asshole or did you forget the reason why he no longer works for me?”

“So he borrowed some money-”

“I didn’t know stealing was the same thing as borrowing?”

“He paid it back.”

“Yeah after I broke his nose and threatened to beak his kneecaps with a crowbar.” Your eyes go wide as Harry tells Morgan what he did to her cousin as if it’s the most casual conversation he’s had all day. But to your surprise all Morgan does is place her hands on her hips and narrow her eyes at him while Harry just stands there unbothered.

“Oh please as if you ever do anything yourself you had Frank do it for you.” She snaps at him making Harry let out a chuckle as he shakes his head in disbelief that of all the people in this city you could be friends with you somehow manage to pick someone who can’t stand him and all because he fired her cousin for stealing from him. And if Harry’s being honest she’s lucky her cousin is even still breathing but he’d never voice that out loud to her since she’s already looking at him like she wants to strangle him with her barehands.

“Frank? You think I sent Frank to deal with your idiot cousin? I wouldn’t trust him with my coffee order.” You feel like you’ve been standing on Morgan’s front porch for an hour when in reality it’s only been a few minutes but you decide in this moment you’ve heard enough and just want to go inside and change out of your work uniform.

“I’m going to go change while the two of you finish catching up.” Morgan looks at you and smiles as she moves to the side giving you enough space to walk through her front door, leaving her alone with Harry on the porch.

“Listen Morgan I’m not here to talk about your cousin or work I’m just here for book club.” Harry’s voice is calm and controlled, it doesn’t hold a single bit of the annoyance he has bubbling inside of him right now as he watches you enter the house and turn down a hallway so you’re no longer in his line of sight. Doing his best to hide the fact he doesn’t enjoy not being able to see you, he is willing to say whatever he needs in order to get inside the house.

“Fine but you’re not stepping a foot inside my house until you explain why you’re here with my bestfriend who doesn’t have anything to do with you or your business.” Harry can tell by her voice that she’s serious, she would make him sit outside on the porch all night until he gave her the details she’s looking for so he just nods before running a hand through his hair.

“I got into her car thinking it was mine and now here we are.” Morgan gives him a look that lets him know she isn’t buying a single word he’s saying.

“You got into her car thinking it was yours? Why because it’s a big black suv?” Morgan furrows her brows as Harry lets out an annoyed sigh and just shrugs in response making her roll her eyes. “God you’re such a narcissist.”

“So I’ve been told.” He says with a smirk as he remembers a very similar conversation he had with you earlier.

“You can’t come in dressed like that.” Morgan states as she eyes his suit and Harry for a moment considers just using your phone so he can call Eric to come get him but he really wants to see what this book club is all about since you were willing to risk your life by threatening his head of security just to get to it on time.

“Sorry I missed the memo that went over the dress code but this is all I have.” He explains making Morgan rub her lips together as she contemplates several options in her head, and when she finally gives Harry a smirk he knows he’s not going to like what she’s about to tell him.

“Fine just lose the jacket and you have to wear slippers.”

“I don’t wear slippers.”

“Then you don’t come inside.” Morgan watches Harry run a hand over his face as he lets out a sigh of defeat before looking at her and motioning towards the front door.

“Fine lead the way then.” She smiles and turns around to lead him into the house. “Just please don’t make them fuzzy.”

You walk out of Morgan’s bedroom finally feeling a bit more relaxed now that you’re out of your work clothes and in your gray sweat-shorts and pink t shirt, you smile as you walk down the hall and can hear the sound of Sydney’s voice. When you turn to go into the living room you feel like you just entered a weird alternate universe because Harry is sitting on the couch with his sleeves rolled up almost to his elbows, his suit jacket hung over the armrest of the couch, a pair of red and white fuzzy slippers with hearts all over them on his feet that are propped up on Morgan’s ottoman and a glass of wine in his hand. You look over to his left and see Sydney sitting next to him with her back against the armrest so she’s facing him with her wine glass clutched in both hand as her eyes go wide with a wild kind of excitement at something he just said.

“Wait you like-you can do that?” Sydney asks making Harry just nod in response as he takes a sip of his wine while you walk over to the loveseat across from the couch.

“He can do what?” You ask making Harry’s eyes travel across the room until they find yours and you ignore the small flutter your heart does when he gives you a smile as if he hasn’t seen you in ages when it’s just been ten minutes.

“He can beat up Johnny for me.” Sydney answers with an excitement you haven’t heard from her ever since her ex, Johnny cheated on her a few weeks ago.

“I’m surprised you haven’t done it yourself.” He’s looking at you as he speaks and you roll your eyes as you lean over to grab the bottle of wine off the coffee table so you can pour yourself some but Harry is quicker than you so he beats you to it. Placing his own glass down on the coffee table, he picks up the bottle of white wine and an empty glass. “You’re quite scary when you’re annoyed so I can’t image how terrifying you could be to someone who really pissed you off.” He adds as he holds the full glass of wine out for you to take, an annoying grin on his face.

“She tried but he-” Sydney begins but then pauses to take a sip of wine.

“He what?” All the lightheartedness leaves Harry’s voice as he turns to look at Sydney and she swallows the sip of wine in her mouth before she turns to look at you which makes Harry follow her gaze, his green eyes a shade darker as they stare into yours. You want to laugh at how serious he is but you don’t, you oddly find it kind of nice knowing he seems upset at the mere idea of someone doing anything to you.

“He called the cops on me.” You answer for Sydney with a chuckle as you lean back into the cushions of the loveseat, doing your best to get comfortable.

“That’s because Johnny is a little bitch who was scared shitless the moment he saw you pull up into his driveway with that baseball bat.” You roll your eyes as Morgan explains what happened as she walks into the living room and places a tray of snacks down on the coffee table. Harry can’t fight the small smile that works its way onto his face as he imagines you in a fit of rage pulling up to someone’s house holding a baseball bat.

“Well he sure didn’t seem scared when I used it to smash his windshield. Seemed more angry than anything.” Harry takes a moment to look around the living room, as far as book clubs go he feels like it’s on the smaller side since it’s only the three of you and then him but he also for some reason feels the same way he does when he enters a meeting that’s just with his top men. So he can’t even stop himself before he says what comes to his mind next.

“Are you lot in a gang? Is that what this book club is actually for? Just a cover up for your meetings to discus who needs to be met with a baseball bat in their driveway?” All three of you look at him with playful glares making him just quirk a brow when Morgan takes a sip of her wine and looks away from him first so she can go into the kitchen to grab some napkins.

“Do you not have friends Harry? Because not every group of friends that are willing to go to jail for each other is a gang.” Sydney asks as she reaches over and gently places a hand on Harry’s knee and you have to rub your lips together to keep the laugh inside when you watch her give his knee a nice reassuring pat. “If you don’t that’s fine you’re like a big deal so-”

“Don’t feed his ego please he’s actually the worst mob boss ever he doesn’t even have a phone.”

“You don’t have a phone?”

“I have a phone I just don’t have it on me right now.”

“What? So how do your uhm people know where you’re at?”

“I had to-”

“He called his security guy on my phone.”

“Oh is he cute? This security guy?”

“He had a nice phone voice.” You answer with a shrug before taking a sip of your wine while Harry has to bite his tongue to keep him from saying the worst things about Eric just to keep your friend away from him and for you to want to take back the thing about his nice phone voice. “His name is Eric.”

“Eric? Oh I know Eric. He’s your type Syd.” Morgan states as she places the napkins down and finally takes her spot next to you with her wine glass, she gives Sydney a playful wink making her let out a laugh.

“You can do better than Eric he’s not the best when it comes to dating someone.”

“I didn’t say I was tying to date him Harry.” Sydney mumbles as she takes her hand off his knee making you lean your head back and laugh when you see Harry close his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose with his free hand as the realization of what Sydney actually means hits him.

“Well I have no comment on how he performs in that department.” He answers as he brings his wine glass up to his lips to take a rather large sip.

“But seriously you’d like-like really have someone beat Johnny up for me?” Sydney asks shyly as if she doesn’t fully believe that Harry has the connections or the time to deal with her ex boyfriend who he doesn’t even know. You look at Morgan because she’s the only other person in the room that knows what Harry does for a living and the type of people he’s associated with, she’s already looking at you and playfully wiggles her eyebrows as she sips her wine.

“Syd he could have Johnny more than just beat up.” Morgan says as she looks away from you and over to the girl who is now looking at Harry with a suspicious expression on her face. “He could have him swimming with the fishes if you know what I mean.” Sydney’s eyes go wide while Harry as usual looks completely unbothered as he turns his head so he can look at the girl who now seems a bit concerned with how close she’s sitting to him now that she knows what he’s capable of.

“The term is swimming with the fishes.” Harry corrects with a gentle smile while still looking at Sydney, Morgan just lets out a huff as she leans over to grab an apple slice from the snack tray on the coffee table. “And while yes I could make that happen I don’t really think it would be necessary in this situation.” You watch in amusement as Sydney stares at Harry with a hand clutching her chest and the other holding onto her wine glass for dear life.

“Okay well what would you do to him then?” You ask out of pure curiosity because you want to know what sort of punishment he thinks is fitting for Johnny, hoping it’s nothing too disturbing since he’s already mentioned to you how he has cars blown up with people he doesn’t like or sees as a threat as if it’s no big deal.

“Well in situations like these death is too nice so you simply make them wish for death just so the torture can end.” Harry doesn’t want to come off too harsh or make any of the girls in the room fear him, especially you so he does his best to make his tone soft and gentle even if the words are far from either of those things. But given how Morgan’s mouth is slightly hung open and Sydney’s eyebrows are almost raised so high they are hitting her hairline he would say his method didn’t work as well as he intended.

“Holy shit.”

“Did you-you say torture?”

“Jesus Harry you can’t talk about torturing someone so badly they beg for death while wearing fuzzy slippers at a spicy book club meeting.” Your words have Harry looking down at his feet and immediately rolling his eyes at the horrendous slippers that Morgan forced him to wear just so he could gain entry to her house.

“I’m sorry I just-”

“You’d be willing to do that? For me?” Everyone’s heads turn to look at Sydney, Harry feels an anger beginning to burn inside of him as Sydney looks at him with eyes that tell him she’s not used to people being so willing to do things for her let alone have someone hurt on her behalf and he knows it’s because no one has treated her the way she deserves.

“It’s the least I could do for you love.” He answers making a small blush creep its way onto her cheeks. “And if I’m being honest I wouldn’t really be doing it for you. I’d be doing it for myself because he just sounds like someone who needs to be taught a lesson or two on how to treat someone.” If there’s one thing Harry truly hates it’s men who don’t know how to treat their partners and this Johnny fellow doesn’t even know he just earned himself a spot on Harry’s shit list.

“So you’d handle it personally then?” Morgan asks with a quirked brow because she knows Harry almost never gets his hands dirty anymore unless he’s given no other choice.

“Yes I’d do it myself just like I did with your cousin.” Harry says as he glances at Morgan and gives her a look that tells her he’s not lying, he really is the one who broke her cousin’s nose.

“As long as you’re the one doing it I’m fine with it.” Sydney states nonchalantly as she leans over to grab a cracker off the snack tray.

“I do have one condition though.” He says with a smug like smile on his face as his attention shifts from Morgan over to you.

“A condition? You don’t get to negotiate something you offered to do in the first place Harry. How are you an actual mob boss? You really are the worst.” You argue as you glare at him making that annoying grin spread across his face, the one that makes his dimple appear and the butterflies to go off in your tummy.

“You have to agree to go to dinner with me next week.” You feel your eyes go wide as your mouth drops open while Morgan and Sydney stare at Harry with equally just as shocked expressions.

“Oh fuck off Harry I’ve already been held hostage by you in my own car and now you want to trap me into going to dinner with you just so you’ll beat up Johnny? You’ve lost your mind.”

“I haven’t lost anything. I’m just going off that old saying of if you’re good at something don’t do it for free.”

“We aren’t offering up our friend as payment for you to almost kill someone Harry. Don’t be fucking gross.” Morgan says in your defense but Harry doesn’t pay her any attention, his eyes still set on yours as he waits for your answer.

“Yeah Harry you’re acting like one of those poorly written romance novel mafia bosses who kidnap the girl they like and force them into a weird marriage and we are very much anti forced anything around here.” Sydney adds making both you and Morgan giggle as her worlds become a bit jumbled towards the end due to the fact she tries to take a sip of wine while still speaking.

“I’m not forcing her into anything she can say no and that would be fine.” You bite your bottom lip as Harry stares at you.

You let out a long sigh before you take a sip of wine to help calm your nerves as you contemplate your options, you know Harry is involved in a world you’ve only really read about or watched movies depicting the violence that takes place in it but you also know there’s a subtle softness to him. Because even now the man is at a book club drinking shitty wine and wearing slippers all so he could spend the rest of the evening with you. Once you’ve made your choice you lean over and place your glass on the table before crossing your arms over your chest as you stare back at him.

“I’m not going to dinner with you until after you do whatever it is you’re going to do to Johnny.” You counter his original offer making him narrow his eyes at you a bit clearly not expecting you to be try to negotiate with him.

“Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it? You’re not going to argue with me about it or anything?”

“Nope.” His answer makes you raise an eyebrow because it’s a bit unnerving how quickly he accepted your offer. “If you try to flake out on me I know where to find you.” He adds as a gentle reminder that he knows where you work and what kind of car you drive. While Harry is busy looking at you he doesn’t notice Sydney’s hand coming up to smack him upside the head causing his eyes to narrow as he turns and gives her a harsh glare but she doesn’t even seem the least bit bothered by it as she’s also glaring at him.

“You can’t threaten her while also asking her out on a date Harry god you are the fucking worst at this.” You have to bring a hand up to cover your mouth so your laughter doesn’t spread throughout the room as Sydney lets Harry have it. “Like seriously learn some manners.” She adds with a huff as she gets comfortable on her side of the couch.

“See what I mean? Worst mob boss ever.” You say with a laugh making Harry roll his eyes as he turns his attention back to you.

“Are we going to actually discuss the book or just sit here and give Harry a list of people we need him to hurt for us?” Morgan asks as she motions to the book in question that’s sitting next to the snack tray on the coffee table.

“For every name you add to the list it’s another dinner she has to go to with me.” He explains knowing it will make you all huffy and annoyed, something he’s coming to enjoy even though he knows he shouldn’t but he can’t help that he likes the way your eyes get this little glimmer in them when you look at him while frustrated with something he’s said or done.

“So the book it is then.” You answer for everyone making Harry chuckle as you reach for your copy that has your bookmark on the page you left off at, deciding for the rest of the girls that one dinner with Harry is all you’re willing to do at this point. So when they both just nod and grab their own books you let out a small sigh of relief because you know deep down that the more time you spend with Harry the more you’ll probably end up enjoying it and you can’t have that because who wants to enjoy the company of the worst mob boss ever? Certainly not you.

[twijaxx]

OMG FEM!LOCK sooooo would it be ok if you'd write some headcanons about fem!lock characters having a crush on fem!reader? How would they realise it? How would they go about pinning for their crush, yk fluffy stuff(of course only if you want to!) Anyways I hope you'll have a wonderful day or night!!!(Pls pls pls we need more fem!Ness, I love fem!Ness sm)

OMFG I THINK IM IN HEAVEN chat i love yall. (FEMNESS LOVER NONNIE MARRY ME PLS) i hope you will like it nonnie i was having a good time writing this 😣

Fem! Isagi, Rin and Sae (separately) x Fem! reader, occ characters, fluff.

wc: 0,6

Part 2. Nagi, Kaiser and Ness.

Isagi Yoichi! :3

(i don’t have any femsagi pics..)

This woman ain’t nonchalant she made it so fucking obvious it was hard to not see.

Isagi realized when the two of you were on a night walk, the moonlight gently shined at your features, really wide smile on your face as you talked about some stupid things, she could barely understand what you were saying, just staring at your face. You swear! you saw hearts in her eyes in that moment.

As we all know Isagi ain’t nonchalant, she tried shooting her shot any occasion she had :3 (ain’t she cute?) Sadly you were too shy to ask her is she meant it in friendly way or if she really does love you, but one night Isagi decided to straight up say that she loves you.

It wasn’t anything spectacular just simple “I love you [name] i really do, and not just in a friendly way, i mean it like romantically i want to be your girlfriend! and i mean it with all my heart!!” and of course you agreed, after all you loved her too.

Rin Itoshi :<

Rin is NOTHING! like our sweetheart Isagi, she is literally the definition of nonchalant.

She tried really really hard to gaslight herself into thinking she doesn’t love you, that you two are just friends, that the butterflies in her stomach are actually a small stomach ache.

But everything changed one peaceful day when you asked her if you can come to her soccer match, she wanted to tell you that you can’t, but the way your voice sounded oh so sweet on the other side of her phone, she just couldn’t refuse.

It started off peacefully she glanced at you couple of times before the match started and nothing much, but the second she heard you scream her name a loud as u can when she scored the final goal… she realized she was so fucking hard in love with you, so hard she didn’t even notice when she started running to you right after the match ended saying “I love you, be my girlfriend” and then kissing your lips quickly but passionately at the same time.

Sae Itoshi :|

Sae is WAY more nonchalant than her sister, she is plotting inside but outside u will never know she loves you until she says it to your face.

Let’s be fr this woman ain’t broke, even before you two started dating (:3) she was buying you expensive gifts and taking you out to dinners (just in a friendly way/jk)

She was delusional too (like her sis) telling herself this dinners mean nothing, all the necklaces, rings and bracelets she got you were just to make you look prettier. But the realization hit her just like a flying brick.

When the two of you were at a fancy restaurant (again :>) you wore the most beautiful dress she ever seen, wearing all the expensive necklaces, earrings and rings she got you, the dress exposed your every curve (especially your ass) she swears her heart skipped more then one beat the moment she saw you waiting for her in front of her house to pick you up.

The dinner went like every dinner you two been to, she picked you up telling you you looked beautiful as always, eating the food you two ordered, laughing and smiling at each other, then when it was time to drop you off she realized a chance like this will never happen again so she said “Thank you for spending time with me today, you looked as beautiful as always but i have to ask you something. Will you be my girlfriend [Name]? I love you” Of course you said yes, she was the only girl that mattered to you. (you two then went to your house and got freaky ;)

Tags: @isaisliterallyhim @laiko2real <3

I fumbled isagi so hard…

[theemissuniverse]

“DYNAMITE” HENRY HART X ENEMY FEM!READER

SUMMARY : You and Henry haven’t really gotten along since you’ve known each other. Henry’s put up with it for far too long. (Both 18, graduated high school. Relationship is sort of like Freddie and Sam from ICarly.)

CONTENT : suggestive content, slightly explicit

MASTERLIST

No one and I mean not a single soul anticipated you and Henry ever being a couple. From early childhood to the end of middle school, the two of you were kind of like enemies. You would ‘bully’ him and the two of you would argue constantly up until when the two of you graduated high school.

The only reason why the two of you spoke was because Charlotte was your best friend and Henry was her friend too. Henry couldn’t even understand how you could like Jasper more than him.

He was tired. Tired of the teasing, tired of the hitting, tired of you. Especially because he had actually no other reason to dislike you. He honestly thought you were really cool when you weren’t dishing out all your misery onto him.

Tonight? Tonight was the final straw.

You were so mad at him that you almost exposed he was Kid Danger at a party Jasper was throwing at the air n b. Henry immediately took you into a bedroom and closed the door before looking at you, furious.

He was even more mad was because the only reason why you were invited to the party was because he told Jasper to. Jasper was afraid of you and didn’t want you to come but Henry didn’t want you to feel left out.

That’s just the type of person Henry was.

He was never this angry at you. He was used to you but he was boiling with anger.

This was it.

“What the actual fuck is your problem?”

You were caught off guard. Henry wasn’t really the swearing type unless he was joking or being funny. You had to of done it.

Henry didn’t even let you speak. He just kept going. “Teasing me since elementary school? I can handle. Throwing me into lockers in middle school? I can handle. Making me get detention after you blamed me for everything you did through out high school? I can handle. But exposing my secret? My secret to the entire party for me merely existing is something I can not fucking handle anymore.”

You looked at Henry in sort of a guilty and sad way. “It wasn’t for nothing.”

“Oh it wasn’t?” Henry begins to sarcastically say. “Oh, then please tell me what the problem is! Enlighten me! I really wanna know what grinded Ms. Nothing is ever Perfect gears tonight?! Hmm? What was it?”

You looked down in shame, not even wanting to say why. “You were talking to Ashley.”

Henry was even more confused. Why did the thought of talking to Ashley bother you? “You almost exposed me…because I was talking to Ashley?”

“See, when you put it like that, it sounds bad.”

“It is bad!” Henry scoffed at you. It’s like he couldn’t believe what and who he was seeing. “See, you’re ridiculous. I don’t even know why I wanted you here at this party in the first place.”

When Henry had said that, your eyes lit up. “You wanted me here?”

“Yeah because everyone is so afraid of you and thinks you’re a….the very not nice word that starts with a ‘B’ but I’m said ‘no, she’s just going through a lot. She’s not that bad’ but you know what? You are that bad. You’re crazy! No! Insane even. And this whole thing was crazy for me to even-“

Henry was cut off abruptly by the motion of you kissing him, directly on the lips. He stood there in complete shock. The kiss was so short, he didn’t even get to appreciate how soft your lips were. How comforting they felt.

He looked at you confused. He blinked a little, trying to process what just happened. “Um…what was that?”

You bit your lip and looked down to the ground. You couldn’t even look at him. “I know I’ve been extra…I’ve always been extra it’s just…I always thought you were cute and…I kinda liked you. Even though I gave you a wedgie four times…and ate your lunch every day….and made a dog eat your homework and when you told the teacher the excuse, you got detention but…I guess that was my way of expressing that I liked you. And when I saw Ashley flirting with you and you…enjoying it…I freaked out.”

Henry was completely stunned by your confession. Never in a million years would he ever hear from your mouth that you had a crush on him. The entire time.

And then he thought about it. How every Valentine’s Day at school he would get candy grahams but never knew who it was. How quickly you reacted to him even slightly grazing your hand. How sometimes you would just stare at him and he would have to ask you if something was on his face.

And then he thought about himself. How every Valentine’s Day he secretly hoped it was you. How he hoped you didn’t mind him purposely grazing your hand just to feel your contact. How sometimes he wanted to grab you by the hips and give you the most passionate kiss you’ve ever had by the way you looked at him.

“I’m sorry, Henry. I’m sorry I’ve been a bitch. I’m sorry I ruined everything.”

Now here’s something he’d thought he never see. You were crying. Tears. Actual tears not sweat. You had never cried in front of him before. Never.

Henry bit his lip, feeling bad. Was it still justifiable for him to be angry? Yes but he finally understood at least why you’ve been acting like this towards him.

You went to try and walk away but Henry wouldn’t let you. He grabbed your arm and spun you around. This time Henry’s lips landed on yours.

It was your turn to be surprised. You didn’t think after everything the two of you went through that Henry would even remotely feel the same way as you. But he did. Every bit of it.

You pulled Henry down more since he was taller than you. Henry held onto your waist as he deeply kissed you. You were melting right in his arms. Nothing felt better than his kisses.

Henry wasn’t expecting for your hands to go to the belt on his jeans. He felt you unbutton him super quick.

You slowly took the belt off this time, grazing his abdomen with your nails softly. The gesture made Henry let out a low growl that he himself had no idea where it came from.

Henry picked you up by thighs and had you up against the wall. Held you in place while you broke the kiss to kiss and suck on his neck.

“We-shit-need to talk-damn.” The sucking on his neck made him moan relentlessly.

“Talk about what?” You asked while taking off your shirt.

“Talk about-“ Henry cut himself off when he say how good your chest looked in a tightly fitted black bra. You smirked, seeing his reaction. You took his hands and placed them on your ass.

He forced himself out of his own trance. “I don’t just want to have sex with you. I like you.”

“Then have me.”

Henry looked in your eyes and then back at your lips. All before kissing you but this time, he did it lovingly. Like you were made of glass.

You were his now. In a strange way.

[avifaunaa]

Natasha + R rambles [ htwswy ]

Authors Note: I’m a little tired from posting that monster of a chapter for Rio yesterday — so until I regain some brain juice back I’ll share some little cutsie rambles about Nat/R from the htwswy-verse! I know you guys love this fic a lot so if you want to know more about it please know my anons are open!

Masterlist

Summary: N/A | rambles

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!reader

Content Warnings: a tiny mention of self-harm, but other than that none! Mostly humor, fluff, the good stuff.

• Natasha and you probably get another cat not long after you guys get super duper serious — Liho was so pissed

• Out of the two of you, believe it or not, Natasha’s likely less likely to start an argument and more likely to find a solution to one.

• It actually took a while for Yelena to warm up to you despite whatever we think we see in chapter 1. Natasha is her sister and nobody is good enough for her sister until she can decide they are. “A while” is actually six months — making the offhand Yelena-like comments even when she agreed to your attempts to reach out for hangouts to watch Studio Ghibli movies.

• When she does decide you’re perfect for Natasha [ “I’m glad you approve,” you told the blonde blandly as you sat across from her at breakfast, oatmeal untouched and eyes uncaring, “but we’ve been dating for a year now.” She pointedly ignored you, as she usually does. ] she goes to Natasha herself and says so.

• Natasha wasn’t amused.

• Natasha who doesn’t seek out cuddling at bedtime immediately due to her fear of what could happen if she’s tangled up with you during a night terror. Short of flinging you into the wall and making Tony pay a hefty repair fee, you weren’t sure there was much.

• She admired the size of your balls, honestly, considering she could kill you.

• You laughed at her despite the severity of the situation she felt — whereas you didn’t. You didn’t think she’d be able to before waking up.

• It turns out you were right — she always ended up awake with you somehow touching her. On top of her chest, curled up against her, spooning her, spooning you.

• When Natasha sat you down and told you the full story about her history — from the Red Room until the defeat of Thanos — you didn’t seem to know how to take it. But you did know how to respond to her opening up: you took care of her. You disappeared only to return with a dangling Liho in your arms and plopped her into Nat’s lap while you gathered various items for a lazy day on the couch.

—> “I need you to say something,” Natasha finally admitted after you hadn’t spoken about it for a few minutes, television murmuring in the background as she stroked Liho’s soft fur. “Just tell me what you’re thinking?”

—> You lifted your head off her shoulder to look directly at her. “I think,” you started slowly, picking at your leggings, “that you’re one of the bravest people I have ever met and the good you do in the world despite the amount of wrong it has done to you is a feat that I will always admire and love you for.”

—> It was a beautiful response — and not an “I’m so sorry” to be found in there either. She kissed you just to tell you how much it meant to her. That her past didn’t change how you in her eyes. As your partner, your fiercest protector, and your best friend.

• Natasha Romanoff who comes home busted up form missions and you hackle like a cat and fuss over her, poking and prodding each wound, demanding to know where they came from and “why the fuck did you come see me before going to Cho?” and only when did she notice you were in near tears did she stop coming to you before going to Cho.

• Natasha who finishes trying the coffee menu at her normal spot and approaches you about how it makes her feel.

—> You bring a list of suggestions for other local places in the city to start going to

—> It’s cute how she worries about never going back — but you make a promise that for every new place you try you always go to the usual spot once a week

• Natasha who notices your ticks and understands when you work as a way to self-soothe or self-harm.

• This causes her to visit more frequently and break the streak of the period you work so you can go to bed, or eat some food, take a shower — whatever it takes to get you away from the lab.

• Natasha who introduces you fully to the team. She looks entirely too proud of herself, eyes so lovely and soft, and you as Thor slams down the hammer and dares you to play the game nobody ( but Steve Rogers, but Thor conveniently leaves that out ) can win but him.

—> Natasha comforts you when you go :( after ten long minutes of attempting to peel that stupid hammer off the table while everyone eggs you on, knowing full well it won’t happen

—> “It was not a game you were excepted to win — none of us can,” she assured you.

I LOVE THESE IDIOTS SO MUCH CHAT

[humusboii2thereturnoftheking]

Al Jazeera's Arabic documentary about the war in Gaza

I just watched a video by The Easy Way breaking down a brand-new Al Jazeera documentary released only five days ago. I’ll link both the documentary and the analysis below.

This documentary is significant for two reasons. First, it highlights the stark contrast between what Al Jazeera presents to Western audiences versus what it feeds its Arab and Muslim viewers. Second, despite being released just days ago, it has already amassed nearly 6 million views.

Let me first summarize what’s in the documentary (based on The Easy Way, whom I find to be a reliable source). If you’re impatient, feel free to skip down to my main point. If you want to watch the documentary and draw your own conclusions then know it has English subtitles

The so-called “documentary” exclusively pushes the Palestinian narrative, starting from October 7th and ending at the ceasefire. Here are some key takeaways:

Jewish communities are only referred to as “settlements,” despite not being located on disputed land.

The community emergency squads (Kitat Konenut, כיתת כוננות) are falsely depicted as “soldiers in civilian clothing” fighting against uniformed Hamas fighters.

The October 7th attack (Al-Aqsa Flood) is framed as a glorious Hamas victory, while Israel’s response is labeled “genocide.” The ceasefire is then framed, again, as another Hamas triumph.

Hamas fighters are glorified as honorable and moral, with most of the footage showing them attacking Israeli soldiers. When civilians are targeted, the footage is carefully edited to remove any actual harm. In the rare clips of Hamas inside Jewish communities, they claim they were “protecting” civilians while fighting the IDF.

The attack on Israel is spun as a preemptive strike, Hamas supposedly knew Israel was about to “destroy Gaza,” and by taking hostages, they miraculously stopped this imaginary plan.

Hostages are never called hostages, only “prisoners.” The film pushes the idea that every Israeli citizen is a permanent soldier because they once served in the IDF.

Al Jazeera uses Hamas footage but clumsily tries to remove the red triangle markers (which signal targets for execution). The triangles are still visible in parts of the video.

One of the most absurd claims? Hamas rescued Jewish civilians from the battlefield and took them to a “safe place” in Gaza.

The documentary portrays Yahya Sinwar as a fearless warrior who fought above ground against the IDF, even though there’s footage of him scurrying in tunnels.

It argues that Israel’s economic initiatives in Gaza were merely a deception to distract Palestinians while secretly plotting to destroy Al-Aqsa Mosque and rebuild the Third Temple. Ironically, this implies an acknowledgment that Israel actually helped Gaza’s economy.

Now, here’s why this matters:

I’ve spent the last year and a half debating people about this conflict. Most of the time, the people I argue with know shockingly little yet still parrot the Palestinian narrative they’ve been fed in English. But no one ever talks about how vastly different the Arabic narrative is.

Hamas portrayed as heroes who saved Jews? As masterminds who foresaw an “evil Zionist plot”? As victors at both the beginning and end, despite Gaza’s destruction? If Westerners saw even a third of this documentary, they’d be horrified (or at least that's what I hope. Copium, I know).

How can anyone still claim Palestinians are suffering when their own media frames them as triumphant? How can anyone scream “genocide” while Hamas itself boasts about winning?

It’s mind-blowing. I’ve had so many debates where people justify October 7th with “it didn’t happen in a vacuum” and go on about history and the chicken-and-egg argument. Meanwhile, Hamas is openly admitting: “We did this because the evil Zionists were planning to exterminate us.”

How can Westerners keep defending Hamas when Hamas itself tells an entirely different story in Arabic?

I’m honestly stunned.

Here are the links for the videos, let me know what you think

Al Jazeera's New Gaza Documentary Is Crazy - YouTube - "The Easy Way" commentary

ما خفي أعظم.. الطوفان - YouTube - the Al Jazeera documentary

[hyperfixatedimagines]

Home for the Holidays Ch.3- Alicent x f!reader

Summary: You didn't get your happily ever after. Would this Christmas be any different from the last?

A/N: You asked, I answered....very late but better late than never right? Please let me know what you guys think! This will be the last installment for this fic so please enjoy!

It was never going to work out, at least that’s what you told yourself to make Alicent’s reaction sting less. 

It didn’t work. 

The day after Christmas dinner, the morning after you had slept with Alicent, was a cold one. 

After joking around with Aemond you went back up to Alicent’s bedroom, a fresh bottle of water in hand for her. 

You found her crying- sobbing, actually-  in front of her bathroom mirror. 

You watched her for a moment before making a sound. You cleared your throat before you opened the door the rest of the way.  

She quickly wiped her eyes and turned to you. “(y/n).”

You handed her the water bottle. “Is everything okay?”

Alicent uncapped the bottle and took a long drink. “I think we should talk,” she replied as she set the bottle down on the sink counter. 

Your stomach sank. You already knew what she was going to say. 

So you beat her to the punch. 

“You don’t have to say anything Alicent. We can act like nothing happened last night.”

Alicent frowned and looked away from you. “I think that would be for the best.”

You turned around and walked towards the door. Alicent reached out and grabbed you by the wrist. 

“I had a wonderful time last night (y/n) but-”

You didn’t turn back to look at her, you couldn’t. You knew if you did you’d start crying and it would only make Alicent feel worse. 

“It would never work out, realistically. I know that,” you replied in a soft voice. 

Alicent let go of your wrist. Your arm fell back to your side like a load of lead. 

“Precisely,” Alicent whispered. 

You swallowed hard then walked out of her bedroom. 

You barreled toward the guest room where your clothes were. You changed and called an Uber. The cost was outrageous but you couldn’t stand to be in Alicent’s home another second. 

-

After you changed you returned Aemond’s pajamas to him. 

You knocked on the door to his bedroom and waited. 

He opened the door, sweaty and shirtless. “Hey there creeper,” he joked. 

You forced a smile. “I’m here to return your pajamas. Thanks for letting me borrow them.”

Aemond grimaced. “Gods, I’ll have to burn them now. Won’t be able to wear them without knowing what occurred last night.”

Damn, you had forgotten you’d told him the truth. 

You furrowed your brows. “Have you spoken with your mom yet?”

He shook his head. “No, I’ve been avoiding her. I’m not quite sure how to look at her anymore. I mean, are you two dating now? Was it a one night stand? It’s a lot harder to reconcile than I thought it would be.”

There it was, an out. 

“Good,” you told him. “I lied earlier. I didn’t sleep with your mom. I was just teasing.”

Lying always made the bile in your stomach rise in your throat. This lie was especially hard on your stomach. 

Aemond sighed in relief. “You asshole. My anxiety was off the walls at the thought of it,” he said and jokingly shoved you.

You forced another smile. “I couldn’t help myself.”

You swallowed the bile in your throat. 

Aemond took the pajamas from you. He noticed you had collected your things. 

“Are you leaving?”

You nodded. “Yeah, my cousin called and she was able to send a car for me. It should be here in a few minutes.”

Aemond frowned. “I hoped you’d stay through New Years. It gets pretty lonely with it just being my mother and I. Aegon’s gone off somewhere to whore no doubt.”

“Maybe next time,” you replied.

He nodded. Then Aemond wrapped his arms around you. 

“Happy Christmas (y/n),” he said as he pulled away. 

“Merry Christmas Aemond,” you replied. “I’m going to wait outside. Your mom seemed busy this morning so tell her I said goodbye and thank her for her hospitality.”

Aemond nodded. “Will do. Safe travels.”

You turned and made your way down the hall. 

You were almost at the door when you heard Alicent call your name. 

You turned around at the door and there she was, rushing to meet you. You briefly hoped she had changed her mind and was coming to tell you. 

Sadly that was not it. 

She stopped a few steps away from you, a respectable distance. 

“You’re leaving,” she asked. Her eyes were bloodshot. 

You guessed she had continued to cry after you’d left her bedroom.

“Yes. I thought it best,” you told her, not meeting her gaze. 

“Oh,” she replied, a frown on her face. 

A beat passed in silence. 

You gazed outside and saw a car coming down the driveway. 

“Looks like my car is here.”

Alicent stepped closer to peer outside. 

She was close. You could smell the perfume of her shampoo that still lingered in her hair. Cinnamon and vanilla. You closed your eyes and took in the smell. 

It felt bittersweet.

She saw the car then stepped away.

“Right, well thank you for spending Christmas dinner with us.”

“Thank you for having me,” you said and turned to leave.

Alicent reached out and touched your shoulder. 

You stopped. 

Her hand remained on your arm. 

“You don’t have to leave. I- Aemond would like for you to stay, I’m sure of it,” Alicent said, her voice straining against choked back tears.

You looked over at her hand on your shoulder. 

“There’s no reason for me to stay…” You turned around to face her. “Unless there is?” You met her gaze, begging her to tell you to stay.

But you could tell by the sorry look on her face that she wouldn’t. 

“Aemond would appreciate it,” she replied. 

“Only Aemond,” you asked, giving her another chance. 

But you knew she wouldn’t take it. 

Alicent looked away from you.

You nodded slowly.  

“Merry Christmas Alicent,” you said and walked out.

You didn’t look back as you made your way to the car. 

You got in and greeted the driver. You wouldn’t look back. 

You buckled your seatbelt and the driver started to pull out of the driveway. Still, you wouldn’t look back. 

But as you neared the exit gate you caved and looked back. 

Alicent stood in the doorway, her arms hugging her sides.

From your distance you couldn’t make out the look on her face but you figured it matched yours.

Tears spilled down your face and you quickly wiped them away. You swallowed the rest of them and faced forwards.

It would be hard to forget that night, but you knew you had to if you were to remain friends with Aemond.

-

The year that followed was one you could not have predicted. 

Your family came around to your sexuality. They apologized for their behavior and welcomed you back into the family fold. 

As such you were able to get your own flat. 

Moving out was not as hard as you thought it would be. You and Aemond had not fallen out but distance had grown between you. 

There was no direct reason or cause. You had simply spent less and less time together. 

He found a girlfriend in a mutual friend named Alys, and you had found a wonderful distraction in working for your family’s company. 

Graduation only served to further the divide between you. 

It was also the first time you’d seen Alicent since Christmas. 

She looked stunning, that was no surprise. 

What was a surprise was the man next to her the whole ceremony. 

Had she already found a new partner?

When the ceremony ended you found Aemond and congratulated him. He did the same and hugged you. He also affirmed that while you two had become distant his love and affection for you had not. 

You told him you felt the same and hugged him. 

Then he mentioned he was upset to see his mom’s new boyfriend with her. 

Boyfriend, your heart sank.

But you weren’t surprised. A woman like Alicent would not remain single for long. 

Alys pulled Aemond away before you could ask for any more details. Your family had also approached you to congratulate you. 

You didn’t speak to Aemond much after graduation but he always liked and commented on your Instagram posts and you did the same with his. 

You wouldn’t see Alicent again until Christmas came back around. 

That Christmas your family had decided to throw a lavish ball for friends and business associates. 

You dreaded the thought of having to play the perfect daughter all night long but you knew that you would manage with your cousin Elia by your side. 

Unfortunately for you, Elia had gotten stuck at the airport oceans away. 

So you scrambled to find a friend to join you for the night. 

More unfortunate for you, they were all busy for the night with family or their own plans. 

The only name on your contact list you hadn’t called was Aemond. 

You knew he’d be busy with his own family so you didn’t bother. 

Instead you posted a cheeky Instagram story about suffering through the party alone for your close friends list. 

A few minutes after you posted the story Aemond direct messaged you asking if you wanted a plus one that he was available. 

You called him, not wanting to go back and forth over text.  He answered on the first ring. 

After exchanging pleasantries you asked why he was free on Christmas. Weren’t his family coming down like they did last year?

“No, my grandfather and uncles told my mother they wouldn’t be joining us this year,” Aemond explained. 

“Why? If you don’t mind my asking,” you replied. 

Aemond let out a big sigh. “They weren’t too thrilled that my mother broke off her engagement.”

“Engagement,” you exclaimed, confused. 

You had certainly missed that life update.

Aemond chuckled. “Guess I forgot to post that on Instagram didn’t I. Yeah, my mom got engaged to her boyfriend- the guy you saw during graduation- but she broke it off a few days after she said yes.”

Relief washed over you. You knew Alicent would never be yours, but at least she wouldn’t be anyone else’s either. 

“And why did your grandfather disapprove?”

“He was the one who set my mom up with the guy in the first place. He’s an up and coming guy in politics and my grandfather wanted our family attached to his,” Aemond replied. 

You nodded slowly. “I see. Did she love him?”

“Who knows. They weren’t very affectionate but my mom hasn’t ever been big on PDA.”

“Well I’m sorry to hear they won’t be coming. I know you don’t have the best relationship with them but still-,” you told him. 

“It’s alright. I’m not bothered but my mom isn’t taking it as well. Especially since Helaena is going to spend Christmas Eve and day with a friend. So it’ll be just her and I,” Aemond said with an exasperated sigh. 

“What about Aegon?”

Aemond huffed. “He’s in Las Vegas and doesn’t plan to come home.”

You bit the inside of your cheek. An idea had popped into your head. 

A potentially stupid one.

“Why don’t you and Alicent join us?”

“Really? You wouldn’t mind- well, your family wouldn’t mind?” Aemond asked, his voice hopeful. 

Your heart beat faster at the thought of seeing Alicent again. A whole year later and your heart still yearned for her. 

A bit pathetic of you really. 

Or romantic. 

“Of course they wouldn’t. It’s a big party for donors and friends. They won’t care to have two more in attendance,” you replied. 

“Alright then. I’ll speak with my mother but I’m sure she would prefer it to being home alone that night.”

“Perfect. I’ll text you the address. It’s a bit of a drive from Oldtown so if you can’t make it there won’t be any hurt feelings.”

“Nonsense. I’ll see you then,” Aemond replied. 

“See you then.”

You and Aemond said your goodbyes then you hung up. 

You smiled to yourself. The possibility of seeing Alicent again excited you but you tried to keep your expectations low. 

Even if she came that night it wouldn’t change a thing between you. 

You’d still be just Aemond’s friend. 

And she would still be just Aemond’s mother.

What you wanted from Alicent would take a real Christmas miracle. 

-

The night of the Christmas ball arrived. 

You and Elia had spent a great deal of time on Facetime choosing your attire for the night. You wanted to look so good it would take Alicent’s breath away. 

The guests had started to arrive so your parents had sent an assistant to fetch you. 

You walked down to the ballroom and walked over to where your parents stood. 

They were deep in conversation with another family when you approached them. You recognized the family. 

The Tyrells were an old money family like your own, but they had been your family’s sworn enemies for generations. 

That was until your father reached out to the Tyrells with an olive branch and mended the ages-long feud. 

Most of your family didn’t even know how the feud started. You guessed it had been about land. Most feuds boiled down to land disagreements. 

Now the Tyrells were great business allies. Your father had mentioned a desire to have the families united via marriage quite a few times but nothing had come of it. 

The Tyrell patriarch had a daughter and a son but the son had come out as gay a few years ago and the daughter was well known to sleep around with the staff. Your only eligible brother had just gotten engaged to his long time girlfriend Lyanna so a marriage to unite the families was out of the question for your generation. 

Or so you had thought. 

Your father turned to you as you approached. 

“There she is,” he said and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. 

You smiled politely. 

Your father gestured towards the Tyrell patriarch. 

“Mace, this is my daughter (y/n). Sweetie this is Mace Tyrell,” your father said. 

You shook Mr. Tyrell’s hand. 

“A pleasure to meet you sir.”

He shook your hand and smiled. “A firm grip, you’re like your father I see,” he joked. 

Your father let out a laugh. “She’s a real chip off the old block. She started with us this year and has already gone far beyond what we expected.”

Mr. Tyrell looked at you approvingly. “That’s great to hear Manfrey.” Then he turned around and called out, “Margaery!”

A young woman, probably your age or slightly younger, walked over. She was beautiful, the kind of beautiful that turned heads everywhere she went. 

Too bad your heart was spoken for. 

So you admired her beauty the way you would admire a friend’s. 

Mr. Tyrell placed a hand on Margaery’s back. “Manfrey, (y/n), this is my daughter Margaery.”

Margaery curtsied and bowed her head to your father then to you. 

“A pleasure to meet you Margaery,” your father said and gave your shoulder a slight squeeze. 

You turned to him with a furrowed brow then turned back to Margaery.

“It’s nice to meet you,” you told her. 

She met your gaze. “The pleasure is mine (y/n).”

Your father cleared his throat. “I think we should let these two get acquainted, don’t you agree Mace?”

Mr. Tyrell nodded. “Absolutely.” He turned to Margaery. “Have fun sweetie,” he said, then gave her a kiss on the cheek.

You looked at your father, confused, but he just gave you a firm look. You’d seen that look before, mostly during business meetings when he needed you to close a deal with an associate.

You weren’t sure what kind of deal he wanted you to close with Margaery. 

You’d have to ask him afterwards. 

Soon you and Margaery were alone. 

Once her father was out of earshot she let out a deep breath. 

“Thank Gods they’re gone.”

You smiled. “You didn’t have to curtsey. My father might be a duke on paper but no one really cares about that around these parts.”

She returned your smile. “My father would’ve killed me if I didn’t. He told me I needed to make a very good impression with your family.”

A server walked by with a tray of champagne flutes. Margaery turned and grabbed two. Then she handed one to you. 

You took it and thanked her. 

“Why did you need to make a good impression?” You asked her as you took a sip of your drink.

She took a long drink from her own flute before responding. 

“I have no idea. All he said was to make a good impression and get to know you.”

You furrowed your brow. “That’s interesting. I wonder what he and my father are up to.”

Margaery’s smile returned. “My father is always up to something, though he usually involves my brother and not me.”

You clinked your glass against hers. “Cheers to that. My father's go to is my brother as well.”

“Hmm, how curious,” Margaery replied.

The conversation didn’t last much longer. Margaery’s eye had wandered to one of the more handsome servers and yours was constantly checking the entrance for any sign of Alicent. 

After speaking with Margaery you made your rounds with business associates and with family. Your mother had asked your opinion of Margaery, which you noted was peculiar, and your brother had asked if you thought she was pretty. 

Were they trying to set you up with her? Did she even like women?

Your mother and brother would not reveal anything so you knew you’d have to ask your father. 

You spotted him going to his study so you followed him but as you neared you stopped dead in your tracks. 

Alicent was at the door. Aemond was taking her coat and handing it to one of the doormen. 

You walked over to them, as calmly as you could but everything inside of you wanted to run over. 

Aemond saw you first. He walked up to you and gave you a hug. 

“Happy Christmas (y/n),” he said as he wrapped his arms around you. 

You returned his embrace. “Merry Christmas, Aemond.”

Alicent met your gaze over Aemond’s shoulder. The world stilled.

A lump formed in your throat as you pulled away from Aemond and Alicent stepped forward.

”Merry Christmas (y/n). Thank you for extending us an invitation,” Alicent said and approached you for a hug.

The smell of her vanilla perfume wrapped around you and flooded your senses as Alicent neared. 

You stepped away from her. 

Alicent froze.

You cleared your throat and plastered a polite smile. “I’m sorry. I… My father had sent me on an errand for him before I saw you two. It was urgent so I should uhm..I should get back to that. It’s lovely seeing you both.” You looked over at Aemond, unable to bear the weight of Alicent’s gaze. “Have fun.”

Then you walked away as fast as your legs could go. You rounded a corner and stopped to steady your breathing. 

A year had gone by and the second Alicent laid eyes on you. It felt like no time had passed and you were still the foolish girl standing in that bathroom, swallowing your tears and promising to forget an unforgettable night.

Suddenly the door to your left opened and out came the server who had carried a tray of champagne earlier. His hair was disheveled and he was hurriedly buttoning his shirt back on. He caught you staring and turned a deep red. 

“Miss,” he said and bowed his head as he walked away. 

You furrowed your brow and wondered what had happened but the answer came second later as Margaery emerged from the same room. 

Her hair was also slightly mussed. She noticed you and straightened herself instantly. 

“(Y/n),” she started.

Forgetting all about Alicent you smiled at Margaery. “It seems you’ve certainly made a good impression on that boy.”

Margaery eyed you nervously then let out a small laugh. “And on you?”

You held out your arm towards her. “I respect a woman who goes after what she wants.”

Margaery wrapped her arm around yours and smiled. “I knew I’d like you.”

You escorted Margaery back to the party then parted ways when your brother called you over to speak with some foreign investors. 

As conversation of donations and business dragged on, your eyes wandered. You scanned the breadth of the ball room for any sign of Alicent. 

Now that you had calmed down you realized how rude it was of you to reject her greeting of a polite embrace. 

But it was so hard to think straight upon seeing her. 

Especially in the dress she’d arrived in. It was a beautiful shade of green that brought out the deep hues of her auburn hair and amber eyes. 

You found her across the room, next to Aemond and a few old college colleagues. She looked bored. 

Ask her for a dance.

You shoved the impulsive thought aside. You knew better. 

Your brother’s ramblings tore your attention from Alicent back to him and the investors. It felt like torture to be so close and so impossibly far from her. You recalled feeling the same way at graduation. 

At least she was alone this time. You didn’t have to endure seeing her on the arm of some man.

At long last your brother offered to smoke a cigar with the investors and led them away. 

Finally alone you made your way towards Alicent. 

You had to apologize. 

But as you neared she excused herself and walked outside.

You followed her out to the gardens behind the estate. They were expansive but the path immediately in front of you, which Alicent walked on, led to a private bench and fountain. You had spent a lot of time in that secret alcove as a child, running away from responsibilities and your family’s tiring rules. 

Alicent sat down on the bench in front of the small fountain. 

You lingered in the hedges behind her, suddenly reminded of being a peeping tom again. 

“It seems your peeping tom ways haven’t changed,” Alicent joked and turned her head towards you. 

You emerged from the shadows of the hedges and sat down next to her on the bench, careful not to sit too close to her. 

“I wanted to apologize, for earlier,” you explained. 

Alicent looked down at her hands in her lap. “You have nothing to apologize for (y/n).”

You looked at the fountain. “It was rude of me.”

She looked up and over at you. “It’s alright. I expected something like that to happen.”

You met her gaze. “Really?”

Alicent looked away and sighed. "We didn’t exactly part on the greatest of terms last we saw each other.”

You nervously thumbed at a loose strand on your trouser seams. “I was surprised you came.”

“Aemond insisted,” Alicent replied nervously.

“Is that the only reason?” You asked, briefly wondering if you were a glutton for punishment. Asking questions you knew lead nowhere good. 

“Do you want me to say it was because I wanted to see you?” Alicent countered, the warmth and teasing tone of earlier completely gone. 

“Only if it’s the truth,” you replied.  

Alicent let out another sigh and shook her head. “What good is the truth?” She confessed bitterly.

You took a steadying breath before reaching out to touch the top of her hand. “I’ve missed you,” you confessed.

“Don’t say that,” Alicent replied and pulled her hand away.

You turned your body towards her. “Why not?”

Alicent met your gaze. “It doesn’t change anything.”

A knot rose in your throat. You swallowed hard.

Alicent’s gaze softened. “I don’t mean to be cruel (y/n).”

You looked away and turned back towards the fountain. You didn’t want her to see the tears that started to cloud your vision. 

Alicent reached out and touched the top of your hand. “(y/n)..”

“Have you missed me?,” you blurted out.

A true glutton for punishment.

You blinked away the tears that welled in your eyes. 

Alicent pulled her hand away and stood. “I should go back in.” She smoothed her dress and turned towards the hedges. 

You clenched your jaw and softly shook your head. “Do you have any idea how pathetic it feels to miss someone who doesn’t care about you at all…”

Alicent turned back towards you. She stared at you but didn’t say anything. 

You couldn’t tell if the look in her eyes was pity or guilt.

You stood and closed the distance between you and Alicent. “It’s the worst feeling in the world.”

Alicent opened her mouth to reply but was cut off by a servant running out of the hedges. She caught her breath then informed you your father was calling for you. 

You dismissed her then turned to Alicent. “Enjoy the rest of your night, Mrs. Targaryen.”

Alicent’s gaze dropped at the mention of her married name. 

You knew it was petty and childish to call her that but you had been vulnerable with her and she couldn’t even pretend to have cared. 

-

You made your way back to your father. He was surrounded by his colleagues and Margaery’s father. 

He saw you and smiled. “Come my girl,” he called. 

You reached him and greeted the crowd around him. 

“It’s time,” he said and left. 

Your father walked up to the stage at the front of the room then waited as the singer finished her song and introduced your father. 

Everyone clapped as he walked to center stage and adjusted the microphone. 

“Thank you, thank you everyone. I hope you’re enjoying yourselves. This Christmas is a special one. Our family is whole once more, and I’m happy to announce it’s expanding,” you father declared then he asked you to join him on stage.

You did as he said and once on stage he wrapped an arm around your shoulder. 

“(y/n) has not only joined our philanthropic efforts but she has gone above and beyond all expectations. She has truly made the family name proud,” you father cheered. 

Everyone clapped. 

You smiled sheepishly. You could barely make out those standing closest to the stage, the bright lights blinding you to the rest of the room.

Then your father invited Margaery and her family to the stage. 

You weren’t sure where he was going with his speech. What did it have to do with the Tyrells?

Soon the whole Tryell clan was on stage next to you and your father. 

“I am more than happy to announce that after many centuries of feuding, Mace and I will finally put that ancient history to bed and unite our esteemed families,” your father elocuted.

You wanted to look at your father. You wanted to furrow your brows. 

But you knew better than to show any real emotion while in front of the spotlight. 

So you plastered a fake smile on your face and clapped along with the crowd.

“This coming spring my youngest daughter (y/n) will wed Margaery Tyrell and usher our family into a new, prosperous, and progressive era.” Your father gave your shoulder a squeeze.

Your stomach dropped. 

You finally turned to your father. 

The look on his face was a diplomatic one.

You knew you wouldn’t be able to ask anything until you were in private. 

So you turned to Margaery, who seemed just as shocked as you by the news, and smiled at her. 

Your father encouraged you and Margaery to hold hands so you reached out and laced your fingers with hers. 

Her hand shook and you did your best to give her a comforting look.

By the look on her face it brought nothing of the sort. She had gone absolutely pale.

-

After the announcement your father had led you and the Tyrell clan to his office. 

You held your composure as you sat down in an armchair facing the roaring hearth. 

The second the door to the study closed Margaery let out a flurry of expletives and demanded her father tell her the truth. 

Her father explained to her this was the best choice for their family and that they had even accommodated her desire for a nontraditional spouse.

Margaery hurled more expletives then declared she would never marry. 

She stormed out of the study and slammed the door behind her. 

Your gaze remained on the burning fire. 

It didn’t feel real.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get her on board,” Mace said and shook your father’s hand.

Then he and the rest of the Tyrells walked out.

It was just you and your father. 

He poured himself a glass of bourbon then sat in the armchair across from you. 

“You kept your composure out there. I’m proud of you (y/n).”

He took a long drink then pulled out a small box from his suit pocket. He handed it to you. 

You tore your gaze from the fire and looked at it. 

It was a ring box.

You took it and opened it. 

“Your grandmother’s ring, I’m sure she’d be proud,” your father told you. Then he took another drink. “It should be sufficient for the Tyrells.”

You shut the box and pocketed it. Then you looked up at your father. 

“May I be excused,” you asked.

He nodded. 

You stood and started for the door when he reached out and grabbed you by the wrist. 

You stopped and looked over at him. 

He cleared his throat. “You will marry her. If she won’t come around you need to find a way.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “Yes father.”

He let go of your wrist and you walked out.

-

You needed air. You needed to be alone. 

So you walked towards the gardens. 

But as you did you passed by the foyer and noticed Aemond helping with Alicent’s coat.

Panic spread throughout your body. 

Had she heard?

You walked over to the door. 

“Leaving so soon,” you asked, hoping the panic didn’t come through in your voice.

Aemond met your gaze and stepped away from Alicent. He walked over to you and put a hand on your shoulder. 

“Mom’s not feeling so well,” Aemond explained. He gave your shoulder a squeeze. “But congrats on the engagement. You didn’t tell me you were seeing anyone you dog,” he joked.

You turned to Alicent. 

She wouldn’t look at you. 

“I..,” you started but didn’t continue. 

What could you say? 

Not the truth. Your father would have your head.

So you stared at her, mouth agape, scrambling for a way to make her stay. 

Thankfully the universe intervened on your behalf.

For once it was on your side.

Your butler came through the front door with a severe look on his face. You looked at him and he met your gaze. 

“My apologies miss (y/n) but your guests won’t be able to leave,” he stated. 

Alicent looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

Your butler explained there had been a horrible landslide on the highway leading out of town. The officials had already been notified and first responders were on the scene but it would be hours before it would be safe to travel. 

Then he excused himself to let the others know.

Alicent turned to Aemond. “We will just have to stay at a hotel in town and leave tomorrow morning then.”

You shook your head. “Nonsense, you two can stay here with us. We have plenty of rooms.”

Alicent finally met your gaze. “You’re too kind (y/n) but we couldn’t ask that of you. We’ll be alright in town.”

“I have to insist that both of you stay. Think of it as repayment for letting me stay in your home last year,” you replied.

You could tell Alicent was trying to form a polite way to decline. 

Aemond looked between the two of you, his brow furrowed. 

You turned to Aemond. “It’s not a bother. I’d really like you both to stay the night.”

“Thank you for your offer (y/n),” Aemond said and turned to his mother. “We’ll stay here for the night then drive home in the morning.”

Alicent started to protest but Aemond had already asked you to lead the way.

-

You led Alicent and Aemond to the west wing of the estate where the guest rooms were. The house staff scurried to ready the rooms.

“Seems we won’t be the only ones staying,” Aemond commented.

“I doubt my father would let anyone try to go home in these conditions,” you replied. 

You showed Alicent her room first. 

She excused herself to freshen up before turning in.

Then you led Aemond to his room. 

It was just around the corner from Alicent’s.

You started to excuse yourself but Aemond reached out to stop you. 

“We have to talk,” he said.

By the tone of his voice you knew it was something serious.

Your stomach twisted at the thought.

You led Aemond inside his room and he closed the door behind him. 

“What did you want to talk about,” you asked.

He leaned against the wall. “I want the truth.”

“About what,” you asked, dread filling your chest. 

He scoffed. “You know exactly what.” Then he sighed and sat down on the bed. “I know something happened between you and my mother.”

Your stomach dropped. “What,” you choked out.

He shook his head softly. “Don’t deny it (y/n). You left our house in such a rush last year and nothing was the same afterwards.”

You remained silent.

Aemond crossed his arms against his chest. “When I told her about the party tonight she got so nervous and she fidgeted the whole way here.”

“I’m sure she was just nervous about what your grandfather would think. He hates my family after all,” you replied, hoping he would accept the lie like he had before. 

“No, I want the truth (y/n).” Then he met your gaze. “You owe me that…we were best friends once, weren’t we?”

Your heart broke at the sound of his voice. You looked down at the floor in shame. “Yeah,” you replied, defeated.

“Then tell me what happened,” Aemond pleaded.

You sighed and sat down next to Aemond on the bed. You told him the truth. You told him you and Alicent had slept together. You told him it wasn’t because of the bet the two of you had made. You had always thought his mom was beautiful and that night…well one thing led to another.

“I suspected as much,” Aemond breathed with a sigh when you finished. 

“I told you it had all been a lie because she wanted us to act like nothing had happened. I had already told you so I thought you’d believe it was just a joke.” You continued, your thumb still toying with the loose strand on your trousers. 

“Is that why you pulled away from me when classes started again,” Aemond asked and turned to you. 

You looked over at him. “Not explicitly but maybe subconsciously.”

Aemond nodded slowly. “I noticed and I wanted to say something but when I realized my mother was also acting strange I just froze. I wasn’t sure what to do or say.”

A moment of silence passed between you.

“Maybe that’s also why I pulled away, especially once Alys and I got together,” Aemond wondered aloud. 

“I’m sorry for lying to you Aemond but it wasn’t my place to out anyone,” you told him.

Aemond looked down at his hands. “Do you have feelings for my mother?” Then he looked over at you again. “Real feelings,” he clarified.

You smiled earnestly. “I do.” Then you sighed. “I haven’t stopped thinking about her once since last Christmas.”

“My mother had a very traditional, conservative, upbringing. If she is bi, or gay, or whatever she might be…it would be hard for her to accept that about herself. It would be hard for her to be anything but what my grandfather had told her to be,” Aemond confessed.

You let out a sarcastic laugh. “I understand that more than ever.”

Aemond eyed you, confused. 

“I didn’t know I’d end up engaged tonight,” you told him.

“Really?”

You nodded. “I just met the girl. I had no idea my father had plans to marry me off.”

“Do you have feelings for her?” He asked cautiously.

“No, but that doesn’t matter to my father.” You sighed and stood up. 

“What are you going to do?” Aemond stood as well.

You shrugged. “I don’t know. She didn’t seem happy about our engagement either but my father has ordered me to get her on board if her family can’t convince her.”

Aemond frowned. “That’s fucked.”

“Beyond fucked,”  you replied with a laugh.

Aemond ran a hand through his hair. “Why not just tell your father you won’t do it?”

You shook your head. “I can’t. My father would never forgive me. They’d disown me again.”

“You lived through banishment once,” Aemond countered.

“Yeah but I had friends. I had you,” you replied then wrapped your arms around yourself. “I haven’t spoken or seen any of my friends since graduation. Half of them didn’t even pick up the phone when I called to invite them tonight. If I lose my family again, I have no one.”

Aemond reached out and gave your shoulders a squeeze. “You still have me,” he said with a hopeful smile.

You smiled back at him. “Thanks.”

A knock at the door startled you. 

One of your staff walked in and informed you that your mother was looking for you.

You thanked her and she excused herself. 

You told Aemond someone would come by with spare night clothes then excused yourself.

-

You found your mother in the hall, showing a few family friends where to find their rooms. She told you to go to your father’s study so you made your way back there.

Once inside you saw Margaery and her family gathered there with your father. 

Your father sat at his desk. He stood when you walked in. 

“Wonderful news (y/n),” he said and instructed you to sit next to Margaery on the chaise.

Margaery’s father informed you that Margaery had come around to the engagement.

“Let’s leave the brides to get to know one another,” your father declared then he led Mace Tyrell out the door.

Margaery’s other family members followed and soon you were alone with her once again.

“Did you know,” Margaery asked in a hushed voice.

You sighed. “No. It was a surprise to me too.”

Margaery looked over at you. “I would’ve never guessed. You handled it so well.”

“My family is all about their image. I’m a well trained dog,” you replied, not meeting her gaze. 

“Why aren’t you angry,” Margaery asked, a pensive look on her face. 

“There’s no point,” you confessed. “My father always gets what he wants.”

Margaery folded one leg over the other. “And what would he do if he didn’t?” 

“Probably disown me, again,” you replied, tired. 

“He disowned you?” Margaery’s eyes widened.

You nodded. “Once. It was horrible, and lonely.”

“That sounds awful,” Margaery said and placed a comforting hand on your knee.

You shrugged. Then you turned to her. “Wouldn’t your family do the same?”

“No, never.”

You furrowed your brows. “Then why are you going through with this?”

Margaery looked away from you then bit the corner of her lip. “Can I trust you?”

“Of course.”

“We’re broke,” Margaery said with a sigh.

“You’re broke?”

“Mhm, and we need your family to help us through it.”

You looked down and noticed the outline of the ring box in your trouser pocket. “I see.”

Your father had probably left you alone so you could give Margaery the ring. You reached in your pocket then turned to Margaery.

When you looked over at her you noticed something in her gaze softened. She titled her head to the side. 

“Maybe we could grow to love one another,” Margaery said and ran her thumb across your cheek. “You’re quite easy on the eyes (y/n).”

You smiled and let out a nervous laugh. “Thank you, but I have to be honest with you. Since you were honest with me.”

Margaery dropped her hand from your face. “What is it? You don’t think I’m pretty?”

You dropped the ring box back in your pocket and put a hand up towards Margaery. Your brows shot up. 

“Oh no, it’s not that. You’re gorgeous Margaery, it's just that…my heart is spoken for.”

“Oh,” she replied, a bit of disappointment laced in her voice.

You smiled softly. “I’m sure we’ll be great friends Margaery, and I’ll come to care deeply for you in our marriage but I could never be in love with you,” you confessed. 

“If someone has already claimed your heart, why aren’t you with them?”

“That’s a long story,” you said with a sigh. 

Margaery stood and poured you both drinks from your father’s bar. 

“Your father said to get acquainted so..” she said and handed you a drink. “Let’s get acquainted.”

So you told her everything. 

When you finished Margaery let out a deep breath. 

“(y/n) you poor, darling, idiot. Fucking your best friend’s mother…even I haven’t done that,” she said.

“I did worse than that Margaery. I fell in love with her,” you replied. 

Margaery wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “A hopeless romantic,” she teased with a small smile. 

You smiled back. “Thanks for listening to me go on and on.”

“What are fiancé’s for?” Margaery joked. Then she gave your cheek a quick pinch. “I think we will be the best of friends (y/n).”

You laced your hand with hers. “I agree.” You gave her hand a squeeze. “And the best part is I will be happy to hear all about your romantic and sexual dalliances during our marriage, as long as you keep them quiet, what with the family image to uphold,” you joked. 

Margaery laughed. “Of course.”

A servant came in and informed Margaery her family was leaving via helicopter. The two of you hugged and said your goodbyes.

You walked out to the ballroom where everyone was slowly clearing out for the night. You grabbed an unopened bottle of champagne and made your way to your room.

-

A whole bottle of champagne later you laid in your bed and stared at the ceiling. 

You were really going to marry a complete stranger.

And for what?

Your father’s pride?

You sighed and got ready for bed.

But sleep wouldn’t come.

You tossed and turned for hours until you gave up and decided to get some fresh air. 

You wrapped your robe tightly around you and slipped on your outdoor slippers. 

Just as you started for the door your eye caught on your grandmother’s ring. You grabbed the box and slipped it in your robe pocket.

-

The night air was crisp. It felt good against your skin.

You took a deep breath as you made your way through the garden.

You sat down in front of the small fountain. The stars twinkled overhead.

You thumbed the ring box in the pocket of your robe. 

You brought it out and opened it. 

You ran your finger over the diamonds. 

Soon tears pooled in your eyes. 

Your future was set.

You’d marry Margaery. Your father would want heirs so you’d probably have kids. You’d work at your father’s company until you retired. Then you’d sit all alone in your estate as your kids and Margaery all lived their own lives. 

Tears started to cloud your vision.

A slave to your family name.

The tears spilled over. You wiped them away with the sleeve of your robe.

You froze when you heard footsteps behind you. 

You stood up and faced the hedges. 

“Who is there,” you asked as you shoved the ring box back in your robe.

It was quiet for a moment.

Then she walked out from the shadows. 

Alicent stopped just short of where you stood. 

“Who’s the peeping tom now,” you joked.

A small smile spread across Alicent’s face. 

But it was gone just as quickly as it had come.

“I didn’t mean to intrude. I couldn’t sleep so I came out for some air. I…I’ll go,” Alicent said and turned her back to you.

You reached out and grabbed her hand. 

“Don’t, please,” you begged.

Alicent didn’t meet your gaze but she gave a small nod. 

You sat back down on the bench and she sat on the other side of it.

“What brings you out here so late,” Alicent asked.

You sighed. “Everything.”

Alicent turned her head towards you. “Are you alright (y/n)?”

You shook your head. Then you brought out the ring box. 

Alicent’s gaze shifted towards the ring box. 

You opened it and showed it to her. “It was my grandmother’s.”

Alicent took it and ran her finger across the diamond. “It’s beautiful.”

“My father handed it to me and said my grandmother would be proud,” you recalled with a sigh.

Alicent handed the box back to you. “I’m sure she would be.”

You pocketed the box and let out a scoff. “What would she be proud of?” 

You stood and walked to the fountain. You looked down at your reflection in the water, the moon high above you. 

“I’m going to marry a woman I don’t know and don’t love for my father’s sake… My grandmother would’ve called me a coward,” you finished and turned to look at Alicent. 

She furrowed her brow. “You don’t know her?”

You shook your head then sat down next to Alicent on the bench, your body facing hers. “I just met her tonight.”

“Oh,” Alicent responded, she looked away from you but you noticed a shy smile prying at her lips.

You looked down at your hands, a smile on your face.

“You know she caused such a scene in my father’s study that I thought her family would break off the engagement.” 

You let out a small laugh at the memory of Margaery cursing in front of your father.

Alicent turned back to face you. “A scene,” she asked.

You nodded. “Our engagement was a surprise to her as well. She was not on board,” you explained. 

“What changed?” Alicent tucked a lock of auburn hair behind her ear.

You remembered how soft her hair had felt in your fingers. You wished to reach out and touch her but you knew better.

So you looked away from her and took a steadying breath.

“I spoke with her, alone, and she explained that her family is in financial hardship and needs my family name to get through it.” 

You looked up and met Alicent’s gaze. The moonlight washed over her porcelain skin. She looked positively angelic. 

“I wanted to explain to you,” you started. “I didn’t want you to think what I said in the garden was a lie.”

Alicent softened. She reached out and touched the top of your hand. “I know your heart.”

You turned your hand over and laced your fingers with hers. You stroked the palm of her hand with your thumb.

After a moment in comfortable silence Alicent let out a breath and spoke. 

“So you’re moving forward with the engagement?”

You shrugged. “What else can I do?”

Alicent brought your hand into her lap. “Surely your father would understand if you couldn’t go through with it?”

“Would yours?”

Alicent didn’t reply. 

You looked over at Alicent. “What did it feel like…being in an arranged marriage?” 

“It’s hard,” Alicent said with an exasperated breath. She closed her eyes. “You try to love them but so much of it feels hollow.” 

Alicent opened her eyes and turned to you. 

Tears had started to pool in your eyes. 

Alicent reached out and cupped your cheek. “I don’t mean to scare you (y/n). Maybe it’ll be different for you,” she said, trying to comfort you.

A stray tear fell down your cheek. 

You pulled away from Alicent and stood back up. 

“It’ll be worse,” you muttered as you walked back over to the fountain.

Alicent stood up and followed you. “Don’t say that,” she chided and placed a hand on your shoulder. “She’s a beautiful girl. I’m sure you’ll grow to love her.”

You clenched your jaw then turned around. “She’s not you,” you confessed. 

Alicent’s brows shot up. “I-.”

“I’m in love with you Alicent. Being with anyone else will be torture,” you told her. You reached out and took her by the hands. You brought them to your lips and kissed her knuckles. “I love you,” you murmured into them.

Alicent turned her head and pulled her hands away. “(y/n), please don’t.”

You stepped closer to her, close enough to smell her perfume. 

“I’m going to marry someone I will never be able to love. Please…please let me tell you exactly how I feel about you,” you pleaded. 

Alicent met your gaze. 

Your faces just a breath apart from one another. 

“It wouldn’t change anything,” Alicent replied.

“You’re right,” you let out a small sigh. Then you looked down and remembered the ring box in your pocket. 

Alicent hooked her finger under your chin and brought your gaze back up to her. “You’ll be alright.”

You looked into Alicent’s eyes, and couldn’t stop yourself from leaning forward. 

Your lips met hers. 

Alicent cupped your cheek and softly pulled away. 

“We can’t,” she whispered. 

You leaned into her touch and closed your eyes.  “I love you.”

Alicent dropped her hand from your face. “Stop saying that.”

You opened your eyes and frowned. “Why?”

Alicent turned away from you and wrapped her arms around herself. She was quiet.

“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable Alicent,” you apologized. 

“It’s not that,” Alicent turned back around. She rubbed her arms for warmth.

You undid your robe and wrapped it around her shoulders. 

“You’re too kind (y/n).” 

Alicent pulled the robe tighter around her.  

“You deserve all the kindness in the world,” you replied, a rueful smile on your face.

Alicent looked up at the sky and shook her head softly. She looked back at you and bit her lip. 

There was something in her gaze you couldn’t quite read. 

“What is it,” you asked her. 

“I love you too,” she declared with tears in her eyes. 

You stepped closer. “What…”

Alicent wiped away the tears that pricked at the corners of her eyes. 

“I have not stopped thinking of you since that night.”

You closed the gap between you. “Really?”

Alicent nodded, not trusting her voice. 

You cupped her face with your hands. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you call or text or-,” you rambled. 

“Because it doesn’t matter how we feel. You said it yourself, we are slaves to our family names,” Alicent replied as tears fell down the sides of her face.

You wiped the tears away as they fell. 

“It does matter. It matters to me,” you whispered. 

Alicent leaned into your touch. 

You brought your face closer and leaned your forehead against hers. 

You dropped your hands from her face and wrapped them around her waist.

She buried her face in the crook of your shoulder. 

You kissed the side of her head. “You know, I was never sure if you felt the same as I did. Sometimes I thought I tricked you into sleeping with me and had imagined any affection you had for me.”

Alicent pulled away just enough to look you in the eye. 

“You showed me exactly what I had felt missing my whole life,” she declared.

Then she leaned forwards and brought her lips against yours. 

Her kiss was timid but determined. She wrapped her arms around your neck and brought your face closer to hers. 

You deepened the kiss and pressed her body against yours. 

Desire started to pool between your thighs at the welcomed memory of Alicent's body against your own.

So you pulled away, just enough to speak. 

“I need you Ali,” you whispered, breath ragged and spent.

Alicent stared into your eyes. 

You noticed how dark her eyes had become. 

She nodded and you led her back to your room.

-

Hours, and more than a handful of orgasms, later Alicent laid her head on your chest and smiled as your breathing steadied.

She laced her fingers with yours. 

You smiled up at the ceiling as you ran your hands through her hair. It was just as soft as you remembered.

Alicent lifted her head and looked up at you. “You look lost in thought.”

You looked down at her and smiled. “I’m just so happy right now.”

Alicent kissed your collarbone. “I am too,” she confessed. 

You twirled a lock of her hair around your finger. “You’re so beautiful.”

She buried her face in your chest but you caught the blush in her cheeks before she did so. 

It brought a satisfied smirk to your lips.

The first streaks of dawn started to filter through the heavy curtains of your windows. 

Alicent looked up and realized the time. 

“I should get back to my own room,” she said and started to collect herself. 

And just like that your carriage had turned into a pumpkin.

You sighed.

“Can’t we just stay in bed a while longer.”

You sat up and watched as she put on the pajamas your staff had given her. 

“We have to face reality at some point (y/n),” she said and walked back over to the bed. She gave you a quick peck on your lips.

You caught her arm just as soon as she pulled away. She stopped and looked down at you. 

You threw your legs over the side of the bed and pulled her in between your legs. 

“Who says we have to do that?” 

Alicent smiled languidly. “I would love nothing more than to stay in your bed with you until the end of time but-”

You grabbed her hands and kissed each palm. “But nothing…just stay a little longer,” you begged. 

Alicent let out a deep sigh but the smile remained on her face. “Fine,” she resigned in fake annoyance. 

You gave her hands a gentle squeeze then looked down at them. You ran your thumb over her ring finger on her left hand.

“You know, my grandmother’s ring would look good on you,” you mused aloud.

Alicent pulled her hand away and stepped back. “That’s cruel,” she snapped.

The air in the room changed in an instant.

You stood and followed her. You put your hands on her arms and she turned around.

“I’m sorry,” you started. 

Alicent sighed then her shoulders sagged. “It’s fine I just don’t like thinking of things that can never be,” she reasoned.

You turned and noticed your discarded robe on the edge of the bed. You picked it up and pulled out the ring box.

Why couldn’t it? You thought to yourself.

Your father would hate you.

But you’d have Alicent.

You’d have Alicent…she just needed to say yes.

You opened the ring box then turned back to Alicent. 

She eyed you curiously. 

You got down on one knee.

Alicent’s eyes widened. “(y/n),” she started.

“Marry me,” you declared and held the ring towards her.

“You can’t be serious,” she stuttered. 

You stood and looked her in the eyes. “Now that I know you feel the same as I do, I can’t marry Margaery. The only woman I want to be with is you,” you declared.

Alicent’s mouth fell open. “I- I don’t know what to say. (y/n) we hardly know each other.”

You shrugged. “We’ll have plenty of time to get to know one another.” You got down on one knee again. “So say yes,” you urged.

Alicent walked to the other side of the room. “It would never work,” she argued. Then she started to pace about the room. “I’m a widow with three grown children. What would they say if we married? You have your whole life ahead of you (y/n).” Alicent stopped pacing and looked at you, her anxiety and fear written all over her face. “Your father will disown you.”

You walked to where Alicent stood and smiled at her. “I don’t care what others will say. I don’t care if my father disowns me. I don’t care if they take my inheritance away.” 

“But (y/n),” Alicent started to protest but you held up a hand to stop her.

“I love you. I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me?”

Alicent held your gaze. “Are you sure?”

You nodded. “More than I’ve ever been before.”

Alicent bit the inside of her cheek. Then she looked down at her hands, she nervously toyed with them. 

“Everything would change. I’m scared,” Alicent whispered.

“I can be brave enough for the both of us,” you said and brought her gaze back up to meet yours. 

You gave her a tender kiss then stroked her bottom lip with your thumb. 

“Please, let me love you the way you deserve. Let me fill your days with joy and your nights with endless bliss,” you professed.

Alicent let out a great sigh then let out a nervous laugh. “I don’t deserve you (y/n).”

You shook your head. “Yes you do.”

Alicent kissed your lips, then your cheeks, then your forehead. 

You laughed then got back down on one knee. “Let’s try this again,” you joked. 

Alicent smiled down at you. 

You took the ring from the box and held it up towards Alicent. “Alicent Hightower, will you do me the absolute honor of marrying me?”

“Yes,” Alicent replied, tears in her eyes. 

You stood and slipped the ring onto her finger. Then you brought her hand up to your lips and kissed her knuckles. 

Alicent took a steadying breath then wiped the tears from her eyes. She admired the ring on her finger. 

Then her smile dropped. 

She looked up at you. 

“What are we going to tell Aemond?”

“We’ll tell him he can call me Mom,” you joked with a smirk. 

Alicent’s smile returned. She swatted at your arm. “You’re impossible.”

You brought her lips to yours and slowly drifted back to your bed. It would be another couple hours before either of you got back up.

-

Aemond sat at the foot of the bed, stupefied. 

“You’re marrying my mother,” he asked aloud.

You sat down next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You’re damn right I am, son.”

Aemond’s face soured at the sound of the word. 

“Do not call me that ever again.”

You laughed. “Fine, but I won’t mind if you call me Mom.”

Aemond shook his head. “Absolutely not.”

Then the two of you went out to find Alicent and break the news to your family. It didn’t matter if they hated you. It didn’t matter if they disowned you. You had Alicent and you had Aemond. You would have a new family.

[pucksalotguys]

Unsteady

Featuring: Sidney Crosby

Enjoy chapter 1 of my new short fic, I won’t say much so you can all go on with a blind eye and get the full effect. Enjoy and let me know if you liked it 💙

It was the 3rd time that night that Sidney woke up in a cold sweat. He rubbed his face and looked over at the small clock that was on his bedside table, the one Emerson had gotten for him on their first anniversary, it was 3 am. The witching hour as he used to tease her about any time she woke up and bothered him to tell him about whatever dream it was she had. Back when life had meaning

He shook off the bad thoughts and went inside the bathroom as he settled for a steaming shower, the kind that was burning his skin. Somehow he should’ve known today would be hard yet he tried his best to push back all those negative thoughts and now here he was back at square one, mourning his dead wife

Time was fucked. Life was fucked. He looked at his reflection in his mirror and ran his fingers through his stubble. His eye bags were practically purple from all the sleep he had missed the last month. He looked like absolute shit and there was no point in hiding it. After getting him together the best he could he grabbed his bag and headed out the door.

It had only been a few months back at the apartment and slowly he was getting used to it, there was no way he’d be able to go back to his actual house. Not without Emerson. That house stayed empty, it was no longer a home after losing Emerson. He paid for it to get cleaned and kept everything in shape but actually living there again seemed far fetched. The apartment he was staying in now was all he needed, it was in a nice area and quiet and that was all he wanted

When he reached the hallway, he bumped into a woman in her late 20’s struggling to carry a large, awkwardly shaped box and watched as everything spilled “Oh god are you alright ? I’m so sorry” she apologized immediately 

He shot her a quick look. "I'm fine," he said curtly, clearly not in the mood for pleasantries “Be careful next time” “Sorry” she whispered “Uh see you around” “Let’s hope not” Sidney said back as he walked away from her

For the rest of the week, their paths crossed several times. Sidney would take the stairs, trying to avoid any interactions, but every time he did see her, she didn’t seem to get the hint he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

Finally, on a Thursday afternoon, Sidney was on his way to check the mail when he ran into her again. This time, she was standing near the door, fumbling with a package. 

“Oh hey” she said, offering her hand. "I’m Harlow, I live next door"

He hesitated for a second, then simply nodded “Sidney” he replied briefly, not giving much more

“Since we live on the same floor” Harlow continued, trying to push through the tension. “If you need anything, feel free to knock.” Sidney looked at her, his expression unreadable. “Thanks,” he said, and before she could say anything else, he stepped back inside his apartment, the door closing behind him

Harlow stood there for a moment, wondering what had just happened. Was he just a private person? Or had she somehow rubbed him the wrong way?

The next few days were no better. Harlow found herself thinking about the encounter more than she liked to admit. What had she done to upset him ? Was it her presence, the fact that she was his new neighbor ? It bothered her to no end

Finally, on a rainy Saturday, Harlow found herself staring out the window again, the loneliness creeping back. She settled for actually stepping outside on her balcony and simply stood there. Rain always brought back shit memories and more than anything it made her nervous. It brought her back to a time she wanted so badly to forget. She turned her head and that’s when she saw him and panicked for a moment.

There he was, also standing on his balcony, staring out into the mist as if was waiting for life to simply wake him up from whatever dream he was in. Without thinking, Harlow spoke first

 “It’s a miserable day, isn’t it?” she said, her voice carrying over the sound of rain.

Sidney didn’t immediately respond, but when he did, his voice was quieter, more tired than before. “I guess.” Harlow glanced over at her, unsure if he wanted her there, but something in his eyes stopped her from retreating. “You live here long ?” she asked. “It’s so plain around here”

Sidney gave a short laugh, but it didn’t sound like he was amused at all “Yeah okay” he responded before he turned away

“I get it,” Harlow said gently. “Grief’s a funny thing. It can turn even the most ordinary things into reminders of... everything you’ve lost.”

The comment made Sidney snap his head back towards her, his gaze darkened as he laid his eyes on her “The hell is that supposed to mean ?”

“I’m sorry about your wife,” Harlow said finally, her voice barely above a whisper “I know it’s been tough and I just wanted to say that I-” “Don’t mention her again” Sidney said coldly “Do you understand ? Just because you moved in and you wanna be annoying trying to talk to me all the damn time doesn’t mean I want to. Keep to yourself and stay out of my way” “Got it” Harlow nodded “I’m sorry” Sidney shook his head and stepped back inside. Perhaps he was too rude but the mere mention of Emerson did that to him. She should be alive, she should be with him. They should’ve been discussing when they’d start trying for kids, where they’d go to vacation that summer. Never did he think he’d have to live without her so soon. It was tearing him up inside and sooner than later he’d know he’d blow up

***************************************************

In the weeks that followed Harlow avoided Sidney every chance she could. If he took the elevator she took the stairs, if he was coming towards her she’d turn the other way. It wasn’t until one night that power went out in the building that she held her flashlight and walked out of her apartment only to see him slumped by his door “Mr.Crosby” she said softly “Are you okay ?”

Harlow took a step closer and flashed her phone light on him and that's when it hit her, he was drunk. She gently touched his shoulder and shook him slightly “Hey….hey Sidney, you okay ?”

“Em….Emerson” he mumbled batting his eyes open “It’s you” he moved his hand to caress her cheek “You’re here”

Harlow breathed heavily upon his touch and gently removed it “We gotta get you inside, where’s your key ?”

“Emerson why’d you leave me” Sidney slurred “I’m sorry Em, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I took longer, I’m sorry…come back please come back already”

She did her best to ignore him, looking for any sign of a key or even a wallet and found his pockets empty. For a moment she debated leaving him there or calling security to come get him but after hearing what she did on tv and how he was on sabbatical, she knew it wouldn’t be ideal so instead she took him to her place.

For once she was thankful a power outage had happened because at least then she couldn’t exactly see his face in her dimly lit living room. She lit up some candles on her dining table and sat there watching him. She had fallen asleep when she suddenly heard movement followed by cursing

“Holy shit” Sidney murmured as he tried to get up from her coach “Why is it dark ?”

“H-Hey” Harlow stuttered out

Sidney squinted as he made eye contact with her then widened his eyes “Why the hell are you in my apartment ? Are you fucking stalking me now ?”

“This is MY apartment” Harlow snapped “You’re in my apartment because you got drunk and lost your wallet and keys and you slumped right by your door like a slob. I brought you in here because I know security would have a bitch fest with you. Believe me I regret my decision immensely”

Sidney felt around his pants and pockets quickly, realizing he in fact had no wallet, keys or even his phone. He shook his head “I….I left everything back at the bar, I only had 2 beers”

“You don’t smell like 2 beers” she commented “Whatever happened clearly got the best of you, I should’ve just called security and they would have handled you”

“Why is your place dark ?” Sidney asked as he looked around “There’s no light”

“Power outage” Harlow nodded “Started around 2 this afternoon and it’s now 8 and still out, management downstairs said we’ll have it back by tomorrow morning at the latest”

He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously and nodded “I uh….sorry for yelling at you like that”

“It’s okay” she said “You were freaked out, I get it”

Sidney reached as he grabbed a candle that was on her coffee table and brought it up to his face so he could see her better “Harlow…Harlow what ?”

“Meyer” she answered quietly

“Harlow Meyer” nodded “I’m Sidney, Sidney Crosby”

“I know” Harlow responded “Thanks for helping me” he looked at her “Listen I know you probably know who I am but just….don’t mention anything alright ? I’ve been on a break and if somehow this gets to the team then they’ll ask me to take more time off and I don’t want that. I’m close to getting back and I don’t want anything fucking that up. If you want money I can give you some, just name the amount and it’s yours”

“I don’t want money,  you have my word I won’t tell a soul. I promise you” Harlow looked at him “I swear”

Sidney hesitated and nodded, looking down at his hands “So uh you’re new here ?”

“Yeah, just got here like a month ago” she answered

“You like it so far ?” he asked

“My neighbor’s kind of an ass but other than that it’s a pretty decent city” Harlow chuckled

Sidney laughed, he genuinely laughed at her comment and grinned, it seemed like it had been forever since he last did that and suddenly Emerson came to his mind and suddenly he felt like he was betraying her in some way

“Well I’m out” he cleared his throat “I’ll have some papers for you to sign tomorrow and what not” “Wait what ?” Harlow asked confused “I’m literally swearing I won���t tell anyone to your face and you’re gonna make me sign some document ?” 

“I don’t know you” he looked at her “I can’t trust you”

She shook her head in disbelief “I can’t believe I helped you out, I should’ve left you out there”

“Why didn’t you ?” he asked

“You looked a mess” she admitted “Clearly you’re struggling”

“I’m not some fucking weirdo alright ? I went to a bar, had some drinks and then when I walked back I felt it all. I’m not some alcoholic who gets drunk every day just to drink, that’s for weak minded people”

“People who struggling with alcohol have an addiction, they’re not weak” Harlow spoke “They can’t help it” “Yeah alright well I’m letting you know all I had were some beers and that this won’t happen again and I’ll have something for you to sign tomorrow” “Just leave already” she pointed to the door He hastily walked out and headed downstairs to get security to let him into his apartment after telling them he had lost his keys. He wasted no time once inside and immediately laid in bed as he reached for the framed picture on his nightstand of him and Emerson and hugged it tightly to his chest.

Today would’ve been their 3 year wedding anniversary and she was gone. Sidney was a widow before he was 40. He still remembered where he was when he got the call about her being rushed to the hospital and how he had convinced himself she was okay. How the heart attack was just minor and she’d be okay but that wasn’t true

The doctor's voice telling him she was gone played over and over in his head and soon he was crying, it was a nightmare he re-lived every single day that was taking over him. The same nightmare that caused him to fall asleep and wake up in that cold sweat every morning.

The next day he woke up and made his way to the bar to collect his wallet, keys and phone he had left behind. After paying his tab and giving the bartender a hefty check to not say a word he stopped by his usual coffee shop to grab something to eat and settled by a nearby bench on a park. It was then that he spotted her and sighed, she was like some tick that just wouldn’t leave him It was day time now and he had a better look at her, she was tall, fit with some brunette hair and seemed overly focused on counting all the donuts in her box. He finished his food and followed her for a bit and when he saw where she stopped and went in he felt his stomach drop. After last night’s fiasco and him talking down to her there she was walking into an AA meeting in the city's treatment center. He paused for a moment and looked down at his phone, his screensaver of Emerson lighting up his phone as if to tell him he knew what he needed to do. What he didn’t know was that he’d soon find out just how much Harlow understood him.

[hergrandplan]

"He's the one"

thank you @enjoythesilentworld for this fun tag!!

Post a 1-5 paragraph excerpt of a WIP/fic idea that may never make it out of your drafts but is near and dear to your heart.

I started this so so long ago and actually looked at it a few days ago and realized that this may simply be one I can't figure out. I know what it's supposed to be (exes who are friends, and then Simon gets engaged and Wille becomes his best man) but I don't know how, and either way, I don't think this particular scene will make it in! So here it is, for your enjoyment (yes. this is longer than 1-5 paragraphs. it could have been even longer but there were too many square brackets in the final few that I couldn't figure out. but hey. More cake!)

**

With a loud “Wille, you’ll never believe what happened!” Simon stormed into the living room, temporarily making Wille look up from the book he was reading. A book he was enjoying.

He already regretted giving Simon the keys to his house. One of these days, he was sure, Wille was going to come home and find Simon splayed out on his couch, having raided his cupboards and eating all his snacks.

“What, Simon?” he said with feigned disinterest, while trying to finish this last paragraph.

Simon grabbed the book out of his hands before he could, and tossed to the other side of the room.

“Hey!” Wille exclaimed. [maybe this needs to be more of a description of the sound like ‘disgruntled noise’ or something but not disgruntled] “I was reading that!”

“You can read later, I have something to tell you.” Simon sat down on the couch next to him, the widest grin possible on his face and a sparkle in his eyes. “I met someone. And I’m pretty sure he’s the one.”

“You said that about the previous guy. And the guy before that. And the guy before that.”

“Yeah, but this time I’m sure of it.” Simon fell back against the couch cushions, and ran a hand through his black curls. “He’s sweet, and considerate, and incredible in bed. I mean the way he–“

“Okay, okay, I do not need to hear you go on about your sexual escapades again, please. Where did you meet him?”

Simon’s hand got stuck in his curls, and he blushed. Actually blushed, and that’s how Wille knew the answer.

“Please don’t say the club.”

Simon didn’t reply.

“Simon, we talked about this. Not every guy you fuck is the one.”

“Yeah, but this time it’s different! I mean, I met him last Saturday and we went out for dinner last night and Wille,” Simon sat up again, stared into Wille’s eyes. “I came from his place just now. I haven’t even been home yet since Saturday. He has a bed frame. A bed frame that is incredibly suitable to – ” Wille gave him a look, and Simon stopped mid-sentence. “Okay, it doesn’t matter what it’s suitable to, but c’mon.”

“Wait, but if you met him Saturday –“ Wille quickly did the math in his head. “Simon, you’ve known this guy for what, 4 days?”

“I know, I know, it’s too soon but truly, I’m telling you, he’s the one. For real this time.”

Wille rolled his eyes and get up to get his book from where Simon had flung it to heedlessly.

“Sure. Tell me again in a month when it hasn’t crashed and burned again, and maybe I’ll believe you.”

Simon’s problem, according to himself, was that he just loved too much and that they were never able to handle it. And maybe he was right, a bit – almost every guy he met was the one until he found they weren’t ready for a relationship, were still in love with their ex, or, in more than one case, had a girlfriend already.

Simon’s problem, according to Wille, was that he couldn’t see past all the raging red flags. Simon would have killed it if he were a bull fighting in the arena.

Not tagging anyone bc Idk who has been tagged already and I sadly dont have the brain capacity or the time for that rn. So if you see this and want to join in: this is your sign!

[artist-issues]

I would like a steaming hot dish of the importance of monster stories and how it reflects the Gospel please

okay

I think if I dig real deep and look real hard at how I came to this conclusion, it would just be that in some sense God allows scary things to happen in reality.

That’s the bottom line.

I feel like nobody realizes that if the whole world were a movie, and God was the writer/director, He would have frightening monsters in His movie.

Not that He created them—don’t take the analogy too far—but

He didn’t have to preserve, in His Word, for all of human history, the account of a man losing his mind and growing fingernails and shaggy hair and living like a beast. He didn’t have to describe the whole encounter with Legion, the fact that a Thing called Legion consisting of corrupt elohim that can puppet a human around like a meat sack on strings, and give that meat sack self-mutilating super strength, exists and is a Thing that is possible to have in our world. He didn’t have to remind all Christians and historians for all of history that He can and did crack open the Earth and entomb people alive in a mysterious place called “Sheol.”

He didn’t have to allow the enemy to exist any longer than it would take to fall from heaven.

But He did. He chose to let that dark and terrifying stuff be in His story, for all time, and even allows us to perceive those things as being present for a long time. He kept it in His story, and in that way, reminds us of the dark and terrifying stuff.

Why?

I’m not going to pretend I understand all the myriad of reasons or know the mind of God in its entirety, obviously. But from what I can observe, it sure looks like he left those things in History because they serve His Main Point.

His Main Point is Who He, Himself, Is. And to show the ultimate good and glorious, the ultimate nasty and frightening makes a really good contrast. If you turn a spotlight on in a brilliantly lit town square, nobody is going to be able to see what the spotlight is highlighting. But turn a spotlight on in the dark, and that’s all you’re looking at, because everything else is so dark.

It’s like a living, breathing, compare-and-contrast essay. Those are the best essays. You understand one thing because you used something else as a measuring-stick.

Real-life monsters, the demons, the humans, their dark deeds— are the measuring stick.

Plus, what hero seems heroic with nothing to stand up against, nothing to fight, no vile thing to save everyone from? What bad action is actually accepted as bad by the reader of any story that doesn’t have terrible consequences written in?

Demons are only demons because they were first angels, and corrupted. Human corruption is only seen as horrifying because it’s a twisting-up of what we were supposed to be.

Have you ever seen or read Lord of the Rings? Tell me how the story would be without Gollum.

Not The Ringwraiths or Sauron or the Orcs or Saruman. Gollum. Gollum, specifically. If you wrote him out, how would the story be? How would the main point be?

But if we treated Gollum the way we (real-conservative Christians) do werewolves and vampires and zombies, we’d write him out. He’s a gnarly, nasty, creepy, bottomless pit of a character. The glimmers of ‘humanity’ left in him only add to the horror of what he totally is, instead of detracting from it. But that’s the point of him. That’s what he is, to the story.

Anyway. I think you have a really solid foundation for “Why Monster Stories?” right there. Because the Ultimate Storyteller allows monsters in His stories, because they’re the Cautionary Tale, & they’re the Thing to Be Saved From, & they’re the Visible-Tangible Manifestation of Invisible-Intangible Harsh Realities.

But when it comes to the Gospel

Monsters Are Evil Through & Through

The thing about monsters, whether we’re talking about real-life demons or serial killers, or the “fictional” stories, or the myths of ancient cultures, is that they’re evil through-and-through. None of this “they’re just misunderstood, they’re just unaccepted, they’re somebody else’s fault.”

You have that mentality with other types of “harm-causing” characters. With villains that mentality implies that if society just accepted them, treated them better, understood them more, gave them something, that a villain would cease to be a villain—without ever actually having anything About Themselves change. That it’s the outside world that needs to change, not anything about the monster. That’s how you get your anti-heroes, or “sympathetic villains.”

But monsters are not like that. Real, true monster stories are all about a Thing which Should Not Be, which has a very nature that is monstrous. And no amount of “understanding/accepting/being nice to it” can fix it.

It is the same with human beings that are fallen. We’re just as doomed and dangerous as demons, in our lone state. There is nothing good in us. Anything that seems good is just the spasmodic twitching of a corpse that used to contain life. Nothing truly alive.

Just like anything that seems “human” in a werewolf is just the last sad traces of something that is absolutely, certainly not human anymore. And the fact that you can see that it used to look human is, in and of itself, a cruel twist that only makes it more scary and horrible.

That’s the thing. Part 1 of the Gospel is “I am not what I’m supposed to be—I am evil, deserving of death.”

Monsters Must Be Stopped

There’s a sense in which other types of things or characters or beings in a story can just go on existing as they are. But a monster can’t. Not in a true monster story. It either eats everybody and ends the story that way, or it’s killed. Or it’s cured.

But the point is, it can’t go on being a monster. Because it is a broken bone in the skeleton of reality. As long as it exists, it does damage and spreads corruption. It can’t belong. Not in like, a tragic, romantic sense. In a “cancer doesn’t belong among healthy cells” sense.

And what’s more horrible is that usually a monster is always seeking life. What it does to try and “possess” life is horrifying. Vampires can’t produce blood of their own; they have to drain it out of the living to go on being animated, but they never stop being corpses, themselves. Werewolves try to swallow up any life they come across, but they themselves are death. Zombies can’t think, can’t reason, can’t heal, can’t grow—all they can do is try to consume the brains and life they don’t possess.

but because that’s the point—monsters can’t have life. Just like we can’t have eternal life, or spiritual life. But all our futile efforts to get it, for ourselves, hurt us and hurt others and only UNDERLINE the whole flaw we embody. Which we can’t fix on our own.

So, in most real monster stories, the monsters are killed. But even that is all Gospel-coded.

How to Stop the Monster

I’ve said this before, but in my favorite monster stories, the monster can only be defeated by two elements: “purity” and “sacrifice.”

In Clemence Housman’s The Were-Wolf, the monster is not slain by the main character’s frantic swinging of an axe. It’s slain because it gave him a mortal wound, but his blood was pure and shed to protect a traitor from the monster. Pure blood sacrificed kills the monster. That’s how that book ends.

I could list other examples (that one is my favorite) but just think about the symbolism behind all these myths the peoples of the world have come up with over the years. Vampires can’t see their reflection, not just because they’re the ultimate Non-Person, but because mirrors used to be lined with silver. The same thing that kills werewolves; silver. Silver is noted for its symbolic purity.

Just like fire is a sure way to kill a vampire, werewolf, or reanimated corpse—it’s pure.

But usually, in a monster movie (even the ones I don’t like, like Nosferatu) sacrifice of someone who’s thought of as “pure” or “innocent” is what winds up foiling the monster. In Frankenstein, it’s a little muddier, but certainly the monster finally gives up on living after he sees the pure sacrificial way his creator, his hunter, dies.

Anyway, my point here is that Christ’s pure sacrifice—and quite literally, His blood—is what kills the monster. In us. The old us is dead, slain on the cross. What comes forth is a new creation, Alive. But, dual-meaning—His blood also killed the monsters. The monsters that are Death, and also, the ultimate defeat for the Dragon, and the Enemy in general.

What We Get When We Don’t Have Monsters in the Story At All

This part I think is important, even though it’s not an answer to your question.

I think it’s fine not to have monsters in a story because you think they’re associated too much with demon-celebration in our culture. That’s fair. That would maybe be like trying to tell a story about a man who’s trying to come up with the perfect dog-meat recipe. In America you’d have way too much uphill work to do, because in our culture, dogs are pets and beloved. But in another culture, like in the Philippines, they wouldn’t bat an eye, they’d just accept that this character needs a good recipe and be like “tell me his journey, go on.”

That is a fine reason not to use them. Because everything can be sacrificed, including monsters, if the monsters aren’t useful for communicating the main point of the story.

But if the reason is because you think monsters are impossible to use because “they’re bad, and bad stuff can’t be in good stories,” well, that’s silly. Tadashi Hamada dying in a fire is “bad.” You want to cut fires and tragedy out of stories?

Anyway. That’s how I feel about monsters and the Gospel. Monsters are total evil. Nothing less than the strong and powerful sacrifice of someone pure could stop them. We are monsters. Apart from Christ. And then the monsters die. And then the sun comes up.