#no one ask me what happened on day 1
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BENJI WEEK ⁉️⁉️⁉️ BENJI WEEK‼️‼️‼️‼️
Day 2: Growth Spurt <3
#no one ask me what happened on day 1#BUT ANYWAYS THWEMMMMMM#KM SO HYPED FOR BENJI WEEK DUDE ALL THE ARTWORKS ARE SO GOODSDD#benji week 24#ben pincus#Kenji kon#benji#wild city#jwct#jwct benji#benji jwct#my art#FRECKLES BEN AND MOLES KENJIIIII#im now realizing kenji looks more south asian than japanese UHMM I'll fix him in the best few artworks I promise#I just love fiving my favourite characters brown skin ok 😢
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can we get diligent sam being really frustrated at sloth max?? i just like em eheh-
Oh hell yeah they’re fun! :D although I kinda lost sight of the actual prompt bc I wanted to do a phone gag hjhfjkfdnhdkdhd my bad ^^;
Pardon the messy coloring and fucked up perspective on the first one hdjdhjdhd I’m tired, boutta have me a nice lil nap just like lil old Sloth here >:3 see y’all tomorrow with more virtues hopefully teehee, I got a day off and I’m hoping to use it for evil drawing
#god DAMNIT tumblr why’d you eat all my tags!!! what the fuck!!#welp anyway. love my boy sloth he’s incredibly relatable. hard not to be sad and sleepy all the time#I’d sleep til like 1:00 every day if my schedule let me. just kinda happens hnfkdhdjhd#was definitely designed to be one of those early humans that kept watch at night ya feel me#sam and max#sam and max freelance police#freelance husbands#seven heavenly virtues au#vices and virtues au#my art#asks
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#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#virvox project#shirakami kotarou#kurono takehiro#vocal synth#voicevox#another one based off the memories of some post i saw a while back. i was like possessed. to redraw vsynth characters in popular posts#also low key this was what it was like being 22 in university classes full of 18-19 year olds for a bit there LHJSKHJFSDAjdfs#THEY WERE nicer about it. but sometimes they would find out my age and i could see the 'grown ass' flicker across their eyes#especially when they topic of discussion was shit like sororities and me not knowing shit about it. in my defence i was 1) confused about#'greek life' for a while because i am mixed race and kind of ambiguous irl so i just assumed it was a like a cultural based society thing#(we have a lot of those in my school its very multicultural) and they made an incorrect guess about my ethnicity again and 2) when I DID#finally figure out what the hell 'greek life' was supposed to be i signed up cause a friend asked me to but i missed the first day of#orientation cause i was sick and then the sororities started sending really passive agressive emails to me so i got scared off LOL#random sorority sidetrack aside. it was really funny when i was like yeah i dont really understand the whole deal#and a classmate was like oh well yeah i guess you wouldnt have the experience how old are you again like 18?#and i was like........................................................i turned 23 a month ago <:3c#and her face journey as she realized i was like 3-4 years older than her.... my apologies my dearest classmate#sowwy for being in my early 20s. it wont happen again <3
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small update
ok so um I got my number theory paper today, and the TA had cut marks for me because i left the answer at 66^2 and not 4356 (fermat's little theorem) 😔 I even wrote the full proof
my friend told me I should mail the TA about this, I got 14/20 and should be getting 17or18/20 😔
scores aside, number theory is so much fun, so much fun. the only good thing here is that I know the concepts well, and I fully knew the paper (still fucked it up, because I'm so frickin slow while writing and time). and it hurts worse because there's not enough proof that validates my knowledge. which in turn makes me question if i actually do have any.
I am, in general, a person who does well in concepts but screws up the exams (70% of the time) and I'm trying, I'm trying to get myself out of this "exam paniK" that I often spiral into, just minutes before the exam. I hope I change and grow; I hope, I hope.
#im so sorry for this meltdown once again#so sorry#and for the paper - many people got 20#it was actually a very easy paper and yes 20 was doable#even i could've gotten a 20 had i not screwed up the way i did#and i feel so bad to even say “had i not screwed up...” the excuse sounds horrible to my ears#well what is done is done#i can only try better next time#this course might just end up being the easiest to get an A#let's hope that I don't fuck up this one too#after seeing my paper i just returned it and came back#and my friend was like “ok. why did u not ask them why you've lost so much when the concepts are all right there on your paper?”#and i was like “um so should i ask them?” she went “YES.”#but by the time i went back to the hall the TAs had left so i have to mail mine now#and im very worried that she wouldn't change the current grading#last time i missed an A in math by 1/2 marks and i don't want the same thing to happen this time 😔😔#oh god ONE good thing can help me right now please#ru's trying#JUST 1 good thing#just give me ONE#i was so out of sorts today i slept for ~5 hours during the day and missed my calc class#i deliberately missed it though bc i wasn't feeling up to mark#i regret not going but my brain simply said no we're not there atm so maybe it was for the better#once again im so so SO sorry for the meltdowns lately#it's been bad rains and cloudy days in my head for a while now#i hope for the sun soon
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once again thinking about the fact that I'm kind of mean to people in MLMs shilling beauty products who want to Have Me Try Things because my skin is so dry and so sensitive that I do NOT try anything new unless I'm desperate. I finally found the stuff that doesn't turn my face into lizard-skin and also doesn't break me out. Please leave me alone.
#a day in the life of mlle sarcasme#about couple years ago I went to one (1) mary kay party for a friend#and was as polite as I could be but kind of a deliberately hard sell#because i made it very clear up-front that i'm not interested in the products#and honestly have no idea what i'm allergic to (I don't)#just that lots of things make me break out or flaky#(or both! that's happened too!)#anyway she told us to ask her questions and wouldn't let us NOT#so i asked her about whether or not the company ethically sources its mica#that was. a fun moment
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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Is that character gay? *points at Mine*
Allegedly.
#snap chats#depends on what day you check the wiki. schrodinger's homosexual#i couldnt FATHOM showing mine to my mom i know she'd be so annoying 😭😭😭#actually i cant even imagine what'd happen. 'is he gay' 'yeah' 'oh-' LIKE WHAT. WHAT NOW MOTHER WHAT HAVE YOU SAY TO THAT#like i think my mom asks that so much as a cope for my existence when i dont even like men mom As Per Usual mother you got it wrong#she's so weird because her. 'best work friend(? boss?)' is gay so she doesnt care about gay people she just doesnt like. me LMAO#but my moms selective hating aside i do wish i could show her characters i like#not because i want to bond with her but because it always seems funny when everyone else does it with their parents#but id just be too embarrassed ... or i can just imagine her saying like. every other chara is scary lookin. or ugly. liek my grandma did 💀#my sisters keep telling me to show her daigo since they think he looks like our dad and im always tempted to#god wait that just reminds me how when i did a daigo cosplay last year my dad saw me and he was like 'you're like a mini me :)'#like .... cmon dawg youre not helping LCKAEJLKCJAE love him. hope to see him again soon <- literally just saw him#wait while im rambling my dad came over and our 'uncle' (no actual relation just dad's friend) gave us. 12 fucking bottles of wine#when no one in this house drinks enough to warrant TWELVE BOTTLES ?? so funny. at least my sis and her husband drink#and i have one (1) friend who drinks LOL so thats cute. do i have any other unnecessary lore bits to drop before i disappear for a week#our ac broke and its been hot as balls. yeah thats it thats the end of it see you guys next week
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My cousin, a published writer, a well-known poet in my country and a literature professor, for whom I've always been no.1 support ever since her first attempts at writing in high school, told me that I must stop writing as a hobby because that's her thing and since I'm writing fantasy mostly my writing could never have any important artistic value anyways.
#what happened was that i was feeling really down these past few days#like mental health dead in mariana trench#and i went to visit her because she lives like 10 minutes away and has a cat i can play with#but yesterday morning a friend of mine made a fanart (i guess i can call it that) of a fanfic i am writing for the five of them#she sent it to me and said she's also working on an actual painting on a camvas of her fave scene from my original story#and i was so surprised and exicted#that's actually a too mild description#and when i was visitting my cousin i showed her the pic of the drawing on my phone and explained it to her and she just said ....ehh..#and started texting someone#i was sitting there feeling stupid and thinking wow you could have at least praised my friend's art sytle or something#and when i was getting ready to leave she asked me if i was aware my writing has no artistic merit and fantasy is trivial literature#so i should just stop wasting time on that and focus on developing my art style more for her future poetry collections#i do the art for her book covers#and added how we already have an established writer in the family so i should focus on my role - becoming a good pharmacist#and she knows how much i hate that i'm studying pharmacy like it's the no.1 cause of me hating the direction in which my life is going#finished it off by saying she feels like what she's doing in going to be really great and important on a large scale one day#and how she wants me to continue being her shadow that follows and supports her#i left went home and started at a wall for hours#i just feel so dumb for getting excited over a silly drawing of something not more than 5 people will ever read#i genuinely hate the idea of people reading anything i write so most likely writing will just remain a hobby for me#and now i feel like the most stupid person on earth and am this close to deleting all my word documents from both my laptops
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Please tell us about Shiho!
omg hi. shiho suzui my favorite persona 5 npc. i think she was genuinely robbed by not having a larger role like she could totally have been a confidant...
#asks#sorry its 1:30 am so im not actually typing up a whole thing i spent the whole day making words go academically#and i dont know what your base persona 5 knowledge is fkjhdkjdhkf#but basically i think shes fascinating did u know shes actually one of the first people to be kind to joker iirc! and of course. she makes#me absurdly emotional. the annshiho protecting each other in the first arc makes me so :[ <- which is why she totally could have been a#confidant btw like i love shiho awakens a persona aus bc i think it could have happened. umm i also think about third semester#annshiho because. well. ann's one wish for a perfect reality was for the events of the first palace to have never happened and for shiho to#be by her side. and theyre the only pair in the bad ending other than shuake themselves#and i think theres a rlly interesting missing conversation there btwn them when ann does decide to reject maruki's reality! i want to see i#basically i just love shiho. i think they could absolutely have given her a bigger role. i think about her relationship to ann all the time#THINK ABOUT ANNSHIHO TRANSISTOR AU LIKE I THINK THEY COULD BE THAT CRAZY!!!!#ALSO I THINK ABOUT SHIHO AND ANNS FIRST CONVO BEING LIKE. YOUR PAINTINGS SUCK. i think theyre soo fun..#we meet shiho when she's in a really bad place in her life and i wish shed been more present in anns confidant so we could see her recover#and see them have that dynamic ^
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winter 2k24, huh~~~~~~ _(:3 」∠)_
#aaaaaa it’s coming out just a few days before the major compilation album huh……#amz.jp preorders have already started huh… man.#im gonna wait till the inevitable ani.mate preorders start… i want the (inevitable) bonus comic aaaaaaaaaaa#i hope the bonus will be relatively(?) wholesome… unlike what’s probably in the actual manga u m.#i wonder if there will be another delay between the physical release and the digital release though…#anyways place your bets what do you think the cover of vol 2 will look like?#im guessing it’d be a redraw of one of the other chorus stills from the mv#maybe the one where she’s putting on makeup? since the flashback arc’s in this volume and all?#or maybe the ‘serves you right lol’ from the chorus with her fists by her chin?#(the second guess is mainly bc i think the series is gonna be 3 vols long and so one chorus still for each vol cover checks out right~?)#highly unlikely though lmaoooo since there are tons of good stills to pick from… she’s too cute#bc idk i really dont see the series dragging out for longer than 3 vols. esp since the flashback arc is already here#like. the protag’s flashback arcs usually appear some time around the climax of the story right?#so with the flashback in vol 2 that leaves enough time for a proper resolution in vol 3.#here’s to hoping that the chizuchan manga is able to have a better ending that whatever nonsense we got from the [redacted] anime lmao#i d k i just want to see chizuchan vibing with her friends and some resolution with renren and concon in vol 3 is that too much to ask—#then again this is the same manga that had the events of ch 4 and the first 2/3 of ch 5 take place#so there’s really no telling what’ll happen next…#in any case!!!!!! i’m terrified for ch 6 region lock release at the end of the month!!!!!#but… 160 pages long… hmmmmmm. does that mean that ch 8 (at least) will be short? ch 5 alone takes up a little over 1/4 of the pages…#and ch 6 was released in 4 parts on li.ne manga (like ch5)… so that’s prolly a long one too…#at this rate i think vol 2’s gonna come out before ch 7’s individual release… but… aaa.#i think i have the chizuchan manga’s on the brain a little too much for my own good. i should start charging it rent up there#a n y w a y s kimikawaii mv surpassed lxl’s hallokiss mv in views yayyyyyyyyy keep it up nagisakun down with lxl!!!!!!#aight that’s all from me for now. i think. i hope. yup. byeeeee#chizuutan chizpost
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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#boris was attacked by my neighbor's dog and i've been crying so much. i'm so scared#it's 9pm so my sister is driving him to a vet 1 hour away cause the vets near close at 7pm#idk why bad things keep happening to him i'm so heartbroken idk what i'll do if he dies#my neighbor is a cruel bitch cause this happened around 1 pm and she didn't tell us. she hid him in a room#she was gonna let him die like that#my sister was supposed to take me somewhere tomorrow so she came home one day earlier#i'd been crying all afternoon and i told her to please ask around and then they (w mom and brother) went to my neighbor's house#they brought him back and he looked very weak and with blood all over#my sister called a friend of hers who's a vet and she came to see him and adviced to take him to a vet clinic#cause he was bloated and there was air(?) and her face was worried when she said that cause.. where does air come from#plus he was breathing weird#i had the worst panic attack the whole time since they brought him from the neighbor's house until they left with him#i couldn't even speak cause i couldn't stop crying#now i'm calm but i'm so worried#if my sister hadn't come home today boris would be still hurt and locked in my bitch neighbor's house#cause my mom thought i was being paranoid :( she wasn't going to ask around#cause she thought boris would come back since he's been missing before#also my sister's the only one who can drive#:(#i'm so angry cause that bitch next door heard me calling boris name all afternoon and didn't say shit#i hate her. not only bc of this but she's suck a snake in general. she's always gossiping shit about everyone#she didn't do anything and locked him in a room for like 7 hours. maybe those hours were crucial#idk. if boris dies i'm gonna do some crazy shit to this bitch so she'll have a reason to call me crazy
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I haven’t seen you around much here lately, so I just wanted to say I hope you’re doing well ^^ . If you have any life challenges going on right now, I believe in you to conquer them!!!
thank you!!! the life challenges is my phone and computer both had a stroke and died within a month of each other 😔 it was super cursed but im cool im being very brave about it
#asks#to be more specific my phones circuit board got yoasted basically overnight#i had to get a new one and any data not saved to The Cloud or stored externally went byebye#it wasn tthat big a deal but it didnt mean i had to go through all my apps and re log myself in#only for some reason i just Would Not log on to tumblr. like the brain wasnt allowing it#which mught have something to do with how fucking embarrassing it is (for me only) that i did one (1) day of 79 week and then ate shit#anyways while i was grappling with the executive dysfuntion about all that. guess what happened to my fucking computer.#and then three days later my partner's pc ALSO broke outta nowhere???? any advice on handling technology based curses is welcome#and i was sort of like!!! i guess this is one way for the universe to tell be to take a break!!!!#so i spent a month doing other shit. playing ps4 games mostly#and then i got SUPER into cult of the lamb and went fucking insane with the need to see fanart for thos stupid fucking catboy#so i finally got back into my tumblr account :]#and now i am going insane with how much i want to do art!!!! and cannot do art!!!!!!! because i still dont have a computer!!!!!!#we're working on it its just taking some time#tldr im fine just silly and possibly cursed
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thinking about my "Padawan Asajj ends up in The High Republic for some reason" AU again. I have so many Asajj-centered AUs what the fuck
#daily asajj thought of the day#anyway avar and elzar hear a distress siganl from rattatak a year or two before phase 1 starts#asajj is lost in the rattataki caves looking for ky (she has his lightsaber but can't find him)#avar and elzar find her#they're convinetly attacked and get off rattatak#(idk at what point she's teleported to thr era don't ask me difficult question)#asajj knows the name of some jedi but no one who exists at that point#and then things happen. idfk.#they decide she should stay a padawan for a while even tho she's like 20 at that point#and yacek sparkburn (jedi from dalna) becomes her new master#bc i like his vibes#anyway this a is like old old#it was sparked by my drawing of asajj in thr robes#i haven't even thought of it in months
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.
#tw sui ideation#the longer that im alive the more i feel like i shouldn’t be#i can never catch a fucking break#within three months i my mom dies#then i get dumped by the love of my life on my first mother’s day after her passing#and then i get diagnosed with type 1 diabetes#facsism is on the rise#our country is being run by a genocidal dementiated zionist#our choice for the next presidency is that genocidal war criminal or a somehow worse genocidal war criminal#all of our rights are being stripped away#we’re in a cost of living crisis#im not even living paycheck to paycheck#i regularly have to borrow money from my friends to survive till next payday#and that’s with all the government assistance im on#so i’m really struggling to understand why i should bother staying to find out what happens#i know my friends love me#i know people care about me#that does nothing to relieve the suffering i live through everyday#my friends loving me does not take away the fact that i’m disabled and transgender in this hellscape#and actively working a full time job#with no fucking help#do i have a little financial assistance? sure. but not nearly enough to survive#75% of my needs are not being met most of the time because i can’t fucking do it#and no one believes i’m disabled enough to need help#or they don’t care enough to help#bc all day everyday i hear how strong i am and how none of my friends could ever go through what i do#and yet whenever i ask for help i often get met with irritation or annoyance#im just so fucking tired#i can’t keep doing this#i can’t live like this forever
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i was just talking about my favorite professor from undergrad who taught me queer lit?? and so i decided to email her to catch up and in the middle just dropped the bomb that i’ve since come out as bi and i spun it as a joke and was like “haha if i could go back in time i’d probably write a v different final essay for your class!!”
anyway i am literally shaking lol why did i do that 😂😂
#i loved her i definitely had a baby queer crush on her and just did NOT understand what was happening#she was this tiny butch lesbian who was like a head shorter than me and was just#so cool and i loved hanging out and talking with her#and once we had a v awkward late night convo at like??? 1:30AM when she emailed me asking me to stop by her office#and it was basically her fretting if i’d skipped out on her office hours one day bc of any perceived feelings on her part#which was not the case i skipped out on the hours bc i had pulled a procrastinator asshole move and not read the book yet#anyway i got v flustered bc i was trying to lie about having not read the book#and i think she got v flustered bc she was worried that i was some straight girl having a panic moment about her#(to this day i don’t know if she DID have feelings and that’s why she was worried?? or if she was just concerned i was misunderstanding)#(i can honestly say my mind had never gone there at that point)#(but i CAN say for years now I’ve been like ‘ok but??? DID SHE??’ mainly bc. again. i was OBSESSED with her )#kat is bi
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