#i just feel so dumb for getting excited over a silly drawing of something not more than 5 people will ever read

[raininyourblackeyes]

My cousin, a published writer, a well-known poet in my country and a literature professor, for whom I've always been no.1 support ever since her first attempts at writing in high school, told me that I must stop writing as a hobby because that's her thing and since I'm writing fantasy mostly my writing could never have any important artistic value anyways.

[hyukalyptus]

guys remember when i freaked out about professor!yeonjun lmaooooooooo we back

cw. professor!yeonjun x adult!student!reader, pining, fluff!!! no smut. but still minors don’t talk to me or interact sorrryyy <3

professor!yeonjun who’s so hot but so dorky. teaches something rly mundane like…i dunno…chemistry or something lmao. he’s extended his office hours for you bc you’re particularly interested in the topic. and he just gets so excited talking about it. smiling at you while he pushes his glasses up >< and then yall suddenly find yourself in this tense eye contact. he clears his throat and “well, i think, uh…it’s getting late, we should probably go.” and you leave flustered, not even able to remember why you went to his office hours in the first place.

professor!yeonjun who noticed that you didn’t attend class the next day. you were too nervous. so he sends you a message (like he does with all his students!) asking if you’re okay. reminding you of his office hours the next day in case you needed to pick up some notes.

professor!yeonjun who’s eyes brighten when you knock on the door, standing to greet you, almost stumbling over something bc he’s so flustered. “hi!” “hi professor choi…sorry i missed class—“ and he just makes sure everything’s ok and you’re getting overwhelmed with the coursework. “nono- i’m okay. i, uh, it was just a headache.” “i’m glad you’re feeling better.” and it’s that intense eye contact again. “…you’re probably here for notes, hm?” “oh! yeah yeah. that’d be great.”

professor!yeonjun whose ears turn red. every. time. you make eye contact with him. and you definitely pick up on it. but having a crush on a professor is silly, no? he’s never been creepy or pushy in any way. you can just tell he has a lil teeny crush on you too. so you start getting a little brave. leaving smiley faces next to your name at the top of your scantrons. it takes him a while, but he eventually reciprocates. drawing a smiley face next to your score with his red pen.

professor!yeonjun who’s bummed during finals. will he ever see you again? he’s gonna miss you popping into his office to ask questions so you can watch him rant about his favorite topic. he’s gonna miss your lil giggles at his dumb jokes in class. no one else laughs at them. but when you go to turn in your final scantron, he’s so happy to see a post it stuck to it, looking up at you with bright eyes. but oh no, there’s another student. he better hide it real quick even though he hasn’t had the chance to read it yet. and you scurry off quickly, smirking to yourself.

professor!yeonjun who’s grading them back in his office, already forgotten about the post it. so when he sees it again, his heart races. since youre not my professor anymore :) 555-345-6789. and he’s so so flustered. but doesn’t rush into it. waits until grades are posted. you’ve almost lost hope. but then one day-

hi! this is yeonjun (professor choi lol). was wondering if you wanted to get coffee or something?

and he hits send, throws his phone, and runs away ehehehe.

[aroninshonour]

I don't think anyone will actually understand just how much I love Ninjago

I love everything about it

The funny moments, the sentimental moments, the straight up sad moments or moments that make me angry

I love it all

I can't truly hate any character from it, everyone has their flaws but at the same time everyone has something to genuinely love about them

I physically cannot hate ANYONE from the show

No matter who it is

I will always find something to love about them

I don't think I can actually hate anyone...never had it in my heart to do that

But everything about it, the show(s), the movie, the fandom, the books, the good and the bad I'm here for it all

I will still stand by it and I will always respect everyone's opinions on their aspects of the show

But Ninjago always held a special place, it's always been there and it always will be

The stupid smiles on their faces, the stupid angst the stupid dumb celebratory moments the ninja get only for it to be ruined moments late, I love it all

The edits people make, the funny, the angsty, the nostalgic, the happy, the silly, the sad, and the angry, it always gets me

Everything about this show reminds me how much it means to me, how much it has *always* meant to me.

Words aren't even enough to describe this feeling, I don't know what it's called but whatever it is I'm so damned glad I've stuck around long enough to feel it

Maybe there's a ton of people out there who feel the exact same as I do and just don't know how to describe it well, and maybe there isn't

After all...it's just a silly kids show, right? A stupid, fun, silly kids show that I will never stop watching, that I will always love no matter what happens

I will forever be greatful that my 8 year old self found this damned lego show back in 2016 and watched it from beginning to end and loved every single aspect of it, every single moment of every minute of that show

I love Ninjago so much it makes me feel sick(In a way) but I don't even care because it is that special to me

Thank you Ninjago for just existing and feeding my fixations for all these years, and continuing to do so<33

Thank you Ninjago fandom for making all the silly shit you do and for the love of the fsm don't ever stop, y'all mean so much and you make everything so interesting with your silly creative minds<33

I hope someone can kind of connect with me on this but ykw if I'm on my own in this aspect of certain things that's okay too

And thank you to those who have put up with my excited fixation on this silly little show, and maybe even joined in on my excitement, hope you enjoyed it if you have!

Ninjago, I love you, and always will, thank you for literally just existing<33

Anyways sentimental rant over gonna go write or draw haven't decided yet<33

[elfven-blog]

All the damn vampires (3)

Leon Kennedy x F!Reader A series based on the 1987 film 'The Lost Boys'

CW: MDNI (18+ series), no smut this chapter!

Word count: 2.1k

I'm sorry for how long this took!!

After that night on the road with Leon, you had returned home having been able to catch Claire before she left hers and told her you weren’t feeling the best but would make it up to the two of them. Which is what brought you back to the boardwalk.

You’d paid for their food, and now the three of you were walking to the seaside rides while you ate ice cream. The girls had been grilling you on the life you had before moving, and on why you had moved. Claire had shrugged her shoulders arms spread as she declared how excited she was to get out of ‘this dumb fucking town and its dumb fucking missing posters’...clearly excited to go away to her Washington college.

Rebecca shook her head as she listened, a smile on her face “I dunno, I like it here. Having the sea so close is a nice perk.” Claire made a disgusted noise, pretending to gag at Rebecca’s words and drawing a laugh out of you. You had also told your new friends about the blonde constantly occupying your thoughts, and they had given you warnings about him.

“You should be careful, David’s gang are..trouble”.

“There’s just somethin’ wrong about them”. “Honestly! My brother says there’s always complaints about them at the station!” “Just don’t do anything dumb okay? We don't want you banned from the boardwalk too”.

All those warnings seemed to just go in one ear and out the other as they spoke to them, you nodded along and responded when they said them but you’d already made your mind up about the blonde biker. 

It wasn’t until later in the night that your opinion on him would shift more in line to that of your friends.

The three of you had spent the rest of the evening and some of the night on the boardwalk, you’d even managed to win a teddy from a game. Most of the games were aimed at you losing your money, not that it mattered while you were having fun with your new friends. As you were walking back towards the merry-go-round, your attention was on the silly photos the three of you had taken. Claire had large glasses on, and Rebecca had a tiny hat, the three of you posing in stupid ways. 

As you weren’t paying attention, you didn’t notice the familiar leather jacket making its way into your vision until an arm swung around your shoulder and pulled you into a cold side. A voice rumbling into your ear “Well hello there sweetheart” the pace of your heart sped up at the sound. 

A grin took over your mouth as you looked over at him, and something you couldn’t place flashed in his eyes as his hand slid lower to your waist instead. “Hey! How have you been?” you’re not really sure how to speak to him. Not after what happened when you last saw him. His blonde brow arches up, his head tilting and causing his hair to shift so that he blows it away.

“Really pretty girl?” He shakes his head, pitching his voice up as he mocks you, “How have you been?” your face goes red with embarrassment as you try to shake him off but his grip tightens and he pulls you closer to his side. “No no, I’m sorry doll, I’m sorry! C’mon don’t ruin the fun” 

His breath fans over your neck as he leans in close, his teeth scraping against the skin. And you swear they feel sharper than normal teeth but as you turn to look at him, his teeth are well, normal. You run a hand over your face, maybe all those rumours are starting to get to you.

Instead you roll your eyes at Leon, and smirks before pressing his lips to your ear. It’s like he can’t keep his hands to himself, or any other part of his body as his tongue dips to lick along the shell of your ear. “Let’s go and have some fun” comes that honey-soaked voice in your ear, and he’s easily able to pull you away from where you were going. Claire and Rebecca slip from your mind completely.

The blonde pulls you over to where his friends are, and the four of them seem to be terrorising the poor boardwalk guard as he tries to get them off the carousel. But once they see Leon, they walk away from their prey immediately, cheering and teasing the young man as they approach the both of you. And nerves fill your entire body, thrumming with electricity as the boys surround you as you wonder what they have planned.

You know you probably shouldn’t feel like this, especially when your friends had literally just warned you about the band of no-good doers but there seemed to be some kind of pull as the now six of you started walking towards where the band was playing on the seafront. Leon took your wrist, his cold fingers against your warm skin as he pulled you into the crowd and you saw one of the boys, Marko, wriggle his eyebrows at you causing you to blush before they were gone from sight.

Leon kept you close to him, grinning at you with that pretty smile as you danced together. The world falling apart around you until it was just the two of you, everybody else disappearing as your hands wandered against each other’s sides and your own trailed down his chest. It felt like you were in a trance as you swayed with almost no space between you, the scent of lemon and rust filling your nose before it was gone just as you’d registered it. You stumble as someone bumps into you, causing you to press against Leon’s sturdy chest, his hands settling on your waist and you watch as he glares at the other person. You swear you see his eyes change colour but as he looks to ask if you’re okay, you only see the blue.

With a shake of your head to clear your thoughts you give him the okay, and Leon snarls at the other person causing them to stumble back in shock you assume. The pair of you move away from the dancing, Leon’s grip feels tight on you making sure you don’t get lost. 

It’s towards the others that you head in the direction of, they’re all sitting around their bikes, the laughter filling the air now that you’re away from the music that made your ears pound. You give them a polite smile, shifting on your feet awkwardly and feeling like an outside until Paul slings an arm around your shoulder and makes a joke about the newbie on the beach needing to learn about the real Santa Carla and what the natives do for fun.

It seems to set the others off as they all pile towards getting on their bikes, Leon immediately tugging you onto his own. Your eyes widen as you straddle the vehicle, unsure how to sit or where to put your hands until the blonde snickers and pulls your hands to wrap around his waist “Hold tight, sweetheart” he whispers to you as the bike comes to life under you causing you to jump at the feeling of the vibrations and you push yourself closer to him. The grin never left his face as he felt you almost crush him to not fall off. None of the boys seem to care as they go faster and faster, some of them howling as their hair whips around them.

The sight of them having fun starts to quell the fear in you and it doesn’t take long until you’re joining Marko and Dwayne in their hooting and yowling. Leon turns his head to look at you, something gleaming in his eyes before he turns back to the road and speeds his bike up more. He easily catches up to David who laughs at the sight of you and decides to start racing Leon which causes you to hold onto him tighter. 

Your heart races as they accelerate around the twists and turns that take them up the hills, your knuckles almost white from clenching at Leon’s jacket, the leather turning warm from your palms. The wind bites at your face turning it red and your breath pants against Leon’s ear, adrenaline rushes your veins and you can swear in that moment you could fly. Your head tilts back, your eyes closing as you enjoy the rush. You don’t notice the way the others look at you, their smiles turning to mirth and their gazes filled with delight at the sight of you.

The bikes eventually slow to a stop and you hear the shrill whistle of a train nearby. Your brow furrows as they stop their bikes and get off, the man you cling to pats your leg to signal that you need to get off too, so you do. Confusion still fogs your mind as they lead you to a train bridge. Leon squeezes your hand as you stand among the wooden slats of the track, your eyes widening at the sight of nothing below you. Your body starts to shake but the comforting feeling of his cool thumb soothed over the back of your hand, and you swallowed the thick saliva that had been building in your mouth.

“What are we doing?” you’d never heard your own voice tremble so much when asking a question, and David laughs which makes everyone else laugh, You turn to look at Leon only to find him avoiding your gaze and his hand finally drops your own as he makes his way over to the gang. 

“She wants to know what’s going on! Marco, she wants to know” his grin turns devilish as he looks at you, his head tilting and something flashes in his eyes that you’ve never seen before. Your eyes shift to Marco as he shrugs his shoulders before jumping, disappearing below the bridge and even though you can hear his laughter below you somewhere, your heart still pounds as terror seems to grip at your heart and squeeze it.

You try to speak but no words leave your mouth, your eyes wide as your expression resembles that of a goldfish. “C’mon, it’s fun” rumbles out of Paul's mouth before he and Dwayne also disappear into that fog, and their howling becomes louder. David straightens up as he looks at Leon, his face suddenly serious as he arches an eyebrow at his fellow blonde. Leon just shrugs his shoulders at the silent question causing the bleach blonde to sigh and shake his head.

“Join us” is all he says before he’s below the tracks, and the whistle of the train is unexpectedly loud as the track shakes slightly while the machine creeps ever closer.

Leon looks at you expectedly, his hand held out to touch yours before he drops it. Worry sparks through his blue gaze before it’s gone. His tongue darting out to wet his lips, and his shoulders move with his own sigh “Join us, you gotta join us, doll” his low voice pleads like a broken record. You watch as he jumps with no fear, and you hear his voice join the others as they cajole you down below into joining their merry band.

And with a deep breath you do.

You smile at the blonde as you stand at his bike, one of his hands settled in its place against your hip while your own are on his cool leather jacket. He quickly tugs you down, his soft lips pressed to your own and he quickly commands your mouth to part so he can press his tongue inside. The muscle exploring in that path you're familiar with now as it runs over your teeth, seemingly paying attention to your canines before it gently coaxes your own tongue into his mouth too.

It seems like forever as you stand in that awkward position that makes your back ache but you don’t dare move. His hand bruises at your hip. And it isn’t until your lungs burn for oxygen that the biker pulls away from you by only inches so that you can gulp oxygen down. It seems like the kiss doesn’t make him as breathless even though you can feel his soft breaths on your lips, you are the only one left panting from your shared kiss.

His hand squeezes your hip one final time before he pats your thigh and tilts his head so that the blonde hair hangs down, and his lip shows that grin he loves to carry around you “Best go inside now, sweetheart, I’ll see ya tomorrow ‘kay?” and you nod at him but don’t actually move until he practically growls at you. You blink and back away, as if coming out of a trance after clearing your throat and beginning to walk inside your house.

You blush as you hear him rev his engine and let out a low whistle before he rides away.

[bitchslapblastoids]

Can I ask how much you talk to your partner about Dan and Phil and how do you talk about them? As someone who is not/has not been in a serious relationship, I find it hard to imagine how I would talk to someone about this, given my level of obsession. I don’t even really talk to friends about it. Like, do you talk about fic? Do you show your partner their videos? How did/will you bring up Iceland?

You don’t have to answer this if it’s too personal- totally get it! I’m honestly just so curious when I see phannies talk about their partners who aren’t also phannies.

Hi I actually really love this question bc it’s def something I think about fairly often, bc the tension is real. I am openly thirsting over these men, I have a real life partner, I share a life with him, but I also spend like a third of my life online thinking about the lives of these two dudes….it’s a thing. Just a heads up, my answer got really long.

My partner pretty fundamentally doesn’t get Dan and Phil’s whole thing, so I don’t show him vids or talk much about specific goings-on in the d&p landscape, bc it’s just a bummer to try and articulate or share something knowing it ain’t gonna land, lol. Even trying to explain the tour each time I came home from it all giddy made me feel like language was a hindrance and an impossible barrier to surmount. It’s just so hard to explain d&p’s brilliance when you don’t have some basis of common knowledge to draw on. It’s also hard to make someone else get the inherent appeal of two people’s chemistry and connection if they aren’t inclined to gaf about that kind of thing.

But he does know pretty much the full extent of my whole thing going on here lol. He’s seen my blog, sometimes I show him a post if I’m particularly proud of it/think it’s especially funny, I’ll talk to him about mutuals I’m chatting with sometimes or things happening on here that are specific to and exciting for me…basically I’m deeply uncool about it all. And yeah he knows about my fic (he hasn’t read any and I hope to god he never will, but i talk to him about broad strokes of plot in my longer fics, and he knows i write smut as well). I’m around him all the time when im writing so it’d be a pretty massive thing to hide, plus the process of writing/publishing Bowl of Oranges and its reception was sooooooo meaningful and giddying for me, so it was kind of all I could talk about for a bit there. He was/is wonderfully supportive and is happy that I’m writing and putting stuff out there.

i talked to him about Iceland the other week when i was close to impulse buying a ticket after the tysons shows, and he was down! If i follow through with booking a flight and hotel, he would come (not to TIT just to Iceland) and we’d just make a mini trip out of it. He’s used to me spending dumb amounts on concerts and we’re still fairly independent with our finances, so the money stuff isn’t an issue.

We’ve known each other for so so so long so he really understands my obsessive personality. We’re both quite strange and atypical in our own ways and I think have learned how to grow around eachother’s oddities and be patient and curious with one another rather than judgmental.

There are times I worry about my screen time and that I’m becoming too entrenched in fandom world at the expense of physical world, and i think at times I can neglect nurturing my relationship with him/all kinds of other components of life, bc the dopamine of phannie tumblr is a powerful fucking drug. So i try and be mindful of that. Definitely something im still working on.

To be completely honest about another tricky thing - I have definitely gotten stuck in a comparison trap before, of wishing that my connection and communication with my partner was as inherently easy and joyful and silly and immediate and Dan and Phil’s seems to be. My partner and I have many different interests, so while there are tons of things we connect over, there are also tons of things we can’t really share in the joy of experiencing with one another, and sometimes I’ve held Dan and Phil up as this paragon of love in comparison, feeling salty that I didn’t have what they have. I’ve gotten over that though, bc it’s definitely on the harmful side of parasocial; we only see some of their time and lives and they obviously have differences and disagreements too, and differences are good. And to be frank, will I ever have what they have? Of course not. I do think it’s pretty remarkable and special and I think most people in life won’t. And that’s ok because I also feel deeply fortunate to be with the person I’m with and I choose him year after year.

To touch on an elephant in the room - telling him I write smut fic was the thing I put off the longest bc I was scared/embarassed/felt kind of guilty about it all. And then I did and it was literally so fine. Idk, he’s great and I’m very lucky. I do have to be rly mindful of how the fantasy of it can impact my sexual desire. I spend a fair amount of time thinking about Dan and Phil’s life and relationship and, let’s be honest, sex life, and so shaking myself out of that and remembering to be embodied in myself and my relationship and my sexual partner can be a challenge. This feels weird and pretty vulnerable to talk about on here bc it kind of lays bare how you really can’t just compartmentalize this shit to one tidy section of your time and brain. but I can’t imagine other people don’t also find themselves in a similar position.

In sum, I do have a hard time with balance in life, and this is all something i think I’ll always be working on finding better balance with. But it’s not hurting anyone, it’s not rly hurting me, and it’s brought a lot of joy and creativity and connection to my life, so I try not to be hard on myself about it! I’m also deeply fortunate to have a partner who gets me and accepts me and is wholly nonjudgmental.

I’d rather die than anyone else in my life see this blog though. I have a couple friends who know I write fic and have a tumblr, but only the ones who I know are also into fandoms of their own and therefore get it. I’d reeeeeeally rather die than anyone I know irl see my ao3 that’d truly be the end. 🙃🙃🙃

Ok thank you for the question clearly I have a lot to say!!!!!

[colorfullyminded]

Here's your excuse to rant about pinescone

Okay-- Okay, this is so ahhh. It's silly but listen!

I was playing Horrified with my family, and I love board games-- so i can totally imagine Dipper and Wirt being into board games-- and Dipper is always pulling out this gameTrying to be all charming and cute and like "Wirttttt- let's play this one" And Wirt usually doesn't mind, but just Dipper being so into this game even though he's probably actually met some of these in real life monsters himself. Though sometimes Wirt fights him on which game to play-- and it's not like in a "No, I'm tired of playing this game Dipper, I wanna play something else" The reason he fights Dipper over this game is because he wants to play this version (the original version)

Because horror movie monsters and book related monsters are Wirt's bread and butter so these two are arguing over which version to play until the next game comes out

And both of them just kind of look at each other like >.> <.< It's the best of both worlds! ....though they do still argue over which version to play sometimes, though if they can't compromise-- Greek Monsters usually is the happy medium and it's a coop game so they're working together and trying different strats, and when they win they get all dorky, and sappy, and mushy (Board games surpisingly bring out a lot of passion)

Anyway, I needed to ramble a little because I have all three games XD

And it's very fun, and this feels so much like Dipper and Wirt's cup of tea and I love the concept of them playing board games together cause you know they do DDMD. Lately, when I've been playing games, I start imagining how Dipper or Wirt would exist in the world-- or what character would they play as-- what weapons/style/class would they pick. Im playing Elden Ring right now with the though of making two separate files that would be based on Wirt and Dipper. Like I just love these two nerds playing games together-- board games or video games. They each have their own favorite genres that the other doesn't like-- but they also do have a lot of similar taste; and sometimes they'll play something their partner really likes because they love their boyfriend and want to make each other happy! They love each other so much! I'm so fucking feral for this goddamn crossover ship--why?! XD

((...That doesn't mean they can't be little shits though.

Lol, imagining Dipper not putting out for Wirt after because they didn't play the one Horrified he wanted to instead, like the little petty bitch he is Wirt: But we won, we always celebrate after a win Dipper: Yeah I know-- I just--- I don't know. I would have felt more excited if we had been stopping Bigfoot-- Wirt is, of course, not going to let his brat get away with this. ))

Anyway, I just-- valentine's day made me want to write more ideas of them playing games together, but I don't know how fun it would be to write characters playing this board/video game in a fic. So to the headcanon pile they go. If I could draw, it probably be easier to draw little sketches of them in the world of the game/their character designs. There are so many dumb little things I think about on a daily with these two.

[outer-spec]

OCtober 2024 Day 10: Personality

(holy shit how the fuck did i forget to post anything for like six whole days??!? i totally missed some of the mandatory days too, i feel so dumb. i was so excited about doing this challenge this month but i was so busy with schoolwork i completely forgot 🤦 anyway days 5 and 6 are under the cut because i did do those i just never posted them on time)

Steve β

stupid

insensitive (but in like. an endearing way)

insecure

selfish

hesitant / anxious

Juno β

quiet

determined

conflicted

Tora β

bitchy (but in like. a cool way)

argumentative & petty

secretly really sensitive but refuses to admit it

vengeful

reckless

Neil β

silly

sensitive

optimistic

Steve α

silly

evil and sadistic

petty

stupid (but hates when people point it out)

insecure

Juno α

mysterious

quiet

domineering

Tora α

power-hungry

cruel & evil

domineering

Neil α

vengeful

pessimistic

conflicted

misc. ocs

Dr. Moss: friendly, grandfatherly, shameless

Terry: silly, morally dubious, insensitive, unhinged

Keith: anxious, friendly, shy

False Human: vengeful, sensitive, brave

The Girl: quiet, introverted, friendly, determinated

Atto: awkward, silly, flawed

Code: shy, exhausted, calm

Guro: extroverted, unfiltered, edgy

OCtober is by @bweirdart

OCtober 2024 Day 5: Re-Designed OC

ok when i first made Tora her name wasnt even Tora. and she wasn't even an oc. she was supposed to be like. an anthro GLaDOS fused with Vriska. (VriskOS?) She was a really smug evil & manipulative girlboss, and she had silver hair. but now shes a petty insecure antihero girlfailure. shes not like Vriska at all, more like a combination of Karkat and Asuka. however her friends still call her a vriska kinnie as a joke, and she hates it when they do that.

OCtober 2024 ⭐ Day 6: Past

Obviously, my ocs all looked like child versions of themselves as a child

my hexagon ocs:

Most of the characters are American, but Steve is from the UK. Specifically, he's from Bristol because that's where the guy he's based off of is from.

Steve dropped out of college and moved to America, because he heard they had less taxes there.

Juno was born in America, but her parents are Japanese and Brazilian.

I think of Steve and Tora as trans (FTM and MTF respectively), but this isn't really something that comes up in the actual story much. So their child selves would have looked like the opposite gender as they are right now, probably.

Tora probably would have transitioned super young, but because of her tomboyish fashion sense at the time, she didn't look very different after her transition.

Steve probably wouldn't have realized he was trans until much later, maybe around high school (or whatever they call high school in the uk). He had a ton of dysphoria as a teen, but assumed it was just Freudian penis envy, because he just seems to me like the type of dumbass who would think penis envy is real.

One time I had to draw child versions of them, but I wasn't sure which genders to draw them as, so I gave them androgynous hairstyles. I think it suits them.

Neil is a robot, so he's only about a few years old. He doesn't really have a "childhood", but he is less naïve as he was when he first got built.

Tora has a complicated relationship with her parents. Her dad was a good dad, but her mom was a bad mom, and Tora feels like her dad didn't do enough to protect her from her mom.

Steve mostly has a good relationship with his parents, but they are immature and have a tendency to talk over him. 

Maybe that's why Steve is so talkative, because he had to talk a lot to get a word in edgewise. First ever only child to get youngest child syndrome  

They're nice people, but they have a lot weird, oddly specific beliefs that they will reference in casual conversation like it's common knowledge:

Juno: Steve, are you religious? Steve: No, not particularly... Steve: Although, one time my dad said that the Rapture already happened in 1971, but the only person who went was D.B. Cooper. Juno: ...what?? Neil: No, wait, let's hear him out.

[firstdivisiongirl]

OH MY GAH HIIII !! I SAW THAT YOU DO MATCHUPS SO I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD A REQ FOR THAT BUT W TOKREV CHARACTERS ??? :DDDD i dont mind anyone tbh so dw abt choosing :33

ok i'll just drop some background info abt myself here :33

i'm aromantic + nonbinary, i am an entp 7w6 and i'm a pisces !! i like to draw, listen to music (either metal or just mainstream music i listen to whatever atp) and dance in my freetime !! :3

based on my personality ::

my friends tend to tell me that i'm the embodiment of the quote "dont judge a book by its' cover" cuz on the outside i act like a full on metalhead and really passive aggressive but at home i sleep next to a whole tower of plushies 💀🙏 and i collect stickers of silly little cats and otters (not my fault that they're so cute oml) i'm usually the clown of the group !! i tend to be hyperactive but my emotions change a lot- one second talking to me is like trying to get a toddler to pay attention to your teacher and the other is like trying not to get bitten by a rabid dog (my friend's words not mine). i tend to be a loud mouth srry . . . i do try to be quiet if necessary but if i get excited when talking i am a walking speaker . . . i get rlly excited if my favorite things are mentioned ?! like i would get rlly happy, smiley and would talk about it until i forget to breathe !! i like to consume horror media ?? idk if i can say that without sounding like an edgelord sobsob im sorry . . . i just love consuming those types of media (as a former kid w unsupervised access to the internet-) and i tend to ramble abt them along w other philosophical topics !! i like to discuss abt meaning of life, whether there are other universes, abt the capabilities of the human mind, etc. they're just so interesting!!! :] i guess im proud to say that my best trait is my humor 😋 maybe im overconfident abt this one cuz i just have pretty dumb sense of humor if im being honest frfr i tend to say things out of context . . . i like terrorizing my friends by saying the most outrageous things and overexaggerating them for the fun of it :333 though sometimes i kinda mean what i say

for my ideal partner ::

i'd say i would like someone who's fun to be around but at the same time they gotta be interesting for me to find them fun . . . like they gonna have smth to them that makes me wanna observe them like they're a lab rat being experimented on and being put under observation :33 ppl like that make me wanna see whats inside them and how they see the world around them !! i just love those kinds of ppl aaaaa ik im overdramatic for this one but like . . . i need someone who can handle me- as in my emotions and sometimes my way of loving . . . cuz if i did love someone, i would obsess over them and would dream of dying w them out of euphoria cuz being w my partner is the only thing that keeps me alive and human 😞 i wanna feel genuine happiness and pure bliss w my partner so thats why after that i think we should die together, that way we both know that finally we lived our life to the fullest (in my pov, 'the fullest' means you finally reach the climax of ur happiness/u live to the moment where you're the happiest you've ever been) (idk if that makes sense but that has always been my fantasy LAWD IM RAMBLING) need someone whos as crazy as i am :333 if he aint insane i dont want him fr i need to make him worse /j

i think thats all abt me :333 pls take ur time and make sure to put urself first btw !! aside from that, its ok if you ignore this one cuz at the end of the day its up to u <333 have a wonderful day/night mwah you're super cool

Hello! Of course you can have a matchup. Thank you for the kindness. I would like to warn you that I picked a somewhat controversial character. I hope you like it!

You Got...

Tetta Kisaki!!!

If boy can handle the chaos the is Shuji Hanma, he can handle you!

You wanted crazy...

Would love to see you smile when you get super excited about something! His favorite thing is to see the person he loves happy.

He is really really smart. So you would have very intellectual and philosophical discussions.

Would love that you aren't all you seem. Because he is the same way. You two can be badasses when out, but totally different when it is just the two of you (and Hanma sometimes when he is being Hanma and not leaving you all alone.)

Movie date nights. He'd let you pick it. If you're happy, he's happy.

[gyxtar0luvs]

Hi there! It’s me your secret lil skeleton! I have some minor questions about your Sun and Moon.

You mentioned them having a mark on them that changes colors depending on their emotions, now I’m assuming you’re referring to the bright white patch on their face? You didn’t really specify if it was or maybe I’m just blind and you did.

Second question what colors could their marking change to and what emotion makes it those colors? Cuz if I drew them like really excited or being scared I wanna know what colors I should use.

Final question for now, could you possibly describe their personality? In the discord server you mentioned that they “cause silly chaos all around” but that doesn’t really describe much for me. Like which one is more likely to cause problems, what kind of shenanigans would they get up too, what’re they like when away from each other, stuff like that. I like knowing a character’s personality before I draw them so I could try to capture it in my drawings.

I hope none of my questions come off as dumb but for now I’ll be awaiting your answers, can’t wait to get started drawing :)

Oh, Elloo!

Yes their white patches change color, sorry for not specifying!(⁠๑⁠•⁠﹏⁠•⁠)

Each color is a neon color since it's made to kinda stand out, it is a light. When they feel multiple emotions at once, depending on the intensity their lights flashes between each color since only one is supposed to be shown at once

lemme list down the colors correlating with each emotion for you rq:

•red-angry

•orange-confusion/surprise

•yellow-happyness

•green-disgusted

•blue-sad

•purple-scared

•white-neutral

For the last one, moon is definitely causing these shinanigans and drags sun into them. Though sun can do the same, it's mostly moon who does it. Also they don't think it's fair to go off people's fears for pranks as it could be a traumatic thing or just really severe! They usually just misplace things, draw on people's faces when they're asleep, mostly kid like pranks really! Unless they really don't like someone they aren't too evil with pranks:]

The only time it's not displaying color is when they're shut off!^^(grey)

Moon is all for going with shinanigans anyone has to offer!(As long as it doesn't cause actual cause for concern) Moon is usually in his neutral state since he tends to zone out a lot, but besides neutral, he's in his happy state all around! Although when he's without sun he does get a bit more snippy at others. But he still is able to act accordingly without him. He isn't much for verbal communication though, he usually likes writing or drawing what he's thinking since bluntly saying things without thinking is impolite. So he just people watches when he's doing nothing

Sun is more nervous about pranks, he always asks if it's really okay and they won't get in trouble for anything when dragged in for pranks. He has trouble trusting people that aren't moon or chica, he's kinda scared of the others actually. He may be kind of a scary cat but that won't stop him on calling out peoples bs or sharing his opinion, cause of this moon usually tells him on what he should speak out about when moon doesn't want to. Without moon around sun would probably just stand in a corner people watching or doing crafts to keep himself busy. He isn't much on relaxing and when he's focused on something moon has to keep watch over him to make sure he is getting charge when needed.

If you'd like to ask for specific scenarios to get to know them more my inbox is always open!<3

[skimmeh]

ack the stuff you said about dsmp and its ending and stuff—i feel that. its like this painful nostalgia of what the thing used to be and the fact that it’ll never happen again… i get nostalgic over the lmanburg anthem lmao. im still having a hard time getting over it ahaha.

i honestly hate the ending but i suppose it had to end sometime. Season 2 getting canceled… like you said, there is some comfort in that, but at the same time its so sad to think that it’s finally, officially over. two years of watching funny block men play the funny block game. it was so fun.

is feeling this way over a silly minecraft server overreacting? maybe. but nonetheless theres still that sadness. i just pretend theres a real ending where the nuke doesnt blow everyone up and these amazing characters ive grown to love just live on in their happy little lives.

anyway just wanted to say this after seeing your recent post. in all honesty, i miss dsmp. but seeing that someone i look up to feels the same way i do makes it a little bit easier to bear, i think. so thank you./gen

Hello anon!!! I'm glad I was able to make you feel comforted and better with just a silly Tumblr post (which also was a bit of a rant haha)

Yeah, it's a painful kind of nostalgia. Which is a bit bitter (due to the nature of how ...the dsmp sorta had a very, rather than ending with a big bang, it was more sorta drawn out thin and had a more than unsatisfying ending. its okay,I think as a fandom we are all making our own au endings to replace that one haha)

And despite all the hardship around this dumb lil server, I don't think I regret getting into it. And I still teasure the story and characters so dearly.

I think you're aloud to have such strong feelings over a silly lil thing, cos I think we're past the point of thinking it is dumb to be so invested in a Minecraft server. It was so fucking cool, and not just the server, the fancontent. I would argue that was the thing that made it so loved and engaging to be a part of. The fan content was unmatched and filled with talent.

People who think it's dumb to have a generally fun time within a fandom and to mourn that when it ends, are boring. Yeah it was a Minecraft rp, but it was also the some of the funnest times I've ever had within a fandom.

The dsmp may have ended but the creativity that made it so great is still here, with the fan content and cc, who will go onto new things and continue to make great things and improve.

And besides the story and characters are still there. It's like putting one of your favourite book on a shelf. You can always revisit the story, maybe take something different from it after time.

And I'm sure there will still be fancontent created from the characters, I know I still plan on drawing and writing stuff.

I can't let go of these characters just yet haha.

It's just now there's room for more things, I don't think anything will replace what the dsmp was,I don't want that.

I guess what I'm saying is I'm excited to see what comes next!!! And I'm thankful for the experience of what the dsmp was.

[doctorguilty]

Pda...

I feel like this is gonna sound dumb but I'm just emotional and that's how I am so whatever...... there's just something something can't stop thinking about

A couple days into my last visit with gloomy, I came out of the bathroom and made some silly comment about the bar of soap I washed my hands with, I think maybe it was something stupid like I washed chocolate off my hands after we shared a pastry, and I was like omg it was making the soap brown I had to wash it off I wouldn't want your sister to think there was poo all over the soap 🤣 and gloomy said like, "oh well that's there for you anyway" and I was like huh?? And they reiterated they had put that bar of soap put for me specifically. I'm the only one that uses it. They and their sister use the liquid soap pump.

And I was just like stunned for a moment cause here's the thing... that bar of soap was there when I FIRST visited their apartment. I didn't question it like plenty of people have multiple kinds of hand soap. So I'd been using that the whole time during that visit.. and when I came back it was there again so I mindlessly used it again.

It wasn't anything super fancy or anything, just a plain old bar of ivory soap. But gloomy bought that, and a cute soap dish to hold it in, to put it out for me.. even though I don't live there. So I asked why? Like, I can just use liquid soap I don't need my own soap ;w;" And they said, simply, "because I know you like to use bar soap"

Gloomy says things in such a matter-of-fact way that always gets into my head but I mean that in a good way. When I say and do things for others, I'm emotional, my tone often has a flourish, my instinct to be so external about the love behind my intentions. But there's something so.. different, in a way I'm drawn to, that with gloomy it just.. it's concise. It's a fact. It's not a grand emotion.. not the way I'd experience it.. buying something for someone, feeling excitement over it, I know what my emotions look like.

No.. when i picture gloomy just.. being at the store, seeing soap, putting it in the basket. Setting it out on the sink so it's waiting for me. Done. Its mundane. It's normal. And to me that's so warm like..... like it's all part of the reason gloomy feels like home anywhere I am

So anyway.. I told them I was so moved by that.. and yknow, I don't think I ever EXPLICITLY emphasized my bar soap preference, because again its not terribly important, it must have been something offhanded or maybe just a mental note that's what I had in the bathroom where I live, that I used

I know it probably doesn't seem all that deep.. but to me it really, really is. And they never outright told me, like NEEDING me to know!!!! They did it for me!! Which would be fine ofc, but again it's the mundane-ness (is that a word?) No, its not about their own emotional fulfillment at all.. it's enough to just make me comfortable, on purpose.

And that just... means the world to me.. because in my life, I desperately battle for (and often lose) my right to take up space, everywhere I go. I'm used to every little thing being in someone's way. Having it criticized. Being emotionally beaten down and shrinking just to keep my sanity.. for someone to feel I'm worth that... not the literal price of soap but the PRINCIPLE, the fact that something JUST FOR ME can just take up space in SOMEONE ELSES SPACE, they CHOSE to do on their own volition and not feel compelled to draw attention to it.. that is the most wonderful thing anyone can give me.. truly.. space. That's what it is. Space I don't have to battle for or earn. It's just there. I'm starting to tear up writing all this. That's how much it means to me .

I love them.. I love the way they are , so different from me in ways I admire, in ways that make me feel special because my brain is wired up differently where I wouldn't have the same exact thought process over the same exact intent

I was also told, anecdotally, when gloomy put the soap out, their sister criticized it like "that's pointless no one uses bar soap 🙄" and they said "some people do, seth does, its for him" and that's important to me to that without me even being there or knowing, they had no issue defending the space (literally physical space, AND the concept of it, why my arbitrary preference matters more than HER opinion) they wanted me to have.

I always end up beating myself up at the end of my yearning, because i still don't have the ability to keep out the thoughts that I don't deserved to be loved, how does my partner tolerate me, etc.. and that's how I'm feeling now.. how does someone so good love me? I just can't be worthy.. I've been taught time and time again i am no ones priority and the space I take up us a burden.

But nonetheless I am grateful for their love. I love them so much .. so much... every time I've washed my hands in the bathroom since then, I think of the soap at their apartment still there for me .. SO far away, yet space is still filled by me, whether the soap stays on the sink or gets put away in a drawer or whatever. It's there. Taking up space on purpose...

[fictionkinfessions]

I miss everyone, is that time of year where the memories hit hard

I miss Sirius, I miss the way he would always know just what to say to make me feel better, I miss how freakishly tall he was, and how he could never mind his own business, I miss how he would call me stupid names like lily pad, red, and use my last name way more often then he would ever call me Lily, I miss how he'd always get me in and out of trouble and how we'd doe eachothers hair and makeup, I miss how I'd sneak over to sit with or be with him when we were supposed to be with our houses.

I miss Remus, I miss how he would read to me, and how he would help me study, I miss stealing his sweaters and never giving them back, so he'd have to steal them back, I miss gossiping with him about stupid drama, I miss how he'd kiss me on the forehead to say goodbye, I miss his stupid quidditch commentary that I'd half to sit through when we watched the games together, I miss how we both helped eachother when we started getting burnt out.

I miss Peter, and how he'd always have a bag and was willing to carry my stuff if I didn't have a place to put it, I miss how he'd pick flowers and would press them and make bookmarks and other things out of them, I miss how his books were always annotated any time a borrowed one, I miss how he never forget an important date and was always there to remind everyone.

I miss Regulus, I miss how he always just got straight to the point, I miss our long walks where we talked about nothing and everything, I miss stealing his sweaters too, I miss how we'd both always get cold so we'd sneak into bed or cuddle with one another, I miss how we'd work on potions together, I miss how we both hated people, but we would get through social events together (probably with some help from Sirius), I miss his judgmental comments about anything and everything, I miss how he never asked any questions and would just hold me when something was wrong.

I miss James, I miss how he'd never fail to make me laugh, I miss how he'd make me feel comfortable in any situation, I miss how we could just talk and talk with eachother forever and ever, I miss his house and how welcoming his family was, I miss how he'd always take my hand and hold it, I miss how if he saw something that reminded him of me, he'd tell me about it or give it to me, I miss how he always stood up for the people he cared about, i miss cheering for him at his silly quidditch games, I miss how I could fall asleep with him, with such ease, I miss how he would just come up and hug me from behind.

I miss Pandora, I miss doing art with her, I miss drawing on eachothers bodies, I miss how touchy we were with eachother, I miss playing with her hair and her putting flowers in mine, I miss her cooking, I miss how she would wake me up in the morning so gently or just let me sleep in, I miss how adventurous she was and she never let anyone put a stop In what she wanted to do, I miss how she would always be with me if I was to scared to do something, I miss her laugh and her odd jokes, I miss how she would never give up on me and was always so understanding, I miss the way her eyes lit up when she got excited, and I miss us working on potions together aswell, I miss how she would always be able to read me so well, and I miss sneaking around at night together when we were definitely supposed to be asleep.

I miss Mary, I miss how she always let me borrow her make up, I miss how she was always the first to offer her jacket if she was cold, I miss how she never forgot birthdays, I miss how if you needed her she would help without a second thought, I miss how she always smelled like roses, I miss her she would always lift people up, I miss her stubbornness, I miss how if she wanted to get my attention her first instinct would be to throw something at me, I miss how she always seemed to know when I was upset and she always knew just how to cheer me up.

I miss Barty, I miss his dumb ideas and how I'd always go along with them, I miss him calling me Evans aswell, I miss him asking to borrow my makeup, I miss how he knew the best spots to just get away from everything, I miss how he'd always throw the best parties, I miss our chess games, I miss venting to him and being able to be bitchy without him complaining, I miss the way he'd crack jokes in inappropriate situations, I miss how he'd help out no questions asked, and I miss how he always somehow seemed to have snacks to share.

I miss Evan, I miss our study dates, I miss how he'd always look put together and fashionable even on the shittiest days, I miss how he gave the best advice to almost any situation except when it came to love, I miss how we both knew we needed to stop repressing our emotions and we helped eachother with that, and I miss how he wasn't ever afraid and would take me on adventures with him.

I miss Marlene, I miss her silliness, I miss how she always knew how to mix amazing drinks, I miss how emotionally intelligent she was, I miss her hugs and how she would just let you sob into her arms and you would just feel better being held by her, I miss her tattoos and how each one had a deep meaning, I miss her red lipstick that would leave a mark and how she would always make a point to kiss her friends, I miss having sleepovers with her, I miss how she always makes you feel welcome and I miss her being the extrovert she is, and I miss the way she talked so passionately about things she cared about.

I miss Dorcas, I miss her helping me with homework, I miss her love for all creatures, I miss how she would collect interesting rocks and crystals, I miss how scary she was when she was mad and how cool she was honestly, I miss watching her play quidditch, and I miss how sure of herself she was and how she made me believe in myself and feel more comfortable in my own skin.

I miss Emmeline, i miss how she never backed down from a fight, I miss how she would argue with teachers about things she figured she knew more about, I miss how she would always have scrapes on her knees and bruised knuckles, I miss how she always had an extra hair tie, I miss how excited she would get about things, I miss how much she would hype everyone else up.

I miss Alice, I miss her generosity, I miss their spunk, I miss how she didn't care what people's opinions of her were and she was always her most authentic self, I miss how she would scrapbook and document anything important to her, I missed how free she was, how she didn't seem to have a care in the world.

I miss my sister, even if she hurt me

I miss my everything, I miss hogwarts, I miss my life after that, but truly I miss everyone I cared about the most

I love you all

frog

[kart0]

Little update !

Heyyy everyone !!!! Just wanted to write lol

So last update I told you I was going to my psych appt but she fucking cancelled it ? And then I rescheduled and then she just fucking bailed on me and didn't even show up to her own clinic ? Anyways I got very very upset and angry bc apparently she was TRAVELLING TO FUCKIGN NEW YORK ????????????? y'all...istg I must be a fucking saint to tolerate shit like this. Maybe I'm too passive...I didn't even allow myself to get mad and tell her but anyways. I guess I just am too used to sucking things up.

Ok so she told me to lower my dosage, and now I'm like ? Hm, I don't think so. And I might have done something really stupid ?

And I do not recommend anyone to do this PLEASE DON'T, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ! Erhm.... I might have stopped taking my meds ? For like. A month now ?

It kinda just happened honestly... I didn't have money to buy them, and then I started to forget taking them everyday, and then I guess I just. Idk I just stopped taking them ? And I only did that because I felt ok ? Not too bad, not too good, normal actually. And I know this is such a stupid part of me but I don't really think the meds were working anyways ? And since I dont feel bad, I guess I just. Do not care ?

I don't know ? I haven't been very anxious, I haven't been depressed, my mania ended a few days ago, I feel, normal. And ok. Idk ? When I got depressed it felt really debilitating but then I suddenly became maniac and it was over very suddenly and now I feel better. The only thing tho is now my sleep schedule is FUCKED. But idk ? Nothing else tbh ?

And I do not advise anyone to do this, I am making sure to say it as many times as it takes !!!!! Please ! I am saying dumb things I am not a doctor I have not studied medicine I have no idea what's going on !!! But I do know my body, and I can tell how I feel. And for now, I feel ok.

I am currently tabling at this anime convention and it's been taking my time for many weeks now, preparing merch and stuff, and now it's finally happening and ? It's very.... Idk ? Idk ? Idk idk I forgot the word (I'm not a native English speaker btw) it's when something goes below your expectation ? The event pretty much flopped, the tables were expensive, and I didn't sell too much. Idk ? Today's the last day (thank GOD, I forgot how much of a hassle and a pain and how tiring it is) so let's see how this will go.

I am so excited for my winter break tho !!!!! Can't wait to just play games and draw fun stuff and rot. Yay ! Soon.....

Also ! Haikyuu movie is finally here in Brazil !!!!!!! YAS !!! I AM SO SO SO HYPED AND EXCITED ! I haven't gotten tickets yet ofc cuz I'm busy but soon...soon my dear...

And ? It think I might have a little infatuation with this guy on my class. He is very, and I mean, VERY, handsome, and pretty, he's so good looking, I'm embarrassed to interact with him, and I get all awkward and shy. I just forget how to behave normally ? And I try so FUCKING hard to act normal (more than usual since..I act like this all the time. It's the tism) anyways and I found out he's not actually dating anyone ? Last year I knew he had a gf (she's in my class too) and I swore they were still together, but just were very low profile. Turns out no they broke up. Ugh I just. And he makes silly jokes of me and just, acting like an annoying little shit (he's the youngest sibling) and keeps saying I'm bald and stuff like that (just cuz...I dyed my hair blond ? Idk what his thought process is) anyways so like. I can't even tell if he likes me as a person ? He also keeps saying fuck yourself constantly to me . Like. Uhm ? Idk ? I am very intimidated by him but I can't tell if it's because he's the most beautiful person I've ever seen or if it's cuz of these "jokes". At first I thought it was very mean, and I tend to take things vry literally so I tried my best to not interact with him because i didn't want him to keep saying mean things, and didn't want to ruin even more my reputation or what he thought about me, but then I realized he jokes like this with everyone ? Which, honestly, is very very stupid. Hes a little stupid. I think it's because he's a man.

Anyways, I'm just so confused. I'm trying not to think too much about it because I tend to over project and my mind spirals and I start imagining scenarios and I might get confused and convince myself I have feelings that I might not really have ? Idk... I know I'm a romantic for sure so like. I tend to imagine too much idk idk idk so I keep trying to rationalize and think straight. Like, we don't even get along that well ? I think ? I don't even know if we're even friends ? I know he knows prettier people than me. I'm not very good looking. I'm not very nice too. I'm not good at anything really, and I don't have a very good personality. I am just not good. I have a friend and she's so sweet, and her nickname is "jesus". Cuz she's just nice and hardworking, and she always tries her best. And... I won't lie. I really really like her, and I can tell you all these things are true about her. And...it makes a little. Envious. I wish people thought about me that way I wished I was naturally good, and not having to try my best and work to be normal every single day. I wished people would see how much I'm trying. I really really am trying. But it's just not a natural thing to me, I guess. I always, constantly have this feeling, that I'm always performing. Someone is always watching me. And I always have to be my best and try hard and I just. I force myself to be nicer, more considerate, more careful, more thoughtful. Because these things just don't come up to me naturally. I am not good. Sorry for the rant.

Ugh. I think I just am forcing myself to feel something, y'know ? I've always dreamed about falling in love. I don't think I've ever did. Nor will ever do. I am pretty sure I'm aroace anyways.

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. Why are boys so stupid.

I just hope things don't turn out the way it did before, with my ex best friend. To sum up, he had feelings, I THOUGHT I had feelings too, but I just really really liked him, as a friend. As a best friend, in fact. So I ended up things and we just. Don't talk or hang out anymore. Which made me pretty upset, and made me think I might had actual feelings. Turned out I was just fucking lonely and miserable, and he was my ONE ONLY friend. Now that I've been hanging around with my uni colleagues, I don't feel that alone anymore. I made more friends ! Yay !

Also ! Happy pride month ! Happy to say that it's been some months since I came out as gender fluid, and I am so proud and never been better and as confident ( with my physical appearance) as I was before !

Ugh anyways, thanks for listening to me. As always, I will try to work on myself and become a better person every day. Thank u all !

Oh ! Ps: I've been slowly eating more ! I might fail sometimes but I've been making sure to at least go to bed with a full stomach. So I won't wake up dying and feeling miserable and in pain. So this is an improvement I believe !

[etherealising]

ngl i was worried when i didn't see your reaction, glad you just missed the uploads!! hope you're doing great!!! ☺️

i was listening to “all i need to hear” by the 1975 today and it made me think of these two idiots. came to check on them and imagine my shock and excitement when i realized that i missed not one BUT TWO UPDATES?! i’ve been missing them so much and this chapter did not disappoint - although it did hurt like a mf🤠

yayy!!! i'm so happy you're getting caught up!! although i have to say, maybe save some of that hurt for the next chappie…

bear with me and my many many notes for this long and beautiful update🫶🏻

hahahaha 'bear' your many many updates are incredibly welcome! NEVER APOLOGIZE (please) 😇

GODDAMN!!! we’re just jumping straight into it! okay, okay, i see you lol. poor carmy - mikey is such an idiot (loving) for giving carmy something to be angsty at baby for

carmy is shaking in his boots that baby is working there and he isn't

maybe, JUST MAYBE, it’s because you look like a lovesick fool around baby you silly boy

he's just like hmm strange lady that one is

he is a lovesick FOOL. drawing her?? in the book SHE got him?? i’m dead fr.

right like bestie please get some help its embarrassing at this point! 🙃

i knew that going back in time would possibly mean some claire angst and the masochist in me loves it but i also need her to swiftly ✨get the fuck away✨

the masochist in me indeed loves it too and claire but i have to agree miss girl needs to bounce.

YOUCH. that one! that one hurt deep. the pain of unrequited (she thinks) love is other worldly.

it hurts so good! i forget half the angst i write my gosh does it bring me joy to hurt my own feelings sometimes.

broooooooo just tell her you love her already

DE NILE

tell me why my heart just dropped to my feet even though i already know they get separated? it’s so an odd feeling to know that it’s the beginning of the end while the characters are still in blissful ignorance

right!?!? like i knew this was coming, you knew this was coming, my neighbor knew this was coming and it's still so heartbreaking.

have you even lived life if you haven’t experienced the PAIN of having to say this sentence. ouch.

LICHERALLY this sentence has been in my vocabulary for far too long.

i was 🤏🏼 this close to throwing hands with carmy until i read this paragraph… boi is on THIN ICE still though

i know you know the outcome…but the ice is non-existent.

okay but this sentence has me fully melted on the floor - i love tina and i love the idea that baby is family to the beef family just as much as the berzatto family. this will definitely make things interesting when carmy takes over the beef in da future.

it wouldn't be a bear fic without the quintessential found family aspect.

oooooooh yeah. carmys going to get his ass kicked in the future i’m calling it now.

carmy said if i ignore my problems they simply cease to exist.

jesus christ this hurts so good - you just know this is one of those moments that just HAUNTS baby after he dies. these words are never leaving her fr.

lot of things concerning our big bro mikey won't be leaving her…

LOL too bad its going to fall on deaf ears

carmy: but she looks so good walking away from me 🥸

the way that baby has all but asked him to prom and this idiot is still nervous to ask her

laid the 'invitation' on a silver platter and he's still giggling and kicking his feet back and forth.

it’s okay king we’re all delusional

thinks about baby in the most romantic ways possible but doesn't want to go with her romantically????

NO HE DIDNT. NO HE FUCKING DIDNT. okay i take it all back i’m gonna pummel him for this. shaking my DAMN HEAD.

i'll ref the fight (my moneys on you)

honestly i’m team hayden for this - carmy should be taking notes

hayden is winning everyone's hearts at this point!

okay so he’s safe from getting pummeled for now since hes just a stupid dumb boy but he’s still on thin ice.

claire saw her opportunity and took it

i think at this point i need to just kick his ass because everytime he gets out of a hole he jumps into a deeper one w t f

at this point i think we all collectively deserve to beat this boy up, the line starts behind you!

how supremely ironic and hypocritical of him

someone get this kid a psychic

i absolutely love this paragraph and how well it shows the complexities surrounding baby’s feelings about claire. just really really well written. and also OUCH.

thank you!!! baby tries so hard not to blame claire and make this a girl v girl thing because like it shouldn't be

on a scale of 1-10 how bad of a person am i for thinking ‘full offense to claire’ with no hesitation

you said it out loud, but i sure was thinking it

THEY REALLY ARE TWEEDLE DEE AND TWEEDLE DUMB THEY ARE THEY ARE

one collective brain cell between these besties!

i am laughing so hard at this oh my god - i love them so much it hurts. i’m reallllllllly not excited to say goodbye to the dynamic duo😞

their little quips are so fun to write goodness i'm gonna cry when mikey is gone 😅

methinks that this is going to come into play later lolololol

methinks you might just be right…

i want to watch this carmy brawl with future carmy because future carmy did a shit job at this

future carmy ain't no betta

the way i can’t even be happy about this because i know the amount of absolute shit he’s about to put her through

same i was like let me finish this scene cause i know it ain't no happy ending

i do, however, love this. i love how intimate and real it is - first kisses are awkward but that’s what makes them so fun

right two little awko tacos in love but too stupid to do anything more about it

i feel some bullshit brewing and i am shaking in my boots

the chanel boots?

wowwwwwwwww that didn’t take long. i’m not even surprised but goddamn does it hurt all the same.

boy really pulling a hannah montana right now smh

crying in the walk-in builds character😤 #hotgirlshit

someone trap carmy in there a few years early please!!

this is such an incredible last paragraph - i am unfortunately all fucked up in the brain from carmys dumbassery lol. boys gonna have to put in some serious work in the future - he is truly his own worst enemy

that carmy x self-sabotage tag working real hard lately

i know I say it every time but i freaking love reading your reactions soo much they make my heart happy 😭😭

interlude one | parle-moi

↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing(s): carmy x claire | fem!reader x male!oc | carmy x fem!reader | platonic!mikey x fem!reader | platonic!richie x fem!reader | platonic!claire x fem!reader |

summary: a glance into the final couple of weeks of carmy and baby's senior year.

warning(s): 18+ | miscommunication | carmy | teenage angst | teenage stupidity | mentions of prom | vague mentions of terminal illness | steamy make out session | dry humping | mild petting | neck infatuation? | pining | semi-unrequited love | idiots in fucking love | please let me know if i missed something |

wc: 13.7k

song inspo: parle-moi

please don't let any graphics hinder your imagination of fem!reader/baby, you could imagine her as a fucking smurf for all i care. any pictures used are NOT a representation of baby they just fit the chapter!!!!

also i describe hayden as atj's character in kick-ass because that's what i was watching while writing this chapter but you could imagine him as rasputin or liteally whoever you're into.

but also like atj and jaw are literally the same person just different fonts ya know? happy reading!

May 2013

Carmy watched as you manned the front of house at The Beef, you and Richie working seamlessly around each other as the both of you took turns at the cash register and running food to the customers who had decided to dine in. Carmy wouldn’t lie, he was a little miffed that Mikey had given you a job here but strictly forbade him from even thinking about working at The Beef, but it was okay because he had a plan. Carmy was going to pursue his dream of becoming a chef, not only that, he was going to become the best fucking chef he could be and prove to Michael exactly why he deserved to work alongside him at the family business.

It wasn’t necessarily fair for Carmy to be mad at you for earning yourself a job at The Beef, and he wasn’t. He knew you were only working there to save up money, he knew how badly you and your mom needed it. Things had gotten worse with your mom in the past two years. One of your aunts had come from the west coast to stay with the two of you as you finished up your senior year waiting to whisk the two of you away at the first chance she got. Carmy had met her a handful of times. She was nice he would give her that, but she always looked at him like she knew a secret he didn’t.

Leaning against the end of the counter as he waited for you to go on break, he watched as you made your way back from the dining area to the front, doing his best to capture your features. The slight sheen to your skin from running back and forth and the slight humidity that could be felt in the air. He took notice of the way your hair decorated your head, which pieces looked out of place. Carmy studied you with a curious eye, fingers drumming against the small sketchbook you had got him for his birthday. He had wanted to draw you for a while, and he tried once, but after picking out everything wrong with the drawing he decided that maybe your kind of features weren’t meant to be confined to the lines on a piece of paper.

Carmy watched as you laughed at something stupid Richie said, your laughter singing through the restaurant. Even as you turned to the window of the kitchen to share the joke with the rest of your crew, the large smile still hadn’t left your face.

You turned from the window removing the apron from around your waist as you approached Carmy, the remnants of laughter still on your face. You grabbed his hand pulling him along to the dining area where the two of you plopped down at your favorite corner table. The patrons are still there sending greetings to both of you. You nodded at Carmy’s sketchbook that now sat on the table, his hand lying flat atop it.

“Got anything new for me to look at?” You eyed the small book, always happy to look at whatever new drawing had taken over Carmy’s mind, even if they were of Claire.

Carmy followed your line of sight, a slight blush rising to his cheeks at your intrigue. He usually wouldn’t think twice about letting you parse through his artwork, your genuine interest always pushing him to keep up his hobby. “Uh, I’m not sure if you’ll want to see what’s in this sketchbook.”

Carmy’s fingers began drumming away again, the constant contact with the small book keeping him calm. You sent a teasing smile his way “Why afraid I’ll get tired of seeing your drawings of Claire?” You had meant for the quip to be a joke, although you were tired of seeing Claire’s face staring back at you through Carmy’s drawings, it wasn’t your friend's fault that she had stolen the heart of the boy you had been pining after for the better part of a year.

The frown on Carmy’s face told you that he may have taken offense to the slight joke, your teasing smile dropping as you felt the guilt creep in on you. “I don’t draw Claire that much do I?” The vulnerability in his tone catches you off guard.

You quickly shook your head wanting to appease him, “No Carm, guess I’ve just been around Mikey and Richie too much working here.” You sent him a small smile hoping to raise his spirits, “Word of advice though, some people might find it a bit weird if they knew someone was drawing them without their permission.” You leaned your head on the palm of your hand as you watched Carmy flush even more.

Carmy felt the heat of his blush rising on his neck and painting his cheeks an even deeper red, of course, you would think he was weird for randomly drawing your friend. His lack of experience and newfound fascination channeled into his drawings as he saw no other way to deal with his crush on Claire. He cleared his throat, eyes finding yours again, “Would you?” At the confusion on your face he swallowed, not wanting you to think him any weirder than he already felt, “Would you find it weird if I was drawing you?”

You watched Carmy sink into himself after asking you that question, your own heart melting a bit about the shyness Carmy exuded. “Carmen,” your hands reach out to clasp his between your own, “I would be flattered if you ever decided to draw me. Hell, maybe I’ll even commission you.” The ending joke is made to bring yourself back to reality, if Carmy was drawing you it wasn’t for the same reasons he was drawing Claire.

If it was possible for Carmy to blush even more, he was sure he would’ve looked like a tomato sitting in front of you. You always knew exactly what to say to stave his self-doubt, but recently your words had been more warming to him, something that he couldn’t explain. But he found himself hanging on to every word that left your lips a little bit more.

Before Carmy could get his response out Tina appeared by your table with two signature beef sandwiches for the two teenagers she had watched grow up. The two of you thanked her watching as she made her way back into the kitchen, not being able to spare a minute with the dinner rush starting soon.

You smiled up at Carmy before digging into your food, the warm bread and the seasoned beef caressed your tongue. You let out a sound of appreciation as you swallowed your first bite head tossing back to savor the flavors in your mouth. Carmy let out a small chuckle as he watched you, always finding your reaction to be overdramatic, he wouldn’t lie though, he was excited for the day he would earn that same reaction after you tried his food.

A content sigh escaped your lips as you wiped your mouth with the provided napkin, “I’m gonna miss this when I’m gone.” Carmy could hear the sadness in your voice, his own sense of sadness filling him as he remembered what fate held for the two of you after graduation. The two of you would be separated from each other in what felt like the first time in forever.

Carmy sat his sandwich down, slumping a little in his seat while trying his best not to bring the mood down, “You leave at the end of July right?” His question met your ears as you took in his kicked-puppy look, you remembered how well Carmy took the news when he found out. The betrayal on his face when he found out you chose to go to a college on the West Coast.

You nodded your eyes not meeting his as you tried to lessen the hurt in your heart. It's not like you wanted to be that far from Carmy but it really was out of your hands. Your mom and aunt decided it would be best to be closer to family amid your mom’s ever-declining health. “Yeah Carm, our flight leaves on the 31st.”

You took another bite out of your sandwich appetite dwindling, but not wanting to waste the food you know the crew loved making. The two of you finished your sandwiches in silence, neither of you wanting to talk about the future and more than happy just to sit in the other’s presence.

Reaching for Carmy’s plate you stacked your own on top of his before moving them onto the edge of the table, ready to take them when your break came to an end in five minutes. You sat up straighter in your seat imbuing yourself with confidence as you prepared yourself to broach the topic you weren’t sure Carmy even cared for.

“So Carm, prom is coming up, have you given it any thought?” Carmy knew you were trying to come across as nonchalant, but the gleam in your eyes told him otherwise. Hiding the small smile that graced his lips, he watched as you tried hard to act as though you didn’t care about prom. It was a bit funny to him.

“You know it's not really my scene Baby,” he watched as your shoulders slumped a bit. You had been expecting his answer so you weren’t sure why it affected you so much

You nodded your head, “Yeah, you’re right. Not sure why I brought it up.” You began playing with your fingers, you aren’t sure what you were hoping would be different this time compared to the other times you had brought it up to him. You knew Carmy wasn’t interested in you romantically, and you knew he wasn’t interested in going to prom, but you were holding out hope thinking he might pity you and join you at prom as your friend as one last hurrah before your big move.

Carmy felt bad, he didn’t mean to make you sad. He was just waiting for the right time to ask you. He knew how much prom meant to you, and had listened to you talk his ear off about going to your high school prom after your mom and his mom showed you pictures from their respective proms. He was still working up the confidence to do so though, every time he thought he was ready he would overhear the idiots in his homeroom with their own plans to ask you. Thankfully though you had rejected every advance, and what kind of friend would Carmy be if he asked you to prom at the dinghy sticky table in the back of his family’s business?

“I’ll think about it okay?” It was Carmy’s turn to reach for your hands, to assuage the sadness he could see overtaking your features. Your eyes met Carmy’s not sure if you had heard him correctly, you wouldn’t allow yourself to get too excited at the prospect that Carmy might want to attend the prom.

You sent Carmy a small smile and a nod before standing up from your seat and grabbing the two dishes still sitting on the table, “I’ll hold you to that Bear.” You headed towards the door to the kitchen disappearing from Carmy’s sight.

It was always odd for Carmy to hear you use that nickname for him. You had usually just stuck to ‘Carmen’ or ‘Carmy’ when you were feeling extra friendly. But hearing you call him ‘Bear’ always made his heart beat a little faster, the way the nickname left your lips making him feel warm on the inside. Knowing that such a special nickname had countlessly graced your tongue, a family name just for him that you had felt comfortable enough calling him always made his head fuzzy and his chest feel like it was on fire. The sound of the bell above the door snapped him out of his thoughts, he quickly gathered up his sketchbook, he didn’t know where he was headed, but hopefully, some fresh air would give him the courage he needed to finally ask you to prom.

Your shift ended an hour ago, but you always stayed later to help the crew clean up. Mikey began giving you rides home as you took on more hours, the one plus side of working for your neighbor. At that moment Tina was helping you clean the front of the house her favorite oldies CD popped into the ancient radio, the two of you had created a tradition since you started working at The Beef. Tina would shoo Richie to the back to clean her area so the two of you could catch up.

Tina had taken you under her wing when you first started working there, teaching you what she could in her spare time. Although you had no plans to work in a kitchen anytime soon, you still cherished the time spent together taking what she taught you and using them in your kitchen. Happily sharing with Tina what your mom thought about a recipe she taught you and bringing one of your mom's famous recipes for Tina to try.

Being able to connect your mom and your work mom through food always brought warmth to your heart. The women in your life all doing their best to raise you to be the best woman you could be. As you and Tina finished cleaning up, the two of you headed to the dining area where you would usually wait for Mikey as he finished up whatever he was doing in his office and Tina would sometimes keep you company.

The two of you occupied the same table that had earlier housed you and Carmy. “So did Carmy get his head out of his ass and ask you to prom?” The smile on Tina’s face showed how excited she was to hear about your progress in getting Carmy open to going to prom.

You hid your face in your hands, your big smile hiding behind it, “He told me he’d think about it, which isn’t a no but, I’m too scared to get my hopes up,” You smiled in Tina’s direction watching as she nodded the smile never leaving her face.

“Mama, why don’t you just ask him yourself?” Tina questioned searching your eyes, your smile faltered as you listened to Tina’s question, why hadn’t you just asked Carmy? It would’ve given you a straight answer, and you wouldn’t have had to wait around while he was being indecisive.

Your eyebrows pinched together as you looked at Tina in earnest, “But what if he says no?” The self-doubt creeping in, of course, you would ask him as friends, you didn’t want to freak him out but insinuating you wanted something more, even though you did.

Tina shrugged her shoulders, a small warm smile decorating her features “You can’t control his reaction Mija.” She leaned forward to clasp your hands in hers, “If you don’t ask you’ll never know.” You could always count on Tina’s solid advice to ground you.

And she was right the worst thing that could happen if you asked Carmy to the prom was his swift rejection. But the answer would always be rejection if you never asked. Tina squeezed your hands as you nodded, letting her words sink in as you calculated the best way to ask Carmy to prom.

“I see the way you look at him mama, and listen,” one of her hands shot out to raise your chin so you were looking at her directly. “It’s going to hurt if he doesn’t feel the same way, but you can’t keep living ya life waiting for him. You can be there for him as much as you want, that’s fine ma, but at the end of the day you gotta remember you’re the only person who got you.”

You could feel the tears on your waterline threatening to spill out, leave it to Tina to serve you the most heartfelt advice on a random Thursday night at a dining table at The Beef.

“I’m not saying you gotta let go of your feelings for him, just don’t lose yourself waiting for that boy to come to his senses.” With that Tina patted your hands as she stood from her seat, coming to your side of the table and planting a loving kiss on your forehead.

“You get home safe now ma, a’ight, make sure Mikey ain’t driving all stupid with you in that car.” You laughed at the jab Tina made about Mikey’s driving.

Standing up the two of you embraced each other in a hug, you were grateful to have Tina in your, and you were grateful to have met the Berzattos because without them you wouldn’t have been able to make all the wonderful connections you have now.

You waited for Tina to grab her stuff so you could walk her out. The two of you exiting The Beef you stood outside the entrance watching Tina as she made her way down the street, waiting until her petite figure was officially out of your sight before heading back inside and locking the door behind you.

Venturing to the back you stopped in the office doorway, Mikey sitting in the desk chair as Richie leaned against the desk the two of them whispering fiercely between each other. You gently knocked on the wall hoping to catch their attention, you learned the hard way that being privy to any whispered conversation these two had was never worth it.

“Uh, I’m ready when you are Mikey,” you looked between the two of them, the two giving off a more sketchy vibe than they usually did.

“You uh, didn’t hear anything you weren’t supposed to did you?” Richie’s question caused you to frown. They were definitely doing some sketchy shit that you wanted no part in.

You rolled your eyes before bending down to pick up your backpack on the floor next to the door. “You two are so fucking weird,” you crossed your arms over your chest as you looked between the two of them. Mikey finally rose from his seat and tossed you the keys that were sitting on the desk.

“Hey! That’s rude you know, I think I’m fucking great,” Richie’s response caused a tired smile to form on your lips.

“Yeah Rich, you can be cool sometimes. Goodnight Rich, get home safe.” You sent a small wave his way before leading the way to the car parked in the back of the lot, wanting nothing more than to get home, shower, and bundle up in your warm bed.

You unlocked your door before quickly sliding in and reaching over to unlock Mikey’s door. Silently rushing him along and immediately turning on the heat as Mikey settled into his seat reversing out of the lot.

“What were you and Richie even doing anyway?” You looked over in Mikey’s direction as your hands were placed in front of the vents supplying warmth to your body.

Mikey smiled at you before facing the road again your curiosity was always something he could count on, “Just keeping the business afloat. Nothing to worry over.” You nodded along, no stranger to the many problems The Beef ran into. It shocked you sometimes that it was still up and running, but you knew Mikey always found a way to keep things going.

“How’s school?” The question gained your attention, one of these talks is almost mandatory between the two of you, Mikey checking in on you and in a not-so-subtle way checking in on Carmy through you. You couldn’t pretend you knew why it was so hard for them to just talk to each other, but you guessed any effort was effort.

“Alright, I guess, just preparing for finals. Oh, guess what?” The giddiness in your voice earned a chuckle from Mikey as he nodded for you to go on. “I’m planning to ask Carmy to prom, but like as friends you know?” It was a bit ironic that every Berzatto except the one that mattered knew about your crush, but according to them, you weren’t very subtle about it.

Mikey’s laugh crumbled your resolve a bit, you weren’t sure if he was laughing at you or your idea. You flicked his shoulder sure he couldn’t feel it through his jacket, he raised his hand as a way to ward off your attack. Not that it was doing anything to hurt him.

You watched as Mikey pulled into your driveway never forcing you to cross the street on late nights. His hand reached for the ignition turning the car off as he shifted to face you in his seat.

“You know I’m proud of you right?” you nodded as you listened to Mikey’s words. “You’re gonna do big fucking things, Baby, don’t forget about us little guys alright.” You laughed a little confused about where this topic of conversation was coming from.

“I could never forget about you Brother Bear.” You teased the childhood nickname you gave Mikey pulling his lips into a smile. “I’m gonna write about you one day Mikey, gotta remember you to do that.” You watched as he just stared at you eyes roaming over your face, you reached across the console pressing a quick kiss on his cheek before moving to get out of the car.

Mikey’s hand reached out to grab your arm, “You gonna look out for Carmy even when you leave right?” You nodded at the question, feeling no need to elicit a verbal response. “Just keep an eye out for me will you, you’re good for Carmy.” You had no plans to cut Carmy off after your move, the two of you already discussed the best ways to keep in contact, the best season to catch a flight in.

“Come on now Mikey, you Berzatto’s are stuck with me for life, you can’t get rid of me that easily.” You laughed as Mikey rolled his eyes

“Get your ass in the house, Baby, I told your mom I’d stop bringing you home so late,” you nodded, picking your backpack up from by your feet on the floor. You quickly walked to your front door turning back to send Mikey a wave as he watched you get in safely.

Mikey sighed as he easily parked the car in his driveway just across the street. It was selfish but he needed you to stay in Carmy’s life in whatever way you could manage. Carmy would need you, the role you played in his life making him a better person than he already was. Mikey just hoped for your sake that Carmy put in the effort to keep you in his life, his little brother honing in on the Berzatto family habit of self-sabotage.

Mikey would speak to Carmy about it, if there was one thing he would get his little brother to understand, it was that allowing you to walk out of his life would be a colossal mistake.

Carmy was waiting for you in front of the school. Since getting your licenses the two of you had been taking turns driving the other to school, and today was his turn. He knew it would take you a good minute to make your way to the entrance since your class was located at the back of campus. It didn’t bother him though, it gave him a chance to try and calm his nerves. There was one week left until prom and he still hadn’t asked you.

He purchased the tickets a week ago. You had given him the perfect opportunity at lunch when you decided to spend the period getting help from your creative writing teacher.

Carmy just never felt like it was the right time to ask you, at least that’s what he was telling himself. In reality, he had plenty of opportunities, he just kept losing his confidence. Forcing him to constantly postpone the question he so desperately wanted answered.

For example, when he was visiting with your mom over the weekend and you were teaching him your mom’s famous peach cobbler recipe. He swore he was gonna ask you in the midst of baking, he knew you were into romantic gestures. Not that he wanted to go to prom with you romantically or anything like that. But then the two of you made a mess with the flour while trying to perfect your mom's homemade biscuits, flour getting everywhere including on the two of you.

Carmy decided as he watched you clean your face that right then was as perfect a moment as ever. The two of you were in high spirits enjoying each other's company, but then he watched as the evening light streamed through the kitchen window just perfectly. The sunlight lit up the features on your face he had somehow been overlooking for all the years he knew you. Your bright eyes and cheeky smile were solely trained on him.

And there he was standing in your mom’s kitchen, drowning in the attention you had always allotted especially for him. His smile faltered as he couldn’t help but just watch you at that moment, his breath hitched while his eyes skated over the planes of your face, the ache in his chest slowly dwindling his confidence. And Carmy decided he just couldn’t ask you that day. The timing wasn’t right. The two of you were a mess and he needed to find a bottle of Pepto Bismol asap.

So that’s how he ended up nervously waiting for you to exit school on a random Monday in May. Carmy made sure he was in the regular meeting spot as you two had dedicated it, out of the way of any other students. The two of you weren’t loners, well you weren’t, Carmy didn’t care too much for high school labels. But the two of you were fine being in each other’s presence with no need to include anyone else, and yeah sometimes you would run off with Claire or Hayden and try to invite Carmy, but Carmy didn’t need any of that. He got you and your attention every day of the week whenever he wanted, and for Carmy, that’s all he really needed.

Carmy finally spotted you making your way through the crowd of teenagers who were either waiting for their rides or just trying to prolong the day with their friends. An unconscious smile graced his features he had been waiting all day to finally just get things over with and pop the question. The two tickets held so tightly in his hands they were starting to crinkle. Letting out a deep breath, Carmy straightened up, wanting you to take his inquiry seriously, not sure his usual shyness would exhibit that he truly wanted to go to prom with you.

No longer able to wait, Carmy began walking in your direction, doing his best to avoid the bodies that didn’t care enough to pay attention to him. He made it halfway before the sight in front of him caused him to abruptly stop. Walking next to you was the tall boy he always felt himself feeling insecure around. Hayden had never shown Carmy any ill will and had even tried to include Carmy in conversation in the times he joined the two of you for lunch. But the teenager had something Carmy didn’t have; a reserve of confidence and natural charisma. The two of you had just met this year in your creative writing class and Carmy swore he would never hear the end of it.

Hayden was drinking in all your attention right now, the two of you bouncing ideas off of each other for your creative writing final. You thought Hayden was cool since your first meeting at the beginning of the year. The two of you became instant critique buddies, always asking the other to analyze a class assignment before you submitted it. At times you had thought about inviting him to hang out with you and Carmy outside of school, but you didn’t want to make Carmy uncomfortable, so the two of you remained friends inside the confines of high school.

You laughed at one of Hayden’s outlandish ideas, knowing if he turned in a paper on the topic of whatever conspiracy theory he was into at the moment they would probably withhold his diploma.

“Hey, check it out,” your eyes followed the path Hayden’s finger was pointing at, a small scowl painting your face at the scene playing out in front of you. “Looks like Carmy finally asked Claire to prom.” The words made your ears buzz, and the tickets in your back pocket felt like they were on fire now.

The two of you watched in silence as Carmy and Claire traded shy smiles with each other before he handed her one of the two tickets in his hands. When he told you he’d think about it, you weren’t aware he would think about going with someone else. The hope in your heart immediately died out as you watched the bright smile overtake Carmy’s face. You didn’t blame him, if you had the opportunity to go to prom with your crush, you obviously would have taken it too.

“You good?” The nudge to your arm broke you from your longing gaze, eyes finding Hayden’s through his dorky glasses. You nodded trying to shake the sadness off yourself, Hayden was great at reading people.

“Yeah, actually,” you took a small breath before continuing. “I know this is kind of weird, and you’re totally allowed to reject me. But would you maybe wanna go to prom with me? It doesn’t have to mean anything obviously, just two friends having a good time together.” You slipped the two tickets out of your back pocket brandishing them to Hayden. Even if you couldn’t go with Carmy you still wanted to attend prom and Hayden was a great second choice.

“Hell yeah! I’ve been waiting for you to ask me.” The lame joke caused the both of you to laugh as you shoved Hayden’s shoulder. He took one of the tickets from your hand walking backwards while still facing you. “Don’t sell yourself short, maybe I want to go to prom with you to mean something.” His loud voice catches the attention of the teenagers surrounding you. A group of underclass girls fawning over how cute they thought the scene between you two was.

You watched as Hayden disappeared to his car, a small laugh leaving your lips at Hayden’s antics, a part of you feeling giddy at the idea that someone wanted to go to prom with you as more than friends.

Carmy wasn’t sure how long he stood there staring at the interaction going on between you and Hayden, but it sure did suck the confidence right out of his insecure body. The thought of going to prom with you was just another failed idea as he was sure Hayden would ask you.

“You okay there Berzatto?” Carmy was snapped out of his trance by the presence that made their way to his side. His eyes shot to Claire’s, momentarily widening before he tried to calm his exterior. He nodded his head, giving himself a minute before even thinking of gracing Claire with an incoherent response.

“Ye-Yeah, just waiting for Baby,” his free hand raised to point in your direction as Claire smiled at him, eyes leaving him for only a moment. He dropped his hand not knowing how to continue the conversation, Claire was your friend and yeah he did have his fair share of classes with her, and she did only live down the street from the two of you. But he had never been alone with her on purpose.

The two of them stood in a stilted silence, both overcome by their shyness to say anything. Trying to ease the awkwardness Claire’s eyes landed on the tickets still tightly grasped in Carmy’s hands, finally finding an out to the silence. “I didn’t know you were into prom Carmy,” the statement reminded Carmy of what he had been planning to do in the first place.

One hand raised to run through his slightly grown-out hair, head nodding rapidly in response, “Yeah, Baby seems to be really into it.” Carmy didn’t notice Claire’s smile falter, of course, he was taking you to prom, you were the only girl that existed to him.

Carmy finally faced the girl standing next to him. The least he could do while waiting for you was hold a conversation with her. “Did you want to go?” Carmy watched Claire’s smile brighten, a confused look painting his features. Not realizing that with his overall awkward and shy personality, the girl in front of him thought this was his way of asking her to prom.

“With you?” She questioned the giddiness in her voice, easy to point out. Carmy’s eyes widened this time, this was definitely not his original plan. But he couldn’t just say no and turn her down he would’ve felt bad, plus he did have a huge crush on her, and Mikey and Richie had both told him to stop being such a pussy when it came to girls. So Carmy realized he had his answer.

“Yeah with me, i-if you want to I mean,” Carmy waited with bated breath hoping he hadn’t read the situation wrong. If Claire’s blush and wide smile were any indication he was on the right track. He raised the hand that contained the tickets between the two of them, plucking one out and offering it to Claire.

Their hands brushed as she reached for the ticket, Carmy’s smile matching hers as they fell into polite small talk about their day and their plans for after graduation.

“Don’t sell yourself short, maybe I want going to prom with you to mean something,” the sound of what they both knew to be Hayden’s voice drew their attention. They watched the fading interaction between you and Hayden, Carmy’s attention zeroing in on a laugh he heard over a hundred times.

The squeeze on his bicep removed his attention from you, eyes falling back to the girl he had just asked to prom, albeit accidentally. “They’re so cute! I can’t believe they’re going to prom together,” Claire’s excitement had somehow increased after Hayden’s obnoxious display. “Hey, maybe we can carpool,” It was wrong but Carmy couldn’t get himself to focus on the words leaving Claire’s mouth, too busy watching you watch Hayden.

“Oh hey, my mom’s here. We’ll figure it out later, see ya Carmy.” He sent a noncommittal nod in Claire’s direction, a slight wave sent to her mom who was patiently waiting in the car. Eyes immediately went back to your figure that had finally begun to make its way in his direction, the smile on your face confusing him. You didn’t like Hayden did you?

Carmy watched as you stopped in front of him before your hand reached out to shove his shoulder, “Why didn’t you tell me you were asking Claire to prom?” Carmy wasn’t sure why but your question irked him, the excitement in your voice crawling under his skin. It’s not like he had to run his whole life by you, you obviously didn’t.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were asking Hayden to prom?” The hostility in Carmy’s tone and the frown on his face confused you, “You just asked him to prom so he’ll sleep with you.” Your eyes widened at Carmy’s insinuation that the only reason anyone would go to prom with you was to fulfill their carnal desires.

You scoffed rolling your eyes at his immaturity, “You have an ugly fucking attitude, Carmen.” The shove of your shoulder into his as you stormed off to the car cooled his anger down.

Carmy had no clue what the fuck had been going on with him, with the two of you recently. But he knew he needed to cool it with these mood swings before you decided to leave him behind for good. He only had you for the rest of the summer before your constant presence in his life would disappear. He didn’t want to give you a reason to cease all contact after your move. Carmy followed after you knowing it would be a silent car ride home.

Prom Night | Saturday

The week leading up to prom had been the most awkward week between you and Carmy since the dawn of your friendship. It's not like you were giving him the cold shoulder, but you sure weren’t as nice and friendly as you usually were with him. You only spoke to him out of necessity that week, your friendship with him on rocky ground after the accusation he threw your way.

It had gotten so bad that you had even begun inviting Claire and Hayden to your’s and Carmy’s self-proclaimed lunch table. You had told Carmy it was under the guise of figuring out the plans for prom night, but you just didn’t want to sit alone with Carmy as he acted like everything was fine between the two of you. And Carmy knew two, and if he was brave enough he would’ve admitted that it hurt to see you so upset with him to the point that you were no longer comfortable in just his presence.

He had even broached the topic to Sugar, hoping she would be able to give him advice since she was a teenage girl at one point, and probably understood your thought process better than he did. He regretted the decision immediately when she explained to him that because of the situation, he should be more worried about the way his words hurt you, rather than his feelings of you distancing yourself from him. She had gone on a long tangent about how you had every right to want space from him, the two of you were longtime best friends, and having someone you trust with your whole life deduce you to just your body would make anyone question the friendship. Carmy learned the hard way that Sugar wasn’t going to tell him what he wanted to hear just to make him feel better.

It was a tough week for Carmen Berzatto and it was nobody's fault but his own. Sitting on his bed he stared at the suit he would be donning tonight, the excitement he once held for prom, slowly dwindling with every smile you saved for Hayden that week. Every time you asked for Hayden’s advice before Carmy’s he felt his resolve cracking, for a constant time in his life your friendship with him was the only thing that truly belonged to him.

He wasn’t used to having to share your attention with anyone outside of his and your family. He wasn’t prepared for the smile he thought was reserved just for him, to so easily graced your lips when speaking with Hayden

You and Claire were getting ready together at your house, you had invited the girl to join you after she explained her mom would be out of town for a business meeting. The friendship between the two of you was still rather new, you wouldn’t go as far as to call her your best friend, but she was your first close girlfriend and you thought that counted for something.

Claire was easy to be friends with. She was a sweet girl with a bright personality and the two of you wondered how you had lived on the same street all this time and never became friends before senior year. Claire was easy to be friends with; that is until Carmy decided he liked her. After that day it was no longer just you and Carmy, it was you, Carmy, and Claire. And Claire was never even actually physically there, she was just a topic of conversation that Carmy couldn’t go a day without somehow bringing up.

You didn’t blame Claire though, how could you? And just as naturally you watched as your new friend fell for your oldest one. It hurt in the beginning to realize Carmy would never speak of you the way he spoke of Claire, but as time went on you got over it, the mantra ‘if Carmy’s happy, I’m happy’ slowly getting you through senior year. But it was agonizing when Claire confessed to you she had fallen for your shy doe-eyed shadow.

Luckily for you though the two of them were too shy to ever do anything about it. And maybe you were a shit friend for not telling Carmy that he did have a chance with his dream girl, but you would’ve been an even worse friend for revealing Claire’s secret behind her back. It was a lose-lose situation. So now you were relegated to being the middleman, lending both of your friends an ear to talk about their infatuations with each other.

And that’s exactly what you were doing right now as you listened to Claire drone on about how sweet Carmy was. And how cute he looked when he asked her to prom, and if you thought he would look good in his suit tonight; which yes, you did but Claire didn’t need to know that. You were almost starting to regret inviting her over, but you had to remind yourself it wasn’t her fault that you were too scared to admit your feelings to Carmy, or that you should’ve just asked Carmy to prom yourself with no hesitation.

“Which color?” Claire’s voice broke you from your pity party, the two of you sitting on the floor in front of your mirror, your respective makeup set out in front of you. You looked at the two eyeshadow palettes Claire was pointing at, quickly pointing at the one color palette that would work best with her blue-green eyes.

“I think these colors will make your eyes pop,” the small smile on your lips encouraging Claire to take your advice. “Can I be honest with you?” You were unsure that you wanted to have this conversation with Claire, but you’d always have Carmy’s best interest at heart.

Claire shifted to face you, your serious tone drawing her undivided attention. “Just be careful with Carmy, okay?” Your eyes flickered between hers to make sure she understood the gravity of what you were saying. “Not in a bad way or anything, it's just…he really likes you. And he’s not that experienced in the romance department, so just don’t expect too much of him,” you paused, eyes going down to watch as your fingers picked at the hem of your robe.

“He’s shy, ya know, and he’s a little self-conscious even though he does not need to be because he’s so cool once you get to know him. But if he seems a little clueless or doesn’t pick up on your queues, just don’t hold it against him okay? I know he’s going to try not to mess things up with you Claire.”

Your eyes found Claire’s face again, a small endearing smile on her lips, “You care about him a lot.” You laughed not meaning for it to sound as sarcastic as it came across, you did a lot more than care about Carmy. “I’m glad Carmy has a friend like you in his life,” Claire’s hand patted your knee, the truth in her words causing your heart to sink a little in your chest.

“Enough about me and Carmy, I didn’t know you were into Hayden!” The two of you giggled about the fact you were talking about boys and getting ready for prom, neither of you thought you’d be in this situation right now.

“I’m not. We’re just going as friends,” you said as the two of you began to paint your faces. “Well make sure he knows that.” You put down the lip liner you were examining, eyes flashing to Claire as she shot you a goofy smile.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You watched as Claire rolled her eyes at your obliviousness, you threw a makeup brush at her that she easily swatted away. “I’m just saying” the other girl’s hands raised in defense, “Hayden has like the biggest crush on you, he’s just too nonchalant to say anything.”

“Really?” The surprise in your voice stole a laugh from Claire. “Of course! Look, you didn’t hear this from me but he had plans to ask you to prom. You just beat him to the punch.”

You watched Claire for a minute as she resumed doing her makeup. Your own eyes find your figure in the mirror, a shy smile curving your lips. Maybe your head had been so far up Carmy’s ass you were too blind to see that there was another great guy out there ready to make you happy.

You thought of the advice Tina had given you a few weeks back, you would always care for Carmy. But if he was getting his happy ending tonight, it was only fair that you tried as well. As you and Claire sat there chit-chatting and getting ready, you thought about how different your life would be if you set your feelings for Carmy aside, and tonight was the best time to figure it out.

You and Claire made your way across the street to the Berzatto household where everyone was waiting for the two of you. Your mom and aunt left 30 minutes ago, Donna having invited them over for dinner while you all attended prom. You saw Hayden’s car parked in front of their house and couldn’t help but feel excited at the idea of spending such a fun night with him, you had only ever seen him as a friend but maybe tonight could change things.

You were pretty sure Donna was snooping through the windows excitedly waiting for the two of you to arrive because the moment your foot hit the sidewalk Donna threw the door open with a loud voice surprising the two of you.

“Oh my goodness! Look at you girls, you look beautiful!” Donna exclaimed as she made her way towards the two of you pulling Claire into a hug before throwing her arms around you, careful to mind the bulky Polaroid camera in her hand.

Removing yourself from the hug you peered behind her to see everyone else filing out of the house. Your aunt helped your mom as she talked Nat’s ear off about something you couldn’t hear. Mikey and Richie do their best to interrogate a calm Hayden, and Carmy awkwardly follows behind at the back of the pack, his suit hugging him well.

You were quickly pulled away from your assessment of Carmy as Nat made her way to you with a huge grin on her face. “Baby! Oh my goodness!” Her words became muffled as she pulled you into a hug. “You look so gorgeous, Carmy is such a tool. Well, no offense to Claire.” You let out a small laugh as you parted from Natalie, the two of you joining everyone else so the picture-taking could begin.

Before joining Claire and Carmy you stopped by Mikey and Richie to pick up your date, hoping they hadn’t gone overboard with the ‘intimidating older brother’ act. Squeezing in between the two older men you looped your arm around their torso pulling them into a double-side hug.

“Are tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumb giving you a hard time Hayden?” The words leave behind a mock pout on your lips. You gave Hayden a bright smile, easily taking his suited figure in, he had forgone his round dorky glasses. But his signature unruly dark curls were in their usual mess atop of his head, and you would admit you appreciated it.

You watched as the once apprehensive look on his face turned into a bright grin at your words, a pretty blush painting his angular cheeks. “Wow, you look uh-”

“She looks what buddy?” Mikey’s tone left no room for questions, his arms moving to cross against his chest widening his stance to appear more intimidating.

“You look pretty.” You weren’t even given a second to respond as Mikey started in again.

“I look fucking pretty to you? Richie, this boy just call me pretty?” Mikey’s eyes never left Hayden’s even as his question was directed at Richie.

You watched as Richie copied Mikey’s stance, your arms falling from their movements. “Yeah Mikey, I think he fucking did.”

“Richie’s a looker too, you gonna call him pretty?” You watched as Hayden fumbled with his words, eyes searching yours for any help.

“Yeah Curly Sue, I wanna be fucking pretty too.” You weren’t sure how the conversation had gotten so out of control but luckily for you, your mom was there to save the day. Pulling Hayden’s attention to a conversation so he could escape your two personal bodyguards.

“You two stop giving that poor boy a hard time.” Mikey and Richie having no defense against your mom, let him join her as Donna came up to the three of you for a picture.

You resumed your initial position with them, arms finding their way back around their torsos. The two of them leaned down to press a kiss against both of your cheeks, a cheesy smile taking over your features as the three of you posed for Donna’s camera.

“Okay Baby, grab your cute little date and take some photos,” Donna motioned you over to where Nat was finishing up the couple photos of Carmy and Claire, now waiting for you and Hayden.

You maneuvered yourself from Mikey and Richie’s grip standing in front of them, the two of them looking at you with smirks decorating their faces. Although you found their antics to be stupid, you were glad to have people in your life who cared enough about you to try and scare your dates away.

“This kid not weird or some shit is he Baby?” Mikey scowled at you, arms finding their way across his chest. You shook your head, you thought you knew enough about Hayden to vouch for him. “No, he’s just a friend. It was a last-minute decision.” The two men stared at the boy who was waiting for you to take pictures with him, the pretty flower corsage in a box in his hands.

Mikey nodded in his direction signaling for you to go and join him, “You guys stop by The Beef after. Don’t want you and Carmy getting into any stupid shit.” You nodded before making your way to Hayden’s side. His smile caused one to grace your lips as well.

“Everybody wants pictures of us but uh, I need to give you this first.” You smiled as he shyly showed you the corsage, you watched as he removed it from its box. You held out your hand as he carefully slipped it on your wrist, surprised to see how perfectly the colors chosen complimented your skin tone.

You couldn’t help but share a small smile with him when the two of you caught each other’s eyes again. “Thank you, Hayden, it's beautiful.” The click of a camera drew your attention, eyes finding Nat’s as she looked at the image on her digital camera.

“Awe Baby! The two of you are so cute, okay give me a few poses.” Carmy couldn’t help but watch as Sugar gushed over you and Hayden, his mom keeping Claire’s attention as they discussed whatever it was they were so enraptured in.

He watched as the two of you took photos as if you were a couple and not just two friends going to prom. The two of you stood in the standard prom pose looking like the perfect match, Hayden standing behind you with his hands wrapped around your waist, the two of you smiling happily at the camera. The position changed slightly as Hayden rested his chin on your shoulder for one shot, slightly turning his head for the next shot so his lips caressed your cheek. From Carmy’s vantage point, you didn’t seem to mind.

Carmy was pulled into Mikey’s side as his older brother wrapped his arm around his shoulder. The two of them watch you and your date in silence for a moment. “Baby’s growing up isn’t she?” The question was not something Carmy was expecting from Mikey.

“Do me a favor and look out for her Carmy alright?” Carmy nodded, no one ever needed to ask that of him. “Better start treating her right before this becomes your feature.” Mikey looked down at Carmy hoping to drill the words into his younger brother, sending one more squeeze to his shoulder and an encouraging smile his way before leaving to join Richie in conversation with your mom and aunt.

Sugar caught Carmy’s eye, a melancholy smile on her lips, “Carmy come, let me get a picture of you and Baby together!” He looked to his mom and Claire, the two of them giving him nods of encouragement. He gently took the Polaroid camera from his mom's hand knowing you’d like at least one Polaroid of the two of you before heading in your direction.

He approached you and Hayden as the two of you were having a quiet conversation, “So if I potentially called you baby non platonically how would you feel about that?” Carmy wanted to gag and was relieved as he watched you roll your eyes at the cheesy pickup line.

“Eww, actually please don’t,” Carmy stood there in silence watching how chummy the two of you were and feeling awkward for just listening.

“You’re right, my girl has a better ring to it.” Carmy’s eyes widened he had no idea where the fuck this kid's confidence was coming from but it sure was starting to piss him off. He watched your mouth hang open partially at a loss for words apparently just as appalled as Carmy.

The hand reaching up to cup your chin almost sent Carmy into a full spiral, “Close your mouth, can’t have my girl swallowing flies.” Camry was about to blow his shit! Who the fuck did this model-looking motherfucker think he was?

“Hey, pretty boy! None of that slick shit in my yard!” Carmy had never been more thankful for Mikey’s obnoxious personality, watching as you and Hayden laughed together looking thick as thieves.

He quickly took his opportunity to squeeze his way into the space Hayden had once taken up. Carmy could feel the tension as he stood next to you, he quickly handed the Polaroid off to Sugar so she could take the picture before making his way back to your side.

Neither of you spoke a word as you got into position standing in a side hug so the awkward tension between the two of you wouldn’t be as noticeable in the final photo. As you fixed yourself to make sure you were presentable, Carmy found himself enraptured with you carefully sliding his arm around your waist.

The way you had chosen to style your hair was something he wasn’t accustomed to. The new style allows the angelic planes of your face to be showcased, the apples of your cheeks and your cheekbones catching his eye. The pretty sparkly stuff on your eyelids catching the dimming sunlight he was almost tempted to touch it. He liked the earrings you had chosen and the way the pearls sat so prettily around your neck he wanted to trace each one.

The square neckline of your dress showcased your perfectly sculpted collarbones. Carmy was so lost in his study of you he hadn’t thought twice about running his thumb across the one closest to him. The touch tickled you enough that your body was now slightly turned into his. Carmy cleared his throat, “Uh…um there was a bug.” He watched as you nodded along with his lame excuse.

Your hand came up to smooth out his pocket square that sat atop his heart. Carmy caught your eye before you could face the camera head-on, he gave your waist a slight squeeze to give himself a boost of confidence. Carmy watched as you stared up at him questionably the two of you just staring at each other for a moment.

Carmy’s eyes darted over your face, taking in your features before losing himself to the shape of your lips for a moment. “I think you look beautiful tonight Baby.” The words left Carmy’s lips with no sense of apprehension, no shyness. He was sure of himself; sure of his statement.

You had leaned into him a little bit more, your eyes rapidly blinking as your brain realized what he said. Carmy watched as a small shy smile graced your lips, his own soon following as he realized just how important it was to keep that pretty smile in his life.

Unbeknownst to the two of you Sugar had watched the whole moment play out, quickly raising the Polaroid to capture the intimate moment between the two of you. A moment she was hoping would finally lead to more between the two of you.

“Thank you Carmy,” Carmy watched as you leaned in slightly before stopping yourself and quickly readjusting so you were facing Sugar head-on. Carmy wasn’t sure what had changed between the two of you in these last couple of weeks but as Carmy forced himself to look away from you, he found himself thankful for whatever ushered in that change.

Carmen Berzatto knew at that moment, he would want for no one else the way he did you. And he would spend every day for the rest of his life proving that he was enough for you.

You and Hayden were leaning against his car as the two of you watched Carmy walk Claire down the street to her own house. Hayden had volunteered to drive you all to prom, and when your fun was done there happily drove you all to The Beef, excited to try the sandwiches you couldn’t stop raving about.

And now the night had come to an end, the four of you all ending back up at your starting destination. You thought the media embellished high school prom a bit, but you hadn’t regretted your decision to go and were happy to have spent such a memorable night with people whose company you enjoyed.

Hayden’s arm was brushing against yours, his suit jacket almost swallowing you up. You were grateful for the jacket, the night growing colder as time went on. The two of you were calmly standing in each other’s presence, the silence not bothering either of you. Tonight with Hayden was fun, you enjoyed how goofy he was. Always doing what he could to make you smile and laugh, you were scared things might have been awkward due to the romantic undertone of the event.

“I had a really good time tonight Hayden, thank you for being my date.” You couldn’t help the shy smile on your lips, you were sure your cheeks would be sore from smiling the whole night away.

Hayden sent you a bright smile of his own head nodding along, “Me too, I’m glad you decided to ask me.” The two of you stood there for a moment just smiling at each other.

In the movies, this was usually the moment a kiss would happen. But you weren’t sure if you wanted Hayden to kiss you, you enjoyed his company and you thought he was a great guy but you didn’t feel anything romantic for him yet and didn’t want a single kiss to lead him on.

You leaned up slightly, your lips caressing his cheek as a form of thanks. “Maybe…we could hang out some other time?” If you were really going to put your happiness first it would be necessary to put yourself out there.

“I’ve got you till the end of July don’t I?” Your eyes find Hayden’s cheeky smile as his hand raised your chin. You nodded eyes searching his face, wondering what these next two months might hold for the two of you.

His thumb began to rub back and forth on your chin, your breath hitching as you watched him lean down. Mind going blank, panic filling you as you tried to figure out if this was something you wanted. You stood still, nerves racing through your body as you were about to have your first kiss.

You watched as Hayden’s eyes flicked to the side before he reluctantly stepped back, thumb brushing your chin one final time before his hand returned to its side. You followed his line of sight to see Carmy approaching, standing a little distance away to wait for you.

Turning back to Hayden you sent him one last smile, the boy pulled you into a hug engulfing you with a slight kiss pressed to the top of your head before the two of you moved apart. You quickly slipped off his jacket before handing it to him, moving back so he could get in his car. You watched as he sent Carmy a small nod in goodbye before his car disappeared down your street.

Letting out a small sigh you turned to where Carmy was waiting for you a shy smile on his face. You smiled back as you approached him the two of you walking up the sidewalk to his front door, you knew your mom and aunt would still be here at this time.

The two of you entered the house greeting the four women that were sitting in the living room having their small party. Questions were thrown at both of you about your time and making sure your dates made it home safe all the usual questions to be expected after prom. You listened as your mom told you that you would be leaving soon. Knowing that when it came to your mom soon could mean in the next five minutes or the next two hours.

Your eyes found Carmy’s as you let out a small yawn, his eyebrows raising in question before nodding towards his room. You made your way to follow him up the stairs too tired to contribute to the conversation happening in the living room.

Entering Carmy’s room you made your way to the foot of his bed to sit down, quickly removing your heels a sense of relief filling you. Dropping your heels you watched as Carmy stood by his door looking as though his mind was racing. You smiled at him patting the spot next to you, a sort of peace offering.

“How was your night, Carmy?” You watched as he made his way to sit next to you, head falling to rest on his shoulder as you awaited his response.

“It was fun, yeah, Claire was really nice.” You watched as he blushed, you might have felt a little sad any other night but right now you were too exhausted to care.

“Why didn’t you kiss Hayden?” The question hit you like a shot of espresso. You raised your head from Carmy’s shoulder trying to find his eyes as he kept his head focused on his clasped hands. “I don’t know, I don’t think it felt right.” You genuinely had no good explanation for Carmy, you didn’t even have one for yourself.

“Did you kiss Claire?” Your question came off a little more hostile than you had intended. Carmy sat up, eyes finally meeting yours as he shook his head. You felt guilty at the relief that flooded through you.

“No, it didn't feel right.” You let out a small laugh at the recycled explanation, a similar one leaving Carmy’s lips as he didn’t take his eyes off of you.

“Gosh we’re such losers,” you giggled, bumping your shoulder with Carmy’s. “I thought for sure you would’ve taken your chance to kiss Claire tonight.” You wiggled your eyebrows in a teasing manner, the ice that had been ruining your friendship this past week seemingly forgotten.

Carmy gulped as he continued to study you. “Maybe she wasn’t the girl I wanted to kiss tonight,” Carmy’s words caused your joking mood to quickly sober up, the smile disappearing from your face completely as you realized just how intently he was staring at you.

“Carmy,” your voice trailed off, not sure what the boy in front of you was getting at. You stood up needing a bit of space to understand the underlying message in Carmy’s words. “Carmy, what are you talking about?”

He followed your movements, the two of you both standing up now, faces inches apart. You couldn’t help but follow Carmy’s tongue as it quickly traced his lips, your own coming out to wet yours. The room was silent as you waited for Carmy to say something, anything. Your heart began to beat faster as the 10 words Carmy spouted in your direction gave you a sense of hope.

Your breath hitched as you watched Carmy’s hand raise, his eyes falling to your neck. You felt his fingers delicately trace the path of borrowed pearls, each touch leaving behind a whisper of something you couldn’t place. You allowed him to continue, too nervous to say anything at that moment.

His hand began to trace its way up the side of your neck, soft touch making your knees weak. He looked to be in a trance lost in the idea of you. A gasp escaped your lips as his hand gripped the side of your neck, fingers gently tugging the hair at the nape of your neck.

Carmy couldn’t explain it, but this, you standing so beautifully in his room right now, lips parted slightly as you waited for him to make the final move felt right. It felt so right it didn’t matter who either of you went to prom with, it didn’t matter that this would be the first kiss for both of you. What mattered was that it was you here with him; you who had always been with him, he would’ve given everything to be deserving of you.

The small nod of your head was the last sign Carmy needed before he surged forward capturing your lips in a harsh kiss. The two of you were so inexperienced your teeth clashed together. The roughness brought the both of you back down to earth, you couldn’t help but laugh at how awkward that first kiss was. You didn’t even think it could even be considered a kiss, more so a smack of lips against each other.

You watched the shy blush rise on Carmy’s cheeks, you could tell he was feeling self-conscious about the whole situation. Your hand raised to gently caress the hand that was still placed on the side of your neck.

Eyes locked you sent him a warm smile leaning in slightly a small whispered “c’mere” breathed between the two of you as you gently pressed your lips into his. Your eyes closed as you felt Carmy relax into the embrace, a sigh leaving his lips as he tugged you closer by the hand wrapped around your neck.

The two of you pulled apart eyes fluttering open as you drank in each other. Neither of you say anything for a moment, the room is filled with the sounds of your soft breathing. You couldn’t believe this was finally happening, all these months of unrequited feelings and secret pining, and here you were kissing Carmen Berzatto in his bedroom.

You watched as Carmy let out a shy laugh, thumb caressing the space behind your ear. Your smile matched his, the two of you watching the other with goofy smiles playing on your lips.

“Can I-,”

“Yes.”

Carmy gave you no chance to finish your sentence before he eagerly agreed and surged back in to kiss you. His lips felt like heaven against your own, you had wondered what this moment would feel like if it ever happened. If Carmy’s lips felt as soft as they looked, what would their natural taste be like?

The kiss continued as Carmy’s tongue poked out to shyly glide across your lips, you smiled into the kiss before parting your own. Easily inviting him in, the two of you languidly moved in sync, no battle to be fought as the two of you enjoyed the caress of each other’s mouths.

You couldn’t help but moan into Carmen’s mouth a hunger you didn’t know you had finally being satisfied. The small tug on your hair caused your mouth to open wider, the kiss becoming sloppy as the two of you gave in to your desires. You felt Carmy’s hand delicately trace your neck, his infatuation constantly leading him back to it.

The bite on your lip caused a harsh gasp to leave your lips, Carmy quickly pulling away at the noise. He looked at you with wide fearful eyes scared that he hurt you, ruining a good moment too soon.

“I - I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to.” Seeing Carmy so worried and vulnerable at the moment sent a thrill of warmth through your body. Your confidence grew as his faded, you took a small step into his space backing him up into the foot of the bed which caused him to resume his sitting position.

You could get used to looking down at Carmy.

You raised the hem of your dress so you could maneuver yourself into his lap, arms going to wrap around his neck. Carmy watched you like a deer in headlights, this new sense of confidence making you feel brave. As Carmy sat there like a statue you gently removed your hands from around his neck to guide his to your waist.

His hands squeezed your hips as you quickly adjusted yourself in his lap, Carmy’s eyes following the hem of your dress as it moved up more exposing your thighs. “Won’t you kiss me again Carmy?” The small whisper bounced off of Carmy’s lips due to your proximity, you watched as he rapidly nodded his head, hands squeezing your hips for dear life. You gave him a small smile before the both of you surged forward eager to be connected again.

As the kiss between you deepened you began unconsciously rolling your hips into Carmy’s the feel of his lips searing into yours making you want more. You listened as a strangled noise left Carmy’s lips before he pulled away again, you quickly stopped your ministrations.

“Is this okay, do you want me to stop?” The question caused Carmy’s head to rest against your rapidly rising and falling chest.

“No-no I-I just need a minute.” You were beginning to feel guilty, maybe you had come on too strong and Carmy was just confused about his feelings. You began moving to get off of his lap not wanting him to be any more uncomfortable than he probably was.

You stopped as a blissful sigh escaped Carmy’s lips, his eyes finally moving to meet yours. You sat there silently as the grip on your hips tightened a sigh parting your lips as Carmy bucked up into you while he guided you back and forth. The direct eye contact somehow increased the sensation between the two of you.

“I-I like it when you move like that.” You nodded along to Carmy’s words, continuing the movements yourself as Carmy’s lips found your neck trailing open-mouth kisses on any bare piece of skin he could. One hand quickly reached up, sliding the thin strap of your dress down, so he could finally appreciate your collarbones in the way they deserved.

In all honesty, neither of you had any clue what the hell you were doing, but whatever it was, it was working. No matter how messy the touches were, or how sloppily you were kissing each other every movement felt right.

Carmy was lavishing your chest and neck in any way that he could, kisses trailing over each collarbone. An impromptu bite in the space where your neck and shoulder met caused your breath to hitch. Your hips created a rhythm against his as the two of you lost yourself to the bliss.

A loud knock at the door interrupted the two of you. Carmy quickly removed his lips from your neck, doing his best to shield your body in case someone walked in. Neither of you knew how long it had been, too caught up in losing yourself to each other, too caught up to realize how far things had almost gone.

The knock sounded again as your aunt said your name, “We’re heading out, meet us downstairs.” Footsteps leading away from the door calmed the nerves both you and Carmy had been feeling, eyes peeling away from the door to match with each other.

No one said a word as the two of you stared at each other, you taking in Carmy’s flushed appearance. As he admired your disheveled figure above him, the confidence quickly left your body as you shuffled to get off of his lap.

The hand on your hip stopped you as you eyed him curiously, he slowly reached up to fix the straps that he had slid off of your shoulders, the slow shy touches caused your head to spin. He helped you stand up before adjusting the hem of your dress. You quickly glanced away as he tried to subtly adjust himself.

The shout of your name from downstairs forced you to rush to his bathroom mirror to fix any obvious differences in your appearance. By the time you came back, Carmy was holding one of his knit crew necks out for you to slip on.

His hand reached up to scratch the back of his neck, “Uhh, it's cold outside.” You smiled gratefully before slipping the crew neck on, quickly scooping up your heels as you made your way to the door. You turned around facing Carmy one last time with a wide smile on your face, you leaned in prepared to end the night with a sweet kiss.

Carmy leaned in pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead, the two of you scoring the intimate moment. Carmy couldn’t help but smile as he watched you leave wearing his knit crew neck, part of him hoping it smelled of your scent upon its return.

Carmy hadn’t expected the night to take the turn it did, but he was thanking his lucky stars that you went along, no questions asked. Neither of you knew what this meant for the future of your friendship, or if this would blossom into something more. But the two of you were both lost in the bliss of your actions to think too long on it for the rest of the night.

Sunday Evening

You hadn’t seen much of Carmy over the rest of the weekend, instead spending the free time with your mom and aunt. You also weren’t quite sure how to approach him, and the fact that he hadn’t approached you either signified you were both at a standstill, neither of you sure how to broach the topic.

It was Sunday evening and you were on your way to The Beef picking up an extra shift after Mikey called to ask if you could come in. Richie had to leave early for whatever the hell he did in his spare time.

As you parked in the back lot, you were surprised to see Carmy sneaking through the back door. Your heart began to thud a little faster, it was stupid, but you hadn’t thought you’d be seeing him so soon. You sat there for a moment calming your nerves, you were sure the conversation wouldn’t be brought up while you were working, but maybe Carmy came here looking for you specifically.

You got out of your car, locking it behind you before entering the establishment. Quickly punching your time card before grabbing one of the spare aprons and heading to check in with Mikey.

The dinner rush would be starting soon and since Richie was gone you’d have to balance working the cashier and running food to the diners. You walked around, head popping into the office to let Mikey know you were there.

The two of you crashed into each other as he was making his way to the kitchen, arms shooting out to steady you so you didn’t fall.

“Thanks for coming Baby, but uh if you wanna go home I won’t stop you.” You watched Mikey awkwardly scratch the back of his head, eyes darting around the kitchen as he watched the controlled chaos ensue. Surprise etching your features, not used to Mikey being the awkward Berzatto in your life.

“No, I don’t mind kind of needed to get out of the house anyways,” you smiled at home before heading to the front to take care of the line that was beginning to form.

Most of the orders were for takeout so you hadn’t been rushing back and forth too much. But the Johnsons, an old couple who ate dinner here every Sunday, was your first dine-in order, the two greeting you before heading back to their favorite table.

You turned to the window waiting for the order you had already given, watching as Tina made her way to you apprehensively.

“I can run this for you Mama if you want me to.” You shook your head sending her a smile before taking the two red baskets from her hand and making your way to the dining area, eyes instantly spotting the older couple.

“Two famous Italian beef sandwiches for my favorite regulars,” you smiled down at the couple setting a tray in front of each one respectively.

“Say, honey, isn’t that your little friend over there?” You watched as the woman subtly pointed at another table, you and her partner both taking in the scene in front of you.

You felt a wide smile spreading over your face as you took in Carmy’s figure, the shyness exuding off of him. His lips brandishing a small smile, it took the laughter of his table mate to slap the rose-colored glasses off your face.

So caught up in your infatuation with the boy you’d been crushing on and finally got to kiss the other night, you hardly noticed Claire.

The two women sitting at the table in front of you sharing a knowing look, guilt seeping through as they alerted you to something you’d rather be ignorant to.

“I’m so sorry honey, I didn’t mean to upset you. Mabel been telling me I oughta learn when to shut my big mouth. If I ain’t listen 20 years ago I sure wasn’t gone figure it out by now.” You let out a sad pathetic laugh at Ms. Sadie’s explanation doing your best to compartmentalize your feelings.

“Shame though Baby, that boys missing out on something good. You looked at that boy like he parted the heavens and earth. My Mabel used to look at me like that, you know, the only thing she looks at like that now is cake and these damn beef sandwiches.” Ms. Sadie’s laugh unconsciously draws one of your own, finally taking your attention from Carmy and Claire.

“Oh hush up now Sadie and let the girl get back to work,” another watery laugh escaped your lips. “Talking this sweet girl's ear off like she wants to listen to you on top of watching the boy she loves on a date.”

Your head shot to Ms. Mabel’s slightly taken aback by her word choice, she settled you with a look. “Don’t go giving me that look now. You may be foolin' that boy and yourself but you ain’t foolin' anyone with eyes baby.” You let her reach out to gently pat your hand, the two women in front of you made it hard to keep your calm facade up.

“You gone on and head home Baby, and if Michael has a problem with it you let him know Ms. Mabel and Ms. Sadie said it was okay.” You let out a real laugh, the sound caught the one boy’s attention you didn’t care for right now.

“And tell your momma to stop by if she’s ever feeling up for it,” you sent the couple a small smile nodding your head. “Yes ma’am, you two enjoy the rest of your night.” With that, you began your journey out of the dining room.

You stopped as you heard Claire call out your name, turning inside the doorway as she sent you a wave, returning a small one as you purposefully avoided giving Carmy any attention.

You made your way into the kitchen no one needed to ask what was wrong as they took in your somber mood. You silently slid into the walk-in, maybe it was unsanitary but you didn’t think you could face anyone as you finally let the first sob wrack your body.

The fact that you knew this incident wouldn’t change your friendship with him irritated you to no end. But you cared for him so much that you just couldn’t force yourself to quit him. Maybe this move was what you needed, the time spent apart would allow you to discover who you were outside of Carmen Berzatto. You would do your best to allow the friendship between the two of you to keep flourishing, but whatever Carmy decided was best for him, you’d just have to live with it.

You hadn’t realized how long you were standing in the walk-in until Mikey entered. Body engulfing yours in a hug as his warmth radiated through you. The older Berzatto allowed you to stain his shirt in tears, neither of you saying a word as the sound of your sorrow painted the walk-in.

The youngest Berzatto’s hand stilled on the door handle as he listened to your faint cries. His own heart broke as he realized that he hurt you again. Head hitting against the exterior of the door, he didn’t deserve you, didn’t know if he ever would. Carmy forced himself to listen to your faint sobs wanting to console you at this moment but not knowing where the two of you stood.

Two friends stood on opposite sides of a steel door, hearts breaking in unison as it felt like everything was fighting against what they both wanted. July would come and they would part ways, promises whispered to stay in contact and remain friends, neither soul knowing what the years apart would have in store for them.

a/n: i apologize if anything in this chapter doesn't make sense or is wonky, i've been editing for 3 days straight and i feel like i can't read english anymore. hope you enjoyed! i also have a whole playlist if anyone is interested!

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[headkiss]

can i please request eddie giving reader a stick and poke?? thank you

hi hi!!! here it is i hope u enjoy :) it’s all fluff | 1k words, gn!reader (pls let me know if that’s wrong!)

You’re laying on Eddie’s bed, flat on your back and staring at the ceiling. He’s sitting on the ground, his back against the foot of the bed.

It’s quiet, he’s focusing on his task—giving himself a stick and poke. He does this often, small doodles scattered about his limbs. You love it.

You shift around to lay on your stomach, your head hanging over the edge of the bed so you can watch him while he works. It’s mesmerizing, you think, to watch a thin needle dipped in ink create little images on his skin.

He’s adding one to his thigh, his jeans thrown somewhere in the room leaving him in his boxers. His hair is tied back in a low bun, out of his way and just as pretty as always. His tongue is poking out between his lips in focus, and you find the habit of his really cute.

You watch him finish the tattoo in silence, nothing but the sound of one of his records filling the room. It’s nice to spend time with him this way, relaxed and worry-free. Just you and your boy.

He turns to look at you when he’s done, a small smile on his face and ink splotches on his fingertips, “what do you think?”

You peek down at his leg, the tattoo is of his precious guitar, its shape makes that clear. You giggle, his love for the instrument a sweet thing and you can’t help but tease him for it.

“Really, Eds? You gave yourself a tattoo of your side chick and not me?”

He shakes his head, smile growing. “C’mon, babe. You know how much she means to me.”

“‘M just teasing. It’s great.”

He pecks your lips as a thank you before wrapping it up and standing.

You sit up on the bed, your eyes on him and his many tattoos. You’ve wanted one for a while, and you wouldn’t mind having him do it here, in his room. The only thing is, you don’t know what to get.

“Will you give me one?”

“A kiss?”

“No, silly. A tattoo.”

He faces you, some surprise on his face but more curiosity. “Really? Of what?”

“Yeah, please? You can choose.”

“That’s a lot of trust you’ve got, babe. How do you know I won’t just pick something dumb?”

“Because you know me, and you’re not like that. You care too much and I love you for it.”

He doesn’t know why that really tugged on his heartstrings, but it did. He figures if you trust him enough to choose a tattoo, you trust him in a lot of ways. It makes him feel special, important.

You’re waiting for him to decide, and you’d be okay with it if he said no. But, you think that he’d do a great job, and you’d love to have a piece of his art with you at all times.

“Yeah, okay.”

You can’t control the grin that spreads over your face. “Really?”

“‘Course,” he loves the excitement in your voice, the little twinkle you get in your eyes. “Where should I do it?”

“Mmm, back of my shoulder?”

“‘Kay, lay down again, sweets.”

You obey, pulling the strap of your tank top off on the side that you want the tattoo, giving Eddie the space to work. Your head rests on your arms. You’re a little nervous, but mostly interested to see what it’s like. The feeling and what he’ll choose.

He brings his supplies up on the bed, new ones that he’s just cleaned. He sits with his thighs on either side of your body, probably more intimate than any other tattoo artist would be, but he can’t help himself with you.

“Just gonna draw it on first, okay? You’re sure you trust me with this?”

“I trust you, Eds. Go ahead.”

He does, light strokes against your skin. You’re trying to guess what he’s drawing, but you can’t figure it out. You’re mostly focused on his weight pushing you into the bed, one of his hands holding the fabric of your shirt away and the other working away.

Once that’s done, and he checks in with you one, two more times, he dips the needle in the ink and gets started. It’s not as bad as you expected, not painless, but definitely manageable. You think it helps that your boyfriend is the one doing it.

“Still good, babe?”

“Yup. ‘S okay, not bad.”

He kisses the back of your neck, far enough from the tattoo so there’s no risk of infection or anything, and then gets back to work.

When he’s finally finished you swear you could have fallen asleep there after a minute more. He takes out his polaroid camera, snapping a picture of your new ink so you can see it without getting up.

He cleans everything up as it develops, wrapping your tattoo up just as he did his and pulling your shirt back into place for you.

“Okay, have a look.”

He hands you the picture, and you think it’s cute that he sounds nervous. You can tell that he wants you to like it, that he cares about what you’ll think.

You hold it up, close to your face and you’re quiet as you take it in. It’s cute, an outline of a little devil, horns, tail and all. The lines are shaky in some spots, but you love it nonetheless.

Eddie’s sitting next to you now, eyeing your face for any reaction that isn’t good. You sit up to face him. You aren’t saying anything and it’s making him nervous. He scratches the back of his neck, clearing his throat before speaking.

“‘S the devil on your shoulder, get it?”

“So, it’s a tattoo of you?”

“Babe.”

You push his hair off of his forehead, giggling at your own joke, “sorry, sorry. I love it.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do! Thank you, Eds.”

You lean in to kiss him, sweet and short. He kisses your cheek as you pull away, then tugs you into his lap to hug you.

“You’re welcome, sweets.”

[littlepadika]

Calling Home (1) | Frankie Morales x Reader

Summary: You are a receptionist at the VA. Frankie Morales keeps calling. Yearning ensues...

Rating: M -> E in later chapters

Warnings: fem!reader, age gap (legal), praise kink, voice kink, discussion of addiction/PTSD/trauma, no use of y/n, no beta reader, reader is bad at Spanish, Frankie has a sexy voice 😩

Masterlist here

AN: My first fic. Pedro writers have inspired me to finally start writing again 🥺. Concept inspired by the movie RED. I hope you like it ❤️Set after triple frontier.

Chapter One

~~~~~~~~~~~

The first time he called was an ordinary Thursday.

“Veterans Affairs, how can I help you?”

You had been working at the VA office for about two weeks. Fresh out of college you felt lucky to have a job in the first place. You went to school to be a writer but your big idea for 'The Next Great American Novel' had yet to present itself. At least here you had access to the most inspiring stories and interesting people. Men and women who had seen more and done more than you probably would in your entire life. You loved talking to clients on the phone. It was weird but something about only being able to hear people’s voices excited you. You would sometimes write little stories in your head about the people you'd talk to, filling in the details that were unknown.

Your desk accessories reflected your love of books and writing. You had your growing collection of books sitting on your desk sandwiched between baby pink bookends. Next to them was a matching desk organizer filled with your favorite sparkly pens and sticky notes. You had decorated the plain cubicle walls with posters of quotes from your favorite books. You also brought your favorite candle from home. Even though you couldn’t light it you still liked to lift it to your nose once and a while and smell it between chapters. When you weren’t on the phone or scanning documents you would read. You finished To Kill A Mockingbird in your first week on the job and were now halfway through Murder on the Orient Express.

You were starting a new chapter when Frankie Morales called the first time.

You picked up the phone on the second ring already mustering your chipper 'customer service' voice. “Veterans affairs.” You stated your name. “How may I help you?”

“H-Hi. My name is Frankie- uh-Francisco Morales." A deep voice answered you. "I’m calling because I have gotten my benefits check yet. It’s been a month. I was hoping you could tell me if it got sent?”

“Okay Mr. Morales." You flipped on the computer. "Let me check. Can you spell your last name for me?”

“M-o-r-a-l-e-s”

“Okay... let's see.” You clicked on his account. You were momentarily distracted by his picture likely taken when he graduated basic if you had to guess based off the uniform. He looked sweet. Sharp nose and strong jaw balanced by kind eyes and a shy smile. You could imagine how age would continue to soften his expression making him even more handsome. The image was a strange juxtaposition to the voice you were hearing on the phone which was much deeper and rougher. His profile said he was special forces. A pilot. The rest of the information was blacked out. Something you were used to seeing on many people's accounts but even his years of service were redacted. He must have been involved in some dangerous stuff, you thought to yourself. The dates that were not redacted were mostly in Latin America. You clicked over to processing requests. “Looks like the check got sent one week ago.” You informed him.

"I'll look again but I haven't seen anything-" It sounded like he was apologizing when clearly it was not his fault.

"No no. It's probably a mistake on our end." You interrupted. With how shitty and outdated the payroll interface was you wouldn't be surprised if there was a mix up. "I’ll go ahead and let payroll know to send another."

"Great. Thanks." He replied sounding relieved. The roughness in his voice gave way to a smooth baritone.

“No problem. I'm sorry for any inconvenience it may have caused. We'll get it sent right away." You hoped he was not relying on this benefit check for anything important. While you could promise you'd fix the problem, the administration was notoriously slow. When he didn't respond you asked, "Is there anything else I can help you with today, Mr. Morales?”

“Uh-no" The roughness back in place. "Thank you." He paused before adding your name onto his thank you which made you smile. People usually never remembered your name.

“Alright. Have a nice day and thank you for your service.” You chirped before hanging up. The smile he put on your face lingered for a few minutes as you returned to your book.

The next time he called was exactly twelve days later.

“Veterans affairs” you answered, your routine greeting cut short as your eyes were still on your book.

“Hi- I’m calling because uh I still haven’t gotten my benefits check. This is Frankie Morales.”

“Oh Mr. Morales.” You recognized his voice even before he even said his name. You quickly shut your book, pushing your hair out of your face. Had you been thinking about him? No! Okay maybe you stared at his picture for a few minutes longer after he hung up. Yes, it was probably very unprofessional but you couldn't fight the curiosity. You were trying to rationalize the contrasting sharpness and softness of his features with his voice. How it all worked together. How one person's voice could change textures and colors so easily. You wondered what kind of things this man might have seen on the job. Most of the veterans you would help day to day did not have so many redacted missions and deployments. You were in the middle of Narcos season one so you immediately thought of drugs or something equally dangerous. After much pondering, you had come to the conclusion that Frankie Morales was both insanely attractive and insanely courageous. “Still no check, huh?”

“Nope.” He sighed the sound making the phone's shitty speaker crackle as you held it to your ear.

“Let me just check that it was approved...“ you found his profile again and scrolled to the status page. “Hmm... it says it was sent out last Friday after we spoke. That’s so weird...”

“Yeah. Really weird.” He echoed your frustration on the other end.

Typical payroll, you thought to yourself as you rolled your eyes. “I'll get another one sent to you right away. I'll see to it myself.” You tucked the phone under your chin and typed out a short email to Mary in payroll letting her know you'd be stopping by her office to explain the situation. You realized he hadn't hung up yet.

“Sorry for the back and forth.” You said, trying to fill the silence.

“It’s not your fault." The earlier irritation gone. "You’ve been really helpful.” His voice sounded warm and reassuring. Less gruff than it was last you spoke. Instead it was that rich baritone that you caught of glimpse of last time.

You feel your face warm at his compliment. It was this annoying reflex you had. Praise always made you blush no matter what context but it was worse when it came from a (you assume) gorgeous stranger.

“And just to verify that your address is correct- you’re on Maple Lane in Miami, Florida?”

“That’s right.” He confirmed.

“Okay. Sent!” You clicked send on the email, which caused the window to close and reveal Frankie’s profile page again. “I was curious-" You spoke before you really made the decision to speak. You didn’t want to overstep but once again your curiosity got the better of you. Honestly, you were just searching for a way to keep him on the phone. The day had been so boring.

“Your profile says you were stationed in Costa Rica.”

“For a bit.” He replied after a moment. He didn’t sound too defensive but there was definitely some tightness in his answer that made you feel bad for asking. Like you were scratching a wound.

“Did you like it? The country I mean.”

“Are you planning a trip?” He sounds a little amused.

“Yeah- well- kind of. It's more a trip in my head right now. I’d like to go there one day. It looks so beautiful.” You sighed closing your eyes trying to imagine the heat on your skin.

“It is." He agrees. "Really humid though.”

“Mm that sounds nice.” You would kill for some warm weather after such a long winter in DC.

“It was too muggy for me at times." He grumbled. "If you do go, stick to the costal areas where it’s more breezy or else you’ll just be sweating the whole time.”

“I don’t mind a little sweat” you shrugged, still thinking of the awful east coast winter you were currently suffering through. The sexual connotation of what you said hit you hard as soon as you heard the statement in its entirety. You felt your face flush again, though the man on the other end would never know.

“I’m learning Spanish!" You announced loudly trying to move the conversation past your awkwardness.

“Wow. Muy impressivo.”

“Si” you replied but after a moment you admit “I don’t really know what you said.”

Frankie laughed loudly on the other end and you couldn’t help but join in, drawing dirty looks from the elderly lady, Donna, working in the cubicle across from you. You ducked your head behind a stack of papers to avoid her glare.

“Fake it till you make it.” He chuckled.

“Maybe you should help me out.” You took on an indigent but still playful tone. “You sound better than duolingo” Your smile widened when he laughed again. His laugh was what you hoped it would be, by all your assumptions from his picture. It was an unencumbered, unburdened, rich sound with only a hit of roughness from the air behind it.

“Tell me you’re not using that dumb app to learn.” he scoffed, saying your name in an almost scolding tone.

“I’m got my thirty day streak today.” You boasted.

“You’ll be a total tourist if you go by duolingo.”

“But the owl is so cute every time I get something right!” You argued your voice taking on a more childish cadence.

“That’s how they trap you, silly girl.” He teased right back. Usually such a condescending nickname would piss you off but something about the affection behind him using it made you feel very differently. You felt warm like you were proud to be silly as long as it made him laugh.

“Then you saved me just in time, Mr. Morales.” You bit your lip. His scoffing and laughter died down on the other end.

“Frankie” He corrects you.

“Frankie…” You repeated it, smiling at how well the nick name suited the voice over the phone. Honest, sincere, and not pretentious at all. Way better than the pompous guys you know with equally stuffy names like “Edward” and “Christopher.”

“So what do you want to know?” Frankie interrupted your thoughts. “Dime”

You started asking him questions in Spanish to the best of your ability. Granted they weren't particularly probing questions. What is your name? What is your favorite color? What is your favorite animal? What's your favorite book? I am reading Gone Girl. He answered them all with patience and amusement, occasionally interrupting you to correct your pronunciation or explain what a word meant. Every time you’d repeat the word back correctly he would say something like “good” or “there you go” or “you got it”. You hated to admit that his kind words and his praise was doing something to you. You didn't even realize you were clenching your legs together unconsciously, almost in anticipation of his next correction or next answer. His low voice so sweet and encouraging against your ear, more tangible when he was speaking Spanish. You just wanted to hear more of it. Would it be this sweet in other situations? Would it get huskier or rougher? If you closed your eyes it was like he was sitting right next to you. It would be all too easy to slip into that daydream and escape the dull office.

Suddenly out of the corner of your drooping eyes you saw a flashing red light on the phone console meaning another caller was waiting.

“Shoot- i’m sorry, Frankie- I have to take this call.” You shot forward in your chair, legs uncrossing.

“Of-Of course. I should let you get back to work.” He sounded a little sad or so you hoped. You felt bad for interrupting him after you both were having so much fun. You wanted to say he could wait on hold but he killed that idea when he said, "I have work too. Technically I'm five minutes past my lunch break."

Your pout turned to a smile. He was spending his precious lunch break with you? Get a grip! you snapped at yourself.

“You’re welcome to call again if you want.” You threw out the offer in a small voice, scared you would be rejected. You peered over the cubicle wall to see if you were still being glared at. Thankfully Donna was away from her desk. Probably out for a smoke. “It’s really boring here and usually no one calls.”

“Maybe I will.” He replied and you could hear the smile behind those words. You felt your heart clench weirdly in your chest like it didn't know how to process the sudden spike in emotions.

“Bye, Frankie.” You beamed.

“Bye”

This time the smile on your face lasted for hours. Frankie’s laugh echoed around in your head, taunting you, sending your mind to the gutter. His voice went from grit to molasses on a dime. You wanted to be the one to bring out those sounds. You wanted to hear his voice bend and stretch and strain as you fucked him. What the hell is wrong with me? you screamed internally. You had never been so depraved and with a stranger no less! You clearly needed to get laid fast because this much yearning would not end well.

Frankie got the second VA check a few days later and this time he didn’t even feel bad about ripping it in half. He was already reaching for the phone to call you.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Tags: Message to be added 💕 no minors please!