#i want to want that. but i never do. not bc they might be coldly analytic. i love that shit. but bc you have to think hard (i assume)

[coquelicoq]

quick little check-in on how my effort to get rid of books is going:

-5 books i gave to my siblings for christmas. i will probably end up replacing at least 2 if not all of them, but i'll cross that bridge if and when i come to it

+1 book i bought at the bookstore when i was supposed to be getting a present for my sister's boyfriend (it just looked so interestingggg)

(no change) 1 book i read so that i could get rid of it, but then i liked it too much to get rid of it

(no change) 1 book i reread to see if i still liked it enough to keep it. and i did

-3 books in a series that i put in a little free library in my neighborhood after rereading

+1 book i picked up from a different little free library on the same trip

-3 books i put in a little free library in the next neighborhood over in the dead of night because i was embarrassed about my marginalia

[guy who hasn't yet received a package of books currently on its way here voice] i'm actually doing much better than i expected! i've gotten rid of 11 books and only picked up 2 new ones. and one of those is a bilingual collection of rilke poems, with the original german facing the english translation. i do not read german, but i'm still not sure how i was supposed to pass that up. the other is nonfiction about the poetry of rap. also unclear if there was a way to resist it that i just didn't know about. really don't think i can be blamed for either of those.

[mrfoox]

At one hand i know.... Me expecting nothing of other people is helpful for me, I also wish I didn't do it.... Like I can't ever be sure about how peo feel about me. I think of people as friends after 10 conversations, but I never call someone else my friend until they call me that. Because I'm worried they don't actually see me as that/don't care much about me....

[k0yaz]

HiIII i saw your wlw post and :3 :3c can I request Arlecchino with a quiet and stoic lover,, well usually stoic, but she opens up more to Arlecchino and the kids! However she gets really shy and embarrassed when expressing positive emotions or gives gifts, which is ironic bc shes also very affectionate towards her. Ik this might sound bland but giving you lots of freedom with this /w\ gl with your beidou fic!! (Love her smmm)

sweetheart.

Pairing(s): arlecchino x fem!reader

CW: sfw, female reader, established marriage, arlecchino is referred to as your husband, soft arle yayayay, reader is slightly insecure, mentions of judgy ass bitches, another proposal woah, mention of arlecchino’s real name, pure fluffy, omg lesbians wowowoow

A/N: MAAM ARE YOU AN ANGEL FOR SENDING ME THIS REQUEST. Also I know this req sounds like head canons but I couldn’t help myself I wanted to write a one shot

Blissful silence enveloped the living room space in such a way that it brought you a sort of comfort, sitting on the couch beside your beloved husband with no sound harbored between you two. You always bore a hint of stoicism in your nature, especially in your mannerisms. Expressing yourself specifically had always been a struggle for you. Many people tended to believe that you just didn’t care, or that you were coldly unfeeling.

Such presumptive pointers often circled your thoughts constantly, which you clearly had a strong distaste for. However, she had never assumed. Nor had she pushed you away for your reserved nature. Arlecchino had never let you go no matter what, that was for sure.

Arlecchino glanced up at you from her cup of tea, which barely brushed against her bottom lip as her x-marked dark eyes practically pierced into you. You simply stared back, unsure of what to say to her, before looking back down at the book in your hands at the scribbled words on the pages.

The soft clank of glass gently grazing against wood was heard once Arlecchino set her teacup down on the table. Your expression didn’t falter or bother to look up as your eyes continued gliding over the pages, completely absorbed.

Your husband never fell short when it came to showing you affection either. She would always deliver you tender kisses, combined with sweet praises whispered in your ear whenever you needed it, making your heart flutter at every little action. Her patience towards you, along with the way she blatantly showed how much cares about you, ignited a sort of small flame within you. You began to attempt to show at least a bit of emotion toward her. Hints of affection.

Simply put, you felt safe around Arlecchino. Safe enough to open up to her. Safe enough to allow those pure, warm feelings to slip through the cracks of your closed off shell in front of her. You weren’t used to expressing such emotions, resulting in yourself getting all bashful and embarrassed whenever you felt that smile curve the corners of your lips.

You almost jumped upon hearing Arlecchino abruptly call your name, now stood up and halfway across the living room. Closing your book, you gently placed it on the table and looked over at her, wondering what she called you for.

“(Name).”

“Yes, Arle?” You hummed, examining how her gaze practically traced every move you made intently. Steam from her freshly filled teacup fogged the atmosphere slightly, before disappearing as she gave a light huff to the cup carefully held by the handle between her fingers. She looked back up at you with a rather fond look in her usually cold and unfeeling eyes, taking a moment to gather her thoughts.

You cleared your throat, wanting to break the palpable tension in the air. “How are the children doing?” You began, still staring at Arlecchino’s focused expression with her teacup still in hand. “Fine. They’re currently out on a mission together, but nothing too serious nor life threatening.” She replied. After what felt like forever, Arlecchino finally set her teacup down and spoke up, seemingly able to articulate her thoughts properly.

“I was thinking that…perhaps the ring I bought you was somewhat unsatisfactory. Especially for something such as important as marriage.” She insisted, clearly wanting to keep her serious expression. Yet the faint softness present in her eyes clearly told you otherwise. Her hand lowered to her hip, to slip inside her pocket and pull out a small ring box. As she extended her palm holding up the ring box slightly toward you, you felt your heart pounding out of your chest and ringing within your own ears upon seeing her crack the box open.

Your eyes scanned over the stone on the burnished silver of the ring—it was nothing you’d seen before. A gleaming ruby with fades of black around the corners, posing a striking resemblance to Arlecchino’s eyes. A soft hue of red tints your face upon seeing the ring. Your eyes widened as you suddenly felt all warm inside and grew quiet, slightly feeling bad that you couldn’t exactly show your appreciation for the gift that made you feel all loved and fuzzy inside.

Arlecchino however, knew you all too well. The silence hanging in the was nothing but your silent appreciation for her. She proceeded to remove the ring from the cushioning of the box and reached out her free hand, prompting you to place your hand in hers. Immediately understanding her subtle gesture, you placed your hand in hers in a fluid motion.

Her nails lightly brushed along your knuckles as she wrapped her fingers around your hand, her grip gentle, yet firm. She slowly reached over to pull off the old ring on your finger and placing it in the box for convenience, before sliding the newly bought ring onto your ring finger toward the end.

It fit perfectly.

A warm, genuine smile made its way across your lips, your cheeks still flushed as well. Despite your initially bashful reaction, you finally locked your eyes with hers. A tender expression present in her eyes. You allowed your eyes to bore into hers for a few moments, staring at your husband with a loving gaze.

You began to take a few hesitant steps toward her, reaching your arms up bit by bit. Not even a few moments later, you practically threw yourself into her arms while wrapping your own around her neck in an embrace filled with adoration. Arlecchino simply exhaled a soft hum as she reciprocated your embrace. Her chin rested on your shoulder contently, her eyelids lowering in a more relaxed state.

Heat crept back up to your face upon feeling her plant a quick kiss on your forehead protectively, the affection just causing your smile to stretch a bit further near your cheeks.

“(Name). My beloved wife. My sweetheart. Just know I only want the best for you, and you only.” Arlecchino murmured in a quiet voice, as if she only wanted the two of you to hear the exchange of such sweet and sentimental words. She loved every part of you. Your stoic nature being nothing short of you caring for her. The way you reserved your affection and love for her, and her only. The way you warm up to the children as well. How you got all flustered and bashful upon experiencing any positive emotions, or when you handed her gifts with a loose grip and head turned away. She loved everything.

“Peruere?”

Arlecchino immediately fixated her attention onto your lips, caressing your cheek with her palm resting along your skin, and thumb grazing your cheek lightly. Her heart fluttered upon hearing you utter her real name. The way the name she buried behind fell from your lips like a sacred word that allowed her to lower her guard around you.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

A/N: I told yall if I like the request I get a lil too into it and cook up something ik I went overboard but idc

[theywantedplayer]

Master list

PromptList

AN-this is longer than what I usually do I hope yall fuck with it since I haven't been writing lots bc I got exams in 2 weeks fm

You started noticing Nico acting differently—not just on the ice but also when it was just the two of you at home. He always had a nurturing attitude, which his teammates liked to tease him about by calling him "Mother Nico." He was always a caring and intuitive guy, picking up around the apartment even though you knew he had a stressful schedule during the NHL season.

He handled it all well, balancing everything quite skillfully. You’d often hear stories from your friends who were dating other players on the team about how their boyfriends always prioritized hockey, but Nico wasn’t like that.

Then, around the winter months, things started to change. He seemed slower, quieter, and less talkative like a dark cloud constantly hung over him. The Devils weren’t performing as well in the standings as usual, and Nico took it personally as the captain. He acted like the team’s struggles were entirely his fault, carrying the weight of it on his shoulders.

Nico had always been your rock. He let you talk to him about anything that was bothering you, offering a listening ear and unwavering support. But as the winter months set in, you started to realize that the dynamic only seemed to go one way. You could sense something was troubling him, but he never opened up about it.

Little things began to slip. He forgot whose turn it was to make dinner, skipped doing the laundry, or left the dishes undone—things he’d always been on top of. At first, you didn’t mind picking up the extra load, understanding how stressful the season must have been for him. But as October came, you decided it was time to bring it up. You never expected his reaction.

"I’ve noticed you’ve been off, and I’m worried about you," you finally said, folding laundry on the dining room table. Your voice was calm but firm, wanting to make your concern seen.

"What makes you say that?" he replied, his gaze fixed on the TV.

Your eyes flickered between him and the screen. He was watching SportsCenter, listening to reporters make critical and unsupportive remarks about the Devils' performance. It was clear their words had struck a nerve

“Well, you haven’t been picking up around the house lately, and you’ve just been quieter. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay,” you said as you folded his t-shirts.

Truthfully, you didn’t mind picking up more around the house. You’d always told Nico he didn’t need to do as much as he did, but he always insisted. Still, as you tried to talk to him, it felt like walking on landmines. He was so quiet, and you were afraid he might explode at any moment.

“Seriously?” he said coldly, finally turning his head toward you.

“You know I don’t have a problem with you not doing housework. You just haven’t been yourself lately,” you said, trying to keep your tone gentle. “You know you can talk to me, right?”

“If you don’t have a fucking problem with it, then why are you bringing it up?” he snapped, his tone ice-cold.

A heavy sigh escaped your lips. You could feel where this conversation was headed. Setting down the hoodie you’d been folding, you rested your hands on the table and turned to look at him. His expression was unreadable, and that familiar resting bitch face of his—the one that intimidated people who didn’t know him—made you hesitate for just a moment. You knew it wasn’t truly who Nico was, but even now, it unsettled you just a little. Seeing someone who was always the sweetest and more caring one in the room suddenly has the face of one who at first glance didn't seem like it was a shock, but you always knew your boyfriend and knew that wasn't true.

“Nico, I’m not trying to start anything,” you said softly. “I just know something’s wrong, and you won’t even fucking talk to me about it.” you regretted the swear as soon as it left your mouth knowing it seemed like a push to him.

“Because I don’t need to,” he stated flatly.

You sighed again, frustration and worry bubbling inside you. Nico was the guy who always told everyone else they could talk to him, but he never talked to anyone about his stuff even rarely at times with you.

“Well, I think you do,” you said, your voice firmer this time as you locked eyes with him. You weren’t trying to start a fight, but you couldn’t let this slide. “I think talking about it would really help. You’ve been so quick to anger lately, so quiet, and I’m worried about you. You can talk to me. Why do you feel like you can’t?”

You noticed the slight clench of his jaw before he responded. “I have a lot of shit going on. I’m sorry if I’m not picking up around the house anymore. Just leave it alone,” he said, his tone laced with annoyance. “Just leave me alone.”

With that, he turned his body and full attention back to the TV. You opened your mouth to speak again, but he turned up the volume at the same time. Whether it was intentional or not, it sent a clear message: he wasn’t continuing this conversation. And as much as you knew it needed to happen, you didn’t have the energy to force it either.

About a month later, near the end of November, you could tell things had only gotten worse. The Devils were in the middle of a six-game losing streak, and it was eating at Nico. The frustration came to a head after a particularly brutal loss—shut out by Vegas, 5–0.

The walk back to the car was painfully silent. The only words Nico said as he handed you the keys were, “You drive.”

You nodded wordlessly, slipping into the driver’s seat and starting the car. The drive home, which should’ve been 20 minutes, stretched to nearly 45 because of post-game traffic. Normally, after a tough game like this, Nico would vent to you—sharing ideas for new plays or strategies to motivate the team. But tonight, he sat in the passenger seat, staring blankly at the sea of brake lights in front of you.

At every red light, you glanced over at him, silently checking in. He didn’t say a word, but you could see the storm brewing in his mind. This wasn’t just a bad game or a bad week; it was months of mounting pressure. He wasn’t himself anymore, and you knew he was close to breaking.

When you finally pulled into the parking garage of your apartment building, you turned off the car and opened your door. “Come on, Nic, let’s just go to bed,” you said gently, stepping out.

You expected to hear the passenger door open, but instead, there was silence. Turning back, you saw him still sitting there, unmoving. His hand hadn’t even reached for the door handle. It was like he hadn’t even heard you.

You walked around to the passenger side and opened the door, crouching down slightly to meet his eye line. “Nico,” you said softly, your voice laced with concern. “Let’s go inside.”

You could see it—the weight of everything he’d been bottling up for months. The pressure, the expectations, the emotions he refused to show. He was on the verge of breaking, and you just wanted to help him before he shattered completely.

He was too prideful.

But still, you were met with silence. You reached out and softly grabbed one of his hands resting in his lap, giving it a gentle squeeze. You tried to pull him out of the car, but he pulled his hand back, holding yours tightly in both of his. He stared down at your hands, his thumbs brushing softly over your skin. You sat there, unsure of what to say, just trying to comfort him in the smallest way possible. In two years of dating, you’d only ever seen Nico shut down like this once before—after the Devils' playoff run in 2023.

Finally, he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “What the fuck is going on?”

You couldn’t tell if he was talking to you, to himself, or to no one at all. His voice wavered, trying to hide the emotion threatening to break through. It pained you—he’d seen you cry countless times, about everything from stress to happiness, but he still couldn’t bring himself to let you see him like this.

“I know it’s tough,” you said softly, squeezing his hand again.

“It’s more than just fucking tough,” he said, his voice rising with frustration. “We’ve been playing like shit, and there’s nothing I can do. The reporters are tearing us apart, and I have no idea how to fix it. I don’t know how to fix them. I don’t know what the fuck to do!”

His voice cracked, but he kept going, the dam finally breaking.

“In the locker room, on the ice—everyone looks at me like I have all the answers. Like I’m supposed to solve all our fucking problems. But I don’t. What kind of captain can’t even fix his team?”

“It’s not your job to fix your team,” you said plainly, your voice steady.

For the first time since the game, he looked up at you, and your heart broke at the sight. His big brown eyes glistened, tears pooling just at the edge, threatening to spill over.

“I’m the captain, Y/N,” he said, his voice shaking. “It is my job. It’s my responsibility to keep the team together, to make sure we don’t fall into shit like this.” His eyebrows knitted together in frustration, and he shook his head, as if rejecting your words outright.

“You’re putting too much pressure on yourself,” you said gently. “You’ve been doing that for years.”

“Pressure?” he scoffed bitterly. “If it’s not me putting it on, it’s everyone else.”

Your expression softened, and you brought your other hand up to run your fingers through his damp hair. “If you’re the one putting it on yourself, then you can also take it off,” you said quietly. “I’m right here, Nico. I’ve been telling you that since the day we met. If you’re feeling anything—everything—you can talk to me.”

He shook his head again, looking up at you with so much guilt it made your chest ache. “I can’t do that to you. You’ve got enough going on with school and exams. I can’t be one more thing.”

“That’s bullshit,” you said, sighing. “I love you. Nothing is more important to me than you. Keeping all this bottled up is only making it worse, Nico. You need to let it out. Talk to me.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, but his eyes softened as you wiped away a single tear that slipped down his cheek.

“But I’m the captain. People are supposed to look up to me and lean on me. It’s my job to take care of everyone else,” he said weakly.

“Yeah, and it’s my job to take care of you,” you said firmly. “I knew what I was signing up for when we got together. Dating a pro athlete comes with challenges that most people don’t face, and I knew it’d be hard sometimes. But Nico, you make it so easy to love you. The only thing that makes this hard is that you don’t talk to me when you’re struggling. I want to be your rock, too. I want you to come to me, vent for hours if you need to, cry if you need to. I just want to help you.”

A shaky sigh escaped his lips, and his voice cracked as he said, “I feel like I have to hold it together all the time. Half the time, I’m not. If we’re losing, I feel like it’s my fault. If I can’t lead us to a win, what kind of captain does that make me?”

“You’re playing fucking hockey, Nico,” you said bluntly. “You’ve been doing this your whole life. You know what you’re doing, and you know what your team needs. But it’s not your job to fix everything. They’re grown men with their own shit going on. The best thing you can do is be there for them, support them. But you can’t carry the whole team on your back.”

A bitter laugh left his lips. “Everyone thinks we’re a shit team right now. We’re getting blown out almost every game.”

You smiled softly, glad to see the tension beginning to leave his shoulders as he let everything out. “Don’t you think Quinn felt like that, too?” you asked.

His brows furrowed in surprise at the mention of his friend's brother.

“He’s captain of the Canucks. They were a mess for years but look at them now. They’ve turned it around. People respect them because they fought through it. You will, too. You’re not the only one who’s ever felt like this. Why don't you try and talk to him about this, Quinn's a really helpful guy he's helping me so much, growing up he was the first person I'd go to"

Nico knew your history with the Hughes you guys grew up together and spent nights at the lake house together, even though Nico didn't know Quinn as well as he knew his energetic little brother, Jack,  he could tell from the few times that they've met that he was a great guy to go to for advice.  He honestly really liked Quinn,  one time during the summer during the off-season the Hughes family invited you and Nico to spend a couple weeks at the lake house with the original group. Being Cole, Trevor the Hughes brothers, and some other buddies from Michigan, Nico was a little nervous about going since he only really knew Jack, Luke and You but Quinn and Nico honestly gravitated towards each other and got along quite well, he introduced Nico to the rest of the group and everyone hit it off from there on.

and during one of those nights at the lake house he and the eldest brother were sitting out by the fire when everyone was inside they ended up having generally deep talk and confided in each other about being captains of a team at a very young age. At the time Nico barely knew Quinn this was really the first time he was actually able to sit down and fully get to know the young defenseman but still he talked to him knowing they shared the same worries and since then they've always kept in contact.

Everyone always loved it when New Jersey played Vancouver because they called it the "Hughe's Bowl" since the three brothers were playing on the same ice against each other for the first time in a long time. Nico always looked forward to that since usually after those games if Vancouver wasn't heading back that night Nico and the three brothers would go out and always get a beer together. 

 Nico could slightly feel his face heat up with embarrassment. not about opening up but about not doing it sooner.  he loved you and he knew you always wanted the best for him so he just felt stupid for not realizing that sooner and trusting someone with his problems but it wasn't just somebody it was you 

He was quiet for a moment, processing your words. Then, unexpectedly, he let out a deep laugh. You blinked in surprise at the sudden shift, squeezing his shoulder gently.

“What’s so funny?”

“I’m an idiot,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “I’ve been sitting on this for months, and after less than ten minutes of talking to you, I already feel better. No wonder you were pushing me to open up.”

You laughed with him, relief washing over you as he climbed out of the car and pulled you into a tight hug. He buried his face in your neck, his arms wrapping securely around you.

“Thank you,” he murmured into your skin, holding you close.

You hugged him just as tightly, feeling the warmth radiating from his body after the game. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too, Nico. And I need you to know you can always talk to me about anything.”

He pulled back slightly to look into your eyes, his own still glistening but now softer. He just saw you prove that too. him but he really needed to hear you say it. He kissed you gently, then rested his chin on your head, pressing a kiss to your hairline.

“Let’s go to bed,” he said with a soft laugh. “I’m fucking tired.”

[r3linx]

⇄ ◁◁ 𝚰𝚰 ▷▷ ↻ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ⁰⁰'²⁵ ━━●━━───── ⁰²'⁰⁸

╰┈➤ characters... .•`YORU´•.

˚₊·—̳͟͞͞♡ SYNOPSIS... my dating headcannons about him; what would it be like to date with him ˚₊·—̳͟͞͞♡ WORDCOUNT... 1,2k ˚₊·—̳͟͞͞♡ WARNINGS... fluff, slight nsfw (tw!), mentions of smut, boyfriend! yoru, gender neutral reader ˚₊·—̳͟͞͞♡ OTHER... ​reblogs, likes and requests are appreciated!

a/n: more headcannons! yoru might be mean sometimes, but he has a softer side, or at least i think so and i will tell you why in the next hcs. also yoru will be ryo. will be nsfw hcs [TW] but mostly fluff about your relationship with him and if or if not you're his significant other.

⋆˙.’ if you’re friends with him, yes, he wouldn’t treat you any different from his other friends. in fact, the he’s the exact opposite from a ‘good’ friend. you even considered to cut ties with him.

⋆˙.’ he’s mean. he’s a jerk. ryo would always try to start fights with you and will tease you about almost everything. won’t stop unless he sees that you’re deeply hurt by his mocking and when that happens he just mumbles a quick ‘sorry’ and will ignore you for a few hours or days.

⋆˙.’ but not bc he’s THAT much of a jerk. he just never dealt and will deal with that much human emotion. he think’s it’s better to leave things calm down, rather than bringing it up by talking it out.

⋆˙.’ he’s like some online boyfriend. if he’s not in the mood for talking, he won’t. he simply walks past you, a quick glance and that’s it. but if you’re looking for his company, most of the times he won’t ignore you.

⋆˙.’ won’t initiate conversations at first, unless he needs something.

⋆˙.’ you have a crush on him? well, sorry but he couldn’t care less. ryo will notice in an istant the changes in girls’ behavior and your secret won’t be unknown anymore.

⋆˙.’ he will reject you coldly or it would take a damned long time for him to love you back.

⋆˙.’ when he has a crush on you, he. be. tsundere. like don’t expect him to tell you about his feelings. even more mean than before and you think that he actually hates you or something. but he’s not dumb. he will try tricks to be close to you and try very hard to impress you. sometimes too hard and accidentally harms himself. but keep in mind. never you. he would never hurt you on purpose. -only by mistake-

⋆˙.’ won’t confess. no amount of teasing from his friends will make him act. unless he’s drunk. if he drinks enough he will simply blurt it out. something like: “i like you. i won’t say it again so you better remember it tomorrow.” but we all know that he will say it again to you in the morning.

⋆˙.’ if you’re his significant other ryo will let you know how much he loves you. pda isn’t something he’s afraid from and sometimes he can go too far, when that happens you have to tell him to behave himself. ofcourse you don’t mind little kisses and stuff but grabbing ass publicly is a little too much.

⋆˙.’ but on the other hand he doesn’t like to post on social media about your relationship. don’t expect activity from him; and even when you decide to share something, he hesitantly will say yes but only because you want it.

⋆˙.’ he doesn’t pamper. -or at least he says that- but will always give in to you. you just learned how to get what you want.

⋆˙.’ surprisingly good at cooking but won’t do it unless necessary. he thinks it’s women’s job. -tho at times you can get him to cook together-

⋆˙.’ since he’s a short king, he won’t be happy if you wear high heels even though he thinks it’s sexy. you’re not much shorter than him but his body posture is straight as hell bc he wants to appear taller.

⋆˙.’ his jealousy level is crazy most of the times. would not hesitate to warn the person who’s hitting on you. in the beginning he was more violent and would take action but you ‘practiced’ being at piece with him and explained how it would be better for both of you if he wouldn’t just straight up beat the shit out of the other person who got close to you.

⋆˙.’ so when his possessiveness hits, you shot a quick glance at ryo and he calms down like a dog and backs away. ofc he’s going to be a little upset but won’t show it. he would rather die than seem weak in front of you. (another red flag ahem)

⋆˙.’ but you see through him like you see through a sieve. in those times it’s best to comfort him. he doesn’t know that you realized so he just simply enjoys your kindness. he was all grumpy at first -or tried to seem grumpy-, now he just goes up to you with lowered head, flushed cheeks and slightly opened arms.

⋆˙.’ i love this man’s aggression. he only has a soft spot for you and you know it.

⋆˙.’ make out session are rough. almost as if he wants to make a competition from it. don’t get me wrong. it can be passionate but there’s always a way he makes it more harsh. expect a lot of touching while kissing.

⋆˙.’ expect a lot of you touching overall.

⋆˙.’ this man will not let you hear his moans. he’ll do anything and everything he could to seem more masculine in front of you. no amount of encouragement could change his mind.

⋆˙.’ so even when he lets slip out noises, it’s mostly groans. (for comparison when he teleports in game. ik it’s weird but i can only imagine him doing that sound)

⋆˙.’ he likes to put his whole weight on you, sticking together from sweat; doesn’t mean to hurt you or make you uncomfortable and that’s why he always asks for permission. it’s a habit of him that he couldn’t control from the start. it’s just goes without thinking. ryo wants to feel you as close as possible.

⋆˙.’ yes. ryo is a walking red flag most of the times, but he’s not crazy. and by that i mean that he probably doesn’t has any weird kinks. satisfied with vanilla, unless you want to try out something new. he’s always down for that.

⋆˙.’ only breeding kink but i guess it’s still okay—

⋆˙.’ and probably a masochist too some days.

⋆˙.’ he’s obsessed with your boobs. he loves all of you, but your chest takes a special place in his heart; -and mind- so when you just want to tease him, it is enough to walk in front of him a few times without a bra and you get what you want.

⋆˙.’ arguing with him can be kind of painful. he will just wait for you to shut up. won’t yell back unless you finished your rant. when that happens, he will simply just say back the most hurtful things he can think of, with the calmest tone that could be heard from him.

⋆˙.’ ryo’s goal is to crush all your dignity into pieces and he can reach it quite easily. you feel stupid to the core.

⋆˙.’ he WON’T sit you down with you to talk it out. after arguments you will be all pouty at him. ryo will either be the same, or wouldn’t care at all and act like nothing happened. if the second, it will fume your hatred even more.

⋆˙.’ sometimes to the point you’re not even mad, just straight up sad.

⋆˙.’ he notices it and that’s when he brings it up again. but this time he tries to not to put his own feelings first.

⋆˙.’ he tries. really tries but fails so in the end you’re feeling even worse.

⋆˙.’ at one point tears started welling from your eyes. that was when he finally just embraced you with a tight hug, placing his chin on top of your head, not daring to look into your eyes; just his arms folded around you and a simple apology.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ 𓈈 ᵈᵒ ⁿᵒᵗ ᶜᵒᵖʸ, ᵐᵒᵈⁱᶠʸ ᵒʳ ᵘᵖˡᵒᵃᵈ ᵐʸ ʷᵒʳᵏ ᵃˢ ʸᵒᵘʳˢ!

[dreadfutures]

impressions from the hades ii technical playtest

absolutely chock full of spoilers but also theories

Amazing gameplay, feels just as good as Hades 1 with improvements and creative changes. So many different builds/play styles will be possible. in the dev stream they talked about melee close quarters vs sorcery ranged, but I find myself doing HEAVY spellcasting while also stacking in heavy melee boons on the knives, and mixing and matching.

The boons have a few familiar perks but so many of them are new and creative, even for gods we know from the first game. All of them feel really good.

The SOUND EFFECTS are amazing. The sounds of your weapons change based on the boon equipped to each attack. the sounds of the arena change depending on the god at the end (if any). Nothing and I mean nothing makes the dopamine go off more than the sound of Hephaestus' boon blasts when I do my fan of knives and they all explode. PING PING PING.

I find myself doing "resource runs" and "story runs." they do overlap. It's tough to only have one harvesting item equipped at a time and I spent so much time looking for silver and looking that my eye has started slipping over the lone spirits who gives you psyche, even when Selene leads me to them lol. I do like that they have her guiding light, but it is subtle. I also like the way you can pin certain items when you're in a run so you can remember what you needed for a recipe.

Unfortunately I did so many harvest runs that I actually got all the recipes before I had a chance to USE forget me not on a run so.... woops on that fated list lol.

We are maybe going to romance Moros or Nemesis (probably both are options?) but maybe not both at the same time? since they're siblings technically (technically) (I wouldn't mind though). I love all these children of nyx and want to protect them and smooch them all.

EXCEPT. Mel is a Silver Sister, with Artemis and Selene. Does that mean she's gotta be a virginal girl squad? lol

I love sister Artemis. I love that she throws snacks!!!!! which is even more endearing bc it's fried and a chocolate bar and soda. I wonder if sometimes I hear a note of disapproval from her and I wonder where her plot will go later. Selene it's said may not be able to reach us in Tartarus, but Artemis might.

Speaking of found family.

I fucking adore Odysseus. I love Od. So. Much. Like I loved Achilles but Od is such a good girl dad for Mel, and his pep talks are the best and so sensitive ;_; what a guy I love him.

I think? that Hecate's familiars must be placeholders, since they're just little statues that vibrate when you give them treats. I can't wait to see where they go in the full game.

It's an interesting take on Hestia, that she hates everybody. It makes me wonder if we'll see Hera or not, since I kind of expect that behavior from Hera.

Hephaestus and Demeter and Aphrodite remain my favorite boon givers.

As far as I can tell there is no fishing rod in the playtest but there will be in the full game and I'm excited.

Arachne's self esteem hurts me 😫 I love you little bug!!!! I wonder if we'll find her shop in Olympus or in Tartarus -- and I worry about her. At least Athena is too busy to bother her! I hope! I love Mel's different outfits.

The amount of pets that Mel gets to have is delightful. I love her frog so much.

Hecate is fascinating. She is SUCH a mother, she is SO compassionate to Mel and trying to build her up! She is wry and dry but never cruel or negative. I love her sm. Poor Mel has some low self esteem and understandable doubts and is putting so much pressure on herself. And I really wonder about Hecate's relationship with Persephone and the house of Hades and with nyx. Nemesis says something that makes me wonder if Hecate is innocent. Either way I don't think she'll really be a villain. My heart would break if so. Mel would break.

Mel is so sweet and pure. ;_; and she says "death to chronos" so coldly. When she says "Hence I go" I just hear her as a little baby playing hide and seek with Hecate and it gives me so many feelings.

I want to know about Mel's arm!

I can't wait to see the other regions just from the Crossroads, since there's currently two doors we can't enter.

Also what are we going to DO with the fish?

Very exciting stuff.

[teenietinytangerine]

I’ve got a fic I doubt I’ll ever write so let me unload my notes app here:

jane austen period drama setting

a is an adoptee/pupil to a Count who is known as a great music composer, regularly hosts parties and welcomes students in music to educate them over the summer at his home that is always full.

outside of a, also has four sons and a young daughter.

the count took A in because she is the daughter of his life long friend now dead in the war; mom was a working woman that fell ill while waiting for her secret husband.

When her mother died, A moved into the Count's residence, she was about 9.

A is a full sunshine to be around, social butterfly with a sneaky side, she has taken over the role of organizing and hosting the parties as the oldest "daughter”.

a is also a piano genius, she writes songs she sells to less talented, more man, would-be composers (did smn say overcompensing for daddy's approval? no one?)

her origins are known by all, the fact that the Count will always prioritize his own children over her in terms of dowry and inheritance, which keeps all suitors away but not boys with lesser intentions. a is the first one to redirect attentions of the men she finds suitable on her little sister.

b is a broke lord, from a family that cares for nothing but titles and got screwed over by a vengeful accountant (that honestly may have had a point). They managed to keep their financial situation a secret, putting all their hopes on their two sons to marry well before it is known.

b is the eldest, and is a moderatly renowned pianist as his parents kept sending him away to lords and masters (mostly to not have to pay for his upkeep). This is how he caught the eye of the Count and is invited to stay at his Manor to become his student.

during his stay, his family expects a lot, he will never be more in company of young rich ladies.

But, of course, he meets a.

though a bit coldly at first as her entrance disturbs his performance by how loud the children welcome her back.

b does not know about a's circumstances, he comes from too far away, and just assumes she is a bored daughter of a Count that took up music as another hobby.

a takes a lot of pleasure teasing the shit out of straight-arrow-no-funny-business b, quickly becoming their guide in this new fancy world, much like a cat plays with a prey, until the fake flirting became a bit too real, and their feelings menaces their status quo.

b: “I want to finally do one thing I truly want to do before i throw my will away and marry smart and that is to kiss you” a:"we can kiss ONCE but no more, you’ve got to marry well and that is not me”

a: “since we can’t seem to move on, and we’re both very free spirited, we should have sex to get it out of our systems and then forget it all about it” b: “since we can’t seem to move on, we should marry eo actually”

a:”I’m not marrying you bc we’re horny, ur not being reasonable which is very hard and annoying to me bc so far you have been the reasonable one, and I do not appreciate this position when I’m just as damn horny for u”

b:”this is way beyond being horny and ur being blind to how deep we’ve fallen bc ur so sure i'm gonna change my mind, I’m not just willing to give up an easier life for you, I would be miserable without you, therefore this is me being reasonable by telling you I want to marry you and if you keep saying we should just get it out of our systems, then i'm telling you we can’t have sex until we’re married”

a thousand teasings later and flirtatious attempts, a few existential crisis, and resignation over a's own feelings and trust issues*

a: “fine, I’ll marry ur sorry adorable ass.”

b: “that’s such great news, let’s have sex to celebrate!”

a: “nah, we might as well wait now, it’ll be more special *is absolutely taking revenge*”

[lynxindisguise]

waiting for ao3 to work again so I can read shorn and scarred and yours bc it sounds so so good. In the meantime, maybe some lesbian wolfstar pirates??

awww that's so lovely to hear!! I actually just did a reread of it myself instead of getting much-needed sleep because I missed it so much.

but in the meantime, YES. lesbian wolfstar pirates!! an incredible suggestion!

...

"No..." Remus blinks, sure she must be hallucinating. Please let her be hallucinating. Please do not let that be the real Sirius Black, wringing out her hair on the deck, looking entirely too pleased with herself. "You can't be here."

"And yet, here I am." She holds out her arms, as if she's expecting Remus to be impressed by her attempt at pirate attire. Or perhaps by the way the soaked white blouse clings to her curves. "I've decided I'm coming with you."

"No." Remus shakes her head fiercely, as if she might simply will her away. "No, you aren't."

"What would you have me do?" Sirius pouts and casts a dramatic glance back towards the increasingly distant shore. "Swim back?"

"If you can, yes," she replies coldly, jaw tensed.

Sirius's face falls, and Remus ignores the resulting pang in her chest. "You really don't want me here. You think I don't have what it takes."

"No—"

"I'm not delicate," she spits. Now she's the icy one, and she's far better at it than Remus. She's sharply carved marble and steel eyes and everything but delicate. "I've survived my fair share of horrors back on land."

"Not like this." Before she can object, Remus silences her with a tight grip of her shoulder. "This ship is cursed, Sirius. If you're still here come sunset, you'll be bound to it. Like me."

Sirius hardly blinks. "Alright."

"You don't understand," Remus's voice creeps upward as her throat pinches with dread. "You'll turn into a monster." She drops her gaze. Sniffs. "Like me."

She waits for a question that never comes. A cold hand covers her cheek, finger twirling in the wiry curls at her temples.

"If I stay there I'll become a monster like them," Sirius murmurs, blowing heat against Remus's lips as her face inches closer. "I'd much rather be a monster like you. With you."

Sirius steals the objection from Remus's lips, sucking it away and planting intoxicating sweetness in its place.

pirate ship game!!

[zmediaoutlet]

if you're doing the fic writer asks, 44 and/or 52!

oh, thank you for sending one :) let's see:

44. any writing advice you want to share?

In general I think it's a good idea to think about what a character would actually do in a situation and have them do it, rather than think about what the story needs or what the trope requires and cram the character into that box. But this is a particular kind of writing which not all fic falls into. I much prefer character-realism, whenever possible. A lot of stories, you can tell someone's thought of a joke and they want to put it in, and humorlessly I go but Sam would never think that; or they want the sex scene to go a particular way for porny reasons or even thematic reasons, and horntlessly I go but Dean would never go for that in this moment, also where did the lube come from; or they want a character to have an emotional moment in order to further the plot, and coldly I go John would never express that -- and it's almost never because any of those things are literally impossible for the characters (...Sam's sense of humor perhaps aside), but because the writer hasn't done the supporting work to prove how a character might make such a leap.

All stories are a series of proofs that the writer is engaging with to lead the reader from logical step to logical step. If you skip a bunch of them, I fall down the stairs. And then I'm bruised, and mad, and not paying any attention to your story bc I need an ice pack. So. If you're going to have Sam crack an OOC joke, you'd better have meticulously set up the situation around him so that it follows logically that he will have done so, or I'm limping.

52. how many unfinished ideas/stories are you working on at the same time?

I don't actually pick up and drop stories in rotation, although I've heard that can be a good way to manage writer's block (though I've equally heard that it's a good way to have an endless parade of WIPs that you never actually sack up and finish, so. who's right). That said, doesn't mean that there isn't a sad pile of 'hmm what should I do next, idk, let's think about it for three years' unfinished bois sitting in my fic folder. I did used to think that none of them would ever be done, but given that I managed to finish the genderswap thing with only two paragraphs done ~8 years after the idea, I'm hopeful. It should be a year of finishing.

At the moment there are 8 fics I have an actual start made on and think it's feasible I could finish them. Ideas that haven't actually been started yet: 37.

[nanjokei]

all your sycophants telling you to be meaner, nah youre just an asshole. did you like. even read the post in the first place. bc it doesnt look like you did?? i get that it makes you feel cool and good abt yourself to mock other ppls thinking-out-loud type posts but you basically telling them to shut up and keep their thoughts out of The Pure And Perfect Tag™ and then go on to say "oh im autistic ive never gotten the chance to rly speak up and be mean so this feels good" like..... thats so painfully hypocritical. you should KNOW how it feels to be told "shut up no one cares" so why are you doing it to someone else? so im telling you to shut up. youre annoying and no one cares and you shouldnt use other people as punching bags. asshole

did you get it out of your system. that's great. i don't really feel like giving a benefit of the doubt response anymore given after the first ask you decided to go ballistic like this... like, not even being sassy, i could have just responded "are you mad" and published it. but i am a neurotic person who will respond even if it's not in the way i initially set out to. just for you.

just for transparency, here's the first ask i got last night:

hi. i think you are projecting a lot of feelings onto me that i did not express and stretching my original statements. which in some sense, some may see as understandable! i was being less than gentleman-ly! i don't know if this is the op messaging after i blocked them or a friend coming in to give me a piece of their mind, it does not matter. this is something i was gonna say even in the first ask: had i been approached for an apology, i probably would have caved and apologized, because i'm weak to that kind of thing. at the very least even if i didn't agree, i would have wholeheartedly apologized for any distress or trouble. this isn't bull or me trying to flatter my way out of a situation. the response i got— which a friend ended up reading, to be honest i just blocked right away— was thoroughly strange, something something apologizing and being like "idk tumblr tag etiquette" and choosing to delete the original post. which i would not know how to respond to. i'm not some kind of tag police or god of tumblr or whatever, so why apologize to me or delete the post. i am writing this response under the assumption that it could be someone else, but a hit dog will holler, in this one sentence i will address OP directly: that response was strange. had i read it, i would have either ignored it still or apologized, i have no idea, but initial my response really was "but i have no power over this person or anyone". i did not ask for you to clean up your contribution to a tag or police it. i simply stated my opinion on my blog when prompted by a third party expressedly out of earshot of the op. is that a morally correct thing? proooobably not. but it is the internet. "why are you, the person who got hated on, continuing the cycle of hate" type bs might as well be a self fulfilling prophecy. if you feel this way, why send me asks about it at all if you're gonna go ape over me not responding immediately? does it mean so much to you? go ahead and block. i do not argue with people online. but i'll respond because clearly you want one. not gonna prostrate myself before anyone, and respond just as coldly as you are painting me out to be. this is my special fanservice to you, since you wanted to believe that about me so badly.

>pure and perfect tag

i do not check tags for a reason. i checked it one time. i guess this implication comes off of what i said so i'll say it out clearly but i genuinely could care less past the initial pang of cringe what is in there. had nonnie not continued to converse with me i would have moved on ans forgotten about it. i am not a police or a militia. it means nothing to me most days if a tag is "good". who the hell cares. you are obsessing over my existence, my opinion and the weight of such a thing a bit too much over here.

>shut up no one cares

neeeever said this, and no one has ever said this to me. the story i recounted about being called toxic was in the youtube comments and was 5 years ago. no one told me "no one cares". it just hurt my ego. anyway, if someone cared so much to send two asks about it, then thank you. i really won't shut up.

>never got the chance to speak up and be mean

ok.

>my sycophants

it was one nonnie. are you obsessed with me or something? i am like one random ass blogger on a dying website. i do not have an army or cult of personality. i am just one guy.

>end of the ask

heard you loud and clear. thanks for the feedback, not gonna reflect on it much though. it was an asshole move. does it make me an asshole? yup.

it was catty and petty of me. i knew that much from the very first ask i answered. but op wasn't tagged, i didn't send anyone to them either, so i can only really think "what were you doing on my blog anyway". because yes, this is a blogging site, not a pvp site, i didn't engage with anyone to start fights. didn't bring op's name into it, didn't actively mock them (the comment about them not being special was ad hominem though i admit to that much. sorry.)

you cannot expect everyone to be 100% nice and handle people with kiddie gloves in their own blog space when they are not bringing you into it especially given i did not direct anyone to anyone's post.

had it been me i would have just blocked and moved on. pwease no steppy and all that. whoever sent op an ask about it to make them respond is kind of a drama obsessed weirdo lol. like i'm just saying. causing both me and op a headache. it did not have to shake out like this. neither of us were gonna engage with each other and everyone could have gone to sleep without any icky feelings. honestly, from my point of view, both of you are strange. wow, i am barely hiding who i think is behind this ask. but it really is addressed very generally.

don't send me another ask! i will just publish them with no response. this situation was entirely avoidable and i lament that you decided to both waste my time and your own with all this. just block me like i asked!

[bruciemilf]

I have an image in my head of battison getting yelled at or like scolded by justice league members and Batfam(who always listen in cause they don’t trust the league to know when their dad needs a break) just come running like oh no oh no YOU do Not get to yell at dad.

Justice league has no idea who these young adults are but their yelling at the entire league about them being mean to their awkward dad.

OH MANNNNNN NO BECAUSE LIKE - Bruce is technically the youngest there, right? He has to be around,, I wanna say 34? Which, - to a Goddess, feels tender and breakable.

Maybe it can bc he saved Diana from something, - it's just an instinct. Something sleeping deep in his bones but ready to strike when danger hisses, but especially if it hisses at people he cares about

So yes, Diana is yelling, - asking him, what exactly do you think YOU can do? A mortal man?

And Bruce thinks, Everything I can, but doesn't say anything.

He's just... Frozen. Normally, he's not; Normally, he wrestles his shyness away and gets his point across (usually coldly and to the point, because he's uncomfortable)

because he won't allow Batman to be pushed around like Bruce Wayne was. But in this case, - he just can't, for some reason. Maybe because Diana is usually (or unusually) gentle with him.

And Clark, too, - who NEVER yells at anybody, let alone Bruce; Not even when he was being a shit on purpose, trying to make Clark snap for a quick temper check. To see if humanity's doom was Superman's bad day.

So he's silent. Takes it. Even Billy yells at him, - but it's more of a Why can't you ever think about yourself?! Yelling. He sounds a lot like Alfred scolding him.

BUT THEN.

" Dad!"

" Baba?!"

" Hey, - where's the old man?" Quietly, but Clark can pick it up, Is Papi hurt?

" Papa, let me see your arm, -"

" Wǒ bà."

" Pops, that was fucking STUPID-"

" Oh my GOD, dad, WHY would you take a bullet for WONDER WOMAN?!"

Diana points to Duke, " Thank you!" But pauses. " Um... Who are these young warriors? why is one pointing a gun at me?"

Bruce, quietly, " They're my children. I told them not to come. I'm fine."

TJL is just astounded. They had no idea Batman was a father? A father with an army of angry children to boot? " Redhood, put that away. "

" The fuck I will. I might love wonder woman but I love you more," of course there's snickering from his siblings who surround Bruce like an angry flock, helping him on his feet, but Redhood just grumbles, " Not. A fucking. Word."

Clark frowning, but we're just worried about him, - hey don't just take him! But the batkids do Not listen to him. Man of steel or not, - if your name is not Alfred Pennyworth they will NOT listen to you.

Cass is nice and stays back to reassure them Batman will be returning soon enough, pointing at herself, " I - I talk not very good. Batman understand. Words hard. Find them later. All good. But don't do mistake twice."

Honestly, I so want smiling Dick to stay back too, and just, with that blinding camera smile,

" Yell at my father again, and I'll remind you how pain tastes like. Have a good day!"

From that day, they're all Batkids super fans

[unwrittenlibrary]

adore you

summary // bucky and alpine enjoy their solitude, but the girl across the hall is slowly creeping into their hearts. (bucky x fem!reader)

words // 7.4k

warnings // diverges from canon & no major spoilers.

notes // just thousands of words of fluff bc that’s all i know how to write. maybe one day i’ll venture into anything else. fluffy bucky has my heart 

reblogs & replies are greatly appreciated!

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

The first time you knock on Bucky’s door Alpine wanders over curiously.

Bucky stares at the door silently urging you to go away. You knock again and Alpine begins to paw at the door before meowing loudly, which makes Bucky groan. “I’m coming.” He calls as he stands from the couch. He pauses the movie playing on his television, something ridiculous that Sam had insisted on. Alpine meows again and Bucky can hear you laugh through the door. 

He pulls on a hoodie that’s laying on his counter and stuffs his left hand into the front pocket. When he pulls the door open you smile brightly. “James!” 

The two of you had met briefly when Bucky had originally moved into the building. You had smiled the same bright smile in the elevator and offered up your name easily. Bucky had smiled tightly in return and told you his full name, a habit he had yet to break, and he deeply regretted it. Every time you passed in the hallway you called out a cheery James despite Bucky’s corrections. 

“It’s Bucky.” He mutters. Your eyes move over his shoulder and Bucky watches as you take in his very undecorated and barely furnished apartment. Bucky didn’t mind how seemingly empty his place was. He wasn’t home a lot and nobody but Sam spent time with him. Sam might think it was time to add barstools and a spice rack, but Bucky was content with how things were. 

Your attention is pulled to Alpine as he peeks out from behind Bucky’s legs. “And who are you?” You ask quietly as you squat down to meet his eyes. You hold a cautious hand out and Alpine only stares. You wait for a moment before he turns and moves back into the apartment. 

You don’t seem to take it to heart though. You laugh as you stand up. “He takes after his dad, huh.” There’s a teasing glint in your eyes and Bucky should be offended but the comment actually makes him smirk. 

“His name is Alpine.” Bucky says monotone as he watches you rock back and forth on your feet. “Did you need something?” 

“Oh!” Your eyes light up as if you had completely forgotten your reason for coming here in the first place. “I need salt! Do you have any?” Your eyes move behind him again as if you’re now suddenly worried the answer won’t be yes. 

“I have salt, yes.” He doesn’t move from his spot and only stares down at you. Your eyes flicker around the hallway before you smile nervously. “Can I have some?” You ask quietly. 

Bucky nods and makes his way into his kitchen. He expects you to stay and wait in the doorway, but he hears the door shut behind you.

“Didn’t want him to get out.” You say as you lean against his counter. Bucky’s a little put off by your brazen personality, but you don’t seem to notice his discomfort. “How long have you lived in DC?” You ask as Bucky moves to pull the salt out. 

“How much do you need?” He asks instead of answering. 

“Not much! A couple teaspoons.” Bucky’s stoic attitude doesn’t seem to deter you at all. He glances around the bare kitchen before deciding to just give you the shaker. 

“I don’t have anything to put it in, just make sure to return it eventually.” He shrugs as he slides it over to you. You grasp it in your hand but make no effort to move. Bucky sighs. “And I’ve lived here for a couple years now. I… I moved here after the Blip.” 

He wonders briefly if you know who he is. He’s not sure what happened in the years of the blip, if his name had been marked on one of those memorials. That had been before his pardon, so he assumes not. He wonders if Steve’s exhibit had been changed. He hadn’t been back since before the blip. Was he still in it? Had they changed it or was Bucky Barnes still dead in America’s eyes? His eyes find yours and then he wonders if you did know who he was, were you worried? 

You seemed fine around him. He hadn’t seen any recognition on your face when he had introduced himself all those months ago. A frown tugs at your lips. “Were you…” You trail off but Bucky knows the question. 

Bucky nods tightly and you take a step away and move towards his door, like you know he’s reached the limit on sharing personal details for the night. “Me too.” You finally say when your hand lands on his door knob. You pause. “It’s weird. Right? Coming back to a completely different world?”’

“Yeah.”  He nods. You have no idea, he thinks. He had just begun to figure out how to live free again and then he was gone. And when he came back, he was thrust into battle then lost Steve to a world Bucky was no longer a part of. “It’s weird.” 

You smile apologetically. “Thank you for the salt, James.” You say quietly. His eyes flash to yours but your face doesn’t give much away. 

He nods and the door slams shut. Alpine comes trotting out and rubs against Bucky’s shins. “Yeah, she’s weird.” Bucky reaches down to softly pet Alpine’s back. “Pretty though, huh?” 

Alpine pushes against his hand and Bucky takes that as agreement enough. 

//

Bucky liked helping Sam down at the VA. Handing things out, setting things up, and talking with veterans gave Bucky a sense of something. It gave him something to do when Sam and him weren’t away on missions. 

And he got to spend time with Sam. While it was something he would never admit to the man, he enjoyed his company. Sam had slowly become Bucky’s best friend. Not that Bucky really had any other close friends. 

“Thanks for helping out today.” Sam smiles as Bucky leads him through the hallway towards his apartment. “But you know, you can just come for a meeting. To talk.” 

Bucky nods. He did know that, really. But Bucky was okay with listening for now. Maybe one day he would share some of his story, but helping out now was helping him. 

Bucky stops short in the hall when he notices something sitting outside his door. He throws an arm out that Sam slams into. “Jesus, what…” He trails off when he notices what Bucky had seen. 

There’s a small brown box sitting on the ground. “Stay here.” He murmurs as he begins to move towards the object. Sam gives Bucky a look before following behind him. “Or not.” He glares. Both men kneel down in front of the box. There’s not much that gives anything about what’s in the box away, just his name written in fancy script. 

He reaches a hand out to touch it when the sound of your door opening makes him second guess and pull away. You were a little weird, but he didn’t want to blow you up. 

“James!” Him and Sam look over at you as you lock your door. You’ve got a red apron wrapped around your waist and your bag is slipping off your shoulder. Before Bucky can say anything like be careful, you furrow your brows at the men. “What are you doing? Do you not like cookies?” 

“Cookies?” Bucky asks as he glances down at the box again. Sam has already stood up and straightened out, but he’s still kneeling in front of the door. He can hear Alpine pawing at it, no doubt having heard Bucky’s voice, and he feels a little ridiculous now. “It’s Bucky.” He adds on now that he knows it’s not an explosive sitting in front of him. 

You nod slowly with a confused smile on your face. “Cookies. I made a bunch so I packed up the extra for you. When I knocked nobody answered so I left them, I wasn’t sure if I’d be home when you got back.” 

Bucky feels heat rise to his cheeks. He hastily picks the box up and stands. Sam laughs loudly and Bucky glances at him coldly. “Thanks.” He says quietly. 

You rock back and forth on your feet again. Must be a nervous habit, Bucky thinks. “I also made some cat treats. For Alpine.” Bucky recognizes the nervous tone in your voice as you stare at the box in his hands. “Thank you. For the help.” You say before spinning on your heel. You freeze and turn again, this time your eyes land on Sam. “Nice to meet you, Captain America, sir.” You look like you’re thinking of throwing your hand up in salute, but instead you turn again and rush down the hall. 

Bucky just stares after you until a muffled meow breaks his focus. He shakes his head before shoving the box into Sam’s hands and moving to unlock the door. “So.” Sam says with a poorly contained smirk as he follows Bucky inside. “She seems nice, James.” 

Bucky groans before snatching the box from his hands. “She knows I go by Bucky, she just calls me that to mess with me… I think.”

“And she knows Alpine?” Sam kneels down to pet said cat, but he jumps away and hides behind Bucky’s legs. “Come on, Al. We’ve known each other since you were adopted.” Sam stands up and rolls his eyes at Bucky. 

Bucky laughs softly at the cat. “She asked to borrow salt last night and kind of met him. Alpine didn’t really stick around to hang out with her.” He begins to open the box and notices a small note taped to the inside of the lid. 

He pulls it off hesitantly. “What’s her name?” Sam leans against the counter and pulls a cookie out of the box.

“Y/N.” He says quietly as his eyes skim over the note. 

James, 

Thank you for the salt. And the conversation. I hope you enjoy the cookies. I made some simple tuna treats for Alpine. 

Step One in getting your cat to love me. 

Bucky lays the note on his counter and looks into the box. His shaker is standing in the corner next to a small plate of cookies and a jar of what he assumes are the cat treats. Sam laughs and Bucky glances up to see him reading over the note. “Hey!” Bucky yanks it out of his hand and shoves it into one of the drawers in front of him. 

“Getting Alpine and you to love her, she means.” He laughs again and Bucky rolls his eyes. “That’s cute. I didn’t know you had a little flirtationship going on.” 

Bucky scoffs. “I don’t… What does that even mean? Did you see us in the hall? I don’t flirt with her.” 

Sam reaches for another cookie. “Really? Just felt like that’s how you would flirt. And you blushed so…” He trails off with a smirk. 

“I wasn’t blushing!” Bucky says defensively. He didn’t blush just because a pretty girl gave him cookies. He wasn’t in middle school. When Sam reaches for another cookie, Bucky yanks the box away. “Are you gonna order dinner or stand here and eat all of my cookies?” 

Sam throws his hands up in mock surrender and pulls out his cell phone. “Hey. No need to get defensive. Maybe it was just hot in the hallway.” He moves into the living room and flings himself onto the small couch. 

Bucky scoffs and looks down at Alpine, who has made himself comfortable at Bucky’s feet. “I wasn’t blushing.” He says quietly to the cat. Alpine just blinks. Bucky pulls a treat out of the small jar and holds it out to him. “You know I wasn’t blushing.” 

//

The next time Bucky sees you, it’s him at your door. He’s got a clean plate in his hand and is decidedly not nervous as he waits for you to answer. 

He lifts his hand to knock again when the door swings open. You’re standing in nothing but a sweatshirt and shorts that barely peek out from beneath it. Bucky swallows and forces his eyes up from your legs to your face. 

He gives you an apologetic smile when he sees your raised brows. “James.” You smile kindly as you lean against your door frame. “What can I do for you?” 

“Bucky.” He says automatically. He holds the plate out and notices your eyes catch on his gloved hands. “Figured you might want this back. I washed it.” 

You take the plate from his hands. “Thank you.” Bucky doesn’t move from his spot in the hallway. He’s not really sure why because he’s done what he needed to do. He just wanted to enjoy your presence, he assumes. You had begun to grow on him and your cookies were really good. Or maybe he had always kind of liked you. 

“Do you want to come in?” You ask. There’s an inviting smile on your face and he almost says yes. He wants to say yes. But he didn’t want to leave Alpine alone, he had already been gone for most of the day. 

Bucky gives you an apologetic smile. “I would… But I don’t want to leave Alpine alone.” You nod with a soft smile and Bucky watches for a moment before taking a step back.

“I’ll just…” He points over shoulder at his door. He turns and starts the short walk to his door. 

You laugh quietly. “Have a good night, James.” 

“Bucky.” He corrects. He takes a deep breath and turns to face you again. You’re still standing in your doorway watching him amused. “Do you want to… You can come to mine instead?” 

Your small smile transforms into something bright and excited as you nod. “That would be great. Let me grab my keys.” You hold a finger up and disappear into your apartment. 

As soon as you're out of sight Bucky slumps against the wall. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He thinks. His living room is bare except for the small, shitty couch Sam had persuaded him into buying. That and a lamp on an Ikea side table and his television. 

He imagined your living room was much homier. Probably decorated to fit your aesthetic and cozy. What would you think of his place? What did you think? You couldn’t mind it too much if you agreed to come, right? 

His nervous train of thought is disrupted when he hears your door slam shut. Bucky watches as you lock your door quickly. “Lead the way!” You look at Bucky with teasing eyes. 

Bucky smiles hesitantly as he turns towards his own door. When he opens it, he finds Alpine laying on the back of the couch and he stares confused at Bucky and the new addition to the apartment. 

“You remember Alpine.” Bucky says with a small smile as he beckons you further into the apartment. “It’s not much-“

“-It’s nice.” You cut him off. You’ve got a genuine smile on your face and Bucky begins to wonder why he had ever been nervous. You’d always been kind, he couldn’t imagine you having anything rude to say. “Hi, Alpine.” You say quietly as you step cautiously towards the couch. 

Bucky watches as Alpine looks up at you equally as cautious. “Nice to see you again. I hope you like the treats.” At the word, Alpine perks up and looks at you intrigued. 

Bucky quietly pulls a couple treats out of the jar. He moves as subtly as he can in order to avoid shifting Alpine’s attention. “Here.” He slips a treat into your hand. “See if he comes to you.”

You hold the treat out in front of you and Alpine sniffs the air. You don’t say anything, like you know trying to coax the cat to you might spook him. Alpine seems to appreciate it and moves towards you slowly. He snatches the treat from your hand before dashing away. He disappears down the hallways, but you don’t seem to care because you spin around to face Bucky with a happy smile. 

“Did you see that?” You laugh. Bucky swallows and nods. Briefly he thinks you have a beautiful smile before shaking the thought off. You take a seat on his couch and pull your legs up underneath you. “I’ll be his favorite in no time.”  

Bucky snorts. “I’m sure.” He says sarcastically. He sits next to you on the couch and moves to hand the remote to you. He lets a small smile be directed at you as he watches you make yourself comfortable in his home. It’s not much, but you seem to fit right in. 

When your eyes land on his gloved hands again, he thinks you’re gonna ask for a reasoning behind them. He’d have to come up with a poor excuse, not wanting to share the truth yet. But your eyes move from his hands to his face and you take the remote with a smirk. “You ever seen Legally Blonde?”

And, well. That’s that. 

//

The next time you and Bucky see each other, it’s in passing. He’s going out as you’re coming in. There’s a grease stain on your shirt and your red apron is barely stuffed into your purse.

Bucky hesitates for a moment. “Hey.” He says quietly. You spin around and slam backwards into your door. “Fuck. I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry.” He takes a cautious step towards you. His eyes trail over your face, your eyes are red and he can tell how exhausted you are. 

“It’s okay.” You say quietly. You take a few calming breaths. “I was in my head. It was a rough night.” 

Bucky leans against the wall next to you. “Wanna talk about it?” He’s grown so used to you just stopping to chat that this tense silence feels wrong. Normally he wouldn’t even have to prompt you, he would listen as you just launch into a story easily.

You trail your eyes over his outfit. “You look like you’re headed out.”

Bucky shrugs and doesn’t move from his spot. “Just a recap then. I have time.” He’s not sure what’s inspired him to do this. But he thinks it has something to do with this newfound fondness to your bright personality. He wants it back. 

You take a deep breath and nod. “Come in for a glass of water? Then I’ll let you go.” 

Bucky sighs in relief. “Sounds perfect.” He follows you into the apartment. It’s different from his. Bright, like you. You’ve got posters hanging neatly on the wall your tv is against. Plants sitting by your window. A large couch and soft rug. “Nice place.” He comments as he moves to sit on one of your barstools.

You laugh softly. “Thanks.” You drop your purse onto the counter and turn to pull two glasses out of the cupboard. “Where are you headed? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

Bucky glances at the time on your stove. “Oh… I help my friend out with meetings at the VA. I was headed to help him set up.” 

You slide a glass of water towards him. “You’re a vet?” He takes it with an appreciative smile. “I didn’t…” You shake your head. “Thank you.” 

Bucky shakes his head. “I’m not…” He trails off unsure of how to explain his status to you. Did you really not know who he was? “Tonight's topic is you.”

You roll your eyes and lean back against the counter. “Have you ever just had a bad day? Where nothing seems to go right?” Bucky nods and you sigh. “My master’s thesis, I’ve been working on it for months, I got back my draft today from my advisor and he tore it apart. Had a good cry about that. Got called in early to work, I need the money so I said yes. The diner was busy and we were short staffed. To top it off, my last customer of the night was a douche. He hit on me all night. When I told him no to getting my phone number, he threatened to take my tip away.” You laugh bitterly as Bucky sits in silence, listening intently. “And then when I walked away, he tried to grab me. So… Stellar night over all.” 

“Want me to kill him?” The words are out of Bucky’s mouth before he can think. He couldn’t imagine being forced to be nice to somebody who was just harassing him all night. In fact, he knows he wouldn’t be. And he knows you certainly didn’t deserve treatment like that. 

You let out a shocked laugh that turns into a full blown laughing fit. Bucky lets out an awkward chuckle as he watches you shake. 

“That’s…” You trail off and Bucky notices tears gathering in your eyes. “That’s really sweet.” You say wetly. 

“Hey.” Bucky stands up and takes a step towards you. He pauses, unsure of what to do, but when you start to shake again, this time with tears, his decision is made. “Hey. You’re okay.” 

He pulls you into him and you come easily. You wrap your arms tightly around his waist and rest your head against his chest as you let it out. 

Bucky rubs your back and tries his best to calm his rapidly beating heart. He hopes you can’t hear it because he’s sure it would break any kind of aura of nonchalance he had created. 

He glances at the time again. He really has to go. The meeting was starting soon and he’s sure Sam is worried about where Bucky is. He pulls back slowly, not wanting to let go. 

You look at him with sad eyes. “I’m so sorry. I have to go.” You nod dejectedly and take a step back. You don’t go too far, both of your hands still clinging to his jacket. “Can you watch Alpine?” He rushes the words out and he knows there’s a light blush rising to his cheeks. He just wants to make you feel better and he really does hate leaving his cat alone. 

You furrow your brows. “What?” 

“I mean.” He takes a hurried step back suddenly aware of you still wrapped in his arms. “I hate leaving him alone. And… You look like you could use some furry company.” 

A slow smile spreads across your face. “Are you saying your cat likes me?”

“No.” Bucky laughs. “But you are the only other person he doesn’t completely hate.” 

“I would love to watch Alpine.” You take a few rushed steps out of your kitchen. “I’ll change and head over.” 

Bucky lets out a relieved breath and nods. “Good. Cool. I mean-“ He shakes his head. “-my spare key is on top of my door. You don’t have to do anything but hang out with him. Don’t expect cuddles though, I’m not sure you’re on that level yet. Don’t give him too many treats.” 

You’re nodding like his instructions are even the smallest bit important. “I have to go.” Bucky says ago and takes another step towards the door. “I’ll see you later.” 

You nod and take off down your hall. Bucky lingers by your door for a moment.

“Wait!” You yell and come rushing out again. Bucky freezes and turns to look at you. “Thank you…James.” You smile brightly before spinning around again and disappearing. 

Bucky smiles to himself as he leaves. The bright was back. 

//

When Bucky gets home he’s more nervous than when he left. His palm is sweaty and all that’s on his mind is Sam’s constant teasing. 

Bucky didn’t have a crush. He just… Liked having you around. That didn’t mean he wanted to date you. Maybe he did think you were pretty. And sure when you had let him hug you earlier it had made his heart race. 

But it wasn’t a crush. Bucky was too old to have a crush. He takes a deep breath before opening his door. He can hear a movie playing softly before he even looks up. 

“Hey.” You say quietly from where you’re laying on his couch. You sit up hastily with an embarrassed smile. Alpine is laying on the chair across from you. “We’re friends!” You point to the sleeping cat. 

Bucky nods. “He actually stayed in the same room as you all night?” He asks doubtfully. 

You frown, but there’s a mischievous sparkle in your eyes. “Maybe not all night. But he came out like an hour ago. I think he gave up on waiting for me to leave.” 

You pat the spot next to you on the couch and Bucky moves as quietly as he can. “How was your night? Do you feel better?” He looks you over. You looked less tired and from the blankets piled on his couch it looks like you had taken a nap. 

You nod. “A lot better… Thank you. I really appreciate you letting me hang out with your cat.” You look up at him with a nervous smile. “He’s just like you. You two were made for each other.” 

Bucky glances at Alpine. “What does that mean?” 

You poke Bucky’s leg with your socked foot. “Hard exterior, secretly wants to be best buds with me.” 

Bucky snorts and gently shoves your foot away. “My secret plan has been outed. Make the girl from 4B my best friend.” You laugh and move to tuck your feet under his leg. It’s silent for a moment, and Bucky knows you’re watching him so he busies himself with watching Alpine.

“Hey…” You trail off waiting for Bucky to turn his attention to you. “I don’t want to upset you or anything.” 

“That’s always a good start.” Bucky says nervously as he focuses on you. Your hands are fidgeting in your lap as you watch him. “What’s wrong?” 

You shake your head quickly. “Nothing’s wrong! I just… Promise you won’t be upset with me?” Your eyes are pleading and Bucky can feel himself get anxious. What could you be so nervous about? 

“What’s wrong?” He asks quietly. You don’t say anything, so Bucky swallows hard. “I promise.” He nods slowly. 

“Okay.” You take a deep breath. Bucky watches your eyes shift around the room before landing on his hands clenched together in his lap. “I thought I recognized you. Like, your name is so familiar and then when I saw you with Captain America…” 

Bucky looks down at his hands and nods. He knew where this was going. “I…” He trails off. 

“I looked you up.” You rush the words out. Your voice is small and Bucky feels any hopes he had for this friendship shatter around him. 

“I don’t… I’m not any of those things anymore.” Bucky cringes. His leg is shaking anxiously, but he just can’t get it to stop. He can’t even get himself to look up from his gloved hands, didn’t want to see the fear or disbelief that would be painted across your face. 

Your toes poke at his thigh again and it forces Bucky to look over at you. Your eyebrows are furrowed as you watch him, but there’s no trace of fear or anger, you wear the same kind smile that you always did. 

“I know that.” You whisper softly. Your eyes move past him and Bucky follows your line of vision to Alpine, whose bright eyes are staring at him. Bucky smiles gently at the cat as he stretches out and hops off the chair. Alpine rubs against Bucky’s shins, a welcome distraction from the impending conversation. Your feet curve upward to poke Bucky in the leg again. He looks up hastily at the gesture. “When I asked if you were a vet earlier, why did you say no?” 

Bucky purses his lips to think. The truth was he wasn’t at all sure how to explain everything to you. He didn’t have to explain things to Sam or Steve, they knew. “My war was a long time ago.” He settles on saying. 

“That doesn’t make you any less a veteran.” You say firmly.  “And there’s not much online about the Winter Soldier-“ There’s ringing in Bucky’s ears as the words come out of your mouth. What had you found? And what were you thinking? 

“Hey.” You lean over and place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “There’s not much online, but I didn’t read what there was because I knew that it was your story to tell me. When you’re ready.” 

Bucky inhales sharply as you look at him with curious eyes. “I… I did a lot of bad things. I… I worked on making amends and I… I was pardoned.” He pleads with you like he’s sure you’ll walk out if you know everything. 

“Okay.” The word is quiet and your hand is still resting on his shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I just wanted you to know that I’m your friend. Even with your super cool secret identity.” 

Bucky laughs at that. “It’s not a secret if you use your real name.” 

“Ah! You agree? We’re friends?” You say with a smirk. “Does that mean I get to see the super cool metal arm that’s always been covered around me?” 

Bucky shakes his head, but laughs. “Not yet.” You’re watching him carefully so he gives you a small smile. “I would say we’re friends though, yeah.” 

//

Suddenly, you’re always there. 

When Bucky has missions with Sam, you check in on Alpine for him. His spare key has moved from above his door to your keychain. 

You’ll come over with treats when he gets home from the VA. (Bucky likes to think you check for him when you hear the heavy footsteps in the hall and that’s why you’re always there right after he gets home.) 

He’ll bring dishes back whenever he sees you get home. (He does check the peephole when he hears footsteps.) 

You send him pictures of Alpine when he’s away. Alpine who still won't cuddle with you or even touch you, but who lays in the same room and has recently started allowing short pets. He sends you pictures of Sam and cities they’re in. 

And tonight, while he’s in New York, you’ve sent him a picture of you in his bathroom mirror with Alpine sitting pretty on the counter. 

He’s not supposed to be up there. 

All he gets is another picture in return, this time you have a thumbs up and Alpine is still on the counter. Bucky smiles. Sam notices. 

“Your girlfriend texting you?” He teases. 

Bucky scoffs. “She’s not my girlfriend… She just watches Alpine for me sometimes.” He looks back down at his phone. Nice. He sends back before stuffing it into his pocket and looking back at the man. 

Sam nods slowly. “Right. She just watches Alpine sometimes. And hangs out with you when she’s free. Don’t forget the treats she makes you and Alpine.” Sam lists off casually as he looks down at his fingernails. 

Bucky feels an embarrassed heat crawl up the back of his neck and looks down at his feet. “We’re friends. She’s a good friend.” 

When he looks up, Sam doesn’t have a teasing smile, but instead a genuinely happy one. Bucky thinks that this one is somehow worse when Sam grips his shoulder firmly. “I’m glad you have such a good friend, Bucky. Someone outside this super hero business.”

Bucky nods and swallows the lump in his throat. “Yeah. Thanks, Sam.”

“I’m serious, Bucky. You deserve it.” 

Bucky gives him a grateful smile unable to say anything else.

//

Bucky creeps into his apartment at four in the morning. It’s quiet, like usual, but Alpine isn’t sitting on the couch like he normally does when Bucky isn’t home. 

“Al?” He calls out quietly. The logical part of him is aware that Alpine may have fallen asleep in his bedroom, or underneath a piece of furniture. But there’s another part of him that panics at the routine being broken. 

Alpine was always there to greet him. 

Bucky would rather be safe than sorry. “Al.” He whispers again, already reaching for the knife strapped to his ankle. He bends slowly and lifts his pant leg as he scans his eyes under the couch and coffee table in search of the cat. 

He stands with the knife in his hand and moves slowly down his hallway. His bedroom door is ajar, Bucky takes a deep breath before pushing it open all the way. Alpine blinks at him from the edge of his bed. The knife slips from Bucky’s hand as he stands, shocked in the doorway. You’re asleep. Asleep on the bed that he never used. 

The knife clattering against the ground stirs you from your sleep and your eyes widen when you notice Bucky standing there. 

“Hey!” Your voice is raspy and low. You rub your eyes and Bucky can only stare at your half-asleep form. “I… I thought you were going to be gone until tomorrow night.” 

He nods. “Yeah. I mean, we got things done sooner than expected.” He explains. You lean over to flicker the light next to you on. Bucky doesn’t recognize the pillow sitting behind you or the blanket that’s thrown over your legs, he thinks you’ve brought them over from your apartment. You must have because his pillow and blanket was sitting folded in his linen closet waiting for the next time he camped out on the floor or the couch. 

You smile apologetically. “I’m sorry. I… I got tired of falling asleep on the couch.” You whisper. “And Alpine lays with me on the bed.” 

Bucky hastily shakes his head. “No! It’s fine. You don’t have to apologize. I should’ve told you to sleep in the bed. I didn’t even think of it.” I don’t really sleep in the bed. He moves further into the room. 

You scratch nervously at your cheek before freezing in action. He almost laughs at the annoyance that crosses your face. You had mentioned once that touching your face was a bad habit you had been trying to break for months. “I should go.” 

“You don’t have to.” Bucky opens his dresser drawer in search of sweatpants. “Stay here. You’ve already got yourself set up. I’ll crash on the couch.” 

You push the blanket off of your legs and Bucky has to force his eyes to stay on yours when he notices the already short shorts you’re wearing have ridden up your thighs from sleeping. “I can’t make you sleep on the couch, James. I’ll go!” 

“You know it’s Bucky.” He stops you with a hand on your shoulder. “It’s fine.” He stresses. “I… I don’t really sleep in the bed anyways. The couch is better.” 

Your eyes narrow. “You don’t have to lie to make me feel better.” He can tell you’re hesitant, but your rushed movements have paused. “My apartment is across the hall! I feel awful for invading your space like this already.” 

Bucky sits on the edge of the bed and watches curiously as you shift to sit next to him. Both your legs are dangling off, almost brushing his, and Bucky feels warmer than he had all week. “Doll, I’m serious. Beds are weird for me. I haven’t had one in so long that sometimes they’re just too overwhelming for me to sleep in.” 

He almost jumps when your head rests against his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t think of that.” 

“It’s good to see somebody getting good use out of this bed.” He leans into you slightly. “My ma would have thrown a fit if she saw how much this bed was. 800 dollars for a mattress... 800 dollars back then is like, thousands now.” 

You laugh softly. Bucky glances down again. Your eyes are closed and he thinks you’re almost asleep until you talk. “Do you… Would someone being there help you sleep in the bed?” 

You don’t open your eyes and Bucky’s almost glad for that because he can’t look away from you. “I… I don’t know. It’s only been Al and I.” His eyes follow the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe slow and calm. 

You finally look up. “You should stay with me. The couch isn’t comfortable to sleep on, I would know.” You elbow his stomach gently. 

He nods before he can even think about it. “If… If you’re comfortable with it.” He whispers. 

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t. I promise.” You move away from him and Bucky already misses the warmth you radiate. “I’ll let you change.” 

He leans against the bathroom door as soon as it’s shut behind him. “It’s okay.” He mumbles to himself. His nightmares had been getting better, but that didn’t mean they were gone entirely. 

They probably never would be. And he knew he couldn’t let himself be afraid of the bed for the rest of his life. He had bought the bed. He just hadn’t expected his attempt at getting over the anxiety to be with you. 

Why had he said yes? He thinks as he shakily slips his jacket off. He looks at himself in the mirror and sighs. It was a good question, why had he said yes? 

He slips into his sweatpants and just stands in the bathroom. He couldn’t change his mind now. 

Well, he could. He knew you would give him a kind smile and reassure him that he didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to. You were just that person. Kind and understanding and holding no judgement. 

“Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “Okay.” He shakes his shoulders out and picks up his discarded clothes. He stops at the linen closet and pulls out his blanket and pillow. 

You’re already wrapped up in your blanket again when Bucky comes back into the room. Alpine has moved to lay the floor in front of his bed. You smile sleepily at Bucky. He feels himself smile back. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

(When his eyes crack open the next morning he finds Alpine curled at his feet and you curled into his side, he knows being with you wouldn’t be bad. It’s the first time he lets himself think maybe this really is a crush.) 

//

So, Bucky has a crush. Which is a little ridiculous because he’s over a century old and having a crush is so high school, but it’s there. When you smile in the hall and butterflies rush through his stomach or when his chest warms at a picture you’ve sent of you and Alpine. It’s so obviously there. 

“What are you staring at?” Your voice shakes him when he realizes he’s been staring at you this entire time. You’re sitting next to him on the couch, so close your legs are touching. “Do I have something on my face?” You reach a hand up to your cheek. 

Bucky shakes his head hastily. “No. Sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts.”

“Penny?” You ask softly and Bucky furrows his brows in confusion. “Penny for your thoughts.” You clarify quickly. 

He thinks the smile that appears on your face is bashful and it makes Bucky feel just a little more confident. Maybe he made you as nervous as you made him. 

“You’re really pretty.” He says suddenly. Your eyes widen and you look away nervously. A hand scratches at the back of your neck and Bucky bites down on his lip as he watches you. Not exactly how he hoped that would go. “I mean… I was just looking at… how pretty you were.” He cringes at the words as they come out of his mouth. 

He used to be so much smoother than this, he thinks. He remembered having a new girl on his arm every week and a friend of theirs for Steve. 

Alpine meows loudly and Bucky just knows the cat is laughing at him. “Thank you.” You finally say quietly. “I… I didn’t think you thought that about me.” 

“‘Course I do.” He says equally as quietly. “Always thought you were pretty.” He glances at you and smirks, “Even when I thought you were weird too.” 

You gasp and turn to look at him. “You thought I was weird?” 

Bucky laughs and nods. “After you came in the middle of the night for salt? A little. And the fact that you keep calling me James when I’ve told you it’s Bucky.” He raises an eyebrow. 

You smile brightly. “You introduced yourself as James. Why would I call you anything else?” 

Bucky presses his tongue to his cheek as he tries not to laugh. “Yeah. I’ve regretted that every day since. Nobody’s called me James since the forties.” 

You scoff. “I find that hard to believe.” 

Bucky looks away. “Well for decades I was referred to as soldat.” He glances down at his hands. He’d stop wearing his gloves around you after you’d spent the night, even told you a little of his story the next morning. 

Sam thinks your relationship is weird. You spend the night sometimes and both of you find time to spend together when you can. It’s like you’re dating, but Bucky knows it’s not really like that. He thinks you both bring a sense of calm to one another. 

He’s not sure how to shift that, or if you would even want to, into a relationship. He glances back at you with a tense smile. “Steve always called me Buck. Sam calls me Bucky. Last person to call me James was probably my mother.” 

“I’m sorry… I never meant to-'' You take a deep breath like you’re preparing yourself for what you're going to say next. 

Bucky shakes his head. “It’s fine. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I was just pointing it out.” He tries to smile reassuringly. 

“I was just trying to flirt.” You say so quickly the words sound jumbled together. 

It takes him a moment to comprehend what you’ve said. “With me?” He points to himself. The words make his confidence rise exponentially. “You were trying to flirt with me?” 

“With you.” You confirm with a slow nod. You start laughing, but it’s soft and happy. “Of course I was! I wanted you to remember me! How could I do that if I called you what everybody else does?” 

“I don’t know. Anything else?” He laughs along with you. “I…” He shakes his head with a smile. 

You both settle and Bucky hears you inhale sharply. “The salt to come see you and talk, the cookies and treats for Alpine… I’ve had this huge crush on you since you moved in.” You say softly. 

Bucky nods, he could see it now. Then he starts laughing again. He feels you smack his shoulder. “I’m sorry… You… Sam said that those cookies and treats were you trying to get me and Alpine to like you.” 

You roll your eyes at him. “Keen eye. He saw I was flirting.” You tease gently. “Does it… Does it bother you? Or change anything? The fact that I was flirting?” You ask softly and full of nerves. 

Bucky smiles sweetly. “That depends. Do you still want to flirt with me?” 

You narrow your eyes, but nod. “I don’t ask just any boy to sleep in the same bed as me.” 

“Just me and Alpine?” Bucky nudges your knee with his. You nod softly and he inhales a deep, nervous breath. “It worked.” He says quietly. 

You nudge his knee back. “It did?” 

He turns to look at you again. You’re already looking up at him with hopeful eyes and Bucky feels his heart race. “Yeah. I like you a lot. I don’t... I haven’t felt this way in a long time.” 

A smile breaks out on your face. “I like you a lot too.” You whisper, like you’re afraid anything louder will break the moment. 

“Can I kiss you?” He whispers back. You nod excitedly and lean towards him. Bucky places a gentle hand on your cheek as shuts his eyes and leans in. 

His chest warms when your lips press against his tentatively, like you’re both still nervous it’s not real. Your lips are soft and Bucky knows his own are chapped, but he feels you smile against him and can’t stop his own smile from overtaking his face. 

You pull away, but you’re still close enough that your lips are brushing against his. He’s caught up in the moment staring at you when he feels something rub against his shin. 

It makes you pull apart. Alpine is rubbing himself against both your legs and purring softly. Bucky presses a kiss to your cheek. 

“Think you won both of us over.” 

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

notes // what do you do when your midterm is an essay & gave you a headache? write bucky barnes fanfiction. thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed it. ps i’ve seen some spelling mistakes promise to edit those in the morning!

[ymiwritesstuff]

Laugh for Me

I FUCKING LOVE ITTO OKAY??? I HAD TO WRITE SOMETHING FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL ONI HIMBO MAN!! This doesn’t have much plot I just wanted to do something cute and this has not been proofread properly so... Yeah. In any case, Please enjoy!

Genshin Impact

Arataki Itto x Reader

Summary: The great Arataki Itto managed to once again grab himself a sweet victory but at the cost of you stomping away from him rather angrily.

Notes: Fluff, Itto may be a bit ooc bc I haven’t listened to any of his voicelines lmao

Also posted on AO3!

“Wait up, Tiny!”

You hated when he called you that. You always did. It only made you walk faster, face twisted in annoyance.

“Get lost, Itto. I have nothing to say to you.”

It didn’t take long for the oni to catch up to you, and you audibly sighed when he did. Though, some part of you knew he wouldn’t just leave you be, no matter how much you desired it.

“Come on, don’t be so cold!” He said, that booming loud voice of his ringing in your ears as soon as he was next to you. “It was a fair game!”

You abruptly stopped at that and turned to him, looking into his crimson eyes in disbelief.

“You made a kid cry today!” You yelled. Thinking back at the poor boy’s heartbroken face when he lost a simple game to the large oni before you made your heart heavy with sorrow and the fact that Itto seemed to be unphased by his actions only made you that much angrier. 

“You stole his favorite snacks and you have the nerve to call that ‘a fair game’?”

Itto scoffed presumptuously and crossed his arms as he defended himself:

“Hey, I didn’t steal them. I won them! Fair and square! It’s not my fault the kid decided to bet his dango and mochi against me!”

His hands quickly moved to rest on his hips as a proud, wide grin adorned his sharp features. He was glowing in pride and under any other circumstances, you would have found his confident stance attractive, perhaps even handsome. But right now, the only thing he deserved from you was a punch to the gut.

So that’s what you did.

You grimaced slightly as punching him felt like your fist had made contact with a brick wall, but satisfaction quickly latched itself onto you as you noticed him placing his clawed hands on his abs with a small cry leaving his mouth. The reaction was most likely out of surprise rather than pain. It was expected. Your fragile hands could never actually hurt this hunk of an oni.

“You’re a jerk.”

That’s all you said before turning your back to him once again and retreating from his presence. A frustrated sigh left your lips and you found yourself rubbing your fist slightly. You knew the great Arataki Itto was competitive, but you’d never have guessed he’d sink so low as to challenge little children to his stupid games. The reason you hadn’t interfered before was that at least some of the kids seemed to enjoy his presence, hell, he might have been something of a kid himself. But as soon as you saw that poor boy cry his eyes out while he loudly boasted about his victory, you felt wrong.

Some guilt plagued you and you soon took out your wallet and began counting your mora.

As soon as you heard the familiar heavy footsteps behind you you rolled your eyes and tried your best to ignore him and focus on your task.

“Hey, Tiny-”

He tried to place his hand on your shoulder but you quickly shoved it off.

“Don’t call me that.”

Itto frowned his brows slightly as his red eyes looked at your irked state. It felt off to see you so upset, and if he were honest, he couldn’t fully understand why.

“Okay then, Grumpy.”

The new nickname made you shake your head slightly, but you kept your gaze on the golden coins in your wallet. As you walked, you felt Itto leaning down slightly, even though his taller form still towered over you. He watched as you counted your money, curiosity poking at him.

“So… Whatcha doing?”

You scoffed at his question, but answered rather coldly:

“Counting my mora to see if I have enough to buy new snacks for that kid.”

Your bluntness made Itto stop and for a moment your words floated in his head as he stood there. He quickly snapped out of his initial confusion and caught up to you again with hurried steps.

“Huuuh?? Why would ya do that??”

You clicked your tongue at his stupid question and closed your wallet, not even glancing at the oni next to you.

“Because unlike you, I don’t like seeing little kids cry.”

A heavy sigh slips your lips once again and you pinch the bridge of your nose with your fingers.

“Seriously, you’re so dense,” you muttered under your breath, subconsciously keeping your voice down. Yes, Itto did have his moments that made you question his sanity, like that one time he almost died when challenging Yae Miko to a contest, but deep down, you were more than aware that he was smarter than he may have looked. But in this moment of exasperation, you decided to ignore that.

The white-haired oni could see the anger radiating from you and rather than get offended by your words, he instead felt something uncomfortable poking at his side. He hated seeing you upset, even if it was due to something he had done. Itto wanted to see you smile and laugh, he wanted to see you happy, not angry.

Yes... Smile and laugh.

Suddenly, a mischievous smirk spread across his features as a genius idea dawned on him.

Just as you placed your wallet back in your pocket, you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your torso and you were soon lifted into the air as a loud gasp and a yelp flew from between your lips, all the while the large oni behind you laughed loudly.

“I-Itto! What are you doing?! Put me down!!”

His arms were securely around your waist as he effortlessly held you up in the air. His roaring laughter, so full of enthusiasm was difficult to ignore as was the crimson shade that crept onto your cheeks. You tried to simultaneously steady yourself and pry yourself free from his unrelenting hold that showed no signs of easing. 

His hands squeezed your sides and the tingling sensation made you yelp in surprise. Itto was quick to notice this, quirking his eyebrow while his smirk only widened. You looked at him and were relieved to see that he was slowly putting you down. But what you failed to notice was the sly glimmer in his crimson orbs.

As soon as your feet made contact with the ground again, and you were about to scold him, he poked your side with his clawed digit, earning him a squeal from you. Itto’s eyes lit up at that and when you felt his other hand on the other side of your waist, you knew where this was going. You were quick to try to protest:

“Don’t you even-”

Your sentence was cut short as he began to mercilessly poke your sides, fingers wiggling right under your ribcage, making you yelp and squirm under his touch as he tickled you. The annoyingly funny sensation spread throughout your being and try as you might, you couldn’t suppress the tiny chuckles that flew out of your mouth.

That wasn’t enough for Itto, however, so he upped the intensity and pressed his fingers harder against your sides, wanting to hear that sweet laughter of yours. You tried to slip away from him but he somehow managed to hold you in place while his hands so cruelly worked against you.

“I-Itto!! Stop! H-hahaha! I’m… Still mad at you!”

Your impending laughter finally came through and mixed with your words. Your face heat up and your lips were stretched by a wide smile you couldn’t contain. Itto laughed with you, delighted to see you react to his scheme with joy.

“Oh really?” He asked while continuing to torture you and your poor sides and stomach, all the while keeping you securely against him despite your writhing. “Doesn’t sound like that to me! Haha!”

You hated the way you downright melted in his hands, how easy it was for him to make you laugh and smile like this. His clawed fingers prodded at the sensitive parts of your torso, every poke making you tense up and jolt violently. Your laughter got louder and louder, and for a moment, you forgot the reason you were mad at him in the first place.

Somehow, in the midst of the fog that had clouded your mind for a brief second, you managed to partially free yourself. When you tried to make a run for it, the larger man quickly tackled you to the grass below, continuing his childish assault. Your hands found his wrists and you tried to push them away, only managing to drown in your and his waves of laughter.

Itto watched as your reddened face twisted in joy, how wide a smile your face had dawned. How your sweet laughs filled the air and his ears, he couldn’t help but smile just as widely.

After what felt like an eternity, your laughter died down, as did his ruthless tickling. You were out of breath, eyes watering and throat dry from all the laughs and giggles that had passed through it. A few more escaped your lips as the feeling of his hands on you lingered. All your thoughts were rearranged during the tussle and now that it was over, you found yourself looking at him as he leaned closer.

There it was, the same wide grin almost always wore as he looked down at you. There was some satisfaction in his expression as he had succeeded in his goal of making you laugh. That at least told him you didn’t completely loathe him.

Itto leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. You instinctively placed your hand on his cheek, sighing contently at the feeling of his lips. Once he pulled away he smirked once more.

“Still mad, Tiny?”

You rolled your eyes at his words, but if you were honest with yourself, it was difficult to stay mad at someone like him for long. His easy smile was dazzling and his eyes burned with such optimism and pride, you found yourself getting lost in them.

You lifted yourself up slightly to lean against your elbows, keeping your eyes on him. Your heart still raced, but you felt the previous anger slowly withering away. There was something in his gaze that told you that his question wasn’t a rhetorical one. He was truly worried that you might still be mad at him. With a sigh, you slowly shake your head, partially because he would probably start tickling you again if your answer wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

“I’m not.”

Itto let out a small breath and quickly pecked your cheek before retreating from you and standing up. He offered you his hand and you took it, allowing him to effortlessly pull you up from the ground. He soon let out a hearty chuckle.

“Looks like I win again, eh Tiny?”

With a bothered groan, you poked him in the side, an almost subconscious action, which surprisingly made him jump slightly. Your eyes widened a bit and you quickly found yourself giggling at your discovery.

You’d get your revenge someday.

~

Support me on ko-fi ❤️

[binniebimbo]

detention (m)

bc • a, f, s • 3.5k

pretending everything’s alright, is detention

You and your boyfriend are too stubborn for your own good. After a big argument, you realize you may have fucked up, and your relationship might be on its last legs.

Loosely based on detention by melanie martinez (v good song) i'm writing for skz now :) warnings + fic under the cut~

Warnings: angst, drawn out fighting (you and Chan are so freakin stubborn gahdamn), reader is anti-emotions, Chan is a bit mean (purely fiction he is actually best boy ;-; // onto the smut part: depictions of emotionless sex (don’t worry there’s fluffy sex towards the end), cum play, penetration, oral (fem receiving), oof I almost forgot to put very lil daddy kink it’s literally the last word of the whole fic lmao I couldn’t resist… I think that’s it~ enjoy~

Ding.

Your heart reacts almost as fast as your hands, speeding up as you pick up your cell phone. It took two hours, but Chan finally texted you back, only to tell you, once again, that he won’t be coming home tonight. You sigh.

If it was earlier in the week, you would have tried to convince him to just come home, but you got tired of trying; if he didn’t just ignore you, he’d tell you he’s busy, that he has deadlines to meet. You knew it was an exaggeration, but you decided to give him space; after all you were the one at fault for the huge fight that started his silent treatment of you. You were planning on apologizing when he got home; but what you didn’t know was that Chan was firm on coming home only when you apologized. The situation was at a standstill.

You clicked off the screen and tossed your phone haphazardly on the nightstand. Even if you started the fight, isn’t Chan being a bit too harsh by ignoring you so coldly? You let a few tears slip down your cheeks as you crawled under the covers.

One week began to turn into two since you saw your boyfriend. This morning you texted him ‘good morning’. After a few minutes, when you got no response, you followed up with ‘have a good day, I love you’.

Surely he couldn’t ignore that. He had to say it back, right? You waited to feel your phone vibrate, your hand beside it in your pocket as you walked to your job at the cafe.

You slipped off your coat and hung it in your locker. You put your apron on slower than usual, as if that would make his text come through quicker. “Yn, you’re on!” your coworker who was leaving called. You closed your locker, the last spark of hope inside you slipping away slowly.

The morning shift was busy; taking orders and shuffling around behind the counter, cutting pastries and making drinks, but Chan never left your mind. “Thank you, enjoy!” You smiled as you handed a warm macchiato to the last customer of the morning rush. The flow of customers started slowing down, and you sadly leant on the counter.

Suddenly a small hot chocolate drink was placed in front of you. You looked up, your coworker, Sooyoung, smiling softly at you.

“You look sad.” she said simply. “What’s up?”

You smiled weakly and took the drink. “Nothing, just…” you hesitated opening up, but then you thought back to something Chan said during your fight.

You never let me know how you feel! Why won’t you let me in?

Although that wasn’t the main point of contention that night, it rang through your head lately. You weren’t great friends with Sooyoung—in fact you weren’t great friends with any of your coworkers—but maybe Chan was right. Maybe you should loosen up a bit.

“Me and Chan, uh, my boyfriend, have been fighting this week.”

“Oh no,” she said, taking a sip of her drink. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You and Sooyoung spoke as the day winded down. It felt better to finally get everything off your chest, only a few more customers coming in before your shifts ended. Sooyoung went to sweep the floor and wipe down the tables as you quickly cleaned the machines and wiped the counters. As soon as you finished, you rushed into the coatroom and pulled your phone out of your locker.

No new notifications. Your shoulders slumped as you put on your coat and slammed the locker shut, trekking sadly back to your cold empty apartment. Maybe he didn’t love you anymore. The very thought made your heart clench as you walked home alone, your mind racing.

Unlocking your door, kicking off your shoes and outerwear, you pressed Chan’s contact on your phone. It rang a few times before you heard his voicemail. You redialled his number, a shaky hand coming up to wipe away the welled up tears in your eyes.

“Yes?”

Your head perked up at his—albeit cold and annoyed—voice.

“Hey baby…”

“Hi.” His abrupt tone towards you was so unlike him, it caused another wave of sadness to wash over you. You nervously fidgeted with a loose thread on your sleeve.

You never cried in front of anyone, even in front of Chan in the three years you two had been together. He tried to show you that the world outside the strong walls you built around yourself was quite nice, and he’d be there to protect you in it.

Nevertheless, you still struggled being vulnerable. Lifelong practice made it easy for you to hold your tears back, but for some reason, maybe because you were losing the only thing that ever truly mattered to you, you struggled to not break down on the phone.

“I–“ you cleared your throat, pulling yourself together. “I was just wondering if you are coming home tonight. Y’know, we could have dinner and spend some time to–”

“I’m busy.”

You paused. “With what?”

“I’m working,” he continued.

“But we haven’t seen or spoken to each other for a week. It feels like.. like...”

“What, yn? What does it feel like?” Your heart almost stopped when he said your full first name instead of ‘sweetheart’ or ‘baby girl’.

“Like we’re not in a relationship anymore! It’s like you’re trying to avoid me, Chan.”

“Maybe I am.”

“But why?”

“You can’t be fucking serious.” His voice sounded further away for a second. You could imagine him pulling the phone away from his ear and pushing his hair back in frustration. Although neither of you wanted to fight again, you could both sense that this was leading to exactly that. Still, neither of you wanted to back down, ready to get your own points across, even at the expense of the other.

“Chan, I know you’re angry at me, but don’t you think avoiding me and ignoring me is a bit too much?”

“No, yn. You’re not going to flip this on me. Yes, I am still mad at you, but you’re too stubborn to apologize for anything.”

“Well, I think I deserve an apology, too. You know how much I hate being ignored.” you squeezed your eyes shut, trying not to cry.

“You took it too far, Chris.” Your voice cracked a bit as you spoke, and you hoped it was the case that Chan didn’t hear it, rather than he did hear it and just didn’t care that you were really hurt by his actions. Either way, he responded in the same cold, harsh tone.

“I’m staying at the dorms tonight. Goodbye.”

“Okay Chan, I love you--”

Click.

He hung up. He didn’t say he loved you back. If you felt unloved by him before, now you knew that it was pretty much over. You sat there in shock, not even realizing the tears rolling down your cheeks.

Chan immediately felt bad. He heard you say it, but his finger was already heading towards the end button. Still, he wasn’t about to call you back; you needed to learn your lesson. He was tired of crawling back to you after every fight, especially when you were in the wrong. He turned off his phone and buried his head back in the studio.

It wasn’t until two days later, when he finally decided to return to the apartment. He was as tired of fighting as you, but he promised himself that he would accept nothing less than an apology from you.

You were sulking on the couch, when you heard the door being unlocked. You looked up, startled when you saw an exhausted Chan stepping in. Dark circles under his eyes, his shoulders slouched over a bit. He looked at you with a straight face, waiting for the one thing he wanted to hear the most. I’m sorry.

You on the other hand were waiting on the one thing you wanted to hear the most. I love you.

“Hey,” you spoke first.

“Hey. ”

Both of you remained quiet in your own worlds of ‘I’m right’.

Chan kicked off his shoes and dropped his bag off his shoulder. “So… shouldn’t you apologize?”

You scoffed. Apologize to a man who doesn’t even love you anymore? “Shouldn’t you?" you retorted.

Before another fight could start, Chan sighed and ran his fingers through his messy hair. He walked to the extra bedroom that you both had turned into an office, disappearing behind the door. You can hear a glass clink, piecing together that Chan was probably pouring a drink. You sat up on the couch and took a deep breath, standing only when you managed to work up the courage to go confront him.

As you expected, he’s sitting back in his computer chair with a drink in hand, his back to you. “Chan?” you call softly as you place a hand on his shoulder. As if your touch disgusted him, he shakes it off.

“Now is not the time, yn. I really don’t feel like fighting with you right now.”

You turn around about to exit, but you clench your fists and turn back towards him. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you grip the back of the chair and swivel it around. You take the glass out of his hand and place it on the desk before climbing on top of him.

“Yn, please–“

You don’t say anything else as you smash your lips on his. The alcohol he just drank fills your senses, but there’s also a faint taste of cigarettes. You frown thinking of the stress he must’ve been under to resort to smoking. He half heartedly kisses back, something that doesn’t go unnoticed by you, and your chest tightens.

You pull back from the kiss, looking at your boyfriend. He looks back at you, no emotion in his eyes. You avert your eyes from his intense, mean glare, fixing them on his firm chest as you begin to grind your hips on his, trying not to think about the fact that his hands should have been on your hips, guiding you, or that his lips should have been on your neck travelling down to your chest as he praised you.

Instead, his hands remained relaxed on the arm rests, head slightly leaning to the side as if you were boring him. You bit your lip, not because of your arousal, but because you were holding back tears. Chan didn’t notice, his eyes traveling down your body, drawn between your legs. He sighed and finally moved to lift the hem of your nightgown up to see your panties. His face remained stoic although his eyes were darkened.

You stopped moving on top of him and got up for a moment to pull down his shorts and take off your panties. You climbed back on top of him, continuing to grind your now bare core over his hardening length. You softly whimpered at the friction, feeling yourself grow wetter at the contact after going without it for so long. “Chan,” you moaned, trying to get him to say something, but he didn’t even look up at you, only pulling your dress up further to expose your chest, just ogling your body.

For the first time, it felt like he was just using your body for his own pleasure, and not in the sexy way. In the selfish, ‘one-last-fuck-before-I-break-up-with-you’ way. He groped your breasts roughly before running his hands up and down your body. They landed on your hips, guiding you to lift yourself up. He held his hard member, guiding the tip to your entrance.

You couldn’t help but whimper as he pushed you down. His length wasn’t even fully hard yet, but it was still a lot for you to take. You barely swiveled your hips, trying to adjust as his length grew even more inside of you, the feeling quite delicious. He was still playing with your breasts, licking his lips as he waited for you.

Your cunt clenched around him as you began moving your hips purposefully on top of him. Needing something to hold onto to keep your balance as you ride him, your hands scrambled to the arm rests. You whimpered when Chan pulled his hands away from your body, bumping his hands into yours on the arm rests.

For a moment, you expected him to grab your hand and interlace his fingers through yours as he often did. But, instead he quickly dropped his hands to the sides, rejecting anything close to the sweet gesture. You felt your heart break a little further, but you bite your tongue, holding in the hurt whine that you desperately want to let out.

Somewhere in the back of Chan’s mind, he can sense something's off. Sure, he feels amazing; after all he did miss your body over the past two weeks. But he notes that you’re not as loud or expressive as you usually are, like you’re trying to curl up and hide even as you speed up and begin bouncing on his dick.

His eyes were still fixed on where your bodies met and your tits bouncing in front of him, letting out breathy grunts. You were desperately trying to find some common ground with him, some kind of indication that he still felt something for you that was more than physical, but he wouldn’t even look you in the face. Everything about this felt wrong, sex with Chan without love felt empty. What am I doing? you thought. Before you could think it over, in one last attempt, you blurted out, “Look at me, Chan.” Your voice sounded weaker than you’d like it to.

His eyes flicker up to yours coldly and you almost flinch back at the glare. The look in his eyes is different than usual, cold and dark, all lust but no love. He almost gives in and softens his look, not missing the sad look in your eyes, but a voice in his head tells him to remember what he has been fighting for this whole time—an apology. Nothing more, nothing less.

After a while, your thighs ache and you fall forward and hide your face in his neck, bucking your hips in small motions. He finally makes another move, grabbing your hips and fucking up into you. His thrusts were sloppy from the beginning, just chasing his own pleasure.

Your sounds are even smaller now that they’re muffled into his shoulder as you hold onto him. You were no where close to your orgasm; trying to push your heartbreak away and lose yourself in the sex was easier said than done.

His deep groans were getting louder and he moved faster, his fingers digging into your hips almost painfully. He gives you one last deep thrust before throwing his head back and letting out a long groan. Your eyes squeezed tight as he released inside of you.

For some reason, as if your body had a mind of its own, you began kissing his neck as he came down from his high. The act of affection felt out of place and robotic in this situation. Completely spent, Chan’s hands fall away from your hips. Usually he would wrap his arms around you and hold you close, guiding your lips to his, and kissing you lovingly in a post-orgasmic haze.

But he does none of that, his body just limp as he catches his breath, his chest rising and falling beneath you. His head is empty, not knowing what to think until he feels your shaky breaths on his neck. He lifts his head and notices your shoulders shaking, a warm wet feeling on his collarbone. You’re crying.

“Yn,” He gently pulls your face back from his neck. “Why are you crying?”

“You don’t love me anymore,” you sob. You’re crying a lot; he has never seen you like this. You've only ever shown him your strongest side. He loved it, your confidence and ambition, it’s what drew him to you. But over time, he wished you could let your guard down more around him.

Chan is left speechless. He does love you—so much, more than he can ever say—but his voice doesn’t seem to work. In that moment, his head is just swamped with regret and shame that he just abandoned you and your relationship without talking it out or resolving anything, even hurting you in the process.

Only now did he realize that ignoring you like this only sealed up every successful crack he made to the walls you built around yourself. He just selfishly waited for an apology without even hearing your side. He just put you in detention.

He remains silent in a daze as you stand up from him. Not even his cum embarrassingly dripping out of you and down your leg can distract you from your broken heart. You fucked up big time. Now he hates you. He doesn’t love you anymore.

You grab your clothes and quickly try to leave.

“Yn, wait,” he calls. Before you can lock the bedroom door and begin packing your bags, he’s already right behind you, pulling you close and hugging you tight. You can feel his heart beating fast. He can’t lose you.

“I love you yn, so much. More than anything.” Chan’s voice is soft and he’s a bit teary-eyed. “I was just shocked seeing you cry.”

You turned around and buried your face in his chest. “I don’t wanna fight anymore. I’m sorry. Don’t leave me again.”

“I didn’t leave you baby, I’ll never leave.”

“But you did! I know I was wrong, and I’m sorry for that,” you apologized again. “But you didn’t even try to talk it out with me. You just ignored me and I felt like we were done.”

“I know, and I’m so sorry baby. I'm sorry, I took it too far.”

You both stood there in each other’s embrace for a moment before you broke the silence. “C-can you kiss me?”

He smiled warmly at you. “Of course I can kiss my baby girl.”

When his lips met yours, you could feel the love that lived in them return. You smiled as the kiss got deeper, Chan’s hand cupping your face and pulling you closer as if he couldn’t get enough of you. A thought flashed through his mind, humming softly as he pulled away. “You didn’t cum.”

“No, but it’s alright,” you giggled, looking into his soft brown eyes as they flickered down to your lips. He couldn’t help but run his thumb across your swollen bottom lip. “Are you sure?”

“Mhm.”

“So if I lay you down and make you cum, you’d stop me?” he smirked.

“Why don’t you find out?”

Chan playfully pushed you down on the bed, climbing on top. He kissed down your body, his hands pushing your knees apart as he opened your legs wider, now face to face with your swollen, messy folds.

“Such a pretty pussy.” Your cunt clenched at his words, your boyfriend biting his lip and chuckling darkly as some of his fluids squeezed out of you. He licked up your slit, moaning at the taste of you and before going back in, dragging his tongue deeper inside your folds. “So fucking delicious.”

Your face burned at his comments. He pulled away and ran his finger teasingly down your slit before pushing inside, some more of his cum spilling out the sides. “So full of my cum.” He swirled his tongue around your engorged clit and your legs twitched. “This is my pussy, yeah?”

He inserted another finger, pumping in and out of you, fishing his cum out as he sucked and flicked his tongue over your nub. You nodded your head, cursing as your orgasm grew closer and closer. His tongue and fingers worked your core, your legs shaking uncontrollably.

“Cum for me baby,” you heard him say between sucks, feeling every vibration of his voice throughout your body. Your body tensed up and your toes curled, your back arching painfully as you came on his face with loud moans of his name.

He helped you ride out your orgasm, stopping as you became sensitive, and kissing up your body. He sat on his knees as you caught your breath. After a moment, you opened your eyes to look up at Chan, to see him licking his fingers clean and smirking down at you. “We taste so good baby,” he said breathlessly as hovered over you and devoured your lips, pushing his tongue onto yours so you could taste as well.

You moaned into the kiss, feeling his length was poking at your thighs, hard again. Chan was planning on just cuddling your spent body to sleep, pulling away from the kiss to look at your flushed face; but what he found was you biting your lip, smirking wickedly with your cute tired eyes as your hand grabbed his erection and angled the tip at your entrance again.

“You missed me, huh?” he teased, thrusting his hips forward the rest of the way, moaning at the way he easily slid into your wet tight core. You giggled. “Very, daddy.”

[escaping-reality20]

“You never wanted me. You wanted the idea of me.”

A/n: sooo technically this can be read as a part 2 of Poker, but also it can be read as a stand alone. Angst bc Quackity hurts me lately. Also took this from a prompt list

c!Quackity x reader

Warnings: cursing, angst, mentions of past toxic relationships (briefly), arguing, uhhh

Sitting across from Quackity, she pondered their sudden silence. It seemed like Quackity had actually slipped more into himself lately, and while she could chalk it up the recent events. Purpled and Charlie. Dream. It put an edge to them as well though, an edge she didn’t expect. Quackity was withdrawn from her, withdrawn from practically everything except his own thoughts. “Q,” she called, pulling him from a deeper thought. He finally met her gaze with his one good eye, inside of it she could only find irritation. “So we’re just gonna stay here? While Dream is out?” She asked trying to make her voice sound soft. Her words only encouraged a dark smirk to form, a snarl practically.

“We? You can do whatever you want. Stay, go. I don’t really care. I bet you’re happy he’s out,” Quackity snorted brushing his hair from his face, cruel smile forming as he glanced to the side. She squinted at him, trying to figure out what had him so agitated. Did he just have trust issues after Purpled or was he referencing her past? “At least I didn’t do something dumb like, oh I don’t know.. Torture him?” She shot back rolling her eyes. She knew she was only making things worse, he was already on edge. Instead of reassuring him, she just had to resort back to pettiness. A sharp laugh broke out from him, but it was dry and humorless as he stood and face away from her. “That’s fucking rich. You did the dumbest thing and trusted him,” he laughed as his words cut deeply into her. She gasped biting back the sudden onslaught of emotions. Standing abruptly, she didn’t react to the chair clattering behind her. Her eyes blazing on him, trying to roast him alive.

“Forgive me, big Q. I think I must’ve forgotten, who was it who left everything behind to be here with you?” Her voice began to rise as her eyes pricked, “I looked away from your lies, I believed in YOU. In what you said you wanted, but it was all a fucking lie. You wanted power just like Dream does! You’re the same fucking person. It’s all the goddamn same, I’m literally repeating my own history.”

She ran her hands through her hair shuddering in horror at the realization. Quackity had stiffened at her words, whirling around to face her angrily. “You always had these stupid ideas of me. You never wanted me! You wanted the fucking idea of me! I am not Dream, but I never promised I was a fucking saint. This is who I am,” he shouted, filled with hurt as he spread his hands to gesture to himself, “If you don’t like it, then just fucking go.” She furiously wiped her eyes stumbling back. If he didn’t want her there, then maybe she should just fucking leave. Find a new home far away, never think about all the names and faces that continued to mock her. Dream, who smiled so coldly as he let the arrow fly straight into her. No thought to the pain of the betrayal. Wilbur, who kissed fleetingly as if goodbye was hanging on his tongue. Never hesitating to blow up the very ground she was standing on, regardless of what it might do to her. Now Quackity, brutally throwing her back into her own isolation. The one who had yet to continue the cycle, just completed the circle.

“You’re wrong you know,” she mumbled, defeat slumping in her shoulders, “This wasn’t always you. You wanted peace, freedom. You got hurt, and now you’re hurting again. You’re scared I’ll betray you, so you push me away before that. What was the one thing I asked of you Quackity?” He froze at those words, unwilling tears forming as he remembered the conversation. He shook his head trying to shake away the memory. “I know you know it, tell me,” she demanded softly taking a gentle step closer. He shuddered pressing his hands to his face. He was afraid and he knew it, lashing out at the last person he had put his faith in. “T-to not betray you, (y/n). I-“ he stuttered being cut off by her shushing him. She just kept moving closer, and he dared peek to see softness in her gaze. She smiled bitter sweetly and reached forward to brush away his tears. “It’s okay, I know this is so scary for you. I know your instincts are to run and hide because we’re the same, Quackity. So I also know that means you need me,” she whispered suddenly pulling him into a hug. He jumped in surprise, not expecting the gentle contact. He didn’t expect himself to melt into it either, but the feeling of relief was just too strong to refuse. “The real reason you made Las Nevadas is because you wanted a home,” she whispered and it was the final blow. The one that destroyed all sense of control in him. His hands clenching at the back of her shirt as he hid his face in her shoulder, feeling his body shake as the truth to it all washed over him.

[plan-d-to-i]

(google translate again, yeah)

(I forgot to thank you for the last answer, I really didn't know that the drama used the music of my compatriot, it was a pleasant surprise for me)

I don't know if anyone has asked you this before, but do you think JC was good with WWX as a kid?

I mean not just their childhood, but the time of their training in Gusu.

I really love JC, and I understand perfectly well that he is the most dick in character, but I love him precisely during my studies at Gusu, I can not give any arguments that then JC was directly GOOD to WWX, but he is clearly cared a little about him and even ... worried? at least that moment after the punishment where JC helped WWX get to the room...

Yay - I'm so happy to hear about Stravinsky :)

Hahah loving jc as the dick that he is is the way to do it! go for it. :) also, sorry this was so delayed I wanted to reread the Cloud Recesses arc so it would be fresh in my mind before answering.

In terms of jc the Cloud Recesses arc is perhaps the most 'mellow' we see him aside from the Lotus Pod Extra but for me it's still impossible to find him a worthwhile person. I can already see the faults in his character that I know will only get worse as he grows older. Canonically I don't see how he would have any friends studying in the Cloud Recesses if he didn't come as a package deal w Wei Wuxian. I mean I doubt jiang cheng would have any friends without WWX period. In fact jiang cheng doesn't make any friends over the course of 13 years. He's also unable to find a wife bc of his temperament and behavior...

What we can glean about their relationship in the Cloud Recesses arc (and even the Lotus Pod Extra) is that any time WWX gets a kind word or understanding from someone, jiang cheng scoffs at it. Any time someone shits on WWX, jc is there to agree, to relish the idea of WWX being punished, and shit on him some more. He would be an immensely exhausting person to be around. He doesnt believe in WWX's ideas and ingenuity, (as NHS does for example), he doesn't believe WWX is hurt, he always assumes the worst of him, he doesn't believe LWJ might like WWX. The only thing he ever seems to believe is that WWX will dishonor YunmengJiang and that WWX should be punished. So for a kid who supposedly wants his father's approval so badly he instead constantly acts like his mother's mouthpiece/minion. He reprimands WWX like he's trying to become Madam Yu 2.0. I see jc stans all the time being like oh he had to keep WWX in check bc WWX was such a lOOooose canon, for the good of the Clan!! lol listen JFM didn't give a f...about WWX's behavior (in his letter to LQR) why are you so concerned? JFM would have preferred for jc to try & save his peers in the Xuanwu cave or at least to understand why that was the correct course of action rather than for him to just sit in front of the class in the Cloud Recesses and tell WWX off for giving LQR as good as he got, while actually still breaking the rules himself but eschewing punishment.

salt up here, quotes below :

Even when Nie Huaisang picks up on the fact that WWX is being treated unfairly by LQR, jc dismisses it and piles on WWX instead.

Nie Huaisang said, “Old Man Lan really seems like he’s coming down especially harshly on you. Every time he reprimands someone, it’s always you.” Jiang Cheng grunted. “He deserves it. What kind of answer was that? He can get away with saying that sort of nonsense at home, but he had the nerve to say it to Lan Qiren’s face. He was practically asking for the old man to kill him!”

But does WWX get away with ANYTHING in Lotus Pier? When we know he is punished constantly for EVERYTHING? This is jiang cheng fully being his mother's mouth piece. It's not something WWX would get away with, it's something jc knows JFM wouldn't mind. Which is why he's so pissed off. Which begs the question if JFM would not be upset with WWX's behavior why does jc need to criticize him? Again :

A dark expression shadowed Jiang Cheng’s face, and his voice was filled with anger. “Why are you so proud of yourself? What is there to be proud of?! Is being told to get out some amazing accomplishment? You’re making our entire clan lose face!”

and his glee at the idea that WWX will be punished leaves a bad taste in one's mouth considering how WWX was perpetually punished in Lotus Pier by jiang cheng's mother for... existing.

Jiang Cheng smiled grimly. “Now that you’ve thoroughly offended both Lan Wangji and Lan Qiren, you’re basically dead tomorrow. No one’s going to clean up your corpse either.”

and again

Without the old one, only the young one remained. This would be easy to deal with! Wei Wuxian rolled off the bed and laughed while putting on his boots. “Heaven’s charmed clouds are blessing me with shade.” Jiang Cheng was beside him polishing his sword with loving care when he decided to spill cold water over Wei Wuxian’s head. “Just wait until he gets back. You can’t escape punishment.”

Where others like NHS see value in WWX's thoughts

Nie Huaisang thought for a while. “Actually, I thought what you said was very interesting,” he said, not entirely able to hide his envy and yearning.

jc is always dismissive of WWX's ideas. These are inventions that WWX realizes. Demonic cultivation in the first conversation and The Spirit-Attraction Flag and The Compass of Evil in the second:

“Enough,” Jiang Cheng warned. “Whatever nonsense you spout, you better not head down that sort of dark road.”

-

Changing the topic, Wei Wuxian said, “If only there was something like fishing bait that could draw the water ghosts in. Or, something that could point in the direction they’re hiding, like a compass, that sort of thing.”

“Lower your head and watch the water,” Jiang Cheng said. “You’re letting your fantasies run wild again. Concentrate on looking for water ghosts like you’re supposed to.”

“Hey, mounting swords and flying was also only a fantasy once!” Wei Wuxian said.

He's also a hypocrite. Because even though he berates WWX for misbehaving, he himself breaks the rules. He drinks, he even goads WWX into buying liquor, the only difference is that he doesn't get punished for it, and he doesn't feel like coming forward and getting punished for it :

Naturally, Jiang Cheng was too embarrassed to talk about what Wei Wuxian had been up to. After all, all of them had egged him on to go and buy alcohol, and they all deserved to be punished as well. He could only speak vaguely. “It’s nothing. It’s nothing. It’s not that bad! He can walk. Wei Wuxian, why haven’t you gotten off yet?”

It's no wonder WWX is so impressed by LWJ's integrity in spite of his social status, when he's clearly used to the other dynamic :

“Lan Zhan, I really admire you,” Wei Wuxian said sincerely. “After I told you that you had to punish yourself too, you actually did it. You didn’t let yourself off at all. I can’t argue against that.”

A dynamic which is shown repeating in the Lotus Pod Extra where WWX is the only one to get punished for sunbathing, and which repeats here when Wei Wuxian here stops jiang cheng from confronting Zixuan over YanLi's honor (and jc's) and does it himself.

Zixuan :“Why don’t you ask what about her could make me satisfied?” he said in return.

Suddenly, Jiang Cheng rose. Wei Wuxian pushed him away and stepped between them, smiling coldly. “You think you’re very satisfactory? As though you have the right to be so picky!”

Zixuan: “If she’s unhappy, then let her break off the engagement! I certainly don’t cherish your wonderful disciple-sister. If you cherish her so much, why don’t you take it up with your father? Doesn’t he love you more than his own son?”

After hearing the last sentence, Jiang Cheng’s eyes narrowed, and Wei Wuxian was no longer able to contain his own fury. He flew at Jin Zixuan, his fist raised.

WWX takes the punishment alone. Same way he offers to do when he hurts himself falling from a tree because jc threatened him with dogs. meanwhile jc is gleeful to see him being punished.

[Wei Wuxian] was kneeling on the stretch of pebble road to which Lan Qiren had assigned him when Jiang Cheng walked over from afar and mocked him. “You’re kneeling so obediently.”

“It’s not like you don’t know I have to do this all the time.” Wei Wuxian’s voice filled with schadenfreude. “But this Jin Zixuan guy, there’s no way he hasn’t been pampered and spoiled rotten since birth. No one’s ever forced him to kneel, I’m sure of it. If he doesn’t wind up crying for mommy and daddy today, I’m not named Wei.”....

Wei Wuxian "...It’s a good thing you didn’t do anything.”

“I was going to. If you hadn’t pushed me away, the other side of Jin Zixuan’s face would be hideous too.”

“Stop it. His face is uglier for being lopsided."

WWX is happy to have spared jc from getting into trouble but jc makes the whole thing about himself anyway (like everything else ever) and is upset JFM would rush over for WWX - in his mind. Even though JFM clearly had to rush over to meet with Jin Guangshan not to coddle WWX in any way.

"Jiang Fengmian had never rushed to another clan in less than a day because of him. Regardless of whether what happened was big or small, or good or bad." Never

WWX on the other hand tries to be observant of jc's feelings and reassure him & distract him from his moods :

When Wei Wuxian saw Jiang Cheng’s melancholy expression, he thought he was still upset with what Jin Zixuan said. “You should leave. You don’t need to keep me company any longer. If Lan Wangji comes again, he’ll catch you. If you have time, you should find Jin Zixuan and watch his pitiful kneeling.”

Later in the book after nearly dying in the Xuanwu cave WWX leaves his sick bed to run after jc and comfort him after his mother's rant, even though WWX had to listen to his parents (and himself) being slandered by YZY. jc doesn't spare any thoughts for how other people might be feeling or suffering. His entire perception of the world is centered around himself. To him even WWX's greatest fear doesn't generate empathy, only amusement or later on a form of torture.

From that point onward, they made trouble everywhere together, and if they encountered a dog, Jiang Cheng would always chase it away for him, then enjoy a peal of derisive, unbridled laughter at Wei Wuxian’s expense beneath whichever tree the boy had leapt atop.

he grew up on the streets, often having to fight for food with vicious dogs. After several bites and chases, he gradually became extremely scared of all dogs, no matter the size. Jiang Cheng laughed at him because of this quite a lot of times.

This brings me to the last point. jc's resentment of WWX's interest in Lan Zhan, or in a serious friendship outside of him. I see so many ppl say that bc WWX fought he was kicked out of the Cloud Recesses early... but was he?

Jiang Cheng was somewhat taken aback. “Lan Wangji? What was he doing here? He still has the nerve to come see you again?”

“Yeah, I think his bravery is laudable if he still has the nerve to come see me. His uncle probably told him to check on me and see if I was kneeling properly.”

Jiang Cheng’s instincts were sending him ominous signals. “So were you kneeling properly?”

“I was then,” Wei Wuxian replied. “But I waited for him to walk away a bit, then took a tree branch, lowered my head, and dug out a hole in the dirt near me. It’s the pile right by your foot—there are ant tunnels there. It took me so much effort to find them. Anyway, I waited for him to turn back and see my shoulders shaking. He had to have thought I was crying, so he came back and asked. You should have seen his face when he caught sight of the ant tunnels!

“…” Jiang Cheng said, “Why don’t you just get the hell out and go back to Yunmeng? I bet he never wants to see you again.”

Thus, that evening, Wei Wuxian packed up his things, got the hell out, and went back to Yunmeng with Jiang Fengmian.

Repeatedly throught his stay in the Cloud Recesses even while NHS was observing that LWJ's behavior around WWX was strange and unique, jc was telling WWX he is hated and bothersome. When WWX wanted to apologize to LWJ jc is completely dismissive of it :

“He hates me already? I was thinking of apologizing to him,” Wei Wuxian said.

“Oh, so you want to apologize now? It’s too late!” Jiang Cheng said derisively. “He’s exactly like his uncle. He thinks you’ve been wicked ever since you were an embryo, so it’s beneath his dignity to pay you any attention.”

Later on when WWX mentioned wanting to invite LWJ to Lotus Pier jc categorically says no.

“Jiang Cheng had on a stern expression, “Let’s make this clear. I don’t want him to come, anyhow. Don’t invite him.”

BONUS

jc also always doubts WWX. He suspects him immediately of wrongdoings. He doesn't believe that getting hit with the discipline ruler in Cloud Recesses actually hurt him until LXC confirms that WWX might take more than a few days to heal. He doesn't understand WWX is in actual trouble from the Waterborne abyss and assumes he's fooling around luckily Lan Zhan is there to rescue him:

The disciple’s lower body had already been swallowed by the black whirlpool. It spun faster and faster, and he continued to sink deeper and deeper, as though something hidden beneath the water was pulling down on his legs.

Mounted on Sandu, Jiang Cheng had risen calmly until he was about sixty meters above the whirlpool before he looked down. Filled with displeasure at what he saw, he shouted and dove down. “What are you up to now?!”

The suction force inside Lake Biling grew ever stronger. Wei Wuxian’s sword was optimized for agility, and consequently, its strength happened to fall just short, and they were nearly pulled to the surface of the lake. Wei Wuxian steadied himself and held on to Su She with both hands.

“Someone help! If I can’t pull him up soon, I’ll have to let go!” he shouted.

Suddenly, the back of Wei Wuxian’s collar tightened, and his body was lifted into the air. He twisted his neck and saw Lan Wangji holding him up with one hand.

He maintains this same mindset when he tries to whip LWJ and WWX as they're attempting to leave Lotus Pier after the ancestral hall confrontation when WWX passes out.

Is jc evil in the Cloud Recesses ? No. He's just an annoying, basic, disagreeable asshole who doesn't bring anything positive to someone like WWX. People like jc become obsessed with kind, outgoing, generous people, people who don't set boundaries on what they give and what others take in their friendships. Even though they're dependent on them for their social interactions, because who else would socialize with them willingly, they resent them in equal measure, but at the same time they wouldn't be drawn to another selfish, self centered piece of shit person like themselves.

On a personal note, even Cloud Recesses jiang cheng is someone I would exclude from any personal friend group. Friendship with him is adding a minefield of jealousies and snide comments to every interaction. Things that then others will need to compensate around because he won't compromise or empathize w issues outside of his own concerns.

Translation source : x