#no matter what happens... it's possible to preserve and push through

[headmaster-merle-ambrose]

Hello, Wizards.

I need you to do it again to a different dictator.

Good evening, young wizards! I have a new favor to ask of you. There's a corrupt warlord by the name of Julius The Seizer running rampant in Aquila.

Go take care of him.

Best of luck, wizards!

[eatmeandbirthmeagain]

Could I make one where Balwin's wife is pregnant but during childbirth she is surprised and it is not a single baby, if it is not 3 triplets and they are chubby and pink, what will be people's reaction?

♡ Sweet Surprise - King Baldwin x Reader ♡

♡ Fluff ♡

A/N: Hello Anon! Thank you for the request, I think that this was one of the ones that got deleted by the glitch a little while ago so I'm so sorry about that, but I'm glad you sent it back in so I could complete it! As always, this is based on the film Kingdom Of Heaven, not the real historical figures. Enjoy!

TW: Leprosy, Child Birth

It was exactly one month after the union between the king and queen of Jerusalem that y/n fell pregnant.

After many weeks of trying, it had finally happened.

The young couple were overjoyed, having exceeded all doubts about Baldwin’s fertility due to his illness. It was truely a blessing from the lord Himself and needless to say, the entire kingdom was of the same opinion.

As the months went on, the queen fell heavily pregant. More so than what was expected. This worried the physicians greatly, believing that there may be something wrong.

Y/n was confined to the royal chambers to preserve her health until labour.

Baldwin was destraught. Thinking irrationally, he believed that it had something to do with his disease.

His anxiety grew with each passing day, no matter how many times his queen consoled him and assured him that the situation was no fault of his own.

---------------------

And then, the day came.

The king was out overseeing the construction of a new church in the kingdom when a servant on the back of a large stallion sprinted up to the small group of officials.

“MY LORD MY LORD!” he shouted, leaping down from the horse, panting and tripping overhimself.

“Oh my, are you okay? What is going on?” Baldwin replied, his heart quickening at the thought of an emergency.

“My lord, its the queen, she is in labour!” 

The king and the rest of the small party waisted no time in mounting their horses and cantering back to the castle as fast as possible. 

When they arrived, Baldwin payed no attention to the pain that his body was in. He lept down from the horse, ignoring the surge of agony that shot through his lower body when his feet hit the ground.

He was the first into the castle and ascended the stairs to the royal chambers in no time.

Breathing heavely, he pushed open the doors with the last of his strength before falling to his knees.

Two maids immediately rushed to his side, helping their king to his feet.

“Y/n! Is she okay? Is the baby alright?!” he asked urgently, still panting heavily.

“Baldwin!” y/n called from the bed, “I am alright my love, come see!”.

As the kings vision cleared, the bed that held his wife came into view. As did the baby. And another baby? And another? In the queens arms lay three, healthy, chubby, pink babies who were all sleeping peacefully against their mothers body.

Baldwin gasped, a wide grin quickly spreading across his mask covered face.

The maids helped him to the bed, sitting him down carefully beside his wife.

“They are all healthy sweetheart, thats why my belly was so big! There was nothing wrong, I was just holding triplets!” y/n said, an equally wide smile on her face. 

The young king was lost for words and overcome with nothing but pure joy.

“I- I cant believe it! This is the most amazing day of my life! Oh thank you lord!’’ Baldwin praised, his grin hidden by the mask.

He pressed his forehead against the top of his wifes head, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I cant believe this is happening! I have never been happier” he said, feeling tears of joy welling in his eyes.

Y/n chuckled, “neither can I darling. And I thought we were blessed with one, but THREE!”

Baldwin opened his eyes to look down at his children.

Each one was plump and healthy. Their arorable faces melted his heart.

“There are two boys and one girl” the queen said softly.

“Would you like to hold them?” she asked.

Baldwin thought for a moment, “I dont know if that is a good idea, what if they get sick? I couldnt live with myself if-” 

“Darling” y/n cut him off gently.

“It will be okay. You are clothed and you are wearing your mask. Nothing will happen I can assure you. Allow yourself this moment, you deserve it” she told him with a smile.

He took a deep breath before nodding, leaning against the headboard of the bed and holding out his arms.

One by one, y/n carefully placed each tiny bundle of life in his arms.

Two of them stayed in peaceful sleep but ones eyes opened slowly. It was one of the boys. He did not cry like many babies would, he simply yawned and looked up at his father with big blue eyes. Big blue eyes, just like Baldwin’s.

The kings heart swelled with joy and happiness again at the sight of his son. His own son.

“Oh my love look!, he has your eyes” y/n cooed, looking at the adorable little boy in her husbands arms.

“Yes, he does!” Baldwin’s own eyes welled with tears at the sight and he fought back a broken sob.

Noticing his tear filled eyes, y/n placed a hand on her husband’s shoulder.

“Are you okay darling? Whats wrong?” she asked, suddenly worried.

“I’m alright my love. I’m just so happy, I never thought this day would come. Theyre so perfect, youre so perfect. Thank you y/n- I love you so much”

He tried his best to prevent tears from running down his cheeks, but when the chubby little boy in his arms smiled up at his fathers masked face, he could not fight it.

Y/n wrapped an arm around Baldwin’s shoulders and pulled him closer to her.

“You deserve this happiness sweetheart. I love you, and our family is, and will be, perfect” she kissed her husband's cheek and layed her head on his shoulder.

The king nodded, a small smile returning to his face.

He felt like the happiest man alive, and he knew that as long as he had these children and y/n in his life, he would stay that way for all eternity.

[cherrygenshin]

Obey Me! Rut HC's - pt.2

Warnings: NSFW, SMUT. Minors DNI. Again, no special warnings, just breeding.

GN reader.

Satan

His rut is average, lasting up to a week.

He's not too big on nest building, he finds it gets too stuffy in his room with too many items in it (let's be real, it's really cause it won't fit due to all his damn books)

Actually remains kinda the same? Just touchier?

Won't let you leave his room once you enter, if you do leave he won't let you back in, no matter how desperate he gets.

Snaps VERY quickly, but will try his best to keep his cool around you. He's just so worked up, he can't handle the pressure.

In post nut clarity he will be very smoochy to you, thanking you for putting up with him and giving you the best food he can find.

He's not great at regulating his emotions at the best of times, but now instead of 'ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY' his mind is full of 'BREED BREED BREED'.

Enjoys bending you over so he can pound in to you and groan lewdly in your ear.

PLEASE scratch him up, your marks on him means he's fucking you just right, he wants to see them.

Asmodeous

Longest rut out of everyone, tbh he kinda always wants to breed and be bred so it's not that different for him.

He will seek you out the moment he feels it coming. He normally has demons lining up around the block for a chance with him, but he'll choose you over anyone else. Of course, if you're down to enjoy his rut with more people, then he's down for that too.

Prefers being bred over breeding, I HC that he's got both a juicy cunt AND a nice dick. He uses both, but definitely prefers getting his pussy filled.

You think Levi was loud? Try Asmo. He LOVES the sound of his voice, and he knows you love it too. He will moan the house down.

He's ridiculously sensitive and very bratty, will try and push you further in to him/push himself further in to you, he's very needy.

Unlike his brothers, he's actually not very clingy during his rut, and enjoys his personal space, like taking nice long baths before the next wave of horniness overcomes him.

Overall he's very casual about the whole thing. You wanna breed him? Okay. You want him to breed you? Easy done. As long as someone gets to enjoy him, he's happy.

Beelzebub

Another vote for average rut length, lasts about a week.

Enjoys making a lil nest for you and him to spend the week in, takes pride in his nest building abilities.

OKAY so, Beel wants a family. Idc what anyone says, he's a family man through and through.

Being that he wants a family, his rut hits him very hard. His desire to breed completely overwhelms him, he becomes the most animalistic out of all his brothers.

Also, BIG DICK = LOTS OF CUM

He will FOLD you like a deck chair, just to shove his cock as far into you as he possibly can.

Grunts and groans, will also grip you tight enough to leave bruises, he just loves u so much he wants to be as close to you as possible

"Gonna cum in you darling", "gonna make you a parent", "Fuck- you're gonna be so hot carrying my child."

Will literally carry you to impale u on his dick if you get too tired, he is not stopping until you're pregnant.

Belphegor

Lucky ass bitch has the shortest rut, lasting only two or so days.

Probably will sleep through it ngl wet dream city

If he happens to be awake, he won't ask for help directly, he'll just expect it.

He kinda already has a nest in the attic, won't really add much more to it. He'd rather preserve energy to be able to fuck you properly.

Another for 'I don't really want kids but damn nutting in u is kinda nice'

Gets more whiny during his rut, when he's close he'll let out the most angelic soft moans and whines you've ever heard.

Although he isn't super energetic on the best of days, being in his rut really saps all his energy. He's got a cycle of fuck, sleep, fuck, sleep.

Unfortunately you will have to feed him as he really does put his all in to fucking you, he doesn't even have the energy to feed himself afterwards.

Big on show, don't tell. He won't tell you how much he loves you (he's getting better at expressing his emotions, but he's getting better!) But the way he holds you close as he sleeps says more than words ever will.

[terukotime]

thinking about Ace and Eden again and how i really don't want either of them to be the culprit lol. i just feel like either one being the blackened would be a waste of their potential. i know in Danganronpa that's bound to happen with some characters, but Ace and Eden both have traits and arcs that could run through the whole series, or at the very least, to the next chapter. while a big part of any killing game story is losing characters quickly and having their arcs and growth cut short (we've already seen as much with Arei, rest in peace queen), Eden and Ace have a lot of prominence in the Trust vs. Distrust theme of drdt, on either side respectively. and they both have a lot of potential for their views to change. i can totally see Eden's optimism finally starting to crack, and she begins to lose hope in trusting others and thinking they're good-intentioned, especially since she was put in virtually the same place that Teruko was in in the last trial, with everyone distrusting her and thinking she's the culprit. though Ace hasn't had much of a catalyst to alter his beliefs yet, there's still hope for his views to change. he's a lot like how Teruko began to behave after the first trial, thinking he can't trust or rely on anybody and pushing everyone away as much as possible.

[giant-ass analysis under the cut. i didn't expect myself to go on such a huge rant, but i realized i have quite a lot of thoughts on the matter lmao. there are probably a lot of hot takes in here and i know there will be people who won't agree with me, so take this all with a grain of salt, pls & thx]

while Ace's role in the trials is mostly confined to causing conflict and being a comedic relief, he's expressed being committed to investigating the scene of Arei's death. while sure, if Ace is the culprit, his desire to investigate could very well be a ruse. but for the sake of his potential, it'd be far more interesting if him being innocent results in him going on to investigate more thoroughly and contribute substantially to the trials. Arei did have potential for a full redemption arc, but her death doesn't feel narratively unfulfilled. its tragedy not only allows the audience to further sympathize with Arei and see just how nuanced she was, but it's also meaningful to the members of the cast, and will serve as a point of motivation for them, whether that be to maintain hope in escaping or giving into despair.

at least, that's how it's set up to be. i feel that if either Eden or Ace are the culprit, Arei's death loses a good deal of its weight and meaning. especially if the culprit is Eden; even if she had "well-intentioned" motivations for killing her (as well-intentioned as murder motivations can be, anyway), Arei's breakdown, desire to change, and tragically short path to redemption is rendered pointless. her want to be a good person will have affected virtually no one. her death will have only held significance to David, as most of the cast didn't care for Arei or hated her, much like Ace.

while Culprit Ace won't render Arei's death *as* meaningless as Culprit Eden, it sure would make Ace's own death feel pretty meaningless. he'd be dying in a trial where he fully believes everyone is cruel, everyone hates him, and no one cares about him at all. his shift in his belief can't really be considered much of an arc or even a regression; he just descends further into his hatred and paranoia until he dies doing exactly what the killing game expects of him. Ace, a character who has prioritized his self-preservation all throughout the series, will have thrown that away for...what? revenge against Nico? would he really place his hatred for them over his fear and will to live? Ace is impulsive and narrow-minded, but he's not without *some* sense. if Ace were to be the culprit of this chapter, what would he have contributed to the story? what would his existence have meant? what would he have provided that the story can't progress without? he'd have zero growth, zero stakes, and zero relevance to the ongoing plot, aside from unrevealed backstory (most of which will likely go unsaid in the main story if he were to die now). do i think Ace is going to play a significant role in the overarching story? no. not as much as characters like Xander and David, anyway. but he still has so much to offer as either a survivor or later victim/culprit, as we'll have spent more time with him, gotten a better understanding of him, and possibly be able to sympathize with him, like we do with Arei.

and here's another thing i've been thinking about, too: all the deceased so far have a point of significance to the story. Xander has a connection to the larger-scale mystery surrounding the killing game and a complex relationship with David. he continues to be relevant in the story even after his death and will likely always be.

Min is not only a cautionary tale to the rest of the cast, but her story follows a very cohesive path:

she's a girl committed to her academics and has been led to believe it's the only thing about her that matters ->

while not a social butterfly, she still enjoys spending time with others and making the most of the situation she's in ->

she forms a bond with Teruko, someone who has shown to value both her intelligence and her personality ->

she finds Teruko being murdered by Xander, and instead of being a bystander, she takes action to save her friend ->

she realizes that what she did has jeopardized her own life, a life that she does not center around herself. her family depends on her having a successful future, a future she has been groomed to achieve since she was little and has made several sacrifices for ->

though Teruko is her friend, Min prioritizes her self-preservation. there are too many things that are objectively more important to her than the life of a girl she's known for a couple days ->

still, she cannot shake her guilt and chooses to remain at Teruko's side throughout the investigation ->

she's desperate to maintain her lie, even if it means framing the friend she tried to save and getting everyone else killed. she fights and fights until she can no longer ->

she loses everything. her life, her future, the trust of her friends, the trust and bond she had with Teruko. Min always had good intentions. but even good-intentioned people can do terrible things.

Min's story throughout Chapter 1 alone is very digestible and easy to follow. even without knowing the greater contexts of her life, like her family's financial situation or her groomed future of being a Hope's Peak student, her motives and actions make complete sense. you don't come away from it feeling like she acted out of character or that her death was hasty or sloppily written. her death has a lot of meaning and impact on the other characters.

and that alone makes Culprit Eden or Culprit Ace unsatisfying. Culprit Eden would not only undermine Arei's death and potentially lead her into character derailment, it'd also just be Min's story regurgitated in a much less compelling manner. Teruko has already had her trust broken, and while it seems like she's slowly starting to see the value in relying on others again in the Chapter 2 trial, what good would Eden's death do for her? even if it causes Teruko to regress, what will change? wouldn't Teruko go back to being the way she was acting at the start of the chapter, undoing whatever growth was already beginning to happen? will she be unaffected by Eden's death, or at least act like it? will it somehow strengthen her desire to trust and rely on others again? (it won't.) Eden's role as the chapter 2 culprit really won't do much good for the story, regardless of what her reasons are. everything we've learned about Eden and Arei, both together and individually, will be irrelevant. the significance of Arei wanting to be Eden's friend unconditionally, something that we learn is so significant for her because of her secret, will turn out to actually be pointless because Eden will have killed the one person who expressed they'd be her friend her regardless of who she is.

Ace simply hasn't done enough in the story to establish his deeper character. with Xander, Min, and Arei, we already got glimpses into their core beliefs, their true selves, their moral standings. if those aspects of a character are only revealed after they're confirmed to be the culprit, then honestly...that's just bad writing. i don't like saying that, but i firmly believe it. not only do we hardly know anything about Ace's backstory, we just don't know a whole lot about him other than surface-level things the show outright tells us: he's fearful and paranoid, he doesn't like being a jockey, he's hotheaded and unsociable, he developed an eating disorder due to the strict requirements of his talent, he's hardly ever had any friends, he doesn't think anyone cares about him. and while a lot of inferences can be made from that information, it's still very speculative, and even a bonus episode after his execution wouldn't be able to cover enough of his backstory and personal life for it to feel justified narratively. you simply can't kill him off without letting us see another side of his character and have it better the story.

if either of them do, unfortunately, turn out to be the true culprit of the case...i will be very disappointed. i won't drop drdt or criticize drdtdev for their decisions, but i will still personally believe it to be a bad choice. nevertheless, it's not my story, and i will continue to support and enjoy the show regardless. i have a lot of faith in drdtdev's skills as a storyteller, but no story can be completely perfect. Ace or Eden being the true culprit won't destroy the show as a whole, and i'm not trying to imply that it's a fundamentally bad choice, i just think it'd be very difficult to pull off and have it feel natural, organic, and satisfying for the ongoing story. i will neither be optimistic nor pessimistic about what happens in the next coming episodes, i will simply wait and see. i just wanted to get all my thoughts out here, and hopefully i didn’t come across as aggressive or snobbish or anything. this is a free to watch series, after all, and i enjoy and appreciate all the hard work that has gone into it and made it possible.

[lukeria314]

About Soukoku and the Perception Issues of Their Relationship

The difficulty in perceiving their relationship arose quite suddenly and in a rather strange way. This is ironic because the dynamic of their relationship fits the societal archetype of something sacred and quite intimate: you can joke, hit, tease, and push someone to their limit, but both parties understand that the other is not truly against it. You wouldn’t act this way with just anyone. But if something genuinely bothers either of you, you either feel it instinctively or discuss it directly, because you matter to each other.

This is exactly the nature of Soukoku. But at some point, people began to view their relationship through a much more uncomfortable lens, distorting the original canon. Chuuya behaves with Dazai in a way that is entirely unique, but this is not a flaw — on the contrary, it is that “special” way of perceiving a person that is rarely seen with anyone else.

Soukoku spent several years side by side. They understand that if something the other did truly hurt them, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place. They are mature, civilized people capable of dialogue and, when necessary, taking each other seriously. Society itself was the one to equate this with intimacy and, after that, became angry at its own interpretation.

I dare say that their relationship is almost healthy — at least, considering the moral norms of their world, which is distorted and distinct from ours due to the existence of ability users. Both of them enjoy their quarrels and teasing. Dazai actively seeks to get under Chuuya’s skin, and Chuuya cares about him despite it.

If the problem lies in how much they mean to each other, then there is no room for argument. Both Oda Sakunosuke and the Flags were of different importance to Dazai and Chuuya, respectively. But for Chuuya, Dazai is just as important as the Flags. For Dazai, Chuuya was just as important as Sakunosuke. However, human psychology and grief for the deceased remain unchanged regardless of logic.

I won’t bring up Storm Bringer as an example since they were younger there, and many moments are too controversial.

But I will reference BEAST, where Dazai “kills two birds with one stone.” In BEAST, memories intertwine with the original and with other universes. Here, Dazai aims not only to preserve Oda’s life in this world but also to free Chuuya from regret because he knew what kind of person Chuuya was. Dazai intentionally tried to make Chuuya hate him — to make him wish to kill him with his own hands. But Chuuya isn’t that kind of person. Even after Dazai’s death, he was torn between two opposing feelings: hatred for not having been the one to kill him (though he had every right to, considering all he had endured) and grief because he still had an emotional attachment to Dazai. Chuuya is someone who bonds with others emotionally, and that attachment to Dazai never fully disappeared.

In the original universe, Dazai actively seeks to maintain their connection, unlike BEAST, where he pushes Chuuya away. Yet in both universes — the original and BEAST — Chuuya walks the path of literal self-destruction. (It’s worth remembering that Chuuya is always extremely cautious about using Corruption and tries to avoid it by any means possible.)

In Dead Apple, he activates Corruption to save the city. The problem is that, if Dazai had not been alive, Chuuya would have wiped out the entire world by himself, only to die from the effects of Corruption. But Chuuya believed Dazai had already considered this part of the plan and trusted that he would be saved.

In BEAST, however, driven by rage and emotion, Chuuya activates Corruption to destroy the Agency and, seemingly, everything around him. He knew it would kill him. Dazai even says this aloud in the film. And Chuuya still went through with it. He consciously chose that death, those sacrifices.

The status Dazai held in BEAST, as well as the accumulated trauma from past losses of loved ones, affected Chuuya so profoundly that he became paranoid when it came to Dazai. He evaluated every possible outcome, every possible threat, and constantly criticized Dazai for his recklessness.

Soukoku has a brilliant dynamic. We just need more time to fully appreciate it.

[musings-ofthe-unamused]

Until the Final Bullet Pt. 1(Call of Duty)

Pairing: Price x Reader

Word Count: 2020

Warnings: Violence, angst, military men

A/N: Imagine getting stuck in the UK during the apocalypse that would suck. Also read the other parts of the series here!

Everyone knew it was coming. Years and years of nonstop war would surely lead to dire outcomes. And that outcome was the apocalypse. What people didn’t know was that the cause was a zombie outbreak. It had to be a zombie outbreak. 

You always told yourself if this ever happened, you would swan dive straight off the roof of a building. Who wants to live a life surrounded by rotting flesh monsters? Not you. It was enough that the apocalypse had broken out while you were on vacation, but the fact that it was zombies made matters worse. Much worse. 

You crouched in the back of an abandoned supermarket. It had taken you days to make your way over here without attracting any attention. Everything was a complete mess. Fires, overturned vehicles, houses ransacked. It was hard to find supplies and it’s only been two months since the outbreak. You took a can of beans and stabbed into the lid with your knife. It made a hissing noise and juice bubbles from the hole. 

Gross. 

Back in the good ole USA, you would’ve been in luck. Every food had much more preservatives than anywhere else. You could’ve had your fill to eat. Yet, you were now eating sad British food. Beans. Not even the good baked beans, with little bacon pieces. Cold, wet, and flavorless beans. You used your knife as a spoon and shoveled them into your mouth. At least it was better than nothing. 

You didn’t know how much longer of this you could take. You missed having junk food for dinner, you missed being able to walk around with the threat of being bit, and you missed fresh. Fuck, you really missed it. Everything stinks literally. As you ate, you thought of what your plan was. Killing yourself? Raiding all the stores you can, gathering supplies, giving them to a group of people, and then killing yourself? No. If things were better and you had a lover, you could've been all poetic and turned with them. Instead, you were lonely.

You were pulled out of your thoughts as you heard a groaning noise. And then several others. The thought of going out by being eaten by a group of zombies was the least appealing way to die. You made your way silently through the supermarket towards the toy section. You grabbed the loudest looking toy you could before heading outside. There was a small horde of zombies just outside. You counted them, for a total of four. You could have easily killed them, but you didn’t want their rotting guts and blood all over you..

You silently opened the door and slid out. With a quick hand, you turned on the toy that’s glaringly loud. You threw the toy as far as possible. The rotting creatures immediately were on high alert and slowly trudged towards the noise. You slowly walked backwards, keeping an eye on them in case they decided to turn around. After going a sizable distance, you turned to escape. Hands grabbed your shoulders.

“Hey there, lass.”

Your immediate reaction was to clock the stranger right in the face. But he was obviously way stronger than you. He grabbed your fist and squeezed it tightly. Your eyes narrowed. The man was tall, with a faux hawk. He had a goofy smile that was a start contrast to his tactical gear that he wore. There was a patch on his vest, Military.

“Let me go.”

“Now, now.” He clicked his tongue, releasing your fist. “I won’t hurt you.”

“That’s what everyone says.” You pushed past him. “Now if you excuse me, I’d like to be away from the horde of zombies before the toy shuts off.”

You started to walk away. He followed, Of course he did. Why wouldn’t he? You try to walk fast to keep your distance, but it was no use. He had on that same goofy smile.

You sighed. “Why are you still following me?”

“Because that was a good trick you used. Using toys to lure the zombies away. How did you come up with it?”

“I didn't. I saw it in an anime.”

“Oh.”

“Why are you following me?”

The man grinned, the lilt of his accent heavy. “I’m not. I just happen to be going in the same place.”

You got even more suspicious. You had to run into your fair share of people that seemed friendly, but would end up robbing you blind. Of course, you’ve seen enough zombie movies and played enough games to know better. Your hand rested on your knife holster. You gripped the handle, ready to strike.

“My name is Soap, by the way.”

“Really?” You raised an eyebrow and he nodded. You scoffed. “Ironice. You smell like ass.”

“Not worse than the zombies though, right?”

“No comment. Now stay away.”

You kept walking. The man, Soap, didn’t listen to you. You didn’t know where you were going, exactly, but you knew you didn't want it to be around this man. So you kept walking through the empty streets, hoping that he took the hint and left. But he didn’t. He also wouldn’t stop yapping about some random shit that you had no interest in. Ten minutes later, your knife was pressed against his neck.

“Stop following me or I’ll kill you.”

“That won’t be necessary.” A deeper, much darker voice said from behind you. You could feel the tip of a gun barrel now pressed against the back of your head. You closed your eyes and slowly lowered the knife. You turned to see the man. This guy was even bigger. The clothes he wore were similar to that of Soap’s. He wore a skull mask, making him even more intimidating than the other guy. There was no way you could take them. In a fight, of course.

“Using a gun? Really?”

The skull face shrugged. “I don’t see any zombies around here.”

“Yeah, that’s what they all say. Then they’re eaten.”

Soap laughed. “You’re a pessimistic one, aren't you?”

I just rolled my eyes. “Whatever. I won’t cause trouble , so let me leave.”

“No can do, sweetheart.” Skull face replied. He placed the gun back in its holster. “You shouldn’t be traveling around.”

“Ghost is right.” Soap said, crossing his arms.

Great. Two big and buff guys won’t let you leave. This is just peachy. You hated being a group, but you hated military men even more. They were nothing but disgusting and violent assholes that are no longer barred by the law. Bad news. But what was pissing you off even more was the fact that they assumed you couldn’t take care of yourself. Which you totally could.

“I’m fine on my own.”

Ghost eyed you. “With as frail as you look?”

“I hate British food.”

“Can you even use anything other than a knife?”

“I can use a bow or crossbow.”

“No guns?” Soap asked.

You shook your head. “Guns are too loud. Plus it’s hard to find bullets.”

“Then come with us. We’ll help.” Ghost said. “We have a whole entire base filled with food,water, and weapons.”

“No. I don’t trust the military.”

“Special forces, lass. We’re special forces.”

“Doesn’t make a difference. Goodbye.”

They didn’t try to stop you. Instead, they followed. If you were stronger, you would have killed them on the spot. But alas, you were just a normal citizen. Kind of. Your eyes scanned the terrain as you walked. There were always at least one or two zombies around. And as if on cue,  one appeared hobbling down the street.

“I got it.” Soap said, taking out his gun.

“Don’t-“

It was too late. Soap shot the zombie straight in the head. The sound was loud and rang out in the empty streets. That’s when the rest of the horde showed up. There must have been ten of them, if not more. You facepalmed, angrily turning to face the two military men.

“Are you guys idiots?”

“Watch it.” Ghost growled. “This isn’t the time to insult us.”

Soap frowned. “It seemed clear enough.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s how it always is. If there’s one zombie, always assume here’s more. I thought the special forces were supposed to be smart.”

Instead of listening to what they have to say, you quickly ran ahead, looking for cover. There was a large walled area ahead. The walls were made of makeshift metal haphazardly welded together. In front of those walls were bushed that you promptly hid yourself in. You stayed completely still as the horde made their way to the noise. This wasn't going to be your problem to deal with. As soon as the horde descended on the two military idiots, you'll make your escape. 

A loud boom shook your body. You clamped your hands over your ears and your eyes squeezed shut. Before you could even get your bearings, the noise happened again. More gunshots joined in. It was official. You probably were going to die here because of the trigger happy men around you. You tried to make yourself as small as possible and wait for a moment of silence. If that would ever come.

"Kid."

You kept your hands over your ears, even as the cacophonous shooting stopped. A hand clamped down on your shoulder. The rancid scent of rotting flesh didn't immediately hit your nose, so you knew that this was a human. You slowly opened your eyes and lowered your hands. As you stood up, you saw that Ghost, Soap, and two strangers were staring at you. You cleared your throat awkwardly.

"So… y'all always attract zombies like this?"

Ghost scoffed. "Thanks for running away. Real tough, huh?"

"Okay," You crossed your arms. "It's not my fault you decided to be an idiot and use a gun to kill a zombie."

"Enough." The man with the bucket hat and mustache stepped in front of you, blocking your view of Ghost. "Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?"

His eyes were kind and soft as they traveled over your face. His hands were on your shoulders, giving you a reassuring squeeze. A sense of comfort washed over you. It had been a while since you felt this way. You nodded silently.

He gave you a smile. "Good, good. I'm Captain John Price. You can call me Price."

Your nose scrunched and that comfort morphed into disdain. "And I'm making my leave."

"Aww, c'mon!" Soap whined your name. His lips formed a pout. "We just saved you from a horde of zombies!"

"That you guys attracted! I'm not staying with a bunch of trigger happy military freaks."

"Price…" Ghost warned, his eyes boring into yours. "Do something."

Price waved his hand to calm Ghost down. He then gave you another smile, his eyes crinkling. "Stay with us just for the night, sweetheart. You can have a shower and some food. Then after you're rested, you can make your decision."

You hesitated. You had enough food and you knew how to survive a night out here. But a shower? You looked at the group of men. Maybe while they were asleep you could snag some stuff for yourself and then leave without them ever knowing. You nodded once. Price's smile went to a full on grin filled with sunshine. 

"Great. Come this way."

The makeshift wall had a gated entrance just a couple of meters away. Your eyes widened as the group led you into their base. And it was a big base. Trucks, a tank, several buildings, and a long row of tents were spread out before you. People milled about. From soldiers to families, it looked like a whole town. A sinking feeling filled your stomach. You never did well around big groups around this. It always ended up badly. 

Your steps slowed down. "Uh… I-I think I changed my mind."

Soap linked his arm around yours. "Don't be scared, lass. We don't bite."

"That's not-"

"You're staying here and that's final." Ghost grumbled, coming up on your other side. They had blocked you in. 

"I'm so going to regret this."

[thealchemistsfantasy]

Will and Henry's bond

One of the most interesting aspects of my interpretation of William Afton is this indestructible hope that someday, somehow William and Henry will be friends again. After all of the crimes that they both commit, the lives that they end up taking, the harm they dish out to one another, Will believes that there is still hope for them. He is also genuinely upset when he realized that forgiveness never entered into Henry's mind after he figured out what Will had done.

He refuses to believe that their relationship is broken, that there is no restoration between them and whatever care Henry felt for him has long since past. It's never over, there is always hope, there is always reconciliation, at least to Will. For Will, it doesn't matter how much he is hurt by Henry because it's simply another hurdle for their relationship.

Charlotte's murder at the hands of William; still hope. Elizabeth's murder indirectly by Henry; still hope. Framing Henry for murder; still hope. Murder attempts made by each other on each other; still hope. It's never over for Will.

"I had hope, that one day we would be able to see beyond this. Hope that things could have turned out in our favor. Forgiveness never entered into it for you, did it? You never thought further beyond what you wanted. What I felt, I only felt because you wanted me to." - Afton after he realizes Henry had Elizabeth killed and was manipulating him.

No matter how many people die, families torn apart, memories forever tainted, towns forever haunted by tragedy, their worlds in ruin, there is always a possibility of reconciliation in Will's mind with Henry. It doesn't even matter if Henry hates him. It doesn't matter if Henry truly even forgives him as long as their relationship together can continue, as long as there is hope that they can move past all the damage they've caused.

Elizabeth, a child that he himself fathered who carried his own blood, is dead by Henry's actions. It was on purpose, and Henry told him as such. Still, surely it can be fixed. Will is upset, but their friendship can be fixed. It hurts sure, the knife has been twisted and pushed so deep that the monster can even shed a tear over the betrayal. The months and months of deception, all of the lies Henry said. It genuinely aches, but it can still be put back together.

Especially given the context. William had agreed to help Henry bring Charlotte back to life using remnant, to be able to allow her to live the life she never got to have. Will is willing to oblige Henry's request for help. Only, that isn't what's happening, and Henry is biding his time to strike and months later, he reprograms Circus Baby to kill Elizabeth.

It upsets him, he sheds a real tear over this betrayal and is angered and frustrated, but he remains calm with him and believes that they have a lot more progress to work on before reconciliation can begin. Nothing Henry does can fully sever that bond in William’s eyes. The worst actions, the worst betrayals, simply become part of the story. They are, in William’s mind, just more pain to work through together. Every attack Henry launches, every strike against him, is an obstacle to move past, but never something that completely ends things.

Will’s need for Henry completely supersedes any sense of self-preservation or even rational thought. His emotional attachment to Henry becomes so consuming that it outweighs his own suffering, the damage to his psyche, and the very real consequences of their actions.

Will is emotionally subservient to the idea of reconciliation with Henry. The pain doesn’t deter him; in fact, it seems to make him more determined. Each betrayal, each wound inflicted, only reinforces his belief that their bond is worth whatever agony he endures. There’s almost a sense of masochism in it—he’s willing to endure any level of hurt, emotional or physical, because the idea of Henry and the bond they shared is more important to him than any fleeting sense of comfort or peace he could achieve on his own.

"I will wait for as long as necessary for time to heal the wounds I've inflicted upon you. If it comes to you tomorrow, if it comes for you in a year, if it comes to you in a million years. I will wait."

He never gives up on it. His belief in their bond will never die, it will never fade away. You can show him its rotting corpse and he will say it's only a slight hurdle. No matter what they do to one another, no matter how much destruction is left in their wake, it all can be fixed. Their bond can be repaired.

It can always be put back together.

[anthurak]

Where do you see Sera's arc going in S2 onward? Even though she was the one who authorized Extermination Day, she seems sincerely regretful over it and largely sees it as a necessary evil to protect Heaven, unlike Adam and Lute who only carry it out for sadistic pleasure and bigotry against Demons. Do you think after seeing that redemption for Demons is possible thanks to Angel Dust and Pentious's actions she'll either change her stance or double down on her extremism out of paranoia and denial?

So I touched on this when answering your ‘Are the Exorcists a cult?’ ask a few months back, but I’m pretty sure that Sera is going to end up being one of the main villains of Hazbin.

Like considering this look, I think it’s pretty clear the only ‘sincere regret’ Sera feels related to the extermination is that Emily found out and now thinks less of her for it. I mean we already know that she was the one pulling the strings on Adam and the Exterminators behind the scenes.

I do think that unlike Adam and Lute, Sera isn’t motivated by any kind of sadistic pleasure, but rather through fear and a fixation/obsession with maintaining ‘order’, ie; ‘the status quo’. And of course is no less bigoted then Adam and Lute against demons.

I imagine Sera justifies the extermination as a kind of ‘necessary evil’ to prevent conflict between Heaven and Hell. A very ‘We NEED to keep the demons subjugated, otherwise they’ll surely rise up and make war on us!’ kind of circular justification. I also wouldn’t be surprised if Sera tries to make some kind of ‘retroactive justification’ to Emily for continuing the extermination, saying something like ‘Yes, starting the extermination in the first place may have been regrettable and hasty, but we can’t stop doing it now because if we do, the demons will surely rise up against us in anger!’.

And I think going forward we’re going to see Sera push more into a ‘knight templar’, ‘fundamentalist’ mindset, becoming more obsessed with preserving the status quo, no matter who she has to hurt to enforce it. Thus becoming in some ways even more dangerous than Adam and Lute were.

Like whereas those two were simply straightforward sadistic bigots who got off on killing sinners, I can definitely see Sera doing a lot more moralizing to justify any of her actions. Say, going on a whole ‘everything I do, I do to defend Heaven and our kind!’-type rant to Emily.

To wit, I have a pretty good feeling that Sera is going to be absolutely fucking TERRIFIED at the sight of Sir Pentious actually ascending into Heaven at the end of season 1, simply because the fact that sinners actually CAN get into Heaven is one of the massive revelations that could upend EVERYTHING in Heaven society.

Or at least that’s how Sera is likely to see it. And thus probably go to considerable lengths to keep what happened from getting out.

In fact, as both word of Sir Pentious and the truth about the exterminations start spreading among the ‘winners’ and even other angels in Heaven, I imagine we’ll start seeing quite a few sympathetic to the sinners and demons, particularly Emily, start becoming quite vocal about Heaven’s treatment of those in Hell.

And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Sera, and other angelic higher-ups, start trying to, shall we say… SUPPRESS those outspoken voices.

As we saw in Helluva Boss, Heaven is an amazing, perfect place to live… so long as you don’t stray so much as a millimeter out of line.

[devastator1775]

Uzi needs an extra dose of TLC from Dr. N!

Summary: N is always there for Uzi. He's always more than happy to give her some affection. Especially when she's having a bad day.

The sound of the door slamming shut made N look up in surprise from the book he was reading. Was Uzi home from work already? He turned on his internal clock and found himself surprised at how late it already was. It’s funny how times flies when you’re reading “1001 surprising facts about Golden Retrievers & basic door maintenance”.

“Hi, Honey! How was your day?” N called out as he closed his book.

No answer.

“Uzi?” N called out again. Again, no reaction from her. That surprised him. Normally she would greet him and then go off about – in her own, caring words – the ‘woeful idiots without any sense of self-preservation or basic common sense’ had visited her clinic that day. No matter how much Uzi Doorman might love her job, she still hated interacting with people. It was one of the few things that never really changed since the day they’ve met, now so many years ago.

But this silence …

N stood up from the couch and made his way towards the hall. As he turned the corner he saw Uzi walking up to him. Her expression was blank – in the most literal sense, as her visor didn’t show anything. Before N could ask what was going on, she had rushed forward, closed the distance between them, bonking her head against his chest, her gaze downwards and arms wrapped around his waist.

Now this felt worrying to N. It wasn’t like that Uzi avoided affection – in fact, she could get quite cuddly when it was just the both of them lounging on the couch after a long day. While she was always very eager to accept any form of physical affection when N offered it to her, she would rarely be the one to initiate it. At least, not out of the blue, like she had done now. It wasn’t like her. Something must have happened.

“Uzi?” N asked cautiously, slowly bringing his hands unto her shoulders. “Uzi, are you okay?”

Uzi shrugged.

“Did something bad happen at work today?”

After a few nonresponsive moments, Uzi shook her head.

A soft smile tugged at the corner of N’s lips and started rubbing her shoulder. “You want me to cuddle it better?”

Uzi didn’t respond for a few moments, but eventually N felt her pushing her head harder against his chest.

A sly grin formed on N’s lips. “Well, I’ll take that as a yes.”

The soft gasp, quickly followed by the giggle Uzi made as N suddenly lifted of the ground made whatever mechanical device that resembles his heart flutter, but the way Uzi instantly clung to him nearly made him melt. She almost desperately grabbed onto his jacket, digging her fingers into the fabric. She pressed herself so tightly against him, as if she wanted her body to have as much contact with his as possible. N couldn’t help himself of blushing as she nuzzled against his cheek, moaning softly as she did. He could however feel how tense her entire body was.  

N smiled as he pulled her closer against him as he made his way towards the couch. He knew Uzi better than most people. Uzi often played it cool, presenting herself with this air of independence and self-reliance, a person who was strong and steadfast, but N saw right through that. The years without a mother caring for her, a negligent father that showed more love to doors than his own daughter and peers that wanted nothing to do with her had left a mark.

Uzi craved affection in all its forms, even more than she would admit; and N was more than happy to oblige in providing it for her.

“Woah, someone seems needy tonight.” N chuckled as he sat down on the couch, allowing Uzi to get a bit more comfortable. He could hear her grumble a response, but the way she had effectively buried her face into his chest it was barely audible. Sensing she still was tensed up, he placed his hand on her back and started softly rubbing it in a circular motion. After a few moments passed, he felt her relax. She eventually removed her face from his chest and pulled herself up to rest her chin on N’s shoulders, prompting N to start caress his fingers through her hair.

N resisted the urge to ask Uzi anything, knowing very well she’d tell him eventually what was bothering her. As on cue, he suddenly heard Uzi let out a wistful sigh.

“A mom and her daughter came by the clinic today.” Uzi spoke up. “This spry, curious kid, recently transferred from Untrained Neural Networks to a new body: one of those new “JCJenson toddler models” Tessa designed for us, y’know?.”

N hummed an acknowledging response.

“Nothing was wrong with her, too.” Uzi continued. “Just a regular check-up; seeing if the personality matrix was attuned to the new body, oil level check, things like that. Completely healthy and ready to grow up in this safe new world we helped make for her.”

“Something you should be proud of, Uzi.” N commented.

Uzi let out a soft chuckle, before sighing again.

“So …what happened?” N finally asked.

“Nothing, really.” Uzi replied. “It’s just …I was looking at how this young mom and her kid: all happy, laughing, playing games while they waited and …I don’t know, I got …envious or something?”

N waited for Uzi to continue.

“I never knew my Mom.” Uzi continued softly. “And what I eventually did ended up knowing about her …. But still, I …I sometimes wonder what it could have been if she had been around when I was growing up and that thought just …wouldn’t. Let. Go.”

N had no idea how to respond, but he felt like he couldn’t say nothing either. He was about to open his mouth to say something, but Uzi sat up, finally making eye contact with him.

“I know, it’s a dumb thing to get upset about and I shouldn’t be pouring this out on you, and-“

“Hey-hey-hey, what are you talking about?” N interrupted her, cupping her cheek and gazing softly in her eyes. “If I’m not the one you can go to when you’re having a bad day, then who will?”

Uzi smiled softly. “I know, N, but you do so much for me already and I don’t want to-“

N planted a finger on her lips, chuckling as a bright blush appeared on her visor. “And I will keep doing this for you, because I want too. Whenever, for whatever reason, you need some extra TLC, I’ll be happy to give it to you. I promise.”

Uzi opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, but nothing seemed to come out. She eventually smiled softly and leaned forward to plant a kiss on N’s lips, who eagerly accepted this. Uzi then started to nuzzle against his cheek, almost in a catlike manner.

“I don’t deserve you…” Uzi exclaimed softly, wrapping her arms around him.

“No, you do. You absolutely do.” N countered, pulling her closely against him. “You deserve receiving love and affection as much as anyone.”

N could hear Uzi sniffle. “N, I …thank you.” She kissed his cheek a few times. “A-and you do too! Maybe even more! I just wish I was as natural at it as you.”

N chuckled, endeared by her nervous tone. “Uzi, just the fact that you’re willing to try despite the trouble doing it naturally, means the world to me. You’re the world to me.”

“You’re a dork.”

“I’m your dork.”

“Wow, what an original counter argument, N.”

“It’s a classic.”

“You’re a classic!”

“That doesn’t even make sense, Uzi.”

“I know, bite me!”

“Maybe later.”

“Promise?”

Their banter went on for a while, throwing cliché sweet nothings back and forth at each other. Eventually, they fell into a comfortable silence, with Uzi resting on N’s chest. The latter was happy to see that Uzi’s mood had improved. N had just picked up his book again, when Uzi suddenly spoke up.

“N?”

“Yeah?”

“I …uh…”

“Yes?”

“I want a baby.”

“0_0”

[yerrrrrrrl]

You know what ruins me ?

The sibling bonds in demon slayer.

Usually i think about the shinazugawa siblings but NO. IM TALKING ABOUT THE KAMADOS TODAY

Imagine the pain of having to watch your sibling go through it time and time again just to protect you ? And the worst part is that it's applied both ways. Well it's not the worst because I think demon slayer is so good at showing what lengths you would go for your loved ones.

What takes me out every sing darn time is the first time tanjirou is trying to save nezuko. Imagine, he was walking home after a typical day, and a night spent away from his family, completely unassuming of what his neighbour had unintentionally saved him from.

That is, until he smells blood. Imagine the fear that makes his heart, his heart that has been raised to love and care, drop and ache with paranoia.

And then he's met with the horrible sight of nezuko, his closest sibling, resting in a pool of her own blood that stains everything, from her hair, to her face, to her clothes, to the child in her arms, to the snow that they lie one, to the snow that falls gently on them. His soul is already grieving despite the fact that all he feels is despair and confusion .

And demon slayer does a really good job at conveying that hurt and panic through they way they animated the scene:

And nothing is said, tanjirou just screams, devastated by the scene in front of him. What does he do ?

He must've felt the world just crashing around him as all that matters to him is taken away in the most cruel way possible.

As an older sibling, I can't even fathom the idea of losing my younger brother. Granted, he's not that young anymore. He's always going to be a baby to me. So when I first saw this scene, all I could imagine was the heartbreak tanjirou must feel. As well as the feelings of failure as he wasn't even there to protect his siblings.

THE PAIN DOESNT EVEN STOP THERE GUYS.

I think it's common knowledge that tajirous first reaction to his whole family being slaughtered isn't instant tears. It's just shock and disbelief that something so horrific has happened to him.

Even after he's processed that, his second reaction is to check if anyone is still alive. Which to me is just

BECAUSE HOW ELSE WOULD HE KNOW THAT NEZUKO IS STILL WARM ? HOW WOULD HE KNOW THAT NEZUKO IS THE ONLY ONE THATS WARM ???

imagine the rush of adrenaline his body gets when he realises that nezuko could still be alive ? Once again, Ufotable delivers with the portrayal of this as you can see it tanjirou's body language. The way nezuko has been hastily wrapped up to preserve as much of the little body heat she's still producing. The way tanjirou is moving as fast as he can as a 13 year old kid with another 12 year old on top of him. The way he literally says that his lungs feel on fire but he keeps pushing on because it's his little sister.

It's heart breaking.

Guys the kamado siblings actually have me in a clutch. They care so much for each other that it's so cute but devastating at the same time. I think this is one of the main reasons why I think that nezuko is the sole reason as to why tanjirou hasn't gone fully insane yet.

I mean, the guy sees ghosts at like every corner, but he doesn't even bat an eye. He has two very loud and hyper friends that he's constantly surrounded with. And a breathing technique literally no one has seen in a thousand years. And he questions none of it bruh, his sister is in his backpack. He's fine. There's literally nothing to worry about. lmao tanjirou is so funny for that *sighs sadly

tanjirou's grief is lowkey overlooked sometimes. It's cute that nezuko and tanjirou care for each other but it's also so sad to me as to why they are so close.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive

By Alana Kaufman

It started when my brain gave out on me in algebra class one January day in 2022. I couldn’t figure out a simple math problem; all I saw were numbers and symbols. My eyelids drooped, my head hurt, I could barely stay awake. Something wasn’t right.

I hadn’t felt like myself since getting COVID-19 a couple weeks earlier. Simple tasks like reading a text or standing up were draining. But what happened in that classroom scared me. At age 14, my life became a state of constant exhaustion, punctuated by doctors’ visits that, months later, would lead to a Long COVID diagnosis. Still, in those early weeks, I felt determined. I was a high-achieving student athlete always eager to accept a challenge—and I felt confident that I could get past whatever this was quickly.

That didn’t happen. And I had no idea how hard a road lay ahead—or just how dramatically the journey would reshape my perspective, outlook, goals, and relationships.

Two years after that initial episode, I’m 85% recovered. I can handle a full day of school. Brain fog and fatigue only reappear during intense projects or when I’m sick. I’ve also discovered a lot about myself, about invisible illness, and about the importance of friends and loved ones—lessons that can help anyone in the midst of a life-changing illness, as well as anyone wanting to offer help.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

Letting go is not failure I used to be a person who pushed myself academically, athletically, and personally. But with Long COVID, that only made me sicker. I knew I had to move in the opposite direction. I dropped half my classes, which felt like losing half of myself. But reducing my workload gave my body the bandwidth to heal. I hadn’t given up on life. I had simply changed my focus in order to find a new way forward. With chronic illness, slowing down isn’t quitting—it’s survival.

Small victories matter When you’re used to dreaming big and racking up achievements, it’s hard to accept that future success might look different. But chronic illness forces you to redefine what a “win” is. For me, it meant trading the goals of straight As and competitive swimming for getting out of bed and attending a couple of classes. With chronic illness, little moments like these become milestones. Celebrate them.

You can’t push through it Before I got sick, I believed that you could overcome anything with enough effort and discipline. So I attacked my illness with the same attitude, often overexerting myself in an attempt to regain my old life. But chronic illness doesn’t respond to sheer willpower. The more I pushed, the worse I felt. Sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is listen to your body and respect its limits.

Invisible illnesses are isolating People can have a hard time understanding what they can’t see. And since there was nothing visibly wrong with me, some assumed I wasn’t actually sick but had just given up on them. Friends stopped inviting me out. Teachers thought I had quit caring about schoolwork. The isolation I felt was one of the most difficult challenges of having Long COVID. Those who reached out and supported me have become some of my most treasured friends.

Healing isn’t linear The trajectory for many illnesses is to get sick, get rest, get better. But chronic illness isn’t that simple. Some days I began at 50% strength, others at 10%, and I never knew where the roller coaster would take me. The energy I felt one hour might evaporate the next. At first, my teachers and friends didn’t understand the sudden shifts. Of course, neither did I. But a low-energy day isn’t the same as not trying. It’s just part of the healing process.

Relapse anxiety can be paralyzing Even as some of my physical symptoms started to fade, I was always on high alert for a possible relapse. Every time I pushed myself a little harder, I worried that I’d end up back where I started. That fear held me back from fully re-engaging with school and activities I once loved. It was helpful to remind myself that I didn’t have to return to “normal” all at once—small, gradual progress was enough.

It can make you mentally stronger Chronic illness changes you. It forces you to slow down, rethink what success looks like, and find new ways of measuring progress. At the same time, it opens up windows into yourself and the world around you.

And what I’ve discovered is a new kind of internal strength and a new sense of self. I still pursue goals, but now they’re more personal, more purposeful. I feel more grounded in values that are authentically my own, and not based on what society expects of me. I’ve learned how to find meaning even in the face of limitations.

I’ve also developed a deeper empathy for those struggling with their own chronic illnesses. Listening without judgment, offering patience rather than pressure, and showing support without conditions: These kindnesses were key to my recovery, and they’re essential for anyone living in the darkness of chronic illness. Thanks to the examples of others, I’m now well-equipped to help those in need—and eager to repay the favor.

[rainingashes1002]

So after rereading the first few chapters to try and get back into the right headspace, I realized that honestly I worked too fast through this during a time I was very stressed and have ended up at a place where I'm just no longer happy with it BUT I have no intentions of abandoning this fic! I have a few options. I know where I'm the most unhappy is the escalation in the relationship happening so fast.

So option one, I can just edit the chapters to remove the sex scenes and mentions of them and just generally clean up the emotional part.

Option two, I could rewrite the fic starting with the third chapter. This would not be a complete rewrite as most of the fic would be preserved and scenes would just be added or tweaked to better close up some emotional things like Laios actually falling in love with Chilchuck, Laios' feelings on the baby and his dysphoria. I would also love to fix up Kabru's role in the story and his portrayal and also fix up how little Senshi, Thistle and Yaad appear. I was also clearly not thinking because a fake marriage was clearly the better plot device for this fic.

Or third option, I can just push through with the notes I have for the reconciliation chapter and the birth chapter but I'm concerned about how much time that will take me for write when I have no motivation for this direction.

So I'm curious what you guys think. I may not choose the route of the winning choice but I'm definitely going to take it into account.

Edit: Forgot to mention that no matter what I choose to do, I plan to leave the current chapters intact in some way outside of some basic edits I didn't catch the first time. I am unsure if I would just compile them into a chapter in the end or post the rewrite as a new fic or not but I don't believe in just deleting them completely

[meenawrites]

Cho Yeong and So-I – Narrative Foils

So I was thinking about this a lot yesterday but ended up just going to bed. I hope I can do my thoughts from last night justice.

What I think is really interesting is that the writers have subtly made a comparison throughout the show between Cho Yeong and So-I. They are each other's foils.

Now here me out.

Cho Yeong and So-i have both been handed terrible lots in life. We know a lot more about Cho Yeong's than So-i's (cause duh she's the main character), but we know enough about So-i's background to surmise what her upbringing was like for the most part.

There's no mention of So-i's parents by her EVER while every other character has mentioned their parent or parents at least once, leading us to believe that So-i may never have known her parents and is most likely an orphan from an age younger than Yeong.

We also know that she's from Sari Village, same as Mudeok, which from the flashbacks we see, doesn't look like a very nice place to live or a place inhabited by very well-off people. Her only close relation in Sari Village was Mudeok/Jin Buyeon, which I think is very telling of how she interacts with people. She doesn't form deep connections with people because she's focused on self-preservation. She doesn't become close to anyone in case she has to betray or con them to survive. Since she's no one's top priority, she's made herself her own at whatever cost. This attitude is super prevalent when she's going through all the steps to become Jin Buyeon, especially the scene where Jin Mu is launching shards of pottery at her and she refuses to even flinch, even when there's one like millimeters from her eye. She's got that grit of survival that goes beyond anything most people are capable of, I would say.

She has been a swindler/thief for years to survive, and again has no notable connections aside from Mudeok/Jin Buyeon.

This girl is well and truly on her own.

We can parallel this to Cho Yeong/Naksu. Naksu was orphaned at a young age as well, and has gone through hell to survive. She grew up basically entirely alone in Danhyangeok, raised herself, and trained herself to be ruthless all so that she could survive and even possibly get her revenge. She cast away all niceties and gentleness she may have had so that she can be strong enough to take care of herself. She too was her own top priority no matter what happens.

Cho Yeong also only had one notable connection while growing up, and that was Seo Yul. Seo Yul was her one friend in her teenage years that she was able to make, that she was able to be kind and gentle with because she couldn't afford to be like that with anyone else.

Where Yeong and So-i differ is this:

So-i, growing up through great hardship and having to rely entirely on herself to survive cast away all moral beliefs and principles in order to stay alive. She doesn't hesitate to kill who she needs to to survive, and even goes so far as to try to kill Mudeok not once but TWICE just to stay alive and stay Jin Buyeon. She has basically discarded most of her humanity in consideration of 'me, me, me, I have to stay alive'. Even later in season 2, she runs a gambling den and can be seen willingly torturing people and lowkey getting a kick out of it with no qualms. Even further, she was prepared to just send off Jin Buyeon/Naksu to Jin Mu with no worries, even going so far as to lock her in a room with knock-out gas. A bit crazy and heartless if you ask me.

Cho Yeong/Naksu however has NOT done that. As much as she has a reputation as a dangerous assassin who makes heads roll wherever she goes, we're told firstly that Naksu was known to never have harmed civilians or innocents. Additionally, when she found out that Yul was from the Seo family, one of the families behind the 'murder' of her father, she 1000% could have killed him or harmed him in some way. She could have justified it to herself under the guise of revenge, but she didn't. She pushes him away and basically lets him go with nothing more than a broken heart. Because she knows despite all the hurt that Yul is not to blame for what happened to her dad, that he is innocent in all that, and that he has been ineffably kind to her.

Furthermore, we have multiple instances in season 1 where Mudeok thinks about just killing Jang Uk and getting rid of him. She thinks she can do it, or at least she tries to convince herself. But every time she has a chance to or it would actually BENEFIT her own survival –like when that mage Gil-ju was like bring him to me or else I'll have you killed–she can't bring herself to do it. She even protects him quite a bit. We see her kindness as well in the way that she reassures Seo Yul many times, despite the very real risk that it could blow her cover, that she - Naksu - was okay in Danhyangeok, that it wasn't too rough for her even though she's under no obligation to.

The real climax for Naksu was when she was stuck in the ice stone with Jang Uk, Seo Yul, and the others. She could get all her powers back, shift souls with ANYONE she wanted at the drop of a hat, if she just let them all die. Should be simple for a cut-throat assassin right? She keeps telling herself she'll do it, trying to convince herself really. But she keeps stalling. She serves the crown prince and those goons that call themselves mages, she goes into the kitchen and decides to make Jang Uk the noodles that he loves, she tries to give the prince some honey cookies to lessen the guilt that she admits is consuming her with the thought of forsaking them all just for her own power. And in the end, she can't do it. She's been kidding herself. She goes crazy when she thought that Jang Uk died, and sets her sword aside not just for Jang Uk (though yeah she could never kill him we know that) but for all the people trapped in the barrier with her that are largely innocent (except So-i), that she cares about, and that she cannot justify to herself killing just for her own power gain.

This is why Cho Yeong/Naksu is great as a character and truly strong. She had a hard life yeah, and that skewed her morals, definitely. But she has not forsaken kindness or humanity like So-i did in the face of hardship. She tries to be all unfeeling and ruthless, but even back when she didn't even know Jang Uk that well, like when the soul-shifting detector dog (I forgot what it's called, my bad) had its sights set on her, she told him to step away from her, basically to protect himself and abandon her, which is totally contrary to the ruthless persona she tries to put on.

While So-i has abandoned any morals or principles EXCEPT when it comes to Seo Yul, Naksu hasn't. She is still capable of being kind and putting others before herself. How many times has she told Uk that if it comes down to it he should abandon her and protect himself?

Even in Season 2 when she finally remembers who she is, she puts Uk first and is ready to sacrifice her own happiness to do the right thing.

In this way, So-i and Cho Yeong are each other's narrative foils, both exemplifying the path and choices one can make in the face of hardship. You don't just become a bad person in the face of hardship, you choose to. And that's what is being shown to us.

I mean you can argue that Naksu ended up having more good people around her than So-i did, but also not really. So-i had Mudeok at a time when Naksu had nobody. Did So-i get in with the wrong people when she came to Daeho? Absolutely, but she also had more control over the situation than someone in her position would and was unnecessarily cruel at times.

Holding onto your morals/humanity in the face of adversity IS a choice, and that's what the comparison of So-i and Cho Yeong demonstrates.

I have more to say about So-i but that will be it's own post. I just wanted to put this out there before words failed me completely.

Let me know your thoughts!

[mollowosh]

Pouring Out of the Universe (Story)

Hello. As I write this, I reside on an intersystem floater called the C-0D4 housing roughly 120 people, a full hundred light years away from the nearest other celestial body. We exist between what little remains, at the universe’s last breath, as entropy takes its stead. It was, I think, in my fourth year of education that I learned how different the concept of “home” used to look for us. We were confined by gravity to little marbles, confined to the orbits of stars, confined to whatever resources were present on the plant before us. Where we began, one such marble named Earth, just happened to have all of the right tools for a young humanity to pick itself up and make itself at home. But eventually we found ourselves wanting and wasting things beyond what our quaint planet made for us, so we started to reach into the stars - we set foot on every last marble in the jar, perfected light-speed travel, we killed every part of ourselves bound to the sedentary and flew through reality like kites with cut strings.

It was in my fifth year of education that I learned about how, in the time when humans were trapped to Earth, they feared that perhaps there was no other life out in the universe. Looking back, with our species having touched every star and finding ourselves indeed the only ones around, I wonder why they were so worried, why it mattered to them at all. Perhaps it was because they lived in an era where annihilation was a constant possibility, that if come true would forever excise the great clockwork of life from the cosmos, the only thing ever like it to ever be.

The great dark looms just outside the C-0D4, separated by a thin pane of glass, barren of light. The whole of the universe is simply a battle of absence and presence, is it not? Well, a battle that’s rigged from the start - the great empty now spreads in a way life and light never have, most planets by now swallowed by their stars, those stars collapsed into themselves, even black holes evaporated into stillness. We are in the end times, a moment where energy and light folds in on itself and settles into rubble. 

Life on the C-0D4 is minimal and dull in keeping with the void that greets us outside. However, contrary to the typical purpose of a floater, we are actually moving. If you press your ear to the cold metal at the back of the ship, you can faintly hear the hum of engines that haven't before been used in my lifetime pushing us along a new journey. The engines sound, funnily enough, like recordings of natural wind on Earth, a sound I have never experienced firsthand. Early humans would probably be unimpressed with us, visions and hopes for all-powerful technology met with… this. The lights are dim and straining, the walls are cold to the touch, the meals are small - in a past life we had that grand machinery, but all of it took energy to run, and we simply cannot waste anymore. Everything must be perfectly kept to ensure passage all the way to The Terminal. 

The Terminal is simultaneously a complicated and simple thing to explain. All the way back to some of humanity’s earliest eras, we already knew that the universe was destined to end in coldness. It is simply the way of all things - as energy affects the world around it, it spreads out, and any force made to re-condense it can only be driven by more energy, until everything is flat and still. Our end is not a twist, betrayal, accident, or even a tragedy - only the way things must be. By my era, dubbed the “Preservation Age,” almost all scientific resources were put into reversing this - perhaps we could facilitate another big bang, or discover deep within some well of physics a method to turn energy back from its sedentary state, some even looked into a way to rewind time to the beginning, to start again - none of it amounted to anything. There is no avoiding the end of this story, just slowing it down. 

But then, eventually, we made a breakthrough. Just one. From our many eons researching the end, we developed extensive technologies to track and map the movement of energy all throughout the universe, and just a few hundred years ago spotted a potential anomaly: roughly 400 light years away, energy is vanishing. A single spot of indeterminate size where energy, light, and matter enter but don’t emerge. Not spreading out or being used, but disappearing altogether - because everything is far and few between, it’s a very small and slight disappearance, but most certainly there. It’s not a black hole, it’s not hungry nor destructive, merely a place where things go away. We called it The Terminal.

It goes without saying that this is the only anomaly of its kind we’ve ever found. In an ocean of cold determinism, one spot of complete inscrutability. It looks, on diagrams, like a drain in a bathtub of light. 

That’s about where the science ends; everything else is speculation. Imagine us, so desperate and tired from being confronted by the end of everything day in and day out, suddenly faced with a possibility of escape. The celebration was quiet, as all things are in this time, but everyone on the C-0D4 regarded this as something vast. There are two primary trains of thought - first, perhaps The Terminal could be explained as some kind of path to another universe, a one-way entrance that populates the next place with whatever it collects. Second, and much less optimistically, it might be that the sink visible around The Terminal absorbs because it is a vacuum that’s equalizing with the space around it, a mere pocket of emptiness that by its nature draws in anything it comes by. If true, and we enter, that vacuum could rip apart our vessel. In essence, The Terminal is most likely a hole of sorts to another place; whether its nature is due to that place being more alive or more dead is impossible to know. 

So it’s a gamble, then. I don’t really know what I believe, but as I go about my life stuck on the C-0D4, left only to contemplate my existence as a bacteria in the gut of a dying organism, I can’t help but find this vision of somewhere new extremely compelling. There is no noise, but the noises we make. There is no light, other than what shines from us. The sky is empty, waiting for something else, and I think in a way humanity is the same. 

We’ll be arriving soon, in just a few years. And one way or another, this story on the C-0D4 will come to an end. Perhaps our drawn out existence here at the end of the universe will itself be cut short, which really wouldn’t be so bad. Or perhaps, if we’re lucky, we’ll find ourselves with new winds to sail to and new marbles to overturn. Maybe there will even be others already there to greet us when we land. That would be nice.

[fizzycherrycola]

Malaysia/Singapore, 1921

On a dark, rainy night, Singapore finds himself in desperate need of a warm meal and a bright smile. Luckily, he has someone who cares for him very much.

Originally intended to be part of a Hetalia fan anthology, however I missed the deadline long ago. You can find it at @hwsrazzledazzle . This is my first time writing Malaysia and Singapore, so I hope I've done them justice. Please enjoy! If anyone notices inconsistencies or cultural mistakes, please let me know and I'll fix them right away.

December Rain 

Singapore; 16 December 1921 

“Governor, is there really no other way? We are in peacetime, so surely-”

“Unfortunately, this is the way it must be. Perhaps if relations between London and Tokyo improve, then these restrictions may be lifted. But from what I understand, it is unlikely that either of us will witness such a thing happen in the near future.” 

“...I see.”

“I know this is all rather irregular, but even so, I trust you will follow these new regulations once they come into effect. Won’t you, Singapore?”

“Yes, Governor Guillemard, of course.”

“Good. Very good! I had the sense when we first met that we would get along well. That you were an honourable, hard-working young man – or colony, I should say – and that you would cause no trouble. I’m delighted to see that is still the case.”

—

A torrent of water falls from the heavens in rippling sheets. People dart about, some on bicycle and some on foot. They splash through the wide puddles of the civic district, anxious to be home before the dark night sets in. The lucky ones squeeze onboard the bustling electric tram with their elbows and umbrellas poking through the open windows. Unfortunately, Singapore was not one of those lucky ones today. 

Clasping his cold hands together, Singapore rubs his knuckles. He huddles in the seat of his hired rickshaw, grimacing at his situation. The spats covering his shoes are terribly soggy and the rain has soaked his grey trousers up to the thigh. He leans back in his seat, sheltering beneath the rickshaw’s canopy, hopelessly trying to stay as dry as possible. Normally it wouldn't be an issue, but tonight... Malaya is visiting for dinner. It’s the first date they’ve had in months.  

There is a tightness behind his ribs and Singapore takes a steadying breath. He needs to dispel the stress of the business day and the terrible news he was given.

None of that matters at the moment. Even though his disheartening meeting with the Governor went on for much longer than expected, he should still make it home before Malaya arrives, because that silly oyen is often late himself. And to the rickshaw puller’s credit, they are speeding down the muddy streets. 

Eventually, Singapore’s abode reveals itself wedged amongst a long row of shophouses. The vehicle’s rickety wheels slow to a halt and the rickshaw man glances back expectantly. Quickly, Singapore tosses a few coins his way. Then, he hops out of his seat, over the gate, and dashes through the five-foot way. 

He pushes open the wooden door to his house and pauses, holding his breath. The darkened front hall is quiet and none of the oil lamps appear lit. Thank goodness. Tension floods from his shoulders and he releases a sigh. 

He slips off his shoes and carries them inside, hoping to wipe the leather dry and preserve his valuable Oxfords. His bare feet tap terracotta tiles as he pads through the front office, then the smell of firewood hits him, mingled with the aroma of red chili and garlic. Peeking into the hallway, he sees dim light and steam emanating from the kitchen in the back. 

His hairs stand on end and a second later he’s bursting into the warm room. 

“Why are you here so early?!” Singapore demands. 

Malaya flinches and glances up from the stove. “Oh, you’re here!” A bright smile blooms across his face, putting his crooked fang tooth on full display. “Welcome back!” 

“You’re never early! How did…?”

“Ah? I thought I was late. You said we would meet in the afternoon.”

“No, we said it would be in the evening.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” Malaya chuckles. “I thought it was strange when I walked in and nobody was home.” 

“Wait, what are you doing?” 

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m making dinner!” 

“But I was going to....” Singapore’s words fail him as he gawks at his kitchen. The mortar is smudged with trace remains of crimson spices and his stove is lit with the smoky haze of burning charcoal. Malaya tosses peppers into the wok and effortlessly works the sizzling heat like he was born for it. Singapore sighs. “Never mind. Let me take over from here.” 

Malaya laughs incredulously. “But I’m almost finished!”  

“It doesn’t matter. This is your first time in my new home! You’re my guest.” 

Malaya quirks an eyebrow and gestures to Singapore with the backend of his chuan. “Singa, you’re dripping wet. You’ll get rainwater in our food.” 

Baulking, Singapore looks himself over. His suit is darkened and heavy, leaking droplets onto the floor. 

Grimacing, he deflates. “...I’m sorry.”  

“Ah? You don’t need to apologise.” 

“No, I should have arrived earlier. I had plans for our dinner together; I wanted it to be special.” 

Smiling wider, Malaya seems to melt on the spot. “Sayang….”

“I can take over after I’ve changed.”

“No. This is my cooking now.”

“But–” 

“It’s fine. You work too hard!” Malaya steps away from the wok and nudges Singapore out of the room. “Quick! Go change out of those clothes before the food is ready.” 

Reluctantly, Singapore trudges upstairs to his bedroom, glancing back at the kitchen as he goes. 

Once upstairs, he takes a moment to tend to his Oxfords, the higher priority, before his own comfort. When he’s satisfied that the leather is dry enough, he peels off his wet business attire, shivering despite the humidity, and then towels his damp skin. Throwing on something clean, he pauses in front of a small mirror to tame his dark hair before returning downstairs.  

The dining area is bathed in warmth and an array of dishes decorate the table. Dinner is set out before him: tomato rice with ayam masak merah, a mix of chicken and dried chilies sambal. The saucy red soup glistens in the lamplight and Singapore’s belly rumbles. Malaya snickers, placing the finishing touches on the table and telling him to dig in. 

With a flush rising to his cheeks, Singapore thanks his companion and relents. He takes a bite of the chicken, and a burst of rich, creamy, spice hits his tongue. It’s so delicious that he sighs, the flavour bringing back memories of other rainy Decembers, long past. When it was just the two of them, huddled beneath a small, thatched roof.

“Abang, it’s so good,” Singapore says. “Thank you.”

“Anytime!” A wide grin graces Malaya’s face as he produces a gorgeous bottle of tapai rice wine and pours both of them a healthy glass. Then he sits as well, going for his tomato rice, and talking unabashedly between massive mouthfuls of food. “You know, I think your last house was better.” 

Singapore pouts. “Don’t say that, lah. I was hoping you would like it here.” 

“Well, ah… it’s not what I was expecting.”

“I was able to get this because my markets have been paying well. Would you prefer it if I returned to a timber attap house? Go back to my old kampong?”

Malaya sheepishly raises his hands in mock surrender. “No! It’s just very… different?”

“It’s closer to the city centre. And it’s modern.”

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry.” Malaya leans in and gives Singapore a quick kiss on the cheek – an apology. He leaves behind a few sticky grains of rice, and Singapore rolls his eyes before brushing them off. “You worked very hard for this, so I’ll admit, for a city house, it is really spacious and fancy.”

Singapore swallows a few more bites of food while considering his companion’s sentiment.

Indeed, the new dwelling takes some getting used to. Bought last July, Singapore’s abode stands three stories tall and has an elaborate, ornamental façade. Decorated with colourful tiles and plasterwork, it is more stylish than his previous place. If only the floors were worn in, and the rooms smelled of the forest, perhaps then this mass-produced building would feel more like a home. 

It’s no matter, though. He will adjust. As if reading his mind, Malaya pokes his elbow and gestures to the open courtyard. “Plant a garden in the spring; that will help.”

Singapore glances at the bare space and imagines it filled with kang kong, lemongrass, and chili plants. It warms his heart.

“That would be nice.”

Malaya polishes off his rice and sets the bowl down. “So, you meet with Guillemard today?”

“Ah… that’s right.”

“Mm! I’m meeting with him in a few days, too. What did he say?” 

Singapore ducks, suddenly very interested in the wood grain of his table. “I’ll tell you after dinner.”

“Come on, tell me. Is it good news?”

Weight settles on Singapore’s shoulders and bears down on his neck. “No, it’s bad.”

“Now I have to know!”

Singapore sighs. The locks in the back of his mind slowly release, allowing a bitter slurry of unease and gloom to trickle forth. He’s been holding onto this all day and he was never good at hiding things from his dearest.

“You’re not going to like it.”

Malaya downs a swig of rice wine. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

Singapore follows his lead, taking a sip from his own cup and allowing the burn to roll down his throat. He swallows, and means to slam the cup down, but it settles with a skittering series of taps. Is he nervous, or just upset?

“Guillemard said… beginning next week, we cannot have any contact with Taiwan, Korea, or any other kingdoms under Japan’s control.” 

The statement falls wet out of his heart to splatter ruin onto his new, tile floor. Malaya blinks, silent for a while, his eyes going wide.

“No, that can’t be right.” 

“Personal contact lah,” Singapore clarifies. “We can’t send them letters, telegrams, or schedule any visits.”

“Not even letters?”

“None.”

Malaya gapes. “Why would he say that? Did he have a reason?” 

“I couldn’t get all the details.” The morning and afternoon were like a whirlwind. Questions flew around the rooms of the Governor’s estate, from not just himself, but even the groundskeepers who he caught whispering in the halls. “I heard there was a conference,” Singapore continues, “and a treaty was signed. Somehow, this new treaty ended the alliance between England and Japan, but it was more than that. Apparently, there has been tension between them for a long time, maybe years. So, it is possible… perhaps a combination of different things ....” 

“Wait, wait!” Malaya cries, jolting Singapore out of his recollection. “Tahun Baru Cina!”

It takes Singapore a moment to understand. “What about it?”

“Taiwan invited us to celebrate with her. You remember; we were meant to visit her in that city... what are we calling it these days?” 

“Taihoku?” 

“That’s it!” 

“I’m guessing that will be cancelled.” 

Malaya releases a puff of air. “They can’t just cancel the New Year!” He slumps, staring forlornly at his empty rice bowl. He looks like a cat, longing for more food, as though that would be enough to fix all the problems of the world.

“Someone else might host,” Singapore suggests. 

“This is terrible,” Malaya mutters.

Singapore frowns at his wine, cloudy and glistening in the lamplight. He imagines it reflecting a sea of red lanterns as they ripple in the night air, a dream of years past. If he concentrates, he can recall the clamour of jubilant voices, the thrum of drums, and the crackle of firecrackers.

Gathering under one roof to welcome the New Year was a tradition they shared. Who started it and when, Singapore does not know, but every house he visited would be brilliantly decorated in a rainbow of colours, and every table would be packed to the edge with food. Different people would host and attend each year; a variety of familiar faces that came and went. Philippines, Vietnam, Siam, Manchuria, Korea, of course China, and more. Sometimes there were so many of them, there were not enough seats to go around! 

Occasionally, the turnout was smaller due to war, famine, or sickness, but it was always a pity when it happened. It’s still a pity now. Singapore sighs, again. “I’m sorry for ruining the evening with depressing news. This date was meant to be special.” 

Malaya blinks, returning to life, and shushes him. “You know, if you keep stressing out, your hair will turn white.” 

Something in Singapore's face must be betraying his feelings, because Malaya’s smile falls almost as quickly as it appears. He shuffles closer and secures a steady arm around his lover’s shoulders.

“Abang….”

Rain pitter-patters on the courtyard stone. The distant sounds of city life grow quieter as night falls. Is it raining in Taihoku as well? Is there a little girl on the other side of the sea mulling over the same sad news? Poor Taiwan. She’s still just a child; she won’t understand.

A knot has lodged itself in Singapore’s throat. Times like these serve as a potent reminder: it is the spiderwebs of alliances that shape their uncertain destinies. Of course, he is not a revolutionist. Order, harmony, and life are too precious to him. All he must do is keep his head down, work hard, and if he does that, he can get by. But sometimes… sometimes….

Without prompting, Malaya whispers, “I know,” and hugs him, lean muscle cradling Singapore’s thin frame. And Singapore doesn’t realise he is clenching his jaw until Malaya strokes his cheek and it slackens. Heat radiates through his ribs like an antidote. A rattling breath escapes his chest and his eyes fall shut. Their bodies slope together. 

They stay that way for long minutes. The weariness of the day begins to levy its toll on Singapore’s consciousness and his head droops. Safe in his companion’s arms, sleep tempts him. He almost doesn’t hear when Malaya whispers: “When do these rules start?”

“Next week,” Singapore murmurs.

Malaya’s lips press gently to his temple. “Then we will send Taiwan and the others some letters. We will wish them an early Happy New Year, before these awful new rules take effect.”

Shifting, Singapore meets his brilliant golden eyes. Dark umber bangs brush the tips of his eyelashes and a firecracker lights in his heart. His oyen is so handsome. They kiss and Malaya’s inviting mouth tastes faintly of chilies.

“Can I stay with you for more than a few days?” Malaya whispers.

“Of course,” Singapore says. “But is that okay? Won’t you get in trouble with the sultans?”

With a wave of his hand, Malaya dismisses the notion. “I’ll just keep begging my bosses until I manage to annoy them into letting me stay. Besides, my sayang is worth it.” A smile dawns on Singapore’s features and they entwine their fingers. Malaya nuzzles his hair. “And after I go, I'll come back in the spring to help you build your garden. We can plant some red hibiscus together.”

“...That would be nice.”

Suddenly, Malaya squeezes him tight and peppers his face with kisses until he’s laughing. And the spark in his heart becomes a booming firework display, so bright and colourful that it threatens to burst from his soul. 

Eventually, Singapore has to push him away, before things get heated and they make a mess of both their clothes and the dining table. He suspects there are red chili smears decorating his face. Malaya relents only after leaving a suggestive bite to his neck, practically purring with delight.

They gather up the dishes from the table, and as Singapore follows his companion back to the kitchen, he finds he is able to stand straighter. Malaya has a kind of resilience, a living strength that courses along the lines of his shoulders and blooms in the curve of his toothy smile. And Singapore has always found it captivating. Despite their misfortune and the struggle of navigating life, his oyen thrives and endures. How lucky he is to share delicious dinners and squander time with this special person. 

Singapore’s thoughts drift to the feathery bed that beckons them both and suppresses a shiver of excitement. Hurriedly, he plunges a bowl into the water basin and scrubs it clean, eager to indulge in the rest of their evening and the precious days ahead.

As long as he has Malaya, everything will be okay.

End / Fin

~~~

Author’s Notes 

Laurence Guillemard was the British-appointed “Governor of the Straits Settlements” and “High Commissioner for the Federated Malay States” from 1920 – 1927. 

“Abang” and “sayang” are Malay terms of endearment. 

Malaya/Malaysia’s national animal is a tiger, which is why Singapore calls him “oyen,” meaning: orange cat.

The first Singaporean shophouses were built starting in the 1840s, under the original ordinances laid down by Sir Stamford Raffles. Over the years, architecture styles changed but the houses remained popular until the 1960s. They are now considered important heritage pieces and are valued as historic examples of architecture.

An attap house is a traditional dwelling made with attap palms, which provide wattle for the walls and leaves for their thatched roofs. They are often found in kampongs (traditional villages) throughout South East Asia.

The Anglo-Japanese Alliance was a pact between the British and Japanese that was signed in 1902. Both parties benefited in various ways, including defensive strategies, trade, and cultural exchanges. However, over the following decades, the relationship would slowly deteriorate. It was viewed as an obstacle at the Paris Peace Conference following WW1, and then battered further by the 1921 Imperial Conference. It finally dissolved on 13 December 1921, when the Four-Power Treaty was signed in Washington DC.

Lunar New Year! In Malaysia, the holiday’s official name is “Tahun Baru Cina”. 

Taihoku was the name given to Taipei while it was under Japanese rule.

“...your hair will turn white.” It’s my personal headcanon that Singapore got his trademark streak of white hair from overworking himself in the 20th century.

[zehglitch]

The Fallen Angel

Ezephr's backstory

— 3

Content Warnings: Human experimentation, child experimentation, kidnapping, violence, toying with people, mentions of death, abuse/starvation, mentions of children killing each other, dehumanization, bullying, some harsh language

Chapter 3 — A Strong Girl

Today, he’d made his final decision. X1 was far too valuable to risk losing so early on…he needed to implement one of their tests prior to any contests. He was fairly interested in seeing what would happen to it inside of a growing body, but his main motive was preserving the subject. If he got to have a show from doing so, that was just a bonus. He had begun preparations early on, taking any children that managed to survive in the pit so he could perfect the project, test the limits of it. At this point, they had an abundance of important data.

Currently, he’d sent one of the cloaked to retrieve the angel, allowing him to sit back in the office chair and scan over the data. There couldn't be any mistakes in this experiment--none. He wouldn't allow his precious, rare chance to slip away from him so easily. Not now. Finding anything even close to the results he desired this early on in their project was exceedingly uncommon, to the point of never actually happening. He had his doubts, yes, but he’d also never had an angel before. This could very well open new opportunities for them.

He would like to get another one, but they lived in massive groups referred to as flocks. Each and every one of them was a threat on their own, but in their swarms you might as well accept your inevitable death. The only creature with no base element that developed any sort of unlisted magic you could dream of. He wasn't certain what led to them always varying in their power, seeing as inheritance had no affect, but had no way of confirming the cause. To him, that was detestable, but unavoidable. Not much he could do about it.

The doctor smirked. Well, until now anyway. He had an angel in his grasp for the first, and possibly last, time. It was exhilarating. Throwing about the possibilities in his mind for now, he spun the chair and pushed it over to the line of chemicals, double checking the process they were going through. The liquid was still coming out black, despite the many efforts made to keep it the same hue as blood. He hummed, moving on with a shrug. Oh well, that didn't change the quality. Color wasn't quite as important as the function. He looked at a bubbling tank. The implant was ready.

He heard the telltale sign of the laboratory door sliding open with a hiss, bringing him to swivel the chair and face who entered. Perfect, they brought the angel. Maintaining a faux smile, he calmly stated, “Ah, welcome, X1.” He crossed his legs, setting a hand on his knee while the other gestured around the room. “I’m glad you could get here unharmed.” He caught the barely suppressed flinch from his words and nearly lost himself. Mind on the matter, doctor. “Please, lay down over here.” He waved to a silver table.

His cloaked man set the wary child down before moving to block the door, arms crossed behind their back. Exactly as instructed. The doctor watched how the boy looked around the room, wondering what he thought of the items he'd never seen before. Patience…he could pick the boy’s brain as much as he desired later. What caught him off guard, however, was the defiant, closed fisted stance X1 took while staring daggers at him. “Why? Father, what do you want from me after abandoning us?” That was fairly surprising.

He felt both the outrage of his subject questioning him, and the absolute delight over the tenacity shown from a frightened five year old. Gorgeous. He tilted his head. “Whatever do you mean? I never abandoned you, I am simply waiting. Now, lay on the table and I will answer all your questions.” X1 clearly didn’t want to listen, but the doctor watched with satisfaction as the child gave in and approached the table. He didn't approve of someone simple minded, but he did enjoy someone who resisted, but still bent to his will in the end.

Once the angel was situated, having done so slowly and cautiously, the doctor rolled his chair over and offered the boy a smile. He was met with vague disdain. “Stay still, alright? This won't hurt a bit.” He hit the switch and watched with glee as the metal bars came up to restrain him. They snapped down quickly and almost painfully tight, preventing any form of real resistance without causing pain. Of course, the boy panicked…that wasn’t the best response he could've gotten, but it was expected. That's why the doctor frowned.

It was a tad disappointing to have the angel react how any child would, though he’d give credit for the unnatural silence. He turned away from the struggling child, only for his attention to be brought back when the boy spoke up. “You said you’d answer my questions. All of them.” The doctor gave the angel a cursory glance before waving for the boy to ask. “...why did you move us? What sound was mother making when you did?” He seemed to hesitate, as if he needed to think his questions through. “Why am I in here?”

The doctor turned only to retrieve the vial of anesthetic, filling his syringe. “You were moved simply for turning five years old. You had to relocate for the new batch of children and for your graduation. Your mother…I assume she must’ve been growling. It’s a nasty habit of critters, you see.” He tested the function of the syringe and went back over to the boy. “As for your being here…it’s simple, really. You’re better than the rest and I’m giving you my personal care.” To the point he planned to do this operation himself rather than delegate it.

X1 had such a fascinating expression over this information, but in the end he looked the doctor in the eye. Interesting…the subjects usually avoided that. “If…I let you do whatever, will you keep X4 safe and teach me more?” The man blinked in surprise, then gave a soft laugh while shaking his head. That was simply absurd. The boy had such a serious, yet hopeful expression, but he had no clue. The fool. He’d do whatever he liked to this boy…although it could be worth offering a reward. The doctor decided to make note of what had been asked for.

He clicked his tongue. “Ridiculous. As if you had a choice in the matter.” He swiftly injected the anesthetic in the boy’s pinned arm, then reached up and tapped the bar that was over his neck. “You’re just a useful product I’m improving. Don’t be mistaken. Perhaps if you win in the pit, I’ll consider your requests.” He watched the child fade away, patiently waiting for the medicine to take hold. When it had, he undid the restraints and removed the clothes, pulling the container holding the organ closer. “You certainly don’t need all these organs…”

☾︎☀︎︎☽︎

It…wasn’t that surprising they were being treated this way. From the beginning, trust didn’t exist in that strange home of theirs. Not for her. X4 readjusted, waiting patiently for her brother to come back and trying her best to not look around this place. It was full of screams, crying, begging…and not from her cellmates. She knew her change was bothering X1, but how could she explain the dark shape following him around ever since he got hit for their food. For her food. Why couldn't she just bring herself to move and get it without his help?

Guilt was eating away at her more and more as time passed in this cage. She let him heal her, but she failed to protect him. Instead, he used his body as her shield while she did what? Nothing. Nothing at all, except stare at the floor to avoid what she saw present in this cage. X1 was her brother, why couldn't she help him like she used to anymore? When he was taken away from her, she didn't even try to grab for him and…she saw the way his face twisted and tears formed in his eyes. But the worst part was his following resignation.

Did she…do something wrong? X4 chanced looking around their shared cage, trying to understand the situation. She was alone with that girl…and the others, but that girl was the scariest. Reaching up to fuss with her dirty, tangled pink hair, she attempted to distract herself. Would she get to eat with him gone? Probably not. She shook her head, then hurriedly avoided their eyes when that drew their attention. No, please just stay away and continue ignoring the quiet girl. She wasn't going to cause any trouble, they didn’t need to watch her.

She squeezed her eyes shut, wanting to block out the world as the voices flooded her mind again. No, please be quiet! Her hands went over her ears to block it out, but that never seemed to help. With a very soft whimper, she pushed herself further into the corner and wished she was hidden. She never asked to be able to see these things, to hear them…they were scary and loud and violent. X4 suppressed her shaking as best she could while biting her lip. She wanted X1 back, finding all her thoughts focusing on that gentle, kind boy. Yeah. She depended on him far too much.

☾︎☀︎︎☽︎

She finds herself woken up by a heavy force slamming into her shoulder. Dully, she hears someone shouting at her as well, but…she had a hard time focusing after coming out of sleep. The scary things were all screaming and cackling and making a raucous loud enough to disorient her. Then a dark foot came hurtling towards her face. With a gasp, X4 shoved herself away, sitting up and scrambling back from the attack. Her heart beat wildly, abandoning the thought of the stones digging into her skin in order to dodge another strike.

Focusing on her surroundings, it took her a considerable moment to distinguish between her cellmate and the strange, creepy things she could always see. What? Her cellmate was attacking her? She was never attack liked this before--oh. X1 wasn't here this time. In a hurry, she shoved her tired body off the ground and moved away from the older girl. Why was she being attacked anyway? The thought briefly occurred to her that she’d slept and X1 was still gone--where was she? Rather than allow her time to wake up, a new attack aimed for her and landed right in the gut.

Can't breathe. She clutched her stomach weakly, looking up at the angry girl and just staring at her. What did she want? X4, with a part of herself returning, managed to stand up and stare the hostile girl in the eyes, of course, she couldn't speak at all, but she wasn't backing down anyway. The girl sneered at her. “What? Just because that dumbass protects you, you think you're safe?” She waved around the cage. “He’s not here.” Her claws jabbed at X4 when she roughly poked the young elf. “And I’m tired of your smug face in my corner.”

X4 just continued to stare, but unlike X1 she couldn't hide the wince when a claw pierced her skin. However…she stepped forward, causing the claw to go in deeper. She wore a glare of her own as she rode through the burn. Faintly, she was aware of something cool streaming down her face, but she didn’t stop. All of this ended when the older girl slapped her, the force throwing her back to the floor. There was momentary silence in their cage, all of them taking in the situation. X4 was much smaller than the other girl, so it hadn’t been interesting in the slightest at first.

Now, they were curious. The older girl growled quietly at the elf. “You…are you just copying that crazy bastard now? I’m calling your bluff, right now.” She gave no time between her threat and swiping at the younger child with her claws fully poised for the attack. X4 bit her lip painfully hard when those claws ripped through her skin and clothes, then tried to kick her attacker. She stepped on her legs, stopping that effort before it hardly began. Her blue eyes, lacking a pupil from her race, stared at the other girl with contempt.

Of course, her attacker wasn't stopping, but the room suddenly exploded to life around the two. X4’s eyes were glowing as she shoved at the girl, shocking herself when an unknown force sent her flying. The elf sat there stunned, watching the creepy and scary things she’d always seen…protecting her. Her gaze darted to her cellmates, finding the angry girl already standing, but not approaching, just staring. Could none of them see this? She didn't stand, dully aware of a horrible ache in her legs from being stepped on, but she scooted away from everyone.

Momentary silence, then the girl shouted, “I’m the strongest here, you can’t do that to me!” X4 had never understood why all the older kids in the cages were obsessed with being stronger than everyone else. Still, that didn't change the fact that she was now being charged. With a nervous sound, she threw her hands out in the hope of defending herself…and watched as the scary things rushed for the girl. A gasp escaped her, seeing that girl being slammed against the bars of the cage. X4 blinked, catching sight of the name on her neck. Y12.

Her long, dark purple hair had always hidden her name and she never answered if asked about it. X4 studied Y12 for a long time, hoping she was okay but too scared to go over and check. If she did, she’d get hurt, right? And if she didn’t get hurt, then Y12 was hurt a lot more than she thought. She really hoped not. That would be really, really bad. X4 didn’t want to hurt her…well, she didn't, the scary things did. The elf looked at the creepy beings, stiffening when she caught them all staring directly at her, as if waiting for something.

She shuddered, a cold chill trailing down her spine. Before she could dwell on it, Y12 groaned and pushed herself up. As if she’d never been knocked down, her dangerous red eyes boring a hole through the child. Everything about her behavior screamed danger, causing X4 to roughly shove herself against the wall. There was an immediate response from the creatures around her, all of them swarming to be in front of her. There was a breeze inside the cage from their movement, and Y12 was studying it closely.

In the end, the girl clicked her tongue and turned away, storming back to the single bed available. “This ain’t worth it. You’re a breakable freak just like that other one.” She whirled around though. “But I control this space. You got that?” X4 didn’t supply a response, merely shrinking into herself and earning a scoff from the older girl. She watched the other lay on the bed, then hugged herself. Did this…mean she was safe? Was she going to be hit more later? Did she get hurt too? X4 squeezed her legs tightly. She didn’t like hurting people.

In the end, she was back to wishing her brother was here for her. Whether she did it or not, she felt like those things had hurt that girl because of her. She was the only one who could see them, after all. Where was he? Was he coming back? If he didn’t come back…she didn’t know what she’d do. She glanced at her other two siblings, catching them staring at her. Weakly, she offered them a smile, the same one she gave all her siblings back home. They both pouted, their bottom lips poking out and their eyes getting teary.

She shook her head slowly, knowing they might get hit if they came over to her. And yet…despite the bad situation, she was happy to see that they were still who she remembered. X2 and X3 were both so kind…whatever the others had been doing, they looked so scared. She wasn’t fully aware of what all had gone on in the very beginning. She could recall zoning out or covering her ears and eyes when the others would scream, but she also knew X1 had always been right in front of her throughout all of that. She wished he would’ve helped them too.

X4 turned away from them, wincing as the movement both brought pain and the sound of quiet whines from her siblings. She touched where it hurt, grimacing at the sharp feedback it earned. When she raised her hand, it was covered in blood. That…probably wasn’t good. Remembering something their mother had taught them, she ripped off the already torn part of her clothes and tried to wrap around the area. Turns out, getting fabric from clothes was really hard if there wasn't already a tear. Having learned that, she used the rip to get more when needed.

Every motion hurt, but she made an effort to get herself patched up. X1 could heal her when he comes back…she held onto that thought desperately. He will come back. She can do this badly and he’ll help her. He’s not gone. She tried to keep her mind off how two people would leave, and only one came back. That wouldn't be him. Her brother was strong…he was kind, but he wouldn't leave her. He told her so. She pulled the fabric tight and winced, but didn’t stop. Mother had told them it had to be tight. While finishing it up and barely maintaining conscious, she wondered again where her little brother went to, and…when he’d come back to her.

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