#no joy greater in life than making these little edits

[myfriendthedictionary]

hsr text posts that came to me in a dream (pt. 3)

more: part 1 | part 2

[rottengurlz]

toxic yuri vampires you will always be famous to me

[brujaluas]

how to speed up the connection with your future spouse

Hi, this would be a sample of what my paid readings are like and how I intend to do the readings on Patreon as well. I gave a lot of myself to this special edition, I hope you enjoy it.

pile 1 has slightly delicate subjects, so be careful when reading, I'm not very good with words and I end up being too direct. I'm sorry for anything.

everything about my paid readings and personal spells

pile 1

Right at the beginning I feel a bad energy, it even gave me back pain, you are hurting yourself a lot, it could even be physically, I'm sorry for saying this but I believe it is necessary to remove all the veils so that I can do a good drawing for you, continuing… you are hurting yourself and punishing yourself and this has been happening for a while now, it is painful and very painful, it is as if you think you deserve to go through this, you cultivate many bad habits with yourself, someone may have put this in your head or has harmed you too, I advise you to take a herbal bath, cleanse your energy spiritually, you are stuck in a painful situation, and you need to free yourself from it, I also see that you need to create greater responsibility, love It's something really beautiful, but keep your feet on the ground, evaluate people well, create greater maturity to manage your feelings and emotions, that's what you're asked to do, you have the key to your solutions, like that at the beginning, I'll be back to say again: you need to end a cycle. I know this is very difficult, it is something that requires a lot of patience and dedication and sometimes we are so exhausted that we feel like we won't make it, but you will. we will. You need to end this toxic cycle that you created with yourself, you need to do this so that true love finds you. Soon after you manage to complete this cycle, in less than two years, or even a year, you will find who you deserve. you can communicate over the internet first, some online contact, there is a vintage vibe between you, you can also like to communicate by letters, for many, I feel like it is a man, or someone with strong masculine energy, possibly, it is a foreigner, it can being from a different city or even a different country, with different habits, you may meet on a trip, or your future spouse may end up passing through the place where you live, it is a love that will teach you a lot, especially to mature your ideas and maybe even teach you some things about life, I won't deny it, there may be barriers in sight, it's not clear what it will be, but there will be some obstacles, it's as if the universe wanted to put you and your love to test so that they can be together, it could be a difference of ideas, geographically, someone in the family is opposed… things like that, but you love each other, and you have both gone through a healing process, this person went through it before, you more recently, but they are both fine, I see a bright future, very beautiful and full of joy, you waking up with a smile on your face seeing your love by your side, something like that.

Pile 2

I see you in a very happy moment, maybe you are even in a relationship with someone, I'm a little confused, unlike the other pile, this one presents excellent images at the beginning, it can also be a confirmation that your manifestation and prayers to find your true love are flowing, you can even meet in dreams and not know it, something that tells me that this connection is already activated in some way. It's beautiful, for some of you, I feel like you're older, or you have an old soul, you've been through a lot in your lives, true warriors, I'm impressed with the commitment you have to life and to you. A very beautiful and revolutionary healing happened here, or will happen very soon, I see you achieving emotional, spiritual peace, in other words, it is as if you became your best friend who is always in the stands cheering for you. I see many prosperous fruits, you can achieve a great career, some dream of being a mother or father here, I see you achieving this, you can have 2 to 4 children, I see you building a beautiful house and living with your love, what can I say? You look great, you can live in the countryside, because you want silence. you can make a lot of plans, you can move somewhere, or I see that some are living far away from their parents and after marriage they will move closer to them, your passion will make you feel a huge impulse, like seeing old friendships again, Going to places where you went as a child, with this euphoria you may end up doing things that are a little questionable, be careful with that, but even so I see the purest success here, you are learning very well to defend yourself and that is good, in the beginning The print run made it seem like you already know your future spouse, and I see that this feeling is because for some, it's an ex. you are undergoing immense progress and evolution, your future spouse is too, you are on the same level in everything, it's like it's something mirrored, there's nothing I can say, I think, just that you keep doing whatever you're doing, it's just a matter of time.

[isa-ghost]

Could I mayhaps have some hc!philza headcanons? Could be him in his hardcore, or how his time in hardcorr affects him now maybe? :D

OUGH YES.

So these will be operating off the theory that qPhil is hcPhil with his memory fucked up by the Federation. I'm gonna aim for "pre island, this is how qPhil was" but we'll see what happens as I actually write these LOL

What if I call these Pre-Dilf Edition in the masterlist SKFJSKFJSKFHF

10/10 would read the hardcore deity set I did recently to go with these :D

qPhil headcanons masterlist

He either had a flawless sleep schedule (early to bed early to rise ass mf) or no sleep schedule at all (spending 3+ nights hyperfocused on smth). It made for a very loopy Phil sometimes, which his murder of crows very much enjoyed

This man can fit so much joy and whimsy in him. Everything is awesome, everything is a breathtaking work of art and everything is decades of rich history to uncover. He loves life, he loves the passage of time, he loves teaching the murder about what he finds & restores

That's his main hobby besides being a survivalist, restoration and an informal form of archiving. He sketches the builds, takes notes on the deities, adds his own little touches to each place to make it a little prettier

He could fly for hours. Sometimes he'd fly aimlessly into late into the night, too immersed in sight-seeing and chatting with the murder

He had little altars in Flowerfall, Nether Void & Greater Spawn Islands for OO, BE, and Rose respectively. He'd leave little shiny things, trinkets that made him think of them, offerings like cooked fish or blaze rods or flowers in little offering bowls. Just as a nice, more direct way of giving them thanks for creating something so beautiful and allowing him to restore it to its former glory

He fucking loves swimming and fishing and hanging out at Endlantis, he'd just very aggressively avoid the cave that is EK's tomb. It was extremely haunted, he never got good vibes down there

He sometimes considers making his own remarkable build as a sort of "I was here, I too am a mark upon this history" but looks at his house and is like "mmmmbetter not" (he's an idiot, he could 100% build something cool, just probably not on the scale of the builds the gods have created. He'd probably create it for Goddess of Death, not even himself 💀)

Obligatory gapple addiction mention. It didn't start because of the murder, but he definitely used them as an excuse to further indulge once he started devoting eating one to the crows who'd been in the murder for a year. He never really had a reason to quit, or worry about the addiction, so he never experienced negative effects from it. Gapples aren't exactly harmful, just.. tinged with just enough magic to infect the brain. (He never experienced withdrawal misery on QI bc the Feds wiped his memory so his body had no idea it should be having a bitch fit =) )

Semi-related, he loved the days where he and the murder lacked the motivation and focus to do restoration things so they'd just fuck off in a random direction for ages and go on loot sprees. Nothing more exciting than hunting for more god apples :D

He started out liking fishing. The murder got too obsessed and it became the bane of his existence. But he loves the murder, so he does it anyway. Besides, he wouldn't trade chill talks with them for the world. :')

Btw he doesn't know this but it was equal parts the Ender King & the Feds ripping rifts between the universes that got him caught and taken to QI. EK didn't plan for that to happen, he just wanted to escape to a new reality to find a vessel to come back to power. Which is why once Phil was on the island, EK went "Fuck it, I'll use that asshole since he's not only compatible, but from the same plane of existence"

Mobs never scared him much (except Enderman) despite the fact that they were very dangerous and he's a survivalist. He was practically a mob whisperer, it's how he trapped trophy ones, made certain farms and why he was 99% fearless when farming charged creepers. QI has so many mobs he's never seen in his life that his chill instincts are suddenly like AAAWTFWTF

He never felt truly alone despite being the only humanoid. He felt like Rose was always with him, very rarely OO, and the murder ofc. He could understand them and he'd talk to them all day every day. Not only that, he had pets like Pog and Champ and there were quite a few times he'd humanize inanimate objects, which scientifically helps keep you sane in isolation such as survival. He always felt like he had Something to socialize with

That said, he IS still a bit weird socially on the island. Socializing with humans is way different than crows, other animals, gods, and objects.

Btw Ian is God of Chaos (a lesser god like Goddess of Death) and other mods like Birder, D3 & Wolfy are notably larger or perhaps a different species of corvid that hang out among the murder :D

[lacytumbles]

Blood Lips

(short thing I wrote up) (features a somewhat toxic lesbian relationship, and vampires, with blood) (also I'm too sleepy to edit but I want to put it out NOW so) (it's inspired by a couple posts linked at the bottom)

Ugh. The disgust with this doldrum report was marring my face.

“Leave.” I kept my gaze fixed on the mirror, counting the seconds of hesitation until the dimwit stuttered his acknowledgement and left.

I huffed, resting a couple fingers on the tender skin of my neck. The soft beat of my bloodflow, gentle breaths, get my face relaxed back to something prettier, more befitting my station.

When I focused on my reflection, my gentle, teasing little smile was back. The furrow had left my brows, giving my green eyes that intelligent charm I so enjoyed. The dangerous slant of my gaze had returned to its subtlety. I liked that most. I hadn’t once, back when I was confined by a society of fools. I had hated how people had avoided me and called me unsettling. I should have relished it like I did now.

A gazebo in a garden, surrounded by showers from the heavens that soaked the earth itself, and a voice that sliced between droplets. “Your eyes have nothing to do with how you behave. They’re prettier than all the emeralds in the world!”

My smile nearly twisted away at the memory, and I glowered at the rain outside the tower window. It was making me recollect … unpleasantries.

I reached over to the wooden case beside me and snapped it open. In that single moment, my body relaxed more than I could ever achieve simply by myself. My hand stroked the golden pendant of the necklace, its obsidian stone smooth under my thumb. Gently, I gathered up the black cord from the velvet-lined container and lifted it up. The flickering red light twinkled from the dark recesses of the gem, flashing images of the worlds beyond, dimensions beyond comprehension, sights that could never be envisioned by the mortal mind.

Simply looking into it had shattered the psyches of many fools, reduced them to blabbering idiots. My brain churned in its skull, attempting to process all of the images it could glean, and I silenced it. Why try to understand it now? I would grasp them soon enough. It had chosen me, after all. Only I could witness its depths without losing all senses. What more proof was there of my worth than that? What more proof was there that I could not, would not gain everything I strove for.

I kised the stone and set it back in its case. “Tomorrow.” I clasped it back shut.

The shuffle of feet on carpet, and a new burst of joy struck me. “Anastasia, I do love how you know to wait your turn.” I turned, paused at the sight in front of me. “You’re getting blood on the carpet.”

“My apologies, Lady Elowen.” Even now, the poor girl was panting soundlessly, tongue nervously licking her pointed canines. “There was an intruder, an assassin coming for your life. They were more skilled than I anticipated, and I could not avoid injury.”

I rested myself on my chair, crossing my legs, and looked at her in contemplation. “Come here.” I patted my lap.

“I will stain your nightgown, my lady.”

I let the tone of a smirk enter my smile. “Then why have you already crossed over?”

She half-crouched, half-leaned against me, her bloodstained clothes pressing against my clean gown. “Because they often stain when I feast, my lady, but you continue to wear such clothing regardless.”  Her mouth snapped open, four sharp fangs coming out.

“How bold.” I rested my finger on her lips. “But wait just one moment.” She whined, but I ignored it, letting my gaze linger on a deep cut on her arm. Red trickles continued to leak from it, signs that they had come prepared to fight a vampire and brought holy weapons to deal greater damage and slow her regeneration.

“How beautiful.” I touched her open wound and she whimpered in pain. My other finger slid into her mouth and pressed on her tongue. “Don’t bite now.” I continued stroking her injury, letting a few moments drag by and feeling her gentle spasms. “I find your effort on behalf of me beautiful, Anastasia. So very beautiful.” I dug my nail in, and she let out a hurt moan. I gazed into her crimson eyes as I released her mouth. “As reward, you may have as much as you wish tonight.”

She lunged forward, her teeth sinking into the tender flesh that hadn’t even fully healed from last time, and I had to bite back my gasp. I couldn’t stop my breath from hitching as I glimpsed the ecstasy on her face, the way all tension left her body as she eagerly dug in. Cute. Cute. Cute. So very cute. It’s adorable how she just loses sight of everything else for my blood. Only for my blood. I love her -

My hand began to stroke her head as she feasted, rivulets of blood winding down my clavicle. “What a messy eater you are -!” I shuddered as she paused to lick me before returning to my body.”Wh-what a good girl.”

She paused and detached her mouth, looking up at me with hazy eyes. “Love you,” she mumbled.

I tilted her chin up and gazed at those pretty lips, soaked in my blood, and kissed them. “When did I tell you to stop?” My hand grasped the back of her head and pushed her back in. “Keep going. I can take it.”

She clamped down, writhing as she sucked and sucked and sucked. I tried to maintain normal, steady breathing as I looked at her cute, pathetic, needy little face. I love this thing. She’s mine. All mine. All, mine. 

Oh, oh my. I am glad I chose to sit down this evening.

She drew back, eyes still dilated. “How are you feeling, Lady Elowen?”

“Like you might need to carry me to bed tonight.” I grinned. “But I did not tell you to stop.”

She shook her head. “You need your strength for tomorrow, my lady. My injuries have subsided anyway. I can use animal flesh for the rest.

Annoyance. “When did -” my dart forward made the world spin, and she had to catch me before I fell over the chair. I glowered. “When was a chicken an appropriate substitute for me?”

She hesitated, hesitated again. “My lady, the woman we confronted the other day … she spoke as if she knew you. Knew a different you than the lady I know.”

“She is unimportant,” I snapped. “A nobody with foolish ideals who once tried to lead me astray. She preyed on my isolation and told me that solace could be found in helping ohers. As if happiness could be found there.” I snorted “Do not let her claims fool you.”

“They never did!” Anastasia’s hands tightened, almost uncomfortably so. “My lady is perfect. But she spoke of another you, and I - I failed to strike her down then and there. I - I’m a failure of a servant.”

I stared at the tears gathering in her eyes. “My foolish little pet.” I reached out and wiped them away. “You’re all right. I know you’re weak, and stupid, and don’t know what to think. That’s why you trusted yourself to me.” I tilted her chin back up, and saw nothing but blind devotion in them. “I apologize for not explaining my anger immediately. It was my duty to comfort you, and I failed you.”

“No!” She shook her head vigorously “You can’t err! It’s my fault for letting such thoughts enter my head in the first place.”

“No, Anastasia.” I brushed away her hair. “Listen closely. There is nothing left between me and that woman. Nothing but a chasm that separates the two of us irreconcilably. She would reject me and the path I’ve chosen. But you?” I kept my gaze affixed on hers. “You are perfect. The world can scorn you for your nature all it likes, you can scorn yourself, but know this: I find beauty in you. Each and every one of your flaws only makes me adore you more.” My hand rested on her cheek. “Nothing else in this world can make me feel that. Take pride in being truly special.”

She shuddered. “Yesh.” She flopped atop me, and with a trembling hand I resumed stroking her head. “My lady?”

“Hmm?”

“That man from earlier, he mentioned that the astrolgers foresaw a familiar misfortune coming. Do you think it could be that woman?”

I chewed my lip. “Perhaps,” I reluctantly allowed. “They are fools in their own right, but they do know their craft.”

“You will be busy with your ritual, Lady Elowen.” She gazed up at me. “Would you permit me to kill her in your place?”

“Of course.” I pressed a finger against her fangs, feeling a pinprick of blood leak out and slide across her white teeth. “Fate can say whatever it want, but you are a vampire. A defier of fate. There is nothing that you cannot do, that we cannot do.” Oh, the exhaustion was starting to creep up on me. “Put your faith in me, as I put my faith in you, my dear servant.”

Her face broke into a joyful, feral grin as blackness swarmed my vision. “Of course, my beloved lady.”

[krenenbaker]

Heartslabyul Character Songs and Associations

I was going to make this into a video, and I still may (I actually finished most of it a couple months ago, and then my editing program became uncooperative, so for now it's going to be just text and links here!) but these are some songs I associate with the different characters in twst!

I've included:

A song that represents them

A song they'd listen to

and (for some) an additional song, depending on the character and circumstance

Every song is from my liked songs playlist (so feel free to judge me for my taste, haha!) and I only allowed myself to use an artist once for this project. There is also some strong language and mature themes in some of the songs, so be aware if you choose to listen to them.

I'll be posting for each dorm over the next few days, beginning with our rosy boys from Heartslabyul!

The full Spotify playlist for ALL songs and characters is linked at the end of the post.

Savanaclaw | Octavinelle | Scarabia | Pomefiore | Ignihyde | Diasomnia

Riddle Rosehearts

Represented by: Tongue Tied - Emily Portman

I actually changed this from a different song recently - I was having a hard time choosing between them! However, this song nicely reflects the physical and mental control that Riddle's mother has over him. He is completely obedient to her, despite the harm she causes him (which he doesn't even really recognize). Riddle has very little say in his life, essentially making him "tongue-tied" in a different manner. This song is also based on a German/English folk tale, which connects in my mind to the England-ness of Riddle's homeland of the Queendom of Roses.

Listens to: The Seasons, OP. 37a, TH 135: No. 7, July "Song of the Reaper" (P.I. Tchaikovsky, Lang Lang)

Riddle almost certainly was raised listening to classical music. He would have been exposed to many different composers, but I think he would likely enjoy the grandeur and atmosphere of Tchaikovsky's work, and may also admire the composer himself. And Riddle would especially enjoy the clear structure of a piece like 'The Seasons'.

Ace Trappola

Represented by: Original Prankster - The Offspring

Ace tends to look for whatever will give him the most fun in the shortest amount of time. Though he does care for others and their well-being, he likes to surprise people, and trick them a little (if it's fun and easy, that is!). At his core, Ace is a bit of a troublemaker! (I think he would probably listen to The Offspring as well)

Listens to: What's My Age Again? - blink-182

I think Ace would like pop punk music, especially playful bands like blink-182. It's high-energy, fun, and generally lighthearted, both in lyrics and music. He may have even been introduced to some bands by his brother!

Deuce Spade

Represented by: Boys Don't Cry - The Cure

Deuce has... a lot of regrets about his past. He is making an effort to change, and is trying to learn to be a happier and calmer person. But I think he is still afraid of reverting back to who he used to be, especially since he places such high expectations on himself.

Listens to: River of Happiness - Dolly Parton

On the other hand, I think Deuce's music taste is pretty gentle. I think he'd be a huge fan of Dolly Parton, and he'd probably listen to her with his mum :) (Ace has definitely tried to make fun of him for it... very unsuccessfully.)

Trey Clover

Represented by: Joy to the World - Three Dog Night

It was honestly really hard to choose for Trey... which is odd since he's one of my faves! This song represents him fairly well, though, with his generally easygoing nature, as well as his tendency to do things that will benefit him in some way (rather than out of general love, care, or 'for the greater good'), while still being pleasant and playful.

Listens to: Tusk - Fleetwood Mac

I don't know why, but I think Trey would listen to Fleetwood Mac! I think he'd especially like Tusk because of the story behind its recording, as well as its slightly chaotic composition. He'd just like the ~energy~.

Bonus - Also listens to: Always Look on the Bright Side of Life - Monty Python

You cannot tell me that Trey wouldn't like Monty Python. It fits his style of humour perfectly, and he was probably raised on the films, too!

Cater Diamond

Represented by: Cheap Queen - King Princess

Cater is also an easygoing person, always living in the moment. He may come off a bit superficial, but that is a bit of a persona, covering up some underlying loneliness and a desire for both fun and connection. I think this song represents some of that. Cater's also one of the few characters that is strongly suggested to be queer in canon (at least in the JP version), so a King Princess song also fits in that regard.

Listens to: Bicycle - RM

While this isn't the most recent song, Cater would probably listen to any music by RM (and BTS in general). 'Bicycle' has the gentle mood and moderate tempo that Cater says he likes, And the lyrics are also fully in the present moment - just how Cay-Cay lives his life! ☆*。★ﾟ*♪ヾ( >з・)ノ

Bonus - Suggests for Music Club: Lemon Boy - Cavetown

I wasn't sure if this song was too sad for Cater to suggest to play in Music Club, but I think that even for just the tempo and instrumentation, it would be a song Cater would like to play. However, he would definitely listen to Cavetown (and probably relate to a lot of songs), even if it's a little more niche than Cater's preferred mainstream pop music.

[mhsargent]

48

This one is a bit rambly, disjointed, and self-indulgent.  Feel free not to read.  Really. 

48 = 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 3 = 2^4 x 3^1. 

I’ve survived another lap around the sun.  This last one was a far nearer thing than I am (yet) comfortable talking about, but I find myself starting my 49th lap grateful to still be here.

As some of you know, (and for the rest, I am telling you now) I have been in an on-going state of chronic migraine for the last 9 ½ years.  There have been more intense and less intense stretches over those years, but this last 9 months has been about the worst I have ever experienced.   A little over 4 weeks ago, after starting on a new medication, I started to experience notable and significant improvements.  It was only then that I really became aware of how badly off I’ve been since October of last year.  (Spoiler: it was bad, y’all.)

As I come back to the world, I am grateful to still be experiencing life.  I appreciate the ability to listen to music and to participate in conversation.  I am happy to be able to wash dishes and reply to email. I am collecting little moments of simple joy to balance the frustration at not being able to do more.  

And so, as I try to set a sustainable pace for this next lap, I am making efforts to spend more time resting and healing for the sake of rest and health rather than as preparation for greater and renewed  productivity. I have been learning (the hard way) that how I want to value things and how I actually value things do not always match when it comes to my own behaviour.  If I believe (and I do) that every person is inherently valuable, then I must believe that of myself as well (I don’t I’m working on it.) Consequently, I must watch how much I justify my value to myself by tying it to my work, or lack of it.    

I am putting a priority on writing. 

One of the first things that I did when I discovered I had a brain again was to complete a number of outstanding edits on a paper, brainstorm and flush out a new paper, and, surprising myself, the first notes for a book, which is part of a short series of books, also sprang out of my fingertips onto the page before I had to stop myself from overdoing it (I was too late.)

This was a clear indication to me that writing, something I have done little of outside of academics for the past 25 years, is still very important to me.  I have written or edited for at least 10 minutes (often longer) almost every day for the past couple of weeks.  I had forgotten how much I love the act of putting words down on paper.  Sometimes they’re good words, sometimes they are awful and cliched.  But, what I think I enjoy most about them all is that they are, for the brief period of time, my words.  And, until I share them with the world, the consequences of these words are only mine.  We can spend time together, change, invert, fight, love, and come to rest - all without any consequence or responsibility to anyone else.  A tempting place to get lost in, without a doubt, but also a place where I can rest and heal and play.  So, more writing of all sorts - academic, personal, fictitious, and frivolous!

Carol Anne’s and my 23rd wedding anniversary is only a couple of weeks away.  We were engaged for a little over 2 years before that, meaning that we have well completed our first quarter century together.  I am more in love with my wife now than when we got married. I love the marriage we’ve made together.  Despite all the challenges, difficulties, struggles, frustrations, set-backs, and disappointments, Carol Anne and I have fun together just by being together - now, still, and always.  There is no doubt in my mind that even if I could live life without her, I don’t want to.  I think we’ll just keep doing this instead.

Fourty-eight laps around the sun!  And, in that time I have contributed to the manifestation of 4 other human beings: Sam, Nathan, Kathleen, and Martin.  It is no secret that I had no desire to be a father.  Nonetheless, I have found myself to be a father to four remarkable and very different human beings, all of whom are now old enough to vote and to drink in most provinces.  I have thought a lot about my kids recently.  I’ve been thinking about how much being a father has changed not only what I thought I was going to do with my life, but how I live my life.  My perspective, since late 1993, has carried the weight of parenthood.  I have been a parent for nearly 30 years, and I cannot remember how I saw the world before that.  

Being a parent has made me a better person.  But, more than that, learning how to be a parent to my children - both the failures and and the successes - and learning from my children has made my life better.  Besides the fact that my kids are interesting, engaging, and kind (no small thing in itself,) my kids continually challenge me to move into the future with them.  It is a wonderful feeling to have my children not only want me around, but also want me to share, to some degree, in their world.

Somehow, somewhere among the 4 dozen laps I’ve completed so far I picked up an abiding, stubborn, and persistent belief in humanity.  I think we’re worth the effort.  I think we are worth the effort because I have seen that we, individually and collectively, can learn. Much of the evidence argues to the contrary - I know!  Nonetheless, find myself committed to human beings, and to the learning journey of human beings.  And so, whatever the next dozen laps have in store for me, I think I will still be involved in learning; and teaching; and education; and the conscious and deliberate evolution of human learning systems.  Some of this will involve writing and publishing.  Some of this will involve working directly with learners and teachers.  Some of this will involve just being. I’m excited!

If you have made it this far in this indulgent, quasi-reflective post, I hope it was worth it for you. This is the start of me putting words out there into the public world just to put them out there.  Thank you for reading them.

Please enjoy the picks of the bandana gang

Chai - pink

Jess - black

Mocha - red

Paddy - blue

[blackfoy]

Asteria: Yellow Diamond (Part 5)

It does not take long of no contact, both via communications and any gems they sent, for Yellow Diamond herself to show up to earth to dispel the crazy rumors going around and fuss Pink about her disaster of a colony. They have heard rumors about the situation, but all of them seem so outlandish that they disbelieve all of them. Yellow barges in demanding to speak to Pink, and to her frustration the gems bring her to another gem instead. To her shock and disbelief she finds out that some of the rumors were indeed true. Not wanting to believe that Pink is gone Yellow throws a fit, intending on shattering this gem that for some reason manages to strike fear in her, but she is no match for Asteria who just bubbles her before she can do any damage. Yellow manages to pop it once or twice in fits of rage, but Asteria just makes thicker ones in its place.

She is brought to the correct room and restrained. There is also a camera that Asteria turns on. The video will be edited later to look like it was stolen and then leaked out so that it can be seen without pinning the blame on any particular gem that it got out. Yellow Diamond starts her Taming full of anger and frustration and just a slight bit of fear. But a slight bit for a diamond is unusual enough that it might as well have been ocean deep. Asteria starts her work, slowly and steadily trying to bring Yellow into a state of calm.

Yellow is having none of it, and her struggle quickly starts to make it look like she is in pain. Her thrashing gets less angry and more desperate or instinctual, actively having to fight the new Diamond's song. She is more immune than most as she is another Diamond, but it still affects her and Asteria's song is like no other in this world. After a while of Yellow stubbornly putting up as much of a fight as she could, Asteria started to kiss little packets of information over to her. Each time she did this was jarring for Yellow, forcing her to stop her thrashing and fighting for a few moments each time as she blinks through the information and shock. Along with that the information itself becomes more and more distressing.

Over the course of several kisses Asteria shows Yellow not only that Pink is dead, but that she didn't think they would care if she died. She thought they had not cared about her, and therefore would not give much care for her death. She had agreed with Rose Quartz, had tried to get them to stop the colonization, but they had thought she was just being difficult. And now she was gone, her power given to make this new being. She was truly gone, and never coming back. As good as shattered. All because she thought they didn't care. That they would prefer a Pink Diamond of greater power, that they would listen to someone of greater power. The only thing Yellow could think of was that she had been right. Asteria did not keep pushing for calm as Yellow broke, dismissing her helmet and running claws through her hair as she sobbed out her regretful anguish. Yellow sobbed and cried and screamed for a long time, frightening any gem near enough to hear her.

Eventually, after her cries had started to slow from exhaustion, Asteria once more pressed a soothing calming song into the larger Diamond's gem. This time Yellow welcomed it, letting her turbulent mind be calmed and allowing her form to go lax. Asteria whispered soothing nothings and encouragement to her, occasionally giving her a less distressing kiss. Nothing much so soon, but small things like Pink's joy at seeing the simple beauty of a flower, and Rose's determination to protect the Earth's beauty in its unique life.

Eventually Yellow was coaxed into moving, and brought to a room with a soft place to lie down big enough for a Diamond. Yellow faceplanted into the closest thing gems had to a mattress and let herself fall deep into the well of the other Diamond's power. Asteria knows that Yellow is hiding from her emotions, but seeing as she has already cried once and Asteria would not let her hide forever, she let the larger gem be for now. She visited every once in a while to pull Yellow out, introducing her to the ideas of things like fusions and organic life and free will from a more positive perspective, adding restraints if needed while the other Diamond was made to work through at least some of her emotions, before she was submerged back into the calm. The process was helpful for many reasons, and Yellow didn't fight as much as she had been expecting. The poor thing hasn't had a proper break in millennia. She also took the time to remove some of the Diamond's clothes, her gloves and heels taking priority after the helmet. It wasn't much on the outside, but Asteria could tell it helped to make Yellow Diamond both more physically comfortable and more emotionally vulnerable.

Yellow lay on the plush surface in the quiet room provided to her, floating in the calm nothingness of the new Diamond's power. She had come here with the intent of bringing things back to order, by force if necessary, but instead she had learned a horrible truth that left her world in pieces. It had not taken long for the new Diamond to go from an enemy to an ally. She could not handle the weight of her grief, her anger, her horrible bitter self-lothing. Here, deep within the soothing song of the other gem, only the slightest touch of it could reach her. She knew it would not last forever, but for the time being she cherished the time she had before she had to face the consequences of her actions. She knew once she came out there was nothing she could do to soothe the ache of what her negligence had lost.

(Direct inspirational quote) "You either get bitter or you get better. It's that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you." Yellow doesn't fight Asteria even when she does things that make her mad because she understands that this is what Pink died for. To make them, to make her, listen to what she had to say. Asteria will absolutely chain Yellow down if she throws a fit over what she is trying to tell her, and Yellow can't stay mad for long because she is upset at herself and ashamed that the other Diamond has to resort to such measures just for Yellow to hear her out.

At some point Yellow is in a deep almost coma-like state because she discharging lightning to the point she's hurting herself. Asteria makes special restraints to syphon the electricity away before it could cause damage and keeps Yellow deep under so that she can't feel it. Between the glowing restraints, the Diamond's blank eyes, and the small twitches from the electricity, any onlooker is petrified by the sight.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

[rebelwheelsnycpoetry]

Read Me Poems

by Michele Sommerstein

Read me poems, Let me listen to the words a reminder to slow down a reminder that poetry still exists remind me as my heart forgets midst the fuckery the political, the personal (and the connections of)

Read me poems Let me listen, to the words a reminder of stillness of a light within beyond and surrounding

Read me poems Fill my ears gently, with the inspired words of others which even when I am too tired, with energies waning and there is little connection to the meaning still sounds lovely still serves, as a reminder to make time to write

But not just essays upon essays, calls for social justice, that sometimes go unheard but poetry because it fills the heart and if it accomplishes nothing more than that than that too is beautiful that too is powerful, important.

Rise up! Slow down. Stop, and notice the details and beauty that were glanced over

Write poetry, write with fury Remember the feeling fleeting inspiration, quickened, typing as it all runs through you, a vessel Knowing these words will pass, if you do not jot them down Sometimes editing for hours till it’s right But you know when it’s right

The lovely feeling, of knowing especially in these uncertain and changing times

So, read me poems. Remind me of this joy of possibilities, that there is greater life beyond these four walls and the fuckery read me poems, remind me, of this love

[isabellarosestudio5]

Week 3

REFLECTION:

- I have been thinking lately about why I find it hard to engage in practice. I think over the past 2.5 years of this degree (and prior to that- 8 years of rigorous ballet training) my cup of energy has become low. Things I used to feel very passionate about (politics, feminisms, art making), now feel often like exhaustion, even to think about. And to create anything seems to require a lot more conscious effort than it used to. Even in the conscious effort to make sure I have the energy in the first place.

- I also know I have a perfectionist streak and an urge to get good grades as a way of boosting my ego/feeling self confident- which has ultimately led to more burnout.

- My question now is how to move through this, how to restore my energy, my hope, my joy in art creation. How to make my practice irresistible to my mind, a thing that it feels it must wake up and do everyday.

- So far, I have thought of a number of things (alongside psychology), but recently the idea of beauty came to mind. Perhaps over the duration of this course I have felt a tug and resistance away from making things that are "just beautiful", due to this idea that beauty is meaningless in the larger sense. An object that just evokes beauty may not have a larger political/social purpose, or even contemporary art purpose. It's just a pretty thing. Meaningless, not worth pursuing.

- But I think I consider this differently now. In the light of burnout and other things, the important role of beauty becomes clear- to keep a sense of awe, wonder, appreciation in life. To refill people's energy cups.

- Perhaps I can consider/transfer this to my practice. Make things that shed light on beauty. Show things to people that they may usually not see. Generate awe, inspiration.

- I have also recently felt that this carries a greater importance in a political/social/environmental sense. How can people fight for various causes if they are tired/exhausted/empty. A great appreciation and love for the world is needed, if political pursuits are to endure long term.

OUTCOMES:

There is perhaps a film piece I've been working on that might fit this brief of sort of illuminating beauty, although at first I was mainly focused on documenting my experience with meditation and anxiety.

Here's a link to the draft:

(Reflection- 18/03/24: some of the shots are quite shaky, despite applying stabilizing software post. Does this matter? Do I need to change the shots/refilm? The audio quality is not the best, would want to properly record and potentially edit the script. Does the work need subtitles for accessibility? Would display with headphones in gallery to keep sense of intimacy.)

(Reflection- 26/03/24: wording still feels a bit wanky. A bit hyper-spiritual or therapised? I don't wish to come across in that way. I wish to be honest. Provide observations of myself, my anxious sorta natural way of being, and recent experiences of meditation as an aid to that. But perhaps that's what's making it feels wanky, self-consciousness?

Also considering that the stabilisation software is still making the footage look a little weird, perhaps I should try making a version without any post-stabilisation applied. Embrace the shaky footage- bring attention to the human hand.)

CONTACT SHEET OF ORIGINAL SHOTS:

Filmed in February 2024

[mitigatedchaos]

Lightly edited. Fake context based on game mechanics and techs not present in the real Alpha Centauri have been added for flavor.

It is not the case that weakness always promotes unethical behavior, but rather weakness reduces the pool of options available to deal with a situation, which may result in unethical behavior.

- Miti Chao, admonishment to a board member that refused exercise

Anyone who isn't invested in either life extension or cryonics is already betting they're going to die on a normal human timescale anyway.

- Miti Chao, "Regarding the change to your life insurance policy"

The flattening effect when discourse escapes from containment, and all the nuance and personal judgment are wrung out, to the point where "don't be mean to cats" becomes "be mean to dogs"... It suggests a maximum complexity, in bits, that society can support in its ideology. Can that be estimated?

- Miti Chao, submitting request for research proposals to the board Unlocked: Ideological Functional Decomposition

I'm up and about because there's necessary work for me to do, and it would be fundamentally nihilistic or self-contradictory not to do it.

- Miti Chao

These statements are a system of criticism, not a basis for the construction of functional systems, and if you try to put the weight of a functional system on them, they immediately collapse into absurdity. People can say that this is unfair, but we had plenty of collapses into absurdity in the 20th century.

- Miti Chao, criticism of Karl Magnussen's "Subdynamic Political Systems"

Problems generally arise not from differences in capability, but whether people are positioned correctly within the system according to their capabilities, whether the system is set up to adequately and sustainably distribute the benefits from those capabilities, and whether the system is able to ameliorate flaws (which all humans have, and which are contextual, but which are not all equally severe in practice) and prevent negative consequences.

- Miti Chao, internal memo First advisor dismissed.

It turns out that loss aversion makes a lot of sense as a strategy for organisms that can't regrow lost limbs.

- Miti Chao Unlocked: Tissue Engineering

The old Western viewpoint of individualism is useful for both for incentivizing economic production, and as a moral firewall against ethnic and clan revenge cycles.

- Miti Chao First clan feud after adopting Organization: Clans ideological tenet.

While life-supporting industrial systems require a great deal of cooperative and coordinated human choice, you are an individual before you are anything else. Think of it this way: as the only unit in the system with agency, and with a greater degree of different causal factors piling up in one spot (social environment, genes, memories), and much more portable than networks or infrastructure (and less dependent on a given infrastructure configuration), the individual is the correct basic unit of analysis.

- Miti Chao, "The Joys of Individualism" Unlocked: Individualist Analysis

We live in a high-energy society right now, but "literally everyone born before 1950 should have just given up" is actually a really weird standard. Likewise, "literally everyone born in the Soviet Union or Communist China should have just given up" is maybe a little less weird, but still pretty weird.

- Miti Chao First base power outage.

If you want to criticize Transhumanism because all of your worst outcomes are on the other side of The Singularity, might I suggest you instead use that gigantic IQ of yours to write about ⇒ Reproductive alignment, potential for value drift in the event of the technological commoditization of childbearing ⇒ The effects of evolution with effectively 'unlimited' 'investment capital,' through the combination of AI and fusion power, potentially rapidly consuming new surplus as soon as it is created ⇒ The apparent "Babel Limit" our civilization may be hitting, where concentrations of truth-production become nodes to be subverted, and information-faking technology increases at pace with information-finding technology ⇒ Risks in rendering so much mass human survival so heavily dependent on industrial technology (already an issue in late modernity) ...instead of trying to, I dunno, do psychological warfare on someone that's in a better position on that front than you are.

- Miti Chao, personal correspondence Unlocked: Growth Vats

Followers of Yudkowsky answer the question, "What should be done about animals that are less optimal than us?" in the context of imagining an animal that is much more optimal than themselves. Thus there is a potential conservative position that, "Nuke the biosphere, it is too full of suffering," is not a particularly wise position for an imperfect animal to hold.

- Miti Chao, message to a political dissident Unlocked: Ideological Tenet: Effective Altruism

Ideologies are based on certain premises. When one of those premises is contradicted by reality, the behavior of the ideology becomes undefined.

- Miti Chao First new ideological tenet discovered.

One reason to doubt speech restrictions is that they can be used to hide contradictions and externalize the costs to the ruling coalition, putting them onto everyone else - in this case, victims are injured or die in leopard attacks while the Release The Leopards Party gets to stay in power.

- Miti Chao, "Basic Instructions: An Introductory Book of Moral Exercises"

There’s only so much harshness from the environment that can be insulated by the system instead of passed through to the individuals before the system itself starts taking damage, gradually reducing its ability to insulate harm from the environment.

- Miti Chao, "Layoff Notice, Facility #17" First production facility deconstructed.

Is good freedom and free love? Is good fidelity and loyalty? Humans are the shape they are because of environmental constraints - or divine action which created those environmental constraints. (There are some of you around here that should never be given access to a genie. No offense.)

- Miti Chao, message to the board, recovered from leaked meeting minutes First fusion power plant constructed.

It’s just that every part of the system is constantly undergoing entropy. ...So at some point, you have to make a cut if the overall level of justice or functioning within the system is to be maintained.

- Miti Chao, "Regarding the Execution of Johann Bacques" Adopted ideological tenet: Death Penalty.

So, uh.

The only real problem is that these aren't bonkers enough for an Alpha Centauri faction leader - it doesn't stick out enough in any one direction.

Well, fuck, I'm going to end up talking like a character from Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri at this rate, aren't I.

[still-a-morosexual-help]

OM! Characters & (MBTI) Personality Types

* What can I say I'm bored

* I'm doing this the same way I write fic/dialogue - so yes I'm going to take the test 11 times (+ 1 for general MC) and post the results

* It obviously won't be 100% accurate but it'll be more accurate than if I just guessed

* I'll add 3-5 directly lifted notable passages from their intro description for each character/personality that I think fit them well

* Because of this, even though the passages aren't that big, this will be LONG so feel free to just skim through the results. Though the descriptions & how well they fit the characters are interesting

* I wanted to add direct examples from canon for each passage but figured it'd be way too long then

* Quick reminder that "introverted" doesn't mean shy nor does it necessarily mean that the person doesn't like being around others. It's just that they have a lower threshold for social interaction

Edit: Disclaimer:

Yes Ik the test isn't valid and that people can't be categorised into sets like this. This was all done for fun and not to be taken seriously💀 Pls take it as seriously as if I was trying to categorise them into "what type of cookie they are"✌🏼

☆ YO! Mammon's one really said "keep this bitch away from credit cards"💀

1. Lucifer - Architect (INTJ-A)

• These personalities can be both the boldest of dreamers and the bitterest of pessimists. Architects believe that, through willpower and intelligence, they can achieve even the most challenging of goals. But they may be cynical about human nature more generally, assuming that most people are lazy, unimaginative, or simply doomed to mediocrity.

• Architects can be single-minded, with little patience for frivolity, distractions, or idle gossip. That said, it would be a mistake to stereotype these personalities as dull or humorless. Many Architects are known for their irreverent wit, and beneath their serious exteriors, they often have a sharp, delightfully sarcastic sense of humor.

• This personality type comes with a strong independent streak. Architects don’t mind acting alone, perhaps because they don’t like waiting around for others to catch up with them. They also generally feel comfortable making decisions without asking for anyone else’s input. At times, this lone-wolf behavior can come across as insensitive, as it fails to take into consideration other people’s thoughts, desires, and plans.

• This personality type is full of contradictions. Architects are imaginative yet decisive, ambitious yet private, and curious yet focused. From the outside, these contradictions may seem baffling, but they make perfect sense once you understand the inner workings of the Architect mind.

• For Architects, life is like a giant game of chess. Relying on strategy rather than chance, they contemplate the strengths and weaknesses of each move before they make it. And they never lose faith that, with enough ingenuity and insight, they can find a way to win – no matter what challenges might arise along the way.

2. Mammon - Entertainer (ESFP-T)

• Entertainers love the spotlight, and all the world’s a stage. Many famous people with the Entertainer personality type are indeed actors, but they love putting on a show for their friends too, chatting with a unique and earthy wit, soaking up attention and making every outing feel a bit like a party. Utterly social, Entertainers enjoy the simplest things, and there’s no greater joy for them than just having fun with a good group of friends.

• Though it may not always seem like it, Entertainers know that it’s not all about them – they are observant, and very sensitive to others’ emotions. People with this personality type are often the first to help someone talk out a challenging problem, happily providing emotional support and practical advice. However, if the problem is about them, Entertainers are more likely to avoid a conflict altogether than to address it head-on. Entertainers usually love a little drama and passion, but not so much when they are the focus of the criticisms it can bring.

• The biggest challenge Entertainers face is that they are often so focused on immediate pleasures that they neglect the duties and responsibilities that make those luxuries possible. Complex analysis, repetitive tasks, and matching statistics to real consequences are not easy activities for Entertainers. They’d rather rely on luck or opportunity, or simply ask for help from their extensive circle of friends. 

• Entertainers recognize value and quality, which on its own is a fine trait. In combination with their tendency to be poor planners though, this can cause them to live beyond their means, and credit cards are especially dangerous. More focused on leaping at opportunities than in planning out long-term goals, Entertainers may find that their inattentiveness has made some activities unaffordable.

3. Levi - Mediator (INFP-T)

[ so I cheated on this one... When I first did this I got INTP but the description didn't fit Levi at all and it would make more sense if Levi got "Feeling" over "Thinking". He got INTP cause of all the "understanding of other peoples' emotions" questions. I think he'd understand them but his own self hatred would make his problems seem much more severe so he won't always be empathetic...but because that didn't fit I just switched it.. It's still less accurate than everyone else's but it fits better now ]

• Although they may seem quiet or unassuming, Mediators (INFPs) have vibrant, passionate inner lives. Creative and imaginative, they happily lose themselves in daydreams, inventing all sorts of stories and conversations in their minds. These personalities are known for their sensitivity – Mediators can have profound emotional responses to music, art, nature, and the people around them.

• For Mediators, an ideal relationship of any kind is one in which both people feel comfortable sharing not just their wildest hopes and dreams but also their secret fears and vulnerabilities.

• Through these imaginative landscapes, Mediators can explore their own inner nature as well as their place in the world. While this is a beautiful trait, these personalities sometimes show a tendency to daydream and fantasize rather than take action. 

• People with this personality type tend to feel directionless or stuck until they connect with a sense of purpose for their lives.

4. Satan - Commander (ENTJ-A)

• Commanders are natural-born leaders. People with this personality type embody the gifts of charisma and confidence, and project authority in a way that draws crowds together behind a common goal. However, Commanders are also characterized by an often ruthless level of rationality, using their drive, determination and sharp minds to achieve whatever end they’ve set for themselves.

• If there’s anything Commanders love, it’s a good challenge, big or small, and they firmly believe that given enough time and resources, they can achieve any goal. 

• At the negotiating table, be it in a corporate environment or buying a car, Commanders are dominant, relentless, and unforgiving. This isn’t because they are coldhearted or vicious per se – it’s more that Commander personalities genuinely enjoy the challenge, the battle of wits, the repartee that comes from this environment, and if the other side can’t keep up, that’s no reason for Commanders to fold on their own core tenet of ultimate victory.

• If there’s anyone Commanders respect, it’s someone who is able to stand up to them intellectually, who is able to act with a precision and quality equal to their own. Commander personalities have a particular skill in recognizing the talents of others, and this helps in both their team-building efforts (since no one, no matter how brilliant, can do everything alone), and to keep Commanders from displaying too much arrogance and condescension. However, they also have a particular skill in calling out others’ failures with a chilling degree of insensitivity, and this is where Commanders really start to run into trouble.

5. Asmo - Entrepreneur (ESTP-A)

• Entrepreneurs always have an impact on their immediate surroundings – the best way to spot them at a party is to look for the whirling eddy of people flitting about them as they move from group to group. Laughing and entertaining with a blunt and earthy humor, Entrepreneur personalities love to be the center of attention.

• Entrepreneurs are the likeliest personality type to make a lifestyle of risky behavior. They live in the moment and dive into the action – they are the eye of the storm. People with the Entrepreneur personality type enjoy drama, passion, and pleasure, not for emotional thrills, but because it’s so stimulating to their logical minds. 

• Entrepreneurs have a unique skill in noticing small changes. Whether a shift in facial expression, a new clothing style, or a broken habit, people with this personality type pick up on hidden thoughts and motives where most types would be lucky to pick up anything specific at all. Entrepreneurs use these observations immediately, calling out the change and asking questions, often with little regard for sensitivity. Entrepreneurs should remember that not everyone wants their secrets and decisions broadcast.

• Entrepreneurs are full of passion and energy, complemented by a rational, if sometimes distracted, mind. 

6. Beel - Defender (ISFJ-A)

• Though sensitive, Defenders have excellent analytical abilities; though reserved, they have well-developed people skills and robust social relationships; and though they are generally a conservative type, Defenders are often receptive to change and new ideas.

• Naturally social, an odd quality for Introverts, Defenders utilize excellent memories not to retain data and trivia, but to remember people, and details about their lives. 

• Defender personalities are a wonderful group, rarely sitting idle while a worthy cause remains unfinished. Defenders’ ability to connect with others on an intimate level is unrivaled among Introverts, and the joy they experience in using those connections to maintain a supportive, happy family is a gift for everyone involved. They may never be truly comfortable in the spotlight, and may feel guilty taking due credit for team efforts, but if they can ensure that their efforts are recognized, Defenders are likely to feel a level of satisfaction in what they do that many other personality types can only dream of.

7. Belphie - Logician (INTP-A)

[ this one might seem farfetched but keep in mind when you take away his sin Belphie is naturally curious, incredibly smart & adventurous ]

• Logicians often lose themselves in thought – which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. People with this personality type hardly ever stop thinking. From the moment they wake up, their minds buzz with ideas, questions, and insights. At times, they may even find themselves conducting full-fledged debates in their own heads.

• From the outside, Logicians may seem to live in a never-ending daydream. They have a reputation for being pensive, detached, and a bit reserved. That is, until they try to train all of their mental energy on the moment or the person at hand, which can be a bit uncomfortable for everyone.

• But it would be a mistake to think that Logicians are unfriendly or uptight. When they connect with someone who can match their mental energy, these personalities absolutely light up, leaping from one thought to another. Few things energize them like the opportunity to swap ideas or enjoy a lively debate with another curious, inquiring soul.

• Logicians could spend all day musing about ideas and possibilities – and they often do. That said, the practical, everyday work of turning those ideas into reality doesn’t always hold their interest. 

8. Diavolo - Campaigner (ENFP-A)

[ I think I got "prospecting" instead of "judging" like you'd expect because despite his position Diavolo always seems to be trying to weasel his way out of work, with Lucifer & Barbatos being the ones forcing him into a schedule. So I answered the questions as if he wasn't facing that outside force ]

• Campaigners (ENFPs) are true free spirits – outgoing, openhearted, and open-minded. With their lively, upbeat approach to life, they stand out in any crowd. But even though they can be the life of the party, Campaigners don’t just care about having a good time. These personality types run deep – as does their longing for meaningful, emotional connections with other people.

• In their unique way, Campaigners can be quite introspective. They can’t help but ponder the deeper meaning and significance of life – even when they should be paying attention to something else. These personalities believe that everything – and everyone – is connected, and they live for the glimmers of insight that they can gain into these connections.

• Campaigners are proof that seeking out life’s joys and pleasures isn’t the same as being shallow. Seemingly in the blink of an eye, people with this personality type can transform from impassioned idealists to carefree figures on the dance floor.

• Even in moments of fun, Campaigners want to connect emotionally with others. Few things matter more to these personality types than having genuine, heartfelt conversations with the people they cherish. Campaigners believe that everyone deserves to express their feelings, and their empathy and warmth create spaces where even the most timid spirits can feel comfortable opening up.

9. Barbatos - Logistician (ISTJ-A)

• Logisticians don’t make many assumptions, preferring instead to analyze their surroundings, check their facts and arrive at practical courses of action. Logistician personalities are no-nonsense, and when they’ve made a decision, they will relay the facts necessary to achieve their goal, expecting others to grasp the situation immediately and take action.

• This sense of personal integrity is core to Logisticians, and goes beyond their own minds – Logistician personalities adhere to established rules and guidelines regardless of cost, reporting their own mistakes and telling the truth even when the consequences for doing so could be disastrous. To Logisticians, honesty is far more important than emotional considerations, and their blunt approach leaves others with the false impression that Logisticians are cold, or even robotic. People with this type may struggle to express emotion or affection outwardly, but the suggestion that they don’t feel, or worse have no personality at all, is deeply hurtful.

• Logisticians need to remember to take care of themselves – their stubborn dedication to stability and efficiency can compromise those goals in the long term as others lean ever-harder on them, creating an emotional strain that can go unexpressed for years, only finally coming out after it’s too late to fix. 

10. Simeon - Advocate (INFJ-A)

• Advocates’ unique combination of personality traits makes them complex and quite versatile. For example, Advocates can speak with great passion and conviction, especially when standing up for their ideals. At other times, however, they may choose to be soft-spoken and understated, preferring to keep the peace rather than challenge others.

• Advocates generally strive to do what’s right – and they want to help create a world where others do the right thing as well. People with this personality type may feel called to use their strengths – including creativity, imagination, and sensitivity – to uplift others and spread compassion.

• Advocates may be reserved, but they communicate in a way that is warm and sensitive. This emotional honesty and insight can make a powerful impression on the people around them.

• At times, Advocates may focus so intently on their ideals that they don’t take care of themselves. Advocates may feel that they aren’t allowed to rest until they’ve achieved their unique vision of success, but this mindset can lead to stress and burnout. If this happens, people with this personality type may find themselves feeling uncharacteristically ill-tempered.

11. Solomon - Virtuoso (ISTP-A)

[ I wasn't sure how Solomon's work ethic would be but he seems chaotic enough when doing experiments that I figured he doesn't have a strict schedule ]

• Virtuosos love to explore with their hands and their eyes, touching and examining the world around them with cool rationalism and spirited curiosity. People with this personality type are natural Makers, moving from project to project, building the useful and the superfluous for the fun of it, and learning from their environment as they go.

• Virtuosos explore ideas through creating, troubleshooting, trial and error and first-hand experience. They enjoy having other people take an interest in their projects and sometimes don’t even mind them getting into their space. Of course, that’s on the condition that those people don’t interfere with Virtuosos’ principles and freedom, and they’ll need to be open to Virtuosos returning the interest in kind. Virtuosos enjoy lending a hand and sharing their experience, especially with the people they care about.

• Virtuosos are actually quite enigmatic. Friendly but very private, calm but suddenly spontaneous, extremely curious but unable to stay focused on formal studies, Virtuoso personalities can be a challenge to predict, even by their friends and loved ones. Virtuosos can seem very loyal and steady for a while, but they tend to build up a store of impulsive energy that explodes without warning, taking their interests in bold new directions.

• Virtuosos’ decisions stem from a sense of practical realism, and at their heart is a strong sense of direct fairness, a “do unto others” attitude, which really helps to explain many of Virtuosos’ puzzling traits. Instead of being overly cautious though, avoiding stepping on toes in order to avoid having their toes stepped on, Virtuosos are likely to go too far, accepting likewise retaliation, good or bad, as fair play.

12. MC - Protagonist (ENFJ-A)

• Thoughtful and idealistic, these personality types strive to have a positive impact on other people and the world around them. They rarely shy away from an opportunity to do the right thing, even when doing so is far from easy.

• Their passion and charisma allow them to inspire others not just in their careers but in every arena of their lives, including their relationships. Few things bring Protagonists a deeper sense of joy and fulfillment than guiding friends and loved ones to grow into their best selves.

• These personality types have an uncanny ability to pick up on people’s underlying motivations and beliefs. At times, they may not even understand how they come to grasp another person’s mind and heart so quickly. These flashes of insight can make Protagonists incredibly persuasive and inspiring communicators.

• When Protagonists care about someone, they want to help solve that person’s problems – sometimes at any cost. The good news is that many people are grateful for Protagonists’ assistance and advice. After all, there’s a reason that these personalities have a reputation for helping others improve their lives.

[tipsydipsydo]

Der Geliebte

Pairing: Jungkook x artist! Reader

Gender of the Reader: female

Word Count: 6.4k 

Rating: 16+

AU: non idol! Jungkook x artist! Reader AU!

Genre: strangers to lovers AU; friends to lovers AU! (idiots to lovers AU!); love at the first sight! AU; soulmate to lovers! AU (kinda?); unbelievable amount of fluff; a little angst (fluffy angst!!,); tiny amount of smut (one paragraph xD)

Warnings: tiny bit of smut/some sexual tension between both of them; Jungkook is a poor shy thing and is fucking nervous around the reader all the time; teeth rotting fluff; both are so in love with each other that they’re getting stupid to not realize it; both are insecure that they’re not meant for another... just fluff, fluff, fluff and painfully obvious pining over each other! 

A/N: Hallelujah, I finally did it! After I made Sibi @borathae​ wait over three months for her Christmas + Birthday Fanfic I finished it two weeks to late for my sweetest Darlings Birthday! I am so incredibly sorry that I made you wait for such a long time and really, Sweetie, you have all the rights to be still mad at my stupid ass! Nevertheless... I love you so goddamn much and I hope the fic made at least a little bit up for it... Love you!!!! 💕 💕 

Summary: You and Jungkook met right at the first day you opened your own atelier in Seoul after you had to leave your old home behind you. You love paint canvas with landscape motives, other people just roll with their eyes when they hear that you choose such usual, almost boring things to paint. Not so Jungkook, he seems to be different than most of visitors. It’s almost like he can read your feelings through your paintings...

Status: Edited (I am sorry for any still existing errors in here!) 

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* Jungkook’s POV * 

"In what are you getting yourself into, Jungkook?"

 I quietly ask myself as I get rid of my clothes behind the paravent and throw the dressing gown over his body which you laid out for me. My hands are sweaty, they tremble slightly and my heart beats wildly, as if it wants to jump right out of my chest. Excitement spreads throughout my body, leaving a faint feeling in my stomach and a certain blush rises in my cheeks. I still can't believe what I've gotten myself into . But... you looked at me so pleadingly with your dear and downright innocent eyes that I would have done anything for you with that look of yours. I want to make you happy, see that happy and contented smile on your lips, which always makes a whole horde of wild butterflies break out in my belly. 'Normally I was the shyness and silence in person and with you... with her, I feel for the first timesomething like peace and security. Especially when I consider how shy I usually am around women.', I ask myself and I don't really know the answer to that. But what can I do against my feelings? I don't really know, on the one hand they scare me, on the other hand they feel so exciting and new that I don't want to eliminate them at all.

I don't even know exactly when the whole thing started. In which moment my feelings for you grew, when I felt more than just fascination and admiration for you and your artwork. Six months ago, a small studio had opened in my district, your own studio. On the day of the opening I simply went to it of pure curiosity, I had always had such a weakness for art and photography.

I can still remember exactly how I stood in front of one of your works and was literally speechless and overwhelmed by this picture and all his small details. This painting represents a classic image of the countryside, which was often to be found everywhere. But this work was different. So full of small details and ornaments. It was so much more... As a viewer you can see a beautiful clearing, which is surrounded by trees and protected from too many curious eyes. The ground of this clearing is overgrown with dense and lush green grass, which from the incoming sunlight almost invites you to let yourself fall into the grass. It reminds me instantly of my carefree childhood, when I rolled in it without overthinking my actions too much and those times when I playfully wrestled with my best friends around until our clothes had grass stains all everywhere. I could almost smell the scent of wild, untamed nature. The longer I look at the picture, the greater the longing became. Maybe I could visit this beautiful place one day, together with my partner, my significant other. Playing around with each other, chasing your beloved one until you fall into the grass breathless laughing and cuddling. Maybe we could have a picnic there and feed each other with homemade sweets? 

I didn’t know that such a "simple" landscape painting could touch and awaken so much more in me, in my soul. Suddenly, such a wanderlust came over me that I gasped for air and a heavy lump formed in my throat. My whole body was tingling and my heart was literally screaming to get away from this dreadfully grey and monotonous daily routine of my boring single life, for at least some weeks. I want to go to this place, where I could draw the warm and fresh, natural air could deep into my lungs and pamper myself with homemade delicacies. Just to let the soul dangle and don’t stuck with my closely clocked work life. Maybe sleep until 10 o'clock in the morning and then maybe have a nice nap later. Enjoy the warm nights and hear the crickets chirping. This longing was... irrepressible. This particular wanderlust for nature, just to be out of the city, this longing for exactly this abandoned and untouched forest clearing literally overwhelmed me. What was it for an artist who could trigger such feelings and emotions in me?

I had been so absorbed in the artwork that I had not even noticed that a person step next to me. "Do you like the work?", asked a soft melodic voice, which spoke perfect Korean, but was pervaded by a light accent, which I could not quite assign. I flinched a little, but this bright, happy laugh gave me a tingling goosebumps all over my body. What a beautiful laugh... I turned to the person who was the owner of this beautiful voice. I was startled when I realized that the artist and owner of this studio was standing in front of me personally. I recognized her again, as I had seen a small photo of her in the newspaper article that drew my attention to this beautiful studio in the first place. Already in this picture she had radiated something so strong, colorful, cheerful and lively, which caused an excited flutter in my stomach. 

I admit, I already laid an eye on her just by her appearance. Unfortunately I always had a hard time getting to know people ever since, let alone to talk to women. And now having you, Y/N, personally standing right in front of me, made me feel fluffy and excited in my stomach. Nothing is left of this otherwise so sassy and self-confident  man that I used to be. Only a nervous and stodgy twenty-three-year-old idiot, who did not know what to say or wanted to say, now stands in front of this stunningly pretty and intelligent woman.

Her eyes sparkles like jewels, full of joy, struck me with interest and a playful smile lays on her lips. "Did you not understand my question?", she asked kindly, but nobly reserved. Immediately a rosy puff settled on my cheeks and I stuttered nervously: "Y-Yes, excuse me! I... I was just somewhere else with my thoughts and was completely surprised that they were addressing me personally.... Your works are truly unique! They still show such ‘usual’ motifs and yet they are so special because of these finely elaborated details and this passion with which this work of art was painted. They really are... Unique artworks that you do not forget so quickly. Even for untrained eyes as my owns, I can see that a talented artist has worked on it. I am very impressed by your work, especially this work here!" You could hear the honest admiration from my voice and my heart leapt as she reacted bashful to all of my compliments.

"Thank you, really, thank you so much! I really appreciate to hear such nice words like yours, even if it is rare. I am often criticized for my ‘lack of creativity’, caused by my chosen motives. I just love the rough, almost untouched landscapes of my hometown, I try to depict the ‘normal’ as something beautiful, unique. I would like to ‘really see’ what we already take for granted again. As a wonderful creation, a work of art. Nature is a wonderful example of this, or the architecture of buildings as well. Architects are also artists, although unfortunately they are not seen as such. I just want to offer the obvious things a more meaningful space again.... People like you have become rare. I have observed how you have recognized the true meaning, this beauty and aesthetics in such a ‘usual-looking’ motif. And this pleases me so much that you can read 'between the brushstrokes'. Oh... Excuse me, I always talk way too much when someone shows an interest in art or music, my personal passions. Besides that, I have not introduced myself to you yet, I am Y/N! I was obviously so pleased to see your understanding, empathetic look at this work, if you understand what I mean... Anyway... I can guess that you knew my name already, don't you? What about you? May I know your name?", asked you, beautiful artist, with her really stunning smile.

I swallowed nervously, never before had a young lady mixed my emotions so much in me. Even the picture of her in the newspaper article, which I had read out of boredom in one of my lectures, got me so emotionallyconfused. I didn't want to say it in front of my teasing friends, but I had been really excited when I set off this Friday night. And now the creator of these works of art stood before me and seemed to want to have a longer conversation with me. My heart beats to my throat and I got sweaty hands from this nervousness in my poor body. Honestly, as soon as I wasn't surrounded by my clique of friends, I automatically turned into a nervous, slightly abashed blushing and stuttering guy who behave like an inexperienced teenager. 

In private life, without my best mates by the side, I am not so confident and daredevil. After all, I always had someone who could cover my back when things get tough, while I am on my own without anyone I know. You could usually only believe and trust, not control. That's probably why I struggled with interpersonal relationships. I always overthink too much and have some struggles with my self-confidence.

And now this attractive young woman looked at me with such interest and joy, just me. I was actually the reason for her interest. A joyful and blissful tingling seized every pore, every fiber of my body. Yes, in fact it was just me! Not my best buddy Seokjin, whom I have known since childhood and always sought the attention of everyone. It was no exaggeration to say that he was perhaps a little narcissistic, but only to cover up his own insecurities. Never would I have thought that someone would manage to get this personification of self-love under control. I admired his wife for standing up to Seokjin and keeping him and his dad Jokes at bay. Believe it or not, she of all people had the pants on in the house and knew how to deal with my best friend.

My gaze glided over the figure of the person in front of me and once again I took a sharp breath. I was so nervous to face her personally, a person I already deeply admired and had quite a respect for. I simply did not want to do anything wrong, even if this charm of hers was almost tangible and paralyzed my entire brain with its function. I can already picture how my mind waved wildly goodbye to myself and went to the summer holiday in the Caribbean.

This carefree smile and these beautiful eyes harmonized wonderfully with your complexion. Your features were awake and alive, seemingly always a slight smile surrounded the corners of your mouth, which provoked almost paradoxical reactions in my body. Your smile awake countless butterflies to flutter around in my stomach, which made me quite nervous and at the same time you radiated such a sense of security and calm, as if there was no reason not to get a word out of shyness. My gaze, which I hope examined you unobtrusively enough, wandered to your hands. You had long fingers, I could really imagine how they elegantly held the handle of the paint brushes and worked on these small details extensively in such a calm behavior. Which satisfied and concentrated calmness you possibly radiated while doing that...

A small, noble clearing of your throat again tore me out of my fantasies and speculations. God, what was I today but inattentive! How rude I must have seemed to you...

"Oh, sorry... I... I have not been able to keep my thoughts together all day..." I lied to seem at least a little more credible. Nervously, I pulled on the knot of my tie to loosen it up a little before I have a circulatory collapse. Before I went here, I thought for a long time about what I should wear for this occasion. Jeans and T-shirt were out of the question, too casual and almost an insult for your atelier. A complete suit, however, seemed too overdressed to me and so I decided for a black dress pants and a dark blue dress shirt.Understanding, Y/N nodded and gave me a cheering smile, which made my body tingle again. This woman drove me half crazy alone with his friendly gestures. How could it be that this polite lady got me confused right away?!

And somehow, it gave me a frenzy to leave my secure, anonymous side as a visitor to her exhibition and irrevocably reveal my true identity to you.

"My name is Jeon Jungkook."I answered in a slightly trembling voice, hardly daring to look into her eyes and rubbing my neck unobtrusively.

* Jungkook’s POV *

If only I had guessed what would change in me, how you changed me. That so much more would develop from a pure interest and a simple formal business contact... that you want to make me one of your artworks.

I take another deep breath before I dare to step out from behind the dark red paravent. It is pleasantly warm in this room, I should not freeze, if I am already so freely clothed. My gaze wanders through the small room with the huge, floor-to-ceiling window, which floods the entire room with light. The walls of the room have been painted in a dark orange and red colors and dark wooden planks lay out on the floor. It looks so comfortable due to the warm, dark tones. The orange-yellow evening sun dipped everything into something so cozy... sensual. Somehow into even a little erotic?

Y/N wants to work a lot with the light of the evening sun in this painting, which could be a little complicated if it is not suitable or if it is cloud-covered. But if you have put something into your head, especially in relation to your art, then you do everything you can do to go through it! Also the changing forces of nature cannot stop you from trying to realize your idea. Sometimes, you’re  someone who is quickly frustrated and dissatisfied with yourself as well, especially when something doesn't work as  you wants it to. Nevertheless when it comes to your passion, drawing and painting, you don’t let your idea go away, if you want something, you’ll find a way to make it happen. These are qualities that I know all too well of myself and thus my fascination about you only grows even more. The more time we spent together and I get to know more and more sides of you, the more attracted I became to you.

Your art means a lot to you and you’re quite tough in this respect, can not be overcome by the reproaches and the crushing criticism. That’s exactly what I admire so much about you, having the courage to stand up for personal passion. When I get criticized, all too often I think about really giving up on it, so that I don't have to endure all this criticism anymore. And then I look at you. How focused you are in this moment and carefully prepare for your next project. How you adjusts you easel to the right height, let your self-stretched canvas snap into place, spreads brushes of all sizes and shapes on the small side table next to you and prepares youracrylic colours. I swallow again, as I watched this happen. I am about to become one of your next artworks.

A little uncertainly I walk towards Y/N, the thin dressing gown tightly drawn around my body... never before have I felt so naked and vulnerable. This here is something else. I feel something about it... I feel something for you. For this pretty lady, who sprays her cheerfulness around her and could conjure a smile on the lips of even the most grumpy person. This joy almost kills you, completely engrossed this person and gives you the feeling of floating. You will get the feeling of being welcome at Y/N. To be accepted, with all the flaws and weaknesses that one has. She just smiles at you so gently and lovingly and just says, it's okay. It's okay to be the way you are. Imperfect.

"It is precisely this imperfect, this contradictory and also unpredictable thing that makes us human. That makes us an individual and also interesting. If we were really all as we are expected to be, it would be boring and monotonous. The surprise is only a real gift. Each of us is a very individual gift to a very specific addressee, who is the only one who can truly appreciate this gift. Only then did the recipient find the right person as his gift... Well, if the recipient knows about his gift...", Y/N once said with such a certain look at me, when we went out to dinner together in a restaurant in the evening to clarify some details. I wanted to help her find good contacts in Seoul and help her sell her works.

I can still remember it exactly... it was a quite... extraordinary evening. I was of course once again incredibly nervous and excited. At that time, I did not want to fully realize how much I already like you. Secretly, I had observed my opposite. Your positive and friendly disposition had turned my head all around... and in addition, this beautiful body and her elegant fingers, which already haunt me in the most erotic way unintentionally in my dreams. 

I could not prevent my dream pictures from shooting through my head, which is why my cheeks turned dark red in embarrassment. These fucking fantasies in my head! My eyes stare at the cutlery as if it were incredibly interesting because I didn't dare look up. There were scenes in my mind that made my ears turn red and I would’ve loved to hide behind the menu card. Your body, which made her look like a Greek goddess.

Naked, body covered in sweat, your body shook in lust, you sit up with a wonderful moan... You are on top of me, I could admire your beautiful, almost divine body as you sat on top of me... and rode me. This breathtakingly beautiful distorted face of yours, as if all this pleasure you feel is carved in marble... lids closed, your lips, swollen from all the kissing, are slightly opened which let    your lustful whimpering escape. This grace and elegance, as you rose from me and  then lowered yourself again... as your hands glide erratically over my stomach, searching for support... you suddenly threw your head back and clenched even more tightly around my length. The addicting sounds you’ve made... it’s like the most beautiful melody in my ears... squelching noises and even more of yourjuices gushing out of your sweet, so sweet pussy when you came...

An all-too-familiar laugh tore me out of my extremely indecent thoughts, which quite relieved me at first. Until I raised my head and not too far away I recognized no one but my best friend Kim Seokjin, who made very questionable hand signals in my direction. Oh my God, no! I knew that he had recently changed his job and got accepted for a position as a chef in a new restaurant... but not in this Restaurant! He will never let me life after he found out I was on a “Date” with a woman...

Even though Seokjin was on the other side of the restaurant, I could almost feel his smirk on my own skin. Fuck it, just pretend as if you do not know each other and hit him really hard tomorrow morning in the gym where we meet up for our work out. I quickly turned all my attention back to the person sitting opposite me and tried to ignore Seokjin as best I could.

It was only at the end of the evening, when I had said goodbye to Y/N, that I realized that this meeting had much more of a date than a "business dinner". How familiar we had talked with each other... how much I had thought about licking Y/N the drop from the chocolate sauce of her lava cake from her lips... how it would be... to kiss and touch you...

A noticeable blush has settled on my cheeks as I attended our first meeting together... or even Date in this Restaurant thought back. Four months had passed since then and I suffered from longing for you. You would never see me like I saw you. The reason you wanted to draw me was simply that she needed someone as a model. In addition to landscapes and cities, you want to devote herself gradually to more other motifs. And since I have been the first inquired. Your pleading eyes made me say yes. But I know that for me you have  no more than the feelings for a casual friendship. It hurts to see how you flirt  around so casually with all those other people. I would never be the gift for you as you are for me. If only the recipient would notice that there is a given heart laying in your hands...

"Ah, Jungkook! I’m glad that you're ready!", your cheerful and melodic voice cuts through the silence of the room and you’re walking towards me with excited shining eyes. "Come~," you say and lead me to the chaiselongue, which is placed in front of the large window. The soft, orange light of the evening sun falls on the wine-red fabric of the restored chaiselounge in baroque style. The upholstery has frames covered in gold and also the lion feet on which this historic furniture stands are gilded. Everything was decorated with so many Details, it looks so incredibly elegant and luxurious. On the left side there are some cushions in the same color and an elegant design is carved on the backrest, literally inviting to get used.

"Surely you know the movie 'Titanic', right? Do you remember the scene where Jack used charcoal pencils to draw an nude coal picture of Rose as she laid on the sofa? I would like to draw you in a similar position. I hope it's okay for you if I look at you more closely without a dressing gown... i want to get an overview of your body proportions.", you say, looking me straight in the eye. I notice that you’re very concerned about my privacy and does not want to overstep any of my personal boundaries without my consent. I nod slightly at first until I get a clear yes over my lips. She looks at me silently for a few seconds before reassuring me once again that we can always stop at any time if I feel uncomfortable. Especially your patience and mindfulness of my boundaries shows me how important it is for you as well and how I actually relax noticeably. Y/N smiles cheerfully at me and I slowly loosen the belt of the dressing gown and let the last garment slide to the ground. I feel her in-depth look at me... he is not uncomfortable... only... exciting... in a few different ways.

I swallow again and lie down on the chaiselongue as instructed. You correct my arm and leg position, also rearrange all of the cushions correctly. To my own relief, you put a red cloth over my crotch area. Not that I am ashamed of anything, I am more than comfortable with you already... I just have some worries that I will get a visible problem if I constantly feel your look on my bare skin.

 "It should be able to guess something, but not be allowed to see everything right away...", she whispered with a smile, before her fingertips unintentionally glide tenderly through my happy trail. One of your last smiles are... not really to interpret. Then you return to your easel.

* The Reader’s POV *

Carefully you sit down on your old painting stool, already quite worn out on the edges and stained with the most different types and tones of colors. It had originally been dark brown. You smile dreamily when you think back that you’re used to dangle your legs around when you were a little kid because it was way too big for you back then. For eighteen years now you have exactly this stool and this easel. They had been a gift from your grandfather for your fifth birthday. He had awakened the passion of painting and drawing in you and passed his talent on to you. A certain melancholy seized you when I thought back to how you used to paint your first real picture on canvas with your new easel in the old music room in your grandfather's country house. 

It had been the old, dusty grand piano, which must have been more than a hundred years old at that time. How the country house survived all these wars unscathed, you ask yourself to this day. Perhaps there had already been something magical about it at that time, which should remain untouched. Perhaps the small estate should remain an inconspicuous symbol of hope, the hope that at some point the sun and peace will return when the unbearable suffering and sorrow of this cruel time is over. When the wars were over and all those seeking protection who had fled to this country house were able to return to their own homes again. This house, this estate you can explain your childhood with a single word. Home.

You lift your thought-lost look from your empty, folded hands and look to Jungkook. He takes your breath away every time you see him. He is so special, such a wonderful and yet you firmly believe that he has not been chosen for you, such an ordinary woman as you are. He would belong to someone else with whom he would be happy, although he is the only one who was able to understand and read your works, the language in them. It... it had been such a beautiful moment when, six months ago, he stood in your newly opened studio, so absorbed by the painting of the forest of your childhood. All the other visitors had only looked at it briefly and smiled wearily at the fact that it was again only a landscape painting, but did not grasp what the story behind this work was. Why the artist chosed this very motif, to see, to feel what the creator wanted to communicate through the work. 

But Jungkook had been different. He had given the work, your personal heart, a chance to unravel the true meaning behind it. He did it slowly, bit by bit with his eyes... grasped with his whole mind and heart and finally let himself be influenced as a whole. You could tell from his body reactions that he felt exactly what you had felt when you painted it last summer. Longing. Infinite Longing. Mixed together with melancholy, a little homesickness and sorrow to a unique emotional color. The day you painted it was the last time you saw the house in your official possession. Your grandfather had left it to you. But unfortunately you lacked money, you had to pay some debts and with the best will you could not earn the money in other ways. So you had to sell it with a heavy heart. Your beloved birth and childhood home and the associated lands, you had to sell your true home away. The picture is the only thing left of it. And Jungkook was the only person who understood what you wanted to express with the painting. Longing. My Homesickness.

When all these sensations came upon him, he involuntarily clenched his hands tightly, his chest lifted and lowered quickly, his Adam's apple hopped repeatedly. His eyes were glassy. He experienced your longing as directly as you did. He... is so special. So infinitely amiable. He... he is the only person who’s able to read your true feelings in your works. He is able to read between your brush strokes.

So today you will try him... to paint a confession of love with this act. Maybe he could read... what you feel for him. Even if you know that you will probably never see him again. Because you would not be the recipient of his love and affection. He's just too... too... gifted for a simple artist like you. He would never be your gifted person.

Your gaze glides tenderly and caressingly over his body. Trying to absorb every little detail of his body, his charisma and his character into you and let it flow into the painting. Every birthmark you want to put on the canvas and hold on. You want to show Jungkook how beautiful he is. How godlike he lies before you on this majestic chaiselongue, how masculine and muscular he is, as if he wanted to embody an Adonis. You want to paint every muscle, even the smallest visible muscle, on the canvas in a realistic manner, you want to capture the strength and security that he conveys to you over and over again and make it visible to him. And yet... his gaze often corresponds to that of an intimidated, insecure fawn, which does not dare to want to get up on his legs on his own. The fear of falling again is too big. Through this painting you want to show Jungkook what he really is, what he represents for you and what you feel for him. He is... so contradictory. He is strong, godlike, powerful... and at the same time, so infinitely uncertain, vulnerable... almost pure.

Silence enters your little studio, only the regular breathing of the other and the muffled noise of the busy world outside the door could be heard. Here... here, it feels like time is standing still for a moment for the two of you. Your shared eternity had begun.

To your happiness that it is summer right now and it stays bright for a long time. Today you take more time than usual to mix colors. You want to mix a shade that perfectly matches his skin tone. You want to get the exact color of his black hair down onto the canvas, and the perfect brown for his beautiful eyes. The evening sun and the leaves of the huge treetops in front of the large window conjure up the most beautiful patterns on his immaculate body. A game of light and shadow. It seems to you that Jungkook's body, every single pore of his body has a tiny diamond, so that he begins to sparkle in the sunlight like an infinitely precious jewel. The evening sun warms him, lays a thin layer of sweat over his body. Every detail you try to bring to the canvas, every feeling, every movement of my heart, everything you feel for him, you want to bring to this canvas. You want to make him a masterpiece. Because for you, he is the most beautiful specimen, the only true crown of the human creation.

Some black strands have come loose from his manbun and have fallen on his forehead. It looks stunning, to see him like that. I had never seen him with a messy or even completely open hair... but even now these strands loosened from the braid make his facial features look so much softer and more relaxed. In it, the adult and strong man united with a young, vulnerable, shy boy. The result is... infinitely beautiful. He possesses both sides, so he makes the seemingly inexhaustible divine human being.

His eyes, drawing his eyes with that expression in them, cost you a lot of nerves. Too often you misunderstood this infinite longing that you find in his dark, brown eyes. Again and again you have to restrain yourself, not just to get up, to go over to him... and to kiss him.

This longing look you misinterpret is as longing as you own... according to your closeness, your touch, your affection... according to your love. Because you love him. You love everything about him, his sheepish laugh, the way of rubbing his neck shyly, the way he speaks and explains his point of views about things, how he smells... just everything... every blemish he blames on himself, you think it’s like an artwork on him. He is so perfectly imperfect that you just fell in love with him.

The sun has already set and only the last pink and purple streaks could be seen in the sky, with which the past day says goodbye to the world. One last time you can hear the velvety stroke of the brush over the canvas before you finally put the brush aside. It is finished. You have given everything that is in your power, used all of your artistic abilities and knowledge to the utmost and you have incorporated everything that you feel and think about into this artwork. And what you see put a smile on your lips, but also makes your pulse rise. What will Jungkook say when he looks at it? He will see it... can he read what you feel for him in it?

With a trembling voice, you call Jungkook and look at him one last time. The last time the sight of this male beauty was granted to you. One last time.

After Jungkook has wrapped himself in the dressing gown again, he slowly comes towards you and your easel. Your heart is throbbing as if it really wants to fearfully flight and jump out of your chest. Your body gets hot and cold at the same time and suddenly your hands get sweaty, the dried color on your skin mixes with the sweat to a uncomfortable mess in your palms, which somehow makes you even more nervous. Then he stands next to you. Looking at the canvas for the first time himself. The last brushstroke is still drying.

Once again there is silence, which makes you incredibly nervous and with every second that passes, you want to follow your instinct to escape. Jungkook's pupils are dilated and blown out, whether with bewilderment or horror, you can not recognize. One of his hands shoots up his mouth, he trembles all over his body. Suddenly you hear a suppressed, throaty sobbing. Surprised and a little appalled, you look at Jungkook, who has shut his eyes tightly and presses the palm of his hand even harder on his mouth, as if he wants to muffle every sound. Tears escape the corners of his eyes. This is a reaction... which you would not have expected...

Gently, mindful of any kind of resistance, you wrap your arms around his neck and hold him. He doesn't say anything, he doesn't sob, he doesn't whimper. He just cries. Tenderly, consolingly you hold him, without wanting to distress him. He literally presses his face into the crook of your neck. Salty tears drench your blouse, but it doesn't bother you. The reason why he had such an emotional outburst, you just don't understand. But still... it's okay. It is valid.

As he slowly calms down and his breathes becomes regularly again, he carefully lifts his head out of the crook of your neck and wipes the last tears out of his eyes dry in slight embarrassment. He slowly releases himself from your embrace until you finally stand silently in front of each other.

"What title you’ll give this artwork?", he asks softly, in a rough, throaty voice. You swallow . "It shall be called 'Der Geliebte'. ...it is german and translated it means... ‘The beloved’ ", you say barely audibly and lower your head. After this confession, you can no longer look him in the eyes.

Jungkook takes a sharp breath in and you're actually just waiting for a devastating response from him that would be like a death threat. But nothing of this happened. Instead, your chin is suddenly raised by his fingertips and you look into Jungkook's beautiful eyes. He bites his lower lip a little uncertainly,his own gaze falls on your pretty shaped lips. 

"Do you... do you allow me to kiss you?", he asks quietly... barely audible for you even though you’re standing so close to each other. He doesn't dare to look you into the eyes after such a question, he is too afraid that you deny his request. But you can hardly believe your luck, a high pitched ‘yes!’ flew over your lips and before you can control yourself, you press your own lips right onto his. They are incredibly soft and kiss you back in such a delightfully and endearing insecure and shy manner as no other could ever have done it.

Your heart beats full of joy and bliss and in your belly, the butterflies fly somersaults of all different kinds that your whole body began to tingle. Your mind cannot get a grasp of all this yet, but this... you don't need any more of it at this moment anyway.

The kiss is tender, shy and somewhat uncertain from both sides. Jungkook is very insecure and shy, but before he can escape like a frightened deer again, you put your arms around his neck and let your hands rest in the nape of his scalp. Again and again you detach yourselves from each other only for the fraction of a second to get a breath of air into your lungs in order to find each other lips again... until you stopped for a few seconds.

"I like you... I like you really, really much, Jungkook... I even dare to say that I fell on love with you.", you mutter softly against his lips. His shy, happy smile was too much for you, so you immediately kiss him again. Perhaps because of the sheer joy and maybe of the certainty that he feels the same for you, the next kiss turns into something more passionate than before...

[anunvalidcritic]

INVINCIBLE: S1-EP8

(DISCLAIMER: MY OPINION IS MY OWN AND CAN BE DEEMED INVALID TO THOSE WHO DON’T CARE FOR IT.)

It’s the last episode.... Let’s dive in boys, girls, and non-binary folks!!!

                          WHERE I REALLY COME FROM

Is it just me or did this week go by really fast??? (went by to fuckin’ fast bcuz I fuckin’ forgot!)

alright so we’re starting off by staring at the grass... that’s a pretty calm start..

nvm it’s raining blood

INVINCIBLE looks sick asf

well, I’m glad that was his first reaction

“It’s me Mark, It’s just me.” - OMNI-MAN 

BRO VILTRUMITES ARE FUCKIN’ SAVAGES

DEBBIE has always been a baddie

Bro OMNI-MAN’s storyline is fuckin’ amazing

“You love me, you love Mom! I know you do.” - INVINCIBLE MARK

go ahead and that shit out now my dude

“Do you have any idea how long we live? The older we get, the slower we age. Viltrumite DNA is so pure you’re nearly full-blooded. You’ll live for thousands of years. Do you understand what that means? Everyone you know and love will be gone before you even look thirty.” - OMNI-MAN 

well damn thanks for dropping this knowledge on us, sir.

ICONIC DIALOGUE

OMNI-MAN - “I do love your mother. But she’s more like a... a pet to me.”

MARK - “A pet?”

OMNI-MAN - “This is the only way, Mark.” *as he reaches for MARK’s shoulder*

MARK - “Don’t touch me!”

NO THIS MOTHERFUCKER DIDN’T!!!!! DID Y’ALL HEAR WHAT HE JUST SAID!!!??!!?!?!?! I CAN’T DO THIS BRO!!!!!!

go off MARK, talk yo shit!

“I don’t give a shit about Viltrum. And I don’t care if I live a fuckin’ million years. This is my home and I won’t let you destroy it!” - INVINCIBLE

Bro, don’t let your daddy beat yo' ass! You are a grown man now.

dude, this title for the last episode is fucking exceptional!

those dudes in the jets are gonna lose their fuckin’ lives

You know, it’s unfortunate that they know that shit is just a distraction for him and not life threating. 

He didn’t have to demolish that man like that...

this man is ruthless

“Did seeing that man lose his life distrube you? Did it hurt you?! Well, let’s see how you handle this.” - OMNI-MAN

👁 👄 👁

Don’t you just love it when motherfuckers just stop and stare when they see a disaster happening??

Now I understand that the building is more than likely collapsing on it’s own, but I wouldn’t be surprised if his dad is pushng it from the other side. 

They’re really fuckin’ up Chi-Town right...

I could’ve told you that woman wasn’t gonna make it...

as evil as this man is... his character is amazing 

I love seeing MARK rage this dude just goes in!

“For the first time in your life, I’m telling you the truth.” - OMNI-MAN

what is he aboour.

THAT WASN’T FUCKIN’ NECCESSARY!!!!!!!!!!!!

... their suits need more than a deep dry cleaning

He didn’t have to swerve MARK like taht!

the clouds look nice...

okay, that’s enough OMNI-MAN!!

I wish they would’ve at least kept ZACHARY QUINTO’s voice because I miss the guy

See, this episode is a prime (pun intended) and I mean a PRIME example of how raising your kids with a good upbringing is important. If MARK was raised the way OMNI-MAN had intended to raise him, then he would’ve been a complete asshole... an extremely strong asshole, but an asshole. 

you know this is very triggering... RIP GLENN

“You wanna die for this planet? Fine. What’s seventeen more years? I can always start again... make another kid.” - OMNI-MAN

FLASHBACK

YOUNG MARK = LITTLE LEAGUE BASEBALL

“Look at Mark. You and I made him. He’s ours. When he feels joy, we feel joy. See that look on his face. How can you see this and not feel the same way. As we get older it’s harder to feel that.” - DEBBIE

GOD! Can Sandra Oh be my fuckin’ mom!?!?!

NOLAN still ain’t shit....

~~~~~~

I like how he had that flashback while he was beating his son to a pulp

homeboy has to get dentures now...

only a narcissist would say some shit like this

“You dad, I’d still have you.” - MARK

that’s fuckin’ heartbreaking....

ik it’s not funny but MARK looks horrible..

looks like OMNI-MAN went back home cryin’

AMBER feelin’ like a complete dick as she should!! (I was rooting for y’all)

how long was he out??

DEBBIE you married an evil motherfucker, but it’s not your fault

Who tf cursed MONSTER GIRL?? She must’ve said or done some foul shit... And who tf fucked up CECIL’s face??

let it out DEBS let it out..

ik tf AMBER just didn’t!! deadass thought it was EVE...

lol the way WILLIAM saved that was hilarious!!

“We can try but it’s literally all anyone is tlking about in the world” - WILLIAM 

come on now dude

😆 I could’ve sworn DUPLI-KATE looked asian and not white like EVE. WILLIAM is trifflin’

I was gonna say during the montage clip I knew one of those species looked familiar.

MARK + ALLEN THE ALIEN = BEST BUDS

Mars is gettin’ fucked up from the ground up.

ICONIC DIALOGUE

ALLEN THE ALIEN - “What’s the plan in the meantime?”

INVINCIBLE - “Finish high school, I guess.”

ALLEN THE ALIEN - “Oh, alright good. Sounds good. What is high school?”

_____

I liked the way it ended! It’s unfortunate that we must bid ado to this lovely grotesque show of INVINICBLE, but alas we must in order to move onto greater things and the world beyond. Hopefully, they’ll get confirmed for a second season because I really don’t want them to end on such an extraordinarily high point...

List of Episodes with link :) ~

EP1 - EP2 - EP3 - EP4 - EP5 - EP6 - EP7 - EP8

EDIT: Thank god Amazon has decided to renew the series for not just the second season but a third as well!!!! FUCK YEAH!!

[giyyu]

hey there! list five things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox of the last ten people who reblogged something from you! spread the happiness and positivity <3

ohhhh so cute. thank you for the ask, love :)!

• the good people in my life including the moments i spend with them and the moments i get to support them (of course the way they support me too, they’re just amazing). but truly, there is no greater honor to me than to be able to take care of/support people, whether it be emotionally or physically. and related to people, i just want to add that seeing anyone happy (stranger or well known), makes me feel so warm inside. like yeah! they totally deserve the happiness and joy they’re experiencing right now and i wish they could feel that forever.

• coffee! of course. it’s honestly what makes me excited to go to bed at night and wake up in the morning. i also will have it any time of day :'). caffeine really doesn’t affect me, but there is just something so comforting about coffee.

• my favorite media. watching anime, reading manga, sharing my excitement with friends (online or irl), buying fun little things related to my favorite characters, collecting my favorite manga, seeing all the fan art and edits that just blow my mind, reading all the theories and analyses related to it, etc!

• bookstores :)! i really will go at least twice a week. it makes me so incredibly happy to be there. even if i walk out with nothing, just walking around in there is enough for me. i do love to buy manga when i can though!

• sunshine. i absolutely love light. don’t get me wrong, stars are so amazing and i am in awe every time i look up at the night sky and see them. but sunshine!!! the way the morning sun shines differently than the afternoon sun. and the way the afternoon sun shines differently than the evening sun. they way they hit the grass differently and the way they shine through the windows of my home differently. i can’t get enough of sunshine.

[whoistheasshole]

How do I get out of this unsatisfying life I’m living?

Anonymous asks: So the thing is that I feel incredibly stuck - I have all the basics of life which I'm grateful for but also that was my BIG dream as a kid, to get tf out of my parents' house - but now I have that and idk what to do for the rest of my life. Like, if I try those "visualize your future" things I'm just like, "I'd like to sleep for a month, maybe longer" & it feels like I don't really WANT anything so I can't plan, you know? Just flailing here honestly. Pretty tired of it.

I wrote back: I got your question. To pinpoint my answer a little better, can you tell me about your current situation, like how long has it been since you moved out? Which are the things you have in order to your satisfaction? Some vague idea of your age range would also be helpful, but I can work without it too if you’d rather not share.

Anonymous answered: Ah, sorry. I was trying to fit in the character limit & also whenever I think about this my mind just goes flbbbbth. It's been about 5 years? That's about the only thing I'm truly HAPPY about, I'm not thrilled with my social/love life, career, etc & have pretty much been just coasting tbh. I'm almost 30. Thanks for entertaining this.

Alright, thanks for adding some background. I will come at this from different angles and you can pretty much pick and choose what sounds helpful and leave the rest, okay?

First, while there are people who have it all figured out, methodically planning their next career step or fully certain that there is no greater joy than raising a child, there are tons of other people who just, to quote, go „ flbbbbth“ when asked about their next steps or, god forbid, their life plan. I would say I fall in the latter camp, but I don’t mind because I think there is nothing wrong with that. I let myself be guided by the things I need to be happy (more on that later) and by current necessities – if my job becomes shit, I need to find a new job. If a friendship goes sour, I need to end it respectfully. But I couldn’t tell you specific career or personal goals, except...

... let’s talk about the „later“ now.

I’m an organizer, maybe even a worrier, and therefore I like lists. And for that reason I made a list a while ago that I still have and expect to keep for a long time. It is a list of everything that I need to be satisfied with my life. It consists of 29 entries and has three of them checked, though several others could be counted as half-checked. I wrote down everything that came to mind, paying no attention whether it was reasonable or feasible to want. That wasn’t the question.

It covers stuff like a clean flat (not checked), restful sleep (not checked), friends that I see regularly (checked) or a job with purpose (not checked). This list is my guide. Well, generally my needs are my guide, but it can be hard to be aware of your needs sometimes, so I got this list. And if I wonder what I need or want to focus on, I can turn to it and choose one of the entries and see what I can do about it. I can also look over the list every few years and see if things have developed in the right direction. Little progress is no reason to chastise myself, but helpful information to see whether I need to re-direct my focus.

Please note that I wrote „satisfied“, not „happy“. Being happy is a passing emotional state. It is completely normal and okay not to be happy all the time. But quiet satisfaction with where you are or where you are going, that is pretty achievable. It certainly is a process, but an enjoyable one.

This list is not a race and it is not really a to-do list because most of the things I wrote down aren’t easy to accomplish with a single action. They take months and years and, for some items, I can only try and hope it works out some day (see anybody who ever purposely looked for a partner).

So maybe this kind of list could be an exercise for you. Maybe it provides you with some insight, maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it’s not the right point in your life. But if you sit down and the only thing you can come up with is „cry forever“ or „sleep forever“ then, you know, that’s a sign.

Which brings me to my next point: Journaling or automatic writing. This method is especially helpful for those „I feel some kind of way and I couldn’t even tell you how“ moments – so maybe exactly where you are right now. Captain Akward has introduced me to a website called „750 words“ and I’ve used the principle of „morning pages“, though not the website, since then whenever I felt like some emotions were starting to boil over.

I sit down, ideally in the morning, and just barf it all on the (digital) page. There are only two rules: 1) Don’t edit or judge yourself, write everything as it comes to mind (that’s the automatic writing part) and 2) Don’t stop before you’ve reached 750 words. You are not looking to write anything readable or clever or lyrical, you’re looking to get all the weirdness out so you can move on. Repeat this as many days as you feel queasy or weird or confused or angry or sad. Each day, as soon as you’ve reached the 750 words, you can walk away. Heck, you could even delete/burn the document if that feels right. It’s just about giving your thoughts the room they need so you can continue with your day, hopefully feeling somewhat relieved.

While we’re at writing, I also have a question for you: Where is the pressure coming from to „do something with your life“? Is it truly coming from inside you or are there outside factors? Are people in your life asking you when you’ll have kids? Do you live in a culture where it’s expected that everybody does something of note, works certain prestigious jobs? Do you compare yourself to the people around you and feel like you’re „late“?

Maybe mull this over on a leisurely walk or write about it, using the method above. No matter where it’s coming from, the feeling of pressure won’t go away just by knowing its origin, but the knowledge can help you keep it under control. And if you find it is truly your own wish, you will have tools to shape your life according to your needs.

So, next, sleep: Maybe do that?

You wrote "I'd like to sleep for a month, maybe longer". I understand this was half a joke, but also … it was probably more than a joke.

How are your energy levels? How does life feel? Are you trying to jog through jello most of these days?

If we’ve been overachievers or had a tough home life or needed to take care of ourselves pretty early, we can become accustomed to everything being difficult. This feeling and behavior can become a way of life, even when circumstances change and we have a chance to act differently.

Do you feel rested? Do you have regular moments of quiet in your life that let you breathe? If not, this is where I would start. Forget about lists, though morning pages might be a helpful accompanying tool (if they don’t become a task to punish yourself with if you don’t find the energy).

Take some weeks or months, maybe even a year to make rest your priority. You will have to find a way that works for you. Yes there is a lot of clinically proven stuff out there, but you will not see me do yoga or meditate. Though feel free if that’s up your alley. If you love cycling or taking photos or drawing or just plain lying on your bed and staring at the wall, see where you can add more of that to your day. Whatever brings you closer to yourself and makes you feel like you can exhale and stand still for a moment, that’s the way to go. Do this as long as sleeping seems like a fine choice. And for good measure maybe a month longer. You are ready to stop when you cannot wait to do something else goddamnit I’m bored!!! (you might say)

If you are in this picture, please start here. Any kind of life plan, next steps, strategizing, solving of riddles would set you back and perpetuate your exhaustion. Rest is not time wasted, rest is how you get your life back.

If you are in this picture, you will likely find that if you really pull through, if you truly rest, as long and boring or even scary as it may be, the other questions will probably have an intuitive answer afterwards. Not like „this is my 20-year career plan“, but „I feel like doing x this week“. And that is enough. Because you won’t need to strain to hear your needs through the fog of exhaustion anymore.

Finally, some practical information and links for when you do have the energy and inclination to tackle your job and social life. I am not saying you need to change anything if that’s not what you want to focus on. These are just some tips, in case they become relevant.

For your social life, I recommend what others have recommended before me: Pick an activity that you do with other people and stick with it long enough to become a familiar face, see also here and here (yes, meeting gay people is similar to meeting other people). If you try out new stuff, go there at least 5 or 6 times before you decide it’s not for you – of course assuming nothing bad is coming up like racist or abusive people in the group. Shop around if the first group/activity doesn’t work for you until you find something that you’d like to do permanently. Maybe you’ll gain some friends, maybe you’ll find a romantic opportunity. In any case, if it’s something fun that you like to do anyway, you will have found an outlet with a social group attached. It is absolutely not as easy right now, with Covid and all, but if nothing outdoors-y comes to mind, you could also use this time to brainstorm what sounds like fun for when things are safer again.

Of course you can also look at opportunities online, like Discord servers, online interest groups etc but I do understand if that’s just not appealing right now. I am certainly over sitting in front of a screen.

To round this up, don’t sneeze at contacts that you already have. Are there acquaintances, friends of friends, colleagues, family members who you would like to get to know better? Then go do that! Suggest a time and place to meet up and see how they react. Say yes to the potential friends.

Speaking of which...

The Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes might also be interesting. Sure, it’s a little pop culture positive thinking kinda stuff, but I did like the impulse it gave me to consider when I say no to opportunities out of anxiety or worry. It made me accept some social invitations from colleagues (… in the before times) that I would not have otherwise considered. I did not gain life-long friends, but I did learn another valuable info: That my FOMO wasn’t justified for these events ;)

It also lead me to the decision to do one new thing every month – visit a new place or try a new activity or cook a new food. If the concept sounds appealing, just think about what sounds interesting and achievable to you.

And finally, the advice blog recommendations that I’ll always have. For social life, love life, and general life planning turmoil: Captain Awkward. For everything job-related, including how to write a good cover letter or interview well and, of course, how to get out of the dreaded current job you have: Ask A Manager.

To sum it up:

1) Figure out if you even have the energy to tackle any of this right now.

2) Figure out your pillars for a satisfying life – nothing big and shiny, just … basic needs, wishes, social needs.

3) When you feel like it, pick what you want to tackle next and see where it leads you.

4) Stay flexible. This is your life and it’s okay to go where it takes you, even if it doesn’t look „cool“ or „impressive“ from the outside. All you need is to make it your own.

And if you want to, let me know how it goes some time. :)