#they know nadia is powerful but not much else about her is known

[rottengurlz]

toxic yuri vampires you will always be famous to me

[purplecritter]

Dragon Age: Vows and Vengeance (Ep. 6)

Official episode transcript here

My notes while I was listening under the cut… Spoilers ahead!

For anyone with emetophobia or gets grossed out by vomit, skip from 00:43 to 00:46 if you haven't already listened to the episode

"I don't mean to be a wet cloth" oh Drayden I love the self awareness (affectionate)

I'm not over how confident Taash is in combat 🥰 I also get the feeling it's going to be a bit of a whiplash because there's an established friendship with Nadia so Taash's behaviour with Rook could be something else entirely

Woooah I did not anticipate Antivan Drayden?!

Borgiani Borgiani… I knew I remembered the surname from a leak a while ago, because “Borgia” is a pretty significant family during the italian renaissance and so I was sure they’d be in Antiva given the similarity… Here’s felassan’s post about it, the other names listed are all characters from the podcast but I didn’t make the connection until now lol

I love that Lucanis could have let him choke on the poison and instead chose to stab… 

Yet another “earthquake” mention 🎉

OOOH is the teleport because the fade is being weird? Orrr does Lucanis already start manifesting. powers? Nah it’s probably the first one idk

Marethari!! And implicit Feynriel mention!!! Da2 fans we win today

Besties I think demons have already been attracted to Elio a while ago

I was certain for a moment that Drayden’s birth name was mentioned already, but turns out I was thinking of Aristide Am-ell, not Am-ato. Aristide Amell was Hawke’s grandpa (Leandra and Gamlen’s father)!

Drayden’s VA did amazing on those wails 😭

Ah the poetic narrative of the very family who let their kid be ostracized because they were connected to the Fade, stepping up to investigate possible “dark magics” that affected the community and being killed for it…

“Hopefully safe but probably not” is enough for me. I’ll be keeping an ear out for any Amato family members while we’re in Antiva in DATV lol

Okay they described Lucanis so much like “socially awkward dumpster fire disaster” that I was blindsided here. This man is being smooth here hellooo

My heart wants Ophelia to be a gigantic creature but my brain is telling me it’s probably a guard dog

Captain is being mad sus btw 🧐

“There is no ghost, it's a man!” Lmao nice words considering what we know of Lucanis “The Demon of Vyrantium” so far

Today I learned: “garrote” is not only the sitting execution method, but also a portable wire-like weapon. Which makes much more sense in the context of “we have people to get rid of as quietly as possible”

Achievement unlocked: Nadia and Drayden have successfully trauma-bonded for the foreseeable future!

Gkfbjsvj I was iffy about Eliza insisting that Drayden’s parents didn’t actually hate them and they did love them and just didn’t know how to express it or whatever. But I guess… I want to believe people want to change and amend for their mistakes 🥺 If their father knew of their new chosen name (because he told Lucanis before dying), I’m assuming he did research / tried to find Drayden and successfully tracked them down but didn’t make himself known to pressure them into coming back, which makes his supposed regret more believable to me (unlike for example Dorian’s father in The Last Resort of Good Men). Idk maybe I’m overthinking it

BIG DOG. This is how a mabari in The Veilguard can still happen–

They got Drayden an actual whole war hound after they got attacked? 🥺

(takes out my whiteboard labeled “men and women are equal in Thedas” to write down: “Episodes since a character was misogynistic: 0”) 

The episode title lied to us?! I was waiting for when the captain attempted to stab Lillemar only for her to pull a Frodo Baggins with his mithril shirt and instead DRAYDEN GETS STABBED?

What if… Drayden dies but due to their connection to the Fade, Emmrich binds their spirit in the next episode… 👁️👁️

[mayhemwrites]

stormwitch

In which Zoya Nazyalensky is the legendary Stormwitch, and Alina Starkov is just another Sun Summoner.

Featuring Lada Garin as Zoya's adoptive sister, and Liliyana as her adoptive mother.

read it on ao3 here! written for the AU roulette challenge, with the prompt "roleswap AU"

full fic under the cut - zoyalina enemies to lovers, told via zoya's letters to lada and liliyana, mostly canon compliant except for the roleswap, 1280 words

I have arrived at the Little Palace. The journey was difficult, but I survived thanks to the Darkling’s protection, so you don’t need to worry about me. When I got there, they sent somebody known as a Tailor to alter my face - I was furious, but apparently it was necessary. Then they had me brought before the King. I will say no more on that. I have no idea who will read this letter before it is sent, and I have no wish to be accused of treason.

--------

Dear Lada,

I called a storm outside the throne room, and every noble who had come to watch was hugely impressed. I saw somebody faint in the crowd.

I wish you could be here with me.

Yours, Zoya.

--------

Dear Lada,

My training has begun, and it’s dreadful. My primary instructor is an old woman named Baghra, who likes to hit her students with her walking stick. My friend Nadia told me that when she first began training as a Tidemaker, Baghra released a swarm of bees on her to encourage her to use her powers.

I got in a fight with a stuck-up Sun Summoner girl. Her name is Alina and she has been at the Little Palace for ten years. Somehow, this makes her think that she is better than me or anybody else, and she resents the fact that I am getting all the attention. It’s hardly my fault.

During one of my training sessions, the teacher asked me to choose another student to fight against, so I chose her. Everybody told me that she was bitchy, and I saw it myself when I was first introduced to her. She threw me down first, so I punched her, and she blinded me. This was two days ago, and I am only just beginning to recover my vision.

The Darkling was furious with her. I saw her cry after he reprimanded her.

I hope you’re reading this. It’s been two weeks since I last wrote, and I’ve had no reply.

Yours, Zoya.

--------

Dear Lada,

Is everything alright at home? I hope Liliyana is okay.

I’ve settled into some sort of routine here at the Little Palace, but they want me to perform at the winter fête next month. The Fabrikators are building an entire stage for me outside in the grounds so that I can summon a storm.

It’s all very exciting, but the Little Palace is hardly what I imagined. The food is terrible, and there’s so much in-fighting. You would think that the Second Army would be united against its common enemies, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Corporalki hate Etherealki, who patronise Materialki, who resent Corporalki, and so on.

Wish me luck for my demonstration!

Yours, Zoya.

--------

Dear Lada,

I’m starting to worry about you. Surely somebody would have informed me if something truly bad had happened to you, so I’m trying to stay positive for once.

I’m writing this as I’m waiting to perform at the winter fête. The last week or two have been a blur, and there’s so much I have to tell you.

First of all, the Darkling wants to find me an amplifier. But not just any amplifier - Morozova’s stag. Baghra says it’s a myth and he’s stupid for believing in it, but he thinks it’s real and I should have it. He says that if he manages to find it, I might be powerful enough to save Ravka from the Shadow Fold. Sun Summoners have tried for decades to destroy it, but he says if I can learn to summon lightning, that might work better.

Also, he kissed me. I can hardly believe it. I have no idea what to think. On one hand, I should be repulsed. On the other hand, it’s nice that somebody is paying attention to me, you know? I’ve never felt wanted the way I do now.

Don’t tell me I’m making a mistake. I know I am. But I don’t care.

Yours, Zoya

--------

Dear Liliyana,

You might have heard some of the news from the last few months, but I want to tell you my version of the story.

Yes, Lada and I found Morozova’s stag. I would have taken it as my amplifier, but the Darkling got there first. He killed it and put its antlers around my neck to control my power. It’s okay. I found a way to sever the connection. Unfortunately, he used me to expand the Shadow Fold first.

That’s the bit I’m sure you already knew.

I’m back at the Little Palace, and this time I’m leading the Second Army. The Darkling has gone rogue, and he ran away, taking many of the older Grisha with him. But I’ve taken charge of everybody who remained, and officially been instated as General. I’m also engaged to Prince Nikolai, and that’s helped me gain the respect of everybody at court.

I miss you every day. Would you like to bring the children from Keramzin to live here in Os Alta? I’m sure the royal family wouldn’t object.

Yours, hoping to see you soon, Zoya.

--------

Dear Liliyana,

I am so sorry. I thought it was such a good idea to invite you to Os Alta.

I didn’t realise that both Palaces would be destroyed by the time you got here.

Lada is with me, and we are both safe. It took a while. I was briefly kidnapped by the Apparat - please do not worry about me! I’m perfectly alright. We’ve moved to a secret base, and I probably shouldn’t give away our location. Rest assured that we are safe. (As safe as we can possibly be, in the middle of a civil war.)

Next week we are planning on taking a tour around Ravka, to win support for our cause against the Darkling. The plan is to mostly visit West Ravkan nobility, but I can arrange for us to come to Os Alta. Assuming you are still there, and haven’t found somewhere else to stay. Assuming that you are still alive and safe.

Please still be alive and safe.

Yours, Zoya.

--------

Dear Liliyana,

I want to believe that what I saw was a hallucination, or some kind of vision, that the Darkling sent to me so that he could torture me.

But deep down I know you will never read this letter.

Everything has changed since the last time I wrote to you. I don’t even know if you read that one. I hope you did. I hope you know that I love you.

Maybe it’s for the best that you died not knowing that in order to save Ravka, I would have to kill Lada. She is the third amplifier - the firebird, a descendant of Ilya Morozova. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Of course I want to save Ravka, to destroy the Shadow Fold. But I can’t lose Lada. I just can’t. I wish you were here to give me some advice.

It seems almost trivial that I have fallen in love.

I don’t think I ever told you about Alina. You never met her. I would have liked you to.

She’s a Sun Summoner, and anything I could say about her, you would laugh and tease me for. You would tell me I’ve grown into a romantic, just like you always predicted I would.

I think you would have liked her, if you’d ever met her.

She’s the only thing that’s keeping me going, knowing that I have to lose Lada. We march against the Darkling tomorrow, under cover of a storm.

I love you. I always will. I wish you were still here.

Yours, Zoya.

[abominationvault]

Session 4: Sat 15 Jul 2023

Suggested talking points: Gillian Anderson - still beautiful. David Duchovny - potato in a suit. Pasta: yay or nay? We are undecided. Double steak sandwiches. Whatever Happened To Little Sconner? Cryptid of the Week: Dipping Cheese.

Okay, so - dead frog? And the luxury maggots contained therein. Trash-Cat Luna approaches in order to splat them. She does three successive paw attacks and gets a Hero Point.

Luna and Skabb both get grabbed; Nadia juuuust squirms out of reach.

Hartvig reminds us all to try and roll some slightly higher numbers this week. Nadia takes this advice to heart and finally hits something - not only that, but she scores a crit and kills a maggot! Skabb goes one better and gets a crit on her third attack, killing another! Joto gets stuck in a door, and has to wait for a human to come and open it for him.

He kills the last maggot with a flashy throw of his dagger. Skabb wants to wear the empty dead frog. The DM allows this, for reasons known only to him. She makes a Nature check; 13. There’s something distinctive about the damage to the frog. Not from the maggots - she believes the legs were bitten off by something else.

Luna can see they were bitten off by some kind of draconic creature; there are burn marks around the leg bones. She thinks it was a river-drake. Does she have a sketch of one of those in her pocket, by any chance? No, but Nadia remembers the most about dragons. Drakes are primitive draconic monsters, with only a fraction of the power of their cousins. They are much less cunning, as well. They are known for forming raiding parties known as rampages. They are Large.

Sprocket’s little ears can hear distant buzzing. Not like the maggots being farmed by the mitflits. We have a think. What do maggots turn into…?

(Skabb wants to know if she can hack the face off the frog and bring it with her. She can, she is told, so she does.)

Joto knows that the flies that come from these maggots are hard to hit, even though they’re the size of people. He also knows they carry diseases. Delightful! He recounts a tale of a previous exploits in the jungle, where he learned of these creatures.

Luna and Nadia approach a closed door - they notice some scribbles on the floor outside it. The writing is childish, but they can’t read it. We could try and make Skabb read it, but that isn’t likely to go well. Please…?

“It’s not about pleases, words are evil!” she shrieks. If we ask Grabby-Cat nicely, she might read it for us and tell Skabb what it says. We remember that she left Grabby-Cat standing guard further back; Skabb calls her back and has her read it. She makes an Intelligence check, as it’s in Mitflit and not Gobbo. 15; ‘Important - here be Buzzy-Wuzz. Keep it well fed, by order of Boss Skrawnig.’

Joto heard, “Joto should go back and get a dead mitflit, open the door and fling it in”. How strange, that’s what the rest of us heard as well.

He fetches a dead mitflit and cautiously opens the door. Inside is a watch post, full of animal carcasses and entrails. He slings the mitflit in, does a gross cat-retch, and presses back around the corner, peering back in to see what happens.

Nadia and Luna move back, readying attacks in case the fly attacks us. Sprocket stands there looking at us all.

The buzzing gets louder. Those of us who can see this:

Through the now open door we see another fly appear. The first is about the size of a pony, and shiny blue and green. It has been painted with something, probably by the mitflits. The second is a more drab colour. A third, mucky-brown one squeezes in through the window as we watch.

Joto shuts the door.

Luna has some black adder poison; could she slap it on a dead mitflit and fling it in? Well, it’s a venom, not a poison, so we would need to get it into the bloodstream. Oh well. She gets a Hero Point for the scheme.

We need some giant flypaper. Or an aerosol and a lighter. Skabb could Tanglefoot one…? We don’t need to kill these things, but if we don’t they’ll be buzzing around outside later on. Especially since we killed the mitflits that were feeding them. Would cold magic make them sluggish, maybe?

Sprocket thinks he has a spell that might do something, but it’ll take a round to charge. Traps and snares aren’t likely to do much since they’re floor-based, and flies, well… fly.

We arrange a surprise attack, since the flies don’t know we’re here. Sprocket readies his spell, Skabb and Hartvig prepare spells too, Nadia readies a shot, and Joto and Luna prepare to dart in and do melee strikes. Augustus will do some smashing.

Joto opens the door…

Sprocket fires off his spell: Horizon Thunder Sphere. He rolls a 7 to attack, then a 5. All is not lost - the spell explodes and does damage to the adjacent two flies instead. (He sparkles with electrical energy.) The flies make their saves - one takes no damage but the other takes half.

Skabb does her Clinging Ice spell; her target crit-fails its Reflex save and takes double damage!

DM, sadly: “Poor Buzzy-Wuzz.”

Skabb, on a roll, casts Ray of Frost on Buzzy-Wuzz. 20 to hit and 8 Cold damage!

Nadia hits with her shot, for another whopping two damage. She reloads and crouches down.

Hartvig steps over Sprocket as he walks toward the door and does Cry of Destruction, hitting all three flies.

Joto: “Is it a shout, or are you just crying?”

Hartvig, weeping: “It’s not a phase!”

The flies make their Fortitude saves and take half damage. Clearly flies don’t understand emo culture.

Joto darts past Hartvig into the room and gets stuck in the wall on his way in. He springs over the flies so he can attack from behind. He goes for Buzzy-Wuzz with his rapier, hitting for 7 damage and gets the Howdy-Doodis! He carves a J into its back.

Hartvig: “I loosened it for you.”

Joto then does an action called You’re Next:

He rolls an 18 on his Intimidation check.

Sprocket: “Undermine it emotionally! Gaslight it!”

That was a free action so Joto attacks one of the remaining ones, misses, and uses a Hero Point to reroll: “Ah, piss.” He gets the Hero Point back for being awesome though, so not all is lost.

Luna is hidden, and also stuck in the wall. She gets unstuck, and leans around Hartvig to take a shot. She misses, uses a Hero Point to reroll, and misses again. She closes her Roll20 window in her excitement, and there is a short pause while she reopens it. She bounds in to attack with her rapier, and misses with that as well.

Pretty good surprise round, all considered! With that, we roll Initiative…

So it turns out that Hartvig’s curse has kicked in, so anyone within ten feet of him is in his ashy aura and is considered Concealed. Double edged sword, though, because they can't see out of it either. Sprocket Spouts one of the flies. “He’s getting a dungeon bidet.”

Hartvig casts Produce Flame and hits one for 4 fire damage. He moves out of the way, taking his ash cloud with him. He gets a Pity Point from the DM. “I accept.”

One of the flies exits the room and attacks Sprocket for 5 damage with its mandibles. It goes in for another bite, but misses. The other fly bites at Joto “with his mandi-blez”, then at Luna - and flies away toward Nadia.

She shoots but misses, reloads and crouches down.

Luna takes some shots, but misses.

Skabb uses her first action to try and puke away her sickness, but fails her Fortitude save. She flings an Electric Arc at the flies - they fail their saves and takes 6 damage each.

Joto runs back out of the room and throws a grappling hook at one of the flies. It misses, so he shoots with his crossbow instead. That misses as well.

Sprocket can’t reach the flies - but Augustus can. Sprocket does another spout of water at the fly nearest him, but it makes its save. While it’s dodging out of the way, Augustus swats it with a 23 to attack! 5 damage, yeah.

Hartvig moves, and casts Guidance on Nadia. Good thing too, because one of the flies attacks her. It hits, but she can add the Guidance point to the secret roll the DM makes for her. Its second attack misses. Embarrassed, it turns to attack Sprocket instead and hits him for 4. The second fly bites at Joto (miss), Augustus (miss) and Sprocket (miss).

Nadia shoots, misses, and crouches down shielding Skabb as she does so.

Luna springs out of the room and rapiers one of the flies - 17 hits for 3 damage, and she does a little cat-dance. The thing is now dripping fly gunk and flying on the wonk. “Gross.” The fly uses Avoid the Swat:

Skabb tries another Tactical Vom, but fails. “You’d think I’d be good at puking.” She shoots another Ray of Frost at the one trying to flee. She gets a Howdy-Doodis! It freezes and shatters into, quote, “delicious little chunks”.

Joto uses Augustus to get some air time, and leaps at the last fly for some mid-air rapier action. 23 hits! Upon the landing he takes another swing. Howdy-Doodis! He cuts the wings off, and it explodes on the floor.

Joto does some healing for Skabb, who pukes enough to make herself better, and then runs around the room hoovering up the bits of dead fly. Full again, she uses her healing mud to try and heal Sprocket but rolls too low. She does the same for Augustus, and rolls much better. Fortunately they share a hit point pool so Sprocket gets healed anyway.

Joto heals Luna, and Hartvig tries to heal Nadia but rolls too low. Hartvig has also stopped emitting so much dust. Nobody was unalived! We’re getting better at this. Time to move on! ... Next week.

[lunastarhawk]

Relics and Revelations

Tides of Memories Part 7 - Relics and Revelations (on AO3)

Summary:

During dinner with Portia and Nadia, Asra returns and reveals some of Altheia's past to her, now that she's strong enough to hear it. Julian asks Nazali for help, has a heart to heart with Asra, and his own investigations finally reach a conclusion that leaves him devastated.

Excerpt:

“He said it felt like he’d known me for years.  That I put him at ease.”  Then she added, a little spitefully, “and that was after we spent the night together, not a line to get me into bed.”

Asra nodded, and finally he genuinely softened.  “Alright.  I believe you.  But what does it mean?  That you had some feelings left over from before you-”  His breath caught.  “From before.  But you don’t remember being together?”

“Exactly.  And that’s not surprising for me at all, I don’t remember anything.  But he should.  He says he remembers everything else, his other apprentices, the clinic, everything.  But not me.  Except…”  She frowned, trying to recall how Julian had described it.  “He calls them almost -memories.  Like… there’s a gap where he feels I should be.  But I’m not.  And trying to remember makes him ill.”

“Like your headaches?”

“Yes, but… worse, somehow.  It’s not the same.”

“Hmm.”

Asra was quiet for a long time, watching the fireflies slow-dance over the long grass.  Eventually he raised a hand, moved it in a circle, and a ring of purple, shimmering smoke appeared in front of him.  He blew gently, and it drifted some way away.  He glanced at Altheia with upturned lips; she smirked and said,

“I remember.”

She raised her own hand and called on her magic to draw on the vapour naturally present in the air, and coalesce it into an orb of water in her palm. It hovered an inch or so, as she focussed on Asra’s smoke ring; with a flick of her hand, it launched into the air and shot straight through the ring. Asra laughed, moved his hand as if conducting an orchestra, and as the hoop moved through the air, so did Altheia shoot orbs of magical water through it, never missing.

It was one of the tricks he’d used when teaching her magic; light, first, lighter and easier to manipulate than water. But, once they’d discovered she had a talent for water magic, he’d taught her how to form water spheres, and the training doubled up as training in accuracy and speed of using her spells. Now, of course, it was nothing to her, but back then she’d struggled to move a coin-shaped orb of light even an inch.

With a wry smile, Altheia manipulated her magic further, and rather than simply dissipating back into vapour once they’d passed through the hoop, they exploded into colourful bubbles.

“That’s new,” Asra said, with pride in his voice. “You’re stronger now.”

“I am.”

Altheia smiled at him, but he was looking straight ahead, as his purple smoke began to dissipate and her bubbles floated away.

“You taught me that.”

Altheia stared at him blankly. She must have heard him wrong.

“No, I didn’t. How could I? I-”

“I mean, before.” Asra turned to look at her, and there was an intensity in his gaze then as he murmured almost to himself. “Maybe you’re strong enough now… maybe I can tell you.”

“What?”

She braced herself, knowing that if he meant to tell her anything of her past, debilitating headaches would follow.

“You were always more powerful than I was. You taught me almost everything I know about magic. When you came back, I just… re-taught you. But…” His voice lowered with regret, and he looked at his hands as they picked at the buttons of his coat. “You forgot more than I’ll ever know.”

The headache came, as she knew it would, but it wasn’t as intense as she’d expected. And once that had passed, the revelation sank in that she’d known so much more then than she did now. That she’d known Asra for long enough to have taught him so much magic at all. Her mind whirled through the headache.

But before she had chance to process that, Asra blurted,

“He never mentioned you, you know. Not once.”

Altheia’s heart dropped from her chest.

“What…?”

“The whole time we were working together. He was fixated on finding a cure for the Red Plague, and I could think only of getting you back.” Asra’s voice trembled and he frowned down at his hands. “I assumed he had so many apprentices, and lost them, and didn’t want to talk about them. Maybe you were just a number to him as he was a number to Valdemar. So I never pushed him.” His eyes when he turned to her then were all but expressionless, as if he hoped she’d believe he was simply telling her facts with no underlying feeling about it.

Altheia looked away, her throat dry and her mind numb. “He was besotted with me,” she whispered. “He was.”

“If he was, I certainly knew nothing about it.”

Altheia’s breaths came short and sharp. It wasn’t a surprise, but it hurt nonetheless. But she wasn’t sure what hurt more; knowing that Julian had forgotten her so soon, or that Asra had been so quick to tell her. She looked out at the fireflies again.

Full Story

Series

[bookishbunnies]

Episode 7

Awwwh, David and Genya are so fucking adorable 😍 I wanna wrap them in blankets and protect them forever

I am loving the teamwork! Yes Tamar, you kill Mal, and yes David, you recreate one of the more traumatic times of Alinas life and fuse another amplifier to Alina. Perfect 😂

Heck yes, Nadia and Tamar. The guys are winning!

Also, is anyone else kinda confused that we haven't seen Fedyor yet? Like sure Ivan might be dead, but Fedyor was very alive and fine when we saw him last

I think this is the longest we've gone in an episode without seeing the crows yet. I don't like it 😂

Okay I really don't like the darklings grisha, but those green keftas, yeah those I want 😍

Ohbmy gosh David, why are you such a sweetheart, it's killing me

Episode 8 better have as much crows content as this episode has s&b content

Damn Alina, you need to kill him before something else manages it before you

Omg yes!!! Imej!! What a fucking brilliant return! Of course it was Inej saving Alinas was.

Omg, they don't have David... but they do still have a durast. One who isnt afraid to be known as one anymore. I really hope I'm right about this theory 😅

Dude knows Nikolai so well 😂 no heroics 😂

Damn Tamar, if I was into women I'd marry you.

Now this is where we need Jesper and his sharpshooting skills. If he remembers to aim for the head this time anyway 😅

I really wanna know more about the twins necklaces. How do they work??

Gods Tolya is fucking gorgeous. Just casually taking out several of the Grisha the others had to run from

Oh David, no David. You could've gone with her. Judt go with her.

Omg yes! Wylan! You and your beautiful bombs 😍

Oh gosh 😍 yes, expert, you're their expert Wylan.

Omg Tamar meeting Jesper and Wylan, I love it. Jesper just immediately rolling with the info that Stormhond is Nikolai

Jesper, you did not need that much flair 😅 God I love it tho.

Omg yes Jesper! You are blessed! I am so happy we got to see Jesper being proud with his powers. Gods the crows working together to take them out 😍 the buttons, the cane, and of course you managed to get a hold of that poison Wylan, of course you did.

Tamar and Tolya are so fucking sweet, I love them

Alina, I don't think the location particularly matters, you're in the fold, just bring it the fuck down

Yes thankyou! He doesn't need to die. Coz more so than the other amplifiers, Mal chooses you Alina.

Who knew destroying the fold required kissing? 😅

Wtf Alina, you lit up, but spent your time kissing instead of destroying the fold? Really?

[indigodatum]

More Evidence!

As we got Orange back into the mix a few episodes ago I had a theory, and every time they're around I get more convinced that I am absolutely right.

Orange is not in Deerland after the events of Season 1.

From Season 2 Episode 4 as they talk with Mrs. Frye she's clearly discussing Larks and Birdsong and their response is that it sounds bizarre. From the beginning of Season 1 Larks seemed to be a known quantity to all of the Department. The fact that they have no idea what any of the implications of this could be says to me they're in a much earlier point in time

Now as we see them again they mention that they're now sure that there's Department business in Deerland. Sure everything that we've seen of them suggests that they operate on instinct and intuition, but that doesn't sound like they know anything about a Jasmine Control to know she's the same as the missing girl they're pursuing.

In new episode there's a reference to the movements of the thin-head or earworm as looking odd "in the twin moons' light".

Then, after running into the earworm, they want a coffee, an espresso, but cold and nicotine and are unfamiliar with the fact that iced coffees are totally a thing and vapes are a bit of an alien concept to them and Lena, our waitress, still labors under the belief that she can use vapes to actually quit nicotine, all of which tracks with my memories of about a decade ago.

Everything about this episode really seems to confirm that idea concretely, but I bring it up because my theorizing up there is nothing but a foundation for my real speculation. Olivia had always been a part of this group going out to the State Park in Scarlet's memory.

Back in Season 1 when Scarlet first mentioned that she had some kind of history with variance she brings up that she was out with "A close friend, Darryl, and... someone else." First time I heard it I thought she was just unsure of how to describe the 4th member of the party, but the second time I think I thought that she was trying to hide their identity. But after we got into Season 2 I started a relisten, and I don't think that she properly remembered who was out there with her.

Then when Jasmine went on her first Jaunt she went into Scarlet's memory and she *knew* that she saw Scarlet despite never having met her, and then the second person she later confirmed was Violet, then she was convinced that Ivory Torment, the doppleganger, had followed her into the narrative pause of the Jaunt because someone with her face stepped out of the Jeep. We're told this is all impossible, but this is a job where everyone regularly interacts with fictional and semifictional entities. With all else occurring this slipped through the cracks of discussion. (Besides, there was flirting to be done)

When we get Scarlet's view of sitting in this memory, she says it feel like she'd always been friends with Jasmine. Now given the way nostalgia plays high in the powers and effect of Birdsong and the Larks I thought it was just how everything plays with your memory, but what if she's just accessing memories that'd been fucked with before pushing them aside.

As Jasmine got trapped and we ended Season 1 I wondered how she was going to act in the past now, but we discovered she's actually in a memory, but not like on a jaunt where she's watching from afar and not interacting. With that revelation I started racing my mind to figure out how the memory, the dream, was going to explain her introduction to this group

Later, again in Estranged from Grace, when talking with the garage band the response is not to say that she's so much older, a "decrepit twenty something" in the words of Nadia. They discuss how she was a prep and "in different social circles". This implies that she's somehow the same rough age cohort as the kids. Same as Nadia and Alex.

Almost identically, Lena has her own thoughts about her. Lena's been putting together the breadcrumbs of variance that get things grabbed out at the State Park. She notes that the "gay girl" was one who went totally missing. So did the teen from Guatemala, but I don't think we've run into them yet.

I think all of this means we'll get to the end of the season where our Trio and Orange will meet up. Jasmine/Olivia will find a way to conceal the exact nature of how much interaction Alex and Nadia had with all of it, and so that only she gets the full mind wipe, while Alexa and Nadia are just made to forget how they knew her because she works out that's how it always had happened. Orange clearly didn't report much of it, though, but Orange doesn't seem one who loves paperwork and reporting. We know this because Olivia is grabbed as an example of someone with zero exposure to Variance. Which, considering both how Scarlet mentioned that queerness is its own form of Variance and Jasmine's line, "She's bi, I'm bi, everyone is bi!", suggests that even more of her life has been concealed from Yellow's plan. The question is whether Orange intended on messing with the plan or if the universe just enjoys messing with her.

[greensaplinggrace]

So you mentioned in another post that you have some strong thoughts on Baghra, especially about how the story frames her as one of the good guys. I would love to hear about it.

@youremotionallystablefriend: I would love to hear you rant about Baghra if you feel like it (and haven’t already)! Personally I don’t think she gets enough constructive critique in the fandom for being the one that brought Aleks up and for the way she treated her pupils and especially Alina :/

Anon: Hello! I love your thoughts on the grisha books. I'm actually interested to hear your take on Baghra

@misku-nimfa: If you are up for it, I would love to read your thoughts on Baghra or your full critique of society in the Grishaverse. Your analysis is really well structured and interesting! ^.^

Anon: Hi! I saw your recent post and was wondering if you'd share more of your thoughts on Baghra?

---

Hello everyone! I was honestly very surprised to see so many people interested in my thoughts on Baghra? I'll share what I can, but please know that this is by no means a full breakdown of her character! It’s just some Thoughts I’ve had, and they’re mostly centered around show Baghra because that’s how I was first introduced to her character. Although IMO book Baghra might actually be even worse.

I’d like to preface this by saying that many of my issues with the treatment of Baghra as a character in fandom come from the wild double standard there seems to be regarding her and the Darkling. Darkling Antis and a vast majority of the people in this fandom who don’t like his character have a disturbing habit of absolutely ripping into the Darkling for all of his faults and then turning around and treating Baghra as some sort of pristine mother figure for the exact same shit.

They’ll talk about how badass she is, how strong she is, how they sympathize with her past (although they’ll continue to dehumanize the Darkling and refuse to sympathize with his own past) and sympathize with the fact that she has to deal with the Darkling (who’s always referred to as a monster she must corral or control, as if he is inhumane and beastly. These particular comments always take on the very distinct tone of victim blaming as well). They’ll laud her for all of these “powerful girlboss” moments as if they aren’t carbon copies of the Darkling’s own behavior - as if they aren’t things Baghra herself taught him. Which is why this is the wildest double standard of all to me, because every horrible action they praise Baghra for is something she taught the Darkling, and something they cannot stand to see in him as well.

It’s as if there’s a disconnect between their consumption of the literature when it comes to the two characters, and I’m of the opinion that it’s largely because Baghra is a woman and a mother and therefore infantilized in the fandom quite a bit. In fact, Bardugo herself often infantilizes many of her female characters in her writing. This is mostly through the process of excusing their terrible deeds, not allowing them to do anything remotely dark, or brushing any morally grey actions under the rug without ever touching upon them. Which puts me in the strange position of knowing I’m supposed to sympathize with Baghra for having to deal with the monster she’s created, and instead feeling resentful of the fact that this bitter woman is held up as this wise old strict teacher instead of the abusive mentor/mother she should have been.

Now, here’s what I said to make so many of you send me asks:

Last note, in reference to your first line, and also probably a pretty unpopular opinion. I do not like Baghra. And it legit has nothing to do with the Darkling or with Alina, I just don't like her "I'm going to hit you and berate you and emotionally abuse you and manipulate you and act like the good guy at the end of it" vibe she's got going on. At least Aleksander is acknowledged as the villain within the narrative. Idk wtf Baghra is on but it's absolutely wild to me that people aren't more critical of her actions. Which is, rather fortunately for you, another rant I will save for another post if anybody ever wants to hear it lol. (but like kudos to Baghra's actress. I loved the character as a character, I just don't like the way she's framed as a good guy. Weird. Uncomfortable. She literally set bees on the kids she was teaching).

This basically summarizes most of my thoughts on Baghra as a character and how she’s portrayed. I touched on it a bit above, but the way she’s able to get away with so much and not suffer under heavier critique is honestly baffling to me. There should be a lot more criticism of her out there in the fandom. This is the woman who abused her students and neglected her son. Although to be honest I don’t even know how to quite describe the emotionally neglectful yet unhealthily codependent bond she fostered in him from a young age. IMO, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander is creepy, and I know she has a history that makes it more understandable, but it’s still incredibly disconcerting to witness.

But let’s get back on track! First of all, her students. Whom she physically, emotionally, and mentally abuses. She’s derisive, she’s insulting, she’s belittling. She works hard to strip them of any self confidence they may have. She uses pain as a means of triggering powers. And the strict teacher excuse doesn’t fly. The “it’s only a training method!” excuse is even worse. This is literal abuse she’s heaping on her students and it’s wretched.

The first thing she does to Alina when they first meet is insult her. Then she hits her. Then she kicks her out.

Second time they interact is a montage. Baghra hits Alina multiple times. She shames her. And then when Alina actually calls a light she tells her it’s not nearly enough, effectively wiping the smile off of her face and every sign of self confidence that had been building. Then we see the door to Baghra’s hut shut in Alina’s face. So now she has been bruised, battered, berated, stripped of all self confidence, and then banished again. As training methods go, this is not only entirely ineffective, but it’s also just abusive.

Then we get this interaction between Alina and her friends:

Marie: One time, Baghra released a hive of bees on me. Nadia: Worst part is, it worked. Marie: It really did. I could summon at will after that.

Which is fucking horrifying and not talked about nearly enough. That goes beyond hitting your students. Baghra used a fear tactic on a young girl to activate her powers. She literally tortured Marie to make her powers work.

Alina throughout this conversation is looking very disheartened. She’s lacking in any self confidence and the comment about the bees has clearly affected her. For someone who’s first words to Alina were “Everyone believes that you are the one. Come back when you believe it too,”  Baghra doesn’t exactly seem keen on Alina actually believing she’s the one. If she did, she wouldn’t be stripping her of every positive emotion associated with sun summoning.

Let’s not forget that Baghra demeans Alina multiple times for her status as an orphan. How she utilizes what she knows of Alina’s emotional weaknesses to provoke her and discourage her and make her angry.

And then Baghra drugs her without consent. To take advantage of any information Alina gives her in that state. To use the way Alina reacts for her own ends.

Because why else would she say this?:

Alina: We planned to run away together. Baghra: You had plans. Perhaps he never did, because where is he now?

Which is, strangely enough, the same sense of isolation and separation from Mal and her past that Aleksander is attempting to foster. Weird how mother and son are both using the same manipulation tactics.

In fact, why does Baghra never tell Alina about the letters until she’s already engaged with Aleksander? Baghra must have known he was taking them. Alina talks about it enough. Baghra must have known he was isolating her from Mal. How could she not, when it’s revealed later that she has spies in the Little Palace collecting information on him? How could she not, when she knows he’s the villain from the beginning - when she knows he’s manipulating Alina?

Baghra knows, and yet she keeps the same lies Aleksander does and furthermore uses that information to make Alina feel even more isolated and weak. Baghra literally just piggy-backs on Aleksander’s manipulation and then exacerbates it. She wants Alina to feel no attachments to her past because she wants to use Alina as well. But for some reason, because this manipulation and treatment of Alina as some sort of tool is done by the woman who opposes the Darkling, it’s suddenly okay. As if it still isn’t the same terrible shit but with a different perpetrator. I mean damn, at least Aleksander feels something for Alina. Baghra’s just cold.

So, point by point. Baghra mentions how Mal doesn’t care for Alina, she mentions Alina’s failings constantly, she mentions Alina being an orphan, she constantly hits her, she guilts Alina about orphans dying, she works to instill a sense of isolation from her friends and her family.

And when Alina finally comes to Baghra, having decided to abandon her attachments to her past and her attachments to Mal, the words that ring in her head are Baghra's words - “needing anyone else is weak.”  Which is honestly just a horrible sentiment in general, but an even worse one when considering how hard these people are working to detach Alina from anybody who can help her or give her an outside perspective.

Strangely, it’s also similar to this line:

The problem with wanting, is that it makes us weak.

...which is spoken by Baghra’s son. You know, the Darkling? Our big bad villain? The one Baghra raised?

Which gives me the impression that Baghra’s teaching methods with her students are really not that far off from the teaching methods she used on him as he was growing up. It’s a horrifying thought, and leads into my problems with her relationship with Aleksander.

First of all, show wise. What the fuck.

Aleksander: They’re punishing us for being Grisha. Baghra: Punishing you. You made him afraid. Now he wants you to fear him. Aleksander: I won a war for him. Baghra: And in doing so, started a war on us.

I get that she’s trying to convey how the king feels here, but it still feels incredibly victim blamey from a narrative standpoint. It isn’t Aleksander’s fault the king fears him when he used his powers under the King’s banner to help him win a war. Aleksander trusted this man who betrayed him and then betrayed his people, and we get a line from his mother, entirely unsympathetic, talking about how it’s his fault all of these people are dying.

Baghra: Where’s the girl, your healer? Aleksander: Dead. She died because of me. Baghra: She died because they always do. They’re not as strong as you and me.

Baghra’s use of the term ‘girl’ and ‘healer' here instead of Luda is pretty telling. She either doesn’t like Luda or doesn’t care for her. Either way, this is the woman her son loves, and Baghra talks about her so dispassionately. Then he comments on Luda’s death and there’s no reaction except to say that they always do.

Like, her son is literally broken up over here. Grieving. Desperate. Run ragged. Caged and hunted. Feeling guilty as hell. Mind running through a million different ways he could possibly save all of these people. And Baghra offers him nothing except a paltry “people die, get over it, we’re better than that, she didn’t matter anyway.”

Honestly, how is Aleksander even still functioning at this point? He has no support system and he’s working against a king and his army to protect a group of civilians he could easily abandon to save himself. The sheer amount of responsibility and mental strain keeping track of a group alone entails is already monstrous, but adding in every other factor? The recent death of Luda, the fact that they’re cornered and they’ve been hunted down while fleeing across the land, the fact that he was just a couple hours ago forced to his knees and entirely at these men’s mercy, begging for Luda’s life. And here his mother is, if anything a negative support system. Offering no other ideas, telling him to give up hope, not even offering the barest smidgeon of emotional support as he grieves, putting everything on his shoulders.

It pisses me the fuck off.

Aleksander: You’re the one who taught me how to kill, mother. Their blood is on your hands as much as mine.  Baghra: I taught you so you could protect yourself. Not them.

Once more, Baghra highlights how he needs to protect himself. How he should abandon the people he’s protecting. How he shouldn't help others and only ever himself. Once more, she says it’s my way or the high way. There’s zero effort to work with him. Zero effort to sympathize or compromise. She’s constantly pushing him to take the one option she knows he won’t take. The hell did she think was going to happen?

Also, Baghra taught him how to kill. Not necessarily great parenting, but understandable given the circumstances of his upbringing. But the level to which she takes it is honestly concerning. Like, look no further than this woman to see where Aleksander got it from lol.

Baghra also forbids him from using Merzost. Which is great and all, she gets to claim the moral high ground. But she doesn’t offer a single alternative except to flee and let everybody die. There was legitimately no other option to Merzost except for torture and death. If there was, Baghra sure as hell didn’t help Aleksander come up with one. Aleksander, who - by the way - is in no fit emotional state to be making any kind of decision right now.

So anyways, that’s just my tv show grief regarding Baghra, and it’s not even really all of it. I don’t want to make this an hour long read though lmao. But I’ll go over a few other things.

First of all, Baghra’s whole “We’re the only two that matter. We have to do whatever we can to protect ourselves,” mentality is one that she actively touts to Aleksander on a regular basis when he’s incredibly young. It’s honestly a wonder he grows up to care about other people at all. But the mentality itself is something Aleksander still heavily internalized in regards to protecting himself and those he deems worthy at any cost.

There’s a moment in the books when Aleksander is attacked and nearly drowned by some kids who wanted his bones (one of which was a close friend of his). He uses the cut in self defense and then blames the nearby Otkazat’sya village. Baghra knows he’s lying, and yet she allows an entire village to get slaughtered for harming him. This is a disproportionately violent act that Baghra approves of, and Aleksander as a kid is definitely internalizing that mindset.

Also, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander has always been weirdly possessive and controlling. Especially when it comes to the people he loves. Her actions often come across as her trying to isolate him in order to keep him by her side, even when the relationships he has are clearly intimate. Which... is especially strange for a mother to be doing to her son.

She was also an extremely emotionally neglectful mother. Based on the show and what I gathered from her actions there, I’m actually half convinced she was physically abusive as well, in that “I think I’m being a stern, good parent figure when in reality I’m actually harming my child” kind of way. She fosters codependence with her son and then refuses to provide for any of his emotional needs. She drives it into his head that everybody dies, that he’ll always be alone, that love is useless and power is everything. She denies him the opportunity to be soft and works to harden him at a young age. She tells him he must never allow people to touch him, except she doesn’t work to supplement those physical needs in any way. She essentially abuses him.

Honestly, I could go on. But in reality the simple fact is that I just don’t like her. I think she’s a hypocrite. I think she’s abusive. I think she’s a terrible mentor and an even worse mother. And I think the fandom and the books are willing to brush aside so many of her faults simply because she opposes the Darkling.

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you guys were looking for! It sounds like a lot of you wanted a more of a sophisticated breakdown, but my thoughts on Baghra come with a heap of emotional baggage lol. It feels weird to say this now, but I actually do like the character as a character, I just,,, don’t like her in every other aspect. My feelings on Baghra are just a bit personal, to be honest. But hopefully this was at least comprehensible??

[moon-and-stars-appreciation]

I totally didn’t post the draft again

Edit: this took forever to do, I’m terribly sorry as I have my ups and downs :/

I just checked @iwriteforasraonly’s period headcanon and woah 😦 how did you write so much. Anyways, love you guys, enjoy this ‘-‘

Asra

He loves that you’re so excited when your new invention comes up when you get the idea. You’re always coming up with new small ones, making most people of Vesuvia excited, since asra is, everyone has to know. But this time, you came up with a new, grand idea. This is gonna be a whirlwind.

Asra tells everyone they know, you’ve come up with something new, bigger. Most of Vesuvia is buzzing with the news, making you a little nervous and a ton more stressed out because what if it fails? Then you’ve let them all down!

You work as hard as you possibly can, even though you are used to making small inventions, you’ve got so much riding on this newest one, and you can’t screw up now. Asra will chime in every once in a while since he knows what your plans are, and he notices how jittery you get when you talk about it.

One night, as you are pulling one of your infamous all-nighters, it clicks. You finish it. It’s so anti-climatic right now, but you buzz around, running the 20th test run to make sure that it’s ready, then you wake up Asra. And then there are explosions in the distance.

Asra is so happy, so proud, so amazed. You. You are THEIR S/O and you chose THEM. Yeah, they put it on display at the front of the shop, making sure everyone knows.

He always encourages you, no matter how big or how small, he will always encourage your inventions. He will help you with magical elements, and is also open to learning any magical elements that you’ve learned while tinkering with them!!!

Nadia

As a woman of many talents, Nadia creates little inventions and trinkets too!! She loves having you as an inspiration and loves when she’s able to do the same, so you are definitely a power couple when you get in the creative mood.

You rarely come up with something big on your own. No matter how talented you are, supplies come in bursts (seeing as you have to ship them) and so does your creativity. One day, you and Nadia are just brainstorming ideas, writing things down, tinkering with your creations, seeing if you could change anything about them, and come up with something better or bigger. Then one of those creative bursts comes, lighting you up with a new idea.

When Nadia sees that spark in your eyes, she’s quick to ask you what you found. You both get to work, jotting down notes, testing out theories, and putting 2 and 2 together. Over and over and over again.

She's so proud of you, she knows that you're the only thing keeping her sane all the time, so she has to make sure that you're kept sane, of course since even if you come up with an idea, there's still tons of work to be done.

She stays with you most of the time that she’s not busy. (Which is saying a lot because she doesn’t have much free time, but at the same time, not saying much because she is always busy -.-) always helping out when you need, and occasionally tinkering to the side when you don’t need anything but her presence.

She shows it off to everyone that she can, making sure that it’s one of the most well-known inventions, mentioning it at the perfect moment to keep people thinking about it constantly. She praises you constantly, reminding you that she’s so proud of you, and she’s proud that you’re hers. (And ig she’s yours… yk, if you like that stuff. Shh that’s the only time you’ll hear it)

Julian

Julian likes to try and help out, but he can’t stay still so, no matter how big the creation, he will pop something off, break something, tip it over-

Don’t tell him that though, he’ll spiral into im sorry’s and this was my fault, I’m in your way, I’ll leave you to be :( Julian it’s okay!!! Distract him with something else to do, or tell him to get you stuff.

Sometimes he does help come up with grand ideas though, because he’s so eccentric, he can be going into something way too big and dramatic as usual, and it could never- wait. What was that??? I think if you put two and two together… that could just work!!!

He’s bouncing off the walls that you have a new idea, and he’s finally so excited that he appears calm. He’s reached that state. Not calm exactly but really focused on what you’re doing and fidgety. Which stresses you out more, even though it’s kinda cute that he cares so much.

He’s so proud of you that he keeps trying to take you out somewhere, but fails most of the time. He makes a little announcement at the Crowded Raven, half drunk speech but his pride and love is 100% sober.

When you’re done with it, he is as gentle as he can possibly be, but he’s totally shaking and glancing between you and your invention in awe.

Why’d you choose him??? Out of all people? Look at this talent, craft, patience,? How did he manage to get you?

Portia

She’s definitely a hard worker! She works in the palace and has her own garden, plus owns a cat, so she’s good at this tinkering thing. Her eye for detail is great, but sometimes she’s a little energetic! When she gets focused though, she makes the cutest face. òwó

She’s very supportive of everything you do, and she’s your number one fan/supporter.

She is so proud of you, and everything you do!! How did you end up picking her??? She’s always there to keep you from spiraling into overworking yourself, and she probably makes you a ton of those mini snacks to eat while you focus on your work.

She spreads the gossip around the castle, making sure that most people know before presenting the idea to Nadia, and going into a rant about how amazing you are.

Once everyone knows about your creation and YOU!!!! She recruits the help of her energetic, dramatic, brother.. to let all of Vesuvia know as well, and she convinces you for a night out on the town! If there’s nothing she can do to get you out, she’ll suffice for a pillow fort -w-

“Ooh MC, what about this?!” “Do you think this could…. Oh wait never mind, that already exists :(“ she’ll come up to you all the time whenever something comes to mind, and she really just wants to be of some help to you!

One time you came up with an idea to help her garden, and every time she uses it, she just giggles a ton and makes sure you know, because she’s so happy that you love what you do and you’re able to help with the smile things like gardening!

Muriel

He is so happy for your inventions and for your hobby/work, even though he tries to play it off. He’ll bring you little things he finds in the forest that he thinks will fit, and he silently watches you put pieces together sometimes.

He loves that you’re so passionate about it, even though he might not tell you. He likes sitting in comfortable silence while trying to tinker around with small things, (which he’s terrible at. He might’ve crushed one of your smaller inventions once, and didn’t talk to you for like a week 🥲) amazed by how gentle you are.

He doesn’t talk to anyone but he might’ve said something to Asra about this new one, and then Asra gets excited and asks you about it, and then he tells everyone else. So have fun.

He holds all of your inventions dear, and puts protective charms and whatever he can to protect them, as they are some of the closest things he has of you, they just bring the memories of you two flooding back.

One time, you made something for Inanna and that was one of the happiest days of his life, when he saw the way it helped Inanna and how she had fun with it. (Other than meeting you of course)

He is just. Proud. Astonished. You??? Your gentle demeanor, the way you did everything with care and precise. You chose him. How in the world did that happen?

Lucio

Of course, you help him create objects, not the other way around. Even though he just messes stuff up instead of help-

He really tries. He really does. He messes things up and talks instead of works all the time, but he really does try. Because of course he’s the count. He’s the only one that can have you, and he has to make sure that stays that way.

All of your little inventions give him excuses to throw parties, to celebrate you. Your ideas, your existence, your love. Then this big idea comes up.

Of course he lets you help a bit at the beginning but you keep messing it up! Such an inconvenience you are, yo keep-

You’ve had to restart three times, end you kick him out. You’ve had too much of his blabbering and complaining, but he just pouts and mopes when he thinks you can’t see him. He’s too dignified for anyone to know that you kicked him out of your workspace in your his palace.

He eventually starts using his free time to plan a huge party to celebrate your success (because you’re his and you could never fail). He invites everyone, and allows them to be in your presence for a night or two.

He doesn’t love to outright say it, but he does enjoy your company, and he loves you to the moon. Almost as much as he loves himself.

[mearcatsreturns]

/whispers/ So maybe I now have to ask for Ivan and the No Good Terrible Very Bad Day Attempting to Babysit a Grisha Child Who Can Summon Light and Shadow. How could this possibly go wrong.

Once again, this got long, so here's the first chapter of A Day in the Life of Ivan, Or: Ivan’s Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day.

The worst day of Ivan’s life begins years before the fateful day itself, if that’s possible. He’s grateful not to know the precise day, but he knows who—or what, rather—is to blame.

It’s the damn heterosexuals. They just won’t stop fucking, and they’ve made it everyone else’s problem now.

The heterosexuals in question are, of course, Kirigan and Alina, or as they’re known now, the Tsar and Tsarina.

&&&

About three years before the Worst Day™, Ivan is minding his own business, just trying to find some decent food after returning from a mission to the northern border. It wasn’t a bad trip; Fedyor had been with him and they’d enjoyed the opportunity to spend some time together outside the political games of Os Alta.

Nevertheless, Ivan is eager to eat some food that isn’t dried and to sleep in his own comfortable bed. He’s already debriefed with the Tsar and bathed, so he’s delighted to find it’s time for dinner. It’s to be a small group tonight, just the king and queen, Nikolai, Zoya, Tamar, Nadia, Fedyor and him. He can tolerate them all (except Fedyor, who of course is the light of his life), though Alina remains permanently on thin ice. She makes the Darkling light and happy, and it’s just unnatural.

They settle around the table and fall into comfortable conversation. Tolya is on an assignment and intends to travel to Kerch after this. Tamar and Nadia are beginning to formalize their union and are looking for a house. If their bickering and the obscene looks Zoya and Nikolai are giving each other are any indication, Ivan expects some kind of announcement from them any day. The Tsar intends to invite some dignitaries from Novyi Zem to the palace in a few weeks.

And Tsaritsa Alina is pale and...unwell. She looks queasy, and Ivan feels a moment of alarm. Grisha can’t get sick, not unless they don’t use their powers. Given that Alina is the Sol Koroleva, the renowned Sun Summoner, that seems unlikely. Few things lead to such ill appearances. Maybe some kind of poison? If she or her food are being poisoned, they need to know as soon as possible.

Ivan does his usual first step; he counts the heartbeats, checking their speeds. One, two, three, four, everyone is normal, five, six, seven, eight, nine...ah, the ninth is faint and fast.

Wait. Nine? There are only eight of them here at dinner, and the attendants have long since departed.

It hits Ivan like a lightning bolt, and he gasps aloud in shock and horror. The most reasonable explanation for the extra heartbeat and Alina’s ill looks is—oh, saints protect them all—a baby.

Everyone turns to look at him, as though he is the one who’s done something strange and dangerous.

Ivan gapes at Alina and points a finger accusingly, “You’re pregnant! With a baby!”

Beside him, Fedyor closes his eyes and shakes his head, letting out a sigh. Tamar and Nadia exchange a knowing, amused look, though they manage not to laugh. Zoya raises one shapely eyebrow.

Nikolai grins. “One generally is pregnant with babies, as opposed to anything else. Except perhaps with genius ideas, in my case and David’s. Alina, moi tsar, congratulations to you both.”

Alina glares at Ivan. What? He’s not the unholy saint about to unleash terror onto the earth from their womb.

Once he glances at Kirigan, though, Ivan stills. The Tsar is ashen and looks as though someone has dropped an iron on his head, or told him that his beloved horse is Grisha too.

“Aleksander, I wasn’t sure. I was waiting until I was to tell you,” Alina says, one hand on her husband’s forearm. “Are...are you all right?”

The Tsar opens his mouth, but no sounds come out.

Tamar and Nadia stand, hand-in-hand. “We, ah, think we’ll take our leave now. Thank you for a lovely dinner, Sol Koroleva, my King,” Tamar says, and she and her fiancée flee.

Zoya clears her throat and gives Nikolai a look that is very different from the hungry one Ivan so despises on faces that aren’t Fedyor’s.

With a nod at her, Nikolai stands and helps her to her feet. “Indeed. Your hospitality is, as always, boundless, though I can’t help but feel we’re trespassing on it every second we linger here. Erm, do let me know when I can get you a gift.”

“Congratulations,” Zoya says, and to Ivan’s disgust, she actually sounds sincere. He watches as she and Nikolia leave, one of the Lantsov pup’s hands at the small of her waist. One would think the heterosexuals would have learned from this evening that touching each other is dangerous, but apparently some of them are just utter fools.

Fedyor elbows him, and Ivan turns to scowl at his beloved. “Wha—”

A point of his head in the direction of the Tsar and Tsaritsa quiets Ivan.

Alina is kneeling beside her husband’s chair, stroking his arm. Aleksander Kirigan, King of Ravka, Shadow Summoner, the Black General, sits still as a statue, eyes wide with shock.

“We’ll head out now too,” Fedyor says.

Ivan nods, grabbing Fedya’s arm and hauling him from the room. Over his shoulder, Ivan yells, “Good luck!”

Fedyor smacks him, whispering furiously as they close the door behind them. “‘Good luck’?! You’re supposed to say ‘congratulations,’ or ‘have a nice evening,’ you utter troll.”

“I’m a troll now? See if I give you a massage when we get back to our rooms,” Ivan grouses. He pulls Fedyor along, pulling him away from where he seemed inclined to linger by the door. Eavesdropping, pah. He can’t believe he’s married to such a busybody.

Who would want to stay to hear whatever nonsense the Darkling and his wife are about to say or do? He’s had enough of that for one lifetime, thank you very much.

Ivan shudders. The two most powerful Grisha on the planet, one a sun summoner and the other a shadow summoner, having a baby? The world is definitely doomed.

&&&

The next day, Ivan receives a summons to go see the Tsar. Dread churns in his stomach, and he rubs his eyes. He hadn’t slept well, especially after he and Fedyor had a tiff about “inappropriate behavior and outbursts.” And now he’s to see his boss, probably about said outburst the previous night.

He accompanies Anton, the young oprichnik to the Tsar’s quarters, and the boy brightens with excitement to be talking to one of the Tsar’s most favored Grisha. “Thank you, Andrei. I’ll make my way from here.” The boy’s face falls, but Ivan dismisses him with a nod. If the oprichniki got any more friendly, they’d start calling him Vanya without his permission. Appalling.

Ivan takes a deep breath, then knocks at the door. He’s long since learned the value of knocking after Alina and the General got together, especially now that they share their quarters. Unfortunately, no healer has yet to find something to wipe certain sights from his brain.

“Come in,” Kirigan’s faint, disembodied voice commands.

Ivan lets himself into the room, waiting while the Tsar steps around the corner from the bedroom he shares with his queen.

“Good morning, Ivan.”

“Good morning, moi soverennyi. I hope you rested well,” Ivan replies, tone funereal. Saints, he prays he’s not about to be sent to Tsibeya permanently. He runs his hand under his collar, annoyed to find he’s actually sweating.

Kirigan’s face gives nothing away. “I did, thank you. The Tsaritsa is with Genya and one of the healers.”

“And she...she is well?” Ivan gulps.

“Yes. She was apparently a bit surprised last night herself, as she’d only just begun to suspect she might be pregnant.”

As much as Ivan hates when the Tsar’s feelings show—it’s usually him making soppy, annoying faces at Alina—he wishes Aleksander would just say what’s on his mind.

“My apologies, sir, I was also surprised. She seemed unwell, and I wanted to make sure she wasn’t, say, being poisoned.”

“You thought someone might be poisoning my wife?” Kirigan is incredulous.

“Things have been very calm with Fjerda lately. I don’t trust it.”

The General mutters under his breath, something about not trusting anything.

Ivan waits. Finally, Kirigan breaks the not-so-silent silence. “Well, thank you for your concern. And, ah, the surprising news.”

“You’re most welcome,” he replies gloomily.

“You don’t seem thrilled.”

“Forgive me, moi tsar, but I don’t see a need for excitement at a natural result of your conjugal activities. Sir.”

Oh, saints, is Kirigan frowning at him? Ivan mentally starts packing his belongings when the frown becomes a smile and then a laugh.

Perhaps Aleksander still isn’t quite recovered from the shock of his impending fatherhood.

He’s not paying attention to Ivan anyway. Kirigan makes his way to the table, shuffling the papers there unseeingly. “I didn’t think it was possible, you know.”

“I did not.” And Ivan would like to keep it that way.

Alas, Aleksander seems inclined to continue talking. “In all my long life, longer than you know, I’ve never fathered a child.”

Ivan grimaces. The world is probably grateful, though now it has much to fear. “It would have been challenging to have had a child during the wars, sir.”

Kirigan waves this aside, and unfortunately continues speaking. “Still, for it to happen with Alina...I’m so thrilled, Ivan.”

“And I am...happy for you, General.” Make it stop. Ivan is queasy.

“Of course, it’s probably for the best that it didn’t happen when Alina and I first got together, especially now that I know how possible that was.”

Ivan wants to cover his ears and sing “la la la la la,” but the implications of what his boss is saying finally sink in, and his horror at this whole situation increases exponentially. “Wait. Do you mean to say you weren’t using, ah, preventative measures?”

Kirigan’s face grows sheepish. “Until my conversation with Alina last night after you all departed, I wasn’t aware there was such a thing. In my day, one simply planned around the time of the month or withdrew from—”

“I beg you to stop talking. Moi soverennyi,” Ivan adds as an afterthought.

The Tsar falls silent, and Ivan sighs with relief.

But something bothers him. “Did you not get any sort of talk about how to prevent pregnancy when you were training? Even I did when I was young, before everyone knew I wouldn’t have to worry about that.”

“Like I said, there weren’t those kinds of options when I was young, as far as I know,” Kirigan says with a shrug.

Ivan begins to realize that his boss is, in fact, much older than he thought. That explains the herring and rye, too. He hesitates before venturing to speak. “Do...was Alina—the queen, that is, did she explain the different kinds of birth control, or…?”

“Well, I can’t get her more pregnant, Ivan.”

It’s too horrible to even contemplate, and Ivan shudders.

Kirigan laughs and slaps his shoulder. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to give me The Talk. Alina was so upset I didn’t know that she told me everything last night.”

Ivan’s lips twist in dismay at Aleksander’s rapturous expression that indicates there was a demonstration of some practical applications. Ugh. “Small mercies.”

“Well, hopefully you’ll consider this next a mercy: I want you and Fedyor to stay close through Alina’s pregnancy, especially once word gets out.”

Staying in Os Alta won’t be so bad, but the idea of dancing attendance on Alina, all while some parasite hijacks and distorts her body...well, hopefully he’ll get a good field assignment once this pregnancy is over. “Of course, moi tsar. And when will it end? I mean, ah, when is the blessed event?”

“In seven and a half months or so, perhaps eight. She’s about five or six weeks along, the healer says. And that, well…” Kirigan smiles at what is clearly the memory of this child’s conception.

Ivan fervently wracks his brain, desperate to keep his boss from offering more information that will give him nightmares about heterosexual intercourse. “And is there any way of knowing whether the babe will be a shadow summoner or sun summoner? Or both?”

A stricken look comes over Kirigan’s face. “Both?” He clearly hasn’t considered this possibility yet. “But that…” He doesn’t continue, instead going to fall into his chair and stare into distance.

It’s going to be a long few months.

&&&

It’s roughly eight months after that when Ivan is rudely pulled from sleep by Genya bursting into his and Fedyor’s room like she has the right.

It’s obscenely early in the morning, Ivan is, as is his usual habit, sleeping on his side facing the window. Fedyor, as is his usual custom, sleeps with his arm slung over Ivan’s waist and his head buried between his shoulder blades. It’s very soothing, normally.

Not today, though. The door opens with a bang, and Genya yells, “It’s time! She’s here!”

Ivan, suddenly wide awake, goes to jump out of bed. Instead, he finds that Genya has slowed their heart rates enough that hurrying is impossible. He glares at her. “What the fuck are you doing in our room? Who is here?”

“The baby is here. The tsarevna.”

“It’s a girl?” Fedyor asks with a smile.

Genya grins back. “Yes. She’s adorable.”

Ivan does not smile. “I’m glad she’s arrived. But why are you here in our bedroom at—” he glances at the clock and continues, “4:52 in the morning?”

“Everyone is going to see here. You’re the Tsar’s right-hand man, Ivan, so they’ll be expecting you.”

“Well, Genya, darling, you’ll have to let our hearts do their normal thing if you want us to do that,” Fedyor adds.

She shakes her head and drops her hand. “Of course. Sorry. See you there in fifteen minutes, and please be wearing pants. And shirts.”

Ivan grumbles, but gets out of bed. It’s difficult to want to leave when Fedyor is looking over him like that, but Kirigan probably will be upset if they don’t come to fawn over his spawn in what he deems a reasonable amount of time.

He and Fedyor make their way down the halls of the palace to Aleksander’s and Alina’s private apartment. The door is open, but Ivan nods at the guards and knocks anyway before stepping inside, Fedyor on his heels. He walks back to the bedroom, where he can hear hushed, happy conversations.

Alina is lying on the bed. She looks sweaty and disgusting, but in a radiant and maternal way that the Tsar seems to find beautiful, since he can’t look away from her. Typical, and exactly what got them into this mess.

The mess in question is wrapped in a blanket in her mother’s arms. Ivan glances at the small bundle, which seems to be sleeping. It is certainly very red.

Kirigan sits in a chair beside the bed, as close to it and his wife and new daughter as he can. He’s resting one hand on Alina’s shoulder, while the other trails along his daughter’s tiny head.

“The tsarevna is lovely,” Fedyor says, smiling down at the family.

Ivan thinks that’s a bit of a stretch, but he nods. “She looks like a baby. A healthy one.”

Fedyor elbows him, but Alina just rolls her eyes. “Thank you, I think.”

“She’s beautiful,” Aleksander says firmly, his face still disturbingly dreamy. “We’ve decided to call her Anastasia.”

Nastia. That seems about right.

Just then, the wee girl stirs and starts to wail. As her cries grow louder and Alina shifts to be able to feed her, shadows creep into the room. Then through the darkness, Ivan sees little flashes of light coming from the baby.

Fuck. This tiny child can summon shadows and light.

Nasty little Nastia indeed.

[mountain-man-cumeth]

How would you rewrite Muriel’s route?

This is the 3rd question I got with similar vibes so imma begin by saying that I am not a writer. I am a reader, a decent one, but I’m not the idea guy. I will try, though, since it seems like people are interested for some reason.

First of all I'd make some baseline changes to set the backstory proper;

Muriel chose the mantle of Lucio's executioner willingly, him and Asra had no other means to survive so they willingly worked as indentured servants under Lucio. He reasoned with himself thinking these are bad people and that he has no other skills to offer. (There might be a threat on Lucio's part that they can be replaced, he doesn't have to had given a villain speech for the implication. He is a rich tyrant and they are street kids, it the service they provide isn't up to par Lucio can easily look for alternative options.) Let me be clear, Muriel was not a gladiator. Gladiators are compensated generously for the entertainment they provide and often due to the amount of investment made on them, fighting to death wasn't a common occurrence. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Muriel, or rather the Scourge was well known and probably liked by the crowd, there's literally no reason for Lucio to utilize him otherwise. He wants people to enjoy the show, if everybody hated Muriel what use is he to Lucio?

Kokhuri are alive. The tribe had to relocate but they left Khamgalai to tend to the graves. They are nomadic and matriarchal people who likely don't adhere to mother-father-child kind of European family structure. The children are raised communally.

Muriel's curse has nothing to do with myrrh, there's a rune that can counter it and only he knows how to make it, he figured it out by himself for Asra. Any magic that can nullify a spell by Major Arcana is no doubt strong as fuck.

I'd start similar to main 3, MC is tasked to find Lucio's murderer. They find Muriel's brush or loincloth or whatever early on which leads them to the forest but because of the protective spells and the curse they get lost. They ran into Muriel or Inanna and she leads them to Muriel hunched over the corpse. They try to help, like the canon, and have a brush with Lucio's goat ghost. They tell him they were looking for the Scourge and Muriel says there's no Scourge here.

The day after they forget about Muriel but remember the rest and relay that information to Asra, who gets agitated by Lucio's return. He thinks Lucio is here for MC's body but doesn't explain anything, instead begs them to leave town until he figures something out.

They go to see Muriel and he reluctantly agrees to accompany them to the outskirts of the forest, on Asra's request.

Some point on their road trip Asra water-calls them to inform them that Lucio is looking for hearts and the Magician (or whoever else Asra consulted) implied they might find answers South. MC still doesn't know anything except maybe some comments Muriel could have made that painted Lucio in a bad light but they decide to investigate regardless. Muriel opposes, eventually caves (either thanks to MC or Asra). He lets out that he's been tailing MC on Asra's behalf for years so it shouldn't be that much different.

They go from town to town, MC helps Muriel ease into dealing with people again and it's easier since nobody knows jack about Scourge. They learn that he enjoys card games and collecting trinkets from different cultures. He might even get a little too enthusiastic about plants and gives random advice to a gardener.

We might learn here that Muriel doesn't like feeling that he's on a display or that he's performing. He prefers to lay low and blend in, not necessarily completely shut off the world.

They run into Morga(maybe they encounter raiders or a barfight or something alike), who's also been tracking Lucio. She proposes to work together. She berates Muriel for being a coward and convinces him to fight as that's all he's good for. (I think it's better if MC trains on magic rather than archery, I'm seeing alot of disabled MCs.)

She tries to train them but Muriel doesn't respond well to fighting and eventually Morga leaves. Valdemar or Vulgora catches them, Lucio's still trying to get MC's body. They escape just barely, MC gets hurt, Muriel beats himself up over it, some angst some fluff, you know the drill. Maybe he has a panic attack because panic attacks are usually not as on the nose as "Oh No I Gotta Fight Someone With a Knife". Looking for a shelter and aid, they find a cottage which turns out to be Khamgalai's. She helps them out, teaches Muriel how to heal using the techniques of their clan, I assume MC helps since they know some restorative spells too. She tells Muriel his family sent him away when they got ambushed so he wouldn't have to live on the run as Morga's clan was on a war path to conquer South. We get sad, lots of tears. Kisses might ensue.

Somehow it's revealed that this is the answer they were looking for and not Lucio (because I think the whole "Lucio's clan" plot was redundant) and Morga was just using them as bait to get Lucio out of Vesuvia.

Morga catches on to them, we learn who she is, Muriel and MC confront her but Khamgalai says her warmongering already costed her everything. She says she's trying to make up for it by killing her son and she needs MC to lure him out, they agree to work together, begrudgingly. (MC's past can be revealed here since they need to learn what's the deal with Lucio's obsession of them at some point)

Around this point MC might realize the mark's fading, Muriel brushes it off.

Instead of Lucio, Devil comes and tells them about Lucio's plan to do the ritual again. They go back to Vesuvia to warn people

Masquerade happens, people remember Muriel, Nadia or MC or someone give people an ultimatum. But oh no it was a TRAP all along, Devil told them of the ritual to get them right where he wanted. Lucio gets in MC's body, Asra sends them to the Arcana realm, same story as main 3.

MC forgets Muriel on the Arcana realm but through the power of love and maybe some guidance from the Hermit they go "oh no i forgot my boy". They return to find him in the Coliseum. What?! He was the Scourge?! Who could've thought. (this reveal wouldn't affect MC's opinion at this point since they already know he's a cinnamon roll)

This time Lucio's blackmailing him with MC's body. He says he needs hearts to make himself a new one and if Muriel grabs some for him MC can get their body back.

Story diverges to Upright/Reversed

Upright, if MC encouraged him to take it easy, but take it: MC snatches the body of someone he's suppose to fight to change his mind, he decides not to do it and instead go with defeating Lucio on the Arcana realm plan(curtesy of their friends). So here we can have a romantic scene like in Nadia's route where his chains are broken in the Arena.

They fuck around in the Arcana realm facing their fears and stuff, they bond, defeat Lucio, petrify the Devil etc. I like to think Muriel finds the forest spirit here, too, and maybe manages to heal it or learns that it's damaged but with enough time and care it will regrow. (a metaphor? in my arcana game? its more likely than you think)

Morga is charged for war crimes by the Kokhuri, the Coliseum is demolished and the love birds travel around doing their thing.

Reversed, if MC encouraged him to be strong and uncaring: MC fails to convince him and he decides to go through with Lucio's plan. He kills Morga and some more important spirits and fucks up the world. Which turns out to be a bogus plan anyways, Lucio only needed the hearts to settle his deal and Muriel kills him, too (I am untethered, and my rage knows no bounds!)

Without a body MC is stuck in the other realm so Muriel and them retreat to the magic dimension, defeat the Devil and live the rest of their days.

There might also be a 50 first dates situation going on inwhich they get stuck in a loop where MC constantly meets and falls in love with Muriel only to forget him in a couple of (magic realm)days.

idk man this aint my job im just spitballing here, im writing this long ass thing so ill look like im working

[sirenprincess15]

Please Don't Leave Me Chapter 15

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Author: SirenPrincess

Description: What if Aleksander hadn’t answered the door when Ivan interrupted the war room kissing? What if Aleksander and Alina had a bit more time to get to know each other before Baghra told her his true identity? Alina is the only one who can comfort Aleksander through his nightmares. Will she leave once she knows who he is?

This story is based on the show version and features a soft on the inside, hard on the outside Aleksander with an emphasis on emotional hurt/comfort and angst. If you are looking for lots of hurt!Aleksander thoughts, then this story is for you. Mal exists but pretty much solely to cause Aleksander some angst. Don’t worry. It will be a Darklina ending.

Chapter 1 is a missing scene at the end of Ep 4, and Chapter 2 takes place alongside Ep 5 and then diverges from canon there.

Pairings: Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, bits of Ivan/Fedyor

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Grisha are oppressed in this universe, and I don’t shy away from showing the horrors of that. There may eventually be mentions of canon-typical torture (Fjerdan pyres), death of family members, and cruelty to Grisha children. It’s not the focus, but that backdrop is definitely there and comes up as characters discuss their past.

In this chapter: Aleksander struggles to share his secrets with Alina until he finds her upset and needing him.

Recommended listening: Lady A "Need You Now"

Chapter 15

They went on that way for a couple of days. Alina spent most of her time with the tracker. It tore Aleksander up but he permitted it for her. Most of Aleksander’s time was spent handling details of the war, receiving intelligence reports, and managing Ravka. Keeping everyone alive kept him focused.

It was the evenings he spent alone that were driving him mad. He kept thinking of Alina’s desire to be fully honest with each other and Fedyor’s words of the importance of knowing and accepting a partner wholly, even with flaws. He had always been a strategist, always played through all scenarios in his head a thousand times until he arrived at one he liked. No matter what scenario he envisioned with Alina, none of them ever turned out as he desired. He desperately longed for the kind of love and acceptance that Alina called for. There had been so many years alone where he had yearned for someone to share things with. However, every time he tried to plan the discussion of one of his secrets, it all went to hell quickly. He had even spent one evening writing it all out for her in the hopes that would help him solidify his thoughts. It hadn’t, and he’d burned it all as he realized how beyond stupid it would be to give her such information in writing.

The problem, he realized, was that he could eloquently justify every decision he had made, but no matter how he poured his heart out into explaining it all, none of that would make the truth any less horrible. Marie was dead--that knowledge would hurt Alina, and he just couldn’t stand the idea of her experiencing all that pain. Genya was his spy--without the centuries of seeing Grisha persecuted to understand what it meant if they lost this war, without seeing the king’s ineptness firsthand, seeing the battalions they had lost because of inadequate supplies and wasted funds, she would never be able to understand this decision. It was unforgivable to leave Genya in that situation. He knew it was, even if Genya had agreed to stay in it herself. That didn’t mean it wasn’t the necessary decision, too. They weren’t mutually exclusive, but Alina would never be able to grasp that. He had a way to potentially take control of her power and use it against her will--would she ever believe he didn’t intend to use it? Was that even really true? He had always hated the idea and told everyone they would not be using it, but deep down he had always known it was the back-up plan. Could he even say he didn’t intend to use it if he knew there were circumstances where he would? All the thoughts swirled in his head and threatened to take him past his breaking point. And then she would be there to help him sleep and somehow it was enough to get him through the next day.

He was stuck, and he didn’t see a way out of this pattern. He couldn’t stop thinking of ways to try to explain things to her. He needed her. His desire for her to actually accept him was overwhelming. But how could she? As he imagined trying to explain things to her, he saw things through her eyes. It was a fresh perspective, and what he saw was horrifying. It all caused him horrible guilt, and, yet, he knew he would make the same decisions again. Over the centuries, he had become numb to accepting the small pains to prevent the true horrors. Alina had reignited emotion inside him, and suddenly everything was raw again.

Aleksander looked at the clock and groaned. It would still be several hours before Alina would visit his chambers to help him sleep. He could not take another night of tearing himself apart while trying to come up with words to help Alina understand how the murder and torture of Grisha over the centuries had forced him to make harder and harder choices. He should get up and do something productive, something, anything to keep his mind active. The library might be a good idea. He thought he had most of the good sources on the Stag in his chambers, but there could still be some good books with more information on relics in general that he and David had not yet read that could at least keep his mind engaged. There was the added bonus that the library reminded him of happier times with Alina. He had never seen someone smile so broadly at books. The memory of stolen kisses between the shelves brought a smile to his face.

Decision made, Aleksander strode to the library. He froze when he saw Ivan hovering near an alcove. Ivan was supposed to be guarding Alina. Aleksander raised an eyebrow, and Ivan gestured with his chin toward the alcove. Years of working together made a silent exchange possible. Alina was in the alcove, and Ivan thought Aleksander should go in there.

“Alina,” Aleksander gasped as he took in her appearance. In her nightgown and robe, she was disheveled, hair a mess, with tears in her eyes.

She desperately tried to wipe the tears away when she saw him. “Aleksander.”

“You’re crying,” he whispered as he closed the distance between them.

“It’s nothing. I’m just tired.”

He reached out and tilted her chin until she met his eyes. “You never let me get away with that line.”

The tears started to fall again. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. To his surprise, she started sobbing. He tentatively sent his power through to her. It caressed against hers and begged for a response. This time, she let the connection flow between them. Emotions echoed back and forth with the familiar comfort of each other. She was sad, confused, scared. He was concerned. He made sure to let her feel his love for her, whether she wanted it or not.

“I missed this,” she whispered after a long while.

He blinked. Didn’t she know she was in control of that? He constantly longed for the connection with her. She was the one who decided when they were allowed to have this. “I missed you.”

She sighed and finally let go of the stress in her. In their bond, she pulled for his comfort.

“Did he hurt you?” It was a quiet question, but there was a clear threat in his tone. If the tracker had harmed her, there was nothing that would stop him from enjoying that man’s death.

“No,” she responded quickly. “It’s nothing like that.”

“Are things not going the way you want with the tracker?” He tried not to enjoy that idea. Alina was hurting. That was bad even if it would result in the tracker being out of the picture.

“You’ll be relieved to know that we’ve realized what we are to each other and it’s family. I tried to kiss him. It was awful. So awful, Aleksander.” She made a face and then gave a soft little laugh. “I do love him, but that felt so wrong, and I realized it’s because he’s like my brother.”

“That is not why you are crying, though.” He could tell. He couldn’t let himself become distracted by the jealousy he felt at the idea of the tracker’s lips on hers, even if it was awful as she said. She was comfortable with the decision that the relationship with the tracker was not romantic. He might take more joy in that, but he could not because something else was devastating her. “Whatever it is, you know you can tell me.”

“I’m afraid it will upset you.”

Because the tracker had actually hurt her? Because she was going to say something against Aleksander? Something to break his heart? “I can take it.” He kissed the top of her forehead. “If I somehow found a way to talk to you about the Fold, you can share this with me.”

She looked up at him with uncertainty in her eyes. “I can’t. You’ll hurt him or ... lock him in the dungeons.”

So this was about the tracker. He might very much like to kill, mame, or at least imprison the tracker for whatever she was about to say next, but he knew she wouldn’t tell him unless he agreed not to hurt that idiot and she could feel that he meant it. He took her hand in his so she could get a strong read of his emotions. “I promise I won’t hurt him without your permission.” That, at least, he could agree to. He’d just convince her to let him kill the tracker if that was called for.

Unable to look him in the eye as she spoke, she focused her gaze on the floor and whispered. “He wants us to run away and hide. He has a whole plan. I tried to explain how I can’t do that. I can’t hide my power. I told him how sick it used to make me. I didn’t understand what was causing it at the time, but now I do and I can’t go back to not being able to eat or sleep, to feeling so exhausted constantly. Nadia told me some stories of Grisha who tried to suppress their powers and got seriously ill. But he just keeps saying it will be fine just for a little while.”

Aleksander tried not to react to the news that the tracker was trying to escape with her, but Alina could probably feel his response. Anger was there, of course, but more than anything it triggered his protective instincts. He swallowed as he tried to push away any concerns of the tracker stealing her out of his safe space in the Little Palace. That wasn’t why Alina had told him or what she was asking for his help with. “He doesn’t accept you as you are, but it’s only because he doesn’t understand you. What we are is impossible for him to comprehend.”

She leaned against his chest so he could wrap his arms back around her. “He keeps saying things against Grisha. Not against me, he says not me, but … I don’t even think he realizes he’s doing it half the time. ‘We can’t trust her, she’s Grisha.’ ‘Those people always have tricks up their sleeves.’ Please don’t be mad at him. He isn’t trying to hurt me, but it does.”

“Prejudice against our kind is something learned at an early age. It’s so ingrained in Ravkan society, worse so in other countries, he probably does not realize that it is hate he is speaking.” He took a deep breath. “I’m not trying to defend or slander him. It’s the truth you need to hear, Alina. He is otkazat’sya. You are Grisha. They have always hated our kind. Fight as we may to be accepted, we never are.”

“I’m tired of feeling so … foreign … other.” She sighed.

“Do you feel like that here at the Little Palace? When you are with me?”

“No, and when he says things like that … I … It’s stupid. I’m so stupid.”

She knew he couldn’t stand for her to put herself down, but he was trying to get her to open up and let all her feelings out, so he didn’t correct her. “Tell me. All of it.”

“I’m a mess, Aleksander. I’m such a mess.”

“You hold me together when I am a mess. I can do the same for you.”

“When he says things that hurt me, all I want is you. I miss you. I miss our connection. I find I can’t breathe when I’m not with you. There’s just this tightness in my chest that won’t go away. I long to reach out to our bond.”

“And that’s a bad thing? Maybe when he puts you down, you subconsciously reach for the only person who has ever made you feel like you are enough and worthy of being loved. I wanted to give that to you, Alina.”

“I’m so scared, Aleksander. I’m in here crying because I need you and I’m so scared to need you!”

“You have taught me it’s okay to need you. It’s okay to need acceptance and love, Alina. I offer those.”

“How can I need you if I don’t even know if I trust you?” Her voice cracked.

Aleksander sucked in a breath at the pain those words caused. “Because of what Baghra said?”

She nodded into his chest. “And the manipulation. If I didn’t know about the letters, what else don’t I know? What else are you doing to manipulate me? At times I think I am strong enough and I can tell when you are lying to me, so that will be enough for me to be able to stay in control of things with you. Other times I’m terrified that I’m still falling for you and I will end up your slave. I realize I’m not in control of anything. I don’t feel whole unless I’m with you! When I’m with Mal, I am constantly thinking of you. I thought that if I gave myself some space, I could separate from that and sort things out, but it’s only worse. It takes all my strength not to run to your rooms because I need you.”

He wanted to reassure her that he was worthy of her trust, but he wasn’t sure that was even true. Wasn’t he just a bit earlier going through the list of all the secrets he had kept from her? He hadn’t managed to confide any of them to her or even come up with a plan of how he could. “There’s so much you don’t know,” he admitted. “It terrifies me, too. Trying to find a way to share it all with you is destroying me.” It was the full truth for once. There were horrible secrets there. He did not want to be manipulating her. He truly did want her to know all of it now, but he wanted her to understand it all too. Figuring out how to make that happen was eating him alive. He focused on those feelings and opened their bond fully so she can know the truth of that. “I need you. I fear if I use the wrong words, you will leave me, and I will not survive.”

“So … we both are driving ourselves mad with self doubt and worry and the pain of being apart. What do we even do with that?”

“If I had come up with a solution, I would not still be tearing myself apart trying to figure it out.” He sighed at the familiar ache in his chest. “Do you … Do you want to just take a break from … trying to figure everything out? My only solace in life is you. If I am your only respite, can we not just give ourselves a night to have that?” He needed a break, and she needed his comfort. They both were in so much pain from trying to survive alone.

“I’d like that,” she admitted, finally looking up into his eyes.

Aleksander reached out his hand and cupped her cheek. She leaned into his touch, and the clenching in his chest finally relaxed. She wanted his comfort. He wasn’t quite sure what a break would look like to her. Would she just want to sit and read in the library? Hold each other perhaps?

Tentatively, he leaned forward to kiss her. Her lips parted, and her body arched into him as if she could not get enough of his touch. He was shocked at the flood of desire that she released through their bond. There was no doubt that she wanted more.

As much as he longed to make mad love to her right there in the bookshelves even with Ivan only an aisle away, it didn’t feel quite right to dive straight into ripping off her clothes. Their relationship was awkward and uncertain at the moment. They needed cuddles and contact and warmth before he reminded her what it felt like to have her body worshipped. An idea occurred to him. “Do you want to take a bath together?”

She smiled. “Yes, please.”

=========

Author Notes: I wrote this chapter a dozen times and deleted them all. Every attempt at writing Aleksander come clean was ridiculously bad. So I started writing about him feeling that way, and Lady A's "Need You Now" came on my station and inspired me. Aleksander was a mess of guilt, self-doubt, and fear until Alina needed him, and then the story just clicked and was so easy to write. All of the emotions felt right once he realized she needed him. He doesn't need to be perfect for her. He needs to be what she needs, and he can be that, even with the dark past. This version felt genuine to the characters, including Alina and Mal. Alina's future with Mal was miserable. I wanted to let her realize 'hey, I don't like this' and choose something else for herself.

[evarcana]

Taking it out on you

Ev attends the court meeting only to learn that sometimes the second impressions are just as bad as the first ones.

characters: Ev Panopolis, consul Valerius and brief appearance of Volta

words: ~3k

warnings: alcohol (as expected)

notes: On some point I gave up on the idea of Ev being the apprentice, as she just does not have this "MC energy". So this is an introduction to her story, because there is no better way to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of this blog than to remember that a very long time ago I used to write fanfiction.

It has been almost a month already. Almost a month since she came to Vesuvia, almost a month since she was told that her services were not required here. The thought makes Ev frown, but she keeps a quick pace, the sound of her impatient steps on the marble floor echoing through the palace corridor.

It is just before eleven o’clock, and the last of crisp morning sun pours over the rich mauve of lustrous silk drapes and the gold leaf of intricately carved murals, drawing out the warm scent of orange blossom and beeswax from the polished panels of precious wood. Vesuvian palace is exactly what she was promised - a great wonder, and yet Ev doubts it could give any lesser impression while the backdrop to its striking opulence is the city torn apart by disease and grief.

There are no servants or visitors in sight, and Ev’s only company in this seemingly endless corridor are paintings on the walls, depicting what she can only guess are some of the proud moments of Vesuvian history - people and places so foreign to her.

She does simple math in her head: two months and two days ago she was marching down the corridor of a very different palace, eager to be on time for the meeting with Crown Princess Nafizah despite the quite literal last minute notice, and not knowing yet that she was about to hear details of this so-called diplomatic mission.

Back then it sounded straightforward enough. Prakra couldn’t ignore the news of Count Lucio's tragic death, not least because that meant Princess Nadia, the youngest daughter of the Prakran royal family, was left widowed and with the daunting task of handling the red plague epidemic in Vesuvia all on her own. Any ruler could do with an extra pair of hands and any country could benefit from the alliance with Prakra, especially in times of crisis like this. And it would have stayed straightforward if only the discovery of Countess Nadia’s mysterious illness and the unexpected, unreasonable, outrageous hostility of Vesuvian court did not bring this crisis to the whole new, now personal, level.

In theory, Ev did not have to deal with any of that. She could use the excuse that it was only appropriate to deliver such unsettling news about Nadia in person, go back and forget everything that happened in this palace like one of those unpleasantly bizarre dreams you get after a night of drinking. But Vesuvia was still the city Prakra cared about, Nadia’s city, and as far as Ev knew none of the people who came to be in charge of it were appointed by her. Prakran diplomatic presence was perhaps the only way to look after Nadia’s interests until she woke up. Even if Ev had no actual power over the court, returning to Prakra without accomplishing at least something felt like a failure, and failure has never been an option for Ev. With that in mind, she pressed the seal with enough force to imprint Prakran royal crest on the desk and not just on the drop of red wax marking the envelope, and stayed.

Now, after a month of living in the city, she has learned to see that there is more to her new role than just misfortunes. Her relocation allowance is generous, her new place is nicer than what she had in Prakra and she is getting rather used to the convenience of the wine shop next door. Even if parts of it are foreign and unwelcoming, Ev feels at ease in Vesuvia. The tension in her body relaxes, and she thinks maybe this palace can eventually get used to her too, but the thought faints away as soon as she sees the salon door. Ev presses a pile of papers closer to her chest and tells herself that she can think about everything else another time - the court meeting is about to start.

She pushes the door open but immediately freezes on the spot stricken by the gagging wave of nausea - nails dirty with soil and blood, sickly sweet buttercream pastries and rustle of feathers covered in mud. It is no more than a faint impression but even through the fogged mind Ev recognises the feeling - it is vestige, the afterimage of magic. She has felt it before, many times and in many different forms but never has it made her feel physically sick. What is even more unusual is that such a revolting sensation is coming from the palace quarters. One would expect tingles of bubbles from the charmed fountains of never ending sparkling wine or at least the impression of whispers, premium tea, treacle and bitter ambition from the walls which have been magically given ears, and not... whatever this is. Ev draws a deep breath, pushing down into her diaphragm and looks around the room. The salon is not set up for the court meeting, instead there is a tray of food and stacks of empty plates towering on almost every flat surface. Her eyes stop on greasy remains looking terribly out of place on the delicate porcelain plate and she unconsciously covers her mouth. Maybe she is mistaken after all - it is the strange smell of food and not some kind of creepy magic, and, more importantly, maybe this is not the salon she was looking for.

Before Ev gets a chance to mentally blame the chamberlain for giving her the wrong directions, a tiny figure appears from behind the chair. The white cornette is instantly recognisable and Ev is about to ask procurator Volta whether she is here for the court meeting too when she sees that behind the commotion of dark robes Volta is frantically trying to push the whole roast rack of lamb down her mouth. Dear gods. Somewhat unsurprisingly, one of the bones appears to be stuck. Clearly having not expected to have an audience, the procurator widens her eyes at Ev in a mixture of terror and shame. Unable to speak, after a few incoherent squeaks, she throws her tiny hands in the air helplessly, spattering herself with gravy and gestures to the open French doors leading to the balcony. Without giving it too much thought, Ev gives Volta a quick nod and takes an opportunity to escape the awkwardness of the scene.

Wrapped in the soft shade of the balcony, consul Valerius is casually leaning back in the chair, with the usual glass of wine in his hand. Even before she reaches the doors, Ev sets her eyes on his face. The consul is looking away, his face carved and unmovable, the tight knot of dark eyebrows making him look ireful and disgruntled, like one of those statues of stern gods she saw growing up in Zadith. Her next step lands much quieter and then, there steps in, Ev stops and stands very still wondering what thoughts could possibly bring this storm to Valerius’s face. Sun would suit him much more, she thinks, her eyes curiously trailing down the golden glints of his hair.

A loud snort catches Ev off guard and she realises that Valerius is now facing her, looking considerably more displeased than before, no doubt because of her. That’s more like it. How could she forget that this man is the very cause of her problems.

“Could I please have some of your time, consul?” she asks, heading straight towards him. Greetings seem excessive, they didn’t necessarily part on friendly terms last time.

“I didn't expect to see you here again.”

Ev allows herself a smirk. “I know.” I am not here to do what you expect from me. She stops inches away from his chair looking down at him, apparently enjoying the close proximity which, considering their formal relationship and the consul’s well known bad temper, could be regarded as both highly inappropriate and potentially reckless. But Valerius only turns away, more interested in his drink than in her.

“I have been studying the treasury records,” she continues, searching his face for any kind of reaction. His lips curl up in a sneer as he takes a sip of wine, but his eyes are still firmly fixed on the horizon. Ev follows his gaze expecting to see some radical change to the surrounding landscape, but there is only faint outline of the city roofs behind the lush green of the palace's vast grounds, - no columns of smoke, no ominous looking storm clouds gathering in the distance, nothing that could possibly be more interesting than her. Whatever. “Your tax system - ,” she hands Valerius neatly arranged papers, which he completely ignores,“- it is not working.”

“Vesuvian tax system remained largely unchanged for the last two generations, this is how these matters are handled traditionally,” says Valerius, once again denying Ev courtesy of eye contact.

Ev’s mouth twists at the sound of the last words. Too worried the conservative mindset might be contagious, she quickly withdraws her hand and takes a step back.

“I trust you understand that sometimes one should focus on what works, and not what is traditional,” she says, doing her best to disguise the growing irritation. “You don’t attract nearly as much foreign trade as you used to.”

What comes next is a very profound, uncomfortable silence. Ev sighs.

“Consul, you had plague in the city, people died,” her voice is louder now, “lots of people died”, and the irritation is obvious. “And Vesuvia cannot exist without its people. Somebody needs to bring food from the farmlands, make clothes, teach children, attend to the sick. Yes, in the past you could always import whatever you did not have but now people are scared to come because of the plague. You -”, she pauses in anticipation noticing Valerius shifting in his seat, but he only reaches for the bottle to top up his glass, “- you need to do something to make it attractive for them again. Lower the customs, lift the taxes for people whose skills you need, sell empty real estate cheap. There is plenty all around the city!”

Deep down Ev knows that none of these is going to work long term, but she doesn't care - she wants to do something and she wants to do it now.

Yet, nothing changes. She is still standing there, and he is still looking away. Ev would prefer him to disagree, start arguing with her - anything really, as long as it breaks this silence.

“Fine! If you don’t feel like changing this traditional system of yours, even temporarily, at least fix your mistakes.” Ev starts chaotically flipping through the papers searching for the one she needs, which would be a much easier task, if she was less flurried and if Valerius offered her a seat. She wonders whether he is now watching her, sneering at her struggle. “Your approved accounts, here,” this time she brusquely puts the paper in front of Valerius’s face blocking his view, “your numbers do not even add up! ”

For a split second she sees something on his face - a twitch, a flick of rage, and thinks that she has gone too far. But his question comes out in a calm, almost disinterested tone: “What makes you think that somebody like you is even qualified to check the city’s budget approved by the esteemed procurator Volta?”

A moment passes before Ev is able to break from staring at Valerius in disbelief. She glances to the salon where, judging by the sound, Volta has freed her mouth only to move to the next dish. Seriously? Perhaps she should be impressed that he managed to say it with the straight face.

And then there is a chilling sensation at the pit of Ev’s stomach. She asks herself what is going on here? What is this city under the reign of a person who questions everything and everyone except the obvious mistake in the accounts? And what is she - ? Angry, she reminds herself, is what she is, and throws a look at Valerius, who is taking another sip from his glass as in triumph. You don’t need to be qualified, you just need to have common sense. And you, Valerius, either don’t have it or you were not even bothered to look at what your court approves.

She pictures him lazily drinking wine, legs on the desk, his shirt unbuttoned, while completely ignoring his state duties. The image is irritating and yet not entirely unpleasant.

“We both know that I come from a family of alchemists and merchants. Trust me, I know how to count,” she says with a smile. It sounded right in her head, a ridiculous answer to the ridiculous question.

“I thought that during our last meeting you said that you had nothing to do with your witchcraft family.” A perfectly raised eyebrow, and that infuriating smirk.

Ev opens her mouth in protest but gives up quickly. Those were her exact words after all, save for the witchcraft part.

She begins to pace around the balcony avoiding looking at Valerius as much as possible. The consul clearly has a way of getting on her nerves, and she needs all her concentration if she wants to explain what exactly will happen to this goddamn city if they carry on with this approved budget.

“Think about the consequences for the people if this mistake is not corrected!” she shouts, her voice much louder than she would like it to be, and quickly turns to Valerius expecting a blowback. But the pale eyes are looking down, studying something on the floor, or on the edge of the fabric of her long sleeve, she really can’t tell. Oh gods, he is not even paying attention.

***

Valerius has firmly decided that he is not going to pay any attention.

The time of plague was exhausting: the palace suddenly full of people of all kinds and intentions promising to find a cure, pleas for help on the streets which he could not escape even behind the doors of the most expensive carriages, the count who was growing more desperate everyday and the white smoke of the Lazaret carried by the sea breeze towards the city, the memory of which still haunts him. And now there is the Satrinavas’ new pet here having an audacity to talk about his city’s problems - the problems which, out of all people, he should know the most about, he is the consul after all, and a Vesuvian.

Vesuvia he inherited is haggard and sad, and on top of that an enormous responsibility. The last thing he needs is a stranger questioning his authority, as if the incompetent court and the city demanding their beloved countess back have not been tiresome enough. Valerius lets out a short, barely audible sigh. He just wants this farce to be over so he can go back to thinking.

But the witch is not planning to stop, if anything she seems to be enjoying it. Look at her. Absorbed by herself and her ludicrous ideas, she is loud and talks too much with her hands. Her dress keeps slipping down the shoulder draping around the soft curve of a half barred breast every time she does one of these unnecessary, overconfident gestures. Valerius has absolutely no idea whether this is deliberate or she is simply unaware of the indecency which keeps drawing his eyes.

He tries to distract himself by taking a drink of wine only to discover that his glass, just like the air around him, is full of this loud perfume of hers. Harsh cinnamon, incense and patchouli, very much alike their owner, have no concept of the personal space ruining the perfect balance of his red. The wine is not helping. He catches himself looking at the shoulder again. In fact, absolutely useless. He sets his unfinished glass aside on the small table. Valerius has had enough.

***

“Enough!” Valerius shouts. His voice is suddenly deep and rather forceful and Ev hates that it has the desired effect on her. She stops and looks at him. “You were not invited to the court meeting.” The consul’s face looks awfully angry now.

Ev narrows her eyes. “And what exactly are you doing at your court meeting?”

“That should not be a concern of the Prakran subject”, Valerius says, his words dripping with poison, “or whoever you are.”

“I am a diplomatic emissary -,” she does not get a chance to finish.

“Leave!”

Ev wants to scream and protest, but even she knows better than to yell at somebody who outranked her. She draws a breath. One, two, three. All right.

“I only came to give you the papers”, she says coldly, her eyes still locked on his, and leans forward to place the documents on the table. “But I am taking this away, one should work without the distraction of wine.”

With these words Ev snatches the glass from the table, turns away and heads toward the exit as fast as she can without breaking into running. She does not want to look like she is scared that Valerius will grab her by the arm. If anything she is slightly disappointed that he doesn’t.

“My regards to the court,” she raises her hand and waves the glass in the air without looking back. Behind her there is a sound of paper being torn apart.

***

Ev only slows down when she reaches the main staircase.

Suddenly feeling very tired, she leans against the handrail. Again, what is she doing here? Why did she need to turn up in person when she could send a letter? Ev closes her eyes and rubs her fingers together as if feeling for answers in the whorls of her own skin, and remembers about the glass in her hand. Another bad decision. It would have been wiser to take the bottle.

She raises the glass to her lips and breathes in the wine. It’s pleasant. Perhaps she would prefer its company to the boring palace affairs too. Ev twists the glass in her hand, eying the smooth rim before drawing one long sip. It leaves a blush mark of her lips firmly planted on the surface which she studies for a few seconds. “You better be as angry as I am now”, she says to the dark liquid at the bottom of the glass.

[amiramorozova]

Dual summoner x the darkling pt. 11

When morning came I laid there in my new bed as I knew there wasn't a point in going down to breakfast. I couldn't wear that kefta and I had to stay away from the others until I had my new one. I knew Genya would be here soon and I just had to accept that this was my thing for now or so I thought. I wanted to close my eyes and think this was all a dream up until she walked in with a bag. I sat up interested and excited to see what she had for me as I saw her assistants bring me breakfast and sat it down.

"what's that?" I asked

"Your new Kefta fabricators worked on it last night under the darklings orders." Genya said

I started to eat as I watched her unzip it and reveal the Kefta as I looked in shock. I almost choked on what I was eating seeing the color. I had to have a drink so I would be able to say something as she seemed to be excited. I picked up the cloth seeing it was black, the thought had crossed my mind back when Nadia and Marie said.

"Black" I said

"Let's have you try it on." Genya said

I finished up my breakfast before I let her help me into it as I looked at myself in the mirror seeing the sun summoner design around the collar part of the kefta and on my sleeves were the tidemaker design. Genya looked at me in the mirror with the kefta on and she smiled. I wondered what was going on and why the rush when he said a day or two.

"You're not going out to train still." Genya said

"I'm not?" I asked

"No, you are going horse riding with the general. He seems to want to show you some things." Genya said, "Still, let's get you ready."

Once again she had her bag and I realized I may not be doing any training with the other summoners until I was presented to the King and Queen. The idea annoyed me but I would have to deal with it over time and get used to the idea. Partly I wondered if he was trying to claim me with this Kefta being his color.

"You look good by the way." She said as she did my makeup again, nothing over the top just settled on makeup like I had on yesterday. "Most Grisha have to wear the normal color of blue in your group."

"It feels like he's putting a claim on me." I said

"Well, if he is then you are taking Zoya's place. You deserve to be happy and let yourself be happy while you're here." Genya said as she finished "all done. Now go on to the front of the little palace."

I looked over at myself once more and I had to admit Genya was right; this looked great on me. I knew I was supposed to head to the front of the little palace but I ran to find Nadia and Marie first. Luckily I was able to catch them before they had gone out.

"Nadia. Marie" I said

Nadia and Marie both looked at me and they seemed shocked to see what I was wearing. Still a little self conscious of it myself I had to be strong. Marie and Nadia walked around me examining the kefta. I think they were more shocked to see that it was the darklings color, black.

"It is a black kefta like we thought it would be." Marie said

"You look good but when you go out there Zoya will be irritated." Nadia said

"Sorry, I can't go out there today. Genya says I have to go horseback riding with the general." I said

"Sounds romantic. Happy riding." Marie said as she walked to the training area

"Good luck." Nadia said as she also walked away

I sighed a bit knowing this was it. I was going to be alone with the darkling, General Kirigan himself, who knows where on a horse. As I walked I kept going until I made it to the front of the little palace. Getting away from the Grand palace sounded better and better with every second that he could stall.

"Amira." Kirigan said as he had the horses while looking at me "Black looks good on you."

I walked over as he let me have the reins of one of the horses and I got up on the horse around the time he did on the other one. I knew I needed to be nice. He was helping me out but what more did he want for me? My life before the little palace was almost a blur to me anymore except my parents and I knew there wasn't much else.

"Thank you." were the only words I could say "I feel honored you would allow your color."

"You are the dual summoner, you should stand out as I do. There are no others like us here at the little palace." Kirigan said

As we were heading out on the horses I had mine follow him as were going. It wasn't far and the horses were walking as they were now side by side. "thank you General." I said

"I think that's a bit formal, when it is just us Amira. Call me Aleksander." Kirigan said

"Aleksander?" I asked surprised by his words on what he wanted me to call him.

"I think with everything you already know about me, you have earned it. I had no idea you had studied about me all this time but it is my name." Aleksander said

I still didn't get his intentions but I knew he was interested in me for my light. I was unsure what his plan for this horse hide was but I had to enjoy the fact I could get away from the little palace. It was refreshing and I knew I had to be appreciative when he had us stop and we both got down. I walked over with him seeing the well with the story of the black heretic, his story and I looked at him.

"Is the story true?" I asked

"Partially, I won a war for him and out of fear he turned on Grisha." Aleksander said "I was taught to kill with the shadows by my mother."

"Your mother?" I asked looking at him

"You know her, she is quite fond of you." Aleksander said as he looked over the story and I looked back at the story as I thought about it. Then the answer came to me quickly like I had known the whole time. "Baghra." I said

"I could not have found you a better teacher but yes." Aleksander said

"So Kirigan isn't your name at all?" I asked

"No, my mother gave me the idea of lying low and using a nobleman name." Aleksander said

I was in shock and knew that she could have just told me the truth instead of lying about this. She had given me a half truth when she was asked if she was related to him and that is when I realized there was another shadow summoner. I still had some doubts but I looked over the carvings of the fold and I got closer as I looked at the carvings.

"Did you crave power?" I asked

"Limitless power comes with fear." Aleksander said "You might find that out one day for yourself."

"I won't misuse my power, and if the fold can't be destroyed then I'm useless." I said

When I stood up I saw his hands on either side of me on the fountain as I turned to look at him. Again here we were face to face so close that I hesitated while he looked at me. I knew that he must feel lonely with how Baghra talked with him and the story of the black heretic as his past. He moved one hand to place it on my cheek as I looked at him still and once again he leaned in close.

"I never told anyone that truth." He said "You can't tell anyone what you know or I could be harmed. The Grisha look up to me as I want to make things right for them once again."

I put a hand over his and closed my eyes knowing what it was like to feel lonely. I felt so lonely for nine years when I had to stay hidden and now I didn't have to anymore. Somehow he had this way of making me feel like I wasn't alone anymore even with knowing about Baghra's truth.

"You must have felt lonely." I said

"Did you not feel lonely while hiding?" Aleksander asked and I opened my eyes to look at him. "I did, I cried when I was off alone. I don't see how sun summoners keep this hidden."

"You are not alone anymore Amira." Aleksander said and before I knew it he pressed his lips to mine in a kiss. I was surprised but in my moment of feeling safe around him I kissed him back, but it was merely for a few seconds as he pulled away. "Sorry, maybe that should be for another time." Aleksander said

I realized that he was right just because we were drawn to each other. There was nothing here between us..Sun and Shadow was all we were at the moment but it still felt comforting.

"I got word from the royals asking when they could see you. I told them you were not wanting an audience but they insisted you come within the next 48 hours. So I rushed the order on your kefta." Aleksander said

"I see.." I said as I let his hand go and he removed it from my cheek "After being presented to the King and Queen. I have some business in the north to tend to."

I wondered why he was telling me all this when he looked very serious while looking at me. "I want you to come with me to the north, forget Baghra and your friends for a little while." Aleksander said

"Is this an order or a choice?" I asked

"An order." Aleksander said as his features softened "I think you may find some enjoyment out of the little palace a little farther at this. A chance to see the first army."

I knew there was no way I was going to be able to resist an order from him but he seemed concerned about something that I couldn't even bring myself to say anything. I just merely nodded in understanding as we stayed there. He handed me a coin and I heard about making a wish on a coin you toss in the fountain and so I did.

I want this to work out somehow, I would like to figure out my own feelings. I thought 

[drakewalkerfantasy]

Making it right (Blaine x Denise)

Summary: The day when he takes her for a surprise is the day, when she finally realises that it’s more and it always will be more for both of them. The day when she finally starts to believe that the fairy tales can be real at least with this man.

Words: 3202

Rating: PG

Warning: fluff/could be some words or innuendoes, but nothing too specific

A/N: I hope you will love it. I’m not sure if I like it myself... it seems too rushed and I don’t even know if in character. But here it is. Sorry for any mistakes, I tried proofread as much as possible.

“Where are we going,” laughed Denise, trying to match Blaine’s large strides and quick pace. His hand holding hers almost dragging her after him, in only him known direction, making her walk faster.

“What in the concept of surprise missed it’s meaning?” chuckled Blaine, sounding amused by her impatient. But that was one of the reasons why he fell for her... one of the reasons why he was still falling for her even stronger. “But I can promise you will love it,” Blaine said, finally stopping, turning to face Denise and taking both her hands in his. “Now can I blindfold you please?”

“Ummmm, Mister Kinky...,” murmured Denise, stepping closer to him and trying to kiss.

“Someone needs to get her mind out of the gutter or mine will also go there and we will never get anywhere,” laughed Blaine, pulling her closer before placing his hands on her shoulders and pressing his forehead to hers. “So now be a good girl and turn around,” he said.

“Will you punish me if I disobey?" she murmured the question. Her lips ghosting against his, while she spoke.

“Denise...,” growled Blaine with an edge of the warning in his voice before finally turning her around and tying the red blindfold, that was matching Denise’s dress. Placing the soft kiss to her shoulder, that instantly sent a pleasurable sensation down her spine.

“You are no fun,” she pouted with the most adorable pout on her lips.

“I promise you will not regret it. Now give me your hand,” said Blaine, taking her hand in his and leading her down the steep path. His hand placed protectively on the small of her back, while another held hers, carefully helping her down until they finally came to the halt.

Still holding her hand he walked her forward until she heard neighs and clutters of hooves nearby, feeling how her heart fluttered in excitement. A moment later the lace slipping from her eyes, revealing to her two beautiful mighty horses held for them.

“How do you knew?” Asked Denise, coming forward and placing her hand on a chestnut horse's snout, patting the animal with affection.

She had been around horses since the very early age. She learned how to ride her first horse... pony, when she was about 2, excelled at this only a year later. And since then she just got better and better at that.

From early childhood horses were the only way for her to find peace. The only way to the happiness she always craved. And the only way for her when she felt trapped to feel free.

Even one moment near to the horse made her calmer. The single short horseback ride made her grounded. And when she sent her horse into the gallop she felt stronger, more powerful, happier. And she was good with them.

She could feel how her mind raced with the million questions. How did he know? Who told him about her hobby... passion... getaway... Did he speak with her parents? Nadia? Damien? Tatum...

“Tatum,” explained Blaine as if he could hear her mind, patting his own black horse before stepping back to Denise. “Need help here,” he asked, watching how she easily saddled the horse, making him look at her in awe.

“I’m good here,” she replied, feeling how the thrill rushed through her, waiting for Blaine to saddle his black stallion before they started to move forward side by side. Letting their horses lead the way, walking over the narrow path until the sound of waves started to reach them, revealing in the moment a beautiful narrow beach in front of them.

“Was it your surprise?” after a moment asked Denise, watching at the water. Inhaling the salty smell of the sea, letting the wind mess up her hair and flutter her red dress.

“Thought you would miss it... I mean all of it... your horse... the ocean... freedom, but it’s only part of what I have planned for today. So, race me to the end of the beach?” suddenly said Blaine with the grin, nodding into the distance, where the beach was ending with the cliff digging into the sea.

“You are on, Hayes. You will be eating my dust before you know it,” laughed Denise before sending her chestnut beauty into a gallop without a single warning. Making Blaine’s eyes follow her for a moment longer, admiring the way her body moved. Watching how easily she settled in a perfect galloping position, whispering something into the Chestnut’s ear. Her body’s weight pushed down on to the stirrup, her lower leg kept at the girth and her knees and ankles held springiness, to absorb the galloping movement. Her red dress fluttered on the wind when the Chestnut moved and her melodic laugh rang through the wind, while the water splashed around them.

It took him only a moment or two to admire the view in front of him before he shook himself from the reverie and finally sent his own horse into the gallop easily catching up with Denise, watching how her eyes widened in surprise. Now, moving neck to neck with all might until finally stopping at the end of the beach under the overhanging rock.

“You couldn’t help yourself but have to win,” she pouted getting off Chestnut but not faster than Blaine, feeling his hands around her waist and his hot breath in her ear, while she slid down to the sand.

“Not a chance, querida,” murmured he with a light kiss to her cheek, feeling her back pressing to his chest and her ass brushing along his crotch making him hiss.

“Someone either liked a horse ride a little bit too much or is happy to see me,” she purred, turning to Blaine, making him hiss even more.

“You know, I'm always happy to see you... but it’s not the point and I’m kind of trying to be a gentleman here... so, can you please stop grinding against my hard-on?” groaned Blaine, squeezing her hips in a warning because she brushed her butt against him in a sensual motion once again. Making him finally turn her to face him. “Now... please, stop making him too happy to see you and let’s get moving.”

“Where?”

“It’s not far, just a dozen meters from here behind the cliff,” replied Blaine, nodding to the cliff that was digging into the water, making it look like a ship making its way into the sea. “Don’t worry it isn’t deep,” explained he, noticing how she looked at the water’s edge.

“And what about them?” asked Denise patting the horse she was riding just a moment ago.

“They’ll be fine. They were both raised here. Know these trails even better than I do and they know their way back,” said Blaine giving both horses a sugar cube before gently patting them on their crops, watching how they started to strode in the direction they just got from. Finally extending his hand to Denise, Blaine waited for her to accept it. “Are you ready?” he asked in this smooth velvety tone.

The damn tone that sent the thrill down her spine every time. And the one that made her throat go dry too suddenly, making her feel shy under his intense gaze, and making her ready for impulsive decisions.

Gently Blaine tugged her hand, tearing her gaze from the two powerful animals trotting away from them. Leading her to the waters, stopping just a little bit shy of the waves licking the shore. His firm muscular body crouching in front of her taking off her sandals and then his shoes. The sandals dangling now from her fingers, while he held his shoes, rolling his dark blue jeans to his knees before making the first step into the sea that was still freezing cold at the end of May.

The edge of the cliff that dug into the water cutting the shore in half wasn’t too wide so before Denise could complain about the chilling temperatures or the hem of her dress getting wet they were already on another side and drying. Her fingers curled into the sand and she looked around them, taking in the view. Feeling how Blaine stepped behind her, his hands wrapping around her waist letting her lean into him for a moment before turning her to face him.

“Let’s go,” he whispered in a smoky whisper with his eyes fixed on hers.

“Where now?”

“Just over there,” he nodded to the left and only now when her eyes followed the direction he pointed she noticed a white blanket spread in a distance with a picnic basket on it. And something else... flowers... or more precise baskets of flowers. And she felt how her heart missed a beat... and then another one. Until started to beat in a full force from how romantic whatever Blaine planned looked like.

Slowly he walked her toward the blanket, helping her seat before opening the basket and starting to set a food in front of them, making her mouth instantly to water. She bit her lip watching how he had set a board with different cheeses on it in front of her, before taking a box of nicely cut strawberries and grapes. Everything that she loved. All what he took out was her favourite and her heart beat faster from how thoughtful he was. That he even bothered to take her on a date even though she was his already, despite the fact that he didn’t get her a ring.

“How do you...,” she gasped. Know, sounding more like a whisper and her pulse picking up the speed when he took out the box of the heart shaped french macarons and placed it in the middle. He hated them with the ferocity she didn’t even know was in him, this why she never said that she loved them... never opened her guilty pleasure to him. And still... here he was, placing her most favourite, custom made, most delicious macarons in the world, most hated delicacy by him before gingerly taking the last item from the box. Her favourite flower, making her heart jump and her eyes widen as no one... never done anything like that for her, and she felt the treacherous lump forming in her throat, stubbornly pushing it back and blinking her tears not letting them to fall.

“Someone wants to get laid today or to get blowed,” she murmured jokingly. The laugh ripped out of her throat before she could stop it like a self-defence mechanism that kicked in automatically to protect her from disappointment later. Her hand placed on his thighs and her lips meeting his. But before she could deepen the kiss he stopped it, kissing her softly before moving away.

“I always want to get laid, but today... more than anything I want to take care of you... make sure that you know that I’m here for a long haul,” said Blaine caressing Denise’s cheek with his thumb.

“I already know this. Your rushed after me all the way to the airport to stop me from boarding the plane and your speech kind of made a point. Don’t you think? Plus you hate macarons with the passion, but still, here we are...,” said Denise, nodding toward the box.

“I know, I did, but you better open the box,” suggested Blaine nudging a pink box of macarons toward Denise, feeling how his heart skipped a beat under her scrutinising gaze.

After a minute, that was the most torturous minute in Blaine’s life, consisting of never ending continuous seconds Denise finally reached the box. Her long delicate fingers undone the lace ribbon, and her mouth waters from the single thought of enjoying the treat she missed the most here. Carefully she opened the box and froze... her eyes widened even more, and her heart started to beat a staccato of sounds that was unknown to her.

Never ever did her heart beat like that, while her eyes flew over the macarons in the box. Full box of custom made, heart shaped macarons with different messages and all for her. The proclamation of love in different languages and among them the message on the perfectly rounded five macarons. Will you marry me? The message, that her eyes skipped over and over again, feeling how her heart beat faster every time when her eyes stopped on the beautiful diamond ring sitting on top of the heart shaped lilac macaron with the word Yes! still unable to believe that this is happening. And even more, that he even could have considered that her reply could be anything but Yes, when her eyes stopped on another silver macaron with the reply No! Thinking of how perfect he is, that even though this reply would break his heart he still requested it to be created with an unique taste.

“But you...,” croaked Denise, feeling how the lump inside her throat grew bigger, wondering how long it will take for it to block her airways. Feeling suffocating and trapped, until she felt his comforting touch on her hand. Calming... grounding. Making the lump ease and the raspy voice to leave her throat. “But you... you already proposed. In an airport. When I... when I was leaving...”

“Yes, I did... but I didn’t have a ring then, and I want to make it right.... is this okay with you?” asked Blaine, holding her hands. His thumbs run soothingly over her knuckles. Taking the edge off her, while she slowly nodded and he released a breath of relief he even didn’t realise he was holding. “Good...,” breathed Blaine, kneeling next to Denise, facing her with both of her hands in his. “Denise Alexandra Park... I know that our story didn’t start like every other fairy tales' story. Met a girl, wooed a girl and then swoon her. We met... we had some fun and then we parted. And the only thing I knew about you was the name Alex... and the name of your friend Tatum... it was complicated and then, when I met you again you were engaged to get married in a couple of weeks. And this was the only time left that we were supposed to have. The time that I thought will be enough to get you... that out of my system, but it wasn’t. I couldn’t forget you then and I definitely couldn’t forget you now after waking up near to you for two best weeks of my life. You know I never believed in fairy tales or happy endings, and I know you didn’t either... not after dickheads you were dating,” he chuckled, making her blush and her lips spread into a smile. “But with you... God... with you I know that it is possible. I know you are terrified... but I promise if you will tell me yes...”

“I already...,” tried to interrupt Denise, only for his lips to capture hers to silence.

“As I said, if your reply will be yes, our marriage will never be the golden cage for you, neither will it be to trap you. And I promise to give you all the freedom you need... and all the space you may want... just tell me will you marry me?” 

And she knew that this was her way out, that Blaine not only wanted to make it right but if she wanted to take her Yes... the one she gave him only a couple of weeks ago she could and no matter how much it would break his heart he was ready to risk it... but even to her utter surprise she didn't want it... not now... not ever... not with him. With him she wanted all in, not out.

Denise looked at Blaine with the bated breath, when realisation started to hit her one after another. The thoughts whirled in her mind, while she tried to grub at everything that had happened so quickly and process it, feeling how her pulse started to race with the neckbreaking speed.

Only a few weeks ago she was engaged... doomed to get married to the guy who she didn’t love and who didn’t love her back. And what was supposed to be only a whirlwind romance before her “big day” in a month somehow she ended up with another proposal, this time from the guy she somehow within two week... or was it from the first sight? The thought is so silly that she almost laughed at it. Silly... you don’t believe in love from the first sight... you don’t believe in love at all... not since... Her eyes widened... Shit... she gasped, the kaleidoscope of events was spinning in her brains quicker and quicker...

Their first meeting... their dance... their kiss... threesome... her eyes locked on his through the mirror... his pulsing length in her... sleeping together... then the letter... the tears... the fight with her parents... loveless engagement... the Summit... the sex... the last two weeks filled with sex and passion... then more sex... their fight... him not wanting to let her go... proposal... her muttered Yes!!! Yes!!! Yes!!!... more tears... another two or three weeks of sex and passion... his parents cutting him off... her parents cutting her off... and now another proposal with RING, and two choices she needed to choose from… when in reality here was the only choice she wanted to make.

The panic rising in her and the lump started to build in her throat again until she felt the gentlest squeeze of his hands and she suddenly felt calmer, not suffocating from pressure, more free then she ever felt. Her eyes moving between two choices... one of which she will make in a moment... the one that will change her life forever.

Her hand reached to the one and he closed his eyes to steady his breathing. And if he thought that previous wait for her to open the box was torturous now the single moment felt excruciatingly long, but he still waited patiently not rushing her until he felt something against his lips and he twisted his nose before taking a bite, feeling how his heartbeats slowed… then stopped... then stopped again... before starting to beat anew... reborn, when the lavender lemon taste with a hint of honey exploded on his taste buds, nauseatingly sweet, but SO sweet... the taste of Yes!!!

His eyes flew open meeting hers, smiling... before his lips met hers urgently... passionately. The way it was from the first moments they met. The fire igniting inside them... burning them before Blaine broke the kiss, both panting heavily. His hands reaching to hers taking the heart shaped macaron out of her hands.

“You minx,” he whispered against her lips, smiling, before taking the ring from the macaron and sliding it onto her finger before kissing her again… before loving her… before devouring every single inch of her body with his. Every movement and kiss was a promise… the promise of freedom and the promise of love she was seeking for.

And after the hours they lay together on the white blanket, spent and happy. The food was everything that Denise loved, and Blaine was everything she could ever wish for.

Tagging:

@choices-bound​​​​​ @jamespotterthefirst​​​​​ @mercury84choices​​​​​ @k2624​​​​​ @kowshikha @sophxwithers​ @itsjustwinter @ramseysrookiex​

[handonhaven]

Antis are really trying to milk this whole Hope didn't know it wasn't really Landon twice so that means she doesn't love him thing. Let me break it down for them one more time.

Golem Landon was made out of Hopes memories of Landon. So for her, he's always helping her, and making her happy. Doing things like planning surpise panic dates on the docks and having movie nights. But not only that but it also shows how she knows him better than anyone and how much she really loves him. To know little details of how smart he is and how he would react to certain situations and what he would say and do in those situations etc.

The second time she was a little worry hense her doing the locator spell. And once again her noticing the little things(her saying you're acting like a completely different person). Not to mention it could have been harder to notice the second time around. Because not only was malivore watching her with Golem Landon and seeing how Landon acts and what not. There's a very high chance that malivore can access Landon memories as well to help make it seem like he was really Landon and maybe even play it off as him having PTSD. 2 it also would have been harder for her to admit or even let herself see because then she would have to let all that pain in again.

There something I want to add to what antis be saying. Why is it no one said shit about Damon not really loving Elena because he didn't notice it wasn't really her when Katherine possessed Elena. And pretending to be her. And she wasn't doing a very good job of pretending to be Elena might I add. Literary no one who's known Elena for years(or their whole lives in Bonnie and Caroline case) knew it wasn't really Elena. People who should know her better than anyone else on the planet didn't notice a thing. And only knew it was Katherine pretending to be Elena because Tyler overheard Nadia compelling Matt to get more info on Elenas past and so on. But yet no said shit about Damon(or anyone else) not really loving Elena because he didn't notice it wasn't really her.

That whole thing is getting really annoying and just keeps proving that they aren't paying attention to what's going on in the show. And keeps proving that they just see what they want to see.

Still?? I know I’ve talked about this in other posts, so I won’t repeat everything I’ve already said. But yeah, exactly, yes to all you said. I don’t know why it’s so hard for them to comprehend the very understandable reasons why Hope didn’t realize it wasn’t Landon each time. Yes, golem Landon came straight from Hope’s memories. He was literally all of Hope’s memories of Landon. So of course she’s not gonna realize he’s not Landon when he’s just like she remembered him and how she sees him? I agree, I think it showed just how much Hope does know Landon and how powerful her memories of him are that he was basically exactly the same. I think the only real difference was that we sort of saw all of his core qualities that are strongest in Hope’s mind a bit more emphasized and focused on within those few episodes. But again, that’s just how Landon is anyway, so it wasn’t really noticeable, especially not to Hope since he came from her memories of him.

And I totally agree with all you said about the second time with Malivore too. And I’ve talked about all that before as well, but yeah, that was a very different situation in which Hope, and I think probably everyone in the fandom, thought PTSD was involved. Landon acting different and being changed after all that he went through was to be expected, and Hope was trying to be understanding of that, even though she definitely did notice that he was different. She was just wrong about the reason behind it, which is understandable under the circumstances and how Malivore tricked her. Which he did a very good job doing, and yes, I also think he must have access to Landon’s memories that helped him to do that. And let’s also remember that Hope had only been around him for one day, when she was also dealing with her own trauma of realizing golem Landon wasn’t real that entire time, realizing Cleo, who she thought was her friend, had tricked her that whole time and tried to kill her, and then finding the “real” Landon again and learning some of what had happened to him. Which would be incredibly traumatic and overwhelming and hard for anyone to process. And so true, what are the odds it wouldn’t even be Landon again? And imagine how painful it would be for her to have to face that again. So it all makes sense.

Haha exactly. That whole thing with Damon and Elena gets ignored and now Handon gets picked apart. And Handon’s situation can’t even be compared to what happened with Damon and Elena. Because Damon had not just lost Elena and had not been trying to get her back. He was not going through grief. Katherine in Elena’s body was not a version of Elena created from Damon’s memories. Elena had not just gone through a traumatic, life-altering experience for an extended period of time that Damon thought had changed her. It was literally just Katherine pretending to be Elena, with no access to her memories, just using Matt for information. And yep, she really didn’t do that great of a job. Yet Damon still didn’t notice, along with the others. Hope had actual reasons for not knowing it wasn’t Landon, which made perfect sense. That was not at all the case with Damon, there wasn’t really any good reason for him or anyone else to not notice it wasn’t Elena. But nope, no one says anything about it.

So yeah, I feel that, it’s definitely annoying. They really do just pick and choose what to pay attention to and criticize, while ignoring other things. It’s like when I’ll see antis calling Handon toxic while they’re fans of ships that actually are toxic like?? If they don’t like Handon, then fine. But can they stop making up dumb reasons to hate on them that aren’t even true? It’s so tiring to see.