#no fun allowed!!!!! i want to write boring analysis!!!!!!!!

[rogueofrageedits]

hate becoming autistic about a musical and needing to look something up on the wiki only to find the whole thing is filled with entirely incorrect information and fanon. shut UP

[loverofallthingssmart]

me when there's motion in math: 🥰😍😘😜💕

me when there's motion in science: 😑😭☹😫

[catboygirljoker]

fun writing tip: you can justify making your blorbos as good at sex as you want if you also make it depressing

i will try not to be too graphic or horny and keep it mostly to character study analysis themes core motivations plot conflicts etc type discussion. still, id really prefer that folks under 18 do not interact with me on this post or about this topic in general, thanks!

for obvious reasons this post is gonna have a cut

UNLIKE HIS DIIIIICK [EXTREMELY LOUD AIRHORNS]

. sorry i just feel like hed appreciate that joke. uh anyway

Brief discussions of: BDSM, including sadomasochism; edgeplay; derealization/dysphoria; self-destructive recklessness in a sexual context.

ok. so there's this fictional guy. and i kiiiiiiind of have a crush on him. and i'm a basic bitch, so, like, obviously, when i think about him hornystyle, i want to imagine him being good at sex.

the thing is, "good at sex" is not always a particularly interesting trait to give a character! it can often be an eyerolling power fantasy trait. like "this is my oc Chuck Dongburger he has a ten pound cock and can make a babe cum just by lookin at her" yknow. it's a trait that, handled incorrectly, is more likely to flatten conflict than create it—more likely to make stories more boring than to make them more interesting.

also, "being good at sex" isnt a magical blessing that descends upon someone by chance. it is a quality that stems from a set of experiences and traits. it is a skill that one develops, or fails to develop.

so the question is, how do i justify him being good at sex? how do i make it feel believable and interesting?

the answer is simple! make it depressing! (that is, relate it directly to the character's central themes and conflicts, and therefore make it a natural part of/inclusion in their story)

in canon, xigbar has had multiple bodies, lost his heart multiple times, allowed himself to be a vessel for darkness on multiple occasions. he has endured all of this to carry out the will of his masters. every social role we've ever seen him take has been subservient to someone else, even if it has usually also involved social power over others, too.

here are the sex/relationship headcanons i have that expand on this:

related to: gender/sexuality

bisexual. for starters. obviously. his transness i have Deep Headcanons about, but his bisexuality is just "idk im bi so hes bi hee hee"

luxu is a binary trans man who experienced severe dysphoria in his original body and never felt like that body really belonged to him in the first place. to the best of his ability he has only chosen cis male vessels, including braig. in those cases he feels extreme disconnect from his body but not [very noticeable] gender dysphoria. the only thing connecting him to his cis male bodies is his sexual characteristics. theres this great art piece that has never left my brain that conveys the idea im going for. his face his hair his bones none of those are his, none of thise feel real, none of those feel right. but what does feel right is his dick.

related to: him being Good at Sex™

he is Very Experienced. he's tried a lot of shit and had a lot of bodies and largely had nothing better to do than be a horndog and kill time suckin and fuckin. he is down for just about anything with just about anybody. he knows how bodies work and knows how to deal with the exceptions and roll with awkwardness and uncomfortableness.

he is pretty good at reading people—it's a skill he has had to develop over his lifetime. he is sometimes wrong, but usually right, and reading people, understanding them, lets him feel like he has some kind of control or power over them. this is relevant because this is part of what makes him Good at Sex. he is shockingly responsive and attentive; not completely unselfish as a lover, but he won't blindly exert his will onto the other person and expect them to respond just because he has a big dick or is going faster or harder or whatever.

related to: his backstory as luxu

sex for him is a means of exerting control over the world, proving his own competence and worth to himself and another person, gaining some simulacrum of human connection, distracting himself from his derealization, grounding himself in his body, expressing and claiming his masculinity. all things, i headcanon, he also achieves (or seeks/has sought to achieve) from keyblade mastery.

he views his bodies as disposable, and knowing that he can just jump ship if he totals a body means that he processes pain differently than most people. not in a "all pain makes him horny" way*—it's more that pain doesn't make his self-preservation kick in the same way it does for other people. in bdsm/kink settings he is a masochist [as well as a sadist] and more reckless with edgeplay (when it comes to himself) than he really ought to be.

obviously i have specific personal motivation for wanting to headcanon this (he and his body are both Significantly Older Than Me) but i don't think he's too bothered by an age gap. some people it makes sense to me to imagine that they'd really want to date within their age and maturity range, but i think xigbar's chill as long as the person he's dating is a self-posessed adult. considering how long he's been alive, he's gonna have a significant gap in experience with ANYBODY; there isn't that much of a difference between him dating a 25 year old vs a 45 or 85 year old.

he has told close romantic partners about his Whole Deal before. it has never gone well. ("what do you mean youve been moving into random people's bodies in order to stay alive long enough to bring back a guy who intentionally manipulated his students into killing all of their students via senseless war??") they never understand and he doesn't know why they don't understand (i also headcanon him having severe cognitive dissonance vis a vis the MoM but that's a different post). his instinct is to put up a wall and go "well theyre just naive and stupid and haven't seen what i've seen, theyre too sentimental to understand this". he still keeps trying (if with less frequency) because he is desperate for someone to understand.

*i want to make this crystal clear: i do not headcanon xigbar as being automatically turned on by receiving or causing pain in every context, because he is a boss in a video game franchise where he fights teenagers. i am not comfortable sexualizing those fights!

(i do however think there are contexts where he might indulge in some "battle sadomasochism" when fighting another adult—maybe he makes it weird for them on purpose to fuck with them, maybe they're both into it and it's all foreplay, etc)

related to: him being subservient

youd think that when i talked about him being subservient to others, i was building up to a headcanon about him being a sub. however it feels most correct [and fun] to me to imagine him being a dom-leaning switch vers (doesnt get dysphoria from bottoming because. prostate). social role and personal dynamics dont necessarily correspond to sexual dynamics!

the headcanon i was actually building up to was that he craves affirmation in specific ways from specific people. he is desperate for someone else to give him worth. he wants to do a good job serving an authority he deems worthy of respect. he wants to be useful, he wants to serve a purpose and have a role. he hates feeling like he needs something from someone else, and feels much more comfortable if they need something from him.

he doesn't have a praise kink in a traditional sense, but he does really get his rocks off from being Good At Sex and from his lovers clearly and obviously enjoying themselves. he doesn't wanna be told hes done a good job, he wants to know, to tell from experience that he's blown someone's mind.

furthermore, in romance, he becomes a massive simp. if he likes someone enough to fall for them then they hang the fucking moon for him. he is outside in the rain crying throwing up begging for a sniff. absolutely pathetic. its not a total transformation of personality, i think he'd really hide it and really want to hide it. but i think in most situations it'd be subtle but observable. every joke he makes is directed to them and checked against their reaction; he stands at a middle distance outside of conversation kinda watching them, observing every move, memorizing their gestures and tics and quirks. he feels i love you before the first date but won't say it until five years into the relationship.

related to: i couldnt put it in the other sections and i really only made these section headers so it wasnt just big walls of text oops

he's a low empathy emotionally constipated bitch at the best of times, so he substitutes emotional intimacy with physical intimacy. picking up people at bars or dances or what have you for one night stands, satisfying them thoroughly, and then immediately dropping out of their lives.

he actively avoids romance (and any emotional closeness, including the completely platonic kind). but he hasn't always been this way. i think Dark Road was the most recent in a long long string of experiences where he lost people he was close to. he's tired of hurting people and getting hurt.

. im not gonna get into it because im trying not to be like too too horny in this post but hes So fucking brat tamer coded to me. i think you will understand at least the surface level reasons for this. i guess if i wanted to relate it to Themes i'd say something like "there is a specific romantic and sexual fantasy in being an asshole and even hurting someone and them still wanting you and trusting you and loving you and even enjoying it" but. well we dont need to go there do we

these are just the Depressing / Character-Related / Themes-y headcanons. some of my headcanons are just like "i think this would be funny and/or in character and/or hot" but you see how long this list is anyway. if i started in on all of that then we'd be here forever.

also, these are just headcanons! they're informed by analysis but shaped heavily by what appeals to me personally, what i find hot, what i find compelling about his character. if your headcanons for him differ from mine in any way, i don't think you're Wrong, because we're talking about the sexuality of a guy who comes from a video game franchise where characters are barely allowed to hold hands. this is all just toys and playing

anyway thank you for reading this post lmao its so long

JUST LIKE HIS DIIIIIIIIIIII—

[problematicbyler]

my question with a lot of the takes that i’ve seen where they want to draw a line somewhere, whether that be at fantasizing or specificity or the takes being boring is like,, do they not read smut? ik some people don’t and that’s obviously fine like don’t read something if you don’t want to read it. but i feel like ive seen a lot of people say “stop having weird boring takes and actually write a fic instead of just fantasizing about it” and i think that’s such a strange take because something tells me not one of those people would be happier having more explicit fics saturate ao3. to me a lot of this feels like people are personally uncomfy with more nsfw content (which again is Obviously fine everyone has their own limits which should be respected and i don’t think anyone who just is saying nah it’s not for me and not making it a moral issue should be called puritans especially cuz sex can be a really sensitive topic for some people and i think those people generally understand the nuances a lot better than others who are throwing out allegations) and want their discomfort validated or maybe just want to understand it more themselves so they jump to one of these limitations. they don’t want to say they’re completely uncomfortable with sex because they’re probably not!! there’s just something that specifically seems to irk them about this situation and they want to publicize that in a way that makes them and anyone else who sees their take feel like they are objectively right and not being mean or against sex. i bet some of them have read smut (for other fandoms or even for byler) and maybe even enjoyed it but maybe felt icky or guilty and they want to justify that and not feel like they’re the weird ones or too sensitive or like kink shaming. i also bet some of them haven’t read any smut and don’t understand that it’s not all self insert (not that there’s anything wrong with that but tbh ive seen none of that on ao3 for byler and ive seen a lot of takes saying people want to have sec with teens and are making self insert fantasies about it when ive seen actually zero evidence of anyone doing that) and that it’s mostly using these characters who we love and project onto as vessels to explore different scenarios (emotional and physical) in a safe place that anyone who knows what they don’t like and knows how to read tags on ao3 won’t be negatively affected by.

(i also just want to say that the take that it’s boring and lazy content is so silly considering head cannons are literally the backbone of any fandom like we are all here to put them in situations we don’t already see them in in canon and “fantasize” about how they would react (except for people might use the word “think” or “speculate” when referring to non explicit head cannons) and also the fact that there’s a non explicit polls account that doesn’t get any flack for posting polls with the same level of frivolousness (not a bad thing, i like them too) and those are allowed to be just good old fun but once you add sex to the mix suddenly everyone only wants content that is serious and exclusively canon relevant)

yes!!!! being uncomfy with smut is fine!!!! but moralizing it and shaming people who do like smut is not fine!!!! all we are asking is for people to mind their own business and take control of curating their online experiences instead of taking it out on people for making content they don't like!!!

and yes!!! why are headcanons considered gross sexualized fantasies? like to me so much of sex is psychological so when i'm talking about kinks or who likes x thing more or what their sexual dynamic is like.... to me that's just another level of analysis and examining the character.

nothing further to add because i 100000000% agree to all of the above. thank you for the message!

[lutiaslayton]

So uh. Hi, I finally made a decision I probably should have made a long while ago thanks to talking a bit on Discord: for the sake of my sanity I will not be keeping up the weekly schedule after all 😔 Layton's Book Club updates WILL be posted exclusively on Saturdays at the decided time, instead of at any random time in the week, and I will likely make a few heads up when we're on a lucky week during which you'll get an update, but I will not force myself to make it happen every single week. Simply because at least right now, it is physically impossible for me to do so. (Chapter 1 Part 1 of Illusory Forest is going to be the end of me, and not just because I am still questioning if the author was under the influence of some Folsense gas while writing it.)

That being said, I believe this should actually be treated as good news, and not just good news for my personal health. Because, sure, the updates will not come out as often as I had originally planned to. But in the long run, I actually believe that since I no longer plan to force myself to only work on one thing (which has progressively been eating at my sanity on top of that because darn it this chapter is stupid and it just doesn't seem to END, + it'd be nice if I could finally get some content out that is my creation rather than somebody else's), it means that I will actually allow myself to post more diverse Layton stuff in the meantime.

Stuff like the Evan Barde post I made a few days ago, or other helpful-for-the-fandom stuff that isn't translation work, or… even maybe stuff like finally allowing myself to write SLS and draw random stuff again? Or even read other people’s fanfics and comics and AUs and stuff? (ok technically that last one would probably not lead to tumblr content but shush it means I would take time to look at YOUR content for a change)

The list of stuff I'd like to post in the future includes but is not limited to:

A tutorial on how I get my translation stuff done despite the fact that I do not actually speak Japanese. Best case scenario, this might even lead to some brave people among you to start helping me with this monumental task that is translating multiple novels and games from scratch while you're not even fluent in the language you're translating, and this would be a MASSIVE weight off my back. (spoiler alert: while I do use DeepL to check stuff and/or get inspiration, my work is NOT limited to simply copy/pasting sentences into it and then copy/pasting whatever it gives me back)

The Playthrough series! You had all forgotten about it, hadn't you? Yeah, me too.

Lore analysis stuff in general. I have a massive, absolutely insane project ongoing which is basically "Want to find some info about X? Just open that one (1) web page, enter a few tags such as a specific character's name or location, clich the Search button, and get a list of every single known fact which is related to all of your tags which is summarised down to the bare minimum fact, along with the exact source and quote directly taken from the source material."

Puzzle theory stuff. I've talked about it a lot, it'd be cool if I could finally get the stuff sorted and actually provide all the evidence supporting, refining or challenging it in one place. Above-mentioned lore analysis stuff should help with that.

More fancy shitpost such as the ones found in the #lutiasdraws tag. Let me join in on the fun pls it's good for my mental health to get some serotonin out of non-boring stuff. Heck, perhaps I might even do fanart/shitpost about some fanfics/AUs/others I find and enjoy.

That being said, I apologise to everyone who was hyped at the idea of Illusory Forest updating weekly, but I hope you'll still enjoy the stuff I'll be posting here. If not, blacklisting tags is a thing! I tag everything diligently so for example if you're tired of seeing me ramble about stuff (I do that a lot lately, sorry for that 😭), you can just block the #lutiastalks tag. Yes I finally decided to make #lutiasreplies exclusive to actually replying to asks or reblogs, and use #lutiastalks for random news stuff. yay to self-care and cleaning up my house, head, and tumblr blog.

[downthetubes]

“Round the Election Poll”, cartoon by LG Illingworth, for Punch, 1945.

Post World War Two, the first British election in ten years was set for 5th July 1945, but the results were delayed until the 26th, to allow counting overseas ballots, largely from service personnel. Illingworth represented the contending sides as maypole dancers, all running in different directions.

Easly recognisable are Winston Churchill, Clement Attlee, Anthony Eden, Lord Beaverbrook (owner of the Daily Express, whose headline warning that a Labour victory would amount to the 'Gestapo in Britain', adapted from a passage in a radio election speech by Churchill on 4th June proved a huge mistake and completely misjudged the public mood), Ernest Bevin, Herbert Morrison and Aneurin "Nye" Bevan.

The 1945 United Kingdom general election, called by then Prime Minister Winston Churchill, took place on 5th July 1945. The governing Conservative Party sought to maintain their position within parliament, but faced challenges from public opinion about the future of the United Kingdom in the post-war period. Churchill lost the election to the Labour Party in a landslide, making Clement Attlee the new Prime Minister.

Leslie Gilbert Illingworth (2 September 1902 – 20 December 1979) was a Welsh political cartoonist best known for his work for the Daily Mail and as chief cartoonist for Punch. His first work was published in the satirical magazine Punch in 1927.

The University of Kent - British Cartoon: Archive notes Illingworth also produced work for the Ministry of Defence, and on Bernard Partridge’s death in 1945 he replaced him as Second Cartoonist on Punch, working alongside Ernest Shepard. In 1949 Illingworth became Cartoonist on Punch, alternating with Norman Mansbridge. In 1948 Illingworth became a member of the Punch Table, but considered himself uneducated, and was very shy at the weekly lunches, where the subject of the cartoon was decided. When Malcom Muggeridge was editor of Punch from 1953 to 1957, Illingworth would sit at the Punch table between him and John Betjeman. “They were very kind to me”, he recalled: “I was conscious that I was a monumental bore, so I used to concentrate on the claret and keep as quiet as a cabbage.”

Further Reading:

• “Churchill in Punch” by Gary L. Stiles, published by Unicorn in 2022 (AmazonUK Affiliate Link)

Punch featured Winston Churchill in more than 600 cartoons between 1899 to 1988. Some were laudatory, some were critical, and others, like the man himself, usually humorous.

Churchill in Punch catalogues all the cartoons and provides a context of the events and people being satirised and places them in historical perspective.

Early on, Punch often made Churchill into a caricature of himself, promoting exaggerated images of his physical characteristics such as his forward leaning gait, his prominent jutting jaw, his cigar, and his hands on hips when speaking. His hobbies were frequently caricatured such as his love of polo, painting, writing skills and brick-laying.

Publisher Unicorn describes this book as “not just for fans of Churchill, but for anyone interested in history, British life over the past 120 years, media and their response to government and politicians, cartoon aficionados and general society. It is an easy and fun read for the casual reader but also the academic who wants more depth through the appendices and an analysis of major world events through the eye of Punch.”

• University of Kent - British Cartoon: Archive Leslie Gilbert Illingworth Archive

[vldkeith]

Ren, why is the blade so bad?

ok. ok. im in the headspace now. here we go

why the blade was bad as a mechanism for character growth and plot momentum: an analysis by ren vldkeith

allow me to remind you of keith's character in voltron: legendary defenders. we are first introduced to him through the words of other characters, lance and commander iverson. iverson heralds him as a larger-than-life, ridiculously talented pilot with an antisocial streak and authority issues. this tracks with keith's official introduction, wherein he is attempting to break into garrison property, alone, to save shiro, his only personal connection. then we have lance, who characterizes keith as his rival; given what iverson said, however, we know this to be false, and thus lance's opinion on keith says more about himself than about who he is describing. both of these keith-related pieces of dialogue, together, serve one purpose: to establish keith as a talented loner. he's an ace pilot, a hermit, a military maverick, and a never be hurt again archetype. okay? okay.

the character arc keith began by joining voltron as part of a team was overcoming his chronic lone-wolfism and learning to trust, love, and have fun with others again. he's already "the best pilot of his generation"; any skills he has to learn on that front are in the vein of learning to harness his talent in a way that can be helpful to others and not just service his own impulse, strict standards of value, morality, and relationships. he needs to learn to rely on and trust others--this is clearly what the first seasons of voltron were working toward, and even if they hadn't been, i would argue that they should have been, because any other character arc keith takes would not make sense (hint, hint).

so! with that established, enter the blade of marmora, a rebel military organization that comes into the story in season 3, just as keith is getting "used" to piloting the black lion instead of the red lion as the Leader of Voltron. based on various character beats & dialogue from keith, we know he wanted to join the bom to further understand his galra side and, specifically, the knife his mother gave to him. the knife's power only accepts him after he says the line, "it doesn't matter where i come from. i know who i am." the knife accepting keith means that the bom does as well. the fact that keith is able to join the blade of marmora specifically after realizing that he doesn't need them to have a sense of self is, in itself, pretty boring and shoddy writing; it makes sense in a kind of platonian "only those who do not seek power are qualified to hold it" way, but it's a fairly surface-level take on the concept anyway. but for our purposes right now, we can accept it as valid.

so, keith fucks off and joins the blade after just a single season dedicated to developing his teamwork and leadership skills, half of which he spends failing in his new role by leading the team into battles they aren't ready for, not caring about communication between members, and overall just showing he's still struggling with being a team player just as much as he ever was. only near the end of the season does he begin to turn this around, but that development is cut short by him joining the blade.

now, following the line of thinking that keith's character are was meant to/could/should be "learning to connect and work with other people using his talents," what could him leaving the team, his friends, and his family to join an organization that explicitly values results over lives and the greater good over the individual contribute to this arc? it seems to be the exact opposite of the lessons the narrative was pushing keith to learn--he's not part of a team anymore, but goes on solo missions. he's not valued as a living person, but just on the basis of the skills he can offer to the org. if the seminal revelation keith has in season 3 is that it doesn't matter where he comes from, why did they put him with a group that is his connection point to his mother--aka, literally where he came from? i don't want to get too freudian about this, but it's off.

my assumption, then, would be that putting a character like keith into a situation like this would serve to sharpen the pitfalls in his former way of going about life, to further drive home that opening himself up to friendship and teamwork is good by giving him a taste of his old ways, by saying, "look, this is where rejecting people and recklessly using your talents will leave you--a place where you are not valued as a person, where nobody cares whether you live or die except for how it will affect their far-reaching goals. is this what you wanted? is this what you still want? are you sure?" it's the ghost of christmas future, showing him where he'll end up if he keeps shirking responsibility (learning to lead the team or even just work with them) and closing himself off to interpersonal relationships. the only way keith joining the bom at the time he did would make sense to me narratively would be is if it functioned as a warning.

that's not what happens, though. keith joins the blade, has a few scuffles with authority that he gets over without much mess, returns to team voltron a few times as a guest star to prove what lessons the blade is teaching him about leadership and teamwork (presumably off-screen, since we only ever see keith alone, disobeying authority, or directly subscribing to the blade's ideals a la that one moment where we are meant to think he went back to save someone because he cares about life but it was instead because they had practical importance to the blade's mission lol), goes back to the blade, and finally sets himself back up with voltron full-time to end out the show. at this point, he's a full-fledged leader character, not unlike shiro before him. his character arc has been completed; he gets screentime, sure, but it's mostly to show how much of a rogue action hero he is, a transformation that feels at best unearned based on the text of the show, and at worst out of character to his former maverick personality. keith becoming leader of the blade at the end of the show is the culmination of these disparate elements.

as media critics, we now must ask ourselves: what was it that keith wanted, and how does that compare with what he needed? wants vs needs is something you learn in media studies 101 (trust me, ive literally taken the class), and it describes the difference between superficial character growth and actual, meaningful character growth. my answer to this question is thus:

keith wanted to know who he was and understand his own story. keith wanted to do what he thought was right for the future of the universe and lead on his terms. keith wanted to live a solitary life so he wouldn't get hurt by losing people again.

keith needed to understand that his genetics and past trauma do not inherently determine who he is--he can make that decision. keith needed to learn that other peoples' opinions matter and have value, and may even be better than his. keith needed to let others in for the sake of his happiness.

it is my argument, therefore, that the blade of marmora and bom leader keith gave keith everything he wanted, but nothing he needed. it was a shallow decision made to ensure keith would retain his protagonist power once the showrunners decided, at different intervals, that shiro was 1) boring; 2) traumatized/dead; or 3) gay. keith got the shiro role because the showrunners were sick of shiro's character, and this came at the expense of keith's entire character arc, shiro's complexity, and the found-family plotline of voltron as a whole. it's bad writing, it's a nonsensical end to the character, and finally it's just fucking weird that the organization fighting against the galra still upheld its freakish racial purity standards and aesthetics. also keith leading a group of women is antifeminist too idk.

happy fuck the blade day.

[kiisaes]

Hey! So I read your post about my hero academia, the one where you talked about having a weird fatherly connections towards it and I wanted to ask you about what aspects you don’t like about the series? I share a lot of your sentiments but I do think it’s probably more than mid series? A lot of the details and writing I like and I think is considerable better than other shounen mangas. Anyways sorry for rambling. I just wanted to know what aspects you liked on the series and the ones you didn’t like.

Also complete side note: I absolutely love you’re art it’s so beautiful you’re and really skilled drawer!

sure! and thank u anon!

i want to preface this by saying that everything here is my opinion. media analysis is inherently subjective and something i think is bad might be something you think is good. considering how mha is not a shounen that's universally applauded for any or all of its writing choices, it's expected that you and i may perceive this content differently. doesn't mean i'm right and you're wrong and vice versa, it's just a different individual take on the source content.

also, even though i think mha is "mid to mid-good" (as quoted from my textpost) i don't use "mid" as either an insult or in a "it's so average it's bad" way. i know that word has been fucked over bc ppl automatically assume that something being mid means something is bad or bland or boring. it's a middle of the road series with a good share of flaws and strengths, and it doesn't particularly stand out as anything incredibly amazing or awful. just an average to decently good story, and its level of quality fluctuates throughout its run.

at the end of the day, i do like mha. despite what i think of it, it's a series i hold close to my heart and one i can enjoy even without a critical eye. if i didn't, i wouldn't have been making content for it for 2, almost 3 consistent years.

anyway, stuff i like + stuff i don't like under the cut: (warning: VERY LONG)

mha stuff i do like:

deku. he is my little boy

for the most part, horikoshi's character writing is one of his strongest abilities. characters like bakugou, shigaraki, and dabi (and honestly the todoroki family as a unit) are some of the most compelling characters in a story like this. they're allowed to be complex, dynamic and a blend of virtuous and damning traits. they match the overall themes of mha, which is that the sheer concept of "good vs evil" is surface level at best, and that placing people into strict boxes blocks them from everything else that they are. basically a complete "fuck you" to viewers who must condemn a morally grey hero/villain, for example. even less morally grey characters like ochako (imo) are still fun twists and explorations on their given character stereotypes. however i'm obligated to say "for the most part" because hori's superb character writing only matters when he gives those characters time to breathe and actually exist. i'll get into this more later

horikoshi's art is fantastic and undoubtedly his greatest attribute as a mangaka. i firmly believe that, as far as shounen art goes, there aren't any that can rival mha that are also at its global reach. there's never a single moment where i read a chapter and go "wow that art wasn't incredible" because that's not possible. he utilizes his art knowledge so effortlessly and brings out so much in every panel he makes. the manga art never feels dull. i'm so insanely jealous and in awe of him. i guess i could be biased when making this point but i find it hard to genuinely hate his art. it's so polished every time

this is a smaller point that adds to the last one but i do appreciate how he draws women. not when he's using them for uncomfortable gags, but just in general. there's like, actual meat on their bones. they have realistic body proportions (for his style). many of the women are "chubbier" than other shounen women, and a good amount of them are buff as FUCK. it feels like hori puts the same amount of effort into drawing his female characters as he does his male characters, even if he might not dignify that writing-wise

as a fellow comic artist, i absolutely love his understanding of comic language. it's small details like his onomatopoeia reminiscent of western superhero comics that really tie the presentation together. each panel is full of life, with characters and backgrounds working together in the most effective ways. i can't remember what tumblr textpost brought this up, but he also loves playing around with panel borders. he spices them up by using different subjects or objects to split up panels. and this was more of a strength earlier in the series imo, but his pacing was also pretty quick and resourceful. it shows to me that he truly loves creating manga and knows when it's the right time to visually deviate from the norm. again, i'm truly envious of how he can do this. i only hope to reach his level someday ...

this is definitely a biased point, but some of the series' arcs/storylines are some of my favorite ones in fiction. these include the tournament arc, the kamino rescue arc, the overhaul arc, twice's death, and anything relating to the todoroki family. obviously i'm only listing a handful of examples here because i think nearly every arc has its good moments that i can comment on. but when i think of good mha storylines, i think of these first

i also think that mha as a whole is a fun series that knows how to laugh at itself. there's nothing more awkward than a story that takes itself way too seriously, but the content itself is poorly written or not interesting. thankfully, horikoshi doesn't really fall into this issue

there are canon lgbt characters in this series. even if that's kind of a low bar atp (considering how only 1 out of the 3 play a consistently important role), a win is a win is a win. especially in mainstream shounen, beggars can't exactly be choosers.

mha is a story about systemic societal injustice, which is a lofty concept to tackle. thankfully the story is about powers being the norm so the whole "i'm born better than you because i have abilities" is less of a status quo rejection and more of a status quo enabler. as a story concept, it's a good basis, doesn't seem too hard to comprehend, and opens the door for nuanced storytelling and discussion. i think hori does this well at the start of the series. but as the story goes on... uhhh. i'll talk about it.

mha stuff i don't like:

man do these women have basically nothing interesting to do. i complimented how they're drawn earlier, but with the exception of a few notable ones, a lot of their characters pale in comparison to the men. it's even sadder considering that the amount of women in mha is significantly lesser than, so 5 important female characters is like, 1/4 of the female cast. 5 important male characters is like, 1/12 of the male cast. idk i didn't count the amount of characters in this series but it sincerely feels this way, especially if you remember that there are definitely more than 5 important male characters at any moment throughout this series. and when female characters do have their time to shine, there's a 50/50 chance that they die, get gravely injured, or lose limbs. which normally isn't an issue in a battle shounen like mha, but out of the important character deaths in this series, a fair amount of them are women. midnight, magne, and star and stripe have pretty anticlimactic deaths too, to add insult to injury. lady nagant talked her shit then exploded. she's still alive but like ... what? did these characters have to be treated this way? i can't really think of any important male characters who get introduced then axed from the story like this, except for maybe stain (though he's a far more important character narratively). the reason why i bring up this really lengthy point is not because i think horikoshi is actively misogynistic. i just think he falls into the trap that many shounen mangakas face, which is that male characters are more interesting to a male dominated audience. hence, female characters usually get thrown to the side. there are some important women in mha that stand toe to toe with male characters, like toga and ochako, and there are definitely certified girlbosses like mirko and yaoyorozu. but god do i wish i could add more women to this list without having to think really really hard.

and to add onto the previous, shallow, unimportant characters only gain backstories when the narrative demands for it. horikoshi used to write characters revealing their intentions and history in relatively natural ways, like with ochako and her goal to become a hero for money. it kind of came out of nowhere, but it's a valid conversation a teenager would have with other teenagers. in context, it was revealed normally. i'm not sure when these reveals turned forced, but i remember seeing kirishima's backstory and being like "well .. would this have ever been told to us if kirishima wasn't a main character in this arc?" this isn't against kirishima's character; i love the guy and i think his history was short but contextualized his personality really well. but with the recent shoji backstory reveal i could only think, "wow. horikoshi must be really glad he made a mutant character to project this theme onto, huh." it didn't feel like shoji was ever meant to have a backstory — not to mention a very depressing one — but he got one this late in the series run because it was convenient for the plot. perhaps i'm a cynic and this isn't an issue for others, idk. that being said, i think characters like shoji and even star and stripe and lady nagant could have benefited from more natural character developments, maybe with more time given so it doesn't feel like a weirdly convenient reveal.

i just really fucking wish mineta would die already. like get kicked into the sun or blown up with TNT or run over by a car or something. he's less of an openly creepy loser than he was in the beginning of the series, but i'm sure that's because he literally doesn't have the luxury to be creepy at the moment. he's one of the least appealing gag characters that never grows and changes as a person. and he got a backstory before kaminari. can you fucking believe this shit? why does horikoshi keep entertaining this bullshittery— oh yeah. i just remembered that the girls were perved on quite a bit in this series, which wasn't funny and moreso uncomfortable for a lot of readers. like, i know it's shounen, it's animanga, fanservice is kind of the unfortunate norm. but by god, do we need a series poster child for pervy, male-gaze behavior?

i commented earlier about mha's themes and that i think, at least at the start, hori had a good grasp of what he was writing. framing society's systemic flaws and failures in a wacky superheroes vs villains story is not only clever, but makes this actually serious topic accessible to those who might think social-cultural politics are too intimidating. he sets this up starting from deku and bakugou (oppressed and privileged), then adds onto it with stain (heroes who retain the status quo by seeking money and status are not true heroes, because they don't help those in need). shigaraki is thrown into the mix along the way (society fucks over the underprivileged, even those who want to do good, which breeds more villains and in the real world, more criminals) and his little league of villains all have their own stories (spinner: those who don't look like the masses are cast aside, harassed and villainized; dabi: if you don't live up to cruel expectations established by society and parroted by those in your life, you might as well be worthless; toga: any unconventional worldviews and actions are deemed scary and evil; magne: trying to conform to a rigid society as a queer person is fucking hard, man). there's also endeavor (even though you're in a position of power and respect, it doesn't automatically make you a good person). these are all GREAT, and are super compelling set-ups for mha's overall themes: that society should change somewhat, villains are a product of this flawed system, there aren't fully good people nor fully bad people, rehabilitation/growth is good, and true heroes aren't identified by title, but by actions.

these themes are quite apparent throughout mha's entire run. but i feel like the further it goes, the less horikoshi knows how to verbalize them. the latest mini arc dealt with spinner vs shoji in a strangely awkward clash of ideals. spinner is seen as a martyr who really just wants mutants to be accepted into society, and his status rallies up those who have also been hurt. shoji retaliates by... telling them to stop? by saying this isn't the right way? because he was fortunate enough to be in this position, he suddenly has the authority to tell those like him to find a better way to get their voices heard? what, should they all just become heroes? haven't we established that the society they all belong in is fucked up, and that drastic change must be made? i understand what horikoshi is trying to say but it's... off. like the point is there, but the execution is clumsy. shoji even says something like spinner's revolution setting them back 30 years, which is so fucking bizarre to say, and would certainly raise eyebrows in the real world. it sounds like villains can express their grievances with society but they can't dare revolutionize. otherwise, they'll be silenced/ignored again. it's the whole "violence breeds more violence" belief, but there's more to that that should be explored. man, i dunno.

i'm harping on this one story instance but recent mha is riddled with well-meaning but clumsy storytelling like this. and since the narrative relies on these complex, nuanced themes, it's jarring when the nuance falls through. if mha is about breaking harmful norms, why do they still dictate the execution? hori did it so right with deku and bakugou, their relationship being a definite high in the series. but i truly don't how he'll treat the villains at the end of this arc

ok tumblr's telling me to shut up anyway these are my thoughts. again, even though i've rambled so much about my dislikes, i think mha is still a fun and enjoyable series. it misses the point sometimes, but it doesn't detract from its successes. either way my opinions should not rule over how you consume the series. it's always important to form your own opinions!!!

[gryhmz]

They Were Always Allowed: A Personal Theory of TV Girl’s Hit "Not Allowed"

Hello internet, it's grim.

I just wanted to quickly thank everyone that went a read my last long post! My last post is probably the most popular piece of literary and analytical content that I have ever written, so I am happy that my writing is being seen by those in the community. As I start to write more over this year, I want a place to share my content beyond Tumblr, so if you're interested, I have opened up an Instagram account focused on advertising my blog here.

For this post, I plan to talk about another major interest of mine: Music and lyrical analysis. It's not something that I am totally great at yet, so please bare with me. Thank you.

Who Really Cares: The Inescapable Album of 2023

One of my favorite hobbies over the past few years has been rating albums and songs that I come across. It was something that I had picked up on when I was in 8th grade, and it helped me handle my emotions and stresses during a time of abuse. Now, as a college student, I rate albums as a past time, and I have come to enjoy it. In fact, a few of my college essays have revolved around music artists and the impact their music had on the world and myself.

Here are a few of the albums that I have rated over the past 5-6 months on AOTY.

Now for most albums, the rating process is fairly boring. I go through an album, pick out what songs I enjoyed and hated, and give my rating. Nothing out of the ordinary. But every once in a while, an album comes around that, for whatever reason, people on the internet flip the hell out over (regardless of whether the album is "good" or "bad").

90% of the time, I tend to wipe these albums off my list of albums to rate, typically because these albums tend to be overrated in some way, shape, or form. But in 2023, I could simply not get away from TV Girl's 2016 album, Who Really Cares. Despite the album turning 8 years old as of this year, I have still seen this album appear numerous times on YouTube shorts, Instagram stories, Instagram Reels, Twitter memes, and Spotify playlists. In fact, the reason why I even know of TV Girl is due to the fact that an ex of mine dedicated their hit song "Not Allowed" to me after our breakup. So I gave the album a 78/100 and moved on with my life (and my AOTY rating can be found here).

Fun fact: The source image for Who Really Cares originates from George M. Hester's The Classic Nude (Reddit). Arguably one of my favorite album covers of all time.

Most of the songs on the album aren't bad, and the unique sampling is extremely entrancing, but the album sounds the same throughout, with most songs lacking individual uniqueness. There were many instances in which I would attempt to write a short take on individual songs just to realize that I would be pointing out the exact same lyrics between two songs. For instance, "Not Allowed" and "For You" both use the "never intend to do what you say at all" line, which I found funny. While this could've been TV Girl using the line as a thematic or symbolic purpose throughout their album, it just felt lazy, especially since this doesn't occur in other albums that they've produced. Albums such as Summer's Over and Lonely Women were much better in terms of order, structure, and thematic principles than Who Really Cares, and neither of them have the repetition issue either.

"Not Allowed" and Misogyny : The Anthem of "Male Manipulators"

After rating and criticizing Who Really Cares back in mid-December, I didn't think too much else about it. Most of the traction around TV Girl started to die down, I started hearing their Tiktok-styled songs less, and many people started to drop the album as social media algorithms led the masses to other albums. Personally, I just liked a couple of songs and downloaded the album cover, and moved on.

A few weeks go by since I listened to the album and I decide that I want to change my profile picture on Steam. Not thinking anything of it, I changed my profile picture from Fleetwood Mac's Then Play On to a close-up of the man on the cover for Who Really Cares. Nothing too crazy, but this does go somewhere.

I hop into a good ol' game of CS2 with a few of my friends. We rage and get our asses kicked as per usual, but we eventually get paired up with another team that is more on our playing level. At the beginning of the game, everything was going well. Both teams were at about 3 or 4 points, so there was a chance of us winning. However, during the middle of the game, one of the teammates on the other team makes a comment about my profile picture being TV Girl, and claims that I was a listener of "male manipulator music." What?

I was so confused by what their teammate was talking about. What the hell is a "male manipulator?" Is it a man that manipulates people? Who is he manipulating? What does he get out of manipulating the subject in question? Or is it a woman that manipulates naive men? What does she get out of it? These questions wrapped around my brain that I had to team kill like three of my teammates to get off of CS2 to go do some research about this term.

Now from what I researched, there does not seem to be an official definition for the term "Male manipulator music." So I did what every other being on the internet does: I looked it up on Urban Dictionary.

Worst discovery ever. I listen to The Smiths, Deftones, and TV Girl so this is like my own personal 9/11.

In short, "male manipulator music" is a subgenre of artists and bands that have a fanbase of men that tend to manipulate women. Their unique yet depressing taste in music is sometimes used to reel in emotionally damaged and/or naive women into harmful relationship dynamics, hurting both the artist and their fanbase. It would be fair to argue that these men are almost like parasites to fanbases rather than part of a fanbase.

But this led me down a much larger rabbit hole regarding TV Girl that I had no run into back in December. Why is TV Girl thrown into this category of "male manipulator music?" So I went digging, and boy did I find some stuff:

(btw all the images are linked to my sources if you are interested in reading further)

Let's just say there are accusations galore about TV Girl and being misogynistic. From the lyric writing to the sampling sources, numerous cases and analyses have been written on TV Girl being misogynistic. Now, most of these are regarding different songs from TV Girl, so most of these might not apply to "Not Allowed," but then I kept running into more posts claiming that the entire point of TV Girl was to simply be misogynistic. That their aesthetic, mindset, and point of view was meant to put down women in a negative light as if men are superior, non-flawed beings. And the more I dug, the larger the accusations became.

Pack it up boys, we aren't allowed to listen to TV Girl anymore...

I was completely shocked. A song that I had picked up from an ex that helped me get through a rough spot in my life was now the target of a much larger campaign of women online claiming such music was meant to put them down? I wouldn't even care too much about the whole phenomenon, but it gets brought ALL THE TIME. And TV Girl has been making music for over 10 years.

With this rabbit hole successfully uncovered, I decided to write down the overall points that many critics point out regarding TV Girl's music.

TV Girl is misogynistic because:

Lyrics describe women in a humiliating and/or degrading manner

Songs are associated with or attract the previously mentioned "male manipulators"

TV Girl sympathizes with the male psyche post-heartbreak

Now that I had a list of reasons why people argue that TV Girl's discography is misogynistic, I am going to try my best to not only debunk these, but give my own personal interpretation of "Not Allowed," which I believe has been heavily misinterpreted and improperly characterized as an anthem for possessive, manipulative men.

Whack-A-Theory and Debunking Misogyny Claims

But before we can talk about the reasons why TV Girl's "Not Allowed" is misogynistic, we must first figure out just what "Not Allowed" is about.

According to the general consensus (aka the Internet), "Not Allowed" is a song about:

The feelings of a man who is rejected by a woman who is in love with someone else.

A man who fears to speak his thoughts on a love interest due to a fear of being socially criticized for speaking about sex.

Slut-shaming a woman who has rejected the singer.

Now, these are all very different theories, and even though they might sound similar since they revolve around a relationship dynamic filled with blurred lines, the implications of these theories vastly differ.

If any of these were MOST LIKELY to be true, it would be theory one. Let me explain:

First of all, "Not Allowed" DOES talk about sex. I'm not entirely sure why the second theory is thrown around so often in the TV Girl community, but it simply does not make any sense regarding the song. Furthermore, any basic research into the intro sample of "Not Allowed" would lead you to the feminist rap group Yeastie Girlz, which were known for their raunchy yet pro-women stance on sexual openness. In fact, the "song" that the sample is from is called "You Suck," which is a recording of the Yeastie Girlz talking about female oral sex in their album titled, Ovary Action:

For TV Girl to use such a raunchy sample in a song that is NOT supposed to talk about sex seems a bit ironic. While it could be argued that these underlying variables are meant to poke fun at the stigma of sexual talk, it wouldn't make sense for TV Girl to use those same elements as a way to insult the girl's partner either.

Take for example:

"But now he's playing with your head But did he ever make you cum?" Personally it doesn't make sense to me why TV Girl would take a jab at the sex stigma by using sexual acts to describe his bitter attitude. Furthermore, TV Girl pokes at the girl's sexual partner (or partners), singing:

"But how quickly they [the sonnets] turn sour So be careful who you screw."

Again, TV Girl's excessive use of raunchy samples and the jabs that the singer takes at sex itself doesn't add up to this theory. No one here is benefits from the negative usage of sex in the song, making this theory seem false.

While the second theory seems like complete bogus, the third theory could hold some weight. However, I think that there is more to this theory than what is presented online. While I will argue that the singer is shaming sexual actions within the song, I would say that the singer is taking more jabs at himself and the girl's current partner rather than the girl herself. Going back to the "messing with your head" lyric, TV Girl doesn't seem to take a jab at the girl having sexual intercourse with her current partner, but they seem to take a jab at the partner and how bad they might be doing at satisfying the girl's sexual needs. While one could argue that a jab at the girl's partner throws her in as collateral, the singer makes it very clear that his feelings towards himself are not great either, stating:

"I guess it's different 'cause you love him But I've got an interactive Sick and twisted imagination And that's gotta count for something" While the singer does not degrade himself to the same level that the girl's partner is subjected to, it is important to note that the girl is the one person in this entire song that is degraded THE LEAST. Not only does this disprove theory three, but it also disproves theories one and three of why "Not Allowed" is misogynistic. If "Not Allowed" was meant to take jabs at women, it would focus way more on the girl's actions rather than the singer and the girl's partner. Furthermore, the second theory on why TV Girl is misogynistic is just a lazy attempt to play the guilty by association fallacy. The only reason I would defend this argument was if "Not Allowed" was truly ripping on the girl the entire time throughout this song, which does not happen. Also, why would TV Girl use Yeastie Girlz as a sample if they wanted to push an anti-woman anthem? None of the reasons posted on TikTok make sense, and the fact that people pushed these theories regarding TV Girl's "Not Allowed" seems silly and lazy.

We Were Once Allowed, But TikTok Thinks We're Strangers

Now we are down to just one theory. I purposely held off the first theory because my theory and the first theory are pretty similar. While I do believe that the song revolves around the feelings of a man who is rejected by a woman who is in love with someone else, I believe we are hearing the perspective of a jealous ex rather than a stranger.

Let me explain:

When I first heard this song, it was after I had broken up with my ex. I'll spare you the details, but I've always seen this song as an ex that felt like he was pushed out of the way for another guy that was waiting for the girl to leave.

"Now you suck We wanna talk about sex but we're not allowed Well, you may not like it but you better learn how 'cause it's your turn now You're wasting your tongue with lame excuses and lies" This part is the singer talking about the girl, saying that she sucks. He goes onto say that they wanna talk about the sexual aspects of their relationship but they are no longer allowed to. I would argue that the singer is making the assumption that his ex is truly not over him and just hopped into a relationship for a rebound. The singer says it's the girl's turn now to hear what he has to say and that she should shut up and listen to what's in store. It could be implied that she has also gone around and spread a false narrative against the singer.

"So how should I begin this? I guess it started when you were with him. And how he never even took you out to dance But did he fuck with any rhythm?" Here we see that the singer is collecting his thoughts on when he was first made uncomfortable with the girl's new partner. He explains that the girl's partner never took her out to dance, implying that he might've during their relationship. The "fuck with any rhythm" could be taken as either him liking any music or rhythmic sexual intercourse. "But now he's playing with your head But did he ever make you cum? Did he ever make you cry?"

Moving on from the dance, the singer now leaves us with a dilemma. He claims that the girl's partner is playing with her head, which can be seen as the singer altering the truth to make the girl seem dumb, or he realizes that the girl is being taken advantage of for her partner's own sexual gratification. Personally, I'm choosing the latter. The singer then asks if her partner makes her cum or cry. Since this is in the past tense, it could be argued that this fling soon dies out or this is the current partner asking if the singer ever made the girl cum or cry, and the singer is just repeating the thoughts of the current partner.

"Do the wires in your mind get sewn together Rubbed and severed by the heat You don't know how long I could stare into your picture And wish that it was me" The singer now asks if there is a personal bond built between the girl and her partner. Based on the previous assumptions, we could argue "Yes" or "No." I would argue "yes" because the next line shows that the girl has taken pictures with the other person in question, making the singer wish that it was him. Again, this could also be seen as him feeling as if he is incapable of controlling ex or he's just jealous that she's with someone else after all that she's supposedly done.

"I guess it's different 'cause you love him But I've got an interactive Sick and twisted imagination And that's gotta count for something" Based on this, I feel like the ex might've complained about the singer's sexual habits. It might be implied here that the ex was disgusted by the singer's sexual interest towards her, but now it's different because it's someone else. The singer then gives himself the positive, claiming that his graphic imagination must be worth something.

Skipping the chorus becuase it's the same as the intro and I don't feel like repeating myself

"I dreamt I was standing in your doorstep Licking sweat off of your forehead With your finger in my mouth And the sound when leather jackets hit the ground" This could be the singer reminiscing on a past scenario in which he and the girl in question are being sensual. Nothing more to analyze. "You should hear when you're not around When it's just us horny poets Who can't wait to write it down And swear we were only being honest." I believe this excerpt is the singer rubbing the past into the face of the girl's partner. Almost like a "yeah we used to have sex too y'know" moment. It could also be the singer implying that him and his ex have made small talk since they've broken up, attempting to come to closure. Nonetheless, it's clear that this was aimed at the girl's partner rather than the girl.

"Do you like these little sonnets 'Cause I wrote them just for you But how quickly they turn sour So be careful who you screw And never call. And I'm starting to suspect You don't intend to do anything you say at all."

After taking his shot at the girl's partner, the singer seems to take aim at the girl. This time, he's offering a set of sonnets he's written about her, but they all have a bad ending. He claims that the sonnets are written this way because she had sex with him and then (possibly) ghosted him afterwards. He then finishes up the excerpt by assuming that his ex was a liar. This could be seen as the singer uncovering an abusive relationship between him and his ex.

"All by yourself, sittin' alone I hope we're still friends, yeah, I hope you don't mind." This is the part that led me to making this entire post. How could the singer and the girl "still be friends" if there was nothing else to begin with? You can't be friends with someone you never knew. This stupid verse led me to travel down a whole rabbit hole and a half just to give my own interpretation of the song, and I have no regrets. The singer is simply mocking the girl breaking up with the singer, claiming that they could still be friends and that she hope he doesn't mind, which is a common tactic that abusers might use after a relationship to hold some sort of control over their victim. This could be seen as an innocent ending to a falling out, or the ex looking for an avenue to hold onto the singer while he struggles with his own thoughts.

Conclusion

Regardless of whatever theory I or anyone on the internet come up with, I believe this song acts as a great litmus test as one's attitudes towards relationships. When I was scrolling through theories and the misogyny rabbit hole, I noticed that many people who wrote about "Not Allowed" focused on inputting their own experiences into the song, writing their theory as if the song was about their relationship. I would even argue that I did the same, and that's completely okay. I made this with the intent of simply debunking what has already been said about the song. While I think that anyone can have an opinion on what this song is supposed to represent, I didn't think any theory prior to mine was "the" meaning (as in what people should take the song as at face value). To put simply, I do not think that this song was about a male manipulator waiting to prey on his next victim, but the girl in question doesn't love him. If it was, then it wouldn't fit into Who Really Cares at all, for the album is about Brad's (the lead singer) troubled relationships with women. I think that's what people ran to because a majority of TV Girl's fanbase is women who have had shitty relationships, regardless of whether it was their fault or not. This has then led to TV Girl's reputation being about male manipulators because all the women in their fanbase simultaneously fear abusive men (and rightfully so). TV Girl simply reinforces that it could be either side's fault depending on how you look at both sides' cruel and immature behavior towards the fallout. I also found inspiration for this song analysis from NEOPUNK (it's a good listen check it out):

If you've read through the entirety of this damn blog post without knowing about the song I've been rambling about, give it a listen. It's pretty good:

And with that, I'm tired. Good night. ~grimaider.

[breitweisergallery]

okay so i saw that you're not really into gahan and i just want to know why bcs im really curious. you've written some of THE greatest gahan fics & to think that comes from a place that's not too into them has me a bit amazed.

The short answer is that I'm a rarepair lover at heart and I have been since my early fandom days.

The long answer is that I have a soft spot for dynamics that aren't often explored. With TDJ, Yohan/Gaon is the short answer and the easiest answer because it is canon, and to me, there's only so many times a canonical dynamic can be explored without a change being added to it to make it interesting. You'll probably notice most of my fics are some form of AU, and that's because canonical takes on Gaon/Yohan just... got boring to me.

The dynamics that aren't explored that often - Yohan/K, Yohan/Sunah, Yohan/Jinjoo, Yohan/Isaac, Jinjoo/Gaon, Soohyun/Gaon, Jinjoo/Sunah - those are so so much more interesting to me because there's so much less on them and it makes it such a ripe pick for fun character analysis and writing.

I also just... don't like Gaon as a character all that much. Part of it is that he is the audience insert and we're learning things alongside him in the show and that just gets dull for me. After a while, I want to see takes where Gaon knows more than Yohan (the recurring death of innocents and stillness) or where Gaon is approaching the learning from a very different angle (envious of the musical sounds of my name from your tongue, whispered in the folds of being), and then you get the AUs where Yohan is still an enigma but Gaon is learning from different places (owed grief and promised IOUs and voices stolen and people borrowed).

If you pay attention to which fics I actually still talk about and work on, they're generally the ones that have a very different Gaon (as I'm rewriting imagining the integration of our images and working on the sequel to envious that focuses very heavily on Gaon, his idol group, and the idol groups he ropes into being his own team rather than on Yohan).

And lastly? Fandom is a community and social based thing for me, and when you look at the stats for Yohan/Gaon fics versus any other ship, they're vastly different. I'm lucky if I get a comment or two on a Jinjoo/Yohan fic, versus 5 or 6 minimum on a Yohan/Gaon fic. And it makes it hard to write when there's no form of social interaction with it. I've got a degree in creative writing, I write professionally, and I always seek out the interaction with my writing, and it's hard to generate motivation when there's no return to the act itself. So I write a lot of Yohan/Gaon because it's what I know will allow me better interactions with fandom, even if it's making people upset with some of my takes (honestly? I would love to see some pushback and conversation for some of my takes! it'd be fun).

I rambled a lot, but I hope this answers your question?

[bsdndprplplld]

7 III 2023

it's the second week of the semester and I must say that it's easier than I predicted

statistical data analysis is boring but easy, algebra 2 is easy but probably interesting, so is differential geometry

algebraic topology was funny because ⅓ of the group completed the algebraic methods course, so at first we told the professor to skip half of the lecture (we all know the required part of category theory) and then with every new piece of information he would say "ok maybe this will be the first thing today that you don't know", to which we would reply "naaah we've seen this" lmao. but the course overall will be fun and maybe it's even better that the level of difficulty won't be as high as I though, that would leave more time for my other stuff

the tutorial part of number theory was scary, because the professor wanted us to work in pairs. my autistic ass hates working in groups and the noise in the room was unbearable (everyone was talking about the exercises we were given to solve), so I was on the verge of a meltdown after 30 minutes of this despite ANC headphones. next time I will work by myself from the start. maybe without the requirement of communication it won't be as bad. the course itself will be easy, when it comes to the material. I know nothing about number theory, so the novelty will make it more enjoyable. a few people said that they would prefer the tutorial in the standard form, maybe I won't have to worry about surviving it if there are enough people who want to change it

my birthday is tomorrow and as a gift my parents gave me enough money to buy an ipad, I was saving for it since november. for a few days now I've been testing different apps for note taking, pdf readers and other tools useful for studying. I must say, this is a game changer, I absolutely love it

taking notes itself is less comfortable than on an e-ink tablet, which gives very paperlike experience, but it's better than traditional ones. the upside is that I can use different colors and the whole process is less rigid than on an e-ink

two apps that seem the best for now are MarginNote 3 and GoodNotes

the first one is good for studying something from multiple sources. the app allows to open many pdfs, take pieces from them and then arrange them in a mindmap. it's possible to add handwritten notes, typed notes, photos and probably more that I don't know yet. all of this seems to be particularly useful when studying for exams or in other situations when it's necessary to review a huge chunk of material

the second app is for regular handwritten notes. it doesn't have any special advantages other than I just like the interface lol what I like about taking notes on ipad is that I can take photos and insert them directly into the notebook, which I can't do on the e-ink. it's great for lectures and classes because I don't usually write everything down (otherwise I can't listen, too busy with writing) and even if I do, I don't trust myself with it so I take photos anyway. being able to merge the photos with notes reduces chaos

oh god this is going to be a long post! other news from life is that yesterday I had a meeting with my thesis advisor and we finally picked a topic. some time ago he sent me a paper to try and said, very mysteriously, to let him know if it's not too hard before he reveals more details about his idea. the paper is about symmetric bilinear forms on finite abelian groups, pure algebra, and I was supposed to write about algebraic topology, so I tried to search where this topics comes up, but didn't find anything. it turns out that it's used to define some knot invariant, which I would use to write about the classification of singularities of algebraic curves. in the meantime my advisor had another idea, which is an open problem in knot theory. we decided to try the second one, because there is less theory to learn before I could start writing the paper

to summarize what I'm about to do: there is a knot invariant called Jones polynomial, which then inspires a construction of a certain R-module on tangles and the question asks whether that module is free, if so, what is its rank. now I'm reading the book he gave me to learn the basics and I can't wait till I start working on the problem

[lady-phasma]

I read your essay about Daemon’s deleted scenes and I also love to analyze film,I studied for it,having read the book though and If they plan to make him a full on villain I can see some problems in the future and his choices. I also think they should have tonned down the Daemyra or whatever and they should have informed Matt they planned to make him a black villain because the guy is saying he loves his niece and his brother and would die for them,I don’t know I find some of the decisions regarding Daemon could be a problem in the future and it’s gives me Got s8 vibes😬

Thank you for reading! I just scream into the void and hope people read it. I wish you had come off anon though - every point you made is valid even if people disagree. The post anon mentioned.

I want to be clear about two things: First, I have a Bachelor's and a Master's in Art History and my minors for my BA and my MA were in film studies. Second, since you studied film you will understand this, I am not writing any of my posts with the tag "film studies" with my personal opinion. It's analysis and synthesis. I won't speak directly to your point about Matt as that's going to venture into the realm of opinion and I can do that on another ask/post.

To your point about GoT season 8... the final season of HotD might be a train wreck, we just have to have faith and enjoy the ride.

I ship Daemyra and I don't think it is problematic for a character who is so clearly terrible as Daemon is. He is bad. Wonderfully bad. But bad characters can feel love. I don't think he's a sociopath. As I have said: his moral compass is skewed. If he loves his family that is completely in line with his obsession with House Targaryen and its superiority.

I could bore everyone with scene analysis or breakdown but I'll try not to. A great moment depicting this devotion is the scene where his own brother is kicking him on the throne room floor. He loves Viserys. He loves Rhaenyra. That does not negate his horrible choices. In fact, it does something fairly remarkable and unusual: it highlights them. It makes people question whether or not viewers should like him. I mean I could do a scene analysis. LoL There are many more moments that make the viewer uncomfortable and are exactly why this rift has been created in the fandom.

I think the show runners are on track to make Daemon flip the expectation and make Daemyra shippers gasp when he does things from the book (but we can't know yet what they will include). I ship Daemyra for sure but will he be a better, more complex character when he cheats on her? Certainly! Will I watch that with the enthusiasm I have now? Yup, no doubt. Humans are complex and we love people but still hurt them. Daemon is 100% allowed to do that too.

Lastly, I think so much of what makes being a fan fun is opinion based. I miss being able to suspend disbelief and be immersed in a story. I really do. But I can't do that, haven't been able to for 20 years, because I have been trained to see manipulative (not a bad word here) shots, hear the manipulative score, and question everything that is presented to the viewer.

I love these kinds of asks! Thank you.

[hoperays-song]

Things Gooseless Did During Their Finals Weeks

(Because my school is bloody insane and my finals are over like two weeks instead of one. It’s like they want us to get ulcers.)

-----------------------------------

1. Spammed their english professor with literary memes.

2. Wrote frog comics on the bottom of the paragraph response forms in environmental science.

3. Somehow slept for 17 hours straight immediately after my first Friday exam... I typically have insomnia, I pretty sure my family thought I was going into a coma.

4. Got compared to Hunter from The Owl House because of my eye bags twice in one day.

5. Pulled a few all nighters to turn in late assignments that even my professors forgot I had. I still barely passed but hey, I passed.

6. Had a sensory overload and a migraine attack because I wasn’t allowed headphones in the silent testing lab. And no I wasn’t allowed to wear them after either. Yay.

7. Had to write the sentence, “Asian carp have invaded Lake Eerie”, on previously mentioned environmental science final and immediately thought about that one news dude who made everyone believe aliens were invading.

8. Wrote three essays about warrior cats books. :)

9. Put fun facts in my answer book when I got bored and didn’t know how to respond to the prompt... So for every prompt. 

10. Bashed my art history professor on those essay response forms by listing everything I argued with him about all year. If you can’t tell, I’m petty apparently.

11. Drew a truly awful self portrait. Like next level horrible. :)

12. Wrote commentary on every question on my English (second) exam. Like actual running commentary on the questions. My teacher just sighed when she saw it (she laughed though, glared at me, but laughed while grading it).

13. Cried four times in one day. That was fun.

14. Found out that banana pudding has layers?!?!?! And is actually vanilla pudding with bananas?!?!?

15. Binged the whole of Netflix’s Queen Charlotte solely for the annoyed gay butlers trying to parent trap their bosses. 

16. Found three of said professors emails and now have a way to get in touch with them after graduation (NEXT WEEK!!!!), because they honestly know waaaayyyyy too much about my life for me not to at this point.

17. Correctly guessed how many questions I would get right on my mathematics final (80% baby).

18. Baked four whole trays of cookies to give to my professors as an end of year gift. I was a horrible student. They deserve at least cookies.

19. Started planning out a tattoo for me to get. :)

20. Wrote two thousand more words of the continuation fic as well as started on a few short ones for a different fandom and the warriors au.

21. Took a very unplanned hiatus (still not back, sorry y’all).

22. Watched a total of twenty hours of movie and tv show analysis videos within three days. 

23. Reached one year in one of my recovery programs and three months in another!!!!!!!!

24. Had to say goodbye to my friends and my daughter since now I won’t be in school with them next year (still in contact with several of them, daughter including, just can’t see her in person due to me moving). It sucked.

25. Worked on more character backstories that will be coming soon. Hopefully. As in once I get off hiatus, expect like four angsty backstories.

[jacoblindberg]

The blueprint diet: how to follow it and an analysis of variety

blueprint diet in a sequence

Green giant (GG) a protein shake

Super veggie (SV) lentils and broccoli

Nutty pudding (NP) nuts, berries and protein powder

Third meal – a salad

As I write this on 2023-11-14 GG is discontinued. I love my GG after adjusting it by cutting the chlorella amount to half and adding spices.

blueprint diet in key words

How I would describe it in key words

Much raw food via NP

Minimally cooked ie steamed boiled not fry SV

A lot of Olive oil

Rich in omega 3 (chia, flaxseed etc)

Much veg

No coffee

No sugar

Low in fruits

Lots of berries

Slow carb

Automated

third meal

He has a few different options for his 3rd meal, but at the core of it, it’s a salad or veggie dish with the following ingredients:

Spring mix Arugula Sprouts Tomatoes Avocado Pecans, almonds, mustard seeds Goji berries Sweet potato Chickpeas Beets Radish mint

dressing: olive oil, lime / lemon / vinegar,

GG, SV, NP

link to recipes in excel with the ability to generate a shopping list based on the number of meals you will prep:

automate blueprint cooking

here is a weekly schedule

GG = green giant SV = super veggie NP = nutty pudding

tue: order groceries online

sat: inspect groceries; if some are missing, buy in the local food store.

sun ~4 pm: cook 5 portions of SV and NP, put 1 in the fridge and 4 in the freezer. ~5 pm Also, make 6 portions of another recipe; eat one now and put 1 in the fridge and 4 in the freezer.

rotate different dinner recipes each week. maybe 4-8 in total. related note: [[slowcarb diet recept ttjl]]

every evening, move the next day’s SV, NP, and dinner from the freezer to the fridge.

mon: if week number = 1, make GG for a month to store in home/office. potentially order online to fill up supply.

how to follow it

i think the way to follow it for an extended period is to allow yourself to eat something else during the weekend. similar to how people have cheat days. of course, I will eat healthy food during the weekend (not binge eat candy and deep-fried potatoes), but nevertheless, I am different from Bryan, who eats the same thing every single day. i could not. i don’t want to. food is such a joy in my life. still, i like the autopilot blueprint offers me. to this end, i suggest getting the best of both worlds by eating blueprint weekdays and skipping it on the weekends.

mon-fri: breakfast = GG, lunch = SV & protein topping, dinner = whatever i batch cooked that week.

sat breakfast: GG or eggs or whatever sat lunch: eat out or cook something fun sat dinner: eat out or cook something fun

sun breakfast: GG or eggs or whatever sun lunch: eat out or cook something fun sun dinner: see above.

analysis of variety

if the variate is too low, i may get bored. is it too little variety? no! here are the numbers

weekends bfast, lunch, dinner can vary => 6 meals. weekday 5 breakfast, 5 lunches, 5 snacks, 5 dinners as follows… breakfast: same lunch: same SV mon-fri (can vary protein topping) snack: same NP mon-fri (can vary berry topping) dinner: same mon-fri but differs week to week among ~8 recipes.

over an 8 week period, I eat the following on weekdays & weekends…

weekdays: 58 same breakfast 58 same lunch albeit different topping 5*8 same snack albeit different topping 5 same dinner a 5 same dinner b 5 same dinner c 5 same dinner d 5 same dinner e 5 same dinner f 5 same dinner g 5 same dinner h

weekends: 28 possibly unique breakfasts 28 possibly unique lunches 1*8 possibly unique lunches 1 dinner of a b c d e f g

I write “possibly unique” because I allow myself to vary all the weekend breakfasts, all the weekend lunches and all the Saturday dinners. it does not mean i will do it – it’s is possible (and allowed) to eat lobster two Saturdays in a row!

I don’t know why I labeled week 1 to 8 with letter a to h, but I did so now I stick to it. I’m the master of the notation in this text.

looking at dinner and lunch what’s the % variation? I calc this below.

there is a lot of variation in the weekend lunches and Saturday dinner, so we can already conclude this will not bore me. we can focus the anlaysis on the items that repeat.

i have already done same breakfast for years many times before so i know this does not bore me. neither does it bore other people too. for reference, the same breakfast means 33% of all meals are the same if you eat breakfast, lunch dinner. and 25% if you eat one snack per day. we can use this as comparison.

72 weekly for 8 weeks until the cycle repeats. let’s analyze one cycle. 72*8=112 food meals in total. I eat 6 of dinner a to h. 6/112 = 5% each so neither of a to h will be boring because 5% is a low number.

together all of a to h covers 6*8=48 of the 112 meals. 48/112 = 43% so it is important I enjoy recipes a to h since they will make up a big portion on my diet. i will indeed try to locate my top 8 recipes from the 500+ recipes I have cooked the last 15 years.

same lunch 5*8=40 times and 40/112 = 35% which is a high number for a recipe. it’s similarly high as eating the same breakfast daily. thus, varying the topping will be essential to avoid boredom, as approximately a third of all food meals come from this.

toppings can be

sardines, canned

salmon, smoked / oven / fried

feta cheese

chicken thighs, cooked in oven

halloumi, fried

tempeh

more…

It didn’t take a genius to conclude you must vary the super veggie to stick with it, however it is comforting that it’s similarly unvaried as eating the same breakfast which most people can easily do. Moreover, the math around the low % of eating the same dinners over and over comforts me.

I’m reminded by a quote that most people already eat the same meals over and over again.

Eat the same few meals over and over again, especially for breakfast and lunch. You already do this; you’re just picking new default meals. - Tim Ferris

[eshithepetty]

Tbh.... if i'm allowed to be honest for a moment, there are things that bother me about the mp100 fandom, though one of the things that i've gotta say I dislike the most, is this... sort of air of superiority that some fans had, about watching this show?

Like, loving and praising a piece of media isn't bad of course. And comparisons can be fun. But a lot of the time, when it came to discussing mp100 in relation to other shows, fans would often go after the other shows just to lift mp100 up in how it's so much better. And like, of course, you can have your preferences, and you can judge the quality of shows and place some above another! But the way that these fans did it, it was so obvious in many cases that they weren't coming into the discussion with a meaningfully critical mindset. It was mostly just fueled by spite, and a wish for a feeling of superiority.

Which is a shame, because there's always insight to be had in analysing media in relation to another, but because this sort of analysis was often about forcing expectations on series, instead of exploring the differences, it made it all feel very petty. We shouldn't hold some one way of creating stories above every other. There is no single right way to write well. If we remain stubborn on our stances and are inflexible when it comes to considering the different intentions with which different media is created, and the angles with which they can be viewed, we just end up shackling our creativity. Different media should all be handled differently. That's how we create unique stories rather than rehash existing ones. It doesn't mean we shouldn't be critical, but that critique works better if it comes from a place of wanting to understand, not tear down, and this critical lens should go both ways.

I mean, as cheesy as I might sound saying this, mp100 does also teach this, does it not? The message of noone being special - that can apply to no media being universally superior, and how we shouldn't place ourselves above for our tastes. The message of empathy and kindness, and how we should take that and apply it to ourselves and not harass or demean others. It feels like often it's these types of stories, with compassion at their core, which seem to breed these types of judgemental mindsets the most.

Which, I think that comes down to people absorbing the softer parts of those themes, of how your feelings are valid, while disregarding the ones about humility and how we are all capable of harm, because those parts are harder to swallow; as well as that people often get attached to media that makes them feel comforted, which can create an air of defensiveness, as you may not want to loose that feeling of appreciation. But just as mp100's characters can all have both good and bad sides, so can stories; and the bad doesn't erase the good - it just means there is depth. Stories would be boring if there was nothing to critique - if there were no cracks to fill, parts subject to change, reflections of flaws in our society that would do good to acknowledge - if there was no room for growth. And I think, this aspect, of adding your own to what you love, is also why a lot of 'bad media' gets popular. Stories that are lovable, but still visibly lacking in some way, just feel more human. So in that sense, I find a lot of potential in the flaws of what we love, because it challenges us to see the gray areas and inspires more conversations and ideas.

Which is all to say... when season 3 comes, and the fandom returns full force, I hope things will be more pleasant this time, and we can all just have a good time <3

[life-rewritten]

The doomed futility of Sisyphus; Sisyphus The Myth Kdrama Analysis

Before we start this analysis, I did have a lot of help getting to understand what's happening in this show especially the logical rules of time travelling, due to this website bitchesoverdrama, we have a great community over there we talk about shows and comment our thoughts and the way packmule sees things in shows is so inspiring. So even though this is my theory it is based of her own theories and opinions on what's going on in the show. 

Sisyphus The Myth Ep 1-4

Let's talk about Sisyphus. The Korean drama that everyone seems to have something to say, mostly negative because they don't understand where the storyline is going, and because of that frustration of lack of understanding, they go to insults, and annoyance, and lack of patience to wait it out, they call the show ridiculous with it's terrible directing and also outlandish action scenes and unreasonable logic. The first mistake these people made is going into this show, thinking it was a logical sci-fi. There is another show where people have mistaken a mystery fantasy plot (as the writers announced it was, in an interview)  for sci-fi because it includes scientific rules sometimes and discusses time travel. Do you the know the show? It's The king's Eternal Monarch. So because logical people have it out for writers using specific sci-fi plotlines to write a romantic mystery show; that doesn't actually base its self on the realism or logic of the science they expected, people call these stories dumb; they say it's ridiculous and should not have been done. And it's hard for people like me who completely gets bored at the idea of a sci-fi show, I'm not logical. Let's first get that out of the way; I won't be calculating mass, and time, and velocity and use maths and science as a base for my analysis.  In fact, I usually run away from anything to do with sci-fi. But there's something funny about this, that with TKEM and now Sisyphus, mystery fantasies that do incorporate a piece of the sci-fi genre, actually make me enjoy them. 

Perhaps it could be argued that it's because I'm not smart and I like ridiculous things, I only want romance with shitty writing, and maybe that's it. However, I disagree, what I see in these stories are a different sort of basis; instead of relying on scientific logic rules, or whatever is seen as appropriate in a sci-fi plotline, they use meta; they use other things to make their world mean something. For TKEM, it was literature and fairytales, and stories, and for Sisyphus actually named after the  Greek myth, it's the same. In order to understand where a show is going when it uses a literature base, you have to first understand the source. What is the source saying? Why have they chosen this source to tell this story? But people clock out and don't want to wait, aren't connected to the characters enough to care, or just plain detest anything that doesn't follow a specific set of logical rules, and that's fine; you're allowed to like or want whatever you want to see on TV, it's your experience, but  for the others who do want a show that is maybe deeper, interesting, laced with a good plot and love story that is sad, futile and also romantic, then I would suggest Sisyphus being for you. This isn't going to have a lot of support, and I already know this. Still, I do want to write about this show and explain why I'm into it because it has everything I like, a mysterious plot, fantasy/sci-fi elements, and a romance that is very angsty but also very deep. The show's director maybe not be as great as the others before him, but I think he's doing an okay job showcasing what he wants from the story. So yes, Sisyphus has so many scientific questions to ponder about, but I want to get rid of all that and focus on the bare bones of the story. How does this myth connect to this story, and why does it foreshadow how good this plot could be? This doesn't mean, this plot will be great because it all depends on the directing and writing skills, I'm not familiar with their work and with the director. I don't particularly care a lot about what he offers. But I know how he makes shows, I know the themes he's into and from this myth analysis, this show is definitely up his alley. So for now, I'll keep enjoying it and analysing, but it doesn't mean I think it's the best thing ever to exist in this genre. Okay, now we have that out of the way; let's learn about Greek Mythology, shall we? 

An Introduction to a Genius

So who or what is Sisyphus? When I hear about Sisyphus, I think about the guy who tried to run away from d*ath but ended up being captured by Zeus for even trying to think he could do that. He ends up basically with this painful task of constantly rolling a boulder uphill. In a way, it's depressing AF, and it really holds this theme of futility and punishment. So it's interesting to see we have a character who is being punished for his brains and his cunningness to evade situations and save people, and it seems unfair that he gets this ending. It also makes me worry about Tae Sul, our main character in Sisyphus the myth, who begins the first episode evading d*ath by saving tons of people on a plane and then also wanting to revert a specific family member's demise that he feels guilty about. Taesul is just as smart and cunning as Sisyphus; he uses his skills, his brain and his talent to help people. So it's a bit disturbing because already from looking at him, it's unfortunate he's destined for a futile, sad ending; he's destined to be punished by powers be, for being an obstacle. And will you have it, the whole plot revolves around him being chased by people who want to get rid of him because it seems he's found a way to prevent d*ath and prolong the lifespan of the people he loves. What a surprise. Honestly, it's that simple; the boulder represents him having to take on weight constantly because of his actions and live with that repeatedly being chased by the thing he tried to avoid. The episodes scream that it's because he tried to bring back his brother from the past, but the thing is, there's more to the myth of Sisyphus than just this outline. So before we can truly understand the big picture and where this plot is, we need to truly go back and understand the real story of Sisyphus, the myth. 

Let's go back. So yes, Sisyphus is cunning, smart, witty, he has many moments since he's apparently a king, royal full of influence and power. He really cares about protecting people, including himself, yet the way people see him is actually harmful. They see him as childish, sneaky, heartless and a player. Surprise. The thing is, this is precisely how we are introduced to Taesul. He's a big flirt, a big child who complains and acts immaturely with his company. He's someone of influence, in fact, significant impact; so much money and prominence, and yet he doesn't seem like he cares about anything. So yes, you can understand why people have a wrong perspective of our Sisyphus. However, he doesn't want to care about anything because he's self-destructive, broken by the guilt of letting pride, money and greed stop him from preventing his brother from being eliminated.

 And it's something that lives with him every day; in fact, he's dependent on self-medication to get rid of the haunting figment of his brother. Now he says he doesn't care about people and others, but we know he's lying; he's clearly someone who's destined to protect, he does care even when he acts nonchalant, for example, saving a whole plane from crashing and hurting people, especially when he has said he is waiting and has been excited to leave the world, if he were selfish he would have let the plane crash, he didn't care as he said, but something in him still went back and provided the solution to help. 

So this is really vital, this idea of Sisyphus being misunderstood by people in a way he's actually with a saviour complex, he protects, and he saves people with what he has yet even his actions are deemed evil or selfish or a natural disaster for them. So again, it's obvious the plot is based on whatever he has done to create this apocalyptic future we see in the show that is being misunderstood. The people who are out to get him are seeing him and hating him when in reality, it's obvious this was meant to better the world/ also himself because as much as Sisyphus has a saviour complex, it doesn't mean he's selfless; in fact, he's a very selfish character, he'll put his own needs above the world at times. This is where Taesul will make a mistake. Because for him, his only goal is to bring back his brother, even when warned he shouldn't, even when there are hints that him unveiling the truth will lead to suffering and the end of the world as we know it, it's still all he wants to do. Is it just that though? I'm getting ahead of my self I still need to break down this myth. 

The Problem with Cunningness

So Sisyphus is someone with cunningness, knowledgeable and powerful, so when the first time he sees an opportunity to get rid of this thing we call mortality for people (not just him), he's punished when the gods aren't happy. Especially the god of war himself, Ares, who is frustrated at Sisyphus for chaining de*ath,  Ares is upset; he is annoyed that Sisyphus is getting in his way, making people lose the meaning of war, what's the fun of war if no one is being removed? Which is interesting because we also find out in Sisyphus that Taesul's actions and mistakes and his own demise will lead to a war that will end everything and some organisation isn't happy they were at the losing end of that war. They hated the result of Taesul being alive to either cause or prevent that war. So they're sending people from the future who look creepy as hell and also like don't have limbs because they're rushing the process of uploading or just using a fake uploader with more errors (not yet sure which), but they are here with one goal; to get rid of Taesul, like Ares. Wow.

 So Sisyphus punishment is actually that he is eliminated and sent to the underworld. Wait, so it wasn't the boulder that was his first punishment; his first punishment was to be chased by De*ath (I'm going to find another name for this we're gonna say D  because of this stupid flagging system in Tumblr) just like Taesul is suffering in the present time in our show. Oh, okay, so where do we get the other punishment, the one Sisyphus is really known for. This is where the plot of this show unfolds, surprisingly. Because there's another character connected in this Sisyphean myth, Seohae, meaning Sisyphus had a wife. So when Sisyphus ends up, you know, getting axed, he still has a few tricks up his sleeves; he asks his wife to do something for him, not to bury him or respect his body wishes appropriately, in fact, to drop him naked in the middle of the city (that's obviously a parallel to how people are being downloaded into the past in the show visually). So because he did this, he's able to trick Hades and Persephone into letting them allow him to run back to the past to his wife to have a go at her, to tell her she didn't respect his wishes. And oh boy, oh boy, does he end up again evading D. Genius, in fact, he ends up going back to his wife and staying a very long time because it was his plan all along; he wasn't back to the underworld; they were all chumps who allowed his escape. So Sisyphus is a funny character, he chooses to go back, and he again avoids D; however, when he finally reaches his old age, he has to face everyone, including the gods; Zeus isn't happy with Sis; he says it's a bit of an insult really for what he has done, so Zeus basically punishes him with that godforsaken boulder. 

Okay, hold, that's a lot to unpack. So what happened here is we're still seeing Taesul as Sisyphus in this second part of the myth, right? So he's going to find a way to avoid Sigma always and survive, but we know he doesn't. His story ends truly when his demise leads to the war if we're following a timeline mentioned by Seohae. So what is this second punishment about a boulder?  Because this is the most crucial plot for every Sisyphus myth. 

Our Surprise Sisyphus

Well, look at it carefully;

 it has themes of running back to the past to criticise a lover,

 it has themes of trying to prevent a lovers demise, 

it has themes of futility and repetitive actions, it has themes of being punished by a powerful source,

 it also has themes of someone who is rebellious and doesn't want to let D win. 

It's Seohae. And that blew my mind. We don't have one Sisyphus in the storyline; we have two. The show's title is Sisyphus the myth because the love of these two is actually the role of Sisyphus; let me explain. 

The first acquaintance with D is Taesul's story he's the one who invents a way to chain D and then is punished by being taken by D. The person who ends up wanting him to save himself is not himself in this show; it's Seohae her whole goal, her whole reason to want to go back is also to evade D for her mother (she mentions this in episode 1 to her father) but also to stop Taesul from being eliminated, to stop the war but more of all because she loves him, she's married to him, they're meant to be lovers. However, she doesn't have all her memories of everything. All she knows is that another version of her self has told her she needs to go back in time to warn Taesul, so he doesn't make this mistake, so they live happily together after marriage, and the war doesn't happen. 

Ohhh, that's what's happening. So who's Zeus, you ask? It's the ICB, the Control Borough, that has to find balance and makes things right with all of the time travellers; they're looking for Seohae because she's illegal; she's not meant to be doing what she is doing. Just like Zeus has to intervene to punish Sis. So alright, we're getting there, we have Taesul, he's going to do something to avoid D, but unfortunately, he is going to be found by D because someone does not want him to succeed. Okay, however, we have Seohae; she is in love with Taesul and is determined to keep him safe. Hence, she finds a way to go back and warn him to prevent D from finding him; she essentially tricks the system to find and save the world, but also selfishly to go live a happy life with the guy she loves. So what's this about this boulder then?

The boulder; A heavy frustrating punishment

 Well, unfortunately for our two characters, it's pretty apparent Taesul always ends up being eliminated #, and it always leads to the war that destroyed earth. But also we know Seohae gets shot; during her wedding, she also is fated to suffer and be eliminated if she goes back to save Taesul. Her father warns her repeatedly about this. She doesn't listen. The clue here is the boulder keeps on being pushed; Sisyphus is in a constant struggle of the futility of his punishment; he can't escape; he is tied to this boulder to keep trying to push it to a destination, but all he does is repeatedly keep pushing the boulder infinitely.

Oh, wait, a show about time travel, a show about the futility of trying to change the past, a show where the future versions can go back with regret and meet their past versions which make the same mistakes over and over again, no matter how much Seohae tries to stop Taesul from opening the stupid suitcase that starts everything, he always opens it, it's useless, they're in a time loop. Each time he always creates the uploader, and each time the war happens, Seohae returns to stop him from being eliminated each time they always fail, and Seohae somehow leaves her diary telling her next self to do the same. It's an eternal loop. She's stuck being punished for carrying that weight, constantly relive that story over and over again, to try and save Taesul; her destination is always the start again. Like Sisyphus with the boulder. 

The only thing is why does she not remember or why is she acting like she doesn't remember, because it's different versions of her, it's a paradox, she always goes to find her next self, and she leaves that diary starting this all over again, her next self has now instructions always telling her to find Taesul, to save him and when she's going to be eliminated. (her wedding probably). Each time she goes back to save Taesul, she falls in love with him, they get closer to the wedding, and she gets shot. For Taesul, we see that the wedding leads to him making an ultimate decision, remember Sisyphus evades D twice. Seohae does this all the time to escape D for her mum and Taesul.

Meanwhile, Taesul only does this to avoid it for Tae san, his brother. Who is the second person? It's Seohae. They're Sisyphus for each other, surprise, Seohae ends up becoming Sisyphus always to try to prevent Taesul's demise and the war, but Taesul has a choice on the wedding day to choose either Seohae's life, or the world, what do you think he chooses? That's why I think he continually invents the uploader because of her, to save her, more than anything else. He always chooses futilely to save her above the results of the war. In doing so, he always ends up being the one who gets eliminated, but she always ends up determined to prevent that situation. 

Her dad was indeed right; she shouldn't meet with him; they both are in this repetitive loop, and the world is always a victim because of it. See how Sisyphus can try to be good and protective but still be seen as evil, a disaster, and a curse. So, in the end, both Seohae and Taesul are Sisyphus; both are punished every time. One by Taesul continually being caught and two by Seohae constantly losing her memories and forcing her self to repeat the journey again, to push that boulder over and over again. But with TKEM, we entered a timeline where change could happen after being stuck in an infinite loop forever, and that's interesting. With this show with how many times it seems Seohae has always written more instructions each time she travels, could we be in the timeline where things may become different? 

Sisyphus; A chance to change the past futilely

It seems like it more things are being revealed to them, that might be new information, Jung apologising and realising his mistake in probably being the one who takes Seohae's life in the wedding because he thinks she's evil (lied to by ICB) might be a new occurrence in this new timeline. There's more information slowly being added each time we do this time loop; the question is, where are we now? As I said, I don't know the science or calculations needed to understand the time travel aspect of the show, but that is important. 

So we have a star crossed romance that is being torn between the claws of D, two people punished continuously for just wanting to be with each other and putting the world at risk. We've seen what the results of Taesul's actions lead to; it leads to an apocalypse, a disaster and more; we've seen his stubbornness and determination not to let that stop him. All he wants is to evade D for his loved ones. But Seohae also becomes like that; she's also stubborn, also determined just like him to protect her loved ones despite both being advised not to do anything more, not to shake fate, not to mess around with time and life. Still, they never listen; they've put themselves in a time loop where they're being punished, and their punishment leads them again to do the same thing because of their desperate need to be together. 

It's heartbreaking; however, there's a slight hope for a happy ending, one because this director does stories of couples torn apart by forces and things they can't control (Master's sun, Dr Strange etc...) being tied to each other's downfall and growth, being pulled away no matter how desperate they want each other. Their need to be with each other puts others at harm, but he always ends it in a happy ending. Sisyphus actually gets his goal a bit, not how he wants it, but he gets to live a long life with the woman he loves. However, it's after he lives that life; he goes back to being punished. So maybe this timeline Seohae may succeed and live the married life she wanted with Taesul (she does not know she loves him, she will fall for him repeatedly each time they do a loop, both of them always do); however, the sad truth is it was not her first version/authentic version that got to live that happy ever after,  it might be this version though who knows? Either way, her original (her first-ever version, always suffered and had to be the one to push that eternal boulder with no end, she didn't get to see her ending) but this one or another future version may do. Taesul also has a chance to have a happy ending because even though his story ends with the first part of Sisyphus, Sisyphus finds a way to get out of the underworld and go back to his wife, so again it's like yeah, his first version did get punished, did get eliminated, failed, but this version or a future version may get a chance to spend that time with this Seohae. 

Do you get me? It's not their original versions that get the happy ending, but it's still them that gets a chance to live old and have a happy life. So I'm hopeful, is what I'm trying to say. Thought that infinite loop of futility and failure to escape mistakes isn't a great sign. Let me know what you think about Sisyphus so far. Are you like me? Are you intrigued by this love story, and what are your theories? Let me know.