#no cuz i really want to JUST ONCE JUST ONE YEAR
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I've been reading posts about GUN and I know they're going to be so bad in the fourth movie. Because not only is it possible that Rockwell, you know the openly xenophobic agent, will be the leader, but we're also going to have the Metal Sonics. When GUN sees alien threats built from the image of the alien they hate the most and can't chase, it's going to be the perfect excuse to want to capture Sonic and also Tails and Knuckles for sure. Not only that, with Amy in the movie it's going to get worse! If she really can travel through time with her chaos energy, I have no doubt that GUN will want to capture her too so they don't get this insane trump card. I dare say that a Team Heroes X GUN conflict is kind of inevitable.
Thanks for this ask cuz I feel so honoured to shame GUN for everything they've done. That previous post about Shadow wasn't enough, they did so many terrible things and I can't believe I didn't write this before your ask.
I can barely list all the worst things they did but I'll try and I'll answer to your other stuff so I hope you're ready and I hope you don't mind this whole analysis 😅 but I really wanted to talk more about GUN and since you clearly hate/dislike them just as much as I do (and many feel the same way) I really want to complain about them to someone who'll listen:
They were the ones that sent Robotnik in the first place. At least at the beginning he was just doing his job.
They knew that Gerald was Ivo's grandfather and alive all these years but they chose to not tell Ivo and let him think that he has no family his entire life. They used him because he was a genius and wanted him to make all those inventions for them and when they thought that he died they just acted as if he never existed.
They hired one of their agents to seduce Sonic's aunt, propose to her, and plan the whole wedding so that they would capture Sonic (I'm sorry I'm trying to stay serious but what the hell is wrong with GUN?! I don't know if I should cry or laugh and this is only the beginning). Poor Rachel too! They didn't care about anyone whether it was humans or aliens. I kinda wasn't happy that Rachel couldn't stay mad, what they did to her was horrible.
They captured Sonic and Tails. Tails was injured when they captured him and they didn't do anything about it, they simply put him and Sonic in cages after they tased Sonic to make sure he's unconscious too, they arrested Tom too when he tried to defend his son. This scene always breaks me, poor babies 😢
They found Shadow when he landed on Earth, kidnapped him, held him in a cryo pod and were doing experiments on him. (Gee, I wonder why Tom and Maddie didn't trust GUN with Sonic and kept Sonic hidden in their house instead after the first movie).
They were responsible for the death of a child, Maria (Walters did try to protect her and Shadow but when others killed her he mistreated Shadow. He definitely had more sympathy for Maria, she was a human child after all.) This moment right here physically hurts me cuz not only that they don't seem to care about the child they just killed but also they're surrounding Shadow and Gerald with weapons as if Shadow and Gerald were the ones who did something terrible here... They didn't care about the child they just killed, they only wanted to capture Shadow, that was their priority and Maria was just a collateral damage.
Right after they killed Maria they threw Gerald, her grandfather who loved her, in jail for 50 years and forced him to make Eclipse Cannon, that can destroy the planet. He went crazy because of all that and WHO WOULDN'T?!
They froze Shadow for 50 years (would definitely stay frozen way longer if he didn't escape) because they just didn't know what to do with him and kept him awake and fully aware of what they were doing to him during the process. I'll once again remind y'all of Walters' comment that Shadow was "too valuable to destroy", because Shadow was property to them and not a young living being with feelings and trauma that they gave him. His face here breaks my heart... Look how helpless he was here...
I added as many examples of how terrible GUN is as I can remember but if there are more you can always add them in the comments. I could easily add every scene and every screenshot with GUN cuz even at their better moments, they're still really bad, but I tried to pick the most important parts.
As for Rockwell, yeah she's gonna be a handful. She's definitely worse than Walters. At least he realized in his last moments that you can trust some aliens, but she isn't going to be easy to convince. They'll probably be even worse from now on and they probably didn't learn their lesson after Shadow. They better not hurt my baby girl Amy or the Colorful Bunch. I have some theories but I'd rather wait and see what's next.
Amy was hiding her identity here from Metal Sonic but I'm not sure if she doesn't want GUN to find her either cuz she's not hiding from Sonic, she let him see her.
Either way, it's not going to be easy for our alien kids and GUN gave me no reason to trust them so far. It says a lot that Robotnik and Stone were WAY more likeable to me than GUN. I hope GUN will leave Shadow alone and if they can't, I hope he'll kick GUN's butts again.
#this analysis took way too long lol but it was worth it#movie analysis#sonic the hedgehog#sonic movie#sonic movie 2#sonic movie 3#sonic#sonic 3#sonic the hedgehog 3#sonic the hedgehog 2#sth#sonic cinematic universe#gun#commander walters#ivo robotnik#gerald robotnik#maria robotnik#shadow#shadow the hedgehog#tails the fox#ask#sonic ask#my first sonic ask I'm so happy#amy rose#sonic 4#sonic movie 4#sonic the hedgehog 4#sonic theory#sonic 4 theory
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☆ Natalie Scatorccio SFW Alphabet Headcanons ☆
Warnings: cursing, substances
A/n: my first real Tumblr post, so sorry if my rambling writing sucks
A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
Natalie loves affection once close. I think it's safe to say she didn't get much affection from her parents, so when she got with you, she couldn't get enough.
She not as affectionate in public, but she'll still hold your hand and fiddle with fingers. When you're alone, like lying in your bed, she will be physically on top of you. She'll trace your skin and twist your hair, and give little kisses.
She's also an amazing listener.
She gives you really shitty gifts, like random stuff she finds on the literal street. Like a little chiped dino, or a note written on a random card she stole from her dad's old deck (oops).
B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
A friendship with Natalie would probably start with bonding over music or just you always showing up. You'd definitely have to work hard to be friends with her, not because she doesn't want to be friends, but cuz she's not very open. Once you're close, she never thinks it's real, and she'll act nonchalant, but she really loves you.
C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
DEFINITELY A CUDDLER. Like I said earlier, she will lay on top of you, all sprawled out. She likes laying between your legs with her face buried into your stomach, while you mess with her hair. Or if you need to be held, she'll be big spoon, and when I say her arm and legs are around you tight, I mean tight. There is not moving. Her face will be in your neck and her hand on your stomach.
D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
Her idea of being settled looks a lot different than others. Being settled with her would look like a beat up place, probably apartment, with you, with a job that gets things paid, but still leaves time for you. She doesn't need a luxurious place, it's not what she's used to.
Cooking, she's alright. She aways had to fend for herself and make food, but its nothing special, and its normal for it to be a little burnt with her.
Cleaning does not exist to her. I mean, she's not disgusting, she changes her sheets and sweeps, but it is not organized. Clothes, makeup and other various shit all over the floor, the bed is never made, and a grimy ass mirror, etc.
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
She would probably break up when she's pissed, at you, something else, or both, and storm away. She definitely regrets it and her methods.
F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
At first they hate the idea of commitment, but then she falls in love with you for the first time and she'll give you everything.
I don't think she give a shit about being married, but that doesn't mean she isn't committed. After a few years if you really wanted to get married, she'd do that for you, but in her head she doesn't get marriage or deem it necessary.
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
She's definitely a rough houser, but she never hurts you, at least not on purpose. One time you were messing around and you hit your leg on your nightstand and got a huge bruise. She could not stop apologizing, she felt so bad. She's also gentle with you, with soft touches, especially when she's high.
Emotionally she's surprisingly gentle. If your upset, she there and supportive. She doesn't say much, just listens and hugs you, or anything else you need.
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
Natalie loves when she gets hugs. She's either really excited, with a big grin on her face, or she's burying her face in your shoulder. Those last awhile.
I don't think hugs are everyday, but whenever she needs it or you need, there's definitely hugs. Or when she's won a game, celebratory hugs!
I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)
Not quick. She's too scared to say it. So either you'd have to say it first and she would blush and say, "Love you too..." Or it will come out during some happy moment, and she didn't even mean to say it. She's so happy when you say it back.
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
Natalie is not a jealous person. When Jackie and Travis hooked up, the only thing she gave a fuck about was his well-being. Not to say if you were flirting with someone she wouldn't be jealous, she'd probably be more sad than anything and worrying she did something wrong.
K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
You definitely get the taste of alcohol and pot, which isn't always the greatest, but you get used to it. The skill makes up for it, she knows exactly what to do for the mood, but she usually takes it slow. Sometimes she breaks though and giggles.
She obviously loves kissing your mouth, but also: your neck, jaw, stomach, and shoulders.
She likes kisses on her: mouth, neck, forehead/head, cheek, and back.
L = Little ones (How are they around children?)
She's not very acquainted with Kids, and has never wanted them. But one time you guys were out and found a kid that got separated from their mom. You'd never seen her so gentle and caring while you looked for their parents. She gave them a little paper star.
M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
Asleep, she'll stay in bed as long as possible, especially with you. She's definitely right up against you, hogging the bed, and her breath is terrible. Her eyeshadow also smudged, cuz she never takes it off before bed.
Once she's up, she's in the bathroom all morning, doing, God knows what. No breakfast.
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)
Cuddling and smoking. She smokes almost every night, because it helps her sleep. Sometimes you guys go out an just walk the streets or go to the park and just talk and take pictures with your shitty camera. The night always ends with passing out in whatever shirt she'd been wearing all day, sometimes she's still in her jeans.
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
She's not someone to drop her whole past on you immediately, its something that gradually happens. You figure out her family life pretty quickly though since she struggled with letting you come over after what happened with her dad. If you ask her something, she'll answer, maybe not immediately, but she will when she's ready.
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
They don't get angry at you often as long as you don't make assumptions about her. If you say something that upsets her, she will make it known. She doesn't get mad for no reason though, even if she can get a little aggressive with others, not you.
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
Natalie is a very good listener. Sometimes it doesn't look like it when you're rambling, and it looks like she's fallen asleep, but she listens. She will bring up details that you don't even remember telling her.
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
One summer you brought her on your family vacation, and the two of you snuck out to the pool in the middle of the night. For some reason it holds a special place in her heart. You swam, laughed, and made out. She just never got to do shit like that with someone.
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
What really gets her is when people talk shit. If you're not one to stand up for yourself she'll definitely tell them to shut the fuck up, along with some other not nice words. If you can do it she'll watch and pat you on the back after and ask if you're alright.
She doesn't expect anyone to be protective over her, and she prefers to stand up for herself. It makes her feel more in control, all she needs is your support. If someone said something behind her back, she'd be fine with you giving them a word.
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
She's not someone to make a rose petal path. All she cares about is having fun.
On dates, which she doesn't love cuz she's broke, her only goal is to make you laugh and smile
Anniversaries, a little more effort, like picking some flowers that will be dead the next day. She'd make you a cassette tape with music that makes her think of you.
Gifts, like I said above, and those little trinkets she finds and gives you randomly. Its basically trash, but you love it.
She won't do any tasks unless you ask or they bother her. And she'll probably complain the whole time, but she'll do it for you.
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
Obviously addiction. If it bothered you, she wouldn't do them around you, but she likely wouldn't stop. Maybe she tried at first, but she couldn't quit.
She also chews her nails til they bleed. And she impulsively cuts her hair, she always has new layers. She's also bleached her hair ever since her dad's death, and it's also dead.
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
She puts effort into her makeup and outfits for herself and no one else. She spent forever perfecting her eye makeup, to something she likes. To hear how she presented herself unsettled people, she'd be proud of herself. The eyeshadow is just a part of her now, she never washes it off, only touches it up in the morning.
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
In other relationships, she didn’t give a shit, but you...if you left her you would be the one to break her heart. You guys separated for a week, and it was the worst week of her life (dramatically). She tried really hard after that.
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
I heard someone say she's secretly good at math, and I totally see that. She doesn't tell anyone, but one day you see her math homework, and you make her help you. She complains the whole time and doesn't show her work. She sucks at explaining, so you just stop asking her for help.
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
Anyone who talks shit. If her partner is gonna talk behind her back or be disrespectful, she's done. Warning and she's done.
Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)
I said before she always smokes at least a little before bed. She also never undresses or only partially. She doesn't own pajamas. I guess we saw her in pajama like clothes in the cabin, but she wore them like all day too. So I stand by what I said, she doesn't give a shit. She lays on her stomach and takes up the whole bed, which is in total disarray.
A/n: thx for listening to my ramble♡💋🙊
#she's my gf#natalie scatorccio#nat scatorccio#yellowjackets#natalie yellowjackets#natalie scatorccio x reader#natalie scatorccio x you#yellowjackets x reader#yellowjackets x you#yellowjackets headcanons#natalie scatorccio thoughts 💭#nat yellowjackets#lesbian#wlw#wlw post
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how to celebrate ur birthday or other holidays alone as a choice without making everyone concerned and offended
#no cuz i really want to JUST ONCE JUST ONE YEAR#I WOULD PROB FEEL LONELY AS FUCK BUT AT THE SAME TIME I COULD CHOOSE HOW TO CELEBRATE IT MYSELF ALL BY MYSELF AND DO WHATEVER I WANT#ITS WORTH TO DO THOSE HOLIDAYS LIKE NEW YEARS OR UR BIRTHDAY JUST ONCE. I FEEL LIKE#but not the alone because there is actually no one around u to celebrate with. that's different#and my heart goes out to the people that gotta celebrate smty alone. i am with them always spiritually even if they don't know it i am there#celebrating with them#i hope they know that#but anyway it being a choice actually matters#but yeah who knows if ill do that#maybe someday. hopefully. as a choice#this ain't serious or anything ignore this post#im rambling and getting out a thought again#rumaiq rambles#yk what i can do that by for example for my birthday celebrating the age + HALF of the year#so when it has been exactly 6 months since my birthday#and celebrating surviving the first 6 months without dying and now yay gotta survive the next 6#its an idea#i always wanted a summer birthday lowkey anyway not that i dont like mine in winter but summer feels like so much more fun#many more fun ways to celebrate a birthday. yk
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My aunt decided a good way to wish me a happy birthday would be to text me a picture of me & my dead dad from my 22nd birthday.
Like yay thanks, I totally wanted to be sad and missing my dad on my birthday. I definitely wasn't trying to do the "out of sight out of mind don't think about sad things" thing to get through it without crying or anything 👍 Definitely wasn't already struggling missing not getting a happy birthday text from him 👍👍
#and like I get that her intentions were good but i find it SO rude#why would you bring up something heart wrenchingly sad to someone on their birthday? Unless they've indicated to you that they want that#it wasn't even like it was a new picture/one she could reasonably believe I hadn't seen before#we literally used a cropped version of that exact photo for his obituary#she has done something similar with EVERY SINGLE holiday since he died#fathers day & his birthday & thanksgiving & christmas all of them we got texts like “i know how hard today must be!”#like uh no i was doing fine til I got your text actually cuz I was blocking it all out & now your text has forced me to think about it#we're not even that close? Like she legit had never texted me before my dad died#and the last conversation I had with her was her telling me that me needing help with things was co-dependence#rather than a legit need because I am disabled#and that keeping my curtains closed all the time was unhealthy#and when I tried to explain sensory issues she said that she 'gets headaches from the sun sometimes too but you just have to power through'#as if that's the same thing as sensory issues from autism#(which she is apparently an expert on because she is a nurse and has worked with a few young boys with autism)#like literally she claimed she knew better than my actual doctor who diagnoses autism for a living#or my therapist who sees me twice a week (whereas i speak to my aunt MAYBE once a year)#oh also did you know that I should totally be able to hold down a full time job?#because the 18 year old autistic boy she knows whose parents do literally everything to support him and who has zero other responsibilities#and a huge support network trying to meet his needs#well HE'S able to work part time at the movie theater#so obviously that means that I should be able to work too because we're all the same#yeah anyway sorry rant over#it just really upset me#also because I was so upset I forgot I wanted to go to the park on my way home from the weed store 😔#beth posts
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ok u know what maybe if the world isn't ready for sunrazer post that means that the world IS ready for Amoveous siblings post. This is Milo and Enho and theyre my DARLINGS and i love them SO MUCH. i have. SOOOOOOOO many thoughts abt them but after the previous post massacre i do not really feel like typing all of that xoxo love <3
#THESE DRAWINGS HAVE BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS LOL#meart#original character#robot oc#ily enho ily milo my darlings my angels my loves my funny robot guys.#ive posted abt Andromeda on here b4 if u remember her Enho is her best friend !!!!!#Enhos a battle robot who doesnt want 2 fight people..#hes the oldest sibling and theres a lot resting on their shoulders!#shes supposed to be this big metal protector but U.U she just wants to hide in his room.. and make music for the internet..#him and andy have this whole arc abt like. autonomy and identity and junk#being as andy is a government experiment who was raised to be a superhero who. has not yet realized that she HATES being a superhero lol#Enho inspires her!#milo um. does his own thing. he was the second amoveous bot and he is lucky to have been built without the responsibility of a battle bot#which means hes a LOT weaker. doesnt have a million weapons and lasers and such like enho does. no one expects much of him. he HATES IT!!!!#he wants to be POWERFUL! he wants to HURT PEOPLE!! he wants to be USEFUL!!! hes ANGRY ALL THE TIME#its EXSAUSTING.#yk that tinkerbell thing thats like. cuz shes so small she can only feel one emotion at once. and its so big it consumes her entirely?#hes that. he lives entirely in extremes. everything is 100% for him#he jumps to conclusions so quick and so violently.. hes incredibly impulsive and it gets him into a lot of trouble.#hes also a total NERD!!! GOOB!!! says mlady unironically. likes bad computer games. wears a stupid tie everyday. cartoonishly schemes 24/7#enho for the record is also a pretty angry person. they just dont rlly express it. they dont express much of anything lol.#shes semiverbal on a talkative day. he can be REALLY REALLY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE THO. THAT MF CAN BE SO PETTY. GOOFY ASS#but shes TERRIFIED she'll lose control of her emotions and her body and that shell hurt someone someday. absolutely terrified.#enho is as afraid of his strength as milo is of his weakness. theyre both two ends of the same extremes in a lot of ways.#polar opposites and yet exactly the same. they resent each other a lot. they need to learn to meet each other in the middle.#anyway ''i dont feel like typing all that'' and then i ramble in the tags for ten million years lol ToT I LOVE THESE GUYS#theyre my oldest ocs in this universe and i have so many thoughts if you have any questions feel free to ask me lol
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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re: udg reblog,
clearly the solution to “oh i love this but i don’t think anyone should play it” is to write a fic with only the good parts and none of the bad parts but then you have this big empty space where the bad parts were so you just make something up that seems vaguely believable
that seems like a normal thing normal people do right?
RIGHT?
It’s always correct and totally won’t ever lead to agony as you look at the canon and scream because my god how are you supposed to salvage something this stupid why are you doing this you used to be so normal and not care oh god why does attacking the little girl make her pants fly off oh god why is delta a character
#ask#i love zwg truly. but i understand the agony#if i wanted to make a better version of udg or really any dr game i have no clue where id start my god theres so much happening#obviously the clown nonsense that is komaeda in that game needs to stay because theres really nothing better than seeing him be bullied#by a bunch of grade schoolers who throw milkshakes at him and draw on his face with sharpie#oh oh and the sexy byakuya fantasies need to stay too because if youre bad at the puzzles like me he just bullies you#its dry catered to the shit me and my sister meme about akjsks#the shit with the kids though..........yikes#also fuck shirokuma i cant stand him literally the most obnoxious character ever created#it felt good to kill him#i was doing a proper playthrough of udg last year see cuz id never played it myself#just watched playthroughs when i was 14 and edgy and had no frame of reference for good writing yet#so it was fun not only re experiencing the utter. obscenity that is this game and also trying to figure out the mechanics#its kinda fun sometimes until the boss fights happen then its like actually the worst thing ever i may have needed to walk around angrily#and basically i was on ch4 and stopped when there was a mission with haiji cuz i just. needed to stop#havent played since im too frightened aksjks#and yeah the agony of trying to rewrite a game is shared cuz im going through it with p3#and basically basically i have been trying so hard and was in a good zone but basically i snapped recently#cuz the kirijo group stuff my god its just so bad that i like theres just no way i can make this game make sense#i have the one project where everything is restructured but then i have the stuff where like. I have to make this fit the game structure#loosely cuz it was just supposed to be a character analysis fic but basically my brain hath broken its kaboom#though p3 is a lot more workable than ztd is my god theres just too much happening at once there aksjks#you are so brave for what youve done Kay 🙏#and to any poor soul who wants to do a rewrite of a frustrating story......have fun. but watch out
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>Wants to finish drawing a YoyoxAnna fanart I did last year
>But also doesn't want to post it as I had bad history with the SK fandom and don't want to attract anyone from the eng fandom
>Wants to post a funny meme regarding the SK sequels
>But also doesn't want to post it because once again have a bad history with the fandom
Sigh
#technically on tumblr instead of using the main series tag i can just always tag it as SK instead of the full series name#and go on with my day. i doubt anyone hardly uses or goes into the SK initial tumblr tag since its pretty much filled with other stuff that#isnt related to sk anime/manga itself lol#then again... do i want to risk myself using the japanese ship name for my YoyoxAnna fanart.... idk if any active shippers uses the tag#i could just tag my shitpost thing as SK sequels and go on with my day. pretty sure no one in the world ever ventures into that tag#besides the fandom is pretty quiet and less active on tumblr. its not loud 24/7#but im only having anxieties posting on twitter cuz im posting on my main acc and the fandom is super active there#in which i try to use a lot of keywords in order not to attract large attention like altering rens name as lian and jeanne as zhenne#and using their chinese ship name.#for once i just want to be expressive on my main twt acc after not using it in years but like. idk how a few ppl from the eng fandom#managed to find my main account and followed me sjdkjdsk. or maybe theyre just unaware of the incident that happened#btw to the few SK mutuals that follow my main twt acc i dont mind the follows! im just scared of big popular ppl from the fandom#discovering me lol#but yeah im avoiding the english fandom and really trying to stay far away from it and attracting anyone from it. i just dont#want to blow up and be popular lol#my ramblings
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I think… I have figured out the reason I never get gendered as a guy anymore and it’s making me have…. A lot of really complex feelings
#most of my life I’ve been VERY androgynous#and ever since I cut off all of my hair when I was 16 and started dressing in men’s clothes#I tended to get gendered as a man or woman p equally by strangers#(until I talked because my voice tends to be a give away which is a whole other thing I have Thoughts about but that’s a different issue)#but in the past oh… idk… six months or so? I literally NEVER get gendered as a guy#it has happened ONCE#like sure ppl will ask for my pronouns but I know that’s just cuz I look like stereotypical genderqueer afab person#it’s not cuz they can’t tell what my gender is…#and I’ve been wondering what’s so different. why don’t I ever get gendered as a man anymore#I haven’t changed how I dress I still have a masculine haircut most of the time my facial features obviously haven’t changed#SO WHAT DID#I… I’ve figured it out….#I’ve gained weight. but only in my hips and thighs#all my pants that I’ve had for YEARS are suddenly too tight and too small around my hips and thighs#I’ve NEVER had curves anywhere before I was always stuck straight and now… I do#and like part of me wants to be happy. I’m gaining weight!!! I’ve always been so horrendously underweight#and I’ve battled severe disordered eating for so long that was the cause#this past year I’ve actually very steadily been eating three meals a day instead of one#I can eat whole portions without getting sick#and I’m really proud of myself for that like I’m def not upset I’m gaining weight#it’s just. it’s just that it’s literally all in my hips and thighs#and it’s giving me a more feminine figure which I’ve NEVER had before#and I know your body goes through more changes in your twenties and that’s probably part of it too#it’s just. I don’t want this. I don’t like this.#I haven’t felt genuinely dysphoric in a long time and now I want to crawl out of my skin whenever I look in a full body mirror#cuz I see it now. I see the change. and I just. do Not fucking Like It#but I can’t do anything about it 😭#and idk what to do#ugh#kaz rambles
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oh baby we're so back
#so i had. a somewhat cracked idea#so i had made some genshin ocs for fun a few months ago#and ended up getting way too attached to one of them in particular#and i kept thinking like man drawing them is one thing but i would love to see that oc as like an actual character in action#without manipulating the actual game of course. cuz that can get you banned and i don't want that ;3;#but then i was like wait. i could just mock it up in blender#because i've used blender before. i had to use it for a couple years in high school for art and animation stuff#and then promptly never really used it again except once in college for fun and it didn't stick#but now i'm like. super pumped about this#i want my vision to come true and by god i will do it#at first i was gonna use the genshin models for base part and started by looking up how people import them#but then i was like. oh yeah i could just draw it and then plop that into blender and just trace that essentially#which i forgot was a thing a lot of people do kjlkjlkl#but like i still want it to be accurate? or close at least#so like idk this isn't something i'm gonna be finishing in an afternoon this will be like. many months of work#but i'm actually rly excited about it man#this isn't getting into the animation aspect yet cuz that. will truly be tricky. cuz idk if you can import that data or not#from genshin i mean. like just slapping those animations onto the character at first#i think that either isn't possible or is more complicated than i would imagine#like. how many bones Do they have. makes ya think#but anyway i can't animate if i don't have a model so i'll cross that bridge first lol
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Hi! I noticed you bring up fanfiction every once in a while, so do you have an ao3?
I DO
But the stuff I post here isn't actually written out and posted anywhere else, and my ao3 (posted stories) is pretty bare. Like, I only touch it to read other people's stuff at this point
Everything I do write is OC stuff though, and that's not everyone's jam
The stuff I do post here all comes from my notes for said fic ideas. They're all fleshed out enough that I can write them into proper stories. Like, the whole plot is figured out, I know where to end, character perspectives, all that jazz. I just don't write them out, since I don't have that motivation, and the stories would end up huge
I don't like posting the actual stories either. People have asked for updates on the new chapters I just put down, and I've run into a lot of copy-pasters. Even the few things I have on ao3 is having a mimic somewhere. So I otherwise keep everything to myself, or post little things here
I've been going through my past stuff lately to reorganize. It's fun. Even if they're old (some are over 5 years old), I find little gems that surprise me like these
(Unordinary; Re:Zero; BNHA)
Like- they aren't that bad. That's surprising. How old are these things???
#/THE FIRST ASK ABOUT MY FIC STUFF?!/#anon take this crown and commemorative sash this is monumental#ask#fic#my drafts are HUGE so writing them into actual proper fanfics would be. very big#the average is 150k words the low-end is 40k and a lot of them have too many words that google docs glitches#and ive had to make multiple drafts to hold everything#i tried writing one out once and ended up stopping because the glitching from all the words was making it impossible to continue#capped out at *checks notes* 103k words#the word count mentioned in the previous tags are talking about the word count for NOTES. i think an actual story would become abysmal#i like planning stuff. a lot#the biggest one is for a bnha resistance fic at *checks calculator* 260k words#but its really unmotivating to know people just want content and to take my words for their own#REPEATEDLY. even the small stuff is being yoinked#im serious. Actually everything ive posted as an actual story has been copied by someone else and advertised as their own. im tired of that#but i like writing so i do it in private. mainly away from the eyes of the internet#excerpt from an old unordinary fic#and a rezero fic where groovy gets hugged and is screaming like hes watching his firstborn be slaughtered before his eyes#my drafts surprise me sometimes because huh. this is not that bad for 6 years ago#an unordinary (webtoon) excerpt cuz i was organizing my stuff and ran into an old draft of it. now its trying to weedle its way to the ligh#thank u for the ask anon#if someone asked for more about the small things i /do/ show id probably panic cuz. no one ever asks. what do i say??? oh no im CRINGE#/lh#a lot of nonrom actually. most of it is. including that 3rd excerpt#all the excerpts actually#oc#out of context excerpts
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I'm listening to the Good Omens audiobook cuz i've never read it and I liked the show and - omfg of ALL the things for SOME reason, I'm most shocked that the fucking paintball/gun scene actually happened in the books hahaha
#good omens#idk why haha it's been shockingly 1:1 for the most part so far and ! that one just still caught me off guard#anyways it's due soon cuz i forgot i had it checked out and im crammin to get it finished in the next few days#REALLY enjoying it tho#it's fence work season and for me fence work = audiobooks#and i mean like 1:1 might be strong idk ive seen the first season once years ago if im honest#i want to see the second season im just not much of a tv person#it's on the list!
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hmmmm I drafted an email to my boss abt how her text regarding my time off request after my mother's death made me feel very uncomfortable and how I felt like it was unprofessional should I send it
#obviously I did not go to sleep after that reblog kshdmudksb#anyway I want to but also like I work closely w her every day and I don't want to eternally feel uncomfortable because I confronted her#but at the same time like her text made me feel bad enough that it completely altered how I feel about my job#like I was going to come back next year and for summer camp but how she handled the whole thing just made me feel Bad#and like if in the future something else happens where I need extended time off she will be equally as not understanding#idk it just put a rlly bad taste in my mouth that she tried to make my co workers work life my responsibility during my time off#I feel like thats something she needs to be confronted about#but like. what outcome will that have other than making it uncomfortable to be around her for the foreseeable future#idk and also like. everyone else in my life including co workers has been so understanding and kind and compassionate#but even her My Condolences tm text was kind of cold and rude#and its like. okay maybe I'll calm down about this once I'm not In The Throws Of Grief but at the same time#I am in a very emotionally vulnerable place and someone intentionally took advantage of that to make me feel bad#thats kind of a big deal?#idk its just weird. she'd been so understanding until I actually needed something from her#I'd also sort of been getting the impression that she was growing tired of the whole broken foot thing#but I was hoping that that was just me projecting cuz I feel bad about not being helpful#now I am nawt so sure...#anyway this really sucks I really loved my work environment and then it was ruined with one (1) text#ghost posts#text
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i didn't really like the finished piece as much but i loooooooooooved this WIP idk i was getting so close to capturing how i see them. anyway just posting randomly cuz this stage of the piece is lost to time at this point.
#i'm not gonna tag this cuz it's not done but. this was a fun piece. i think it was for somebody? but i'm too lazy to go dig through my blog#okay so anyway i'm gonna write a really long tag hopefully nobody's determined to scroll this far. if they are hey what are you doing here?#want to try sending me some stuff instead? i'd love more anons <3#and more of your guys' headcanons/whatnot#and song recs and everything#okay are we far enough in the tags?#are you sure we're far enough? is it just the two of us?#hiiiiiiiii i really really need content of this ^ i think i read a fic once and it was sooooo hot and well-written but it wasn't THAT long#and i lost it. literally one of the worst moments of my life. been so many years. only ever read it through once. no idea where#i can remember some of it but not much. GODDDD It was so goooooooood. anyway talk about rare content.#okay godddd this is a public blog i need to stop being disgusting. but i think mello being railed by L and matt could fix me#OKAY IM DONE FOR REALLLL Im gonna have to delete this. ._.
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did i make a mistake?
#sigh dawnie crush issues in the tags#so yeah fair warning#...........................................................................................................................................#idk man I just. i feel like instead of getting closer weve grown more distant ever since he asked me out and its killing me man#i dont wanna be hurt. im so fragile rn and just starting to heal from the years of trauma i faced in my family. when i try to talk#about any issue i have to him he just. ignores the text#or gives me a very dry response which hey. im not trying to say u should listen to my issues all the time. i get that some people dont want#to. but i would just much rather have someone tell me that directly yk? just a hey i dont do well with rants. but the thing is he said hes#fine with them. but then when i get nothing to address it i just. i feel hurt. like... ive started to wonder if hes just keeping the#relation for namesake at this point but ik that isnt true. weve only been dating 2 weeks or so i shouldnt judge so soon. but man its hard#to not overthink ive always been conditioned to do that. ive always been super excited when he plans a date (which he doesnt even call#a date) but when i try to plan smth its always that he has some other plan to attend to which again i get it im not the jealous date who#asks her s/o to be for her every waking moment but yk it does hurt and i feel instead of just letting it bottle up its better to admit it.#i tried to ask him to get cotton candy once and he said wed go the next day and then he forgot. never asked me a time or anything. i didnt#think of it much cuz hed gone to meet a friend outside the city and he mustve been tired. yesterday i asked him again and he said he was#again going outside the city to meet his 12th grader friend. man am i jealous of that girl who gets to spend more time with the guy#who asked me out than ive collectively spent with him#and no i dont mean this in a toxic way like “oh hes meeting other girls he shouldnt do that” i just. man i pictured so much out of my first#relationship. and i got nothing. not one thing out of it. i guess it makes sense cuz my love language is mostly physical touch and u cant#really do that in a campus in India. and its also wrong of me to hold him to such high standards of a perfect relationship when the guy#himself has been in one for the first time (i assume?) but like i said id rather not try to hide my emotions and express them out openly.#theres still so much more about this that i feel wrong but the thing is its confusing cuz i feel like the two years of torture in my house#has made it so that the trauma from never hearing i love you wnd words of affirmation from my parents has been reflecting off this place.#its wrong of me to do this but i expected everything that i couldnt recieve to be fulfilled in a relationship and i now realise how stupid#i was yk? cuz its wrong of me to put such harsh expectations on him like that. i feel like such a shallow person for getting depressed over#a relationship that has just been going for 1 week#theres also the thing where he generally seemed more excited to talk to me before? and now i just get the dryest responses ever out of#which no conversation can be built. and again im not expecting him to be online and respond immediately but a thoughtful response goes a#long way. again ik im being so harsh on him cuz its his first time too and he must be facing the same awkwardness im facing but jesus. i#ok my tags are over im continuing in a reblog
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dropping thoughts like laundry into the aromanticism washing machine and watching them spin. taking little notes in a fancy journal titled "greyro??" and crossing them out, but then going back and scribbling an addendum. holding up an extravagant glass beaker full of a cool bubbling potion and peering at it through safety glasses that say "mind the amatonormativity!"
#i think there are two layers of questioning to deal with#the first layer is easier to see and that's the trauma-related layer#the second layer has been going stealth for years and is more intrinsic#the second layer *could* have been a contributing factor toward the first#so anyway the question is. as i work through the trauma and have the support of a therapist to deal with the first layer#does the second layer become an issue. or is there only the first and it's just worked itself deep enough that it now feels intrinsic#the thing is i do get crushes and i do yearn and i can't remember a time when i didn't crave the idea of a relationship#so that should be that right? not aro. at least not intrinsically.#but why did i always end up losing interest in the relationship once i had it#was it really just because i wasn't dating people i actively chose#honestly maybe. there *was* B. i don't know how much longer that might've continued if logistics hadn't put an end to it#and M....... M is a tricky one. because even though i left that relationship by my own choice. i kind of had to in order to not want to die#the thruple vibes with K were just so utterly rancid and M was just so incapable of doing anything to make it better#so yeah. maybe that one could've continued indefinitely IF two to three of the people involved had been#a leeeeetle more mature and well adjusted. maybe. but desire for a relationship was not the issue.#so okay. maybe im NOT aro. maybe i just have shitty taste in men. you know? that's a distinct possibility.#okay. so now on the other hand. let's look at how happy and enlightened I've felt since starting to *use* the aro label#cuz it actually is fantastic. the freedom to just feel love and affection for anyone I'm close to and not have to worry about#it being taken in a way i don't intend. that's great i love that#and not feeling any pressure to find The One? rocks. good shit. i can just let whatever relationships be what they're gonna be#and not have to fret over assigning a label and structures and expectations. hot shit.#(honestly it's helping me understand where M was coming from in a way that would've been. you know. pretty useful six years ago.)#i don't wanna lock myself in a relationship with friend E but it's great hanging out with her on a regular basis#cuz that's the amount of affection i feel for her. enough to chill and watch Owl House. not enough to be in each others' space all the time#(god idk if I'll ever want to be around anyone all the time ever again. that is a LOT for my limited batteries)#idk how physical affection fits into this yet. that area is still under development#but like. if my friends were cool with it and i knew they wouldn't take it too seriously then YES i would probably kiss almost any of them#and i THINK that's true and not me telling myself something i think I'm supposed to believe? i THINK.#'s always the possibility that i just very badly want to be kissed and my brain is looking to make that happen in a way that isn't scary#ah shit that’s 30 tags. i’ve done it again.
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