#i dont know if i want to make new friends and connections anymore

[yongseungkim]

.

[lettucedloophole]

spoilers for the latest dungeon meshi ep but oh my GODDD i love marcille my pobrecita.. i think ryoko kui wrote sexism's effects on marcille really well, i think it's neat how she's a silly little guy and other people kind of underestimate her and it seems she is often down on herself about her failures or, "burdening" others in a way that feels very authentic to how it feels to be a woman and have that extra pressure of perfection to dispell suspicions of your inferiority. it's just very much the feeling i gather from it which makes marcille so relatable. and then to put another layer on it when it came out that she did black magic, she's literally A Bad Ass she is LITERALLY a Badass which makes her doubt of herself even more starkly inappropriate, and in this new episode despite the Fact that she is A Bad Ass when everyone's being a BIG MEANIE to her she's like a sad puppy when people don't let her help with revivals and like idk if i missed something but she doesn't even push back against them saying they're going to turn her in in like, a threatening way, she is just... scared. which hurt me i just wanted everyone stop being so MEAN TO HERRR my POBRECITAAAA. MY TINY LITTLE BABYY

i also laughed a lot and freaked out catching up on the two latest episodes today. DEVASTATING miscalculation on chilchuck's part to protect senshi when laois has No sense of Social cue. really happy to see laois and kabru meet, they're really funny together and i see why people like them so much as a ship now!! i am ECSTATIC that shuro is out of the game in terms of ehem. courting falin. bro COULDN'T HACK IT gEDDEM marcille. get that red dragon lady.. and omg it made me SOOOO MAD that they tried to blame marcille for that like how could that even b her fault!!! >:((( its obv the mad mage's doing. i dont get it they r just big meanies!!! stop shitting on my girl!!!

i like how kabru is like laios if he had more social awareness and was a litle Conniving... and omfg i thought it was so funny and sweet how shuro and laios just fucking beat each other up 😭 shuro said i hate autistic ppl fr. no but im glad he showed up for laios & co. in the end.. sometimes you just gotta talk ur feelings out over a fistfight lol

it was soo so fun seeing everyone interact .. all these fun characters... i cant wait to see what happens next!!! i love this show literally one of my fav animes EVER now definitely its so good its SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD!! im terrified not knowing when its gonna end and how im gonna cope when the season ends 🗿 methinks i will have to read the manga instantly after or i will go insane from dungeon meshi withdrawal..

[lupismaris]

When you and your teammate are some of the only sober reasonable adults with emotional regulation skills and common sense on the squad and may now be building a quasi friendship out of semi-regular bitching sessions to determine how to sort shit out amongst the children or if we should just let it combust organically

[melto]

is all life is for me anymore is just feeling so devastatingly lonely to the point where i barely feel like im functioning anymore lol

[silentalltheseyearsnomore]

Loneliness may be the worst of feelings.

[itsalwaysdark]

whining hours . sry

[h0rr0rsaxo]

Real (a little rant of mine below, i start complaining on it so just.. ignore it lmfao)

I know life is full of goodbyes and hellos and sometimes you go away from people you love and sometimes they go away from you and that’s the way things are but I just hate it. I hate saying goodbye I hate letting go. I hate missing people.

[ghousttm]

i feel like Evbo and Emf are different from most of everyone in parkour civilization, and it really adds to their dynamic

i like to think park civ culture is big on improving and looking after yourself and it makes most people not value one another or even have bonds or connections

This is especially apparent in the noob level where people would die quickly so its better to not get attached

and in the master level where you often form enemies than anything

even in the pro level its all about focusing on improving your own skills and doing your own thing. Most park civ citizens are closed off and dont bat an eye on other people, its the norm

Those two are one of the few people who helps others before themselves when it comes to it. I mean, theyre the only two people who actively did anything to fix the system

Evbo has always been someone who encourages others and wants to see others progress besides himself, indiscriminately

and emf seems to be someone who wants to help others (evbo), at first for the sake of greater good and a second time (jumping into the void) just because he wants to help his friend

Put two people who's whole thing is valuing another and have rarely ever been genuinely valued themself by others and you get yourself A Dynamic For Sure.

maybe emf's whole thing s'that he has always been one who helps the people he wants to succeed, but he never thought of himself succeeding anymore than what he already is. After all master is the highest he's sure he can get.. and his skills are very average for his rank. This is where he belongs, and he plays the part, as a small insignificant piece of a collective. He can't actually do more as himself, no that's evbo's thing! He's amazing and he's a walking talent, what emf is Supposed to do is support him!

But then suddenly, Evbo risked his life just to save him, and trusted him to be the new parkour champion

Him, emf, some nobody.

why? What did someone so great, someone who'd ascended above the highest rank he'd even known, see in someone so average?

but to Evbo, emf is so much more than average.

The average doesnt help him, doesnt believe in him, doesnt give him the chances to be able to be where he is at now, doesnt jump into the void like an idiot with no sure return. He's so so different than 'the average', Evbo has a trust and, dare i say, love for Emf that doesnt exist anywhere in parkour civilization

nowhere to anyone but to him and him only.

He was the first stars Evbo ever had seen. To evbo..

He doesn't look like the night sky,, the night sky looks like him.

They place a pedestal for one another in their own heads and i think that's precious.

In a civilization where everybody looks forward at the jumps in front of them and barely to their sides, to the people jumping with them

They look each other in the eyes, with a care and appreciation that's worth an extremely gay legend to be written about in parkour only to be summed up to "they were best friends" don't you know what it means to be more than allies in Second Era Parkour Civilization???

[n0eyed-taissa]

yellowjackets season 3 trailer takeaways/theories/observations/questions:

time jump: season 2 was firmly set in the winter and it looks like the bulk of 3 will be set in the spring (with some flashes to the Deep Winter)

how much time has passed & how did they manage to comfortably survive post-fire?

i think this time jump & whatever happened during the in-between time will explain how and why the girls seem much more deranged than they did.

they gave in to desperation and its circumstances, so nothing is really 'taboo' anymore. gimme scary evil cannibal lesbians pls

even shauna's narration references the fact that the girls "went completely nuts" out there

allusions to The Hunt: while i know most folks think mari has always been Pit Girl, i think her running in the trailer is a red herring.

this WILL, however, be what sets up the hunt and its rules/functions/the course

(because to ME, it has always looked like a cleared/intentionally set path, with s1ep1 showing their hand-made adornments hanging from the surrounding trees )

mari is 100% wearing the dress/nightgown that s1ep1 Pit Girl is.

tiktok fans have been theorizing that perhaps based on the rules of the hunt, mari will survive whatever the hell is about to happen to her while still later meeting Pit Girl's fate in the winter, but who's to say

"cant believe we didnt eat that bitch first" - says the one with the big brown eyes like a baby mf cow. she just wants to snack on her friends!

(y'all saw that part where shauna is biting and restraining mari, right?)

power struggle: it looks like there are going to be factions splitting up, or the girls will continue to show alliance to a particular 'leader'

van, misty, mari, akilah, and either New Gen or robin? potentially in support of lottie's leadership and connection to the wilderness?

them vs Everyone Else, who seems more focused on practical survival

coach ben seeing the snare trap and probably wondering if it was for a person or for an animal

(i didnt know what a snare was so i truly needed to google 'animal trap that looks like a n**se but isnt. sue me!)

shauna locking herself in a freezer because it was the only way she could talk to jackie. putting yourself into dangerous situations in hopes of manifesting the ghost of your lover? okay bella swan in new moon!

jackieshauna being connected by coldness, both emotionally and physically.

from the meat shed to the freezer, jackie taylor's ghost will never escape the ethel cain parallels!

theres probably someone out there in the world who wants to smash the man with no eyes, huh.........dont answer that actually.

taissa's grown out hair makes little tiny magical hearts float all around my head. wow. just wow.

are the yellowjackets going on a field trip in the wilderness together? where tf is natalie and did she find coach ben's hidey hole?

the envelope being addressed to shauna shipman and not shauna sadecki makes me think its from a person with ties to the wilderness, pushing the secret 8th survivor theory (perhaps hilary swank as adult Melissa CoolHat)

i WANT this ritual scene to be another dream-like allegory for them enjoying their descent.

if the snackie feast was the roman bacchanal, the political split between the girls and the power imablance could be going into a julius cesar-y territory? especially with the mistyshauna stabbing?

misty exploring someplace that looks like the one from lottie's visions? someone is on trial? natlie isnt in charge anymore?! walter has a mustache now?!!!!

van's new fixation on the fire, alluding to the idea that she could have been the one to burn down the cabin??? to quote you, girl, "REALLY? fire?!"

shauna with her knife to melissa's throat....is something gay happening there?

this creepy little song is really giving me the vibe that everything will NOT be okay!!!

in summation: women can be a little evil, as a treat!

[cosmicmermaidwitch]

pick a pile: your 2024 predictions 🪅

paid readings: ❀ kofi ❀ info ❀

note: this is a collective message, take what resonates and leave what doesn't ! choose the picture that speaks the most to you ☆

.・。.・゜✭

pile one ₊ ⊹

a song that might be significant during the year: magic shop - bts

an animal that might be of significance: walrus

spring:

in 2024 you will begin to feel indifferent about your current career lifestyle. you will notice that you need help and guidance when it comes to being overloaded with work and responsibilities. this will lead to getting new ideas on how to manage your work, not being all by yourself with it anymore. you are also going to find a new hobby, something that has been interesting you for a while but you have been too afraid to try. dont be scared to try something new, I see that youre scared of the judgement and would rather hide that passion of yours, its time to let go and free yourself from peoples expectations.

summer:

summer of 2024 is going to take a wild turn. someone new will come in, if youre in a relationship already your connection will deepen greatly. a chapter of your life and people in it will be left behind in order to fulfill this. you will be way more confident in yourself, not only when it comes to work but also when it comes to your emotions. I see you embracing the tower moment because you know the storm won't last long. your inner masculine will awaken and dominate during this period.

fall:

during the times where the leafs fall, you will be thinking of changing things up a notch. you will be pondering a lot about what kind of future you want to have. youre being encouraged to not fall down the rabbit hole of constantly being in your own head during this time. I see here that you will spend time with friends, but also with yourself a lot. be good to yourself and dont underestimate your power.

winter:

you will be entering winter with a lot of romance and passion, you and your destined person will take a step further during this time. this might take up some restless nights and make you anxious about commitment with this person. you will have to make the decision, whether or not you are ready for it, I see that deep down you are but your worries blind your vision. know that success is within you, you just have to take the path to find it.

.・。.・゜✭

pile two ₊ ⊹

a song that might be significant during the year: late night talking - harry styles

an animal that might be of significance: horse

spring:

the spring of 2024 will bring a rapid change. you will be influenced a lot, but will have to find the strength and courage to go your own way. a lot of people will be removed from your life during this time, this will be a good change. it might be hard at first, go easy only yourself and remember that the universe sends and removes people from or into your life for a reason, some stay for a season and some for a lifetime. the ones that no longer serve you will disconnect from your energy.

summer:

after the turbulent energy from the spring time, things will turn out great for you in summer. when it comes to your connections, you will be much closer to the people you love and form a great divine union with them. as well as more confidence, your career life will gain a lot of fortune, you will be in luck financially. nevertheless I see you being in your head a lot during these times, you sadly doubt yourself too much.

fall:

during fall, the universe will send you to your right path after seeing how much you've been in your head. they will send you information that will spark a light of hope in you, this will lead to you finally embracing confidence and taking the steps you were too scared to take before. the exhaustion from life will be gone during this time, its a good period to go above and beyond without taking on a too heavy load.

winter:

the winter time will be nostalgic for you, a lot of people from your past will come towards you to reconnect. this will be a hard decision for you to make, since some might not have treated you the fairest. you will need to go inside and check on yourself, what do you want? is it worth to risk another heartbreak, or will they finally treat you right? these will be questions following you during those times, be cautious but remember that you are a divine being, you will know what to do when the time is right.

.・。.・゜✭

pile three ₊ ⊹

a song that might be significant during the year: broken clocks - sza

an animal that might be of significance: panda

spring:

in 2024, you will finally free yourself. you will find ways to move forward and close the chapters that no longer serve you in the current times. I see you taking care of yourself a lot, being with the people you love and leaving behind the ones that have caused chaos in the past. financially, it's looking really good in spring. some fortune is on its way, maybe in ways you didn't expect it to come towards you.

summer:

during summer, I see you taking that financial gain to help people in need, your empathy peaks during this time a lot because you will notice how life has been giving you great fortunes. people will see you as a higher status after this, this could have pros and cons but nevertheless, you will have helped someone. this will grant them, but also you, happiness and fortune. remember that what you give to the world, you receive back twice as big.

fall:

fall is looking romantic and cozy, a deep emotional connection will be formed during these times. you will both take parts in healing each other, this could be past wounds or insecurities you carry around when it comes to love. this will help you regain your perspective on how you want to be treated and how you want to treat the ones you love. your love life is going to evolve to a higher status.

winter:

winter will bring similar energy, like the one you had in spring. this will be your final realization, a moment of light finally showing you the way. you and your person will make harsh decisions, but this will work out for the two of you in very good ways. the carefree energy combined with the fortune could be alarming, but for the most part it is actually the way you have always wanted to be.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

reminder: a tarot reading is not absolute. this is for entertainment purposes only!! as a tarot reader, i will offer my opinion and advice, but will not interfere with the free will. any decisions made or actions taken by you as a result of a tarot reading are your sole responsibility. i will be honest in what i see and will not give false hopes or empty promises in order to keep you happy. a tarot reading does not replace professional opinion or advice. no refunds for paid readings !

[ronkeyroo]

A positive Update

Friends, kind folk - Hello Again 🤍

Ever since my last update post, I've been thinking about it , a lot ;; I knew I needed time to cook and reflect, and im so glad I gave myself that...

2024 started rough for me; I fell severely ill again - I was too busy cursing my life and dwelling over how betrayed I felt by things still not getting better despite my efforts that I didn't realize I was walking into a self fulfilling prophecy. Its true that the struggles I'm going through are yet to be solved, that its gotten so much to the point giving up seemed easier, and that a couple individuals haven't been making it easier on me either; I swayed and i rattled and I steered within feelings ranging from confusion to anger to dismay and all of this back and forth did nothing but remind me of yet another self-destructive loop I just don't want to allow in my life anymore. Its exactly the kinda stuff that made me ill to begin with, and I've been so lost dealing with everything in between that i forgot to tend to the actual core centering all of this...

It grew unbearable how much emotional and physical turmoil I was pushing myself into, and knowing how intertwined these two elements have been; I had to draw a line before i majorly screwed myself over, gathering any bit of inner will to discipline myself back into some sort of clarity, enough to at least look through a lens OUTSIDE my pain for once, towards the kind of life I want to lead, and the kind of life I don't; and I came to an understanding.

From my physical state to my mental, to the people and memories I've experienced, both the good and the bad - I want to prioritize the good.

Not in a shitty ass, toxic optimism kinda way but in a "I want to prioritize knowing and living the possibility that even when it hurts, even when i want to be gone, even when life doesn't align - There's still every good reason in the world to keep moving forward, to face things from a perspective of growth & compassion, and to grow to love the promise of a better tomorrow even when today was unbearable." To know that I don't end or begin in my suffering, that the infinite potential I speak so fondly of applies to me, as well...

I want to be able to wield and create and share that goodness, too, Especially when it is already in decline...And for all gods sake, to internalize that all of this STILL exists and STILL matters even when it doesn't work the first couple or dozens of times.

As for my place here in Tumblr...I know the sentiment might feel silly to some but the experiences, memories, and connections I've made here have truly been such a significant force in my life, and i don't want to give up on that ;; Not because of my own insecurities, or an inner state of hopelessness, and especially not over a bunch of emotionally immature Anons that dont know how to handle themselves; I want to forgive all of that.

I'm stubborn, and there's an unyielding force within me that no matter how many times it is struck down, it proved itself ridiculously resilient. I'm perking up with with a fiery confidence realizing just how many times it rose back up, enough to realize it is an unchangeable part of me ;_; I shouldn't underestimate that force, and I want to keep living by its side. Whatever positive change I can sprinkle onto my life and the lives of those I care for, I will! And the reason why this space in particular is so important to me, is because so much of that already exists here, alongside you folks;

THAT'S the kind of energy i want to nourish and walk into the new year with! I want to continue growing as a person, challenging my inner turmoils, undoing the self punishing dogmas that still haunt me, stop flexing my teeth over things that don't deserve my time and god DAMN, just - indulge in the stuff that makes me happy, even when I'm going through unhappy times.

So yeah...I guess that means, I'm back & I'm staying ;_;)🧡

I know i may seem like a broken record when it comes to expressing gratitude but - Thank you, thank you thank you everyone who have reached out for me, who so fondly kept me in their thoughts and kept encouraging me whenever i was hurting, both then and now...You folks mean more than whatever ailment or struggle I can go through, and while I'm unsure of how the future will look like as I'm still going through various challenges- I couldn't have asked for a cooler, sweeter audience to have by my side whenever Its time to take a rest or hype over our sexy delicious blorbos!

Speaking of which....................I have been cooking quite a lot of things in the time i was away 👀✨ I most definitely intend to serve them, eheheh

[keeper-of-sparkly-things]

swr wof crossover au

Exactly five people have shown interest so i have taken that as permission to talk about this a little

(All of the art is not mine, its commissioned from my sister who does not have a tumblr, heres her youtube instagram and deviantart if you want to look at more of her stuff)

Anyway this idea spawned in discord when me and my friends were talking about how there are too few mythical creature aus of starwars and especially rebels and so i jokingly mentioned that someone could do a wings if fire au. It has since consumed my brain. Have some thoughts

Spectre 1, Kanan Jarrus

This guy is a leafwing. Thought process was “He’s green. Connected to the living force. And it would be cool” He is an animus, like all jedi will be in this au. He is one of very few pantalan dragons that have ever been an animus. His backstory isn’t that much different in canon, he ends up in the scorpion den with Hera. He also happens to have fairly strong leafspeak, though it doesn't see much combative action in the desert. At the time rebels starts he is about 11 dragon years old, at the time the empire rose he was 6 dragon years old.

Spectre 2 Hera Syndulla

Hera is a silkwing/sandwing hybrid. Since silkwings were almost entirely slaves or something similar in arc 3, and since twi’leks are the most slaves in starwars, i decided to make her a silkwing, and also because shes pretty. However, a friend said she had strong queen Thorn vibes and so now shes a hybrid sandwing who happens to work with the rebellion in the scorpion den. She has regular silk and also a tail barb, though it is smaller than other sandwings, but its still just as dangerous. Around the time rebels starts she is a little less than ten dragon years old, when the empire rose she was almost 5.

Spectre 3 Chopper

He is actually a little animus enchanted wooden octopus. Basically a while ago an animus decided animus’s were too powerful and purposefully nerfed the entire system, including things like you can enchant living things including the spellcaster, as such, animated carvings and such became fairly common, as they were technically nit alive but could still move as if they were. Think Blob from darkstalker except chopper has the side effect of being much more violent since he was separated from his creator. Hera found him in some ruins during the clone wars. No one knows how old he is.

Spectre 4 Garazeb Orrelios

This guy is just a normal icewing because theres a sad lack of purple icewings in wof canon. And also icewings and nightwings have had a rivalry since forever (i know that was supposed to be fixed in arc two but i needed a reason for a nightwing king to be willing to wipe of a large chunk of a tribe and palpatine in nothing without his ability to hold grudges over things he wasn’t even alive for that dont matter anymore) in this au he is still a captain of a guard, but it isn’t The royal guard (since theres only ten dragon tribes but hundreds of starwars species so we cant just entirely eliminate one dragon tribe with it being a much bigger problem than just the lasat) It is the biggest city besides the one where the royal family lives, and a lot of lesser nobility and a fair chunk of the icewing army, including where they train the new recruits is there. After it gets destroyed (there were Rumors that the nobility of the city were in league with rebellion, so if course the empire decided to go to the extreme and kill literally everyone who lived there) Zeb then goes into hiding in the Scorpion Den, thinking the desert would be the last place they would look for a reputable icewing, and there he meets kanan and hera. They recruit him by fighting imperials together and saving him from death by dehydration. He would have been 20 when the empire rose and 25 by the start of rebels. (@kanerallels has actually made this fic of him meeting kanan and hera go check it out if you haven’t please)

Spectre 5 Sabine Wren

Shes a rainwing. In Darkstalker and in the guide to a dragon world, they are mentioned to be widely feared assassins. Queen Glory wanted the rainwings to not be useless in a fight so she taught some of them to fight. The group that learned to fight took it too far and became the mandalorians, and sabine having been a bounty hunter at some point in canon, and also liking to express herself through her outward appearance, this is what i landed on. All her armor is enchanted by kanan to blend in with her scales when shes trying to be stealthy. This is what eventually persuaded her to join them. She was 1 when the empire rose and is 6 when rebels starts.

Spectre 6 Ezra Bridger

He is a silkwing hivewing hybrid. In the books these tribes seem to be more purposefully agricultural than the other tribes, being the only ones (i think) that have gardens for food instead of decoration, and they also have greenhouses, and lothal is a farming planet. Pantala is also a good out of the way grassland that doesn’t immediately have the attention of the empire, which is very convenient for him since he’s basically the most illegal person to ever exist. Unregistered child (illegal under the empire) who is also a hybrid (also illegal) descendent of a flamesilk (illegal when unregulated) and an animus (illegal period under the empire) and happens to have both abilities(because hes my favorite and i can do whatever i want), as well as a tail barb meant for paralyzing others, though both his flamesilk and his tail barb are significantly weaker than the average because of hybrid genetics. (His tail can barely paralyze tiny dragonets and prey and doesn’t work on bigger things without enhancement, and unless he purposely uses his hottest silk its not hot enough to actually burn most dragons) his parents did work with the rebellion on pantala, but because an emergency they traveled to pyrrhia and brought ezra with them because he was to dangerous to leave alone but were attacked and imprisoned halfway across the ocean, leaving ezra alone, and being like 2 years old at the time, lost his sense of direction and wandered to pyrrhia instead of pantala (bridges were built at some point connecting the continents by the islands) it should be known that he has no idea hes an animus at this point and thinks hes just really good at disguises and everyone else is just very dumb, when in reality hes like enchanting a poncho to make him look like a non hybrid and other accessories to make him look different by accident. He eventually wanders over to the scorpion den and causes a LOT of chaos which led to the ghost crew finding and adopting him. He was born on the first empire day and was about 4.5 years old when rebels starts. (If you want some angst he grows his wings right after malachor and kanan completely misses it)

[autisticlee]

I hate when people tell me "friendships don't last/will change over time and fade away" and say I need to get used to/accept it. maybe that's easy for YOU. but most of these people also have committed partners that they expect to stick with for life. why can't I want that too? as an aroace person that needs to rely on platonic relationships to get the support and connection I need to thrive in life, and as an autistic and disabled person that needs consistency and routine and security and constant support to feel safe and comfortable to thrive in this society, telling me "people come and go/friendships aren't forever" REALLY HURTS. it feels awful. it makes me feel hopeless and even more alone. makes me feel like i'll always be drifting through life with no support and alone forever until I can't survive anymore because I *need* help and support and consistent companionship to live a healthy and stable life!

being aroace, I don't have the benefit of getting a partner to fill the gaps a lack of friendship leaves. I have no one to turn to when my friends disappear from my life or betray me. I have to rely on these unstable/inconsistent/short-lived relationships. it's not sustainable and makes my life extremely hard and scary and hopeless. so telling me it's "normal" and I should "get used to it" doesn't do anything for me when I need it to last for more reasons than everyone else uses friends for.

I know it's unfair/wrong to "trap" someone into a committed platonic relationship that makes them feel like i'm "trying to date them" (ive had this accusation thrown at me before, then the person ghosts me after) but I really do think I need a committed platonic relationship. one that lasts and one that's two way and secure and consistent. no one wants to offer that though. they save it for their romantic partners only. the sad reality is, romantic relationships are always going to be placed above, and even replace platonic ones. leaving me, an aroace who needs those discarded platonic bonds, out of luck and left out. forever alone, as the old tumblr meme once went (which i'm sure 99% of those people who used the meme are now i'm committed relationships and/or have at least dated a few times)

I know, i'll be told I need a "queer platonic relationship" but that's not as simple as going shopping and picking one out. I dont even know how you get one! that's as much of an enigma to me as dating and making friends! getting a platonic friend to commit to you're friendship for life and be your life partner and not drop you for no reason, as soon as they make a new best friend, or as soon as they start dating? sounds more impossible than simply making casual friends I can convince to play a video game with me once a month (im lucky if they give me time once a year.....or 3)

i've tried establishing with certain people I feel comfortable with and get along with well that I want and need this type of "qpr" but they either mistake it for asking them to date, are afraid of commitment and ghost me immediately, or slowly start to push me away and decide their new friends are better. so it's not something I can just "get" from any friendship i'm finding. i'm not even sure exactly what it would look like. the best I can use to describe it is the found/chosen family trope where a two or more people come together to form a family where they help and protect each other and live together for life. they don't date. they are more than friends. they are a family and need each other and rely on each other and it stays like that. but that often feels like it can only happen in fiction. real humans aren't like that.

however, i'm told by other chosen families/best friends/people in qpr that it is possible. so then comes the dreaded "one day" they all tell me about. (I don't want it one day I want it NOW. i'm living in the present not the future!) so I have a vague idea of what I want/need, but not what it actually looks like, how to find it, where to look, or how to cope without it. I need more than a couple friends I see and talk to once i'm a while. I need more than a group chat. I need more than someone I get coffee with every weekend. I need a roommate, a forever bond. someone I live with and have separate lives from, but also share our lives together at the same time. the perspn who supports me when i need it, the person I support at all times. but someone who doesn't expect romance and sex. someone who isn't looking for "something better" and using me as temporary filler until they get better friends or a partner. someone who doesn't give up and run away from commitment. someone who wants to stay in my life for the rest of life. someone who puts me first and is committed to me as I am to them.

a life partner, or small family group.

but so far I've just been stuck on my own and I dont have the patience or energy to keep waiting 30+ more years for this "one day" to come and I don't have any options to make it come faster....RIGHT NOW is more important and i'm struggling in the present.

sometimes being aroace really sucks....

[waddei]

I feel like when anything happens controversy wise in the mcyt community, everyone jumps to be a part of it, theres this weird idea that if you arent taking action and speaking out then you are complicit in whatever is happening. This attitude is directed at the smallest random blogs to all the ccs. Its like to be considered a good person you have to take action against whatever the new "evil" is or you agree with it. So people grab their pitchforks and go off to hunt anyone who isnt participating in attacking the "bad people". You have to make a statement you have to make sure youre doing your duty, doing your role in defeating the evil. I saw the phrase "this isnt just drama this is abuse and its serious, not a fad" thrown around a lot when shubble spoke about her abuse, except all the people saying it were using it as a reason to attack anyone who wasnt taking action. And most of those people forgot about it already, they dont still talk about it and they dont seem to care beyond being a part of something, so they can pat themselves on the back and say "I did something, I helped defeat evil". I see it all the time whenever any controversy happens for anything Im into and it sucks, people stop being people if they arent doing whatever the crowd expects of them, if you arent fighting and making statements then you obviously agree with whatever the new evil is. Sorry, this is kinda long and rambley but this is a frustration ive had for a while. People forget that people are people, especially the ccs. Tommys evil if he doesnt say how much he hates wilbur , when he makes a song talking about how much the internet sucks hes a hero now because obviously this is his statement saying how much he hates wilbur, and he even made it a song! good job tommy. Lets overanalyze the song and pick it apart till he isnt a person anymore, hes an idea, hes the idea of hating wilbur, not his own person. The song couldnt have multiple meanings or be a complaint about the internet as a whole and his experiences as a whole, its just about wilbur, because thats who tommy is, hes part of wilbur and he needs to say how much he hates that part of himself to be forgiven for the crime of being friends with someone who was bad. Theres no one who was friends with wilbur who isnt a part of him and they all need to take a knife and publically cut themselves apart to proclaim their hatred of him, how they dont want to be a part of him thats just how it is. I really do hate the internet sometimes, it feels like no one is a person anymore except for whoevers hated, everything else is just connected to them, and has to be torn apart brutally by the masses or theyre bad and complicit or your bad and complicit, everyone has to speak out, even the people who just watched his videos, even the people who were friends with him who may be having a hard time, even the people who dont know who he is, even their pets, they all have to make a statment or they are part of him and his abuse.

I agree with this anon, and I think that a lot of this race to moral perfection really was just people getting swept up under the pressure of others 😔

[whywoulditho]

I'm glad, that DC writers are changing constantly and therefore the characters are protected from the Bat-family. The Bats are the cancer of DC comics. There wouln't be any independant characters anymore if they could gez their grubby hands on the other DC families

That's another way to look at it.. I agree that they're trying a bit too hard to connect every character to the bats' storyline. so you might have a point there. maybe it would create more bad than good if they let batfam authors interfere with the other storylines... but i still wouldn't call the bats the cancer of DC. I think if you took the bats out of DC, it would lose like half of its charm and quality.

with all that being said though, i still think the biggest problem of DC romances (or comic book romance in general) lies in each run having separate authors. think about why harley x ivy worked. it's because both of those characters already existed before they got together. both of them were loved villains and later anti-heroes, they both have their own story, their own past and their own redemption arcs. they're both INTERESTING. and when DC made the risky choice of making them a couple, it worked.

i'm not saying it would work with any other characters, or that they should make all their major characters date each other. but if you want to explore romance in your comics you have to give the readers an actual relationship, involving two realistically written and interesting people. not a major character and their accessory love interest. that's my issue with tim x bernard, or jon x jay. no one will get attached to, or even invested in, these relationships because we don't know anything about the love interests. they're just some random people. even if you try to give them personalities they will still not have a story outside of their relationship with the major character. bernard and jay were only created so tim and jon would have someone to kiss. it's hard to care about them, and therefore their relationship. they're just boring romance side plots.

you can introduce a character with the sole purpose of making them a couple with one of your major characters and still make it work, like batman and catwoman. you can create chemistry with a new character just as well as you can with already existing ones. but i think we need more of the first option. less last minute love interests and more people falling in love. i think what makes DC special is that they show us so many different versions of their major characters, we get to see them grow and change (take notes, marvel) so it wouldn't be off-brand to see already existing major characters, like superboy and robin, ending up together. not when it's DC. to be honest i think it would be like super iconic of them to do that. and i also think that DC fans would much rather have their favorite characters end up with the kind of person they went through hell and back with instead of like, a random citizen. tim and kon have so many parallels. they're both people who didn't have to be heroes at all, but still chose to do it. they both struggle with carrying a mantle too big and the fact that they were not chosen for it makes them even more insecure. they also have a past together, they're close friends, they would take a bullet for each other. so much potential. dont even get me started on damian and jon. those two are like, literal mirrors of their fathers. they have huge legacies on their shoulders and they're like quite literally the only people that could understand one another. again, so. much. potential. i'm not saying they have to be together, but if DC was gonna write romance for these characters I wish it could have been with each other.

[evelili]

As an immigrant child, your new fic had resonated with me. It made me tear up eating dinner with my family.

When Saffron said, “This selfish desperation to know that I haven’t lost my connection to my home." It instantly took me back to being constantly teased by my friends for not being 'in tuned' with my culture like how they were, or how I desperately tried speaking in my native tongue with my parents, despite having a very clear american accent and them constantly assuring me that speaking in english is fine. My grandmother had passed earlier this year, she was the grandparent that I knew the least. I started asking about her from her sisters as my mother isn't in the state to answer anything, I've tried so hard to pick up the pieces of what her sisters have told me to construct an image of her personality. She used to constantly ask me to call her so when I read about Saffron talking about how video calls have were never the same and never enough, it hit me like a load of bricks.

Your fanfiction is so tremendously beautiful in describing the feelings I have felt all my life. How I know that where I am right now isnt home, but my actual home has been so unfamiliar after my grandmothers passing. I have constantly felt like I have disappointed her, so when Sunset confessed to the same thing, I couldn't hold my emotions in anymore. The ending with Saffron talking about how she would be waiting for Sunset to come home if she was her mother made hope that was true with me and my grandmother, if I were to ever reunite with her again when I pass away myself.

Thank you so much for writing this story. It was the most comfortable yet intense stories I have ever had the blessing to read. I am sorry for rambling and I hope this entire message makes some sort of sense? I hope whatever you're dealing with gets solved to the way you have hoped it would.

You have also made me see dal in a new light, it was never a food that I used to like, but I am willing to give it another shot lol

i looked at this ask earlier and had to take some time to process how to respond to this. i think tho i still dont really know how to, so i hope thats ok!

first of all, thank you so much for being comfortable enough to tell me ur story. it really means a lot that you would open up to me, a stranger, and the fact that you did so bc something i made had an impact on u quite actually moved me to tears. im a bit of a soggy mess rn lol. thank you again, truly.

second, i want to express my empathy for you and your situation with your grandmother. my grandad passed away before i could graduate, and it was during the height of lockdowns, so i hadnt seen him in a while. i didnt go to visit him in the hospital, so theres always this feeling of "what if i had called more? what if i had tried harder to visit? what if i spent more time with him?" that doesnt really go away. and, as a kid of 2 immigrant families, i can also really empathize with feeling a disconnect from your culture--when ur not surrounded by ur parents culture but u also visibly dont look like ur "from" the one u were raised in, it can feel really alienating, even though you havent done anything except just. exist in this sort of inbetween?

all of this i guess is to say that, i put a lot of my own experiences into this fic. and it's almost relieving in a way to know that u saw what i put there, and that this experience is something that other people have felt as well. thank you so very much again for reading ;v;